Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 705: Murder Me Daddy with Alison Rosen

Episode Date: September 21, 2021

Alison Rosen (Alison Rosen is Your New Best Friend pod, Child-ish pod) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Amish drip and Jesse's new Amish scribbler hat, Alison's affinity for crinkly, twinkly bad boys like  Hugh Grant and Christian Bale, and the merits of rehabbing Limp Bizkit vs Linkin Park for an "actually, they were good" moment. Plus, Jesse reads a few particularly spicy letters to Burt Reynolds. THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS ON THIS EPISODE –• ZipRecruiter – Go to ZipRecruiter.com/JJGo to try ZipRecruiter for free!• MagicSpoon – Go to MagicSpoon.com/JJGo to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today! Use our promo code JJGO at checkout to save five dollars off your order!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You ever have this thing happen to you? I know I haven't seen you in a lot of hats in your time, but... Nah. You ever have this thing happen to you? Nah, dude.

Nah, dude. Come on, man. but yeah you ever have this thing that happened to you no dude come on man at least it wasn't an all hail nah or a hecky nah i'm not that anti-hat no you know i think i've just i've never looked great in a hat i have a when i when i have an office that i go into, I have just kind of a plain gray baseball cap that I'll put on if my hair is making me look insane. It's sort of a daddy's thinking cap type situation? No, I mean, I don't listen. I'm not a daddy. That would be stolen valor for me to call myself daddy. That's for people on Twitter to do.

Did you earn those stripes, Jordan? No, sir. No, I did not. But yeah, it's just kind of a gray baseball cap to put on if I am self-conscious that my hair is making me look like a cartoon mad scientist that recently had a beaker blow up in his face. Well, you should probably wipe the coal from your face that is often yeah that's that's that's the first step first step is is take both hands and wipe the black from your eyes second step admit you have a problem right yeah acknowledge acknowledge the presence of a of a. Yeah. Of a higher cartoon mad scientist.

One Benson Honeydew. Right. Benson. I don't want to be a Muppet guy, but I know the Muppet people would come for you. So I'm just doing this now. No, Benson Honeydew is the sketch that I just pitched to Mad TV. Oh, wow. It's coming back again, huh?

Yeah. Now it's only for older Gen Xers, I guess. Right. Yeah. People who are interested in the the comedy of the 1970s sure yeah uh my mother the hybrid car what would that look like yeah thank you um what would that look like hey audience what would that look like uh 206-984-4fun is our telephone number email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org.

But no, apart from that one gray baseball cap that I have for only occasionally, don't love a hat on me. I'm okay with others wearing hats. I'm not going to be a weird dick if, you know, you want to wear a, you know, I don't know, Panama hat around me or something. Okay. A beret. a carnival fruit hat. Yeah. Just give me one of those bananas. Just give me one of those bananas and I'm okay. If you, someone gave you a Carmen Miranda hat right now, you'd put it on.

No, I don't think I would put it on, but I would, I would admire it from afar. And I would encourage others to put it on if they were comfortable. You wouldn't even give it a little with your fingertips just see if the fruit is real no i would squeeze the fruit okay thank you yeah and i'd grab a banana because i haven't had lunch yet but so yeah you were saying just you have a hat you have a hat concern or a hat a hat anecdote a hat anecdote yeah so uh you know these kind of hats that the Amish wear? I don't know what they're called, but I can picture it. I think they're probably called Amish hats. It's like a type of straw hat.

It's flat on the top, but not shallow like a boater hat, and it has a wide brim. It's just hat with like an E on the end for some reason. Exactly. Like shop or old. I think they're woven by horses. So I recently learned, some months ago, I learned that the Amish sell these hats.

These aren't just hats they make for each other. These are available to the general public. And I thought, well, that's a nice kind of hat. Like if I need a dad hat, if I need a broad-brimmed hat to go to the Little League game or whatever, it might be a nice kind of hat like if i need a dad hat if i need a broad-brimmed hat to go uh to the little league game or whatever it might be a nice kind of hat so i went on ebay and i bought one of these hats they're very affordable i think i paid 30 for this okay bought it from some uh i don't know

if the amish are selling on ebay directly i may have bought it from an Amish middleman, a non-Amish middleman, maybe a Zoroastrian. Hard to say for sure. This hat is pretty dense and it has like a little forehead cushion inside of it. Yeah. And the forehead cushion is maybe made, it doesn't have a full band all the way around the inside. It's just a forehead cushion. And forehead cushion is maybe made, doesn't have a full band all the way around the inside. It's just a forehead cushion. And forehead cushion is maybe made out of vinyl, pleather, something along these lines. It's a great hat. I like this hat a lot. It really does suit the task of sitting in the bleachers at the Little League game or equivalent, going to the farmer's market.

Do your kids do Little League? I didn't know your kids did Little League my son oscar just started little league he's on a team with our friend elliot caitlin son sammy amazing good luck to them in the upcoming season they're gonna need it worst players on the team by far um so i get it like a spirit or an attendance award at the end of the year or something like that here's hoping most improved maybe i got i got a couple of most improved when i was doing team sports as a kid always felt shitty i'm like i'm eight and i know this is shitty uh sammy's gonna win they have a medal there for uh most marx brothers movies seen he's even seen the late period ones everybody i think everybody should

get a trophy even the ones from like the late 40s world war ii era marx brothers movies the marx at the marx brothers visit the front or whatever so anyway i have this hat and i'll wear it when it's hot outside and there's only one problem which is this i don't have that much hair i've got about 60% of hair and it's cut pretty short. So when my head sweats, there's nowhere for it to go. It doesn't wet down my hair. It just gathers. And the vinyl forehead protector is non-absorbent. So what will happen is I'll be walking around in the farmer's market and I'll pick out my honeydew. I'll put it in the cart and everything. I'll be like, man, my head is hot. And I'll just lift my hat to do that kind of like, give it a little air

situation. Sure. And when I lift my hat, it's like I've opened a door with a bucket perched on top of it full of water oh yeah sure you're getting a little dunk you're getting a little prank dunk like the like i think i probably get four ounces of water just fall down my face in a sheet like i am i am waterboarding myself with my own sweat is what happens with this. It is like the top of the entire hat fills with water like a cistern. You think this is a design flaw in the hat? Do you think? Have the Amish fucked this up? It's possible the Amish don't sweat.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe you just need another kind of absorber or a different kind of absorber. Maybe they gather the sweat to make scrapple. Sure, yeah. Leave some of their famous blankets. I couldn't tell you. Barn raising? I don't know that much about the Amish.

Boy, neither do I. Yeah, they were a fun little source of punchlines in the late 90s, early 2000s. Yeah, and then we found out about the drug problems. Oh, sure, right. Yeah, they became a little less fun. It peaked with Amish Paradise. I think we all enjoyed Amish Paradise. Look, my wife was very plain.

It's probably Weird Al's greatest. Sure, yeah. In my opinion. I think that's a really great joke. I took a look at my wife and realized she's very plain. Very funny. But yeah, I think that's a thing that does not benefit from knowing about the darkness within. Yeah.

I think that's fair. I watched it. You know what? I watched an American experience about the Amish. I enjoyed it. Okay. So there you go. Probably Rick Burns directed that. I enjoyed it. Okay. So there you go. Probably Rick Burns

directed that. I couldn't tell you. Our guest on the program, I don't know where she is on the wet hat spectrum. She's the host of Alison Rosen is Your New Best Friend. She has her own little Zoom background with some branding featured, as well as a string of party lights. She's basically in her podcast-themed dorm room. Our friend, Alison Rosen. Hi, Alison. Hello. Thank you for having me. I have taken some notes. I have some things to say. But the idea of a podcast-themed dorm room, when I went to school, what that would mean would be like Bob Marley wearing an Alison Rosen's New Best Friends shirt or two hands, like the Escher thing, two hands drawing my logo. You mean like on a poster. People at your college weren't weekend at Bernie-ing Bob Marley.

No. Oh, I wish. No, no, no. no i just talking about they always had a poster sale and that was a chance to go solidify your identity for the next year right it was posters were such a big deal like you know who made a killing those people who made that gooey poster like that play-doh stuff yeah that no holes yeah yes you know that leaves a greasy spot it does yeah um and also the plant sale was a big deal oh yeah what were your college posters allison well i had a soul asylum poster nice and it was the cover of i feel like that might be an insult it was it was an image from jesse would never do something like that might be an insult. It was an image from an album. Jessie would never do a thing like that, Allison. How dare you?

It was the image from an album. And it was a woman who I think it was her back and she was naked. And she was holding hands with these two little kids who were naked. And I remember someone being like, why do you have naked kids on your wall? And I'm like, I never thought of it that way. I had that way. I had that one. I had a Van Gogh, not a real Van Gogh.

That would be great. A college kid who stole a Van Gogh and just hung it in their dorm. By the way, you know this immersive Van Gogh experience thing? It is probably the single most advertised thing on the entire internet it looks pretty cool but daniel uh my husband who you guys know uh is always like see van go as the artist intended it's a good point like this was never exactly how you're supposed to it's one of those like instagram experiences right like you can go and like stand inside starring nights like the that museum of ice cream where you like get into a big pit of sprinkles what is that I went I went to the museum yeah I went to the California Science Center to see an exhibit of Lego art and which

is the Science Center equivalent of the Museum of Ice. And I got there and it was just like, uh, the scream by Edvard Munch, but like rendered in Legos. Now this is at least make something like, at least show me a golden gate. Like if you're not going to make actual art, build the golden gate bridge.

That's my position on it. Those are the options, actual art or the Golden Gate Bridge. Or if you're going to do the scream, do the scream, but then it transforms into a big rig. Yes. Thank you. Perfect. Do a Transformers thing. By the way, I got us a meeting with Michael Bay. Oh, good. He's like, I'm looking to reboot some famous art.

Yeah. Do you ever post something on social media and you're like, I'm looking to reboot some famous art. Yeah. Do you ever post something on social media and you're like, this one is going to – like I might go viral with this one. This is going to be a sensation. Here it comes. I hope I have time to respond to all the DMs and, you know, to become a trending topic or whatever. So I don't know how much you guys are aware on Instagram. I don't know how much you guys are aware on Instagram. Do you get,

do you see all those reels that are of people doing makeup or is that just the way my algorithm has decided? Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm aware of this genre. It's I, I, I,

yeah, I'm, I mean, my algorithm is now, it started out as just chicken sandwiches and now it's chicken sandwiches and donuts. Yeah. Um,

but I'm aware of the of the makeup uh tutorial i get the makeup reels because i follow hashtag sf giants okay so contouring is a big deal do you guys know what this is this is like dark lines on the face and then you blend it out and it gives you like a different bone structure. So I was looking at the screen and there's essentially white contouring. So I posted, it looks kind of like the contouring pictures before they've blended it out. So I posted that and I said, I love the contouring here. the contouring here zero point zero zero zero people had any i didn't even get a smiley face i so misjudged right that bit of i'm ahead of my time is probably what it is but anyway to to my notes here listen everybody listening that's solid go back in rosen's timeline

find the post retroactively retweet it let's see if we can get this to 5k thank you Allison can I suggest you just ask a banal question to which everyone relates somewhat like yeah what was your favorite snack to get in your school lunch because if you ask that fucking through the roof yeah everybody's just's just going to write kudos. Yes. Dips. Or just something like, grapes are overrated, though, T-H-O. And then that has 25K for some reason.

Yeah. This. Yeah. Someone would say that. And also like, that's it. That's the tweet. Oh, right. Sure.

Dear reader, that's it. That's the tweet. Grapes slap hard,, and there you go 25k Gonna be a grapes are overrated for me Sure God, I wish I was relatable No, wait, there was something I was gonna say about all this though God damn it

Oh, let's see, we were talking about Like, putting up the post that you think is gonna do great And then crickets Yes, and then, anyway, I can can't remember so anyway i have to tell you yes and look i don't work for jordan jesse go no but i did jesse go works for you that's right but i did a little bit by the way we should announce we've sold the show to allison yeah she's gonna tear it down and put up condos where will the kids play jordan sorry the dance squad needs a place to rehearse right yeah they just have to hold them hold a break dance competition and raise money to save the podcast from condo developers i looked up the

name of these amish hats and it is better than you could even imagine. It's called a scribbler. That is really good. That's really good. The photos I saw looked like straw hats that a barbershop quartet would wear. They look like that, but the crown, that's a, that's a boater. The crown on an Amish hat is taller. The hat part is taller. And usually the brim is wider. The brim on one of these scribblers is really wide. It's like a four-inch brim, a really big brim. Okay.

I'm envisioning the Amish fits that I've seen, mostly from the Amish Paradise video. When you're picturing that Amish drip. Right, exactly, yeah. Wait, what does drip mean? Because I only recently learned that fits is short for outfit. I learned that like a year ago, but it feels recent because I'm old. What does drip mean? Drip is like flavor.

Yeah, fancy stuff. Yeah, like loud shoes or jewelry or something like that. Oh, got it. Like your ice. Originally, your ice would drip. Your jewelry would be your drip because it was icy. Oh. But then eventually your drip basically just became like your dripping style.

Got it. So the Amish looks that I am familiar, there's two primary ones. Is the kind of all black and that includes a black hat. And then there's like. And then there's the classic red and blue. Oh, I don't think I get that. What is that? Yeah, it depends on whether it's the outfit that the Amish person made or the alien symbiote.

Right. Yes, exactly. And then. Okay. Well, that's good. There was a symbiote reference thank you but then there's like sleeves rolled up suspenders and then a straw hat yeah so you jesse you have the black you have like the formal evening hat wait do i really i don't know i'm asking no mine is a straw oh yours is a straw hat okay this is what I would wear as I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain.

Gotcha. But there are like all black Amish. Maybe I'm wrong. I could be. When they're like, you know, suited and booted for church. Sure. Or for other formal occasions, Amish prom. Oh my God, you should do an Amish put this on.

That's fun. Ooh, Pramish. My favorite all for one Ooh, Pramish. My favorite All For One song, by the way. Oh, Allison, you were said,

now this is, I made note of this because I thought to myself, this is why you book Rosen. During our intro, you were like, I've made some notes. Have we gotten

to all those notes? We haven't. Let's see. Okay. And I have, and I've had to take, I've had to, I've had to just let it happen because I'm not going to – again, I don't work for you. And I also don't own you. So I'm not going to force my way in.

But I also – No, kick down the door. Yeah. I was dying during the part – We don't have anything, Allison. During the part where you guys talk to each other as if I'm not here, and I do this on my show too, I was dying to yell out Scribbler. And I had some other jokes as well, and I can't remember what they were.

I mean, Scribbler's not a joke. That's a hard fact. But there was something else where I was like, oh, it's hurting me. Anyway, I won a trophy when I was a kid for good sportsmanship hey which is the i mean thank you for that very tepid approval but that is it's the equivalent you said you got most improved i mean it is like what trophy can we give that is no reflection of actual athletic ability ah good sportsmanship it just meant i had a decent attitude yeah but i mean let's be honest it was bullshit because you were fucking laying we were the dream on green of little league you were there kicking people in the

nuts and throwing dirt in people's eyes and you were you filed your cleats like tycob i don't know what any of this means but i probably did because i this was around the time that someone would say how are you doing and i decided or how are you i get how are you doing was was too informal for these these olden days someone say how are you and i would say tired would go, okay, because I decided that was more, and I am putting this in air quotes, interesting than just saying well, or good. Were you trying to be interesting or authentic? Like, were you faking tiredness? I think I was. Yeah. I think I know. It's amazing that I have any friends and that I'm not, Wow.

I know. It's amazing that I have any friends and that I'm not completely a social outcast. You were like hot-topicking small talk. Yes. I mean, we were talking about it before. I'm Gen X, so I think that you were – now I was only around eight when I started doing this. That's the age I'm talking about. But you were suspicious of anyone who was too happy and too perky. Right.

You would crack open an OK Cola with that Charles Burns illustration on the can. Throw in a mud honey cassette. Yeah. Right. And then complain about selling out. And you would decide to date Ethanhan hawke instead of ben stiller because ben stiller was trying too hard to be helpful i did have it pretty bad for ethan hawke circa mystery date the guy's a dream guy yeah ethan hawke's question ethan i mean uh you guys might have different opinions on this i Ethan Hawke has remained pretty consistently hunky through the years, right?

I mean, he's... Yeah, I feel like I've moved away from the Ethan Hawke kind of hunk. Interesting. I mean, I'm off of the Hawke hunk. Now you're just into straight beefcake. You're a John Cena girl now. Well, I remember...

Vintage Fabio. 92 Fabio. Before he got hit by the goose. I was just going to make a goose reference. I always had trouble looking at that photo. Everyone else just looked at it and enjoyed the lulz. That's L-U-L-Z.

But for me, I was just like, that must have hurt both him and the goose. It's gruesome. It really is. I'm a millennial, so I actually just retweeted a picture that said that goose, though. Right, exactly. 5K, 5K likes. That's it. That's the goose.

Speaking of animals. Wait, but what kind of honk? If you've moved past an Ethan Hawke honk, because Jordan, I agree with you completely. Ethan Hawke was on Bullseye one time, and he wasn't in the room with me, so I wasn't looking at how gorgeous he is, though I knew it in my heart and loin. But he so thoroughly delivers on the best case scenario

of what Ethan Hawke would be like. He's real Ethan Hawke, be like. Like he's real Ethan Hawke, but he can also really back it up. Like he's obviously a really bright guy and very sincere in his Ethan Hawke-ness, you know, like as he gazes into space to think of a poem and then he says the poem and you're like, fuck, that was a good poem. That kind of thing. Oh yeah. So Allison, Jordan and I are, I mean, we've already given ethan hawk our promise rings yeah you're you got a bad for ethan hawk it sounds like what's your preferred hawk now what's your preferred hunk to me they have a thing if not a hawk hunk yeah i would leave my husband

for hugh grant but not current day hugh. Although I feel like if he were to deliver on the promise of Hugh Grant, I could update my feelings about him. But I kind of got it bad for him. And then also Christian Bale does something for me. Interesting. You mean because he seems to be insane? I think it's just passion, right? It's passion and commitment. Yeah, I don't know. All I know about Christian Bale personally, like as a human being is I heard him on Fresh Air one time

and I've just never heard someone other than Gene Simmons seem less like a good person on Fresh Air. Yeah, Hugh Grant's not supposed to be so great either. No, I don't think, I love Hugh Grant as a performer. Like I could watch Hugh Grant's not supposed to be so great either. I love Hugh Grant as a performer. I could watch Hugh Grant.

What about as a lover? Well, I've never known his intimate touch, but it seems unlikely I would reject it if he gave me the little crinkles at the corners of his eyes. I love when he crinkles all it takes he'll shoot you he'll shoot you 10 10 blinks in two seconds and then your pants are off yeah it could be that i'm you know it could be because i'm like nine out of ten on the uh you know the kinsey scale towards heterosexuality but like i feel like and i'm just misjudging it in the way that sometimes a straight

woman will tell you about a celebrity woman that they think is really beautiful but actually they're just weird looking and they think that's interesting um i mean they mostly are also beautiful that's how you become a celebrity but um I think Hugh Grant in his late middle age. Is there an ice cream truck? Yeah, there's an ice cream truck driving by. I mean, honestly, we're lucky. My children only stopped screaming at the top of their lungs on the porch immediately outside this window, like three minutes before we started recording. Only the fact that we had Zoom trouble saved us from it sounding like my children were being murdered in the background of this podcast. But anyway,

I think, I mean, like, how old's Hugh Grant? 55 or something like that? That seems about right, right? Like, I think Hugh Grant has really aged like a fine wine. I think Hugh Grant looks great. I think he really wears his age well. Okay, you've convinced me. I will have sex with him. Oh, fine. All right. Wait, Allison, can you explain the bail appeal?

Oh, he crinkles too. He crinkled. Oh, so you like it. He's kind of crinkly. I like a crinkly, twinkly bad boy. You like your bad boy's faces like you like your you're like your bad boy's faces like you like your fries yes waffles like a waffle face i also style right you know i also had it really bad for val kilmer for years sure and i stand by

that did you watch um did you watch this Val Kilmer movie that is a documentary made of footage of Val Kilmer that Val Kilmer has apparently been shooting since he was like eight years old? I watched half of it. And then Daniel, the one that I am married to, who I'd leave for these other guys. But just two exceptionally crinkly men who might be crazy.

He was like, oh, i wanted to watch that and then i felt bad and so i haven't watched the rest of it because i know what i have to do what i have to do my penance i have to say to him i'll watch it again with you from the beginning um because that's what we both do when when either of us watches ahead in a series or something like that i just didn't i i my memory but it feels like a bridge too far i don't i enjoy it i enjoy the documentary it's it's really well done but it's also And I just, it doesn't sound appealing to me to watch it again from the beginning. So I'm sort of at, I'm in a holding pattern with the documentary. So I haven't watched the rest of it out of guilt. And I haven't offered to rewatch the beginning of it. I think I need to secretly finish it is what I need to do. I think I need to secretly finish it is what I need to do. I'm not a doctor, but he had something like a tracheotomy or something where he has a really hard time speaking. So the narration is first person, but it's read by his son in the film.

Who sounds so much like him. Yeah, it's really something else. And his son does a great job. I was watching this movie, which I watched in 12-minute chunks in between the time when my children fell asleep and I finished cleaning the kitchen and my wife finished making lunch for them for the nextmacked, because Val Kilmer, first of all, seems like a genuinely decent man. You know, look, it's his movie about him. So it could be that he's just well calibrated at making himself seem like a genuinely decent person, but he seems to be a genuinely decent person, seems like a nice man. And it is composed of footage that he shot mostly of himself over his entire life, mostly of himself over his entire life, 40 some 50 years since he was a small kid. And he has been through some tragedy. He lost his brother when he was young. And his father, who had been

a very successful business person, lost a lot of the early money that Val Kilmer made in show business. And Val Kilmer did go to Juilliard for acting. But all of those things having been stipulated, it is as though the premise of this movie is everything you've always feared about actors is true. Like the level of shamelessness, just the pure uncut shamelessness in this man. And you're like, is this what it is to be?

And you're like, oh, right. Yes, this is what it is to be rich from birth, beautiful beyond description and very talented like he like the fact that he has a decent heart is such an extraordinary achievement to me given all of the things in his given the fact that he has both talent gorgeous looks and extraordinary privilege um but like at the same time, you're like, aren't you embarrassed about anything? Like, when he's talking about playing Jim Morrison,

you're like, I think maybe he's less ashamed than Jim Morrison? less ashamed than Jim Morrison? When I first moved to LA, a friend offered me a spare ticket to see Val Kilmer in a musical version of the Ten Commandments that was playing at like the Kodak Theater, which is like where they have the Oscars.

Right. Music by Billy Joel, if I'm not mistaken. Really? No, I don't think so. That would be amazing. Yeah. But I. It was Alice Cooper.

It's got to be Alice Cooper. But I remember that like seeing. So he plays Moses and is in it three times. So he plays Moses and is in it three times. It is mostly like the ancillary characters from the Ten Commandments. And three times Val Kilmer would shamble. I'm saying shamble deliberately. Yeah. Would shamble on from stage left.

Talk, sing for one minute. Like, people of Egypt, hear my call. People of Egypt, hear my call. People of Egypt, hear my call. And then shamble off. And there would be a long dance number that he was not involved with. I'm still, I got caught up. I appreciate your description of Val Kilmer in the show. I get caught up on the idea of the ancillary characters in the Ten Commandments, which I think is just my neighbor's wife my neighbor's wife yeah yeah the locust the locust the locusts have a long song yeah was this like there's no small roles

that he took this tiny role uh my i mean it's moses right but my my perception of it at the time was that it it was this it it was a cash-in on his part he didn't want to be there for all the rehearsals maybe they reduced the role oh i think he was the voice of god too so i think that's like you know that that was maybe the ego stroke that he needed to say yes to it it did see it i it it struck me as a like i need need the money. I'm doing this. But I would like for it to be as easy on me as possible. How did you get offered this ticket? Oh, that's right. I just have a friend out here who's like a big musical theater head and had a spare.

Not that I wouldn't have gone to see it anyways. But it was a spare ticket. I maybe wouldn't exactly have picked this to be my musical theater. What I'm blowing my musical theater money on. uh but i mean it was fun we had a fun night so allison i have to ask you this because you know we talked about hugh grant who i would say is you know one of those who has aged like a fine wine, for me, in my taste. Yeah. I think, you know, I didn't watch Top Gun as a kid. I didn't watch Top Gun until maybe I was, you know, 16 or something like that.

So my knowledge of Val Kilmer probably started around the doors or a little later. And I didn't, I never saw the doors, but you know, it was a big movie and he was broadly acclaimed for his performance. So to me, Val Kilmer has always been one of those people who I have only known as a moon-faced shell of their former selves oh you didn't get in on the prime no and so in watching this documentary like I always knew him to be a charismatic performer you know like Val Kilmer has movie star quality in MacGruber. You know what I mean? But I always, I never knew what made him look like a movie. What gave him, like where his movie star looks came from. Because I never saw them.

Until I watched this movie and I saw him at 22. And I'm like, oh, I see. He was the most beautiful man in the history of the world. Yes. There is a clip in that documentary of him doing something in high school. And I was like, my God, he's a golden God. I saw a picture of young- You immediately put a picture of that up on your dorm room wall. That's right. I'm going to get a PhD just so I can put up a poster. Because you live in the dorms, you're getting a PhD, right? I'm staying in my a PhD just so I can put up a poster. Because you live in the dorms.

You're getting a PhD, right? I'm staying in my doctorate dorms. I recently saw a picture of young Paul Newman. Sure. And he was very, I mean, this is not going to be a surprise, but he was very attractive. But I had never, sort of like you with Val, I had never really seen or appreciated young Paul Newman. He's always just the spaghetti sauce guy who's old. And I get that he has blue eyes, but I don't see it.

You don't get all horned up looking at the salad dressing? You're not like, oh, I like Chef Boyardee. Can those cookies possibly be gluten free? I'm drinking downtown. Let's not run past Allison's. I'm more of a fan of chef boyardee very fun yeah thank you thank you i was very into the movie real genius i think that was probably where i first fell in love with val kilmer and then i went to blockbuster and rented a lot of other val kilmer movies um top secret i saw the doors and the top top secret what i mean the premise of that is like we found a comically handsome man

yeah um man what a funny movie that is that that movie holds up so well top secret is very funny there's a part in the val kilmer documentary where he says i was he's i was starring in a flop that no one could describe to anyone. And I was like, yeah, you can describe it. It's a parody of Elvis movies. He was pretty, if I remember right from that one half that I saw of the documentary, he was pretty negative about Top Secret. Yeah, he was. And I was like, Top Secret's pretty funny. Like, it's not as good as Airplane, but, like, what is?

I guess I didn't know Top Secret was a famous flop. Yeah, apparently so. Or at least it was in Val Kilmer's mind. Yeah. I wondered if it's, you know, he was Juilliard trained, and he, it, like, didn't meet his lofty opinion of what's worthy of him. I don't know. I have to see the rest.

There is a part in the documentary where he does Hamlet to the camera by himself amazing oh boy uh no songs from the ten commandments musical huh he doesn't uh talk sing i didn't see any yes he does a he does a little bit of marion the librarian but sure yeah um yeah it just it does feel i mean obviously this is kind of like self-selecting because i know people i'm most of the people i know are about my age but it does seem like we are in kind of a golden age of reminiscing about 90s hunks i'm thinking uh brend the the brennaissance the brendan frazier rena And of course, you know, Keanu's back. And Durst had a moment, although he was early 2000s. Robert Durst.

Yes. Murder me, daddy. Murder me, daddy. Write an anonymous letter about where my body is. And misspelled Beverly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The Fred Durst. letter about where my body is corpse and misspelled beverly yeah exactly yeah the fred dirt we i mean we were we were talking about this on a past episode of like we're kind of bracing ourselves for the like new metal slash limp biscuit rehab and yeah and i think that like fred durst having a

daddy quality is probably part of what's going to kick that off. Yeah. Yeah. And it's going to be a very like high level of difficulty for the like music hot take people. But it seems like something I can just I can feel it like like it's I got it. I got a trick knee and the rains are coming. Yeah. It seems like before the end of the year we're gonna have a little like

let's reconsider limp biscuit and it's gonna fucking suck and it's gonna be lame i think that has happened really a little bit yeah i think at the point of the smash mouth revival which i say what was that about three four years ago somewhere. The Smash Mouth revival traded on the fact that while Smash Mouth had no accomplishment as instrumentalists or singers and brought nothing to the table thematically or intellectually, that, you know, other than those things, and it having been played into

the ground and being cliched, All Star or whatever is a fun pop song. Right? Like, that's a lot of caveats, to be sure. But at the end of the day, All Star is a fun pop song. You know, maybe if they were good at singing or playing their instruments, they could be Hanson. You know what I mean? Sure. That's the dream. But the question to me with Limp Bizkit and Korn and their contemporaries in that world is, can you bring it to the point where you are rehabilitating the reputations of things that are not just inane, but are actively bad?

Limp Bizkit was actually bad. Not just not good. You know what I mean? Like, most of those Britney Spears hits were just not good. You know, it's fine. She's a pretty good dancer. Okay, singer. You know, there's nothing wrong with those Britney Spears songs. They're hip hop songs for teens. So the revival of those is unsurprising. It's like, you know, the Partridge family had a revival and thanks to Generation X,

right? Fun pop songs, nothing bad to be said about them other than their mild inanity which is part of pop music right but like i do feel like and it might just be hangover from having been a teenager then uh that limp biscuit was actively bad yeah it's allison you were saying you feel like you you've maybe seen some some of this up close. I'm trying to remember who it was that was on my show that was saying he had an affection. Oh, I think it might. I don't want to put Limp Bizkit fandom in the wrong person's heart and soul, but I think it was Vince Mancini. Do you know him? Oh, yeah, sure. Vince Mancini, who writes for Uproxx.

Film drunk. Yes, film drunk. Probably bestcini, who writes for Uproxx. Film drunk. Yes, film drunk. Probably best known for contributing to IFC's The Grid. Yes, sure. And so he hosts Pod Yourself a Gun, which is a Sopranos rewatch podcast that I was a guest on. And then he and his co-host, Matt Lieb. Do you know him? Because he does Good Mythical Morning stuff. Yeah, Matt Lieb went

to college with us. Oh, cool. So they came on Alice in Wonderland's New Best Friend and they were talking about Limp Bizkit and that Woodstock documentary and I believe Vince was saying that he always had an affection for Limp Bizkit and he likes

that people are realizing that maybe we sort of cast them aside too quickly. And I thought, you're insane. Do you think that the Limp Bizkit reconsideration comes before? And look, Jordan, I realized that we did 20 minutes on this three weeks ago. It's your greatest hits. Listen, we're just going to add this to our cycle. We're going to cycle out one of the other things. We're going to cycle out my story about having been in that commercial

for the local weather with Fritz Kuhlman. Let's put that to bed. It's retired. It's up in the rafters, and we are now cycling in theories about the new metal revival. So this, I think, is a really difficult question to answer,

and I wonder where the two of you fall on this. So I think we can agree that in the new metal, rap metal revival, there were two great poles. I'm going to leave aside Korn, because I think there's sort of a third wheel here. One of them is Limp Bizkit, the qualities of which were backwards baseball cap mookery, terrible rapping, having a DJ for no reason. Like Sugar Ray. Like Sugar Ray. Do you think it was the same guy?

I wonder if that guy just jumped from rock band to rock band just to give him a little hip hop cred. band just to give them a little little hip-hop cred so you know a sort of like aggressive dopiness right was their brand their counterpart i think was lincoln park lincoln park there are people who feel otherwise but i'm not one of them. Also kind of bad at rapping. A similar kind of overwrought emotional aesthetic, but much more about a kind of sincere adolescent emotionalism than a sort of standing on your head at a frat party for a beer bong situation. Nookie cookie situation yeah nookie cookie chainsaw skin your ass raw yeah i believe is another uh limp biscuit couplet and

you know like when link i've got it i've got a chainsaw skin your ass raw like when the guy from when the when uh mike shinoda is that his name the front front man of Linkin Park? I think so It's about his surprisingly credible rap album that he put out with all your favorite rappers Yeah, he made a rap album with lots of great rappers It suffered for the fact that he is not a great rapper

Shaq also made one of those albums Shaq has a very nice single with Common on it that would be a great Common song if Shaq has a very nice single with Common on it uh that would be a a great Common song if Shaq weren't on it um but uh like they're very sincere and less awful but I also feel like these revivals often take pleasure in reviving the most counterintuitive thing and rejecting kind of sincere tryhardness. Like sincere tryhardness is not a quality that gets one of these revivals unless it was already the kind of thing that esthetes liked. You know what I mean? Like, the sincere tryhardness of Radiohead doesn't require a revival, right? But the sincere tryhardness of Linkin Park, do you think that even though maybe they were better or at least

less immoral or amoral, means that they get less revival than Limp Bizkit, who will just get your attention by going, bleh! Yeah. I think a nostalgic revival of something kitschy or campy is easier to sort of understand than like, hey, let's go revisit

this sincere emo-ish rap band. Yeah, and I think that if I was chatting with someone about music out in the world and they said like, hey, you know what? I liked Linkin Park as a teen and I'll stick up for him now. That to me wouldn't be that weird. I don't love Linkin Park and if it came on, I wouldn't have that weird like i don't love lincoln park and you know if it came on i wouldn't like have a feeling about it other than like oh man you know this was in every mall when i was a kid um but i wouldn't go i wouldn't go like oh come on come on come on you know you'd be like

well you were 15 sure yeah exactly like i sure there's still like i still hold very dear some of the shit that i liked when i was 15 even though it would like it would cringe a lot of people out and i give them the i i i allow them to cringe i allow them all to cringe and you know uh you know we're 15 it happens but yeah but i think it is it to me the it is specifically about Limp Bizkit and maybe that band that went, oh, wah, ah, ah. Like, those are the ones where I would. Oh, who was that? It might also be Limp Bizkit. Yeah, that's very true.

I found myself recently wondering, just sort of gazing off into space and wondering, what if spin doctors were good? Yeah. Like, maybe. Like, I haven't heard them in the grocery store in quite a while. And I definitely loved them in 1993 in seventh grade. Sure. Two Princes is like looping in my head now. I had two spin doctors albums.

I had the second Spin Doctors album. How was it? I don't remember what it was called or any of the songs on it, but I know I had it. It was sitting there right next to the second Arrested Development album that I had. Now, that one was called Zingala Maduni. I think we all remember that. I was Supes into Blind Melon. Oh.

They actually had an album called Soup, and that was unintended. Blind Melon just had one hit song, right? Yeah, pretty much. No Rain. Yeah. Were you into album cuts on the Blind Melon album? Oh, yeah. I liked the whole album.

I played guitar at the time, and I would play their songs on my acoustic guitar in my dorm room with my Soul Asylum poster. Yeah, I was very into them. I mean, I feel like No Rain is a good song. That's why it was a hit song, right? Yeah. I need to revisit and see if that album holds up.

I feel like it might. Can we talk about something? Gin Blossoms? How do you feel about Gin Blossoms? Not super into them. Wow. Line in the sand. Sorry.

Can we talk about Perry Farrell's new face? Yeah, sure. I didn't know Perry Farrell of Jane's Addiction. And I don't know if it's Perry Farrell or Perry Farrell. I've heard it both ways. I think it's supposed to be a reference to the word peripheral, which I didn't realize until many years ago. I'm going to Google image search him right now. Do it. He's had

plastic surgery. He had a nose job. He's 62 years old, Perry Farrell of Jane's Addiction. Okay, I think I'm seeing a photo of him here at a Tito's Vodka sponsored event.

I think it's somewhat subtle. photo of him here at a Tito's vodka sponsored event. I mean, it's, it's some, I think it's somewhat subtle. So he's not like a Jocelyn Wildenstein. That's the cat. It's not that subtle. He has that kind of, he has that kind of like,

uh, gotta look him up country, like 60 year old woman at a country club in 1979, intensely surprised look around the eyes. At first, oh boy. Yeah, it's a little more extreme than I had remembered it. He's got a bit of shininess to him, too. Like a sort of perma-shine.

At first, I thought, this feels really like selling out. Like, that is not what people who played the original Lollapalooza should be doing with their face and then I thought well actually though maybe it's maybe it is in keeping with someone who's very into performance and looking on and how he looks and stuff like that I don't know what do you guys I mean ultimately isn't he like you know like he's it looks still like he's trying to be david bowie right like and that was that entire generation that was like a significant part of that entire generation's deal even though they were all about authenticity and bowie was all about creating personae Right. Interesting. I think there is a certain amount of like wanting to be as pretty as David

Bowie in that look. Sure. Yeah. He's, he's definitely just as a, with a brief, just going off this brief Google image search that I've done, he really seems to be leaning into scarf to scarf.

Seems to be a big thing, which I think kind of, yeah, I guess my, my feeling about jane's addiction not like not being a super fan of theirs like knowing those couple songs that were on the radio when we were kids like they you know like i guess it would surprise me if you're like oh keith morris from the circle jerks got a bunch of plastic surgery you know but i think like i guess my feeling about jane's addiction was that like

they were a little more like glam style you know sunset strip and they yeah they were a little closer to you know bowie or t-rex or something than they were to you know nirvana but um but again this is uh only a casual Jane's Addiction listener. Yeah, I think it makes sense. I think it makes sense for him. And I think it's, I'm going to be honest, I think it's a significantly better look than 1990s septum piercing,

red white people dreadlocks giant velvet hat which is the other look that I'm looking at in this Google image search that I did are you looking to Jamiroquai? oh no you're looking at old Perry Farrell no this is old Perry Farrell not JK from Jamiroquai okay so listen to this

again now I am freelancing for your show the headline Perry Farrell regrets tragic relationship with David Bowie. Let me see. Where is this from? This is from ultimateclassicrock.com. Perry Farrell said he regretted the, quote, tragic relationship he had with David Bowie, which included incidents where he accidentally handed out his hero's phone number and email

address. The Jane's Addiction singer added that he hoped to make amends but didn't manage to reconnect with bowie before his death though he remained convinced they would meet again um this is why he has to morph into his hero wow his guilt yeah that is i mean like on one hand i'm like oh yeah that's really crazy that he did that. But also, like, if you had Bowie's number, you would want people to know you had Bowie's number. You know, like, that's something, like, that would be too hard. Yeah. Someone once accidentally CC'd me instead of BCCing me on a group email that included Claire Danes.

Ooh. BCCing me on a group email that included Claire Danes. And like basically 97% of my life energy since then has been dedicated towards not just writing her email address on a card and showing it to a camera and pointing to myself. Like, I know this. Hey, maybe for Max Fund Drive this year. You donate enough, you claire danes's email

yes that happens frequently is is too strong but periodically maybe like once every two years it'll happen that some very connected person will send out what they intend to be a bcc and it's just a cc and then it's followed up with an email saying, I'm so sorry. But I'm always like, what if I just emailed these people and invited them on my podcast? Not together. But I never do it, though. Do you guys ever? No.

I've thought about it. I mean, there are people who have been on those email lists. For me, the question is not whether I would email Claire Danes, because I wouldn't, in all sincerity, I would not email Claire Danes. And I felt immediately like ashamed that I had accidentally seen her email address. It's more like, would I email someone that I have met, but who I don't have an email address having relationship with. Someone like, I don't know, the person that's coming to mind is Sarah Silverman. Like Sarah Silverman's been on Bullseye a couple times over many, many years. I've met her, you know, like, hello, this is Sarah

Silverman. Hi, I'm Jesse. Well, gotta go. Like, but she definitely wouldn't know who I was. And like, that's the kind of email address where there's a part of me that's like, what if I just emailed her and invited her on Jordan, Jesse go? Although I usually, what I do is I'll just, in those situations, I'll invite them on Alison Rosen is your new best friend, just to see how it goes as a sort of toe in the water. I would love that. Thank you for being my booker. You're welcome. Look, I work for you, Alison. Look, I work for you, Allison.

That's right. Yeah. I will say I'm aware of this phenomenon of the like accidental CC that was meant to be a BCC. It's never happened to me. I've never done it. Really? I've never illicitly gotten, you know, Jim Gaffigan's email address or anything like that. Yeah. I mean, maybe it's just probably a, you know, probably just a little symbol that

I have failed in my career. And I see it as that. Jordan, have you ever thought you would like to like, like, for example, one of your one of your jobs in your career was you worked a number of years on At Midnight, a comedy competition show where, you know, you wrote all kinds of things, but for at least a portion of the time, your job was to be joined by a celebrity and write jokes with and for them for their appearance on the show. Sometimes that person-

Alison Rosen a few times. That's right. And I won one time. Yeah. You did. Sometimes it's a person you right. And I won one time. Yeah. You did. Sometimes it's a person you know. Sometimes it's Allison Rosen. Sometimes it's Kyle Kinane or Steve Agee or something like that.

But often it's somebody that you don't know but could know. Were you ever tempted to have a social relationship with that person like by sliding them your phone number uh or email address i know you usually you don't don't do email you because you have the sidekick so you usually do right yeah i know never never letting go of this sidekick i'm a sidekick man till i die you will is that the slide out keyboard it is i with the slide-out keyboard? Yeah, it is. It is. I like the slide-out. I like the keyboard. I like the QWERTY. You and Obama like to send each other Blackberry messages.

We love it. Me and Obama. Now, that's an email I do have. Really? No, I wish. That'd be great. Maybe I could get on Bruce Springsteen's podcast. I have Obama's email.

It's blazetrees69 at gmail.com. Right, yeah. Yeah, you know, I tried with Michael Shannon. I tried with Michael Shannon to see if he wanted to, you know, go to Taco Tuesday after the show didn't work out. Really? Did that really happen? No, but I did feel like i i pierced michael

shannon's intense armor just a little bit it felt good i feel like i i had a moment with him and it felt nice because he's a um he's he's michael shannon he's a mike he is as michael shanoney as you you would hope yeah you never made friends with anyone that you worked with? No, not really. I was so afraid of being fired from that job all the time. I didn't want to do anything unprofessional. Guys, I actually, speaking of piercing the veil of celebrity, I have something for probably our most beloved recurring segment,

letters to Burt Reynolds. Letters to Burt Reynolds. Allison, just so you know, Burt Reynolds published a book that was sent to us by our friend J. Keith Van Straten of letters sent to him by his many admirers.

It's called Hotline. The letters I get, dot, dot, dot. And right. We've shared some of these letters now again i want to make it clear a lot of times it may seem like i have chosen these letters carefully through a through a process of working in pre-production um but regular jordan jesse go listeners will know that uh that's an absurd suggestion uh instead I'm basically just opening the book and reading from it because J. Keith Van Straten sent it to me. I didn't even buy this at a used bookstore myself.

Dear Burt Reynolds, I just thought I would write you and tell you I think you are groovy and almost the greatest. But I have to be honest and tell you, my number one guy is Joe Namath. I have posters of him all over my basement because my mom won't let me hang them upstairs. Me, 22 years old. You do come right after Joe, though. You two remind me of each other.

You're often down-to-earth people and you're really nice to your fans. Please forgive me if I put Joe first, but you're a close second. Love you guys. It's really, I like that it starts out with a neg. It's from Amelia in Montana. There's no way Burt Reynolds and Joe Namath made it out of the 70s without being at a key party together, huh?

Yeah, I mean, it seems like... It seems like they probably shared that fur coat once or twice. Dear Bert, I'm married, have three children, ages 16, 15, and 2. I'm 34 and married to a 6-foot-2-inch hunk of hung man. Wow. This is the husband writing it.

Go ahead. The the husband writing it. Go ahead. The husband is writing this. I hope my wife talks about me this way when she's writing letters to Burt Reynolds. How tall are you? I'm 6'3", but I take the demotion in height for the promotion and crank. Sure. Dear Burt Reynolds, I'm married. I have three three children ages

ten seven and four I'm thirty nine and married to a six foot three inch hunk of medium penis man doesn't have the same ring to it sure yeah alliteration there's a fun

alliteration hunk of hung man hunk and hung. It sounds nice. It's like cellar door. Spool. Spool. Okay. How about a four by eight foot nude photo of you so I could put it on the wall at the foot of our bed? You are all man and handsome you are sexy delicious

in other words you have got it and i mean all of it if you do another nude pose would you please move your hand away after all you were hiding the best part then instead of hanging you up in the garage, all the women will lay you under their pillow. That's from Tilly in the Bronx. How's her well-hung tall man or whatever he is going to feel about this nude Burt Reynolds on the wall? I mean, probably pretty good. Who knows what Burt Reynolds has in his little hand in those nudies? I can say this is the husband is writing this.

He would like Burt Reynolds to fuck his wife or wife to watch while Burt Reynolds fucks him. Yeah. Both of which seem probably great. Good for him. But yeah, this really. Yeah. I don't know that. I don't know that the wife knows this got written.

Yeah. Hi, Burt, baby. This is the best book. Yeah. yeah i don't know that i don't know that the wife knows this got written yeah hi bert baby this is the best book yeah it's this is in was in reese's book club right yeah i i think that if they get rid of huckleberry finn because it has the N word in it a lot. They should use this instead in school curricula. Hi, Bert baby. Oh, great. Another dead white man.

Oh, boy. Hi, Bert baby. One night of heaven. Reynolds is dead, right? Yeah, probably. Oh, I don't know. They preserved his mustache in formaldehyde, like Ted Williams' head. Right, yeah, they're going to grow a new one with cloning technology.

They're propagating it right now. They're going to plant it in their herb garden eventually. Hi, Bert, baby. One night of heaven. Oh, Bert, if I live to be a million, I'll never forget last night. If I live to be a million, nothing else will ever touch it. Now I know what it's like to be an astronaut. For you, my darling lover, single-handedly put me on the moon with your passionate embraces. Return to me tonight, my ardent love mate. You and I have opened my floodgates and I

swim out tempestuously to overwhelm you in the eternal waves of my unleashed love juices. I would be afraid of this person if I were Burt Reynolds. Thank you, thank you, thank you for every second

of last night, for awakening me at last. Tonight, come to me again. Signed, Flying in Fort Worth. P.S. Don't get scared. It was only a dream. A girl can dream, can't she? Oh.

Twist. A twist worthy of Shyamalan.alan i was gonna say it's a real oh henry kind of story right yes actually actually you got the you actually did you uh you kind of inadvertently plugged my new podcast in there jesse i know that um you know everybody loves allison rosen is your new best friend but um i'm just here to announce the uh um the release of jordan morris is your new best friend, but I'm just here to announce the, the release of Jordan Morris is your ardent lover. Coming soon to let's say head gum. I don't know. Can I tell you,

my mom just texted me. Yeah. And my mom just texted me. I bought her tickets to see our friend Guy Branum at the Punchline in San Francisco. Oh, fun. Yeah, of course. And she went with my friend John King from high school. Of course, you guys know John.

Great guy. Yeah. They're sort of buddies. They like to go to stuff together once a year or so. You know, they go to a comedy show together. That's so sweet. Amazing. I'll get my mom tickets or something she'll say i'll invite big john she'll say anyway this is what my uh my mom said about she met guy after the show uh she said uh fyi i invited him to eric's birthday party on sunday he couldn't come which i like that that's forward but i like it i like that my mom immediately invited guy to her friend's birthday party he was taking his niece to davis but i tried

this is our review of the show guy is a very clever man uh the other two comedians were witty but i get tired of jokes about dick shots. And then that. That's why she doesn't listen to Journey Just to Go, right? Yeah, that's why she doesn't. Who are the other comedians? I don't know. You know, two.

John and Jane Dickshot. Husband and wife comedy duo. Yeah, I get tired of jokes about dick shots, Allison. Dick shots is a momism for dick pics? It must be. One presumes it is, right? I think so. I would love it if their whole acts were about catching it in the jewels, though. It's playing sports bloopers. Okay, that's our letter segment. We'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective no jordan let me tell you this yes

maximum fun all of maximum fun and this show specifically, supported by its members. Okay, I'm talking about people who went to MaximumFun.org slash join. You know about those people, right, Jordan? I know every one of them by name. I'm going to list them now. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They didn't sign up for that, Jordan. Bill, okay. But you know who did sign up to be mentioned on this program who our good friends at zip recruiter ah we love them yes

that's right zip recruiter now look for me there are some things in my life i like to pick out myself so i know i've got the right one. I'm talking about a convection toaster oven. I get the good one. It's worth it because then you're roasting vegetables in there every day. It's easy and you're eating a better diet. Or if you're just cooking one steak, you put it into the convection toaster oven. You don't have to preheat your entire regular oven just to cook one steak, which is why, which is why, Jordan, Zip Recruiter says,

get yourself a high quality convection toaster oven. That's true. But they also say, hey, do you have a job that needs filling with a person? Yeah, like it's dinner time and you need a side dish, but you don't want to preheat your old oven just to make roast vegetables. Yeah, they say that. And then they also say, you know how you pick out the thing you like? What if you could also do that same thing for hiring? Oh, that makes sense.

The Recruiter has an invite to apply feature and they let you pick your favorites from the best candidates jordan how does that work well they send you qualified candidates and you can easily invite your top choices to apply for your job for me it's got to be baby carrots Carrots, yes. For the job of side dish. Yeah. If you need an endorsement, Lauren Webb, the SVP of Talent Acquisition for Mendula Health. Ooh. Yeah. That's a good health organization.

Ooh. Mendula? They got Mendula for this? Yeah. Lauren Webb, SVP of Talent Acquisition specifically. They rave about ZipRecruiter's invite to apply feature. She says, I love that feature because we have a much higher follow-through rate if I invite candidates. Well, now that you mention this, I think people should see for themselves. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo to try ZipRecruiter for free.

That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJ Go. And Jordan, I've got an update on some erroneous information that I shared earlier. Oh my gosh, please. My choice is Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts is going to be my top roasted vegetable in the convection toaster oven. Sorry, carrots. Better luck next time. Yeah, you're great too.

We're also supported this week, speaking of munchables, by our good friends at Magic Spoon. You know what's cool about Magic Spoon? This is a breakfast cereal that does not have any grains in it. No cereal in this cereal. And it's high in protein.

So it satisfies at breakfast time. My favorite peanut butter flavor, but I also like frosted flavor. Oh yeah, a lot of great flavors over there at Magic Spoon. The cereal with zero grams of sugar, 13 to 14 grams of protein, 140 calories, and only four net grams of carbs in each serving. Gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, and low-carb. Jesse, yeah, they've got frosted. They've got peanut butter. There's also cocoa, fruity, blueberry, cinnamon, cookies and cream, and maple waffle. If you're tired of soy cereals, get Magic Spoon.

Yeah. You know what? Here's the thing Get Magic Spoon. Yeah. You know what? You don't... Here's the thing about Magic Spoon. Once in a while, Magic Spoon's so tasty, once in a while when I'm making my kids dinner,

I'll put a few Magic Spoons on that plate. Because I know they're going to love that as a treat, but they're also going to get some satisfying protein from that little treat

that I gave them. And they always love to eat them. You could eat them as a midnight snack, Jordan, and have some magic spoons. Here's my magic spoon hack. Sprinkle it over yogurt. Ooh, that sounds nice. That's quite the hack.

Thank you. Jordan, you're a spoon hacker. I'm a spoon hacker now and forever. You're a white hat spoon hacker. But I might flip. Yeah. Magic Spoon just brought back two super popular flavors.

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So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money. No questions asked. That's magicspoon.com slash JJGO and use the code JJGO to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. Thank you, Magic Spoon. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan J. Segal. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love detective. Alison Rosen, Fred Durst apologist, or am I? Oh. A mystery.

This is the intrigue we needed on this program. Paging Miss Marple. Hello, it is me, Poirot. I am here to question Alison Rosen. Murder, she wrote lady you're here too whatever the main guy from Columbo is called is here I don't know

I don't know what that guy's name is and Perry Mason is here in case I need legal representation all the greats all the greats they all come together to find out under one banner to find out how alice and rosen feels about well look you meet colombo it's a momentous occasion give us a

call 206-9844-FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org we have one of these occasions from our friend Brian, our producer. He's going to press play on it. So, Brian, ready, set, go. Hi, JJ Go. And I'm going to guess Priscilla Alonzo. This is Lizzie, a listener, longtime listener. I wanted to call on a momentous occasion and say that I just got married and not only did I just get married but Jordan Morris is here with me

and my fiance. Thank you guys. Love the show. Love you guys. I'll see you guys later I guess. I don't know. Bye. Congratulations Lizzie. That was me. That was me saying woo. Did you guys later, I guess. I don't know. Bye. Congratulations, Lizzie. Yeah, that was me. That was me saying woo. Did you guys hear me say woo? Jordan.

Did you guys tell that was me saying yes? It was exciting to hear your voice on a podcast. Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh? I mean, it would have been cool if it was like a podcast anyone listens to. Yeah, right. Yeah. Brian, can you play that on Marin next week? Yeah.

Port it over to Jordan Morris is your ardent lover oh yeah i'll go yeah sure yeah brian's brian's coming with me to that uh lizzie let's say earwolf i know uh i know lizzie too i've met lizzie yeah cool lady um i i will say that lizzie referred to her, uh, the person that she had just married as her fiance. Um, I think it wasn't, wasn't legal yet because of they, maybe they hadn't, you know,

the efficient hadn't signed it and dropped it in the mail. And the, uh, the DJ had not yet played. Um, can't stop believing. Okay, great.

So I know those are the two requirements to be legally yet played, um, can't stop believing. Okay, great. So I know those are the two requirements to be legally married in, um, uh, yeah, in the state of Massachusetts, which is where the wedding was. Uh, I got to go to Cape Cod for my first time to the wedding. It was very nice. I'm jealous of you for a couple of reasons here, Jordan. Yeah. What is the regular reason more talented than me? Uh, at that gray hat. Yeah. One is the regular reason. More talented than me. Get that gray hat. Yeah. Where am I going to get a gray hat? Number two is going to be, I'm going to say number two is, you know, you got to go to a great destination for a cool destination wedding with a great friend.

Amazing. That's something I'm jealous of. I mean, Cape Cod is really great. I've never been there. I bought some of their famous taffy. Get to go there. You get to, in my experience, have lunch with Jay Allison, public radio legend Jay Allison. He's an amazing man. He's got five children in a boat he built himself. Jay Allison, great guy. Cape Cod, great place. So that's the number two reason I'm jealous of you. Number three reason I'm jealous of you,

one of your friends listens to your show. Yeah. My wife doesn't even listen to this show. It'd be funny if you got a call from your wife during her wedding. Yeah, how did it happen that she decided to call in? Yeah, we were just, this was at the, I can set the scene. This is at the reception.

Yeah, kind of beautiful, kind of like outdoor space at a family home, kind of overlooking. Completely surrounded by lobsters. Yes, all the lobsters were closing in lobsters and lobstermen uh a lighthouse was yeah about to pounce on us you heard you could hear a chorus in the distance going oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah just some new england shit some new england sounds uh Yes this was kind of like out on the dance floor Everybody's you know milling about Doing wedding reception stuff

And yeah she just kind of gave me the wave over She's like I'm gonna call the podcast And we all kind of crowded around And it was beautiful It was beautiful love is real Do you guys know that love is real I've heard this I've heard songs about it Yeah the songs all true I knew what I imagined it would be like real do you guys know that love is real i've heard this i've heard songs about it yeah i mean i knew

i knew what i imagined it would be like if if uh jesus christ what's his name hugh grant oh jesus let me try edit this in brian no don't leave it let's see that we want to see how the sausage is made i know what it would be like i know what i imagine it would be like if hugh grant crinkled at me is what i was trying to say in that case i would believe that love is real but that's just just my imagination running away with me jordan yeah people and. People are still crinkling. People are still tying the knot. Yeah. They're crinkling earlier and earlier. Yeah.

That's true. Our babies are crinkling babies. I don't think babies should be crinkling. Listen, wait until you're in love to crinkle. Yeah. Maybe waiting until you're married is a little bit antiquated. But at least wait the person you're crinkling with is special can i just say can i say something try crinkling with your partner before you get married just to make sure because you don't want to get locked into a lifetime of crinkling compatibility right so true yeah and you don't

want to like wait until you're married and then like find out that the person you're married to is into like shit crinkling you know like no shame if you are into shit crinkling that's great but you're gonna want to find a partner who's some hadako with your partner if you're gonna do a bunch of shit crinkling yeah you don't want to meet somebody on FetLife.Krinkle. Right. Exactly. Yeah. SinkingKrinkleArrangement.com. It's a BDSK.

K is for Krinkle. I don't know what the other letters are for. 206-984-4FUN or JJGO at Maximum maximumfun.org we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go La la la la la la la we have wasted this world our magic put a storm in the sky that has rendered the surface of our planet uninhabitable but beneath the surface well that's another story entirely. In a city built leagues below the apocalypse,

survivors of the storm forge paths through a strange new world. Some seek salvation for their homeland above. Others seek to chart the vast undersea expanse outside the city's walls. And others still seek, what else? Fortune and glory. Dive into the Aether Sea, the latest campaign from the Adventure Zone, every other Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hey there, beautiful people. Did you hear that good, good news? La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Hey there, beautiful people. Did you hear that good, good news? Something about the baby Jesus? He's coming back. Or do you mean the fact that Apple Podcasts has named Fanti one of the best shows of 2020? I mean, we already knew that we was hot stuff, but a little external validation never hurts okay hosted by me writer and journalist Jared Hill and me the ebony entrantress myself

Javel Anderson Fanta is your home for complex conversations about the gray areas in our lives the people places and things we're huge fans of but got some anti feelings toward you name it we Fanta you nobody's off limits check us out every thursday on maximumfund.org or wherever you get your slay worthy audio

it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective allison rosen crinkle enthusiast. Yeah, she out here crinkling. Loves to crinkle. What's your, okay. We were talking about fries earlier. Allison, top fry preparation. Or top fry shape. Do you have an opinion?

Yeah, like I don't know what you call just a classic, basic McDonald's fry. Just straight, not. A steak fry can fuck off i'm very i'm very anti-steak fry there's too much potato in the middle yeah it's just it's a disappointment can i give a steak fry hack don't order them oh yeah order a different kind of have the rice peel rice pilaf. That's my hack. Have the mixed vegetable. This is like diner side humor. I really like a steak fry.

If you tell the fry person. The fry guy? Your wait staff, the fry guy. If you tell the hamburglar. You tell Grimace himself, if you tell your waiter that you want the fries well done, and if they leave them in there a little bit longer and you're getting something that is crispy and golden brown and maybe even a little bit burnt if you like that, which I do. I think that kicks steak fry up into a whole other stratosphere of side dish. Because yes, I understand what people don't like about the

kind of floppy, potatoey steak fry. But I think if you can get them well done, if you're looking for a local recommendation, they'll do it for you at Cantor's and they'll do a fucking great job. I think give it a shot if for some reason you are looking to reintegrate

steak fries into your meal. You don't have to. It's an unhealthy carb. It becomes good for a steak fry, but is it preferable to a different kind of fry? I like it a lot. I think it's great

and it's like great. I think it goes great with like a deli sandwich. I think it's a great kind of side or like, you know, that kind of like bad diner steak that you put a lot of a1 on are steak fries the big rectangular ones or the wedge ones because when i say steak fry i'm thinking of the wedge shaped shitty fry but i don't i don't like either of the ones i mentioned yeah i think that's more of a potato wedge what that you're picturing i think a steak fry is like

a is like a three times too big regular fly fry maybe it's a little flatter than a regular fry yes okay yeah i don't care for those either you know they suck i don't like i mean the thing about this is that while i do like french fries because i'm not insane i don't especially love potatoes so the potato we your ones i'm like i would just i'll have the pasta please like i i don't i what i want is uh a crispity crunchity oil venue. Yes. To me, I think I'm going number one is always going to be like a palm frites type. Not a full shoestring, but like a more slender standard fry

and a little crispier on the outside than a McDonald's fry or something like that. And then after that, it's just whatever one has the most crinkles on it. So like a crinkle cut fry often is basically just a wiggly steak fry. But a crinkle cut regular size fry is better. It's more crispy. Yeah, there's more surface area to be a crispy oil vehicle.

I hadn't thought about that. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's the main thing. And then, you know, after that, you know, I don't mind the seasoning that they put on a seasoned fry. So I'm glad to have a curly fry or a waffle fry or whatever. But it's mostly a matter of texture to me, and I prefer a crispier fry. How about like a sweet potato fry? I mean, a sweet potato fry is fine.

I like the taste better, but it's a lot harder to make a sweet potato crispy. I think a sweet potato fry is a great like shared app i think as a side dish i think they have diminishing i think when you have two mint like five sweet potato fries or six sweet potato fries is a great amount of sweet potato fries especially if they're giving you like spicy aioli or something with them um but yeah as a like side dish that you're gonna like shovel into your face i think they they take a little bit of a dive. Yeah, that's a good point. What would you say is your fork rate in Jordan?

We can't do other people's segments. We can talk about food. Now that we're doing our friend's podcast. Talk about hot salads or whatever. Yeah. Did you say hot salad? I did say that. It's a recurring Doughboy show. But we're not doing Doughboys, Josh.

We all love the dough boys. Maybe instead of talking about our favorite side dishes, maybe we should just let our complicated emotional conflicts bubble just barely to the surface. Listen, they don't own talking about food in general, but we can't do their things. Yeah, we can't. Allison Rosen, it's been a delight as it always is it's time for just me or everyone okay so this is the segment where people write in with things they think or do and they wonder is it just me everyone and we weigh in um yeah it was

i i was uh i always love coming on this show in fact if jordan hadn't reached out to me i probably would have said to him hey if you need a guest I would love to come on one of these days. And then he reached out to me and it was just perfect. I always have the best time with you guys. So thank you. It's the Rosen mind meld. It happens. Look, if you're interested in trying out Alison Rosen is your new best friend, which is a wonderful friendship podcast like this one. Why not check out one of the episodes that Jordan's on? You. You already love Jordan. I mean, look, you've sent me the emails.

I wish the Jordan Jesse Go didn't have you on it so I could enjoy Jordan more. And here we are. Just listen to one of those Allison Rosen's Your New Best Friends with Jordan on it. Just send those future emails to claredames at hotmail.dames. Yeah. Hotmail.dames. Yeah. I think the one truism of being cc'd instead of bcc'd on those email addresses, and I don't remember if this is the case with Claire Danes specifically, but almost invariably, every celebrity's email address is their name at gmail.com. I was thinking, do you think Oprah is just Oprah at gmail.com?

I bet she is. Probably Oprah at Oprah.com, right? Yeah. Any of those probably reach her. Or admin at Oprah.com. Right. Info at Oprah.net.

Right. Alison Rosen, always great to talk to you. Alison's podcast, Alison Rosen is your new best friend. Our producer on program brian sunny d fernandez our theme music love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records uh valerie moffitt on the uh video streams uh Saturday afternoon. Record this time around, folks. Go to

facebook.com slash jordanjessego so you can watch the next time we do it. Oh, we're doing live cams of me and Jordan doing it. A lot of foot stuff. Huge nude Burt Reynolds poster. Yeah. You know

me and Jordan are crankling. You can join us on Reddit, maximumfun.reddit.com. On Twitter, hashtag it JJGo. If you have quality concerns about the podcast, tweet them at JDPower. And hey, I want to give a special shout out. power um and hey i want to give a special shout out uh uh associate producer sometime editor dylan higgins uh has been editing this show sometime but we haven't been putting him in the credits why because um i forget to ask brian and brian forgets to tell me which ones he's working on so if it's a good one just assume that dylan worked on it and if it's a good one, just assume that Dylan worked on it. And if it's a bad one, blame Brian.

Not us. We have nothing to do with the quality of this show. It's all the editors. Yeah. You know what? Blame Claire Danes. Let's throw it out there. She's good in everything.

She can take the hit. That's it. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. Bye-bye. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Mexico.