Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 715: Parade of Podcasters with Danielle Koenig and Kristine Kimmel

Episode Date: December 5, 2021

Danielle Koenig and Kristine Kimmel (How to Survive podcast) join Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of an epic question about picking apart raspberries on AskCulinary Reddit, how to survive if you crash your car and end up underwater, and John Taffer's beef loin at Costco. Danielle and Kristine have a great new podcast called How to Survive with Danielle and Kristine – check it out!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, point detective. Aw, gee whiz, Jordan, gee whiz, what's going on, buddy? Oh, I don't, I'm just... I messed up, I goofed up Jesse oh jeez Louise

Jordan Jordan you're not supposed to goof up you're supposed to do it exactly right I know I know I know I know I don't yes I know I know I know I don't intentionally goof up I just

okay well Jordan walk me through it a little bit I know. Golly. I didn't intentionally goof up. I just. Okay. Well, Jordan, walk me through it a little bit because I don't know all the particulars. Maybe I can help you get out of this sticky wicket. So here's what happened. Okay. Me and the fellas. Sure. Thought we would do something fun this month.

Right. Me and all my guys on Reddit. we were going to do something fun. Yeah, sure, for No Nut November. So that's kind of what happened is my fellas were all like, hey, let's do a little No Nut November. Right, sure, it's fun. You and your buddies, you get together. November comes around, the 11th month of the year. Yes, yes.

Features Thanksgiving, among other things, usually a cold snap. And you say to yourself, for maximum personal power, I'm not going to express my central glands during this month. So, you know, we're taping this. I don't know when it'll come out, but we're taping this, you know, about halfway through November. So... Right.

This is pre-recorded yeah so i was you know we've been checking in with the guys they're like how's it going i'm like it's going great i'm having the time of my life do you feel do you feel a surge of personal power well i was you know and that's the thing is i really was and i'm like this is great hold on Hold on. Yeah. You were? Well, here's what happened. I guess I was doing it wrong. Okay. I know now that it's... So, wait. I know now.

I know now that it's no nut November. Right. Yeah, so that means you don't express your central glands... I know that now. ...during the course of the month. I know that now. But when they were laying out the plan i just kind of misheard things and i thought they said donut november i've just been eating crawlers and

cranking off and like you said i was feeling personal power right i'm like this is great i'm just i'm scarfing these grullers. Now, so Jordan, can I check in with you about something? Yeah. I'm blasted every which way. So you're, of course, expressing. Yeah. While you eat donuts.

So you thought it was donut November. Yeah. I mean, the choice to be kind of perpetually pounding off, that was, I mean, that's just kind of, that was, it was unrelated. That's your MO. That's your MO. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Technically speaking, if you don't mind me getting technical here. Yeah, yeah. Is a cruller even a donut? Oh boy, is this going to turn into a, I'll talk as a sandwich thing, because I do not have the energy for this. Yeah, because you've been expressing your needs too much. I know, I'm just exhausted. If you had honored.

Here's what I'm doing. I'm crashing both from sugar and just having blasted recently. Right. I'm having a sugar crash. I'm having a- A classic double whammy. Gee whiz, Jordan. I'm going to be asleep 20 minutes into this cast.

And I don't have the argument to argue about what it is in a risen donut. Can I ask you a question? Huh? What'd the boys have to say? They kicked me out of the club. Oh, fuck!

They kicked me out of the club. I can't come into the treehouse anymore. Fuck! I can't talk on the tin can phone. Fuck! I can't play. Can you still put notes in the pulley system? No, I've been My dumb waiter privileges have been restricted

God damn it God damn it It's been nothing too much, man I'm sorry If the guys are listening, I'm sorry I just misheard you I thought we were just going to spend the month scarfing crullers They're having a barbecue next week If the guys are listening, I'm sorry. I just misheard you. Jordan, can I ask you a question? I thought we were just going to spend the month scarfing crullers.

They're having a barbecue next week. Are you invited to the barbecue? I didn't even know about it. So obviously, maybe they're approaching you to take my place. Have you nutted recently? Maybe you can. Maybe you could just slide right in. Honestly, Jordan, I don't even know how.

Well, I mean, it seems like you're perfect for the... Enjoy, Jordan, I don't even know how. Well, I mean, seems like you're perfect for the... Enjoy my friends, I guess. I make a great chicken thigh with a honey mustard glaze. So, double two reasons why I'm replacing you in the club, fuckface.

Man, well... I guess I'll just go hang out in front of Randy's and wait for a fresh patch to get done. Should we introduce our guests on the program? Oh, they've left, actually. I certainly hope so, for their sake. And I'm going to fall asleep pretty soon, so you're going to have to go ahead and solo this one. But as you've said, you don't know now. Our guests on the program are the co-hosts of the new podcast, How to Survive, our old pal and our new pal, Danielle Koenig and Christine Kimmel.

Danielle. Hi. Christine, welcome to the program. Apologies about the first segment there. Oh, I loved it. I'm curious, is that a real thing i mean aside from you and your boys sure no not november sure yeah no that is not november i don't exactly know the origins of it i'm get i think they are kind of sinister i think it is a

thing that happened amongst kind of like incels it It might be something that Jordan Peterson recommended. Hard to say. Like people were growing mustaches for charity. Yeah, that's what I remember. Yeah. Yeah. He felt like that was not personally empowering enough. Yeah.

So not masturbating is empowering? I think so. Yeah, it is. I think you're supposed to like redirect. I think you're supposed to redirect the energy into like exercise. Okay. So how is that sinister? I don't think it is specifically.

I think it is just something that, and again, I do not know the history of No Nut November. So maybe me doing that bit, I should not have been speaking to that. It sounds like you're appropriating No Nut November from the real douchebags. Thank you for helping me unpack my privilege. That's what we're here for thank you and i thank you for for uh you know uh taking me to task holding me accountable i really appreciate this i just want to grow and be better all that yeah i i think it kind of started with like men's rights guys i think it has some sort of connection to that and they're just they have a lot of problems with excessive masturbation so they created this holiday sort of like how columbus

day was created to celebrate italian americans they created the holiday of no not november to celebrate that the rest of the year they're excessive masturbators oh because they're not they're not supposed to have sex? They don't. Sex is off the table for these people. No one wants to have sex with them. Yeah. Not a concern. Because nobody wants to have sex with them.

I think that's correct. Yeah. And so they don't engage in onanism during the month. They don't. Okay. Yeah. They don't visit the nether regions. Do you understand what I'm saying?

I'm talking about cranking it here. I got it. Yes. Yeah. And to answer the second question that I imagine you're going to ask, a donut is kind of a breakfast food. It's fried dough.

I got that. Okay. And a crawler is adjacent to a donut, but it is not actually a donut. It's like a bear claw. But you can only get them in a donut shop. So what does that tell you? That's an interesting point.

So I was also, guys, on Reddit. And this is a little less vulgar. I was on Reddit this week. There's this Reddit called Ask Culinary. And it is a Reddit where people post their questions and then food professionals answer them. So often they're like professional level questions. Sometimes it's like just a regular home cooking question. But usually it's something that you would have to ask people who work in restaurants for an answer for.

And there was this post that said the question was 961 upvotes on this, by the way. Very strong performance for Ask Culinary. It was, what's the best way to disassemble raspberries? And then it just says, down to the individual seeds. I've been pulling them apart with tweezers. It's really time consuming. I have about 10 pounds to get through this weekend. But for what purpose? Decorative?

So obviously, my first question is, for what purpose? Because I would like them to have said that in the beginning. First question. It seems almost rude that they didn't explain in the initial post why they needed to disassemble Razz. Because this is not a normal. No, it's like, look at me, how much knowledge I have. I'm not even going to deign to tell you all why I need to disassemble a raspberry. It's like if you posted, like, is it safe to eat a sloth? You need the context.

It raises more questions. But now I also want to know the answer to that. I bet they're yummy. They're so cute. They have to taste delicious. Sure. It's got to be tender with all the slow movements. Right, exactly.

They've got probably like really like taut muscles, you know? So there's a lot of answers here. Someone suggests something called pectin x which is an enzyme that breaks down cellulose so that's one suggestion there's a lot of different suggestions could you freeze it and undo it but somebody wrote user say what 1206 wrote i am beyond curious as to why you need to do this. Please explain. And I was so grateful. Never have I been so grateful to a person named SayWhat1206. And then the original poster replied and said,

it is a really, really stupid reason. Suffice it to say that someone is willing to pay our venue a lot of money to do it. pay our venue a lot of money to do it now obviously they again haven't explained what's going on right and at this point we have to presume that it's a horny reason right what it's like individual pieces of raspberry up your penis hole that's the only thing i think that's right raspberry sounding i never even i never even cracked it i never even thought about the penis hole entering into this i didn't even that never crossed my mind no jordan all i think about is the hole in my penis and so does danielle apparently. Yeah. Always thinking about that pee hole. We have a lot in common, Christine. They never answered it?

Okay, so somebody said vegan caviar looking thing, which that is fair enough. Sure. You know what I mean? Sure. Sure. If you're a professional, you're not thinking up the pee hole. You're thinking, is it a vegan caviar looking thing? Then the original poster replied.

And just thank God they actually answered the question. They said, no, that would actually be less stupid. I didn't want to share this because it's going to derail me getting some actual technique suggestions with a million follow-up questions. But since you all are too curious, first of all, it's not our fault. No kidding. It's not. Of course we want to know why you want to disassemble raspberries to stick them up your penis hole.

It's like vague posting. Like you obviously want everyone to question why you're doing this, but you're being coy about it. Rough day. Post pictures of pets. Right. Yeah. Rough day, post pictures of pets. Right. Yeah. Rough day, disassemble berries. Rough day, seed caught in pee hole, post pictures of pets.

Great news coming this week. Without a base, without a trace, Jordan. Mom's got schmancer. Yeah. All right. So the original poster says, it's a Bridezilla artist's amazing idea for confetti. Now, let's keep going here because there's further explanation. Okay.

Obviously, what would be your top idea for confetti? To me, it's got to be confetti. Paper. Yeah. Yeah. Like paper squares. Traditional confetti. Second yeah like uh like paper squares traditional confetti second would of course be ticker tapes right you go back to the 1930s and go get some ticker tape yeah sure the boys come home from the pacific front yeah so this person says to preempt the inevitable

questions yes we have attempted to convince her there are other forms of biodegradable confetti that would be less expensive and just as harmless. Oh, so there's like the idea is that regular confetti is like harmful to the environment, that there would be, you know, the birds. She's going to stain everyone's nice clothes with splooshed raspberries? Thanks for bringing that up. We're going to get there. Okay. We have done tests with the bride and only completely disassembled raspberries, quote, float through the air, unquote, in the manner she desires.

Any chunks ruin the effect. This is one of many areas where chunks ruin the effect, I would say. No, not November's probably one. Yeah. Also, you're wasting food. That seems worse than leaving some paper on the ground that will eventually biodegrade. Okay. The next point, here's this bullet list.

No, she's not worried about her dress. In fact, she considers the red stains a feature. It's like a Carrie-themed wedding or something. It says, besides, quote, looking amazing, unquote, she wants her wedding to, quote, feed the local animals, unquote. Our venue is in the woods. Yes, we have confirmed that the local animals eat raspberries. She actually paid for an environmental study to ensure no lasting impact.

What an asshole. I hate her. This is so annoying, but I want to be invited to this wedding so bad. Oh, God, yes. Does anybody need a plus one to this wedding out there? wedding so bad. Oh, God, yes. Does anybody need a plus one to this wedding out there?

When you first introduced the topic, because of your pronunciation, culinary, I thought this was going to be Q-related. I also was considering that might be an issue. I'm here to tell you. Another Reddit, culinary. Yes. But this is sicker and weirder and more profane than anything that could be on QAnon. Okay. The confetti will be hand-tossed using scoops to protect the guests' hands.

Hand-tossed, just like the pizzas in Hillary Clinton's pizza parlor. Thank you, Jordan. We will have the scoops preloaded so the guests aren't mashing a big bucket. That's a good idea. Scoops preloaded. Okay. Got to load those scoops, Jordan. You know about that.

You got to load the scoops. Yes. I have heard of people doing it with bird seed. Does that address? Yes. That's the traditional, hey, we don't want to litter, but we still want to throw something. Yeah. She's never heard of bird seed.

Yeah. Anyway. hey, we don't want to litter, but we still want to throw something. Yeah, she's never heard of birdseed. Yeah, anyway. Well, it doesn't say here whether she's heard of birdseed, but that's a reasonable question, Christine. Thank you. Would you like me to post that? Please. You know what? Why don't you post it?

It's your question. You should get the credit. I can't wait to get on this Reddit thread. She'd get the gold. Yes, she is absolutely 100% certain this is what she wants. No, I won't this is what she wants. No, I won't tell you what she's paying us. Yes, it is worth it.

Wow. Good. Even if I have to hire 20 temps to help us pull the damn things apart, but we need better technique we can train them with first because what we are doing now is slow and is mashing the seeds a little. I mean, if you could at least do blackberries because they're firmer, I could see plucking them better,

but raspberries are so soft. It seems like a disaster. No, the wedding is not this weekend. The 10 pounds we're doing this weekend are for the first rehearsal. Depending on how that goes, we'll either be doing another 10 pounds in a few weeks or possibly much, much more. Oh. Oh, I also want to mention one other thing. The username of the original poster is PMMeFlaccidCox.

No, it's not. Come on. Are you serious? PMMeFlaccidCox is the username. I have a feeling that what we're hearing now in a year will be a six-part Netflix documentary that people won't shut up about. Oh, God, I hope so. Yeah, this is like Fyre Festival. There's going to be two different documentaries.

Yes. One on Netflix, one on Amazon, and everybody's going to be like, well, did you watch both documentaries, though? We have to watch both to get the whole story of Raspberry Wedding. Yeah, the Hulu one was really much better done. Yeah. She's an artist, and she thinks the speckled dress will make an amazing work of art. We'll watch both to get the whole story of Raspberry Wedding. The hula one was really much better done. Yeah. She's an artist and she thinks the speckled dress will make an amazing work of art. Not something to sell or display, but a personal memento she wants to create and keep.

She's already researched techniques for preserving the color. Someone mentioned that it's not a fast dye, that it will fade. Right. We offered to set aside a bucket of seeds for her to touch up with. If the end result isn't as she imagined, she didn't want that. She wanted it to be authentic, even if not as spectacular as she's hoping.

I guess I do have, I have a, there's a couple of questions I think we've, we've come up with, like, you know, Christine is posting them. So go ahead.

Yeah. So I think I wish me. Yeah. I just want to hear like, to hear, has she heard of blackberries? Would she consider bird seed? And is this grimes? Has anyone asked if it's grimes? Seems like it's probably grimes. Probably grimes.

Probably grimes. Yeah. I know I'm the one who brought up it's going to get your dress dirty, but honestly, you'd have to pelt her with these things. This isn't just like. Yeah, you would have to hurl them hard. Yes. It'd have to come at some speed in order to make an impression on her dress. Right.

So this isn't like playfully tossing them in the air. This is like getting a trebuchet and like flicking them at her. Right? Yeah. Tiny catapults. Yeah. Don't you think though, Danielle,

everyone that's attending this wedding is going to want to pelt her? Yes, I do. That's a good point. I guess it's all going to work out. We'll be doing a full scale test with a dress this weekend to see how it turns out. Nope.

No pomegranates. Seriously. Nope, no pomegranates. Seriously, we have suggested every reasonable alternative we could think of. She's set on raspberries. I think something about the massive amounts of labor that will go into it appeals to her as a part of the art. She's been open to exploring alternatives with us. She's actually a very nice person, but she's been extremely to exploring alternatives with us she's actually a very nice person but she's been extremely firm in her vision i bet the like efficient at the wedding is like the wind yeah when is this over how do we know when this is over what i love about it is with all of that

just everyone in this reddit god bless them is giving practical suggestions for how to do somebody said if pectin x doesn't work i wonder whether some sort of sudden explosive force might push them apart say a raspberry over a compressed air nozzle with a sudden short release i mean i this is reddit so I'm sure someone has suggested... Yes? I wouldn't need a compressed air nozzle, if you know what I mean, to provide that. Sure. Yeah. Go ahead, Jordan. This being Reddit, has anyone

suggested dismantling capitalism? Like maybe like, you know, guillotining the rich in the town square, maybe? Is that a good solution to this? Oh, maybe you could guillotine the raspberries. Oh, yeah. A little guillotineining the rich in the town square maybe. Is that a good solution to this? Maybe you could guillotine the raspberries. Oh yeah, a little guillotine. Tiny.

Somebody just wrote, freeze them, smack them, they'll crumble. That actually might be the best way. That's what Stalin said about the Nazis. I do like the idea of posting something so baffling, something so baffling, something equally baffling,

and then not explaining yourself, and then just watching everybody go crazy. Yeah. Wow. Just like, how do I have a banana closet? And then just see what happens. I don't want to get into the details, but how do I have a banana closet?

Yeah. No more questions. I just need to know how to have a banana closet. Yeah. It might be a sex thing. Sure. Danielle and Christine, I want to,

you know, like obviously this has been a great, you know, first half of the podcast with us, you know, like, you know, just talking about Reddit stuff. So,

you know, this is an especially contentful edition of Jordan, Jesse goes so far, but you two have a podcast. Believe it or not. Believe it or not. So, you know, this is an especially contentful edition of Jordan, Jesse, Go! so far. But you two have a podcast. Believe it or not. Believe it or not. You two have a podcast with a premise. A goddamn fucking premise.

I know. It's true. It's a good one. It's a good one. You were telling me about it before we got on. I want to chat about it for a second. Can you tell us the premise so we can chat about it? Yeah, sure.

It's called How to Survive with Danielle and Christine. So there's a hint about the premise in the title. And we give advice on how to survive things that could actually kill you in the first half of the show. And in the second half of the show, things that make you feel like you just wish you were dead. So more of the humiliating life stuff that happens to us that's more embarrassing, humiliating. And on that second half, we have usually one of our funny friends come by and tell a humiliating story. Yeah, tomorrow we have Oscar Nunez coming in. So we're very excited about that. And yeah, so basically the idea is Christine is, she's scared of everything. She is scared of a bridge underneath her collapsing or a bridge on top of her falling down on her head or a landslide.

You don't have anything to do with bridges. No bridges. I mean, no bridges. She's afraid of Todd bridges. Yeah. Christine. I keep telling her he's dead, but she doesn't. He could come back from the dead.

I'm afraid of ghosts too. Christine, did you see this video of the Richmond-San Rafael Bridge in the San Francisco Bay Area? It's this very scary bridge. It's one of those bridges that goes a long way. And in one direction, you feel like there's nothing keeping you on the bridge. Like there's nothing above you and almost nothing to the sides of you. You feel like you're going to fall off the bridge, like there's nothing above you and almost nothing to the sides of you, you feel like you're going to fall off the bridge? No, but you just telling me about it makes me feel a little bit nervous.

There was a storm in the Bay Area. This was maybe a month ago. Big storm here in California. The two of you probably remember this big windstorm. It came down to LA as well. And during this storm, someone shot a video from their dashboard of the lower span of the bridge. So the one that has a roof. Okay. And there's a giant tractor trailer, you know, a big rig driving along the bridge in front of this car that's running a camera.

And then there is a gust of wind and the truck blows away. No. The truck blows away, Christine. Oh my God. Trucks can do that. I just learned watching that fucking video. That's terrifying. What happened to the truck? Did it go over the side?

It didn't go over the side, but it went like across the whole bridge. Was it? It blew, thank God, it blew from, it was on the right-hand side and it got blown leftward. Wow. Because we recorded an episode last week that's about how to survive if you're caught in your car underwater. Holy shit. That was a scary one. And guess what?

It was a really scary one. And that's what happened. Someone was hit on a bridge. By like a tractor trailer, right? By a tractor. The car fell into the water. But at first it teeter-tottered on the edge. But it teetered.

Like you see on TV shows. Yeah, I was like, oh, it's okay. It's okay. Bam, second hit. And then she went down. Shklunk. How do you do it? How do you get out?

She survived. Yeah, you have to listen to our episode, but it involves having a special tool. No, you don't. Spill the beans. This could save a life. This could save a life. This could save a life. You have to cross your fingers and pray to God.

This could save the life of the person who's listening right now, Danielle. Somebody could have been laughing so hard at that raspberry thing. They careened off a bridge. That's true. They're currently underwater right now. You have to go through your window, not the windshield. You have to go through your window. Side window.

Side window. Kick with your feet. Yeah it that might not work and don't wait for the car to stay below some people tell you that the car is supposed to sink to the bottom so that the equalization the pressure on the outside of the car and the inside of the car are equal well that's and then you can open the door which is all well and good but you could be dead by the time that actually happens. So don't do that. Just start kicking. Wait, you're going to die of car sinking? Yeah.

Of course. It's a myth. Well, you could drown. What do you mean? Kick your window out. Yeah. It is a myth. I read about that in The Hero with a Thousand Faces.

What's that? When the hero tumbles to the bottom of the sea and waits. That's a classic. It's one of those archetypes that comes up in every culture. Oh, interesting. Well, it's not. I mean, I guess it's possible, but they're just saying it takes way longer than you think it will.

I watched a video from, why do I keep forgetting the goddamn name of the show? The car show. Mythbusters. Top Gear. Yeah. I watched a video from Top Gear, and it takes way longer than you think it does.

So don't do it. it just start kicking as soon as the car yeah yeah and then we each have a tool that will cut through your seat belt and also break the glass why do you have to cut through your seat belt because in case your seat belt is stuck because you were just in a car accident yeah i just don't wear them i just don't wear them personal my personal freedom. You know what? You did your own research. I did my own research.

There's a risk, so I'm not wearing it. Yep. I hear you. I always wear a swimsuit. There you go. There you go. And fins. Yep.

It's harder to press the- It's honestly caused more car accidents than it saved. I have a lot of problems with going off bridges because of the fins, but I'm always ready. Right. You are. You're ready to go. Oh, wait. What's the tool?

You have, like, is it on your key ring? It's called the Life Hammer. Okay. And you can buy it on the internets. There's another one that sounds really cool,

but I didn't. Yeah, I don't remember the name of that one. I don't have that one. It's a little more, it's like a suction, it's like a thing that a jewel thief would use

where you, like, put it on the window and you make a hole in a circle. Wait, what sound does it make when you make the hole, Danielle? It goes, and they go. Yep, there you go. Those are girl sound effects. Ah, that ruled. Why don't we get more sound effects on the show, Jordan? Yeah, right?

Clips from Family Guy. Let's get Winslow in here. Oh, yeah, sure. Let's see, do it. Wait, so the suction cup, is that something that's on your keychain? How does this giant- No, A, I don't think it's actually a suction cup. I think I've made that part up, but it just sounds fun.

It does sound fun. No, it's something you keep in your car. Okay. It's not something you would have on a keychain. You can mount it to your console. Yeah. I would probably keep it in the trunk. Yeah. Yeah, not such a keychain. You can mount it to your console. Yeah. I would probably keep it in the trunk. Yeah.

Yeah, not such a good idea. Well, if I got in an accident, I'd pop the trunk and go get it, bring it back. Yep. Cut the hole in the window. Yeah. All right.

Get my fence on. Then you got to go back because you left the trunk open. So you get out, you go back. You don't want to leave the trunk open. Get back in the car. You're going to get a lot of water damage. Can you imagine this?

You're putting the kids in the car, right? You set your coffee cup down on top of the car because you got to do the seatbelts and everything. You close the car. You go off the bridge. You float to the bottom. You go get your tool. You come back. And you realize, oh, fuck, I left my fucking coffee on top of the car.

So you got to go get your coffee. You hope it didn't spill in the accident. It very well might have spilled. And then you got to deal with the paint. You know, you might even have to file an insurance claim, depending on how hot the coffee was or what was in it. You may also have done environmental damage to the fish. That's true, yeah.

They can't handle that. With the coffee cup caramel macchiato. Yeah. Can you imagine like a clown fish and he's all hopped up on macchiato sure clown shits yeah yeah clown fish shits you said that like it's a thing let me ask you this uh let's say jordan you float to the bottom you got a you got a grande macchiato on top of your car yeah what happens if an octopus gets to that? Can you imagine how many fucking doorknobs a hopped up octopus is going to open? How many soccer games he's going to predict the outcome of?

Holy shit. He's going bananas. An octo. Oh, my God. With the little suckers on his arms? He's got all those suckers? He could do practically anything. My overly caffeinated octopus teacher.

Again, that's going to be a good Netflix documentary. Can't wait to watch that. We needed to raise the stakes for this sequel. Sure. So we fed the goddamn octopus a macchiato. Right. We gave all this guy's tigers pixie sticks. I wanted to ask you, what are your worst deadly fears and social fears?

Of the two things you cover, what are you most scared of in the deadly category and what are you most scared of in the social category? So Christine specializes in the deadly category. So what is your scariest? No, I don't. I think I was just making an example. I didn't mean it was just Bridges sorry she's she's bridge lady sorry also I want to make clear

that it is a comedy podcast we don't know anything we google shit and then we just spew it out and then we get corrected because we're wrong so it is a comedy podcast okay if we accidentally save someone's life though you're welcome I think for me it's probably tsunamis.

Tsunamis are pretty scary to me. Yeah, that'd be bad. I'm pretty afraid of tsunamis. It's a giant wave, is that correct? Yeah. Yeah. Too big, is that your concern? Well, yeah, yeah.

I think it's this, like, you can't get away from it idea. You can surf on debris. Let me know how that works out for you, Jordan. It looks super cool. Chris, tell them what it's like. It's not, it doesn't look like a wave. It looks like a- A wall of water.

It looks like a wall of water. Like a hundred foot wall of water. It's so scary. And social, I mean, just like a group of people that's bigger than three. She's shaking her boots right now is that including you or i think not including me not so should we have brian turn off his camera could you uh no he's he's great i think large like if somebody's like i'm having a birthday party at lcd i'm like oh like i've let like a lot of those like parties where it's like it's my birthday i'll like drive around and be like there's no parking i guess i just have to go home you know like oh my god it's my birthday life hammer is playing yes exactly that's maybe my

social one yeah well we had matt wine hold on who's a very funny comic, and he talked about bombing on stage. And even though I don't do stand-up anymore, I still occasionally have a dream about doing stand-up and not having any idea what I'm about to say. And that is horrifying. So I guess, yeah, that kind of stuff is scary to me. That's rough. You were a wonderful stand-up. Oh, that's very sweet. Thank you. I mean it. Did you ever have a desperate bombing situation? Oh, yes. Yes. Well, I actually told the story on our show, but one time I was doing a set in a real club. I didn't do that many real club sets. And I did a real club set, and it was around Christmas. And it was an office party, Christmas office party in the audience of Harley Davidson employees. So my crowd. They sound chill. I bet they're chill.

Yeah. So I mentioned for a joke, I mentioned that I was Jewish. And then at some point I hear someone in the audience yell, put her in an oven. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Fun, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. audience yell put her in an oven oh no so fun yeah oh my god so um which you know i could fit in an oven that's a compliment so that's nice but um you took it as a sign of i mean especially with christmas weight gain i mean that's pretty good so yeah so i've definitely so that's terrifying

because there's just like nothing you can do i mean it's just i just, I mean, I mean, there are things people can do. I did not have the skill set to handle someone. I mean, I tried to make a joke about how Jews are superior intellectually or something. It didn't really play that well. Shocking. The fact that you were able to do anything is amazing and not be, have to, boy, that's scary. And then I, I don't know if you guys know who david feldman is he's a really funny comic and i ran into him and i told him the story and he said obviously

he's jewish david feldman and he said yeah never tell them you're jewish i was like seriously that's the lesson david that's what you want me to take from this? He was serious. He was like, that was where I made the mistake. David Feldman. I know. I know. So yeah. Put one over on him. Can I tell you something about the Harley Davidson employees? Sure.

It's only tangentially related, but I went to Costco today. Brokkert. Yeah. It's kind of my lifestyle. I get as many smoothies as I want. How many do you want? One case of smoothies is enough. You get pre-pack many smoothies as I want. How many do you want? One case of smoothies is enough.

You get pre-packaged smoothies? It's like a protein drink. Okay, got it. I thought maybe you were getting it at the famous Costco snack bar. I thought maybe they had a dollar smoothie or something. They do, but I get a hot dog there. I had a hot dog there. Thank God the relish is back, by the way.

Jesus Christ. Was the relish a COVID concern? A lot of these places where you get a hot dog, relish was a COVID concern because they didn't want to have a pump. Normally you pump the relish. They didn't want to have pumps. They took out all the pumps and they only left packets. And relish packets are relatively uncommon. Are you telling me there was no onion crank? There was no onion crank. Crank out some onions. No, not November. Yeah. Ooh, it's the smelliest cum.

That's what I say when I'm cranking the onions. I realized- Makes you cry. Yeah. Well, I don't need help with that, Danielle, when I'm cranking the- This cum makes me cry. I yell in Costco. So I went to the Costco gas station. You know, some Costcos have a gas station there. Yes. And I don't think, first of all, as I was waiting in line to go into the Costco gas station in my car, I realized that it was not worth it. Like I could have gone to a Shell station where it's 50 cents a gallon more than the Costco. And it would have been better because I don't need to wait in line for gas like it's the cents a gallon more than the Costco. And it would have been better

because I don't need to wait in line for gas like it's the energy crisis. No, right. Waste of my life. But I already got in the line. So I'm there. And I finally got to the front. I'm pumping my gas and I look across. And it's a very, you know, there's 12 pumps or 15 pumps or something. There's a lot of people in this thing. And there's a man there who looked like, the best I could describe is skinny Hulk Hogan, but skinny Hulk Hogan now. Okay.

Like 60-ish, a Fu Manchu, like a kind of a leathery faced man, like a brownie orange leather face man. And like a short, like a cropped white hair and you know like an affliction t-shirt or something like that and i hear i hear a thunk and i see him scurry that's what catches my eye i see him scurrying you don't see a lot of scurrying at the gas station i see him scurrying and uh he picks up his hacky sack and gets back to hacky sacking so he's just hacking while he waits for his gas to pump huh i honestly i thought it ruled i mean i thought it was a great use of gas time sure i mean listen when we have some downtime we're just

you know staring at our little hypno screens you know screen time for a little dopamine pill from papa bezos but this dude i got us i got a star on twitter thanks twitter oh i feel good about myself for a moment but bad about my body this guy's hacking that's fucking great uh you have a have a hack and have a have a sack in the car and if you have a little downtime. Yeah, sack it in the car. And he was older. He was like of the era. 60-ish.

And he truly looked like he could be a Harley Davidson employee, 100%. This guy did not look like, look, Jordan and I went to university in Santa Cruz, California. We've seen plenty, plenty of middle-aged men hacks sacks I'm sure this was not in the cultural category that you would expect this is a cultural category that you would expect to have sports sunglasses backwards on his head where the arms are sticking forward and the eyeballs are on the back right and. And he's pulling his boat. But he was hacking the sack right there in the Costco. I thought this guy's got a good eye for fun and a good eye for time management.

And he's great at value. He should have bought the hacky sacks at Costco, bought them by the gross and handed them out to everyone else waiting. That could have been like a happening. You know what I think, Danielle? Pass it forward. That's what I always say. Exactly.

With your ankle, preferably. Hack it on. Sure. Hack it to the left, baby. Keep calm and hack on. Don't talk to me until I've had my hacky sack. I hack two sacks in the morning and I hack two sacks at night.

That's what I always say. Live, love, hack. Hack, yep. Had my hacky sack. I hack two sacks in the morning and I hack two sacks at night. That's what I always say. Live, love, hack. Hack, yep. Costco comes up a lot on this show. I have not been to a Costco in 15 years. Really? Yeah.

Well, you're a single man. You live alone in an apartment. Yeah. Costco, you know, I'm envious when people talk about Costco. Of course, I want to crank the onion crank, but you know. Get yourself one of those chicken bakes. Oh, yeah. 900 calories. Put it in my mouth.

I'd love a chicken bake. I'd love if they still got the swirled fro-yo. I'd like that. I'd like a- It's ice cream, but go ahead. I'd like a cheap 4K TV. They had a tiny motorcycle for sale in the Costco, and it was on the second shelf. It was on the upper shelf.

Danielle, Christine, are you guys both Costco members? No, I'm not living the dream, apparently. I guess I got to get in on this. Where do you buy your diamonds? Sam's. You know, I just, Ikea diamonds? Is that? You got to put them together yourself.

Sometimes they leave out a screw, which is. Yeah, they just sell you a piece of coal and you have to press it. You got to put them together yourself. Sometimes they leave out a screw, which is. Yeah. They just sell you a piece of coal and you have to press it. You got to figure it out yourself. So, you know, I like hearing about Costco. I'm, you know, I realize it doesn't make sense for me to get a Costco membership. I don't really have the space to store it. I don't, you know, I don't really.

But it's I always like hearing about it. And like Costco, people are very passionate about Costco. Fair labor practices. The what? Fair labor practices there at the Costco. That's great. Great values on sunglasses. But so, but I've always just kind of been like, okay, it's not for me.

But this week a friend texted me from Costco. He's like, look what they have at Costco. Costco. He's like, look what they have at Costco. And they have a beef loin that is endorsed by John Taffer, the host of Bar Rescue. He has his own beef loin. It's called

Taffer's. It's like a brand. It's like Taffer's Tavern. Oh my God. That's a seasonal product. Do you know this guy? Do you know John Taffer, host of Bar Rescue? I've seen the show a couple times. He's like, as my husband says, he's like extremely aggressive one minute, and then the next minute he's like very sweet and like almost crying, very sensitive.

Yeah. Right? Is that the guy? It's a roller coaster. Jon Taffer will like yell at you because your like grease traps are dirty, but then he will like sit you down and try to help you repair your marriage and yes he's allowed he's allowed he's allowed dad with one sport coat and he tells you he tells you how to fix your bar jordan you were on bar rescue i was yes i was a i was i was on a past

guest of the show matt myra and i were recon guys on an episode of Bar Rescue. So we were just both big fans. Matt knew somebody who worked on the show, so he got us this sweet unpaid gig. Cool. Yeah. It's okay that it wasn't paid. It's not like they rerun that thing or anything.

Anyway. They don't make any money off of it. It's like a museum or whatever. I was happy to do it for the credit, do it for the life experience. Exposure. Exposure. Did you get any writing gigs out of that?

No, I've had them taken away. I've been asked to leave writing rooms because they discovered I was the recon. John Taffer sends in his close personal friends. He calls you his friends, which I love. Did he give you any loin? No. I don't think he was endorsing the loin at this point, friends, which is I love. Did he give you any loin? No. I don't think he was endorsing the loin at this point, if you

know what I mean. It wasn't until later that he started endorsing the loin. Not November, anyway. No, you don't want to endorse the loin in November. That's Cruller Month. Get yourself a bear claw. So he sends you in. I never know who picks the bar is it like someone who

works there writes in and says that's a great question i don't really know too much about that process yeah i guess you're led to believe when you're watching the show that like someone like contacted them to save but they don't really do anything on the show it's like if you want us to save your bar go to blah blah blah so i don't know i don't really do anything on the show. It's like, if you want us to save your bar, go to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I don't know. I don't know about that process. There's just one scene where the bar's cable operator just goes, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Yeah. Can I show you guys my sweatshirt that my wife just got me? Yes. Yeah, let's see it. Does it say Kirkland on it? Yeah. Oh my God. The Kirkland sweatshirt. This is a hot item.

Wow. I love that. Kirkland's signature sweatshirt. So she made a separate trip to Costco and got that one? She went to Costco.com and ordered online. Free shipping, Danielle.

If you're a Costco member, which you're not apparently. No. And Jordan was until he did that donut shit, and now he's out. I'm out. Yeah. Oh, those are the boys.

Yeah, those are the boys. The Kirkland brothers. Yes. Yeah, the Kirklands. Yeah, the Kirkland boys kicked me out of the Costco club for cranking it too much. Well, Jordan, let's take a quick break. Yeah. When we come back

in just a second, we'll have more of our program, which is called Jordan, Jesse go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Now, Jordan, I recently turned the lights on here in my home office. And as I did that, I thanked the members of MaximumFun.org. Because they keep the lights on. Yeah, they made it possible for us to keep the lights on, Jordan. That's why.

That's what I was trying to suggest there. They're the best. Besides that, of course, this podcast sponsored by BetterHelp Online Therapy. Now, Jordan, you're an athlete. Sure. For the purpose of this ad read, I can be an athlete. Yes. Now, Jordan, do you train only right before you take a perhaps too dangerous ocean swim,

just like the night before? No, Jesse, I would never do such a thing. You know, training for something that important, you know, it's got to be consistent. It's got to be regular. It's got to be something that you do, you know, well in advance. You can't just cram it in the night before. Not just when you're a little too far from the pier. It's not when you want to do it. Well, it's the same thing with getting therapy. Jordan and I have benefited immensely from

therapy. We really encourage our audience to look into it. There are a lot of ways to get therapy, whether it's in person or online or whatever. One of the options is BetterHelp. You don't have to be in crisis to get therapy. In fact, I have often benefited the most when I was not. I mean, look, it's great to have a relationship. It's great to have someone who knows you and knows what's going on when you do have a crisis. But when you're not in crisis, you can gain a lot

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It's awesome to have options where you don't have to go into an office. It's great to have it kind of all via the web or by phone or however you want to do it. It's great that it can be convenient like this. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Jordan Jesse Go listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash JJGo. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash JJGo.

You know that on Jordan Jesse Go, we stand for nothing if we do not stand for carefully manicured private areas. It's on our crest. It's on our flag. It's on our crest. It's on our flag. It's on our currency. I'm not talking about pocket parks here, Jordan, although perhaps if you have a pocket park, you might want to tend to it, if you know what I mean, Jordan. Tend to your pocket park, if you know what I mean. I don't know what you mean, actually.

I'm just agreeing because I want to seem cool. Talking about, well, you first of all all you do seem cool thank you first and foremost i'm like what the fuck man how did i get into this club these guys are all super cool i said to myself i was like man is that jean michel bosque yacht turned out to just be you, Jordan, being super cool. It's true. A cool guy. But you know what? You probably have the confidence to bluff your way through that pocket park metaphor. Yes. It's because of Manscaped, Jesse.

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It's great. It is. And, yeah, we've said this great. It's easy. You can use it in the shower. It's great. It is. And yeah, we've said this before. It's a little bit fun. It's a little bit fun to Manscaped. I'm going to kick it. I like it. I think it's very fun. I have no particular, like, I do not do it because I have reasons to. I mostly do it as a way to pass the time, as an enjoyable activity. Get 20% off and free shipping with the code JJGO at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com. Use the code JJGO.

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It's hassle-free, delivered directly to your door. That's convenient. Yeah. I'm so tired of CBD hassles. I mean, yeah. It's like, come on. I'm taking this stuff to reduce my stress you know what i mean i know like oh i'm in line again the cbd area yeah cbd has definitely helped me in the past when i'm having trouble sleeping uh you just take yourself the recommended little nip of cbd it can really help a lot of different conditions.

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It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Christine Kimmel, needing a nap. And I'm Danielle Koenig, world's best frog legs. There's no doubt about that. I mean, we knew that. Yeah. You don't have to go to France to get the world's best frog legs. Nope.

All you need is DK. That's right. DK all day. It's actually what they used to call me in grade school. Frog legs? Yeah, because when I ran, I would kick myself in the butt. My legs would go up so far. I mean, it wasn't like everyone called me that, but one kid called me that. But now you're owning it.

Now you're like, I'm frog legs. Yeah, I'm taking it back. You can't hurt me. That's right. That's right. It's really beautiful. That's right. Exactly. Christine, It's really beautiful. That's right. Exactly.

Christine, are you a napper? What we would call a napster. I did take a nap today. Cool. But now Danielle makes me think I want to change my nickname to Kibbles and Bits because that was my nickname in grade school. Because one boy would follow behind me singing the theme song from the dog food commercial because my last name is Kimmel

and he would say kibbles and bits kibbles and bits I got to get me some kibbles and bits sounds like a pretty cool guy pretty cool but I found it a little bit alarming this guy is currently involved in no nut November yeah I think a lot of guys from my high school are involved in No Nut November Yeah, that's one of the whole things is did you go to high school with Christine? And also do you think men should have equal custody rights in divorces? Sure Those are two things to do No Nut November Those two

I think we should all be able to exercise our free will, make our own choices. Three reasons you might be involved in No Nut November, Jordan. Sounds like an unpopular Jeff Foxworthy routine. You know you're doing no... If you follow Christine around, singing the dog food song, you be doing no not november if you get your health advice from a podcast you might be doing no not november if you're mad because the american version of bayonetta desexualized her costume you might be doing no new November. If you prefer the original cast of

Top Gear to the new cast, you're watching the grand tour. You might be doing no not November. Stay tuned after the

show for 10 more of these. If you're still complaining about the last Jedi. OK. I got. Oh, can I. I can do it. I can do it. Yeah. What do you got? Danielle. Yeah. If you're still complaining about The Last Jedi... Okay. I got one. Oh, can I...

I can do one. I can do one. Yeah, yeah. What do you got? Danielle. Yeah. If you think the all-girl Ghostbusters was heresy, you might be doing... You might be doing...

You might be doing... You might be doing... Can I do another one? Yes. Yeah, okay. It may or may not be true. You might be doing... You might be doing... You might be doing... Can I do another one? Yes. Yeah, okay. Brian, you have a microphone there. Can you tell us, because you mentioned briefly that you did some research while we were on the air.

This is our producer, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez here. Hey. What research did you do? I was just looking up tools to break out of your car in emergencies. Tools to break out of your podcast job. Yeah. She says work at Starbucks. Pretty good idea. There's a bracelet.

I thought it was interesting. There's a bracelet called the EC Benali bracelet uh car window breaker so it has a little round uh rock on a bracelet and then you kind of hold it like a slingshot and pull it back and break your window with the the little rock it's a stretchy like you know rubber band kind of thing It's like a ding-a-dong kind of thing? Yeah. Yeah, like a pop. Yeah, if you were going to snap a rubber band on your wrist or something like that, but instead of your wrist, it's a window, and there's a rock there that breaks through the window.

You know what I would do if I needed to break my window? It now occurs to me. Just have a local ball-playing Mormon boy break it boy break it and i say who broke my window you guys remember that i think that was a local commercial where you grow up so no i think that was a national 100 that was a national campaign from the and the guy he's saying the words who broke my So the boy breaks the window. And then the big kind of Tevye-looking guy, like a big sort of like New York tenement in 1940 kind of dude, like a musical theater-y, opera-y, chunky power man. Sort of older guy.

Fall staff. A fall staff. What's the name of the guy who owned mr munch nick is that the name of the guy in little shop of horrors that yeah he goes who broke my window and then the kid says like i did it i'm sorry and the moral is that you're that you cop to your shit. What is it for? And what's it advertising? It's Twix. It says cop to your shit, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Oh, yeah.

I don't remember this. Oh, no. We didn't have those commercials. No? No. The ones where the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches you to be more moral by copping to your shit? I mean, we may have had some LDS commercials,

but I don't remember that. I don't remember singing. I don't remember that one. Somebody's going to post this on our Reddit. A hundred percent somebody's going to post this. Wait, aren't you from the West Coast originally? I'm from San Francisco originally. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know. We had that same thing, but it was for Dianetics. Okay. Page 72. Who stole my thetans? It's me. It's me, Kirstie Alley.

It's me. Yes, she says her own name. It's me. And back until recently. Can I tell you something about Kirstie Alley? This is a very brief thing about Kirstie Alley. I watched a ton of Cheers. I watched pretty much all of Cheers.

In fact, I think I did watch all of Cheers. Kirstie Alley is super fucking funny on Cheers. Yeah. She's so good on Cheers. Super funny on Cheers. That's all I got. Just Kirstie Alley, contemporary insane person, is super funny on Cheers. She's really great.

In fact, I would say I maybe prefer her. See, I'm the world's biggest Cheers fan, and I don't pick an actor. I think they're both amazing and both did two totally different things. But I will go so far as to say she was even good on Veronica's Closet. I loved Veronica's Closet as well. Kirstie Alley. No, you did. Okay.

Yeah. Oh, all right. I thought she was great. Yeah. She is a very, very funny. She was even good on Fat Actress, which was like the fake reality show she did. Yeah. That was actually really funny, at least what I saw of it.

Kirstie Alley. Yeah, she's just a nutto, you know, nutty. She's a talent. She's talent. She's talent. She's got to taketo, you know, nutsy. She's a talent. She's talent. She's talent. Gotta take care of the talent. I would say a lot of that talent comes with a lot of nuttiness in a lot of people. She's not the first to be nuts.

I got a few bats in the belfry, if you know what I'm talking about. To go along with these prodigious gifts. Yeah, and you were on TV. Yeah. You were bragging about it earlier. See? It's an unaired pilot unaired pilot had to sing in the audition so we've all got a must-see tv deep cut that's

close to our hearts we were a wings house watched a lot of wings growing up sure you can only watch a lot of wings because it's on like constantly yeah there was there was a real... TV was just the wings box for a while. That's what we called it. It's true. Flip on the wings box. See what Lowell's up to, my dad would say. Oh, wings. Wings is one of the best regional airport sitcoms.

It's got to be top three at least. It is. Yeah, for sure. It's up there. That heavyset guy in there could have been in that LDS commercial. Oh, yeah. Who broke my window on this airplane? I'm John Travolta.

Brian, we got some momentous occasions in the box, in the wings box. When something momentous happens to you, 206-984-4FUN, or just send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Brian, what do we got in there? Hey, Jordan, Jesse, Brian, Sonny D, and potential guest, I'm going to say Steve Agee. Close. I just got back from visiting with my grandmother, and she said she had something to show me. Went to the other room, came back with a Cosmopolitan magazine from

the 1970s with a full nude spread of Burt Reynolds. I thought you guys would enjoy that. Have a good one. Hell yes. Anytime somebody says I got something to show you, this guy's grandma's not doing No Nut November over there, huh? No, she's not. That bean's been busy.

Grandma. Yeah, but he didn't show his crank, I don't think. They put his crank behind a bearskin rug or something. Yeah. You couldn't see his finesses. It was Cosmopolitan? I thought it was Playgirl. I bet he did it a lot.

Well, it was a big, deal i remember that i think yeah it was cosmo okay but this is funny because you know because jesse you're right because you know burt reynolds did do all these kind of like saucy you know photo shoots but he never did show the crank and you know he kind of blamed it on like oh you know like legally you can't show it, but it's actually because Burt Reynolds had a pathetic shriveled crank. Oh. Yeah. Fun fact. I did not know that.

Yeah. I watched a movie called, my daughter's taste in movies is not what I would choose. Wait, how old is she? She's 10 years old. Okay. She turned 10 years old. And she likes, look, if Jordan was her dad, if Elliot Kalin was her dad, her friend from the flop house, great.

It would be great for them. And I liked Troll too, but my daughter refuses to watch a movie because it's good. She only likes weird and terrible movies. Her favorite kind of movie is a misbegotten sequel. She's really into misbegotten sequels right now. But she had me watch this movie called Munchie. She's on a mission to watch all of the little monster movies. Oh, the kind of post-Gremlins, ghoulies, hobgoblins, that kind of thing.

Munchie is about a little monster. It's like a family comedy version of that, but a little monster voiced by Dom DeLuise. I don't know. What year is this from? It's from like nine. So it's the, it's gotta be 85,

86. The female lead of the movie is, is like a, a 10 year old Jennifer Love Hewitt. What? I've never heard of this movie. And it, well, it's, I mean, that's for the best. Dom DeLuise, you know?

Yeah. He did his work in the two hours he was in that recording booth. You know what I mean? He cashed his check appropriately. But the mom of the main kid is played by Lonnie Anderson. Hubba hubba. Lonnie Anderson in the movie is about 50. And there's a point where they describe her as 34 or something like that.

You're like, no one, that's not, that's a, but you know what? Lonnie Anderson's fucking great in it. I realized, oh, right. The reason Lonnie Anderson is famous is because she's super charming and funny. That's all. She's just another person who's funny. She was great on WKRP. She was really funny.

Yeah, she's super funny, Lonnie Anderson. I saw her. She introduces Burt Reynolds' documentary I watched. She seemed super cool. She seemed like a really cool lady. Oh. Picture of Munchie, and Munchie is on the cover of the video, surfing on a pizza.

Yeah, that looks... Oh, my God. Roger Corman Presents. Oh, it's Roger Corman. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's one of Roger Corman's... And Artie Johnson's in it. That's why Munchie's tits are so huge.

Boy, this is like this. So we're looking at this box. So Munchy is like a dog boy. He has a Fonzie jacket on. Oh, he has Spock ears. He has Spock ears. He's surfing on a pizza. Boy, this is just like the aesthetic of our childhood, I feel like.

This just encapsulates all kids' entertainment when we were kids. I think they would need a little more neon to be a perfect... A skateboard should show up. Maybe Munchy could be holding a skateboard but surfing on a pizza. He's wearing those kind of sunglasses

that Jose Canseco would wear. It's sort of shiny, like a green, shiny sunglass. But Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn't look anything like herself. That looks like a boy. It looks like a boy. That's a picture of Lonnie Anderson.

Oh, no. The one in front of her. No, that's the boy. That's the boy. No, no. She plays the pizza. Oh, okay. The one she surfs on.

She does look a little. Oh, is that really a boy? Yeah. Okay. You led me to believe she was the star, so I thought, okay. Is the mustache man, is that Andrew Stevens? Who is that really a boy? Yeah. Okay. You led me to believe she was the star, so I thought, okay. Is the mustache man, is that Andrew Stevens? Who is that? Or is the boy Andrew Stevens?

He looks like Barbra Streisand's husband. That's who he looks like. He's like a bad- Which one? The current one. James- Oh, Brolin? Brolin, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The Brolin dad? Yeah. Honestly, that dad, he also does a great job. What's amazing about watching a terrible movie is how often there are just a number of people in it who are really doing a great job. Sure. They really brought their whole heart to that shit, and they're knocking it out of the park, and it's just unsalvageable. Well, they still got an acting gig. They're professionals. Yeah.

Looks like Munchie is from 1992. 1992. Yeah. It was a very radical time. According to IMDB. The ever hungry Munchie is back. So that's the second Munchie movie? I think Munchies is the first one.

The second one is Munchie. Huh. So it's like the opposite of alien right yeah that was the whole premise of the bets how they pitched it that was the elevator pitch they talk about cameron going in and you know getting the aliens job by just taking alien and adding an s on the end uh-huh roger corman got this by taking munchies and erasing the s yeah his pitch was the alien bursts into the chest. Right, yeah. Yeah.

Brian, let's play one more call. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, Sunny D, and guest, I'm going to guess, Mike Mitchell. It's Zach calling from Ogden, Utah. 29 years old, and I just came home from the hospital after suffering a stroke it's a pontine ischemic stroke which doesn't leave many survivors

so I kicked its ass and still here love you guys, love the show and have a good day I have my first guess was it was a pontine ischemic stroke what kind of stroke did you guys think it was? Jordan, you go first. So somebody's, at some point

somebody's going to say like breaststroke or something, right? So I'll get that. I'll steal that easy one. Yeah. Somebody's going to say Oakland stroke. Mini. I would have guessed mini. Mini stroke? Yeah. Christine, what kind of stroke do you think it would have been? Yeah, I guess I would have guessed many Christine what kind of stroke do you think it would have been Yeah I guess I would have thought it was something

Less serious Such a young fella I'm glad he's okay What was it called that I thought it was A meniskena I don't know If you're having a meniskena You might be having a stroke

If you're having a menisconis, you might be having a stroke. If you're smelling burnt toaster. If your couch is in the space station tinfoil doctor, you might be having a stroke. 206. Jeff, fuck, help him help him is there a doctor here? 206-984-4FUN JJGO

at MaximumFun.org Jordan Peterson your doctorate is in philosophy you cannot help Jeff Foxworthy here Canadian doctorate we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hey folks, it's me, James Arthur M hosts of minority corner. You're home through these wild times for weekly doses of pop culture, history, news, nerdy stuff, and more through a BIPOC queer and allied lens that's how you get

Joel Schumacher putting nipples on Batman yeah I didn't ask and I say this as a game I say this as a gay man didn't ask for it I don't need to see Batman's nipples on his suit who is this for who is this for I did a bunch of research I wanted to just know about the history of black people in Argentina so not only did they erase black people from their history, they also started to flip and use it as slurs. We're not done. Like, we're not done with the work that needs to be done. And so stay awake.

So join me and some of your new BFFs every Friday here on Maximum Fun to stay informed, empowered and have some fun. Minority Corner, because together we're the majority from the internationally acclaimed creators of Who Shot Ya comes the movie podcast Maximum Film starring producer and film festival programmer Drea Clark as a woman bound by passion

I saw this 8 months ago on the festival circuit and I loved it film critic Alonzo Duralde as a man corrupted by greed why watch one Hallmark Christmas movie I saw this eight months ago on the festival circuit and I loved it. Why watch one Hallmark Christmas movie when I can watch seven? I think Pacific Rim is a perfect movie. And if you can't accept that, then I want you out of my life! From the makers of the movie podcast Who Shot Ya? comes Maximum Film. That's right. We changed the name of our show to Maximum Film.

But don't worry. We're still a movie review show that isn't just a bunch of straight white dudes. So tune in to Maximum Film at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Christine Kimmel, kibbles and bits. Danielle Koenig, world's best frog legs. Okay, so we are live streaming this. We've been goofing around with live streaming our records. We use a video chat program called zoom i think it's called and we can live stream our records there with our friend valerie's help and so there's a little chat in the live stream there and guess who's in the chat jordan smart bunnies in there you know smart bunny from the internet we should also mention that uh while the stroke

call came up uh someone in the chat said it was no stroke november so yeah congratulations to them on thinking of something funnier than genius happened in the show yeah we're actually we're gonna go ahead and give you our show yeah cheers sorry yeah sorry asshole shouldn't have done that you should know it's yeah it's not really an asset it's uh you just that just means you have to pay for last week's subs. We got some grinders last week and you got to pay for those. We haven't paid for them yet. We just put them on our tab. We have a grinder tab. A lot of

people don't know that. Well, it's for grinders and hoagies. It depends on what the guest wants. If they want a grinder, a hoagie, or a sub, any long sandwich we offer. You send it through email? I don't understand. No, we have it delivered. It's an attachment. So download. Brian probably.

So download the attachment in a sandwich. Oh, got it. Okay. We put it in the. It comes in one of those box. You know, like, you know, the mattress box. Yeah. You cut the thing in it.

Unfurls. It's the same thing, but with a hoagie or a grinder or a sub, depending on what you prefer. Any long, again prefer any long sand again any long sandwich got it you can have so smart bunny is in the chat that's robin robin's a very long long standing george jessico supporter lives next door to our office and uh robin was nice enough she was on top of it she knows about the you broke my window and she gave it to brian so brian do you have that You Broke My Window there?

Ah, Who Broke My Window? Hold on, Brian. It says it stars Alfonso Ribeiro. Seriously? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, Carlton. Oh, my gosh.

Okay. Ah, who broke my window? Telling the truth isn't gonna be easy. Where'd that foghorn come from? Glass everywhere you look. Who broke my window? Why is my stomach all nervous and queasy? Oh, has some kid's ball? Who could the little culprit be?

Who threw this ball? Did someone see? He's so mad, I'm really scared. Our kids these days, they don't care. Mr. Robertson, Mr. Robertson. What a horrible mess. I broke your window with my ball. You? And I've come to confess.

You knew I'd be angry Aren't you afraid? You'll have to pay for this mess you've made But I'm proud of you, child For you have displayed honor The stuff from which heroes are made I told the truth In the morning Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

What's best about it that I didn't remember is, is the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints is written in what can best be described as the R gang font. Right. Yeah. With backward S's. Yeah. Oh,

that's fantastic. Wow. There's a lot of like fog horns in the instrumentation. That suggests maybe it was a local San Francisco commercial because we do have foghorns in all our commercials. And they all end with the ding-ding

of a trolley car. Sure, yeah, yeah. It would be only a few years later when I would see little Alfonso Romero on Broadway in The Tap Dance Kid. Hey! Holy cow. Was he the titular kid?

He was. Did he break any windows? Not that I that i recall but remember he was also in a the pepsi commercial with michael jackson really that was oh yeah this guy's got credits yeah he's currently hosting america's funniest home videos and doing a great job no danielle you thought you were hot shit because you were in the opening ceremonies of the olympics you know that wow i pay attention yeah pay attention i got i got open ears over here christine were you in any olympics god no i feel like i failed i gotta you know what my life isn't over yet there you go it could still happen they're bringing the olympics back to los ang Angeles It's the only thing the mayor accomplished

The thing that no one wants So maybe Maybe you could get into those opening ceremonies I mean it'd be nice to wear one of those little outfits They wear I could put in a word Because I've already worked the opening ceremonies Yeah would you?

Could you talk to the torch for us Danielle? Wait Danielle did I miss this? What did you do in the opening ceremonies? Well, you'll just figure out how old I am at this point, but whatever. I was in the 1984 opening ceremonies of the Summer Olympics as a dancer. In your early 30s, you were just doing whatever you – yeah. Right. I was a dancer.

There were pioneer families. The premise was we were pioneer families who had moved out west because it was occurring in los angeles except that eagle eyes will note notice that we actually moved from west to east during the performance but um god damn it so yeah we danced that was your i broke the window moment you told the truth stop the ceremonies stop the ceremonies she said yeah and my two best friends were in it with me and my brother we danced it was it was a great time we got mcdonald's for lunch wow we should mention danielle your your two best friends were alfonso ribeiro yeah and ricky schroeder oh okay i went another way yeah it was it was super fun. It was great.

Whips the hell out of my fucking bar rescue thing. Not to mention my unaired pilot. You know what I just thought was funny when you said that before? It was if we all got crew jackets that just said unaired pilot on them. Wow, you're an unaired pilot? Yeah. Me too. It's a big, yeah.

Is that real leather, they would say? Yeah. would say yeah no didn't make air i know i think i know how we get in the opening ceremonies i think we pitched this i mean you know they'll get somebody so you know somebody to direct it you know like uh you know debbie allen debbie allen to direct it i think we pitched like you know the olympics are in la you want the opening ceremonies to like reflect you know the kind of rich culture of los angeles you know like you know when there was in england they did the you know the queen and the corgis and you know they did bond stuff so it's like you want to you want something that just screams you know la so i think that the opening ceremony is the parade of podcasters. Yeah. And then we all. And we travel from the Americana.

Right. Start at the Americana. You go all the way to the Grove. Oh, my God. I have one big request for this. Please. Yeah. I want raspberries.

Thank you. Please preload them. I do not want to mush. Oh, yeah. They should be pre-scooped. Don't mush the fucking barrel. They're going to be scooped. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Genius. It's an art project, Christine. Well, Danielle and Christine, it's been a joy and a delight to have you on the program. It was so much fun. Thank you.

I listened to your podcast this morning while I was taking a walk at the Ha Ha Mangna Reservoir Park. By the way. I know where that is. That's in my neck of the woods. There you go.

You know the Ha Ha Mangna Reservoir Park has a froth course? Why would you put a picnic table in the froth course? Are you saying Frisbee golf? Is that what you mean by froth? Yes. If somebody's taking, let's say somebody wants to sit down and check Twitter because they're tired of nature. They're going to sit down at the picnic table and all of a sudden there's fucking frothers

flinging discs at them. That could happen. Well, they're being present while you're getting your little dopamine hits from at Jack. Tell me I'm good, Papa Bezos. Daddy Zuckerberg, tell me that I've given you enough content. Start hacking, bro. Anyway, it's just some, this is a story. Oh, the moral of the story is while I was at Ha Ha Mangna taking a walk and avoiding flying discs.

They were like yelling at me. Why would you put the picnic table there? Oh, you were sitting in the picnic table. Yeah, it's something that could happen. Weren't there other tables? If I had been. Anyway, I was listening to How to Survive. It was a lot of fun.

I was laughing. I was yucking it up. I was laughing. I was yucking it up. I was enjoying myself. I was learning things about what to do, the order in which I should kick people if they're trying to get me to go to a second location while they're robbing me. That's the rule. Don't go to a second location, Jordan, because they're just going to murder you over there. Yep. Usually it's like Denny's or something, right? Worse if you can imagine it.

They're like, guys, what is still open? What's still open? Oh, my God. The club is closed. You guys want to- It's the after robbery party. Moons over Miami, anyone? Sure.

Give me all your money. Let's go get some moons over Miami,y, they say, the robbers. Yep. Anyway, I was thrilled. I was laughing along with your podcast. It was a ton of fun. Learned about identity theft. Learned about you have to stomp the foot.

You have to knee the nuts. Mm-hmm. And what is the third one? Kick the shin? I think it's the eyes. Box the ears. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, was it the eyes first? We were going to put it on our license plates it was oh yeah it's gouge the eyes stomp the foot that's right

gouge the eyes knee the nuts yeah that's right yeah we're gonna get license plate frames that say that my wife did that one time did what got a license stopped to feet stomped a foot gouge the eyes knee the nuts she took a class learned that nice yeah one time. Did what? Got a license plate? Stomped a foot, gouged the eyes, knee the nuts. She took a class, learned that. Nice. Yeah. One time somebody was bothering her. She did the whole thing and it totally fucking worked. Nice. Wow. That's fantastic. Yeah. I recommend it. And then were your eyes okay after that? Yeah. Yeah. It was sort of the start of a really wonderful thing

we had that's the real no nut no febrile when someone rips off your nuts my wife did that one time and one time

I got jumped by a guy in a wheelchair that's a true story just for another time the thing that happened to me maybe I'll bring that to your podcast

please do that would be great we'd love to have you guys on yes he was intimidating just for another time. The thing that happened to me. Maybe I'll bring that to your podcast. Please do. Oh, that would be great. That's the story we want. We'd love to have you guys on. Yeah. Yes. He was intimidating. He was an intimidating guy.

Anyway, Christine, Danielle, it's been a delight to have you on the program. Thank you very much for taking the time. Thanks for having us. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer. Valerie Moffitt on the stream there. You can find us on Reddit at MaximumFun.reddit.com. You can find us on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris and at Jesse Thorne.

Jordan is on Instagram at Jordan. God damn it. Is it Jordan David Morris? It is Jordan David Morris. This is like this Jordan David Morris. Thank God. I second guess myself every fucking time. It's one of those, you psych yourself out.

Oh, shit. Okay. Stomp the foot. Stomp the foot. Scrapping nuts, Jordan David Morris. Jordan, you know what I learned on your Instagram? Hmm? You've been traveling the country signing copies of Bubble,

and there's a lot of places people can just call and order. Like somebody could call Books Are Magic in Brooklyn and just have a mail a signed copy of uh bubble you're signing them you know that they can do that there are some copies uh some signed copies of bubble at books are magic in brooklyn but if people want a signed personalized copy of bubble like with a uh little message or something you know a Jordan Jesse Go thing or a Cotton Candy Radio thing. Dear, best regards, stomp the foot. Stomp the foot, need a mess.

Yeah. If you want something like that. Something that'll age like fine wine. Yes, exactly. Something you will definitely remember when you open the book in five years. Something that when you die, your children will be executing your estate. Open the book and wonder what the fuck that was. Yeah, or something you want for the holidays.

If you want to give Bubble as a holiday gift and you want it personalized, maybe you got a Jordan Jesse Go fan in your life and you want it personalized. I am doing that through the bookstore BookSoup. So until December 3rd, if you the bookstore BookSoup. So until December 3rd, if you go to BookSoup.com and click on signed, you can order a signed personalized copy. And they ship anywhere. They ship, you know, you can obviously grab it in LA, but they ship across

the country, across the world. So yeah, if you want to sign a bubble for the holidays, a lot of places to get it. Yeah, if you're having trouble, for the holidays, a lot of places to get it. Yeah, if you're having trouble, just hit me up on social media. This is something you can bother me about on social media. No corrections about the show. Great bookstore, Jordan. Yeah. Book Soup.

They're in West Hollywood, California. Beautiful bookstore. Great place to get a signed copy of Bubble. Well, look, you can also find us on Facebook, facebook.com slash Jordan, Jesse go. That's where we've been live streaming the show. Uh, and, uh, I think that's it. Our theme music, love you by the free design, courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records as the only podcast theme music that's creeped out John Flansburg of they might be giants. And we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse go.

Giants. And we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse go. Maximumfund.org comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.