Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 687: Sun-Bleached Dildo with Travis McElroy

Episode Date: May 12, 2021

Travis McElroy (My Brother, My Brother and Me, Shmanners ) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of how we can take the Summer Boy ethos to the next level this year, Travis's new blacksmith hobby inspired by Forged in Fire, and what the Rocky franchise would look like if it took the path of The Fast and the Furious. ACTION ITEM: What have you found on a farm!? Call us -- 206-984-4FUN or email us a voicemail [e-mail]!IT'S THE MAXFUNDRIVE!! If you can afford it, please consider going to MaximumFun.org/Join to support this show and all the other great shows at Maximum Fun! Check out the Herbal T. Calmnman pin that you can get this year!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, soon to debut a new nickname for 2021. Wow, Jordan, you know it's May, don't you? Yeah, but you know, I mean, what's time anymore, right? That's a really good point So I just don't get to intro myself?

God, okay, Travis Travis is here too Yeah, I mean, let's not fart around From the Adventure Zone, my brother, my brother, and me And Schmanners, Travis McElroy is here He's a New York Times bestselling author Many times over Number one New York Times bestselling author many times over. Number one, number one bestselling author.

Sorry, we'll fix that in post. Yeah, you should really add the number, Jesse. Yeah, three time, three time. If you want to say like a three time number one New York Times bestselling author. Okay. That would just. Thank you.

Now, can you give me that, but just a little out of breath? I'm trying to match here. It's really hard. Sorry, sorry. Now, can you give me that, but just a little out of breath? I'm trying to match here. It's really hard. Sorry. I'm a three-time number one New York Times bestselling author. Really make it sound like you just finished jacking off. Yeah.

Jordan, what's this new nickname of yours? Well, Travis, I don't know if you know this about the show's lore, but, you know, one of our most beloved kind of ongoing references happened to me when I was attending a wedding in Baltimore. I got in the cab to the airport wearing shorts. It was very cold that day. And my cab driver said I looked like a real summer boy. cold that day and my cab driver said i looked like a real summer boy now we kind of took that um you know made it our own um it really captured the imagination of the world would you say the world jesse would you say that the world or like just i would say that and i would say when we made it our own travis essentially we essentially we found the cab driver. We gave him $2,500.

Oh, you bought the IP. Yeah, and the rights to four of the Beatles songs that we owned. And then he was nice enough to let us keep some of them. Wait, which four? Blackbird. This is important. Oh, that's a big one. Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure.

Octopus's Garden was one of them. Oh, that's another big one are you sure yeah uh i'm sure um octopus's garden was one of them whoo that's another notable one okay it is notable and i mean that one is particularly notable because we you can't imagine what we had to do for ringo star to get the rights to octopus's garden i mean peace and love doesn't even begin to describe it. The amount of good vibes we had to mail that guy. Oh, boy. Now, tell me you held on to Paperback Rider. We did keep Paperback Rider. We ended up selling Help. Wow, that's another one.

That's a big, are you sure? That's on every movie soundtrack ever. But Travis, we've literally sold 40 Summer Boy t-shirts. So... Yeah. Okay. Yeah yeah so who came out the winner travis when you say that help is on every movie soundtrack ever is what you mean by that that the only movie you've ever seen is help yes correct what what i really meant to say was it's in every commercial ever and yet i could not in the moment remember the word commercial. So I just went with movie. Got it.

What is a commercial but a little movie that plays in the middle of a show? And tells us the story of our love affair with one of the great American brands. Okay, so we took Summer Boy and we kind of made it an ethos. And it's important to note that you know any anyone could be a summer boy regardless of you know where they identify on the gender spectrum yeah now is that why you frosted your tips is that like a summer boy boy okay so let's this let's let's sidebar the tips for a second because i also have a tips update. Great. But I'd like to announce the new nickname and then time permitting move over to the topic of tips.

The tip topic. Jordan, once we do the tips update, can I do a tricks update? Sure. Great. Oh, I'm sorry, Jesse. Tricks are for kids. So, you know, Summer Boy came to stand for, you know, the great summertime activities.

Chilling and grilling. Yeah, of course. You know, flip-flops. Sandal wearing. Yeah. Cornholing. Cornholing all summer long. Travis gets it.

You understand. How about eating chunks of watermelon? Try that on for size. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Chunks of watermelon. Four slices. Telling people to take it sleazy. Try that on for size. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Chunks of watermelon. Or slices. Telling people to take it sleazy.

Slip sliding? Yeah. Slip and sliding. Double points if you're making the slip and slide out of a garbage bag. Oh, yeah. Triple points if it's a crocodile mile. Oh, yeah. Just watch out for the crocs.

Oh, yeah, dude. I like those ones with the splash pools. So, you know, so, like, I'm thinking about this year and kind of like goals for the year. And I was kind of thinking about the concept of Summer Boy and like, you know, like maybe it's maybe that is kind of what the maybe the world needs a little bit of that right now. A little bit of that spirit. But, you know, like we don't like to go back to the same well on this show. We like to keep it fresh. So that seems exhausting, by the the way we don't do that

my brother my brother me we go back to the well over over and oh as long as there's water in that well we'll keep travis i was of course being sarcastic we actually live in our own well you're the baby jessica of podcasting help get us out we're telling the same five stories over and over again um so you know i was thinking about summer boy whether to bring it back and uh then this happened and i thought this was noteworthy uh it was my my birthday a couple weeks ago and uh a real thrill i got to spend it with my family i got to go down uh to and Brad's house in Orange County. Stepdad Brad, he made ribs. Yeah. Now we're talking.

Dude loves to grill. That's what stepdads are for, grilling and chilling. It's true. So we had the ribs. I guess they made the ribs and they kind of laid it out and we all had our plates and we were all about to serve and my mom said to me, Jordan, why don't you serve

yourself first you're the party boy so i what do you guys think what do you guys think of making this the year of the party boy are you sure that she said, Jordan, serve yourself first. You're the party boy. And not Macaulay Culkin, serve yourself first. You're the party boy. I think he was the party monster. Oh, that's true. Which I want no part of.

No monsters this year. Party boy. I like it. I like it. But here's my concern. My only concern. Travis is going to go ahead and problematize this for us. No, let's hear it.

Let's make sure this thing's airtight before we set it up to sale. You see, Jordan, when I was a young man, I was a bit of a party boy. Sure. Back at Cincinnati Shakespeare Company. Oh, no. Back further. University of Oklahoma Drama Department. Yeah.

And sometimes I would overindulge on the substances, mostly alcohol, and I'd vomit. I'd vomit. And so it's hard for me not to. And maybe it's three steps away. Maybe I'm doing some A to E work, but I'm getting from party boy to vomit kid. I don't know how I feel about that. Did you say vomit king or vomit kid? Vomit kid. Vomit Kid. I don't know how I feel about that. Did you say Vomit King or Vomit Kid? Vomit Kid.

Vomit the Kid, you know? Can I suggest Vomit Comet? Vomit Comet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, maybe, Jordan, if you want, I'd be willing to take this on. You can be Party Boy and I will undertake the role of Vomit Comet.

And I'll be... Party Boy and the Vomit Comet. I'll be the Black Peter to your Santa Claus. You can be the Party boy in the vomit comet. I'll be the Black Peter to your Santa Claus. You know, like you can be the party boy within certain parameters, but don't party too hard or the vomit comet will come get you. I like this. You're kind of a Krampus type character, kind of a warning, a warning to young people who might take the party boy lifestyle too far. Travis isn't a Krampus, but he is Krampish. Well, I'm Krampish on my mom's side.

Guys, I kind of am feeling left out of this. Jordan, you're a party boy. Travis is a vomit comet. I'm not, I mean, like, like, hearing you say that, by the way, I'm instantly regretting it. Sorry, nickname for life. Nothing we can do about it. No, I get it.

I get it. Change your Twitter handle to Vomit Comet. Yeah, I know. I know. I've been around this block. I'm feeling like if I, you know, while I am certainly well known the world over as the king of drugs. I feel disingenuous labeling myself a party boy. You know, Jordan, you knew me in college. Rarely did I party in college. I was too busy, I guess, playing worms on the computer in the dorm. I don't know what I was doing.

Oh, a computer game, not a euphemism. Okay, great. Anyway, I wasn't drinking. So instead of party boy i'm kind of thinking i might go hardy boy oh that's pretty good so you know let's let's let's unpack this so if we are you know kind of using these nicknames as kind of like watch words or motivators or slogans you know what what sort of Hardy Boy type values are you going to be bringing into, you know, the back half of the year? Just always driving around with my brother. That sounds nice.

Okay. Can I make a – might I offer something, Jesse? And you can swat it down. You can pick it up, whatever you want to do. Okay. But to fit into the kind of – as Jordan is building it, the ballad of Party Boy, perhaps your role is like cool dad who's like, listen, I don't want you to do drugs, but if you're going to do it, you can do it here in my house.

Give me your keys. Okay, right? Like that kind of dad, just like, listen, if you're going to get drunk, I won't be mad, but call me if you need a ride. I want you to drive safe. No judgments. That kind of thing. Would this be a conversation I would be having with my fourth grader or my second grader?

I was more seeing it as like every single person listening to the show. I mean, that depends how cool is your fourth grader. Yeah. That is true. My four-year-old could fucking slam a brew. If you're wondering why I'm the king of drugs, I don't have a second grader. I have a first

grader. But, you know, Jordan, I think it was a great man who once said that, what is time anymore? Right, Jordan? Yeah, I think a great man did say that earlier in the show. I'm just saying that if we hit our new and upgrading and boosting member goal,

Jesse will be on call 24-7 for every Max Fund member to give him a call if they get a little too drunk, no matter where they are in the world. Jesse will come pick them up and take them home. No questions asked. I drive a station wagon. Yeah, where are you? That's the only question that will be asked.

Other than that, one question asked. Yeah, I'm going to give out my Google voice number, Jordan. Everybody's going to be asked. Other than that, one question asked. Yeah. I'm going to give out my Google voice number, Jordan. Everybody's going to have it. No, no. I like that. You can pick them up.

Make sure they hydrate. So important. Yeah. Some orange slices. I have so much Powerade at my house. That's great. You know? So I'm ready.

Like, I'll just bring the Powerade and Pedialyte and give everybody a ride home. So I do want to – I'll modify this a little bit. And I think this kind of dad is a specific kind of dad you're talking about. And I think it really could fit into our Triforce that we're building. So let's say – That's like a laser gun from Star Trek? Yeah, sure. Let's do that. So let's say, going into the back half of this year,

The Party Boy, The Vomit Comet, and now, starring Jesse Thorne as Weekend Dad. Yeah! Weekend Dad's cool. He's old. He just wants to be the favorite parent, so he's going to pick you up if you have a little too much to drink get you some powerade get your home safe now i will say weekend dad gives off a vibe of like split parents i'm like the dad gets him on that's why that's why

the dad is so cool okay okay cool cool cool i'm just glad we're on the same page i'm not saying i want your marriage to fall apart j same page i'm not saying i want your marriage to fall apart jesse but i just want i think you could take no character do do you think that i could incorporate an idea from earlier into my new weekend dad persona i mean i mentioned that my main conception of being a hardy boy is that i would drive around with my brother in the car. Yeah. Do you think when I do these pickups, my brother could come? Because, you know, my youngest brother, Brendan, I think he could bring a lot to the table in this. I'd have to swing by his house and pick him up in San Francisco on the way to whatever

part of the world I'm giving people a ride home from. But what weekend, Dad, doesn't need an Uncle Bubba? Yeah, you need, if I will, and I will, a fun uncle or funcle, as I prefer to be called in my life. So it'll be weekend dad and funcle. Yeah, funcle Bubba. Yeah, funcle Bubba. I mean, look out Avengers.

There's a new team on the block. Look out Zack Snyder's Justice League. Look out. It's four old guys who are too old to party, but like making jokes about partying. Jordan, do you have any ways that you're thinking about applying this to your life? Yeah.

I mean, I think I want to like take Summer Boy to the next level. I think, you know, obviously, I mean, I think I want to like take summer boys to the next level. I then, you know, add an element to like once in a while, we just stay up and watch the sunrise, right? Yeah. Oh, I like that. Because we're alive, we're fucking alive, you know? Now, if I may, I wanna bring it back to the tips update

because that moment was so bodey from point break that I would be remiss if I did not then bring it back to what I perceive as frosted tubs. Right. Yeah. Well, we can do it. We can do it. Is it time for tip talk?

Yeah, I'm ready for tip talk. Just a tip. What should we call this segment? Yeah, just a tip. Just a tips. Just a tips. So I think today might be the last day of my weird fucking quarantine hair. I think I can squeeze in a haircut tomorrow.

All vaxxed, all immune. I think I could safely enter a hair place and get my weird fucking 2020 haircut. What are you going to go with? Yeah, what are you thinking about? Boy. Just shave the sides, leave the top yeah i know yes don't be a coward uh i mean i think i just want to cut off the dread so for for people who don't know what's happened is that like you know my hair's getting longer but also i've been like

swimming in an outdoor chlorinated pool so like things have turned like the hair has turned like blonde and dread dread dread-y. I'm keeping a little list of what people say I look like. Would you guys like to hear it? Yeah, sure. Yeah. I was going to say there's a little bit of like you're in the basement late one night doing a science experiment. You happen to have your hand on the switch and then into the capsule uh wandered the shaggy dog from the

shaggy dog movies i'll put that on the list travis do you have anything or do you want to i'm sticking with bodie no you know what here's here's what if i'm being honest you look like one of bodie's buddies yeah it's definitely not making it through the movie yeah i have to say like before we get too far down this list which i'm sure will include many hilarious burns, I am on record as thinking that the tips look great. Every time I see the tips, I'm shocked at how great I think they look. And I like the long hair look. It's a little wild.

It's unkempt, but it gives you chill dude vibes. I like it. That's nice of you to say. Thank you. You look as young as you did when I first met you a decade ago. And that's not a joke. As I remember, I first saw you. We were recording some stuff for upcoming graphic novel promotion stuff.

And I saw you and I thought, you're one of the few people to come out of quarantine looking younger than they went in. Oh, that's because I found a dumpster full of placentas. Yeah. On a little walk one day down by the medical plaza, found an unlocked dumpster, stuck my head in, placentas. Oh, that's why I heard you scream from across the country, placentas ahoy, which I thought was weird. Yeah, you have a little placenta scramble in the morning. You can throw a bell pepper in there and then like some egg whites.

scramble in the morning you can throw a bell pepper in there and then like some egg whites and uh yeah you got yourself a healthy protein field breakfast that'll uh kick you out of quarantine looking younger than when you went in we're streaming this the only reason i mentioned this is because we're streaming this to facebook right now since it's max fun drive and everything um but right next to your eye there there's just a little placenta there. Oh my gosh. So embarrassed. Did I get it? That part looks three years younger than the rest of your face.

It's amazing. So here's my favorite what people say I look like. I'll credit them when I can remember them. Our buddy Sarah Morgan. Encino man. Yeah. Hold on Jordan. can remember them uh our buddy sarah morgan uh encino man yeah yeah yeah this is uh i mean hold on jordan i don't mean to be rude here encino man notably handsome yeah i mean it's sure i mean i'll i'll uh i'll i'll take it i think he was he was probably easily cinema's most fuckable caveman

right almost certainly well now hold on let's not rush it let's not give me a moment ringo star ringo star in caveman of course yeah yeah oh there's the geico caveman the geico caveman very fuckable so i guess nick kroll in the geico caveman sitcom uh so we have encino man uh drea clark when we were recording our uh boko for this year's Pledge Drive, said point break goons, like you, Travis, said, like one of the random goons in point break. Jordan, I just want to mention that there is literally not one member of the clan of the cave bear that I would not fuck.

Go ahead. Oh, okay. Maybe I'll just take this caveman thing and run with it. I have another one. You look like Tom Hanks in Castaway if he shaved the beard but kept his Castaway hair. Found some way to shave but not cut his hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see.

Oh, our buddy Mark Gagliardi. Mark Gagliardi from the We Got This show says, Lifeguard who lets you go down the water slide head first. These are all good things jordan every single one of these is good and uh and also uh also from the uh we got this podcast hal lublin added yahoo semi serious and uh i've been saying uh warp tour roadieie or anime character that's powering up. There is a certain quality of, I mean, I think you wear it extraordinarily well, but there is a certain quality of like on a golf course, there's like a little like utility shed, you know,

where they keep the shovels and stuff like that. But it's kind of rickety and made of sort of mismatched wood planks and so on and so forth. And there is a quality to you of a guy who stumbles out of that in a cloud of smoke. Because I'm getting baked. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, as far as vibes go, there's worse ones, I guess.

That's a pretty good vibe. Are you going to take it down to the skin, Mr. Clean style, start anew? Yeah. No, I think I'll just go in there and say, take two inches off and call me in the morning. Swallow my hair and call me in the morning. You know, I've recently had my hair, went platinum with my hair. Took it fairly silver there at the end.

I like it, I think. I always said, Travis, that you were the Jane Mansfield of the McElroy family. Hey, thank you so much, that means a lot to me. When I wake up in the morning, my hair is the appropriate shade and must look, i look like i'm wearing an andy warhol wig like without fail it's it's upsetting how much it both looks like andy warhol and looks fake travis i would love it if you had a full andy warhol lifestyle i think you gotta start moving

friends into your warehouse that That's number one. You're going to need to get a warehouse, but move your friends into your warehouse. Travis is really Warholing it out here. Yeah. He's not lying. Go on. Keep talking. I'm listening. And then I think at the end of every day, you take a banker's box and you sweep everything that's on your desk into the banker's box and put it in the vault for the Andy Warhol Foundation to deal with later. In this case, the Travis McElroy Foundation. Do I have to have talent in this scenario? I mean, how much talent did Warhol really have? Right. He painted a can.

It was mostly chutzpah, wouldn't you say? Sure. A businessman. He had an eye for trends oh also you should probably get lou reed involved somehow travis do you think you could get lou reed involved how do i keep him from getting involved you know what i mean i won't leave me alone story of my life teresa lose in cincinnati again he says he's here on business uh but speak so travis you you mean you have several lifestyles that you could uh you know kind of ping pong to there's warhol but before we started recording you told us that you've been blacksmithing lately this is correct you know uh let me move my hair out of my face now the fact is jordan and jesse as you guys well know, this is

not a forever career. Podcasting's not. We've got maybe one or two years left. Yeah, if that. There's a ceiling. Before podcasting burns out, right? There's going to be a new wave of podcasters who come in here unboxing blind bags in an audio-only format, pushing

us out, you know. Who knows what members of the cast of News Radio may eclipse us next. Oh, my God. Tell me about it. Right. Actually, I'm fine if it's Dave Foley. I think that's the only one that I'm OK. I mean, Jordan, you wouldn't listen to the Tierney cast.

Yeah. I mean, how does she feel about vaccinations? I'd like to know. I hope she's ambivalent. At best. And so I have I started taking a blacksmithing class whoa because it's something i you know i'm your basic quarantiner uh i've gone through a lot of different hobbies uh over the last year i i started with sourdough baking like everybody

i've done some gardening i learned knitting uh all the things and now that i am vaccinated uh i wanted to continue the the hobby learning outside of it and i started watching fortune fire which i now know as an amateur blacksmith is like is so like not cool right it's like oh you said okay yeah that's how you found out about blacksmithing wait i guess i don't i i'm vaguely aware that this is a show but i don't really know what happens on it can you describe it on forged in fire there are four contestants and they are given a set amount of time to make a knife and then that knife in the first round right whoever just fucks up the most of those first four gets booted later and then that knife in the first round right whoever just fucks up the most of those first

four gets booted later and then they like sharpen it and they put on their handle and then there's like tests where they like you bang it against stuff or cut stuff with it or whatever the thing is right and who whichever two do the best then go back to their home forge to like make a full blown sword and then once again they they come back, it's tested, and whoever does best wins $10,000. And that final test, that's a fight to the death. I mean, listen, they cut up a lot of ballistics dummies and full-on pork carcasses.

So yes, in a way, except nobody really dies. It's a sort of sword Rocky situation. Is that what you're describing? Exactly. It is very clearly that they realized very early on, like, we can't just, like, bang it against something and go pretty sharp. Then we got to, like, come up with some creative way.

So it'll be like, we're going to smash it against this pinball machine to see how the brain. And it's just like, I don't think that's how you test knives. Can I ask you guys a question? Rocky 1 would be worse if there were swords, but what about the sequels? I feel like the one with the East German Superman, if that had swords, it would probably be pretty good. Yeah, it might be a step up or at least a lateral move, certainly. Yeah.

certainly yeah if the rocky movies had progressed like the fast and the furious series there would have been a point where rocky with his fists would have fought like a full-blown ninja with a sword and there would have come a point where rocky would have punched the sword and it would have bounced off his fist and like it would have been like a whole but like that would have bounced off his fist. And like, it would have been like a whole, but like that would have been the big moment. Like he's the one. Right. And that would have turned into a whole nother thing. I mean, now I want that.

Rocky seven is, is Rocky with a sword and shield and Apollo Creed with a Trident. Fuck. That sounds cool. I know. Really sounds great. Carl Weathers. Call me.

And then R10 is just Rocky V. God. Rocky just punching God in the face. then R10 is just Rocky v. God. Rocky just punching God in the face. Yes. Directed by Werner Herzog. I don't know. I don't hate it. The movie is five minutes long and no dialogue.

Yeah, I mean, I can't sit here and tell you that as a guy who really enjoyed the movie Rocky Balboa, in which a computer simulation inspired a 57-year Rocky to get back in the ring that I would not watch Werner Herzog's Rocky versus God. Of course you would. This is what I'm saying is what if, okay, guys, let's try a genius idea.

This is how we're going to make our millions, right? This is that maybe in billions, right? We're going to buy one. We have to buy the Rocky franchise. I'm going to need you guys to sell a couple more beatles songs okay we're gonna buy the rights we got left tanks running low we only got the weird ones left well they're all george harrison ones um so and please don't ask me while my guitar gently weaves is my favorite beatles

he was the sensitive one travis yes He was the sensitive one. I know. I know. Travis, we actually, I sold all our Beatles songs. All that's left is Ringo Starr and his All-Star Band. Ah, damn it. Did you at least get some magic beans out of it, Jesse? Got a few magic beans. Oh, I have the weird Paul McCartney song he wrote for Destiny.

Excellent. All I've got is these Wings songs. Wings is pretty good. We're going to buy the Rocky franchise. And then what we're going to do is we're going to treat it like the Assassin's Creed games where it's going to be just Rocky over and over again,

but in different time periods. Fighting, and now it's like Rocky the Gladiator. And now it's like Rocky the Knight. And now it's like Rocky the Space Ranger or. And now it's like Rocky the Knight. And now it's like Rocky the Space Ranger or whatever. And it's just Rocky again and again, just set in different time periods over and over and over again. And we will make millions and millions of dollars. I'm ready for it. Yeah, I mean, I think I would love to really just follow Assassin's Creed one for one and have an installment where Rocky punches the false pope.

Hell yeah. This is what I'm saying, right? How much do you want to watch like Medici-Rocky? Yeah, I do. I want to watch that. I want to see Rocky beat up the false pope that is in line with aliens. Those games are confusing. It gets weird there, but to have a series where Rocky is getting special inventions

given to him by leonardo da vinci like how great is that you know what i mean pirate rocky pirate rocky's gonna be great pirate rocky this is what i'm saying can i move down this line with you jordan and suggest what about a movie where rocky plays sekiro oh that guy's no coward sure yeah now where he just plays the game and we watch over his show we watch over his shoulder as Rocky plays the game, Sekiro. Yeah. Twitch is big, you know.

I'm trying to get good at parrying. Yeah, okay. We could probably get it a lot cheaper now. I'm thinking about we just make this a live stream. You're right, Jesse. This is just a live stream now of Rocky playing different video games. It's him playing Assassin's Creed and Sekiro and maybe Demon's Souls, but it gets too scary for him. I think he could do a clean speed run of Mario 2.

Hey, it's me, Rocky. I'm going to be doing a timed run of Ocarina of Time. I ran out of Dukunuts. Wait a minute. Where did Travis go? How did the real Rocky get here? Sorry, I got lost in the character. I went too deep.

This is like a Jim Carrey, Man on the Moon situation. I mean, Jordan, this guy must have gone. I've known Travis a long time, but I didn't know he had this kind of talent. He must have gone to the University of Oklahoma's theater department. I did, sir. Second oldest theater department in America. Wow. Travis, what are you hoping to smith?

Or what have you already smithed, I guess I should say? Well, so I just made a pair of bracelets for Teresa and I. Oh, that's nice. And I just did that. Like, I went in on my free time and did that outside of class because it was a project I had. We should explain, Travis. Teresa is my wife.

Teresa is my wife. Borat? Did you see Rocky before you came in? It'll be Rocky. I know. I've never seen Rocky or Borat. I've made a couple Essex. I've made a couple lawn decorations that are kind of like metal flowers and spirals and stuff.

Eventually, I want to get to a point where I'm making pretty simple letter opener knives. And then I want to sell them and donate the proceeds to charity. That is my eventual hope. Like a charity for indigent Smiths? Yeah. To support Smiths, too. I've just lost the spark. That's what we call it.

The Burned Out Forge is the name of the organization. It's really wonderful. And it just helps impotent Smiths. That's the thing. Impotence is really big in the Smithing community. We don't talk about it enough. Jordan, I know it's MaxFunDrive, and we should be telling people

to go to MaximumFun.org slash join, but I also have a charity that I just started. It's for indigent coopers, and it gives them straps so they can wear their barrels over their shoulders. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah, since they lost their clothes in the great depression no yeah no i get it i get it yeah thanks traff travis are you

are you going to graduate to weapons at any point so the place that i'm taking a class offers a knife class and i'm kind of debating between that and like then just moving up to the intermediate like metalworking, which one I want to do next. But at this point, I'm really enjoying it. I have if anybody listened to the new Appalachian workshop episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me, I have like a bit of like a, you know, workshoppy kind of background. And this is my first time doing like metalwork. And I find it incredibly satisfying uh and i think i'm kind of good at it um and so the nice thing is the the the shop where i've been taking classes very near my house and he like once you take like two classes you can basically

just like use it at studio time and so i can like keep working there without having to buy all my own equipment and everything, which is very nice. Travis, I'm going to go ahead and encourage you to buy all your own equipment. That would be fucking amazing. If you had an entire set of blacksmithing fires. Oh, Jesse, that's so funny. You're not encouraging me, Jesse, you need to encourage my wife, Teresa, to allow me to buy a 3,000 degree forge and put it anywhere near my house. And to note, my four-year-old and 16-month-old daughters who can't stop touching everything, let's just put it anywhere near them.

Travis, the kids are in the forge again. Get the kids out of the forge. She keeps putting the white hot metal in her mouth who knows where that's been i did the other day i looked away for like two seconds and uh my my 16 month old had wandered into a bathroom and i followed her in and she had lifted up the toilet seat and was just, like, reaching inside the toilet bowl and looked at me and just went, potty! And I was like, yes, no, what are you, stop! What are you doing? It's your own fault for keeping the Fig Newtons in there.

I know. Well, I don't want her to get them. Those are my figs. They're daddy's figgies. That's the only indulgence I have, Jesse. You say that you're going to go take a dump, but then you just sit in the bathroom and eat Fig Newtons. I still dump, too, though.

I do both. I don't have time to both dump and eat Fig Newtons. I'm blacksmithing and podcasting. No, you're right. Two birds with one stone. Guys, if this MaxFun drive doesn't go well, I'm shutting down MaxFun and starting a new business. It's called Daddy's Famous Figgies.

It's sort of like Paul Newman's Fig Newton competitor, only instead of the profits going to charity, they go to me. I'm Daddy. Yeah, sure. You know, here's the best thing is you could just probably buy and then repackage Fig Newtons, and no one could tell the difference. No one's going to be like, this is the same as the Fig Newton. They expect that's how a newton tastes.

That's what a fig cookie tastes like. Well, I don't know. Somebody might take a bite and they might think it's a cookie when in fact it's fruit and cake. Great movie. It's fair. I get it. It's a callback.

It's one of those callbacks you guys are famous for. We're having fun. Let's take a break. We'll be fun. It's one of those callbacks you guys are famous for. We're having fun. Let's take a break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective travis mackaroy vomit comet yeah there he is he is he is it's max fun drive time this is the uh 11 days a year that we ask for your support maximum fun of course is supported by members jordan's wearing his max fun Drive t-shirt right now. And he's popping his collar.

Look at that. Jordan is popping his collar. He doesn't care. If there's better at getting cheddar, it remains to be seen, as the great Jay-Z once said. I had no idea he meant Jordan when he was saying that. Yeah, it sounds about me. Yeah, he was referring to Jordan. Most of Jay-Z's lyrics are about Jordan.

Yeah. And they have been since Volume 1. I mean, basically his entire career. Not reasonable doubt. That was stuff that Jay-Z remembered from his own adolescence and stuff. But after that, Big Pimpin', The Whole Nine Yards. We were married for a brief period in the early 2000s. Yeah, that's what Beyonce was mad about

in The Elevator. I had no idea that Jay-Z wrote Whole Nine Yards about Jordan. That's incredible. I love that movie. Yeah, he did. Yeah. He also wrote The Longest Yard, both the original and the new version. Jay-Z wrote those about Jordan. That's incredible. yard both the original and the new version jay-z wrote those about about jordan

it's incredible well the original was actually written by jazzo jay-z's mentor but jay-z had made a lot of contributions at the time he was still fast rapping back then um okay jordan why do we even have a max fun drive what is this for so max fun is listener supported uh that means uh that you know none of the podcasts are behind a paywall they're all you know free for anybody to try and that the uh money that goes into making the shows that goes into paying the hosts paying the producers paying the hosting paying for microphones that sort of thing. All of that money comes from listeners who like the network and value it and want to support it. You know, kind of like a public radio, kind of like a Patreon,

kind of like these sorts of things. There's different membership levels you can pledge at. But yeah, if you've never done it before, for just five bucks a month, you can make sure all of the MaxFun shows keep coming to you, hard and fast, hot and spicy, just like you like them. Sure. Yeah, and there's a lot of cool stuff you can get for your troubles. Coolest of all, I would say that anybody who pledges every year

gets over 200 hours of bonus content. So if you want to kick us a couple of bucks to keep these shows going, yeah, there's a bunch of bonus content that's just for donors. And if you're thinking about a road trip or something this summer, it'll keep you company. We've talked about our recent bonus content where we watched the Burt Reynolds classic Malone with Drea Clark. And in this case, we want to clarify that a classic means not classic. Yes.

Classic means movie. Yeah. Yeah. We had a great time watching that with her. Travis, what do you have coming down the pipe? Bonus content wise for all your shows. Well,

I'll tell you my favorite one. And that is uh for the adventure zone we did uh a one-off adventure that was run by justin but written by his six-year-old daughter charlie and it's fucking terrifying and bonkers and wild and so good like there are there are elements of it where i was so impressed and worried for justin's safety because he was under the same roof as charlie it's wonderful there's a lot of spiders in that right isn't there i believe there's somewhere between 99 and 101 spiders there is a part where a a creature is described that is half Oreo cookie, half octopus, and they're called Mario Brothers.

It's upsetting, but it's great. So, you know, five bucks a month, you can get all these kind of like weird, fun, crazy, you know, off-format shows that the hosts like to record. Over 200 hours of the stuff, but if you if you want to kick in 10 bucks a month 20 bucks a month uh there's all sorts of cool gifts you can get uh 10 bucks a month uh get you the pins which i think people really really love this is like maybe the

last year for pins for a while jesse did i hear that right we'll see we'll see we'll see if this is look at some point these pins got a sunset, but people are bananas about these pins. And you know what? The honest truth is this. Every year with these pins, we've raised about $100,000 for charity. And we'd hate to lose that $100,000 for charity. These pins are really something special. Ours is Herbal Tea Calm Man themed. Yes, these are enamel pins designed by the great Megan Lynn Cott. Each show has a different pin with a different, you know, reference or inside joke or a logo for the show, something like that. Ours is a cup of tea that says yummy. Travis, do your interview shows have pins that you

are particularly stoked about? Yeah, the My Brother, My Brother one and me one is a shrimp cocktail. It says boat beauties that I like a lot. And then the then the Shanner's one is a shrimp cocktail says boat beauties that i like a lot and then the then the uh shaner's one is some ducks in a row because we've been doing a kind of series on idioms and talking about the origin of them and everything like that it's just super cute just some ducks in a row and it's really cute yeah get those ducks in a row folks maximumfund.org join here's the thing there's a lot of gifts there's a lot of gifts. There's a lot of bonus content. There's a lot of stuff you get. But the most important thing you get is you get this show every week. This is how we keep the lights on at Jordan, Jesse, Go. This is how all of Maximum

Fund's shows pay their bills. So don't think of it as like buying neat stuff. That neat stuff is neat. And we're grateful to be able to give it to Maximum Funds members. But really, you're enabling the production of this show on a week-to-week basis. This really is how we do things. You know, we strictly limit the advertising. And that doesn't pay the bills. You know, we sell a few t-shirts here and there. That doesn't pay the bills. The touring doesn't pay the bills. You know, we sell a few t-shirts here and there. That doesn't pay the bills. The touring doesn't pay the bills.

What pays the bills... We'll be your private dancer, your dancer for money. But that doesn't pay the bills. Yeah. So what really does pay the bills is the thousands and thousands of people who are members of MaxFun who, you know, kick us five bucks a month. The big thing is participating in this, like being part of it and supporting this. You know, there's a lot of folks out there, especially this year, who really truly aren't able to become members of MaxFun. And if you are able to, you're the one who's making it so that they can continue to listen to all these shows for free.

Can I say along those lines, Jesse, the thing that has been just like warming my heart this year is you can also gift memberships because there are lots of people out there who think of it like kind of like a scholarship. Right. Have like put their name in to say like, hey, I'd love to be a maximum member, but I'm not able to this year. I can't afford it. And then there are people who are basically gifting subscriptions to folks out there who want to be members but can't. And I've seen some people tweeting, like, thank you to whoever donated my membership. I'm so excited to be able to listen. And seeing that over and over again and knowing that that is more than supporting us. I feel like that is like part of what makes the MaxFun community what it is, is that idea that there are people out there who are like, they're not doing that for a reward. They're doing that because there's someone out

there who isn't able to participate and they want to make that possible to them. And that kind of thing, it is a connection that i think is is very very special to us and to max fun and seeing people go out of their way to make that kind of thing happen for other people makes me feel very nice so thank you to everybody who's been doing that and if that's something you would like to consider doing if you have i mean 60 bucks right if you have a extra 60 bucks sitting around and it's okay if you don't, we understand. But if you do and you want to donate a membership to somebody, Maximum Fund dot org slash join. Click on gift and then just select to give it to an anonymous person and you can make somebody's Max Fund dreams come true.

I think you're right, Travis, that this is the kind of thing that is special in the Max Fund community, and it's why I think the Tierney cast really has no shot. Oh man, I hope you're right. We've got the Tierney cast, we've got Maura Tierney in our sights right now. The gifted actor, both dramatic and comic. The beautiful, charismatic, cancer

survivor, Maura Tierney. We're gonna crush her. We're gonna take her out. Yeah, we're just going to destroy her like a paper cup under our foot at a high school football game. And that's really what... Well, we can't do that without your help. Help us crush Maura Tierney.

Let's take down Tierney. MaximumFun.org slash join. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detector slash party boy. Travis McElroy,

top three McElroy brother. I think that's true. I mean, I can't promise it. You're easily better than Gibson. Yeah. Listen, I,

I know where I stand. You know what I mean? I think it's, I'm comfortably third. You know what I mean? And I'm, I'm fine with that. It's a good third. It's a solid third.

If I ever move down to fourth, trouble. There's trouble brewing. You know what I mean? I would like to know that there is a fourth McElroy brother who's just – the three of you have just aced that fourth McElroy out. Like you don't mention him. He doesn't get on any of the shows he has his own podcast but you guys don't ever plug it um that's that's what i'm imagining here

for gibby i i i just want to say i'm actually kind of flattered that you would think that there would be another mackroy sibling out there and we wouldn't be trying to make money off of them that's really nice of you. You do have a like family farm type operation. It is a real like everybody pitch in. Yeah, right. Yeah. Except for Gibby.

He's busy reading his manga. Gibby. You don't got to come to insurance. Every morning at six, Charlie McElroy is out there slopping the RSS feeds. Yep. Got to keep them slopped. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-9844-FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org.

Here is one of those people who have done that and called us for our segment Momentous Occasions, which begins now. Hey, Brian, Sunny D, Jordan, Jesse, beautiful guest. This is Beck from Minnesota calling in with a momentous occasion. I'm calling from my teeny tiny hometown where almost nothing happens ever, but we just had someone new roll into town because I was just at the three-way stop with my mom on our little main street downtown when a car drove by that has never been seen before here in town. And I know it has never been seen before because I am pretty sure I would remember an old black hatchback with what looked to be acrylic paint all around the entirety of the vehicle part were just in big words and all caps, just freehand painted along the side of the car. It said, make love in traffic with four

exclamation points. My mom was appalled and I was loving it. And I got a glimpse of the person driving who was fully wearing an ascot of some kind and some huge ass glasses. I am so thrilled that this person is here in town now. So wish me luck in finding them and introducing myself so we can fall madly in love. Love you guys. Get dressed every day and make love in traffic. Yeah, love you too. You know, I'm confused, Jordan. I thought they said Burning Man was going to be virtual this year. No, yeah, apparently it's happening at this three-way stop. Great place to make love in traffic, huh?

At the three-way stop, huh? Beck, you have to get out of there. You're not safe. Beck, this is a trap. Imagine how powerful and important you feel if you're at the fourth part of that intersection, the part that doesn't have to stop. Oh my God.

You're just fucking flipping the double bird out to all those fucking idiots who have to stop. I had a similar run-in with a perplexing piece of text recently. And I want to see what you guys make of this. I was standing in line outside of a health center to get my to get my vaccination. Thrilled to be there. Very excited.

We get it. We get it. I just love it. We get it. And so, you know, we're standing there and then you know you just you hear this you hear a yelling you hear someone yelling don't get the shot don't get the shot and like everybody tenses up because like well what the fuck is gonna happen now like what's gonna happen and then a man rides by uh a shirtless man on a bike he is yelling

don't get the shot and he is holding a sign that says i'm on a diet i don't eat pussy huh i what just a lot of messaging there there's a lot of confused messaging i mean i think i think ultimately what he's trying to do is is just kind of curry broad-based favor everybody loves an avowed non-pussy eater like at the end of the day if you want to make friends talk about how much pussy you don't eat yeah i mean and yeah i guess this guy this guy is just defining himself by what he doesn't believe in though you know and i think that's a mistake sometimes uh while i i was at a flea market today and i was buying some old hammers to polish up and using my blacksmithsmithing here in rural Cincinnati.

It was outside of the core Cincinnati area. Travis, I was doing the same thing this morning, but for my hobby, you know I'm a cooper or barrel maker. And I was buying some old bungholes. Oh, what? You got to buy them old, right? Because then they're already pre-soaked and pre-expanded. I polish them up. Yeah.

Yeah. Got to polish a bunghole. soaked and pre-expanded. I polish them up. Yeah. Gotta polish a bungle. And so then, as you might have known, there was a lot of let's say Trump adjacent to Trump specific memorabilia.

And I saw a mask and that mask said this mask is as effective as Biden. And the thing about that, I know what they're going for contextually because of the rest of the stuff that was around there.

But there is a way to read that that is an endorsement of Joe Biden. It's like, hey, the mask works, serves Biden. Not bad, not bad, guy. And yeah, I mean, maybe that is a way to kind of reach that community, you know, and get them to wear masks, is that if we can just put like anti snowflake slogans on masks and ship them out to those types. I mean, maybe you can, you know, maybe if the, you know, mask said something like it's Mr. Potato Head to me.

Right. Or I wear this mask so I don't accidentally eat pussy. Right. Right. Like so. Something like that. There's a lot of times when you'll just accidentally eat pussy. You'll just trip. Whoa.

Could we maybe cancel masks? Do you think that would work? Oh, I like that. Oh, yeah. You know, I saw on CNN that they said masks were out. Not really, folks. Guys, we've solved this. Hooray.

Just in time. Let's take another call. Hi. I'm Jesse and John Luke Picard. Fictional character. Not a real person. It was a crazy day. I was down by the river.

And I was just waiting in the water doing a river survey as you do and i found what looks like to be a 20 year old floppy disk labeled videos um i'm terrified to see what's on this disc but i'm excited at the prospects have a great day i guess guess. God. Okay. Here's the thing. Do you think that this person, I'm willing to bet that the assumption that it is 20 years old is simply because it is a floppy disk. Right? I don't think that there is a defining detail on there where you're like, ah, the serial number lets you know, like, from sight. Also, caller, what do you have to play that floppy disk on just maybe go to like an elementary school computer lab maybe yeah do they still have

that seems possible maybe they're using netbooks i don't know maybe they're using the screens and teslas are you worried about the three seconds of video you're able to store on a floppy disk? You're not going to see too much on there, if anything. Ten seconds of a Barenaked Ladies video? Man, the thing that I'm wondering here, and I feel like I probably speak for the entire audience, is this a three and a half inch or a five and a quarter? Let's get our terms settled this is this is embarrassing that we don't know this yet um and i'm gonna need to know the density is it double density high density like single density

travis i let travis you have your hand raised how can i help you didn't there used to be like really large floppy disks because you had what what i used to think of as hard disk right which were like the little guys that had the metal thing that slid over that's your three that's a three and a half inch disk yeah okay great and then there were floppy disks right that were like square but then i thought there was like a bigger size that was like record yeah there's gigantic there's gigantic ones i don't they're like as big as like uh uh they're like as big as like a 78 like they're not as big as an lp uh but they're significantly bigger than uh the five and a quarter my dad had a my dad's like best buddy

from high school became a computer designer and designed the first portable computer, this computer called an Osborne One. And it was the size of a big-ish suitcase, like a pretty big suitcase. Like you could carry it. It had a strap and it closed up like clamshell style. And it had a screen that was about the size of a five and a quarter inch floppy disk, one color screen. My dad used that computer well into the 1990s. I mean, I'm talking about, he used that computer until 1996-ish. And it took the smaller size floppy disk, the one that was flippy flappy, but wasn't that huge, the five and a quarter. So I don't know what you put the gigantic one into. Like, was that like backwards compatible with punch cards or something? I have no idea.

But on a much different note, but applicable to this caller, when I was about 12, maybe 13, I used to take just some blank CDs from the burnable CD stack that was always next to my home computer for some reason. And I would just write like pornography on them and then just leave them around in the park. That's fun. And I thought that was so funny. That's fun. I like too that someone would actually just label their pornography pornography. You don't want to get it confused or something else.

You want to be very clear with your labeling. I can only speak for myself. I have never written pornography on my pornography though i every single time if i have like a cdr or whatever i just write not pornography yeah it's a good way to trick people see i yeah i used to just write gross point blank soundtrack but then when i wanted to listen to the gross point soundtrack, and it ended up being pornography, and I was like, oh, man. Every time. Now I feel like a blister in the sun. It's really going to freak out someone who wants to listen to two special songs.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective party boy. Travis McElroy, top three vomit comment. Yeah. Two other vomit comments that people love. They're always arguing about what their favorite one is.

Well, that's the thing. We're often just switching those first three spots a lot depending on like how we do on any given day a lot of people playing fuck marry kill with the three vomit comments well it depends on it depends on which rankings you check you know what i mean because there's the public opinion there's just pure stats right and then there's like pure stats adjusted for overall inflation of time you know what i mean so are we talking about like the top three ever the top three current there's a lot a lot of asterisks and no matter what way you slice it data is beautiful i think we can all

agree yeah it's true thank you jordan and you know who the real heroes are single mothers firefighters firefighting single mothers i don't even know how the single mothers got lit on fire but i'm against yeah me too and i say we put them out put out those moms yeah you know who i like single mother fighters they're out there fighting every day right single mothers now are they fighting single mothers or are they single mothers who fight we don't know and we're afraid to ask so either way let's get them a net and a try to get started all those brave single mothers sonia chung lee katana uh this is the kind of great stuff that you support when you go to maximumfund.org join the kind of unimpeachably

solid material that has no holes in it, makes perfect sense, and is insightful, fresh, and funny. There are levels for anyone from $5 a month on up. And look, here's the thing. We've been doing this a long time. Jordan, Jesse, go. We're coming up on our 75th anniversary. And I'm proud. I'm proud of the run that we've had. Oh, well, I'm not proud of all the work we've done. I am proud of all the work we've done. Does that make sense, Jordan? Yeah, I hear you. We've worked hard with mixed results. And I'm proud that we've done that over however much time it really has been. I mean, what are we on, 13 years, 14 years, something like that?

Yeah, it's a while. And I think the reason this show has been going on as long as it has is because it is listener-supported. If a giant company that was bought by venture capitalists was relying on this show to produce income, we would be SOL. Yeah, this show would no longer exist but yeah but just because you know because we have the

listener supported model like shows like this one that have a relatively small but enthusiastic audience can continue and it's really cool to like not have to worry about whatever pleasing some executives who bought the company.

It's just great that, you know, we make the show for the listeners. And if they like nonsense riffs about Waluigi and the same five stories reshuffled every week, then that's what they're getting. Yeah. Once in a while, somebody will say something to me about Jordan Jesseordan jesse go being like max fun's flagship show and i'm like if jordan jesse go is max fun's flagship show it's like the raft uh that huck finn builds to float down the mighty mississippi like bound together with twine yeah this is uh this is the kind of show that can really only exist with member support. Look, Maximum Fun has popular shows. Don't get me wrong. Travis hosts several of them. We have other huge shows. Jordan Jesse Go, we make this show for you, the person who for some reason likes it. And you can be a part of making sure that it continues to exist that

should be by the way the new slogan for jordan jessico should be jordan jessico is this anything i mean honestly not a bad idea travis i'm not opposed to it i mean i think like last week on the show i did established my main standard is uh do you like this because i can tell you didn't like what i was doing before and i'm willing to try something else if this doesn't work if you want shows like this to continue to exist go to maximum fun.org slash join and when i say that I'm not just talking about shows with alienatingly weird comedy styles. I'm talking about the new shows that we've created

and supported in their creation at Maximum Fund. Shows like John Moe's show, Depressed Mode, and Fanti, which we launched last year and won best of iTunes. We're talking about all kinds of shows. And we only start these little shows. Like one of the things I'm most proud about, about Maximum Fun is that because we're member supported, these smaller shows can continue to exist. We're not there to, you know, drop the ax on them and have them hit the road. And that is something that would not be the case if our company was owned by

Scripps or Amazon or Spotify or whatever. Can I make a point to that point, Jesse? Because I've been thinking about this a lot. Please, Travis. People listening and if you're watching, think about a TV show that you loved, right, that didn't find huge commercial success but had a small and really committed audience base and that show got canceled after one, maybe two seasons. Because, like, the people who are just thinking about it in terms of advertising, right, like, they didn't see a worth to it, right? Like they didn't see a worth to it, right? Imagine if there was a TV network that was able to say like, hey, this is, we're not trying to find the next like huge, big smash hit

show. If you like this show, you can keep it on the air yourself just by saying that you like it, right? That is what MaxFun is doing in podcast form. The shows on here, we don't have, you know, these huge blockbuster smash hit audiences, but our shows stay on the network because we know they matter to you and because you tell us they matter to you. And I think if there was more content like that, if that was a model that existed throughout more and more of different forms of media, I think overall the quality of media would be a lot fucking better. Yeah. I also think this is a perfect time for us to mention that we are going to do a podcast of season two of Happy Endings.

Oh, my God. Don't even tease me with that jesse i would love that are you kidding me if you want to hear new episodes of pushing daisies they're right here at maximum fun.org maximum fun home of the community movie i want to do new episodes of the class uh with jason ritter i love that show underappreciated the great jason ritter wonderful charming man very funny uh all you have to do to support maximum fun in this show and whatever Fucking love that show. Underappreciate it. The great Jason Redder. Wonderful. Charming man. Very funny. All you have to do to support Maximum Fun and this show and whatever other MaxFun shows you listen to, go to MaximumFun.org slash join. It's very easy to sign up.

We'll ask you what MaxFun shows you listen to and split the money that you send every month between those shows. It's a pretty straightforward model. And it's actually kind of, it's kind of amazing that it works, but it does. And I'm very proud that we do things this way. I'm proud of Jordan Jesse Goh, despite the fact that we, you know, we talk a little mess about ourselves every once in a while, but I'm proud of this show. I think we add something to the world that is of value to some people. There are some people to whom this show is of value.

And if you're one of those people, go to MaximumFun.org slash join and join us. We're well on our way to our membership goal for this drive, which is 28,000 members. I think we can do it. Go to MaximumFun.org slash join and join us there. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Travis McElroy, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Travis McElroy, vomit comet. Now, Travis, we were talking about how special this show is, how special it is to our listeners and the members of Maximum Fun,

how remarkable and distinctive it is. One of the things that makes it so special is that we're full of ideas and don't just do the same thing we started doing 15 years ago on the show. And that applies to segments, too. We have lots of segments that our listeners love that we thought of by doing hard work. And this call is an example of one of those segments. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. I'm going to say Tony Shalhoub, TV's month.

Close. I wish. Calling in for Shalhoub, TV's monk. Close. I wish. Calling in for your segment Cemetery Dildos. It finally happened. I was out walking in the cemetery slash arboretum near my house here in Delaware, Ohio, in Delaware, Ohio. And I saw a sun-faded pink dildo nestled in a tuft of winter grass near a family mausoleum.

I don't know if it was abandoned there or if it was buried with somebody and worked its way up to the surface, but it was there, a free-range cemetery dildo. I'd say about eight inches, not spectacular in girth. Thanks, guys. Love you. Oh, and Jordan, the local bookstore in Columbus, Ohio, is the Book Loft, and I will be pre-ordering Bubble there shortly. That's why the Victorians would sometimes,

a grave site would have a little bell at the top with a string going down into the coffin that was so that the dildo could uh ring the bell if it accidentally got buried can i i also just love that the other side of that though is not just that it wormed its way out but they're like and here we will lay Grandma Ma dressed with her favorite doodle. So she could take it to the other side with her. She'd cross the river Styx. Exactly. She'll be diddling with Jesus.

I like that this family is Irish. I like this Irish family. I have to say, of all the twists and turns that that call took and it took many um i mean we could talk about the dildo we could certainly talk about the fact that this cemetery is an arboretum um but i think the biggest twist there is that he lives in delaware ohio i did not know that some states have their own states in them uh but i support it yeah only ohio yeah we have a lot of like a chicken cordon bleu but a state yeah it's got a secret little ham inside and that ham is delaware now wait is is the uh cemetery slash arboretum not a common

thing because that's uh it's do all ohio cities have a cemetery arboretum here a common thing? Because that's a... Do all Ohio cities have a cemetery arboretum? Here in Cincinnati we do. Really? We've got one of those. Yeah, well, listen. You've got a lot of ground, a lot of good fertilizer, and you can grow some good trees there is what I'm saying. Is that like that sweet chili with the cinnamon in it?

Is that what's going on? We don't make that out of people, Jesse. Stop trying to start that. No, you make it out of people, Jesse. Stop trying to start that. No, you make it out of dildos. That's what I'm trying to say. How does your listener know it was sun bleached and that was not its original color? The guy's got a collection that he can verify it against. I just love the description of a sun bleached dildo nestled amongst a tuft of winter grass.

It sounds like David Attenborough. Here we see. This is the winter dildo. The dildos swim upstream to spawn. It has wormed its way up from Grandma Ma's mausoleum.

How do you think the dildos know how to get to the place where they were born? Yeah, it's just something something divine inside they have google maps yeah i mean maybe maybe they can feel the ley lines of the earth's magnets it's google map guys it's google maps it's google every dildo dildos how do they work every dildo has google maps now it's all it's all plugged in it's all sending your uh data back to apple right it's all 5g man It's all sending your data back to Apple, right? It's all 5G, man.

Yeah. Don't get the job. Every time you shove it up your ass, it sends Jeff Bezos your search history. And vice versa. Every time you send Jeff Bezos your search history, it does go up your butt. It's weird how that works.

And in both cases, it's worth it for the prostate stimulation. Well, and the recommendations, of course. The tailored recommendations. Yeah, exactly. Customers also shoved up their ass. Let's play this next call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and guest President Joe Biden. This is Daniel calling from the Grandparents Farm in Trenton, Missouri. I was calling in for your famous segment, Stuff I Found at the Farm.

I lost my dildo. Let's see. I've been working with my wife's family to get ready to move off the farm, and we decided to burn tax documents from 2001, several dressers and bookcases. And while digging through the garage, I found a vial full of liquid mercury. So two ounces of the old quicksilver and go mad as a hatter. Thank you for your great work.

Cheers. Get them, get them, get them. This is a good call and a good segment, but I feel like we can find better stuff on farms. Yeah. If you're out there and you're, you know, if you own a farm, if you find yourself on a farm, if you're working on one, find some better stuff.

A quicksilver vial is pretty good. But, you know, I think we could do skeleton. Yeah. I think someone could find a skeleton. Can I ask, perhaps what we've discovered on the farm is a behavior, because why is the solution to having an extra dresser burn it? Sure, yes. They seem to be doing some cavalier burning.

Perhaps there might be, and I'm just throwing this out here, someone on Earth who might want that dresser. Is it possible that maybe the dresser was like haunted in some way or bewitched? Well, all dressers are haunted. Of course, Jordan. It's not a bureau. Come on. Trying to get from the benefit of the doubt here. Yeah, what do you think this is, Jordan?

A fucking secretary? Give me a break. Come on, dude. A Davenport? No, that's nothing. You're thinking of a sideboard, Jordan. Yeah, I probably am probably that's what's not haunted we're talking about dressers here a credenza Jordan go fuck yourself fucking Jordan

doesn't even fucking know a fucking credenza Jesus fucking asshole if you're on a farm what have you found on the farm 206-9844-FUN JJ go at maximumfun.org i just feel like piece of a blimp is out there like i can almost taste yeah you know what i mean crashed chinese space station hafa fucking turning you're tilling those fields fucking find that find that fucking blimp okay and here no matter what don't sell your minerals there's gonna be a government man he's gonna come around he's gonna offer you money for your minerals don't do it no don't do it like you could get so much more for them i'm saying this as a west virginia born and raised resident do not sell your minerals that's how they get you don't

sell the mineral rights uh jordan yeah i sold the mineral rights to jordan jesse go so we could buy the ringo star in his all-star band catalog yeah all right well i would like if you had consulted with me first i mean some of that boron is mine but jesse mineral i've known you for a decade now what did i tell you the first time I met you what did I say first words out of my mouth were I'm on a diet I don't eat pussy no Jordan that was the second thing I said

the first thing I said was don't sell your minerals then I said and also I'm on a diet I don't eat pussy we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go And I said, and also... And also, I'm on a diet. A diet, I know. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Travis McElroy, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Travis McElroy, party boy. Honestly, sounds better coming out of you. He didn't say it. It was there. It was on the table. It fits better.

You can have it. I'll be Vomit Comet or Weekend Dad or Chumba Wumba. Chumba Dad or Wumba Boy. Chumba Dad. Lil Wonky. I don't know. Who cares? Here's the thing, Jordan, that doesn't sit well with me about Weekend Dad.

It's Father's Day every day, Jordan. Wait, it is? Not just on weekends. Yeah. Well, mostly on that one day in June or whatever. Yeah. Right. To a lesser extent the other days. Man.

So that's just going to be fucking 365 trips to Outback. No rules. For their famous hot lava cake. No rules except mom's driving home. I don't know how long onion season lasts. I don't know if they're a perennial or not, but I'll certainly be there while they're still blooming. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't want to eat one of those when it's out of season. Oh, yeah. Those alliums. Travis, it's been a delight to have you on the program. Thank you for being here. Thanks for being part of Maximum Fun. Thanks to everybody out there who's become a member uh upgraded their membership bumped their membership everybody who is already

a member you're all our heroes and you're the reason that we can have this weird bizarro job where we have these microphones in our house and uh travis has some soundproofing it looks like mostly so i don't wake my children up. I scream a lot. I get very loud. And I don't want to wake up my children. This whole thing is very weird that we get to do this. And I know that I'm very grateful.

It's been a real fucking tough year. And I'm really grateful that I have this job where I get to do this and see my friends that I love and do stupid jokes and pay my mortgage. So thanks, everybody, for being a member of Maximum Fun. You're totally a hero. Yeah, it's awesome. And it's so great to make something for cool people as opposed to just making something for an audience that you either know nothing about or dislike. So yeah, it's really cool that MaxFun, they're such cool people

and they stick up for such cool causes and are just generally people you would want to hang out with. And yeah, and not least of which is because that they kick these shows a little bit of money even if they don't have to. So, yeah, it's awesome. And this show is such a pleasure to do. It's such a pleasure to do. It's just so much fun.

And, yeah, I'm so glad we get to do it because people donate. It's awesome. Yeah, I think that's a really good, like, in this year, in this shit pile of a year, In this year, in this shit pile of a year, I have had a couple of brushes with like normal fame, non-MaxFun fame. I had a tweet that went hyper viral and I had a bullseye interview that made like national news in the UK. And both of those experiences were so fucking horrible. I was like, this is the worst thing in history. Can I please go back to entertaining the 12 people who like Jordan Jesse Go?

Because that is the life that I choose. I have no interest in whatever is beyond that. I'm so grateful that there are people who show up for Jordan, Jesse, go and like it, that they become members of Maximum Fun and enable me to buy food for my children. And all things beyond that horizon are just dragons. Like there be dragons past there. So thank you to everybody who has made it so that at no point do we have to have a former cast member of news radio type podcast. We can do this special weird thing for the people who like it. They support it.

It means a lot. And at the end of the day, what really matters, like if you look at all the things in the world, you know, like a lot of people, I've've re-evaluated a lot of things about my life and like what really matters is that we destroy like absolutely destroy maura tierney yeah into the ground below the ground i mean i think we should literally send her to live with the devil in hell yeah okay she's done some good work over her career look mora tierney's done a lot of great work i mean and i bet i bet a nice person but probably really nice she's really i've met her she's really nice she's super nice she was she was wonderful and have you seen the movie diggers no uh uh yeah i think uh one of the guys from the state ken marino maybe uh wrote that movie, maybe even directed it, too.

Anyway, really nice sort of dramedy about coastal New England, small coastal New England town. And Maura Tierney is really amazing in it. And to me, that's part of why I think that she should go to hell and live with the devil. Just stay in her lane. You know what I mean? Stay in your lane, Moritirani. Yeah, your lane is on the highway to hell to the devil's house. Bring your binky and your blank blank because you're going to live in the devil's house with the devil, Moritirani. That's how much we're going to crush you. She has both a binky and a blank blank.

The blank blank is a blanket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pacifier. Some people call it a pacifier passy. Anyway, I'm so glad that we have your support. Everyone who's gone to MaximumFun.org slash joined and helped us destroy Maura Tierney. The kind and talented, very funny,

very beautiful Maura Tierney. Our producer, Brian Fernandez. You can hashtag it on Twitter, hashtag JJ Go. You can find us on Reddit at maximumfun.reddit.com. You can find us on Facebook, where we have lately been live streaming these shows. I mean, I'm not, look, it's experimental. We we remain in beta in a beta phase uh and i'm gonna be honest jordan i think no matter how good we get with the technology we're gonna stay in a beta phase if you know what i'm talking about yeah i do just a bunch of cucks no chads here no just a bunch of fucking cucks um our theme music is love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records look if you haven't checked out travis's podcasts

come on what are you what are you doing here you might as well move to hell to live with the devil and maura tierney uh check out my brother my brother and me uh a bad advice show that's so hilarious check out the adventure zone uh where uh they play dungeons and dragons with their dad correct uh just started just started a new season check out uh schmanners with uh travis and my wife theresa they are they're so wonderful um as as justin once told me everyone likes travis more when theresa's around god damn that's true apt apt theresa is so lovely and charming she's just the perfect person to host a show about manners in the mannerly so check out those shows and if you're not already a member go to maximumfund.org join we're not really going to crush more tyranny she she basically crushes herself

yeah with quality i i don't know i kind of lost the thread we'll talk to you next time maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported