Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 691: Owl Owl Hoot Hoot with Tony Cliff

Episode Date: June 11, 2021

Tony Cliff (Delilah Dirk series, the Bubble graphic novel artist!!) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the three (3) movies Jordan saw IN THEATERS this week, the strikingly authentic Italian deli in Pasadena that adds credibility to the whole block, how the best apple fritter Tony has ever had came from a Safeway, and the viral video of a lady fighting a bear to save her yapping dogs. Plus, Jordan announces the independent bookstore that had the most pre-orders of Bubble (the shoutouts are done, but you can still pre-order!) and things get philosophical when Jesse's daughter questions Pac-Man's name. Pre-Order Bubble TODAY! Get Jordan or Tony to sign it by buying it from their hometown bookstores!Check out Bubble on Goodreads and click the "Want to Read" button!  

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan, three movies, Morris. Okay. Wow. Wow. This is exciting, Jordan. This is exciting. What is this? Star Wars? There's a lot more of them now. There's more than three Star Wars. What happened is I tried to think of a type group of movies that came in three, but the only one I could come up with is Star Wars. And the problem is they originally made three, but there's since been many more.

Jesse, you're forgetting about the Ewok adventure. The fourth Star Wars, what everyone considers to be the fourth Star Wars. How could I have forgotten the two full-length Ewok movies? Yeah, I guess every trilogy has... I guess Back to the Future. Maybe Back to the Future is the only thing that stayed a trilogy. Yeah. Anyway.

That seems, they're not, what could you do with it? You know what I mean? They're settled. Sure. Back to the Future. World War II, I guess. Yeah. Kind of mess with the tone.

Yeah. So what is this three movies talk well uh i just i'm just i i have say since movie theaters have been uh open again i have now seen three movies in theaters holy shit yeah in movie theaters in movie theaters three of them what movies are we talking about number one okay number one wrath of star wars starring jason statham wrath of man yeah we almost said we were gonna they offered us jason statham on bullseye and kevin our producer texted me he's like do you want to interview jason statham and he was like fuck yes i want to interview fucking jason statham of course i do but then he that that fucking uh

chicken shit chickened out ah you couldn't couldn't handle the Rock's hard hits, but not your hard-hitting questions. Exactly. He's like, I hear these questions are too tough, mate. I need softballs. I'm really a fancy boy when it comes to questions, mate. Yeah. I need Jimmy Kimmel softballs.

I can't handle Jesse's hard hits, mate. Is that what it was like? Yeah, I mean, it was an email, so it lost a little bit of the tone. But did he leave off the H's? I can't handle it. Yeah, he left off most of the H's in the email. He gets too raw and real. It's too real.

I can't get that real, mate. Yeah, that's what he emailed. I mean, honestly, I thought it was unusual that he emailed me directly. Yeah. He could have just said... But then talked about you like you weren't there. Yeah, he could have just said this to his publicist.

His publicist could have just politely declined. Right. But he chickened out man coward he also sang a whole song about how lucky chimney sweeps are hmm like just how you should like rub rub chimney sweeps for good luck yeah i don't he sang in the This is still an email, right? Yeah. I just want to make sure I'm following this. Yeah. It was really... I mean, I don't even know how you write notes in an email, but he did it.

You know, music notes, I mean. Quarter note, half note, so forth. So I saw Wrath of Man, which is like a current movie. I saw it in a current AMC. It was my first one back um i think it's the best movie i've ever seen i don't think that's being colored by the fact that i hadn't been to a theater in more than a year i think it is actually the best movie i've ever seen i think i'm just gonna go ahead and uh you know when people are talking about desert island

movies it's wrath of man for me and then i don't butch cassidy or whatever who cares yeah who knows being there whatever anyway wrath of man and then uh then, so that was very fun. And I'm like, well, you know, that was great. Wonderful experience. I don't know if there's anything else out that I'm dying to see. But then, the only theater that is now open close to me is a second run movie theater.

That's the first thing that opened. So, we're talking 250 tickets. Yeah. Filthy primary color carpet sure noticeable tears on the screen yeah now we're talking screen tear baby love a screen tear so i went to see uh both our uh army of the dead which is a netflix movie that was for some reason playing at the second run movie theater and that's the one with our friend tig notaro in it isn't it yeah tig's great she flies a helicopter uh chomps on a cigarillo terrific performance whoever thought i look yeah for many years i have i have been ambivalent at best about filmmaker zach sder. I know that people love his zombie movie but I was scared to watch it.

His other movies didn't seem like something I would like. But I will say this for Zack Snyder. It was a good idea to give Tig a cigarillo. Yeah, it was. Because it's smaller than a cigar but it's bigger than a cigarette

and you can really chomp on it movie three nobody featuring the dad from little women uh i think he's playing the same character here yeah sure and so i have now seen three modern action movies in theaters And I calculated it today. I have heard over 400 ironic needle drops. Between those three movies, I have heard over 400 kind of cheeky needle drops that kind of contrast with what's going on. Was it Bob Odenkirk movie cheeky? I got the impression that it was raw and real. Yeah, the violence is was raw and real yeah the the violence is very raw and real uh but there's some like gags and a lot of them are very funny but it does

lean real hard on um you know building exploding while what a wonderful world plays does he ever yell i live in a van down by the river? The famous Saturday night? No. He wrote Bob Odenkirk and originally performed it. Oh, really? I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah.

And then, I mean, I think once Chris Farley does it, you're not going to take it back. You know what I mean? It's pretty much. He did say, I'm the ladies' man. Aw, yeah. Great. and you don't touch the mango he stuck his hands in his armpits and then sniffed them can i ask you a question about that about molly shannon that was that character that molly shannon character that was called mary katherine gallagher is that right. So I was about 15 when that happened.

Yeah. When that was on television. And she would stick her hands into her armpit and sniff her fingers. That was what she did. Yeah. When I was 15, I thought that it was garbage. I was like, what is this garbage? Right.

I thought to myself, where she puts her hands in her underarms and sniffs the fingers. Now, I want to be clear, I have not watched it in 25 years, but now when I think back on it, I'm like, hmm, I believe that I was the fool for this in retrospect seems to have been perfect. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, listen, I think we've reflected a lot about our past mistakes on the show. I think we've talked at length about maybe we were too up our own ass to appreciate how great Hanson was at the height of their powers. Yeah, for sure. And that we should have been attending Hanson concerts whenever we had the opportunity. And yeah, no, I think this is, I don't know. I don't know what my feelings about Mary Catherine Gallagher were at the time.

I did, oh, you know what? I always liked it when she fell into folding chairs. That's a good one. Oh yeah, that is always fucking funny. Fucking rules. You know when, the best to ever do it. You know when people say Chevy Chase is an asshole and he was never funny anyway? Do people say he was never funny anyway?

Yeah, people say that. Oof, say he was never funny anyway yeah people say that that's a that's a pretty hot take people say that now that's like a relatively new that's a relatively new hot chevy chase i would say in the past five to eight years like 10 10 to 15 years ago people started talking about what an asshole chevy chase is in real life. But then I think as millennials came of age who had never watched Fletch or the one season of Saturday Night Live that he was on where he did enough really hilarious shit to fill up an entire Best Of V.I. Jessica set. I think that the new hot take is that he was never funny.

And, you know, I'm not going to—if Chevy Chase is canceled, it's probably for good reason, because the man's, by all accounts, a dick. But I—you could—I'll watch that VHS tape of the stuff, the best stuff he did, fucking Landshark. I'll watch that. Plumber, ma'am, I'll watch that off plumber, ma'am. I'll watch that forever. I was another, another kind of post-vaccine thing I did recently is I went to a, I went to a barbecue and like, you know, socialized with barbecue people. And I got,

I got cornered in a conversation with a guy who like loud. Wait, Jordan, I know you're getting into a great anecdote here, but you say you socialize with barbecue people yeah barbecue types you know covered in sauce smoky joes yeah they always have uh yeah always carrying around slices of watermelon munching on hot links yeah every time you come in a door they underhand you a beer barbecue people yeah got it okay and I got trapped in a conversation with a guy who was loudly proclaiming that The Sopranos was a bad TV show. Whoa.

And I'm like, listen, dude. I get not liking it. I get that it's violent. I get that some of its politics are kind of retrograde. But I'm like, fuck socializing. This sucks. Have to entertain some guy's hot takes. Jordan, we need to return to a world where prestige television meant that we saw Sipowitz's butt.

Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Because it was after 10 safe harbor hours. The last good TV show was L.A. Law. Let's see Jimmy Smits' butt. Show us the butts. Male butts, male butts, male butts.

Jimmy Smits recently got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Good for him. Yeah. I'm glad he's got the $10,000. It means he saved his money from NYPD Blue. And look, the man's never stopped working. And instead of putting his handprints in the cement outside Grauman's,

he did his butt. Oh, his famous butt from the show NYPD Blue. Right. Yeah, I love it. Yeah. And in the middle, there's a little, the cement kind of poofs out a little bit

where he farted. Oh, he shouldn't have had beans for lunch, George. Who else? You know Jimmy. He went to Barney's Beanery. It's right there. It is, yeah. Our guest on the program this week is a gifted comics writer and drawer, which is the industry

term. He's the creator of the Delilah Dirk series. He is the artist behind the smash hit upcoming graphic novel, Bubble. Tony Cliff. Hi, Tony. I'm excited for that Bubble book. I've seen some of it. It looks nice.

Yeah, looking good. Jordan, this feels like going to the movie theater post-pandemic feels like the most extreme move you could make. Like you've never tasted a hot pepper and you go and say, someone show me a hot pepper. And they say, maybe you should start out with this. And you say, no, I want the ghost pepper or the scotch bonnet or something. How about a nice bell pepper? No, I say. I think, Tony, the specific here that is most relevant is that not only is Jordan going to the movie theater, which, you know, that's jumping in with both feet to post-pandemic life.

Honestly, I admire it. If my lifestyle accommodated movie theater going, I'd be there in a heartbeat. It's more to me that Jordan has jumped straight into second run movie theater. That is a disease-ridden venue in the best of circumstances. Like you, Jordan, you're safe from thanks thanks to your inoculation uh but you will get chlamydia from the seat what did they show a netflix movie under they just took an apple tv up to the projector yeah and i could see i could see the person's eye messages coming in oh yeah just on a roku they're just chrome cast in somebody's laptop

where all the previews for worldstarhiphop.com and then you did you talk to a stranger about the sopranos uh this was like a this was like this was like general barbecue conversation so this was like a friend of a friend yeah it was like just it was a friend. Yeah, it was just a big green egg. Sorry, I thought... Boy, pandemic has changed you. I thought you meant a barbecue joint where there were other people.

No, it's like a... Like a barbecue event. Yeah, it's like a backyard, something for somebody's birthday, yes. This is like where somebody's cooking on a grill ice cube is there that's pretty much the top barbecue guy right ice cube

yeah that'd be great it was at a barbecue where we met somebody my partner and I met somebody and Zack Snyder's 300 had just come out and this friend of a friend was like 300 is no good and we were like great we don't need to be friends with you is that your number one litmus test

the position of three the movie at the time at the time we might have seen it the previous day and enjoyed it greatly I apologize for nothing yeah that hey this is the guy you're talking you're talking you're talking about the guy who gave tig a cigarillo i'm on board yeah he makes smart calls um tony uh speaking of speaking of huge life changes uh let's hear about that baby let's hear about that new baby you're a you're a you're a baby you're a recent dad um is this ga ga. Is this kid saying the darndest things? Because we love those stories. We love it.

Ooh, baby want baba. So, Jordan, you and I were talking about, so we've been doing some podcasts and stuff and going on podcasts recently to talk about Bubble and promote Bubble. And I sent you a message after one of them. I'm like, oh, it's really hard having sincere conversations about anything. Like, my podcast diet, and because I work in comics, I get to listen to podcasts for 50 hours a week. My podcast diet and also the type of socializing I do is usually just casual bullshit where nobody ever says a serious word about anything. So we were talking about

bubble and people would ask you a question and be like, hmm, I should probably answer that seriously. Or like give that some genuine consideration and then reply with honesty and integrity to that very human question that you've asked me. Because, you know, like in good faith, we should have a good faith interaction between humans. Tony, I just want to offer you, if you just want to say caca and the didy, that's all right too.

Boy, I really did. Well, I mean, you asked about the baby. I'm like, guys, there's a video i have on my phone of the baby and he's just like squealing and like making baby sounds and singing baby songs and it's the sweetest thing ever and then just i want you i want to watch it over and over and die um but that's not like that wouldn't be good for the baby, Tony. There you go. The baby needs you. The baby needs you. Tony, baby need dada. Jesse, are you baby?

Me baby. All right. Me need dada. Tony Thicke. Yeah. Sure. uh but tony thick yeah sure uh i know what you mean though it is it is so yes it is it is it is it goes against my nature to earnestly plug something let alone talk about the process of creating it it is not uh yes it's the most unnatural thing

I've ever done. It feels, I always feel like I just got done with a haircut and I'm covered in hair. Where do you get your ideas? Oh, from my butt. Oh no, Geordie need dye dye. Get them out. See, now you say that, and I was legitimately wondering, like, Jesse Thorne, Jesse Thorne, you know about asking respected artists real questions about their creative practice and that sort of thing.

I wanted to ask you about that question. What inspires you? Like, the honest answer is, who fucking knows? I don't know. Yeah, like you see a funny name for a sandwich. Yeah. What inspires you? Like, the honest answer is like, who fucking knows? I don't know. Yeah, like you see a funny name for a sandwich. Yeah. You're like, what a weird sandwich name.

You write it in a little book. The difference between, I think the difference between an artist and a person who pretends to be an artist, aspires to be an artist, And a person who pretends to be an artist aspires to be an artist. Is that a real artist remembers to have a pen with them. So that when they see a funny sandwich name, they can write it down. I think like fucking Andy Warhol. The difference between Andy Warhol and like my kid could do that is your kid doesn't carry a pen. And when they see a subway station in a foreign city that has a funny name they see cock fosters andy warhol would write that shit down for later in case in case he wanted to do something with it can i try can i just test something out here because

i think tony you're right i think that this is going to keep coming up, and you will get those kind of vague, kind of heady questions. Where do you get your ideas? So I think I got a great answer that's going to kill. So ask me where I get my ideas. Jordan, where do you get your ideas? Oh, they're whispered to me on the wind. And then I just don't explain it.

I just don't explain it. And the people are like, wow, that fucking guy, he's really, he listens. Troubled. Yeah, he's really full of shit. I'm just going to take the time out and really listen to the wind. Listen to the wind. God. I would hate to take the time out.

You're listening to the wrong wind. I mean, talk about feeling like you just got a haircut and there's hair all over you. My worst nightmare is to have time to really sit with myself, think about what's important, and then create. Yeah. Sounds horrible to me. You should create in a panic because your health insurance is about to run out. Yes! Yes!

This is creativity. This is art. You're on some sort of points-based health insurance. You haven't gotten any. You know when it's going to run out, so frantically start creating so you can keep your health insurance. This is my process. How do you think Picasso, Pablo Picasso, the greatest visual artist of the 20th century, or certainly the most celebrated, how do you think he thought of having a period where all his paintings were blue?

I don't know. He's just like, my fucking points are running out! What's my thing? What's my new thing? I can't just draw squares anymore! Fucking, I don't know. Look at that, guitar but weird. Guitar but weird. And then you would say something like, well, the blue paints

were on sale but then some historian will come along half an hour later and say well you know actually at the time blue pigments were considerably less expensive than red or orange or many of the warmer colors fucking buzzkill historians but what happened is he went to the fucking sub sub sandwich store and he ordered uh just an Italian beef, but it came with blue cheese. He was like, this is hella good. Oh, blue. That's a good color. Fuck it.

I'll run with that. Jesse, is this funny sandwich name example based on something? I kind of just went with it, but I genuinely don't know what you're talking about. I think it's the classic example of where ideas come from. I think everyone can relate to seeing a sandwich with an unusual name, and that's where art comes from. I think, I mean, if you've ever watched an episode of Dick Cavett, everybody talks about seeing a funny sandwich name, I think.

I tried to eat a muffaletta once, and I just couldn't stop giggling. Yeah, exactly. You eat a muffaletta, all of a sudden you're creating The Sopranos. Yeah, that's how we got the idea. What if a bunch of guys said a bunch of stuff like this? Today I ate a sandwich that's called The Sandwich. No, this is the one in Pasadena. Not to steer the conversation back to Pasadena,

as we so often have been doing these past 10 months. I'm just glad we can finally talk about Pasadena. Yeah, there's this delicatessen in Pasadena called Roma Market. Oh, yeah. And in this delicatessen, there's a stooped old man who arrives at 5 o'clock in the morning to make a pile of pink butcher paper-wrapped sandwiches, all of which are identical.

They will not make you, as far as I know, a different sandwich. And they just stack them by the counter, and you just go say, can I have three? Yeah, I have also had the sandwiches. Very good. It really delivers. When I went in, so, you know, you kind of have to snake around this deli in the line to get it and you know i was kind of like as i was going into i was kind of like wondering about like i wonder how authentic this is like is this thing like a gimmick is this kind of like a hipster like riff on the deli i went in and the old man was sitting at a table playing solitaire and I'm

like, Nope, this is, this is fucking legit. This is as the soprano Z, a thing that has ever happened to me, a man who has been to New Jersey for eight hours. Yeah,

I would, I, it really is real. It was, it's so real that I found myself extending the courtesy of the presumption of realness to neighboring businesses to where like because right next door there's one of those places it's like a fish market but you can also have them fry up the fish for you right and they'll fry up chicken wings for you as well and i have not eaten there but in my mind that is like a great place because it's next to the

italian deli where you go just go in and order a sandwich off of a pile of sandwiches right but it also in my mind extends to the big lots across the street. Like, I feel like that is a really... This is a first generation big lots. Yeah. Grandma's in the back. You can really get some O'Boysies in there that you can't get anywhere else. Right. The expired fiddle faddle is so authentic.

Oh. Tony, do you have a... Where you are, do you have a beloved local sandwich? We have a we have a bakery near us that's famous for its apple fritters. That sounds great. Tony, where are you for our audience at home and me? I am in a suburb of Vancouver, British Columbia, beautiful Vancouver, British Columbia. Sure.

I live in a small town called Ladner where we have a little bakery called the delta bakery which is also it's authentic in that in that other way where just whenever you go in there you accidentally see somebody's dick what is sort of that second run movie theater way tell me tell me more about these sandwiches you make yeah um i think i i i i am i am hoping to make going to the second run movie theater a tradition i mean for 250 a ticket how could you not and i think if i do this at some point i will see a dick or a ball yes and it won't be like i'm not talking about i'm not talking about uh uh people doing this on purpose right this is i'm talking about like an old man who forgot to do something to his pants that contains his yes this is like i don't know what it would be it's not just zipper down or something it's like something is wrong the belt missed a loop and that led to a ball being visible.

Right. Warm up shorts that are too short. Yeah. This is maybe, and also maybe kind of doesn't have a lot of feeling in the dicker ball. So you don't know when it's touching a filthy seat. Like late in my dad's life, he would forget that his foot had a diabetic problem on the bottom of it because the nerves were dead. But he had like a wound on his foot, but he would walk around on it because he had forgotten that he had hurt it. Like that, but with balls coming out of shorts.

My dad was a classic doesn't know robe is kind of open guy. I mean, not his shorts. My dad was a classic doesn't-know-robe-is-kind-of-open guy. My dad really, really did not take care when tying the robe. Give us an impression of how busy is it in the second-run theater? How many other people are there? When I saw Army of the Dead, there were, I was one one of five how many bathrobes are we seven weirdly uh and when i saw nobody uh it was like there was like 10 people and everybody was fucking rowdy too people were like applauding and like laughing and just like kind of talking

at kind of medium volume to whoever they were with. I cannot wait to see Fast Nine at this place three times. Yeah. That sounds, I mean, I've talked at length about the Highland Theater near my house, which is my favorite theater where there's a nine-year-old at any movie. Sure. A six-year-old at any movie.

It doesn't, you go see nobody at the Highland Theater. It's like a, it might as well be like a bounce house. Yeah. Listen, I don't know that I want to see Minari under these circumstances, but I absolutely want to see Fast 9 and maybe that Jungle Cruise movie. Yeah.

Wait. The Jungle Cruise movie and that trailer, this is going gonna be another one of those like i don't know disney ride movies or something but it's got then it's it's dwayne the rock johnson and it's emily bunn it's like all right well yeah i i will transport myself there instantaneously yeah i will happily eat that sky bonnet yeah thank you much much if in general i think the rock has a pretty good track record he's maybe you know he's maybe overextending himself a little bit

he's had some stinkers but in general if it's a movie where he's wearing khaki shorts i'm there yeah sure wait tony i want to hear more about the fritter because i think as i've been evaluating this and i think an apple fritter might be my favorite food oh not only is i agree i agree i think it is one of the best foods that you can have um the best one i ever had was driving north on the i-5 it was in northern california i think north of san francisco and i got one from a safeway um that was was from a safe way after I'd stayed at an Airbnb where you're in somebody's bedroom, like they just have a spare bedroom that they rent out. And on the stairway, their stairway up to the bedrooms upstairs, it's just lined with framed photos of the married couple and their family. But they all look like they're all too close together and they all look like they're trying too hard to make sure you definitely know that

they're in love. And all of the houses in this little town look the same. Anyway, Safeway, apple fritter. I got it. It was like, I'm just like, I got to get back on the road. I got to go. I'm getting weird vibes. There's this big lots I've been meaning to visit.

Thank you for your offer of your kale smoothie on the way out. I don't, I'm just going to go to Safeway. I didn't tell you that. I'm just going. Bye. But the fritter was like saturated with whatever they fry these things in. Right. Fritter juice.

Fritter juice. Fritter juice. Fritter butter. And do you want this thing all the time? No, but, well, maybe. I mean, but sometimes, some days, you are planning to drive, you know, 1,000 kilometers or 1,500 miles. I don't know how it works out.

Thank you for converting it for us. I did not understand the story until you converted it into miles. Yeah. You're welcome. And you just want something. It was so good. It was so good. And it was so written.

It was so awful. But it was amazing. Love it. Apple fredders. It was just in a bin like you had to reach. You had to lift up a plastic bin to get it with tongs. Well, theoretically, you're supposed to use tongs but the pro move is to just like put the bag around your hand just grab that right out of there i'm just like i'm not i'm not wasting time

with tongs uh guys yes jesse i just got an email from jason statham it says you've got to pick a pocket or two oh god i don't know what that's from it's from oliver oh okay i don't know why he would be singing oliver in this email but he was have you ever seen jason statham in person no i bet he's got a powerful presence though uh i i have i i um he was he was uh i guess he's kind of at a second height right now but i think he was at his initial height back when i was like doing uh like press junkets i had my press junket job and i so i sat with statham quite a few times and found him Kurt, but engaged. He was there. He listens. See, I was going to say, we walked past him one time at San Diego Comic-Con.

I was like, oh, he's quite short. So when you said at his second height and his first height, I'm like, oh, did they make Jason Statham taller at some point? Right. Yes. Statham 2.0. It's closer to six feet. Statham 1.0, 5'7", 5'8". They just cranked him up a little. Yeah.

Yeah. So, Tony, you're a man who. Questionable. Yeah. You've Tony, you're a man who... Questionable. Yeah. You've been to cons, not only for your San Diego Comic-Cons, but you are also a guy who will go to more comics-focused, comics-y, comics, zine-based Comic-Cons. I think the first time we met was in an la one of these that was like in a high school gym oh yeah the uh comics arts la yeah uh what do you do you prefer one to the other do you prefer the that sort of thing to the giant you know cosplay parties i mean who doesn't like a decent cosplay party sure um i mean the thing like if you've been to san diego comic-con the only thing to understand is that

nothing compares to san diego comic-con basically and maybe new york comic-con like like san diego comic-con is its own thing. I do really like comics arts festivals. They usually call themselves a comic art festival. And the thing will be it's free admission so people just come

off the street. And the nice thing about that is, well, one, you get to introduce people to, you get to say here's my book. Let me tell you about my book. And maybe they've read a comic before, and maybe they have never read a comic before. But also you get way, way fewer people coming by just like, you got some free stuff?

You got some stickers? You got some swag? You got some inflatable things? Just give me some free stuff. There's much less of that. I'm killing time before i meet the cast of supernatural yeah right i have to go wait in a line to to sit in the same room as famous people where they will be smaller than when i am watching the same thing simulcast on the phone in front of my face right

yes a special privilege but i i really enjoyed that that high school gym comics arts festival. I thought that was a lot of fun. And I feel like I engaged people and I still have the comics that I bought at that. And I can kind of remember getting it from the person. It was a really fun experience. Yeah. I mean, those sorts of things are fantastic. Comics Arts LA took place, was taking place in december

um and where was that where was that last one oh boy where was it it was like in was that in glendale yeah i think glendale sounds about right was that was that like a glendale or yeah it's kind of like a glendale i think i'm like uh pomona No, it's not Pomona. Come on, Pomona. Jeez Louise. Studio City something? Yeah. I love visiting LA because I get to see all the place names that I've recognized from Bugs Bunny cartoons. I mean, that's the appeal of Los Angeles. Why do you think we live here? Right. You know, house costs a million dollars, but got those Bugs Bunny places. That's why so many people live in Kalamazoo.

Right. And Walla Walla. Isn't that always where Bugs Bunny was going? That's where he always got lost on the way to? Should have left at Albuquerque. Yeah, left at Albuquerque. Yeah. should have left at albuquerque oh yeah left at albuquerque yeah i think i remember a i remember a bugs bunny cartoon that involved a horse and the horse was surprised to be somewhere and the horse said this can't be santa anita and like as a kid i did not know what that meant but then as an adult i know that santa anita has a racetrack and i'm like oh now i know what that meant. But then as an adult, I know that Santa Anita has a racetrack. And I'm like, oh, now I know

what that horse was talking about. Yeah, this horse is trying to get to the racetrack so it can run as fast as it possibly can in terror for 30 seconds, then break its leg and be shot. Yeah, that's the dream. That's the dream when you're a horse.

You're one of those muscle twitch horses. Jesse, if you're kids, do your kids have any interest in those classic Looney Tunes? You know, my kids are not. Look, I can't claim to be raising three little Kalins when it comes to my children's interest in classic cartoons. But I have gotten them to watch those Looney Tunes cartoons, especially now that they're all on streaming and they're pretty accessible and they mark which ones are the most racist. You can really get at the, you know, I killed the wabbit. Oh, yeah. And you know why those are so revered in the annals of entertainment history actually very funny

yeah they're basically some of the funniest shit ever they're super funny they're so fucking funny you know what was a a reference i here here's something you do when you're when you're doing development projects you have to pitch tone comps you have to pitch so when you're saying it's like this and one that i was thinking of adding to something was those cartoons where goofy learns to do something uh oh yeah and i had not watched one of those in a while but discovered that they were all on disney plus fuck man goofy learning to do something while a record plays and explains it to him is great. That is all killer, no filler, fucking hilarious from minute one to minute four.

There's only two good things about that entire set of characters. Like Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Goofy, all of these classic Disney characters, almost everything about them is a total zero. But, like, I i mean even the good things like uh donald duck is pretty good when he gets really starts yelling about something yeah and when he forces his nephews to smoke cigars but i mean daffy duck is better yeah you know what i mean like it's true it is. It is great. You're not lying.

But, like, that is great. Wait, sorry. I think your mic cut out. What is great? I think Zoom has got a problem. Yeah. So, Jesse, can you just keep doing that? Because my mic is not cutting out.

I just wanted to hear you do that. Sorry. I know Brian's panicking that the sound is wrong. I was just trying to trick Jesse into doing the Donald Duck voice for longer. But, like do that. Sorry. I know Brian's panicking that the sound is wrong. I was just trying to trick Jesse into doing the Donald Duck voice for longer. That's great, but Daffy Duck is better, right? Yeah, Daffy Duck's better. But fucking Goofy learning to do some shit,

that's great. I have no notes on Goofy. Ski, dive, exercise. Camping, right? Hooking up a hi-fi? Yes! I mean, here's the thing, Jordan. i'll tell you something about goofy what appropriately named this guy's a goofball sure is sure this guy's tripping over his own toes sure but a charmer yeah in my opinion in my opinion i find him to be a charmer. And he will soon, at one point, grow up to have a son and make a movie with him that will appeal to young millennials.

Yeah. And he'll be coded as African American. Sure. That's goofy for you. Goofy. Way to go, buddy. I'm friends with Goofy, by the way. That's why I get to call him that.

Oh, jeez. You guys go to high school together? No grad school actually. You guys both got your doctorates in skiing? Yeah. Well, we did a

postdoc together, but yes. Cosmetic dentistry, weirdly. Did the kids think that the Looney Tunes cartoons were funny or or or or did you like have to convince them that they were no no no no they absolutely think they're funny uh they hold up really well i mean like i said except for the racism and the fact that like 75 of them are parodies of things that were long forgotten by the time I

was seven. Right. You play a game of spot the Hollywood movie star cameo. Yeah. Oh, this is a parody of the Andrews sisters. Right. Yeah. Well, I don't know what that is. Yeah. I'm like, oh, looking

back, I guess that was Mae West he was doing an impression of. Yeah. I'm like, oh, looking back, I guess that was Mae West he was doing an impression of. Yeah. Oh, so the plot of this is basically the Heffernan quintuplets. Fair enough. Hilarious at the time. Yeah. But yeah, outside of that, you know, there's some racism in there and a few problematic things here and there.

But in general, the kids really like them. I mean, I have not... Our friend Elliot Kalin has brainwashed his children into only watching things that Elliot wants to watch, which is basically just Marx Brothers movies, including the bad ones. But the thing about Elliot is he's starting to lose his grip. And it's really vexing him. thing about elliot is he's starting to lose his grip and it's really vexing him you know pretty soon sammy calen is going to be at the movie theater by himself having walked there after stealing money out of his mom's purse he's going to be watching the paw patrol movie

but i never had a grasp on my children my daughter has watched every, every Beethoven movie, every single Beethoven movie. And then she said to me, tonight at dinner, she said to me, Daddy, is an American tale good? And I said, yes, actually, an American tale is very good. I think you really might like it. There's some pretty intense parts, but I think it's a very good movie. And I really loved it when I was your age. And she said, good, because it has a lot of sequels. And I've been looking for a new movie to watch that has a lot of sequels. Okay, two questions. One, was your daughter devastated when Charles Grodin died? The second lead of Beethoven. How many sequels are there can i tell you there's like

eight beethoven movies um and i have two things to say about the beethoven movies first of all i watched beethoven not that long ago i mean half watched it i wasn't but i wasn't like committed to watching it but i was there and uh fucking Charles Grodin is fucking great in it. And it's really not a bad movie. I wouldn't call it a great movie, but Charles Grodin's great. It's got that dog. And I'll tell you this. I caught a few minutes of Beethoven 2 and 3 just moving in and out of the room.

You know who was doing a great job? Judge Reinhold filling in for Charles Grodin, who only did one Beethoven movie. Can I tell you something else my daughter said? Yeah. I was putting her to bed right before we came to record this podcast. She was in bed, and I was sitting in the chair next to her bed. I was just, you know, reading sports news on my phone.

And I was waiting for her to fall asleep. And my daughter will talk a lot before she starts actually getting tired enough to sleep. She'll talk about Beethoven sequels or whatever. She was talking about the movie Ghoulies, if it ever came out on Laserdisc. Anyway, so she's talking about this and she finally, she kind of gets quiet and I can see, like, I hear her breathing more rhythmically, you know, her breathing is slowing down. She's calming. I see her eyes kind of at half mast and I'm eyeing the door because I'm thinking I got to get downstairs so I can record this podcast. I don't want to keep Tony Cliff waiting. And she's getting closer and closer to sleep.

And I think she's done. And she's getting closer and closer to sleep, and I think she's done. And then she sits bolt upright, locks eyes with me, and said, Dad, why is Pac-Man called that? Wow. I thought she was going to scream, Tribbers 3 is a prequel. They go to the Wild West.

There's a graboid problem in the Old West. Different kinds of people have different brains. There's some questions that as a father you cannot prepare yourself for. Yeah. You want to know, like you read a book about the birds and the bees. Right. Where do we go when we die? Yeah. All these

kinds of things you can kind of prep for. But it really takes... You know what they say? Any man can be a father. Right. But it takes a real man to know that the original Japanese name was Puck

Man, which evolved from the Japanese word paku, meaning chomp. Did you have that answer for her off the dome? No, I had just looked it up, you know, afterwards. You know, I... At the time, I was like, I don't know, he eats ghosts. Does that help?

You know, I jokingly mentioned kids asking about where we go when we die, but also Pac-Man asks some interesting questions about the afterlife. Yeah, it really does. It really does. That's something to bring up with your priest or your pastor. Your rabbi. Whatever faith you may follow. Give Zoroaster a call and see what he has to say about ghost eating.

Just slide a quarter through the screen at Confessional and ask your question. You know what, though? Fucking, you guys know the Monkey King? There's a Chinese guy that is a monkey that has a cudgel that he keeps

behind his ear. It can grow to any length. Not personally, but I've heard of him. He and I went to graduate school together. Oh. I'm looking forward to meeting him now that restrictions are lifting. Yeah. Listen, just don't get cornered by that guy at a barbecue.

He'll try and convince you that law and order is better than the wire man i just got mad at that imaginary guy you just described he's out there he's ready to quarter you at a party that uh well what i was gonna say about the monkey king so that we can so we so we're not leaving anybody hanging like beethoven 5 did it's got a cliff cliffhanger ending um the monkey king eats some magic peaches that are not unlike the power pills that pac-man eats that's all i'm saying that mythos actually fits pretty well when he breaks into heaven and eats the magic pieces to magic peaches to get gain immortality uh but but what i was going to say is uh early while i was sitting in that chair waiting for my daughter to fall asleep i was on

twitter you know social mediaing for no reason and uh i got mad at an imaginary guy inside my head who doesn't respect owen wilson i was like i bet there's people out there who don't respect Owen Wilson. That guy's fucking great. That guy's a treasure. Does he always pick the best movies? No, but he always gives his all in them. You know what? He went through a lot of shit. He was dealing with

mental health problems. So he had to be in a movie once in a while to cash a check. It doesn't mean that he didn't co-write Rushmore. Sure. Health insurance points. We need them. Sometimes we need them.

That's what drives us. Let's get Odub some points. Get him points. He can't just take some of Luke's points. They're non-transferable. There's a third Wilson brother, I think. I don't know how many points he has. Yeah, he's the guy who looks like Mike Piazza

from Rushmore. Sure. You're like, what is that? Mike Piazza? And then you find out, no, it's the other Wilson brother. I was surprised that you're... I mean, sorry, I'm always... I feel like this is a recent motif of the podcast,

is me being surprised that kids know about things from when I was a kid. But I'm surprised your daughter knows who Pac-Man is. First of all, you were not a kid when Pac-Man was around. You're thinking of Q-Bert. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That was. I'm thinking of Q-Bert.

What? We're millennials, goddammit. Yeah, the Q-Bert generation. We know the Contra code. Yes, yeah. That was. I'm thinking of Q-Bert. What? We're millennials, goddammit. Yeah, the Q-Bert generation. We know the Contra code. Yes, exactly. Yeah, I have no idea. I mean, why does she know about Beethoven? That's, yeah, a great question.

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know where she finds this information other than the website Common Sense Media, of which she is a big fan but she has some beef with common sense media i'm trying to think of what movie it is that she's so upset about but there's a movie that she really loved that common sense media said was a clunker and she'll she'll get really mad about that from time to time. It is not a clunker. The land before time six? Yeah.

She's seen all those fucking land before times. Boy, are they bad. Even regular land before times, shaky. You sound like common sense media over there, Jesse. What am I, common sense media calling it? You know what? I'm not afraid to call out a clunker. Sure.

A lot of clunkers out there. Well, I hope she licks American tail. Yeah. That's not a clunker sure a lot of clunkers out there well i hope she licks american tail yeah that's not that's not a clunker made by the same fine people right i think uh i think it's a don bluth yeah i don't know if don bluth things yeah does she also have a subscription to um consumer reports this seems like hand and glove yeah you know what she was just criticizing my garburator right said it was a bit of a clunker real clunker predicted reliability on this is not good yeah it's the fucking down arrow this thing has fucking two down arrows in the little grid guys how come there's a copyright on insinorator, but there isn't one on Garborator?

I will admit to not knowing what either of these things is. They're just names for garbage disposal. Oh, interesting. Garborator. Huh. Insincorator. Insincorator is cuter because it's more complicated, but Garborator is better. Garborator is good.

Fun to say. And every time you use one you get to experience the sound of a gateway opening to hell. Yes. Thank you. That's the dream! That's why we buy houses in the suburbs,

Tony. We want to open gates to hell so that we can eat some ghosts! Waka waka. So you can just hit the switch next to this thing pac-man's famous sound yeah are you saying that the ghosts are pac-man inky blinky pinky and sue stinky uh i don't know you might don't think drink Drinky, drinky. Yes, the drunk ghost. Are you saying that they are all coming from hell? They are in? They escaped from hell?

Drinky, drinky is the ghost who's drunk at her kid's soccer game. Oh, yeah. Jordan, I'm just asking the questions. No, you don't. Tony doesn't have to answer questions about hell. It's questions that you should be asking Zoroaster. Right. The next time you're sitting down.

Or it's like a compliment sandwich when you talk to your pastor. You ask a question about hell, then you confirm facts about Pac-Man, then you ask another question about hell. Just so. And he's like, like well it's not necessarily a literal place and uh yeah the dots give him power especially the big dots and what it is is you just have to put forth what they call a good faith effort to be a good human and you won't end up there yeah i mean the big dot also makes him hungry and he's hungry for fucking ghosts.

Phantasms. The big dots are a metaphor for charity. Right. Pac-Man is tithing. He goes around the maze. God, this guy all brings everything back to tithing. Yeah. And when he gets the cherries, those are good works.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 500 points. Okay, look, we've got other shit to do on this show. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, you bet he's stuck he's stuck around he's gonna talk about advertisements with us how do you feel about products well i have some yeah oh well i guess somebody's been going to the alternative press expo to sell his zines uh we're also brought to you this week by our friends at magic spoon magic spoon is a cereal brand that arrives in a big box at your door and you're like, ooh, my new Magic Spoon is here. Then you pour, in my case, peanut butter

into your bowl and then you crunch it up because it stays crunchy even in milk and it's high in protein and it's not made of grains. Now, I'm going to tell you the honest truth, Jordan. I don't know what it's made of, but it's not made of grains. Now, I'm going to tell you the honest truth, Jordan. I don't know what it's made of, but it's not grains. It does not have grains. It has no grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, 140 calories, and only four net grams of carbs in each serving. That's right. It's keto-friendly, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low-carb, and GMO-free.

Real talk, though, it is super good. It's really good. People have been tweeting at me like, hey, so I bought some of that Magic Spoon, and it really is good. I honestly, as I said, peanut butter is my favorite one. Just as basketball is my favorite sport, peanut butter is my favorite Magic Spoon. And in both cases, I like the way

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Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. We're also brought to you this week by the good folks at Made In. I just got my Made In pan in the mail, Jordan. I ordered a carbon steel pan. Jesse, I also ordered a Made In carbon steel pan. And you know what? All other pans can pound sand. This is my new favorite pan. That's the famous motto of Made In. All other pans can pound sand. This is my new favorite pan. That's the famous motto of Made In. All other pans can pound, sands can pound pans. Yes. Copyright Made In 2021.

Before trying Made In, I had brand loyalty to another pan brand. Yeah. But after trying this pan brand, I've got a new pan, man. And you got a new pan brand brand. I've got a new pan brand brand. It's made in... Here's what the deal is with these things. No, I meant the one on your butt.

You got made in, seared into your flesh. I did, yes. I called an old cowboy to make a custom brand. This is getting out of hand. Here's the deal with Made In. Here's what they do. They source the finest materials and partner with renowned craftsmen to make premium kitchen tools available directly to you without the markup. Their cookware distributes heat evenly and can easily go from the stovetop to the oven, and their knives are fully foraged, perfectly balanced, and stay sharp.

Forged. They're forged, Jordan. Foraged for you. You don't know where they get their metal. They're forged. All these knives are made from local mushrooms. Yeah, they're forged for your pleasure. By Rene Giestreppi or whatever his name is. They have over 28,000 five-star reviews and their products are used by

some of the world's best chefs at Michelin-starred restaurants around the world. Jordan, here's the thing. So carbon steel is non-stick like cast iron, but it's also lightweight. But the thing is, is that they mostly use carbon

steel in restaurants because it is a real hassle to season carbon steel. And you often, to get it, you either have to buy like super, super expensive, or you have to be a restaurant person. And what's cool about Made In is they have carbon steel pans that are pre-seasoned, and you can get them at direct-to-consumer prices. No middleman prices, no markup for being a fancy thing prices, but you really do get a fancy thing. Made In is offering our listeners 15% off with your first order with promo code JJGO.

This is the best discount available anywhere for Made In products. You go to madeincookware.com slash JJGO and use promo code JJGO. You get 15% off your first order. Madeincookware.com slash JJGO. Promo code JJGO. These are great pans. They're great pans. Get a new pan.

Other pans can pounce and... Yeah. They sound grand. Sure. Much like the slam from Denny sand. Yeah. They sound grand. Sure. Much like the slam from Denny's. Dot com slash Denny's. Made in cookware dot com slash JJ go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, mayor of tiny town yeah good work good job buddy very nice way to go bringing it to the hoop delivering strong was tiny town in canada um i spoke to a friend of the show alicia tobin

and talked to her and jessica delisle on their retail nightmares podcast great podcast jessica dubbed me the mayor of tiny town For reasons that I do not remember Hey, go with it That's two Yeah, just use that as your podcast nickname That's great I've had a sash made up Good

You have a sash, man? Did you guys know that the Monkey King's cudgel Goes as small as a toothpick? No, I didn't know that But then it gets so big that he can jump between clouds. Man. Fucking catch up, Western

religions. Jeez. I know. That's how I feel. Like, fucking rolling a stone? That's the best shit you can come up with? This guy ate magic peaches. The water's mine now. Yeah, he had a fucking pig friend.

The meek shall inherit the mere. Where's Jesus' pig friend? Thank you. Get a pig friend, buddy. Then we'll talk. Then maybe we'll worship you. Hello? Is this JC?

I'm just calling to let you know that I'm not going to worship you until you get a pig friend. Goodbye. How'd you get this number? Stop calling me and my wife. I'm in heaven. I'm trying to eat ghosts. Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. That's the sound that Christ makes.

The three stooges are here with me. Except for Shump. He's in hell. Yeah, he got drunk at his kid's soccer game. What is this? Why do we do this? Who cares? Win something.

I don't know. Win something. Jesse, all around the world, there are comic artists and writers who need this sort of thing. Desperately. Like water. Like heaven peaches. Pre-order Bubble today. and writers who need this sort of thing desperately. Like water. Like heaven peaches. Pre-order bubble today. You're welcome, G. Willow Wilson.

You're welcome, Brian Michael Bendis. Yeah. Guys, do you think Art Spiegelman's listening right now? Okay. If something momentous happens to you, give us a call, 206-984-4FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoatmaximumfun.org. Here's something momentous that someone called and left on a message.

Hey, guys. What's going on? It's Sergeant T-Paw calling from New Jersey. I just saw a sign in New Jersey that I really had to share with you guys. Basically, it was a sign for a man named Jack who was running for governor of New Jersey. The tagline was, let's fix New Jersey. But what I really liked was that there was a website and a hashtag,

which was simply Jack for New Jersey. So you heard it here, folks. Jack for New Jersey. So you heard it here, folks. Jack for New Jersey. Yeah. A little better way to show your support. I'm willing to do that. Thanks, Sergeant Peepaw. This guy's name was Sergeant Peepaw, I think.

I don't know. Maybe I misheard. There is a, I guess, boy, I don't exactly know what the status of this is, but I guess there is a potential recall election happening in California. They're trying to recall Governor Gavin Newsom. So, you know, the like kind of wackadoo candidates have already started like running commercials. And there is a guy whose credentials I am unclear on i think he's probably just a rich guy um and he is like doing these campaign appearances with a bear with like a you know a circus bear or something now jordan i want to make clear this guy is not just a uncritical... This guy was...

I believe we're thinking of the same guy. This guy was the Republican candidate for governor of the state of California two years ago. Oh, okay. When Gavin Newsom was elected governor. So he's an actual politician? Yeah, yeah. A real legitimate bear-baiting politician. Right.

Actual bear. Hey, we've had jacking and we've had baiting. This is fun. He's making appearances with a real bear. So his commercials have him with the bear. And, you know, at the end of a political commercial, when at the end someone says, you know, I'm so and so and

i approve this message they do that um and then i should also say that he is likening himself to the bear in these commercials the idea that like newsom's like a soft snowflake guy and he's like the bear yeah he's like i mean that's why he rides around on that tiny motorcycle right yes exactly that's why he dances why that russian man plays an accordion gavin newsom will never slap a salmon out of a river no um at the end it's like i'm so and so and i approve this message i'm the nicest and smartest beast you'll ever meet the nicest and smartest it's such a like i i it feels like this afterthought where he's like if i'm comparing myself to a bear people are gonna think i'm dumb and mean i have to say i'm nice and smart i'm a

i'm the good parts of the bear but also nice and smart i'm not i'm the nicest and smartest and furry yeah the nicest and smartest beast you'll ever meet. Salmon slap. Did you see that video of that lady who fought a bear off of her fence? No. How'd that go? I saw it. It was fucking great.

What happened? God damn it. You know what? Bear comes along walking along the fence. Then the dogs start barking and they run up to the fence. They say, bear, go away, please, respectfully. And then the lady, I assume. Tony, I'm sorry.

I know you're describing it. The dogs are fucking disrespectful as fuck. I watched it on a phone. It was really small, hard to see. That's true. And then the lady, presumably worried about the safety of her dogs, comes out and... What does she do? She shoves the bear off the fence. She scoops one of the dogs fucking like a baby lamby

just under her arm. Just a one-arm scoop. But she can't get the other one. It's too shifty. It's still fucking with the bear. Disrespectful AF. And she knows what's going to happen. This fucking bear is going to figure out

that it could eat her or the other dog that isn't under her arm because the other dog's going around doing bullshit, right? She tries to herd the dog back, but then she sees that it's not going to work because this dog's too fast. It's going to come back and fuck with the bear some more. And the bear is on a fence and she just goes,

and pushes the bear over the fence to the other side of the fence. It's like, go fuck with my neighbor's dogs. God, it is great. I was going to say, like, I feel like as problematic as it is for civil liberties uh that we live in a technocracy where too many upper middle class and affluent people have video cameras that live inside their doorbells and they're using them just to catch fedex guys picking their nose or whatever. And sometimes they do a little dance. Yeah, that's true. That's fun.

It's always a lot of fun. What's good about it, conversely, so the problem is class issues, policing issues, surveillance state issues, who owns our likeness when we're in public, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. But the plus side, which I honestly think,

honestly, I think it probably outweighs it, is just shots of a bear being in a human place and then a dog or a person scares it away. Yeah. Because it's like, if we can, like what we've learned

is that we can do anything. We should not fear bears yeah what a beautiful okay play another call brian jordan jesse vibrant guest uh this is luke from seattle calling for your classic segment magnet fishing updates uh jesse you apparently have talked about r slash magnet fishing enough on the show that it has wafted into my sort of daily thoughts and vocabulary to such a degree that my partner purchased a magnet fishing kit. And we've taken it out a few times now. I haven't done it yet myself, but my kids love it. haven't done it yet myself but my kids love it and we found like uh you know some bobby pins and bb's and a bottle cap and uh they feel like they're saving the environment and it gives them

a project to do which means i get to actually relax while we're outside having outdoors family time so thank you for your dedication to r slash magnet fishing and i'll let you know if we find any rusty bicycles thank you love the show bye i recently bought my kids a dragon's fucking cars kit right the reddit kits are very popular yeah so many popular kits out there available if you want to make your miata look like the batmobile or or make a 3D animation of a dragon putting its dragon dick into the tailpipe of a car. Also, if you want the dick to look weirdly kind of fleshy and human, you can do that too. It's all there in the kit.

All there in the kit. It comes with everything you need. Perfectly proportioned ingredients so there's less food waste. Yeah, it snaps together too so you don't have to buy glue, which can be toxic. Does magnet fishing also include that sort of preschool game you can get where you get like a little tiny... I'm using hand gestures in the video here as if that will come across in audio. Yeah, there's little plastic fish that go... Yes, like Pac-Man.

Yeah. And then you stick your little string down your string stick and you try and catch them using the power of magnets i think that is i think that is an intro to magnet fishing that's how you how you start that does like set children up for a life of lonely weirdness can i ask you guys a question about magnets? Uh, sure. How do they work? Oh, don't ask. No, I was hoping you weren't gonna ask that. I was hoping, like, please don't... Because I don't know! I don't know!

We made fun of the Juggalos, but I don't know. I don't know either. Negatively charged ions? I don't know! I don't know! Yeah. Iron bars? I don't know I don't know Iron bars? I don't know Violent J doesn't know?

Your daughter should bolt up right in bed How to magnet work Then you're gonna have to figure it out I don't know, they probably eat ghosts for all I know Fucking magic peaches is the only possible answer Get a pig friend, then we'll talk Press play, Brian Hi Jordan, Jesse Magic peaches is the only possible answer. Get a pig, friend. Then we'll talk. Press play, Brian.

Hi, Jordan, Jesse, wonderful guest, and Sunny D. This is Steve in San Diego. I'm calling in for another edition of your segment, Ways My Neighbors Are Scaring Away Crows. I was just walking my dog, and I saw probably about two dozen crows on a line, a power line in front of me. That's probably about a murder of crows, but I'm not sure. And then suddenly from across the street, my neighbor came out and ran at them and started shouting,

Owl! Owl! Hoot! Hoot! And I noticed something in his hand, and I realized what it was was a mop. And on the top of the mop, he had put one of those big plastic scare owls that you put on top of the building and he was shaking it at them and it worked and he seemed pretty impressed that it worked and it scared these crows away so uh if you have crows maybe get a mop and put an owl on it and shout owl owl at them love the show thank you fucking moves fucking here's what i'm. So here's what I'm doing right now. I'm going to let you in a little bit as to what my process is. Making plans to move to the other next door of this. What I'm doing is I'm going back through 13 years of this podcast.

Taking stock. And I'm like, how long have we been doing momentous occasions what have we got kind of what are the all-timers are the memorable ones because this is the best one right like this is the best i maybe know it wasn't technically a momentous occasion because it was this call thing we're doing, but I'm grouping it in with calls we've got. And if you take calls as a segment, this is the best one, right?

I mean, Garaba was good, but... Like, if this... I would say Garaba if... If... This was a story about one of those owls attached to a broom but it's a fucking mop you can't be bad you can't the moppy part is flopping around the whole time this guy this guy who's doing this his understanding of animals is all comes from pokemon to where he thinks they all say their name. Owl, bear, bear, bear. Sheep, sheep.

Cow, cow. Human, human, human. Fuck, man. That's really good. God, San Diego rules. They got the wild animal park. This guy. They got more than one submarine you can go in.

Submarines, tall ships. You can visit tall ships. You wouldn't put, they put, um, French fries and burritos. French fries and burritos.

Um, yeah, I think they got a lot of those. Like, um, I think they do a lot of those like intense Bloody Marys that have like a little burger in them. I don't love Bloody Marys, but I kind of like, I like that.

I think that's like a lot of fun. Yeah. That's pretty good. Guys running around around in public shaking an owl on a mop god hoot hoot hoot owl owl hoot hoot god hoot hoot everyone do you think that neighbor knew that he was writing like the second best maurice sendak book like obviously in the night kitchen is still number one sorry where the wild things are but uh number two is owl owl it's like a sequel it's like a sequel to the sign on rosie's door but instead of focusing on rosie it focuses on rosie uncle. If we do get to go to a Comic-Con again this year, in coming years, this is who I'm dressing up as. This guy is my Spider-Man. Man, remember when we did that Jordan Jesse Go at MaxFunCon?

man remember when we did that jordan jesse go at max fun con and the other live show at that particular max fun con was an adventure was an adventure zone taping and so there was a some group of the max fun con attendees who were pumped up to do comic con type stuff you know like normally there's not a lot of that kind of thing at max fun con it's mostly like cooking classes but there was probably 12 people who were just there for the adventure zone were really pumped to dress up in their witch hats and stuff and uh one of those guys came to the jordan jesse go show and he was dressed as like a classic 1960s robin yeah and he was the only guy in an outfit in the whole show god that guy fucking ruled so hard it's like my favorite thing that's ever happened just this one this one and he and he was like a really good robin like he

had that kind of sweet sweet boyish face and asian Asian American. So it felt like a twist. Right. But he had the classic, like that kind of like hope of youth, that Burt Ward gee whiz. Dude that you need. God, that was great. And it was like the real yellow Robin outfit, you know, like really heavy. That was fucking great. And you got to be especially bold to go out dressed as a Robin without a Batman. Yeah, that's what that's one of the many fucking tremendous things about this guy. He was real nice. Yeah, I hadn't even thought of that. Like, yes, I'm just Robin.

Can you imagine the self-confidence and assurance you would need for that? Jesus, yeah. I mean, that's like going to fucking Comic-Con, New York Comic-Con. That's like going to New York Comic-Con, dress as the pig friend, and there's no fucking Monkey King. You're like Journey to the West. You're down a man. Yeah. Well, maybe you can find a nice Jesus there to hook up with. We were at New York Comic-Con, and I passed Paul F. Tompkins in the hallway, and I said,

hey, great Paul F. Tompkins cosplay. And I got a laugh out of him, and I feel like I'm going to keep that with me for a long time. Yeah, but honestly, you said that. The joke for you wasn't that you knew that was Paul F. Tompkins. You were saying it because you thought that was the poster guy from the Antiques Roadshow. Spot on. Yeah. Beautiful.

Swan auction galleries, Jordan. Do we have one more call, Brian? Here we go. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. I'm going to say Varmin Supreme. I am calling in for your recurring segment, Reverse Cat Calls. Today, while I was at a watermelon eating competition, I got yelled at by one of the other contestants, a woman, saying,

Is that how you eat pussy? Intimating, apparently, that I eat it aggressively and sloppily, which I find quite offensive, as I consider myself a generous lover. Joke's on her, I won the competition anyway. So, uh, anyway, thank you guys. I love the show. Nah, you got fucking clowned. You're destroyed.

Don't leave the house, dude. You need pussy like that. Fucking don't show your face at the Kroger. Yeah. Nobody wants to lookroger. Yeah. Nobody wants to look at you. Man. I don't like... I love the idea of a watermelon contest heckler.

Jordan, I hate... You know that I hate to take down a caller. I'm celebrating the breadth and the love that these people these people put it all on the line calling into us we owe them something you know they're naming guests that are a guy that wears a boot on his head and runs for office as a libertarian they're they're showing that that's this guy that he said, vermin supreme. Oh, right. Yeah, that was, I, you know who I was thinking of?

I was thinking of the Ninja Turtle villain, Rat King. Yeah. The guy who lived in the sewer and could communicate telepathically with rats. I thought that's who this guy was saying. But that's just what you think all of our guests or all our callers are talking about. Yeah, sorry. Rat King won't return my texts. And I've got him on the brain.

But my point is that this guy should frankly never leave the house again. Because whenever anyone looks at him, all they're going to think about is how aggressively and ungraciously he eats pussy. To heckle such a wholesome event like to go to like some like a county fair and like are you also heckling the kids who are doing the like place setting competition yeah they're showing off their bunnies for 4-h yeah hey is that how you eat pussy and it's just a kid holding up a rabbit's haunches. I'm demonstrating the haunches. The ears fall at an ideal angle. You need to learn how to munch box.

What? I'm just showing off my big... God, what are you, biting the clitoris? Just showing off my gourd. I'm in the gourd contest here. Not the get made fun of for my pussy eating contest. Yeah, you know. Jesus Christ, man. This is a nice gourd I grew.

Yeah. I put seven up on it every day. Is that how you get them so big? I pour seven up on there. Really? If you want to get a nice big gourd. I do. If you're lucky, you get a couple of nice big? Gotta pour seven up on there. Really? You want to get a nice big gourd. I do.

If you're lucky, you get a couple of nice big gourds out there at the State Fair. Also, when you're preparing to eat your lover's pussy, just pour a little seven up on there. No, I think we've learned a lot today. About what really goes down at the fucking State Fair. Right. 206-984-4FUN. can i tell you what i was worried about i legitimately got worried about what if do they give you a seedless watermelon or do you also have to spit out or eat all the seeds oh yeah that's a that's a terrific question yeah i wonder if you're doing a watermelon eating contest what what of the seeds oh yeah i bet you get

maybe it's two different competitions maybe there's a seedless division and a seeded division it's the goal to go fast yeah like really get through that watermelon yeah and to give your lover a full body orgasm sometimes you get one of these watermelons that they call a squirter. Some people say that's a myth, but it's real. Well, Greg finished first, but James over here, his watermelon was trembling. So this might be a tie. I mean, Tony, your question is, is it just how fast can you eat it? The answer is no.

It's style points. Right? Yeah, the points for enthusiasm. You have to seem like you're liking eating the watermelon. You got to bring some flair to it. Which parts of this are just about how watermelon eating contests are kind of funny thing? Which parts are about pussy? I kind of lost track.

Wait, watermelons? What? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. From the internationally acclaimed creators of Who Shot Ya? comes the movie podcast Maximum Film. Starring producer and film festival programmer Drea Clark as a woman bound by passion.

I saw this eight months ago on the festival circuit and I loved it. Film critic Alonzo Duralde as a man corrupted by greed. Why watch one Hallmark Christmas movie when I can watch seven? And comedian Ify Wadiwe as a man protecting a love that society simply won't accept. I think Pacific Rim is a perfect movie.

And if you can't accept that, then I want you out of my life. From the makers of the movie podcast Who Shot Ya? comes Maximum Film. That's right. We changed the name of our show to Maximum Film. But don't worry. We're still a movie review show that isn't just a bunch of straight white dudes. So tune in to Maximum Film at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Does our podcast deep dive into the weirdest Wikipedia pages

we can find? Yes. Do we learn about scam artists, remote islands, horrible mascots, beautiful diseases, and mythical monsters? Yes, yes, yes, absolutely, and yes. Do we retain any of this knowledge?

Probably not. I'm Emily Heller. I'm Lisa Hanna-Walt. We make art and comedy and TV shows, and also the podcast Baby Geniuses. For the past eight years, we've been trying to learn new things about the world and each other every episode. But let's be honest, this podcast is mostly about two friends hanging out, shooting the breeze, and making each other laugh. We're horny, we like gardening and horses, and we get real stupid on here. Well, like, in a smart way. Yeah, join us every other week on Maximum Fun.

It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Tony Cliff, mayor of Tiny Town. So I have this app on my phone called Live Auctioneers. It's for local auctions. In your area? In my area.

I like to keep track of them. I see what's going on at John Moran. You know what I mean? Hughes Auctions. Yeah, I'll keep an eye on that. keep track of them i see what's going on at john moran you know what i mean hughes hughes auctions yeah i'll keep i'll keep an eye on that maybe my favorite around town's the a bell okay you know about that i i don't but i if i'm ever looking for an auction right now they're handling the estate of carol channing wow which uh the greatest fucking shit in history. She has so many awards in this estate.

Her house must have just been completely silver plate cups that say whatever. But what I want to bid on and win is a white fireman helmet. It says Baltimore Fire Department Honorary Fire Chief Carol Channing. Wow. Honorary Fire Chief. She just called her agent. She said, I'm going to be in Baltimore. That's my Carol Channing impression, by the way.

Did you like it? Hey, Jesse, what would it sound like if Carol Channing talked to Donald Duck? Hi, it's me, Carol Channing. Sorry, something's wrong with my microphone. Do you want me to do that again? Yeah, actually, I didn't quite get that. Maybe my internet's down. I don't know if the Zoom is being weird. I just picture Carol Channing calling her agent, like getting her agent on the horn.

And she's like, my cousin's getting married in Baltimore. Call the fire department. I want a hat. God, I got to become a Broadway legend. I know. It'd be fucking great. There's still time, right? Yeah.

I think we still could. We could still become successes in show business, Jordan. A few things would have to break our way We'd have to get more talented But I think it's still within our grasp Yeah I mean Dennis Farina That guy was a Chicago cop

Until he met David Mamet Sure There you go all we have to do is meet David Mamet Who might be cancelled Yeah I don't think we want to meet David Mamet. Sure. There you go. All we have to do is meet David Mamet, who might be canceled. Yeah, I don't think we want to meet David Mamet anymore. No, yeah. Whoever the uncanceled David Mamet is, or the yet-to-be-canceled David Mamet.

Jonathan Katz. There you go. His best friend from college. He's totally not canceled and is a delight. There you go. Can't wait to meet that guy. I think we've met him already they both like to pitch New Yorker cartoons

that's fun that's true that's not a gag that's a real thing about them I believe it Tony Cliff it's been a joy to have you on the program thank you very much for having me of course you're the author of the Delilah Dirk series

about a globetrotting tomb tomb raiding, swashbuckling, 19th century brash adventurous. That is true. I don't need to tell anybody that because God knows. They see it coming. Our audience has already placed their orders for the seeds of good fortune in the treasure of Constantinople. Because Jordan has talked them up on the show many times. True. But you're also, perhaps most importantly,

the artist behind the new upcoming best-selling comic book, Bubble. Can you tell me, where do you get your ideas? I will tell you, it's real nice not to have to draw a tall ship yeah god you're so bored of that master and commander fucking adaptation you were working on how many fucking ways

are there to describe ropes next time somebody asks me where I get my ideas I'm gonna be like I get my best shit when I'm face deep in a juicy watermelon this one's a squirter I get my best shit when I'm face deep in a juicy watermelon. Oh, this one's a squirter. Shemp, what are you doing here?

Wait, and why did you bring Carol Channing? We're back from hell and we're all eating pussy who cares right whatever fuck it what's a show anyway the big dots make you powerful yeah um uh that was that was one of when when tony and i first started working on uh working on the bubble graphic novel we're like okay well what's gonna like, what are we gonna keep from the podcast? What are we gonna change? And I'm like, I kind of

wanted to change the setting a little bit to kind of like a seafaring thing and then he just immediately said, fuck no. Or I went down to San Diego, saw that tall ship there that they have anchored next to the submarine, took a look at it and said, Jordan, can we please reconsider? I am not drawing that thing.

I looked at all the ropes. That tall sheep is the real tall sheep. You're saying sheep now instead of ship? I didn't want to make Brian edit it out, so I just, that's my new thing. Just, you know, call it your new thing. That's the real tall ship from Master and Commander. Yeah.

That one in San Diego next to the submarine. Yes, the HMS Surprise. God. Does every city have a submarine now? Well, ours is underwater. Yeah. Right. Harder to see.

You can't go in it. Yeah, makes sense. But Vancouver's got to have nautical ship coming out the porthole, right? You guys ever take a watermelon up the porthole? Yeah, wife won't put a watermelon up the porthole unless it's my birthday. Yeah. Ah, ghosts!

Why are we still doing this? Tony Cliff, the artist behind Bubble, don't be a dumbass. Go order Bubble If you order it from Book Soup here in Los Angeles You can ask And they'll have Jordan sign it for you, baby

Yeah Signed, personalized I'll do it You want me to sign it as Herbal Tea Coleman? I'll do it You want me to sign it as Cotton Candy Randy, I'll do it. I will degrade myself in any way you want. Tony, you have a similar indie bookstore where if they preorder it there, you'll draw a little picture, right?

You betcha. Yeah, there's a shop in Vancouver called Pulp Fiction Books. All one word, I think, Pulp Fiction. books all one word i think pulp fiction uh for some strange reason it is also cheaper for them to ship to america than it is to ship across like from from their store in canada to another address in canada what a time it is to be alive but uh yeah give them a give them a pre-order i'll go in and uh do a little drawing and uh you know dedicate it and all these lovely things and you can have that in your book yeah Yeah, right there. I think that's a nice thing to have in a book.

I like that. Me too. Makes it real embarrassing when you donate it to the Goodwill. Extremely. Yeah, I listen. Hey, if you're listening out there, I don't want to see a single fucking bubble in a Goodwill. If I go into a Goodwill and I see a bubble,

if I go into a Friends of the Library store and i see a bubble i'm gonna go fucking ape shit taking that cudgel out from behind my ear yeah i'm gonna get my pig friend uh hey i wanted to put a bow on something um we have been shouting out independent bookstores where people have been pre-ordering bubble that is coming to a close. People can still pre-order it, but shouting them out on the show is coming to a close and I'm going to announce a winner. The store where people have pre-ordered the most from, which I will be going to with my own money to sign some books.

Here are the final indie bookstores. Space Cowboy Books in Joshua Tree, California. Dragon's Lair Comics in Omaha, Nebraska. Bookies in Holmwood, Illinois. Sequel Bookshop in Kearney, Nebraska. Brilliant Books in Traverse City, Michigan. Riverstone Books in Pittsburgh, PA.

Danger Room Comics in Olympia, Washington. Changing Hands Bookstore in Phoenix, Arizona. Book and Puppet Company in Easton, PA. That's specific. How could that not win this contest? Carol and John's Comic Book Shop in Cleveland, Ohio. Shout out to both Carol and John. Main Street Books in Lafayette, Indiana,

Comics Connection in York, PA, Politics and Prose from Washington, DC. Fucking strong showing from Politics and Prose in this contest. Community Bookstore in Brooklyn, New York, PA. Politics and Prose from Washington, D.C. Fucking strong showing from Politics and Prose in this contest. Community Bookstore in Brooklyn, New York. Secret Crisis Comics in Chelsea, Michigan. Fucking great name. Earth 2 Comics in Northridge. Another great name.

Alameda Sports Cards and Comics in beautiful Alameda, California. White Whale Bookstore in Pittsburgh, PA. Epic Books in Hamilton, Ontario. Reader's Books in Sonoma, PA. Epic Books in Hamilton, Ontario. Reader's Books in Sonoma, California. East Bay Booksellers in Oakland. A Room of One's Own in Madison, Wisconsin.

Gibson Bookstore in Concord, New Hampshire. Mosaic Books in Kiloa, BC. Okay, Fantastic in Copenhagen. Oh, that's nice. Superscript Comics and Games in Lakewood, Ohio. The Learned Owl in Hudson, Ohio. And Mojo's Books and Records in Tampa, Florida. Some trends.

Massachusetts did very well in this. It probably would have been a place in Massachusetts, but it was so spread out. A lot of bookstores. Strong showing from Minneapolis. You know, fucking Brooklyn killed it. Great job, Brooklyn, but you spread it out over too many places.

The winner. How did Kelowna do? Kelowna? Poorly. I mean, it's a pretty small town in the interior of the province. So I think to show it all is respectable. No, you're right. You're right. You're right.

Absolutely. And we should adjust for population, of course, in these things. Portland did well. Very spread out over many, many, many, many, many bookstores. But the winner in this case started out strong and just nobody ever caught up. Changing Hands Bookstore in Phoenix, Arizona. Congratulations, Changing Hands Bookstores

in Phoenix, Arizona. A wonderful bookshop. I will be getting out there at some point to sign some books. Hey, Jordan, this summer, why not visit Phoenix, Arizona? Yeah, I will. Ooh, it'll be real hot. Oh it's gonna be super hot and alice cooper's restaurant is closed fuck our producer is brian sunny d fernandez our theme

music love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records. You can find us on Reddit at maximum fun.reddit.com at dragons, fucking cars.reddit.com. You can email us at JJ go at maximum fun.org. Call us at two zero six nine eight four four fun. Go pre-order bubble. Do yourself a favor. You made it through all those fucking plugs. Go order the damn thing if where did you not

fast forward the plugs but you still haven't ordered the book come on yeah let's let's do this it's gonna come right to your house yeah this book you can go pick it up that's fun too it might show up early that happens does it yeah and then and then you're in for a real surprise. It's just like, that's 260-some-odd pages of pure delight showing up unannounced. You know who's going to love it? The person at the counter at that bookstore. They're tired of selling the purpose-driven life. Right. I worked in a bookstore.

I know what that's like. They want somebody to come in there and order Bubble. They say, oh, I like Bubble, too. I'm a person that works at a bookstore. I know what that's like. They want somebody to come in there and order bubble. Oh, I like bubble too. I'm a person that works at a bookstore, the librarian of retail. Yeah. Save your local bookseller from the drudgery of constantly ordering the purpose-driven life. Okay, we'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jessica. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. I'm on Jordan, Jessica.