Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 714: Two Waluigi Lunch with Jon Gabrus

Episode Date: November 25, 2021

Jon Gabrus (High and Mighty pod, Action Boyz pod) joins Jordan and Jesse to talk about the age-old action movie debate: guns vs karate, the various museums Gabrus has toured hungover, and how The Blair Witch Project might be the germ of modern-day disinformation. Let us know about your inappropriate media viewing experiences – 206-984-4FUN or [e-mail]!• Watch The 2021 High and Mighty Power Hour this Thanksgiving Weekend!• Check out The Pee Wee Herman Radio Hour of KCRW * * * THIS FRIDAY * * * Nov 26th at 6PM PT on KCRW.com.• Order a SIGNED AND PERSONALIZED copy of Bubble by Dec 3rd for the holidays!• And please vote for Bubble in the 2021 Goodreads Awards!  

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goe, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, filled with spider-related anticipation. Who isn't? Let's be frank, the year is 2021, the month is November, America is filled with spider-related anticipation. When will that sack burst? Sure.

What's going on, buddy? What's with these spiders? What's the spider talk? As I've said on this show before, I think you know this about me, Jesse. There are few things I like more in the world than a dad who goes apeshit for Halloween. Yeah, you've always been a big supporter of that category of man who is a particularly powerful and beautiful man here in Southern California, where that person probably is a professional effects artist. So yeah, this is, I'm, you know, I'm all for it. I hope to, you know,

I hope to be a Halloween dad myself someday. That's, that's the larger goal. There's a couple of things I have to do first. Spread your seed. Just like huge fucking things. But, but I think one, one day, but I could at least before I die, I can have one good Halloween where I just go fucking nuts on the lawn. You can go to Spirit and the other one that's not Spirit. I can't remember the name of it.

Oh, yeah. And also, as people know on the show, I moved to Pasadena recently, and I was really excited at the prospect of a new set of Halloween dads. Because the area I moved in is a little more suburban. And I think, like you said, Jesse, I think this is a place where someone in the VFX industry would live. So I'm like, man, this place is going to be lousy with Halloween dads, right? Yeah, I mean, it seems obvious. You live in the same neighborhood as the co-creator of the show Numbers. He interacts with us sometimes on Twitter.

His name's Nicholas. Do you know if he likes Halloween or not? I couldn't tell you. I bet he likes numbers, like math and stuff. Yeah. That's all right. Anyway. isn't it fucking sucks yeah fuck math science too only magic's good so fucking sick of bridges magic's the only good one of the three magic's the only good one of those i'll build my bridge my way, Jordan Artfully Thank you I'll turn lead into gold

So I was a little disappointed Come Halloween That there weren't more dads going nuts Going nuts on the lawn You know, obviously You know, a little bit of a weird year I don't know if people are trick-or-treating Maybe we're not doing that You know So I'm giving it a pass Obviously, a little bit of a weird year. I don't know if people are trick-or-treating.

Maybe we're not doing that. So I'm giving it a pass. I'm anxious to see what happens next year. But there was one house near me that really stepped up. Oh, thank God. You know, cobwebs, headstones, 12-foot Home Depot skeleton. Right. Yes, choke me, Daddy, with your bony hands. Is that what it says on the display?

Yes, it does. If you push a button. He says that to you, which is weird. We'll install your turf. Choke me, Daddy, with your bony hands. But the crown jewel of this Halloween display was two, it looks like they're homemade, six and a half foot spiders. Oh, wow. Just looming over the neighborhood.

Now, when you say homemade. Yeah. Made from? You know, like fuzzy materials. Sure. They don't look like they were picked up at a spirit. They look like maybe there's some paper mache involved. Yeah.

I mean, Jordan, I know you're not a crafter. I'm going to go ahead and let you know that paper mache is not fuzzy. Oh, yeah. You're probably looking at a textile of some kind. So, yeah. So I definitely don't want to go up on this guy's lawn and start inspecting his spiders. But they're amazing. They're totally amazing.

And so I was driving by there today. Why don't you want to go on his? Isn't that why he put that there? So guys would, yeah, I mean, maybe. Maybe I'll just dress up like a Girl Scout and pretend like I'm selling cookies. Yeah. Just to get a good look at those Spideys. Would you like last year's cookies, sir?

I have some old cookies. So I was driving by there today. All the Halloween decorations are down, except the spiders are still up. But now they have feathers and waddles for Thanksgiving. Yeah, that's what the fuck is so he's adapting the spiders that's what the fuck is up that is exactly what the fuck is up it's great it rules and i'm like what's gonna happen for christmas santa spiders is he gonna leave these things up year round by the i think the dream is to have it continue through President's Day and there to be a Lincoln

spider. Let me say this, Jordan. Near my son's school in Altadena, California, next door to Pasadena, California. Beautiful country. There is a front yard that features a homemade robot monster 12 feet in height it is gangly terrifying appears to be choke me daddy with your metal hands yeah hand hand welded it's not a machine weld this hasn't been made in a factory and it's's there all year round, but it occasionally gets a special hat. Dang, this is it.

This is, that's, yeah. But I'll tell you what, Jordan. There's no pilgrim hat on this thing. This thing's still got a pumpkin head. Oh, really? Bring in the buckle hat. Well, buckle shoes, triangular hat? What kind of hat does a pilgrim wear?

Maybe our guest knows. Let's bring him into the conversation. came over on the mayflower the man is a podcasting legend there are legends told in uh in front of the podcasting campfire about our guest on the program uh the legendary host of the high and mighty podcast the legendary co-host of the action boys uh he's a man wearing a puka shell necklace right now this guy is celebrating november by wearing a tank top of his own podcast and the guns are out guns are blazing for john gabris yes thank you for having me also i love jesse coming to me for clothing questions feels insane let's get him he's a haberdasher expert on hats not my field of knowledge at all where'd you score those pooks gabris uh this was a uh etsy or ebay purchase and i accidentally ordered like a

necklace salesperson starter kit by accident like i was like oh 26 seems a little expensive so i ordered it and it was like i got like 16 necklaces of different sizes and things i'm like well i'm in pukas for the fucking rest of the season tis the season baby i gabrus how come you're not layering i'd love to see you layer these pukas i could go like mr t of like shell and hemp necklaces like maybe a shark tooth accent at the end dude you head down to the santa monica promenade you're pulling i maybe i'll put on more pukas are you it yeah he's adding another one this is why you have to watch the stream Gabrus is ready

By the end of this podcast Gabrus is going to be neck deep in pukas And neck deep in puka If you know what I'm talking about Pukani, baby Gabrus, are you afraid that maybe you Accidentally wandered into some sort of Puka shell related pyramid scheme?

No, no, no Because I just have to send them money every month And they send me more puka shell related pyramid scheme no no no because i just have to send them money every month and they send me more puka shells than i can handle for a penny right and then as long as i buy five full price puka shell necklaces a year i still get the i get i don't ever have to pay back the penny yeah i mean that sounds pretty good jordan i don't know if you've heard but bro this isn't a fucking pyramid scheme dude it's a business okay gabrus i'll trade you three puka shell necklaces for a pair of the lula row leggings that are rotting in my garage fair enough oh this is a big one i could really layer these he's up to three he's up to three Pookas people. I told you. They really sent me a lot.

And they're all within arm's reach, too. I like that. At all times. Well, I live in an apartment. My wife decorates every other room. The one room I have is my studio, aka where my mom is sleeping starting Wednesday night. So everything I own is within arm's reach in my fucking little 400 square foot.

I got a Peloton right here and also all my clothes. I got a fucking pull out bed. This is everything I own. Is mom sleeping on the pull out? Yeah, mom's sleeping on the pull out. She uses widow guilt to never have to stay in a hotel. I'm like, mom, I'll pay for your fucking hotel. She's like, I don't want to be alone, Jonathan.

I'm like, fine. Stay at our house. Jesus. Do you have decaf coffee? My mom always asks the most insane, do you have any creamers or decaf coffee? And we're like, we're going to make decaf coffee? I'm like, no, Mom.

I'll walk and get coffee with you. But also, I've never seen anyone order decaf coffee at a coffee shop in West Hollywood. Do you have any ham salad? Do you have ham salad with cubed ham? I'd like ambrosia, please. Yeah.

Just asking for some 1950s cookbook shit. Two ambrosias and a Sanka, thank you. John, are you and your wife going to be cooking Thanksgiving dinner for your mom, or is your mom going to cook Thanksgiving dinner in your apartment? My wife has been hosting Thanksgiving here since we moved here in November of 2012, so we didn't host Thanksgiving that year. But pretty much every other year, she's hosted her mom and stepdad, and this is the first year my mom's coming. My wife does all the cooking, and she year she's hosted her mom and stepdad and this is the first

year my mom's coming my wife does all the cooking and she doesn't even let her mom help and her mom is like you know a semi-professional cook as well my wife is just uh you know mad with power as the kids say do the mom stream are the mom streams crossing this year they're crossing but they're fine our our moms get along really well me and my wife have been together since college. So our moms met at our college graduation. So they've known each other since 2004. So we've been together forever. So my mom and her mom have like, we've gotten away together.

They know it all too well. I'm actually starting to feel claustrophobic. Yeah, how many pukas you up to? You've been adding. People should know if they're not watching the live stream. Gabrus has been periodically adding pukas while calmly telling this story. Yeah. And now I'm kind of getting a little antsy. I'm getting a little.

I'm like, okay, there's a lot of stuff on my neck right now. Sweat's pouring down my face. John is getting to the point where I'm concerned he's going to start doing that thing where his neck gets longer and longer over time. Oh, yeah. You know what I'm talking about? There's that culture. Like a National Geographic channel situation.

Yeah, exactly. I don't want you to die. I consider you a friend, and I want you to be around for a long, long time. But if you got to die strangled by pukas, that's- On a live stream? A king's death. Go through the roof. You could probably poll people I went to high school with and be like,

Gabrus just died. How do you think it happened? And I bet you'd get some people said, strangled by puka shells. Some people would guess that. I'm hearing drunk on a water slide. I hear drunk on a water slide. Anybody else? Any other guesses?

A little light name dropping for the JJ Go crowd here. Early on in my comedy career, my improv coach was one Zach Woods, and he said to me, Wow. Gabrus, you'll probably die in some good-natured way,

probably like preceded by, Hey, watch this. I was like, Oh, thank you. Hard to argue against that. thank you hard to argue against that now uh john what's going on in uh what's going on in a thanksgiving meal at your house is it a traditional meal is are there complications are there twists on classics uh it's pretty much what you think it is it's a tradition one i think the the outliers we do

is uh tiff makes her grandmother's macaroni and cheese recipe which is like a velveta and like uh stewed tomato kind of mac and cheese and like it's just an old kind of trashy uh family recipe so we add that which is kind of a weird thing when you're piling on like mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, fucking stuffing, which is my favorite Thanksgiving food. Hands may arguably one of my favorite foods of all time, maybe due to it's like the perceived lack of it because of Thanksgiving. But stuffing fucking rules, man. John, is the stuffing at your house a stuffing with sweeties in it, raisins, or something similar? No. The weirdest thing that goes in our stuffing recipe is Grand Mignet, the liqueur.

Oh, wow. That's what we have. A little bit of that. No sweets. Used to be, before we sort of distanced ourselves from pork and beef in this house, we used to have crumbled Jimmy Dean sausage in our stuffing as well. Now we kind of just have some fennel to give it a sausage adjacent flavor without having to add any cute little animals. I still eat beef and pork for the record.

I don't want to get stolen, Valor, but my wife not doing any more sort of limits overall the influx of it in the house. And I want to ride a little bit of that esteem. I just want a little bit of credit because I am not getting as much bacon as I once had, okay? You just want a little bit of credit. I'm the supportive spouse of a vegetarian.

Yes, I am making sacrifices. She wants to do this. Right, right. So you're, in a weird way, more of a hero thank you jordan i'm sorry thank you jordan okay hold on let me just add my wife to the zoom she was waiting to hear this from you um i is do either either of you jesse i know you don't drink but do do you ever do thanksgivings ever get boozy at your respective places? I'm always really, I'm always amazed when I hear about people like,

like, oh, I got fucked up with my family over Thanksgiving. It is, the things that I least relate to about Thanksgiving are getting drunk and watching football. I like, now I want to be clear while i don't drink i do really like watching football i'm totally a football watcher but i went to one thanksgiving at my aunt's house in laguna beach uh my aunt bally wonderful woman tremendous woman hell yeah and it was of course yeah bally fucking rules She ran the Boys and Girls Club for a long time. They're in Laguna Beach.

Great lady. So I went to Bally's house. My cousins are there. Their spouses are there. All these art is there. That's Bally's partner. They're all lovely, wonderful people. At the conclusion of the meal, that thing happened where every man went to a different wing of the house to watch football.

And I felt so bad about it. I was like, I do like watching football. There was a part of me that was like, I do like to go watch football. That is an interest of mine. But I feel like I am retiring to a Victorian smoking room. You know what I mean? Or like a lounge in a hospital where people are waiting for their wives to give birth. Yes, exactly. And people are passing out cigars. These are all situations where people are passing. That's the key element here is I'm uncomfortable in any situation where people are passing out cigars i i'm with you uh unless it's like the locker room after a championship which again what am i doing there and i should be uncomfortable by that but

that is a vibe in which if someone's passing out cigars i'm on board but like i'm with you jesse i we just went away with my wife and her friends for her 40th, and we had a lot of heterosexual couples, like our classic guy friends and gal friends, and then a few gay couples. And the splits for activities on Sunday when it was football day, it was like the most heteronormative thing ever. Like, three women went shopping, three straight guys went

and watched the Bills game at a dive bar, and then the two gay guys were like uh we're gonna go for a walk and maybe meet up with one of you two like literally like just absolute scatter around new orleans it was it was a uh the macro version of what you're referring to jesse we were like yes let's go we hunt and gather you prepare the uh stew or whatever but drinking totally not jordan like my my mom doesn't really drink my dad was a recovering alcoholic my stepmother's a recovering alcoholic my wife's father doesn't drink so it's like a couple of glasses of wine is is the end of it uh but people really do have like messy thanksgivings like i also have never had a relative say something racist which i understand like you haven't had thanksgiving

unless a relative says something racist but like those are the classic the classic like messy thanksgiving home for the holidays situations that I haven't ever had. I have messy, racist shit happening in my family outside of holidays. Like, my whole life. You've got messy Arbor Days. Yeah, our Arbor Day is really graphing hatred for trees. It's really hard. The thing about trees in the Chinese is... Grandpa has a little too much wild turkey and ruins another Bastille Day.

Yeah. I mean, Jordan, do you have other people coming to your house for things? I'm presuming that you go to your mom's house. Shout out to Sharon. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. So I go down.

I have it very good. I don't have to travel on Thanksgiving. Mom's in Orange County. So it's, so it's an hour down the freeway. I get to go have Thanksgiving. We go to a movie, and then I go home, which is nice. Hell yeah. Best part of family holidays, getting the fuck out of there. Yeah, yeah.

And I'm so excited because usually the biggest drama is like, what movie do we see after we eat? We're a very hard family to get to agree to a movie. Like, no one other than me is interested in a Marvel or a Star Wars. Like, that is just a non-category for everybody. wars like that is a just a non-category for everybody um you know like the most successful year that we ever had was like when little women was out because we're all like all right we can come on we read this as kids let's do a little women yeah plus that movie fucking ruled what a fucking great movie that went really well everybody cried stepdad fell asleep great great keeping it heteronormative absolutely yes exactly and then but i let him know that it was pretty heteronormative in the parking lot and then i gave him a copy of the ethical slut

stepdad fell asleep bob odenkirk got ripped and did an action movie it was just regular shit beautiful um so you know i'm kind of like right now the issue i'm like i'm like oh god well what's it gonna be this year there's you know i'm like ah there's a bond there's a bond i don't know if the bond is still out but i'm like yes that'll that'll that that's that's exactly the down the middle that i think we need to hit anyway oh you're gonna love it too it's's a sad Bond, a slow, sad Bond. It's a long, slow, sad Bond. Oh yeah, sure. The last couple of Bonds have been slow, sad Bonds.

Yeah, I love it. Give me a sad Bond. That's the genre movie. I know everybody wants to watch Dune. Some people want to watch Marvel something. I want to watch sad James Bond, where he's just wandering through something. I want to watch sad James Bond, where he's just wandering through something. Because I had not seen Spectre, so I'm kind of like, I was doing some boning up for this Bond. Like, oh, I'll see Spectre. So I checked it out from the public library.

That's like a good kind of thing. The public libraries always get the Bonds. They always get the Bonds. Yeah. So I watched Spectre,er and yeah it definitely is they are kind of like going melancholy with with daniel craig there is a scene where like you see bond's apartment and it's really sad what is what what what a choice to give him like this pathetic like lightly furnished like sad divorcee pad uh anyway yeah you'd think it would be swinging with a with a you know home bar and a rotating bed and stuff

no it's just like he just has some like sad ikea stuff and he's like drinking alone it's wild he lives in wilt chamberlain's old house yeah the fact this bond daniel craig bond runs too much like i love him he's my favorite bond but bond running is weird to me like he's like a walking and driving kind of guy anytime he's like sprinting it feels like he shouldn't even sweat ever in a movie yeah like he's james fucking bond it's undignified. He also looks like a running back. Like the weird shape of his body running is a thing that you really only see in the National Football League among like bruising tailbacks. Like most running is done by long people. And he is not a long person.

He's a shoulder man. Yeah. Daniel Craig is a handsome trapezoid. Yeah. Gabrus, you're you're an action movie aficionado. I think you think you and you and me kind of grew up on the same like you know van dams and stallones and seagulls right that uh my the movies of my childhood the politics and their interpersonal relationships with women in hindsight were absolutely insanely brutal like i can't

believe the shit that i just grew up watching was like the every time i saw nudity was in like a psychosexual drama or some shit right not right not right yeah yeah conservative to the point of being fascist yeah but i cut you off yes i grew up on that same shit i was gonna ask you where where is bond for you because you you you mentioned daniel craig uh being your favorite and i definitely i think i've mentioned this on the show before but if you you know if your first couple action movies are van dams like when dad sits you down and shows you a bond you're like what's this shit this is this is this is a fucking snooze where's the blood when i was a kid anything that was like yellowish like westerny sepia

anything that was british or anything that was black and white or subtitled i was like this sucks like i was like i have no patience for this bullshit even british accents i was like this is whack and i like eventually eventually came around and like understood culture but when i was a kid bond looked so fucking corny to me and i'm like all i want to watch is fucking tango and cash or whatever and then you're like grow up and watch all these movies and you're like wow these bond things are something special uh so i've i've come around to them and and yeah i think i just like big budget action movies and like whatever the auspices in which they have to be delivered to me like i don't love marvel but it's my best

bet at getting a huge martial arts movie is shang chi gabrus do you prefer or did you prefer as a a Arnold Schwarzenegger, maybe Stallone-y kind of action movie, the kind where someone jumps out of an exploding airplane and it plows into a building or something? Or did you prefer something more on the Jean-Claude Van Damme, Steven Seagal side of things where blood mixes with spit? Jesse, this is the question of the ages in our house growing up it was guns versus karate if you like or should we watch

is it a gun movie or is it a karate movie like that was like the two things a movie could be and we all were martial artists my dad me and my brother we are all taking taekwondo at the time so we're really into those but arnold with guns is king uh you know like and that's because arnold is the most talented like that's something now as an adult with hindsight he's the most talented actor again it's not a huge esteem to be the most talented actor in that crew but he has yeah the most charisma the most fun like he's the funniest he's got the He's got it figured out the most. So that is why I think his movies sang the most to me. But I was always a fan of the martial arts movies.

Seagal over Van Damme, too, because my dad used to say, Van Damme's a dancer. Seagal's a real Aikido master he learned in Japan. But Van Damme, he just does ballet. You know, like my my dad like he's an actor it was like always that you know like he's gay because he's in better shape than i am of like the 80s and 90s he's not he's one of these brutal aikido guys a real he really knows how to redirect his enemy's energy have you watched any recent uh steven seagal demonstration videos where he's just kind

of like 400 pounds like satin kimono grimace just kind of like slow motion slapping people's bodies and launching them all highly recommend you can spend out he's like he goes to all these like fucking crazy dictator you know he's like talking to the belarusian fascist dictatorship and he's doing karate demonstrations to like people who are you know to jobbers to fucking marx when yes when you watch those when you watch those modern steven seagal demonstrations the people who are attacking him look like they're falling down because they feel bad for him they're like uh he'll he's got this is his thing i better just he didn't really do anything to me but i guess i should fall down they're like being it's like a stunt show at a stunt show at a theme park when they give like a little kid the

uh pistol and it's like kill all the bad guys. And they just, yeah, exactly. Well, you really got me. Oh, cool. Thanks. Yeah. Wow. Thanks for helping us out, Steven.

All right, go back to your seat. I, uh, watch true lies. That's the only one I think of these movies, these broadly. I mean,

I've like, uh, die hard. I've watched as an adult, but like of the really of the really big ones uh the one that i watched as an adult was true lies great fucking movie yeah i mean outside of being racist in its very you know in its bones uh it is a fucking great no that's the part i liked about it i don't know anything else about the movie. I said great movie. That was what I was referring to.

The acting shit. The special effects are awful, but it's hearts in the right place. The thing that struck me when I watched that movie was I was like, oh, I guess the greatest movie star of all time is Tom Arnold. Yeah. He's so good. He's so fucking good in that movie. I do want to back up to an observation that Gabrus made a little while ago. Because it really solidified for me a thought I had that I couldn't put words to.

Boy, the movies of our fathers were so yellow. Our fathers watched the yellowest movies. Yeah. Every time my dad sat me down to watch a movie with the like, now this, this is a movie, with that attitude, it was the yellowest thing. It was, yeah, every John Wayne movie, just the color of piss, those movies.

Well, there's our generation, all our movies are Zack Snyder colored. Right, yeah. So that kind of golden orange. We have the rust, the gray rust movies. The indiscriminate sludge is what I've seen it being referred to as like everything is like David Fincher down to like muddy greenish and like flickering fluorescent light. Everything's a fucking Instagram filter. We like Instagram has changed fucking movies. Oh yeah.

That's why, uh, that's why even, uh, live action actors have those big anime eyes. Yeah. I, uh,

Jordan, I actually, I told you I'm star Lord. I, they say, yes, they say their character name. Jordan, I watched The New Bond.

I know you haven't yet, but I watched The New Bond, and it's just a series of screen caps of comedians' jokes on Twitter. Sure. So it's directed by middle-class fancy. Yeah. Just something I remembered. True Lies, the bad guys were called the crimson jihad terrible terrible yes terrible and they were like like cartoon middle eastern

people and one of them dies by being fired off the and he's an amazing that actor and now i'm racist for not remembering his name but he crushes it, Tom Arnold crushes it, and fucking Bill Paxton crushes it. Oh, yeah. I got a little dick. I got a little dick. And Arnold Schwarzenegger is just barely good enough. Yeah. When we talk about the action studs of that time,

Arnold doesn't beat Swayze and Kurt Russell. Those guys were great and transcended, I feel like. Yeah, those guys are good at doing things. Arnold was just kind of an interesting thing. I think they're actors before they're action stars. Arnold is, I think you're right, when I said Arnold is the best actor of that crew, I was like excluding the people who are action stars,

but can do other stuff like Kurt Russell, Swayze, Keanu Reeves. Like those people have a little more rate. Like Arnold can only be a giant Austrian bodybuilder in every movie he's in. It makes no sense for him to be anything else. Are we also excluding rocky because fucking rocky like i know he can only do the one thing be rocky but like he's so funny like he's so much better at being rocky than arnold is at anything right okay i i see what you're saying but rocky is the best movie like oflvester Stallone's performances as Rocky. The rest of them are, you know, he's not doing much better.

That movie is something very special. But I just rewatched Rocky IV, the new director's cut that's been released, and it's crazy. He's not a good actor. Okay. Have you seen this? This is my favorite internet thing in some time. Sylvester Stallone on Instagram, on his personal Instagram, announced the Rocky IV director's cut.

And Rocky IV famously has the training robot. Yeah. Did he direct Rocky IV? Pauly's birthday gift. He did. So he announces like rocky for director's cut i can't believe this happened thank you to mgm or whatever for making this happen and the first comment below it is um i hope you kept in the trading robot and then he his response is i

don't like the robot anymore the robot is the robot is gone to the degree the robot in the movie in the original cut of the movie the robot is in a lot of scenes in the first act because they're going to rocky's house a lot it's rocky adrian paulie and the robot is there and it's weird it's very weird it's funny but it's weird and then since rocky took since Rocky, now Jesse's got me calling so I just throw in Rocky. Since Rocky re-edited the movie Rocky directed, since he took the robot out,

we don't even see Rocky for like the first 30 minutes of the new Rocky movie. It's like it's all Apollo and it starts with like eight minutes from Rocky 3. It starts with like, reminds you how Rocky 3 three ends it's like a montage of like apollo fighting you know him fighting mr t apollo and it's like this is fucking crazy is rocky for the one where he fights the

russian superman yeah drago i watched rocky 2 i love i was thinking about how much I love the movie Rocky. And I had watched Rocky twice in the last five years and just been really happy each time I had watched Rocky. And I had watched the Creed movies and loved them both. And I liked the movie Rocky Balboa. But I watched Rocky II, which I had never seen before. I had only seen a original Rocky and Russian Superman. And I saw Russian Superman as a kid, but I thought I'll just watch Rocky two. How bad could it be?

Wow. Is it bad? It's very bad. Very bad movie. Yeah. Much, much worse than the very good movie. much much worse than the very good movie rocky rocky's a very good movie rocky 3 is sort of like the kids movie one because it has the hulk and mr t and

it's it's good the muppets are in it briefly and then like rocky 4 is seven music videos back to back and like take it or leave it it's cool i don't know if it's a good movie and then yeah rocky five is very bad and then i i like rocky balboa as well what's rocky five i don't even know there was a rocky after the russian superman he trains tommy gunn morrison and ends up fighting him with in a street fight at the end of the movie. But he's like a trainer to another boxer who turns on him. Who wins the street fight? Well, I mean, obviously nobody wins a street fight. Thank you, Jesse.

Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, if any of our listeners out there were considering going off and starting a street fight, your friends might tell you it's cool or it's a way to be a big shot. Yeah. Cool kids don't rumble.

Yeah. I don't know much about your podcast audience, but I'd imagine the Venn diagram of people doing street fights and listening to JJ Go is a small amount of people. It might be just me and Brian. Jordan, Jesse, go listeners. Leave your chains at home. Yeah. I think, honestly, the closest. And Brian. Jordan, Jesse, go listeners. Leave your chains at home. Yeah.

I think, honestly, the closest any of our listeners will get is like leaving a trivia night in a huff. Leaving a trivia night because they didn't call out the other people who are clearly looking stuff up on their phone. Yeah, right. Thank you. What are we even doing here? What are we even doing here what are we even doing here they fucking break out the switchblade that's when they break out the switchblade jordan jesse i know you were talking about your uh your kids kind of getting into like 80s slashers have

the 80s and 90s action movies come up like is anyone interested in Cliffhanger or Demolition Man? I would love that. Because I do not like horror movies. I don't want to watch them at all. Zero is the percentage that I want to watch Nightmare on Elm Street. I would be perfectly glad to... Like, I've come to the point where I would be

perfectly glad to watch Demolition Man. Yeah. Like, I think Demolition Man. Yeah. I think Demolition Man is probably bad, but I would enjoy it. I would enjoy it more than I would enjoy watching Troll or whatever. It has Dennis Leary's in Demolition Man, and he straight up does like six minutes of his own stand-up as a character. He's like like rat burgers yeah it was clearly peak dennis leary and they're like he plays like the leader of the underground resistance yeah and there's clearly a point where like this guy's hilarious we just gotta let him go we just

gotta let him do his thing and he's like smoking going like yeah i want to eat a burger i want to read playboy magazine i don't want to you you know, yeah. I'm an asshole. The six minutes of his standup and eight minutes of Bill Hicks' standup. Right. Yeah. If you're in advertising, kill yourself. Like, what are you talking about?

Why are you doing this? I had a mini poster for Demolition Man on my wall that I got at the Burger King by my house, but I did not see the movie Demolition Man. Demolition Man, I feel like I had a lot of Demolition Man on my wall that I got at the Burger King by my house, but I did not see the movie Demolition Man. Demolition Man, I feel like I had a lot of Demolition Man merch as well. I think I had some collectible cups and maybe one of those little LCD watches. It was like peak movie tie-in merch. My daughter is really interested in movie merchandise, and so she will list to me the merchandise

related to the slasher movies in which she is interested. Did you know there is a Nightmare on Elm Street children's board game? Yeah, it is amazing how they like, because yeah, there's like Freddy, like rap videos and stuff. They really tried to make Freddy just like a lovable character for kids.

Yeah. And he was a pedophile before he was killed, correct? That's the lore of Freddy Groot in Nightmare on Elm Street. That's the funniest thing about it. It's like, it's a cartoon dominoes tie-in, bitch. And it's like, that's a burnt up pedophile. You were killed because you were touching kids i remember as a child enjoying the character freddy but i did feel like it

was one step too far when they had him join the burger king kids club right yeah it seemed weird taking viz kids place yeah what about wheels yeah there could be only nine Kids Club kids, bitch. Sorry, bitch. We find out that wheels got in the wheelchair because Freddie cut his ACLs. Right. In his dreams. Yeah, in his dreams. If you join the Kids Club in your dreams, you join the Kids Club in real life.

If you join the kids club in your dreams, you join the kids club in real life. My wife told me about my daughter today that she, that they watched together the Blair Witch Project. And this is like in my family, my wife and I, basically it's both of our worst nightmare to watch the Blair Witch Project. Because we're both scared of it and won't like it like both of those you know what i mean uh and my wife just told me she was so happy to watch a movie because we just haven't been able to watch an entire movie in so long uh that her new favorite movie basically is the blair witch project except that like 40 minutes in my daughter got antsy turned it off and left and now my wife is like oh what happens on the blair witch project not a lot actually okay not a lot yeah you'll be fine i don't know i read some posts on the internet that were very interesting really freaked me out it's actually a true story

it is a documentary they found the footage in the woods i remember as a kid i saw it in high school with that pretense really jordan i was about to say the same thing that is the auspices under which i saw the film too my i went with my high school girlfriend at the time. I was bugging out. We were like talking up how it was real. And then I started like, whenever the movie was nighttime in the movie, I felt so uncomfortable. And then when it would cut to like a daytime scene, I would feel this insane sense of relief.

It was like the most caught up in a horror movie I ever was in my life. Cause I bought into the entire marketing height. When we left the theater, it was still daylight out and I had like goosebumps i was like thank fucking god i didn't want to walk into like a dark parking lot that movie fucking torched me dude yeah i slept with all the lights on i think i was like 15 when it came out i slept with like all of my lights on and yeah and the thing was like and the thing the big thing about it was the revolutionary thing that they brought to marketing a movie was it had a website. All the information was on a website. That's why, because it wouldn't have a website if it wasn't true.

They can't just make it. Yeah, I totally went and it was, I can't imagine just watching that movie without that. I wonder what it is, you know? I bet you there's a TED Talk where you can trace the marketing of Blair Witch Project to, like, the misinformation that is tearing apart our country. Oh, shit. I think that is almost certainly true. Like, the second you said, oh, it's on a website, so it's true. I'm like, oh my God, is that where that started?

Like now it's like going to be our undoing as a society. It's like the Blair Witch marketing project. I have a question for you guys, which is this. My wife doesn't want to watch horror movies. I think in large part because she went to, I believe it was an eighth or ninth birthday party where they showed The Shining. Right. Wow. And yes, yes. Bold, weird kids for their birthday. Yeah. My wife's mom is the most gentle, kind human being ever.

And my wife told me that she just overheard her mom calling the other mom and just a long string of screaming profanities. But what did you guys see, whether it was at a birthday party or, you know, on cable late at night that was wildly inappropriate for your age i was a i was a pretty as far as like consuming media goes i was a i was a goody two-shoes i was definitely afraid of all horror i think there was a freddy once at a sleepover and i think i asked to go home because i was too scared of the freddy and i think i said i had a stomach ache or something um and then like when high school rolled around i had to like get over it just because it was such a big part of like socializing it was like this is it was the like post scream horror movie boom so if if you wanted to hang out like you had to go see

urban legends. I know what you did last summer. Or Event Horizon. Yes. Oh, good one. Can we name ten more of these? Anyway, it'd be fun for me. I saw a handful of Final Destinations. Yeah, Final Destination.

So yeah, I just had to fucking... Jeepers Creepers creepers here's a coming back they are okay all right uh jawbreaker jawbreaker oh fuck to answer that question myself watching awful too brutal shit way too young and the awful answer that i'm afraid to say on a podcast is the thing we i watched when I was too young was pornography in a large group with guys. Really? And hindsight being 2020, that was one of the weird, it's like

I tried to talk to other people about it like it's something that, I was like, yeah, you know, me and my friends would all jerk off in the room together. Not like looking at each other, we'd all be in our own areas and then everyone was like, I never did that. I was like, I never did that. You completed the act

john amongst your peers full release dog wait i'm not gonna half tug off i'm fucking 13 14 years old when am i gonna not come i'm gonna come right in my pants just sleep i feel like my friend my friend jody had a subscription to uh sports illustrated and i was uncomfortable looking at the sports illustrated swimsuit issue with him present like that was way too much for me it was like any port in the storm you know like pornography wasn't like a thing we had and it was just like if someone this one dude's house he had spice like his parents had spice and we're like holy shit pornography and it's like i can't not jerk off it's all i do at home now i have like i can't i have to do it here too do you remember because i know that the because when you say spice i mean i certainly know what you're talking about, but I have never seen it. Not scrambled.

Yeah. Like, like, you know, uh, for the, for the young people, there was a channel called the spice channel. It was like,

you know, it was, you know, after you get past HBO or something on the cable package and it was scrambled unless your family paid for it. But if you left it on the scrambled, you know, the, you know, if you left it on the scrambled, you know, if you left it on long enough, even when scrambled,

you could kind of make some stuff out. Maybe there were some sounds. A thousand monkeys on typewriters in a room kind of thing. Like random imaging enough that every once in a while, it's like, I just saw two tits. You know, like I would watch it for hours. Like, I think that's why I'm good at like meditation. Cause I've just static imagery, just trying to see a bush or breasts for like hours.

I'd be like, and then that's probably not good on a young brain. Just either part, the, the boobs or the fucking insane epileptic inducing fucking uh static i think i watched uh a i watched cable access late at night uh which would usually just have like a a soiled man talking about pigeons um with regard to city policies or something. But sometimes... This is the most... Are these the two most on-brand, like, as podcasting personality stories ever? It's like, I used to jerk off in a room full of people.

You're like, I watched the public news. And also jerked off. And I was jerking off. I enjoy pigeons. It was the same. I mean, it was the very same impulse uh john which was that i would i i would just keep it locked there in case the thing came on where it was like uh local soft core pornography hell which would happen like sometimes it would be like only very you know it's a public

access channel they don't keep a schedule like they have a schedule in the break room but they don't have a schedule for us the viewer even back then it was hard to get a schedule for anything on tv i couldn't even figure out when news radio was on much less the public access pornography wait what do you mean what do you mean public access pornography like just sometimes i think it's in the name but like a talk show hosted by a topless woman or like a or like a like a hard r soft X car wash video. Huh. Really? Yeah.

A hundred percent. Yes. But it was only like after midnight on public access. Huh. I've never heard. Because I remember the one saucy thing I remember from public access was this guy, Wally George, who was like. His tits were amazing

yeah the jugs on that old man um he like he was a like proto jerry springer type i think they like attribute you know the jerry springers of the world to like this dude who would you know uh just have people on his show who would fight. Um, like, you know, I think he would like have a Klansman on and who would fight a member of GWAR or something. Why what's happening. Uh, but occasionally he would have like a, a porn star or a stripper on, and then the audience would hoot and holler at them and i

don't think there would ever be any nudity but you know uh we were all perpetually in a pinch at that age at that time so you know there's i i am i am thinking that maybe this is a function of like the production quality at the public access station in Los Angeles and New York, uh, being very different from elsewhere. Like the Chris Gethard show, they put on public access in New York and there's like camera guys there, like whatever, right? Like there's a whole thing going on. Uh, it, my public access was like, there's this clip on YouTube that I think is my favorite rap clip. And it is a public access show. And it is a performance by Dre Dog, a.k.a. Andre Nicotina.

And he is just wearing a starter jacket. He looks like a giant starter jacket, like a satin starter jacket. I know this. I know this i know there is he is doing a song called the new jim jones uh dray dog very intense rapper very very very intense lyrical content uh and just there's just this one woman behind him she's just wearing like street clothes and she is doing those kind of like early 90s punch dance moves you know what i mean like punch kick type dance moves like rosie perez type dance moves but like but like rougher tougher and just yeah she isn't otherwise entirely unremarkable woman. Like she's not a great dancer.

She's a perfectly okay dancer, but she's not a great dancer. She's not notably attractive. She's distinctive in no way at all, other than she is just behind him doing this dance while he just stands there and they're in a basement. 100%, they're in somebody's basement with like bed sheets hanging from the walls like not bed sheets made up to look like a set just bed sheets

hanging on the walls you know what i mean that i'm i did not that is not the video i was thinking you were going i was like i've seen this video then as you went one more detail i was like, I've seen this video. Then as you went one more detail, I was like, just keep your mouth shut. And then the lady behind him, I was like, nope. Yeah, I got this confused with something else. I couldn't recommend this video more highly. His audio is completely blown out. It's like the greatest rap performance I've ever seen. But that is like the quality.

It's like the guy, I mean, we talked about this many years ago on Jordan Jesse Go many times. There was a guy on Santa Cruz Public Access who was on all the time, who was an old man who looked a little bit like a low rent Larry David, if you can imagine that. And he just sat in front of a Star Wars bed sheet and he would complain about something. Then he'd go, give me a break. That was his catchphrase. Wait. So, Gabrus, what happened on the Spice Channel? You're the only one among us who has seen it unscrambled.

Was it like plots? Was it like the pizza guy is there and needs a tip? It's just enough plot. And I got to say, it fucking spoiled me rotten. I do not enjoy the clip porn thing. I need the fucking lead up. I'm a narrative guy. I like the story.

The role play is part of the intrigue for me, it turns out. And I think it all stems from having brief uh albeit brief but intense connection with the spice network that's why i like you porn and stuff have that tab in the categories list that says porn for gabrises right yeah well yeah they all better they seo the shit out of that's all i search for and it's all in there. And half of them have a 45 minute lead up where it's a story about an undercover cop who has to go deep at a strip club. Yeah. Yeah. It's always like out for justice.

But at the end, it's porn. Full blown action where he fights a Jamaican gang and then falls in love. OK. Yeah. I'll watch this. Did Spice show erections? No. And no, no penetration penetration just like the humping uh sure no no and and uh always on the faces for orgasms right you know like oh the old uh the old belly button cunnilingus yeah the old the old turns out, have some friends that did some soft core, the old big gauze bandaid over your vagina and just gnawing on inner thigh or like licking your own hand.

Putting your hand there and then licking your own hand is a classic technique as well. technique as well yeah i mean because i you know because i you know again grew up on you know that soft core stuff i that was you know when i became sexually active i had to unlearn belly button cunnilingus you had belly button cunnilingus death grip sure yeah like i i appreciate your enthusiasm this is wrong let's take a quick break we'll be back in just a second on jordan jessica it's jordan jessico i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective Jesse Go, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every episode of Jordan, Jesse Go, brought to you by you, the Jordan, Jesse Go Maximum Fun member.

Folks who've gone to MaximumFun.org slash join. Also this week by the good folks at Made in Jordan. If you're looking for beautiful cookware, professional quality cookware, but at a reasonable price. And when I say beautiful, I mean both beautiful performance and beautiful aesthetically. The kind of thing you would be proud to give as a holiday gift. Look no further than made in. It's not just carbon. Look, Jordan and I love to talk about our carbon steel, okay? Which is both our favorite pan and our signature sex move. We both love to talk about the carbon steel pans because it's like a lightweight, naturally nonstick pan product. Fry an egg in there, flop it right out. But they also make beautiful tableware, beautiful kitchen knives, other types of pots and pans. They're gorgeous. Got some beautiful enamel made in. This is nice stuff. It's great. I use it. I love it. Jesse uses it. Jesse loves it. Really terrific. Like you said, I think it would make a great holiday gift or just a little something for

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That's madeincookware.com slash JJGO. Use promo code JJGO. Ha ha ha ha ha. Aw, gee. Thanks, Santa. Can I have one of those elbows that everybody likes, too? Shut it. No.

You can't. We're doing a commercial for something else. Shut it. can't we're doing a commercial for something else shut it we're also brought to you this week by the folks at imperfect foods jordan yes it's getting a lot of all around this great nation it's getting cold outside we don't want to people don't want to trudge through the sludge no you want groceries you want to stay home where it's cozy you don't want to get out there and muck around in the freezing cold store. You want your groceries delivered right to you in your cozy home. Can I tell you something? I got some imperfect foods. There's a grocery service, by the way, reduces waste, sustainable groceries, beautiful stuff. You know what I got for myself? Some nice sausages. groceries, beautiful stuff. You know what I got for myself? Some nice sausages.

Oh, yeah. You know, I also got some sausages via Imperfect Foods. They were really tasty. Imperfect Foods, kind of their bread and butter, if you'll permit me a grocery analogy. A culinary description, yes. Is, you know, imperfect produce that, you know, maybe a grocery store wouldn't have out because it looks a little wonky, but it's still perfectly good, perfectly tasty. So you can get all sorts of great produce from Imperfect Foods, but also they have deli stuff, they have packaged food, they have bakery stuff. So really it's a whole shopping trip that you can do online. You know what I got, Jordan? What'd you get?

Got some little pears. Yeah, I also got some pears from imperfect foods they were really nice i'm a you know i'm a pear guy i've said it before on the show i love a pear it's one of my favorite treats people can sniff out bullshit and they're not smelling anything right now jordan they know you're a pear guy i know i'm a pear guy i love a firm pear which is something that is easier to write than it is to say imperfect foods is a grocery delivery service offering an entire line of sustainable groceries that taste delicious and reduce waste. You visit ImperfectFoods.com to see if they deliver in your area. Once you sign up, you can personalize your weekly grocery order with fresh seasonal produce, pantry staples, and yummy snacks.

Plus, say goodbye to packaging guilt. Imperfect Foods is the only national grocery delivery company that makes it easy to return your packaging after every order. Jesse, they also have banana nubbins. Thank God. Right now, Imperfect Foods is offering our listeners 20% off your first four orders when you go to imperfectfoods.com and use promo code JJGO. Again, 20% off your first four orders. That's up to an $80 value at imperfectfoods.com. Offer code when you use.

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Please do. I insist. Get yourself some sausages, something nice and tasty, nice and fatty. Get yourself some Brussels sprouts and some yellow taters. Chop those yellow taters up into smallish cubes, roughly the size of a Brussels sprout. Cut those Brussels sprouts in half, toss those in a little bit of olive oil or another oil if you prefer another oil, slice a line down the sausages, put them all in a sheet pan, bake them at, you know, 350, 400 for 20 minutes-ish, flip them, cover them with some honey and mustard mixed up together.

Sure. Give them another 10 minutes or so. That sounds great Cover them with some honey and mustard mixed up together. Sure. Give them another 10 minutes or so. That sounds great. You know, because the honey will burn if you leave it in there too long. So give it another 10 minutes or so, 15 minutes. Take it out. That's going to be good. And guess what? You got it all at imperfectfoods.com. You use the code JJGO for 20% off. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. Oh, it's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective john gabrus beef baster you're based in beef based in beef with your boys you and the boys are based in your beef i truly was gonna say beef master as like a beast master uh pun but then at i was like that beef master that sounds like farts. Let me make it back about food.

Beefbaster. You just had a big long list on one of those narrow notepads, and just they're all crossed out because they sounded like farts. Dr. Boom Boom. No. Cheese King. Sure. God damn it. Little Tootster.

No. Fuck. Gasmaster? No. No damn it. Little Tootster. Fuck. Gas Master? No. No, yeah. Ass Gasser Grass? Fart Man? God damn it.

Yeah, Butt Farter? No. No, not again. That's my dad's name. Yeah, Butt Farter's my father's name. Call me John. When something momentous happens to you, this is serious business. Look, we love to get your calls. When something momentous happens to you, give us a call,

206-984-4FUN. Or it's even easier, remember, just take out your phone, go to that voice memo application, the voice recorder, sound recorder application, record yourself talking, email it to jjgoe at maximumfun.org. It's that simple. When something momentous, you do it right away. Just do it. Just do it, do it, do it like you're John Gabrus at an eighth grade birthday party. Just cranking off at the bowling alley. Just cranking it. Not even a sleepover party. It's just like that. They had spice at the bowling alley? United States of America.

Bunch of TVs. Just finish up. Go play some Lethal Enforcers. Brian, why don't you play our first call? Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. This is Sam. I'm calling from New York. I use she and her. And yeah, just had to call in because I had a very momentous occasion in which I, well, I reconnected with someone that I used

to date and that's amazing and wonderful. But that is not the point of this call. The point of this call is that when we met up to reconnect, we went out to a pizza place called All Purpose Pizzeria. It's in Washington, D.C. I don't know why I clarified that. And at this place, they had an Italian water ice that I got. It is alcoholic, and it was called the Waluigi. It has rum, pineapple, lime, and ube, It has rum, pineapple, lime, and ube. And it says it is like being transported to a tropical beach paradise. So I also took a picture of it. So I'll send you that in the menu description. But I had to stop our date to immediately explain the significance of this to uh my partner and it was great so uh thanks for everything and love you love you too sam um

is that where waluigi comes from a tropical paradise i don't know i don't know where wario and waluigi are from i mean bora bora right it's got to be bora bora they're from super i mean i guess super wario world right yeah following the logic all the way through they're from the wario brothers universe yeah well again i think and i think and i think the right thing to do here i like your instinct gabrus the right thing here to do is unpack the logic yeah yeah. Yeah, please. I know nothing else. Yeah, but I mean, I think if Mario and Luigi are Italian, they're from whatever evil Italy is. Right, right. The drink is a Waluigi because it has

ube in it, which I think is like that purple yam, right? Yeah. I was going to say do the people who own this pizza, does Waluigi mean something else or are they using this, they're using the character as the name of the drink? I don't know. I guess I... No, Waluigi is a classic cocktail from the 18th century that involves

whipping egg yolks. Oh, right. Yeah, exactly. I'll have a Waluigi fizz. Yeah, Don Draper ordered them. Eight ounces of cream? Okay. That's where the expression, a two Waluigi lunch comes from.

Right. Oh, man. I can't wait. This is great. Throwing back a couple Waluigis, reconnecting with an old flame. Yeah. That's the dream life. I mean, it transports you to a tropical paradise.

Yeah. And then just the next morning you wake up, you got a headache. There's somebody in your bed. You're like, oh, how many Waluigis did I have? Fuck. Oh, everything looks purple. Yeah. Oh, man.

Me and the boys, after a hard day of work, would pop open a few Waluigis and just cut loose. Just put the Spice Channel on. Pour myself a Waluigi. Sure. Little Bowsette chaser. Is Bowsette a lady Bowser? I think Bowsette is an evil it's like an evil peach is like an

evil peach that i think people is one of those things where as soon as it became real people became horny for it and so what i imagined it was and i i'll readily admit that it made me extraordinarily horny um bowser is like an evil turtle man right like a spiky evil turtle man yeah like a turtle dragon yeah yeah like a turtle dragon turtle sore just a simple i mean you've seen them bora bora my orca he's like that ankylosaurus really like that can walk on his hind legs and who sometimes flies around in a clown blimp yes and he can breathe fire and has proclivity

for white women I imagine that but like with a little red bow on its head I think it's an evil peach again I am unclear and also hating myself for bringing up by how much awful fan art people are going to spam me with on twitter after this like oh she exists in deviant

art forums exclusively yeah it's one of those things that is such a bummer because if our list our listeners could tell us what uh this character is if they weren't so busy having fucking street fights yeah right put down the bike lock and damn it quit rumbling and let's yeah put down the sock filled with pennies and tell me what nintendo characters to jack off to we got to get back to coney island it's not safe. Yeah. Right. The baseball furies are going to kill us. We got to get out of the bush.

Hey, Jesse, come out and play a podcast episode for us. Somebody's got a baseball bat with some nails through it. You know, honestly, I think a stick with some nails through it is what brings together the street fighting world of Jordan Jesse Go listeners and the world of Bowser. Yes. There you go. Beautiful. Just like Cyrus called together the warriors. Can you dig it, listeners?

Can you dig it? 206-984-4FUN. JJ Go at MaximumFun. dot org here's one more call hey jordan jesse uh sunny d guest uh this is flimsy jim from parts unknown i'm calling in with a momentous occasion uh can you pause this brian did he say it's Flimsy Jim from Parts Unknown? This is not CB radio. Flimsy Jim kind of sounds like John Ross Bowie a little bit. Yeah. Do you think it's just John Ross Bowie under his undercover cop pseudonym? Flimsy Jim is his undercover cop pseudonym. When he's an undercover cop, he goes by Flimsy Jim,

and then he goes undercover and has a third name that's really complicated. And it's hard for him to keep track of all of them. And then one time he had to go deep cover at a strip club. And that's where the Spice Channel movie. Flimsy Jim no more. I don't know why they call you Flimsy Jim. I'll show you why. Fuck soft. Fuck Fuck's soft.

Fuck's exclusively soft. You know, not everyone can do that. Yeah, only flimsy Jim can. Takes a John Ross Bowie to pull that one off. Yeah. Good guy's good in everything. Brian, play the call again. So I sort of have been hooking up with this girl every once in a while.

Really low key kind of stuff. Totally. She stayed over last night and she woke i uh she woke up this morning and she just like escaped my apartment she like ran out it was confusing i didn't know what had happened uh we'd been up drinking the night before and that's a key part of it i think because after she left and i went back to bed i realized that maybe the reason that she left is because she definitely pissed my bed. Have a good day, guys.

I mean, that's fine. You win some, you lose some. Yeah, come on, man. It was time to change your sheets anyways. Yeah, put them in the wash. That'll wash out. I was hoping this was kind of going to be a Rashomon with the first call, where this guy was going to be like,

me and some chick had a bunch of Waluigi's. My freshman year, I hooked up with a girl who pissed the bed, and I blamed it on like, oh, it must be super sweaty, because I don't usually, you know, I'm a freshman in college. This is one of my first overnight female guests. I'm like, oh, it's just probably super sweaty because i don't usually you know i'm a freshman in college this is my one of my first overnight female guests i'm like oh it's just probably super sweaty i'm embarrassed whatever i'll wash my sheets like two nights later uh she comes back to my place again oh no i go back to her place and then she pisses the and like this time i'm spooning her and when we wake up i'm like oh i think i'm really sweaty again and it's just just like the back of her pants in the front of my pants and i was like no actually i know what happened now oh wait now i

know what happened a couple of days oh my god okay yeah this is a recurring issue we should talk now i can't sleep without it yeah it's like your white noise machine constantly i mean i've i pissed the bed pretty bad uh about uh like right before pandemic uh i got so drunk my wife woke up to what she thought was a pipe burst um i take like i famously take like two minute pisses too like my pisses are so long and i'm in the bathroom famously famously in our house especially from well being uh in quarantine together for a year and a half is like she's heard 80 of my urine you know what i mean i mean jordan you didn't see one of you didn't see gabrus's two minute p playing uh cool games on fallon last week? Oh, man, no.

I was watching Colbert that night. I was watching Steve Agee's five-minute dump on Colbert. My favorite. But my wife woke up to what she thought was a pipe bursting, and it was me laying on the side of the bed Laying on my side Having pissed my pants so much That it was coming out the front of my underwear

And what had woken her up was It was splashing on like an inch of piss That was on the floor already Like a huge And she woke me up and she was like what And I was like ah It was everywhere I like rolled over and didn't stop it was so much piss it was on the it splashed up all up along the wall of my bedroom and shit and it was so it was so much and then we were going to meet friends at the museum at like

10 a.m at the museum yeah i know and so we're going to the museum the next morning and i'm like uh podcaster friend uh ben rogers is like hey you guys are the next morning And I'm like Podcaster friend Ben Rogers is like Hey you guys are running a little late I'm like yeah I got pretty wasted last night Tiffany's like why don't you tell him what happened And I was like piss the bed real bad I tell him the story and he goes yeah Jesus man

And I was like yeah I think I'm going to take a little while off drinking And he's like yeah I think that's the right move And I was like yeah I haven't gotten that drunk again yet in a while so wait what did you have to what museum exhibit did you have to look at hung over it was probably they did like a monsters exhibit at the natural history museum like a couple years ago it's like probably around halloween especially if my if my wife wanted to go to the museum it was probably something goth that we were going to see so i think it was that because they had like uh like you know news stories

about the wolfman and stuff like they did like a room on each one of the classic monsters and then we saw some other cool shit walking around but i was brutally hungover i had like four water bottles and one dump at the museum and that's just like bad news i the first time we went to the louvre i was so hung over i had to fucking the second we swiped in i was like ah sorry i have to run to the bathroom and i was in there for like 25 minutes and i come out my wife's just standing there she's like ready to walk around the louvre now we like flew to fucking paris you've been shitting mostly since we got here i uh my one of those is i puked in the bathroom at the abbey road recording studio

this is when i was doing uh this is when i was doing sergeant peppers yeah this is when i was recording sergeant pepper acid. Some people call me the fifth Beatle. It was not, in fact, Pete Best. This was back when I was doing press junkets, and it was like, they, you know, they, I'm sure, like, that industry has totally changed now, but they would, like, fly you to crazy places sometimes, and they flew us to England for, gosh, what was it? Oh, it was that Russell Brand movie,

Get Him to the Greek. Okay. The Los Angeles set film, Get Him to the Greek. Right, yeah. So yeah, I think the idea was that like, oh, he's a rock star. He's a British rock star in the movie. So, you know, we'll do it at Abbey Road.

And yeah, and I just like, I just got so trashed the night before just like before i like had to puke in one of the bathrooms i'm like oh hey this is a pretty like historic bathroom think of everybody who's puked in here hell yeah dude can i can i offer something that i would like our our listeners to call in about besides of course please call in with your segments and momentous occasions 206-9844-FUN j, jjgoatmaximumfun.org. I feel like in our audience, some of our listeners have experienced completely inappropriate media in completely inappropriate contexts as a young person. And I want to know what they are.

Can I tag this for you, Jesse? Tag away. Yeah yeah thank you maybe not even young maybe like based environmentally when it like when they saw it or something like that yeah can just a just broadly contextually completely inappropriate the equivalent of the shining at a at an eighth birthday party i keep thinking about that yeah like the shining almost anywhere else besides in your house or just in like a revival movie theater basically um 206-984-4FUN jjgoe at maximumfun.org i mean somebody has to have seen something at a wedding right just something at a wedding like a movie yeah it was just like a wedding in there

and and the theme of the wedding is uh you know raging bull or something and like like just after the wedding everybody sits down and watches the movie no in the wedding it's like part of the wedding in this scenario the movie yeah okay yeah they have everybody watch raging bull during the wedding instead of that would be that would be really inappropriate because djs are expensive you know yeah but i mean a vhs copy of raging bull yeah it's like relatively cheap 99 cents it's not expensive like those exploitation horror movies on vhs those are it's like getting a fucking substitute teacher to plan your wedding they just like wheel in a big fucking tv and put on a movie all right the dj couldn't be here sorry your uh your priest is out sick uh this is uh phantom menace uh enjoy 206-984-4FUN jj go at MaximumFun.org for your voice memos.

I want to hear about this. I think we're going to get some good ones. And of course, you're always welcome to call in your momentous occasions in your segments for the program. But let's hear about your inappropriate media experiences. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris, boy detective. Okay. Let's break it down. Cause we've got some shit that we need people to pay attention to. First of all, I produced a radio show for Peewee Herman from

Peewee's big adventure and Peewee's playhouse and, uh, the famous dance to the Peewee Herman from Pee Wee's Big Adventure and Pee Wee's Playhouse and the famous dance to the Pee Wee Herman. This is the highlight of my entire career. It is only available for one week at kcrw.com starting the day after Thanksgiving when it will air at 6 p.m. Pacific time. So go to kcrw.com and please listen to it because I'm really proud of it. Was really, really hard work. Worked on it for a really long time. Got to work with my all-time hero and I think it came out pretty good. Pee Wee Herman Radio Hour, kcrw.com.

Please do actually listen to it because then it's going to just disappear into the ether forever because it has too much copyrighted music in it. Special guests, right? Special guests coming on this thing too? All kinds of fucking special guests. All guests coming on this thing too all kinds of fucking special guests all i'll say is this peewee does hang up on jack white whoa okay okay

dang i don't know if i was supposed to reveal that but that is something that happens in the course of the program yeah kcrw.com jordan what's going on with your book Bubble besides it being a perfect holiday gift for anybody who loves laughs or comics or fun sci-fi premises in anyone who's listening to This Is Life? So some people have been asking me where they can get a personalized copy of Bubble for a holiday gift. You said up your ass and around the corner. Yeah, in hindsight, I shouldn't have been such a dick to someone who was trying to buy my book, but... Yeah, up your nose with a rubber hose, you said. Yeah, I was, listen, I was having a bad day. And so what I did was I took a deep breath.

I did a little walk around the block, and I decided that I should... Tell them to pound sand. Listen, I love the vans, and if they want a signed, personalized copy of Bubble for the holidays, you can do it, but you only have until December 3rd. Here's what you do.

You go to booksoup.com. That's a great indie bookstore here in LA, maybe my favorite bookstore. They're great. You go to the signed page, and you can get a signed copy of Bubble delivered anywhere in the world, internationally, within the US. You don't have to be in LA to get it. And not only will I sign it, but there's a little box you can check where I will personalize it and I will write whatever dumb fucking shit you want. The dumbest thing you can think of, I will write in that book.

It is a way to communicate with me personally. And because you bought the book, I got to write it. That's how it works. It can be an inside joke for this show. It could be some Cotton Candy Randy shit. Whatever. It could just be an inside joke with you and your dumb buddies. I don't care.

You bought the book. I have to write it. But only if you buy it this way. So yes, BookSoup.com. I would really, really love to see some people think of some dumb shit to make me write. Yeah. You can do it, and it'll get delivered there for the holidays. And if you already read Bubble and loved it, we are nominated for a Goodreads Choice Award.

We will probably not win. There are some heavy hitters in the category with us, but if we could make it to the next round, that'd be kind of cool. So goodreads.com, you click on Goodreads Choice Awards. We're there in the graphic novel section with some fucking impossible-to-beat graphic novels. Just some fucking legends in that category, okay?

We're happy to be there. We're happy people liked the book. You're like, wait, we're going up against the first appearance of Spider-Man? That doesn't seem... Yeah, I know. It didn't even... Yeah, it came out in the fucking 50 Yeah, I know. It didn't even... Yeah. It came out

in the fucking 50s. I know. I don't know why. Yeah. Yeah. There's some... They re-released Watchmen for the fucking

millionth time, so now we gotta beat that. No, we don't have to beat Watchmen, but, like, basically, we have to beat Watchmen, honestly.

So, yeah, listen. Winning might not happen, but going to the next round would be really cool, and it'd just be really cool to make a good showing at the Goodreads Awards. So, yeah, go on to goodreads.com, click on the Choice Awards, and head on over to the Graphic Novels section.

You can vote in the other categories. I don't give a fuck, but none of them benefit me personally. Jordan, at putthisonshop.com, which is my antique store uh i identified a couple of items that jordan jesse go listeners might be interested in for their uh stocking stuffers what do you got number one i have a whole collection of like 1950s gag gifts okay so if you want uh if you want a a somewhat risque maybe a little sexist gag gift that comes in a

joke box uh go to put this on shop.com um definitely not sexist are wacko sores stickers these are wacky dinosaurs jordan who um you can get those at put this on shop.com plus you know you could buy some beautiful you know you could buy a like a tiffany bill clip or like some gold knot cufflinks or something like that you can also buy something beautiful but at this point it's mostly yo mtv wraps cards that we have so go to put this on shop.com uh get your holiday gifts that aren't copies of Bubble. First priority, Bubble. Second priority, Wacko Sores. And if you use the code Waluigi, which is...

This guy's like an evil Mario. You know this guy? Yeah, I know this guy. Oh, I know this guy. Yeah, he's known as the evil Mario. Waluigi. Right. Yeah, nobody's going to have a problem with that.

Use the code Waluigi and almost all your orders ship for free. I put $10 minimum purchase. That seems about right, right? Yeah. And I'm not going to ship, you know, we don't have any safes for sale or anvils, but I'm not going to ship those for free to you in the Virgin Islands. Just be reasonable about this and use the code Waluigi for free shipping on almost everything at putthisonshop.com. We'll be back in just a

second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Do you sometimes wonder whatever happened to the kids at your school who really loved Star Trek? You might remember a kid like me, the one who read the Star Trek novels and built starship models. I also took music classes to avoid taking gym classes that required showering after, but I don't see what that really has to do with- Or a kid like me. I introduced myself to kids at my summer camp one year as Wesley, but when the school year started and some of those kids were in my new class, I actually had to explain to my friends that I had tried to take on the identity of my favorite Star Trek character.

The shame haunts me to this day. I'm sure some of those Star Trek fans from your childhood grew up to have interesting and productive lives, but we ended up being podcasters. On The Greatest Discovery, you'll hear what happens to two lifelong Star Trek fans who didn't grow up to be great people. They just grew up to be people who love jokes as much as they love Trek. Season four of Star Trek Discovery is here, so listen to our new episodes every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Jesse Thorne, the founder of Maximum Fun.

It's the Thanksgiving season, and I want to take this opportunity to thank you, the members of Maximum Fun. This MaxFunDrive, your generosity and your love of pins, helped us raise over $90,000 to help bridge the digital divide. raised over $90,000 to help bridge the digital divide. Families without internet access struggle to do things that the rest of us might take for granted, especially during COVID. Going to school, applying for jobs, fighting medical care. Your donations help the nonprofit Everyone On. They provide equipment, services, and training to get people online so they can access opportunity. You can find out more about the great work Everyone On does at everyoneon.org. Thanks for supporting Maximum Fun. Thanks for supporting Everyone On. And thanks for being awesome people who want to do good in the world.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Oh, it's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. John Gabrus, beef master. Yeah, sure, why not? Sounds a little farty. Maybe it's because we hung a hat on it.

Maybe in a vacuum it wouldn't sound farty john gabrus it is never less than a delight to have you on the program we're so grateful you made the time for us thank you for having me probably america's most successful podcaster yeah up there top 10 i'm right there yeah i'm up there. Top 10, right? I'm up there. Yeah, I'm up there. The only thing I'm lacking is the finances, but I'm about to go right wing big time, and I know that'll just turn my profits into, I'll just start making money hand over fist. Yeah, no, it's great. I do your show live at CPAC. the money is in and i know this from that one guy uh the money is in buying a property in upstate new york and then kind of turning it into a cult compound like you don't get the permits you just start inviting people to move to your property and build things that's where the money

is yeah that's the move you're all wrong it's. So I'm going to sell the two of you. I can get you a deal on a crate of leggings. You sell them on Instagram. I don't need a crate, but if you have an old pair in your closet, in your garage, I'll take one. If you happen to have an old, crusty pair. Jordan, I'm no commodities trader, but I'm wondering, what is the exchange rate on old leggings from the garage and Herbalife jugs two for one two for one

sweet okay let me go to my Herbalife storage I'll grab four jugs and we'll do it big we'll go in we'll get fucking life done

Gabrus, you have many podcasts Action Boys that we've mentioned Action Boys, yeah We got free episodes where however you're listening To a podcast, we have some free episodes So search Action Boys with a Z Get a little sniff and then you can come over to the Patreon And we got, you know, hundreds of episodes

Thousands of hours about action movies it's truly not appealing i get it like but it it might be to one lone street fighting jj go freak fan you know they're out there street fight g7 street fight man yeah that's a funny part of dirty work. That just came to me. I'm doing great. RIP Norm. I got the Gina Lombardo podcast on Stitcher Premium coming up on the end of that. I don't know when this episode comes out, but the Thanksgiving Eve Power Hour, if it's Thanksgiving weekend, it's still up there available to watch.

Watch the live stream. Check it out. We're donating to Sunrise Movement. Good cause. I will say that your yearly Power Hour, an episode of... It's a high and mighty episode, right? Correct.

That's what feed it falls under. Yeah. It is... So it's you and kind of a... Not rotating. It's the same little crew every year with some swap outs. It's the players. It's the Power Hour players. It's kind of, it's, it's the same little crew every year with some swap outs. It's the players. It's the,

it's the power hour players. It's Nicole Byer. It's them dough boys. It's Mono, Gapian and Betsy Sandaro. It's like, that's who it's been the last few years. Good crew.

So the idea is that you, you guys, you know, just you, you have kind of a podcast style chat, but every 60 seconds, a timer rings and you do a shot of beer. It is my favorite holiday tradition.

The fucking Rankin-Bass Rudolph can go fuck itself. Charlie Brown and his dumb tree can jump up my butt. Halloween dads can suck it. I'm here for Thanksgiving Eve power hours. Fuck you with your seasonal spiders. Yeah, the power hour is so funny. You're so funny. Like, the crew is so funny.

It's such a, like, wild premise and, like, but it is also, like, often, like, by the end, everybody is so drunk and everybody like loves each other. So like it is it is often very touching. Yeah, it makes me feel good. It's like a way to connect with friends because Thanksgiving Eve for a lot of people was when you got home from college, you got blasted with your high school friends. Now that everyone was like, right, you know, for a certain set. It's like I went to college and learned that I like Dr. Pepper shots. You went to college and learned you like cocaine.

Let's combine the two in our hometown bar now that we have fake IDs. So there's Thanksgiving Eve is that for so long. That changes when you're in your 30s and 40s. But if you choose your friends, get like, because being hung over on Thanksgiving is so manageable because it's like just consume, you know, like just eat. You don't have to go to some fucking museum and try and learn about the wolf man just eat a fucking handful of turkey a handful of stuffing and you come back to life baby yeah grab it with your hands but yeah the power hour is so funny and so so beautiful i definitely recommend every everybody check it out if you need it if you need a gateway to the gabrus averse there is uh yeah there's there is no no funnier hour of podcasting oh

thanks man i appreciate that uh john thank you for joining us uh again we appreciate it uh john gabrus the host of all the podcasts we just mentioned hell yeah um thank you very much our theme music love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records hey jordan you know you can do this thanksgiving weekend listen to the fucking peewee herman radio hour that i produced yeah that's right i produced a show with the actual peewee herman you can listen to it on kcrw.com this week fucking get with it it's the highlight of my entire career you can only listen to it for one week so don't fuck this up for yourself kcrw.com i met and worked with the real life peewee herman jordan

jesus christ that's fucking amazing in the unreal in the suit and everything, huh? The little guy with the little bow tie. That's the man. The one from the famous dance. Ah, beautiful. JJ, go at MaximumFun.org, 206-9844-FUN. We want to know about your most inappropriate media experiences. Our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. On the live stream, it is Val Moffitt.

Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us on Twitter at jessithorn at jordan underscore morris. You can find us on Instagram. You can find us on Reddit, maximumfun.reddit.com. And, you know, we love you. thank you for listening to our program you know what i'm thankful for jordan people listen to this dumb fucking show means a lot it's beautiful it's really gorgeous and the buckle shoes i'm thankful for those you know because it's just a

great just like if you're gonna have some people found your country with essentially an act of genocide right like that is a great shoe like it really softens the blow you might as well have a premium fit dude the fits on those pilgrims

mad buckles up in this drip on those fucking buckles buckles on buckle drip okay well The drip on those fucking buckles. Buckles on fleek. Buckle drip. Buckle drip. Buckle if you buckle. The fire fits on those pilgrims. We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jesse, go.

Goodbye. Bye. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture Artist owned Audience supported