Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 702: God Loves Dusty Gum with John Ross Bowie

Episode Date: August 31, 2021

Fan-favorite John Ross Bowie (new podcast Household Faces) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jesse's trepidation before interviewing David Byrne, Jordan's potential to go full wizard with a grey beard, and John's new podcast where he interviews character actors who everyone vaguely recognizes, but no one really knows that well. Listen to John's new show Household Faces! And thank you to our sponsors –STITCH FIX – Go to StitchFix.com/JJGO and get 25% off when you keep everything in your Fix!FRESHLY – Get $40 off your first two orders when you go to Freshly.com/JJGo!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, yellow orange aura. Oh, okay. This is something I'm interested to learn more about, Jordan. Nah, I'm just gonna leave it there. Okay. I'm interested to learn more about it, Jordan. Nah, I'm just going to leave it there.

Okay. Now, an aura. Yeah. This is a spiritual miasma that surrounds you at all times. Is that correct? That's exactly it, Jesse. Okay. I would have said it exactly the same way, and I would have used the word miasma.

Okay. I would have said miasma, but it's a regional pronunciation. So, are you dating a psychic or? God, I wish. If there's any single, hot single psychics out there, call me. I actually asked out a psychic once and she told me it wasn't going to work out. Right. Thanks, folks.

I'll be here all night. Jesse, are you writing Laffy taffy rappers jesse don't use this show as a vehicle to try out your laffy taffy rapper joke i heard that joke from my friend mort oh yes i know him through our mutual friend bazooka joe yeah Because who could show? Yeah. Okay. So, Jordan, how did you find out about this color of your asthma? I don't know. I don't know if you know this, but I'm a rambling man now. I'm a rolling stone. I won't gather any moss. A gallon every port, a port in every storm.

Yeah. Storm for every storm. Yeah. Storm for every drain. Yeah. That is what is on my back tattoo. Uh-huh. I took a lovely road trip to Sedona, Arizona. Sure, this is gorgeous. This is like Arizona's most spiritual city.

Or it's right up there with Taos, Taos, New Mexico, for southwestern cities that are uh very spiritual places where you'll find pictures of that uh glyph where the guy's playing the flute i believe that's called coco pelly thank you and yes every surface available has a coco pelly on it except for the mcdonald's with blue arches which freaked me out a little bit more than i expected it to uh i was surprised that they were splatter painted with a little turquoise and a little sand color you know um so i think sedona arizona has two main industries one is tourism to see all the beautiful rock formations, national parks.

Cocoa pales. Cocoa pales, bodies of water. And the second one is mutton. Is that correct? Ooh, it's not mutton. There was actually a mutton plague in the 70s. Got it. So they had to switch to aura photography.

So every building in Sedona, Arizona offers aura photography. And I figured, you know, when in Rome, get your aura photographed. Right. A lot of people think that vomitoria were places to vomit. Not so. But that's a misunderstanding of the original Latin. They were places to get your aura photographed. Right, yeah.

So I did it. I'm going to hold it up to the camera. I mean, this is why you should be watching the show live streamed on Facebook, is for when I hold up my aura photograph. And I'm going to show it to you, and maybe you can kind of help the audience see it with your words. So this is me. There's a kind of a shapey shape above my head, and the aura is radiating out, and it says yellow-orange,

which means that I'm creative, easygoing, intellectual, philosophical, and optimistic. And that's from the fine folks at Crystal Magic Psychic Center slash Winter Wolf's Crystals LLC. I'm glad they got their LLCc yeah because you want to be careful about liability you know uh so that's good um the also the aura photographer gave me a uh a little slip of paper um that kind of describe all the aura colors and then on the paper she wrote down tiger's eye because i guess i was supposed to buy tiger's eye crystals that were for sale in the gift shop next door i did not do that so so was that the wolf what was it called wolf's what uh crystal magic psychic center slash winter

wolf's crystals llc w-y-n-t-e-r wolf's crystals llc Do you think that is a partnership? That particular limited liability corporation between the Crystal Magic Psychic Sitter and Winter Wolf's? Yeah. Do you think they merged like FedEx and Kinko's? Right.

Yeah, like when Disney bought Fox. Are we worried this is going to cause some sort of spiritual monopoly? Honestly, I'm just worried that this is going to cause some sort of spiritual monopoly? Honestly, I'm just worried that it's going to get in the way of me watching The Simpsons. Right. It's like, which service am I supposed to buy? Winterwolf Plus? So, yeah.

So, I got my aura photographed. And I also heard something kind of amazing while I was in Sedona. They have a section that is just like vacation row where you just buy souvenirs, just all these souvenirs. Just like postcard stores, stores that sell silver rings. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely. And I basically bumped into this dad who was just, this dad was just fucking done, Jesse. Yeah.

This is like a vacation dad who was just fucking done. He already went to the fucking Grand Canyon. That's what he wanted to do. Yeah. He's not going to get his fucking aura photographed. He rode on a burrow for two days. So he's not looking where he's going. He bumps into me,

doesn't say anything. And he just goes up to, he's with somebody who's sitting on a bench. And I just hear him say to this other person, ah, don't tell me. Ethel's in the fudge shop again. Fucking Ethel. Ah. fucking ethel i really i fell from i don't have kids i've never tried to like wrangle people for a family

vacation i bet it's frustrating i i can remember when i was a kid and i was like bad on vacation because like the hotel didn't have an arcade or whatever and you know and like i i've been ethel in the fudge shop you know right and i you said jordan you said i don't have kids i've never tried to and i immediately 1000 in my head was certain you were going to say impregnate anyone believe me i've tried i'm spraying it all over the goddamn town sperm don't work oh my sperms don't work you know what happened i? I think it was all those hotel arcades. As a kid. My parents were right to select

hotels without arcades because they just fucking zap your little spermies. You play those games that you sit in. Jurassic Park game and stuff. Sure. Radmobile. Radmobile destroyed my balls. God, I sure did click on that story at the bottom of a thing I was reading on Slate.

You won't guess what these child stars look like now. And Radmobile destroyed my balls. Exactly. Our guest on the program this week is a playwright. Yeah, that's right. He's been produced. He's a television star. He's one of the stars of the show Big Bang Theory.

Maybe you heard of that. He was one of the stars of the show Speechless. Maybe you saw that one. And now he's a podcaster with the new podcast, Household Faces. And look, I'm looking at this man. This guy's gorgeous. This guy is a silver fox. John Ross Bowie.

Hi, guys. Thanks for having me. Always glad to have you here, John. I'm blushing. Just for the Facebook Live folks, I'm absolutely blushing. This man's a dreamboat, Jordan. You can't disagree with me. No. That's very kind of you. I appreciate that. Dream a little dream of John Ross Bowie. How are you, friend? I'm good. I will, as ever, you know, question your use of the term star, but yeah, I'm doing all right. I'm

staying afloat qualifying for insurance you know i can't complain all's good john that's a that's a little freebie that i like to throw in everybody gets upgraded oh nice i mean co-star uh recurring guest um all these things get get knocked up to star and look i won't go i won't go higher than fan favorite i'm sorry i won't i gotta have standards in this world words mean things well you you will accept silver fox though oddly enough yeah i'm fine with that it's strange right because i mean no you. We're heading into empiricism now. This is not, you know, this is just, you know, I mean, look at this.

For God's sakes, it's all stained put. It's silver. Yeah. It's gorgeous. This guy's got a gorgeous head of hair. I lucked out. I lucked out. Yeah.

You're getting closer and closer every day to basically becoming David Byrne. Oh, wow. All right. You do have a little Byrne-y quality to you. You know, that's so funny. I'm reading his How Music Works book. I started it last week. No, that book is amazing. It's amazing. That book is totally amazing. I've had it for literally sitting on my shelf for years, and I've not gone near it because that's a daunting title. How does music work? And I got really overwhelmed in terms of like, this is either

going to be a ton of music theory, which is over my head, or a bunch of stuff about actual frequencies, which is even further over my head. And this is just super daunting. But it's this great sort of inclusive quasi-memoir, what he's into, what music makes him feel like, how singing makes him feel. There's some jokes about his neuroatypicality. It's just an incredibly accessible read. I'm blown away by how much I'm enjoying it. And there are some pictures, some more recent photos in the book, and I was like, David Byrne is holding it together. He looks great. You said that, you know, that the music theory stuff you feel like would be over your head. You're a musician. You were in a band. when my finger has hit a wrong note and I understand that there is a musical theory reason for that. John, you're being modest. We should explain. You were in the Sex Pistols.

Do you guys know Mike Cassidy? Oh, yeah, for sure. From Don't Stop or We'll Die. And he's a film composer. I was talking to him about songwriting the other day. He's a very accomplished songwriter. And he's been trying to write like for this project he's working on, he's been trying to write yacht rock songs. He's been trying to write songs that sound like they were written in the 70s by, you know, Brad or Badfinger or Steely Dan or stuff like that. Brad or Badfinger or Steely Dan or stuff like that. And I was like, okay, so what are the musical qualities that characterize a yacht rock song? And he goes, well, they really love the relative minor for the middle eight.

And I was like, I'm out. Shit, I was really, I punched above my weight. I'm so sorry. What you were looking for is songs about no strings attached sex on a- That's what I was like, yeah. Songs where they're doing cocaine, but you can't hear the cocaine, right? Like that's what yacht rock means, right?

They're like songs that are slower, but not slow. Yeah. It's like there's drums, but you wouldn't notice if they were missing. And like that's what I was counting on. And he just completely threw me into the deep end and I drowned. So but yeah, David Byrne, thumbs up. For the same reason that I once interviewed Elvis Costello for Bullseye. And I just thought, I know Elvis Costello is one of the greatest popular musicians of the past 40 years. But he's outside my wheelhouse. outside my wheelhouse. So while I can tell that he's good, I don't have the kind of insight into Elvis Costello that a person who really, Jordan Morris, loves Elvis Costello, right? Like Jordan

has actual insights into Elvis Costello. I'm a guy who wandered into the room. I read his book that includes a chapter about what his grandmother did in World War I. Yeah, that is a very, if I could use one word to describe that book, it would be long. Thorough? It's not a bad book. It's pretty good. But boy, is it long. I liked it.

I mean, I love Elvis Costello. But I think part of Elvis Costello's work ethic and process seems to be like, here's a bunch of stuff. Yeah. And I think that was like that was like the book, too. So I was in in the early 90s. I was doing I was doing college radio at my college and we got Mighty Like a Rose, which had that's his beard album. He's got the big beard, but it's an Elvis Costello album, and the hit song off it was The Other Side of Summer, which was a sort of an upbeat, bouncier number from that era that included Veronica and stuff like that. That was great.

So we played the hell out of that record. The next album he came up with was the Juliet Letters with the Brodsky Quartet, which is him singing over a four-piece string quartet. And as opposed to a five-piece string quartet, John. But we're all sitting there like, what are we going to do with this? Where's Pump It Up's pump it up we don't what am i gonna huh um yeah he he is and i love this about him um i love his eclecticism and i love his ability to hurl himself into uh uh different uh genres and approaches to music um i'm just not gonna follow him on all those roads necessarily. Yeah.

There's something like fun about being an Elvis Costello fan because there are periods of like being frustrated with him. You know, like, and kind of like, yeah, I don't know. And it's, and then, and I do feel like he'll always, he always kind of comes back to something that's cool or something that's more like what you want. And then those are always like, hey, there and then sometimes you're just like hey he's really into steven foster right now yeah sure is this a punk rock camptown ladies right uh with david

byrne it was similar to elvis costello which was like i i'm probably more into David Byrne personally than I am into Elvis Costello. Like I do own Talking Heads albums, but I'm also like I'm no Dan McCoy from the Flophouse when it comes to Talking Heads and David Byrne. That guy has built his entire life around that. And I was really worried about it. And, you know, he also, he has a, because he has so publicly joked about his neurodivergence and been clear about his neurodivergence and, you know, has a reputation for being kind of an aloof genius. I was like, I wonder what kind of guy this guy is. I'm worried that me not really being an expert on David Byrne will really torpedo my chances of connecting with him because I will say something wrong and embarrassing at the beginning and he will roll his eyes and leave. And actually, David Byrne is super super chill that guy is so chill i was like yes david burn way to go dude i feel like he's definitely in that like camp of like rock star who will appear

in a comedy sketch and is like excited to appear in a comedy sketch i feel like you can always like that's usually just a reliable kind of like yeah rock star who's not gonna rock star out on you he's not gonna try and act cool on sesame street sure i'm gonna have fun have you ever seen the terrence howard sesame street where he is so clearly high and like you understand why someone would want to get high to do sesame street but you should also simultaneously that was my initial thought john is like i mean you get to go to sesame street you're gonna want to pre-game a little bit but you also simultaneously understand and maybe you have to be a parent jordan i hate to play that card how you should not be high when you are at Sesame Street.

Like, listen, no, like you're going to get a hug from Grover and that would feel fantastic if you were zooted. But the fact of the matter is you are going to be on camera. Pardon my 80s New York pot slang. But I it's so it's easily accessible on YouTube. For some reason, Sesame Street has not taken it down, but you can smell this clip. This clip is the sticky, icky, icky of Sesame Street clips.

It is ridiculous. He does fall into that category of an actor so talented and compelling. Like what a brilliant performer Terrence Howard is. No question. And you're like, hmm, I wonder why he's not in more stuff. Yeah, I'm going to guess right off the top of my head, punctuality is an issue.

Yeah. Hmm, Adrian Brody. You're as good as it gets at acting seen adrian brody yeah adrian constantly going into meal penalty brody i guess by that net by the metric where you're setting up here the world's easiest man to work with is nicholas cage yeah i think that's probably true i have to say that like my gold standard for appearances on children's television by celebrities is there's an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba, the Nickelodeon show with the different monster characters, that is a very fun show. And they have a lot of music guests on that show. um is a is a very is a very fun show and they have a lot of music guests on that show and on the whole a little outside my cultural focus a little more elvis costello-y uh than mine

but there is an episode where an obviously high erica badu is on the show and sings an original song and all you want to do is be hugged by Erykah Badu the entire time. Like, you're just so desperate to be enveloped in the embrace of her warmth and maternal vibes. That it is just a magical experience. And it's a great song. It goes, when I feel down, I sing a little song that goes la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Great song. Great song.

Erica sings the heck out of it. Looks beautiful. Yeah. Positive vibes. I want to give it up for Chance the Rapper who did a Sesame Street a couple years ago that I didn't even see. But a friend of mine with a newborn was watching it. And you know how you you you grow up on Sesame Street, you take like 2530 years off, then you come back to Sesame Street when you have kids of your own. And you realize like, Oh my god, this is kind of a brilliant sketch comedy show on a couple of fronts.

And and this bit was Chance the Rapper and Cookie Monster are both auditioning for a role in a movie called The Monster Who Eats Cookies. Gets better. Gets better. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. I swear to God it gets better. And Chance the Rapper books it.

And Cookie Monster books waiter number two. Laid me out. Who is that joke for? Oh, my God. John, you have kids who are a little bit older. I'm always interested to hear what people's kids of various age groups are into. Oh, you know, my son is kind of a basic bitch. He's into video games and anime.

And pumpkin spice lattes. Yeah. Right, and those signs at Target that say live, laugh, love. Yeah. Lululemon. He's really into Lululemon. Yeah, don't talk to me before I have my coffee t-shirts, that kind of thing. It's really, hmm.

He's a regular Kathy. One of these episodes. Chocolate. So he's into, yeah, anime and video games, and we share some of that. I watch some anime with him. I soldiered through Demon Slayer with him this summer, which was intense. I gave it a shot, John. I gave it a shot.

Did you wait, John? Hold on. I'm always looking for a recommendation for a good anime. What animes have you enjoyed? Our friend and Maxon colleague, Lorica Martin, really has a lot to say

about different animes on Twitter. Oh, really? For a woman who is as far outside the anime psychographic as could possibly exist. And it's because she has a kid who watches anime, so she watches anime with her kid and has a lot of anime takes. Have you tried One Punch Man? No, tell me about One Punch Man.

One Punch Man is sort of this meta anime about this guy who has trained so much for so long that he can defeat most enemies with one punch. And he is wrapped in this horrible existential boredom. And it comments on the grandiosity of anime. He has to register with an organization of superheroes and he kind of feels like he's above it he kind of prefers being an independent it's just all up in like the bureaucracy of being a superhero but also being so powerful that there really are no challenges left in this life and it's it's so it's it's even funnier dubbed. You can hear like – I don't speak Japanese obviously, but there's a dryness to the delivery that is really funny.

So he stumbled across this and I started watching it and I was really into it. It's really funny and really smart. So I enjoy that. I wrote a – when i was in college i wrote a novella called one punch man did you read about this guy who brings the same fucking thing to every party it doesn't matter what kind of party it is he always brings just brings that fruity cocktail sort of thing that he's made yeah i see yeah. Barbecues, Christmas parties, christenings. Just the one punch.

Just the one punch. Sorry, guys. Basically the same thing. How is the Laffy Taffy packet coming together? It's just. Oh, you don't even have the job, Jesse. You're just writing the packet. Yeah, I gathered he was doing this all on spec.

Honestly, Jordan, writing is strong. This is just stuff i've transcribed from mort i've just been hanging out with mort and terrence howard and we we get zooted and you see what comes out yeah just taffy man okay so uh your basic bitch son is into anime and video games and my my daughter's all over the place she's becoming a big film nerd um she's you know got a couple wes anderson posters in her room she just turned 14 um she's um you know i feel like 30 years ago she's taken up clove cigarettes and wears one of those scarves with piano keys yeah but i don't know what the 2021 version of that is so we're just kind of waiting to see can you vape clothes you should be able to vape club and it's what are we in the 21st century if not now when um but they're um they're they're pretty distinct kids but yeah they they're they're funny though they're i i i enjoy their company believe it or not although

i do enjoy these moments where i get to lock myself in a room and talk to some uh some grown-ups that's fun i won't lie to you enjoying this moment right now yeah let's uh what do you guys want to uh you guys want to discuss um what we think the segments are on 60 minutes tonight love to let's all go around and guess what one of the seconds okay before we start andy rooney's dead right okay great okay great then i'm set i'm ready to go okay i just want to clear that up first and then we're okay yeah i'm pretty sure they replaced him with mo Rocca. I don't have any evidence for that. It's just sort of like a fan theory.

There's kind of a rotating. John Dickerson will do it sometimes. John Dickerson will do the little thing at the end. What does Jay Dick complain about? It's not like – I don't think the theme is complaining. I don't think they – if you're on at the end of 60 minutes, they force you to complain. Are you absolutely sure? Yeah, that's sort of the format, Jordan.

You can't. This is a legendary show. At the end, an old man comes on and complains. It ain't broken. It's like explain like why the Supreme Court wears robes or something. Oh, OK. Yeah. And then I was like, why are they always black?

The robes. Yeah, not the not the jurists themselves justices are almost exclusively white um john dickerson is 53 and i imagine is still relatively spry for that tv show sure he's the whippersnapper yeah that guy's a real junior i'm by the way thanks john ross bowie for knowing exactly how old our man J. Dick is. I just looked him up because I couldn't summon his face for a moment, and it was driving me crazy. I don't have the ages of all the 60 Minutes anchors right at the tip of my tongue. But, I mean, who's on that show right now? You've got Scott Pelley, Leslie Stahl. Legends.

These people are legends. They're legends. They're absolutely legends. And they've earned that legend by being up there. I don't think I'm saying anything too out of line. Well, they're not dead. They're not dead. Touche.

Although, I would watch Ghost 60 Minutes. Oh, hell yeah. That's appointment television. Why does the devil carry a pitchfork? He's poking me like I'm a bale of hay. When in fact, all I am is a filthy sinner. I stole a lot. I just needed a thrill.

I made good money. It started to feel dead inside. And stealing was the only thing that got me hard. Not to mention all the coveting. They got me to the ceiling in the first place. Everyone's wife is so worth coveting. It's me, Andy Rooney's ghost. In hell!

I just like to point out that I'm in hell. On the topic of silver foxes and being a silver fox, John Dickerson, obviously, perhaps our greatest modern silver fox. Oh, yeah, definitely. Everybody knows John Dickerson, obviously. Perhaps our greatest modern, Silver Fox. Oh, yeah, definitely.

Everybody knows John Dickerson. Like, look, if you're talking about not coveting your neighbor's wife, John Dickerson's a married man, but we all covet him. Sure. I have never had like facial hair before. I've every time I like, you know, give it a shot. I get too itchy and i shave it off yeah that's a that's a sensory sensitivity it's just it's itchy stuff i'm an itchy man yeah um we know you're a little itch boy yes i'm a little i'm a little itch boy some

people think i'm a bitch boy they're not they're mis're mishearing it. I'm actually an itch boy. He's an itch boy and he can't grow hair on his face or basically anywhere. He can't wear a lambswool sweater. There you go. He can only wear a cashmere sweater. That's really good. Thank you. Jesse, I think you're going to be able to quit the Laffy Taffy job.

Pretty soon. That you don't yet have. That you don't yet have and start writing Weird Al B-sides. Yeah. Occupational therapy theme. Yeah. Weird Al B-sides. So, but I noticed my, you know, I had gone a couple of days without shaving, and I was kind of noticing my facial hair, and it was gray. My facial hair was gray, and I'm like, dang, this looks pretty good.

I could be a little wizardy. I could – this would – I'm a month away from wizard. I probably shouldn't do that, but it was nice to feel like I could. Like if I wanted to just have a Wizard Autumn or something like that. I mean, we're all talking about Hot Girl Summer's almost over. Yeah, so it's Wizard Autumn. It's time for Wizard Autumn. Bad news, it's Itch Boy Autumn.

God, well, I'm all set for that too. Bad news, it's Itch Boy Autumn. God, well, I'm all set for that, too. Jordan, I don't think you should dismiss out of hand the possibility of going wizard. I think there's a lot of babes out there. A lot of psychics. Looking for a magic man. Sure.

You know? You already got the wand. We know that from that one woman's dream about the swimming pool. That's true. And dreams are real, by the way. Just want to remind you, if someone has a big dick in a dream, they have a real one in real life. That's true. No, I learned that that's an inception, isn't it?

Yes. Yeah, yeah. That's what inception is about. I think Jordan's dick was Kaiser Soze, if I'm not mistaken. My dick was dead the whole time. Oh, no. These are famous dick twists. What are some other twists?

Anyway. Can I take that up with a twist of dick, please? Sure. Yes. For a dick cocktail. There you go. That's something. Thank you, Jordan. Yeah, no problem.

Anyway, but yeah, I could wizard if I wanted to. But I don't know. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I think that we have often talked on this show about the fact that we would love to be invited to more secret sex parties. and that there's no question that the most secret sex parties, based on feedback that we've received from our audience, are going on at and around, both on the premises of and at Days In's nearby and Holiday Inn Express's nearby Renaissance Fairs. Oh, yeah.

Ren Fairs, both in their tents, various tents, and in local, you know, Sheratons. Those are super horny places, Ren fairs. Yeah. Yeah. There's secret sex parties going on. Now, Jordan, you've been to Ren fairs. Yeah.

But I don't know that you've ever participated in one of these SSPs, and I think this could be your opportunity. I think if you go in there with a little whiz swag, you're going to leave there with a group of people who are going to suck each other's dicks. At a nearby Days Inn. Yeah. I think realistically, that's what's going to go down. That sounds right. Yeah, I mean, I'll entertain this.

What's the continental breakfast like at a Days Inn these days? First of all, Jordan, I want to congratulate you, thank you, and honor you for staying the night. Too many people just kind of slink out at 3.30 in the morning. Not a good look. Once they've come a few times, you know, they don't have anything left in the sack or their clitoris is too sensitive or they're just out and out sore.

Right. They don't have the decency to snuggle, to do aftercare and so forth. And Jordan, I know that you, you know. Hey, I'm going to stay for the aftercare. We're going to turn on that hotel TV and we're going to watch whatever's on FX. Yeah. Thank you.

Thank you very much. Jordan, I know that you are going to stand up to that one dude that wants to watch After Sex Family Guy. That is not the right thing to watch in that content. I know it's always on. Hey, but if it's on FX, that's what we're watching. You're watching Reservation Dogs, Jordan. You've got class. Sure, Reservation Dogs, the Marvel movie from five years ago,

whatever that one was. You've got it. Taken three. But yeah, honestly, I think Wizard is not a bad look for you. If you want to try it out just at home. Guys, I have amazing news. Right now on FX, Jumanji Welcome to the Jungle. You could do worse.

Yeah. That's perfectly fine. I would love to watch that post-quest. The whole family and everybody at the Fuckfest is going to enjoy that movie. Yeah. Everybody at the fuckfest remarks in unison, why isn't Jack Black in more stuff? Yeah, he's great in everything.

Everything that he's in, he's fucking great. He's a delight. You know what? I mean, look, I think I've said it before on Jordan, Jesse, go, but those Goosebump movies are a lot of fun. You know why? Because Jack Black, they just let him do his thing and he's really fun. He's great.

Yeah. He brings life to everything that every time he steps on the screen. What I was going to suggest Jordan is that I know that it is high bar to clear for you to try something out by growing an itchy beard. So I know that you're not going to want to do a trial run of the beard. But maybe instead of getting the beard, you could just get one of those super long little tiny Gandalf pipes. See how that goes. Yeah, that's a good kind of like halfway mark.

Or something with stars and moons embroidered on it. Oh, that sounds beautiful. You could start with a scarf, you know? Just get your piano keys scarf and bring it to an embroiderer. See what they can do. Throw a couple of stars and moons on this thing. Yeah. They got one of the wizard embroiderer in Sedona.

What shoes are we talking? Flip flops for wizard? I mean. Have you ever seen, I guess I've never seen a wizard's shoes. Right. They're often under the gown. I think it is like when a glamorous starlet is wearing a floor length gown at a premiere. And it's just like, look, they're going to be shooting me from the waist up.

And my feet are hidden anyway. I'm just wearing my rainbows. I'm just wearing the flappy floppies. Give me the thongs. You know what I mean? Sure, I've already broken in the rainbows. I think a wizard could definitely wear a leather flip-flop. Okay, yeah, that sounds, yeah, sure.

I mean, any kind of leather strappy sandal seems like a natch for a wizard. I'm going to say anything velvet is going to be perfect for a wizard from an opera punk. I'm going to interrupt real quick. This isn't my show. I realize that, but I worry. You can have it if you want, John.

You're kind. Considering the advanced ages of most wizards, I'm worried about arch support. Right. And I don't know that sandals are going to provide that. John, do you think that wizards don't know about super feet brand insoles? Of course they know about fucking super feet. They could go down to the pharmacy every time they get a new pair of shoes.

Get some super feet. I mean, okay. I don't know if that's enough for your average open toe. There's different colors for different. Like if you have high arches, if you have fallen arches, there's different colors if you need a low profile. You've obviously given this a great deal of thought. Yeah, and there's super feet, crescent, moon, and star for wizards. Super feet green is the general purpose. Black is the low profile.

Crescent, moon, and stars for for wizards i think any kind of almost any kind of pointy footwear is going to be perfect oh yeah like like genie shoes yeah but not those kind the only exception to this rule i would make is not those kind of uh those kind of mexican cowboy boots with the big curly toes that curl around you know what i'm talking about like a like a spring you know they curl around like a like a spring i do i bet if you springed them they'd go boy oh yoing probably but you're saying not those but not those those don't seem right for wizards and then sort of like a any shoe that i would say any shoe Carly Simon would wear. Okay.

So like a slouchy boot, maybe. That seems right to me. One of our finest wizards. Yeah. I agree. Jordan, a lady wizard is called a wizardette. Oh. I believe.

I'm sorry. I'm not 100% on that. I'm not an expert on the nomenclature of the magical people. Yeah. I don't know. John Ross Bowie, if you were a wizard, what kind of shoe would you wear? Just comfortable trainers, as our British friends would say. Given that most wizards are, in fact, British.

Yeah, I'd just go for a nice pair of trainers. Do you think, John, a BK, a British british knight yeah i might do a uh well a shoe ain't nothing without the bk button and i uh i i think that would probably be my my approach yeah can i can i suggest something i mean please do you live in the great city of los angeles despite the fact that you're a british wizard yeah um do you think instead of british knights you might go la lights oh yeah interesting interesting the most magical of shoes is that is that shit coming back that's gotta be back right because all the 90s and the 90s shoe stuff is back like are we doing are we doing la lights and pumps again uh gotta be right bks bks and pumps had a moment but it was some time ago i think

like a second a second wave uh but i think we can bring back british knights and i would love to see one of these you know uh pastel chill wave color block norm core gen z types in wheelies oh sure and you know what while we're at it let's put wizards in wheelies i think that would be a lot of fun sure they're great in airports oh yeah you can kind of scoot to your gate yeah i mean even wizards there's no special line at the airport for wizards they're in a hurry at the airport too that's true trying to get to trying to get to cincinnati a lot of us fly like independently it's true some of them are earthbound though john or i and i'll i'll enchant my camry and we'll just go that way yeah i'll just take the camera trying to get to that goddamn

sheraton john yeah outside cincinnati ohio for the fuck fest yeah i'm i'm you know my wife uh is a a ren fair veteran oh that's right and and did a show about it had a tv show for for one glorious season on lifetime called american princess um but she worked at a ren fair in central new york called the sterling renaissance fair uh where i visited with her it's sort of her uh it was sort of her grad school and um those are horny places there's just a lot of cleavage and there's a lot of regressive sexual roles um and but also a lot of like uh shifting power dynamics you know you will occasionally see a guy on a leash um sure but uh yeah it's um uh i would not be surprised if there were uh you know comfort inns or la quintas nearby where you would not want to change the sheets but in fact replace

them entirely yeah there's bring you got to bring your own sheets byos yeah it seems like the least thing you could do there's a lot of places to see a guy on a leash john um but you're going to want to go to the renaissance fair if you want to see a guy on a leash cosplaying as a star trek landing party yeah and i i mean i think this i think this is more points for beard because what is a beard but a leash for the face that's a really good point thank you can't let that face get out of control that's a really good point man Show that fucking nasty face who's boss. We have some talks when we go to the Ren Faire. We have talks about people who are, you know, there's a period in the early aughts where you would see people in like full Renaissance regalia with a Bluetooth in.

And that's terrible. Yeah. That's like 2000, exactly when you expect, like 2010, 2009 in there. Exactly when you expect, like 2010, 2009, in there. But she gets upset when she sees people who are maybe a little too dark ages in their armor. Right. And then she got really upset when she saw two people dressed as Bill and Ted, and then I quickly talked her down and was like, wait a second. She's like, oh, never mind.

Okay, that's fine. Sure. Yeah. For a moment I got, okay, but yes, given the full context, that's fine sure yeah for a moment i got okay but yes given the full context that's actually okay yeah yeah you'll see a doctor who you'll see a star trek landing party you see your share of doctor who's um and that is as it should be um uh you see the occasional um uh marty and doc brown oh yeah you, also forgivable. Fine. And hey, why the fuck not?

Predator, right? Longford's doing stuff. Little Predator. Oh, my God. I've heard the big red dog. John, when you go to the Renaissance Fair with your wife, a former professional Renaissance Fair,

do you wear just standard street garb or do you wear period appropriate? I do occasionally, I will occasionally. Don a doublet? Yeah, I'll do a doublet. I have a kilt. Okay. I do the kilt occasionally.

Is it like your family's plaid or is it just a... It is not. It is not a full-on carefully folded kilt. It is a kilt with the official, the Tartan Society, the International Tartan Society allowed California to create its own tartan. So it is actually the California tartan. It is not a Bowie tartan. Although the Bowie tartan, I have sheaves of it right here in the closet because we had our chuppah made out of it for our wedding. You know, the canopy you get married under at a Jewish wedding.

Ours was made out of the Bowie family tartan in what I think is a lovely melding of cultures. It's beautiful. But my rules for the Ren Faire is I just don't wear any logos. I just don't need to be the asshole who shows up and takes you out of it because I've got my Sleater-Kinney t-shirt on. You know, I just— Your no-fear shirt. Yeah, I just want you to, like, fucking—no fear. You don't need my fucking big Oakley's logo strapped across my chest. I mean, maybe I'm not in full garb, but I'm not going to completely destroy the illusion everywhere I go.

Have your mead. Do your thing. Do the kids go with you? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Before the end times, we would go every Mother's Day to the one out here in, oh, God, where is it? The Something Dam Recreation Center.

Yeah, exactly. Is it Santa Fe Dam Recreation Center? I think it's Santa Fe Dam Recreation Center. Irwindale. Irwindale. There you go. Irwindale in the San Gabriel Valley. And it's hot as balls, but it's lovely. It's so fun. And it's a cute little family tradition and the kids love it. And, you know, they get their faces painted and we go to the body shows and we take in a joust and there's turkey legs for everyone. And then we leave the kids at the fair and we go to the fuck party at the La Quinta. Do some falconry, kids, you say. I'm positive I've told this story on the podcast before,

but I think it's good. I'm sorry if you've heard this before. I think it's solid. Look, I'd love to hear it. It's only once in a blue moon that'd love to hear it it's only it's only uh you know once in a blue moon that we get to be on john's podcast that's right so yeah so yeah you gotta have a couple of things chambered yeah sure sure um fire uh this is the last time i went to a renfair i was and i was watching the body show in the you know it's it was a bunch of uh body

wenches yeah singing uh songs about you about phalluses and what have you. And they were singing like a sea chanty. And it was like, and he puts it in the poop deck. That sort of thing. Sure, sure, sure. And so there's Renfrew people there, but then there's just like Irwindale scumbags who come to the Renfrew because they could drink outside. So there are just like dudes in Oakleys who like came there with a raised truck and have Metal Militia t-shirts. Like there are just dudes walking around, you know, getting drunk and watching.

Drinking Jack and Pepsi. Yeah. I know this crowd. Yeah, sure. Absolutely. And fighting the Falcons. Sure, yeah. Drinking Jack and Pepsi. Yeah. I know this crowd. Yeah, sure. Absolutely. And fighting the Falcons. Sure, yeah. Trying to punch the Falcon.

Right. You fucking majestic beast. Scratch my truck. I'll teach you to be more majestic than me. So, like, I'm watching the show next to a group of these dudes. And, you know, the song goes like, and you put it in the poop deck. And this guy, this is 20 minutes in, by the way. So they've been doing this for about 20 minutes.

And the guy turns to his friend and goes, that's what she said. It's like, yeah. That is exactly what she said. Yes. That is, in fact, that is what she just said. In fact. what she said yes that is in fact that is what she just said in fact that's all of this is that all this whole thing is that's what she said her wendell scumbags man there's just nothing like them oh my god uh i don't mean to alienate you i know you because you have a fast and you whenever you do the live show in erwindale it kills i realize that i don't mean to alienate your base but um uh yeah that place is good for

um that god-awful brewery and the renaissance fair and uh yeah the rest of it can go fucking south i'm glad i'm glad we finally have a rival high school yeah sure bayside had its valley yeah let's fucking take down a herwindale. Fucking San Felipe Dam Park or whatever it's called. How are we going to prank Herwindale before the big game? Yeah. Here comes the Jordan Jesse Go silver boxes. We're really going to stick it to the Herwindale opioid addicts. It's their mascot.

It's really a tragic rivalry. Yeah. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, this episode of Jordan, Jesse Goh, and in fact, all episodes of Jordan, Jesse Goh, are supported first and foremost by the members of Maximum Fun, whom we salute. Each and every one of you. We salute our members, shorts and all.

Yeah. salute our members shorts and all yeah and speaking of shorts this week's jordan jesse go also brought to you in part by the good people at stitch fix and guess what they sell jordan yes that's right trousers Wow. Wow. Serendipitous. When I need shorts, I sing a little song that goes stitch, it, it, it, it, itch fix. Here's what Stitch Fix is. It's a really cool service. I have used it. I really like it. They offer you clothing hand-selected by expert stylists for your unique size, style, and budget. Every piece is chosen for your fit and your life, and it's the easy solution to finding what makes you look good and feel your best.

This is how it works. You basically fill out a really fun online form that tells them about what size you are, but also what kind of stuff you like to wear. Yeah. Are you going into an office? Do you have dates? Are you doing a lot of active things outdoors? Are you Condor Man from the movie Condor Man? If so. So you just need big, big feather wings. There's a lot to consider and Stitch Fix considers it all. Yeah, you fill out that form and then Stitch Fix, they send you a box of clothes

that your stylist picks for you. A human being. A human being who you can email. I've emailed my Stitch Fix stylist and I've said like, hey, I need a pair of pants that's not jeans or I need a sport coat

that I can wear to an office but also out afterwards and uh and then they'll send it to you yeah i emailed my stylist the other day i just said which shows have you been watching okay don't just check out mayor don't just chit chat with your stylist they're they're busy about watching mayor don Listen, don't ask your stylist about what premium TV miniseries they're watching. Uh-huh. Maybe you can build to that kind of relationship. I don't know. My stylist said he only has Paramount Plus.

Oh, interesting. I guess he's watching those Star Trek animated shows. Yeah, maybe the Real World Reunion. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash JJGO. You'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. Stitchfix.com slash JJGO for 25% off when you keep everything in that fix. Stitchfix.com slash JJGO. We're also supported this week by our friends at freshly.

Now, Jordan. Yes, I'm a working dad. Yeah, I know. Things can get a little chaotic at my house around dinner time. Sure.

Now, two of my children are lions and I usually serve one raw steak. So that's the main reason it gets crazy. Things are getting a little crazy. Yeah, exactly. And also, my other child is a Christian, armed only with a net and trident. Boy, sounds pretty wild over there at Casa de Thorn. over there at Casa de Thorn.

But you know, if I want to take the pressure off a few nights a week, I can use Freshly. Freshly is a service that offers chef-made, nutrient-packed, delicious meals delivered fresh to your door with no cooking required. This isn't one of those recipes things where they give you a thousand steps. This is just something where it just says,

put it in the oven. Here's some fresh food. Put it in the oven. something where it just says, put it in the oven. Here's some fresh food. Put it in the oven. Here's some fresh food. Put it in the microwave. Okay. Either one of those, and then it's ready, and you got something tasty to eat for $6.16 a meal.

Here's what you do. You go to Freshly.com slash JJGo and choose from over 30 delicious, satisfying, better for you meals like steak peppercorn, ooh, sausage-baked penne, yeah, or their chicken pesto bowl. One of those, please. I had sausage-baked penne. It was tasty. That sounds great.

That's how I eat it. And now our listeners can try Freshly for just $6.16 per meal. Stop searching the internet for healthy food near me. Oh, I'm searching for healthy food near me. Help me, internet. I don't know. I should just order freshly. It's a lot less expensive than those expensive delivery services. Why are there three different kinds of fee that show up at different parts of the checkout process on these delivery

services i just have gotten freshly for 616 a meal you get here's what you do you go to all right all right kathy we get the point kathy swimsuit season is tough freshly.com slash jj go and our listeners going to get $40 off your first two orders Freshly.com slash JJ Go Stop stressing about dinner Get that $40 off your first two orders Freshly.com slash JJ Go That's Freshly.com slash JJ Go

$40 off your first two orders We've also got a message up on the Jumbotron for Andrew, Andrew C from your siblings and your favorite brother-in-law. Happy 33rd birthday, Andrew. You are our greatest role model and an awesome older brother. Cheers to many more years of embarrassing you with poop talk at the dinner table. Honestly, if he's listening to this show and telling others about it, I don't think that's really what's going to be embarrassing him.

No. His deepest shame is out in public. He's told family members about Jordan Jesse Goh. Oh, listen to this podcast. It's like Joe Rogan experience, if that was even worse. It contains more misinformation. Thank you to Andrew's siblings and brother-in-law. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron and share your message with somebody that listens to Jordan Jesse Go, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you,. I'm the guest host. Hi, John. No, this is your operation, John. Splendid. You're the one. You're calling the shots here. Let's make something of it. Put a pink berry in here or something so that people enjoy. John, you're what's called an anchor tenant. Just going to build like that and just the Starbucks that will never go anywhere and just everything moving around me constantly.

I'm thrilled. We're hoping you're going to draw an upscale clientele and lower our vacancy rate. You know what I mean? You know, Jordan, it's a very special month. And now it's, I'll grant you this. This month is every month at the Renaissance Fair. Sure. But here on Jordan, Jesse, go.

We celebrate it one month a year. The month is August, and the month is anal. It's anal August. Right. I forgot to get my parents a card. It's still time, John. There's still time. Send them a chip jab.

A little bit of time. Chip jab. A chip jab. Wow, John carries in this one this lad will surely vote for me that was like popular that was sort of the q anon of its time. Right. It started just all over the internet and you didn't quite understand it. Sure. But your aunt's seeing it somehow.

Yeah. Did you guys know that QAnon started on E-bombs world? Right. Interesting fact. I don't know. A lot of people don't know that. Interesting fact. But anyway, it's Analogist and we have received some calls about Analogist.

I'm going to be frank. I haven't done any more inquiring as as to what the nature of the calls are, other than that they are backdoor related. Yeah, well, we should explain, though, I guess Analogist isn't necessarily does not necessarily have to do with one's turd cutter. But pleasure. But, I mean, the idea is that it's a month to open yourself up to new experiences. Right. And while that could mean, you know, some of that, it doesn't have to.

We think that is great. Sure, absolutely. If that's what you want your new experience to be. Use plenty of lube, without a base, without a trace, go to town. Go with God. Yeah.

So yeah, I just want to preface this. I don't know what these calls are. They don't have to be about that. They can just be about anything. trying something new, expanding your horizons, that sort of thing. So yeah, with that in mind. Now do it in a responsible way. Absolutely. Yeah, don't just get in there.

Again, lots of lube. You're going to want to use a specialized lube, metaphorically or literally. A lot of communication. Communication, or literally a lot of communication communication john a lot of communication absolutely above all else without a base without a trace right remember that um yeah so yeah let's uh let's hear the calls hi jordan jesse brian and guest i have a an anal august momentous occasion. This past weekend, I went to a gay campground for the first time and also for the first time went on their nude weekend, which is something that I don't really have a lot of experience with, but decided I would jump in. And once I got there, 6 p.m. Friday, I did not wear a stitch of clothing until I was driving out Sunday evening and had an absolute blast.

And then for bonus points, I guess, everything that went in my anus that weekend had a base, a human-sized base. So it worked out great. That's great. That sounds great for a caller. My only concern here is, and I'm going to be frank, mosquitoes. You've got to wear a repellent with DEET. You've got to wear a DEET-based repellent. And when you're doing butt stuff, you don't want that DEET up the butt.

repellent and uh when you're doing butt stuff you don't want that deed up the butt so give yourself some clearance around the around the turd cutter with the deep because it's not clear whether it's it could be that's all it's on the bottle they say that on the bottle yeah they do don't squirt up butthole i'm so happy for that guy he seems so um it sounds like he really uh there were a couple things he had to branch out about this weekend and it sounds like it went well for him and i'm i salute him there was a serenity in his there was weekend with a sense of giddiness or euphoria. But what we found was kind of a calm self-actualization, which I think is beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think we could all use a little more of that in our lives, a little more serenity, a little more, you know, just a respite from all the worries, you know, that are out there. So, yeah, that's really nice.

I could kind of just like, I was imagining this caller like on a balcony kind of gazing out over the sea. Can I tell you something, Jordan? Yeah. This is one camping trip where the phrase you'd love to hear is ah bears i'm getting a call from the laffy taffy corporation you're suddenly working a little too blue yeah this is not this is not the laffy taffy audience my grandfather john laffy started this company john the third i just write down what mort says to me i i'm i'm a mere don't listen to mort stop listening to mort he works for a rival candy company slug worth when the bazooka i have a question yeah Yeah. When the Bazooka Gang, the characters from the comic strips that for many years ran in Bazooka Bubblegum.

Right. When the Bazooka Gang ceased to be included new bazooka gang material or featuring any bazooka gang material in Bazooka Bubblegum, where do you think the bazooka gang went? Because I'm thinking hell, but I'm not sure. Yeah, they're down there with Andy Rooney. Yeah. Sorry.

Seems like you need a few more lucky numbers there. You're in hell. So you're saying that Bazooka Joe and all of his colleagues are in eternal damnation for just the relentless succession of puns? I would say it's because lucky numbers are witchcraft. Oh, of course. I'm stupid. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Yeah, that tracks. I think that's all. I think that's supported by the Bible. I think that's in the New Testament. God loves puns. God loves puns. And he's always talking about how british humor is better yeah he only likes british comedy i i feel like he's um

but yeah i feel the and that weird kind of like confectioner's sugar all over it i think it's all just ground for damnation god loves dusty gum yeah i'm not a deeply religious man but you know i was a lit major um so i uh i have read the inferno and i uh i i think that's probably all checks out yeah jordan i'm not necessarily against your message that god loves dusty gum i just think it's probably inappropriate to hold that sign at veterans funerals i don't want to get my message out there time and a place though you know sure i i find that the families of veterans uh it gives them some solace when they can forget about the death of their loved one and just be confused for a few minutes but do you in confusion yeah sure but do you think it was worth mentioning when you did that

instagram live on january 6th do you think do you think it it like it was germane to everything else that was going on listen uh the fbi has asked that i not comment fair enough i don't mean to pry i don't mean to pry your business is your business um Sure. We're so divided right now. Right. Let's just put it all. We're so divided. Who knows what happened on January 1st? I wasn't there. Some people were in buildings.

Some people weren't in buildings. Some people were taking a dump on Nancy Pelosi's desk. Some people weren't taking a dump on Nancy Pelosi's desk. John? I don't know. I don't know. Yep. Can I share with you my lucky numbers?

Sure. John 316. Beautiful. That's great. Beautiful. That's great. Mort gave me that one. Mort had a late in life coming to God.

Brian, play another call. Hey, JJ Goh. This is Alex, and I want to wish you all a very happy annual August. I'd like to tell you about how I'm celebrating the holiday season. So I got a new job, and I'm very excited about it. I am loving it. I am the chaplain at a retirement community here in the Sacramento area and it's all about breathing and taking in new experiences and stretching personally and spiritually. It's wonderful.

I really love trying new things with our elders. So I feel like I'm really living into the spirit of Anal August by serving and receiving spiritual growth with our elderly. So I hope you all are well. And of course, without a base, without a trace. All right. Happy season to you. Everybody open your Bibles. Turn to Acts chapter six, verse nine.

For more so loved the world. He pounded its ass and gave it a prostate orgasm. Yep. Praise Mort. I, so he's. He's a faith leader, yes. He's a faith leader, yes. He's a faith leader. And he is obviously going to have to deal with grief quite a bit in that line of work.

All the time. But did specifically mention trying a lot of new things with these people. Right. I don't know. Teaching them about God's grace, for example. Yeah. I mean, I don't... I think this is a case where, you know, I mean, obviously in the first call there was, you know, the anus was involved.

Actual penetration. Yes. Yeah. And I think in this call, it sounds like, you know, the what what the what the chaplain was doing was kind of taking the metaphor as we intended it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And obviously there's a lot of metaphor in scripture. You know, the rich man going through the eye of the needle, that sort of thing. Yeah. And nobody expects a rich man to actually go through the eye of a needle.

Yeah, I mean, even a poor man couldn't go through the eye of the needle unless his poverty led him to be super skinny. Right, yeah. He could probably get through there. It would have to be a big needle. So yeah, I mean, obviously I think this caller is used to kind of thinking about things in those ways,

kind of metaphors and that sort of thing, kind of unpacking meaning from text. So yeah, I mean, I think he's the perfect person to kind of take our message of analogous and kind of expand it out. But let me ask you this, John. What is the Bible, the holy book of the Christian faith? What is the Bible, if not a collection of stories passed through the centuries that teach us lessons about getting reamed or reaming? Well, you know, it could be a guidebook for, you know, spiritual growth, too. But but yeah, no, it boiled down to his essence.

I think you're right. I would, you know, point out that the first half of the book, what my wife calls the prequel, is not actually a guidebook for entirely for the Christian faith. But yeah, I think you're not out of line in saying that. And if you had a bigger audience, you'd be in a ton of trouble. But I think you're flying gracefully under the radar here. So this is how did you find it? Yeah. Thankfully, I'm not up for host of Jeopardy.

John, let me just say this about the Hebrew Bible. Maybe this is a controversial opinion, but I like it, and I think Jar Jar is funny. Sure. A little too much pod racing in the Old Testament. A little too much pod racing. There is, in the very first of the Holy Prequels,

a completely misplaced fart joke. Yeah, right. How wooed. It's in there. It's in there. If you were were 10 you would have loved it we were just too old that must have been us a call give us a call 206-9844-FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org this is finally an opportunity for you to use that voice memo function. Who are these people recording voice memos for themselves? Like, what is the need for a contemporary dictaphone? I mean, I just like to, you know, have it on there and I just like to

give myself a little voice memo and I'm feeling down. I could push the button and hear myself going, you're doing good, itch boy. Looking good, itchy. You know, when I feel down, Jordan, I sing a little song that goes la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Coming in. Can you feel me hug you? Can you feel me hug you through the internet? Because I'm hugging you.

Thanks, JRB. We're all hugging. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. La, la, la, la, la a second on Jordan, Jessica. Are you feeling elevated levels of anxiety? Do you quake uncontrollably, even thinking about watching cable news? Do you have disturbing nightmares only to realize it's two in the afternoon and you're up? If you've experienced one or more of these symptoms, you may have FNO, news overload. Fortunately, there's treatment.

Hi, I'm Dave Holmes, host of Troubled Waters. Troubled Waters helps fight FNO. That's because Troubled Waters stimulates your joy zone. On Troubled Waters, two comedians will battle one another for pop culture supremacy. So join me, Dave Holmes, for two to two doses of Troubled Waters a month. The cure for your news overload. Available on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm la, la.

Hey, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kalin. Together we're The Flophouse. A podcast where we watch a bad movie and then talk about it. Movies like Space Hobos, Into the Outer Reaches of the Unknown and the Things That We Don't Know, the movie, and also Who's that grandma?

Zazzle Zippers, Breakdown 2, and Backhanded Compliment. Elvis is a policeman. Baby Crocodile and the Happy Twins. Leftover Potatoes? Station Wagon 3. Herbie Goes to Hell. New episodes available every other Saturday Available at MaximumFun.org Or wherever you get your podcasts

Bye It's Jordan Jesse Go I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris, boy detective I'm John Ross Bowie Vaguely recognizable guy Can I ask you this question is is not vaguely recognizable guys the theme of your podcast household faces why yes it

is like is it not the thing that your show is about now when we say vaguely recognizable guys we we also uh should say uh vaguely recognizable ladies, vaguely recognizable people of other genders. But your show is about like what it is like to be an actor who is not necessarily a famous, famous actor. Right. That's correct. It's about the the the journeymenmen who fill out the films and TV shows we watch. It's the people who never got a chance to do an hour with James Lipton and have to settle for an hour with me. But I have index cards and I my homework, and I enjoy it a lot. But we've had some incredible guests. We rolled out our first week with Nestor Carbonell, who was on Lost and in a couple of the Dark Knight movies.

Alex Desaert, who just took over Carl on The Simpsons and was in Swingers. He's in Hepcat, too. And he's in a great ska band called hepcat there's a great ska talk on that episode a lot of good ska talk on that one we had martha plimpton who uh has been working for years and uh is by her own admission not necessarily famous but works all the time um it's been really really fun talking to people some of whom I know and some of whom I've just been hooked up through the normal publicist agent circuits, talking to people about the arc of their careers and how they stay afloat and what they do when they're not acting. It's no one who – these aren't the people who your mom goes, oh, my God, I love George Clooney. He's terrific.

You know, these aren't the people who your mom goes, oh, my God, I love George Clooney. He's terrific. It's the people who are maybe playing a blackjack dealer in Ocean's Eleven instead of one of the main heist guys, you know. It's the guy who isn't Michael Clayton but calls up Michael Clayton in desperate need to have things fixed. We are, in fact, trying to get Dennis O'Hare. I'm looking at our schedule for the next couple of weeks. We've got Amy Hill, Xander Berkley, who was on 24. He's in T2. He was on Walking Dead for a while. Mary Lynn Reiskub, another 24 alum. And all these people are also in ska bands?

It's the damnedest thing. It's the damnedest thing. I think we're calling this the fifth wave? Yeah, fourth wave was short. A lot of new people in the specials, Jordan. They're kind of like running through. It's Devil's Staple and a bunch of ringers. The last guest band is called Mary Lynn Roskob. There you go.

Thank you. John, years ago on Bullseye, I think it might have even still been The Sound of Young America, I had Luis Guzman on, one of my favorite character actors. Oh, my God. I was talking about Luis Guzman today. A friend is working with him in Wales and texted me a photo of the two of them. And I was like, I need Luis Guzman for my podcast. That's so crazy.

OK, so not only does Luis Guzman live in rural Vermont. OK. He lives in rural Vermont where he had to drive an hour to get to the nearest community radio station um to to be on the show but i learned that luis guzman um became an actor he was a social worker and he hung out at the new yorkan poets cafe a lot um he was a social worker in in new y York, and he became an actor because the playwright Miguel Pinheiro, probably best known for Short Eyes, was working on Miami Vice. And they needed somebody to play like a four line role on Miami Vice. And Miguel Pinheiro was like, well, my friend Luis Guzman could do it.

And they were like, okay. And then he became one of the great character actors of his generation. So what I want to know is, of the people that you have talked to so far, who had the most unlikely story or unusual fact that you learned about them? It was interesting, or a origin story. What's astonishing is how many of them

kind of stumbled into it because like, I need an elective. It's really, it's remarkable. Like people who were going to like Harvard who who were like uh i'm an english major but they want me to do an art selective uh acting and and and now you know have bought their houses from the work they've done and the residuals they've accumulated um yeah it's it's remarkable um how many people are in this particular line of work aren't necessarily consistently driven by this like incredible vision since they were a little kid a lot of them are like i just wasn't enjoying anything else i was doing i mean that's my story is that i tried a bunch of other things before i settled on acting at the relatively salty age of 27, when a lot of people were like,

you know what, fuck this. I'm going back to grad school. This bites. I'm not doing this anymore. So I kind of like stepped in as a lot of people were that first wave of malcontents were checking out in their mid to late 20s, having given it, you know, five years. Yeah, it is remarkable how many people got, you know, talked into doing the play by their drama teacher because they needed a guy to come out there, get their first laugh and are like, oh, I'm sorry. No, I'm doing this for the rest of my life. That's it. I'm on lockdown. This is, we're doing this right now. We had the great Jim Beaver on at one point who was Ellsworth on Deadwood. Oh, yeah. That's like one of the funniest TV performances.

Him, Ellsworth. Really? On Deadwood. Yeah. So funny, right? He's got a dryness to him. Yeah. He's a wonderful guy.

He talked about he did a play in college sort of on a whim um the miracle worker he has the very first line in the play which is right after um uh um Helen Keller has been born he uh he announces the news to about her conditions to the parents and the first line is she'll live which is loaded extremely extremely loaded when you're saying that about helen keller because you know there's a there's a rather significant however coming and uh uh and he talked about just the incredible like how nothing happens until he says his words and then once he says his words. And then once he says his words, the ball is just rolling. And just like the power and the attention and all of it.

He got emotional talking about it. It was really cool. It was really, really fun to talk to him about that. And I'm getting a fun story like that at least once an episode, plus all sorts of weird little gossipy things and some actual talk about, like, you know, the technique and the craft of acting.

I'm kind of—I'm on this weird, like— There's no technique of acting, John. Don't try and fucking gaslight us. Obviously, it's all pretending. But I've got, like, this persona—and this actually might sound familiar, Jesse Thorne, but there's this fine line between, like, as I said, James Lipton, but also Chris Farley. Where, remember when you did that thing? That was awesome.

We had John Carroll Lynch on, you know, Norm Gunderson from Fargo. He might have been the Zodiac Killer in the Zodiac. He's been playing John Wayne Gacy on and off on American Horror Story. Giant among giants. Character actor is character actor. And it was hard for me to just not be like, tell me about this job. Tell me about this job.

I would not like to know about this job. Because he's just so awesome that I was pretty starstruck. Can I give you a suggestion just from my experience? Yeah, hit it. I'm 20 years deep in the game now. Yeah, yeah. Talk to me. In terms of finding the line between the kind of almost exhausting pretentiousness of a James Lipton, sort of like you won't believe what i know quality right um

or the this is the great this art is so important quality of a james lipton finding the line between that and the kind of fanboy vibes the kind of desperate unprepared sweatiness of Chris Farley on the Chris Farley show. Yeah. I would say just do both all the way at the same time. That is what has brought me to my place as NPR's least successful host. That's just what I would recommend. Great. You know, and that's just what I would recommend. Great. If you're looking to have people send you a note about how pompous or lame you are, that's what I would recommend. And I am.

I am. I live for that attention. If you want to get notes about the way you talk, I would recommend being a woman who talks. Yeah. I've heard of that, yes. However, I would say, yeah, I would say do both of those at the same time. That's what's worked

for me. I seem to have struck that balance myself, so all systems go. Very excited. John Ross Bowie, one of the greats. He's the star of the new podcast Household Faces alright I'll take that one

yeah sure sorry guy from Deadwood there's only one star on that podcast and he's the new owner of Jordan Jesse Go much to his dismay there's a lot we can do with this place it's a tear down lots we can do with this space listen it's a it's a tear down a lot we're gonna do

with this space yeah lots of potential as those rather dangerous real estate ads say yeah maybe you want to open up the kitchen um yeah just flip this thing get vanilla eyes to help you flip this put in some fucking ikea cabinets and get the fuck out collect your 50 grand get my subprime mortgage and hit the fucking road yeah um john ross bowie uh thank you kindly our producer brian sunny d fernandez manning the stream this week valerie moffitt you can find us on facebook at facebook.com slash jordan jesse go you can find us on twitter at jordan underscore morris and at jesseGo. You can find us on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris and at Jesse Thorne. You can find us on Instagram where Jordan is, JordanDavidMorris, at JordanDavidMorris. You can find me on Instagram at put.this.on. You can find us on Reddit at

maximumfun.reddit.com. And you can find Jordan Morris's brand new, spectacularly hilarious and delightful graphic novel bubble in stores across this great nation and points abroad. Cosign. Cosign. It's excellent. Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Hey, if you I've been I've been doing I've been leaving leaving signed copies places when I when I happen to go buy a bookstore or a comic book store. So, yeah, if you want one of those, a lot of those places ship. Bother me on social media. Ask me where you can get one. I know that sometimes maybe people are like, maybe I shouldn't bother this person on social media.

No, when it comes to buying the book, bother me. I will help you. I will sit on the phone with you. What's it like to have people who are hesitant to bother you on social media no when it comes to buying the book bother me i will help you i will sit on the phone with you what's it like to have people who are hesitant to bother you on social media jordan that's that sounds pretty fucking sweet assuming that's why nobody engages me on social media is because they're too polite no it's because you have a you have a sort of edgy, intimidating vibe. Right. Yeah. Like Henry Rollins. Jordan just going around leaving autographed copies of Bubble

at local bookstores, leaving turds on Nancy Pelosi's desk. No, listen, who knows? Who knows what was happening on... Maybe Jordan was just a tourist. Sure. I was just there to see nancy pelosi's jordan was just there on his sixth grade trip right i had my permission slip

pinned to my jacket okay we'll talk to you next time on jordan jesse go maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.