Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 665: Party Sub for One with Tawny Newsome

Episode Date: December 4, 2020

Tawny Newsome (Space Force, Yo! Is This Racist? podcast,  Material Flats album) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of what it's like living in the Mojave Desert, the hard pivots marketing teams have  had to pull  off during the pandemic, and how Tawny's dad trusts Dr. Faucci, but still wants to beat him up. Plus, Tawny recorded an album during the pandemic and Jordan throws down a new holiday-themed drink gauntlet!Check out Tawny and Bethany's awesome new album, Material Flats!!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, here with a challenge. Wow. This is what they call coming strong to the hoop. Do you hear that clanging? Brian, insert a clanging noise.

That's a gauntlet being thrown down. Wow. A gauntlet that I have kept at my desk for months in preparation for this moment. Wow, this is extraordinary. I mean, this is unprecedented in Jordan Jesse Go history. Usually on Jordan Jesse Go, we don't do anything. Brian, add a little train noise. That'd be kind of cute. anything brian had a little train noise that'd be kind of cute yeah hey hey jordan uh can we have brian add uh like you know that kind of old-timey car horn like a huga yeah right would that be good the old the jalopy the classic jalopy yeah like a jalop a real jalop um yeah, Brian, call Jay Leno and have him record his personal one. Yeah.

Hey, Brian, can you get me a steam car? A steam-powered car? Don't go to a sound bank for these. Have Leno record them personally. It's a lot of the warmer texture. Oh, I'm not talking... Jordan, I'm asking Brian to get me a steam-powered car. Oh, yeah.

Sure, as long as we're ordering Brian around, might as well. What the fuck else is he doing? I don't know. Go get me a fucking steam car, Brian. I don't know. I don't know his life. Producer, what is that even? Who knows?

Get me a steam car. If you can't produce a fucking steam car for daddy, you're out. If you have a minute to spare during your busy day of cashing checks. Yeah. Cashing big fat production checks. You know what, Jordan? What? I feel like I'm being too hard on Brian. Yeah. Brian, go to Burbank. Try and get me a steam car. If you can't, just bring back some Bob's Big Boy. Oh, yeah. You know, you'll be tempted to get the burger, but maybe sometime try the fried chicken. Fried chicken's pretty good.

It might be a special thing. It might be like an only on Fridays thing. Here's what I'm going to ask Brian to do. Go to Burbank, try and get a steam car. If you can't get a steam car, go to Bob's Big Boy. You'll be tempted to get the burger. Consider the fried chicken. In the end, just have whatever Drew Carey is having.

So here's the thing. I'll lay out the basis for the challenge, and then I'll tell you the challenge. Because normally, we're both terrified of conflict. So there have been very few challenges on this program. Oh, I've grown to love conflict, actually. It's kind of my new thing. I'm always starting shit. Oh, really? Is that how you've grown in quarantine? Oh, yeah. A lot of people are baking bread, doing puzzles. Me, I'm calling family members and airing my old grievances. All right. Yeah. Loving it. This is cool.

Loving it. This is cool. It's okay. So, the holiday season is a coming. The Christmas music's come to Coast 103.5. So, that's how we know that the holiday season is upon us. Jordan, what about the wave? I don't know if the wave does Christmas music.

I think they're probably doing Christmas music right now. They're probably doing Christmas music. Brian, call the wave and tell them to start doing Christmas music. Or go down there. I don't know. If they're in Burbank, you could just kind of make a day out of this. Brian, I don't know if you have a cart. You can just take my team car. So the holiday season's here.

So obviously, at some point on the podcast, we're going to start talking about Nog, because that's, it's just what happens. Nog comes up. Nog is a theme. I got my first Nog of the year already. Did you? Well, there you go. See, it was coming. It was poking its head up. Nog aplenty. So that's one of our beloved traditions on the show is talking about Nog around the holiday season. But I mean, I think this year, season. But I mean, I think this year, I mean, we've added a lot of great, you know, new traditions, new interests, you know, new topics. And I saw a way to kind of combine the old and the new, you know, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

And now I'm going to interject very quickly. Yes, Jesse, go ahead. I'm interested to hear how you want to work in something new. When you say we've added a lot of new topics and traditions, I do not remember us doing that. It's actually just the one. I remember us rehashing the same Wario shit. Sure. Jordan, Jesse, go. The five stories. Name Wario shit. Sure. Jordan, Jesse, go. The five stories.

You know, Jordan, I'm originally from San Francisco. Yeah, you've mentioned it. Yeah. So here's what I want. I know we have a lot of foodies in the audience. We might even have some drinkies. Possible we have a gourmand or two. I should hope so. So I would like to have a recipe contest for someone out there in the audience to create a Walton Noggins.

Now, this is not to be confused with Walton Goggins' tutoring program. It needs to be done. Goggins' tutoring program. It needs to be done. So I want to see some fun new spins on Nog. Yeah. And, you know, I think ideally it would be something that would taste good with or without alcohol. So let's, you know, let's have it be both. with or without alcohol.

So let's, you know, let's have it be both. And if, you know, you can incorporate, you know, some other aspects of Walton Goggins' career. He was in that Predator sequel that was pretty good that nobody talks about anymore. Maybe throw that in there somehow. I don't know, but I think... Vice Principals. Work in Vice Principals.

Vice Principals. Pretty good. Not quite as good as the Righteous Gemstones, but still a lot of fun. Have you watched that Righteous Gemstones where he sings that song where he goes running through the house with a pickle in my mouth? Oh, yeah. That rules.

Uncle Baby Billy is that guy's name. What a show. Great show. Running through the house with a pickle in my mouth. Fuck is that? That's great. Okay. through the house with a pickle in my mouth.

Fuck is that? Okay. So, let's collect some nog recipes. Brian, bring us some finalists, and we will have some sort of final nog off. And only one can be Walton Noggins. There can be only one. It's like the Highlander. Ooh, Walton Goggins should play the Highlander.

They should reboot that with him. He'd be great in that. Anyway. This is our first signature drink in quite a long time. Yeah, we've had a signature drink before, but I think it's time for a refresh. This is going to replace the Minnesota Danny. Well, yes, the much beloved Minnesota Danny, a combination of Danny DeVito's Limoncello and Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Head Vodka.

People have been enjoying it for years, but now they can no longer enjoy it because it's all about, it's going to be all about Walton Noggins before the holiday season's over. Well, we have got a guest on the program. I'd like to hear her Nog thoughts before I just launch into Nog Talk, because I did buy my first Nog. I was confronted by several brands and i went with the store brand and i mean it's nice to be nogging again but you know our guest on the program a beloved podcaster a beloved actor she's uh one of the stars of space force she's one of the stars of Space Force. She's one of the stars of Star Trek Lower Decks.

And she has a brand new record album called Material Flats with Bethany Thomas. Our guest on the program, the great Tawny Newsome. Hi, Tawny. Hi, guys. Thank you so much. What a warm welcome. Sorry you had to sit through those inside jokes.

What a warm welcome. Sorry you had to sit through those inside jokes. No, I was thrilled to try and formulate my own thoughts on Nog. Yeah, so do you have Nog thoughts? It's funny because I've been so steeped in Star Trek for the last year and a half. My thought immediately goes to the character of Nog from Deep Space Nine. Fantastic character. Oh.

And so when you first started talking about Nog, without the titular egg in front of it, my brain was just all on a tiny teen Ferengi boy. And then I recalibrated and I said, oh, right, it's Christmas time in this rudderless year where we don't know when anything is or what day anything is. I realized that Christmas is coming, the holidays are coming, so you must be talking about the drink, the drink that is both too thick, too sweet, and just right all at once.

That's exactly right. Now, here's something that I want to ask you, Tawny. You're already working on Star Trek Lower Decks. The Star Trek people are doing a lot of brand extension. Do you think Star Trek Tiny Teens is something we could pitch? Ooh. You know, they are doing a youth-oriented show called Star Trek Prodigy, but I don't know if they are tiny teens.

I don't know their size or their age. So I think there might still be a window for you guys. Our buddy Chad Quant, who we had on a couple months back, is actually the boss of that, I think. Oh, yeah? I think we have a line. Should we pitch it to him? I mean, does he have the power to greenlight tiny teens? You should pitch it right to me. Just pitch it to him i mean does he have the power to green light tiny teens you should

pitch it right to me just pitch it to me yeah could you go through tani who is already a star trek character i'll do something great i mean i think what it needs you know when i hear tiny teen i think is there a riverdale star trek where everyone is a is is a sexy teen who you know is like really in their 20s oh so far i I've only pitched it to Maria Bamford, who did a Star Trek mall tour live theater experience in the early 90s. Wow. What did she say? Did she pass?

She passed for now, but she said to bring it back to her because she's just got a lot of stuff in development right now. Sure, sure, sure. She's busy. She's busy. I mean, I'm a little busy, but I will still do it. Oh, but only if we call it Star Trek sexy 20 teens so that we know they're teens, but they're also 20. Good.

Listen, it's right there. If we're trying to exude sex with this new Star Trek, it should just be called Deep Space 69, right? Right? Actually, great point. Oh, I'm sure that porn exists. I don't want to go find it. Tawny, when you got your role on Star Trek Lower Decks, did you have to, like, how much

Star Trek did you have left to consume? Did you just have to, like, gorge on it? The only thing, did you just have to, like, gorge on it? The only thing that I had not seen was, like, probably two-thirds of the original series. And I don't know if I ever actually saw the first season of Enterprise.

So I went back to watch those. I still haven't seen all of the original series. I know I'm a bad Trek fan, but I was a kid in the 90s and my Trek really was DS9. And then because I was a little too young for the next generation, but then I went back and watched it when I was like in college, maybe. But my parents are big Trekkies. So I watched Deep Space Nine and Voyager like when they came out and so then when all the new tracks started coming back before I was even working for them when Discovery premiered a few years ago I like dove back into it I started re-watching a bunch of the next generation with

some friends long distance over text and we would like text back and forth so yeah when I got the job I was kind of like oh I'm I'm still kind of steeped in this right now, with the exception of Enterprise. That show is bonkers. And the first season is especially bonkers. But it's necessary. Which, Tawny, would you say is excluding Star Trek 69, Deep Space 69? Thank you. I'm sure we've made that joke on the show at some point.

No one get mad at us for repeating things. We're very delicate right now. What would you say, Tawny, is the horniest Star Trek? Enterprise, 100%. Wow, you had that right off the dome. They just cover themselves in oil. They have to transport by just covering themselves in oil. Everyone's always naked.

It's always these like shadowy. That's by far the horniest one. Wait, what's the explanation for the oil? The oil was like they didn't have regular transporters, so they have to like grease up. And I'm like bastardizing it. I don't totally remember. But it's early transporter technology. They got to be greasy. transporter technology they gotta be greasy

you gotta be crazy so is it like a pneumatic tube oh no i'm like not remembering my mom's gonna yell at me it's her favorite series out of all of them so your mom likes a greasy bacula huh my mom love a greasy bacula who doesn't like a greasy bacula i'd grease him up beautiful man man i'd grease him up in men of a certain age what's bacula doing now i don't know i think he's just greasing up oh yeah he's fucking out by the pool dude he used to grease up for pay now he greases up for play yeah you know as soon as as soon as there's public events again, he's going to do a thing where people chase him at county fairs and they try and catch him. NCIS, Brian says. Oh, sure, sure, sure.

before you came into the virtual recording room, that we were reading the blurbs on your album and we are both dying to know about the fact that it's in that blurb that you have a recording studio in the Mojave Desert? Yeah, I mean, that's where I'm talking to you from right this very moment. Whoa! Ghost.

Is it a haunted desert? I mean, it might be. Watch out for scorpions. Some parts of the desert definitely haunted. Yeah, my husband and I moved out to the middle of nowhere a year and a half ago. Wow. And I thought at the time, like, oh, man,

it's going to be really tough to commute and all this stuff, but we really wanted space. And, you know, he's a drummer. He played all the drums on the album. So we've always wanted, you know, space where we could play the drums real loud and no one can yell at us. And we found that property and we loved it. And then we were worried about the commute, but then the pandemic hit. And so ain't nobody commuting anywhere. So it's really worked out fine. How far away are you? I'm about an hour.

Yeah. Oh, that's not too bad. Yeah, not too bad at all. It's not too bad. It's like if you wanted to live in Long Beach. Yeah, it's just like Long Beach. God, yeah. Tell me about the Mojave.

Are there like, you know, courts selling desert people? Oh, there are desert people. There's something about... I've been bringing this up with my husband. He's from Cleveland, Ohio, but he's from a small suburb outside of Cleveland. And we met in Chicago, so we both lived a very city life. But I grew up really rural.

I grew up in Vacaville, which is about an hour from where you grew up, Jesse, but way less cool. Yeah. Shout out to Vacaville in between San Francisco and Sacramento. That's its best quality. It's between two places you've heard of. The Betwixt City, they call it. I would say its best quality is it has the second best name of any rural California town after Los Banos. Really? You think Vacaville's second after Los Banos? Interesting. Wouldn't you say? Vaccar means cow. Now I'm trying to think of

other wildly named places. What about Sea Ranch? Sea Ranch is a good one. That's a good one, right? You're really strong. It barely sounds like a place. It just sounds like two descriptors. Man, guys, I just watched a great Watsonville-based rap video. Watsonville. Yeah, shout outs to the Berry City, the Berry City.

See, this is fantastic. Oh, I want to do NorCal humor all day. It'll be for four people and they won't like it. Wait until we get into our Auburn material. Yeah, Auburn's whack. They have red dirt. So out in the Mojave Desert, is it hard to go to stores and things? How out there are you?

Yeah, there's nothing. Yeah, we moved. I mean, there's nothing. It's a solid 45-minute trip to anything useful, and even that's not great. So what I used to do was before the pandemic is when I would leave, I'd try and stack up my auditions or like if I was filming Space Force or something. So when I'd be in town, then when I would leave, I'd just like stop at a Whole Foods kind of in the L.A. area. And then I'd like take my take my provisions up the mountain, you know. So there's not really much out here, but I like it.

You would stop at the Whole Foods and trade pelts for kombucha? Yeah. I'd sell a couple bone knives that I made out of the back of my Toyota Tacoma. You make a great bone knife, Tawny. Thank you. I'm getting some for holiday gifts. Thank you so much. Bye, local.

I mean, Vacaville, that's bone knife country. It's in the water. Yeah, support your local bone knife artisan, everybody. Don't get them off Amazon. No. Tawny, this could be a sensitive subject, but I'm wondering, in the

Mojave Desert, are there other African Americans? Not where I live, but when you go to some certain towns out here, I mean, yeah, there are in a lot of the cities and towns, which are quite far from me, but when I have gone there for things, because I realized that that's where they all went when they were pushed out of Los Angeles, because the city of Los Angeles is so significantly less black than, I mean, like where I lived before was Chicago. And I didn't realize how starkly different it was going to be until I moved here. And I was like,

where are all the black people? But yeah, when they got priced out, they kind of moved to the weird cities of the desert. yeah it can be it can be diverse if i drive for 45 minutes what is the top thing you have discovered uh in the desert land um i'm a big so i have this cool app um that scans all of my surroundings like i can point it at stuff speaking of star trek it's kind of like a tricorder pointed at a plant or something. And so in wildflower season, I was just like a little fucking botanist running around scanning shit. So now I'm that annoying old lady. See, because like my husband and I aren't having kids. So like now we just have like extensive hobbies. And so when people show up, I say things like, oh yeah,

the, you know, the buckwheat, it turns from a nice white color to a rust about this time of year. So buckwheat identification. Yeah. That's what I'm on is, is plant identification. Wow. You know, I was, I was going for a walk today with my family and our friend Elliot Kalin's family from the Flophouse. His family's not on the Flophouse, but he is. And we saw a colorful bird. And he did that to a colorful bird. He just pulled out his phone, pointed his phone at this bird.

And the phone knew what kind of bird it was. This bird was like 40 feet away from us. Yeah. I have that one too. The Merlin app, like the wizard Merlin. It's by the Cornell Ornithology Lab. And it'll identify any type of bird. It's crazy.

And then it has, but it's just a data mining thing. It just gets all that bird's porn search history. Well, that bird should have privatized its settings, I guess. That's true. If you're out there, birds, privatize your settings and put a little piece of tape over the camera on your laptop. Honestly, I think we have to pass legislation so that birds' privatization settings default to keeping their porn search history a secret.

Right, because not every bird is tech savvy. Yeah. Exactly. And every bird is tech savvy. Yeah. Exactly. And every bird loves hardcore porno. I think there's a fair amount of birds who like softcore porno with a little story. No, they love like fucking incest anal shit. Birds do?

We're not talking to the same birds, Jesse. The birds I know love a little romance. You're talking to birds? I'm talking to birds. You're nasty, Jordan. About softcore 90s HBO style pornography. They love a story about an undercover detective who gets in a little too deep. Wow.

Who knew? It's very Snow White, but also graphic. Yeah, it's both. I want to talk more about Vacaville. Oh, yeah. Let's get into it. Yeah, okay. So let's say somebody's, like, obviously,

if somebody's hitting up Auburn, California, they're going to want to go get a pie at Ikeda's. Always the pies, yep. When someone's in Vacaville, California, what are they up to? What are the secrets of Vacaville? Well, you know, now it's kind of a cookie cutter type of a place that sort of looks like, like Vacaville kind of looks like Santa Clarita now.

Maybe it's a little smaller, but not that much. It's like probably 200,000 people. And it's just kind of like a lot of, you know, pretty decent but generic. You know, there's like a HomeGoods. There's an REI. There's a Best Buy, whatever. But when I was growing up, the thing everyone was really excited about was the outlet stores. And I knew people. I knew cool people like you, Jesse Thorne, who lived in San Francisco, the glittering aisle of my dreams, who would get on a bus to come to my trash town,

Vacaville, home of the Onion Festival, to go shop at the outlet mall all day. And I couldn't believe that people would come from San Francisco, the place that had everything, the place where the hit film The Rock was filmed, my favorite movie when I was in middle school. No lie. They would come to my stupid town. I couldn't believe it. What were the outlets there? Was there like a Ralph Lauren, Tommy Bahama? What did you have? There was a Bass.

There was a Williams and Sonoma. There was a White House black market where women bought boring clothes. There was a dress barn where women bought dowdy boring clothes it was a lot of stuff man oh man bass go there get yourself some loafers just a thick soul i'm i'm curious we've been asking uh guests lately uh where like teens slash young people in their town would go to be bad. I'm curious what that was in Vacaville. We've had,

we've had some interesting answers. We had a, a, a Christian all ages club called JC pineapples. We had a drive-in porno theater. We had some sort of punk house that had a furry in it. Um, yeah.

Where were, where, where, where would a teen go if a teen wanted to like you know like smoke with other teens god is it so sad that i don't know and i've also never been asked so no one ever thought that i would know do you want to call some of your star trek friends and ask them? Right. Well, the holodeck, of course.

Yes, we could go smoke in our minds. We could go rebel in our brains. Or go smoke in Victorian England. Sherlock Holmes' foggy London town. Ooh, with Da Vinci. You know, I know we had a handful of creaks, and I'm sure bad kids went there because i would see um you know cans of crushed up cans of sprite and graffiti so i'm sure bad kids went there i was

never invited um the the first thing i thought when you brought this up was um well i know where everyone went one time that i desperately wanted to go and was not allowed to go. And that was to the Three Oaks Community Center, which was basically like a just a shitty like a VFW hall type thing. But everyone went there to be extras in the Papa Roach cut my life into pieces video, because they went to our local high school and used a bunch of kids in the video so if you watch that video you'll see a bunch of classmates of mine who were mean to me and i was not allowed to go uh that where so where's everybody in your town like just so hot for papa roach because they were like hometown heroes oh yeah i blame i started to touch on this when we were talking about desert people i blame slash credit depending on your perspective papa roach with the entire sort of post-punk new metal movement of

suburban california northern anyway i think they gave us that black haired gauge in the ears but drives a huge fucking truck, but also weirdly might be into crystals. Like you have a weird California hippie mixed with metal kid, but also like you can skateboard that started with Papa Roach. They originated it. Don't come at me. Don't at me.

I don't want the history lesson. This is what I believe. You're going to have some corn with a K fans in your men. Cheese. Yeah, but they could be corn with a k fans uh in your menchies yeah but they could be corn with a k fans from afar meanwhile the band cake was just kicking out soft little jammy jams from sacramento just soft funky jams and that didn't infiltrate our town it was papa roach yeah wow i will always remember i uh you know that, that Papa Roach song that you mentioned was, you know, everywhere the year it came out. And I will always be mad at the lyric that goes, suffocation, no breathing.

That's just what suffocation is. You're just repeating. You're just saying what it is. Anyway, I'm still mad about that. You don't think that was a parenthetical? Like for the sake of clarity? Right. In case someone didn't know what suffocation meant?

Yeah. Suffocation, you know, that means no breathing. No breathing. Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding. Right. Because the bleeding I think was also a parenthetical. Yeah. Cut my arm.

Bleeding. No, you're right. I should consult my AP style guide before getting mad about Papa Roach. Always have a style guide handy when you're listening to Papa Roach lyrics. There's a whole section of the AP style guide that's just Papa Roach stuff. Capitalization, et cetera. Is it one word or two? The whole nine yards. Were there like shows? Were there like music shows you could go to? Was there a venue or did you have to like...

Hump it over to the sack. Yeah. Well, when I was young and wasn't allowed to get in anyone's car who was under 25, but also if anyone was over 25, my dad would be like, why do you know someone who's over 25? So I just wasn't allowed to get in anyone's car. Yeah, it's a tough situation. Then our only venue was that same, the Three Oaks Community Center. And there'd be weird little shitty Battle of the Bands hardcore shows there all the time.

And then when I got old enough to drive, I would drive to Sacramento. I would try to drive to San Francisco, but I felt like I couldn't crack the code on how to get tickets for those shows. I went to a few, but Sacramento just had more of like crack the code on how to get tickets for those shows. I went to a few, but Sacramento just had more of like an all ages. It was a little easier to get there. Yeah. You got to go to your bass ticket outlets. Different bass. Exactly. Not the bass ticket outlet. One's a shoe source. Not the bass loafer outlet. God, there was so much bass in my life in like 1999. I had no idea. I mean, who knew that Bass Pro Shop was hardly a glimmer in the eye?

Sure. Right? Didn't even register. Not to mention Big Mouth Billy. Oh, gosh. Yeah. That was the golden days of Big Mouth Billy. And don't get me started on Giants outfielder Randy Bass.

See, we were Oakland A's fans, so I wouldn't even know about a Giants outfielder. No, you were just thinking about Luis Polonia. Sure. Luis Polonia. Sure, sure, sure. Jesse, were you a Giants fan? Did you have to be a Giants fan? I know nothing about sports.

I don't even know why I'm taking us down this road. I'm just going to fizzle out and have nothing to say. Well, I mean, the good news is Jordan can fill in for you. Yeah, I, uh, say this is, yeah, it's a fun recurring thing on the show is when Jesse and the guests can talk about sports and I, I'm just struggling for a way in. But now neither me or the guest knows a way in. You've got your fond memories of Jim Abbott, the one-handed pitcher of the California Angels. That's true, yes.

I can talk about some angels from, you know, 1989 to 1992. I think we both had favorite one-handed pitchers because you have Jim Abbott and I have Giants pitcher Dave Drevecky who lost an arm to cancer. Two heroes. Two heroes. Two great heroes. And of course, Kevin Bass, not Randy Bass. God damn it. Oh man, RIP your mentions.

That was going to bother you forever. My mentions are destroyed now giants fans corn with a k fans were angering were angering the most vocal of the internet fans kevin bass randy bass they're both tweeting at me oh no tani of those like community center bands was there anybody else from your hometown who like made it to a national stage or was it just Papa Roach? As far as I know, it was just Papa Roach. I could be Vacaville stands. Get at me if I'm wrong.

But as far as bands, I think they're the only one we've got. I'm a total Vacaville stand. I follow them on tour. Vacaville. From Vacaville to Vacaville. There is a very funny account called Visit Vacaville on Instagram that my childhood best friend sends me periodically things from, and it's pretty wild, the things that go on there. What are some of the top Vacaville things? That's what we're trying to get into here. What are the Vacaville secrets? What's the best restaurant in Vacaville?

The best restaurant in Vacaville? Teenage me would have said Strings Italian Bistro because I thought it was the fanciest place in the world. And I did not know it was a chain and basically an Italian cafeteria. Great fancy voice, by the way. Yeah. Thank you so much. Enjoy this tablecloth. Now I think the best restaurant in vacaville i mean i

i've never had fonder memories than at a chevy's tex-mex so and i can never find them in proper cities like chicago and los angeles so when i go home to vacaville i'm like we're going to chevy's i'm gonna get just endless chips and salsa i'm gonna drink 40 margaritas and we're going to Chevy's. I'm going to get just endless chips and salsa. I'm going to drink 40 margaritas, and we're going to hash some shit out. We had a Chevy's. I think we had a Chevy's growing up. I think Gail Morris loved a Chevy's. They are perfect, aren't they? What do you get at a Chevy's?

I think it's just like— Nachos? Yeah, well, Tawny, I only vaguely remember it. Tawny, can you describe it? I mean, it's just big, generic Mexican food. They say it's Tex-Mex, but it's not Tex-Mex in the way that like if you go to Texas, you know, you're getting like queso and things that aggressively feel sort of fusion-y. It feels more just like generic, inoffensive Mexican food. You can get a platter of enchiladas, drink bottomless margaritas, and and you're gonna see the ladies from the bank after

they get off work all getting tanked at the bar it's like it's townie christmas i love it so much i tell you what i love a hot ass enchilada plate i love a just a fucking scalding hot don't touch a lot of plate with a sheet of cheese melted over everything it just fucking rules jesus orange and white alternating stripes i like when they like when they bring the that fucking plate over to you and they they've got their hands in oven mitts yeah that are holding tongs that are holding the plate and they drop it on the table and it burns a hole through the table and they're like do not touch that don't try and eat it and then you immediately grab it because you're dumb, but you deserve it. You immediately eat it because you're dumb and nasty.

I'm dumb and nasty and I got a big hot plate. That should be on one of those shirts that you see advertised on Facebook that has the 10 different fonts. I'm a Scorpio. I'm dumb and nasty. I got a big hot plate and you will never take my gun, said my hot wife. People see it and they're like, I'm on board, but I don't get what it's for. I'm just a little lost, but like I support you. Somebody comes up and it's like, what the fuck is that t-shirt about? You just say enchiladas, baby.

Bail. Then you high five that person. Enchiladas are the second amendment, you talk. You'll get my enchiladas when you pry them from my cold dead mouth. Man, enchiladas are pretty fucking boss, man. The restaurant by my corner that is my

favorite restaurant shout out to la abeja man they serve up some engies and i will fuck them up all kinds red green all of them give me those engies so how do they travel have you done them post post rona have you done them post the teen that's the thing it's one block from my house i just zip them home i i hang out outside i hang out outside the door sort of in the same way that the that the weird guys from the anarchist bicycle shop next door do and then when it's ready i just jump in i carry it home as quick as i can and then it's munch munch munch on those inches hell yeah you figured it out because like even one block more that's a lake of of ruined sadness yep well here's the plastic bag here's the thing about when i call they know

it's me because my children's orders are uh one plate of beans and rice with no cheese, one plate of beans and rice with regular cheese, and one plate of beans and rice where my daughter will fucking scream at me if I say the wrong number of cheeses. So it's like extra, extra, extra, extra, extra cheese. It is complicated shit. Oh, my God. You've got Goldilocks living in your house. Like you've got all three bears. Neurodiversity is the worst. It's great.

It's beautiful. Oh, I love that. Just make sure the kids don't get into porridge. When Gracie, my daughter, announced that she wanted her extra, extra, extra, extra cheese, but she didn't like it on top because then it melts. It was like, oh, no. And forgive me.

Let me not tell this perfect child what she needs. But does she not just want an order of rice and beans and then maybe some shredded cheese from your fridge in your home? No, wrong kind of cheese. Wrong cheese. 100%. Wrong cheese. Well, Jesse, could you your home. No, wrong kind of cheese. Wrong cheese, 100%. Wrong cheese. Well, Jesse, could you fucking buy the kid the right kind of cheese? I don't know.

I'm trying to help you simplify this problem. I don't have the suppliers. You can figure out a cheese blend. Look, it's going to be a Jack. It's going to be a Colby Jack. Tawny, you can buy beans at the store, too. You're not yelling at me for not buying beans at the store the restaurant has the touch no restaurant beans and rice that's a different

thing but i'm saying if she doesn't even want the cheese melted that's just cold shreds you can approximate that she does not accept approximations all right an approximation is an abomination as far as my daughter is concerned okay and you're right let me not tell this child what she needs you know what needs? She needs a little time out in the Mojave desert. Hey. How many bedrooms does this house of yours have? Bring her out here. We got a 16 and up policy. How long she got? Nobody under 25, but nobody over 25. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know, every episode of Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know, every episode of Jordan, Jesse Goh is, of course, supported by the members of MaximumFun.org. And our thanks go out to each and every one of you who is a member. You can go to MaximumFun.org slash join if you want to join their number. We're also this week supported by our friends at Manscaped. You know, the holidays are getting close and Manscaped is offering a performance package. That's true, Jesse. Manscaped, man, this would make a great holiday gift for someone with hair growing on and in their body. Here's what

this package includes. In? In. I guess I was talking about the nose. I was talking specifically about the nose. I immediately went to inside the stomach. If you know someone with spleen hair, Manscaped cannot

help you. But if you know someone with spleen hair, Manscaped cannot help you. But if you know someone who has ear and nose hair they're looking to get rid of, check out the Manscaped Performance Package. It includes the Weed Whacker. It's a waterproof ear and nose hair trimmer. It uses a 9,000 RPM motor-powered 360-degree rotary dual-blade system. I've used it myself. It works terrific. Could not recommend the Weed Whacker more.

It's a hoot to get in there and whack those weeds. You know what I did the other day? I used the lawnmower. Right. And look, I'm not here to brag, but I have a very hirsute butt. Sounds a little like a brag, but go ahead. Some key areas, I just use that lawnmower to take it down a little. You know, not overall. People love that. People love to see their hair on my butt. But in a few key areas, I just toned it down some. And I did it in the shower. Lawnmower, also waterproof. And what can I say other than it went great. Jordan, how's your

butt? Well, my butt formally had a lot of unsightly hair, but then I got the lawnmower. That boy's shiny as a $3 Asian bear that I talked about last week. You remember last week's show. Which is technically not that shiny, but. The Olympic variety, by the way. People were asking me about the specific Asian pear. It's the Olympic variety. Oh, sounds very nice. Well, listen, no matter what variety of pear or just autumn fruit you prefer, get 20% off and free shipping with the code JJGO at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com and use code JJGO. Get the performance package now and receive two free gifts, the Manscaped boxers and the Shed Travel Bag.

Oh, this is great. What are you waiting for? Go whack your weeds and make Santa proud. You should see the butt on Santa, by the way. This thing is as smooth and shiny as an autumn satsuma. It's like a kumquat, this butt. We're also supported this week by our friends at kitty poo club yes this is a service that sends you regular kitty poo is that correct

well jesse no that's uh that does not exist as far as i know oh wait no i'm thinking of cats cats are a service that sends you regular kitty poo yes that's yes you can you can get them at your at your local shelter and as far as i know there's nobody who mails them to you but um it seems i could be wrong oh yeah there's no that's dogs i was gonna say garfield would mail them to you if you live in Djibouti. But that's dogs, specifically. Abu Dhabi, I believe. Abu Dhabi is where Garfield was always trying to mail Nermal to. But hey, listen, here's the deal.

If you have a cat, which I do, you know that one of the downsides to cat ownership, One of the downsides to cat ownership, cat ownership has many upsides, but one of the downsides is the litter box. It's gross. It's a pain to clean. Here's what you do. You go to the Kitty Poo Club, and they're going to deliver you an affordable, high-quality, recyclable litter box that is pre-filled with the litter of your choice. The box is leak-proof, eco-friendly, and it has a fun, seasonal design.

So what happens when your box is full of poos? Here's what you do. You keep it for a month. When the month is up, you recycle the box, and Kitty Poo Club automatically delivers a new one to you. No changing the used litter and no more cleaning the box. This will improve your life. It'll make things less stinky around the house.

Kitty Poo Club. Boy, I sure love a sponsor segment where we get to talk about balls and poo. I mean, it's also what we're usually talking about in the rest of the program. Yeah, sure. The wand finds the wizard, as they say. Right now, Kitty Poo Club is offering you 20% off your first order when you set up auto ship by going to kittypooclub.com and enter promo code JJGO. Kittypooclub.com, enter promo code JJGO. You get 20% off when you set up auto ship.

Kittypooclub.com. And don't forget to enter promo code JJGO at checkout and make Santa proud. We've also got a message up on the Jumbotron where you can share your message with your fellow Jordan Jesse Go listeners. This is a message for Johnny Fashion Pants from C. Diddy. Here's the message. Happy birthday, Johnny Fashion Pants.

You've been the dip-dopsin' to my chip-dipsin' for 25 years, and I love watching you go full short in life. Keep it up, buddy. That's nice. Nobody's sweeter than C. Diddy. Throwing in some references. You should have mentioned Walton Goggins. Other than that, a perfect jumbotron. Yeah. Or they could have mentioned that I was born in San Francisco and lived there for quite some time. So, you know, it's a pretty good, let's just call it a B minus

jumbotron. Yeah. If you want to do a B or B plus Jumbotron, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Also, before we leave this segment, Jordan, I want to mention free shipping code for my store, the Put This On Shop. It's the holiday season. It's the gifting season. I know people are looking for special things to give people, especially since you can't go to stores or oughtn't to be going to stores unnecessarily. Put this on shop.com and use the code JJGO. It's my vintage and antique store. Lots of beautiful treasures there for you. Waiting, waiting for you, Jordan. Waiting for you. Want a 60s little bug pin? I got some of those. Man, those are really fun. Anyway,

put this on shop.com. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love Oh, I've done that. That's satisfying, huh? Then I used it to make some ranch. Okay. I like that. I like the layering. Emulsification. That's the key. Gotta get a good lather. You ever made a mayonnaise, Jordan? No, I've never made a mayonnaise. I gotta tell you, I was intimidated by making mayonnaise, but Kenji Lopez-Alt, Cooking Maven, Kenji Lopez-Alt has this system. And all you do is you put the oil and the egg and the lemon juice into a jar that is a little wider than your stick blender. And then you just shove your stick blender in there and it works every

time. It's incredible. Yeah. If you get the ratio right, it totally works. When something momentous happens to you, like you finally successfully make your own mayonnaise, and it's a fucking revelation, give us a call, 206-984-4FUN, or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Here is an example of one such momentous occasion. Hey, JJ Goode, this is PK in Minneapolis, and I'm calling in with such momentous occasion. Hey, JJ Goode, this is PK in Minneapolis, and I'm calling in with a momentous occasion. I'm out on one of my bullshit government-mandated walks, and I just watched a rest or turkey

try to cross the street. What? Let me ask you this, Shawnee. Out in the Mojave Desert, does the government say that every day you gotta take a little fucking walk? Yeah, you gotta leave your house, take a little fucking walk. Oh, hi, neighbors. Oh you got to take a little fucking walk yeah you gotta leave your house take a little fucking walk yeah hi neighbors oh i'm taking a little fucking walk yeah this uh this call threw me until i realized oh yeah that black helicopter

that shows up every day where five people from the cia and the i don't know department of fucking homeland security hop out and they go show me your step counter on your watch and i reluctantly show them and then they're like gotta take a walk yeah i've had that problem i was just in my front yard and i was thinking about taking a walk but i hadn't taken a little walk yet helicopter comes in and then i hear hi this is dr fau. How's your fucking walk going? On a bullhorn from the helicopter. Then he rappels down, kicks my ass.

I mean, black and blue. Yeah. First of all, a knee square to the nads. Okay. I crumple. Then he starts giving it to me in the head, leaves me in a bloody heap. And he says, take your fucking walk. It was crazy.

And you're going to live 10 more years because of that. Yeah. Tawny, the next time you see that helicopter, just make sure you don't let them take your bone knives and you don't let them take your enchiladas. No. You'll pry my bone knife out of my hot, scalded enchilada hands. You got to use a fork for those, Tati. This is the wife of a sassy husband

with plenty of bone knives and four enchiladas verdes de queso. This is the t-shirt that I'm imagining right now. Oh, you know what I want a t-shirt of? Wait, I just have to take a tangent on Fauci because my dad said this to me the other day and I have not yet recorded my own podcast and I have had nowhere to put this information so I just need it here preserved for record.

I asked my father if he was going to take the vaccine when it comes out and he said, I'll take whatever that little if he was going to take the vaccine when it comes out and he said i'll take whatever that little egghead tells me to take and he's talking about dr fauci and he only refers to him as that little egghead i love the idea that your dad believes fauci but if you saw him would want to like bully him by giving him a Dutch rub or a wedgie. Yeah. He's like, you're a nerd and I hate nerds, but I trust you implicitly.

Hey, Poindexter, thanks for saving us. Olamo says what? I'm going to give you a fucking swirly, but I'm going to wait till the summer after they've distributed the vaccine. That little egghead Fauci. Little egghead. You're lucky I'm social distancing on your advice, egghead. My arms are too short to box with you six feet away from me. Okay, press play on the call, Brian.

I'm out on one of my bullshit government-mandated walks, and I just watched a raster of turkeys try to cross the street, then break on into a full sprint and started attacking a murder of crows. Get them, get them, get them. Ha ha ha! USA number one! Benjamin Franklin official bird turkey

this is an alien versus predator whoever wins we lose I realized as we were listening back that we did fully like 10 minutes

on just his first like four words listen there's not a lot going on on this show Tawny you gotta you gotta find the content i love wherever it is you gotta it's very fertile everyone's very every rife full of comedy i like it i will tell you out here where i live i will watch a murder of crows they will absolutely body

a red-tailed hawk like they will humiliate a red-tailed hawk and chase it off the mountain. And it makes me a little sad because I like the hawks. Yeah, hawks are way better than crows. Possums are way better than crows. Scorpions are better than crows. Ground marmots are better than crows. I love the crows. No, crows are coming up with a scheme all the time. They are. You shouldn't

be talking trash about them. Crows hold grudges. They'll listen to this pod and then they'll remember your face for 20 years. They know they're on my shit list. Fuck crows. Damn. I read this article, speaking of turkeys, I read this article in the New York Times. The New York Times has been going in pretty hard on Donald J. Trump, the president of the United States. And there was this article that was like a total takedown of Donald Trump. And it was about how much he enjoys the turkey pardoning.

And like basically the premise was the only part of being president that Donald Trump likes, besides like, you know, parades, is pardoning the turkey. And he always seems to get a really big kick out of it. And this was a multi author article, you know, like all of the white house correspondents for the New York times contribute to this article. And they, they wrote this article like in a, in a scandalous tone, like we our breath will be taken away, that his true passion

is pardoning a turkey. And I read the whole article, and there's plenty of, you know, this guy, I don't know if you guys have been following the news, but this guy has a fair number of scandals. And if you guys read that in the newspaper, I mean, I'm talking about significant scandals. Donald Trump, the businessman. I saw a graph in USA Today now that you mention it. Yeah. I read this entire article about him pardoning the turkey and how much he likes it.

And at the end of it, my takeaway from it was like, this is significantly humanized Donald Trump. I, too, would love pardoning a turkey oh right like you're identifying with it that's a tremendous feeling you're a master of life and death at that point yeah god it's gotta feel great watching that turkey flap his way down the interstate after you let him go you know headed back to turkeyton i never understood the pardoning of the turkey are we are we collectively tacitly agreeing that turkeys en masse have done something wrong that they then need to be pardoned for yeah they've grown too muscular that is our fault like factually not even yes that we did that so what is a turkey done that we that has not been done done unto him did you have the gross neck ask that question of the americans who are incarcerated

right now what have they done that we have not done unto them yeah yeah could we pardon some weed dealers why are we pardoning turkeys? Tawny, you mentioning the crows going after the hawk. Thank you for circling back, quite literally. Much like a hawk. We'll circle its prey. Are you finding the desert to be a cruel place? Is this an inside joke? No, it's not.

is this an inside joke no it's not i'm just i'm so i'll i uh our uh our buddy and past guest andy wood did something similar to you he uh he moved out to joshua tree um you know kind of like just you know to kind of beat the beat beat the rat race and he was kind of describing to me his new life in joshua, which really sounded beautiful. It's quiet. There's hiking. He really has some, you know, fantastic sounding desert people out there that he interacts with, you know, on a day-to-day basis. And I did start to grow envious of his desert lifestyle until he mentioned that there were scorpions in the garage. And then I'm like, maybe not.

That seems like too cruel an environment for me. Do you find it to be cruel and unforgiving? Do you ever find yourself, Tawny, let me put it this way. Do you ever find yourself crawling along the desert floor going, water, water? Like the end of season two of True Detective. That was the first thing I thought of. Do you have any problems with mirages? There's been no mirages.

So I will say I'm in a unique climate. First of all, your friend is right. The desert is an unforgiving place. I'm also at a high elevation. So we get intense snows and we get mountain storms, which I find really beautiful, but that's also somewhat of a harsh environment. So it is doubly dry because it is both high and it is arid because it's a desert. And it gets all four seasons, but they can come and go very quickly and then they can kind of revert.

Like we had snow on the, whatever the Saturday was that the election was finally kind of fucking over and everyone was dancing in the street. I forgot what date that was, but we had like a little snow dump and now it's been like 60 degrees and sunny and pretty. So it's a weird place i we don't have

scorpions we do have rattlesnakes the only thing that can hurt you here is a rattlesnake and we've seen like three or four of them a year and you just have to you know if they're far enough from your house you kind of you let them live but if they're crawling around your stuff you got to kind of you know deal with them, sadly. But what I will say is that the desert is a harsh place. And so I, as an overachiever, find it very rewarding that I'm able to live here. And I mean, I love it. I went for a trail run this morning. Our trails are completely private and empty. I've never seen another person anywhere that I've hiked or run out here. So it suits me fine. But yeah, it's a little wild. Every now and then like 200 bees will just round

the corner of the house and everyone has to run inside in a panic. So it's a little wild. Right. But you got to weigh that against the trunning. Yeah. I mean, you got those bees, but on the plus side. Maskless trunning. Are. I mean, you got those bees, but on the plus side. Maskless trunning. Are there any problems with desert bears? I have not seen or heard of a desert bear, but I've seen a bobcat. That's cool.

It's pretty cool. She laid down and took a nap. I've seen those in Pasadena. Oh, really? Oh, what? So I'm not fucking cool because you got Pasadena bobcats? No, that's why I asked you about the desert bear. I'm only cool if I see a desert bear?

I'm just trying to kick it up a notch. What about this, Tawny? You met any banditos? Define bandito. They wear like a bandana around their face and they got a big black hat and maybe they ride a horse with like no saddle. Bareback bandito.

Yeah, that's what I'm imagining. they oh and they definitely have bandoliers wait what's a bandolier is that the short jacket we wore in the 90s that was called the rachel oh sorry sorry sorry that was the short jacket on top but then a jacket underneath that curled upwards right thank you good job uh it's like that uh it's like the the bullet belt that goes over your shoulder bullet i'm talking about like poncho via wears yeah yeah so you can have all your bullets in a handy sash exactly i'll do anything if it's got a sash that's's how I became a small town mayor. Actually, yeah. If you wanted me to do something and I'm not responding to your DMs or whatever, listeners,

offer me a sash and I might do it. Connie, have you thought about becoming mayor of the municipality where your house is? No, because I don't want anyone to know that I live here. I'm very private. The internet's I live here. I'm very private. The internet's a terrifying place. I'm always very vague about where we live. And I don't know my neighbors at all. My husband does.

He keeps up appearances for us, but I hide from everyone. Isn't that terrible? I think you should run for mayor. I think this is your shot. You know... You could be big time. I could be a big time... We don't even have a town, so we don't have a mayor.

Is there garbage pickup? Yes. I should run for garbage commissioner. Garbage commissioner. Garbage alderman. What about hawk protector? yeah yeah yeah is that an appointed is that an appointed position is that an elected is that an elected thing no you just gotta train a murder of crows yep and then but wait but then i protect the hawk

or i protect things from the hawk right i would what i was getting it sounds to me from your story earlier is that the hawk the hawk which is a beautiful you know majestic i'm assuming endangered animal is being you know bullied by crows i was thinking that perhaps the local hawks needed some sort of election elected official to take care of them but um but if you think you want to if you're wanting to protect rodents and such from the hawks i mean i'm i'm not going to get in your way well maybe it's more of a like land and air uh wildlife uh commissioner where i am attempting to protect all life which is gonna you know going to have conflicts, but what politician doesn't have their hands in a couple of pies, you know? Sure.

Sure. I mean, that's why you get into the game to have access to all those pies. Right. And make a lot of promises. You start with one of those four and 20 blackbirds pies and you go from there. Right. I wonder what the difference is between a blackbird and these crows please no one tell me no one at me and tell me that i don't actually want to know

i think i already know and i was just talking what i think is ultimately important is that tawny i could really see you training and utilizing a team of evil crows yeah like it just does your dirty work for you you know know what I mean? Yeah, I have that in me. Kind of like witch style. Like witchy. Witchy. Yeah.

Not a full witch thing, but witchish. I like it because it sounds like you agree that I couldn't like say poison a person. But what I would be very suited for is a theatrical deterrent. And that's what a trained murder of crows sounds like. If someone comes up to my property and I don't want them here, a swooping, swirling, choreographed group of crows

that seems like they understand your human language seems like the perfect spooky deterrent blue angel style yes it's a show of force let's take another call hey jordan jesse roman mars close i'm just coming out of anesthesia, so I'm still a little slow, but I got a colonoscopy, a bronchoscopy, that's your lungs, and an ileoscopy. So they went into my ostomy hole on my belly and looked at my small intestine, and yeah, had a lot of medical procedures over the years, but this is the first time I got triple penetrated in one day. So, momentous occasion. I love you. Man, what oscopy did this guy not get?

Answer me that, Jordan. Yeah, I can't believe you're hearing from somebody who's had the legendary trip pen. Wait, break down for me again. The oscopies? What did he have? Colonoscopy I got. Lungoscopy and small intestineoscopy. Wow.

Didn't know either of those were things. Well, how do you think you take a look at what's inside your intestine without an oscopy? A witch blows smoke down your throat. And then she looks in her cauldron and yeah. Your friend just smoke witch yeah and then it glows in your crystal balls by the way have you tried a smoked french witch that is my new favorite thing to order at jimmy john's sure i uh i was watching a movie today on a streaming service that like has ads.

So, you know how they'll just like awkwardly blast a fucking loud ass ad at you somewhere in the movie that, you know, like it wasn't edited for these ads. It'll just randomly drop one in. And also you, you know, and also it's, you know, you see the same over the course of the movie, you see the same ad, you know, and also it's you know you see the same over the course of the movie you see the same ad you know 10 times um and the one they kept playing or one that they kept playing was for was for jersey mics the sandwich chain jersey mics and it was encouraging you to get a party sub for yourself. It was a like, who needs catering? And I'm like, I mean, listen, I realize self-care is so important, and we cannot judge people for things they're doing, especially in times like these.

But party sub to yourself? I don't know. Is that a bridge too far? Here's what's going on, Jordan. They have too many party subs because nobody's having these parties. Sure. Oh, yeah.

Hey, I sympathize with Jersey Mike. The Vacaville party sub outlet closed. It became a Le Creuset outlet. They used to send excess party subs to Vacaville, obviously. Started as a Togo's, now we're here. Yeah. And so you got to do something with them. You got to sell them somehow.

So you go on IMDb TV. You sell them. Damn. In a screening of Earth Girls Are Easy that Jordan's watching. Earth Girls Are Easy. I, you know, what's interesting is that, I don't know if it's interesting, but what is strange to me is that there are all these, you know, all these marketing tactics that are clearly just leftover things from before the pandemic that they were planning on pushing. that are clearly just leftover things from before the pandemic that they were planning on pushing,

whether it was like different graduation parties or whatever, but like they had marketing budget dedicated to things like party subs or whatever and they just had to quick pivot. And party sub for one feels like the quickest, hastiest pivot I've ever heard.

Yeah. It does attract. Yeah, that's a five on my desk by five fucking solution there just just somebody came and yelled at a conference room full of marketing guys what the fuck are we gonna do with these party subs we're deciding by the end of the day bring me your ideas but i mean i guess i guess if i guess a family i guess a big family could take down a party sub in two days, right?

Jesse, you have three kids and a wife. How long do you think it would take your family to get through a party sub? I don't know how much cheese is on it. I think you'd have to do one-third no cheese, one-third regular cheese, one-third extra, extra, extra cheese. Extra, extra, extra cheese. I think, presuming that at some point in the future, my children learn to eat anything other than rice cakes with cream cheese on them, I think we could take down a party. Are we talking about a six-footer? Boy, I don't know exactly how long.

I mean, how long is the average party sub? Six feet? Twelve feet? I mean, I've heard six inches, but I've also heard that the girth is what's important and if the sandwich is generous with oral sex a lot of factors going into what makes a good sandwich jimmy john's eating right hey it's me Mike. I don't mind going downtown. I'm very sex positive. It's me, Jersey Mike. And I always say it's me before I introduce myself.

It's me, Pot Belly's. Try the cookies. Those Pot Belly cookies aren't good. We're a sandwich place, but seriously, though, just try the cookies. Oh the cookies oh pot bellies you just can't compete it's all anybody talks about i mean the sandwich is good too we have a dedicated following but really it's a really it's a cookies okay have a good one let's take a break we'll be back in just a second on j, Jesse go. Does our podcast deep dive into the weirdest Wikipedia pages we can find? Yes.

Do we learn about scam artists, remote islands, horrible mascots, beautiful diseases, and mythical monsters? Yes, yes, yes, absolutely.

And yes, do we retain any of this knowledge? Probably not. I'm Emily Heller. I'm Lisa Hannah WaltWalt. We make art and comedy and TV shows and also the podcast Baby Geniuses. For the past eight years, we've been trying to learn new things about the world and each other every episode. But let's be honest, this podcast is mostly about two friends hanging out, shooting the breeze and making each other

laugh. We're horny, we like gardening and horses and and we get real stupid on here. But, like, in a smart way. Yeah, join us every other week on Maximum Fun. All right, Adam, Maximum Fun wants us to record, like, a promo to tell people that they should listen to The Greatest Generation. You want to do that? No, I am tired of all the extra work. I just wanted to talk about Star Trek with my friend. I think it would be good to like try and get some new listeners

by appealing to the audiences of other shows. Like this will only take a minute or two. It could be good for us. We sit down for an hour or two a week and talk about a Star Trek episode and make a bunch of idiotic fart jokes about it. It's embarrassing. If it got out that we made this show, I think it would make us unemployable. Adam, I have bad news for you. We have tens of thousands of listeners at MaximumFun.org. Oh my God. I think I'm going to throw up. The Greatest Generation, a Star Trek

podcast by a couple of guys who are a little bit embarrassed to have a Star Trek podcast. Every Monday on MaximumFun.org. I'm really going to be sick. Monday on MaximumFun.org. I'm really going to be sick. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Tawny Newsome, I'm the AirPods you thought you lost. Ooh.

I'm here now. They were in the change dish You spent $250 again needlessly, you dumb idiot I mean, it doesn't hurt to have a backup Maybe you can give them as a Christmas gift to your bratty niece Hey, it's me, Jimmy John Get your fucking act together Oh, Jimmy John, get your fucking act together. Oh, Jimmy John, happy holidays.

Hey, happy holidays, Jimmy John. I'm Pan, Pan Polly. So sex positive. I'll fuck anything as long as we can play board games after. It's me, Subway. I'm a sapiosexual. It's me subway i'm a sapiosexual it's me oh subway no subway uh tony dr fauci we're doing sandwich places jesse he's not a sandwich place no no no let that little egghead in here whatever that little egghead has to say i'm gonna listen to i get that little egghead i only fuck miss i only fuck mrs fauci um

tony newsome you we mentioned at the top of the show that you have a brand new record album but tell me tell us about this brand new record album especially for folks who did not even know that you were a singer. Oh, yeah. So the quick pitch of me being a singer is I am one, I promise. I've been doing it a long time. Yeah, no, I so I've sung with a lot of bands. I've sung with a guy named John Langford, who is a punk musician, a band called Mekons, did most of my stuff with him. A lot of fun, cool stuff out of the Bloodshot Records in Chicago cadre of folks. And I've for a long time wanted to do something all my own. Coincidentally, I did it with my good friend Bethany Thomas. So it's all our own because I can't ever do anything alone, alone, you know, because that's, I don't know it makes makes me sad but uh she came out here and quarantined in my little trailer that I had renovated on my weirdo compound and yeah we

just wrote recorded mixed we we made a whole record ourselves in my studio and I taught myself to engineer by watching YouTube videos which was very wild. Shout out to all the metal heads out there who helped me. Yeah. And then we put it on our band camp. It's available everywhere. So you can listen everywhere. But if you would like to support us, we'd love for you to go to tawnyandbethany.com.

That's our band camp. And you can buy vinyl there and all that. But yeah, it's basically just, we're two black women who have been often relegated to singing backup. This was like back in our 20s in Chicago where, you know, it was really fun to like get invited to sing for a Rolling Stones cover band. And you'd make a hundred bucks. You'd drink all the Miller High Life you could and you'd scream your throat out singing Gimme Shelter.

But this was a chance for us to stand in front and do our own thing. And you got our buddy Ted Leo on the record. Yeah, man. Oh, Ted's the fucking best. He plays on the closer. He sings on the closer. It's called Carry Something. The closing song is wild because Bethany and I are the only voices on the whole record,

very intentionally. And then at the end, we have our guitarist Patrick Martin and Ted sing together which for me was kind of a symbolic thing of like we're these two black women who have backed up so many very talented white men our whole careers on our last track on our first album together we'd love to just have these two white guys like just sing a little something together um and it ends up being really beautiful it becomes this kind of like a heavy folk it's it my friend alex kleiner called it the most fucked up folk song ever written because ted plays like a ripping guitar solo on it so it's it's one of my favorites i think we're gonna we're gonna run a song after our credits.

Do you have a favorite? Is there a single from the record? Well, since you brought up Carrie something, let's do some heavy folk. All right. Well, we'll hear Tawny Newsome and Bethany Thomas at the end of the program, so make sure and stay tuned. Of course, Tawny is out there on your television sets. Tawny is doing Yo, Is This Racist?

Tawny is all over everywhere. There's no shortage of Tawny Newsome for you to check out and enjoy. But tawnyandbethany.com is the website for Material Flats. It'll take you to the band camp or you can just search on your band camp. I got that band camp app on my phone.

It's a nice app. I love that app. And I would also just like to say the album is really fucking great, Tani. I had it on all day around the house. It's awesome. There's a song about dinosaurs. I don't think we mentioned that.

It's really tremendous. Really, really made my week. Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Tani, you have podcast news to share with us. Yes, thank you, Jesse. And wait, there's more. So my podcast with my friend Andrew T, Yo, Is This Racist?, has recently moved to be an independent podcast. We just wanted to take control of everything, basically, much in the

same way that I did my album. And so we moved to a, an independent feed, but also a subscription based model. And we're calling it suboptimal pods, suboptimal pods.com, where you can go to subscribe to not just Yo! Is This Racist?, but also what we're calling our racism antidote show. It's called Yo! Can We Live?, where we talk about fun things that brown people are doing instead of the racism they're suffering. And then we're also piloting a lot of one-off pods and limited series and putting it all in an easy little subscription bundle. So check out suboptimalpods.com.

Sounds very fun to me. We're pro that. We support it. Yeah. Tawny, it's always a joy to get to talk to you. Thank you for coming on Jordan, Jesse, Go! Yeah. Tawny, it's always a joy to get to talk to you.

Thank you for coming on Jordan, Jesse Go. Jordan, Jesse Go is produced by Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can find us on Twitter at Jesse Thorne and at Jordan underscore Morris. You can go to Facebook.com slash Jordan, Jesse Go and like us there as well as join the Maximum Fun Facebook group on Facebook. You can find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. Email us jjgo at MaximumFun.org. Call us 206-984-4FUN. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design and courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records, their label. And on our way out, here's our guests Tawny Newsome and Bethany Thomas with Carry Something. here but I can see you struggling honey can I come down and help it sure looks heavy can I come down and give you a hand I see that you're straining and I don't want you to drop it

can I come down and give you my hand What can I do to help? You're way up there but I can see you waving to me What can I do to help? It must be heavy How can I make the day better for you? I'll gather materials, anything you need, you got it What can I do to give you a hand? guitar solo Can you come hold my hand? I'm way over there, but you can see me struggling, honey, carrying something heavy. Can you help?

Can you come hold me when I need a friend? We'll handle it carefully, now is the worst time to drop it. Can you come down and give me your hand guitar solo I'm always here to help To listen or give some warmth When you need it, honey We could all use some help It sure gets heavy Well, you need somebody

who understands. I'm way over here, but I won't cross the distance till you come. I come down and give you my hand. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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