Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 695: Flip a Horse with Sarah Morgan

Episode Date: July 10, 2021

Sarah Morgan (Bubble podcast and graphic novel) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jordan's plan for sports hooligan harm reduction, the castles that even small towns have in England, and the surprisingly deep conversation Jordan overheard in the shower at the aquatics center. Plus, Sarah co-wrote Bubble with Jordan and IT'S ALMOST OUT! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?Upload a copy of your pre-order receipt to get a BONUS BUBBLE PODCAST EPISODE and A PRINT-AT-HOME COMIC! Go to bit.ly/bubblepreorder  (or click this link)!And MARK YOUR CALENDARS – Jordan and Sarah and Tony Cliff and are doing a special virtual launch event with so many special guests including Dave Holmes, Cristela Alonzo, Eliza Skinner, Keith Powell, Travis McElroy, Clint McElroy, and a special musical interlude from Bubble composer Annie Hart from Au Revoir Simone! You can RSVP at bit.ly/bubblegnlaunch (or clicking this link)!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm celebrity business mogul Jesse Thorne. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Yeah, Jordan. I've got some ideas here. You know how the NFT thing is really taking the world by storm, non-fungible something right this is where you buy charlie bit my finger for a billion dollars and then banksy deletes it yeah i think that's correct i think christie's is involved the auction house christie's sure

yeah but that's a pretty good summary i mean mean, the- Right. Lloyd's of London buys chocolate rain? I don't know. The key part of it is that it not be fungible. Right. So that's really central to this. Anyway, I've been thinking about, as you know, I'm a very successful businessman. I do a lot of investing. And I've been thinking about-

Stocks, bonds, bull market, bear market. So here's the thing. The world. Up. Yeah. Down. Yeah. Up.

The Incredibles. Monsters, Inc. Sure. Yeah. I've been thinking about, because the world is upside down, I'm uncomfortable pushing my assets into the stock market. And of course, you know why I would avoid bonds. Yeah. You don't need to tell

me. Yeah, hard pass. Yeah, exactly. But I'm looking at this NFT thing. I'm looking at this NFT thing. I see that taking off. So I've been thinking about alternative asset classes. That's broadly what we're talking about here is alternative asset classes. When the world is upside down, you kind of want to look at alternative places to park your money. I have some- Yeah, sure. I definitely... Listen, I just want to stop you here and say I definitely know what you're talking about. Go ahead. When I was driving- I've heard of all of this.

When I was driving home from my cabin, driving through the farmlands near Bakersfield, California, I did some brainstorming about possible ideas for alternative asset classes. I thought maybe you could help me evaluate them in your capacity as my investment advisor. Sure. Yeah. I mean, that's what I'm here for. And I think this is a good use of this time. Yeah. Thank you, Jordan. First of all, goats. I just saw a sign that said goats for sale. And I thought, how great would that be i would probably buy like i don't know how much what do you think a goat costs for five dollars i mean i don't know how much they cost but i do know this those little assholes sure aren't fungible okay yeah exactly

so yeah so yeah i think this fits your criteria yeah nothing less fungible than a goat my friend todd has an auction company and he was selling this tiny motorcycle. I was thinking if I bought that tiny motorcycle, I could ride it around like a bear in a circus. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I can see how that would like generate wealth. Yeah. I mean, the key here is wealth generation and non-fungibility. Right.

I saw a sign that said- I think that fits both those criteria. I saw a sign that said specialty hot sauces. Is that anything? No. Move on. Next idea. OK, thank you. Well, I got to thinking about investing in NFTs. I feel like I missed the boat on that. What if I invested in MFAs? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think that. Sure. I mean, I think the time is now to, you know, get your master's in, you know, American studies or philosophy. Yeah. I mean, I think that's going to be really valuable kind of moving ahead. I mean, I don't I don't mean to be economy. I don't mean to be rude, Jordan. But those, I think, are probably masters of science or masters of humanities. I'm thinking more like painting. I'm thinking maybe sculpture.

Sure, yes, even better. Performance, performance work. That's been a big part of my practice recently. Yeah, all good ideas, all not fungible as far as I know. My house is next to a used tire store and I like the way they stack the tires. Do you think that's something i could get into as an investment so i just want to like just kind of cut in real quick thank you kind of um just kind of evaluate the ideas up till this point are you just did you just make a list of things you've

seen recently well intriguing things like the when you're an investor like i am or business mobile you're always looking for opportunities and uh like like on my way home i passed the hughes tire store that's next to my house i said look at how they stack those it's gorgeous i mean they're stacking them they're stacking them to the sea they're two stories of tires in this kind of lattice work and i thought if that's not an investment opportunity what is yeah i mean and i'm now i'm kind of lattice work. And I thought, if that's not an investment opportunity, what is? Yeah, I mean, and now I'm kind of, you've got my wheel spinning as far as like things you would see between here and Bakersfield. Right. So yeah, as long as we're just kind of like blue sky brainstorming, how do you feel about billboard for KNX 1070 news radio?

That sounds really good. I would love to get into news radio billboards. Yeah. That sounds fantastic. I only had one other idea, but this might be the best one. I want to get into the energy sector. Right. So I was thinking about natural gas. I'm thinking, talking about sustainable natural gas, because I don't want to get involved in fracking and I don't want to ruin the environment and so on and so forth. Oh God, no. Yeah, we need that. So I thought if you got enough uncles in a room and gave them enough beans. All right.

Okay. Listen, I was on board. And now- I was just thinking- As your financial advisor, I'm here to help you with your portfolio, not to listen to childish jokes. So my thinking is if you get enough uncles in a room and you feed them enough beans, Jordan.

Oh boy, oh boy. Sustainable natural gas. Listen, you're cut out of the KNX 1070 deal. You're out. Jesus Christ. You're out. That was my tax shelter. I don't know what a tax shelter is, Jordan.

KNX 1070 news radio. See, I'm the only one who can sing the jingle because you're out. Well, now I'm going to get into KMEL. That's the people station. Fine. We'll see who's radio station. To be clear, it's the billboard. It's not the actual station.

Yes. To be clear, well, we'll see who's radio station billboard does better. Yeah. Should we introduce our guest on the program? Yes. A beloved guest of Jordan Jessica, a beloved pal. She's a celebrated comedy writer in her native England. She's also the co-writer of the upcoming already best-selling, I presume, graphic novel.

Let's say yes. Yeah, sure. Sounds good. Graphic novel bubble, Ms. Sarah Morgan. Hi, Sarah. How are are you i've missed you hello friends hi hi oh look at your faces the listeners can't but i can and it's oh it's nice to see you been too long how do we look pal you look great thank you uh everyone looks great sarah you're uh you're you're fresh from the, you're fresh from the salon.

I am fresh from the salon. Yeah, I just got my roots done by a human being rather than myself. Oh, that was a giveaway. No, yeah, I got my roots done, feeling good. The football's on. England are in the semifinal of the European Championship, so I'm sort of watching that. I mention this for professional reasons in case you suddenly hear any roaring because uh i have there's a flat there there's a flat behind me there's a flat above me and probably everyone is watching the football right now so if there's

roars uh it's just english people being happy not loose lions about some football. Are there still, is a football like hooligan still a thing? Is there still hooliganism surrounding football? They're trying their best, just as with a lot of the toxic masculinity in the world. Their roars are very loud because they're death rattles, because the England team are, to a man lovely

young men who are the children of immigrants and are like 23 and they give all their money to charity and they wear pride armbands on the pitch and they're just very nice sweet young men and it's really impossible to be an England fan

and be a hooligan so the hooligans are really struggling to get behind this particular England team. It's a rough time to be an old-fashioned hooligan. It really is. You kind of feel sorry for them. The sort of Bill Hicks routine, we're the hooligans kind of image of the England fan. It's dying slowly, loudly. They're dying loudly, but they are dying out.

So that's nice. Do you think they're looking for a new country? Like, could they find a country? I'd love that. Like the Seychelles or something. They move there and build a new, worse soccer culture. Yes. I think the White House insurgents can go there as well,

and they can just have a little island where they all shout at each other. A shouting island. White House insurgents can go there as well and they can just have a little island where they all shout at each other. Shouting island and throw fire extinguishers at each other. Yeah. They're still dressing up. They're still shouting at things and getting it out of your system, whatever it might

be. Dropping a full pint of Guinness off a balcony. Yes, exactly. Glassing people in the face, punching a bus because your team won or lost either way throw in some kind of sport in the middle of that doesn't have to be anything fancy and they'd have a lovely time i think yeah the main thing that happens here in southern california and california more, when a team wins a championship is public vehicles are overturned and people climb lamp standards. They climb up street lamps to the top and shimmy their way to the top. And so they will like grease the lampposts.

So people won't do that. And they you know it's just like challenge yeah the challenge you're throwing down there they'll bring in vehicles that can't be overturned you know police horses and so forth oh man i want to see that now i want to see that i want to see both those that's a challenge if i ever heard one i could i could flip a horse next time the clippers win i'm gonna flip a horse that's what you have to do to pledge your fraternity these days um right i have to say like flipping over public vehicles as much as it costs obviously it is a tremendous cost to the public coffers and a great burden on on things that you know it takes resources away from more important things like public schools and so forth. And, you know, people who climb up street lamps could hurt themselves or damage the street lamps, which would again, you know, hurt the public schools and so forth.

And I'm against hooliganism. Right. But both of those do seem kind of awesome to me. Like flipping over a police car seems great and climbing up a lamppost seems pretty great too. So maybe I support hooliganism? Yeah. I mean, is it, you know, could, I mean, you know, I don't know how this works, you know, for California at large, but certainly, you know, in LA, maybe a solution to this is like, you know, kind of getting unused or, you know, like out of commission picture cars, you know, from film and television and just kind of like setting them out outside the stadiums.

And those are there like to be flipped, like's their purpose maybe you like remove the glass so it's not as dangerous and then yeah and then maybe you just set up like mats underneath the poles so when people fall you know they uh they don't hurt themselves and let's just like let's just make hooliganism safer like let's just make sure people can go out and hooligan you know without without fear i mean maybe this is kind of i mean maybe i'm the guy who wants to set up you know methadone clinics right you're into hooliganism harm reduction right exactly like let's just accept that hooliganism is part of sports and just try and make it as fun and safe for everyone as we can in vancouver that's already the way that they do it they've focused on a harm reduction model and they give all pole climbing hooligans

a little tiny parachute. Sounds cute. Yeah. Sounds really cute. And the same for the horses? Yeah. What they do to the horses... Bigger parachutes, yeah.

They give horses a saddle that has springs on both sides so when they're flipped they just boing right up yeah it's it and they use a special kind of you know quarter horse thoroughbred horse it's called a boy or yoing sure yeah a boing horsey yeah some say some call it in kentucky in old kentucky they call it a boing horse right regional names it's amazing that people think these measures would encourage hooliganism In Kentucky, in old Kentucky, they call it a Boeing horse. Regional names. It's amazing that people think these messages would encourage hooliganism. Yeah. I mean, I guess what I'm saying is you hear, if you're on Reddit, you're on Twitter, a lot of times you see anti-hooligan hashtags.

And I just don't want to paint with a broad brush because, honestly, I don't believe that Ahab. Right. That took me a second. I was from moby d sure i was gonna i'm trying to do what i'm trying to do shab trying to do 1312 but i don't i don't know what the alphabet h is yeah i don't know there's no way to find that not Not all hooligans. That's what I say. Some are just climbing poles. That's great. They're probably wearing raccoon coats for all I know. Yeah.

Do you guys want to take some time to do an addition of the classic Jordan Jesse Go segment, Overherds? Yeah. You know what, Jordan? Every week on this show we're famous for doing Overherds. People call it into our headquarters here in Vancouver, Canada. And I love doing it.

We've been doing it for a long time. We're the best and only show that does it. I am. I am just. We're doing an afternoon record. Or a noon record, I guess I should say. Although not for Sarah, because, you know, time zones. So what is it?

Tuesday over there? Yeah. Yeah. It's actually last week, and we won the football. Yay! Congratulations. I'm sorry. We're in a black hole.

Time just bends. Maybe that's the premise of a show. It's like a podcast, but one person is in the future and they tell the other people what's going to go on you know what there should be more more more podcasts with like really hard premises like really really strict like uh you know high concepts oh you've just done all of them in the bubble promotional tour we've just done like like you've done so many more than i have but between us we have done so many really good high concept uh podcasts so we've sort of seen each other but in like a little zoom room while

discussing like what's the best biscuit i just um i just got you, I get pitched a lot of podcasts. I just got pitched a show called Supercast. It's Superman, Bizarro Superman and Mr. Mitzopitalik. But they just they said that they would just talk about nerd culture. three white dudes or one white dude one gray rocky dude and one tiny interdimensional creature talking about we've heard it before guys sure we've heard it before and then i accidentally i asked uh i asked superman who to introduce me to everybody he immediately said mr mitzvah got mr mitzvah piddalk to write his name in the pitch. He poofs off to another goddamn dimension. But they, I mean, I think they did a really interesting episode on kind of re-evaluating Solo.

You know, I think they thought that Solo kind of got a bad rap. That one where they just broke formula and like Dan Aykroyd was the guest and they just threw the questions out the window and just like, just riffed. Let's just talk about aliens. Everyone was on their feet doing their best it was just so cool can we please just talk about blues men said dan akroyd right and ghosts did i believe are real ghosts yeah yeah um so i i'm fresh from the i'm fresh from the, I'm fresh from the, from the pool. I'm just returning from the beautiful Verdugo aquatic facility and, um, kind of something new, um, you know, kind of, uh, things are getting less restrictive over there. You know, they had some, I think some, you know, they did a pretty good job of, you know,

kind of like COVID protocols and, you know, making sure everything was, was safe. And, um, you know, cause so certain parts of the facility were off limits, one of them being the shower area. Oh, wow. No showers. But I think, you know, they felt like things were, you know, safe enough to where they could open up the show. You can shower, again, at the Verdugo Aquatics.

So where did you put on your swim trunks? I just had them on like under my pants or they had one little kind of outdoor cabana uh that was like um there's always like a little bit of a line for it so the safest thing to do is throw your throw your swimsuit on underneath your pants and then uh uh drive home like a soggy boy like a damp mildewy soggy boy to be fair you're not driving home like a soggy boy like a damp mildewy soggy boy to be fair you're not driving home like a soggy boy you are driving home as a soggy as a soggy boy yeah this isn't a metaphor you became a soggy i was a soggy boy did you ever do it nudie style um what do you mean uh that's where your penis is out and your balls like swim swim nude and

you're a little budetsky no i mean i i wish i mean and everybody at the pool wishes too just for covid protocols i just know you're a skinny dipping enthusiast sure this is safest for everyone if my stick and balls are out look i didn't set these rules dr fauci did it was all fauci um darn you fauci making me show my balls um so so so the shower the shower is open and so people are like showering after the pool and there was just a really good vibe in there today you know kind of everybody's being very social and so you know like people were kind of like you know chatting it was really lively it was a nice it was a nice atmosphere and in the shower

i could hear i could hear two people just like chatting you know but they had to kind of like yell over the water so they're kind of doing like this so they're just chatting like this and then uh like i i just kind of heard general chatting and then that thing where you catch one little nugget of the conversation. Yeah, but this was a particularly dank nug. Yeah, this was a dank nug of convo. There was some real OG convo. Yeah.

And I just hear, so they're just talking like this. And then I hear just one of the showers go, and then I realized I use sex and dating as a coping mechanism. Getting fucking real in the shower, getting like getting real in the shower. Is it possible, Jordan? I don't mean to make presumptions, but you know how our friend Dave Holmes. Yes. our friend Dave Holmes, television podcast and magazine celebrity, Dave Holmes. Do you know how Dave Holmes does his therapy on a surfboard out in the ocean? I did not know that. Yeah. Dave's very open about this. I don't think I'm speaking out of school, but Dave has a therapist where you

paddle out into the ocean and you hang out on surfboards while you talk to the therapist. Is it possible, maybe for COVID reasons, that that therapist has brought things into the Verdugo Aquatic Center? How ethical is it to see your therapist's balls and have the therapist see your balls. I don't know. I don't know. You would have to ask the APA. Like, I think that would be a professional question that's probably been addressed in numerous colloquia.

It took me a long time to get comfortable with, like, locker room chatting. You know, I definitely as, like, a person who had huge swaths of their life where they never entered a locker room chatting, you know, I definitely is like a person who had a huge swaths of their life where they never entered a locker room or exercise. Were you comfortable with a lock? Cause I'm not comfortable with a lot. I'm like, well, I'm well short of being comfortable chatting. I'm not even comfortable. Like I'm a, I will 100% wrap a towel around my waist to take off my swimsuit. Like a, like-year-old at the beach. You know what I mean? Sure.

Yeah, no. When I started swimming, that was me. But I just kind of like gradually got a little more comfortable and a little more comfortable. And now I'm just like splaying out, presenting like a mandrill. Wow, do you have one of those blue and red butts you gotta come to the verdugo aquatic facility if you want to see yeah i think look jordan i think we all know about uh i mean we've all been down to the swimming hole to go skinny dipping with you and we know right what you're bringing to that swimming hole. Everyone is impressed. So I can understand

how you would feel. Is this a call back to a call you had like weeks ago with someone calling and they had a dream about a swimming hole? Oh yeah! Oh, I listen to the show. Weird. Sometimes I remember something that happened on the show.

Locker room talk is sort of the stuff that donald trump was done for right yeah it was it was all banter it was all about locker room banter is that is that what you're talking about when you say locker room talk or you mean generally more uh no you know in my experience um locker room talk is not is not as salty as all that as bawdy i got you know i got the the locker room chat i was used to was so mundane and i got and i got like comfortable just like talking about traffic and what the closed frozen yogurt place might turn into uh-huh like a vape shop is the answer yeah yeah i know yeah yeah those frozen yogurt places are only zoned for two things A vape shop is the answer. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, those frozen yogurt places are only zoned for two things. There really was the halcyon days of the frozen yogurt. The frozen yogurt business is a real boom and bust situation. I think you had the- Yeah, it kind of comes and goes. The TCBY boom of the late 1980s. Penguins too. Penguins was in there. And then, of course, you had the gargantuan growth of that

kind of slightly sour uh frozen yogurt with many many different types of top toppings but that's crested do you think it will persist like boba has yeah yeah boba boba's a good a good analog too because boba kind of comes and goes and now we're in a i mean we're just in a we're still in the middle of a boba boom that seems like it's been going on for a year and a half i uh you know i hope it stays forever i mean you and i were both big boba yeah put balls in it that's what i say yeah sarah do you uh do you have access to frozen yogurt and or boba very little frozen yogurt uh for reasons of pronunciation uh it doesn't sound nice coming out it didn't catch on uh no we have we have you can get boba in chinatown but that's it's not it's not really taking off here do you ever think about moving

constantly but that's because I've been in my house for 15 months. I'll literally go anywhere. If you get the chance to move, can I recommend moving next to a used tire store? Because the way they stack these tires, it's extraordinary. I mean, the height of this stack of tires, two stories goes up into the air.

I've seen the way they tessellate and make a... It's beautiful. Yeah. A latticework. Like Tetronimo. Oh, lovely. I know what you mean. Jordan, what made you comfortable talking locker room stuff? How did you get there?

I think it's just a Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours. You just... Like the Beatles played at the cave know just a malcolm gladwell 10 000 hours you know and you just you know like you know like like the beatles played at the cave something um i have never read a malcolm gladwell it's like the beatles at budokan am i right there you go sure the beatles doing budokan um yeah it was just kind of like you know doing it little by little and like having more swim friends who would try and engage me they were like bringing me out of my shell you know like you know do you

think hulu is worth it right you know just giving me little little kind of bits of casual chit chat to do i love these prompts so do you have people that you i think very long time jordan jesse go listeners probably know this but for a long time, my mom swam. She did not consider herself a senior at the time, though she was technically, but she would go to the Balboa Park pool and she would swim. Judy, very young at heart, I would say. Yes, full of verve. Joie de vivre. And she would go down to the Balboa Park pool for what she called old folks flippers, which is where elderly people would go swimming together.

And she would come home telling me about all her old people friends. Now, these people were seven years older than my mom. So it was unreasonable of her to describe them as though they were fossilized. But she had all these different buddies. as though they were fossilized. But she had all these different buddies and she would describe to me what injuries they were rehabilitating, who had a new hip, so on and so forth.

Is that what you've developed at the Verdugo Aquatic Center? And is that why you're scared to switch to the Rose Bowl Aquatic Center? Right, yeah. I mean, I do have swim friends, some of them elderly. Yeah, and I mean, I will honestly say that is one of the reasons is that I have a nice little crew.

And despite the fact that I am closer to another, you know, like great public pool, I don't know. I just can't bring myself to leave. There is something very comforting about, and this is based on my experience at the South Pasadena YMCA, but there is something very comforting about the presence of a nude elderly man. Right. is a kind of a level of, you know, you can't feel your own shame as you view the pendulous balls of a 77 year old. Right. You know what I mean? Like this sort of like, Sarah, you would know about this. Old men's balls. Yeah, totally. Yeah. One of those. Like on the tube, one will just pop out in front of you. New Ages castles. Like on the tube, one will just pop out in front of you and, you know.

Sarah, you know how in England they got those castles? Oh, yeah. Totally. Full of balls, yeah. And these castles, these things are the worst for wear. They're worn down over time, but they have a certain dignity nonetheless. A mossy charm. A dank mossy

charm, yeah. And the dank mossy charm is the very thing that we're talking about with these pendulous balls and the young men's nuts are like a mcmansion they're cheap yeah yeah yeah when one has a mcmansion one might be embarrassed of one's mcmansion sniss yeah so but once you see that once you see that mossy charm you're like know what? We're all just here doing our thing. My thing is having a giant entranceway with a grand piano that no one knows how to play in the household. His thing is mossy charm.

Yeah. And I think like ancient castles, old men's balls are also often haunted. Sorry. And they have windows that are wider on the outside than on the inside for archers. And a lot of crenellations, which is another castle word. Murder hole? Yeah. Is that something?

Yeah, murder hole. Sure, why not? And dungeons. They all have dungeons. Jordan, what would you consider yourself? A condominium, a townhome, a McVan? Speaking of your nudity and balls here. I'm a tiny house.

Oh, boy. Come on, Jordan. We've been to the swimming hole. If this was a trailer, I'd be a double wide. Thank you. Sarah, do you have summer stuff planned do you have do we have summer okay do i have my balls my balls are fine thank you uh do i have summer plans yeah do you are you are you swimming are you seeing a fast and furious

movie i am not i was i uh i haven't seen a single Fast or Furious. And this was a discussion that we had, like, should I watch it for this podcast? And I think it's funny if I don't. And if you talk about it, I'll just play along politely. No, I have my vacation this year is three days in Margate,

which is the seaside that we have here. And that is that is all you can plan for in this country because everything changes so fast and furiously. It changes fast and it makes you furious. Yeah. I read in The New York Times that the English seaside. Yes. Which is an antiquated vacation area characterized largely by pointy rocks. Yeah. And clouds. And candy floss.

And candy floss. And a lot of sugar-based snacks, yeah. Yeah. Known here as cotton candy, I believe. I apologize. And I've heard that it is currently undergoing a renaissance because the much better idea of flying in an airplane to Spain or Mallorca or whatever is not uh is not possible in COVID so everyone is like is returning to the vacation

patterns of a pre-airplane time yeah it's all got very post-war uh it's all got yeah I mean the things that that should have been banned a long time ago like punch and judy uh and donkey rides uh bingo halls uh are all making a kind of ironic comeback uh so that's i feel like no irony is necessary to enjoy a good donkey ride uh their poor little spines just break eventually apparently apparently. Yeah, it's really cruel. Oh, no. Do they have any boing donks? Oh, no boing donks or mini donks.

It's, yeah, no, the donkeys are just very, very sad and abused, but it's a thing that you can do if it's at the seaside. If you're lucky, there's lovely beaches. And a lot, it's mainly about eating just as much kind of fried food as possible very similar to american state fair going to the but with more grit in your food oh yeah i went to a famous uh seaside town in england and um i got to do two great things i did this i had a day off in eng in England and I asked our friends, Helen and Martin Zaltz-Sauzdweck, Zaltzman and Zaltz, whatever Martin's last name is. And they said I should go to this famous seaside town. struck by was number one i got to visit a completely bonkers palace like there was just a bonkers palace there because all parts of england had a bonkers palace in case the queen visited or the french invaded like there's all you know kinds of good reasons why we might have a castle

you know was it hastings i'm trying to think where helen would have sent you she'd have sent you something interesting you see she wouldn't have just sent you like blackpool no it was one that's very famous like i feel like people move there uh because there were really good record stores they're brighton that's right okay yeah yeah brighton's like where london people go to sort of be slightly nicer to each other near a body of water but the beach is pebbles yeah very nice very nice record stores there and this crazy palace that like i don't remember what monarch it was but some monarch went kind of insane and decided to build this palace in brighton and semi moved there, possibly to have affairs. And I really learned that in not just England, but the entirety of the United Kingdom, that the pattern was, if you wanted the king or the queen to visit, you built a palace in anticipation of their overnight stay. Wow. You know, it's like if Joe Biden was headed to Dubuque,

they built a Ritz-Carlton just in case. I don't know if that's true or not, but I do know that we do have a lot of lesser castles because we invited, when we were sort of forced to have a state visit for Donald Trump for political reasons, the Queen served Trump a meal at a shitty castle and didn't tell him. It was like Blenheim Castle or something.

It was like a slightly less good castle than she would have given him a meal at had she liked him. And then she wore like a brooch that was like a cuss that was like Barack Obama had given her or something. And it was all like like she was so shady it was oh it was she she pounded him is that how you say it uh yeah she uh it was it was it was beautiful because uh it's you know he wouldn't have cared about protesters but he would definitely have cared when someone who knew about these things told him that he'd had dinner at oh the chit castle oh that's oh awkward sarah what would you say are some of your best and worst castles of england i mean edinburgh castle is very beautiful it's up a hill you can walk up it have a look around

come down again hastings is nice because it's on a cliff uh shit i can't think of any more castles there's fucking loads of them when i went to visit my i may have shared this on jordan jesse go five years ago but fuck it when i went to visit belfast where my stepmother is from um my uncle john gave us my wife and i and and uh gracie when she was a baby uh a tour of the part of Belfast where my stepmother grew up. And of course my uncle John did as well. She grew up on off the false church road, right, right by Sinn Féin headquarters now and very, very war torn area. And he gave us this kind of monologue about how fucked up Northern Ireland was

and how the, how the troubles weren't over and all these different things. You know, it was basically like he met us in a cafe that was under Sinn Féin world headquarters and just had giant paintings of various Marxists and national revolutionary heroes. You know, you're Yasser Arafat or whatever. And he's taken us around telling us about different children that have been murdered and stuff and then he kind of like he he he stops the car and he goes i suppose you'll be wanting to see a castle then we're like yeah americans for a castle yeah is that on the docket? Because I definitely do.

I mean, we could continue this tour of grisly bombings. It's weird. This is like the first time in a long time I've ever felt comfortable wearing sort of England colors and being interested in the football and all that kind of stuff. And you've just made me go very, very small and embarrassed. And oh, my God, I'm just going to change my top. And oh, fucking hell. I'm just going to change my top. And oh, fucking hell. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

Sarah, I was curious. I was interested when you said that the like seaside food is comparable to our state fair food. Because, you know, our state fair food is pretty out of control these days. It's, you know, it's kind of like you know everybody's trying to top each other you know it's like deep fried oreos begat deep fried butter becat deep fried you know dr pepper or something um yeah that sounds fucking awesome jordan is that available i know i i want all of those things that i listed i just to be very clear if you have any of those give them to me i want them yeah to be near me yeah bring them care of verdugo aquatic center

yeah just ship it ship it right to the verdugo aquatic center and yeah i get my have state fairs opened yes is that a thing uh i imagine they are this summer right are we just nostalgic for everything that happened like because when you were talking about food i was just like yeah didn't when i was in la and the last the last time i did jordan jesse go i had a funnel cake and now it's like in my head like the food of the gods that i just batter with some jam in it that i had like got really clammy and i'm just should we just catch when i think about funnel cake now it's hard to go to the fair in los angeles my wife

and i went to the fair and i love a fair right that is like i love the pig races those are probably cruel but i love them just don't ride them because they're back so it's not yeah yeah i love the like uh i think recently on the show, Jordan brought up the table setting competition. That's something I love to see. I love the amateur art. I love, I mostly loved seeing the barnyard animals get prizes. But all those wonderful things are at the fair. But the Los Angeles fair is like two hours east of Los Angeles and it is so hot and miserable there.

It's just really brutal. And so I haven't been to a fair in like 10 years. Like I went once and it was just miserable and I haven't been. But like the idea of a fair is basically all I want in the world. I want to eat that deep fried butter and see which kid has the best rabbit yeah sir is that kind of deep fried one-upsmanship something that goes on in your seaside towns it's no it's something that in in the uk it's very particular to scotland like that's their thing uh uh that they they started with deep fried mars bars and that turned into like

deep fried cream eggs and yeah all the kind of stuff you mentioned. So that would be a particular kind of treat that you would have when you visited Scotland. But no, because we also like a kind of very meat component with our chip food. Sorry, delicious fried chip food. So, you know, a full English breakfast with all the blood pudding and sausages and bacon.

I don't even eat meat. It just sounds amazing. Mushrooms, tomatoes, beans, egg, chips, maybe. And then that's your breakfast. And then your lunch will be like fish and chips. And then you'll have a candy floss and a Mr. Whippy ice cream, which is like our frozen yogurt. But, you know, dairy. No, yogurt's dairy Whippy ice cream, which is like our frozen yogurt, but dairy. No, yogurt's dairy.

What's the difference between frozen yogurt and ice cream? Well, I think theoretically frozen yogurt is cultured, but it's actually just, I think they just add some sourness to it. Right. Oh, so it's the same thing. Broadly speaking. You've just blown my mind. I assumed it was some magic. Full disclosure, I think I only know frozen yogurt from Gremlins 2. Yeah. You know the bit where he lies under the tap and he just pulls yeah it's like when there's a super smart just imagine a super smart gremlin who loves to read books right

with the voice of tony randall yeah i believe that's correct yeah yeah yeah i believe yeah that was big for me because when when that when gremlins 2 happened i recognized tony randall's voice just because he was always like letterman's fill-in guest like when someone canceled on letterman like that's the only place i knew tony randall from and then when i heard him in gremlins 2 um i felt like a real king shit i was like yeah i something. It was really big for me at the time. I mean, I was like, I guess I was what, 10 years old or something. It was really big for me to recognize Tony Randall's voice because I, too, aspired to have children at 80. Just to impregnate a woman at 80.

That's the dream of every 10 year old across this great land. And most people, when they have a kid at 80, they think like Charlie Chaplin. No, no, the cooler Tony Randall cooler like he's the cool bad day i gotta say i interviewed an actor recently who whose mother was friends with james baldwin and who was in uh lorraine hansbury's legendary play a raisin in the sun and its original Broadway production when he was a kid. And his mom hung out with all these people. And he listed the people that she used to hang out. James Baldwin would come over. Lorraine Hansberry would come over.

Jack Klugman would come over. And I was like, wait, Jack Klugman would come over? That was the main, that was like the top white guy of that group was Jack Klugman. So, you know, you never know about Tony Randall. Maybe he's, maybe he was hanging out with Lorraine Hansberry. Please tell me. Sorry, Klugman. The polite nodding.

Jack Klugman is also in The Odd Couple. Oh, okay. Okay. No, I should know. No, I I should know He was the Walter Matthau Sarah are you Is this on your radar The kind of like Icon status of the female gremlin

From Gremlins 2 Yeah I think we actually discussed this last time I think Okay Do they have Wario i think between i think between we have we've literally run out of conversation between that and none of us have done anything it's hard to park at the la fair and castle story in ireland we have almost hit all five of jordan just to go five stories

yeah sometimes we say things differently in my country we have different words different things i love it we have friends who've not seen each other for a while who have run out of conversation because i can't uh the uh the turkish bakery opened up again they're doing gizlany now let me ask you this uh nope nothing else when you were a child or a youth were you horny for anything unusual greta from gremlins too yeah absolutely yeah absolutely uh yeah all in fact all of the gremlins i think any of them were you horny for any of the animaniacs at all possibly for danger mouse i speaking of being horny for cartoon characters, because I just watched Space Jam,

which I thought had seen it, and I have not seen it. And I watched it the other day with my daughter because there's a new Space Jam film coming out, and it's on buses, and it's like, oh, we go to the cinema and watch the new Space Jam film. That'll be an activity that we can do. And I watched Space Jam, the first one. Hey, it's awful. And B, Lola Bunny.

Do people know about Space Jam? We've all seen this. Yeah. Yeah. Again, Jordan, Jesse, go. The five stories. Oh, did you talk about this last week? We have been over Space Jam, how, you know,

it's this thing that, I'll recap, it's this thing that I'll recap. It's this thing that like people a little bit younger than us are obsessed with. Actually sucks, but also some. But you're a little bit younger than me. So I was 16. So I was like doing drugs. Yeah. I was being a hooligan up a lamppost.

It was great. And there is and there is apparently strong feelings about how thick Lola Bunny should or shouldn't be. Yeah. Okay, right. I was just shocked by how shit that character was. Like, I couldn't... I mean, there's a hilarious thing on the wiki page

where it just says, created by, and there's four men's names. It took four men to go tits i don't know she's she's a nymph maniac i'm boring i don't like is she horny she wants to fuck horny in the movie she's so horny uh and it's just just horny and dull like the two things and then then granny that because because there's no female which i didn't even realize when i was a child that there wasn't any female loony tunes because that's how terrible the patriarchy was but i was oh there's no but yeah the only woman on in the

space jam team is granny and how how thick how thick is granny would you say? Yeah, Granny's tits are huge, actually. But yeah, so it's sort of the whore and the crone. And then I'm hoping for Space Jam Legacy. Sure, sure. That classic duology. Yeah, there needs to be, hang on, a virgin, which might be the cat from Pepe Le Pew. Because I know Pepe Le Pew is not going to be there

maybe the cat won't feel silenced anymore and the female cat will get to speak what is it, Virgin Mother Whore so there needs to be a mother if we want to start a Kickstarter for a Space Jam based tarot card deck honestly

if that were up for a month we would make more money than we have doing yeah if we didn't license them either so they would just it was slightly off like mervin the plutonian what does it mean when you draw borg's bunny yeah michael jordan uh sarah did your did your daughter like space jam i am i'm assuming you watched it with her yeah no that would have been it's just too sexy for you go next uh watch a less horny cartoon yeah i think she was as sort of bored and baffled as i was it was like is it there this is a basketball game for an amusement park and she didn't know or care who Michael Jordan

was. Who did she recognize? Oh, she kept thinking it was Danny DeVito because she really likes Danny DeVito and thinks because he crops up in so many things with his voice. Who doesn't? Yeah, exactly, everyone loves Danny DeVito but if we're watching like Hercules or something, you forget he's in it and then it's like, oh, he's in it.

Yeah. I think Danny DeVito is in it. Danny DeVito is in Space Jam. He's one of the Monstars. Oh, God, because when she said, that's Danny DeVito, I was like, no, fuck it. You hit her? You hit her from that, Sarah? Punch her in the face.

You struck your child? Don't be ridiculous. It was John Lovitz. Kids need to learn the difference between DeV was John Lovitz. Kids need to learn the difference between Tobito and Lovitz. No, I honestly, I don't think she was that into it. She decided to go out

and make some slime, which is what eight-year-olds do. I haven't seen Space Jam 2 yet, which I think its release is imminent as we record this. And so everyone in our audience will have rushed out uh to buy a ticket to the theater to see space jam 2 because they want to see a thick lola yeah i think part of the is she thick in the sequel

is she less thick now i think they have made her less thick and I think there are many camps who have feelings about it. And I won't take a position here because You're a man, why should you? I'm not afraid to make my voice heard so I would prefer her to be more thick. I would like her to have like a Queen Latifah type physique.

Sure. That's the kind of bunny I would be horny for is all I'm saying. And again, I'm taking i want to see you in that missy elliott suit from get your free from like massive black garbage bag right yeah shiny puffy just that with like a face drawn i did watch an extended clip from the film And it was so profoundly on brand. And when I say on brand, I don't just mean for like I don't just mean for a Space Jam movie, but for like the kind of Space Jam movie that you can also imagine being a promotion for the WB in 1994, which was an extended clip of Porky Pig battle rapping.

And yes, he is wearing hip hop clothes. He's got a puffer vest on. And he does start by going, but then he goes into like a kind of sound. Wow. Does he talk about mom's spaghetti? I believe he does. What was impressive to me about this clip is, I mean, the rap itself was basically,

my name's Porky Pig and I'm here to say that I have a stutter in a major way. Like it was truly that like it was not a greater thing. Like I'm sure that they hired Pusha T to write it just as McDonald's hired Pusha T to write Ba Da Ba Ba Ba. I'm loving it, which is a true story. I'm loving it, which is a true story. But like I'm sure Pusha T, you know, Ice-T wrote the raps for Mr. T's album. I'm sure that they hired a great rapper to write these bars for Porky Pig. But it's horrible. crazy is the beat that he's rapping over is the beat from uh from the hip-hop classic flavor in your ear uh and you just think that like there was a consult there was like he said like cop

killer there was a there was a rap consultant on this movie that got paid $50,000 to suggest hubba-dub, hubba-dub, hubba-dub, and to be like, you know what? If it was a real battle, they'd be rapping over either Grinding by the Clips or the Flava in Your Ear beat. Like the fact that, you know, that they hired probably Craig Mack. Craig Mack has passed away, RIP. But probably his son, who, you know, works for advertising agencies as a rap culture consultant, to get them to license the Flava in your ear beat is the most on the like they could have just gone with the you know the chic loop from rappers to like you know what i mean i was like what is this who decided these decisions uh i'm just something curious uh about watching the original space jam with kids this

question i i have for both of you did they think that the Spud Webb cameo was funny? They're like, where's Muggsy Bogues? He was smaller. He was 5'3". Spud Webb was 5'5 or 6". Anyway, that's a rhetorical question. Clearly something that dates the movie beyond comprehension for a modern movie. I don't think current day nba basketball

has any super tiny or i mean they have super tall guys in the sense of uh the normal range of human size but not super tall guys relative to uh basketball guys i don't think there's any like seven foot seven guys in the nba right now or like five foot two guys. That's one of the best things about basketball is when one guy only comes up to the other guy's belly button. Extreme, more extreme guys is what you're saying. We need more knuckleball pitchers, more tiny guys playing on the same team as gigantic guys. This is the whole point. We need more sprinters playing professional football

these are the things that we look to sports for you know and hooligans and hooligans and hooliganism climbing up poles overturning vehicles pushing over horses yeah when they flip them over do you think they say when the cop comes, you think they say, well, my tax dollars paid for that car. I can flip it when I'm drunk. I technically own that car. Right. And then the cop says, go ahead and flip it. That's an old Jeep from Jurassic Park 2.

What? You thought this was a real cowboy ghost town? i've got news right you've been destroying the universal backline wait we're in blazing saddles now i love that we pivoted again yeah okay we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Sarah Morgan, international eel smuggler. I'll tell you this, Jordan.

Every single episode of Jordan, Jesse Go is brought to you by you, the listener to Jordan, Jesse Go. You listen to Jordan, Jesse Go, right, Jordan? I may have messed up the structure of that plug, but the point is that the members of MaximumFun.org are the folks who pay for the production of this show. Honestly, Jesse, I never miss an episode. Okay, great. MaximumFun.org slash join is where you can go to become a member of MaxFun. We're also this week brought to you by our friends at ZipRecruiter. Now, Jordan, at Maximum Fun, we happen to be hiring right this very moment. We're hiring a new producer for Fanti, our smash hit show.

And it's hard. It's hard to find the right person. You know, you put it up on Craigslist or whatever. And you know what you get back? You get back 10,000 applications to be a swim instructor. Oh my gosh. I mean, that doesn't sound very efficient at all. It sounds like it's trying to find a needle in a haystack.

Yeah, I would say that it's kind of like trying to find a needle in a haystack, Jordan, I would say that it's kind of like trying to find a needle in a haystack, Jordan. But you know what ZipRecruiter does? It finds you that fucking needle. You need to do some sewing right now. You can't use hay for that. No, certainly. You need a needle.

You've got to find that needle. Sarah, have you ever tried to sew with hay? No, I haven't. I'm afraid. Yeah. Oh, I'd love to yes and that, but I've never. No, I never have. No. What are you, crazy?

How dare you? It's the hardest. ZipRecruiter uses real robot brains to find a qualified candidate for you, and then it invites them to apply. So you don't have to deal with a bunch of fucking swim instructors. It's just, oh, you know, all this stuff about motorboat, motorboat, go so fast, motorboat, motorboat, turn on the gas. You know what I mean? Your butterfly is so splashy.

It's a lot of that. Yeah. You don't have to deal with any motorboat bullshit with ZipRecruiter. Now, you don't have to deal with any motorboat bullshit with ZipRecruiter. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. And they have a guarantee. No motorboat bullshit. So while other companies give you too many options, ZipRecruiter finds you that needle in the haystack. And right now, you can try ZipRecruiter for free at this web address,

ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGO. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGO. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. We're also brought to you this week by the good folks at Weaver Leather. This is a great hobby to pick up. That's what I think, Jordan. Yeah. Weaver Leather sent over some great kits.

Jesse, guess what I'm going to do, thanks to Weaver Leather? I'm going to make my own wallet. Holy cow. What are you holding your cards in right now? Just a rubber band like a drug dealer? Yeah. I'm holding your cards in right now. Just a rubber band like a drug dealer. Yeah, I'm just rubber banding all of my cards and cash together. It's very inconvenient. I need a wallet, and I'm going to make one thanks to Weaver Leather

because they sent me one of their super awesome wallet-making kits. They are a longtime supplier to professionals, hobbyists, and DIY crafters. They strive to be an online resource not just for supplies, tools, and materials, but also for valuable tips and easy-to-follow project tutorials. Can I tell you something, Jordan? Yes. I'm party to some corners of the internet that are dedicated to fashion. Right. You may know this.

My blog put this on and so forth. And one of the great affordable fashion life hacks is you go to Weaver Leather and buy yourself a blank belt. You can buy them with and without the holes punched in them. You can buy them and you put it on a buckle that you already have. And voila, you have a super high quality belt for a wholesale price. You know, a blank belt from Weaver, I can't remember what they cost, $10, $15, something like that. And so you're getting the equivalent of an $85 belt that you would buy in a store or $110 belt that you would buy in a store for 10 or 15 bucks, you know, full grain leather and, and, uh, the whole nine yards tanned and colored exactly how you want. It's one of the secrets of Weaver leather. So you don't even have to be a

hobbyist. You can just be a person who needs to hold their pants up. Yeah. Their craftspeople have a deep knowledge of leather machinery, hardware, and more, and are committed to putting their experience to work for you. Super cool company, super cool projects you can get from them. I'm going to go out on a limb and say these would make great gifts. If you're looking for a gift for someone, get them a kit to make their own freaking wallet. And a lot of people think this is just for Travis McElroy. But it's not just for Travis McElroy. It is a perfect gift for any of the McElroys.

Even Rachel McElroy would love one of these things. She'd love to make her own wallet. She's just using a rubber band like a goddamn drug dealer. Jeez. Okay, if you need a gift for McElroy or you're interested in giving leather crafting a try, visit weaverleathersupply.com slash jjgo, and you're going to get 10% off your first order with Weaver Leather Supply. Weaverleathersupply.com slash jjgo. And you know what, Jordan? You know what is another good

priority for people to have this week in their lives? Getting their ass down to the bookstore and buying them a copy of the new Bubble graphic novel. That's right. The one that's co-written by Jordan Morris. That's my co-host and Sarah Morgan, my friend, who is the guest on this week's program. Ahoy, hoy. Yeah, you're right about that. That was the enthusiasm noise. Yes. Thank you. All enthusiasm should be expressed as archaic ways to answer the telephone.

Yeah. Exactly. Slash Simpsons references. Yeah. Who goes there? Yes. Bubble. It comes out on 7-13th.

We've been talking your ear off about it, but gosh darn it, we're really proud of this thing. It really turned out great. And we're so excited for people to get to see it. You've got a little bit longer to pre-order it if you want the bonus stuff. Upload your receipt at bits.ly slash bubblepreorder, and you're going to get a bonus episode of the podcast. You're going to get a printable zine

with text by Sarah and I, art by the great Tony Cliff. And we're having a little launch party for the thing. We'll tell you a little bit more about it later in the show. That's Thursday, July 15th, 8pm Eastern. And if you want to RSVP, go to bit.ly slash bubblegn

launch. Bubblegn launch. And yeah, you can RSVP for our launch party with a lot of cool guests that you'll know from the JJ Goaverse. Jordan, can I suggest a slogan just for this week? Yeah. Because we're trying to remind people to remember to get out to the bookstore on July 13th, buy their copy of the book, and so forth. Right.

713, never forget. That's really beautiful. That is really beautiful that it's really beautiful thank you I got a little help from the garbage truck that just drove by my office listen on 713 the release

of bubble is going to usher in the death of irony so yeah yeah okay we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jessica. I'messe thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective sarah morgan international eel smuggler i have a question so when did i remember my jj go nickname about two minutes ago from eight years ago yeah that i've literally used on the show every year listen we're all trapped in a time loop okay yeah we we checked

in on the uh the football match yeah over there on the pitch uh and it was two nil um so that was great but i i looked ahead via the search engine to upcoming matches uh for the English national football team. Because I had just searched for England football, and it showed me the current score. And upcoming for the great nation of England is a World Cup qualifying match against Andorra, which is a small sheep country nestled in between, what is it, Spain and France or something? It's the mum from Bewitched. Oh, it's actually, that's something I'm spilling, Jesse.

It's against Pandora, the planet from Avatar. I think it's possible that if they were playing against Pandora, the streaming music service, that Pandora might have a good chance of winning that one. the streaming music service that pandora might have a good chance of winning that one right who do you think would win in a soccer match between the streaming service and those fucking sexy ass cat people now all my money's on these catalonian motherfuckers in andorra it's in between france and spain in the pyrenees and the population of the country is 77,142. So, like, for example, that's like if there was a match between England's national team and the national team of Pasadena, California, but also half as many people lived in Pasadena. That's what that is like.

half as many people lived in Pasadena. That's what that is like. I've just worked out what it is you're looking at, and that is the World Cup qualifiers, which are happening later in the year for, you know, and that's when anyone can play anyone to get into the World Cup. So we might

be playing America in those. Yeah, that was good. That was such a sick burn against the state. Stop burning us! You guys are shit at football a sport you have no interest in we don't still want to be good we just don't want to be good we could if we wanted to be

we just bought David Beckham and then we just threw him in a bin which is what I believe happened to David Beckham David Beckham and Robbie Williams. We bought them both in Binpun. If you lived in the nation of Andorra, a nation of 77,000 people, that's like roughly the size of Daly City, California,

a cold suburb of California known for having a Jollibee there. A Jollibee? Yeah, Jollibee. It's a Filipino fast food restaurant. Okay, lovely. Would you be excited to play on the national team and go to the World Cup qualifier

and play in a round-robin tournament where you lose 22 to nothing to France, 14 to nothing to England, and like six to four to the seychelles or would you be embarrassed to do that which do you think it is something you would be excited to do or embarrassed to do well i think that depends how much unobtainium is on the line how much unobtainium could i win whose ponytail do you get to connect to your ponytail? Yeah.

I assume that's the lovemaking in... I watched it on a very low-res download, but they connect ponytails. Is that correct? Yeah. For their lovemaking? That's correct. That's how they fuck.

And then some dots fly around towards you. In the air. Glowing dots. They're making like nine more of those, right? Yeah. Yeah. And a variety of completely forgettable human characters interact i don't remember i watched that whole movie i

don't remember a character from the movie i mean i remember there were some guys that had sex by connecting their ponytails together and i remember there were humans but that's that's what i got hey as long as we're i know we have calls yeah but as long as we're stuck in an infinite time loop should we bring back our old segment which of the avatar sequels are you most excited about yes here give me a second to google the actual names and we'll ask sarah okay great so sarah made up one in there and I'll- Oh, we should do that. We should do a thing where we make up a bunch of fake Avatar sequels. That'll get people to buy Bubble.

Okay, here. I have Avatar sequel titles revealed. This is from a 2018 article on the website, Den of Geek. Den of Geek. And just for context for our listeners, James Cameron, the submarine celebrity, has taken the last 27 years

to shoot 44 consecutive Avatar sequels, including his own Avatar porn parody. Right. Fuck-a-tar. I mean, I probably, if I had taken a minute to have a have a bra it's quite pg uh it's the first pg porn film it's just just over the braster yeah yeah people who are very turned on by by the outer space. First place in space. Okay, Sarah, I'm going to read off

the titles of the Avatar sequels and you tell us which one you're most excited for and why. Avatar, colon, The Way of Water. Avatar, colon, The Seed Bearer. That's my nickname down at the Verdugo Aquatic Center. Avatar, colon, The Tolkien Rider. that's my nickname down at the verdugo aquatic center avatar colon the tolkien rider the tolkien rider avatar colon the quest for ewa ewoks you uh e y w a and let me and while you're i'll let you noodle on this for a second let me maybe google you uh and just maybe get a definition for

you thanks jordan i appreciate that can you see which definition of you why they use because i i feel like there's so many it just comes up a lot uh this is from the avatar wiki here we go iwa is the guiding force and deity of pandora and the navi the navi believe that you are acts to keep the ecosystem of pandora in perfect equilibrium. It is sometimes theorized by human scientists that all living things on Pandora connect to Iwa through a system of neuroconductive antenna.

This often explains why Navi can mount their dire horse or mountain banshee steeds and ride them immediately without going through the necessary steps required to domesticate such wild animals. It makes a lot of sense to me. Dire horse.

As far as I'm concerned, Jordan, any horse that doesn't boil is pretty fucking dire. Thank you. Thank you. Sarah, do you have a sense of which of those Avatar sequels you're most excited about? Yeah.

The Pornhub, this is not Avatar to the Seed Bearer. a sense of which of those uh avatar sequels you're most excited about yeah i i did the porn the porn hub this is not avatar to the seed bearer is going to be you know that's an open goal uh which is the sixth avatar movie this is that's an open goal i mean they all sound great if you put e y w a into google the first thing that comes up for me, probably because of things I've bought in the past, you just get an Etsy store. And God, it looks shit. Okay. Yeah. No, there's some horrible looking things on that shop.

So judging by that, the film will be terrible. You've got to give us an example here, Sarah. What are we looking at on the AWA store? Okay. store okay so we're looking at a kind of um fabric uh flower like you'd like from the film midsummer like a garland a flower garland that you might wear to a festival but it's in really unpleasant turquoise tones um with sort of like what looks like fur cones on it so uncomfortable uncomfortable and ugly the two things you want from a flower garland when you're going to a festival fur cone is my favorite part of a full english breakfast okay when something momentous happens to you we ask you to call us at 206-984-4-FUN that's 206-984-4-FUN or you can just

send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Here is a person to whom something momentous has happened, and Brian will now press play. Hi, this is David calling from Brussels, Belgium, for a momentous occasion. I was walking around in the neighborhood at two in the morning last night and passed by a new shop with a sign that said hot dog but in between hot and dog was the word my and so i said my friend who i was with hot my dog and then just at this moment a lady exited the shop and she looked at us very confidently and she said, yes, hot my dog was wonderful. Hot as a rock, wet as a river, putting on my pants.

Thanks, guys. Love the show. Bye. I think... Brian, we're going to need to put a warning before this episode that it may be too horny for some audiences? I don't think people are ready for Belgian levels of horniness.

That was a real stroopwafel. It was like a letter to Belgian Playboy. Dear Belgian Playboy, I never thought this would happen to me. I actually, I went to the newsstand to buy a copy of Belgian Playgirl once. Wanted to buy a copy of belgian play girl nice right wanted to get a look at tin tin's dick sure it's the only way to look at tin tin's

dick yeah belgian play girl i liked it when they had poirot the only other belgian celebrity there is and they they'd styled his pubes in the manner of his mustache it was it was it was beautiful yeah like it was peter houston of uh poirot obviously not kenneth browner that would have been horrible christie's poirot the other belgian person there's two famous belgian people jordan you know how uh our friend blaine kap Kapach often tweets with the premise, quick, somebody reboot Mad TV or get Mad TV back on the air so I can pitch. If I can borrow that, quick, somebody get Mad TV back on the air so I can pitch Poirot. Evil Poirot.

Right. Just throwing it out there. Just throwing it out there. Okay, we also, Sarah, have so many segments that people love that we thought of by working hard on this show, which is why it's successful. That's why I listen. That's why I listen. Yeah, we just have

people let us know what they're calling in for at the beginning of the call. Just because there's so many. Brian keeps a file. But anyway, we always put them in an envelope and mail them to ourselves for guilds. Brian, play one of those calls. Hi, this is Kate from Ohio calling in for your recurring segment, people who are way

too committed to their bits. I'm driving on the freeway and just saw a black PT Cruiser, a new black PT Cruiser, with the license plate dark helmet and

a custom bumper sticker that said, Spaceballs, the car. All right, thanks, guys. Love the show. This has officially became the horniest episode ever. Yeah, gosh. I was driving that car, and I get on a fucking plane as soon as this country lets me

i am marrying that person i uh i got in i got in hot water on social media this week uh because i i watched the movie space balls with my daughter, Gracie, who's nine. Does it hold up? She said it's one of the greatest movies of all time. Isaac fucking sucks ass. It's so bad. It is so bad. I mean, there's like a few good gags.

I mean, it's Mel Brooks movie. Like, there's a few good jokes in there. I'm not saying that there's none. But like, honestly, I think it's half as good as history of the world part one like it is it is as though it is as though he had just gotten tired and was just like what do people like fucking star wars yeah you know what i mean he hadn't seen it he didn't watch it it was just he's just like fuck it you know 50 jokes done mail it to myself but and it's so it's so first thought as well but that's why i love it is like jabba the

hut pizza i have to say something that struck me hey sarah what's the name of the yoda analog oh shit i should know that uh oh hang on i'm gonna have to look it up oh jesus that's gonna no i'm trying to get you to say yogurt oh it is yogurt that's right yogurt i um i have to say that like um one thing that really surprised me as a man watching it rather than as a child and certainly as a child i loved i loved space balls uh as well um but as a man watching it the thing that impressed me most about literally the entire movie was john candy's dog makeup yes like john candy's dog makeup is spectacularly good like it is exactly the right amount of like expressive there's an there's the right amount of

john candy in there relative to weird dog like the ears flop around in the perfect way uh like they must have had a guy behind john candy pulling little tiny strings to make the ears like an ear puppeteer behind john candy yeah like three like three handsome guys. And John Candy's so charming. Like, yeah, there's no jokes involved. Like, let me be clear. John Candy's character in the movie has basically no jokes other than liking to eat dog food or something. Oh, hang on.

No, he's half man, half dog and his own best friend. Yeah. That's solid. We're sure not making a case for Spaceballs isn't good. Spaceballs, Joan Rivers' Doc Matrix. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to start watching the football and for Spaceballs isn't good. Joan Rivers' Dark Matrix? I'm going to start watching

the football and put Spaceballs on. Spaceballs, Cole in the car, made me think of a funny vehicle thing I saw the other day. Pasadena local institution, Pie and Burger. Finally, we're talking about Pie and Burger on this shot. We got there. We did it, Joe. Burger. Finally, we're talking about Pie and Burger on this show. Thank you, Jordan.

We got there. We did it, Joe. We did it, Joe. They have a food truck that I saw, so they have a little go-to events. And the Pie and Burger food truck says, my other truck is a restaurant. That is so fucking funny.

Yeah, it's really good. It's great. And I'll tell it's really good. That's great. Really good. And I'll tell you what, Jordan, that pie and burger truck sometimes parks at the Pasadena City College flea market. And if you're thinking I do not eat pie and burger from the pie and burger truck at 1020 in the morning, just order a full double cheeseburger at 1020 in the morning, you are mistaken. I will eat a burger and pie before 11 a.m if that truck is if they've got the lights on i'm there with money and it's it's pie it's pie like sweet pie like say like like dessert pie like cherry pie apple pie this is america sarah what do you think it's made of blood pudding steak and kidney, like all pies should be.

All pies have organ meat in them. They're essentially a gravy delivery system. Right, yes. I do like a nice sweet breads and rhubarb pie. That's so unpleasant. Because rhubarb would be very stringy.

Yeah, too stringy. It's because of the rhubarb that it's not that good. Yeah rhubarb would be very stringy. Yeah, too stringy. Yeah. It's because of the rhubarb that it's not that good. Yeah, otherwise it would be delicious. Okay, 206-984-4FUN, jjgoe at maximumfun.org if you want to email us a voice memo. If there's any other Belgians out there, give us a call. Let's talk about that Tintin crank. Yeah, sure.

Let's talk about what Captain Haddock is working with. Snowy's lipstick no i mean there's never been a reason to do this show like there's not there's not value in it. Sure. You know. Anyway. I mean, it kills the hours until death. There is that. You know. There is that.

Anyway. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Schmanners. Noun. Definition. Rules of etiquette designed not to judge others, but rather to guide ourselves through everyday social situations. Hello, Internet. I'm your husband host, Travis McElroy.

And I'm your wife host, Teresa McElroy. Every week on Schmanners, we take a look at a topic that has to do with society or manners. We talk about the history of it. We take a look at how it applies to everyday life. And we take some of your questions. And sometimes we do a biography about a really cool person that had an impact on how we view etiquette. So join us every Friday and listen to Schmanners on MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are found. Manners Schmanners. Get it?

Hey, I'm Janet Varney, host of the JV Club podcast. Ah, high school. Was it a time of adventure, romance, and discovery? Class of 95, we did it! Or a time of angst, disappointment, and confusion? We're all tied together by four years of trauma at this place, but enjoy adulthood, I guess. The truth is, it was both. So join me on the JV Club podcast

where I invite some great friends like Kristen Bell, Angela Kinsey, Oscar Nunez, Neil Patrick Harris, and Keegan-Michael Key to talk about high school, the good, the bad, and everything in between. My teenage mood swings are getting harder to manage. The JV Club. Find it on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Sarah Morgan, international eel smuggler. She once brought us some eels from England. It was great. It was really cool. They were really foul. I didn't make Brian eat them. Brian wanted to eat them and I bought them. For his show, Brian Lindsay will totally eat that.

By the way, speaking of our Max Funds least profitable endeavor of all time, which I was proud of. I think we did a good job. Brian, the Eating Unusual Foods show starring our producer, Brian Fernandez, and our former employee, Lindsay Pavlis. I have to say, I just went up to my cabin and I brought with me from the closet at Max Fun, like 16 Brian and Lindsay will totally eat that chip clips. It had merch, huh? Yeah, well, there was chip clips. There was chip clips and a magnet with conversions on it, but still on my refrigerator. Cool. And go watch Brian and Lindsay. Sarah, how do you, if you are trying to smuggle eels, how would you go about it? How did you go about it, I guess? Well, it was a long time ago.

And that was like six years ago, seven years ago, something like that. But I don't... Well, at the moment, you can't bring anything out of the country. You can't leave the country. But I think what I did was I put... They were frozen. And then I put them in a freezer bag with some ice. And then I wrapped that.

And then I put that in a freezer bag. And then put that in my luggage. And you wrap the whole thing in marijuana to throw out. Oh yeah. And then put it in a bottle of shampoo, like a really huge bottle of shampoo for those eel sniffer dogs. That's such a, that's so much better than what I've been doing,

which has been shoving them up my ass. You put them in a condom first though, right? Okay. Jordan, are you buying jellied eels or KY jellied eels? Thanks, folks. There you go. There you go.

See you later. Putting eels up his butt. That's what we're talking about on this good show. Where's our Peabody? I'm so embarrassed that that was just all you wanted me to do was give you like the briefest answer possible so you could do your joke about sticky notes. No, I thought of that in the middle of your answer because I wasn't listening. Oh, really? Oh, God. We're such a good team. Sarah, any time you're vamping, the longer you can go, the better, because we are not good at thinking of jokes.

You've heard the program, Sarah. Okay, Sarah Morgan, you're the co-author of the great new graphic novel, Bubble. Yes. I've heard a little bit about this book. It sounds intriguing, but I'm not sure whether I should head out right now to my local independent bookseller to buy myself a copy. So I wish that you could close the deal for me sure well uh i yeah i mean i think i think that would be a great bubble graphic novel based on the very popular uh maximum fun podcast uh maximum fun being a podcast network that uh that produces

some fine programming uh the graphic novel bubble comes out on july 13th but if you go to your local independent bookstore or even go to Amazon or any of the other online places, we won't judge you will get some really cool genuinely actually really good stuff, bonus stuff there's a little zine that we wrote and designed

by Tony Cliff, the illustrator of Bubble that's like a really cute little build-on, added edition thing to the world. There's an episode of the podcast that you'll get. And then, obviously, on July 13th, you'll get a lovely couple, a lovely couple, a lovely copy of Bubble.

Fucked up! Fuck it, I'm sorry, Jordan. You'll get a lovely copy of Bubble, which is a genuinely really good graphic novel I'm really proud to have worked on. It's good, right? You've read it, Jordan? You flicked through it? It is. Yes, I have flicked through it. You know, the process, you kind of have to, you know, read it, you know, at various stages. So, you know, there's like the script and then the the inks and

the pencils and then so much checking and so much rechecking and it's kind of interesting that you know i think as creative people you know where where we all know that feeling where you know you you sit down with something you've made and just by the end of, you know, ingesting it, you hate it because you think you like fucked up and, you know, you see all the like problems with it and stuff like that. I've read this thing in various stages. Yeah, probably 90 times. I like it. It's really good. It's good.

times i like it it's really good like how good how many times like when something's come through and we've had to we've you know we've we've been it's been an absolute joy to be there every stage of the whole thing and even when we're on like doing we've been doing the like the campaign trail kissing babies i don't know why we had to kiss babies that wasn't that's weird doing the promotional talk i mean the book is joy no's just Kiss and Babies Babies is very brightly coloured and full of dick jokes which I think babies love the amount of times where I've texted you this is really funny

this is a really funny funny comic funny graphic novel obviously I assume anyone listening to this is probably aware of the podcast and we don't need to sell them on the concept but it's uh if you don't know what it's about it's just it's a very uh cool thing about a group of 20 something friends in a gig economy situation um but the gig economy happens to be slaying monsters and it's just funny as fuck now jordan sarah if folks come to this podcast, not because they enjoy your work, Jordan, or yours, Sarah, or because, you know, many folks maybe haven't heard the podcast of Bubble.

And they're just here on Jordan Jesse Go listening for Firestorm the Nuclear Man content. Sure, yeah. How would you say this appeals to the firestorm the nuclear man consumer yeah let's see do we have any characters in bubble who are oh i guess we do so if you like so i you know pretty pretty there's a there's a direct link so firestorm the nuclear man obviously is two two men who join to become one being, which is basically all the bad guys in Bubble. Yeah.

So if you like two consciousnesses merging into one, you'll love Bubble. It's all over that shit. This will be great for fans of Avatar porn parodies, too. Yeah. I'd like to crank it to sexy cat people who fuck with their hair yeah got some links for for people uh if you want to upload your pre-order receipt and get that bonus stuff that sarah mentioned uh bit.ly slash bubble pre-order and uh hey i don't think we've mentioned

this yet on the show but we're having a virtual launch event. I think we're a little bummed, certainly, that we can't do Comic-Cons and in-person signings or anything like that. But this is kind of cool because we get to do a virtual thing and everybody can attend regardless of region. We're having a virtual launch event. Sarah, Tony, and I will be there talking about the book. The great Dave Holmes will be there. Cristela Alonso, Eliza Skinner, Keith Powell, Travis McElroy, Clint McElroy, and a musical interlude from Annie Hart, who did the bubble score. Annie Hart, of course, from the great band Aurovore Simone.

And she'll be doing a little music performance. And, yeah, we're going to have a lot of fun with that. You can RSVP to that by going to bit.ly slash bubblegnlaunch. Bubblegnlaunch. It's July 15th, 8 p.m. Eastern. But I think if you sign up at that RSVP, they'll send it to you after it's done. If you want to watch it on your own time. But watch it live.

It'll be fun. We're going to have a nice time. I think get it together, America. And points abroad. Sure. Get your fucking act together and buy this fucking book. Look, good cop, bad cop. Jordan and Sarah are both good cops.

I'm the bad cop. Get your fucking act together. What are you, a fucking evil Mario? Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah, don't be a Wario. Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. Don't be a Wario. Yeah. Be a Yoshi.

Buy this fucking book. I'm so excited for this book launch. I can't wait. It's going to be great. It's going to be 1 a.m. GMT. So I will be mad on coffee and it's going to be great. Yeah. Yeah.

It's going to be 1 a.m. Sarah's time. British people come. And yeah, this was so fun. This is like making the podcast was such a thrill and I was so like happy with it. And then to like get to do this version with Sarah, one of the coolest, funniest, smartest people I've ever met was such a such a thrill. And yeah, it was so cool to to get to do this with you. I'm so glad you so glad you said you would do it. Yeah, it was such a joy and uh yeah it was so cool to uh to get to do this with you i'm so glad you so glad you said you would do it yeah it was such a joy to adapt such like it was already

brilliantly funny as a podcast and it was just a great uh thing to to help with adapting it for for the page and i hope people like it i'm sure all jordan jessica fans will uh will love it bubble is available this coming week in your local bookstores. You can order it online right now. You can pre-order it at your local bookstore. And you definitely should unless you're a chump

or a Wario. Don't be a Wario. Or a Dracula. Yeah. Our producer is Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. Val Moffat there live streaming this to our internets.

Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. If you have corrections at GSTV on Twitter, let GSTV. You know, I was watching some gas station TV, and they got Maria Menudos now. Oh, that's a good get for them. Very good. Good for her. Good for GSTV. It sounds like a match made in heaven.

Can I just say one thing, Jordan? Yeah. I haven't worked in television in a few years. You know, we laugh and joke a lot about Gas Station TV, but, I mean, I just want them to know I'm available. Wow. Wow. Okay. I'll go work with my new dose. Hashtag Jesse for GSTV.

Yeah. Come on gas station. Let me in there. What do you want to host for gas station TV? If you just like could pick anything. I mean, gas station TV. My first thought is something about,

uh, well, you get a bunch of uncles in a row oh that was beautiful that was master that's why you're the king of everything not just drugs jj go on twitter find us on facebook facebook.com slash jordan jesse go that's where we have been streaming the show on a provisional basis as we record. 206-984-4FUN or JJGo at MaximumFun.org if you want to send us a note. And we will talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica.

Bye, Lou. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.