Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 693: Load-Bearing Yumbo with Michael Hing and Ben Jenkins

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

Michael Hing and Ben Jenkins (Free to a Good Home podcast, Dragon Friends show) join Jordan and Jesse from Australia to talk about the Australian hot ham sandwich sensation that is the Yumbo, how Yahoo Serious is the JD Salenger of buffoonery, and a terrifying swimming pool invitation Jesse had delivered to his inbox. Plus, Jordan saw a baffling shirt at Target that reveals how little everyone knows about Neoyokio.Pre-order Bubble or upload your receipt!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, recently been to Target. Okay, this is, this is the kind of stuff a lot of people say. Jordan and Jesse never have won an award i mean that's not true we won a number of metro santa cruz goldie awards for best radio personality when we were in college right but we did that by getting everyone in the dining hall to fill out the uh ballot and mark us down um

a lot of people say jesse and jordan you don't win any awards and it's just because you're not covering prestige subject matter yeah you know like if you were doing shows about the insurrection at the capitol if you were covering the black lives matter movement if you were talking about unemployment and inflation... Well, I mean, I think we are in our own way. That's true. From a certain point of view. If we were covering that material, we would have a shot at awards. But this is the reality,

Jordan. We cover important stuff like that. As you said, we cover the economy. stuff like that. As you said, we cover the economy. We cover the insurrection at the Capitol by noting that it's sad that Jay Johnston from Mr. Show was there. Sure. We cover trips to Target. And the reality is that the primary reason we don't win awards is because it's a bad show. People don't like the show by and large. And it's interesting, now that you're hearing you kind of recap this, people are real dicks saying this to us constantly.

It is weird that they explain to us. Approaching us and then enumerating this. You know who said this to me the other day? My mail carrier. Yeah, I know. And I said, thank you, you ping but that is a little much sure it's a little rude of you to say that directly to me shut your shut your gob and deliver me my car wash coupons i need these goddamn coupons i can't make my own coupons at

home what do you what do you think i'm gonna? Go to a local grocery store and inspect the back of my receipt tape for car wash coupons? Yeah, you don't have time for that. No way. Not in the slightest. So you went to Target. Speaking of prestige, subject matter, should we introduce our guest? Yeah, actually, that would be great. I would love to hear their takes on my recent trip to Target.

Yeah, it's Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather? Oh, no. Sorry. They had to bail because Dan Rather got diarrhea. And they only come on as a pair. Got it. Just Dan Rather and Walter Cronkite's ghost. Does the ghost ever have any dietary or gut health problems?

Oh, man. That ghost loves Arby's. So, you know, he's having the ghost squirts. He's got horsey sauce going in one end and coming out the other, huh? Yeah. That's what it's like when you're a ghost. It's hard to hold food inside yourself. That's true. Because you're ephemeral.

That's true. Because you're ephemeral. Our guests on the program are the co-hosts of the smash hit podcast Free to a Good Home. They're coming to us from a youth radio station in Australia and an area in front of a black curtain. Michael Hing and Ben Jenkins. Welcome to the program, gentlemen. Thank you very much for having us. Hello, hello. And I think I say this not only because it's true, but because I know that it's quite difficult to fact check things about Australia, but we are the Walter Cronkite and Dan Rather of our country. So you've done fairly well. So let me ask you this can you hold your horsey sauce well that's why that's that's why they call me the dan rather

it's the diarrhea yeah i don't know if you have this in america but every year in australia we have a national competition to see whose uh i guess anal sphincter has the most strength and ben and i are actually the reigning champions in guess anal sphincter has the most strength and bet and i are actually the reigning champions in terms of sphincter strength so we have this same contest in the united states but in the united states we do it what i consider the traditional way which is only among ghosts sure sure sure sure no it's slightly different amongst the living slightly different across the pond here and the other difference is whoever wins this challenge becomes our prime minister so again you know we all you uh it's a constitutional the parliamentary yeah and it's all for me it's like bicameral tricameral i i have a hard time house of lords

i don't know so it's the yahoo horse i don't know. So it's the horsey side. I don't know. Yeah. We're just very lucky that in the 60s, the person who had the strongest sphincter also liked universal healthcare. Yeah. So it just worked out for us. Oh, it really.

Yeah. I think because of some things that happened in the competition, that's why. That's why you strengthen your sphincter, regular visits to the doctor. Exactly. Yeah. Reasonable co-pay. competition that's why you strengthen your sphincter regular visits to the doctor exactly yeah a reasonable copay uh let me ask you before i continue with my story i want to know two things from the two of you is in in australia do you have do you have rbs and do you have target michael not what what are your equivalents Michael, I would be thrilled to fill this one. Sure.

We do have Target, and I believe it is roughly the same basic shop. Same logo. We do a fun thing in Australia where we pronounce it as a joke, Tajay. Oh, wow. What? No fucking way. That would be shitting me.

You're crazy down there. I know. It was big with the live, love, laugh set, I think. Here's something we do at Target that I don't know if you guys do. You go in for a couple of things and you end up spending 50 bucks. Oh my god. Can I tell you

though, can I tell you that, and I don't have any sponsorship with Target or any of the stores that I'm about to mention, but can I tell you that at the, at the, at the shopping complex, you guys have shopping complexes, right? Down the street from, oh, right. Okay. Well, they're like big, big building with lots of shops in it, if you can imagine such a thing. Got it. Has both a Target and a Kmart,art which i think i think that is an australian thing um yeah we have kmarts oh well here i was feeling special for just a fucking second uh no i think your burger king is different from ours but besides that it's the same country michael do you want to tell them what our burger king's called our our burger king is called hungry jacks yeah yeah that is the official name of one of the most popular burger chains in Australia.

Hungry Jack's. Michael, I mean, you're saying Hungry Jack's like that's a worse name than Burger King. Well, if I said to you, Jesse, Jordan, Ben, we're all going to go to a restaurant tonight, what you could broadly describe as a restaurant,'re gonna have burgers prepared for us by a king you'd be like wow this could be really good sure it was like hey we're gonna go to a place where a guy whose qualifications are he's hungry and his name is jack i think you might be less inclined to come with me to the restaurant i am loath to turn this entire episode into me asking you if you have certain things in America.

That said, I am curious as to know, in your version of Hungry Jack's Burger King, do you guys have the Yumbo? Is that an offering at the Burger King? I'd like to thank you for taking the time and the consideration to bring up the yumbo. In response to your query, if you don't mind my fielding this one, Jordan. No, we do not have the yumbo. We do have some the yumbo. We do

have some himbos. Right. Maybe you've heard of Chris Evans. Can I take a moment of your time to describe to you what the yumbo is? I would love to hear about it. Because I know when we were talking to Jordan

on our pod uh a couple of weeks ago he was saying that yeah okay okay yeah because i was just saying you you were saying you you've always wanted to come to australia and i i wonder if i wonder if the yumbo is the is the siren that will entice you onto the rocks uh but please please guess what the yumbo is i'm guessing you know standard you know standard standard burger you know meat patty sesame seed bun sure lettuce tomato pickle onions uh-huh giant spider a real australianism just the most poisonous thing you can find in a burger i've got a guess i mean do you mind if I guess as well, Ben? I'd love you to. So I'm imagining a standard

sesame seed bun. I'm imagining two patties with cheese. I'm imagining pickles, lettuce, special sauce, and Yahoo! Sirius. Now look, I hate to be the bear. Who be a comedy spider

loathes i have to be the bear of bad news here you are both outside of the occasional poisonous spider and yahoo series you will just find it all food as a matter of course sure in australia you are both 100 correct none nothing that you listed appears on the Yumbo. I just had to Google this to make sure that I had this right. The Yumbo is, and by the way, the Yumbo is back. It went away for a while and now it's back. It went away for about 15 years. It was a thing in the 70s, I think, and then it went away. And they've brought it back for its 50th anniversary this year.

Sure. Wow. So I'm going to describe to you what the yumbo is you said it on a sesame seed bun it is on uh some fluffy kind of bread not dissimilar i think michael to like a brioche or a maybe just like a croissanty sort of feel to it yeah then you get five slices of, and this is from their own ad copy, hot ham. Five slices of hot ham. Maybe I've just got the hots for ham, Ben. And two slices of melted cheese.

That is it. That's the entire yumbo. That is the entire yumbo. there's not even like mustard or something nope nope nope nope so it's a ham and cheese sandwich yeah but it's not enclosed and toasted like that a hot ham and cheese sandwich the bun is not hot the ham is hot the cheese is melted that's a yumbo yeah that's why tell you, the yumbo sounds yummy. Well, that's what the Burger King's reign of terror has taken from you. Someone needs to unseat this Burger King.

Maybe a little poison in the wine. Or maybe a certain spider sandwich, I'm thinking. Here you go, your majesty, your normal non-spider sandwich so we don't have we we don't have an arby's no arby's uh arby's never made it here we have a lot of your fast food uh but we don't have an arby's uh we do have uh hungry jacks serving the yumbo and yes we have a target yeah i have to say i don't think I have ever eaten at an Arby's. I know that Arby's stands for roast beef. I think I learned that when I was 30 years old and haven't stopped thinking about it since.

In what way does Arby's stand for roast beef? Arby's. Oh. Arby's. Arby's. They've spelled out. Like if you were to say the initials, they've spelled it out. That's so confusing.

Well, it's confusing because I don't think the beef does own the restaurant, and they do use the possessor. No, actually, legally, they set it up that way. So legally, it's owned by some non-sentient beef that's held in a glass cube in Paris or something. Yeah. The beef actually, in the late 80s, lost the restaurant in a poker game. I just want to try and work out what your mind just did then. I'm just trying to sort of take back bearings

on the insane thing you said. When you said that the sentient beef is held in a glass cube in Paris. I said non-sentient beef. Sorry, yeah. I think you were sort of mixing up a lot of things. I think you were thinking of Magneto's Perspex Prison, but also you were thinking of that academy in France that has like the metre and the kilogram in it.

Yes. Are you suggesting to me that there is a beef standard upon which all other beefs are measured? In Australia, do you not use the beef standard? What do you want, lamb? Our entire economy. How does your money have any value? Our money is backed by the beef standard. How did the economy just not collapse?

Our money is backed by the beef standards. How did the economy just not collapse? Hey, am I right about this, that you guys don't really do lamb where you are? Not in the way. I mean, New Zealand is the lamb capital of the world, if I'm not mistaken. That's right next door to, I don't mean to give you a geography lesson, but it's right next door to your own home nation of Australia. Yeah, that's right. So you've got access to those little lambies all day long and twice on Sunday. It's true. It's right next door to your own home nation of Australia. So you've got access to those little

lambies all day long and twice on Sunday. It's true. We do. I go to Costco. When I go to Costco, the discount retailer Costco. I didn't realize this podcast was a forum for outrageous boasting. Well, I'm a member.

It's members only, but they approved my application. I'm actually an executive member, not to brag. You sit on the board, right? Yes. Right outside while I eat my hot dog. They took out the tables, but they left a board. COVID protocols.

When I go into Costco and I buy myself a nice rack of lamb, guess what country it comes from? Yeah, maybe you've heard of it from a little movie called The Lord of the Rings. Oh, my God. Middle of... Oh, right. I thought it might have come from Mordor.

So we do a bit of lamb, but this isn't lamb country. You dabble. Well, when I lived in America for a little bit, I discovered that lamb was as common on menus as venison. You know what I mean? You'd be like, ooh, they have lamb here. Maybe a little more. A little more. Whereas in Australia,

you can't move for all the lamb on menus. You know what I mean? Bah, bah, bah. Exactly, Jesse. It's exactly like that. Sure, I understand that. Plus, you got kangaroos i know a lot about australia i'm a real expert yeah does it ever upset you does it ever upset

or concern you that 25 of our movie stars are from australia but we all believe them to be from america and the only thing that we know about the Australian entertainment industry is Yahoo Serious. Is that ever? Right. That is still like basically every movie star we have is from Australia. But that's still our poll. It's the guy who was in Young Einstein. Yeah.

Just straight. We can't even bring ourselves to talk about Crocodile Dundee. It's just Yahoo Serious, star of Young einstein no nicole kidman no chris hemsworth we do they don't huge ackman doesn't exist to us we're still pulling yahoo serious yeah do you know who i think that would distress most of all yahoo serious i think to have that much cultural cut through and that little employment would be something that would send him mad. Do people in America know who Yahoo! Sirius is, broadly speaking, because of movies?

What are you talking about? Yeah. He was quite famous in America, right? Yeah. How do you think these two know about him? Jordan and Jesse are entertainment professionals. Yeah. I think for an 18 month period.

Yeah. The three months before the release of Young Einstein and the three months after its theatrical run concluded, Yahoo Sirius, a very famous American entertainment star. Uh-huh. And then I presume that he returned to his role as King of Australia. Well, because of his very strong sphincter.

He, um... Yeah, that's right. Oh, the sphincter on Sirius. That was what we always liked about him i think yeah he could cut glass with that thing crazy hair he also had crazy hair a couple of years ago i had cause to contact mr sirius um what i didn't yeah i was putting together a like a pilot for a thing basically uh which never went anywhere uh and uh we needed a we needed a character who's going to play a crazy professor and so we thought oh well mate i mean we live in the we live in the world where mr serious lives of course that part of the world yeah let's get mr serious on so it

took yeah i reckon about 30 emails to different people just to find out where he was because he hasn't appeared in anything in Australia in 30 years or whatever. It's really respectful that you're referring to him as Mr. Serious and not the more casual Yahoo. I don't want to get confused with the search engine, obviously. Right, yeah. Yeah, I guess it is weird searching for someone whose name is Yahoo. Like, where do you go?

Where do you go to look for him? AltaVista is the answer. Go ahead. Dogpile.com. He is a bit of a recluse i would say he's the jd salinger of buffoonery yeah so we sent out a bunch of emails to ask him you know if he would even consider reading a script or getting in touch with us or whatever. And we received back, uh, not, uh,

not an actual hard. No, but instead we received back just a, um, a photo of him in a beautiful backyard surrounded by birds. And that was it. Wait, so how do you know that wasn't a yes?

Well, I guess we replied being like, hey, is this a yes or a no? And then he never responded again. Well, you obviously failed the test. Do you think he's just living off his young Einstein money and just spending the loose change on birds? Yeah. Well, he did. I don't know if this ever made it to America, but he had three relatively, or two relatively popular films here.

Young Einstein and was it Reckless Kelly? I believe so, yes. And then he made Mr. Accident, which I assume was enough to sink an entire career, which is really rare when you think about it these days, that like one film can just tank a superstar yeah but um but i i feel like it was like 90s uh film money and it's very possible you know what i mean like it's that sort of thing where like i mean i don't imagine it's generating any income

for him presently so i i just hope he invested it well well i mean after he gets the jordan jesse go bump you know what i mean this he's gonna go well that's the thing that's that's what he's waiting for think of all the birds you can buy after this podcast that's true yeah our we do pay residuals to our references so yahoo series gets a lot uh wario yeah we're sending to wario a check every month i imagine there was a time when rutger hauer was uh yeah yeah god that time that he didn't come on our show Rutger Hauer is our Yahoo! series Sure, sure He's sort of known as the American Yahoo! series

Rutger Hauer But Jordan, I feel like we cut off your story You were telling us you went to a Target And then you asked us about Arby's And then we talked about Yahoo! series for 20 minutes Don't worry, Michael We'll bring it back to Yahoo! series in a moment Let's hear this Target thing, Jordan Yeah. Don't worry, Michael. We'll bring it back to Yahoo! Sirius in a moment.

Let's hear this Target thing, Jordan. So I went on a fairly, you know, kind of standard Sunday trip to Target, picking up a couple of things for the week and, you know, just saw some stuff that I thought was worth bringing up, getting some other takes on because I found them interesting. Great. First thing I saw was a... Can I guess? other takes on, because I found them interesting. Great. First thing I saw was a... Can I guess, Jordan? Please. You're at Target.

I'm going to say a wide array of plastic bins. Sure. Just a bin for every purpose. Sure. Yeah. Do you have something that needs to be in something? Yeah. So the first thing I saw was a man wearing a T-shirt that had a lot of like, you know, kind of like cocktail graphics on it.

You know, kind of like swinging, you know, that artist shag, kind of that aesthetic, kind of like a martini glass. Like a loungy, retro, atomic kind of. So it had those sort of graphics on it, but the text said, Caprese Boy. Now, what does that mean? I mean, I think it's

a fresh mozzarella, basil, and tomato. A drizzle of balsamic. Yeah. Is that just how it's cool to get a shirt from Japan that just says, like, a bathing ape, or it has some words? Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. I've typed into my search into my search bar caprese boy uh-huh and you've gone to www.mr serious.com the top two choices are caprese boy merch and caprese boy hat huh so i'm gonna check

out the merch here is is caprese Boy a SoundCloud rapper? I think you're not too far off. But it definitely sounds like that. You can put food and then boy after things. Like Pizza Boy is fine. Pizza Boy is like, I could see that. It's like, there's a guy who likes pizza, hot dog guy. But I think when you drill down, like even like pasta man, I wouldn't necessarily blink at.

No, yeah, you're right. It would be unusual but you would know what it meant yeah but it's the specificity guys i really uh this appears to be something related to uh the netflix show neo yokio which was the american uh anime that was created by the guy from Vampire Weekend. Oh. Yeah, and I think also Will Smith's kid was in it as well, or was involved somehow. Okay.

Yeah, Tavi Gevinson, I think, was in it. Knowing this, our audience was screaming the answer at their cars. Clearly it's a Neo-Yokio reference. Come on This fucking moron doesn't know Caprese boy I'm a fucking millennial All I know about is old Yokio Sure

Of all the Yokios Well we've solved that We've solved the mystery of Caprese boy Tick Thing two I was looking at the board games There is a Jurassic Park board game. Uh-huh.

Great, I think. I like Jurassic Park. I'm going to check this thing out. I'm not a big board game guy, but I'm curious. Yeah, you're not a big board game guy, but you're a dino nut. I'm a dino. So maybe my dino nuttiness could overpower my not being a board game guy. Yep.

Yeah. Okay, so I couldn't really figure out what the rules of the board game are, but you play as one of the characters from the first Jurassic Park movie. Okay. So you can choose to be Laura Dern, the Laura Dern character,

the Sam Neill character. Dr. Grant. The third choice is Wayne Knight's character character dennis nedry okay i was about to say i want to be newman okay okay i just like yeah like that is that's the new thimble in monopoly right who gets fucking stuck with being newman the guy who betrays everyone and then dies a cowardly death. Can I ask you this, Jordan? Yes. Because you've played the game, I haven't.

I picked up the game in a store, but... That's more than Jesse's ever done with this game, so... It's true. Can I be putty? Yeah, I mean, I don't think... And again, I don't know the rules of the game, and maybe this is an expansion pack where you can branch off into... Oh, sure.

...shows that the other actors were in. Yeah. I think that's a fair assumption to make. So like, yes. So if you could be Putty, maybe you can also go off Sam Neill and be characters from Event Horizon. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. That would be nice. You know what? I would hunt for the Wilder people. Sure. Oh, that's good. You can be the little kid from the Wilder people. I'd be that over Newman.

What a wonderful job. But wouldn't you be Jackie Childs over Newman? Or the... What secondary and tertiary character? What about George's dad? You know, I've really got to see these characters statted out before I know which one I'm going to play. That's a good point.

And also, how do they help in a battle against dinosaurs i think is something we need to ask ourselves well because if we know one thing about dennis nedry it's that he's bad at not getting killed by dinosaurs i mean that's pretty much the only data point i have on him yeah but he based on surviving does he not die on a toilet i think he dies no michael he does not die on a toilet the lawyer dies on a toilet okay i'm he dies on a toilet. No, Michael, he does not die on a toilet. The lawyer dies on a toilet. Okay, I'm sorry. I apologize.

That's okay, but just don't embarrass us again. He's bad. Listen, we're all just still recovering from this Neo-Yokio thing. The audience has hurled their phones out the windows. What I think is that while he is bad at getting killed by dinosaurs, What I think is that while he is bad at getting killed by dinosaurs, I think he's got probably like an 18 charisma. The guy is magnetic. That guy could sell water to a well.

Absolutely. What is Wayne Knight doing now? Is he just living off Seinfeld residuals and being a billionaire like everyone else in that show? He's hanging out with Yahoo Sirius. No, I think he did a couple of sitcoms. You know what? When someone I really like, I haven't seen them in anything for a while,

what my brain does is just does this little soothing, they're on Broadway, and then I just don't think about it. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm just like, they're in the cherry orchard, it's fine. When we made Bubble, the show that Jordan jordan created the podcast that jordan created now a graphic novel novel available in stores for pre-order uh and imminently

uh in stores for order order when we when we made bubble we actually tried to cast wayne knight um newman from seinfeld in the show uh that's cool we sent so many emails back and forth trying to find him and in the end we just got a photograph of him in a beautiful backyard surrounded by birds i'm sorry you know what i'm looking at this photograph now i think this is yahoo serious star of. It's a common mistake. Why would Newman send us that? I have the same answer. It's the universal

rejection. That's what you send to someone when you're turning them down. It just happens that that's also what Yahoo Sirius sends. He's the one guy who it kind of makes a bit more sensible. It is universal. You're right. Now that I think about it It's universal

Because this is what I got When I asked to junior prom Yahoo Sirius from Young Einstein Right, yeah And this is also what you got When Rutger Hauer didn't turn up to the show, right? Yeah, yeah Jordan, can I ask

Was it like Did you get any sense just picking up this box And looking at the kind of thing on the back, what kind of a game it was? It looked to have kind of like some RPG elements to it. It had a big board that was like the island from Jurassic Park. So I guess there's some sort of moving around the board. But like, I noticed that the character cards, you know, Laura Dern, Sam Neill, Wayne Knight, they had, Jesse is right in assuming they had stats on it. So I imagine there's like attack points or cleverness, clever girl points. So you can't be Samuel L. Jackson? I only saw those three cards.

I don't know if you could be Samuel L. Jackson. And that's great because you're going to remind everyone to hold on to their butts. You know that dino that shakes, you know, the water glass shakes because the dino's coming? Yeah. You can't be that glass? You can't the water glass shakes because the dino's coming? Yeah. You can't be that glass? You can't be that glass? Again, it's an expansion pack. They're just milking you for everything you're worth.

Can you be the kid that Sam Neill terrifies for no reason at the start for disrespecting the velociraptor? Who doesn't enter into the plot of the movie at all? No, never does. Speaking of, can I just say something? I need to get this off my chest please i mentioned before the cherry orchard because no big deal i went to the theater on the weekend and i saw the cherry orchard wow okay okay it's fine everybody just like don't don't make a big deal about it i went to the theater and it was a really good production i really enjoyed it

i hadn't uh seen the cherrychard I'd read it years ago But I'd never seen it You froze And it looks like Ben Wow He froze This is This is a real Chekhov's gun

He has set up Right What Ben you said I went to the theatre last night And then you froze Oh shit really Okay

Yeah so it looked like you Really dropped out there Yeah I think my internet Just shattered itself I went to the theatre last night and then you froze. Oh, shit, really? Okay. Yeah, so it looked like you really dropped out there. Yeah, I think my internet just shat itself. Here's the thing. In the first act of The Cherry Orchard, right, one of the characters says, literally says, I have a gun, I always carry it with me, and then takes out the gun and shows everyone the gun, right?

Are you familiar with the rule of drama Chekhov's gun? Yeah, I just alluded to it while you were frozen. Go ahead. Okay, great. So here's the thing. I turned to my wife and riffing on a tweet, which she obviously would not be aware of because she's a normal person. The tweet where you're in the cinema and Chappie comes on screen and you turn to your date and say, that's Chappie. I turned to my wife and said, that's Chekhov's gun.

And she just looked at me like I was an asshole, which in many ways she was right about. Here's the thing about the fucking Cherry Orchard, though. That gun never comes back. He says, I've got a gun. He shows it to the audience and then four acts pass and the gun never comes back he says i've got a gun he shows it to the audience and then four acts pass and the gun never comes back i went home and found a copy of the play to make sure they hadn't you know cut the gun left out the gun yeah right and they hadn't can you believe that it's wild ben um you you are um you're losing your mind i feel like this has made you take on some quite unattractive characteristics

of a ranting man in front of a black curtain. Okay, okay. Like you're about to take an entire theater scene hostage. Do you know what I mean? This has really sent you mad. Well, I always have a gun, and I'm going to show it to you now. Now, let's see if that comes back. It's going to go off during plugs. Later on when you guys are plugging.

That is extraordinary. I'm surprised to hear that you're already out there in the Antipodes going to see theater and so on and so forth. I haven't yet been to any indoor public events as we recover from that. Because you guys are kind of rolling back restrictions now, aren't you? Yeah, it's just starting. But we're not out at the theater. I mean, I'm also, we're not as cultured as you are. Well, obviously not. No, I mean, that's...

The idea of another country looking at Australia and saying, we're not as cultured as you is, goodness gracious. Jesse, there's a big cultural moment coming up next weekend. It's called Fast 9. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Colon the Fast Saga. Ben, we're not going to see the Cherry Orchard starring Chappie.

Yeah. Hey, and let me tell you this about Fast 9. It might not be as highfalutin as the Cherry Orchard, but the gun goes off. The gun goes off in the first act, second act, third act, post-credit sequence. The gun's going off. The gun goes off in the first act, second act, third act, post-credit sequence, the gun's going off. We're actually in a bit of a, because we've been out of lockdown for months and months and months now in

Sydney, and it's looking like lockdown is looming. It looks like in a couple of days we're going to find out if we're going back in. Yeah, but Ben, if I could just say as well, I feel like we're guests here on this podcast and i feel like us complaining about having to go into a potential three-day lockdown while we are on an american podcast mostly listened to by americans who live through some of the worst um restrictions and pandemics in the world i feel

like it would be inspiring for them is that what you're trying to say no well i just worry that it's not really guttering sympathy with a new audience who might be discovering us. Well, I agree to disagree on that. Okay. Okay. If I can make a suggestion, this is just sort of out of the blue, but maybe you could talk about whether you've ever made friends with a kangaroo. We're curious. That would bring us right back to the top.

How many koalas have you hugged? I don't know if you want to edit that, but yeah, I can really easily replace that to the story of the time I went for a hop in a kangaroo's pouch. Wow! Cool! These Australians are all right. Chopping again!

Michael, Ben, tell me this. Where does Kookaburra sit? Oh, my friend, a popular misconception. A lot of people say that it sits on an old gum tree, but they'll sit on, you know, first of all, any kind of gum tree. They don't know how old they are. And secondly, any surface that their little feet can, you know, you will find a Kookaburra just sitting there.

Jordan, was there an Arby's related story as well? Oh, no. That was just a reference. That was just kind of, it's a go-to, I'll even admit, a little bit of a lazy reference for, like, bad fast food. Oh, sure.

Yeah, I mean, I was going to a familiar well when I referenced it. No, I thought maybe, because I know you had a third story lined up. I do have a third target thing. I thought it may have been Arby's related. No, although it is, it does have something to do with intestinal distress. Oh. So this is the other board game I saw.

You were there competing to be the new king of Australia. Right. It's sphincter clinched. I saw a, it was a board game. It's called Pull My Finger. And it is, and it's kind of a, like a, it's a don't wake daddy type game. But instead of a daddy. I don't think I'm aware of what that game is.

What is that? It's a type of pornography, Ben. Right. You guys will get it soon. We have daddies. We have daddies. They're dummy thick. It's the whole thing. Everybody's everybody's stepchild. Okay.

Okay, so I think what this game is, it is a plastic monkey. You spin a spinner. The spinner lands on a number. You pull the monkey's finger that many times, and the monkey is randomly, it randomly farts. It's a pretty simple game. So it's just a, so there's, again, there's a plastic monkey.

Yeah. There's a spinner. You spin the spinner. You pull the monkey's finger. And who knows if this thing farts? You don't know. It's kind of a Russian roulette. Yeah, okay.

Sort of a low-stakes Russian roulette. A lower-stakes Russian roulette. I'd say a significantly lower-stakes Russian roulette. Yes. Moderately lower-stakes. Have you ever smelled a real... Do you know what these things eat? I'd say a significantly lower stakes Russian roulette. Yes. Moderately lower stakes. Sure. Have you ever smelled a real... Do you know what these things eat? That's a very good point, actually. They only eat Arby's.

See, this is how you lazily use Arby's. Yeah. And I noticed on the packaging, it had a sticker on it. Someone had applied a sticker to this pre-sixing package, and it said, New and Improved. And here are the two improvements it lists. To pull my finger. It lists two specific improvements.

10 plus farts and louder. Because I had 1.0 and it was single digit farts only. Right. There's only nine farts. I respect that engineering because a lesser company would have just added, would have made the overall number of farts higher,

but the volume lower. But they've managed to manage to do both. Sure. Whereas I'm a bit skeptical about this. I think this is actually a ploy. They're debuting new monkey farts, but this is actually a ploy They're debuting new monkey farts But this is just a ploy And they're going to bring up classic

Pull my finger in a couple of months later You know what I mean? Right So you think this is planned monkey fart obsolescence? Yeah Yes, exactly This is a new coke situation Yeah

Exactly They're telling us it's new and improved But once the people get a load of all these new monkey farts They're going to be livid. They'll be absolutely furious. I'm here for the softest farts, the softest, barely audible monkey farts. Bring it back for the 50th anniversary. That's what I say.

The honorable way. Unlike Caprese Boy, I did actually Google this. And the first thing that came up was a video of a man, like a toy review man, reviewing the original Pull My Finger. And he complained that the farts were too quiet. So this was clearly an issue.

This was clearly an issue with the first round of Pull My Finger. Can you imagine the meeting after that review goes live and the people in pull my finger hq like everyone's being called into the boardroom and it's just like what the fuck what the fuck has happened here they've gone and said these farts are too quiet i gave you seven days to make these farts loud enough damn it get out of here and get me more kinds of farts too a variety while we're I want slow leaks. I want big boomers.

Little squeaks. I feel it's very similar. It's the sort of monkey fart equivalent of the Alec Baldwin speech in Glengarry Glen Ross. Right. Always be farting. Yeah, exactly. Coffee is for tutors.

There we go. Hey, wait. Do we go to a break? Are we going to do. Coffee is for tutors! There we go. Hey, wait, do we go to a break? Are we going to do better with coffee than tutors? Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, It's them. They bring it to them. Yeah. Maximumfun.org slash join is where those people have gone, and we are grateful to each of them and to all of them. This week, we're also supported by the good people at Made In,

who just sent me a gorgeous carbon steel pan. Jordan, this thing's naturally nonstick. Jesse, I got the same gosh darn pan. I mean, not the exact same pan, but the same model pan. Why did they give you my pan? No, no, they're separate pans. They're just the same you know. I want to use my pan. You can't just take my pan.

It's not the, oh boy. You know what? It's a different pan. I misspoke. Okay. Thank you, Jordan. Made in is the manufacturer of the pan. If quality and craftsmanship is important to you, you should check out Made In. They're a cookware and kitchenware brand that works with renowned chefs and artisans to produce some of the world's best pots, pans, knives, wine glasses, even tableware. You need some plates? Hit up made in they they got it for you baby

can i issue a complaint though i have a complaint about made i mean doesn't seem like exactly the time to do it in their uh ad read but you know what go ahead you you you know you know your shit you've been doing this a while what do you got i got this carbon steel pan that i got from them this thing's naturally non-stick and they've seasoned it for me. You know, I don't have to season this thing myself. This is the same kind of pan that they use in restaurants. This is a high quality pan that they use in restaurants that normally wouldn't even be accessible to me, an ordinary consumer. Here's my concern. My wife likes to chase me around the kitchen with a pan. Now, normally she uses cast iron,

and they do sell cast iron at Made In. Normally she uses cast iron, which is a big, heavy pan, and she really wants to deliver a sturdy blow to really teach me a lesson. Sure. But this carbon steel pan pan this thing's lightweight and easy to maneuver you know what you know what sound it makes when it when she really clocks me one ping ding and i'm like no big deal honey yeah yeah um well uh despite not making a satisfying

noise when it conks you on the head should be more more of a ka-thunk, don't you think? Could be more of a ka-thunk. But it's too lightweight and easy to maneuver while you're making an omelet. Boy, these are really great pans. I've been having a blast cooking with my made-in pan, doing some scrambles, did some fajitas the other night. Easy cleanup. Cooks great. What do you like to put in a scramble, Jordan?

Red onion? Yeah, red onion, green onion. a little spinach, a little bell pepper. Are you kind of a scallion boy? I'm a little bit of a scallion boy. I mean, I don't like to talk about it. Jesse, this is my private life. Jordan, can I say something? You shared something I feel like I should share something.

I'm a little leaky. A little leaky. Sure. I'm a little leaky. Okay. We've got a lot of fun onion humor. If you're listening to this podcast between June 21st and 27th, you are in luck. Made In is doing its only sale of the year. Now through June 27th, you can get

industry pricing the same price they give Michelin star restaurants that buy in bulk up to 25% off site-wide. The cookware distributes heat evenly and can easily go from the stove top to the oven and their knives are fully forged, perfectly balanced, and stay sharp. They have over 28,000 five-star reviews, and their products are used by some of the world's best chefs at Michelin star restaurants around the world. Go to madeincookware.com slash JJGO. Use promo code JJGO for 25% off your first order.

That's madeincookware.com slash JJGO. Use promo code JJGO for 25% off your first order. That's madeincookware.com slash JJGO. Use promo code JJGO. We're also supported this week by the good folks at Lifespan Fitness, who are dedicated to making fitness accessible and affordable. They think your office should help you work and feel better. So they make underdesk treadmills and exercise bikes. This is going to be the new, you know, we're just trickling into the office at Maximum Fun right now. We got this giant box in the mail right there.

It's one of these under desk treadmills. So we set up a tall desk with a treadmill underneath it. Anybody's feeling antsy, they can go bring their computer over that tall desk and trot along on that under desk treadmill. Enjoy a little of the old whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, which is what we in the office call going for a walk. You can run out those ya-ya's. Yeah, get your ya-ya's out. It is actually, you know, I've used it. It's kind of crazy how fast you get used to going for a walk while using a computer.

Yeah. Which doesn't seem like it should be possible, but it really is. And, you know, that way you don't get, you know what I have trouble with, Jordan? Tight hips. Oh, well, how's this treadmill helping them out? It's perfect for tight hips because tight hips are a function of sitting in chairs too long. And today, just a quick question about tight hips. They sink ships, right?

They do. Tight hips do sink ships. Jordan, I don't know if you've seen any of the ergonomic studies and the lifestyle and health studies about sitting at desks. So many Americans work at desks. studies about sitting at desks. So many Americans work at desks. And they say that sitting at a desk five days a week, eight hours a day is more dangerous than eating lit fireworks. So they have compared those two things, eating lit fire... And we're talking about M80s. Oh my gosh. Real honkers, okay?

Put those in your mind like the string, baby, if you're sitting in a chair all day. This is a fact that I probably heard somewhere. Might not be true. Well, it sounds right, and I'm going to repeat it to people I know. Thanks. Let's repeat it in advertisements to the interest of the FTC, the Federal Trade Commission.

If you already have a standing desk or a desk you love, you can easily add an under-desk bike or treadmill if you need a complete setup. Lifespan also sells the desk equipment in a combo. Yeah, I love a combo. My favorite is pepperoni, but desk equipment is my second favorite. Sure, and you can sub out the fries for onion rings for a slide-up charge. Visit lifespanfitness.com and use code JJGO at checkout

for 5% off. That's lifespanfitness.com and code JJGO. Hey, Jesse, a little bit of bubble pre-order news regarding some cool free things people can get if they've already pre-ordered the book or if they want to do it. By the way, we've closed the submissions for shouting out bookstores, but if you still want to tell me where you are pre-ordering, I will shout them out in a special little video I'm

going to make for the Jordan Jessigo Facebook page, so you can still get those favorite bookstores and comic book stores a little love and a little promo. Will that video be balls out? I mean, listen, I've emailed Mark Zuckerberg to ask for a special... BOV exemption. A BOV exemption. Balls out video. ask for a special BOV exemption.

A BOV exemption. Just letting him know that it's for the health of indie bookstores and I think he's going to grant it to me. Did you let them know that Brian said that he would put his balls out too? No, but I... I mean, I know it's a little bit like

thirsty to re-email someone after you've already emailed them and waiting for a response but I think this is important. Do you want to just send it to them in the mail? Yeah, that's probably better. I mean, yeah, that's great. You know, you love getting a card in the mail because nobody does it anymore. Just send him some pics of Brian's balls. He'll get it.

Sure. He'll understand what I mean. Just send them to Mark E. Z. Facebook Mountain View or whatever nine something something whatever the fuck yeah there that'll get to him that'll get to old zuck um hey if you pre-ordered bubble you can get some free uh stuff you can get a special uh bonus mini episode of the podcast uh featuring all the faves from the show.

You got a Keith Powell in there. You got a Christelle Alonzo, Alison Becker, Eliza Skinner, Mike Mitchell, Sarah Claspel, all doing a special mini episode that you can only hear if you preorder. And hey, this is kind of cool. This mini episode edited by our own Valerie Moffat, who did a killer job on it. Yeah, really did a nice job. And yeah, that's something you can only hear if you pre-order. And you get a special print-at-home mini comic,

which has, if I say so myself, some cool item-based world building, much like the video game series dark souls holy cow play sekiro you cowards play sekiro it's also from the from soft family yeah so this is uh this is stuff you can only get uh if you pre-order bubble if you want to upload the receipt to make sure you get that stuff go to bit.ly bubble pre-order uh upload the receipt there and uh this is hey you know i know i know sometimes podcasters are like i'm not your tech support i'm not your tech support don't don't at me if something's going wrong if you need help with

anything bubble pre-order related fucking at me i'll tech support you i'll find you a bookstore in your neighborhood if you haven't a receipt problems, let me know. I'm here to help. I'm just trying to move some books, okay? Gosh darn it. Jordan, I've been having some receipt problems. Do you mind if I at you, do you have any coupons for the Highland Park car wash? I don't, but I have some coupons for another car wash, and I happen to know that Highland Park accepts competitor's coupons. Excellent. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. and I happen to know that Highland Park accepts competitors' coupons.

Excellent. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan, Jesse, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Michael Hing,

Australia's radio sweetheart. And Ben Jenkins, Finland's radio sweetheart. Prove me wrong, folks. Prove me wrong. Wow. The triumvirate of radio sweethearts together. Finally. And their friend, Jordan.

You guys, so your show, Michael and Ben, is about unusual Craigslist listings. Yeah. I actually got something that is like Craigslist adjacent today in my email inbox. Incredible.

That I thought I would show you. And maybe describe for the at-home listener. Although maybe not. Maybe I'll just, you know, just let them sweat it a little. Yeah, fuck them. Jesse, they're already too pissed off after that Neo-Yokio thing. Yeah. Gotta get them back.

Last summer, my three children were in my house all the time, and they were making each other completely bonkers, and us completely bonkers. But all of the local public pool facilities were closed. So it was unspeakably hot, but you could not go to the pool. And, you know, I went to our friend Elliot Kalin's pool a fair amount. I went to our friend Adam Lissagor's pool a fair amount, but I do not have a pool. So I signed up for an app where you can rent someone else's pool. Oh, okay. And it's like a, you know, sharing economy of someone's pool. That can only go right.

I know. And I didn't ever actually rent a pool. go right i know and i didn't ever actually rent a pool it turned out that no matter how you slice it it ends up costing fifty dollars and i was like i'm i can't yeah i'm just gonna go to elliot's house fifty dollars to go to someone's pool yeah that's a wild amount of money and that's fifty dollars american michael which is five thousand dollars aust000 Australian. Yeah, that's a year's wage here. What is that in yumbos? How many yumbos does that get you? That's about 800 yumbos.

Think about all the yumbos you're just pissing up against the wall by spending $50 to go to a pool. Jesse, this is incredible. I'd never heard of this app and I can see your discomfort with that money. Yeah, I didn't want to spend the dough. But apparently, so I deleted the app because I'm principal.

And plus, I mean, Jordan, you say that money could buy a Yumbo. I think that money could buy a double Yumbo. Hell yeah. Twice the ham that's three times as hot. But the same amount of cheese. The same amount of cheese. But more and hotter ham. Tin hams.

The ham is lava. So I still apparently, I just learned, am on the email list for this app. And I got an update today that said, yay, there's a brand new listing in your area. So apparently a pool near me is now available for rental. Right. So I'm going to share this with you guys so you can see it.

And maybe you can help describe what you see to the at-home listener. So I'm sharing it here. Now, this allows up to 15 guests uh-huh and it's 20 or more per hour so i guess that would depend on circumstance number of guests uh whether it's a weekday or a weekend that kind of thing so this is a kind of a bummer of a backyard. Like a concrete, a dirty concrete backyard area. Right. An unlandscaped backyard. It has a kind of a camping chair set up next to what I think I'm going to call a large garbage can filled with water.

Yeah, I think that is a large garbage can filled with water. filled with water? Yeah, I think that is a large garbage can filled with water. I have to say, my favorite part of this photograph is not that there's one of those folding camping chairs with a towel on it, to be fair, so they're ready for action,

and what I would probably call a municipal-sized garbage can. The kind that has a bar on the bottom for the garbage pickup truck to latch onto for a dump. My favorite part is that down at the bottom right, it has the date

written in yellow like someone took it on their Canon... Like a film camera. Looks like a still from a 90s home movie. This truly is the opening shot of a snuff film, 100%. Or a really fucking sad Wonder Years remake. Watch what you do if I sing out of tune.

Would you stand up and swim in a can? I will say as well, though, Jesse, if you're looking at this and saying that $20 plus an hour seems too expensive for you, for this opportunity for you and 14 of your friends to swim in a can, there is a coupon attached to the email. I think the DAFTA20, I think, is the code. And you can get actually 20% off this experience. So that's bringing it down to, what, $16, you know? It's only available to the first five people who book. So I imagine this email went out two hours ago. This place is booked through. I mean, I'd be lucky even to get an hour-long slot,

even in the $60 an hour that you have to pay for Saturday afternoons. Yeah. Amazing pool in Highland Park. This is one of two things. This is either, you know, it's a joke. This is a goof. Somebody's trying to go viral. So it's a joke or it's a trap.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's what I was going to – because you said this looks like the opening frame of a snuff film, and one of the things that Michael and I have discovered in the years doing our show is there are an incredible amount of murder traps on the internet. Poorly disguised murder traps. Is it possible?

Is it possible? So we can see the top of the garbage can. Yeah. We can see the water in the garbage can. We can't see top of the garbage can. Yeah. We can see the water in the garbage can. We can't see down into the garbage can. Oh. I think if you're like me, you probably presumed that if you climbed into that garbage can, the garbage can is resting on top of the dirty concrete of the sad backyard.

But go with me on this possibility. of the sad backyard. But go with me on this possibility. What if there is no concrete under the trash can and the trash can has no bottom and it just goes straight to hell? So you would just go down to hell to live with the devil. Yeah, man, that'd be so scary. I would fucking freak out if that happened.

What if there was Babadooks in there too? There could be Babadooks, saws, purges, conjurings. Babadooks are native to Australia and I don't think you get them anywhere else. So that would only be a concern if it were listed near us. Is a Babadook a marsupial? Does it raise

its young in a pouch? Well no, it lays eggs. Can I go another way? Yeah. How much hot ham is on a Babadook? Thanks, Jordan. Three slices of hot ham. But I do truly love the fact that the date is down there in the bottom right in that yellow.

It's really good. In that yellow, like, good in that yellow like 1992 film camera uh typeface that is good but it could be a trap there's there's really no way of knowing um this could be unless you go i mean you know who lives in highland park our friend ben harrison from greatest generation um i think this could be what's going on right now in ben harrison from greatest generation um i think this could be what's going on right now in ben harrison's backyard well oh so you think you think ben has set up this trap i thought you were going to suggest that ben should be the person because he's closest he should be the person to go and investigate if this trap is as dangerous as it looks but you're

suggesting this is his backyard and he set up this death trap how hot would it need to be guys for you to pay 16 to sit in this water bin that's a good question does it get hot enough question what day is trash pickup because that would be a concern for me yeah you don't want to get thrown the back of the truck and squished with a trash squisher yeah yeah um we so uh we bring up this strange internet weirdness. Michael and Ben, you're a great podcast. This is your bread and butter. This is you. Yeah.

You're dying to add on this stuff all day long. Yeah, every week. Sip through the asciiartofcraigslist.org on a day-to-day basis we've been doing this pod for for maybe like uh since we were like at uni so it's been a while it's been yeah it's been like eight or nine years or something for the amount of time that we've been doing it we have distressingly few episodes um but uh but since uh since covid we've been doing it a lot more regularly uh but one thing that we've found like i say is like several kind of themes emerging from uh uh unconventional classifieds as i say one of them is murder trap one of them uh is this is for spells uh

there's someone who's trying to to hex the moon or something using this garbage bin. But also stuff where they're not even saying that. They're like, I just like some of your hair and a dream journal. Because that would be fun. Wait, hold on, Pitt. You say hex the moon, Michael?

Yes. Like you go to the witch and you say, this moon has been troubling me recently. Like you go to the witch. And you say, this moon, this moon's been troubling me recently. Would you hex the moon? And the witch says, oh, that's some powerful magic. And then you say, I'll give you 40 gold pieces or whatever it is. And then the witch goes on and on, and then they hex the moon. You're familiar with the moon.

And then the moon has a lot of trouble in its career, but it can't quite figure out why. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. The moon's family life begins to fall apart., but it can't quite figure out why. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. The moon's family life begins to fall apart. Right. And no one can really know why.

Yeah. Got it. The third option, though, is often that it's not just hexing the moon or a murder trap. It also could just be that for someone somewhere, they'll be watching you while you bathe and masturbating. That is a kind of a given. That's a big, you can kind of add, there was an ad that we did really, really early on where it had like, come around.

I can't remember what the innocuous copy was, but it was sort of like something like, come around to my house and clean it, please. If you're young and attractive. And so alarm bells going off there, but it was relatively conventional copy and then the last sentence was and yes i will be wanking so and i feel like there's been some confusion in the past and so i feel like you can kind of for like i would say 90 of things on

craigslist and and in australia gumtree you can kind of just mentally add yes i will be working to the end of most ad copy yes um but yeah so uh it is our bread and butter uh we we we have kind of trolled some of the worst parts of um and best parts of online classifieds and we have one can i can i ask you a question about yes should we make our show about something? I mean, look, far be it from us to tell. I feel like you have reached the best case scenario, the platonic ideal of a podcast about nothing. Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. That is where we just talk a lot about Newman. Yes. Yeah. Thank you. That is where we just talk a lot about Newman. Yes. Sure. A podcast where Seinfeld does come up. Yeah.

Yeah. We did an episode very recently with Brandy Jensen, and that was the first one I think we've ever done where we just didn't do a classified. And I have to tell you, you guys are onto something. It was very freeing. It required very little prep. Yeah. One of the nice things about it is you don't have to worry about feedback. Yeah.

Because ain't nobody listening. And I resent the preparation thing. I spent two weeks writing that farting monkey bit. That's true. You think I actually saw that at Target? But I've brought in a classified, if it'd be okay for me to share with everyone. Thank you, Michael. This is taken from Facebook Marketplace. So sort of the new age Craigslist. It's from area code

66106. And I've Googled that. I think it's in the Kansas City area. So hello to Kansasansas city um it's 200 um this is this is for sale and uh you'll see it is a it is the letters that were on the front of a subway restaurant uh you want to see the subway in that exact font and colors okay that sounds like a great value i mean mean, people love industrial signage. You know, put it up in your man cave. People love Subway. That's a, you know.

Yeah, it's a popular sandwich brand. Yeah, it's got that smelly bread. Well, Jesse, you've actually hit the nail on the head there by saying man cave. The copy actually mentions that straight out the gate. The copy reads as such. Awesome for a man cave or garage. Or just take the letters and make another word. Pretty cool pieces.

Everything works to my knowledge. Make an offer. Or what do you have to trade? Really? How many of your friends have subway letters in their house? Exactly. None of them do. Stand out from the crowd.

Piss off your wife. And own a really cool display uh huh and yes I will be wanking the first thing that comes to my mind is if this was in my man cave you know what it would spell out?

hmm bus way oh that's real good hell yeah wow wow guys I dance to the beat of my own drummer sure bus drummer i uh i wish i was but i'm not great at word games i wish i could i could figure out something else you could spell with the letters from subway um we had subway also busway we could

i think the only other one you could really do is usb way um yeah oh like the hole in the side of the computer yeah exactly that's the only other one i could come up with if you if you got something that was like a comma you could do oh busy that's something you could do if you wanted oh busy uh which you could put in your man cave as like uh as like a hey like you want to when when the old ball and chain is like hey can you do the dishes you can point to the sign what i really like about this ad and it happens so often in ads is that like you'll get like four sentences in and it's like a weird thing but it's reasonably innocuous and then they're just an asshole for

no reason yeah i didn't realize that a a that the subway restaurant or even subway signage was so divisive in so many marriages i would have assumed that everyone loves as you said jesse the smelly bread of subway the slightly bleachy smell of subway bread michael i don't know if you're a married man ben i saw a saw a wedding ring on your finger. Yes. I am not. Yeah. So there's these kind of like eternal, there was a comic strip in the United States called The Lockhorns.

And it really told the story of the kind of eternal conflicts between men and women in your classic heterosexual marriage relationship. Stuff like who's going to do the dishes. Sure. Stuff like the husband won't stop reading the newspaper when the wife's trying to talk about something important. Sure. Stuff like sandwich words in the house. When a man is constantly bringing,

Jordan, you're a single, so you don't know about this. What are you even talking about? This is like you're speaking another language. So, you know, I have a lot of experience with a big, big conflict in my marriage is my wife will say to me, Jesse, when you leave the house today, don't come back with any sandwich letters.

And I'll say, can it, shrew? Jesse, you know, I brought home, and you'll get this. I brought home some really great. They were about four feet high each, neon, just BLT. Three of the best sandwich letters of all time. And when the wife's yelling at me BLT stands for Baby, leave me to loan

Yes, I am wanking What do you think is the restaurant chain That would be most divisive in all marriages? Because I don't think it would be Subway. It might be Arby's, for example. That's a giant cowboy hat. I imagine that some people, there would be some sort of marital divide over the cowboy hat.

No, a fucking Arby's cowboy hat with the coolest shit in the house. That's true. That's true. I think everybody agrees on that. That's why, I don't know if you guys have these HGTV house flipping shows, but they always start by opening up the living room to the kitchen, you know, the open plan thing. They put in hardwood floors and they bring in an Arby's hat. Everyone's dreamed of an Arby's hat in the living room.

I think that's what Chip and Joanna do? Sure. I think that buying this for kind of as a conversation piece is fraught. And I think it's fraught for a couple of reasons. But I think if it's all like, I'll put it in my man cave. And then when people come down to my man cave and see, you know, my signed baseball bat and my pinball machine that doesn't work and my Subway sign and I put it in there so people will talk to me. I think you probably get like a minute of conversation about Subway before they bring up the guy who was a pedophile. I think a big concern is going to be pederasty, the association with pederasty. Yeah. I don't think you can talk about Subway. I think a minute is generous.

And you know what? If you ask me, that's what's wrong with cancel culture. It's affecting how we decorate our man cave. You can't even put up sandwich letters anymore without some lib. Couldn't even get to the rest of that sentence. And again, Jesse, as you mentioned I'm not married, so I don't know a ton about this stuff

But I have read several marriage books Like the novelization Of a marriage story Right, sure The novelization of Kramer vs. Kramer A lot of novelizations Of marriage movies Yeah, you've played the board game

Of the squid and the whale. Yeah. Right, yes, exactly. Did you play squid or whale, Jordan? Oh, you got to play whale because you get those charisma points. Oh, that's interesting. When I played it, I played as Newman, which was weird. Yeah, right?

You get the expansion pack. You kind of branch out Kevinvin bacon style it's weird that they give newman the baileen bonus go ahead jordan that's what yeah so i mean again i i don't know a lot about marriage but i have read several marriage books and you know and i think this this poster is right if you really want to piss off the wife, you know, put up the subway letters. But if you want to make sure the wife is, you know, ready for some loving, that's when you throw up the Quiznos sign. Oh, yeah. Hot and toasty, baby.

Goosh. Goosh in those pants. I don't know. I mean, we're joking about how much this would upset a partner, but I'm just thinking now. Oh, I'm not joking. If I came home with, like, a big Yumbo sign, the beloved Yumbo, and tried to put that anywhere in our house, I do think Anya would, and rightly, hit the roof. I don't know. I mean, like, what if it was structural? Oh, sorry.

It's a load-bearing yumbo. A load-bearing yumbo. If you take down the yumbo, the whole house collapses. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jason, Go. Hi, my name is Graham Clark, and I'm one half of the podcast. Stop podcasting yourself. A show that we've recorded for many, many years.

And at the moment, instead of being in person, we're recording remotely. And you wouldn't even notice. You don't even notice the lag. That's right, Graham. And the great thing about this... Go ahead. No, you go ahead. Okay, go ahead.

And you can listen to us every week on MaximumFun.org Or wherever you get your podcasts. Your podcasts. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hi, I'm Allie Gertz. And I'm Julia Prescott.

And we're the hosts of Round Springfield. Round Springfield is a Simpsons adjacent podcast where we talk to Simpsons folks about non-Simpsons things. That's right. So in the past, we've gotten to talk to legendary showrunners and writers like Al Jean, Bill Oakley, Josh Weinstein, Dana Gould, Mike Reese, and David X. Cohen. Voice actors like Maurice LaMarche, Maggie Roswell, and Yardley Smith. The voice of Lisa Simpson! So we've been away securing guests for our final five episodes, and we are super excited about them. We're going to talk to Mike Scully, Jeff and Samantha Martin, Jeff Westbrook. Guys, our final episode, we got

to interview Matt Groening. We are so excited to share these final recordings. So check out our new episodes of Round Springfield starting June 21st on Maxim Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Michael Hing, Australia's radio sweetheart. And the radio sweetheart of Finland, Ben Jenkinsenkins i met some norwegian radios guys one time did they mention me they did not that's interesting they actually they did they said

that you are that in finland they consider norwegians to be their rivals their hated rivals a lot of animus there. But in Norway, they don't even think about the Finns. All their animus is focused on the moon. They just hate the fucking moon. They just want the moon to get passed over for promotion. This moon! I hate this moon!

Goddamn moon God damn moon The moon's wife's pissed It's bringing home more sandwich letters Thanks Jordan Well played Yeah no problem Something about Newman Yeah

Why do people listen to this? I'm eating jerky 19th century baseball players Etc, etc These are all the hits People aren't here to hear the new shit You go to see Steely Dan You want to hear Peg

When you do live shows Instead of people sort of yelling Like play the hits Talk more about Bay Area baseball players from the 1980s and 90s? They just yell, Ken Obergefell. Sure. If we start to talk about any newer baseball players, people just get up and go to the bathroom. Yeah, that must be hard.

Yeah. They run back in when the 80s guys start. We have new shit. What about the Chadwick Trump stuff? Yeah. Nobody buys the new album. Talk more about donks. Oh, whatever.

Thanks, Michael. It's good to know someone cares. Yes, this is the hell we've trapped ourselves in. This is the water-filled garbage bin in which we live 16 dollars an hour yep just in an unscaped backyard waiting for somebody to come in michael and ben where can people uh find the two of you uh using internet uh well we're on our podcast very good home which you can get uh where you find podcasts i have a Twitter, which is Ben C Jenkins. And I also have a newsletter,

which is the idiot report. It's essays and short fiction. I just put up one today actually about the cherry orchard where I don't even mention the gun thing at all, which I think is very big of me. But yeah, you can get that at the idiot report. And if you're in Australia,

you can listen to my radio show on triple J weekdays from 3 p.m. Although, you know, this is where my radio station's marketing budget goes to now is me appearing on podcasts in other countries just to try and get a few more listeners. But yeah, you can find me at Hing is on Instagram, on Twitter and stuff. And again, our podcast is called Free to a Good Home.

And we'd love for you to come check it out. Yeah. And we also do just quickly as one And again, our podcast is called Free to a Good Home, and we'd love for you to come check it out. Yeah, and we also do just quickly, as one more thing, another podcast, me and Hing and some other people, called Dragon Friends, which is a Dungeons & Dragons live comedy show that we do in front of an audience at the Comedy Store. You can find that out by Googling Dragon Friends.

Yeah, people don't like Dungeons & Dragons podcasts, or true crime. I would stay away from those ones. It's the wrong place to plug that so let's probably cut that because i can't imagine anybody listening would want to hear such a thing so we'll probably just cut that out for time people are mostly looking for ham talk yeah understanding um well if anyone if any of your american listeners would like a yumbo feel free to contact me and i'll buy one and then bio seal it and mail it to, I don't know, the first five people to get in touch.

I'll say I was a guest on Free to a Good Home a couple of weeks ago and I had so much fun. It's such a fun show. You guys are very hilarious and yeah, it's a blast. I think people should check it out. It's a great show. Thank you, man. It's very kind.

Well, Michael, Ben, it has been a delight to have you on the program oh thank you so much thank you so much for having us fans of the show and we're um yeah we're thrilled to be here absolutely cheers guys michael hing ben jenkins their uh podcast is free to a good home um our show is called jordan jesse go our theme music love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records should i always always jordan maybe identify this show in the credits just in case people just think they've fallen into a garbage can in a dirty backyard yeah just say you know say hey it's good always good to slip in a plug uh let's. We're on Instagram at Jordan David Morris on Instagram at put.this.on. You can find us on Reddit at maximumfun.reddit.com. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse Go,

where we are streaming live this podcast recording. Thanks to streaming producer Val Moffitt. Our producer on the program, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. That's it. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go.