Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 696: Sleep with the Birds with Eliza Skinner

Episode Date: July 16, 2021

Eliza Skinner (Earth to Ned) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of how Eliza's cat's new haircut has totally changed his personality, a debate over the best emoji to deploy when censoring your pet's genitals online, and the secret plot octopuses probably have to right the wrongs of humans. Plus, Eliza is hosting her own late-night talk show!! IT'S TONIGHT FRIDAY JULY 16th –  GET YOUR TICKETS HERE TO WATCH ONLINE at Nowhere Comedy!AND BUBBLE IS OFFICIALLY OUT! GET IT TODAY! A very special thanks to our sponsors!StitchFix – Get started today at StitchFix.com/JJGO and you’ll get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!Weaver Leather – if you are interested in giving leather crafting a try, go to weaverleathersupply.com/jjgo for 10% off your first order with Weaver Leather Supply!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the return of the Pudding Mac. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I got it. So Jordan, this is... Just hearing return of the Pudding Mac. Just, just... Return Pudding Mac. Return Pudding return pudding i feel like my brain is it's salty and sweet guest vocalist is jordan jesse go featuring eliza skinner on the hook this week i thought my

memories were transferring over into the podcast because of just hearing that song brought me back. Oh, were you just staring out the window doing that? Did you have a whole, like, dream sequence, daydream sequence? Yeah, single tear rolled down my cheek when I was remembering, you know, what could have been. Middle school dance? Yeah, middle school dance. Oh, okay. I never talked to Jackie Bruckman, even though I think she liked me.

I think she liked me. Oh, jeez. Oh, and it was right before she got hit by a train. She was. Yeah, that night, right? Yeah. And you missed your chance. R.I.P. Jackie Bruckman.

She was. Yeah, rest in pieces. Yeah, run over by that train whoa too far jesse too far it was it was fun it was fun to have the dance down by the train tracks like i could see what the dance planning committee was thinking well this is why they stopped doing it right because of this whole incident no it wasn't because of the incident. Some people think that it's because of the incident, but it's because of social sensitivity about having hobo-themed student events. Oh, yeah, that was a little tacky. There's some photos of Justin Trudeau's hobo dance that he's still apologizing for.

There had been kids bringing open cans of beans to school, wearing hats. Top hats with a top. Yeah, with a sprung top. People felt like bindles were punching down. You know what I mean? Bringing a school bindle. Yeah.

These are real people. They're not cartoon characters. I mean, they're also cartoon characters, but they're real people. Here's not cartoon characters. I mean, they're also cartoon characters, but they're real people. Here's a question for you guys regarding this because, yeah, I mean, obviously these are things I'm grappling with. Do I have to censor myself when I'm singing Big Rock Candy Mountain in the car? Yeah, I think so. There's certain words in there that you shouldn't say.

There's parts you can sing along to, but there's words in there that you shouldn't say. Can I ask a question? Sure, yeah. I mean, it's your show, right? Eliza, you mentioned that these are real people, but also cartoon characters. Sure, yes. Which one, or do both, say, hick? Well, it depends on which one's been drinking, honestly.

That's fair. Yeah. Like look for crosses in the eyeballs that match crosses on a jug. You'll find the one saying hick. Ask them if they're seeing pig elephants. I think hobos are the number one group of people drinking from earthenware. Oh, yeah. with a hook handle like a big bottle of martinelli's apple juice yes well that and um and your hillbillies also

right you're kind of one strap over all types they're drinking moonshine straight from the still like oh yeah all i all of my worldly like information comes from um novelty barware from the like mid-century yeah so any kind of any kind of rocks glass with a cartoon on it that's how i know the world um and these are both types of people that are featured on them you have an intimate understanding of uh cars from the mid-1910s. Well, yeah. I mean, it's more like easy women or terrible wives and different types of drunks. Yeah. I don't want to leave our audience hanging. Really all I meant with my new nickname is that I ate some banana pudding and I had already talked about eating too much banana pudding

before I came on Jordan, Jesse, go. It happened again. But I also just wanted to think about the song Return of the Mac because that song is an eternal jam. There's no time that I ever... I have no amusing anecdote about the banana pudding. That's just a reality that I'm dealing with. Well, and our listeners can play the famous Jordan, Jesse go drinking game,

a drink when you hear the pudding toots. Yeah. Every time you hear a little pudding toot. I got terrible pudding toots. Tonight, my dog audibly farted. Like i this is the first time that i have while being not even that close to my dog heard him fart and it woke him up he jumped up jumped off the couch circled around the coffee table and then looked at me like what the fuck was that i'm like you should you should know how did you what did you say how do you how did you explain it i was like you know what you're asking me a bigger question than i have answers for do you want to come sit on my lap and he was like i do that would make me feel better and you were like

bring your fart my what he has no idea he farts and he does it so much the older of my two dogs coco has started losing her senses she's getting she's a little blind in one eye and she's getting a little deaf and exponentially the fat pill uh the last few months have increased the uh what the fuck yeah because all she does is lie in a bed like She doesn't really do much else. Once in a while, she wanders around confused. But mostly, she just lies in a bed. And any time you approach her, she does not notice until it's too late. And she's reached for what the fuck. The most upsetting what the fuckness that we had was the time he got stung by a bee on his paw.

And every time he sat, I got him home and and was like are you okay he didn't seem to be allergic but the paw swelled up but no matter where he sat he would sit all over the room he would sit there for a second and then jump up and like look at the spot where he had been sitting like what did you do i hurt again oh like oh buddy's just going to be like that for a while. Eliza, I'm curious how your, because your dog Boo is like a newish addition to your life, a relatively new. Yeah, I got him last February. And you, before Boo, you had and still have a very proud and regal cat, Casper. Yeah, a real sassy number, Cas casper so how is the little sassy number dealing with the wee little fart bag well i'll tell you yeah it's been a big change since he

got his summer cut um he got a a lion cut and it's completely changed him he was really like sitting around and being sedate and being like are we just gonna watch tv okay and now he's like i'm ready to go yeah let's do some stuff spirit and he does yeah and he like whatever me and boo are doing we're real chill dudes and casper is like no come on hey hey hey you know what we should we should write a screenplay why don't we do that why don't we do we got ideas i can got ideas. I can get financing. We can throw ideas around. And we're like, no, man, just stop. So your cat is acting like a kooky guy you meet at the Rainbow Room. Yes, exactly. Where it's like, what do you want? I would love to satisfy this so it stops,

but the energy is just coming and coming. But last night, they've gotten close to getting in little fights over my lap before. Last night, they got in a little fight over the bed, which was a little... Yeah, Boo just jumped up in the bed to go to bed, and Casper was like, hey! And I was like, what's happening? What is this about? There was a point in the life of my pets where my younger dog sissy realized the weakness of my older dog and just started terrorizing her and sissy is a very sweet dog but she she's like oh you fucking old lady i'm gonna take you down every time she sees my other dog and poor coco Coco has a heart condition. So like Sissy will go at Coco.

Boo does too. Every time Coco, it's so sad. Every time Coco gets too excited, she just lets out this unearthly, like you know those videos where a goat sounds like a person? Yeah, yeah. The Wilhelm scream. So it's like that for Coco. She lets out a horrible human-like scream and then she just flops over and pees oh god i've been there i've been there sister i've been there

the most energetic surrender veterinarian insists that it does not hurt her you know like eventually the her heart condition will probably lead to her passing um but she's already she's already lived a very full life but she's the veterinarian insists that this does not hurt her that the sound she makes is just a physical byproduct of her fainting basically and we just have to keep the dogs apart because we can't emotionally deal with our older dog going and then pooping on the floor oh no do you think are your dog just i have you considered this jesse and i know that you know like you trust your vet obviously and i'm not saying your vet is wrong but could it just be that your dog is a fan of 90s new metal and going oh yeah i think that's possible is she down with the sickness i think

is what i'm asking is she she's more into system of the down like she just thinks they're more credible they have kind of a punk rock edge for being sure a new metal band very very technical too a lot of a lot of technical i thought maybe it was like a like a glam rock thing like more of a like oh yeah well she's always talking about how she would love to golf with alice cooper wouldn't we all i mean that's it seems like a good time when you guys when you guys when you guys hear your pet drinking do you also make a little pet drinking sound with them yeah i've done that i do not mine goes that's what i do no but when my but when they clean themselves i do make that oh yeah i'll be like, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. That's solid.

And they're like, they look at me so, so disgusted. It's like, it's like, like, you know, a tween hearing a dad joke. They're just like, no, don't do that. Oh, come on. I just thought what I sound like. I don't say yum, yum, yum. Don't do that.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. My, my great. Or even just lick, lick, lick, lick, yum. Don't do that. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. My great... Or even just lick, lick, lick, lick, lick. My great passion is if I accidentally drop a human chip on the ground. A man's chip. Yeah, corn or potato chip. Right. And one of my dogs gets a hold of it. And somehow when dogs eat, I would not be surprised if Foley artists mic up dogs eating a chip to put into like Super Bowl commercials about people eating chips.

Because the sound, the sound is the equivalent of like. Like it is like a cartoon of the sound of a person eating a chip yeah tap the rockies and uh eat this chip is what you're saying yeah i honestly i'm not i'm not above intentionally accidentally dropping a chip just to hear my dog go, but like it's making crackling. It's making amazing crackling sounds again. Like it was Jay Leno in a Frito-Lay Superbowl commercial. Do your dogs, do your dogs fuck with watermelon? Oh yeah. Well, I mean, they, they, uh, uh, they'll munch that down.

Do you mean, do they eat it or? Yes. Yeah. I mean, I think either way they'd be willing to give it a try. Yeah. Eating it or. I think that's a real satisfying crunch for a dog. Boo's not great at crunching anything because his jaw has been broken a couple times

because he keeps mouthing off. No. Wow. Come on. Happened before I got got him i was literally a little bit scared when you did that yeah no he's an angel i would never hurt him um but so he's got a weak jaw so when i give him a chip i don't get i tried people have been like online i've been like give us a video of him getting a crunch and i'm like okay and i give him the chip and he just sort of like moistens it oh that's not a crunch he gums it like an old man eating corn off a little bit he just he just kind of like keeps it

in his mouth like doing like soft bites on it just yeah until he can paste until he's eating beans hobo style exactly no not quite paste level but he just like makes it stale on purpose is basically how where he gets it to and that's not a that's not a crunchy crunch yeah if you're eliza skinner follower online and you're looking for a crunch you're going to be sorely disappointed we're going to disappoint you yeah no it's not going to happen but you will see his dick all day long because i do not censor his dick in photos and i think it's very strange when people do that yes do people pixelate a dog dick yeah or they'll put like a little like emoji or sticker over it like oopsie don't look at like come on you know my dog has a little dicky and i've had other friends i've had other friends demand that i've had friends

be like i think it's gross when people post pictures of their dogs and you see their dick like what it is grosser with a santa emoji over it that's gross yeah i mean honestly like you can't see in all the fluff you can't really see what's going on with my with my dog's dick i mean who knows what's happening down there but if i put like a palm tree or like a dancing lady in a red dress on top of that you would know exactly what's happening down there. But if I put like a palm tree or like a dancing lady in a red dress on top of that, you would know exactly what's happening. Yeah. So here's my question for the two of you, Jordan and Eliza. You both are pet owners.

Neither of you is above posting a picture of your pet. People like it more than me. Sure. Yeah. It is depressing when like you're posting something that's like an accomplishment or like here's an episode of our podcast or here's an episode of a podcast I was on. Tepid response, just like cat laying down nine million interactions. Yeah. Yeah.

I knitted Boo a blanket because he always likes to, he always falls asleep on my yarn. And so I was like, well, I should just make something for him out of some of this yarn. Here we go. Made him a little blanket, put it on top of him, posted online. I was like, hey, he should just make something for him out of some of this yarn. Here we go. Made him a little blanket, put it on top of him, posted it online. I was like, hey, he likes yarn. I made him a blanket. 9,000 likes. Just hearing you describe that makes me want to go online and like it.

Yeah, go for it. I'm part of the problem. I'm part of the problem. You know what? It's cute. I get it. And at least in that sense, I accomplished something. I knit it.

And I was like, I've written TV tv shows and no one gave a fuck i should just be making tiny teeny tiny blankets and you you know i won't die alone maybe i don't know or i'll get likes for it what was your question jesse you had a question my question is for each of you if you had to cover your pet's genitals in a photograph on the internet, what would be your top three emoji to cover those gens? Well, the obvious choice is the lipstick. Lipstick, sure. The lips. That didn't even occur to me. I guess I...

Yeah. Anyway, sorry. That's brilliant. Or if it's a female pet you know the the kissy lips sure just like or or the lips it's like with the mouth just some hilarious look these this is where my dog has a pussy yeah um lost my mic on that um there we go she's back okay uh dog pussy did we get that actually eliza can we get some options on dog pussy? Can you just give us?

Dog pussy. Great. Okay. Thank you. Pussy de la shin. It's a little mix of all kinds of languages there. Eliza, can you give us a few? Thanks for the alts.

Can you give us a few efforts on dog pussy please um effort yeah it's like this sound you make when you exert yourself oh okay dog pussy yeah dog pussy okay now you're jumping and saying dog pussy dog pussy dog pussy uh brian let's use the second one oh i'm getting you guys talking in my headset um i don't know if you want if you want me to hear the client now i want to hear the dog pussy when you're punching eliza the dog pussy when you're connecting with a powerful punch am i getting punched i know i'm punching dog pussy motherfucker and then i punch that's that's how i do it uh jesse to answer your question um it would just be the top three emojis i would use to cover my pet's genitals or just three different

races of construction worker oh sure you know it is the most embarrassing old person thing that i do here's one of them whatever this is one of them. Sometimes, since there's so many different variations on little people emojis now, like you were saying, like construction worker, vampires, all that stuff. And they're so teeny tiny. Sometimes when people use those, I'll screenshot it and then I have to close it up. I have to zoom in and I'm like, oh, okay. I see. We're talking about a chef. Got it.

Thank you. But that's how bad my eyes are. Can I ask a question? Given that there is a vampire emoji and I don't think there is a wolfman emoji, how do you think that feels to wolfmans? That's a real shame. Oh, no, there's a zombie, but you're right. Yeah, and how are you supposed to text friends to come to your monster mash? Yeah, and how are you supposed to text friends to come to your monster mash?

Well, I think, honestly, I think that it's an indicator that men and women and non-binary wolves are still in the closet. You know, because they can be a lot of times. It only happens once a month. Wait, hold on, Eliza. There's a wolf man in my closet? No, I'll never get to sleep. No, they're in their closet. Come on, Eliza. There's a wolf man in my closet. No, I'll never get to sleep. No, they're in their closet. Come on. Let's not make monsters out of people just because they're monsters. Got it.

But yeah, they, you know, they can hide that part of their personality. Right. Except for that time of the month. Right. Exactly. Unlike a vampire, which is like, you know what, I'm here, I'm a vampire, get used to it. uh will do which is change the skin color of the people but they're they're white people and they don't change it to white see here's the thing i've never changed a skin color on any well actually this lady i did on this lady because i'm doing the lady who's raising the roof lady yeah because i've just i was tinkering around with, trying to get the effect that you get from the emoji shrug, which is the superior shrug. Right. So I'm just being honest. But besides that, I haven't changed the skin tone on any emojis because I feel like there's no way to win as a white person.

Right. Like, they come yellow, you keep them yellow. Because if you change them to white, it really feels like, to me, like you're being like, FYI, I'm white. Like, OK, it feels like announcing that you're really interested in European history. Yeah. And like, I don't I don't need I'm not going to be like, don't forget how white I am. I am white. Like we get it. I'm white. It's clear. and I feel like changing it to another skin color is that weird thing of being like, hey, I recognize that there are other types of people.

Did you? Did you recognize it? Was it just me? Think about it with this construction worker. Which is like, you're kind of appropriating other people's skin color for your emojis. It just feels weird.

Yeah. Just to cover up some dog's dick. I think you can do everything, and I contend this, I think you can do everything that you want to do with emojis using SpongeBob GIFs. And I think just use those because you're not getting yourself into any sticky social territory. I'm a big GIFer. I love- You got a GIF. I'm a big giffer i love a gif i love gifts i love a gift um because they're real weirdos out there making gifts these days so use them yeah twerking alien yes exactly and i feel like when you use like i used a will smith gif the other day and

i don't right and i don't think I was Implying that I am Will Smith Just that I liked the face he was Making. We do, honestly you do that A lot in conversation. Yeah. And you act like It's casual and nobody notices it but you do Try to work that in frequently The other day when you were talking about your roots In Philadelphia. Right, yeah

Your friend DJ Jazzy Jeff I mean, I just wanted people to know It was on the playground. It's where I spent most of my days. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I went to the mall to get you a short set. I get it.

But, you know, yeah, gifts better than emojis. It'll keep you out of social problems. Jordan is that guy at a party. I don't know if you guys have ever experienced that guy at a party. Parties, no. Absolutely not. With the hot take that he won't let go, you know, like he's telling everybody his hot take and his hot take is that parents just don't understand. I'm, I'm definitely a, a, a party hot taker. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's a function of social anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. What is your, what is what is your what is what's the what's

the hottest one that you'll deploy well a recent one is um and this one doesn't go over as well as i feel like it should um is that i think i am shocked that we still haven't conquered fire as as a species like it feels like the first thing we would get scientists it's still fucking us up like let's still fucking us up we got iphones we got like all kinds of like medicines fixed fire we're still we're doing the exact same thing we've always done which is just put something on top of it right i don't know put put some water or a blanket on it there you go like what that's terrible do you think we haven't considered enough things to put on top of fire? No, I think we're going down that same road over and over and

over. There's got to be a whole totally different way to think of it that we're not trying. I'm not so sure. I like to think inside the box, Eliza. Oh boy. See, this is the problem. And this is why continents burn. Obviously, you can dump water on top of it. Obviously, you can put fire retardant spray on top of it. Sure. I said just another thing to dump on top of it. But what if, let's say you had a wildfire. What if you sent up a chopper? The sexiest type of fire. Sure. Yeah. What if you sent up a chopper and it's got one of those big buckets underneath it? And normally in that bucket would be water or fire retardant, right?

See. But let's say. It's the same thing. Let's say that was a big bucket full of wet lettuce. You can't tell me that wouldn't take care of that fire because it's flappy and wet. Yeah. But it's just a different variation on the same theme. There should be something, there should be like

you press a button, there's a sonic thing, you like, everybody holds their nose and we suck oxygen out for a sec. I don't know. I'm not a scientist. I have no idea. Could be a sonic thing, could be a Knuckles thing, could be a

Tails thing. Exactly. So I think thing. Could be a Tails thing. Exactly. So I think let's take a step back because I think we've experienced what this would be like in a party situation. Right. Well, you haven't because you haven't had all the people saying, well, fire needs oxygen. Do you know that? Like, yeah, I know how fire works. I'm not saying I don't understand fire.

I'm saying someone much smarter than me, who is a scientist. Like, I don't know how to make, you know, penicillin. That was done a long time ago. I like this. I honestly like this better than are we tired of the Marvel movies? I like this better. Honestly. Yeah. Somebody says to you,

don't you think The Wire is the greatest television show of all time? And you say, what's that? We all this time, we haven't solved the problem of fire? Sure. The problem that only gets worse as it goes along.

Right. And does nothing but destroy. Oh, well, and keep us warm. Fine, it keeps us warm and it cooks. There's too many poisons, you say. There's too many poisons. What about that poison? Look, I don't mean to make light of foreign diplomats being murdered by the Russian government.

But what about that poison where you hold it in your hand and then you go. And then the person dies like 12 hours later? Is that real? That is so 100% Here's the thing. All these poisons that we see on TV. I'm not just, a lot of people think I'm just talking about Rip Taylor, but I'm not. Wait, so Rip Taylor was poisoning people every time he was doing that? I've seen you do a confetti blow before, and it looks very different.

Yeah, no, you're talking about that, like, dust stuff. Yeah, it's like a radioactive dust or something. And then you blow it up somebody's nose at an airport, and then they're dead eight hours later. Why? Because they were publishing a dissident newspaper. Was that the stuff that those girls, like, pranked somebody to death? Oh, I think so. I think that was the prank. The prank murder.

Yeah. All these on TV. It's it's and in movies, it seems very easy to poison people. And I feel like it's not that easy. Like, I feel like it's probably a lot grosser. Honestly, Heathers, I think Heathers did it right. How was I forget the poisoning in Heathers? I know know that it had one but how did they do it i know it was like gray now it was some kind of like blue drain cleaner um and just like a little bit of everything under the sink and she drinks it and then she's like it's a pretty gross death um her mouth is all blue and she goes beer nuts and then she dies this is this is so much better than should george lucas get control over the star wars franchise again this is so much better i don't

know i don't know i feel like it doesn't offer a lot of like ways in for other people i think that's what i like about it yeah you're not involving everyone else it's you bring your own soapbox to the right to the party right eliza that's what i mean about it being like social anxiety where i'm like uh hey have you guys ever noticed that it's an ambulance backwards on the front of an ambulance which yes i understand you can read in your rearview mirror but why do you need to read it you don't have to do that for a police car it doesn't say police backwards on the front of a police car or fire backwards in the front of a fire truck right eliza how people are like goodbye how often at a party do you find yourself

tapping the air in front of you and then saying is this thing on but that wasn't even was that a joke that was just what else is going on specific observation it's a concern you have that is essentially what led me to being a comedian probably yes because i was like well this way i can communicate with people without having it be a two-way street this is great yeah i think the next time i'm at a party and i hear anyone say zach snyder i'm just gonna yell dolphins have gotten too smug and then just take and just re just wrench control of the party yeah you think dolphins are smug have you have you seen a pregnant dolphin yeah oh you're you know oh it's just like it's a it's a love you would never we don't care as long as it's a dolphin like okay it's got a blowhole in hole in flippers we're happy uh yeah we're gonna name it logan either way we're teaching its skills

to recognize shapes with human parents you don't want flippers but with dolphin parents you do want flippers isn't that interesting yeah you should say that at a party and see what happens yeah i guess i'd really upset dolphins if like their babies came out with fingers they'd probably like throw it into the air that's how you get they tie helium balloons to it and throw it in the air right that's what dolphin mafiosos do with dead bodies. You want to sleep with the birds? Jordan, I have a question for you. Yes.

If dolphins are too smug, tell me a little bit about octopuses. How do you feel about those eight-legged beaks? Yeah. I mean, I think we really have been building up octopuses. Remember when we were letting them choose the outcome of sporting events? Yeah, it seemed like a bit much. It was happening. It started with soccer, but I think they started choosing other things.

And here's the crazy part. It's that they would have the octopus choose ahead of time the winning team, and then the teams would have to adhere to that. Like if the dolphin, if the octopus said, you know, I pick Manchester, then Manchester had to win.

It was really fucked up. I mean, they, they had to adhere to it just as an octopus has to adhere to its prey. See, I feel like this whole octopus thing is, um, it's a long con there. I think they were,

I think they were living happy, relaxed ocean lives. came along civilization buildings buildings boats boats building ships drilling for a while fire in the ocean and the octopuses could have been doing all that stuff all along but they were smart enough that they were like i'm not that's that's gonna hurt everybody and now they're like all right this is what we're doing fucking around like that okay then and i think they're like working on they've got plans they're working on stuff they're getting smart yeah because like the camouflage that's a new thing right that's a new thing like they haven't always been able to do that oh no yeah and we're all like oh, he looks like a rock. Okay, fine.

If he can look like a rock, really? You don't think some of those kids at the mall aren't octopuses? What's he going to look like next? Joe Biden? Yeah. Where else are they blending in? I think you put some aviator sunglasses on an octopus, give it some gleaming pearly whites. Yeah.

That's Joe Biden pretty much. Right. Oh, yeah. You remember Corn Pop back when i used to be a lifeguard that sounds like the kind of shit that's making fun of humans that's how little they respect us do you feel like this is the kind of shit humans say hang around talking about corn pop oh i'm supposed to sound like the smartest most powerful human i got it don't worry can i ask you guys a question right do you think octopuses really do have eight legs or do you think that's just part of their

bullshit oh right could they be right because they're twirling them around so fast who can actually count those things i can't apparently one of them is a dick really interesting yeah but just one yeah yeah come on they're not greedy um i saw a documentary one time about um it was like a little short one about like gay animals and um basically it's i don't think it wasn't like societally like it wasn't culturally gay just like animals that have sex with the same right we don't know how they we don't know how they identify culturally we just know who they bone yeah and i don't know if it identify culturally. We just know who they bone. Yeah. And I don't know if it was like a romantic thing.

Exactly. And so they showed these octopuses. And like, it was one little octopus having sex with a big octopus. And it just sort of looked like one octopus was wearing another octopus hat. And that hat took one of his tentacles and stuck it up the first octopus's nose. And they were like, that's it that this is that's the sex yeah do you think octopuses do any beak stuff oh yeah for sure what's birthday got it yeah once a year the wife lets me do some beak stuff i think they do big stuff all the time at first, but then it just sort of dies off. Because they're just like, well, honestly, the beak stuff is exciting, but nothing beats a tentacle in the nose.

Yeah. Yeah. And they get tired and it's like, nobody wants to squish down the end of the pile of rocks. Hard to use water-based lube. Yeah. But I think that the biggest, the biggest advantages octopuses have in, you know, keeping, keeping,

keeping a relationship spicy is you can just throw on some of that camouflage and your partner thinks they're fucking a rock. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You can suddenly, you're picking each other up at the little hotel bar. Like,

Oh, who are you? My name is Cheryl. It's like being a rock. Yeah. Come to it wow oh you're here are you in town for a convention yeah i'm here for a coral convention i'm coral i have tiny organisms living inside me i also want to applaud us for consistently saying octopuses. Yeah. Because, and I'm sure we've got some listeners being like, it's octopi.

It's not. No. It's not. It's octopuses. It's octopuses. You could say octopods, but. Plus, if you're going to step to us on Latin plurals. But it's Latin and Greek.

I'm going to go ahead and ask you to write into Gas Station TV, but I want you to focus on me saying Wolfman's earlier. Yeah. Where is your bar? That's what I want to know. Well, that's correct. I mean, people think that it's an extension of man, men. So like Wolfman would be correct. But no, it's a family name.

Yeah. So they're the Wolfman's. You name yeah so they are the wolfmans you know like that's like where are you going for dinner we're going over to the wolfman's yeah exactly have a casserole dog food casseroles that's what wolfmans like to eat um or like in a family like if some like if a father was upset with their son because the son is like i want to be a musician father's like no the wolf mans are the going back generations we're all bricklayers basketball players basketball sure yeah that's one um but wolf mans have always been doing that that's i don't know if that convinced you can i ask you guys a question about octopuses yes so we obviously they're contemptuous of humans mankind i think just disappointed i think disappointed in us

having to fix the problem that we made right they've got to choose the outcomes of our sporting events for us we can't even do it ourselves jesus christ open jars now that they know how do you think octopuses have similar feelings about other creatures under the sea or do you think they're only really worried about land creatures i think they're live and let live until things get out of hand and i think humans have gotten out of hand. Right. And then once things are out of hand, they're live and let die. Exactly. James Bond shit.

Octopussies. That's something. Mount up regulators, you know. They got their fist out there. You're fucking poisoned. Yes. Yes. But so maybe if there are creatures under the sea that also get out of hand, maybe they would also be like, all right, we got to get these shrimp in line because they're gone.

Can I ask you this, Eliza? What do you think octopuses think about squids? I think they think they're stupid. Yeah, they are. They're fucking stupid compared to octopuses. A squid is like a shitty octopus all day long. Yeah. How do you think octopuses feel about squids being so much more popular in the appetizer space oh yeah that's a good point i think they're like makes a

lot of sense they're dumb dogs yeah dumb is delicious yeah yeah i think we all know that's a truism when it comes to i learned that from john taffer because i watched so much bar rescue yeah yeah they may not be smart but they're delicious that's what people say yeah do you ever think that a uh a squid goes up to an octopus and he goes hey eight legs uh guess what i can shoot fucking ink out of my butt and then and then the the octopus is like yeah i can turn into a rock yeah i think as soon as the squid goes up and is like, hey, hey, the octopus is like, look, I'm going to stop you right there. Whatever you're going to say to me, you just said to me 30 seconds ago. And I didn't listen that time because it's not worth my time. OK, and then it's like, poof, and it turns into a rock.

And the squid's like, where the fuck? Where did that go? Where did it go? This is so much better than is Quentin Tar did that oh where'd it go so much better than is quentin tarantino problematic now this is so much better are you gonna go to the vista are you gonna are you gonna frequent his uh uh what if a bigfoot had sunglasses boom we're not even good see we don't even have to deal with that why does he why does he need them does he have extra sensitive eyes just wants to look cool okay that would look cool yeah yeah yeah see

we're not even dealing with that other shit i do have a question though about big butts again space for it we've pluralized the singular but that's really my question am i the only one who always assumed that it was but one big foot on this animal i thought that i thought it was like it like one of the things was it had one big foot and one little foot maybe that's because i'm from the south because that wasn't like a big thing there but i thought like foot and one little foot like it's stepped on a b yeah like a regular size foot and then a big foot and it's all up and it's like wow well this guy is remarkable He's got a big foot. Or like one of those guys who only does upper body exercises.

Yeah. But it's a bilateral thing. Bigfoot skips right foot day. That one seems like it should be Big Beat. It does. You're right. Bigfoot is wrong. We've been saying it wrong this whole time. And I think, yeah, and I think your initial kind of mishearing of Bigfoot or misinterpretation of Bigfoot, I guess, my issue with that is that, like, if this guy does have one huge foot and one small foot, why has he been evading us so easily? He's embarrassed. Well, I'm going to say he's...

Emotionally, why has he been? Yeah, exactly. If that was the case, I don't think he would be so evasive. Yeah, that's true. That's embarrassed. Well, I'm going to say emotionally. Yeah, exactly. If that was the case, I don't think he would be so evasive. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I'll say this, Eliza. I'm from a lot closer than you to Bigfoot country. I'm from Northern California. And really only a few hours drive into the Bigfoot mountains. I have to say, I did not think that Bigfoot had one big foot and one small foot. Though now that I think about it, that could be a possibility. I always just assumed that it was sort of like if an orca came out of the water and stood on its tail. So a single huge foot. Oh, okay. So you thought it had one big foot but then that was it yeah

but the end yeah like jabber job jabber job style yeah i can see that i don't know that for sure no one's confirmed it but i've seen photographs that look real do whales have little teeny tiny hair on them because they are mammals yeah i think so i think they do have a little teeny tiny hair so i think that's part of their classification so maybe this there is some sort of evolutionary path here in in what you're describing from whale to bigfoot yeah interesting i do i don't know if this changes things but i do think the whales only have uh hair on their big old nuts. I don't know if this like changes. Fucking whales are out here swanging nuts. Yeah.

But I mean, they have very small penises, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's what when they say hung like a whale. It means huge, hairy nuts. Tiny little peen. And this is something, I mean, I hear this phrase a lot socially.

Like the stem on a double cherry. Yeah, yeah. And honestly, see, from what I have seen and or heard, I feel like it would not be a tiny dick were it not for the balls. I feel like it's almost an optical, like if they were like regular

like small ish or suitable balls you'd be like well that's that's a regular whale penis but as it is it's not presented well you know i think i'm i think i'm putting together the pieces i think i know why dolphins are so smug it's because their penises are so much bigger than whale penis dolphins do have like terrifying do they what are the penises yeah so much bigger than whale penises. Dolphins do have terrifying penises. Do they? What are the penises? Yeah. They're long. Oh, and they also do rape. A big way that they murder their human friends

is by wrapping a penis around them and dragging them underwater. Is that correct? No, but I don't know. But I think they do rape them to death or close to it yeah but one one dolphin you guys hear that radio about that dolphin that fell in love with that lady and then the lady left and then the dolphin drowned itself by just going to the bottom of the pool no but now i don't need to listen i did not hear that radio okay all right so details of the story also include that the the dolphin lived with the woman in an apartment

that was like had a few feet of water all over the apartment so i remember the whale apartment okay i'm back i'm back i heard this radio lab and so the the dolphin started like jerking itself off on the lady's foot and or maybe hand to i don't know have at it yeah but guys um but they except you quentin you're problematic yeah um but uh and and the lady the lady was like you know what it was just easier to go with it and so the the dolphin very bonded and then they got done with that experiment they're like we lose we lost funding whatever and then the lady got married also which i don't even know if that was a part of it but they did mention it in the story as though like that's that made it worse for the dolphin that like she married well yeah and then

and the dolphin had to find out on facebook the dolphin had exactly like she didn't call and say like hey i've met somebody it was just one of those things he's just opening he's just doom scrolling one day and sees those wedding photos. Just fucking brutal, man. Fucking brutal. Did she Eliza marry for love or just to get access to a dry apartment? No, it was another dolphin with a bigger dick. I now I feel like I don't need to listen to the radio lab because I've heard the whole story. But I am curious about how they're going to use atmospheric sound. So I might actually go back and listen to it just to hear kind of how they're going to use atmospheric sound so i might actually go back

and listen to it just to hear yeah kind of how they sound design this it's you know it's it's pretty uh pretty remarkable yeah you know what i was thinking the other day what this is on the subject of um a dolphin blowing a load on a lady's foot in a wet apartment. Yeah. You know the famous fast food drink, the Baja Blast? This is the Taco Bell's signature Mountain Dew that you can only get at Taco Bell. Yeah. Okay. Blast is a cum word, right? Yeah.

I don't know if it's super popular as a cum word, but- I'm pretty sure it's a cum word. It's a lot like sauce in that sense. Right. Yeah, it does sound like something that happened to someone in a bridal party on vacation. Right. Like, yeah, we went to Mexico.

Heather got a real baha blast. You know? Sounds like something that happens when your octopus wife is letting you do beak stuff. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go It's Jordan Jesse Go, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. A Jordan Morris boy detective. You know, every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is supported by Maximum Funds members. You can become one of Maximum Funds members at MaximumFund.org.

If you're already a member, we salute you. We offer you the Jordan Jesse Goh salute, which is a four- four finger standard salute. And then we stick a middle finger up the nose. Yep. Our signature salute. Yeah. Our fathers were both Navy men and that's how they did it. Yeah. Jordan's father was in the Navy. My father was just blue. Okay. We're also supported this week by the people at Stitch Fix. Okay, this is what Stitch Fix is. This is how it works. This is an internet website, but there's people that live in the website. You tell the people that live in the website what kind of clothes you like, they pick them out for you, they mail them to you. I'm going to tell you this, Jordan. I got myself a Stitch Fix for my

bouncing baby boy, Oscar Thorne. You can get stitch fix for boys? You can get stitch fix for boys if they're bad boys. It says they're bad boys only. And of course, my son Oscar is known as the bad boy of Odyssey Charter School. So I ordered a stitch fix for Oscar. And I got to tell you, not only did they really nail all the things that I asked for, Oscar's favorite color, which is purple, our preference to not have logos and stuff on clothes. But they like sent us a box of stuff. And their deal is that you can return anything that comes in the box of stuff, right? You can just mail it right back.

They give you an envelope even to put it in. We did not return anything. I kept the whole Stitch Fix. I kept the goddamn entire Stitch Fix. Jesse, I know you said Stitch Fix was for bad boys. Well, this bad boy right here pointing at myself, I also got myself a Stitch Fix. Here's what I was thinking. I'm like, hey, you know, stuff's open.

We're going places. Yeah. You need some evening clothes. I need some evening clothes. You need something a little nicer than the gosh darn sweatpants we've all been working in. It's ball season in Vienna. Sure.

sweatpants we've all been working in. It's ball season in Vienna. Sure. I got myself some colorful new kind of summer themed Stitch Fix clothes. They look great. They really fit terrific. I got together with some old friends I hadn't seen in a year and a half. I wore my Stitch Fix, saw my friend at the door. The first thing the friend says to me, not hello, great to see you. The friend said, great shirt. It's the Stitch Fix. One thing that I as a professional menswear guy love about Stitch Fix is that there are a lot of people for whom off the rack clothes fit fine. There's a lot of people in that middle 40% or so for who can just walk into a store and be like, oh yeah, I'm a large and the large always works. But there are also many, many people who, for whatever reason, long arms, big ears, muscular chest. There's a thousand reasons why off-the-rack clothes might fit poorly.

Extra nose. And those people have to spend their whole freaking lives looking for brands that fit them, and then the brands change their fit, and it's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Stitch fakes will find clothes that fit you. They find out about your body and your body shape and they find clothes that fit you. And over the course of a few boxes, they'll lock that in. And that is a service that more people send me emails that put this on about trying to find clothes that fit them. And I was like, I do not have a database of the relative proportions of clothing,

only a vague sense. Stitch Fix does have a database of the relative proportions of clothing. And the folks there who pick your clothes will send you clothes that fit you. And that is like such a service. You pay just a $20 styling fee for each box, which gets credited toward the pieces you keep, and there are no hidden fees ever. Stitch Fix, we've both had great experiences with it. It's a service we recommend, and you can get started today at stitchfix.com slash jjgo, and you get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix.

Fix. Stitchfix.com slash JJ Go. We're also supported this week by the good folks at Weaver Leather. I will tell you it is summertime right now, Jordan. My number one favorite camp activity, and of course, loyal listeners know I'm talking about St. Dorothy's Rest, the Episcopalian summer camp in Northern California. Was it Rest, the Episcopalian summer camp in Northern California. Was it going to the state fair? Absolutely not.

Was it whitewater rafting? No, frankly, I hated that. Was it kayaking? No, I was certain I would drown. Was it singing Christian songs? One-tenth soldier's pretty sad. What it was was leather tooling. Leather tooling. That's where you get a blank belt wet and then you put stamps into it of different deers and stuff.

Deer, eagle, snake, whatever you want. A little pattern. That's the kind of stuff you can get from Weaver Leather. Like last time I talked about how you can get from weaver leather like last time i talked about how you can buy a blank belt for a really good price and that is like an insider menswear secret that you can just buy a really nice full grain leather belt from weaver leather and just put a buckle on it you can even get buckles from weaver leather but if you're looking for a project if you're looking for a fun thing to do weaver leather will sell you uh a really cool kit for leather working they sent to us jordan you got a a wallet kit right yeah i got a couple different wallet kits really excited to try this really excited to make my own wallet again i'm just Again, all my money's just crumpled up in an old Cheetos bag.

My credit cards, my passport. I'm just shoving it in this Cheetos bag that has, frankly, seen better days. You know, Jordan, in San Antonio, you can go to a food truck. They'll give you a crumpled up Cheetos bag full of money, and they just put cheese sauce and jalapenos on there, and you eat it with a fork. Frito pie, they call it. I think it's Fritos. Oh, thank you. But same thing. It's not crumpled up bills. My problem is my money's covered in chili, Jesse. That's what I'm trying to say here,

is my money is covered in chili. But thanks to Weaver Leather, I'm going to make my own wallet such a cool project I gave one of these things away as a gift it was a huge hit Weaver Leather, this stuff is really cool they are a long time supplier to professionals, hobbyists and DIY crafters, they strive to be an online resource not just for supplies

tools and materials but also valuable tips and easy to follow project tutorials that's what's great about this, look maybe you're one of these people tools and materials, but also valuable tips and easy to follow project tutorials. That's what's great about this. Look, maybe you're one of these people who already has one of those terrifying hook knives you use to cut leather. Maybe you're already weaving baskets or whatever, but even if you're not, they have cool kits with instructions on how to get started. And at the end of it, you're like, they have cool kits with instructions on how to get started. And at the end of it, you're like, holy cow, I made a cool belt. I actually really like

this. So hit up Weaver Leather. If you're interested in giving leather crafting a try, it's weaverleathersupply.com slash JJGO, weaverleathersupply.com slash jj go and you get 10 off your first order with weaver leather supply so uh hit them up and and tell them we sent you um i you look there's all kind of stuff you can make out of you can make out of leather old-timey football helmet sure um a wrap for an artificial leg something sexy to spice up the old marriage. Yeah, spice up your marriage with Weaver Leather. That's weaverleathersupply.com slash JJGO for 10% off your first spicy order. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you

it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective eliza skin, rude dude with a bad attitude. Yeah, she is. A real Michelangelo type. Can I ask you guys a question about Return of the Mack?

Sure. You're never disappointed to hear that song come on, right? Yeah. Fucking always sounds good. I know what you mean, Jesse. And I know it is like a,

you know, a classic, you know, like 90s R&B jam. It was what was playing at our dance when jackie brookman was hit by the train so for me personally it has it has some baggage but yeah yeah but i understand how you know like others are like oh yeah oh that was fun you know yeah i can understand that i am do you think that there was ever a time where Mac Tonight considered using Return of the Mac for his McDonald's campaign? Instead of Mac the Knife?

Yeah. Yeah, I can see an edgy urban Mac Tonight. Yeah, Return of the Mac Tonight, maybe? This is interesting because this is great stuff. And I know we have segments to get to, but I think this is great stuff and I know we have segments to get to but I think this is more important and again this is something that you that you can pull out you know anytime someone is saying

you know the Beatles were overrated at a party you should pull this out I think this could be one of those things where it's like when Mac Tonight debuted it was the same year distance from Mac the Knife as if you rebooted him now was the same you know year distance from mac the knife as if you rebooted him now probably the same amount of years or a similar distance between return of the mac what

so i mean the noid is back well is the noid back though i feel like yes everybody's talking about the noid where have you been no they want us to talk about the Noid. No one's taking the bait. I'm doing it. I'm talking Noid all the time. Can I tell you something about the Noid? Put some aviator sunglasses and some big, shiny, pearly whites on there, and you got President Joe Biden. Oh, see, I thought you were going for Maverick from Top Gun this time.

Yeah. Well, either way. On another tangent. time. Yeah. Well, either way. Either way. On another tangent. Yes. Yeah. I think for me also, a song that I kind of group with that song is Get It On Tonight by Montel Jordan.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I feel like that song is unfortunately overshadowed by This Is How We Do It. Right. Yeah, well, This Is How We Do It is probably Montel Jordan's signature hit.

I would say he's secondarily known as the worst host of Soul Train. I didn't even know he hosted Soul Train. He did host Soul Train for a while. Extraordinarily tall, Montel Jordan. Montel Jordan's like 6'7 or something. So was there a time when there were two shows hosted by Montels on TV? Yeah, I think that's true. I think that's absolutely correct. That was the golden age of television Montels. Yeah. Big, big time for Montels. Yeah. Uh, how about this,

Eliza? You know, we had a lot of segments on our show that our listeners love. So many that, um, we have thought of using our own creativity and not laziness industry, that's the word I'm looking for, that we just ask our callers to let us know what segment they're calling in for when they call in. More segments than a millipede, am I right? Yeah, thank you very much. Yep. Thank you very much. Huge taints on those things. Huge taints on millipedes. Incredible taints. Oh, yeah. And you know what? You wouldn't notice how big the taint was if the bottle and the dick weren't so small.

Those dudes, a third taint. Sorry, go ahead. Let's see. Millipede taint. Got that. Okay, go ahead and play a call, Brian. Taint the legs, taint the face. The rest, all taint. Hi, it taint the face. The rest all taint.

Hi, Jordan and Jesse Guest calling in with your newest segment, Things I Must Do to Put My Kids to Sleep. The newest thing I have to do to put my child to sleep is hand her 21 books in order and then she will rub every single book on her butt. So, thanks a lot. Love the show.

Bye. What books do you think they are? Sure. Everyone poops. Right. Well, I just hope they're not heavy, because that's a lot of work. I mean, 21 books in order? Excuse me, Jesse. In this house, the only books excuse me jesse in this house the only books we rub on our butt yeah it's the bible do you think you could use a kindle oh if it had the bible on

it yeah then yes how many books are in the bible i mean with 21 do you have to get into the dead sea scrolls and whatnot right yeah it's got to be eight to 10 at least. The Gnostic Bible. Yeah, those are the ones with fun stuff. Yeah. What's the butt pun for a Bible book? Help me out on this one, guys. What are we? A bubble butt?

A Bible butt? Yeah, I guess I'm looking for like, you know, I was gonna say like, oh, 1 Corinthians, like number two Corinthians. That like doesn't quite work though. Do you kind of see where I'm? Pooperonomy?

Yeah, pooperonomy is probably it. That's probably as good as we're going to do. I was just going to suggest the Gospel of John's butt. Hey, well, I think the Gospel of John works. That kind of works. Yeah. You know what? If you've got a good...

Do you have a label? No. Yeah, that's... Yeah. If you've got a good Bible book butt pun, tweet them at Pontiff. Yeah, let the Pope know. He needs a good laugh. He just had a surgery, you know.

Yeah. Laughter is the best medicine. The man loves butts. There's no question about it. Butts and liberation theology, those are kind of his things. Here's another call. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse.

Hi, guest. This is Maya from St. Paul calling into your signature segment, Friends of Chip Dibson and Dip Dobson. I just got an email newsletter from my office building today introducing me to featured member kip nipple anyway love the show bye yeah i mean look she was pretty proud of herself at the beginning i kind of turned against maya i'm not gonna lie because she was already giggling right up top i'm like come on maya how good can this be and then she said friends of chip dips and dip top. I'm like, come on, Maya, how good can this be? And then she said, friends of Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson. I'm like, look, not everybody can cash in on the Dipson

Dobson craze. You know, like even we are just copying from, I think it was Jordan's friend from high school. Oh God. I don't even remember where Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson came from. I honestly think it was a friend of yours from high school. Sure. Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson came from. I honestly think it was a friend of yours from high school. Sure. Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson. So, yes. Yeah, we owe Hector Fernandez a royalty check for all the Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson merch we've sold over the years.

I've met Hector. Nice guy. What do you have? Like koozies or stuff? Yeah, mostly koozies. Good season for those. Yeah, you guys have any koozie bible puns no i got nothing i listen i'm looking at it i'm looking at a list right now of the books of the

bible not a lot of butt puns you can do with these things uh psalms they they wrote it that way on purpose yeah i think they did too i think too many kids were goofing on it and they're like listen we're gonna we'll we'll give themoo-ronomy everything else change it oh that's better than what i said what did you say i said poop-a-ronomy oh yeah doodoo-ronomy is much better yeah that's good as you're gonna get perfect nice i don't know it's not up there with the the gospel of matthew's butt right yeah to shironomy to shironomy yeah nodoo is better. Yeah. Let's take another call. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse.

Hey, Go. This is Brad P. from MJ calling in for your famous segment of things I discovered while loading UPS trailers at 2 in the morning. at 2 in the morning. So today I was going through and getting a whole bunch of boxes, obviously because we're loading trailers, and then there are all these boxes of books. Boxes of books are fucking heavy. But fortunately I was going through and I looked,

there was a big sticker on the side, and it says, Contains Bubble by Jordan Morris. So today I loaded multiple boxes going to Ohio containing copies of Bubble by Jordan Morris. I was extremely proud. Yeah. You're welcome. You're welcome, Buckeyes. Yeah, I mean, you know, I'd feel bad if I didn't, you know, mention that I think it was kind of shitty of that informational sticker not to include the rest of the creative team.

You know, so I think that, you know, I'm going to call that warehouse. There should be more shout outs for it, you mean? Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, Sarah Morgan, Tony Cliff, Natalie Reese. I mean, all of these people, they're on the cover, you know, like let's, let's, let's get them onto the shipping stickers because that's just good PR there. You know, there's PR value in being on a shipping sticker. And that's great. And I just like,

I'm really just excited that the people of Ohio will have something to rub on their kids' butts to get them to sleep. I'm excited that you get to make 20 more bubbles. You already signed that contract, huh? Yes, yeah, it has to be. I mean, that can't be that hard. Usually like one breath, you get like six or seven, right? Yeah, yeah.

Can I, a quick bubble is coming out soon story to share with everybody. This is kind of fun. I would love to hear this. Now this is Jordan. Love it, do it. Just so everyone knows, Jordan co-wrote and created the upcoming graphic novel, Bubble. Or I guess as our listeners hear this, it will be available in stores as you go ahead and buy it.

In stores now. So I got to do a little pre-order thing with one of my favorite bookstores out here um book soup so the idea was that if you pre-ordered it from book soup i would come in and sign it and then you know ship it out to wherever uh a lot of a lot of great max funsters did that it was really cool great to support um it's a great indie bookstore it's been there forever they had a tough time during the pandemic and you know really nice to be able to, you know, support a cool, um, you know, a cool local business that I've enjoyed since before I lived in LA, just a great place. And, Jordan, are you willing to sign the paper plates, uh, that those hamburgers come on where the lady

from the hamburger store draws a little picture on them? Oh yeah, sure yes once irv's reopens um yes i will do like sonja hong does and sign sign your paper plate very very regional reference uh hyper hyper local that's what we're i don't even get it i don't know we got outside of pasadena so we're making some kind of stretching our wings. Some jokes about another burger place that's not pie and burger. Yeah, let's do some about Alhambra now. Yeah. So, you know, it was real fun. I got to go in there and do the signing. And there's a nice, you know, BookSoup employee, Dan was helping me out. Dan kind of coordinates all that special stuff. And so Dan was kind of helping me out. And you know, like a lot of them had just like a signature, but then some people wanted a special message.

And Dan was helping me like figure out which ones needed the special message. And just hearing this nice bookstore employee have to like parse all our inside joke bullshit. Just this nice guy go like, and this next one make it out to Jose Canseco. And this next one, make it out to Jose Canseco. Just not knowing what was going on. Also of note, BookSoup has, it's right there. It's right there on the Sunset Strip. So obviously they do have some celebrity clientele that use Book and you know like that use book soup for their like signings and stuff like that yeah slash is just walking up and down the street right so yeah

slash is constantly just pacing back and forth in front of the store whenever lemmy's ghost has a new book um and so like our bubble pre-orders were right next to Sharon Stone's pre-orders. So Sharon Stone's pre-orders were like on the same table. Now, I said this online before. Yes. Sharon Stone should have her own oral history. Like where it's very little Sharon Stone. It's just all the other people who have interacted with Sharon Stone.

Like the SNL book, it should be like that. But like, okay, so yeah, she walked into the audition and she was wearing a fedora on top of a fedora and she said that it had to do with the character and she just started smoking and then she put it out on our copy of the script. And we had to give her casino, you she is the character yeah so i'll say this and i i'm a big fan of sharon stone and i'm glad that i think i wrote her a rap re oh for uh on uh on

the late late show uh they were surprised that she was single because she had come on and talked about how she was single and so when she came, they wanted to do a rap about trying to get her a boyfriend. So it's mostly Corden did most of the rapping, but she sang the refrain, which was I'm Sharon Stone, bitch. And I had to leave that day during the taping. I couldn't stay for the whole thing, but I was like, please, just whatever you do. This was the thing I fought for all the time on that show on drop the bike everything please do not put a white person in 1980s rap gear it's gonna it's kind of it's kind of a minstrel show when you do that like it's not what rap looks like now and whatever you do please

do not give her a jesus piece or a grill and as soon as I walked out the door, she was like, I want a grill! And that's what she got. And a Jesus piece. Skinner's gone! Get the grill! Pretty much. Yeah, yeah. They're like, put some gold in her teeth. It'll be hilarious. Ha ha! Other people's culture. Well, I don't know if this has any bearing on what

I'm about to say. I don't know if this will affect how you feel about this one way or the other. But, you know, so our books are there, the bubble books are there, next to Sharon Stone's stack of books. You know, it's pre-orders. We fucking crushed Stone.

We crushed Stone. This is not even close. Wait, wait, wait. And this is just book soup pre-orders book soup that's stone town yeah that's that's yeah we fucking eat stone in her backyard you rolled the fuck in from pasadena right like get ready pal yeah you know what i'm saying i'm coming for you because it's not even gonna compare yeah who are you taking down

next jordan to me more i don't know i'm looking at the 90s divas yeah whitney houston's ghost has it coming i would never i would never take down whitney houston's ghost's book it was a gift should i write sandra bullock's book i have opportunity to, but I feel like if I just did it. I think you could sell that. Yeah, sure. Just kind of off the top of my head. Because she's probably kind of swamped right now. Right?

And she would have a fun sense of humor about it. If I was like, I came up with the three shells, you know, she'd be like, sure. Right. A lot of the famous jokes from Demolition Man were her improv riffs. Yeah. So like the set, the props, people had to go out and buy them. And everybody else kept being like, well, for real, what does it mean? And I was like, I'll never tell.

So that became a thing where like I would run into the crew and we would all go at each other. And we knew we were talking about the shells. And then you should end the book with Sandy saying, she's like, and by the way, I do actually shit into seashells. That's what it meant. I actually do that. I really do it.

So if you find a seashell on the beach, there's a good chance. Just hold it up to your ear and listen for my shits. And you might hear me shitting. That's what I call the blind side. Does that mean anything well no but hope does float deuteronomy 2 13 i have a i'm gonna need a grill related update which is i believe it was last week on the program i talked about porky pig's rap right uh from the movie space jam is this the

new space jam this is the new space jam space jam 2 not in space i'll be honest i have not seen either it was berated by my writers on drop the mic for that i was like haven't seen them i'm not into basketball and one of my writers roan who's who's like a battle rapper, the most animated I'd ever seen him was like, it's not about basketball. It's about relationships. And I was like, wow. Okay. I mean, I guess in a way every movie is, but he was like, no, especially this one. And I was like, I did not mean to hit a nerve. I am sorry. I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that he's a couple years younger than us. He is a couple years younger than us. He's a barstool guy. Okay. Oh, wow.

And I think when you get a job there, they make you watch Space Jam until you get the whole culture of the place. So the main focus of my hot takes on this battle rap scene starring porky pig oh it's a battle rap yeah oh it's a battle rap yeah who is he battling um i couldn't quite tell who who was he is it is it an nba player please tell me it's an nba was there it's not steph curry or Was he possibly battling LeBron? That's possible. Oh, wow. I don't know much about basketball, but I can't imagine him engaging.

I feel like he'd just be like, I'm kind of above this. I don't need to do this. If I know, if I'm getting the premise of this new one right, it's that they kind of get sucked into the internet where they kind of interact with all the other Warner Brothers properties. So, you know, like anything you know like anything that's like a lawnmower man yeah it's a kind of a lawnmower man so like ellen so ellen yeah i was just gonna say could porky pick be rapping against an ent from lord of the rings maybe i think that's possible yeah i would like it if it was ellen that would as a giant tree monster from Lord of the Rings.

So this is just a quick update. Porky Pig obviously is, you know, there was a good part, which is when he went, and gave a really elegantly transition from his famous stutter into, you know. Just flawless bars. Flawless DJ sounds. Oh, I know. Just flawless bars. Flawless DJ sounds. Oh, I see. I see. Yes.

Which was fine. I was surprised at how well executed that was. I was like, well, you know, whoever plays Porky Pig is probably good at voice acting, you know. I was surprised that it was on, that he was rapping over the flavor in your ear beat but more than that i was surprised at just like how how much of a let's just give him a grill they were doing just like he was wearing a puffer vest that's the thing yeah i remember being in a

meeting for that bit and the the you know one of the guys in charge was like right okay so um putting her in in like a uh an adidas track suit yeah you know rap stuff and i was like um i'm so i'm so sorry uh that's not really what people wear anymore um like in rap videos and they're like what are you talking about and i was like well um well for instance and i showed them showed them some nikki minaj some some video that she had done with uh dj khaled and i was like see look just fun jackets everybody's in fun jackets it's not like they they're just like stylish and they were like oh okay and then um because at first the uh like some of the other people in the team were like

no it's got to be this and i was like no it really doesn't it's not what things look like now and if we're gonna if we're gonna parody an art firm we should show some sort of knowledge about it that like we care enough about it to have watched it and listen to it not just be like we have no idea about this yeah it's like when people parody rock music and they just give everybody a giant pompadour and a ducktail exactly like no one is doing that so um you know i'm not as clued into hip hop cultures, the two of you, but I have in multiple circumstances had to speak up and say, like, if we need the name of a rapper, don't just put MC before something. I don't think people do that anymore. Oh, even I so I used to have to send out a little email for my rap battle when I was just like producing my own live on stage rap battle for comedians. And it would be like, please, if you could rap under your own name, if you want an MC name, you can give it to me. Side note, it does not have to have MC at the beginning of it.

Most of them do not at this point. And it should definitely not have DJ in front of it. Because DJ is a different job. And you would be shocked at how many people were like, I'm DJ doggy daddy. I'm DJ down in the dumps and i'm like well why are you rapping then if you're the dj why are you but anyway so in this in this production meeting i'm like i'll sit and they're like you know the chain and i was like um well but actually uh well i mean you could but please just don't do the and the uh the guy in charge was like right okay well i guess this meeting is over liza's called me racist so i guess we're done now wow and i'm like you know what i worked really hard to not call you racist yeah and you are racist

i mean you said it not me yeah although you did mention dj doggy daddy doggy daddy warner brother's character that could be appearing alongside Porky Pig in that rap scene, along with Jabberjaw, who we mentioned earlier. Wait, no, that's Hannah Barbera. I think Warner Brothers owns all that Hannah Barbera stuff now. Really? Yeah. They should be having a lot more fun with that.

Hannah Barbera is kooky. You know who's the new voice of Jabberjaw is Nicole Thurman, who we had on the show a couple weeks ago. Really? And she's not doing it like Curly from the Three Stooges. Really? Which is what his voice was like in the cartoon. Oh yeah.

Yeah. That's very fun. I like that. It is fun. Yeah. Good for her. I was like stoked when I heard that. I always really,

really wanted to watch Jabberjaw and I didn't have cable. And like I had friends, like there was King's Dominion at very close to where I grew up in Richmond. And they had all the Hanna-Barbera characters where like the kids area was like the Scooby Coaster and the Yogi, whatever. And so they had Jabberjaw stuff over there

and I had never seen it. And I was like fascinated. I was like, this guy's a bunny shark. That's all my stuff come on that's exactly what i want to be a part of those are the two things i meant and being a shark just like i always wish that eddie murphy had more sets of teeth behind his front set of teeth you know yeah they did x-ray eddie murphy's stomach and find a license plate and a barrel of nails though well but that's more about that's more about human um negligence of our ocean exactly thank you thank you thank you yeah don't just throw things in the water yeah you just full of those bendy straws so sad

this is the clarification that i want to make, Eliza Skinner should have written the rap for Porky Pig. Yes. There's no doubt about that. And I want to stipulate that. There's no question. A comedy genius slash rapper slash rap comedy writer, Eliza Skinner. I mean, if you look at the people that I've written for a lot. Number one, Sharon Stone. Well, no, I mean, Sharon Stone, James Corden was the one who actually did most of the wrapping on that. So that was more of a feature on the hook that Sharon Stone did. Yes, that's exactly what it was.

So this is what I found out on the Internet. And as few people texted me that apparently Merz from the Living Legends. Merz wrote it? Wrote Porky Pig's rap for the movie Space Jam 2. Well, then it's got to be great. I love Merz. He worked for us on Drop the Mic. He was one of our rap coaches.

A great rapper. I'm glad he had that job. I'm glad he got the job on Space Jam 2. The bars were weak. I'm not going to the job on Space Jam 2. The bars were weak. I'm not going to lie, Merce. You're a great rapper. Maybe they should have hired the Grouch and Eli to write that. Well, okay.

So I can speak to his defense just generally within the industry then. Because you get notes from people who do not know what they are talking about. They don't understand where the punchlines are. They don't the meter the rhymes the flow any of it they're just like they'll be like can you make porky say this it's too much nobody gets that can you and it's just like it just gets watered down and watered down and watered down and so it's constantly a game of like can we make this thing live where my work gets to actually be out there? And then maybe it leads to me getting another job that's even cooler.

Or am I going to be like, Porky Pig needs to be intelligent and hard as rocks and have fire bars. You know, like- I bet it was just a constant fight of whoever was writing that. Does he have to say hard pass? Does he have to say hard pass? Everyone just wants me to get him to say hard pass.

Yeah. I spent a lot of time in hallways with Burns, waiting for different celebrities to be ready to go over their rap verses um and he's a real fun nice smart cool fella so I'm sure he was like how can I give them how can I give them what they want do you think MERS is too nice for the job do you think we should have brought in you know somebody really tough ludicrous Lil Fame or something yeah yeah i think little fame from mop would have given some fucking rock hard verses to porky pig yeah i don't i i don't know you know get throw it throw it to a soundcloud kid you know make porky pig break the new sound you want

porky pig mumble rapping yeah yeah i do that kind of rap where they're kind of talking and kind of rapping yeah and they're just like rhythmically saying the same word over and over. And it's not even like really a whole lyric. You want this battle beat produced by Clams Casino. Is that what you're telling me, Eliza? You want, you want cloud rap on this? Sure. I want it to still alienate white people is what I want. And if it's too catchy, too hooky, it's not going to do that. Like we need to have something out there that still says,

hey, this isn't for you. You can enjoy it, but it's not completely yours. You don't own this. Oh, one of my favorite social media personalities is the wonderful media maker and social justice activist, Jay Smooth. Known him forever, brilliant guy. And one of the things about Jay is he's wonderful on Facebook. I'd say he's my, other than maybe John Darnielle at the Mountain Ghost, top Facebooker. And one of the reasons I hang around that platform. And Jay posts about all kinds of stuff.

But one of the things is that he actually buys the pay-per-views of battle rappers battle rapping so there are like people might not know this but in the past 10-15 years battle rap has been has gone from a thing that rappers do when they get mad at each other uh into that kind of thing that you saw eminem do in eight mile into basically deaf poetry jam with people calling each other gay yeah yeah and honestly even before i'll before like rappers when they're mad well i guess that was really like battle rap is where rap started sure like it started people kind of battle rapping over disco beats right back in the bronx um but yeah so when we started drop the mic you know i'd been producing my own rap battle a comedy rap battle for comedians improv rapping like uh for for a decade at that point and And one of the other people involved in it

wanted to do it with no beat, like these battle rappers you're talking about, these slam poet rappers. Yeah. And I was like, if we do this without a beat, the TV audience is going to think they're watching Poetry Night and they're not going to be into that.

And it's not going to come across. And he was like, oh, we got to stay true to the battle scene. And I'm like, if you're telling them it's rap, we need a beat to it. Sorry, we need a beat. That's when you brought in Clams Casino. And I did. I brought in Clams Casino. But the cartoon character Clams Casino, which who is a clam.

Yeah. Who is dealing cards, dealing blackjack. Yeah. And DJing. So, yeah. No, I brought in a beatboxer because they can respond easily to the performer and work with them. Okay, guys. Let's take a quick break.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. Hello, I'm Riley Smurl. back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. are things like Archie comics, Sailor Moon, and lots of Taylor Swift. And now that Riley is an adult, it comes with a hundred percent more butts. And now I am totally comfortable with it. So check out new episodes of still buffering every Thursday on maximum fun.org. Butts, butts, butts,

join in Riley. Butts, butts, butts, butts, butts, butts, butts,

butts, butts, butts, butts, butts, butts. Hey, it's John Moe. And look, these are challenging times for our mental and emotional health.

I get it. That's why I'm so excited for my new podcast, Depress Mode. We're tackling depression, anxiety, trauma, stress, the kinds of things that are just super common but don't get talked about nearly enough. Conversations that are illuminating, honest, and sometimes pretty funny, with folks like Kelsey Dara, Dope and Mike Eagle, and Patton Oswalt. Humphrey Bogart was never in therapy. And then my dad said, yeah, but he smoked a carton of cigarettes a day. So he was in therapy.

Plus psychiatrists, psychologists, and all kinds of folks. On Depressed Mode, we're working together, learning, helping each other out. We're a team. Join our team. Depressed Mode for maximum fun, wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective eliza skinner rude dude with a boo attitude it's about my dog that time okay so we are live streaming the video of our recording here to our facebook fans congrats what a thrill thank you our thanks to val moffitt for sending it out using computers um we did have a listener named kendall suggest ecclesiastes

so that's settled yeah that's about as i think that's listen we can close the book on this good book the good book thank. The good book. The good book. Thank you. The only book that matters. I have a question, Jesse Thorne. How far did you go considering that you yourself could be a rapper? Because I can't help thinking that you must have for at least five seconds. So the only time I have ever rapped.

Here's the thing. So the only time I have ever rapped, here's the thing. If I was five or seven years younger, now white people have no shame about rapping. Young white men. There's a pitcher on the Giants named Tyler Beattie who had an entire recorded his own rap songs as Young Bita. Were they like educational raps, though though like about how like chlorophyll works about fire safety uh young beta i think they were i think they did have a little bit of inspirational to them oh okay believe in yourself see your therapist back that ecclesiastes up i don't know but i really came from an era where if you were going to be a white guy rapping you

really had to overcome a lot of cultural baggage to do it in public you're but you're in college i'll remember i don't know tell tales tell tales jordan spot here but your party trick was wrapping the entire crisscross sprite commercial oh well jordan what's that in your hand is it the s to the p r i t e can yeah there you go crisscross was one of my first uh concerts oh yeah i've told you that yeah with um chiali and um and mc light mc light opening for crisscross i never saw them live but it was one of my first tapes was crisscross i like the song about missing the bus oh never ever ever do again i never missed the bus guys i was a punctual child i gotta tell you this so okay we've got to wrap this show up but first i have a crisscross thought which is when you go to the

flea market there's all these young people who wear 90s clothes. But do they wear them backwards? So I would love to see that. But they also play 90s rap music out of these booths that are selling like $600 Sade t-shirts, right? And it's fine. It's great. Mostly they're just playing whatever, Benita Applebum or something. You're like, oh yeah, it's one of of the great songs i'm happy to hear that song anytime right the other day some i think jump came on in one of these places and i was listening to it and i was like oh is this a hit song because it's kind of good i mean it is like that hook yeah what's the leg what's the legacy of crisscross? Are they like- I think one of them died.

Isn't that all that's left? Yeah, one of them died. It's a sad legacy. But in response to your question about have I ever rapped, I did. So because I went to arts high school, I took a class called introduction to the arts that was supposed to be like everyone had their own arts discipline that they did in the afternoon. But in introduction to the arts class, you did everyone's arts discipline.'s arts discipline oh so you dabble yeah you learn to make a painting you go one iana two iana three iana four iana um etc etc and then at the end of the year

the class split into groups and made their own operas. And because I was always kind of checked out and bored in school, as a goof, I pitched that we should do an opera about, I looked up on the internet the entire narrative of all the Parliament Funkadelic records, because they have a whole narrative to them about Dr. Funkenstein and Sir Nose Devoy to Funk and all this stuff, right? And I just printed out from my gopher search or whatever, this webpage with no graphics on it

that just listed the cosmology of P-Funk. And because everyone else's idea was a real idea, my idea was one of the winners. And so I ended up being Dr. Funkenstein in that. And I did not write my verses. There was a lot of people at my high school who were actual rappers. And so yeah, my verse was written for me by Braz. But I do remember that it was- You did try it out. Yeah. Dr. Funkenstein from the outer space ward at the funky hospital where the nurses never board because he fucks the nurses yeah no i got that yeah that that was or at least fingered on something it seemed like something to keep

him entertained bend over for your injection of the super outer space funk erection i believe was the next line oh you believe you know i believe that you know look we'd have to go to the tape so wait how is that supposed to sell sprite uh not every rap sells sprite come on some of them sell dominoes that's true when it's coming out of the noid yeah um i had the same thing people frequently been like why don't you what even hers actually was like when's your album coming out and i'm like i don't think the world needs another white girl rapper yeah but you know you could have been princess superstar eliza you know god knows you could have been northern state made an album with quest love could have been iggy azalea um yeah first things first just got to meet ti at the right time eliza that's what i mean that's

what every kid thinks yeah okay look this is the end of the show eliza what's going on with you buddy um i'm hosting a live streaming late night show uh next friday the 15th that'll be probably this will have come out oh cool then everybody you should listen to it or not listen to it watch it it's on nowhere comedy it's my own late night show i've always wanted to have a late night show um and so this is my big opportunity i've got um great guests i've got a parna nancherla yasser lester um jamie loftus maybe a little cameo from mr brian henson all kinds of stuff happening who knows merce might stop by wow who books that me it's me i book it it's my fans and uh my sidekick is of course

my dog boogery jones yeah that sounds pretty dope get with it yeah it should be nowhere comedy is that where people can find it yeah and i will put yeah. And I will put up a link to the tickets on the old Jordan Jessigo Facebook page. So I'll throw that up. And yeah, so check it out. Eliza is the funniest person. Aw. Jordan, you got anything going on this week?

Nope. Hey. Just a little old book coming out. No, yeah, the book's coming out. I feel, listen, I'm self-conscious. I know we've been talking your ear off about the book. I've been fucking posting about the book on social media to the point where no one cares about it anymore.

I get it. I get it. I get it. No. This is when the fucking fish hits the fire, Jordan. Okay. Look, here, I'll do it. I'll do it.

Look, you've heard about Bubble. You listen to the, unless this is your first time listening, in which case, I'm here, I'll do it. I'll do it. Look, you've heard about Bubble. You listen to the, unless this is your first time listening, in which case, I'm sorry, I've been unhinged. But really, you know about Bubble. Maybe you've been waiting. Maybe you've been like, oh yeah, I gotta get that.

I do love Jordan. I should pre-order it at some point. Now's the time. Yeah. This is it. Time's running out. You got your phones in your hand, probably. Pick it up.

Go do that. He worked really hard on it. Eliza's going to send Merz after you if you don't. I will, too. Yeah. No, he's really nice. He'll probably just have a soda with you. From the living legends.

You know what? I'm going to send the grouch and Eli after you. Yeah, that's right he's leaving his home in hawaii i think the grouch is a nice man you know i i produced i produced a segment with mers on fuel tv back in the day i can confirm he is a nice guy real funny off the cuff great sweet guy jordan are you gonnaigeon John after people who don't? Yeah, sure. The other rapper that I've produced a segment with. We all know one underground rapper from Southern California. Let's send them all after him.

Open my Kegel, right? Yeah. It's my Kegel. Seriously, here's the deal, Jordan, Jessica, go fans. If you're not going to order, Bubble, what the fuck are you even doing listening to this fucking show? What are you doing? Yeah, I mean, come on. You like it.

Look, if you're illiterate, you get a pass. Except for that there's hella pictures in this thing. And the pictures are fucking great by Tony Cliff. Look at the pictures. And here's this. You know, maybe you listened to the audio version. Maybe you heard me voice Annie, one of the characters. Maybe you're like, did they get it right? No one's going to tell you until you pick up the book. You got to get the book to compare it. Is that what my voice sounded like to you?

And a lot of people say to me, Jesse, I want to support Jordan. I want to support his incredible creative endeavor that just received perhaps the most effusive review from a major comics publication I've ever read that said it was their favorite book of the year. Chock full of jokes. And then they say, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to ask my local library to order it. Yeah, that'd be great. And you know what I'm going to say to those people, Jordan? Great job. Good work.

Do ask your local library to order it. Of course. You know what else i'm gonna tell them get your fucking act together and order two or three yourself sure give me your friends give your mom one or else what are you even fucking doing here hey if you've got a teen in your life who seems like they're maybe getting a little off the path you know they're directionless they don't know what's up and what's down. Yeah.

And they need something to be kind of their guiding light there, North Star. Get them bubbling. Yeah. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of kids out there who need their Buffy. Right. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And that's this book. Can I say something else, Eliza? Yeah. If there's an uncle in your life who seems like they're getting off track, okay, maybe this uncle isn't as healthy as he could be. Sure. He's not taking care of himself. Eating too many goddamn beans. He doesn't know when to stop. If this uncle's eating nothing but goddamn beans. It's not a full meal. It doesn't matter what he says he reads at the internet. It's not a whole meal.

You know what's going to happen if this uncle comes over to your house, eats all your goddamn beans? He's going to run off and jump a train. Legumes aren't easy on the esophagus. You know what I mean? The intestines aren't going to like all those legumes. And you know what it's gonna come out as a bunch of fucking uncle farts that's what it's gonna come out as so i guess what i'm saying is

he's gonna be in the bathroom for a long time you gotta have reading material in there by bubble by bubble there you go see that made sense that made perfect sense yeah it, it's out. I'm really proud of it. I'm really, really glad we got to do it. I think it turned out so great. You know, I worked with the coolest people on it and it was so much fun. And hey, if you like the podcast, there's an all new episode out,

a very Eliza heavy episode that we recorded at SF Sketch Fest a couple of years back. So that's there in the bubble feed. If you want another, uh, in continuity episode of bubble featuring, I'm going to say this very good Eliza performance. Yes.

Jesse, I'm going to offer a moment of sincerity here and say, Jordan is very proud of this book. He's proud of this book for good reason. Cause he's fucking great. He's proud of this book for good reason because it's fucking great. I am both proud of Jordan for doing the thing that he loves, that he aspired to maybe most of anything, which is both to make his own thing and to get to write a comic book. Two dreams that I know Jordan has had the entire time that we've worked together. Make his own comedy thing that is a real thing.

And to write comics. Those are two dreams that he has always had. And not only am I proud of Jordan. I am proud that I am friends with Jordan. Who made this amazing thing. So I'm proud of my friend for achieving his dreams. And I am proud to know him because his shit is so good. Ah, shucks pal.

And I can go around and tell people that's my friend jordan wrote that fucking comic book me too thank you thanks so much guys thanks so much and you guys have been so supportive of it i mean it's that the whole the thing is a thing because of the two of you the only reason that uh it's a thing is because of how cool and talented and supportive you guys are well and look we can we can keep telling you how great we think it is, but I do think that the thing to drive home here is, I am sure, because I do it, you think you're going to order it later.

Yeah. Do it right now. Do it now. Do it right now. You're going to be annoyed with yourself later. You're going to be like, oh man, I should have done it. I said I was going to, and then I didn't. Just do it.

And then I got hit by a train. Yeah, and that's going to bring back a lot of bad memories for Jordan. I can't handle that right now. I'm too fragile. If you bring one of these books over to your uncle's house, Oh, God. do not light a match, because just don't light it. Just that's my advice to you.

Because it's explosive comedy. Yeah. Yeah. That's how funny it is. Okay. Our producer on the show, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez, Valerie Moffat, sending it into the Internet of Space video. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them.

You can find us on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris at Jesse Thorne. Eliza, you're just at Eliza Skinner, right? I'm just at Eliza Skinner. Fucking Eliza Skinner is so fucking funny on Twitter. She's one of these people who's so funny on Twitter that influencers keep stealing her tweets. A big problem for Eliza is people stealing her jokes because they're too good. So go follow Eliza Skinner on Twitter.

You can also tweet about the show. We love it. I mean, look, we know that this is a dense and intricate web of semi-jokes that are just allusions to other semi-jokes from seven years ago, But that doesn't mean new people can't listen to it. So tweet about the show and use the hashtag JJGo. Or just share what you think about this week's show or a thought you had about this week's show. Or your, you know, your Bible butt words. Yeah.

Hashtag it JJGo on Twitter. We'll find it. We'll check it out. We'll probably fucking fave your tweet. We don't give a shit. Yeah, whatever. I don't even care if it's good. I'll click on star just because I'm excited anyone cares.

You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo, where we have lately been streaming our shows. It's going fine. It's fun to, nice to know there's some people on the internet watching that. So facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo. We're also on Instagram at JordanDavidid morris at put.this.on and uh look that's enough stuff maximumfund.reddit.com we'll talk to you next time i'm jordan jesse go maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported