Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 719: A Series of Holes with Chad Quandt

Episode Date: January 4, 2022

Chad Quandt (Star Trek: Prodigy, Goosebuds Pod) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of important data about every state's unique pornography preferences,  what it would mean if the president was ...fem-dommed, and the separate house that Guillermo del Toro has for incredible stuff he has collected.Check out Chad's new show Star Trek: Prodigy on Paramount Plus!

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, horny for data. Great. So, um... Sorry, data. Horny for data. Oh, not data? No, not data.
Starting point is 00:00:23 I'm horny for Deanna Troy. Is that her name? That's her name, right? No, data. Excuse me. Data. The organizing and analysis of figures and numbers. I just love it.
Starting point is 00:00:39 I'm just, ooh. Well, Jordan, I always knew that you were a nerd, and I always knew you were good with computers. Yes, both of those things are true, and certainly not just one of them. Certainly not the bad one of those is true. You're always the guy that I think I should call when I have tech support needs. Yeah, I'm your guy. Unplug it. Plug it back in again.
Starting point is 00:01:07 Other solutions. Anytime I need to do linear equations, I also call you. I'm your dude. If I'm like, oh, fuck the quadratic equation, I remember part of it, but not all of it. I better call Jordan. That's why I'm on speed dial.
Starting point is 00:01:22 That guy loves data. All I love is Wesley Crusher from Star Trek. Big data head. A really important piece of data dropped recently. Can I tell- Yes. Sorry, Jordan. I want to hear about this data.
Starting point is 00:01:36 I just want to say that if I could remember the name of Whoopi Goldberg's character on the show, I would have said that. I just can't think of what her name was on the show because I just think of her as Whoopi Goldberg's character on the show, I would have said that. I just can't think of what her name was on the show because I just think of her as Whoopi Goldberg, one of my all-time faves. We have our guest. We have a guest who can very easily answer this question, who is uniquely qualified to answer this question. Yeah, that's true. You might know him from his work on Star Trek Prodigy, among other fascinating, interesting, especially animation projects.
Starting point is 00:02:12 He's also a past guest on this program, Chad Quant. Hi, Chad. How are you? Hey, y'all. I was the little boy in the back of the classroom just shooting my hand up here
Starting point is 00:02:21 on the Zoom call. Like, I know. What's Whoopi Goldberg called on the show? Guinan, I believe. Yeah. Maybe you throw a little into the man yeah and she just went on that show because she just likes star trek because she was like a movie star at the time right yeah i mean listen whoopi is an amazing actress guy and it's a great character i'd say in the 90s which i believe was most of the time she was doing Star Trek, she's doing both Academy Award winning feature films and she's also doing Theodore Rex. So I can't really say what caused her to choose her projects.
Starting point is 00:02:55 Whoopi contains multitudes. Like all of us do. Whoopi contains multitudes. Sometimes an interdimensional being. Sometimes I hang out with a dinosaur cop. Was Theodore Rex also a cop yes i believe he was the dinosaur brought onto the investigation because uh dinosaurs were being murdered why i thought he was a dinosaur that played basketball oh he definitely does he loves cookies uh i watched that movie a lot as a kid
Starting point is 00:03:23 no actually jesse he can't there's a rule in the rule book that says i have the basketball rule book in front of me yeah because it's got so much data in it that's why i love it i love the data in this rule book 24 seconds we play basketball also with like those tiny little arms. His crossover fade is fantastic. He's a reverse Donyell Marshall. That was a basketball player who had long arms, I remember. Long arms? Yeah, unusually long arms.
Starting point is 00:03:54 It seemed like they went to his knees. You mentioned data, Jordan. This data, this important piece of data that came out recently that I think is think that is worth unpacking on the show right because you know I think this is this is a data show people tune in you know to hear but this show and reply all yes
Starting point is 00:04:16 uh-huh and later we're gonna help Chad find the origin of a song he kind of remembers from the 90s he can weirdly sing all of. So a popular website dedicated to the pornographic moving image. Short films that show that are of a sexual nature a romantic nature a romantic nature well i mean i think that'll kind of enter into the data today i like to call them nipple nickelodeons yes nipple right nipple odians yeah you go down to the go down to the boardwalk with your buffalo nickel and get yourself a licorice stick and in a coney island yeah coney
Starting point is 00:05:09 island red hot and i dropped this data into the chat so what this pornographic website did by the way jordan when i go to that website you know what i type into that search bar coney island red hot go ahead right oh it's gonna bring up some stuff sometimes i type in licorice stick right joey chestnut mouthful he takes 38 hot dogs at once yeah whoa kobayashi so stuffed do fall Kobayashi's so stuffed. Too full. So what happened with this pornographic website is they took the data they had from a year of people searching on the website for various things and they they produce a lot of like graphs
Starting point is 00:06:05 and kind of interesting factoids and the one that i think is worth discussing i've actually dropped into the chat for the both of you to look at um and what this is this is this map is titled united states top relative searches terms search more often in each state when compared to all others so what happens is that a this is a map of the u.s and and instead of the name of the state you have what this state is searching for more than other states right um you know and i think i learned a lot from this one is that i cannot identify all of the states by their shape. Yep. It was hard for me. I had to cross-reference it with another map.
Starting point is 00:06:51 But yeah, but I think, you know, just a couple interesting things stand out if you look at this map is that, well, I think number one, my eye went to Louisiana, whose top search term is just naked women. They're simple there on there in Louisiana. Just want to see the naked form. I mean, it makes sense. Yeah. It's like, does Louisiana have more 13-year-olds who are just searching for porn for the first time i think what it is is you know it's a french
Starting point is 00:07:26 speaking area you know relative to other parts of the united states i think they're just looking for ladies who wear no pants right because in france there's a there's a place where those ladies dance there's a conveniently placed hole in the wall where the men can see it all this is the internet just a conveniently placed hole in the wall right what is the internet but a hole in the wall where the men could see it all a series of holes right is how it was first yes the algor says what if there was a series of holes where the men could see it all? And by it all, it could be women with no pants and also, you know, Dark Souls lore videos. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:17 Sometimes over crossing over. Oh, boy. Chad, you're speaking my language. If you have any of these, please. You have my email. My, I don't know if I'm allowed to just jump in. Please. Yeah, yeah. Jump in. Chad, you're speaking my language. If you have any of these, please. You have my email. My I don't know. I don't know if I'm allowed to just jump in. Yeah, yeah. Jump in. What do you got? I'm trying to kind of find patterns, right? Like I'm I'm looking for, you know, what I really wished was there was just a whole region dedicated to, quote, huge boobs. Right. But really, every state's different. So I'm still looking for patterns.
Starting point is 00:08:44 quote huge boobs right but really every state's different so i'm still looking for patterns what i what i find interesting is a couple places in this jordan is uh minnesota and iowa next to each other minnesota having the top search result of cartoon yes and iowa a much more specific harley quinn yeah that is interesting isn't it they are so close to each other and yeah and and related in that way it is it is really interesting um Iowa is like yeah I I could take or leave all the other cartoons but this one specific cartoon Iowa's much more of a DC state and Minnesota's much open to all sorts of cartoons. Right. Yeah. We're talking Keith Cliff. We're talking. Why would you do that to poor Heath Cliff?
Starting point is 00:09:32 Yeah, no one should. I mean, you've seen him put that fish in his mouth. He could fit the whole thing in there. I'd love him to. It comes out dry as a bone, right? Yeah. I also really like this. Maybe this is I don't mean to shame at all.
Starting point is 00:09:49 I think this is all very cool. And everyone's everyone's kink is welcome. I want to call this kind of like the kink belt in what would be all the way from North Dakota to Texas is really interesting. North Dakota, quickie, South Dakotaota sex doll nebraska moaning yeah moaning is a strange one just just like i there's a sound that we like in nebraska i don't want to know that anyone's actually i don't want to see it i just want to know audit audio like asmr audience there yeah maybe that's what it is maybe it is a little more of a scalp tingle kind of thing um also i mean if we if we're kind of
Starting point is 00:10:32 moving down here from harley quinn you move past handjob and this is one of those states i'm gonna admit i don't know what state this is this one above louisiana here uh That's Arkansas. Arkansas. My apologies to Arkansas. Their thing is just the word divorced. Who hasn't cranked it to Kramer versus Kramer? Just a painful, painful, mean
Starting point is 00:10:58 divorce. I want to watch specifically the scene in Love Actually between Al and Rickman. Here we are in the holiday season when we're recording this. Specifically the scene in Love Actually between Alan Rickman and... Here we are in the holiday season when we're recording this. I still have not seen Love Actually. That's one of those, oh my God, you've never seen it movies that people do to me. That's all right.
Starting point is 00:11:14 Yeah? Yeah. I disagree. I think it sucks. You think it's amazing. I think it totally sucks. I watched it one time because I had a great intern back in the olden days and it was his favorite movie. He was such a, like a cool, uh, great guy. And I thought, well, I have, he likes it. And I don't, I don't dislike a romantic comedy. I like romance and comedy. Two of my favorite things. You know, you want to, you know, you know you want to watch uh i want to see you know uh billy crystal's apartment his loft you know what i mean that's fun to me well you
Starting point is 00:11:53 like loft comms i do like loft comms i just want to see how they're utilizing one of those wagon wheel tables right um but i watch love actually as a lot of wonderful performers that i love i want to be clear about that but i really thought it sucked ass i thought it was so stupid and bad i was really shocked at how much i didn't like it is this is do i because i'm yeah i'm going into the 10th year of love actually discussion and having to be the guy who hasn't seen it. Do I watch it? Anyway, hit me up in the comments. Let me know.
Starting point is 00:12:36 Seeking old Love Actually. Smash that Love Actually button. I would ask this. If anyone's going to tell you which to see love, actually, I want them to put out there what their favorite storyline is in it. Because I'd say I would Jesse. And that there's probably much more worse, worse segments than good segments in love.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Actually, I'm trying to think of like a good one. All the people in it are good. Like, I want to be clear. There's so many wonderful performers in the movie Love Actually. And I love Christmas. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:11 You're no Scrooge or Grinch. I'm neither of those things. So it goes handjob, divorced, naked women. I haven't really worked this through yet. But it goes something like, Oklahoma, where the tits are as natural as rain. As natural as rain. I don't know. Rain is natural, right?
Starting point is 00:13:38 Yeah. What's a one-syllable thing that's natural? Dirt? Where the tits are natural as dirt. Natural tits is that one. Some God-grown tits. I'm going to steal it. So I was discussing this piece of data on a text chain with a past guest, Jesse Joyce,
Starting point is 00:14:00 who was saying that he thinks it's interesting that Alaska's top kink is morning sex. And he thinks it's just because they have six months of darkness and they just want to see something that takes place in the morning. Also, Hawaii's is great. I had not noticed. Amateur wife. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:20 Yeah. They like two things in Hawaii. They like commitment and credibility. This is my first time being a wife. I'm not professional. Oh, you think that they're that's what they're. Oh, you don't want to see someone who's getting paid to be a wife. Yeah. Yeah. I want someone who's trying it out. Self-employed has an LLC wife. That's very punk rock of Hawaii, you know? You don't want some wife that's like sold out, like some sellout wife doing beer commercials.
Starting point is 00:14:51 The state of Oregon is labeled JOI. And I immediately thought that it was about the R&B singer Joy. I thought it was so specific. And look, she's a beautiful woman i wouldn't fault anyone but uh then i remembered the genre jack off instructions yes which is where you just let somebody tell you how you should jack jack off right and what kind of you know what kind of stuff to do like a cheerleader kind of thing like encouragement like a life it is like a life coach that's the way people hire life coaches i
Starting point is 00:15:33 was looking for a life coach the other day and they said i will jack off instruct everything in your life right i hired. I hired an organizational consultant who said she would jack off instruct my closets. To help you release, I guess, old clothes you don't need. Talk about sparking joy, am I right? Thank you. Am I? Wait, am I right?
Starting point is 00:16:01 Yeah. Am I right? I think you're probably right. Am I right? You're probably right. Am I right? You're probably right. I mean, some of the things are medium. Look, Arizona is strip. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:16:16 Of course. It's fine. Strip. Sure. You know what I mean? And you're not shocked to see that Utah is Mormon. Yeah. What?
Starting point is 00:16:26 That's kind of dangerous. Is there Mormon? So what is that? Is this like porn for Mormons where you like, it's part of the story that they're married and trying to have a child? Yeah. Do they just want to know that the performers are Mormon? Does there need to be some sort of storyline?
Starting point is 00:16:44 Yeah. When the man comes, he goes, you broke my window. And then we all learn a lesson about, let's say, truthfulness. Yeah. Beautiful. But right above the Nevada is twerking, Arizona is strip, Utah is Mormon area is, Chad, you're our state man. What state is this pointy state? Is that Idaho?
Starting point is 00:17:15 I now have much more respect for, I believe, Idaho is the giantest state, which awesome, Idaho. Y'all are doing it yeah it is that is so interesting that that so close geographically you have you know like a like who among us would not enjoy some twerking you know pretty like yeah even who like who would say oh no twerking for me everybody would like to see a little bit of that. Yeah. And then you just have something hyper specific like Giantess, a large woman who I think is probably using forced perspective to make it look like they're smashing people. Much the way that Peter Jackson pulled off the Lord of the Rings. Right.
Starting point is 00:18:00 Yes. This is the important thing. Everybody's kneeling in a ditch it's from the same people who made willow right um i have a question yes there's a lot of different things on here you know what i mean i know what ebony is what furry is i know what doggy style is dirty talk i know that foot job jesse what is it yeah i'm not gonna get into a whole thing the kids on the bus won't tell me look if you want to talk about this later jordan if you have questions you can ask them to me later okay uh i i have a very very vivid childhood memory of being
Starting point is 00:18:46 on the bus and kids laughing at 69 and me asking to be told what it is and them not telling me and like laughing at me because i didn't know what it was holy cow really yeah that's rough pretty traumatic uh but hey now i totally know what it is so if tim coda is listening i know what it is motherfucker in the state of vermont yeah home to socialist senator bernie sanders home to a lot of dairy cows and of course ben and jerry's ice cream um something is popular there called tripping i do not know what tripping is they've just misspelled triple keeping with the stars some star trek oh if i was just covered in furry balls right if i open my little overhead compartment and they all fall on me oh no like there's three
Starting point is 00:19:44 people besides me here on this program there's of course chad jordan and our and our friend brian fernandez who produces the show and you guys have probably all visited this website i mean i don't mean to be presumptuous but right do you know what tripping is i see i noticed this on the map and i looked it up because of the map and i'm not saying that it's i'm i don't want to be one of these like i didn't know what it was because i know yeah i i something i could know what it is i just didn't happen to know what it is so you know what swallow is sure yeah it's when the fine bird yeah it's the birds who come come back to capistrano oh i love it when they come back to capistrano oh i love it when those birdies come back to the mission
Starting point is 00:20:31 um anyway i do want to say on this record on this podcast that'll be digitally archived yeah i do i do know what true yeah it is uh jesse i think it is um it is a similar act, if not the exact same act, to scissoring, right? Scissoring? Yes, yes. I think tripping is a much more, in 2021, more common term for scissoring. Okay. Huh. That's interesting.
Starting point is 00:20:58 I wonder. I'm not the expert on this. This is not my wheelhouse to say. It could be a regional thing. It's like in Vermont, it's tripping. And in the South, it could be a regional thing it's like in you know in vermont it's tripping and in the south it's called a po boy in some areas it's carl's jr right where there's hardies it's tripping carl's jr helmans anyway i think in you guys ever tripped with some Hellmans, by the way? Had a little Hellmans. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:27 Sandwichy. Promotes browning because of the proteins. Oh. Yeah. Lesbian yoga. What's this lesbian yoga state? Oh, yeah. Lesbian yoga was really, was an interesting hyper-specific.
Starting point is 00:21:41 Oh, Wisconsin, right? Yeah. Is that Wisconsin there? Yeah. I was surprised by that but also not i just feel like i wouldn't be wisconsin is a wild card state you know it's known for whatever eugene debs and long frozen winters like anything could happen in wisconsin you know it's known as the sapphic state yeah it is yes it's on the yeah it's on the on the seal it's known for its yogis it's the yellow stone of states
Starting point is 00:22:14 uh is that what it was called jelly stone god damn it um yeah lesbian yoga i thought was nice uh i just think it's good to have spaces like that you know what i mean well yeah and it's i mean it's great to stretch it's really good it can help on your core yeah it can help with if you have back pain or you haven't had enough tripping lately sure you know sure you might have pulled something yeah i'm wondering if you know as we're heading into 2022 you know another election year are the different candidates and their teams going to be consulting this to make sure as you you need to know what the name of the state is right that's what dick morris does main export is and what is their fetish so you can put it in your speech at some point? So, yeah. Direct mail.
Starting point is 00:23:15 So when Biden goes to New Jersey, he has to eat some Scrapple and then get some femdom. Yeah, he needs to get Amazon styled by a constituent. Yeah. But that's nice. He can, you know, it's I i mean i personally want a president who's comfortable being fem dom i agree yeah me too you know what yeah yeah take that asshole down a notch that's what i say thank you leader of the free world not right now you're not yeah now you're a diaper baby well yeah i think it's in the stature that the time that the president is being femdom, the vice president takes over. Right.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Yes. The chain of command. Yeah. The president has a ball gag in his mouth and he cannot execute the orders needed in case we go exactly yeah hard to hard to hard to push the nuclear button when you're handcuffed to the old four poster now i um i think at this point it's almost cliched on our podcast to ask our guest about something that's visible in the background of their zoom shot but chad i'm wondering if you possibly have a blacklight poster of yourself behind you i haven't i didn't notice that i think uh wearing the same sweatshirt that you're wearing right now uh i mean listen i'm i love a good blue uh i could
Starting point is 00:24:41 okay chad's gonna grab this blacklight poster this is embarrassing and i left it it's not intentional this is a uh parting crew gift as i wrapped up on wizards tales of arcadia they uh drew me uh everyone on our crew would get like art pieces of themselves done on their last day and the crew did this wonderful one of me as a as a writing boy with my dog archie as a familiar and i'm casting a building a magical concoction oh uh yeah it's very sweet that also got a little tiny guillermo del toro drawing of himself because this is his cartoon avatar uh so yeah that's a real treasure guillermo del toro produced that show we should say yes a guillermo del toro joint i believe is as he calls he happened
Starting point is 00:25:25 just happened to be walking past and they grabbed him real quick quick can you help us sympathize with these monsters yes that's what i do yes i take the inner life of the monsters very seriously that's my thing sir do you happen to have access to an entire home full of frankensteins and stuff yeah chad did you get to visit the guillermo uh sanctuary bleak house i did not they was bleak house was uh if for those in the listening who aren't familiar uh yeah guillermo has so much swag from from films and movies he's worked on and things he just collects that he bought a separate house next to his living house to fill with swag. And yeah, there's a there's a great Conan segment where Andy goes there and they tour through it and they they break one of his the camera guy breaks one of his things. You can tell Guillermo is very nice about it, but very upset. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:26:26 But it's got massive, it's got wax figures of like, oh, is it like Lovecraft and Linda Blair from The Exorcist? Just like hanging out on his couch. He just lives there with them. I did not get to go see Bleak House, unfortunately. I believe it was being a part of the LACMA touring museum showcase where you could go and see Bleak House, unfortunately. I believe it was being part of the LACMA Touring Museum Showcase where you could go and see all the stuff in person. I did go to that exhibit at LACMA, and it was totally amazing.
Starting point is 00:26:54 I will remember it always. It was really, really great. And I think something that was just amazing about it was that he has just like, you know, here are some 19th century wood carvings made to ward off witches. And then here is a steampunk Spider-Man drawing. I bought at Comic-Con. Like it is both.
Starting point is 00:27:18 It is both the most amazing, the most amazing, you know, macabre antique you've ever seen in your life and then like something he commissioned from comic-con it is really really great here's an original moomin i got made kind of uh there's a i didn't get to see it but um i believe gear won't be mad i feel like i'm violating his security by sharing the layout of his house. So for potential of heist, but there's a,
Starting point is 00:27:47 a room in bleak house that I guess just rains like an indoor. It doesn't serve, it doesn't serve much of a purpose, not a shower room. It is just Guillermo wanted a room indoors where it would look like it's raining a la crimson peak or something. And that is, that is right.
Starting point is 00:28:03 You don't have to worry about a potential heist, Chad. And I'll tell you why. The reason is that there's no masterminds who listen to this show, only demo experts. There's some hackers. Yeah, a few hackers. I bet our audience has a lot of experience saying, we're in.
Starting point is 00:28:23 When those hackers are listening to Jordan and Jesseesse go you know what they're saying to themselves enhance enhance right um all the i mean i maybe uh this is a there's a probably a minimal audience for this but that would be a cool movie a bunch of goths having the high skier model toro's house what would be the i would it be would it be the scarab from kronos oh yeah real and makes you immortal that's like i don't know season six of losa spookies when they run out of regular ideas all of a sudden they're doing a heist akima del toro heist i was really amazed that he had a lot of like posters and um you know like film reels that they were projecting of like mexican horror movies where luchadors fought vampires yes it fucking ruled so hard
Starting point is 00:29:13 man fantastic tastes and everything uh one one other one i think i can i can share is that uh they usually most of the two where they show but guillermo had set up like a miniature kind of not a full animation studio in bleak house but like an area for artists to come in and work and do development on you know the hundreds of projects he has going on um and in this day and age every show i've worked on everyone's a digital artist they work on centiques and tablets and it's very rare you work in a physical medium but his was much more the old classic disney animator desks and i asked if that was like an aesthetic thing and found out that it was he wanted the artist to work in physical mediums when they came in just so he could keep them because he wanted he was just getting the higher artists that he you know loves and has you know
Starting point is 00:30:01 has mike mcnolia come in or whatever and do some sketches and he's like, cool, now I get free sketches. Exactly like you said, Jordan, just collect them. If I were him, I'd just hire Banksy. How are you going to find the guy? Nobody knows who he is. He does have Mr. Brainwashed trapped in one of the closets.
Starting point is 00:30:19 He's had him for a couple of years. Have we figured out who Banksy is yet? And also, is Banksy still a thing? Jordan, he's the world's shittiest artist wow did you see that fucked up disneyland that he made oh man guys remember when banksy said that wars were bad no i don't um on the topic of uh on the topic of christmas movies love actually um do either of you do christmas movies around the christmas time i would like to yeah jesse i know you that you and your family, I think you were mentioning that you watched Santa Jaws recently. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:31:07 We most recently watched Santa Claus, C-L-A-W-S. Oh, right, right, right. Which is dramatically worse than Santa Jaws, which I've also seen. which is a sort of sci-fi channel shark movie with a Christmas theme where there are some shots of the sharks fin wearing a Santa hat. That's funny. That one is impressively charming. I wouldn't say that people should go out of their way to see it if that's not their kind of thing. But let's say it's your 10-year-old's kind of thing exactly, and they're obsessed with that kind of thing and they make you watch it, you will be surprised at how charming it
Starting point is 00:31:57 is. That's a cool kid. Yeah. It is not horrible and it's fun and it's knowing in a less annoying way than the Sharknado movies. And yeah, it's got a lot of charm, a lot going for it. Santa Jaws. Do we have like a faded 80s, 90s star in it? Is like Tiffany in it or something? Yeah, I think someone like that is in it. Now, I can't remember who, but like all these movies,
Starting point is 00:32:27 they usually have some teens or some kids. And I'm always shocked that there just must be this reservoir of pretty charming child actors because those ones, and it might just have to do with how narrow the range is where you can be a charming child
Starting point is 00:32:45 actor uh so like you don't have time to establish a long career as a as a c plus like you can only just come you have to come in hot or else you're not getting cast in anything and you might just get cast in commercials and sci-fi channel movies you know like there's not that many jobs in big movies even if you're a really good child actor so often the child actors are the best part commercials and sci-fi channel movies you know like there's not that many jobs in big movies even if you're a really good child actor so often the child actors are the best part uh and the child actors in santa jaws are all very charming and in santa claws uh which is about a group of talking kittens oh who saves santa from anaphylactic shock. Excuse me? I do think we maybe chatted about this
Starting point is 00:33:29 on a past Jordan Jesse Goetz because Santa is allergic to legumes. Is that right? Yeah, and that is the best part of Santa Claus, which is, and look, there's a kid in Santa Claus does a great job. And I honestly, like sincerely,
Starting point is 00:33:44 the kid brings life to the screen every time they're on the screen. But boy, is it horrible. Like it is so spectacularly boring, Santa Claus, like so terrible. And it doesn't even have like, you really want to see a 90210 cast member walk through a scene. And there's just none of that. It's just like voice actors who clearly just did one take and left. Sure. It is just brutal. Santa Claus.
Starting point is 00:34:20 But yeah, I mean, like Miracle on 34th Street. I love that movie. You know what i mean i was uh uh you know amc kind of you know just changes to christmas movies christmas classics around this time of year and there is a there is a 2000s nicholas cage movie called the family man i believe where it's him and taylor leone oh yeah. And I was watching a couple minutes of this and this is like a, you know, a kind of a magical premise
Starting point is 00:34:50 meant to teach a workaholic a lesson movie. Because that is, that was the lesson of all movies for a series of about nine years is that workaholics work too much. And I think this is a kind of a hotshot workaholics work too much um and i think this is a a kind of a hot shot workaholic who through a magical wish that i didn't see um wakes up uh you know just your average suburban family man and um you know i was kind of interested in this as one. I'm like, oh, maybe I would go back and watch this whole thing at some point.
Starting point is 00:35:27 But it has this weird thing where part of the premise is that, you know, before he magically warped into suburbia, Nicolas Cage was a hot sexual fuck machine of course and has anyone ever been attracted to that's always these sometimes these movies he'll he'll like he'll be coded as hot and i'm like he's always been weird right anyway that's the part that i like i'm like but he has fuck vibes yeah i i just watched moonstruck recently and he when he's screaming about his hands and and i get it i can always share his into oh yeah maybe moonstruck maybe you can just coast off moonstruck and valley girl where you're like a a hot a hot-headed a hot-headed Fonzie type. Have either of you gents, and you too, Brian, I feel rude now acting like you're not here with us.
Starting point is 00:36:32 Have you seen... Brian, cover yourself with a sheet. Like a bird going to sleep. God damn it, Brian. Cover yourself with a sheet uh if you want to talk about sexy nick cage energy i do i would say uh check out drive angry uh 2011 film where oh okay literally drove out of hell to avenge his wife or something um there is a full sex scene where nicholas cage is clothed the whole time wearing like a leather jacket and the pants don't come off but i guess penetration's happening and while he's having sex with this young you could take out the dick
Starting point is 00:37:17 yeah yeah no it's just it's a very cumbersome setup we were like nicholas cage that's what the zipper is for i guess that's the main reason for it i just say like why would you put a zipper there if not to take your dick that's true that's very true it just you know i guess like consideration of the the naked woman who was in bed with him is fully naked at least like you know match the the level of nudity um but she probably didn't have a zipper she probably didn't have a zipper to She probably didn't have a zipper. She didn't take her old clothes off. They proceed to have sex while Nicolas Cage is shooting men coming in to kill them. So they are flipping into different positions and everything to give Nicolas Cage the angle he needs to blow guys away with shotguns.
Starting point is 00:38:02 Chad, you're explaining this to me like I don't live in Montana. That's our whole thing. Have you not seen the data? I'm looking at pornhub map yeah that is that is word for word um hey do you guys want to take a little break i need to price flights to montana we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know, every episode of Jordan, Jesse, go is supported by the members of MaximumFun.org. We're also grateful this week for the support of the good folks at Magic Spoon, makers of my favorite, no cereal in it cereal.
Starting point is 00:38:54 Yes, love it. a breakfast or anytime cereal with zero grams of sugar, 140 calories, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four net grams of carbs in each serving. It's like a fun kid, uh, sweetie cereal, but with a much more healthier stuff in it. I don't know how they make this without grain, but somehow they do. This stuff is really great. And you can get it at magicspoon.com slash JJGO. Go to magicspoon.com slash JJGO to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try it today. And be sure
Starting point is 00:39:35 to use our promo code JJGO at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product, it's back with 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. That's magicspoon.com slash JJGO and use the code JJGO to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. We're also supported this week by the good folks at Imperfect Foods. Jordan,
Starting point is 00:40:08 I am so tired of going to the goddamn grocery store. Great news. Imperfect Foods sends food right to my doorstep. Yeah. And it's great because this is food that maybe a grocery store might not put out because it's, you know, a little wonky. It's still great. It still tastes awesome. And Imperfect Foods can ship it right to your door. It's not just tiny pears, Jordan. There's
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Starting point is 00:40:52 They've got bakery stuff. So basically, you can just shop with Imperfect Foods and it'll replace a trip to the grocery store. It's really terrific. I've liked everything I've got from them. And we think you'll like it too. Right now, Imperfect Foods is offering our listeners 20% off your first four orders when you go to imperfectfoods.com and use promo code JJGO. Again, 20% off your first four orders. That's up to an $80 value at imperfectfoods.com.
Starting point is 00:41:24 Offer code JJGO. You get 20% off your first four orders. Imperfectfoods.com. Use JJGO. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective and i'm chad quant the peanut butter thief yeah. So that's who took my peanut butter. There was some peanut butter. I looked out my front window today and I had a view of my station wagon parked on the street.
Starting point is 00:42:11 Not to brag, but I parked my station wagon on the street. Just like you all. I park it one wheel at a time. And I looked out. Park one wheel at a time? How do you do that do that does that happen um that's what they search for in new hampshire one wheel at a time right um i looked out my window uh at my car and right behind the rear wheel of my car was like a costco size jug of peanut butter oh and there was only like a little there was some
Starting point is 00:42:47 peanut butter in there oh not a ton it wasn't full wasn't my peanut butter but i just imagined someone walking down the street holding it and then being like oh fuck it's cashed and just tossing it they reload with another giant jar of peanut butter they had carrying with them yeah break out the crunchy had them on their in their hip holsters or something anyway i just have to remember not to reverse out of my parking spot because otherwise there's going to be a fucking peanut butter situation i'll tell you right now hey you don't want peanut butter wheels well that's a good point maybe i do yeah i mean brian would if i put some seeds into the peanut butter like a bird eats he brian's a bird is what that's about jordan oh okay see we're doing a Brian is hey if we want to run
Starting point is 00:43:46 with this Brian is a bird thing I'm all for it yeah I mean where did Brian go let's get him back here I love this Brian is a bird shit get Brian a new cuttlefish yeah you know Jordan you know how you can tell I love this. Brian is a bird shit. Get Brian a new cuttlefish.
Starting point is 00:44:05 Yeah. Jordan, you know how you can tell that Brian eats a lot of seeds by the shape of his beak? Darwin taught us that. Sure. Beautiful. Beautiful. Darwin taught us that. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:25 So something that we've been talking about recently on the program is situations where we've been exposed to media that is entirely inappropriate for the situation uh so we're not just talking about the ninth birthday party where my daughter saw where my wife saw the shining um maybe it was even an eighth birthday party i had wow something really horrible we're not just talking about a guy watching pornography on his laptop on an airplane, although we are talking about those things. We're also talking about all kinds of stuff, stuff that accidentally showed on the projection screen at a big work conference, things uh accidentally blared out of car speakers because of a bluetooth confusion uh and so on and so forth it's actually uh south dakota's uh yeah it's bluetooth confusion
Starting point is 00:45:15 the embarrassment is required for the kink right i forgot to unpair it i did not i have not seen bluetooth confusion spawn i'm a little disappointed because i love their set at lollapalooza right um okay brian for jane's addiction yeah yeah exactly fuck it i'll just do jokes about how a phrase sounds like a band name no giving it. Yeah. Brian, go ahead and press play on one of them. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, Sonny D, and guest. I'm going to guess it's Robin Thede. I'm calling about the inappropriate media exposures. And I was going to tell you that when I was about six years old,
Starting point is 00:46:02 my family moved into a new house. And the first night when I was there, I was in the bathroom looking out the window. And I saw that there was a drive-in movie theater about a quarter mile away. And when I watched what was going on there, I saw some inappropriate sexual behavior between human beings going on. And I later learned that this was a theater that was known for showing movies like The Happy Hooker, Debbie Does Dallas, stuff like that. Which, of course, at six, I did not know was a thing. So I didn't tell my parents, but I think they figured that out pretty soon.
Starting point is 00:46:50 And we're very happy when the trees grew tall enough that we couldn't see the movie theater anymore, man. Bye. What sucks about this is that he was six. Sure. Yeah. If he was,
Starting point is 00:47:03 if he was 13 or 14, this might this might yeah this is like has a little bit of a fun factor to it yeah i mean i support i think it's so important to respect and value our sort of traditional cultural institutions and certainly a drive-in pornography theater is one of those like this is our cultural heritage and we have to protect it and stand behind it. Because if we can't crank off in our 62 Falcons. Why do we even have the 62 Falcon? Well, someone roller skates up with a bucket full of popcorn that we ordered. Yeah. Then what's even
Starting point is 00:47:46 the point of living in america why do we even have the revolutionary war if not for that that's a really good point not to mention the war of 1812 sure i mean the cola wars why did we even deal with the pepsi challenge right we as a country completed the pepsi challenge honestly i don't i don't want to talk too much because i lost my uncle in the pepsi wars oh i'm so sorry sorry about that my family are rc folks way back so we just you know we we were conscientious objectors yeah that's the sweden of soda right uh yeah but i mean i think i think it is a very bittersweet thing to be within spotting distance of a drive-in movie theater uh and have it be a pornographic drive-in movie theater and
Starting point is 00:48:46 then be six like it's too young it's just distressing at that age uh you should be able to see uh ace finch or a pet detective from your bathroom right a hundred percent that's what you want to see you want to be able to when when you're, when you're a kid, the inappropriate media that you want to see is Mo Money starring Damon Wayans. You want to be able to sneak a glance at In the Army Now. Right. Exactly. For a normal,
Starting point is 00:49:16 let's say it's a normal is me shaming the porno theater. Let's say a traditional drive-in theater that is going to show you the best of Steven Spielberg. That's, if you can see that from your house that drives up the property value right that's a that's a pro for that house not a con it seems like it i mean it depends on the radio broadcast radius of the yeah of the little transmitter that sends the sound to your car or i guess how long the chords are if they haven't don't have the fm modulator yet it's um it's interesting that to hear this that there was a drive-in showed pornography i i'm i'm surprised to hear that that existed because i so that was a thing
Starting point is 00:50:00 you know growing up and you know speaking of hack topics that we don't need to cover on podcasts anymore. But when we were kids, porn was hard to find. You know, and there was all these kind of like all these kind of like ways that like, OK, maybe we could do this. Maybe we could do this maybe we could do this and that was kind of one of them was that like there are some drive-ins like you know an hour away where you can see it and i think i believe that and also there was a rumor that like circulated my junior high to where like there's like there was just a regular ass mall movie theater and someone said that if you like go there after the mall closed they would show porn in one of the theaters and like i think i straight
Starting point is 00:50:53 up believed that and i feel like whenever i was at that theater would look for like evidence that that was true like i don't know pamphlet or something a person lingering in a cloak just kind of wailing to whisk you away into a passage yeah and and yeah and i think in hindsight there's no fucking way that was true like that's in you know insane like maybe you could see showgirls there or something when showgirls came out but yeah so i always kind of lumped in drive-in that shows porno with that other lie. So I'm surprised to hear that that's actually a thing. But I guess the 70s were a wild time. Did you guys have drive-in movie theaters when you were children?
Starting point is 00:51:38 Like, did they still exist where you lived? And did you go to them? There was a drive-in movie like about an hour away so it was kind of like a special trip and we did it a couple of times and then there was the like you know the the like park department does one and we did that a couple times but yeah uh there was like an yeah there was a it might even be like in la there is a there are drive-in theaters that are about an hour away it might have even been the same ones that I went to growing up. So, yeah, but it was something that was like a weird treat.
Starting point is 00:52:10 Yeah, I definitely went several times to double features with my dad. That was the thing. And I mentioned Mo Money because I did go see Mo Money in that drive-in, and then we stayed for about a third of Ace Ventura Pet Detective when my dad just couldn't take anymore. He just filled with the amount of Jim Carrey he could tolerate. My dad, a man with profoundly democratic film tastes who could really, he would just, a man who would call me to tell me how much he really enjoyed Shrek two or whatever. And my dad absolutely could not deal with Ace
Starting point is 00:52:53 Ventura, a pet detective. He wasn't mean about it. He was just like, okay, okay, Jesse, I think it's time for us to get going. Do you remember what trademark line was the one that was like the straw that broke the back sort of thing? Maybe I'm Jim Carrey? He just, you know, there's a ceiling to how many in living color cast member star vehicles you can watch in a night. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:20 That's fair. Jesse, you did just kind of unlock some repressed memories of, I guess I'm just kind of unlock some repressed memories of, I guess I'm just kind of remembering a growing up period of time where I got old enough to realize my dad hated the movie that we were at because he was going for me, right? And it very much for me was like, oh, the Super Mario Brothers movie in theaters. I remember more his own pain and discomfort
Starting point is 00:53:42 that he was powering through than most of the details in that film. And then I'm like, I don't want to do this to my dad. I don't want to make him go through this hell. Yeah, that is a strange dissonance when you're a kid. You're like, my parents don't like the movies that I like. And you're like, well, I like this. This is great. My dad was just an avid moviegoer. Like I remember the last time I saw my grandmother alive, she asked me where my dad was. She's in the hospital. She asked me where my dad was. And I said, oh, you know, I think he's he's taking a break. I think he went to the movies and she kind of got quiet for a minute. And she said, he does love going to the movies. I was like, he really does. But because I have siblings who are much younger than I am, my brother, John is, I think, eight years younger than me and my sibling, Brendan, is 14 years younger than me.
Starting point is 00:54:48 14 years younger than me. Like me, their sort of bonding with my dad was to go to the movies. And I was like in college at this point mostly. And like I would get calls from my dad that would just be him appreciating a bad movie for six-year-olds that he took Brendan to. Like just telling me what the good, and to him, the greatest success of a movie. And like my dad, like Ingmar Bergman movies too. Like I want to be really clear, but to him,
Starting point is 00:55:16 the highest level of art that a movie could achieve was that was my dad fell asleep for a while and it was fine he kind of like after he woke up you got back into it like he got to sleep some but also he still got to enjoy the rest after his nap that that's actually just i think when you ask like christmas movie movies you jordan one of our family traditions every year is i take my parents to see a movie in theaters and it always ends up being a sci-fi film a lot interstellar or a rival or first contact and dad falls asleep and he wakes up the very end he had a very nice time it's so nice yeah jordan if only you could get your mom and brad on that page together to uh to watch interstellar with you instead of,
Starting point is 00:56:05 uh, the, the, uh, what's that movie called? The, the number one ladybugs hotel. That's where Rodney Dangerfield has to open a hotel,
Starting point is 00:56:20 but it's only for women. Cause there's not always knives. I mean, if there's anything we've ever talked about on jordan jesse you know it's the fact that there's not always a knives out in theaters at that time that you need to go to the movies with your parents there's not i am not gonna be taking my parents to go see spider-man multiverse and have to be like now you see understand that this is uh green goblin is from one universe and the lizard is from the Andrew Garfield universe. Wait, green goblin and the lizard are from different universes. I mean, I think so.
Starting point is 00:56:52 In the cinematic universe. Jesus fucking Christ. But they're both they're both friends with Spider-Man. Yeah, I know. That's why the shit's so fucked up, Jesse that's why it's so fucked up what dr strange did what about the anime spider-man with she where she entered into that are we talking about penny parker from spider-verse yeah the one with yeah the little one with the little dress on i think she had multiple spider-man i think i mean listen i'd be cool if in the new one with
Starting point is 00:57:31 tom holland an anime spider-man shows up a la who framed roger rabbit that'd be chad let me ask you this it seems like you're a spider-man expert um oh god can you answer me this how many spider-mans fit in a jamba juice i'm not sure if i understand the complete reference but i'll try my best to answer it it's an old david letterman bit yeah he ran out of spider-mans had to start sending in wizards oh my was that one of the many like uh i have a mic in someone's in your piece in someone's uh like members it was one of those things where they were like you know people love it when Dave goes somewhere and goofs around but Dave doesn't want
Starting point is 00:58:08 to leave his desk yes I did often enjoy those a lot he doesn't want to go anywhere he just gets out of his town car
Starting point is 00:58:19 who walks in does the show goes back to Montana he was fighting for that desk for 20 years and he'll be goddamned if he leaves that desk who walks in, does the show. He goes back to Montana. He was fighting for that desk for 20 years and he'll be goddamned if he leaves that desk. Yeah. We have another one of these calls, I think.
Starting point is 00:58:33 Yeah, Brian, do it. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and probable guest. This is Jared in California for an inappropriate media consumption call. In sixth grade, the class had, I don't know, we all did our homework for a week or cleaned up after playing tetherball or something,
Starting point is 00:58:59 and we got a choice of either a pizza party or a movie in the classroom for an afternoon period. And supposedly we chose movie because somehow we ended up watching, I believe, it was either Airplane or Airplane 2. And towards the end of the movie, there is a scene where mayhem ensues on the plane, and a very, very buxom woman without any top on takes up the entire screen for a good maybe five seconds and uh does some uh intense. And there is some tittering among us from unintended. But a lot of silence afterwards because super awkward, right? Well, apparently not awkward enough for my friend Todd., proceeds to pick up the remote control from, uh, where the teacher was sitting, uh,
Starting point is 01:00:28 come over and, uh, rewind the, the VHS tape to, uh, to the top of scene again. And, uh,
Starting point is 01:00:38 so we all watched it twice. And, uh, that was about the most awkward, uh, school day ever. Thanks. This is the most awkward school day ever. Thanks. This is a Lord of the Flies situation.
Starting point is 01:00:49 The Toddmeister. You can't let Todd get the conch. You know what I mean? If that teacher is living that remote down for a single, not to tell someone how to do their job, but you lost control of that room. Yeah. That is, yeah, I mean, that's something I guess that,
Starting point is 01:01:06 that, that led to this a lot is probably like, you just kind of forget that for a while, like R rated comedies always had some nudity in them, you know? Because that was, that was the, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:20 So you got them in, got those butts in the seats. I'm pretty sure I can verify that is airplane one, because that same exact thing happened to us in our church lock-in one. Your pastor showed his airplane because every other joke was okay in that Presbyterian church, but those boobies came by and he was,
Starting point is 01:01:36 old Terry was very flustered. Man, you know those, I know that those Zucker, some of the Zucker Abrams Zuckers, I don't remember which one, became George W. Bush supporters or something. And it bummed people out. But airplanes are so fucking funny. Jesus Christ, does airplanes hold up? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:02:03 Top Secret's fucking hilarious. UHF holds up pretty well you guys put that in the same pantheon of those is uh i didn't know uhf was a zucker oh no sorry they were talking about just classic spoof sorry oh yeah that is a weird al did weird al direct that uh he at least co-wrote it yeah i believe uh his friend in the movie was the director if anybody if anybody is out there and has not watched uh police squad the like eight episode television show that got canceled halfway through its first season uh that became the naked gun movies uh it is so consistently fucking hilarious and you're like how is this 40 something years old? And it holds up this exceptionally well. Like I've never stopped thinking about there's a scene where Leslie Nielsen is in the foreground doing like some police stuff at a talking about some police stuff at a at a crime scene.
Starting point is 01:03:25 It's a murder scene. And from the left-hand side of the frame, some guys start walking a stretcher into the frame, like in the far background. But then as they're walking across the frame, the stretcher just continues entering the frame like it never fully until the stretcher is like 40 feet long. It's crossing the entire frame for a few seconds until finally the back end of the stretcher comes across. Oh, fuck. I could watch that kind of joke all day forever. Yeah. And I know what you mean about UHF, Chad. That's one that you find so funny as a kid and then learn later in life was a bomb. And you're like, no, everyone loves this movie. Everyone loves it. And it's a classic.
Starting point is 01:03:46 And why isn't Weird Al, why isn't he in every movie? I, listen, I completely agree with that opinion. He was really good in Amistad. That wasn't him, Jesse. That wasn't, was that? I have a problem with confusing Weird Al and Jimen Honsu. Was that Jimen Honsu in Amistad? Yeah, that's him. Weird Al would also be great in Guardians
Starting point is 01:04:02 of the Galaxy. He would have been fantastic. Yeah, yeah. I like Jimen Hanzo's polka songs though when he does like a polka version so that's actually Weird Al because the polka metal is on each album gee whiz I'll make you a chart
Starting point is 01:04:18 thanks buddy Jordan can you make it a sticker chart because I'm trying to earn a pizza party. No fucking way, man. Oh, man. Sorry. If you have a momentous occasion or you want to call in with a segment on the show such as this one or one that we thought of but haven't mentioned yet, 206-984-4FUN or just send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. We'll be back in just a second
Starting point is 01:04:47 on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hi, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kalin. And the three of us host The Flophouse. It's a podcast where we watch a new bad movie and then we talk about it.
Starting point is 01:05:02 Dan, you say it's hosted by the three of us. We've had a lot of great guest co-hosts like Gillian Flynn, Jamel Bowie, John Hodgman, Jessica Williams, Wyatt Cenac, Joe Bob Briggs, Josh Gondelman, Roman Mars. Yeah, and you said new movies, but what about the time we did Meatballs 2? Okay, okay, yeah, sometimes we do older movies and sometimes we have guests,
Starting point is 01:05:20 but mostly it's about us talking about recent bad movies. And don't forget about the ones where I made you do a role-playing game where you played cartoon dogs. All right, yeah. Shouldn't a promo be a really simple explanation about what our show is about? So what's the show about, Dan? What's it about? What's it about?
Starting point is 01:05:34 It's about friendship, all right? It's about our friendship and how we love each other. The Flophouse. It's a podcast mostly about bad movies on Maximum Fun. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. A man was walking along a beach which represented his life. At his feet were two sets of footprints, his and God's. But looking back down the beach, the man could see that in the hardest parts of his life,
Starting point is 01:05:59 there was only one set of footprints. So the man said to God, why is there only one set of footprints when times were hard? Where were you? And God replied, my precious child, I was in my car listening to the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi award winning comedy podcast and you can find it at maximumfun.org or wherever you get your podcasts it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective and chad quant peanut butter felon chad can i just congratulate you on the success of star trek for the voyage home because it's one of the best Star Trek things I've ever seen.
Starting point is 01:06:50 Jesse, that's Weird Al did that. That's right. The whole thing was about how can you build a space tank that can contain Weird Al, right? Yeah. And the answer was transparent aluminum. Because Weird Al sang a song at a frequency that was similar to that of an alien wars right? Yeah. And the answer was transparent aluminum. Because Weird Al sang a song at a frequency that was similar to that
Starting point is 01:07:08 of an alien warship. Yeah. Yeah. Got it. A lot of people always think he did just Star Wars with both Yoda and like a Jedi.
Starting point is 01:07:15 Yeah. Do you remember my favorite line from the entire movie is they land the Enterprise in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco.
Starting point is 01:07:26 And you can see there's this beautiful look in sulu's eyes as he looks out over the city of san francisco the legendary city by the bay and he says san francisco jiman honsu remember that yeah beautiful yeah uh Chad you actually wrote on a different Star Trek thing different one not as maybe not as good as Star Trek for the voyage home but I did I was a writer and producer I guess technically still am on Star Trek prodigy which you can watch on Nickelodeon
Starting point is 01:08:00 or Paramount Plus which is an app that you can get it's about kids, some kids in the Delta Quadrant. I don't think that's a spoiler. I think we've said it's the Delta Quadrant by now. Star Trek fans are very serious about their quadrants. Yeah, you don't want to fuck up the
Starting point is 01:08:16 quadrants. Oh my God. You'll get dragged online if you fuck up the quadrants. What's nice is those J.J. Abrams Star Treks, those are four quadrant Star Treks oh my god that's a good that's a good industry deep cut jesse i like that uh yeah prodigy is about a a group of wayward kids who have never even heard of the federation before uh discovering an advanced ship uh led by a hologram recreation of of katherine janeway and there's a bunch of mystery about how
Starting point is 01:08:46 that ship came to be there and what's its purpose and it's a a real love letter to the to the franchise in the world of star trek and uh i got to got to write some fun food replicator jokes and talk about how there's no currency in the federation because gotta get those kids accepted into socialism uh as soon as rather than later. You must, you must. And thank you. And thank you for,
Starting point is 01:09:09 you know, coming on the show and promoting your children's program by discussing a pornography chart. I think last time we talked about the, the horniest Star Trek and this time was Pornhub. So I'm really just, yeah. If it's not clear,
Starting point is 01:09:23 prodigy is a family show aimed at aimed at younger audiences, but I think people of all ages, a four quadrant, if you will, we'll enjoy it. Um, if I can also just start out too, if you want something a little bit more in this point of conversation,
Starting point is 01:09:36 I do a podcast called goose buds where, uh, me and my friends, uh, read through old YA nineties books, uh, most often goosebumps by R.L. Stein. Jordan's been on it twice.
Starting point is 01:09:48 Good upcoming episode. Very excited to share. Yeah, yeah. It was really fun. Goosebumps is a blast. I've loved both times I've been on it. And boy, yeah, those Goosebumps books really suck. There's very few good ones.
Starting point is 01:10:02 What are the good ones? Let's be positive about RE Goosebumps. What's the height of the series? Camp Jelly Jam, I'd say, is the height of the core. But as we get into things. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people will say Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, R.L. Stine's Camp Jelly Jam. And then maybe the ann rice vampire novels yeah carrie maybe
Starting point is 01:10:30 yeah yeah but all on the shelves at bleak house for sure right absolutely just right right next to each other can i just say there was a period where my daughter wanted to watch every Goosebumps show from the 90s, the early 90s. And now she's on to wanting to watch the Freddy TV show. Oh, there was a Freddy TV show. You really couldn't find anything I want to watch less than the Freddy TV show. But those Goosebumps shows, 100%, same thing. 75% of the time, there is a kid in it where you're like, this kid should be a movie star.
Starting point is 01:11:09 And everyone else just seems like they wandered in half awake from a community theater production of Pippin. Yes, very low budget, all very clearly set in Canada. There's a couple, I believe the TV adaptation of Say Cheese and Die stars a yet to be famous Ryan Gosling. Yeah. A lot of the kids are really good. I'm very sincere that I'm often
Starting point is 01:11:34 really impressed by the kids in those Goosebumps shows. I've watched so many of, oh God, I do not care for them. They're doing a lot with very little so hats off to them they're really these are industry professionals and chad i'm so proud of your work on those shows thank you thank you um thank you for uh star trek prodigy on paramount plus um can you pass a note up to the folks at paramount for me sure just thank them because i have such personal loyalty to the paramount brand and i'm so glad that they named their streaming service paramount plus because it's really my way to directly connect with paramount that i've loved so much as a brand for so long mountain you love that mountain yeah just as i understand when when we were working on the show and they hadn't named the streaming platform i was kept pitching viacom wow
Starting point is 01:12:27 haliburton go connect with all your favorite haliburton shows i'll pass it along to russian navy.net um chad it's been a joy to have you on the program thank you for joining us i hope everyone will check out star trek prodigy which is a really cool, really fun show. Check it out with your family or without. You can get your taste of all the quadrants on Star Trek Prodigy. Jordan Jesse Go is produced by Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can find us on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris and at Jesse Thorne. Hashtag your tweets, JJGO.
Starting point is 01:13:28 We love to chat on the Reddit, maximumfun.reddit.com. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them. And yeah, I think that's about it. We'll talk to you next time on jordan jessica maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported

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