Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 668: Hypernog with Ben Harrison

Episode Date: December 25, 2020

Ben Harrison (Greatest Generation podcast, Friendly Fire podcast) joins Jordan and Jesse for a Walton Noggins celebration! They talk Free Willy sequels, Star Trek horniness, and of course, nog. Ben makes three Noggins cocktails on air and gives us his pick for the official Jordan, Jesse, Go! Walton Noggins drink.   

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, aka Fanta Claus. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, I just want to get this out of the way up top. I'm just called that because I'm drinking a Fanta right now. There's no joke. There's no content to that. There's no story behind it.

Ho, ho, slurp. I just happened to have stopped at a taco stand that has a Fanta fountain. And I said, give me a small Fanta, you know? Why not throw that? I had one Al Pastor, one Asada. I said, you know, throw a Fanta in there. That's a lunch right there. What flavor of Fanta do you got?

Oh, that's an orange Fanta. Yeah, it's just a standard Fanta in there. That's a lunch right there. What flavor of Fanta do you got? Oh, that's an orange Fanta. Yeah, it's just a standard Fanta. It's not a pina or something like that. So is orange the default Fanta? At least in America. Is it possible? I mean, there are so, like Fanta is, Fanta is America's 75th most popular carbonated beverage.

But like everywhere else in the world, they're like, well, what kind of Fanta is it? Isn't it Elderberry Fanta? Is it a, you know what I mean? Like they're like, oh, sure. We have Maple Fanta here. Sure. Yeah.

It's the soccer of drinks. Hold on, Ben. You haven't been introduced. Our guest on the program who had to talk Fanta. New car Fanta? Sorry With his perfect soccer humor Is the host of many MaxFun podcasts

Including Friendly Fire and The Greatest Generation Mr. Benjamin Harrison Hi Ben Hi, sorry I just, I didn't want to risk having to drive the car all the way back for my perfect Fanta joke. Yeah, sure. You know, you guys could have gone on any tangent. I know how this show works.

Yeah, no detours. It's a straight stop. Yeah. It's a straight shot. Excuse me. No stops. What's going on with you, Jordan? Well, I was browsing.

Do you guys like a clickbait headline? Love them. I'm always shocked at like, I'll admit that my primary web browser, I have an ad blocker on it. But once in a while, I'll use an alternative web browser, and I'll be shocked. There's clickbait headlines on, like, the Washington Post. Like, you'll read, like, a Washington Post article, and at the bottom of it, it will be, like,

you can't believe how diseased Corey Feldman's penis is now. I bet I could believe it yeah if i clicked that yeah a uh a genre of clickbait headline that always works on me is um check out this list of things coming to streaming service x do you guys you guys familiar with these yeah gotta keep tabs on the comings and goings. Yeah. What's streaming? If not for Taboola, I wouldn't know what to get excited about. What's Taboola? That's one of those clickbait services.

Oh, okay. I thought Taboola was a streaming service like Pluto or Tubi. Well, they're currently mid-pivot. Right. Every episode of Tales from the Crypt is now available on taboola it's the only place you can see it you know uh so i was and especially now you know it's like you got you know you got to have something to look forward to we're all watching a lot more streaming tv so i'm like oh look i'll look at this article and i'll like oh i wanted to see that movie where Kristen Stewart goes underwater.

I'll put that on my, it's called underwater. I'll put that on my calendar. And it's actually about home mortgages. Heard Vanilla Ice flipping houses. It's a period piece about 2008. Yeah. Right. So I was looking at one of these things.

Everything coming to hbo max in december a lot of good stuff coming to hbo max in december uh frequent jordan jesse go reference demolition man coming to now on hbo max wow uh our buddy uh guy branham's talk show the game show coming to hbo max in December. So that's good. And then one that caught my eye that I definitely made sure to write down in my calendar. Free Willy, colon, Escape from Pirate's Cove. Now, this blew my mind. This is a porn movie, correct?

Yes. Pirate's Cove is a euphemism for the butthole. Yeah. You know, the old Pirate's Cove. Yeah. Free Willy, you know, the movie from our childhoods about the boy who befriends a whale. Yeah. a whale yeah uh but i guess this is just one of these movies that like has been a direct to dvd or direct to streaming franchise for years and you know you've never heard of it but they've

made fucking 10 of these things like uh the the land before time movies great example greatest example of this like the movie the land before time is pretty good sure uh i mean i it's not the greatest film in the history of animation but you know it's it's a it's a well-made and sweet animated film uh the land before time 19 is just like it is the worst it is so and only like like uh one of my kids wanted to watch The Land Before Time the other day, and my daughter, Grace, who keeps track of these things, she says, on Netflix, they have Land Before Time 18.

That's it. They just have 18. Not two through 18, even. Just 18. So I guess Free Willy is one of these things. There's the movie that came to theaters, and then they've just been cranking out willies, you know,

since 1993 or whenever. Sure. I looked on, I was on the Free Willy wiki, the Willy wiki. Would you say, Jordan, that we talk more about Demolition Man or cranking out willies on Jordan and Jesse Go? Well, who knows what 2021 holds for jordan jesse go

um and i just wanted to i wanted to read some of these free willie uh sequels that i had not heard of um and maybe maybe if you've seen them i just i don't know if the kids have watched them but i was pretty blown away by some of the territory that Free Willy has been covering. Yeah, I'll start here in 2011. Free Willy colon Rogue Porpoise. Wow. I haven't seen that one. It sounds good, though. Sounds exciting. Free Willy colon The Quantum Parallax Conundrum. Wow. Yeah, I knew that they had gone sci-fi at some point but i was surprised we did watch that one and it's more of like a taut 70s style thriller oh yeah sure like a paranoia sure i get that surveillance state uh free willie v tremors escape from Graboid Gulch. Wow.

Taking on those underground bite worms. Free Willy V. Air Bud return to Graboid Gulch. Oh. Nothing in the rules that says an orca can't play basketball. Or fight a Graboid. Would you say Graboids are the monsters from Tremors. I haven't seen the plot summaries for these, and I haven't seen these exact films. But Free Willy probably took on the Graboids, could see that it was a little much for him,

and said, I gotta get Air Bud. Right. And got Air Bud and brought him back. The golden receiver himself. Yeah, I need some help. It's like, you know, it's like Scotty Pippen and Michael Jordan. They knew they still needed Horace Grant. You know, you need a third scoring option. Is Reba McIntyre still involved with these Tremors, like late Tremors entries?

No, I think it's just Michael Gross. I think at this point Reba said see ya after the first one wisely. And now Jamie Kennedy's in there, I think. To be clear, when we say it's just Michael Gross, it's Michael Gross in a small regional theater

with a bunch of different hats. He plays all the Graboids, Man of a Thousand Vo voices uh the year after that free willie licensed to krill um which well so in this one in this one does he meet a baleen whale or become a baleen i you know i couldn't wrap my head around it i think they were just i think they did the pun first and then uh right and then, you know, kind of worked from that because yeah, as we know, orcas are toothed whales and they don't have baleen, which is necessary to eat krill.

Oh, I'm seeing the box art of this. It says krill are the disease. He's the cure. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Right there on Google image search. A year after that, Free Willy, the quest for the Hyundai accent presented by Honda. Unusual.

Would you say this is one of those TV commercials that they hired Tim and Eric to direct? Yeah, it might be that. It might be kind of a cool ad that speaks to Gen Zers or something. you know, a cool ad, you know, that speaks to Gen Zers or something. Yeah, because it's unusual that a Honda would be pushing Hyundais. Very unusual. Again, I have not seen any of these movies. Yeah.

The year after that, we had Free Willy colon stud catches stepmominshower.mov Not really sure. That one is just cranking out willies, is that correct? Yes, exactly. Free Willy colon growing up Menendez, the true story of the Menendez brothers. That one I think was adapted from the very successful podcast of the same name. Right, yeah, I think it's a true crime kind of thing. At some point, Free Willy signed a first look deal with Inside Edition.

Yeah, Inside Edition wants to get into prestige streaming docu-series now. Boy, this one's confusing. Free Willy, dorsal ex machina, pod in the machine. Boy. Oh, yeah. Is that the Vin Diesel one? I don't... So, here's...

I mean, I think they're taking deus ex machina, God in the machine, and they just added some whale shit, whales traveling pods. And I did actually look at the description of this on Wikipedia, and it says, Free Willy teams up with an escaped circus chimp to save an autumn festival in central Georgia. I don't know why you would call that movie Dorsal Ex Machina Pod in the Machine.

I mean, you have a script, but then, you know, tax incentives come into play. Right. Yeah. And then finally this year was Free Willy, The Secret of the Ooze. have a script but then you know tax incentives come into play right yeah yeah uh and then finally this year was free willie the secret of the ooze so oh thank goodness they're actually coming back for a theatrical release with this one and then they they had to cancel it and go to a vod only oh yeah and that they they really thought they were kind of rekindling the franchise but boy they pissed off christopher nolan with that too by the way yeah do you guys mind if i share a real

life anecdote that these uh free willy titles reminded me of yes well on the subject of krill um you know a lot of bad things have happened in 2020 i don't think i need to list them no please don't but uh the other day i've been taking a lot of dietary supplements lately i feel like brian de palma in 1989 just taking handfuls of b12 or whatever while i shoot the bonfire of the vanities. And the reason for this is that I've, you know, my lifestyle, my current lifestyle with my children and the pandemic and so forth is very demanding. And so I'm trying to do everything I can to prevent migraine headaches, including things that I had decided were too marginal of a benefit relative to the hassle. And so I signed up to take every type of supplement that has any evidence of being

good for migraines. And I just figure I'll just take them all at once. And if some of them aren't working, hopefully at least one of them will help some. So I now have one of those big pill organizing boxes. You know what I mean? Oh, man. Like not the once a day. I got the twice a day. And the one at Kaiser Pharmacy didn't have holes that were big enough. The slots weren't big enough.

Classic problem for me. And so I had to go on Amazon and search for like big slot pill organizers so like i'm taking dot mov and a lot and then the other thing is i gotta find somewhere to store my hgh right sure yeah you're getting jacked for uh that upcoming marvel movie right uh no i'm in one of the new free willies oh sure yeah um the physiques the physiques on those willies well i play an octopus they're incredibly strong so i have all these different pills that i have to take and that we keep them all in a cabinet in my kitchen that is also the cabinet in my kitchen that is the treat cabinet.

So it's where we keep, we don't need a ton of treats in my house, but on big kid movie night and medium kid movie night, which are Friday and Saturday nights, everybody gets a candy bowl. Not to brag, but, you know but we have candy on hand for that. And in your case, a supplement bowl? Yeah, exactly. So this is the problem that happened, is I got cocky while I was going in there to get my pills. There's enough pills in there that I have to kind of scoop them out and pour them into my palm. You know what I mean? Like there's, at this point, it's like six in the evening.

So I've got all of these pills in my palm and I look in the, and it just so happens as I'm looking at the treat cabinet, I notice that there are some Swedish fish in there. that there are some Swedish fish in there. And guys, I'm not the kind of man who's going to look at some Swedish fish without eating some Swedish fish. So I look into my hand and I see all these pills and I look at the Swedish fish.

I reach down into my hand. I take the pills that I can swallow dry. Some of them are really little. So I take the really little ones, but there's a couple of the really little ones but there's a couple of chunkers in there it's a couple of chunkers in there and i think okay i can do this like i didn't have enough hands to not store everything in one hand but i thought there's no way that i would make the mistake of mixing them up one or sweden one is swedish fish one is vitamin supplements so i just put them in sort of the finger area of my palm you know what i mean like a little further down the line and i start taking my supplements right

so i got the water on the counter i'm taking my supplements i right? So I got the water on the counter. I'm taking my supplements. I take them all. I'm like, great. Anyway, long story short, I ate instead of swallowing a fucking fish oil caplet, and I hated it so... It ruined my month.

Yeah. It was horrible. And you know what they're made of? Fucking krill. That's what they're made month. Yeah. It was horrible. And you know what they're made of? Fucking krill. That's what they're made of. Yeah. Pressed krill. Old baleen thorn over there.

Swallowing up krill. How do whales do it? Does this change how you feel about the humpback whale community? Do you know what that sound is? You know those humpback sound song of the humpback whale records that they used to have? Yeah.

It's them fucking flipping out because krill is so fucking nasty. It's whales of disgust. You can hear it for miles they're warning other whales try and eat something besides krill because krill is nasty does anyone have a stuffed cabbage oh because it's are there altoids in the ocean. Pallet cleanser.

Neat. Dry crackers. A better tasting shrimp. Prawn, maybe. Yeah. Anyway, I haven't heard any of the candidates talk about that. Yeah. Where's Reverend Warnock on that one?

Yeah. Where's Reverend Warnock on that one? Yeah. Kelly Leffler, strangely quiet on the issue of the lack of coconut crust on krill. That's a good, you know what? Business idea. I'm sick and tired of not being rich, Ben. Yeah. And given that you appearing on this show is a work for hire because you're not going to be paid, I think we now own the idea

of coconut-crusted fish oil caplets. Yeah. Get the right dipping sauce with that? Oof, that's a fun time. Yeah, maybe unlimited salad and breadsticks? Yeah. A little honey sriracha? That's good.

Ben, we have Ben here for a few good reasons. One, he's a hilarious guy and our pal. Two, later on in the show, he'll be walking us through some Walton Noggins recipes. But also, Ben, as a Star Trek expert, I wanted to ask you the thing we've been asking any Star Trek affiliated person that's been on the show. Yeah. Which, in Jordan's mind, is anyone who's been on the show.

Yeah. We have a certain pool of guests that we can draw from. Most of them are affiliated with Star Trek in some way. Right. Ben, what is the horniest Trek? Yeah, I mean, I heard Tawny Newsome float that it was Enterprise. Is that right?

Did she say Enterprise was the horniest Trek? I have not been keeping track of these, but yeah, I think that was her answer. Yeah, I've heard a fair amount of... I mean, I think someone suggested... I think this all started when we asked how horny Star Trek The Next Generation was. It's very horny. Yeah, and then it moved into what's the horniest.

I feel like when we asked that, there was a real groundswell of support on the internet, which is a computer network for Star Trek fans. In Enterprise, that's the Bacula one, right? That's the Bacula one. So I assumed that it was because, you know bacula is horny like men of a certain age i find horny simply due to the presence of bacula i mean to a lesser extent andre brower and ray romano certainly right mostly bacula he has an air of sensuality around him doesn't't he? He does. He has that proud, handsome nose. You know? Yeah.

A handsome guy with a big nose, like a big, sharp nose, that really looks good, is a very horny guy. That is a horny guy. I feel like he's not that horny of a captain, though. I don't remember Enterprise that well, but there's definitely some really horny stuff about it.

Yeah. Donnie Newsom is right. They're always like oiling each other up and getting in the quarantine after transporting. So that's some horny stuff. But I really think TOS runs away with it. I think all Star Trek is horny to one extent or another, but that original series, I mean, it was made by communists in the sixties who were like trying to revolutionize

like human culture. So we should explain Star Trek. So there's a number of Star Trek series. Star Trek TOS is Star Trek Terms of Service. It's about the future of those boxes that you click when you're required to update your software. Yeah, they're envisioning a future in which you don't sign away your ability to sue the company for wronging you. And obviously, I think you have to adjust a little bit wronging you. Yeah. I mean, and obviously I think, you know, you have to like adjust a little bit for horniness inflation, you know?

Sure. The amount of horniness that you could get away with in the 60s was, you know, relatively low compared to, you know, how horny you can be on TV now. And I do think that adjusted for horniness inflation, the original Star Trek, possibly the horniest show of all time. It's superlatively horny.

I mean, there's like, there's three side boobs per episode minimum, like contractually. And yeah, and I think that, I mean, obviously in the original series is, you know, gave birth to slash fiction, right? Like Kirk and Spock, people writing about Kirk and Spock fucking was like the birth of slash fiction, right? Like Kirk and Spock, people writing about Kirk and Spock fucking

was like the birth of slash fiction, right? I think you're right about that. I mean, and like the, like they did an HD remaster of that show and you can watch it on, you know, your streaming service of choice these days. And one thing that really stands out about it is like how beautifully made up everyone is.

Like the men and the women all have like really sexy makeup on. And I feel like that maybe didn't translate on tiny 60s era televisions. But in really high resolution, it's like very breathtaking. It's clear how sultry Shatner's eyes are. Yeah. In HD, what's to k's bulge look like oh man he's packing yeah he's packing uh i i just and we've we've also been we've been talking a lot about star wars on the show uh lately And I think something that we got into recently is the factions of Star Wars fans. It's been going on for so long,

and there's all these different versions and all these different trilogies, and some people like this one, but they hate the other one. And it's kind of just this, it's become these kind of warring you know tribes uh ben is that is there a similar thing with star trek are there like original series people who hate next generation and to the next generation people think that the deep space nine people are like

full of shit snowflakes or something like that like is there is that is that happening in the world of trek i mean yeah there's every time they release a new series there is um it launches a million reddit threads entitled not my star trek and oh boy and then oh but like i i've been to a couple of Star Trek conventions in Las Vegas now, and I am not much of a convention person. It's never really been my favorite way to spend time, but I kind of feel like as a career move, it would be stupid for me not to go now. And I actually sat in a panel that was like directly addressing the issue of Not My Star Trek. And it was like a room with 300 people sitting in it and four people up on the desk, like having a panel, a moderated panel discussion about how that's a mean idea. And everybody should be excited when new fans are brought into the fold. everybody should be excited when new fans are brought into the fold.

It was like really surprisingly positive. Like everybody that raised their hand and got handed the mic to, to ask a question or state an opinion more, you know, less of a question, more of a, more of a thought was like, yeah, I mean like one series, maybe more important to me than another, but that's okay. And I was like, I was pretty impressed by that. Do they have Star Trek IV conventions? Like, just that movie specifically? Yeah, Star Trek IV, The Voyage Home, where they save the whales.

Yeah, that's... I think that every... The sense I get is that every year the big one in Vegas is kind of themed on a specific one. Like, oh, this one is the 25th anniversary of Deep Space Nine or this one is the women of Star Trek or something like that. So there may in fact have been a Star Trek 4 themed convention, but I have not gone to it. So I wish I could report more about that. Because that's my Star Trek, just to be clear. Fish out of water comedy.

And then when Star Trek 5 came out and they went to kill God in the middle of the galaxy, you were like, not for me. This is blasphemy. No. No, I'm there for the Monterey Bay Aquarium content. Because they go to Yosemite in Star Trek V, Jesse. I mean, it's another Northern California-centric Star Trek.

And do they ride a Muni bus? Ben, how horny is a Star Trek convention? Pretty horny, I would say. I think that there are a lot of people that want to dress up in a sexy costume. And I think that I'm a happily married monogamous man, so I have not been invited to or in the presence of any secret sex parties. so I have not been invited to or in the presence of any secret sex parties, but it's inescapable that that's got to be going on when you see what some people are wearing. It seems in the spirit of our utopian future imagination. Yeah, absolutely.

There should be an original series themed sex party where everybody gets together in a hotel room and just throws foam boulders at each other. Like foam boulders that don't even look heavy. Like don't even, you can just tell they're foam. Yeah. Barely spray painted gray. Right. What's the best activity at the Star Trek convention?

I don't know. Like, I don't want to like drag it because it's really like, it's super important to a lot of people. But it's really like it's super important to a lot of people but it's mostly panels like it's mostly like a collection of cast members getting up on the stage and and like you can't believe how many people are sitting there to hear like lavar burton and gates mcfadden tell stories about auditioning for shows that aren't star trek you know like they'll they'll be up there for an hour, and it's like, here's the chief engineer

and the chief medical officer from the Enterprise-D. And what they talk about is almost nothing to do with the show. And then they take, like, 15 questions and get off the stage, and you're like, wow, that was, like, barely anything. Like, two really charming and interesting interesting people and it was almost nothing. Yeah, I mean, I think often at those conventions, the best panels are LeVar Burton's famous panels about roots. Yeah, exactly.

Let's all take a minute to acknowledge America's horrible history. Shameful. take a minute to acknowledge america's horrible history shameful um but there's like there are there are photo ops and like you can get your picture taken in 10 forward and stuff except for you can't go to 10 forward if you're not getting your picture taken and i think that that is just like such a missed opportunity like there are so many cool sets that they're like, they could spend 10% more building them out of durable materials and let people like actually walk up to the bar and order a drink from Guinan. And instead it's like this, you know, it's behind velvet ropes and there's security guards and people pay like 50 bucks to go up there and take a photo that doesn't even have a cast member in it. What materials is Guinan made out of now? I mean, she looks pretty good on The View.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, so that's what I'm talking about, right? Like, that is, like, you know, construction-grade materials. And at the Star Trek convention, we're talking, like, corrugated cardboard. By the way, Sister Act, that's my Star Trek. we're talking like corrugated cardboard. By the way, Sister Act, that's my Star Trek. My Star Trek is Free Willy colon Star Trek. I mean, I don't think that would be an inaccurate title for Star Trek 4.

That's true, yeah. It was kind of the first Free Willy in a way. Right. It's like how there's all those secret Cloverfield movies. Yeah. Star Trek's a secret Free Willy movie. Or vice versa, I guess. Well, listen, we've got to take a break because we've got to make some time.

Ben's a cocktail nut and a cocktail podcaster, and he's going to help us taste some of your Walton Noggins recipes. So we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. Welcome back to Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris,

boy detective, Ben Harrison, nog daddy. Oh yeah. He is the, he's the original nog daddy. By the way, jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective ben harrison nog daddy oh yeah he is the he's the original nog daddy by the way apologies if anyone listening can hear uh repeated thunks in the background i i do not uh record in like uh like an industrial set from the closing of an action film from 1992. Instead, there are people building a house immediately outside my house. So the banging is very intense right now. Walton Goggins is a real hero of ours on Jordan, Jesse, Go.

We love his committed acting performances. We love his comedic turns. The phrase running through the house with a pickle in my mouth. Yep. And of course, we love and appreciate his spirits.

Walton Goggins has a vodka, among other liquors. And last week on the program, two weeks ago on the program, three weeks ago on the program, I honestly don't remember, Jordan brought up the question of what exactly

constitutes Walton Noggins. Of course, Walton Noggins implies some kind of combination of Walton Goggins and Nog, but it's not entirely clear exactly what that combination is. So we threw it out to you, our audience, and we got a pretty impressive volume of responses. In fact, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, our producer, is here with us. Brian, you took a look at some of these Walton Noggins recipes and ideas. What was your general takeaway from them? You know, people really were pretty creative with it. One person sent in a Walton Noggins custard pie. Oh. You know, people really were pretty creative with it. One person sent in a Walton Noggins custard pie. Oh. You know, they kind of played with the theme a little bit.

I think that's the only one that had vodka in it, right? Yeah, I think it is actually the only one with vodka. All the others had whiskey or the gin. I like a custard pie. Oh, sure. Great kind of pie. Good type of pie. If you can be in a group situation and there's one custard pie and then like a more traditional fruit kind of crust pie and you can have bites of each, that's a fucking dessert right there.

That's living, brother. That is living. I mean, Jordan, I think anytime you can have multiple pies. It doesn't even have to be a custard pie. You don't have to be in a group situation. Just any time you have access to multiple pies is a good time. Yeah, I just want to have access to multiple pies while someone hurls foam boulders at me. Is that too much to ask? You know, in New York City, $200 an hour, you can make it happen. All right. It's like one of those things that you debate whether or not to put in your Tinder profile. Yeah, right. Is that a

third date discussion that you have? Or is that something you let them know? Or do I need to kind of lead with that to filter out people that... You know, Jordan, that's what experts call CBT. Sure. So yeah, we got a lot of good stuff. Some Photoshopops um an awesome uh youtube video

from uh the youtuber i believe uncle pete's cocktail shop yeah he's a real uncle pete too uncle pete uh yeah we uh put that over on the facebook page if people want to watch that uncle pete wears so many jordan jesse go t-shirts available at maxfundstore.com, by the way. He wears so many Jordan Jesse Go t-shirts that I wondered if he had other types of t-shirts. One t-shirt guy, one t-shirt style man. Yeah. I feel like he could have really impressed us if he wore that bootleg Jordan Jesse Go t-shirt that somebody wore to Max FunCon one time. Oh, yeah. We got like a Fugazi policy on this. Was it like me and Jesse kicking Saddam Hussein

or something like that? What was it? It says Air Bart. Right. It's just us slam dunking and... Yeah, yeah. Jordan Jesse Go Mon. While chugging Del Monte fashion peas.

So, Ben, you chose three that you thought were, you know, contenders for best recipe. Yeah, well, I thought I might make them on mic because I, like, I couldn't, I didn't have, I just finished recording Greatest Discovery right before we sat down for this, and I had to, like, get together the ingredients for these things. And I literally have a folding table set up next to my desk here that has three dozen items on it because of how many different things are in some of these recipes. Love it.

So if you guys are cool with that as a setup, I'm happy to start mixing here on mic. Yeah. I mean, the honest truth, Ben, is that you're asking us to fill time and that's all we do. That's the show. I mean, there's not, we don't have another skill set. I said, what would play to Jordan and Jesse's strengths? And this seemed pretty good. What will lead them into a 20-minute story about pears? Yeah. I mean, I literally just did 15 minutes on one bite of one pill. So that's all we've got.

And don't think it had punchlines in it. I don't remember any. So we're going to start with number two here. This is from Bill Edvane, right? Ben, is that the one you're cooking up first? Yes. Yeah. And so this one is a twist on a Ramos Gin Fizz, which is very famous among cocktail nerds like me because the original recipe, it was from some bar in like New Orleans around the turn of the century, I want to say. And famously, they shook the drink in a cocktail shaker for 12 to 15 minutes before serving it.

And I have never heard anybody plausibly defend why that would be necessary. But what Bill has done is kind of... Are you sure this wasn't before the Civil War? I think it is named after the bartender that made it. So I don't know. I mean, this guy must have been really jacked. That guy must have had some lean strength. A live bartender. So I'll read his

intro here, Ben, while you get started. This is from Bill Edevane here. Here's what I came up with. It's not a traditional eggnog, because as we all know that Walton Goggins is anything but a regular run-of-the-mill actor. He deserves something as unique as his Mulholland New World gin.

Yeah. This is a take on a Ramos Gin Fizz. Instead of the normal simple syrup, I'm adding a take on a gingerbread simple syrup that I found on Serious Eats years ago. This cocktail is originally from New Orleans, home of celebrity chef Paul Perdomo. It's a gin fizz base,

but adding the shaken egg white, heavy cream, and Topo Chico creates a levitating layer of foam that ends up like a meringue ice cream soda, but with, you know, gin. Yeah, so this is, so yeah, so it has a recipe here for the kind of the base, and then the gingerbread syrup.

Yeah, this is very involved. A lot of ingredients, but it seems like it would be really delicious. Yeah, I made the gingerbread syrup last night. I was very pleased that I had everything on this recipe already in my kitchen

except for cloves. So I happened to be going to the grocery store and I picked up some cloves. But this is the kind of cocktail nerd I am. You didn't just stop by a teenage goth's house? Clove cigarettes. You should take one of those apart and dump it in the drink. Do clove cigarettes have tobacco in them or is it?

No, that's why you can smoke when there's like a live stage performance that requires a character to smoke cigarettes. They tend to smoke clove cigarettes because they don't have tobacco in them and they're thus not illegal to smoke indoors in a business uh so we got to but don't they like burn holes in your lungs that was that was definitely the rumor at the time yeah uh two ounces two ounces mulholland new world gin one ounce gingerbread syrup half ounce lemon juice half ounce orange juice pulp, one large egg white pasteurized, one and a half ounce heavy cream, four ounces Topo Chico chilled, one cocktail shaker, one Collins glass chilled, eight ounces of ice. I hear the shaking happening.

So I guess in 14 or 15 minutes, we'll get to hear what. This is the part where you guys fill time. Pretty soon Ben's gonna have those Madonna arms so Jesse and Ben I'll let you weigh in on this too. I was thinking in this whole process I

have yet to mention my favorite holiday cocktail. I like a nog but to me the king will always be the hot toddy. And I was thinking about what the hot toddy would be, and I've narrowed it down to either Walton Toggins or Walton Goggy. Well, Walton Goggy is already what I call him in my little head. Sure.

When I'm reminiscing fondly about running through the house with a pickle in my mouth. I think Dr. Fauci might actually call him that as well. All right, don't get Fauci out here. If we say his name three times, he appears. Not that shake. Oh, there's that classic film sound effect. The gingerbread syrup is, I should mention, one cup brown sugar, one cup water,

one inch piece of ginger, eight whole cloves, two cinnamon sticks, half teaspoon of allspice berries, half of a whole nutmeg chopped, or a half teaspoon of ground nutmeg. Yeah, Ben, how's it coming over there? Are you ready to taste? All right, so I've put Topo Chico in the glass,

and then he wants me to strain the mixture over that and then add a bit more Topo Chico. You got to top it off. Straining. This is not as foamy as it would be if I'd shaken it for 15 minutes. So I guess that. All right. So, so note that audience.

Note, note that the, uh, the shaking, uh, time, uh, was perhaps inadequate. This is by far, I think the most involved cocktail that we're making today. The other ones are a little more cut and dry. Uh, it's. They're less boring to listen to. It's no pie. It's certainly not a pie, but it does have a lot of steps to it. Yeah. Oh, this is great. Tell us what you're experiencing. So I would say that it is surprisingly eggnoggy given the fact that it doesn't have

a basic eggnog-y given the fact that it doesn't have a basic eggnog recipe to it and the fact that it's gin and not whiskey. I think that it's that gingerbread syrup that's doing that, I gotta say. It certainly sounded like a heavily spiced syrup. I mean, it was like a mulled wine recipe or something. Yeah, yeah. And I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of that syrup. I mean, I guess I'll just have to make more and more of these until I'm done with it. But yeah, this is a good drink.

It's lighter and more refreshing, I would say, than eggnog typically is. And I guess that's because of the citrus part and the Topo Chico. Okay. I recommend. So we've got a good candidate. Our next one is from Lisa Stewart. Yes. So this is just called Walton Noggins. It is accompanied by a pretty beautiful Photoshop of Walton in a Christmas turtleneck. We'll throw that up there on the Facebook page

if you want to see the great Photoshop. Ingredients here... Ben, did you just pop a cork out of something or did you hire the Prairie Home Companion sound effects guy to hang out with you? Yeah, great cork pop. Yeah, a little of column A, a little of column B. Got it.

So the ingredients here, one cup Mulholland American whiskey, one large egg, one cup granulated sugar, a half teaspoon of nutmeg, a quarter teaspoon of cinnamon, two cups whole milk, one cup heavy cream. And here's the thing I think might be a problem, Ben. Assorted unicorn toppings. I know you're a cocktail nerd. Did you have assorted unicorn toppings on hand? I unfortunately did not. And I even looked for them at the grocery store, but I went to a Whole Foods in Pasadena, and they didn't really have anything

in the, like, colorful neon candy variety. So this is one area that I've failed on, but I felt like this is, like, the most traditional Walton Noggins recipe that anyone sent in, and I felt like we should have this as a control group at the very least you know can i tell you something about that pasadena whole foods ben and i live in the same neighborhood so that is also the the closest

whole foods to me i'm not a regular whole food shopper but i'll go there once in a while and once a couple years ago i was there and i ran into maria bamford and her husband and uh now i can't go there because i know i probably won't run into maria bamford and it'll be a disappointment oh man i mean different things ruin whole foods for different people uh for some, it's the price. For some, it's the fact that you can't buy a Coke there for some reason. For some, it's their association with the evil corporation of Amazon. You've got eight brands of quinoa, but they can't bring in Coke.

And the threat of Karen-ing. It's the number one place to get Karen-ed. Yeah. Yeah. I have honestly been liking that grocery store the most lately just because almost no one goes to it. And so it feels not dangerous to shop in. I feel like... I know I'm paying like 50% more for everything, but I'm also not catching coronavirus. I feel like I could go in there and be like, oh, do you have two two kinds of mandarins and they're like oh of course

i'm like uh can i get um can i get imported turmeric i'm tired of domestic turmeric and they'd be like yes yes of course and i'd be like do you have kind of blue miles davis's classic album on lp and they'd say yes thank you yes you, yes. And I'd be like, do you have Coca-Cola, America's most popular drink? And they would say no. I don't know why it upsets me so much that they don't have Coke at Whole Foods, but it really does.

But we do have a main root cola. Yeah, exactly. With 0.5% alcohol by volume. What? Yeah. I'll read the, I neglected to read the instructions here on this. It's only three bullet points.

One, make eggnog. Two, decorate like unicorn. Three, enjoy. It's like that Jeff Goldblum Apple commercial. There is no step three. What I like about this is it really captures the Walton Goggins brand. Well, I guess this is off his CBS sitcom, The Unicorn. I guess that's kind of what they're hitting hard here.

I think of that as a Rob Corddry sitcom, of course, but you're right. I think of it as a Helen Hong vehicle. Yeah. God, that makes me realize that not decorating with unicorn stuff is totally kneecapping the entire point of this drink um now ben do you make nog yourself at home in in ordinary life i do uh i didn't do one this year but a couple of times in the past uh the like the original version of egg nog is a drink that you make in like august and then set aside until the holidays and it's like it's full of cream and raw eggs but also enough sugar and booze that it is self-preserved wow and and so it's like i think it's kind of i think that

there is a an element of toxic masculinity in like internet culture surrounding this because it's like i can't believe you are brave enough to drink this thing that should by all rights kill you uh but it is really like delicious and it's, it's like a very old thing. Like there are there, like you can find the, uh, George Washington recipe for, for eggnog that you put in a, in a jug and set aside on the internet. I mean, the thing that impresses me about cocktail history, having talked to Dr. Cocktail himself about it in the past is just how recently all cocktails stopped involving milk does it used to be a way to use milk or something i don't but like it's only in

like 1974 did they stop making all cocktails with milk yeah Yeah. I mean, I think that stopping using milk all the time roughly coincided with stopping thinking it was medicine for a lot of people. A cure for the vapors. Which maybe that's a case you could make to the Whole Foods. Coca-Cola is medicine. Yeah. Put it in the supplement aisle. It was designed by a pharmacist. It gives pregnant

women pep or something. Alright, gonna try this Walton Noggins now. Yeah, let's hear what you think. Well, it's just dandy, gentlemen. Wow! I think that the Mulholland American Whiskey is a nice way to spike a nog.

But this recipe, I feel like, would be good unspiked if you're a person that is curious about eggnog, but have only tried gross, synthetic-tasting, store-bought eggnog. Make Lisa's recipe at home, and you might be pleasantly surprised. Or you might think it's gross. Like, some people think it's gross. Like some people think it's gross. When you make nog at home, do you make a custard or do you eat the eggs and so forth raw? I have never done the like pasteurized version of eggnog. I one time brought a big huge bowl of eggnog with probably 80 servings in it to a holiday party at a film production company that I had directed a couple of things for and let just a room full of strangers drink it.

And about halfway through the party, it hit me like what a colossal liability I had just inflicted on people because they probably assumed. But also, like, I don't think that raw eggs get people sick that much. Right. I'm sure it happens, but, like, when you're told by your parents not to eat raw cookie dough, the pathogen that is most likely to get you, I think, is in the flour and not the eggs. Hmm. So why do you—tell me about flouring your nog. Do you make a roux first?

Is that how it works? Yeah, I mean, like you can, it is basically like a recipe for custard, so if you put it in a saucepan and bring it up to heat and like keep it moving, it shouldn't set up and then you can either cool it off or serve it warm. And I think that's all perfectly valid.

How do you think this drink would be affected by the presence of assorted unicorn toppings? I am thinking about that, and I'm thinking enough candy to mimic the Photoshopped version of this drink would be getting in my way of drinking it, and I would be mad at the candy. And I don't want to be mad at candy. Yeah, you don't need that.

All right, well, should we move on to our final noggins? Yeah, and this is the one that has the YouTube video associated with it. Yes, this is from Uncle Pete himself, a delightful video. Yeah, let's see. So here's the recipe. It is two ounces of bourbon, one ounce of Manzanilla sherry. Manzanilla sherry? Ben, I don't know what that is.

Is that something? I think that is a variety of sherry from a part of Spain. I think it's Manzanilla. And I think that's just like the part of Spain that they make it. 0.5 ounces of simple syrup, 0.5 ounces all-spice dram, 1 ounce of heavy cream, and 1 egg.

Dry shake and wet shake. Strain into glass. Garnish with nutmeg. Your friend Uncle Pete from Portland, Oregon. Yeah, no shit if you're from Portland. Anyway. Jordan, come on. It's possible that he could have been from Portland, Oregon. Yeah, no shit if you're from Portland. Anyway. Jordan, come on. It's possible that he could have been from Portland, Maine.

It's true. You know what? You're right. You're absolutely right. It is equally, equally possible. And I, I, I, I, I just, Pete, of course, this was a fantastic video and a fantastic recipe.

We thank you for making it. I visited Jordan, Portland, Maine, uh, last year on judge John Hodgman tour. Cause of course, John's, uh, greatest dream is to become a full-time professional Maine humorist.

Sure. And, uh, Portland, Maine is a, is a wonderful city, uh, downtown.

It has like a minor league hockey stadium, uh, and then a big long main drag, which only has vintage stores. Is the only business in downtown Portland, Maine is vintage stores. Sounds terrific. I would like to go. It was pretty great, honestly. Wouldn't you say every street in Portland, Maine is a main drag, Jesse?

Hey. Nice. Nice. Doesn't sound like a drag, Jesse. Hey! Nice! Nice! Doesn't sound like a drag at all. It sounds fun. It sounds delightful. So, Ben, did you have to shop for some, was this stuff that you had on hand, the Manzanilla sherry? I did not have the sherry,

and I didn't realize that until kind of late last night, and I made kind of a last-minute BevMo run for this. until kind of late last night, and I made kind of a last-minute BevMo run for this. So that was the one hole in my plan. But I did have allspice dram already. It's a great dram. One of the top drams, wouldn't you say?

It is one of the top drams. I love tiki drinks, and allspice dram shows up at those, which is kind of the rare crossover between holiday flavor and tiki flavor is allspice and i guess i guess nutmeg shows up too what would you say are your top drams oh boy uh i mean i love uh a wee dram I love a big dram I love a drama dairy Sure Going for a ride on a drama dairy seems fun I mean, nothing wrong with rap singer Big Baby Dram The man behind the hit single Broccoli

This says to dry shake and wet shake I guess guess i don't know what those are ben what's the difference between a dry shake and a wet shake it's just without ice and then with ice and the the idea is that your i think your egg is gonna like coagulate too much if ice is in there and it won't it won't break up and become a smooth element of the rest of the drink if it's too cold. So you dry shake first to kind of whip the egg, and then you add the ice and that cools the drink down and adds water to it to make it a little bit more palatable. Now, when you're doing these cocktail shakes, are you bringing them up, like, over by your ear, like in a movie?

Or do you do it, like, in front of you, like a normal person would do? I'm trying to, I'm really trying to show off for the squirrels that are running around outside my window right now. Squirrels love flair bartending. Yeah. There's one thing I know about squirrels.

Hard to find a squirrel outside of a Tgi friday tom cruise has a loyal army of squirrels oh man and he really gives them the business when they fuck up yeah yeah when when the squirrels are not social distancing properly he uh but every year at christmas the jobs of thousands of hollywood professionals at their feet every year at christmas uh the squirrels get together and get him a vintage motorcycle. That's nice. Yeah. He just, you know, he just cares a lot, you know? Yeah.

And he can make diseases go away with his mind. I mean, it takes a lot of caring to do that, Ben. That doesn't happen to the indifferent. It does not. No. You got to get way up that ladder. So this Pete's Walton Noggins, I was kind of drawn to because of the addition of sherry.

I would not think to put a fortified wine in an eggnog myself. And I thought that that was an interesting idea. And I think that this is like something, if I saw it on a menu at a fancy cocktail bar, I would order one of and then order something else and not be like upset that I had it. But it's also not, it's not something I'm coming back for over and over again, if that makes sense. But yeah, I think it's good. It's a, it's a drink with a lot of merit and I'm, uh, I know I'm, I sound like I'm trying not to drag Pete. Uh, I think it's, I, I do genuinely think it's good. It just, I don't think it quite does what I want my

eggnog to do, which is to be something that I regret having drunk the third of. I feel like... Because I just had like 3,000 calories of heavy cream. I feel like as a cocktail YouTuber, Uncle Pete may be showing off for the camera a little bit with this sherry move. He's like, yeah, sure, anyone can make a creamy eggnoggy eggnog drink. I can make one with this weird dessert wine. Yeah, right.

We're taking eggnog to Spain. Yeah. So, Ben, are you ready to render a judgment on what will be the canonical Walton Noggins? We've had a couple. We have a lot of possibilities, but is there something that you feel like was not only the most delicious, but just has kind of a Goggins-y vibe that you think the drinker can get from the drink? Yeah, I'm a little disappointed, honestly. I have to say this, just in my evaluation, not having had these drinks, I'm disappointed that none of our submissions involved walking through the house with a pickle in your mouth yeah

that is a shame I enjoyed all three of these I think that I want to give it to the Righteous Gingerbread Noggins just for being kind of an unexpected delight I thought this one had long odds to being a tasty beverage,

and it defied all of my expectations. And I think that's really what typifies Walton Goggins. He's always going to go out there and do something more delightful than you thought he could. You'd never expect him to make anything less than a bold choice. Right. Yeah. Right.

Absolutely. Well, congratulations, Bill Edivane. And thank you to everybody who sent us a Walton Noggins recipe. I think it really speaks to the funness and creativity of our audience. And thank you to everybody who comes through and does something for these weird, poorly thought out call outs that we sometimes do. I've just admired the fact that you guys put together a PDF of all the submissions and then we like actually tried them out. Like, this is cool. Yeah, that was all Brian Fernandez.

Shout out to Brian Fernandez for making this segment happen. And just in general, shout out to Brian for picking up the pieces when we half-ass a segment on the show. Yeah. When we make an announcement with no plan to back it up. Well, yeah. Should we let Ben chug the rest of his nog and then come back and take these to the dome? Take them to the dome. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jesse Gough.

Hi, I'm Joe Firestone. And I'm Manolo Moreno. And we host After Game Show, a podcast where listeners submit games and we play them regardless of quality with a dozen listeners from around the world. We've had folks call in from as far as Sweden, South Africa, and the Philippines. Here's an example. This is a game we called

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Podcast. Podcast. Meow. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Ben Harrison getting day drunk on three different kinds of nogs. Yeah. Yeah, triple noggin it.

How are they playing inside your tum-tum? They're friends. They're friends down there. That's the ultimate mixed drink. Yeah. The one you make yourself. Just thought about dumping all of the leavens into a blender and making a kind of a hyper nog.

Yeah. Oh, wow, yeah. I mean, the scientists said it couldn't be done. Right. No, they didn't say it couldn't be done. They said it couldn't be done right no they didn't say it couldn't be done they said it shouldn't be done don't play god free willy colon hyper nog right yeah yeah coming written by michael crichton posthumously written by michael crichton it's based on a story he had published in Omni magazine. Oh.

The early 70s. Okay, here's the deal. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN. This person has done that, and now we will hear what they have to say for themselves. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and I hope Eugene Merman. Sorry.

I was fixing a lock at the rhino barn at my local zoo, and I got to see a newborn baby rhino. Whoa. First of all, congratulations on keeping it pithy. Second of all, congratulations on reusing the same anecdote on both Jordan, Jesse, go and stop podcasting yourself. Oh no, a double dipper. But, but different angles,

Rashomon style on the same anecdote. The point wasn't the birth of the baby in the stop podcasting yourself. One, it was something he overheard a child say while he was fixing this lock at the zoo. He's just out at the zoo paying attention. He's got his ears open. And I mean, the only problem here is that obviously what we should be talking about is what Graham on Stop Podcasting Yourself immediately brought up,

which is that the most important part of this is that they have to bring someone in to fix the locks at the zoo which means the locks at the zoo are broken uh i hate to break this to you jesse but actually uh this is this this guy is calling into next week's uh john hodgman um him and the rhino are arguing about how you split a check the rhinoceros thinks that he shouldn't tip for some reason right exactly they should put it into the total yeah if you don't tip we'll get universal health care oh boy no rhino full of bad takes, that Rhino. That's the kind of thing these guys say. That'd be a new character on the show, Bad Take Rhino. Yeah.

What animal would you most like to see born? I can remember there being a... Maybe like the Craig Kilborn Daily Show. Didn't they have a video of a rhino being born that they would just replay over and over again? And that was kind of like a... Do you guys remember that? Am I making this up? That seems entirely possible. Yeah. So when I think of baby rhinos, that image comes to me and I am immediately grossed out. I cannot think that a baby rhino is cute because i know what it's like when the placenta dumps out onto him you know i as a movement conservative i hate rhinos in all stripes

i mean bad take rhino i think all rhinos have bad all right yeah um when i was uh when i was in high school i worked in uh i worked on the the tech crew at the san francisco opera and the uh and the san francisco symphony and at the opera like all the dudes there were union tech crew guys. And some of them were opera people. Some of them weren't. But most of them worked not during the opera season on productions. And the anecdote that I remember the most, other than they all worked on Nash Bridges

and they all loved Cheech and hated Don Johnson, was one guy told me that Craig Kilbourne, who I don't know if he's become problematic. I have not followed his career closely, but I will say I've often laughed at Craig Kilbourne's shtick. It's very funny to me. Craig Kilbourne on the Late Late Show, when he hosted the Late Late Show,

had in his desk, his onstage desk, a little hand mirror. And during the commercial breaks, he would just look at himself in the hand mirror. Oh, that's great. I mean, just magic, you know? It's like when Goggins is running through the house with a pickle in his mouth. It just fits. Sure. Let's take one more call.

Hi, Jordan, Jessica. This is a momentous occasion. My wife was walking down the road in Charlottesville on the downtown mall, and she heard someone say, this is the first time I'm ever going to a pet gender reveal party. Thanks. What?

Wait, was she going to say tet offensive? Man. I would say that as far as super spreader events go, pet gender reveal is the dumbest one I've heard of yet. It also is going to cause a wildfire for some reason. Yeah. I have yet to be invited to a gender reveal party, but in my family, I had multiple uh revelatory genders so um you know speaks to the problematics of the gender reveal party i think well just because your party budget is going through the roof right keep having to throw new parties um i when that guy said uh my wife was

walking down the and then paused i totally thought he was going to say aisle. And I thought this call was going in a whole different direction. Oh, yeah. We haven't had, we haven't had, uh, left at the altar, right? No. That would be great. That would be nice. If you, I mean, obviously not nice for, for, for you, the person who's been left, but I mean, good for us content wise.

Unless you're doing the leaving and it was the right decision. Yeah, there you go. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests, this is Prince Valium from Spaceballs. Wow! Is Pizza the Hut there? Can we

talk to yogurt? He was at the bachelor party, but he couldn't make the ceremony. Oh, yeah. It happens. Okay. When something momentous happens to you, 206-984-4FUN is the number to call. Or you can just send a voice memo to JJGo at MaximumFun.org.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, boy detective. Ben Harrison, I'm starting to wonder if I have a nog problem. No such thing. No such thing. You're gonna have to go to NA. It's not Narcotics Anonymous in this case. It's Nogs Anonymous. I will say that I might have a nog problem. And the evidence for that is when I went to the grocery store the other day, I went to pick up some nog. And not only were they, and they were out of the fancy nog that comes in the glass bottle. They were out of grocery store nog. And so I just bought the Southern Comfort branded nog. Oh, no. And I already knew that that nog sucks.

In fact, it's even worse than just the grocery store brand Nog. Yeah. But I bought it anyway because I needed to have Nog. Wow. Mm-hmm. Gotta have that Nog. Gotta have that Nog. Okay, Ben, what's the most fun movie that you've covered on Friendly Fire lately?

Oh, that is a great question. Well, actually, probably by the time this episode comes out, we will have released our episode about A Midnight Clear, which is a weird Christmas movie slash World War II Battle of the Bulge movie. Wow. It has everything. Yeah, and it's also Gary Sinise's film debut. And it has, like, I want to say like Ethan Hawke and... And Free Willy, right? Yeah. He's in the sequel.

A Midnight Clear colon return to Pirates Cove. The Pirates, I should clarify on that bit. The Pirates Cove one is real. The Pirates Cove one is actually something you can watch on hb max i think amazing well i know what i'm doing next i'm i'm finishing these nogs and watching that there you go have yourself a day yeah but it's it's a movie like i i surprisingly really liked it's uh uh i don't know it's a strange one. And coming up pretty soon is Duck Soup, which is a movie I didn't realize was a war movie until it came up on our dice roll on that show.

But it is. And revisiting a film from 1933 and laughing your butt off at it is a pretty amazing experience. It is amazing how the Marx Brothers movies are funny. You know, like, I feel like, you know, when you watch a, like, you know, when you sit down to watch an old comedy, you know, it feels a little bit like homework. It's like, oh, this was influential, and I'll kind of, like, appreciate, you know, the performances,

or I'll appreciate, like, oh, this led to this, which led to this. And we're talking here about, like, Elf. We're not even talking about a movie from the 50s or something. Right, yeah. Right, right. Yeah, Neighbors 2. But yeah, those Marx Brothers classics have been kind of rotating on Turner Classic movies lately. And they are, like, you legitimately laugh at them like you would laugh at Popstar or something like that.

It's amazing. Seven out of every eight jokes is still really funny, and the eighth one is surprisingly racist. Yeah, right. Yeah, some light, heavy, some heavy-ish turn-of-the-century problematic shit in it. But as far as if you can do that mental gymnastics uh to get past that stuff boy a lot of laughs jordan jesse go your place for cold takes the marx brothers

movies are funny it is amazing that in those marx brothers movies um how clear it is. I mean, the secondary amazing thing after how genuinely funny they are 85 years later is how obviously they are just vaudeville shows being shot with a camera. Right. Because they just have intermittent breaks for someone to play piano for a while. Yeah, you're like, why did everybody change costumes in this scene for no reason yeah just because it's like an amazing thing that they did yeah i have to say uh i was watching last night the philadelphia story which i had never seen before oh yeah sure i did that uh two months ago and that shit is really fucking funny yeah Yeah, it's good. I was like, this is really,

and you know, like I had watched relatively recently, I watched, what's the one about the, what's the one about the tiger that's on the loose? Bringing Up Baby.

Bringing Up Baby. I watched Bringing Up Baby and it was fine, but I didn't, I didn't really laugh at it very much and I was a little annoyed by it. I mean,

I, I, if it's your flavor of thing, I have no, I cast no aspersions upon you didn't i didn't really laugh at it very much and i was a little annoyed by it um i mean i i under if it's your flavor of thing i have no i i cast no aspersions upon you for for that being your flavor of thing but it wasn't for me and i was a little worried that philadelphia story is going to be like that which because i had never seen it and uh there's this immediately there's this part where jimmy stewart is complaining about his magazine job and he storms into the publisher's office and he says, and he says, Mr. Pibb or whatever his name is, you've been giving me an unfair deal.

You've been treating me like you treat all your writers. That's a great, fucking great joke. And that's where the soda Mr. Pibb came from. Yeah, exactly. That's where that came from. Ben Harrison, of course course the host of multiple star

trek podcasts right here on maximum fun.org so if you're a trek fan as they like to be called uh then you can find a star trek for whatever your uh flavor of star trek is i'm i'm still looking forward to when he invites me to do a podcast about Star Trek 4. Hasn't happened yet. Well, that's actually probably going to be our next tour. We're probably, if you know, pandemic permitting, the next time we go out on the road, we've worked our way through

the Star Trek movies up to Star Trek 4. And yeah, maybe we should get a remote segment from Jesse Thorne to play during that show. Yeah, I mean, as long as there's only brown M&Ms, I'm in. Okay, all right. Well, Ben, it's always a joy to have you on the program.

We'll have all those Nog recipes on the Maximum Fun Reddit, maximumfun..reddit.com, and on Facebook, where you can like Jordan, Jesse, Go, and join the Maximum Fun Facebook group. We are on Twitter, at Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore Morris, with the hashtag JJGo. We're also on Instagram, at Jordan Morris and at put.this.on. Our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez.

Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design. And our friends at Light in the Attic Records, our thanks to them. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. Happy holidays. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.