Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 707: A Turn for the Goop with Sarah Vowell

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

Sarah Vowell joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of the most popular Montana native Mike Mansfield, Sarah's signed picture with former President Jimmy Carter that says "Stay cool!" and the pros and cons of having a kid who plays sports versus a kid who is into theater. Plus, Jesse puts Jordan and Sarah's trivia knowledge to the test with a very real quiz!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. It's wonderful to see you, Jordan. We're in the season here in Los Angeles where you and I live. Well, certainly you live in Pasadena, the Rose City. Isn't Portland also the Rose City? I think it's quite a rivalry.

Yeah. Between various Rose Cities. Pasadena should invade Portland. It'll be the twee-est war in history. They'll just have to wait until there's a USC game, USC football game at the rose bowl in order to have the bodies they need to really smash it out there and right portland there's a lot of brunch related rivalries yeah sorry portland thorns fc got some usc usc linemen to take care of

you um uh what was i saying oh i was just gonna say about the weather yeah we're in the we're in Got some UFC linemen to take care of you. What was I saying? Oh, I was just going to say about the weather. Yeah, let's hear about it. We're in the season in Los Angeles where you see that the calendar has turned. You note that it's the end of September, the beginning of October. You're having fantasies about falling leaves and brisk walks in the park. And one day the weather changes.

One day you look outside, it's overcast. You look at the weather forecast and you think, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to put on a light coat. Oh, yeah. You think to yourself, I'm going to put on long pants, maybe even blue jeans. You say to yourself, I'm going to be prepared for the coming of autumnal temperatures. You go outside, it is a beautiful day. Maybe you get yourself a hot apple cider. And just a suggestion, it's not a requirement, but you could get yourself a hot apple cider. And then two days later, it's 90 fucking four.

It's just 94 again. It's just Los Angeles is like, ha ha, gotcha, asshole. 12th year in a row, fuck face. I had two cardigan nights last week, and they were beautiful. And you know what? I'm not going'm not gonna listen

la is hot climate change is only making it worse it will only get worse it won't get better this is gonna get worse um so i just like fucking enjoyed it i just enjoyed it and i'm like these are my two cardigan nights i'm looking great Feeling great. Maybe I'll push up the sleeves if I need to like eat something. That's a good feeling. I would say Cardigan Nights is probably my favorite Brian Ferry album from the 90s. Does that sound like the right? We're going to have to bring our guest in. Cardigan Nights is a specific battle in the Pasadena-Portland War. We lost a lot of good men. We lost a lot of good men during the cardigan nights. Maybe it's a special force.

Maybe it's like a specially trained force in the Pasadena Portland War. Anyway, call out the cardigan nights for special missions. Yeah, so I had my two cardigan nights. They were great. I cherish them you know i'm not i'm not crying because they're gone i'm laughing because they happened yeah and yeah but i i discovered that yeah it is it is now too hot to wear the cardigan except if i just like if i'm only wearing the cardigan like around the around the house, then it's fine.

It's fine, yeah. Is it a soft? It's not a, is it a, what are we looking at, a merino? All new wool? No. Are we talking about a merino, a cashmere blend, silken cashmere? No, I don't know. It's from that, it's from that kind of, like, Japanese essential store, Muji.

Yeah. It's a Muji. It's probably pretty nice. It's probably a nice synthetic blend. It's from that kind of like Japanese essential store Muji. Yeah. It's a Muji. It's probably pretty nice. Probably a nice synthetic blend. It's great. Or I'll also throw this out there. Maybe you got iron nips, so you're not sweating it. You know what I mean?

That's not true. No. These little babies are sensitive. Ooh, don't touch me. Maybe a little. Shut up, nipples. Shut the fuck up. I'm on a work call.

I'm on a fucking work call. God damn it, this is a funeral. I am speaking at a funeral. And yeah, maybe I shouldn't be wearing a cardigan and only a cardigan at a funeral. Yeah, it's disrespectful to the dead. Sure. But it was the only black top I had. Sure.

Yes. Shut the fuck up. Fucking nipples, man. You know what, Jordan? Let me just say this. You're not the only one that hates your nipples you know yeah oh yeah do you are you having some issues with your nipples 20 years 20 years we've known each other jordan 20 years i've been biting my tongue oh boy i haven't said a word this whole time two decades here it comes jordan rant the whole time rant I have been keeping master keeping

in Dennis Dennis Miller's dead and there's a new guy in town to yell at your nips um wow it's been a long time since we've had this guest on the program and i wish we'd prepared something more appropriate to open the show with something that wouldn't she's an acclaimed jordan this is an acclaimed literary figure we have on our show this week yep she's the author of numerous best-selling books of uh popular history told with a humorous bent uh her famous voice has been heard on public radios around this great nation for lo these many decades she's perhaps montana's most legendary resident when Dan Rather and David Letterman and Michael Keaton and Huey Lewis and a few other people are at their houses in L.A. Chris Fairbanks, too.

Chris Fairbanks, also. What do you say? This guest or Chris Fairbanks? Who's the more legendary child of Montana? Well, let's decide that definitively at the end of the episode. Great. See how she does. Our friend and yours, Sarah Vowell.

Hi, Sarah. Hi, fellas. It's great to have you on the show. Obviously, as you know, the most admired Montanan, there was a poll, was Senate Majority Leader Mike Mansfield. Oh. Thank God. We had Mansfield on a couple weeks ago and he did alright.

He did a little stuff that I was like maybe get woke dude. Yeah he did this thing about how like comedians are truth tellers and we shouldn't reign them in. He did a whole chunk about it. You guys, I am not going to let you besmirch Mike Mansfield.

Even in a bit, even in an obviously fake bit. He's off limits. I can't hear him. I guess I don't know a lot about Mansfield. Can you describe what makes Mansfield so great? Well, he was our longest-serving Senate Majority Leader. He helped usher the civil rights laws of the 1960s through the Senate. He was also Jimmy Carter's ambassador to Japan

and is responsible for repairing our relationship with Japan. And then he was about to come home and Ronald Reagan is like, hey, can you stick around? And then he was Reagan's ambassador to Japan. So he is justifiably revered. And he was also known for a certain humility in his demeanor. And on the last day when he was going to be Senate Majority Leader, he showed up to work and he understood they were going to spend the whole day talking him up and celebrating his career.

Walked out the door and never came back. Whoa. So lay off. That's double birds. That's the later fuck faces. That's the Mansfield mic drop. That's what they call that. Yes.

Is there a Mansfield fantasy tour you can take in Montana? Can you see like... There's a nice statue of him and his wife Maureen at the Capitol in Helena. There's also the Mansfield Center at the University of Montana, which has many fascinating archives. Sarah, now I know that you're a civics enthusiast right that's why I'm doing this show obviously yeah how does a bill become a law I did have it like another civics thought you were talking about cardigans uh-huh and one time i was um speaking

at the jimmy carter uh the carter center in atlanta and i talked about my i actually really like the so-called malaise speech where he never uses the word malaise because he's just talking to americans like we're adults like you know and he's where that's the one where he's just talking to Americans like we're adults. That's the one where he's wearing the cardigan. He was wearing the cardigan because of the energy crisis or because he was being sincere or something. Yeah, and so I did get an autographed photo from him wearing the cardigan, and it says, Stay cool, Jimmy Carter.

Wow. Yes! Yes. Yeah. Jimmy Carter. Wow. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Fucking Carter. Barack Obama's not the only funny president, Jordan. No. Actually, one time, I did meet him one time,

because we had the same publisher for a while, and we were exchanging books, because he writes a book every 12 minutes, and I was looking at his bio. And his bio has president of the United States. And I was like, your bio kind of kicks my bio's ass, right? Yeah. Second city level one improv.

Yeah. He looked at mine and he said, I guess you could still win the Nobel Prize. Wow. Yeah. Zinger. mine and he said i guess you could still win the nobel prize wow yeah zinger so carter so carter will throw out the neg huh yeah i could still win it you could let's just see how this program goes yeah the nobel committee loves loves the show every week we send it to them. Every week we don't hear anything back. So we figure they're just waiting for the next one to make their final decision. Right. Right. You know what I mean?

And I think maybe they get lost in the mail sometimes, too. We do mail them. Yeah. Yeah. The Baltic. Those are rough waters. Yeah. That's a good point.

We should send them par avion. When we were just like pre-record, we were doing a little bit of chatting. And Sarah, you mentioned that, no, I've never been to Montana. You were saying that Montana is so big that the place you are in is like four hours away from all the other Montana stuff. Or six. is like four hours away from all the other Montana stuff. Or six. Montana, I think it takes about nine or ten hours to drive across Montana.

Although California is quite big, too. That's true. Yeah, well, north-south is what's California is maybe 12 hours, 12, 14, something like that. But east-west, we're talking east-west. Yeah. California is long. Montana is wide. That's right. And width is talking East-West. Yeah. California's long, Montana is wide. That's right. And width is very important too.

Yeah. What is your... Idaho, of course, is ribbed. What is your area of Montana like versus the other areas of Montana? You're in Bozeman, right? I am in Bozeman. I mean western Montana and eastern Montana are quite different eastern Montana you got your great

plains that's the part of the state that I call West Dakota so it's it's flat it's it's uh farms ranches uh and then I'm in uh western Montana which is mountains. And I'm in, Bozeman is a college town, which the rest of Montana doesn't think of us as Montana because we're too, you know, pretentious. Is there like a keep Bozeman weird movement? That's over. Okay. All the, yeah, that's too late for that uh our real estate situation is

healthy i guess would be the bright side way to put it okay yeah seller's market maybe yeah let's just say there are fewer punk bands than when i was growing up who who are the who are the bozeman montana punk bands you got your crate washer you got your beat nothings they might not have considered themselves punk um there was schmutz there was oh scribbled beauty obviously you don't want to forget them shock treatment vacation uh steel pole bathtub Vacation. Stillpo Bathtub was probably the most famous one. You know what they say about the schmutz shows in the 80s? What? If you remember them, you weren't there, man.

If you remember those schmutz shows. Yeah. I mean, I'm tempted, Sarah, to now just invite you to say a bunch of random words and then at the end of it claim that they were punk bands. Yeah. There's Flop Daughter. There was. say a bunch of random words and then at the end of it claim that they're punk fans yeah there's flop daughter there was oh but flop that was flop was a there was flop but that was a great power pop band from seattle oh in the 90s rusty um who also i think was Rusty, one of the Fastbacks drummers for a while. Anyway, American history, it's my beat. So Sarah, I was about to say, I don't think of you as punk rock.

I think of you maybe as alternative. Were you a punk rock teen? I was more, you're right. I was more alternative, but I loved all the punk books. Oh, what's a good punk book uh let's see you got your england's dreaming by john savage that was the english punk book please kill me the oral history of punk that was more of a new york punk book um lipstick traces by grill marcus that That's a good one. You know, what I liked about the stories was it's about people who, you know, they just want it.

They have something to say. They don't know how to play their instruments and they do it anyway. Yeah. And then you get to enjoy what they have to say. Right. Without necessarily having to deal with listening to them play their instruments. I mean, yeah, yeah. But I was part of the local radio station. It was kind of college, kind of community radio station.

And I was a DJ there. And you could hear a wide variety of genres. You still can. What are we looking at? Reggae and Espanol? I mean, there was some of that. There was a blues show. There was a country show.

One guy has been on there my entire life, and his show is called Indie Chill Wave. Yeah. The guy from the Beat Nothings, he still has a show, obviously, Kels. So, yeah. I do remember, you know, with all of this stuff that happens nowadays with, you know, various artists getting fired from life. I do remember in the, maybe it was like the late 80s, there had to be a meeting because James Brown was, I believe, convicted of assaulting his wife. maybe it was like the late 80s there had to be a meeting because james brown was i believe

convicted of assaulting his wife and we had to have a meeting about whether we were going to play james brown anymore and i don't think anyone made any decisions but we kind of tacitly decided what's the point of having a radio station if you can't play James Brown but we decided we were mad at him I'm gonna do it I'm not gonna like it yeah exactly um Sarah are there any um are there any inter-Montana like rivalries I always like hearing about the like you know East Montana hates West Montana because blank. It's more. Yeah, there are. I mean, there's the big the big obvious one is urban versus rural. And I mean, I'm in I mean, urban in the Montana sense, you know, our biggest city is Billings,

which maybe has I could be wrong. I think it has 120,000 people. My town, Bozeman, just bumped up from a metropolitan statistical area to a metropolitan statistical area because we just went past 50,000 people. And so all the cities. Thank you. We might get a new sewer, you guys. So I'm pretty excited about it. Maybe some water, some affordable housing. If you make the sewers nice enough, you might get yourself some local Ninja Turtles. Yeah, well, here's hoping.

That's the dream. Or, fingers crossed, some chuds. The whole state, there's this stupid idea that the rural people, their lives are more valuable and they're better people than us city slickers. You know, your people in your Helena, your Butte, your Kalispell. Billy Crystal. Yeah. Daniel Stern. All those city slickers.

And I object to this un-American idea that you know some rancher in Rosebud County that his life is more valuable than mine just because I mean clearly I'm with you I'm obviously spending my life in a valuable way and he is

feeding America but you know hey this is important we have to let the people know about Manscaped. Yeah. We have ball trimmers to advertise. I feel like, Sarah,

if you got rid of the podcasters, you know, America might be a little sadder. If you got rid of the historians, America might not

know its past. But if you got rid of those ranchers, who the fuck are you going to ask about the legend of Curly's gold? I mean, those are the guys that know that kind of shit. John Lovitz was in the second one, I think. They have really hard lives, you guys, and they have to get up so early. That's true. So we'll cut them a little slack.

I have to get up early, but I just have a very powerful internal clock. So I'm not really getting up early for anything, but, you know, I just wake up at 630. It's just going to kind of get up and start doing your thing. 630. That's like Missoula hours in Montana. Bozeman, we're up at five. Ooh, la la. 630. Yeah. I get the impression, you know,

Sarah, I know you originally moved back to Montana in part to be closer to your family, but I get the impression that maybe a Montana lifestyle was something that you were prepared to return to. Is that true? I mean, are you saying that when i lived in new york city i wasn't um out on the town till 4 a.m every night um that's possible i mean i there are things to love about the montana lifestyle what are your top montana what are your top montana things that you enjoy leaving aside you know earlier when you were talking about how you, the weather had turned in LA, which I think that means it's three degrees cooler. Yeah.

You know, I was, I was out walking this morning and you'd think we'd have too many evergreen trees to have color change around here, but the leaves are yellow and red. And I was kicking the you know the crispy leaves on the sidewalk like a six-year-old and um like the nature is obviously of the huge draw and I'm in a mountain surrounded or I'm in a valley surrounded by mountains and uh you know it's it's very, and winter is very beautiful,

and there aren't as many ambulances, partly because our hospital is overloaded and doesn't have enough services. But I don't miss the noise of New York City. I do miss certain foods. I miss Broadway, obviously. I mean, it's nice having a life where you only see plays your nephew is in, Certain foods. I miss Broadway, obviously. I mean, it's nice having a life where you only see plays your nephew is in. What is the last play your nephew was in?

I think it was Anything Goes. That's a good one. Our friend Elliot Kalin from The Flophouse went with his son Sammy. He's a real theater lover. Went with his son Sammy recently to an outdoor production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. An outdoor abridged production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I would tell that Elliot loves the live theater because of how pumped he was to go see an outdoor abridged production of You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. Like he was like, fuck, I'm back in the fucking theater. Like he's like bragging about it to me.

I'm like, great. I wish you all the best in that endeavor. It's not my chosen activity. Jesse, I know your kids are starting to start like kid activities do you think you're do you think there will be any theatrics in your in your children's feature do you think you'll you mean like performance or enjoyment because i have been to some children's theater productions okay let's let's hear both okay i have been to some children's theater productions and i hope in future to farm that activity out to my beautiful wife theresa um because it is almost

unendurably difficult for me uh i also like i'm one of those people i can't even go see my friends and things because i'm worried i won't like it and then i'll just be so embarrassed that i don't like it and ashamed that i don't like it and ashamed that I don't like it, that I won't want to talk to them because I'll make them feel bad. But then I will make them feel bad by not talking to them. What kind of adult are you? You just lie and say, that was something. I'm so bad at it. It looked like you were having fun. Yeah. So terrible at it. Everybody accepts that as a compliment compliment everybody knows that's a sincere compliment when they say you look like you were having fun one time i covered for public radio in the 90s a rock and roll fantasy camp and i remember asking uh neil's lochgren

from bruce springsteen's band uh if anyone was any good and said, I heard a love for music in everybody. That is both really beautiful and really shitty. Yeah, harsh. And very shitty. I mean, our old buddy Gene, with whom we used to do college radio back in the day, once told me that he couldn't stand to go go to the theater because and this is something I I related to pretty deeply because when he saw a good play it was great uh but the rest of the time

he just felt like he was paying people to yell at him um and I think there is something to that for me like to see a not great live theater production because the people are actually there is so hard for me yeah i mean too bad it's not like podcasting where every single episode is such a gem i'm not there with them i'm not there with them that's the and look anyone who makes the mistake of listening to this show, that's on them. We've disavowed this show innumerable times. Yeah. So I don't know.

I generally avoid going to children's theater. Whether my children will do theater, my 10-year-old has, we have a sort of family that we're friends with where one of their kids auditions for stuff, like real stuff. Like the dad of the family is a working actor, not a famous person at all, but, you know, books things sometimes. And the daughter like goes out for commercials because it's her love. And there was a period where my daughter was asking to do that. And Teresa and I had like a very brief meeting that was like, is this something that we should pursue? You know, because I mean, among other things like uh there's things that have like trans kids in them where they want to cast a trans kid and we're like well you know we we'd be able to get

auditions probably for that kind of stuff um and i know around here bozeman ford that's who does all their commercials oh transgender children yeah no it's just one kid who's related to the owner obviously yeah they're very proud though they're really good about it yeah i hear you can get a great deal at bozeman ford yeah yeah that's what i hear but you decided not you decided not to let your daughter do that um the meeting was a very short one between Teresa and I, which was like, Teresa said to me, we should definitely not allow this, right? And I was like, correct. We should definitely not allow this.

Wow. But I do think that my son, Oscar, who's eight, is, look, I know that with the pandemic and everything and they're in the aggressive expansion, there's been some business challenges over at the old UCB. I don't know if they're offering eight to 10 classes yet, but he's about a year from making me sign him up for one i'm so worried he's doing voices crossing his eyes to be funny um he just he's on this little league team he just he's just yelling different stuff all the time like that sounds like a drama bug to me you better suck does he better suck it up does he do bits like instead of like having a conversation with someone does he just like do bits with them there's nothing wrong with that jordan i know hey some of us have uh some of us have gotten along

very well for 39 years existing like that yeah i mean i'm i'm i'm terrified about it what i want is can i just say you i you should like what you don't want is a kid who does sports really yeah because you have to go to all the games and then they have to travel to all these other towns and like montana's wide california is tall and you're just going to be spending your weekends driving from one sports game to the next and you're gonna have to sit there and you can't sit in the stands and read a book you have to cheer and support your child like you know cut up a bunch of orange slices right yeah they do like whereas if the kid does you know brigadoon or something you just have to go to that once yeah that's true yeah i guess with rehearsals yeah you can just drop them off and then there's also something

i feel like at little league they act so weird when I give my son his bouquet. It's like, what is, I'm just, I appreciate him. I'm proud of him. It is really like, I don't know, when I played sports, and I get the impression this is the kind of sports that you played when you were a kid, Jordan, when you were playing Little League. But like, I played park league sports. And so we all took the city bus to practice and then home after practice. And like maybe one kid's parents picked them up in a car and just everyone got in that car. And they just dropped everyone off one after another.

But that was like children's services would be at your house. If you did that. Yes. Well, I mean, we have talked in the past about my first little league coach who, whose car was missing a door and he used to drive kids around in it. Um, just a hole where the door should be. But, um, but like, it was a very, you know, it's like coached by the guys from the rec center you know what i mean just like some old some old taciturn guys that are really frankly they're in it to chalk baselines like that's what their true passion is is running that machine that drops chalk on the ground who wouldn't love to do that i know it's so crisp so white you get to run that string first oh yeah um uh before our games we had like a phalanx that went across the field to look for needles that's true um so uh anyway this league is like a proper little league which i never played in a proper little league, which I never played in a proper little league. And I really do think that part of the premise is that you just do whatever

they say. Like they'll just be like, yeah, the game tomorrow is at 10 and it's in La Cunada. Here's the address. And you're like, we have a game tomorrow at 10. And they're like,

be there at nine 30. You're welcome. Um, Sarah you what were your what were your kid activities did you do either sports or drama i did well i i played girls basketball as a young child and that was in oklahoma i lived there until I was 11, and there was still girls played half-court basketball because we were just too delicate to run an extra 10 feet. And then in seventh grade, I was told my knees were not going to support that kind of lifestyle anymore, and so I was out of sports for the rest of my life. So wait, there was someone from the school like inspecting knees?

No, the doctor said you got some bad knees. You gotta quit basketball. And I was like, oh, darn. I'll just play music and read books. Go back to recumbent cycling. Yeah. My first love. That happened to me. I was

playing when I was about 10. I was just like, you know, so into, you know, soccer. I was so into When I was about 10, I was just so into soccer. I was so into youth soccer. And I went to the doctor, and he's like, oh, your hips are bad. You should probably just start getting really into Sega Genesis. And it was a heartbreaking day, but doctor's orders. It was doctor's orders. The thing is, I'm a really good shot.

Like, you don't want to play horse against me. Oh, yeah? I just can't run and dribble and do all that stuff because of the knees. Oh. It's the knees. Sort of a Clay Thompson-like figure. I mean, if I ever get my garage cleaned out, there's going to be a Home Papa shot machine in there. That's my...

That's the dream. That's my dream for my 60s this is why we live in montana we live in montana so we can have a garage that accommodates home papa shop that's right papa shot i i having like having like shit from an arcade in my home is still like a dream of mine that i can't shake i like really relate to that wanting the Papa shot in the house. Yeah. You know what? Maybe it'll happen for me someday. I have to say, Jordan, though, it's more adorable when I want to do it. Yeah.

Oh, sure. I'll agree. Yeah. Like a woman in her 50s. That's cute. With me, it's like, nah, it's on the nose. Oh, really? This fucking 35-year-old straight white dork wants an arcade machine?

Oh, cool. Wow. Oh, you're so unique. What a fucking unique snowflake you are. do you also have star wars opinions yeah i do i guess i do jordan i do love this for you and i'll tell you why yeah um it's because i want to go to your house and play arcade games there yeah um i do think it's something where you're going to have to find love first and then spring it on her gotcha now that you've married me and bore my child that's why we wrote our own vows yeah that's why you want to you want to start out with a Ms. Pac-Man

that's a gift for her to show her that I'm a feminist and then I can get a Ms. Street Fighter and a Ladies Mortal Kombat Outrun for her PH balanced honey This Mortal Kombat is PH balanced For a woman It turns out these are all the same game

But a different color and 20% more expensive Right yeah Which I've written some letters about Well I mean Now that we're on the subject of Jordan And his path through adulthood. Sure. I remember the last time I was here,

which was several years ago. You were in the process of trying to grow up a little. I see you have a poster from the Broad Museum behind you. I do. Oh, Ed Ruscha. Ed Ruscha. I love Ed Ruscha. And your couch looks, that looks like a proper couch.

Yeah, it's a couch. Yeah. So where are you with, like, we were talking about your lack of furnishings before. Sure, yeah. Listen, I was late to the game. We've been doing this podcast a long time. Do you make your bed every day? I do make the bed.

I have a washing machine now. Do you make your bed every day i do make the bed um i have a washing machine now um i'm going you tuck your sheets do you do a full make the bed or do you because i'm going to be honest with you i came by my nickname messy jesse honestly it was more than just a rhyme right and uh i don't do a full i i do a quick straightening up but i don't do a full, I do a quick straightening up, but I don't do a full tuck. I don't know why I hate it, but I really do hate it. You don't, do you like, do you hate having the sheets tucked in or do you hate tucking the sheets? No, I hate tucking them. I love having them tucked in.

If someone else tucks them in, I'm like, ooh, that's nice and tight. Yeah. I love it. I'll slide right in there. That really explains about 30% of the marriages in this country. It's just... I mean, she's fine, but she does tuck the sheets, so okay. Bumble just says tucker or tuckie.

You can sort. It's a bumble filter. I mean, I like the sheets sheets tucked but i want to date the untuckers because they're wild the untuckers they're fun i have only like in my 30s forced myself to like pull up the sheets and like straighten out the pillows and i still don't like do a full revert to zero i'd like to point out that I started this talking about Senate Majority Leader Mike Mansfield. And now here we are.

Sarah, did you ask his statue? I'm sure Maureen Mansfield took care of that stuff. But she also put him through the University of Montana. Well, she earned her spot in the statue then. Definitely.

Can he cook his own food or are you just getting a lot of takeout? Yeah. I believe he ate in the Senate dining room, Jordan. Oh. Heard good things. I'd love to eat in a dining room, faculty dining room, Senate dining room, club dining room. It'd be nice. I mean, you do run your own company you could start one of those

that's a good idea i think that would be a good use of our resources yeah definitely hey 20 employees great news you know that's what the corporation for public broadcasting looks for for public broadcasting looks for. No CPP. How cool is your break room? Is one of the, yeah. We do proper coursed meals. We do salad course.

We have shrimp forks. You must. I do tuck my sheets in. I like the tuck so much. I agree. It's like a pain in the ass. When I'm doing it, I'm doing it like paul rudd cleaning up in wet hot american summer but like um can i give you some advice please yes the next

time you make your bed tell yourself i'm gonna enjoy this that's okay that's nice the power it's a kind of a power of positive thinking thing like a a mindful thing where you just decide, no matter what happens today, my bed will be orderly and welcoming to me at the end of the day. It's going to feel so good. Yeah, and I'm doing this for myself because I deserve it. But also enjoy the process of, you know, of making it nice. I mean, I must have been 28, 30 years old before I was able to start doing this.

But I've never been like a filthy person. I'm physically clean. My body is clean. And I don't like leave gross stuff around. But I am messy. Like I am, I have stuff all over my desk right now. And I think around 28 or so, and my wife is right around where I am. She has better executive functioning skills than I do in most areas, But she's also like, she's never

makes a gross mess, but leave stuff around a little bit. You know what I mean? And around my late twenties, I like forced myself. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to make it a priority in my life to have things in my home be in order. It's not that hard. It's really just a matter of like when I pick something up, I put it back where it goes instead of just putting it wherever it is. I can do this, you know, like I can have some things on the coffee table that I actually want to look at. And I can make sure that I always bring my water glass back to the sink even if I think I might want to use it again. This podcast is really taking a turn for the goop.

Yeah. And I finally found these amazing amethyst eggs. Right. And now the part in the show where we all take a minute to do kegels. Yeah. Oh, shit. I've been doing them the whole time, Jordan. Sorry.

And I think I just, I managed to do it. Like, I had a solid 18 months of my life where stuff was clean stuff was put away um and i found the satisfaction and calmingness of like doing some cleaning up and then feeling like things were in order if i was feeling anxious about work or something like that just doing something with my body that helped restore some order to my environment. And then I had fucking children. And it's fucking awful. It's a nightmare. There's no way to keep the Legos into one Lego area.

All areas are Lego areas. In my entire life, I get to the office and there's Legos. Yeah, boy, Legos just spread, don't they? And they're so good. It's not just Legos. It's the... I remember when my nephew was little and we would travel together, he would carry this gigantic Ziploc

bag of what he called my guys. And they were like little plastic people. So like the comedians he admired growing up. Yeah. And he would take them out and he would, God, I don't even remember what those are called, the tray table from the airplane.

And he would take them all out for the one hour flight to Salt Lake City or whatever. And then he would have to put them away. But one time we hit really bad turbulence and they went everywhere and he just yelled my guys and then everyone on the plane had to pick up the guys because they they just went everywhere man so yeah they're messy jesse do your kids have like travel play stuff i definitely did as a kid i definitely had a little like cloth bucket of guys i mean the good news is like the one thing

about parenting in the 21st century that is unequivocally better the one thing that there is i have no question you know like all these things about how much tell how much social media should your children do and whether parents work too much and should the whole family sit down to dinner together all these things open questions what's better and what's worse 100 just hand your kid a fucking tablet computer as soon as you get into any mode of transportation just give it to them and narcotize their brains they're allowed to watch anything play anything until that fucking plane lands one thousand percent here you go kids watch watch your human centipede when i was when i

was a child it was kind of the same thing where when we would travel, we would only have to take the New Testament. You would leave the whole Bible at home and you just bring your pocket-sized New Testament on the trip. Sure. So you became a reader. The more fun of the Gospels. Yeah. You know, on the subject of video entertainment, guys, I know, Sarah, you know, you you love reading and learning. That's one of the ways that that you became such a celebrated author of popular histories. And I know, Jordan, that you're you can be a real trivia nut.

So I actually put together a little quiz for you guys. I know, Jordan, that you can be a real trivia nut. Mm-hmm. So I actually put together a little quiz for you guys. I don't know if you guys are interested in trying out this quiz. Oh, yeah. Sure. That sound good? So this is on the subject of screen entertainment. Can I just say that in the 80s, I used to play Trivial Pursuit with this guy here in town named Don.

And every time, and Don would always ask the questions. And Don would say, Sarah, if you don't answer this correctly, you are a complete phony. Whoa, fucking Don. Don sniffed you out, Sarah. Definitely. So I guess we'll see what kind of phony I still am. Yeah.

Don had your number. He was so sick of you fucking going around all the bars talking about how you knew all the facts. Harsh, harsh sensei Don was. Thanks to the ice cream truck for providing the theme music for this quiz, which is called, Which of these is a real streaming service? So there are a lot of-

Wait, I'm going to take notes. Okay, great. Thank you, Sarah. Got it. There are a lot of streaming services out there, more than ever before. It's one of the best ways to get your screen entertainment. So you can watch everything from uh seinfeld

to your favorite nhl hockey game using streaming services these days interesting all you need is a credit card a login and something called a passcode and uh your smart television can can connect you to a world of on-demand entertainment. But for me, and I don't know if this is also true for you too, I have a hard time keeping all these streaming services straight. I'm like, okay, Netflix, sure, I get it. I got the DVDs in the mail. But all these other ones, I'm like, what is that? A real streaming service or just a bunch of letter soup?

Jordan, this is what's called the setup. Oh, shit. I wrote it all down. Fuck. So this quiz is called, which of these is a real streaming service? So I'll give you some choices. One of them is a real streaming service so I'll give you some choices one of them is a real streaming service the rest

are false flags Sarah would you like to go first or defer to Jordan I'll go first okay so which of these you forgot to say if you don't get this right you're a real fucking phony You're a fucking phony. You've talked a lot of streaming services shit, Sarah Val.

Jesse pulls off his mask. It's been Don the whole time. It's a whole chapter in Unfamiliar Fishes about how you know all the names of the streaming services. Okay. This quiz is, which of these is a real streaming service? Here are your choices. Vivo, Vervo, Vivla, Vimzorp, Automax, Carzone, Pep Boys, Soaps Only, Sci-Fi FutureNet, only sci-fi future net nothing but wings global play the word world stream star scream video drone cameo dazz zap mod squad fog dog dog with a blog jib jab hot bot q cat mortal combat mk ultra ultraman firestorm the nuclear man mads mickle stream this is a skellin stars guard and this is kind of a thing you kind of listen to it

von sideow max maybe we might do it too much. Cave of Forgotten Streams. Little Dieter Needs to Stream. Aguirre, The Stream of God. IFC Boobs. YouTube Fuck. International Herald Tribune After Dark. So those are your choices. I'll give them to you one more time. No, After Dark. So those are your choices. I'll give them to you one more time.

No, don't. Vivo, Vervo, Vivla, Vimzorp, Automax, Carzone, Pep Boys, Soaps Only, Syfy FutureNet, Nothing But Wings, Globoplay, Worldstream, Starscream, Videodrome, Cameo, Daz, Zap that's Zap with two Ps Mod Squad Fog Dog Dog with a Blog

Jib Jab Hot Bot Q-Cat Mortal Kombat MK Ultra Ultraman Firestorm the Nuclear Man Mads Mikkel Stream Skellin Starsguard that's Stars with a Z Von Sydow Max

Cave of Forgotten Streams Little Detour Needs to Stream Aguirre the Stream of God IFC Boobs YouTube Fuck or International Herald Tribune After Dark so one of those is a real streaming service

I like there were a lot of new German cinema influences in that list. Yeah. Which I can say that because I'm from Bozeman. Yeah. I want to say

Vervo. Vervo. That's incorrect. So it now passes to Jordan. Jordan, your choices are V vervo vivla vim zorp auto max car zone pep boys soaps only sci-fi future net nothing but wings globo play world stream star scream video drone cameo dazz zap mod squad fog dog dog with a Blog, Jib Jab, Hot Bot, Q-Cat, Mortal Kombat, MKUltra,

Ultraman, Firestorm, The Nuclear Man, Mads Mikkel Streams, Skellen, Starsguard, Von Sydow, Max, Cave of Forgotten Streams, Little Dieter Needs to Stream, Aguirre the Stream of God, IFC Boobs, YouTube Fuck, or International Herald Tribune After Dark dark um i'm gonna talk this out a little bit um thanks jordan so vivo i have heard um i mean i think i think so i think vivo is

something you would use to watch video now i think this might be a technicality thing because i think maybe it is not a streaming service maybe it is like um gosh i feel like i associate it with music videos like oh this is like beyonce's vivo page or something like that and it has all the music videos this is vivo This is V-I-V-O. Oh, interesting. All right. So, yeah. So, I think that is a movie where Lin-Manuel Miranda plays a spider monkey, I think. So, maybe that's not it. I can give you a hint. Would you like a hint? Sure.

To get the hint, do I need to hear all the options? Is that part of your thing? No. It's going to be fine hint do i need to hear all the options is that a part of your no it's gonna be fine i just want to let you know um and this this helps you this should help a lot um the uh the pep boys right that's uh three guys who sell auto parts thank you okay um so i think um so sorry can i just i think i'm ready to guess but yeah please if you have another hint i'll take it so that's manny right mo and jack the pet boys the pet boys okay um is that the order in which they were born uh i can i can look that up later i think okay it's maybe not important to the answer i'm you've revealed that i'm a giant fucking phony i think it is i

think it's soaps only soaps only so that would be a streaming service that only streams soap operas probably yeah that's that was my guess it sounds like that's something that exists. So among those choices, Vivo, Vervo, Viv, LaVim, Zorp, AutoMax, Carzone, Pep Boys, Soaps Only, Sci-Fi FutureNet. So we don't need to read the rest. Wings, Global Play, World Stream, Star, Scream, Videodrome, Cameo, Daz, Zap, Mod Squad, Fogdog, Dog with a Blog, JibJab, Hotbot, QCat, Mortal Kombat, MKUltra, Ultraman, Firestorm, The Nuclear Man. only so you can mod squad that's my answer so we can just say if it's right or wrong and then move on mortal combat mk ultra ultra man firestorm the commercials and then mad mickle's stream skellen stars guard von seidel max cave of forgotten streams little detour it's like

intentionally frustrating so i don't know how long the stream of god ifc boobs it's intentionally frustrating maybe like diminishing returns, I think, for this bit. Yeah, soaps only is my answer. It's incorrect. Oh, damn. Sorry, guys. That's a tie.

Yeah. You were both incorrect, and we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, all episodes of Jordan Jesse Go is brought to you by you, the member of Maximum Fun. Our thanks to you for supporting Maximum Fun, making this show and all of our shows possible. You're a real hero. Thanks for going to MaximumFun.org slash join. It's also supported this week by celebrity ball shavers Manscaped.

Autumn is in the air. The pumpkins are in the patch and our friends at manscaped are here to make sure you don't carve your pants pumpkins yeah that's what everyone calls their balls mine are those kindly those ornamental kind with all those sort of weird warts on them no cool yeah it's like a pretty hot gourd to me sorry if this is getting too gourdy for you uh manscaped you're here to make sure you don't carve your pants pumpkins when you're grooming if you know what i'm saying and i think you do that's right we're talking about

trimming all the little harry's on your neato nardzies what i like uh about the lawnmower 4.0 which is the latest version in their legendary lawnmower series is that this is a waterproof machine so you know what just take it in the shower do what you got to do and let that, wet water wash it away. Cleanse your sins with Manscaped. Manscaped does not guarantee entrance to heaven, we should say. They guarantee. They know a guy.

It's St. Peter. And they'll put in a good word with his clean, shiny balls. Yeah, smooth pants pumpkins on that guy. But, I mean, in heaven you become physically perfect that's true according to most theologians so we all will have clean shiny balls in heaven um but hey before you get to heaven you're gonna need manscaped uh this this is a great great product i am freshly manscaped myself. I love using it.

As Jesse mentioned, you can use it in the shower. It is easy. It is safe. And Jesse, back me up on this if you agree. It's kind of fun. It is pretty fun. It's very satisfying. It's really tremendous. And the other thing is, look, you might get a few extra little nasal buddies,

might get a little few ear sprigs here and there. And they got the weed whacker for those too. And you get them all together along with crop preserver ball deodorant and crop reviver toner, performance boxer briefs, and a travel bag in the performance package 4.0. So a lot of great products. You can get them together, and you can get 20% off plus free shipping with the code JJGO at manscaped.com. 20% off plus free shipping with the code JJGO at manscaped.com. Make your balls a priority this fall. Choose Manscaped. Your balls will thank you,

TM. We're also supported this week by the good folks at Feels. Now, a lot of people think CBD is about what you feel, but it's actually about what you don't feel. Stress, anxiety, pain, disappointment, confusion. I'm just adding things again. That's not in here. Those are not claims they're actually making. Yeah, CBD, I've used it in the past. It's been really helpful for tough times when you're looking to relax a little bit,

when you're looking to relieve some anxiety. Feels is a better way to feel better they've got premium cbd that'll help keep your head clear and you feel your best it's hassle-free delivered directly to your door now a lot of folks out there are regular chichi chongzis okay you guys already know all about the cannabis flower and its many products but let's say you're a total l7 let's say you're a square and you've you've never blazed gange before you don't know about any of this stuff well good news feels can help you out they have a cbd hotline to help guide your personal experience so you find your perfect dose. So you don't have to worry about, you don't have to be some UC Santa Cruz glass blowing, unicycle riding, hippie grass blazer.

You can just be a regular Jane or Joe. Give this hotline a call and they'll help you make the best use of your CBD. Start feeling better with feels become a member today by going to feels.com slash jj go and you get 50 off your first order with free shipping that's f-e-a-l-s.com slash jj go to become a member and get 50 automatically taken off your first order with free shipping feels.com slash jj go let's get back to the show Love you, love you, love you It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

This is Sarah Vowell, the jackalope. The fabled antelope-jackrabbit hybrid we had a recurring segment on america's funniest people hosted by dave coulier wait is that the case jordan yeah so for a while so we were a big and sarah i don't know if this is where you're getting it but um no i this is like the this is the state animal of mont. Oh, wow. A fictional animal? Maybe it is real. I don't know.

Maybe it's like a Loch Ness Monster thing. I've seen one. Oh, yeah? No, it's like a minotaur. It's like the Montana minotaur. A rabbit with antelope antlers. Sure. The South Dakota Hydra. a rabbit with right antelope antlers sure the south dakota hydra um we were a big like night of tv for us was uh i think it was friday nights when america's funniest home videos came on hosted

by bob saget and for a while after america's funniest home videos there was something called america's funniest people where people like it was shot largely in malls where you know just a camera crew was sent to a mall and people like did the impressions that they do and like prove that they were double-jointed and stuff like that um and but there was like a recurring like scripted segment where a like stuffed jackalope would cause trouble. And Dave Coulier, I think, did the voice. I think that was his... That was basically what happened on the

Lower East Side, where all the funniest people would hang out at the Luna Lounge. And there was also a jackalope bit. That was voiced by Marc Maron. Obviously. And here's the thing. The jackalope bit. That was voiced by Mark Maron. Yeah. Obviously. Obviously.

And here's the thing is the Jackalope didn't even prepare material. He would just take a newspaper on stage. Yeah. He would just read out of the newspaper and comment on the days. I thought it was wild when he would just read straight from a notebook. I'm like. Yeah. Who does he think he is?

Janine Garofalo? Yeah. Exactly. The days of the alternative comedy scene. Yeah. I mean, when Maren asks me, who are your guys? I'm just going to say

the Jackalope, of course. Bill Hicks. George Carlin. Richard Pryor. The Jackalope. It's Eugene Merman forever. Yeah. Eugene Merman, of course.

Eugene Merman. Oh, George Carlin. This is Todd Barry hosting it. Oh, Todd Barry. So, looks like we've got a Jackalope on the show tonight. Very good. That's all I got. That's one of the drawbacks of living in Montana.

No one does any Todd Berry impressions. Except for me and I did one two days ago when somebody complained about air conditioners. You know who does a killer Bob Odenkirk is Don. Yeah, Don. Trivial Pursuit Don.

Trivial Pursuit Don does it so good. He can recite every Mr. Show bit. Do you keep track of Don, Sarah? Is Don still around? Is he still telling people they're phony? I believe last I heard Don was a soil scientist in Butte. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.

Hey, Jordan, the biggest river in Montana is the Yellowstone. Thanks, Todd. You're welcome. That's, you know, I just wanted to give. I mean, that can't be true. The biggest river in America is the Missouri. And I could walk there from here. Okay.

It's one of the main rivers in Montana. I should have clicked more. Yeah. It is one of your top rivers. Yeah. That's only a 692-mile river, whereas the Missouri River is 2,341. Yeah, I mean, it's appalling that the Mississippi gets all, like the Mississippi can't hold the candle to the Missouri, is what I'm saying.

And now a topographical map presented by Laura Keitlinger. A couple of people are going to like that. A couple of people are going to like that. It's pretty fun. It's more of a confessional story, you know what I mean, with a lot of funny in there. Well, listen to this. When something momentous happens to you, we have you give us a call,

206-984-4FUN, for our segment Momentous Occasions. One person has done that very thing, and here is their call. Hey, Jordan, Justin, go. Whoa, fuck if your name's real bad right there. Jordan, Justin, go. I have a momentous occasion that kind of happened a long time ago. So the story goes, back in the late 70s, early 80s, my uncle was in the Marines. It was somewhat of a Marines or jail type situation. Out of the way, he was in the Marines, and he was driving down the highway,

and he sees a limo pulled over. The limo had a flat tire. And so him and his buddy, his service buddy, and he sees a limo pulled over. The limo had a flat tire, and so him and his buddy, his service buddy, jump out and they say, hey, do you need any help? Change of tire, back window rose down, and it is none other than Sammy Davis, Jr. So Sammy Davis, Jr., in a way to say thank you, says, hey, you and your friend, please come to my house later today. I'm having a get-together with some friends, and you guys, we'll love to have you there as a thank you. He says, hey, you and your friend, please come to my house later today. I'm having a get-together with some friends. And you guys, we'll love to have you there as a thank you.

The day goes on. My uncle and his friend go to the party. At the party happens to be Burt Reynolds himself. I don't know exactly how they got into this conversation or how this started, but my uncle challenged Burt Reynolds to a game of pool. I don't know how this started, but my uncle challenged Burt Reynolds to a game of pool. During that game of pool, Burt Reynolds, I guess he lost, forfeiting his belt buckle that he was wearing. The momentous occasion I have stepped in right here because that belt buckle is now being worn by me every single day,

and it reads, Burt Reynolds Ranch. And it has two coarse asses and a big vr in the middle i've been wearing it probably every day since um i think i messed up on a bunch of words uh play this if you want but don't all right what was his oh fuck at the beginning i think what did he see that was so wrong this whole this whole call has the lying with dogs this whole call had the energy of like i'm doing this while changing lanes on the freeway he just realized his exit is coming up and he has to get over like four lanes oh oh fuck it's pretty pumped about it not not unreasonably like it look if i was wearing burt reynolds belt buckle i don't want to call jordan jesse go about it too yeah i mean i might even call a real podcast

i would never shut up yeah i you know jordan uh j keith van stratton and i went to see this movie about burt reynolds the other day at the holly Cemetery. I had this documentary about about Burt Reynolds. And he loved that ranch. He built it for his daddy. No, that's really great. He loved that. But then guess what happened? He got addicted to pills and had to sell it.

How fitting that the ultimate daddy loved his daddy. Yeah, that's a really good point it's really beautiful but his daddy was withholding yeah right yeah as daddies often are but you're missing the main part of the story is that burt reynolds is hanging out with sammy davis jr oh yeah that is you know who do you think was and wasn't sarah hanging out with sammy davis jr i might presume the year on this we're gonna call it 1974 yeah sounds about right i want to say george wallace right yeah he's there wasn't not he was not there because he's too too cool and funny no the governor oh the governor not the stand-up comedian. Yeah.

Yeah, I can't imagine he was there. Yeah, probably Strom Thurmond missed that one. David Duke not in attendance. P.W. Bota. Finally, some P.W. Bota humor on this show. I think it's worth pointing out, and I don't want to roast our caller too hard, but I think it's inappropriate that he wears this belt buckle every day. Yeah.

There are some occasions where Burt Reynolds' giant novelty belt buckle are probably not appropriate. I don't know. I mean, you're interviewing for a job at the Pep Boys. That's true. They say, tell me about this buckle. You tell them that story. They say, well, it sounds like you, friend, have an expertise in auto parts that you've inherited from your Marines. You know, as you know, I have a little crush on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

Oh, who doesn't? And the other day he was on cable news and he was, I assume, at his house. And there was a big, I don't know if it was, there's a, there is a big, I don't know if it was a painting or a photo or what, but it was, um, Frank Dean and Sammy. And I love that Kareem just has that in his house,

baby. Yeah. That is the like boomer male version of the like live, laugh, love sign. Yeah. Of just the like boomer male version of the like live, laugh, love sign. Yeah. Of just the like. I don't know. Kareem is an original person. And I bet he has an original reason for putting that up there.

That's true. Yeah. Probably has to do somehow with Sherlock Holmes. Right. So we do have a song here that Brian has told us about. Brian, you have a microphone there. What's the nature of this song? So a man named Ben sent us this song.

It was based on something you sang a couple of weeks ago, Jesse. When was I singing on the show? And also, isn't Ben the name of every single one of your viewers? Yeah. I get a lot of Bens. I'm discussing. A lot of Bens, a lot of Scots. A lot of Scots.

A lot of Travises, too, I bet. So you were talking about a song that your mother used to sing to you, made specially for you when you were a kid so right bundles bundles buntings and the big band sound is the title so um our friend ben uh did a little rendition of that now sarah this is my mother nicknamed me bundles buntings no one knows why we think it has something to do with diapers um and she sang a song that went with it saying it well into my adolescence um in front of girlfriends teachers um so yes i sang It's a sweet little song. Bundles, bunting, and the big band sound Play for children all over town

Oh yeah, all the people they say Bundles, buntings, is a friend today Playing the songs that children love to hear loud and clear you know who that is singing sarah sammy davis jr wow the legend himself triple threat if they think of think of how a different history would be if Hitler's mom had sung that to him. Yes. That's the premise of the new Marvel show, What If? Bundles, buntings, and there's an S at the end of buntings.

Yeah, bundles, buntings, and the big band sound. That's my band, or that's how I'm billed. So you're like the band leader. You're like, you know. I'm like a Cab Calloway type figure. Yeah, and then you became a teenager, and you're like, I'm not into big band. I'm into bebop, mom.

I'm into free jazz. I only listen to Ornette Coleman now. I like spiritual jazz. I don i want to be mesmerized fucking teenagers oh god you know i'm glad you brought that up jordan because i fucking hate teens you know yeah nothing but trouble there should be no electronic instruments in jazz. Thank you. Don't listen to these fucking teens. Yeah. You know what I'm talking about with these teens, Sarah?

Oh, yeah. I mean, for me, it's just dulcimer or nothing. Yeah. Get a real instrument like a fucking dulcimer. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Hey, Gen Z, learn about the glockenspiel. Yeah, where's your zithers on TikTok?

I can actually play a glockenspiel, not to brag. Whoa. Really? What's your top glockenspiel jam? Tico Tico, obviously. That's more of a xylophone song, but I can adapt. Yeah, sure. Right. Transpose it. Although, wouldn't it be beautiful on the vibes? that's more of a xylophone song but you know i can adapt yeah sure right transpose it although wouldn't it be beautiful and the vibes oh god yeah oh boy i used to love the vibes love a vibraphone

yeah yeah do you play any other mallet instruments sarah i mean marimba, xylophone, glockenspiel. Is that all of them or are there more? All your little hitters. What about a tuned drum like a timpani? No, I can't play the timpani. Oh, shit. Why did we, Brian, remind me why we booked Sarah? Bass drum though I can.

Have you ever played bass drum? Have you ever played bass drum in orchestra? What happens at a concert is you stand there for 45 minutes and then you go like this. And then your parents take you out for ice cream. Whoa, cool. Fucking rules.

Thrifty? I want bubble gum. 206-984-FUN jjgoe at maximumfun.org we'll be back in just a second on jordan jessico Hey, excuse me, everybody. I just wanted to say a few words about the beautiful couple. I've known you two for a long time. And you get along like peanut butter and chocolate. Or, you know, like comedy and culture. Like Maximum Fun Podcasts.

Actually, they're having a block party from October 11th to October 22nd, and that's kind of like your party, right? You have a community of friends and family, and MaxFun has a community of shows and audiences that support them. You're having a new start with your life together, and MaxFun will be putting out new episodes that are especially welcoming to new audiences. So it's a great time to introduce your friends to your favorite show or jump into one you haven't tried before.

Is he still talking about podcasts? And they're setting up a volunteer event where we can help out our local communities. Plus, Maximum Fun is going to have games, prizes, episode wrecks, so much other fun stuff. What's wrong with Kyle? Is he okay? Oh, anyways, anyways. Sorry for getting carried away there. If it's all right with everybody here, let's all raise our glasses for a toast.

To the MaxFun Block Party, which you can learn more about at MaximumFun.org slash Block Party, and don't forget to join in on October 11th. Actually, that sounds pretty cool. It's Jordan, Jesse, Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Sarah Jane Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Sarah Jane Vowell, the jackalope.

Sarah, you're the author of numerous best-selling books. Yeah, and I sit there for years trying to squeeze as much information as possible into every sentence just to not waste anyone's time. And now I see there are other ways to make a living clearly based on this show yeah you just flip a microphone on you know whatevs yeah well you know at least we're not a bunch of fucking phonies you don't have to read the four volumes of james a garfield's diaries for this you don't get to read the four volumes of james a garfield's diaries and let's be honest elliot calen's probably read the four

volumes of james james garfield's diaries and he's wasting as much time as we are we'll probably write this very minute i think one of the misconceptions about this show is it is not well researched i have read the entire people's history of wario mario's enemy gives you yeah you're so tired of hearing about mario from the viewpoint of the ruling class thank you yeah history is written by the winners yeah it's written by the writers jordan i guess you're right wow and we're none of us are winners yeah except for maybe sir anthony beaver who's that i mean we can't look we're looking through your webcam we can see your beautiful home you're winning all day. Sarah Val's got a gorgeous runner on her dining room table. There's beautiful stuff going on

at Sarah Val's house. And all the more impressive knowing how inflated those Bozeman real estate prices are. That's true. Sarah bought early. Yeah, you gotta buy early. She used that Radio On money. Folks, that's one of her early books.

Yes. Sarah, let's say we're going to pitch one rollicking tale from one of your many books of popular history. Your fun and fascinating books of popular history. What's a rollicking tale that we can pitch for people who have not read a Sarah Val book before? Because their lives are empty for not having read them. Well, you know when President McKinley was assassinated and he was married and his wife became a widow. Rollicking so far.

Yeah. And then she spent the rest of her life in a rocking chair knitting bedroom slippers and she put a photo of her husband in her and her knitting bag so every time she reached for a new ball of yarn she could see william m McKinley's face. So check out Assassination Vacation by Sarah Battle for that and more rollicking tales of popular history. Yeah, it's all rollicking. I should have done the Puritans. One time when the Boston Puritans were going to visit the Plymouth Pilgrims,

they took a little boat down from Boston to Plymouth, and there was like a sleet storm, and it was so cold, and all the water sloshed into the boat, and then it froze, and their legs were frozen to the boat. Oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. froze and their legs were frozen to the boat oh fuck yeah yeah so that's some history yeah fucking some metal history hell yeah i have uh i think i i think i need to i need to you know double check on your on your wikipedia but i think i am a sarah vowelist. I think I have read all of your books, and I've loved every one of them, and I think that if

people are out there looking for a great read that is both funny and informative, you can do no better than a Sarah Vowell book. I love them. Yeah, she's no phony, folks. No phony. As real as it gets. No matter what Don says. Yeah, Don.

You know what? Don, if you're listening right now. He's not. I want you. Yeah, Ben is listening. Ben and Scott. All the Bens. And Travis.

First of all. Not Don, though. Travis. Let Don know. Let Don know that i am so sick don via travis ben let travis know to tell don if he sees him at the a and p i am so sick of don's bullshit thank you okay and if i see don travis ben tell travis to tell don this if i see don right in the schnoz bam right in the schnoz i mean you can understand it you know anthropologically that generation x was overly concerned with authenticity right you know you know, anthropologically, that Generation X was overly concerned with authenticity.

Right. You know? You know what I'm concerned with? Like I was a phony, Eddie Vedder was a phony. Sarah, I'm a millennial, so you know what I'm concerned with? What? Whop, right in Don's schnoz. Yeah.

Okay, give him one of those. Right. One of our famous millennial right crosses. Right to the old gen X schnoz. Right. Then you get a participation trophy. Yeah. That's all.

Sarah Val, the great Sarah Val. Oh, this was the windup? This is the conclusion? Yeah, this is the conclusion. It's me threatening Don. Wow. Well, letting Ben know to let Travis know that I'm threatening him. I mean, I once ended a book with President Kennedy

giving a speech about the Puritans when really what it was really about was how he was deathly afraid of being in charge of the nuclear arsenal. So that's another way to end. We're both, listen, we're both known for our dismounts. Well, what I did is I said I would punch Don. Yeah, I said I'd punch Don is what I said.

Never punch someone in my life. On the stream this week is Valerie Moffitt. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us

on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris at Jesse Thorne. You can find us on Reddit at Jordan underscore Morris at Jesse Thorne. You can find us on Reddit, MaximumFun.reddit.com. You can find us on Facebook at Facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse Go. That's where we've been streaming the show as we record it. And I think that's about it. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse go. Maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported.