Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 674: From Cowboy to Kaiju with Rhea Butcher

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

Rhea Butcher (Pull Yourself Up By Your Bootleg Album, Three Swings Podcast) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the hottest movie take Jordan has ever heard, the rich aficionados who keep kaiju action figure makers in business, and the sandwich Jesse wants named after him at the deli that names sandwiches after NPR hosts. Get Rhea's new album Pull Yourself Up By Your Bootleg!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, mine ears have heard the hottest take. Oh, well, mine ears have heard the glory of the Lord. Well, aren't you special? Congratulations. May you forever bask in his... Praise be, Jordan.

What is the hottest take? Because I felt like I had brought it to the table earlier this week on Twitter when I said gelato is just chewy ice cream. You know, that is a hot take for a cold dessert. Yeah. Wait, is that pro or anti-gelato? I can't really tell. I mean, look, I'm anti-gelato relative to ice cream. I'm not anti-gelato over...

Like, if you said to me, you can have some gelato or not have anything, no treat, then I would say, please give me some gelato as a treat. But yeah, I mean, given the choice between a good ice cream and a gelato, I'm going to go with the ice cream every time. Gelato's weirdly smooth. It gives me the creeps. Okay. It's too dense.

I don't know how they... Why is it so dense? Yeah, I don't know. That's a good question. Perhaps it has something to hide. Yeah, I mean, perhaps it passed the event horizon of a black hole. How did that go over on Twitter? Did you get a lot of Italian blowback? Yes. Oh, man, the temptation to do a broad Italian accent right now is overwhelming me. Come on. Generally speaking, it was about 60-40 supportive, I would say. I think most people realize that gelato is just a trick by the Whole Foods Industrial Complex to trick us into thinking something is fancier when it's not actually particularly fancier.

It's just from a European country that isn't America. You know what I like about gelato? The little spoons. Now, look. The little, like, plastic spoon? The little spoons. Now look. They give you the little like plastic spoon. It's usually a fun color. I'll be the last one to tell you that you shouldn't appreciate that little spoon. It's a lot of fun unless they give you the wooden one.

Don't like a little wooden spoon. Oh, yeah? Also, don't like popsicle sticks. Because it reminds you of Pinocchio's dick. Yes. God. I know your breakup with Pinocchio was very hard on you, I realize. Jordan, I'll never get a dick like that again.

No, I know. Oh, lie to me again, Pinocchio. Jesse, you deserve to be with someone who's straight with you. Yeah. I want to talk about the hot take I heard. It basically blew my mind, but I think our guest should be here for this. I know we usually chat a little bit at the top of the show. Brian's going to cut out that whole gelato thing.

So if you, I think we should introduce our guest. I think they'll have something to say about this take, which I was scorched by, frankly. Okay. I'm looking forward to this. I'm excited to hear what this take is, and I'm excited to speak to this guest. They're a longtime friend of ours,

longtime friend of our program, a beloved stand-up comedian. They're a former marginal professional skateboarder. They have a brand-new album on the way called Pull Yourself Up by Your Bootleg. Rhea Butcher is our guest. Hey, buddy. What's up?

Oh, man, beloved. Yeah. Also, marginally professional, that's accurate. I was a professional skateboarder from the year 2003 to 2003. Good year, though. Good year for skating. It was a good year, yeah, like right around the Tony Hawk years, you know? The pro skater years.

I think we have talked about this on the show before, but what was the extent of your professional skating? Was it like flats of energy drinks or like do tour placement? What was, where did it fall? Sure. Oh, Jordan, I wish it was that extravagant, but it was simply that I was put on, like a friend was making wheels at a wheel company that they were trying to start.

So they made me a pro so that they were trying to start so they made me a pro so that i could enter the vans triple crown contest okay and skate in that which i did and lost to a child but whatever everything's fine i have a great story that i can tell for the rest of my life i mean last one to win that if i'm not mistaken, is Carl Yastremski. Is that correct? Yeah, absolutely. It's me and Yaz. And that child went on to roll his ankle and work at a burrito place.

Absolutely, yeah. I just got some tacos from Hugo's and I think it was the same kid. Makes a good taco, though. Makes a great taco. Roll your ankle, roll a taco. Oh, sure. Yeah. It makes a great taco. Roll your ankle, roll a taco. Oh, sure. Yeah, they can both be rolled.

This is fun. It is fun. Is the gelato conversation leaving? Because I had so many thoughts. No, we can go back. I've got this hot take thing in the chamber. Okay, great. I mean, I don't want to cool it down or waste too

much time honestly it is so it's this is going to be a scorching take in march okay great so uh yeah all right yeah no let's i would i would love to hear your gelato opinion pro con you think it's too smooth i mean i i think i'm gelato neutral but i think it it does depend on the ice cream that it's going up against i I waver slightly from Jesse's choices but just simply that there are some ice cream that I will go to gelato for. It's so pretty but that doesn't necessarily mean I want to eat it

because it does have eggs in it and that squeegees me out every time. I'm just like, there's eggs in this and there's eggs in other things that it doesn't bother me. A lot of ice creams have eggs in it right and that squeegees me out every time and i'm just like there's eggs in this and there's eggs and other things that it doesn't bother me but a lot of ice creams have eggs in them a lot of ice don't tell me this right now well yeah see that's the thing is i don't like custard based ice cream not a fan interesting it's richer i prefer it because it's richer unless it's strickland's in akron ohio. Other than that. I do think Rhea hit on something with how visually appealing the gelato

at the gelato place is when it is, it's those like rolling hills. With stuff in it. Beautiful. And they put things on top of it. It looks like dollhouse food. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Like it has the aesthetics of miniature items, even though it's full size. Like, I don't know. I just... Yeah, it looks like the imaginary food from Hook. The food that the Lost Boys imagine at Hook. That is what gelato is. Did you guys see the Errol Morris documentary version

of A Brief History of Time? There's a wonderful scene where Stephen Hawking says, as you approach the event horizon of the black hole you are turned into gelato the density does he really say that no he says spaghetti but that's fun yeah um so ria i wanted to bring you in the conversation because yeah it is a it is a this is a movie related hot take and i know oh great you're a movie fan you had a movie podcast for a time i did have a movie podcast for a time wayman pow r.i.p maximum fun that's right um when okay when i say movie hot take what what what comes to everybody's mind what is the what is the most earth-shattering movie take you have heard?

Prequels are good. Yeah, there's the Star Wars. There's like, let's revisit the prequels. That is one. I've heard, and I don't know if this is true or not, but like the Godfather 3, the CODA recut is worth it. I'm scared. Someone shot that at me the other day.

Yes, I have also. I believe people's experience that it might be, but I am in a scenario in my own life where I get to make my own decisions, right? Obviously. Sure. I one day decided to watch Godfather Part 3, and it is a decision. I've made a lot of decisions in my life

that I wish I could change. That one I really wish I could do. And my partner has never seen any of the Godfather movies. And I want to do her the service of telling her we are not watching the third one and we're going to pretend as though it does not exist. Because it's so good without it. There's nothing you could do to that movie to make it better.

And that's why you get yourself in a relationship with Rhea Butcher. That's right. Constant good advice. The thing about that hot take that is really powerful and the reason to stay out of it is because it's not just a bold assertion. It's one that has an enormous, like that is a bet with an enormous ante. Like to get in on that action, you have to watch that whole fucking... You have to watch the director's cut of a... You know what I mean?

Like, you have to... You don't just have to watch the movie. You have to watch the director's cut of it. Sure. Like, the special new version of it. And I guess also, to formulate an entire opinion, you probably do have to watch both so you can you can say so you know right so it's a it's a specific type of hell you know what i mean and like well i feel like that cut is only for people who suffered through the movie to begin with like i just refuse to pull my partner down into hell

to a world where she has seen Godfather Part 3. When I could save her from it completely and just pretend as though it doesn't exist. I'm not going to watch the special director versions of the Lord of the Ring movies, for example. And those movies are good. You're right.

Those are good movies. I don't need extra of that. And listen, I'm no stranger to the hot take myself i i i you know r.i.p'd my own menchies on this show a few years ago when i said that i didn't mind the theatrical cut of blade runner and oh wow yeah and a certain no i my oh wow is to the your mentions not not the opinion and yeah and, and I will say that, you know. I have a hot take to put right on top of that. Like, I'll just say like the frosting on the little toaster strudel of your hot take that

I will give you after you give yours. Yes, thank you. And you know, and yeah, and I will say that I won't name, I don't want this Max Funds hosts Menchies to be destroyed, but i will say that i received some private support on that opinion from a certain max fund host and i appreciated it i am not gonna out them here but keep it private it was private and i just but i just wanted private benjamin if i just want to say that if they're listening thank you for the support. And we love your show, Hal Loveland. Anyway.

It wasn't him. It wasn't him. So, okay. So I heard this take. I have a coffee shop that I like where I'm friendly with the owner. The owner is, I would call his vibe, like, enthusiastic East Coast guy. Like, he's one of these. He like enthusiastic East Coast guy. Like, he's one of these. He's an East Coast guy, you know.

And I like that vibe because I feel like I don't encounter it too much. And when I see it in the wild, I'm always delighted to interact with the, you know, enthusiastic East Coast vibe. It's a thrill. It makes you feel special i really like it um so i always love getting a getting a coffee from this guy and getting you know and he's like you know how's your family how's how's work going do you still work here he's you know we we he he takes an interest in his customers and i appreciate that He takes an interest in his customers, and I appreciate that. So I'm going in for the coffee the other day, and I hear him mid-yell with one of his employees.

And it was something along the lines of, there's no good sequels, there's no good prequels. And so I'm automatically like like i feel bad for this employee because this this this is what's going on here is some explaining is he's explaining right yeah i do not definitely i listen i have been trapped at enough parties with hot take pop culture guy i i would not want to be trapped at a coffee place with one yeah and i mean think of i mean this really this isn't just mansplaining this is boss splaining sure yeah yeah you can't you can't say you know shut the fuck up what about terminator 2 to your boss yeah i mean what why what i'm now reconsidering all the times i mentioned to Christian Duenas what I think is the best Rick James album or whatever.

Well, you shouldn't have done that, Jesse. He couldn't have said anything. There's nothing he can say back. Sorry, Jordan Cowling. So this isn't the hot take. There's no good prequels. There's no good sequels. I get that.

We're all a little tired. Right. Not everyone has seen Babe Pig in this city. Can I ask you a question, though? You may. Just to paint the scene for me to understand it. And also, I just want to say, in case anybody's listening and frustrated that I didn't give my hot take, my hot take on top of your Blade Runner hot take is that I believe Blade Runner

2049 is more Blade Runner than Blade Runner, and I will say I am a fan of Blade Runner. That's it. That is a very Blade Runner movie. I agree with you. There's a lot of... It's more Blade Runner than Blade Runner. You know what I mean?

It is the movie I thought I was watching when I was watching Blade Runner, if that makes sense. Anyway, how old is this gentleman? What age would you put him at? I would say mid-40s. I would say mid 40s i would say mid 40s okay if that helps me a lot i appreciate that jordan thank you no problem how squat is he and i mentioned this because i sometimes will go to a new york deli in eagle rock california

uh and it's a new york deli that has, frankly, impressively good food. Like, it really is. The sandwiches and, you know, potato salads and so forth at this place are really excellent. Which I'm always surprised by because it looks like a New York-themed bagel store. You know what I mean? Like, it's just got pictures of like mickey mantle hugging ed koch on the walls you know like 9-11 never forget yeah exactly like it's like it's so transparently shittily you know themed out uh that it's but this guy that runs it, he will be grumpy with you. He's a very grumpy man. His body type I can only describe as wide Danny DeVito.

Okay. Yogi Berra. He's like Danny DeVito if Danny DeVito lived on Saturn. Being constantly pulled to the ground by the gravity. Exactly. you know being constantly pulled to the ground by the gravity exactly and i'll tell you one time i went in there and he was talking to somebody and he said you know it wasn't till i lived there that i knew it was two cities buddha and pasht wow he lived in budapest so yeah that's pretty cool he saw some shit i think he's a cool guy anyway um my guy's physique

is i would call i would say like a little bit of a punch but probably lifts like kind of a little punch but but guns i think doesn't do leg day yeah no no leg day for this guy doesn't work on the core that's where the strength is yeah exactly i think that's a classic mid-Atlantic body type Of course So he I come in and he's yelling this No prequels, no sequels thing to his employee And he And then he notices I'm here And comes over to the cash register

And he's like I was trying to tell her Back me up here There's no good prequels, there's no good sequels I would say the only good sequels This is it wait a minute he's already going back yeah i know yeah he was right he so he there's there's none but i guess there's some exceptions right what a gatekeeper i know right uh yeah name five ramone songs you got the t-shirt yeah i hear that yeah uh there's no good the only good the only good sequels are shrek 2 and home alone 2 come on man the only good sequels well i mean you can see why

he prefers home alone 2 i mean it's a regional it's a regional preference yeah is this man a child he's like i've been lost in new york actually a child he's a regional preference. Yeah. Is this man a child? He's like, I've been lost in New York myself. Is this man actually a child? He's a time-traveling child. Yeah, he might be a 10-year-old from 1998. I feel like yes. Yeah. Oh, my God.

And I'm trying to piece this together. And he's like, have you seen Home Alone 2? And I'm like, yes, together. And the, he, uh, and, and he's like, he's like, he's like, have you seen home alone too? And I'm like, yes, I've seen him.

I'm like, it's been a while, but I've seen him alone too. He's like, it's great. Right. Uh, and I'm like,

no, I'm like, uh, yeah, the pigeon lady who doesn't love the pigeon lady. That's the thing I remember is that he befriends a lady. Brenda, Brenda.

What's her? Oh, I didn't know the pigeon lady's name. She's like a well-known actor. So well-known. I can't remember her name, but she disappears into the role though. Yeah, Brenda, what's her name? Oh, I didn't know the pigeon lady's name. She's like a well-known actor. So well-known, I can't remember her name. She disappears into the role, though.

Yeah, you're right. The muck. It's the only Home Alone movie that features our nation's president, Donald J. Trump. That's so...

Not anymore. Yeah. I think there is a change.org petition to edit him out of it. Oh, I meant about the being the president thing. Oh, yeah. The slightly more important thing.

I put up a change.org petition to edit him out and then do reshoots with Biden. Yeah, get Biden in there. Hogan can take a night off from his pizza band. Yeah, right. He does spike the camera in that scene, though, and that is truly offensive to me. In that scene that he has with Kevin, he just asks him for directions,

and he's like, that way, and then he looks directly into the camera. Trump doesn't do more than one take. Nope, nope, he refused. and he was like nope that's it that's the one and they left it in like that i want to get back to prequels but i just on the subject of uh former president donald trump have you guys watched the video of him on conan like the unexpurgated version of him taping a bit for conan uh that is on youtube yes uh the he's doing the secrets right uh the the the thing where the celebrity's being like interrogated at a you know

at a police interrogation facility or something something like that brian stack posted it uh conan writer friend of this program brian stack, or longtime Conan writer, now a Colbert writer. And he just described how this had happened when Donald Trump was on Conan and no one at Conan could believe it, that it had actually happened. Like they all were like, what the fuck? Like they were just like, what the fuck even is this? Is this person insane? But he suggested, so he's filming this bit,

this completely unrelated bit that's at like a desk or a table and there's a glass of water there. And he's like, what if I poured out the water? And the writer who is directing it, I can't remember, but it's Brian McCann

or something like that, says, no, I don't think that would work here because there was no reason for it at all. It would be really weird. And Donald Trump just did it anyway. He just picked up his glass of water and poured it on the table. Yeah, it's true. And I think that's what won him Georgia. If he wasn't in Georgia in 2016. Like, to watch him do this is truly the most unhinged thing I've ever watched on film. Like, it is so confusing and upsetting to watch him do this thing that he

maybe, he thinks it's a bit, but it's clear that he doesn't have a rationale for why it's a bit. Sure, well, I think the joke is that water is usually in a glass, but what if it was on the table? Huh? Pretty crazy. That reminds me of early on in the pandemic when

they were still doing the quote, briefings and around the era of when the drinking bleach thing, which he never actually said do that. It was like Lysol or whatever, go out in the sun and it evolved into bleach or whatever. But so it was around that era of time, whatever that was. You were supposed to inject the bleach anyway. Injecting the bleach, drinking Lysol, something like that. the bleach anyway injecting the bleach drinking lysol something like that but i remember somebody pointing out on twitter and then i saw it too like seeing seeing this person pointed out i don't remember who it was so credit where credit is due but in the video you can see the moment where he calculates and i think that is similar to what you're talking about jesse that oh maybe that's

what it is and nobody's thought of it. I figured it out. He just thought of it first. Right. Exactly, and it's in some ways insane, and then at the same time, like a child, you know? Like a child going, and I think of that with the water, too, where it's like, that is actually something a child would do

and think is funny. Sure. Because it's like, yeah, water spilling, now whatever, and that is the sure because it's like yeah water spilling now whatever and like that is the the person that that person is you know what i mean like he just doesn't there's no whatever there's no container to that person whatsoever you know i have a question though jordan uh did your did your coffee shop guy have any favorite prequels yeah that's a great question oh well let me let me let me finish the let me finish that there's a sub take here within the take so the take here wow this guy is

full of takes so the primary take is the only good sequels are shrek 2 and home alone 2 i did not mention you know didn't mention empire strikes back didn't mention the toy story movies uh you know best just best not to get into it the best ghostbusters is the original ghostbusters cartoon sure yes yes the real ghostbusters on saturday morning uh where slimer's part of the team which not no no ghostbusters with the gorilla you mean the gorilla ghostbusters yeah all right you mean the ghostbusters not the real ghostbusters which is the second ghost i mean the false ghostbusters yeah you mean jesse jesse didn't like the paul feig version but not because they were all women it's just because no one had a talking ape yeah exactly they're ruining my

childhood different kind of ghostbusters purist we have not seen before. So he's like, have you seen Home Alone? And you're like, yeah, I saw Home Alone 2. And I'm like, oh, yeah, it's great. It's got the birdie. He's like, but have you seen Home Alone 3? I didn't know there was a Home Alone 3. I was like, you know, I actually didn't know there was a Home Alone 3.

He's like, honestly, Macaulay's not in it. Don't even bother. I mean, he's right. I mean, he's right. That take, he's right. Watch Richie Rich instead. Yeah. Check out Getting Even With Dad. The Good Son.

There's so many great Mac performances. The intro to the Black or White video. George Wendt. He's playing guitar in a house and his dad's mad. Can I tell you guys something about the song Black or White that I only learned recently and blew my fucking mind? where late that sort of mid-late period michael jackson was the one that really um we were really aware of like i had a cassette of bad 100 but like but dangerous era michael jackson was the one that came when i was 11 or whatever it was when i was able to understand pop culture phenomena you know in the way that I couldn't when I was six. And all those videos premiered after The Simpsons, which is another reason why I was aware of them.

Remember the time in Black or White? They premiered after The Simpsons. And they were all huge productions. And as you said, Macaulay Culkin lip-synced the rap in the video for black or white now why we all knew that macaulay culkin lip-synced the rap the rap is credited to a rapper who has never had another credit you know protection for gangs clubs and nations whatever however it goes something something human relations you got it and just do the whole thing come on you know you want to it's the s to the p r i t e can um so drop a beat let jesse do the sprite the sprite rap so like there i there were some rappers that were rappers that were like in the studio and are on like Heavy D or something. And I always assumed it was like Heavy D under a pseudonym for some reason or something.

Yeah. But what it is, is the rapper is just the guy who produced the record. And the guy who produced the record is not like teddy riley or something it's a guy who also produced you know like uh you know a tangerine dream album and like two yes albums and a genesis album you know what i mean like he's just like from the 1980s when you when record producers were just guys who had the guys who had all the cocaine. You know what I mean? And so they would just produce any like he's like, oh, yeah, I produced a ballads album for Daryl Hall in 1991 that went seven times platinum, whatever.

And that guy recorded this rap like as a dummy track. Michael Jackson fell in love with it and insisted that they keep it. Hey. That's fun. Yeah. Anyway, that's all. Just black or white facts from Jesse

that I just learned recently and got obsessed with. So what is a prequel besides the prequels yeah i mean god yeah i mean maybe maybe maybe we are maybe we can all get up get on board with coffee guys hot take that there are it's certainly no no super noteworthy you know there's no empire strikes back of prequels there's no prequel where you're like that was better than the original you know although the the the newest alien one whose name not prometheus but the one before that yeah covenant that was good i i wouldn't i wouldn't put it on the same level as empire strike that's hard to do that's the thing i don't think you can do a prequel that is at the level of a sequel, you know, because it's just like, you're going the wrong way.

Right. You know, I would, I would pose that back to the future. Part three is a great. Okay. Yeah. In some way.

Like now Ria, maybe you could, as a back to the future, uh, aficionado super fans. Stan, Stan, would you say Stan? Would you go the Future aficionado, super fan, Stan. Yes, thank you. Stan, would you say Stan? Would you go Stan?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know, Stan. I don't think I want to kill Back to the Future. Oh, right. I forgot there's a murder element to being a Stan. I try to keep that in mind whenever I use that lingo. You like the series. As a kid, I definitely loved back to the future three because they went back to cowboy times uh yeah but learned later that maybe that was like a famous bad movie or

a famous like mistake uh i also speaking of speaking of that phenomenon i learned that about like hook later in life is that hook is considered like a bad movie and a bad spielberg but i'm like i love that and watched it at every sleepover you know is yeah what is this this is why i think gatekeeping is wrong though and like what i love to and you know i this has evolved over time for me like i don't know that ever so many people really don't like back to the future three and i used to count myself as one of those because I had high expectations on two and three. Like I, I remember as a kid,

just like, I could not believe they were making part two and then they made it. And I remember being so bored by the second and third act. Well, it's them hanging around in the first movie. It's the same movie again. Right. I already saw this movie.

There's 10 minutes of future shit. Yeah. The jaws thing is cool. Hoverboard is cool. That's's 10 minutes of future shit yeah the jaws thing is cool hoverboard's cool that's like 10 minutes of the movie and then they just hang around in the first movie with a different dad which is interesting except for i don't like the thing where they make marty this weird competitive don't nobody calls me chicken thing it comes out of totally left field he is not that guy in the first movie i will say though it sets up the third one pretty well however i actually personally think i like the third one better than the second

one these days because like i don't know i'm just like a softy little guy and that movie this is what sold it for me it is christopher lloyd's first on-screen kiss. Really? Oh, that's right. Mary Steenburgen. And that is a beautiful thing. That's not true. Clara Clayton. It is true. He made out with Judd Hirsch on Taxi at least once. At least one time.

That's not a kiss. That's a joke. Yeah, it's about time we saw Christopher Lloyd lloyd get some on camera huh yeah yeah and i mean i really love like um uh what is wow i'm blanking on his name uh the guy who plays yeah no i know plays griff uh thomas uh what's his name i'm totally blanking on his name right now but everybody knows they're screaming it it's fine i've met him it was one of the greatest yeah he's a he's a good he's a good famously good dude whose name i also cannot remember famously good person and i just can't pull it out of my brain right now but um thank you thomas wilson yeah tony hawk

uh he just looks like he's having so much fun you know like getting to do a slightly different thing even though it's the same thing again he He also, I think, is the only person who's ever played himself, his grandson, his father, and his grandfather. Like the amount of people that he's played in his own ancestry in a film series is like unparalleled, which is also cool, which you couldn't do. That's not true.

Christopher Lloyd and Judd Hirsch did that on Taxi. They played each other's grandparents. Yeah, there was a time-jumping season of Taxi right before it got canceled. They tried some new shit. Friends, I don't mean to brag, but I recently watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, Secret of the Ooze.

Secret of the Ooze, yeah. Maybe perhaps the greatest subtitle of all time. I mean, we could have a subtitle off if we wanted to. I think that would be pretty fun. But I mean, you could make a strong case that colon Secret of the Ooze is the greatest subtitle in the history of movies. I have to say, I was surprised. I liked Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as a kid, but I was never super into into it i never had it i mean i didn't really i was gonna say i never had any of the toys but i i never had any toys new from a toy store so uh i definitely didn't have any of the toys but like i didn't you know i i was a i was a medium teenage mutant

ninja turtles guy you know what i mean yeah ria ria was that was it was was that on your radar as a kid oh yeah i mean i think i was just young enough to still get into them you know and like but not young enough to have to like dress up like them but i still had like the toys and i remember i would get the ooze a lot where you would get the little glow in the dark right there was a turtle which man i wish i had one of those you know just like just one of that because i don't know if you can see my little california raisin just out of frame oh yeah there it is yeah i love little tiny things you know smalls as they like to call them on american pickers but um yeah no i loved i i think i saw that one at the drive-in i'm not sure which maybe both i'm not sure i i so i don't think i saw it as a kid i I definitely saw the first one as a kid, but,

and I definitely never saw the one where they're Samurais as a kid. Oh yeah. Speaking of time, speaking of time travel, third movies. Yeah. Right. Turtles through time. Is that what it is?

You know, this is something I know. So turtles of turtles in time is the sequel to the arcade game. Okay. Oh yeah. Yeah. The SNES. Nevermind. I'm sorry. to the arcade game. Oh, yeah, yeah. The SNES. Never mind.

I'm sorry. Okay. I apologize. I interrupted. Yeah. Not to be a gatekeeper here, but it is like maybe the most indifferently written and directed film I've ever watched in my life. Like it is, as though they, it is, as though they like, uh,

wrote it in an afternoon and then assigned it to a guy who had directed an episode of Benson that they liked. Um, I mean, that probably is accurate, but the, uh, the teenager Ninja turtle suits are genuinely impressive.

Like they're like the, what they do with the puppet inside it however it works uh is pretty extraordinary and also just like you just get so far from how fun of an idea it is that these are humanoid turtles that do karate and they're teenagers who love pizza like that that idea is so great like it is such a fantastic complicated idea that it really carries you a long way through the fact that almost nothing happens in the movie. There are almost no jokes. Everything that happens is exactly centered in the frame, but not in a cool Wes Anderson way,

just in a way like they forgot to compose it. It is so fun. We have to get this shot before the actor inside the suit passes out. Exactly. So get as many of them in the shot as we can. I was like, as like a cynical adult do i give this movie three stars i think i'm actually enjoying this yeah yeah man enjoy the

things you know enjoy the things you enjoy that's the one that's the one where they smash through a wall into a vanilla ice concert, right? Yes, they sure do. And then he sees them and makes up a song about them. Go, ninja, go, ninja, go. Go, ninja, go, ninja, go. It is bananas. Yeah, the first one is like a movie. The second one is like a music video that never really took off.

Yeah, truly nothing. It is the nothingest of nothing. Like even the ooze barely figures into it. It doesn't. I thought it would have bebop and rocksteady, but it doesn't. It just has an evil turtle. It has. So I thought about the villains from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2,

The Secret of the Ooze, the other day. It's Toa and Rezar A wolf man And a big snapping turtle And honestly all of the Suits Like Splinter looks fucking cool as shit

Toka and Rezar Look cool as shit They look like the world's Those characters all look like the world's greatest Godzilla suits. Yeah. They look so neat. They really missed an opportunity. If you're going to have the evil mutant ninja turtle,

you should really name them after a modernist painter, like Pollock or Rothko or Dali or something to just really mess with man ray yeah exactly although i guess he would be a he would be a manta ray oh yeah it's kind of already i mean put it in the movie another missed opportunity i was gonna suggest a mutant urinal but i like yours too they both good. They're both solid ideas. Armut. I thought about Toca and Rezar the other day. I read an article on a comics website about the fact that the Ninja Turtles comics are apparently back creatively.

I guess the original creators are back doing them, and there's this series they're doing called The Last Ronin, where all of the turtles but one are dead. No! Yeah, so it's like... Which one's alive? Michelangelo? Well, I... Do you want a spoiler?

No, I don't know, because somebody probably doesn't want to get spoiled on this, right? So yeah, so all the other turtles are dead but they're haunting they're they're haunting the one that's alive and giving him advice the only one that's still alive in the last ronin is uh de niro uh and i was like and i so i i i heard it was great and i i just picked it up the last time i was at the comic store i read it and i'm like this is pretty good this is cool i mean like you know overly dark premise aside like super well done like has all the like turtles charm stuff that you know you had mentioned and i'm like i should

read up on uh you know i should i'm like i don't have a lot else to do i'll read up on turtles comics continuity up to the last ronin and i was kind of like reading on you know about what they've been doing and they're like you know rumor has it that toka and razar will be introduced into the comics continuity so that's cool wow i'm we're all excited about that right they're finally going to be exciting integrated into the universe proper that's great does the guy so who makes the comics the guy who invented teenage mutant ninja turtles or the people who because he because they were originally like a black and white alternative comic right i'm not misremembering that yeah i had it too that was my fucking prize possession as a kid was that black and white comic that probably said shit too many times for a kid to have.

I had the last time that I played a role-playing game. I mean, we've talked about Dungeons and Dragons. I've addressed the fact that I played the computer game Secret of the Silver Blades. But the last time I played like a paper role-playing game was fifth grade. So I had a babysitter who was really into role-playing games and it was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles role-playing game, which was based on the black and white comic,

not on the TV show. Wow. And was super edgy. I felt like a real fucking edgy 10-year-old playing that role-playing game. Did you get to say shit a lot? Yeah, too many times, if anything. Rhea, I want to ask more about your fascination

with little, little, little. Smalls. Littles, tinies. Smalls. You have a California Raisin. I do. Do you have any other smalls? Do you have a prize small?

I don't have, I mean, I have prized smalls. I wouldn't say that any that are in frame are prized ones. Although I will say that this Yoda that I have is from the prequels era. Okay. Let's see, what year is this? 1996. This is from Taco Bell. Wow.

So it's like a Taco Bell kid's meal prize. Does he smell like cinnamon twists? I wish. He doesn't. He just smells like the last 22 years of my life or however long that I can't do math. Anyway, I like that one. And then I have this cool skateboarding.

This is a toy Machine figurine. It's like a robot, like a classic kind of 50s box robot. Wait, is that robot skateboarding? It's not. So there's this company called Toy Machine that's been around since like 92 or somewhere like that. And the guy that started it, Ed Templeton, is an artist. And this is one of his drawings. So this was like a drawing that was featured on a lot of the skateboards.

And then they made these cool little bendy figurines and I have the full set, but this is the only one that I have. That's not in the, in the blister pack. Have we talked about when, when we, I know, I remember that you also went and saw this exhibit,

Jordan, but this, there's a Japanese American museum here in Los Angeles, and they had an exhibit of kaiju toys. And first of all, it was the greatest thing ever. It was so fantastic. Like, you know, the Japanese-American museum is a great museum, but it's very heavy on internment camps. So you really got to be in the right mood to hit it up typically interesting that you say that jesse because i have something to show you guys

okay what is it some art this is like one of the craziest things i've ever bought which is i love two things cameras and lighters there are two of my favorite things and this is a camera lighter and i bought it in canada and i was like this is the coolest little thing it has a little compass in it you know and a little tripod and i was like what a funny little thing and then i took i bought it for like five bucks or something and then i took it back and i took the tripod off because you can and it says underneath it i don't know if you guys will be able to see it see it it says made in occupied japan and i was like what did i just buy like it was a wild experience so yes i agree jesse so this is one of the craziest things i've ever bought in this but first of all i literally had that exact same uh camera lighter and the put this on shop at one point amazing um but uh i uh the coolest part of

the kaiju toy exhibit is that there's these there's obviously like it won't surprise anyone that there's this community of guys who uh collect kaiju toys and they like the original like uh the original ones from japan made in the style that they were made in the 60s and 70s um and these toys were made in like boutique factories like storefront factories and some of these factories still exist and they're being they're basically being supported by obsessive toy collectors who are also artists who create new kaiju and then have these guys like hand pour the vinyl and like hand, you know, flock them or whatever you know uh and it was the neatest shit in the history of the world it's just like these like 75 year old dudes in japan who got into this business in 1967 and so just like tech billionaires pay these guys to make custom kaiju yeah except instead of tech billionaires it's like uh guys who just spend all day surfing or whatever, and then

at night, they're like, I thought of a sweet new kaiju for my kaiju collection. I'm going to sell it to my fellow guys who have a leisure class lifestyle for some reason. Probably tech millionaires, I would say. Millionaires, yeah. Man, that's when you know you've made it.

You're making custom kaiju. You don't have to settle for just some prefab kaiju. Kaiju. We definitely, one of those guys listens to this show, we want our own kaijus. Yeah. Let's describe kaijus and then someone have them made at a factory in Japan.

There was video of these old Pouring molten vinyl into molds It was fantastic Make one that's my cat but with bat wings Do that I want one that's a camera and a lighter You already have that I want one that just kind of looks like a Like a husky t-rex

That was created in an atomic accident. Like a Danny DeVito, but wider. Yeah, and he's wearing jeans with an elastic waistband. I want two. One named Buddha, one named Pest. This is the callback hour of the episode. We'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective

you know j, every episode of Jordan, Jesse Go, including this one, is supported by the members of Maximum Fun. That's all the kind folks out there who've signed up to kick us a couple bucks a month at MaximumFun.org slash join. So we salute

each and every one of you. Thank you for your service. You get to get on the airplane first. We have an airplane? What? Yeah. That's why we do this, Jordan, to get that fucking sweet plane. I haven't been on the plane once.

Have you been flying this thing around? Yeah, I fly it around myself like John Travolta. Oh, boy. Jeez. I feel, man, I feel like I haven't been utilizing the company perks to their full potential. You didn't notice that I now have my own personalized line of Breitling watches? Does John Travolta have that? Yeah, he has that.

He's always in magazine ads for Breitling watches. Breitling? Seems like a cool guy. Yeah, he seems super chill. You know what? John Travolta, go on Jordan Jesse, go. I bet that would be fun. I would love to have John Travolta.

That would be great. Make it happen. Make it happen, internet. You know what? Do your thing. We'll plug Gotti. You know, we're not above that. We'll totally plug Gotti.

Yeah, is Gotti coming out on Blu-ray? Yeah. It goes on LD, Laserdisc. Do you have a weird Redbox movie with Bruce Willis coming out? Yeah. We'll plug it. We'll plug it. Kind of your thing now, right? Bruce Willis, go on Jordan, Jesse, go. You know what? Correction, Jordan. Bruno, go on Jordan, Jesse, go. Yes. you're rock harmonica playing alter ego you know i know everybody was having fun making chris gaines jokes when garth brooks uh did the inauguration yeah but let's start dinking on bruno more we're talking about alter egos yeah and you know what else let's start talking about how eddie murphy's hit song party all the time is actually kind of a fucking jam oh yeah party all the time's great okay are we also have another sponsor on the

program besides the rick james pendon produced eddie murphy hit song party all the time uh that is our friends at kitty poo club you know we love them. You know, Jordan, this happened to us already. We're recording this podcast over video conference. We are. This happened to us. Your kitty cat passed through the frame adorably while we were trying to talk. Yeah, it's pretty cute. We're doing this at night, and that's when she gets a little rowdy.

She's a night owl so you know when the sun goes down the scamperin starts skimpy scamp scamp scamp she's doing the skimpy scamps yeah kitty poo club it's a great service

I use it for my cat's poo needs and I think that if you out there listening have a cat you should consider kitty poo club because i think it's a fantastic service jordan i know that cats go to the bathroom in a box but that's about it how does kitty poo club make your life as a cat owner better but here's what happens it's an all-in-one convenient litter box solution every month kitty poo club delivers an affordable high quality recyclable litter box that's pre-filled with the litter of your choice. When the month's up, just recycle the box, and Kitty Poo Club will automatically deliver a new one to you.

No changing used litter and no more cleaning the box. Jesse, it's a great service. The box is fun. It has cute graphics on it. The litter smells terrific. It's great. It reduces fecal odors in the house. And yeah, just an unexpected benefit

of the Kitty Poo Club service that they do not have in the copy, but I would like to mention, is that now in a time where maybe you don't want to go to the store that often because of dangers, Kiddie Poo Club is great that this essential thing

that you used to have to go to a grocery store, ask grocery store to get, can just get delivered to your house. It's so cool. It's so nice. If you are like reducing uh trips to the grocery store uh kitty poo club is great because it's this it's this thing that you couldn't get otherwise it gets delivered uh it's definitely saved me a lot of unnecessary

trips to the grocery store and i am thankful to them for that and to be clear jordan when you say dangers at the grocery store you're referring to murders at Kroger? Yes, I'm referring to the famous murder at Kroger that Steve Agee went to one time. Yeah. Give yourself the gift that keeps on giving the whole year, a Kitty Poo Club subscription. Right now, Kitty Poo Club is offering you 20% off your first order when you set up auto ship by going to kittypooclub.com and entering promo code JJGO. Just go to kittypooclub.com and entering promo code JJGO. Just go to kiddiepooclub.com and enter promo code JJGO. You get 20% off when you set up Autoship. That's kiddiepooclub.com.

And don't forget to enter promo code JJGO at checkout. We've also got something up on the Jumbotron on this week's episode. A message for C. Diddy. From William Morag McDonald. Here's the message. Hey guys, what's up? I'd like to send birthday wishes to my best summer boy ever,

my pal C. Diddy. You are my favorite dual threat Canadian hockey player and sensei of all time can't wait until covet is over so we can meet up in a major metropolitan area guzzle some goggins vodka chased with limeridas and punch some blimps happy birthday buddy oh happy birthday morag yeah c diddy and morag sound like a real fun pair yeah and uh you know what happy birthday norad right the missile defense system i think that's what that was you know what go to level three this week as a treat yeah you you've earned it norad the, the Missile Defense System.

And you know what? Just for today, don't worry about Matthew Broderick. Is that a War Games? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, don't worry about Matthew Broderick. He's just over here being good and everything. Making out with Sarah Jessica Parker.

Yeah, good for him. Yeah, I agree. Good for Sarah Jessica parker they're both winning at that game good for everybody and america is winning by not being hit with any missiles if you want to get up on the jumbotron it's maximumfun.org slash jumbotron it's very affordable we keep it affordable for our fans wish somebody happy birthday or whatever fun and cheap people were saying people when we were doing the cameos the stuff about cameos people are going oh what you guys should do cameos this is better than a cameo because everybody hears it yeah it's on the show there's no there's no video component but who needs video

not me yeah i mean i can see We're video conferencing right now. That should be enough for you, the listener. Is it not good enough for you? Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you Love you, love you, love you It's Jordan, Jesse Goh.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rhea Butcher, my gender is cowboy today. Oh, do you have a rotation or is it a new thing every day? Yeah, it changes all the time, you know? Yeah. But today I'm feeling cowboy, you know? Tomorrow might be samurai.

Never know. Yeah, it might be kaiju. Who knew that when they say gender is a spectrum, they meant from cowboy to kaiju. And everything in between. And everything in between. And everything in between. So, Ria, we've been doing this new thing on the show that was invented by the great Joel Kim Booster. It's where people call in to segments on the show

that do not exist. Okay, I like that. As evidenced by the fact that we have not had a new idea in the almost 15 years that this show has existed, we don't like working to come up with new things or trying to do things that people would like. Sure, yeah. Or, I mean, I don't like excessively spicy foods. Sure, yeah.

Gelato's weird. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, I mean, it's basically just like, just bring me a banana. You know what I mean? I won't do the podcast. Just bring me a banana. So yes, we had,

it came up when a caller called in responding to a segment from, we think, another podcast. And so yeah, so that led us to, that led Joel Kim Booster to suggest that we just take people, take anyone's call who calls in, they can respond to a segment we've never done, and we will treat it as if it is a beloved recurring segment. So that's what Brian has queued up for us now. Yeah, play the first one, Brian. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. My name is Corey from Converse, Indiana, and I just wanted to call in for your segment, Best Sandwich Maze. And I just wanted to call us.

We have a barbecue place here in town and they have a pulled pork barbecue and coleslaw sandwich that is called the little nasty. And if you get a brisket on the sandwich as well, then it's called a big nasty. So thank you very much. Bye. That's a great name. Jesse,, then it's called a big nasty. So, thank you very much. Bye-bye. That's a great name. Jesse, I think I only want a medium nasty. Do you want to split a big one?

I'm only in the mood for a medium nasty. Maybe a medium nasty and some baked beans. I actually already ordered my sandwich. I got myself a Shasta McNasty. Oh, sure. You got that from the UPN barbecue place? Yeah.

Is that what that's in? Rhea, do you want a Homeboys from Outer Space? There you go. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Into it. Yeah. With a side of fries? I'll tell you a sandwich naming resentment that i've held for many years

sure uh there was a restaurant here in los angeles that gained local uh renown uh that gained a really solid amount of you know eater la press know, but really good, a really good breadth of mentions in LA Weekly and whatnot, by taking its entire sandwich menu and naming it after NPR personalities. I knew that's who you were going to talk about. Yeah, I also, right, I remember when this place was having a moment in the food blogosphere. I was curious about it. I've heard the sandwiches are actually good, but I've never been. But the food is so good. That's the thing.

And they are so – I love them. The people are so good. Oh, yeah. So you've been – tell us about it. What's it like? Who did you have? Who did you have sandwich-wise? As a vegetarian, I think I have two options.

And I believe – I am similar to jesse like when i find a thing i like i just go for it so i i basically order the banana of their sandwiches um and like not happy about it but i or i order the ira glass what's on what's on the glass there is so so this is the thing okay anyway this is what i like about them they use uh bubbies which is a local bread bakery and their bread is so good um there are sprouts which is just like from my childhood i really love a sandwich with sprouts on it you know what ria i'm a meat eater and i gotta tell you i like sprouts on a sandwich they're good they're crunchy i also know they're grown like around poo but what isn't you know like we're doing the best

we can who makes things grow um and then really great pickles onion and uh i think they make their own mayo but here's what I really like about this sandwich. Is that they use shredded cheddar cheese on the sandwich. I don't know that I've ever had a sandwich. Obviously, lifetime vegetarian, I don't wander into many delis just in general. So maybe this is an experience I've just missed out on. But the sandwich with shredded cheese on it is a delight that I did not know I was missing until I got the sandwich from this place. It sounds like the

shredded cheese would co-mingle well with the sprouts. Precisely. It mixes in with the sandwich. You don't have any sliding like you would with a slice of cheese. You know? Or a slice of tomato. God forbid. Yeah, so is your, Jesse, is your resentment that the naming convention is too cute by half

or that you didn't get a sandwich? I could take a wild guess at which one it is. Hey, buddy, why not both? Sure, yeah. You could be bad at two things. I'm looking at this list. I'm like, okay, I get it. Public NPR hosts, blah, blah, blah.

Very funny. Very cute. You're getting your press, blah, blah, blah. All the NPR Facebook groups are blowing up. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think. That is the reason, man. Yeah, I think they changed the names of them.

I don't think it like opened with all NPR host name sandwiches. The press was from the news that they had changed the names of them i don't think it like opened with all npr host name sandwiches the press was from the news that they had changed i think that speaks more about the news than it does about the restaurant i think that speaks more about the sort of narcissism of the media yeah i think that's fair and the fact that they were like wait what somebody's talking about us hold on yeah npr npr does love it when npr makes its way like out of the npro sphere nobody loves npr more than npr is the thing don't think i get i don't get like a my pager blowing up when uh ira glass has a brief cameo on the simpsons or whatever. Right, yeah, yeah. But Rhea, in response to your assertions, can I please finish explaining my narcissism here? Please, of course.

So my beef was, at the time that this happened, I was the only national NPR host based in Los Angeles. And not only was it like Terry Gross or whatever and not me, some of these people like Ira weren't even NPR hosts. I understand. Okay, I get it. It's personal. Public radio.

Guy Raz works for American Public Media. There's a Kai Rizdahl on the menu, isn't there? I think so. I only really know the Ira Glass and the Latch Me Sing. Sorry, let me restate that. Kai Rizdahl works for American Public Media. Guy actually works for NPR. So, yeah.

So, wait. So, does anybody know what they changed it to? It's just like TikTok stars now or something? Yeah, I think they must have. I think that probably they realized they had better at least change the Kai Risdahl one when they realized that once on Twitter, Kai Risdall said he would come on Jordan, Jesse, go, and then he stopped replying to my messages.

Oh, yeah. Total bullshit. Yeah. I mean, presumably he just heard the show. Oh, never mind. Whoops. So what would you say? Got to go back to doing push-ups.

Do you want to use this as a forum to, you know, make a case for yourself as a sandwich and, you know, maybe pitch a potential sandwich? Yeah. Sourdough roll, salami, provolone, mayo, mustard, pickles, and sprouts. Okay. That's a solid sandwich. Yeah. it's a fucking home run it's a fucking home run hitter i'm i'm bringing the heat here that's the jesse thorne you can give it a cute fucking pun name the jesse thorne in my side or whatever the fuck jesse this is no way to get a sandwich this toad that you're bringing don't bring don't come with the toad don't don't name

a sandwich after me if you don't want a sandwich named after a rude dude with a bad toad all right that's the whole point the sandwich reflects my rude dude toad i don't think i don't think kai rizdahl got the sandwich by having a toad i think he got it by being gracious. It has a brash and brassy flavor, just like my broadcast style. And if you're gonna listen, I think if a local public radio personality is gonna get a food named after them, you're in line behind Cherry Glazer, right? No, there's no doubt about it. Larry Mantle has my ass kicked three ways from Sunday. Fucking, I am like seventh on the list, let's be honest.

I'd love to chomp down on a Mantle. I love how he moderates the film week discussion. He's not a movie critic, but he loves movies. Yeah. discussion. He's not a movie critic, but he loves movies. I think, honestly, I'm below Steve Chiatakis at Radio Chio on Twitter.

Wow. Brian, we got any other segments in there? Evening, dudes. This is Ben Collin from Nashville, and I wanted to submit for your world-renowned segment, Riddle of the Week. And my Riddle of the Week.

And my Riddle of the Week is, give me that which takes and takes until it loses shape and runs away. Also, I'm at like 47 mailboxes and counting, not to brag. And I want to resurrect the dog Hein from Howl's Moving Castle, Madame Sullivan's dog. Love the show. Love you guys. Bye. So I should say for Ria and anybody keeping score, he not only provided his own news segment,

but then responded to two previous news segments, which were how many mailboxes have you seen today and what fictional dog would you resurrect? I got the answer to his riddle it's my fucking ex-wife i actually i think i didn't hear the riddle well can you i would love to appreciate the ex-wife thing but i don't know what the hell was and if you missed what his segment was it was riddles about my fucking ex-wife give me that which takes and takes then loses shape and runs away Give me that which takes and takes Then loses shape and runs away Kind of sounds like my mother-in-law

Yeah, thank you, Jordan Thank you Yeah, that's right That's right, I'm a piece of shit Yeah Yeah Sometimes I just sit around and think about How much better my mother-in-law is than my mother

Oh, gosh, Ria sometimes i just sit around and think about how much better my mother-in-law is than my mother uh oh gosh ria i didn't even ask you so you're an actual fan of this sandwich place oh yeah they if they switch it up and start their naming convention around stand-up comedians do you have a sandwich in mind or would it just be the ira glass Oh, like what would my sandwich be? The Ria Butcher? Yeah. I mean, yes, I have two sandwiches always on deck as my pitch sandwiches. I have one that is tofurkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, vegan gravy on there. And then, you know, whatever bread you want,

but I'm going to go with the sourdough, usually toasted. And then the other one is more of a breakfast sandwich, which is just some white bread toasted with a fried egg on it, butter on one side and grape jelly on the other. Whoa. Holy shit.

Okay. Okay. It's a good sandwich. That sounds like a pretty good sandwich. And then I also have my grandmother's breakfast sandwich, which is basically the same thing, but with miracle whip, a little bit of a Kraft American single, and then a sweet pickle sliced in half on the sandwich.

Damn. Also super good. Fuck. All of these things that you just listed, these are like that classic advice that if something on their restaurant menu just doesn't make any fucking sense, you should order it because it's probably super good. Order it. It's very good. Yeah. Because people aren't ordering it because it sounds right.

They're ordering it because it tastes good. Because they're like, that looks fucked up. Yeah. When did you start putting the jelly on it? Because that seems like a stoner brainstorm to me. I don't know if you... Was it around when the band Grape Jelly came out? It was a tribute to Three Little Pigs.

Yeah, I mean, that was like high school. I was going to a lot of diners out of nowhere, like with my dad. We had this period where we would go get breakfast together, which was funny. That sounds honestly fucking awesome. Yeah, I mean, I honestly

can't believe it actually happened. As quickly as it started, it went away. But it was like the little bowls of grape jelly that are just sitting on the table and I was having toast and a fried egg and so I was like, I'm going to put jelly on this also and then just ate it like a sandwich and so then you just make it like a sandwich damn

hell yeah it was just right there you know it was right in front of me there you go and sometimes you'll add a little chalula now that i'm a little older like a little spice in there for a sophisticated egg and jelly sandwich you want to be like an adult about it? Yeah, a little cool, a little heat. Yeah, it's nice. With apricot. Sure. Okay, play one more. Let's introduce one more segment to the show, Brian.

Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and Goh. This is Lucinda from Seattle contributing to your long-running segment of Hamilton songs that you sing to your pets. Here's one for my cat. Oh, grumpy kitten, what to say to you? Your bowl is full, there's nothing here to fear.

Yet you've cried all night Right into my ear Excited to hear what else other folks have contributed Take care, y'all Oh no, do I have to sing? Do you know how mine goes? That was really beautiful That was really beautiful It was great

Jesse, how did yours go? I'm not giving away my dog There you go There's that curveball we were looking for Effectively wild dog. There you go. There's that curveball we were looking for. Effectively wild. Here's mine. I am giving away my mother-in-law.

Thank you. Thank you. My ex-wife. I have not seen Hamilton. I listened to it once in the car. Yeah. I have gone this far and I have not seen nor heard Hamilton not one Yeah. I have gone this far and I have not seen nor heard Hamilton

not one time. I have made it this far. That's kind of amazing. RIP your mentions. I know. People got, I said that on Twitter, Jordan,

the other day and people were mad and I just, I literally just said, can't believe I've made it this far and not, and haven't seen Hamilton.

That is not a statement of it sucks or it's stupid and you shouldn haven't seen hamilton that is not a statement of it sucks or it's stupid and you shouldn't it's literally me stating a fact you know what i mean like i just i just haven't seen it well ria are you aware of how badly you fucked up i am now yeah that's what the internet is for to tell you how you've been fucking up absolutely look man i've seen one broadway musical and it was about a lesbian in a funeral home so give me a goddamn break all right yeah call in with more fun home parodies about your pets ria i once bowled with the hamilton bowling team against the Fun Home bowling team.

What? That's a true story. I believe you. It would be some real weird shit to make up. Was it the first Allison and all those? Was it Beth Malone and all those folks? No, it was like a lighting guy. No, it was like a lighting guy.

One or two of the people were like, you know, and it was just different people working on the production. I think there were some actors in the cast. That's cool. I didn't get to see the show. I also saw Fun Home. If I'm remembering it correctly, it is mostly kids in that show. So I like the idea of making kids bowl against the adults of hamilton i read fun home but i really only read books and watch documentaries on netflix so

yes yes i watch rachel maddow okay i guilty as charged i watch maddow okay mad out. Okay. Well, if you have a new segment for our program or you want to call in with a momentous occasion, 206-984-4FUN is the telephone number to call. That's 206-984-4FUN or even easier, you can just record a voice memo and email

it to us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. and email it to us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Hey there, beautiful people. Did you hear that good, good news? Something about the baby Jesus? He's coming back.

Or do you mean the fact that Apple Podcasts is named Fanta? One of the best shows of 2020? I mean, we already knew that we was hot stuff, but a little extra validation never hurts, okay? Hosted by me, writer and journalist Jared Hill. And me, the ebony entrantress myself, JaVale Anderson. Fanti is your home for complex conversations about the great areas in our lives. The people, places, and things we're huge fans of, but got some anti-feelings toward. You name it, we fanta you.

Nobody's off limits. Check us out every Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your slay-worthy audio. I'm Jesse Thorne. On the next Bullseye, we've got the one and only Ted Danson. We'll talk about his new show, Mr. Mayor, about cheers and about the secret to success in comedy. I mean, I feel like one of your signature comedic moves at this point in your career is gazing. You do a lot of interesting gazing. I also love this. Gazing. I love that. And if I'm not, I'm going to start because that's great. That's Bullseye. Find it on MaximumFun.org and PR.org and wherever you get podcasts. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rhea Butcher, my gender is cowboy today. Excellent. I was worried it was going to switch. I should have come up with that. That would have been a good, that would have been a pro move, but here I am.

No, no, no. The common misconception on this show that you have to switch the nickname every time you don't, if you have a solid one. No, it's just, it was,

it's a good move, Jesse. I should have, you know, shoulda, coulda, woulda. It's not like we can take it again.

You can bring it back. Ria next time. Yeah, this is live. Live, my baby this is like the ink master finale it's live we gotta go yes next this is the ink master finale of podcast dave navarro is here he's flying over ria jordan we don't have time to list the similarities between this podcast and the ink Master finale, okay? We would be here all night, and this audience has to go home.

So, Ria, you have a brand new record album that is available this very week. I do. It's called Pull Yourself Up by Your Bootleg. It is. Is that because this is like an audience record like a grateful dead tape i wish i hope it's passed around through like generations of people in connecticut um i didn't intend to record like put this out as a record but you know like the pandemic happened and so i was going through some of my yeah i mean it's happening it's still currently

happening um and i was like yeah i'm going to a coughing contest later i'm living my life um personal but i was like going through some recordings that i had and um you know ryan mcmediman of a special thing wanted to put something out so i was like check let me know and because it was a weekend in denver i had a couple uh i had a couple recordings so it was kind of really close um and i say all this too that's why it's a bootleg because it was like yeah this was unintentional like i didn't go into it because that's the thing too is like when you're recording an album you go into it knowing like okay i'm recording an album so this is the way i want to structure everything and i'm gonna you know like you just go in it's a different animal you know and so this has the way I want to structure everything. And I'm going to, you know, like you just go in. It's a different animal, you know?

And so this has the feeling of just a live show of just a, like, here's a recorded live show. That sounds like kind of nice right now. Yeah, I think so. I'm hoping, I mean, that's what, that's what somebody said to me that's like helping me put it out. They were like, wow, this is like, it's really, cause like, I'm not, it's kind of nice in that way where like i'm not being super like you know like trying to hit all the stuff

like i'm just having fun you know with i'm just doing a show like i would do so that's my hope is that people uh just remember what that's like and get a little bit of that in their lives because it's like missing every We're all missing it. Everybody's missing the whole thing. I'm also putting out an album for very similar reasons. It's an hour of a kind of sound like, it's just audio recordings of people giving each other hugs. Friends hugging.

No, bring it in, bring it in yeah not yet i'm not done i'm not done like a few a few a few straight guy like hard back pats oh yeah some of these yeah maybe some neck smell maybe some neck smelling in there drink it in what is that dracar noir would you say what's the best what's the best uh cologne or perfume to say after that was it dracar noir or is it stetson i think it's david off cool water i'm always i'm always gonna i'm always gonna joke about some fucking cool water because like you pull that out with somebody that you just met or what you're like vibing on the same jokes or whatever if i say cool water and that person laughs like we're friends you know like we have the same

reference pool yeah the cool water test i'm familiar that's also coincidentally how you find out if someone's an Android. Right. Well, Ria, it's been a joy to have you on the program as ever. Ria's new album is called Pull Yourself Up by Your Bootleg. It's worth getting. You should go listen to it in all your favorite platforms. You got a favorite platform, Ria? It's in all those places. Do I have a favorite platform i mean i don't know

that i really stand any of the platforms and i really mean it this time uh but i use spotify mostly that's the one that i like just i'm i'm i'm an old guy and like once i like i say it's the banana of streaming it's like just give me the thing that i know what that is i know how it works i'm gonna use that i'm probably gonna listen that. I'm probably going to listen to it. I'm probably going to listen to it on Pandora by typing in Rhea Butcher and then just getting two, two, like whatever, Fortune Femster tracks in between and then getting the next track of the Rhea Butcher album. I mean, that sounds like the ideal listening experience.

I will say just to let everybody know, there is like a little enamel pin. My friend Lindsay Jones, who's an artist in Colorado, did the artwork for me. And she also designed a little enamel pin. So if you buy the pin on AST, you get the download. Oh, cool. Because there's not going to be a physical media

because that's just where we're at. And I still have a ton of my first album in my house. So we're just doing the online thing. But you get a cool pin that you can put on your jean jacket or your hat or something. Yeah. Email me if anybody wants to put this on DVD. Because I got some. I got some.

Let me know when you get LaserDiscs, Jesse. Because I respect aspect ratio. Shout out to the homies at AST Records. Still doing the fucking thing, right? Still doing the dang thing, you know? Putting out the good stuff. Putting it out. ASTRecords.com is a place that you can go to to grab that shit.

to grab that shit. The only comedy record label that grew out of a message board where I downloaded Tenacious D bootlegs in college. Wow. Our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can find us on Twitter at jessithorn at Jordan underscore Morris. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.ithorn at jordan underscore morris. You can find us on Facebook

at facebook.com slash jordanjessigo. You can find us on Reddit at maximumfun.reddit.com. Our theme music, Love You by the Free Design, courtesy of the Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You know, Linda Holmes just

DM'd me on Twitter uh she caught that free design song in a movie at sundance oh yeah people love to tell us when the free design thing appears in a movie or a trailer it's fun that's why i'm saying it now linda linda had the front linda had the the pole position on that one she let us us know. So we just letting everybody know. We know. They're going to tell you anyway, Jesse. They're going to tell you anyway. Please keep the messages down to 4,000.

Yeah. Ria's album is called Pull Yourself Up by Your Bootleg. Go buy that. You know what? Don't stream it buy it get the pin you love pins get yourself a fucking pin

what are you so great you can't buy a fucking pin buy the pin get the album remember what it's like to see live performance buy the pin fuck face all right jesse this is not how you get people to buy a pin or name a sandwich after you ditch the ditch the dude salami and provolone with sprouts pickles it's all on a sour roll fuck face all right it's not gonna it's not gonna get you a sandwich

come on kairiz doll come on jordan jesse go fuck face that's it don't do that he was in the navy he was in the navy okay we'll talk to you next time i predict we get glazer before we get riz doll uh i think we'll get terry gross before we get riz doll okay. Okay, that'd be great. I mean, I got her email address. She wouldn't do it, but I got her email address. I wouldn't ask her. Too much dignity there.

We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.