Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 686: Purge in My Pants with Rob Huebel

Episode Date: May 10, 2021

Rob Huebel (Medical Police, FriendZone Twitch show) joins Jordan and Jesse for an extra special MaxFunDrive episode! They talk about his role as the white guy Gary on Black-ish, his recent upgrade to his streaming setup that has him ready for the purge, and his recent sighting of Scott Bakula running through Griffith Park shirtless. It's MAXFUNDRIVE time! It's the one time of year we ask everyone to support the show if they can. If you can afford it and want to pitch in a few bucks, go to MaximumFun.org/Join. There are awesome thank you gifts, including a pin celebrating one of our favorite drop-in guests, Herbal T. Calmnman! (And yes, Jordan CONFIRMS the spelling on this episode.)

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris. Here, checking it out, bringing you the latest in gaming, sports, cars, babes, pouches. Did they relaunch Fuel TV? fuel tv dogs friends shovels oh sorry jesse i i had a little uh just kind of slipped into a little fugue state i um this is our first record we're doing with my new ring light on oh wow and so i kind of slipped into a little influencer fugue i guess i guess uh i have a

little influencer in me and the ring light brought it out and i just felt the urge to to to ask everybody to check it out we're gonna be unboxing the new shovel the 2021 shovel right here on jordan jesse go make sure to smash that, subscribe, and let us know in the comments what your favorite 2021 is. Check it out. Jordan, I got to say. This ring light's doing weird shit to me. My favorite 2021? It's not this one.

It's a different one. I don't know what the other options are. There's one on Earth 2 that's going really well. 2020 on Earth 2, fucking awesome. 2021, even better. I would take Bizarro World 2021. Now, Jesse, don't say something you can't take back. Okay.

Okay. Sorry, Jordan. No, I know. I have a ring light. You know, this is an audio program. Yeah. But, you know, we have a Zoom component. Yes.

And I've been doing a lot of podcasting lately. I've been doing a lot of Zooming. And I, you know, I've just been very self-conscious about how I look on these video conferences. And, you know, I avoided it because I felt vain. But I'm like, you know what? You will feel better about yourself. Just drop the fucking 40 bucks and get the ring light. And you know what?

I think I look pretty healthy and luminous. Yeah. I mean, you look, Gordordon you've got a certain glow about you in fact i was going to ask if you were pregnant well that was going to be my the second bomb that i dropped the first bomb of the program sorry i got a ring light bomb number two i'm knocked up junior style j style baby you've seen junior right the uh arnold schwarzenegger comedy about the first pregnant man yeah sure remember when arnold schwarzenegger just made a bunch of comedies with no fighting do you remember when arnold schwarzenegger made a bunch of movies sure like i

i not that long ago watched true lies you know the movie james cameron movie true lies and uh i will grant that like basically the entire premise of the film is racist like almost every part of the film it contains racism so there's that sure other than that great movie i really enjoyed watching it uh it was exactly what i wanted it to be um and as i was watching it, I was just thinking like, I will grant that this is a delightful movie. Arnold Schwarzenegger is horrible at acting. Like he is horrible at it. Like he can barely say the words

and not because of his accent, just because it seems like he's, like it's really, really rough at being a movie star. And he was the biggest movie. Like, The Rock fulfills the current role that Arnold Schwarzenegger fulfilled in our culture. You know what I mean? But, like, The Rock is great at being The Rock. Like, he's really good at it.

Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't do any. He's awful. I would say that maybe the Arnold Schwarzenegger we all wanted is the Arnold Schwarzenegger that emerged a couple years ago to taunt Donald Trump on Instagram. I think that is maybe the most compelling that he like and then like he would be taunting Donald Trump on Instagram and then it would pan over and there would be five goats in his living room do you remember that series of videos sure and the goats are not explained uh man I didn't mind redistricting reform Arnold Schwarzenegger if we're talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger's we support. And, you know, I mean, who knows if True Lies would have even been good if the person in the middle of it was a professional actor. But I'll say...

That's no slight against the lovely Tia Carrera, is it, Jesse? Because I will not stand for it. I will log off. Not at all. Let us know your favorite True Lies. Let us know your favorite true lies. Let us know, smash that like button, and let us know what your favorite 2021 is. Sorry, man. This thing's fucking with me.

Jordan, I'm so happy to see you. We see each other once a week here on internet. But the other day, I walked up to the farmer's market. Guess who's in front of me in line mr jordan morris that's right literally in front of me in line i got there early behind the great jordan morris yeah it's weird that i took 20 minutes to acknowledge you i mean cool especially because i was like jumping up and down. Yeah. Waving my arms. We had a very nice day with our friend Lizzie at the Pasadena Farmer's Market. Shout out to Lizzie. Shout out to Lizzie.

She's been really, really just a godsend going to the Farmer's Market with me. That's what you want. Nothing wrong with that. You know, I saw Cameron Esposito, a friend of the program at that Farmer's Market not long ago. This Farmer's Market's full of stars. It's got Lizzie and Cameron Esposito. Hey, you know who could potentially someday see us at the farmer's market? Our guest who lives near it.

Yeah. Let's talk about it. Of course, you know him from, what don't you know him from? You know him from long ago, you know him from Human Giant. You know him from what what don't you know him from you know him from long ago you know him from human giant you know him from numerous films you know him from his status as an improv legend alongside the great paul sheer you know him as the white guy from blackish uh please welcome Please welcome Rob Hubel. Great to have Rob back. The last one is not something I put on my resume for you to say. Under special skills?

The white guy from Black-ish. I am. I am the white. Sometimes. How are you guys? Great to see you. I haven't seen any of you guys in a long time. Yeah. It's wonderful to see you. I haven't seen any of you guys in a long time. Yeah. It's wonderful to see you, Rob. I

actually, when we booked you on the show. You mean an hour ago? Yes, an hour ago. We had a cancellation. You were kind enough to fill in. And I was like, what is the most recent credit I should give for Rob? And so I like looked at your IMDB and stuff. Oh man, that's way more than I would have done. And I saw that you had been on Black-ish. And so I Googled your character on Black-ish's name is Greg. And I Googled- Is that right?

I don't know if that's right. I believe that's correct. And I Googled- Gary, it's Gary. Gary, okay, Gary. Yeah, yeah. But close, pretty close. You guys are actually both wrong. It's Gary. Gary? Okay. Yeah. But close. Pretty close. You guys are actually both wrong. It's grump.

Yeah, I don't mean to be a pedant, Jordan. So I googled Black-ish and Greg. Probably yields a lot of different search results i i say i googled it but i switched my default search engine to a search engine called duck duck go uh because i

thought you know google's whole business model is collecting all the data about my entire life and i don't want them to have 25 years of my searches in their whatevers. So DuckDuckGo, privacy oriented, much smaller company, this will be fine. And generally, it's fine. Almost always, it's great. It does a great job. The technology power of Google is pretty significant. And sometimes the Duck duck duck go doesn't get me where i want so i was like i was trying to figure out basically i was trying to figure out was this just rob hubel was you know uh a bartender in one episode of blackish or was this like a regular character or what yeah and so i saw an article that was specifically about

rob's character so i was like what great i have not seen this like i've seen blackish but i hadn't seen by the way now now i'm getting nervous is this some sort of am i about to be uh gotcha yeah sorry rob we're gonna cancel you live on the podcast did you guys change the format of this podcast it is it's surprise it's surprise cancelings no sorry ka-chunk i clicked on the article and i'm reading along and uh there's a part that says there's not that many there's not that many white characters on blackish and i'm I'm like, well, sure. I mean, it's about an African-American family. That's what it's about. Of course, there are relatively few white characters on the show. And then there was just a little aside that said,

and when there are white characters on the show. It's often to illustrate racism. And I'm like, well, sure. I mean, that's like part, race is so central to the premise of Black-ish. Like it's about the interplay of racial categories in America, including within African-Americans. So that makes a ton of sense. And then it said, there was just a little parenthetical that said uh which is racist in itself but that's another story and i was like whoa what where was this article so then and it looks like i'm on i thought i was on a recap from a regional newspaper of some kind like i thought i was reading the the like entertainment reporter from the newspaper in New Haven, Connecticut or something. Yeah.

I looked. I'm on a full-on Nazi website. What? Duck, duck, go. Come on, duck, duck, go. So first page, I accidentally clicked on a Nazi website. And my only comfort in this, I realized because there was a news ticker at the bottom that said some very skewed perspectives on the day's events amazing i could not have closed the tab faster and then

by the time it was closed i was thinking to myself on the one hand it is a little rough that duck duck go one of their like top 10 results for Rob's character on Black-ish was this Nazi website. Oh my God. However, the good news is they did not save that I had in past searched for Nazi websites. So they will not be suggesting Nazi websites to me in future based on my interest in Nazi websites, which I do not have. Okay. The more important thing here, Jesse, is not whether or not your browser settings need to be adjusted or whatever. The more important thing is that I do not... Rob, I would hate to have to adjust my browser settings because of your character on the show, Black-ish. Just because

you're getting well-paid guest star work on one of the most popular sitcoms in america doesn't mean that i should have to change my browser settings it needs to be said that i do not play a nazi on the tv show blackish maybe should have mentioned that earlier that should have been said at the beginning of all of this i do not play i am am their cousin, Gary. I'm like their, you know, kind of dumb white cousin, Gary, a real stretch. And, uh, most recently I, uh, my character was very affected by all of the protests and marches and things. And so I, uh, was trying to single-handedly fix racism. Like I was, I had suddenly become super woke and I thought that

I could fix racism and I was trying to get them and they weren't that enthusiastic to help me, the white guy, fix racism. And I was like, what's wrong with you guys? You know, like, so it's me getting frustrated with them that they won't help me. Rob, did you know it was a Nazi newspaper when you gave them the interview? Rob, did you know it was a Nazi newspaper when you gave them the interview? When I spent the weekend with the Nazis for the in-depth interview. It was very terrifying. I was very upset.

It was more of a profile, Jesse. It was more of a profile. By the way, the name of this episode of this podcast needs to be Rob Hubel is not a Nazi. But then maybe it shouldn't be. Maybe it shouldn't be. I mean, it was just a regular photo shoot where you're holding a rubber chicken. Like it was not a weird. It was just a standard comedian photo shoot. That is crazy that on Nazi websites, first of all, they have entertainment reviews.

When did they start reviewing television? They loved Godzilla vs. Kong. What the fuck is happening where they're like, hey, Trevor, what's your take on some ABC sitcoms? Right. They're like,

guys, we need the racist perspective on flora's lava all right who who wants to do bridgerton that's so crazy and it's also such a weird thing that the guy said uh there aren't that many white people on blackish and when they do it's to illustrate racism, which is also racist. I would encourage, I know that some of our listeners are feeling like they need to know how awful it is. You don't. It's plenty awful, and you could just trust us on that.

You don't have to go on DuckDuckGo and do the search. I discourage that, in fact. Yeah, because now we're sending, yeah, don't Google it or DuckDuckGo it. What's the verb for DuckDuckGo? I don't know. Did you guys DDG it? Don't DDG it, guys. Do not DDG it.

I have a DuckDuckGo question for the two of you. In gym class or physical education class, PE class, when it was raining outside and you had to be indoors. In my school, there was no gym. So when we were indoors, we had to go into the basement. So when you're in the basement, when it's raining outside, you're going to play an indoor game. You're going to play, are you playing Duck, Duck, Goose? Or are you playing Hamburger, Hamburger, Cheeseburger? What age are we talking about? We're talking about roughly age eight. Okay. Eight, nine, somewhere in about? We're talking about roughly age eight. Okay. Eight,

nine, somewhere in there. We're talking late elementary school, I would say. Okay. I guess I have never heard of hamburger, hamburger, cheeseburger. I don't either. I was embarrassed. I was so ashamed. I don't know what that is. It's the same as Duck, Duck, Go, only instead of ducks and goes, it's hamburgers and cheeseburgers. We said Duck, Duck, Goose

at my school. Yeah, we would say duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, goose, and then the goose would get up and chase you. This is where we would do Jeeves, Jeeves, Jeeves, Bing. Oh, boy. Thank you. That was a pre-written joke. You knew that we were going to.

It was, yes. I have Bruce Valancius here with me, camera, writing me some zingers. I have some stuff about how drunk Judy Garland is. That is the future of Zoom, by the way, is having writers like right there just like you need. Hand me note cards. Jordan, I went to private elementary school, so we did Jeeves, Jeeves, Jeeves, Worcester. Right, yeah. It's another variant on a popular game uh we did no so we did uh we did like heads up seven up if you play heads up seven um yeah what was that close your eyes and put your thumb up in the air maybe yeah

absolutely nothing physical about it does someone kill you you? Yeah. Is that like mafia? Is it like mafia? They wouldn't do that in a children's school. Somebody pushes your thumb. Yeah, so you... Oh, that's what it is. The teacher would put your thumb down or something? Or the teacher would... Put your thumb in a pie?

Put her hand on the small of her back or maybe... Yeah. That's just me. That's probably me, yeah. Sure, yeah. No, I think you put your heads down and then someone touches your thumb and then you have to guess who touched your thumb. Yeah.

I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's right. What a, that's a great game. That's a,

I mean, that's basically mafia. What's cool about it is it really draws on your knowledge of other people's thumb touching. Yeah. People's hand clamminess. Yeah. Yeah. And whether or not it feels like someone that you're familiar with, someone that you could be. There's a little bit of intimacy there too. Yes, absolutely. Maybe some early stirrings of

romance in the belly. Yes. You're only going to pick someone that you like. You're not going to pick someone that you don't like. Wait, hold on, Robert. Pause for a moment. I have to talk to my friend Jordan here. Where would you say that you feel romance during Jordan? In the diarrhea area. I conflate romance and

diarrhea. Right in the belly. Right in the gut, you know? When you eat a whole frozen pizza by yourself romance right yeah like the kind of thing you would deal with with some pepto bismol some pink bismuth right yes uh rob i have this ring light that i got because of van i heard in the in the earlier in the show i heard you mentioned you know i was sitting here and i didn't know whether i should start talking it's you know because since you guys changed up the format to gotcha format, I don't know what the...

Yeah, surprise cancelings. I don't know what the rules are. But yeah, you changed your setup as well because of all the like video work you had to do, right? That's right. Yeah, I do a weekly show on Twitch with Paul Scheer and Paul has like the most elaborate like get up. It's amazing. He's like, he's beautifully lit from at least two angles.

I'm not joking. There's like an edge, you know, to his, the back of his head. And then he's, he's lit perfectly from the front. And then his background is like soft focus. He has some sort of a special DSLR camera. So he's in the foreground and the background is blurred and the background is lit. I mean, it's beautiful. And then I come on there.

I look like an idiot. You know, I have like four flashlights pointed at my face. And so, yeah, I finally got. Just being held by trick-or-treaters yeah where are you guys going hey where are you guys going if you want this tiny twix you'll hold up this flashlight for my twitch show yeah but yeah so i finally uh or sheer you know just gets stuff sent to him i think like he got me gear he got me like this awesome ring light and a couple microphones. Shear just gets stuff.

Shear is an influencer? Is that what you're telling us? Paul Shear is a professional influencer? That's a great question. Yeah, I'll go on the record and say Paul Shear is, I would say, a bad influencer, but still an influencer. Not that he is doing evil. He is not a very good influencer, but he is probably an influencer. It's not like he goes on Instagram Live and tells people he likes to smoke Marlboro Reds. Yeah, I don't think he does that anymore.

He was doing that. But earlier we were saying that you guys were laughing about my background. Now I have a, to our listeners listeners i have aluminum siding behind me uh which is something i just bought at home depot and with my ring light it looks like i'm in a missy elliott video perhaps yes it does we should get you a fisheye camera yeah or, or maybe someone else said a confessional in the real world, like around 1990-something, you know? Yeah. It's very

strong 1998 vibes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was gonna say barbecue restaurant where they let you throw peanut shells on the ground. Also true. Also true, yeah. I'll take a half pound of the brisket and did you what the heck mac and cheese i'm going crazy did you rob like go into uh the home improvement superstore

grab one of those folks in the special vest and say hi i'm an improv streamer and I'm looking for the coolest background you've got. Yeah. I went into Home Depot and I said, excuse me, I have my mask on, so you can't recognize me. But I played, I was in the movie. I love you, man. I'm the Nazi from Black-ish. Yeah. I'm the Nazi cousin from Black-ish. I Uh, I did, I, no, no, I just, I literally ran around home Depot and I knew I would find something, but I didn't know I was going for like a wooden, um, like fencing sort of like, this is all boring, but anyway, I, I ended on a aluminum siding. So, but you know, the other, I was telling Jordan, it does look like I'm in the purge also, which is, it's coming in. The purge is coming.

So it's, yeah, it is amazing that the, that we haven't had a purge yet. It seemed like, it seems like just for so long, we've been teetering on the edge of purge and, uh, you know, I have a little hook by my door and I just always have, I have my keys there and I have my clown mask that says i am god on it and just ready to go i'm ready to go the i love that that's your go bag too just the clown mask and that's it it's basically your car keys you need to get around but it's basically the clown oh yeah i just need the clown mess, and I get out there, and I start to strangling. Man, I don't think we're far off from a real purge.

I think that that's on the horizon. You know, guys, I actually, I'm going to have to go to that Home Depot. Home Depot is bad words in my house because my father-in-law is the manager of an independent employee-owned hardware store up there in Marin County called Jackson's. Shout out to Jackson's Hardware. Yeah, and also, fuck Home Depot. That's a terrible company. I agree. Yeah, it really is the worst, but I think I might have to go there to get a shed.

I need a shed pretty bad, and just for aging my cured meats. And speaking of hooks, Jordan, God, the tenter hooks I'm going to have in this shed. You won't believe them. Is it actually going to be for meat? You're going to have a terrible coyote problem. Yeah, it's just going to be for last year's and next year's children's clothes or whatever. But I didn't want to go to that store

for that broad variety of reasons. Also, it's just, it never is less than an awful experience going to that store. It's terrible. It's terrible. Yeah, I feel like Home Depot is always jockeying with Kinkos for meanest employees. Yeah, my father-in-law has worked in the store that he manages for around 30 years, 30, 30. And there's other people that work at the store that have worked there that long. And it's an employee-owned store.

And I can call my father-in-law and ask him any question about hardware. And he will know the answer. My father-in-law's wardrobe is over 70% long sleeve promotional t-shirts that say Husqvarna on them. Whoa. That's like some sort of tool. I know that's a tool. It's gotta be a tool. Exclusively t-shirts that say steel,

you know, S-T-I-H-L. Yep, yep. And so I can ask him anything and 90% of the people at Home Depot are just actively avoiding your gaze. Oh, yeah. It is a game with them to fuck with you. Yes. Are we allowed to swear on the show?

Yeah. I can't remember. Since you changed to gotcha format, I can't remember. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. We were actually trying to gotcha you into swearing, and you did it to yourself, my friend. Yeah.

Put on your clown mask that says God. But yeah, man, they actively are trying to antagonize you at Home Depot for sure. There's always two of them talking by themselves and you feel like a jerk for interrupting, but they're just going to hang out and talk. And you know,

my sympathies are with them. Like I want to be clear. Yeah. My sympathies are with them. They work, they work for a nightmare company. They know it. And they're just trying to get by, make it through their day. Like my, my father-in-law, the reason he's worked in this place for 30 some years is it's employee owned. Like they're, they're happy to work there. They like it. And I would like to throw sympathy towards Home Depot employees because I bet you get some fucking shitheads coming in there and being mad at you because the paint dried a different color or something. Or it's just dudes who don't know how to do anything.

And so they're running there. And listen, myself included, I cannot do anything and so they're running there and my listen myself included i cannot do anything i'm completely worthless the fact that i am so worthless by the time i go to home depot i'm furious i am furious i'm like i don't know how to fix this my it's broken there's urine leaking or you know what i'm like i'm so mad you're like i don't know i need some fucking wood give me some wood to put in my toilet everything i own is soaked in urine help me help me 19 year old making 14 an hour why is there so much urine in my house house. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Boy detective, boy howdy, boy, I've got some good news. It's Max Fun Drive time. It sure is, and this is a little extra episode. We know we've been a little behind, and so know we've been a little behind.

And so we wanted to give you guys a little thank you, Epp, for being so patient and to take this opportunity to tell you a little bit more about the MaxFunDrive. Yeah, this show and all the shows at Maximum Fun are supported by membership, supported by people who go to MaximumFun.org slash join and sign up to send us five bucks a month, $10 a month, $20 a month. That money goes directly to the shows that you listen to. You go to MaximumFun.org slash join, click off a few boxes, clickety clackety clank,

tell us what kind of thank you gifts you want, schmickety schmockety schmock. I'm out of nonsense words here, but the point is that if you go to MaximumFun.org slash join, you're directly supporting Jordan Jesse Go and whatever other MaxFun shows you listen to. Yeah, we basically work for tips here

at MaxFun. It's a tipping-like system, so if you got a little bit more, we'll certainly'll we'll certainly take it. But if you just have, you know, a buck per show to throw your your favorite podcasters, it makes a ton of difference. You know, it's like if you if you throw your bartender a buck a drink, if you throw your barista a buck a drink, maybe considering throwing throwing your podcasters a buck a show. maybe considering throwing your podcasters a buck a show. I make that analogy a lot and it's always great to hear from the I don't tip community.

Jordan, as the co-host of the Judge John Hodgman podcast I know the pure pleasure involved in hearing from the I don't tip community. So, you know, they're out there. They love to respond to this analogy. So, you know, when you're deciding whether or not to give, just keep in mind that the I don't tip community is out there. And if you'd like to offset them in some way would we would really appreciate it um it's really cool that we don't rely on you know venture capital or a giant multi-bazillion dollar corporation to keep going because if that was the case the show would not keep going because of its um popularity

relative to other podcasts but uh we have a bunch of really cool, nice listeners, i.e. you guys. And we have a nice little group of people who listen. And if they kick in a little bit to support it, the show can keep going for as long as you'd like it. So maximumfund.org slash join. Lots of cool gifts that maybe we'll tell you about a little bit later in the show.

But maybe most excitingly, a ton of bonus content. Over 200 hours of bonus shows for you if you join. That's to everyone, whether you upgrade or not. There's a couple dozen hours of just Jordan, Jesse, go bonus content at this point, because we've been doing this a long

time. Yeah, we sure have. It's not just the show we recorded on a boat. There's also the show we recorded about the Burt Reynolds movie this year. Yeah, we took some votes as to what lesser Burt Reynolds movie we should watch and review for the show

and we reviewed Malone ex-cop ex-C xcia explosive explosive with uh with with drea clark a real life film expert yeah um from the formerly known as who shot your podcast we had a ton of fun doing that it was a real blast so if you want to hear that episode if you want to hear the drinking game episode if you want to hear that episode, if you want to hear the drinking game episode, if you want to hear the live call-in episode, we have all kinds of cool stuff up on the bonus content. Jordan, we did that drinking game episode a year ago with our friend Ben Harrison, the premise of which was that we were going to take a drink every time we did one of a number of cliched things that we do on this program, you know, like a drink every time I mentioned that I'm from San Francisco or whatever. And Daniel Baruella from our office, Danny was the rule

keeper, a very stern rule. He can only be described as a real by the book lieutenant in this situation. Yes. Yeah. And I had marijuana soda uh i was drinking from a bottle of marijuana soda i may still be high from that uh that was 18 months ago and i think i am still kind of buzzed from the what i drink like three whole marijuana sodas, really a lot more than is recommended. And we were on there. Ben Harrison joined us. He is a he is a like cocktail expert of the highest order, probably the the most knowledgeable, like amateur cocktail guy that I know. And we drank a bunch of warm Bud Light seltzers.

Yeah, just real. It was a real punishing evening, but I had a nice time. A lot of fun, a real ordeal. Malone punishing in its own way. True. If you want to support all of this nonsense, go to MaximumFun.org slash join. Look, we have a lot of friends that have podcasts. They've been getting sold from VC-backed startup to Spelling Bee Corporation to Joe Rogan Incorporated. Pretty soon they'll be sold to some company that makes always connected to the internet coffee makers or whatever. makes always connected to the internet coffee makers or whatever. And we're very grateful that your support allows us to remain independent. We own the show, Jordan and I own the show, and we're very proud of that fact. And we're very proud that it's members who keep our lights on, not advertisers or corporate overlords. So if you can help be a part of that, go to MaximumFun.org slash join. It's quick. It's easy.

It's fun. And we promise to only bother you during this one brief window of time this year. So MaximumFun.org slash join is where you can go to sign up. And let's get back to Rob Hubel. so anyway i was like i don't want to buy i don't want to buy a shed there's a home depot right by my house but i was like i don't want to go there to buy a shed i know they have sheds because they're right out in front and i always think it would be fun to to like uh spend the night in one but um, just cause they look like little houses and they're just right out there in front.

They'd be great. Right. Until it becomes like, you know, spider, a spider facility. So I went on Twitter, I went on Twitter cause I thought, you know, if there, if anything can be crowdsourced, it's this, like somebody knows the better way to get a shed than going to Home Depot. And I don't know it. And there isn't another, like there's wasn't, there's not another big hardware store near me. There's regular hardware stores that I go to when I need hardware, but there's no like big place that would sell small buildings.

If this is leading back, if this is leading back to you going to the nazi website buying a nazi shed if you bought a nazi shed i thought well socialist that sounds all right they're out there so i um i went on twitter and i asked like how do i how do i get a shed uh does anybody know how you get a shed in LA? That's not just going to the, not just going to the Home Depot. And there were two categories of people. One was people scolding me for, uh, suggesting that I would otherwise go to Home Depot if I couldn't figure out an alternative. Um, which, you know, that's fine. I also hate Home Depot. And then the rest of them were just like, yeah, just get a bunch of Mennonites to come

to your house. And I was like, I think that's a regional solution to this problem. Yeah. I think there are places in America where a group of Mennonites can come to your house and put up a shed. I believe that a hundred percent. I'm not sure that that place is the Los Angeles basin. I don't think so. Yeah. I don't think we have like a huge Amish population here for the barn raisings. But that was a great scene in the Harrison Ford movie, Witness. Did you see the

movie? No. Yeah, sure. There's a barn raising scene. Jesse, have you scene in the Harrison Ford movie Witness. Did you see the movie Witness? No. Yeah, sure. There's a barn raising scene. Jesse, have you not seen the Harrison Ford movie Witness? No, I've seen other movies with the great actor Harrison Ford. Oh, can you believe this guy's never seen Witness? I'm Jesse. Oh, geez. Guys, sorry.

I'm just not into sci-fi. Yeah, Rob and I are a couple of geeks. We're watching Witness. We're watching Regarding Henry. We're watching Clear and Present Danger. He goes undercover. He's a detective. And a small Amish boy goes into the big city with his mom in a train station.

The little boy goes into the bathroom and witnesses a murder. And the killer that killed this person in the bathroom hears a noise and he starts looking through the bathroom stalls. And the little boy somehow evades and goes under the stall. And so then they don't know if anyone was in there or not. Anyway, long story short, they start chasing this little Amish kid and they have to go, the bad guys have to go out into the Amish country to find him. Harrison Ford is a detective who goes undercover and lives with the Amish family to protect this little boy and falls in love with Kelly McGillis. Is that her name from Top Gun? I think so. Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

She's Amish. And anyway, there's a big Amish romance there. You know, Harrison Ford was a professional carpenter. I once interviewed Sergio Mendes, the Brazilian musician Sergio Mendes on Bullseye. And Sergio Mendes says to me, he says, guess who? He's like, when I moved to Los Angeles, I needed a recording studio.

I had my money from the first Brazil 66 record, and I needed to build a recording studio in my yard. And so I hired this guy who had come highly recommended. Do you know who that guy was? And I'm like, who is that? And he goes, Mr. Harrison Ford from Star Wars. That's amazing. Yeah. God, could you imagine a man that gorgeous building your shed can you oh man that is incredible rob who put up your who put up your aluminum siding well i had uh i had like about 60 or 80 friends come over and we just did like an old-fashioned aluminum siding. I guess the question, Rob, is what religious group?

Were they Baptists? Were they Catholics? Yep, yep. Liberation theologians? This is just leaning against the wall, Jordan. You'll be disappointed. But, you know, it's still pretty cool. Yeah, it looks amazing.

It looks nice. disappointed it's it's uh but you know it's still pretty cool yeah it looks it looks amazing it looks nice it looks like you're uh in an underground dance club in an early 90s action film yeah that's exactly where i heard you guys um making fun of arnold schwarzenegger's acting earlier and i didn't get a chance to weigh in okay i'd love to i'd love to hear that thanks rob thanks for bringing a topic and yeah and we do a lot of like we'd make sure to open with a lot of like late 80s jay leno style jokes we really pick a target yeah arnold schwarzenegger's acting norman norman schwarzkopf we did brian tell you the next segment we're talking we're only talking about judge ito in the next judge ito yeah just only

judge lance ito those are great uh i did jury duty one time and there was a big picture of judge lance ito uh on the wall and you know how they put up those posters that say like uh you know do your duty you know become a jury you're already there doing your duty but yeah but for some reason he was like you know he was the celebrity that they had on the wall which and it said be real neato be like that is exactly what they said that was the slogan last time i did uh jury duty i i hung out with david liebehart from uh the tim and eric shows oh really every everybody goes into everybody goes into jury duty even david liebehart from the tim and eric shows Everybody goes into jury duty. Even David Liebehart from the Tim and Eric shows.

Are they doing jury duty right now when you're... Tim and Eric? During the pandemic, is there jury duty? Yeah, there is. I don't think you... I think that they are really... Am I doing it right now? Is it over Zoom? This counts.

This is your civic duty, Rob. Do you have any strong feelings about the police that you'd like to tell us about, Robert? Mr. Hubel, number 14. Yes. But they're doing it in person? That seems... Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I think they are.

Justice has got to continue. That's why I got the ring light, so I look real good for jury duty over Zoom. Oh, over Zoom? I thought you were bringing it in to the courtroom. Oh, I should. That's what I'd like to see. I just carry it around with me and stick it down. You should always have a ring light with you just for when you're chatting with people.

That's the best. What a great idea. Yeah. Jordan, can I see you without the ring light just for comparison? Yeah. I'll have to get up, but I think this is it. Okay, never mind. This is worth it.

No, I think this is worth it for the podcast. Yeah. The audience is going to love to hear how Jordan looks. Yeah. It's okay. I've got tons of great visual bits, guys. I've got tons of great visual bits. This. I've got tons of great visual bits. I mean, we had Carrot Top on last week, and he just slayed.

We just described a lot of funny ties he was pulling out. David Wayne did close magic. Right. Okay, so yeah. So here's me right now. I don't know if you want to give a fake. Jordan, I'm sorry to interrupt you. I just know that some pedants are going to write in.

Rob said that David Wayne was doing close-up magic. I think what Rob meant to say was that Michael Showalter was doing close-up magic. So go ahead, Jordan. Okay. Wait, what? Does Michael Showalter do close-up magic? No, but I think you meant to say David Blaine, but you said David Wayne. No, I did say David Wayne.

David Wayne does close-up magic? Yes. Get on the internet. Brian Fernandez is nodding emphatically like it is common knowledge. Get on the internet, Jesse. Yes, David Wayne, the director of Wet Hot American Summer. Does close-up magic. Yeah, he's done it. I love this. It was just a visual joke joke. I thought you were just trying to say David Bl it. I love this. It was just a visual joke joke. I thought you were just trying to say David Blaine. Oh, man.

Can you believe this guy? He hasn't seen Witness. He hasn't seen David Wayne's close-up magic. Okay, so here's me with the ring light, looking great, looking pregnant, looking preggers. Okay, I'm going to get up now. The glow on Jordan Morris. There's a couple different elements of glow going on here, Rob. One is

the gorgeous ring light. One is that he's got the natural highlights in his hair from swimming down at the Verdugo Aquatic Center. And here's me without it! Rawr! You can really hear the difference. Yeah.

Wow, you sound terrible without the ring light. Yeah. Yeah, it really just affects my whole performance. Yeah, go back to the ring, man. I'm sorry. This is terrifying. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm going back to the ring.

Okay, Jordan's going to get up. And is there anything you want to say about Jordan while he doesn't have his headphones on, Rob? This is great. This is our time? This is our time This is our time to talk shit about him Oh my god David Wayne does close up magic?

Yes, Paul and I have had him on our Twitch show And he will do magic for the camera And it is impressive He's a good magician That guy's a brilliant comedy writer Brilliant comedy performer A film director And he does close up magic

And plays music Plays like a million instruments Why don't you just book him on the show What am I doing here Obviously we tried to get Wayne After we couldn't get Blaine We went with Wayne Wayne, Blaine, then Hubes

Robert Hoibel Our our old good friend. So good news, my ring light's back on. And I'm just here telling you to check it out because we've got Fortnite Strats coming up and we're going to interview all the latest 2021 pies. That's right, all the pies for this year. Let us know in the comments. We're going to do pie interviews, huh?

What would you say? Strawberry rhubarb? Sorry, God. Banana cream? I don't know what that guy was talking about. Jeez, sorry. Jordan, would you do a show, or have you done a show that is just reviewing dude gear, like bro gear, like cool razors and tools and leg massagers. I don't know what stuff like that.

I think that's a good lane for me. And I'm always looking for a new lane cause the one I'm working on, uh, you know, isn't great. So I think a new lane would probably be really good for me. So yeah, like maybe like the dude's dude, you know, the, the dude, the dude's trust. If you need a, right. Right. If you need a fucking seven blade razor, if you need a, like, you know the the dude that dudes trust if you need a right right if you need a fucking seven blade razor if you need a like you know drone a drone with a drone yeah yes drones i'm here to review drones one of the coolest like insider hollywood experiences that i ever got

from being friends with my friend jordan morris who's a hollywood insider is when jordan was uh an on-air correspondent for fuel tv oh he has done this okay yeah yeah this is it i have done something similar to this in a in a previous life uh when we did that tv show i remember one time they needed a lot of b-roll of me my Motorola phone that they handed me. Um, but, uh, but anyway, uh, one time Jordan texted me and he said, uh, on the daily habit, the show he worked on most deaf is going to do a few songs and they're just going to like truck in high schoolers from the Valley. So, uh So you should come because you will actually like it. And I was like, this is absolutely fucking great. Like, I'm so pumped about this.

And it was totally great. Like, it was really awesome. I mean, Mos Def is an amazing performer, a citizen of the world. He's got that world passport that means that he doesn't have to pay taxes or child support in the United States. And-

Is this like a diplomatic immunity thing? It's an imaginary. It's like the diplomatic immunity version of the thing that Wesley Snipes went to jail for. Like, it's like he was living in South Africa without a visa because he believed that his international passport that made him a citizen of the world. This is a whole thing about Mos Def. But that's, aside from that, wonderful performer, great rapper, obviously. And I had a great time

watching Mos Def. And afterwards, I remember talking to Jordan and being like, that is a really, like, I know that they, I know that the show Jordan worked on had a lot of cool bands on it. Because, you know, if you have a TV show, uh, and you can't get the absolute most famous acts, you can get cool acts, uh, cause they just want to be on TV. And so, and, and they had a cool booker. And so there was a lot of cool music on Jordan's show, but, um, uh, but most staff was sort of like next, next level for the show. And I like how did how did they get most how did they get most death and the answer was that he was a spokesman for a watch brand and they had to agree to do a certain number of shots of the watch like what like they could show him doing the show like

it was not all watch stuff and at no point did he talk about the watch but there had to be a certain number of shots of the watch wow there had to be a segment a b segment of the show of of of an interview with the watch so most staff didn't talk about any projects or the album but he just you know held his watch up and the watch answered some questions and then well he did an amazing voice he's very funny i don't know if you guys have seen Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but he is tremendous in it. Sure, yes. Or the Cosby Mysteries, which he was also on. Shear sometimes does that on our Twitch show.

He'll start out of nowhere. He'll start talking about Peloton because he has a Peloton. And I'm like, are you? And I honestly don't know whether he is getting money from Peloton to mention them. I mean, he does like it and he uses it, but like he'll mention it all the time. I'm like, are you like, am I supposed to be getting paid from Peloton to like ask you about your Peloton? I saw a headline. I did not read the article, so I'm really just talking out of my rear. But I saw a headline in The New York Times that uh peloton pushes back on government pressure over dangerous treadmill and i was just like

if anything speaks to the brand message of peloton the insanely expensive subscription bicycle service uh it is the idea that the government would tell them their treadmill was dangerous and they would be like, eh, listen, not so fast. Not so fast. They're probably using it wrong. Yeah. If you die on the treadmill. Maybe you'd like to speak to some of our influencers on this subject.

Yeah. Paul Scheer enters the frame. That's amazing. The great Paul Scheer. The lovely Paul Sche lovely paul sheer well listen we're going to take a quick break we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan j Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Look, Jordan, we usually try and approach this Max Fund Drive thing with open hearts. We try and show what's deep inside us, our gratitude that this show is still owned by us and allows us to support our small pets and pay our rent and mortgage.

Our gratitude for all the kindness our listeners have shown us over many, many years. But at the end of the day, we know this is a financial transaction. You give something, you get something. What you're getting is thank you gifts, folks. We're not afraid to say it. We know what you want. You want those stanky pins. Yeah, speaking of stanky pins,

if you give $10 a month, of course, at $5 a month, you get all that bonus content. $10 a month, you get the bonus content. Everybody gets it, regardless of donation level. $5 and up, I believe. But $ bucks a month you get the bonus content everybody gets it regardless of donation level five bucks and up i believe uh but 10 bucks a month you get one of the very very cool max fun pins designed by megan lynn cott there's a different design for every show um this year we have a tribute to our um recurring guest slash friend slash creep, Herbal Tea Calm Man.

Jordan, can we clarify something? Because he's really more your friend than... I actually end up talking to him more on the show. Yeah. Just coincidentally, a lot of times you're out of the room. But we've had a lot of questions about how Herbal Tea Calm Man's name is spelled. Since you know him personally, I presume.

Do you think you could clarify that? Have you ever seen his ID? It's Herbal, H-E-R-B-A-L. Middle initial T stands for the word T. T-E-A. And Kalman, C-A-L-M-N-M-A-N.

Kalman. Kalman. C-A-L-M-N.N-M-A-N. Calm the man. Oh! C-A-L-M-N. N-M-A-N. M-N. Calm the man. L-M-N-M-L.

Yep. L-M-C-N-L-M. Calm the man. Maximumfun.org slash join. Slash join. Hopefully that clears things up. So yeah, it's a cup of tea that says yummy on it, but there's all kinds of cool pins for all the shows.

Jesse, are there cool Bullseye and Judge John Hodgman pins if for some reason people don't want the cup of tea? There are pins for every single show in the network, including Bubble, including iPodius. We have really outdone ourselves on the pin designing front, and I am really excited about every single one of them. You know, Jordan, on the subject of Herbal Tea Calm Men, it just so happens that the Diamond Friendship Circle level, the $20 a month level of membership this year is actually a custom tea kit. Yes.

We figured people needed a little relaxation. Times have been a little taut lately. I don't know if you've noticed that, Jordan. I have not, but I don't watch the news. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. I don't watch the news.

Yeah. Just documentaries on Netflix? Just documentaries on Netflix. Yeah. You know what I like to watch? Hmm? The Ocean. Ah, beautiful.

That's God's Netflix. It is. It's weird that God charges $14.99 a month. I feel like it's always getting raised, too. Yeah, I know, right? God never reduces the cost of watching The Breakers. Right. And they're calm. But, you know, once in a while you do see a dolphin. Yeah, it's a God never reduces the cost of watching the breakers. Right. And they're calm.

But you know, once in a while you do see a dolphin. Yeah. It's a lot of fun. Turns out to be a seal usually, but if you're not close to the ocean or just think it sucks for some reason and you want to relax salt, if you hate salt, see if seagulls bug you 20 bucks a month,

we'll get you the Take a Minute Tea Kit. That is a rocket ship shaped tea strainer with a special blend called Interstellar Orange from the Wishes Tea Company. I saw some photos of this today. It looks really cool. I love to steep myself, as you know. And yeah, I would love one of these things. Very cool. You're going to get one, Jordan.

And I'll tell you, I have tasted this custom tea blend and it is lovely. The notes on this blend, Jordan. Such a blend. This is a really a custom tea blend just for us. These nice folks at this tea company reached out to us and said, we love Max Fun. We would love to create a custom tea blend for you. And we said, thank you. We like went through a whole process

of designing it with them. It was kind of amazing. You know, tea is a magical thing. I mean, I don't need to tell you this. This is probably something you've talked about ad nauseum with your friend Herbal. Yeah, that's right. But yeah, you got to steep it right

if you're going to steep it. And the way to steep it right is with one of these custom steepers. And look, if you can step it up from there, $35 a month, you get all that stuff plus our new insulated rocket cup. We've really been leaning on filling people's cupboards, all their drinking needs over the past few years. drinking needs over the past few years. And at this point, we're looking at insulated cups for keeping that hot beverage hot, the cold beverage cold. But here's the thing, Jordan. Yes. There are many levels at which you can become a member. And if you're already a member,

you can upgrade your membership, you can bump up your membership. I think that what I would like to ask is that if you are standing here in 2021, you're okay financially. What matters to us is not the level at which you become a member, but that you become a member. Totally. Five bucks a month or above. That's the thing. And especially in a year when there certainly are plenty of folks who can't become members. It's been brutal on a lot of people. And if you are able to become a member, you are making it possible for those folks who can't to continue to enjoy this show and keep the lights on at Max Finder.

We're very grateful for every single person who can and every single person who supports the show in any way. Retweeting, talking about the MaxFun Drive, recommending the shows to their friends. All of those things mean a huge amount to us and we're very grateful for all of them. So whatever level you can afford to support us at, we're really grateful. Just go to MaximumFun.org slash join. That's MaximumFun.org slash join. And yeah, let's get back to the episode with Rob Hubel. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob the Purge Hubel. Wow. Rob is also like leaning into his camera, like fucking making icy blue eye contact with it. Yes. Just like, all right, let's fucking get into it. I'm maximizing the visual capabilities of this podcast.

I just am going to do visual stuff. Rob, I feel like there's a purge in my pants. Oh, yeah. Oof. All hail the new founding fathers. Oof. Jordan, maybe you're just feeling romantic. Or I ate a can of stag chili too fast.

Yeah. Hard to say. Can I ask you a question, Jordan? Yeah. What was the best fruit or ask you a question, Jordan? Yeah. What was the best fruit or vegetable you got yourself at the farmer's market this week? Oh, I got some great green onions. I've been doing a lot of fun stuff with those. What are we talking about?

I like to put those on a salad. What else are you using those scallions for? Oh, I have that steak that I got, and I threw them in the pan with the steak, I have that, uh, steak that I got and I threw them in the pan. Are we talking about, are we talking about the South Pasadena farmer's market? No, we're talking about the Pasadena high school farmer's market. Rob get with the fucking program. What are you doing in fucking South Pasadena? South pass. That's our rival high school, Rob. Yeah. Well, I'm from the tough streets. I'm from the tough streets of South Pasadena, baby. The tough streets of South Pasadena. For the at-home listener,

the streets of South Pasadena are not especially tough. They're not. It's a very nice town. It is where they filmed the movie Halloween. That's true. When you drive around, it looks like wherever Haddonfield, Illinois might be.

And the television show Parenthood, which could be very scary, depending on how you feel about Dax Shepard. That's true. I feel generally positive. I think he did a great job on that show. He usually does a great job. Rob, do you have loyalty to that particular farmer's market?

I don't. I have not been to the farmer's market, full disclosure, sorry, in a long time because of this, because of this worldwide pandemic situation. But I, that is the one that I go to. I have been spotted there and you know, people, you know, the paparazzi. Rob, Rob, Rob, we hear you're a Nazi. Rob, this way, Mr. Hubel. Rob, Rob, we hear you're a Nazi. Rob, this way, Mr. Hubel. I'll tell you what's great about that South Pasadena farmer's market is there's this chicken truck at that farmer's market. And when I say chicken truck, what people are imagining is just a regular kind of lunch wagon type food truck, you know, with just a row of windows above, you know, one of those ice pits for different soda

pops. But what it actually is, is if you imagine like a small box truck, like the kind that you buy at a U-Haul, but instead of the side just being a flat panel that says U-Haul on it, it is completely covered in rotisserie skewers with chickens on them. Like it is a rotisserie chicken truck where the truck itself cooks the chickens. It is the most incredible, not pictures. This is not pictures of chickens. It is row after row of whole chickens occupying the entire wall of the truck. It's one of the greatest things I've ever seen in my life. It's fantastic. Yeah. It's a great farmer's market. Come on out, everybody. Capacity and farmer's market. How many shots of that do we need to get for your contract, Rob,

that chicken truck? For the chicken truck? Yeah. I'm supposed to mention the chicken truck every segment. Have I not mentioned it in previous segments? You did not mention it in the first segment, but if you want to mention it right now, we can plug it back into the first segment. Do you want to? That would be great. You know, another good truck, Jesse, is the, it's like a rice ball truck that shows up there. It's like rice balls and inside are various things, meats or vegetables or whatever you want to put in a rice ball. Yeah.

It is delightful. That sounds great. You know what I want to put in there? Come on out everybody to my truck. Maybe some duck. What about some duck with some hoisin sauce? That would be great. That sounds like a Duck know what I want to put in there? Come on out, everybody, to my truck. Maybe some duck. What about some duck with some hoisin sauce? That would be great. That sounds like a DuckDuckGo plug.

Is that what this is going to be? Well, DuckDuckGo, it's the only search engine to use inside a rice ball. So anyway, when something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. This person did that, and now Brian will play the recording that they made for us. Hi, Jesse, Jordan, and the ghost of Ayn Rand as performed by John Hodgman. Close. I'm calling in with a momentous occasion.

My name is Rick, and I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. And despite the world ending with COVID, I finished my degree. I earned my doctorate degree. I am not a medical doctor. However, I am arguably the coolest kind of doctor, and that is a doctor of classical saxophone. So it doesn't get much cooler than this, I got to say. So I'm going to go and bust a sweet solo.

But, yeah, thanks for all you do. Love you. I think, look, I hate to bust. Bust a sweet solo, but yeah, thanks for all you do. Love you. I think, look, I hate to bust... Bust a sweet solo? I hate to bust Dr. Rick's balls here, but there's no doubt that the coolest type of doctor is Doctor of Octopus.

Alright, sure. Wouldn't you say? Yeah, yeah. Doctor of... What is classical sax versus modern sax, I wonder? There's no saxophone in an orchestra. You idiot. You're such an idiot.

Oh, sorry, guys. Me brain not work good. There's no fucking saxophone in an orchestra. Saxophones are in Tower of Power. Sure. Chicago has a saxophone. The band, not the orchestra. Right. Right. Is there a saxophone the band not the orchestra right right is there a saxophone in an orchestra no i don't think i think i think one of the things that sets an

orchestra apart from a band is no uh woodwind instruments i think but also me brain not work good you could have a clarinet right i could see a clarinet or maybe? I could see a clarinet or a bass. What about a bassoon? Isn't that a woodwind? Right. Yeah. An oboe. You got your oboes. You got your bassoon.

I don't know what I'm talking about. This guy. Maybe brass? No. Okay. All right. All right. I don't know.

Oh, I fell on my noggin. I don't know what a classical saxophone is. But the fact that this person who sounded a lot like Bruce McCullough from Kids in the Hall, did anyone notice that? Got their degree. I know him more as a close-up magician, but go ahead. That is great. That's amazing. That took a lot of... Do we comment? Is that what we're doing? Am I the only one doing that? Yeah, yeah. Hang on, what's going on? It is pretty great that he did that. I would not have had the focus to,

or the drive or motivation or anything. Like I've just been sulking for a year. You're doing a Twitch show. You're becoming a Twitch celebrity, which is pretty forward thinking. I'm huge. I'm huge on Twitch. You know, that's the future of entertainment.

You're doing Breath of the Wild speed runs. But it is like, I can't imagine having the discipline to study and take exams and do all like, you know, that's a lot to do over the... That's pretty cool. When I worked for San Francisco Sketch Fest on the subject of the great Bruce McCullough, Bruce McCullough was doing a weekend of his solo show. And they asked me if I could help with the show. And I was like, absolutely, I will help with legendary comedy hero slash, by all accounts, super nice man. I had not met him at that point, Bruce McCullough. And it turned out what I had to do was stay backstage with a Wendy's meal, a Biggie meal from Wendy's. It was like a shake, a burger and fries. And then when he asked me to, I brought them out to him, and he would put all of the elements in a blender and then drink it.

First of all, I could not have been more thrilled to be there, like to be part of a show that was created by Bruce McCullough. The greatest honor. Like who couldn't? I could not love Bruce McCullough more. I listened to Bruce McCullough's CD many times when I was in college, shout out to Heroin Pig. I was like so excited to be there, but every time I brought it to him, I was both, and there was, there's probably five shows or something like that. Every time I was both like thrilled by the

fact, I was like, I bet the audience thinks this is some kind of trick French fries, but actually someone went to Wendy's to get this for him, and I brought it on. It was just a Wendy's Biggie meal. It had to be Wendy's? Could you do? No, I think it had to be Wendy's.

It's in the script. He must have felt terrible after that weekend. Yeah, and so every time when i would go backstage i would watch him do it and i would just think bruce mccalla like you're already successful you don't need to drink the wednesdays like you directed must love. You're doing fine. People love you. Like, yeah, you are one of the greatest comedy voices of a generation. This is something that someone does when they're 24. Like, you're such a genius. But probably killed.

Probably killed. It was fucking great. It was so good. It was so great. Anyway, we also have a call here. Rob, just so you know, we are super creative and have thought of many recurring segments on this show that our audience loves. So what we do is we just have people call in, let us know what segment they're calling in for, just because there's so many great segments that we've created because we're so creative and really work hard on our show.

Yeah, yeah. And then, you know, as long as they let us know at the top which one it is. Brian, go ahead. Go ahead and hit play on this. Hey, this is Jessica calling from Columbus for your signature segment. Crazy animal pieces. A platypus has a penis half the length of its body with four heads does it only use this two at a time thanks bye he doesn't want to go overboard can i ask can i

ask a question about the segment crazy animal penises how popular is this like? How often do you guys do a bit on crazy animal penises? I would say it's probably one of our most popular segments. This is the first time we've done it. Yeah. But I would say... It's going to be huge. It's going to be huge. That's the one. Huge as a platypus's

penis relative to the rest of its body. Yeah, I mean, when you're thinking of, like, great recurring segments, like stupid pet tricks, you know, like, that's, we're like, okay, stupid pet tricks, can't do that. What about crazy animal penises? And, yeah, I think it's our meal ticket. I guess my presumption is that I imagine each of the heads of the penis being at

the end of the penis sort of like the eyes on a cartoon snail so if if it's just the end and you got two of them you're using two of four and those have to go inside the the the lady animal then why have such a huge thing if only the end where they split apart is the part that goes inside you know one one penis tip goes in yeah another can you slow it down when you say that yeah uh sure i'll slow it down so one head of the penis goes in one stimulates the you know it's fine we'll slow it down in post okay cool yeah so one head of the penis goes in one stimulates the... You know what? It's fine. We'll slow it down in post. Okay, cool. Yeah, so one head of the penis goes in, one stimulates the erogenous zone, and then two of the other heads go through their purse.

Okay, cool. Their prehensile. Rob, sorry, Jordan had to go to the bathroom, so I brought in Jungle Jack Hanna. Hey, it's me, Jungle Jack Hanna. Did I die recently? No, I just receded from public life.

Oh, that's right, yes. Yeah. So here's the thing. So this week we are trying out, we got an extra producer on the program, Val. And Val is sending our recording of this show, like behind the scenes style to our facebook page and so we figured why not take a question from facebook uh brian fernandez our producer sunny d has that question now uh brian what's the question from the people watching live at home um okay uh what have you started doing during the pandemic that you will keep doing after it's over?

Wow. That's an interesting one. Crying more. I feel like I've cried a lot, and I don't see an end coming. I don't see an end point to the tears. Sure. Jordan, you sound like you've been up to something.

I started running during it, and I really like it, and I will probably keep on doing it it's not like a fun answer although neither was crying so you know what are you runners high right now god i wish i wish i had some of those sweet dolphins no i couldn't test i couldn't i couldn't squeeze it in today man those endorphins are really serious i don't know or fun running huh yeah sure i Dorfing over here, baby. Dorfing.

This guy's Dorfing. I realize it's kind of obnoxious when someone talks about liking an exercise. Like, I just love it. But I do. So I'm just going to kind of lean into being like a weird dick about this particular exercise. But yeah, I like it. The app really, like doing an app really helps. You're like an aggressive runner, I like it. The, the app really like doing an app really helps. You're like an aggressive runner. I feel like, I feel like when you run, you run like to, uh, first of all, you run in a way that looks like you're being chased. Like I'm imagining, you know,

to like draw attention to yourself. Like I feel like when you run, you're running to be seen. Am I wrong about that? Yeah, a lot of wild hand gestures. And I scream, mommy, mommy. You wear one of those signature hats so you have something to talk about with women while you're running. Right, with the little fan on the front. It's keeping me cool while I'm fishing.

The beer can hat with the straws. Yeah, I'm always sipping on two tall boys while I'm fishing. The beer can hat with the straws. Yeah, I'm always sipping on two Tallboys while I'm running. My daughter just literally, in the minutes before I came down here to my office to record this podcast, my daughter asked for one of those. She said, will you get me one of those beverage hats with the two straws? And my kid is really like wanting to get stuff and i'm trying to discourage it because i'm all about experiences baby not things and uh but i do try you know i try to kind of deflect the demands because otherwise it's just a non-stop list of demands and i was like well that would be a great uh thing for you to ask for for your birthday and inside my head i'm like fuck i want one of those fucking hats yes like those fucking hats rule like i also want like a koozie that's shaped like a 49ers helmet, like where it's like the whole helmet and you hold on to the, like, I also want that.

A hundred percent. I want, I don't even drink beer. I would have like ginger ales or something in there and I want it. Throw a couple of snapples up there. My daughter hates carbonated beverages. She does not like the feel of the bubbles on her tongue. hates carbonated beverages. She does not like the feel of the bubbles on her tongue. And so we really had to do some brainstorming to come up with a drink to put in the hat. If we got the hat, what drink would we put in the hat? When you get the hat.

Yeah. And the answers are, if you're wondering, if you're listening at home, you hate carbonated drinks, but you love construction hats that hold two cans with straws that go down to your mouth. Gravity-driven drink hats. Yeah, exactly. The answers to this are Yoo-Hoo and Kern's Nectar. That's two. Wow. Drink a bite.

Just drink two bites at once, Jordan. Wow. A note about endorphins. Yeah. Something that I did not expect when I started running. When those dwarfs hit, you feel cool.

You know, you got your headphones in. Who can it be now by minute work comes on. Yeah. But not until the dwarfs kick in? Minute work doesn't come on until the dwarfs kick in.

Yeah, I time it. I like to time out those playlists. So right when maximum Dorf, that's when MinuteWork comes on. He's got a Garmin sport watch that's measuring his Dorfs. Yeah. Wow. You know, I was, not to name drop, but I was cutting through Griffith Park here in Los Angeles. Oh, wow.

Wow, dropping Griffith. Yeah, I can afford Oh, wow. Dropping Griffith. I can afford to go through there on my way home. I saw this person running. This is my celeb spotting story. I saw this person running. I instantly recognized him

because I'd seen him a couple times before on this horse trail through Griffith Park. I saw TV heartthrob Scott Bakula shirtless. Whoa. Whoa. You saw Bakula shirtless? Yeah, dude.

That's the fucking dream, Robbie. I know. I almost crashed my car. I legit almost crashed my car. Oh, for men of a certain age? Come on. Yes. Puffin' and puffin'?

Yeah, dude. And he had his mask. He did have a mask on, but it was like halfway down his face, if you're wondering how I could recognize. I was like, oh, it's Bax. You didn't just recognize him from his fucking gorgeous, his gorgeous peepers.

Listen, man, he's ripped, by the way. He should be shirtless. That guy's, how old's Bax? Bax's gotta be 60 years old, right? Yeah, for sure. 80, 90, 90, 100. If I were 124 years old like Scott Bakula, I couldn't even get out of bed, much less be gorgeous on film and television. Yeah, he looked good. God bless Bakula. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go.

It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. We just want to share our thanks with everybody out there who is already a Max Fund member, everybody who has become a Max Fund member, everybody who's about to go to MaximumFund.org slash join, everybody who's supported us in innumerable other ways. It has been a very, very tough year, and we're very grateful to have your support and have a job thanks to you. We are very grateful to have your support and have a job. Thanks to you. Yeah.

It's really cool to make something for cool people that you like. Yeah. Max fun listeners are pretty much uniformly just awesome people with big hearts who like dumb goofing around. And it is, it's really cool. It definitely like I have been involved with a lot of stuff and uh feeling like you're making something for an audience that frightens you or upsets you uh is a is a is a crummy feeling and are you talking specifically about guys who do motocross jordan well let's let's not

let's not talk about specific parts of my resume yeah um but but but it's always been cool to make something for maximum fun just because like the fans really are so awesome uh they're always cool at shows and meetups and they're awesome, smart people who you would want to talk to. And just like that is compounded by the fact that, that they kind of reach into the old wallet when they don't really have to. So it's, it's, it's really cool that, that we're supported by the fans because yeah, they're, they're fun to make something for and it's fun to make something for them as opposed to, you know, a sponsor or a giant company.

So, yeah. So, yes, you there listening, you are a pleasure to make something for. Yeah, thanks. I feel like there's been a lot. I've never been more grateful at all of the people who show up for us and this show that we do. Um, I just, uh, I'm just so, so, so many times this year, uh, when things were really, really hard and, um, you know, I just wasn't sure how things were going to go. I thought of all the kind people who show up for us. And I thought of the fact that every week I get to go and see Brian and Jordan and a friend of ours and be dumb for an hour.

And I was just and still am completely filled with gratitude. So thanks. Thanks, everybody. We really appreciate it. And, uh, we hope you enjoyed this extra episode of Jordan, Jesse go, and we figure we're pretty much even now. Yeah. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goe.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob Hubel, contest winner. What contest did you win, Rob? Be a guest on the show. Yeah, best. Now, you won best looking guy in front of some aluminum siding. Yeah, dog.

And the prize, he gets to guest on siding. Yeah, dog. And the prize? He gets to guest on the show. Yeah. Yeah. Blah. Blah. Jordan, did you on your, just to dip

back into this hosting job that I want to see more of now, did you ever get to review like chainsaws or what kind of stuff did you talk about? Not a lot of tools. It was like, it was like, it started out as me doing like kind of goofy, like entertainment coverage. Like, okay. Like I think the first thing I ever did was go to like Tony Hawk's E3 party.

I think that was the first segment i ever did for them yeah was like tony hawk's so you know things like that yeah he seems like a nice guy tony hawk's great i've had i've had i've had a few uh interactions with him and they've all been very positive tony hawk nice guy tony hawk's pro skater great soundtrack yeah i think we can all agree a lot of bangers on that thing um yeah and then it kind of and then i kind of just got folded into their regular like field segment team and then just did a lot of like x games type stuff so yeah so no no chainsaw reviews uh i did review magnum condoms though they asked me to review magnum condoms what is

there a point at which you would have said i'm no longer comfortable at this level of like uh bro in other words if it became like hey jordan can you go to this mma fight uh this weekend and like you know fuck with guys in the parking lot in a funny in a funny way yeah that is exactly where you want to fuck with people yeah like if you're gonna fuck with people the place to do it is in the parking lot of an mma event that is that is gonna go great a hundred times out of a hundred uh yeah i don't know let's see yeah where did they did i ever no I mean, I did shit like that. I mean, they definitely did MMA segments in like the death throes of the network when they were like struggling to prevent themselves from becoming Fox Deportes in Espanol, which I think they eventually did. Yeah, they like tried to rope in MMA and stuff like that.

So, yeah, I played Gears of war with quentin rampage jackson once for a segment and i had his number in my phone for a while he told me to text him if i he wanted the quentin rampage jackson after we finished playing gears of war together he gave me his number and said to text him if i ever wanted to hang out and i never did i should have so funny that guy i eventually took his name out of my phone, but like, I, I don't know. I should have done it. I'm kicking myself. You ghosted him. You fucking ghosted him. He asked you out. He's like, why isn't he texting?

I had a similar, I had a similar weird interaction with, at some point in New York, a million years ago, like when we were doing human giant, I think we were out at a bar somewhere and we were with the Z's and the Z's knew or like introduced me to will I am or something. And it was, I don't, I don't know, even know if Aziz was there. I'm just could be wrong about it. But anyway, someone introduced me to will I am, and it was loud. And he just, to me, it was like, Hey, let me give you my number. And I was like, Oh, okay. Will.am. So I have Will.i.am's phone number in my, and I don't know him.

I'm sure he's lovely, but I, you know, we could call him right now. No, I'm not going to call him. Is the, in your phone, is the first name Will and the last name I.am? It's probably why I don't ever see it because I probably, yeah, I probably mangled it. Will.i.am ghost wrote raps for Eazy-E. Fun fact about Will.i.am back in the day for Eazy-E. Fun fact about Will.i.am, back in the day. Yeah, it's been around the block a few times. Can I recommend a

Will.i.am album? Yeah. He has a solo album that was part of this series of hip-hop producer records. And it's pretty good. I mean, he's not good at rapping on it. He's never been particularly good at rapping, but it was a really neat good. I mean, he's not good at rapping on it. He's never been particularly good at rapping,

but it was a really neat project. I liked it a lot. Cool. A lot of people probably thought I was going to recommend the first Black Eyed Peas album, which is also pretty good, but no. Curveball. Somebody complained the other day

about the I Got a Feelin' on Twitter, you know, the Black Eyed Peas hit? Yeah. And it made me think about the fact that every one of those Black Eyed peas hits basically i was just like yeah i kind of like this like there was no black none of those black eyed peas songs did i have complaints about i think we all they will live on they will live on forever at weddings we will all go to a wedding sometime in the next five years and let's get it started in here and that will come on and maybe two or three others and it'll get and we'll like at

least i will probably forget i'm like who sang this who is who was this yeah but i'll like be loving it the whole time anyway yeah like is this nelly isn't it gonna be crazy when weddings come back also like what about that when weddings come back and we can go to weddings once people fall start falling in love again yeah people hurry up start falling in love again guys come on get what are you guys doing listening to this podcast fall in love. Pop the question, baby. Every time I feel like I might be falling in love, every single time I feel like I might be falling in love, it's just fucking diarrhea. Oh, always.

In the belly. I know. In the belly. Just too many tamales. You passed that. Pink bismuth. Jordan, that's definitely real. You definitely, at some point,

had some butterflies about a young little lady in your second grade class or something, and you got diarrhea. That has to be true, right? Now I conflate the two. Maybe I was looking at my crush while I was snarfing a warm go-gurt. Oh, I'm in love. Guys, I am like, is anyone else feeling like hungry? Like not generally hungry, just like really like they want to snarf a warm go-gurt. Yeah.

I don't know how that idea got into my head, but I could really snarf a go-gurt right now. That's how you fall in love. You take one end of the go-gurt. Uh-huh. Whoever you're in love with takes the other end of the go-gurt. Yeah. And you just start snarfing until your lips meet. Start snarfing that gog.

That's what they did in the live action Lady and the Tramp. Right. Yeah. We need a fresh take on this. Jordan's in the punch up room. He's like, yeah, they should snarf a gogurt. Turn the spaghetti into gogurt. Fucking kids love gogurt.

Have them snarf gogurt. Change the spaghetti into gogurt and have one of the dogs say fortnight dogs love snarfing and kids love gogurt okay two things i know rob hubel of course you're the star of the television show blackish that's me uh tell us about this. When can people watch this Twitch show with you and Paul Scheer? Thursdays from 5 to 7 PST. That means 8 o'clock if you're on the EST. And we're just doing this. We're just chatting, dicking around with our friends.

Two of the wonderful gentlemen of comedy. Two of the funniest guys around. Two of the nicest fellas you could ever hope to talk to, ever hope to talk to Paul Scheer and Rob Hubel. Uh, definitely people should be twitching that. And then after that is when you do the speed runs. Yep. I go out and I do speed runs in my neighborhood. I go up to David Lee Roth's house and,

uh, David Lee Roth lives in Rob's neighborhood. If anybody was wondering, he's a cool guy. He's super cool. There's neighborhood. If anybody was wondering, he's a cool guy. He's super cool. There's, do you ever just like see him when you're like going out to get the mail?

Uh, I hear, um, pyrotechnics a lot. That's always just like, you know, he's just like, he's got a stage in his backyard and I, I can hear him like,

um, you know, I can hear him on the, on the flying across the yard on the wire like he did in the music videos. And yeah, I know I've never seen him. I've never seen him. Someone just told me this was his house down the street from us. So I don't know.

I also heard that he was an EMT somewhere, which would be bananas if you were in like a car accident and you're like barely hanging on and David Lee Roth is like doing compressions on you or something. He's got a jump your heart. Is that right? Is that a David Lee Roth? Jump was a song, yep, that Van Halen did, yep. Is that a David Lee Roth era Van Halen song? I'm way out of my depth here, guys.

Can we please talk about Jump for My Love by the Pointer Sisters? That one I have. That one I have down pat. Rob, anything else going on with you that our audience needs to know about? Any particular exciting things? No, I don't plug stuff, man. You know me. I will plug this aluminum siding.

Get yourself some aluminum siding. Okay, because the purge is coming okay it's in pasadena and it's coming to your hood the at-home listener thought that was a bit rob just proved it by by grabbing a a clamp from his table and one of those orange hardware clamps and banging that siding bang the siding baby thege, it's in Pasadena. It's coming for you, La Cunada Flintridge. Yeah, I think the best thing about this, Rob, is at any time, if you want to start a jug band,

you're ready. Country Bear Jamboree, yeah, anything like that. Yeah, I think this is going to be great. Well, anyway, JordanJesse go is the name of the program you can find us on reddit at maximumfund.reddit.com you can find us on twitter at jesse thorn at jordan underscore morris you can find us on facebook where we were streaming live video of this episode uh look the reality of the situation of streaming live video of Jordan Jesse Goes is no promises. We're not putting on a show here.

This is just a behind the scenes look. But thanks to everybody who... Maybe, hold on. Maybe I'll hold up the cat. Let's see. Here we go. Oh my God. Jordan's going to hold up the cat.

There's Bug. Oh, she looks gorgeous. She's fast asleep. Look at that beautiful puss. Look at that beautiful puss. She is. Look at that gorgeous puss. Come on. That's why you need to like us on Facebook.

You know what, Jordan? Two can play at that game. Sit tight. Whoa, what's happening? Is Jesse going to turn off his ring light? I hope it's a Bob. Oh, the dog's here. We don't have to fill time anymore.

I don't feel bad about my previous visual bits. You guys are showing off your pets on your podcast and not really describing your pets. People are imagining the pet they want to see. This is the bullshit that you missed if you didn't like us on facebook already uh yeah that's about it our producer brian sunny d fernandez thanks to val for running our special video stream this week and we will talk to you oh our theme music love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records we will talk to you next time on jordan jesse go i'll hug you and kiss you and love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.