Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 722: Smashing Slacks with Maddy Myers

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

Maddy Myers (Triple Click podcast, deputy editor at Polygon) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of her fraught journey with her gamer chair, playing the keytar, Jesse's visit to see some therapy goats, and horny Garfield chat rooms. Listen to Maddy on Triple Click!!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. Oh, it's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Ah, fuck Jordan. I gotta get something off my chest. This is neither the time nor the place. I will have no emotional honesty on this show. Fuck. It's just that i don't see you a

lot yeah uh in regular life at least since the pandemic or college um and uh i just have to admit something to you and i feel really bad about i'm feeling really bad about it oh boy it's just a boy it's really sounding feeling really bad about it. Oh, boy. It's just a... Boy, it's really sounding like you're about to say you fucked my wife. Which will be surprising for multiple reasons. Number one, you're unmarried. Number two, I can't get it up. Yeah.

I know. Weird, huh? And yet, you fucked my wife. And yet, you fucked my wife. And yet. No, I mean, listen, Jesse, even if you did fuck the wife that I do not have, yet. You should get one. Yeah, I'm working on it. I have schematics.

I have newspaper articles connected with twine on a billboard. I'm working on it i have schematics i have i have newspaper articles connected with twine on a billboard i'm working on it okay working on that wife um even if you did fuck the wife that i do not have um you know i think we can get through this um i think it depends on if it was like an emotional connection or just like you know rob rob bonin from two fucking mammals who gots to get it on. Two warm-blooded, milk-given milkers getting it on. Hey, I can handle that, man. I'm just a mammal too, baby. I give live birth.

I can regulate my body temperature without laying on a hot rock. Yeah, I just a mammal too baby i give live birth i can regulate my body temperature without laying on a hot rock yeah i'm a mammal i like to fuck jordan you and i both know that your wife is a marsupial that's right oh look at the pouch on her huh good day jordan. Ooh, the pouch on my wife. Yes. You're saying about my wife's pouch. Where she nurses our young. I feel like in our relationship over the last 20 years or so, you know, we've had our strains here and there,

but I think I've behaved pretty honorably, but I need to admit some dishonorable behavior. I thought I'll just do it on the show so everyone can hear it. This is great. You're getting out in front of this. I appreciate it. You're letting us hold you accountable. It's really important. It's what my Bible study group does for me.

I have to tell them every time I jack off. I have to, or I'm out. First of all, Jordan, that's a jack-offers anonymous meeting. Yeah, but we were like, read the Bible before. Yeah, but you don't have to be into the bible like everyone knows 12 steps the higher power can be whatever so i just don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about what happens in jack offers anonymous meeting if anyone's addicted to cranking it sorry you were saying i'm sorry you have a you're something you're trying to get out here and the thing you know this is so just like

typically me like you're trying to have like an honest thing and i'm just like jack off jack off like you know you're a bit boy we know it whereas i am all about getting to the emotional heart of matters right i haven't been fucking your wife um but it does feel like a betrayal on a similar scale um like a lot of people in the pandemic I've been going to the drugstore sometimes to buy medication or snacks. And I've been using your phone number at CVS to get CVS extra care rewards discounts. Wow. Oh my gosh. Well,

now I wish that you wish you were fucking my wife. Cause at least I could jack off to that man. Um, this sometimes the discounts are pretty significant and I didn't, I didn't want to sign up for another thing, to have another card in my wallet. And usually I use, at the grocery store, usually I use my mom's phone number,

but there's not a lot of CVSs in San Francisco. Right. So I just thought, whose phone number do I know by heart? Who lives in Southern California? And I don't know a lot of phone numbers by heart anymore just because these days they're all just in your cell phone. Yeah, sure, sure. But you've had the same phone number for a really long time. I think probably since we were in college.

And I do know your phone number. And I typed it in to see if you had a CVS Rewards account. You do have one. By the way, you need to update your phone number. And I typed it in to see if you had a CVS Rewards account. You do have one. By the way, you need to update your email address. Still shooting my coupons of the Hotmail, huh? I think so. My coups! Fuck!

Fuck. Gotta get into that Hotmail. There's something else today. Yeah. Hotmail. There's something else today. Yeah. Today.

I happened to be there to pick up a prescription, and I bought some seltzers. Because I was out of seltzer. And there was a pretty significant discount on the seltzers, particularly the polar seltzer, which is a really nice seltzer. What are we talking? We're talking down from $3.99 each. And then the multi-packs were buy one, get one half off. Okay. Yeah, I mean.

And so I went ahead and used your phone number, and it worked great. I mean, it was really great. Outside of the fact that you should update it, let me know. The point-of-sale system let me know that you need to update your email address. But besides that, it worked really great. I got the discounts. And then after I had paid, I asked the woman at the counter, oh, do you have any, you don't happen to have any COVID rapid tests. You know, they can be hard to come by these days. I thought, well, as long as I'm at the drugstore, I should check. She said, oh, actually we do. I said, oh, I'll take a couple of those.

And so she rung them up and then she said, oh, it's really hard to say. She said, do you want to use your CVS extra care reward box from the receipt? And I said, yes. I wasn't even thinking about it. I was thinking about it. I knew it was wrong. But it was pretty significant.

It was over $3. I don't know if those are fungible. I don't know if they're going to come back to you next time you use it or if I just used it up. And I know that you've probably been buying a lot of stuff at the CVS and that's why. But I've been buying stuff with your account. So we're both contributing to the box. No, I don't need this backpedaling.

I just, I don't know. I'm really sorry, man. I don't want the show to end. I want to keep doing it. Yeah, well, I mean, that might happen. That might happen. I'm sorry that I violated because I didn't know Brian's phone number. I don't know Brian's phone number.

Why would I call Brian? I don't know. Does he still run that party line? He inherited Jose Canseco's 900 number. Yeah, well, I mean, I think the only thing to do is to kind of start the healing. And I think that you owe me $3 worth of goods from CVS

and it can be any $3 of my choosing I could put that toward a Sudoku book People Magazine special issue look back at Harry Potter Nicotine Gum people magazine special issue look back at harry potter um nicotine gum or film developing film developing

yeah um tell me god i haven't been there you, it's funny you mentioned CVS. I actually have not been to a CVS in a while since I moved to Pasadena. So, you know, my, like, close, you know, chain drugstore is a Rite Aid, so I've been using a Rite Aid for those little, you know, trips to get... Do you have an account there? I...

Well... I mean, somebody's gonna fucking start ringing up the... ringing up the bucks. I don't know. I may or may not have a Rite Aid True Rewards account. Just with your regular phone number? No, it's Brian's party line number. It's technically still Jose Canseco's.

It's still a recording of Jose Canseco. Brian just appended some stuff to the end. So while... So, you know, I mean, I guess you owe me $3 worth of goods from CVS. Right. Do they sell weed there? You want to get a trinkle bag yeah man three bucks worth of nugs oh fuck jordan i gotta tell you one more thing i did it ralph's too they don't have ralph's in san francisco either i don't want them to know about my shit i don't have Ralph's in San Francisco either. I don't want them to know about my shit.

I don't want them to know. I want to get the discount, but I don't want them to know about the shit. And your phone number and my wife's phone number and my mom's phone number and my dad's house. But my dad's house, that phone doesn't even work anymore. What are you buying at these places that you're so ashamed of? My fucking dad is dead. Yeah. My father died of cancer boy didn't play this shit man you just want those fucking sweet discounts i just don't want to pay full price for seltzer

like a fucking clown yeah you gotta sign up for these things man you don't need to keep the cards in your wallet anymore i know the cards have been a pain in the ass in the past, but you can just do it. It says alt ID. You just enter the old... Well, you know how to do it because you just do it with other people's things. I'm like explaining to you how to do something that you do.

Just do it with your phone number. So just... I get there. I choose whatever goods are on discount. I bring them to the counter, just recapping. Yeah. I don't have the card. They'll do it for you in four seconds.

Okay. So there's a little screen, right, that says type in your phone number. Yeah, you know what you do with my phone number? Just do that with your phone number. Tell them I don't have a thing. I'm starting a thing. Yeah, it sucks. It sucks that you need an account for everything.

It sucks. I don't like it. I get to the screen. Right? Yeah. I type in 949. It's Orange County. Right.

Love you. Yes, say my whole phone number. So people can text me Waluigi memes at 2 a.m. I don't know. I don't want to sign up for it. I don't want the government to know about my seltzer. It's Kroger. Kroger's not the government. I don't want that.

Who cares? I've never been to kroger this is but it's good to know that i can get a discount at kroger man you are this close from being an anti-vaxxer jesus christ you are fucking one podcast away from being an you know what jordan when the government comes yes that's the same little bubble boys you're gonna come to your house not mine as far as the government's concerned i drink flat water jesus christ you know what i take back my apology wow you're gonna start checking out library books on my card now too yeah that's a great idea jordan in fact i'm not just i'm gonna sign up for canopy with your phone number no i'm gonna use up your five free

streams a month jordan oh man i need those streams i know you want to watch a third tier documentary yeah about the arts yeah about a ballet dancer from a non-traditional background i need to watch all the canopy documentaries about ballet dancers from non-traditional backgrounds there's a traditional way you think a ballet dancer should grow up but all these ballet dancers from non-traditional backgrounds are entering the ballet and everyone has a documentary about them and i need to watch them all on canopy jordan i just want to say that that is literally the same example i was about to give the specific that i was about to say was like a dancer from an unusual background and that's why it's so important that we share this kroger account we we're like two we're like two peas in a pod buddy just deceiving the government what do i spending our bucks

you get my bucks baby if they pop up on your receipt i don't i guess i've never gotten a reward from those things i've only gotten yeah early in the Ralph's Reward program where if you spent enough, you would get one of those rotisserie chickens. And that was going on right when I moved to LA and I was at my brokest. So, oh man, those free rotisseries were a treat.

But they don't do that anymore. You don't get little freebies. You just get the... Anyway. Jordan, how about this? What? I'll give you three dollars and 42 cents worth of car wash coupons and then we're even i'll take it okay i'll take it from the value pack that comes to the mail spelled p-a-k yeah our guest on the program is going to the co-host of the triple click podcast uh she's a celebrated video game writer and editor she's uh stayed up late for us i mean that's all true jesse but we can't

we can't talk about that we gotta get into the cvs coupon algorithm and just what have you been doing to it man like first of all first of all jordan you're missing out on a lot of extra bucks cvs isn't paying me to say this. There's a lot of there's a lot. I didn't know about these. You get free money. It's wild. You got to spend it before it expires, but it's just free money at the end of your receipt.

But but they also give you a bunch of coupons based on what you've been buying. So if you were to go to CBS now, you'd be getting like i don't know mustache wax coupons yeah getting bald boy head shiners you'd be getting like adorable child with unusual interest action figures you'd be getting you know just all kinds of stuff that jesse's into specifically maddie i appreciate your offering to Jordan here. I just want to be clear that I was in Marin County over Christmas. Not to brag, just sort of like my lifestyle, sort of like Van Morrison in the 70s. And I may or may not have forgotten my mustache wax.

Oh, boy. may or may not have forgotten my mustache wax oh boy and i may or may not have gone to a cvs to buy mustache wax and spent 20 confused and upset minutes wandering the hair care aisles looking for at the very at the very least a non-gel pomade i thought they gotta have murray's in here and here's here's the truth good and you know this maddie because you're a greaser uh they don't have they only have murray's edge edge treatment which is for small hairs on african-American people. The edge of not regular Murray's, which is just the pomade. And there's no mustache wax. So your whole thing is invalid. I feel good in the hair care aisle at a CVS because that's the only place I purchase any hair products and it never looks good. So that's how I know that there's nothing good there.

There's so many products in that aisle. None of them. It's such a big aisle. All of them just made out of different kinds of plastic that you're putting onto your head, I assume. But the extra box, you could be getting so much seltzer. You could be getting every brand. You could be getting- Jordan, just to fill you in.

Whatever the other one is, the competitor. I don't know. to fill you in whatever the other one is the competitor i don't know maddie maddie knows about how you can get a lot of cvs bucks because her phone number is 323-867-5309 and so so many people use her phone number to get discounts at the cvs yeah so many yeah i specifically tried to get that number just because I thought it was funny to be called and harassed a lot. And like, I feel like I don't get enough of that in my day to day, you know, just like career wise.

So I was like, oh, it'd be cool. Like I'm getting so many messages and I'm loving it. But like, what if I could get a lot of messages from just people about something different? Like something that's not like a Mortal Kombat character's name that I misspelled once in an article 10 years ago. Like, what if I could be getting messages about just like... That's disrespectful to Baraka. How dare you disrespect Baraka? It was Jax, but thank you. Yeah, so I'm loving having that number.

It's really changing things up for me. And yes, anybody is free to mess with my CBS algorithm. I like to just keep it fun, keep it fancy. Like who knows what coupons are going to spit out for me, you know? Yeah. Well, you know, we're doing what we can. Maddie, you mentioned video games. I'm really interested in your gamer chair.

Oh, God. There was a brief discussion about- That before I got on the line that was just ending as I entered. You appear to be sitting in a race car bed, Maddie. That's true. That's true. It is technically actually a full car seat. And when I say car seat, I don't mean like a children's car seat. That's usually the time one might say the phrase car seat. I mean a literal seat that a fully grown adult might sit in.

I've removed that from a car and I'm just sitting in that. And that's what I'm going with no just kidding it's a gx racer gamer chair that i got for free and reviewed for my job at kitaku before why does it have shoulder guards i don't know as shoulder guards as though i mean i i guess i'm i'm messing up the record by acting out, moving back and forth, but I'm, I'm envisioning a version of a gamer who just can't help, but rotate their body while shooting. I don't know. Shooting guys. I don't know.

What's a game. What are you doing? A game. Suddenly I can't remember. Yeah. There's that. I feel like there's that version of video game playing that you saw like in like 90s sitcom and every modern video game still now but go on yeah yes yeah yes of like

someone you know like using the controller to like like pushing it the way they want the guy to go and going like, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh. And like, Oh, Oh, Oh. Yup. So that's what the shoulder guards are for. Or so that when you're pushing the controller forward. When you're so in game.

Just to get Mario to jump a little bit higher, which it does work if you do that. Like if you just lift the controller a little bit. Oh yeah. No, my friend's uncle works at Nintendo and he said that that works. I mean, that's been confirmed by just dozens of reporters by now. Like there's been a lot of testing on that. So like that's part of what the shoulder guards are for. Yeah. But

it's also just, you know, the regular wear and tear of like huge hulking gamer shoulders, which we all know about. So that's a big concern for chairs just generally. One time in Jordan, Jordan in college, you and I were playing video games. Just the one time. And I was doing that. And you looked at me and you were like, what the fuck are you doing? It doesn't do anything. And I was like, I can't help it.

I'm just imitating what I've seen on Clarissa Explains It All. I'm a mom playing Nintendo. To go up, I press the up button and go yeah yeah and you call it nintendo matthew dudley's mom called it nintendo that's pretty good um i maddie i think it's worth reading you you in the chat you put the link to the article that you wrote about the chair and i think it's worth reading the headline my hideous comfortable game or gamer chair fills me with existential dread that is what i titled it i really went on a journey with this chair which is sad because i gotta get rid of it now i was telling i was telling jordan before the call it is falling apart i think that this chair is very comfortable. However, calling out DXRacer right here on the air,

saying that they made a chair that fell apart. And it is not good. It's not good. I don't know. I need a new chair, guys. And I'm also like, should I get a normal chair? Am I supposed to just get a normal desk chair? Or should I just continue with the embarrassment of having a gamer chair that all my coworkers see?

And for the record, not all my coworkers have gamer chairs. Like you would think maybe Polygon.com. Everybody's got everybody's got a gamer chair. Everybody's got LED lights behind their monitor. Everybody's got, you know, snarfing down Mountain Dew and Cheetos while they're playing Halo Halo Infinite themed

taste like the ostriches in Halo they all have that earn XP while you're scarfing snacks Maddie I am a I'm a classic filthy casual uh-huh um jordan you maddie obviously you're you're a gaming professional uh jordan you are a former semi-professional in the world of game journalism you covered you did a lot of games semi-journalism coverage. I feel like, you know, skateboarding and ska are gamer adjacent as far as.

Yeah, it's all part of. Subcultures that are like on a large Venn diagram of interests. Yeah, it's part of a proud tradition. Yeah, there definitely was a time when free video games would show up at your office uninvited and you would give me the sports ones. And I really appreciated it. It was a great time in both of our lives. And so you guys know a lot about this. I mean, Jordan, obviously, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't know about Gamer Grub, the snack food that comes in a tube that you can eat one handed or just stick in your mouth and throw your head back like a pelican. That keeps your hands clean for gaming.

Right. Nominally, yes. I've learned gamers are famous for their clean, clean hands. Well, and also like, are your hands clean like like morally when you're eating Gamer Grub? I don't know. I would say there's something on your hands and on your soul. Maddie, there's something on my hands, but that's because I didn't go to my meetings this week. Oh boy.

Gamer Grub is made from graham crackers and blood diamonds. So we all, we're all complicit complicit yeah i gotta call my sponsor maddie uh what makes a gamer chair a gamer chair and not an office chair i think i think the shoulders the huge shoulders and also just the little headrest the little pillow a little pillow that you have that fits right yeah behind your neck there's also a little back pillow that you can adjust oh see this for lumbar support yeah i got some lumbar back there i got that who is that up and down it's perfect jordan who is that on our show maybe vanessa ramos who said she leaves the lumbar support the adjustable lumbar support off on her car so that she can turn it on as a special

treat sounds about right i haven't stopped thinking about that oh my lord uh so i recently went chair shopping i am uh i am recording for the first time from my uh from my home office uh i got my new apartment had an extra room i'm like i'm gonna office this thing i just fucking waited forever and didn't do it um but finally you know these past couple weeks i'm like i'm gonna do it we will all be working from home forever yeah this is it this is your life lean into this office thing um so i went chair shopping for just a chair that i could sit in all day and you know i was at the chair store and sitting in some normal chairs they had a section of gamer chairs i'm like well i'm not gonna get one of these but

i mean while i'm here i sat in the gamer chair i'm like like, Oh fuck. I might get this. Oh fuck. I might get it. Yeah. I kind of, it's kind of, I mean, I'm yeah. I mean, it's the thing you said though,

Maddie, it's like in this world, like not only are you working from home, but you people have to see it. So yeah, I think vanity, I think if not for my own vanity, which is one of my,

you know, key traits. And we all know that about you. Yeah. Very vain. Very appearance focused as a person. Yeah. When they say I'm veiny,

it's because it's my vanity. It's my self regard. No, but I thought about it. I was sitting in that gamer chair for a fucking good 15 minutes going like maybe i do this maybe i take this bad boy home today and just fucking dive into this viking assassin's creed i i kind of did it as a bit like i got it for free and reviewed it and it has a funny headline and i got to tell some jokes about how embarrassing it is in

the story but then the part of it that wasn't a bit was that I've been sitting in it for three years, four years, like that's not a bit. And then I had to deal with the fact that there then became an era of my life when everyone saw me sitting in it. And it's not just like, oh, my coworkers see it every day. It's also like, every time I guest on a podcast, I have to do a bit about the chair. I'm not saying this isn't the greatest show we've ever done. And it will be the last show based on the prior 15 minutes of this show where YouTube are getting into it about the CBS coupons. And I am honored to be here on the last ever JJ Go. But I do feel like it is something like it is.

Oh, she's a gamer. I do feel like it is something like it is. Oh, she's a gamer. Like she really committed to an aesthetic that is so vibrantly embarrassing that she has to just own it. And that that is an intensity that I mean, nobody ever comes to my house anymore. Obviously, I live with my girlfriend. She's asleep right now because it's eleven forty p.m. she's asleep right now because it's 11 40 p.m and i when she first came to to my apartment she said nothing at all about the chair which i think is a great move like i feel like if you're going to somebody's apartment for like you know with this is a third date scenario right um she just sort of looked at it and just kept her eyes moving there was a lot there was a lot to look at you know like there at the time there

was a gears of war lancer on a bookshelf i don't like i've gotten rid of some things that's the chainsaw guy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what do you lance with now i know i just just a sterilized needle yeah just straight up just punching people now i'm just doing it old school um but yeah there were a lot of things back then and and then the second time she came over i was like hey so what do you think about how ugly this chair is and she was kind of like she's kind of like in the room like i was treating it like it was the elephant in the room and i think she was just kind of like honestly like with everything else like i just kind of took it as it comes like she just cut and and i feel

like that meant that i had to get rid of the lancer you know what i mean like i mean i needed the chair to be the only thing about me that's unbearable maddie you're shot here which you presumably use for professional obligations in theory yes but are you going to talk about the wolverine mask is that we're going to get to? Two keyboards, a cat palace, and a Wolverine. Is that a keytar? It is a keytar. Oh, wow. It's a keytar.

I know. I know. I know. I know. That rules. You're great, Maddie. But see, the keytar's kind of cool. It is cool.

Okay. Gimmicky instrument. But I actually play it, and could like look up my music and then usually what usually the reaction when people listen to my music is surprised that it's any good and that's i feel like a really great place to be because it's like oh she's so weird why would that be something like she like one of my co-workers thought i had the keytar as a bit which again seems fair like based on what's in your field of view here like it does seem like I'm doing a lot of stuff as a bit but the keytar isn't a bit but you needed to get around on stage when you were

rocking that is actually held behind the keyboard stand I played a keyboard for many many years in high school and college bands and it is irritating It is irritating to be stuck behind a keyboard. It is much more fun to have a keytar. What was the transition from keyboard to keytar like? Well, so in the 2010s, Roland did sort of an 80s revival situation where they released the keytar, the accent that I have. And prior to that period of time when roland did that roland being a synthesizer company by the way for your listeners who don't understandably don't give a shit about this um and i so i i call them so i just got i already had a bunch of keyboards anyway and was in a band at the time and i was like oh you know it'd be pretty sweet if i got one of these guitars and just you know maybe then i you know waltz around the stage

a little bit more that'd be that'd be cool honestly, I was like, that'll be weird. My hands are going to be in a totally different orientation. How good could it be? It's amazing. Total game changer. If you're out there, you're a synth player, you're like, I don't know, maybe I just want to keep going with this whole laptop and six keyboards on stage thing. Don't do it. Try a laptop and a guitar on stage. That's what I currently do. Great stuff. Great, great stuff. It's perfect. I'm so glad they're back. Are they back still? I don't care. I say they're back. Maddie, I have to tell you, what you said about people being shocked at your music really resonated for me. You have a lot of instruments in the background as well. Is that what you're about to get into? So I have a few

years ago, John Hodgman, my other co-host. Use his CVS card. Yeah! I don't know his phone number. We didn't go to college before contact lists and phones were the most convenient way to dial someone's phone number.

Now, I have an ex-girlfriend named Jenny, and I may start using her phone number. Start screwing up her algorithm, you know what I mean? Start getting her significant others wondering why there's mustache wax on her coupons, you know? Just get some real, real messing up of Jenny's life in there. You know, just get some real, real messing up of Jenny's life in there. I am not a musician, but some years ago, my friend John Hodgman, who actually has some music background, you know, like he played in school bands and stuff like that. My friend John Hodgman was doing a little music in our stage show. And I was like, well, fuck, I could do that.

And I hadn't done any music at all since high school musical theater. And in high school musical theater, I was the least good at it. Like 100%. Many friends and colleagues in arts high school who were good at singing and i was not among them and uh so my wife one year for christmas bought me three ukulele lessons and i had never played an instrument in my life um i had taken like a year of keyboarding class in second grade so i can play the right hand of the first part of taking me out to the ball game and the theme from Star Wars. Heart and soul, chopsticks. Nope. No, no, no. Never got there.

Okay, great. No. Too hard. Too complex. Muffin Man. Two hands, full heart, can't do it. Yeah. So you don't know the Muffin Man?

I do not know the Muffin Man That lives down Drury Lane Well you do know It sounds like you do know the Muffin Man And why don't you use Why don't you use his fucking number To get your CVS Use the Muffin Man You know his address

So I I took three ukulele lessons and now I sing in the judge, Sean Hodgman show often, and I remain not a strong singer. I would give myself a B minus at singing and a C minus at ukulele playing. I really, it's really hard for me to sing and maintain a strumming pattern at the same time and i cannot i can only play chords on the ukulele i'm like uh this sid vicious of playing the ukulele i know like five chords and that's it but it's about the attitude yeah the attitude exactly well the defiance that you bring i've always been a rude dude with a bad tune. Right.

And ukulele is perfect for that. That's probably why. That's what you gravitated towards. Well, when I'm doing the punk stuff, I usually play the banjo lately. Yeah. That's another classic one. Yeah. Sid loved that one.

But look, Maddie, a lot of people are imagining me playing a little soprano ukulele. That would be ridiculous. I little soprano ukulele. That would be ridiculous. I play a concert ukulele, one size bigger. Wow. But it is amazing how far low expectations will get you in the world of music. Oh, yeah. Just my mere ability to represent melody on stage is so well and positively received. And my greatest nightmare is to perform in a context where there are other actual musicians.

Oh, you don't want to do that. I feel like we have a similar situation here where we are known for something else, which then means that if you're kind of good at a thing no one thinks of you as being associated with that's really charming and endearing and it's like oh this person has like a cute hobby and they're also actually quite good at it and it's like yeah it's like when channing tatum showed me his ships and bottles yeah oh and like they're pretty good you know they're not great okay he's not going to the convention circuit with them no like you know no he's not in competition sell them for quite a bit at a tag sale why not yeah i want to encourage him i maddie uh it's not the way that i imagined

or hoped i would be like Scarlett Johansson. But if this is what I have in common with Scarlett Johansson, then so be it. That's your pull. You don't want to go Keanu Reeves. You don't want to go somebody a little bit more popular. Bruce Willis. Oh, that's a good. I love this.

Bruno himself. Scarlett Johansson is actually a very good singer. She's a much better singer than I am. She's got a great singing voice. She's a much better singer than I am. She's got a great singing voice. She's a good interpreter of song too. Impressive singer. I felt like I was running down Scarlett Johansson by comparing her to me. And actually, she's really good at it.

Right. Whereas Bruce Willis and Keanu Reeves are both notably bad at their instrumentation of choice. I actually don't know if that's really true. Is Keanu bad at his band? He's a bassist, right? Dogstar is his band? I feel like this is as far as I can go on this topic. Yeah, same here.

As much as I enjoy Keanu Reeves in his films, I've never actually listened to Dogstar. Have heard some Bruce Willis, though. Oh, you've returned to Bruno? Very odd, but I don't hate it. I'm just like, that's not really my genre, but it seems like he's having fun out there. But you were at the opening of every Planet Hollywood. Oh, well, who isn't?

So you had to hear. I was more of a Hard Rock Cafe fan, but I would go to the Planet Hollywoods to just check out the competition. Just to hear Bruce play a little mouth harp. Yep. Jordan, you're a rainforest cafe man, right? Oh, yeah.

That's where I go to hear my rock harmonica. They do not have bands there. They just have a big elephant at a rainforest cafe. That is the band that's there. And is that anything like Bruce Willis to you? Is that what you're saying? You're saying Bruce Willis is the big elephant? And is that anything like Bruce Willis to you?

Is that what you're saying? You're saying Bruce Willis is the big elephant? If there's a celebrity musician to whom I would most compare my chops, it's probably James Dolan, the billionaire owner of the New York Knicks, who has a blues band that plays at Knicks games. Yeah. That's about where I'm at as a Jimmy Dolan situation. I also get into a lot of fights with Charles Oakley. So that's the two things we have in common. I saw some sort of, maybe this is an Instagram post, In-N-Out Burger was sponsoring a rock and roll charity show.

I'm like, oh, that's pretty good. You know, In-N-Out Burger, good on you. I wonder who's playing the In-N-Out Burger charity show. It is the owner of In-N-Out Burger you know good on you I wonder who's playing the In-N-Out Burger charity show it is the owner of In-N-Out Burger's band you're fucking shitting me yeah I don't know is he singing Christian songs? he's singing Christian songs

he's singing like a rockin' version of Onward Christian Soldier right or like a Christian song like a Jars of Clay type song where it's like oh you kinda gotta know they're singing about Jesus maybe it's like, oh, you kind of got to know they're singing about Jesus. Maybe it's like Sam Cooke or one of the other kind of like great gospel singers turned pop singers. And he just takes all the times that there's a direct reference to God in the song and just changes it to French fries. Sure.

Yeah. Changes to animal style. That's how I like to worship the Lord. style french fries aren't the strength i mean well so wait jordan do you have a hobby that you get to surprise people by being good at or just this isn't a lifestyle choice here's the thing maddie no because you're already so great at every single thing you try my work is my life if i'm good at something i make it my career yeah jordan i try to make money off it yeah you're probably surprisingly good at like street fighter 2 right like not like good enough to to like be good against like a professional street fighter 2 player but like people people I guess you're like yeah that didn't come to

mind because that didn't strike me as a quality about me that would be surprising oh this what this thing Jordan's never mentioned ever this doughy ass straight white guy yeah whose heyday was the 90s

yeah this guy who's never discussed going to fight nights just to like see what they're like or you know talked about blanca the beast from brazil ever before he's not about blanca are things where people get together to play street fighter 2 called fight nights i know isn't that funny like they really have appropriated that i yeah it is funny they are called fight nights fighting game fighting game meetups are called fight nights yes yeah wow but i mean technically well it's appropriate because you are fighting virtually flyweight bouts that are aired on espn are now called dork out and you know they smell about the same so i feel like it's yeah

it's filthy hands everyone has filthy hands there's gamer grub at both both situations as well that's true there's a lot of one-handed it's just like in one situation it's because you don't want to take the boxing gloves off or the hand wraps or whatever and in the other situation it's because you're so busy like slam slamming that stick, baby. You're just joy sticking it up. I was watching the 49ers game today and my son, Oscar, it was, I think it was like the first football game that he'd watched more than a minute or two of. And the thing that he could not get over was not the fact that they were like trying to hurt each other or that the rules are completely inscrutable or any, fact that they were like trying to hurt each other uh or that the rules

are completely inscrutable um or any or that they're all wearing like robot suits um it was the fact that a guy comes out to squirt water in their mouth like that blew my son he's like why don't they have their own waters and i'm like you know what i couldn't tell you i don't they have their own waters? And I'm like, you know what? I couldn't tell you. Don't know. They just can't really bother. That's fair. That's just straight up a fair criticism of professional football players. Just get your own waters, guys.

There's a break between every play. Get your own waters. It looks cool to have water squirted in your mouth, though. That's how you know you're just at the top of your game and you're making so much money and you're also gonna maybe never remember these moments in your twilight years because of just tragic regulatory issues in football. But hey, somebody squirting water in your mouth, that's cool.

Maddie, do you have any other serious hobbies like ones that you're unusually dedicated to? Boy, no. I really like to eat food. I'm not good at making it. But I mean, if that could be a hobby, just eating food that other people make. I know it's sort of considered one, like, oh, you're a gourmand, but I don't have good taste. So I don't think I should get to claim that. But I do really like to eat food a lot. I think it's great. You know, Maddie, something that I like

about your online presence, and I don't know if this would fall into the like hobby category or maybe something you would like to go pro with, but I love seeing photos of the boys. Oh yeah, got a lot of cat pics on the Instagram. But they're called the boys. Is that it?

They are called the boys. There's two young boy cats in my household and uh i would say a huge hobby is just watching what the what kind of shenanigans they get up to just just messing with stuff and being little trash babies because they're both semi-feral cats that were rescued they're're rescued. They rescued us. And they just, I think you never met a piece of garbage they couldn't play with. The other day they were playing with a piece of their own shit.

That was pretty fucked up. Hell yeah. That's the boys for you. That's the boys. That's the house. We've chosen not to have children. We just have these two piles of trash. To their credit, Maddie, they do poop balls of yarn.

Yeah, they do. They do. So not inappropriate. It was a little horrifying because they have a lot of little like mice and they have these two little cockroaches that are motorized and you like turn them on and they just go around the apartment like a real cockroach. So like there's a lot of stuff in our apartment that's like, it would be gross, but it's a cat toy.

And like we saw them playing with a piece of shit and we were both like, is that one of their mice? What is that? That doesn't look, it's a piece of shit. Yeah, that's terrifying. That's terrifying. That's disgusting. We also recently bought a new mop.

So that's all related. Oh, good. Everything's going great in my house. Please don't judge us. We keeping up everything's good you know i know it's i know this like this is a familiar thing to cat owners you know you you you pay the money for the toys they play with it for a couple of seconds and then they you know go play with some couch play with shit play with shit or find stuff in the garbage that you're like i don't even see how that is a toy like what about this is even entertaining to you right why do you love this dime so much for example or like

bottle caps or like a weird shaped piece of cardboard that's like kind of crumpled up and you're like okay i guess technically that could be hit with a paw for six hours. Huh? Okay. Sure. At 2 a.m.? Cool. Yeah, I guess we're doing that. Yeah. But yeah, I finally found a toy that my cat just loves. And every time I bring it out, it's always a big hit. It's these catnip bananas.

It says like, wowee on it. Have you seen these? I haven't. I've got to check this out. I'm going to have to look at this. When the catnip banana comes out she you know she does it she does the thing where she'll kind of envelop it and then do the like back leg kicks on it uh-huh uh to simulate what it would be like killing prey in the wild uh-huh totally because

she's killing that banana that banana is dead it is and uh and yeah and i think around around our house that's what we call going nanner crazy and we love to wowee jordan wowee it's fun to go nanner crazy love that yeah i just i just like to to tell my cats just all the different horrific things they're doing to inanimate objects like just pulling out the entrails i like to just really root them on in that and just encourage just the most horrifying behavior because they're they're from they're from the trash and i know that's what they want to be told they're garbage folk yeah like they they remember what it was like to eat a proud tradition rats and they they can't do it anymore so they just have to make what they can deal with with these little pieces

of cardboard. Yesterday a goat tried to eat my hat. Go on. What kind of hat? What kind of goat? Let's get into it. I went to see some therapy goats and one of the goats tried to eat my hat. His name was

Hugo. That's Hugo for you love fucking hugo fucking hugo hugo's uh the the i guess goat therapist said that um hugo had had some food insecurity in his past so that's why he was so he was so food crazy but But also goats eat tin cans. Like I know about goats. I don't need this woman to lecture me on goats and food insecurity. The world's most food secure goat will eat a fucking tin can. Just because it used to have beans in it. What kind of hat though?

Your hat was full of alfalfa pellets though, right? There was another point where there was just some leaves had fallen from a tree and gotten dry and crackly and he was just eating dry crackly leaves and i said look at him he's eating those leaves and the goat therapist she just goes i mean they're his tortilla chips that's so fair enough beautiful Fair enough. They look cooler ranch. The seasonings of the season. Yeah. They look nacho cheesier.

And the dirt is his guac. What is dirt but a goat's guac? My favorite roomie quote. I saw that painted on a little thing that you have framed above your toilet yeah i'm sorry it was marilyn monroe marilyn monroe sorry betty boop betty boop who said that uh my wife for christmas got me this visit to these therapy goats um and it was a long drive it's like out nearly in ohio california the far reaches of of the los angeles area about an hour hour and a half from from where we live when we drove out to

this woman's house she had persimmons for sale and then the therapy goats um she not to brag but she after that's a one-stop shop after i spent some time with that i by the way the persimmons were kind of expensive so i used your phone number to get it was getting all those coupons for edible hats um but i met these there was only four goats i didn't know was it going to be like a goat farm or like was it going to be one of those things like one time i went to this farm that was like supposed to be like a petting zoo and i knew it was like a rescue farm you know where like animals that otherwise would have you know know, been turned into glue or whatever,

go to the rescue farm. And it turned out to be like a, you know, like a vegetarian propaganda thing. And they showed like, I had to like tear my children out of the room, like my small children out of the room before they played like those videos of squirrels being flayed or whatever. before they played like those videos of squirrels being flayed or whatever. Anyway, I thought I was worried it might be like that, but it wasn't. It was just a lady's house in Ojai. And then there in the backyard, she had this pen with these four goats. And she told us a little bit about the goats.

And then she just goes, you guys seem comfortable. Mind if I go up to the house? And I said, I mean, yeah, let's do this. Give you guys seem comfortable. Mind if I go up to the house? And I said, I mean, yeah, let's do this. I'm going to give you guys some privacy. The thing is,

is when she gives you the bucket and she does give you a chow bucket, when she gives you the bucket, she says, stand by the stumps so they don't jump on top of you. If you stand by a stump, they jump on the stump the stump because they're goats they love to be up high yeah because they're goats it was two girl goats and what well there was two boy goats but one of the boy goats was separated because otherwise he'll fuck the girl goats sure right and she tries to she tries to spread out the calving um or kidding i don't know and uh so this one goat that had a big goat beard this was the boy goat that does the fucking it was

it was in an adjoining pen just standing on top of its goat house, staring at us like fucking staring daggers at us. And the woman just says, Oh, he's interested in the female goats. Wait a minute. I was like, right. Wait a minute.

Is that who's been fucking my wife? You've heard about horny goats, right? Jordan. Yeah. Well, I, I thought it was the,

the, the bone deposits on their head head he's been making a bone deposit if you know what i mean right yeah i know what you mean now now i know what you mean i kept i wrote you an entire letter about the bone deposits did you just think it was about that I skimmed it. At this rate, you're never going to get a wife, Jordan. Yeah. I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

And one of the lady goats was pregnant. Congratulations. So she had a giant baby goat poking out of her tummy, but not out of her birthing canal. You could just see the goat sort of sideways inside the regular goat. Yeah. The small goat was sideways in the regular goat. Does that make sense? Yeah. The baby goats are coming.

And you could just hear a muffled, Cans. I want cans. Put cans in my mother. I want to eat cans maybe a hat hugo a hat in there hugo was we lose the ability to speak english once we're born all right i know shut up shut the fuck up god this is my time this is my impression of you fuck face stay in there for all i care jesus christ or come out to shut your fucking yap is there no spider-man movie good

i don't know man i can't see movies from in here I have to wait to go to the movie theater. Goats have these little sharp, I guess I would say, they're not rat teeth. They're like jaggedy teeth, like if shark teeth were tiny. Well, they got to get through those cans. I know. I know. And the boy goat cans, hats hats my wife's ass apparently oh boy oh well i mean these goats are millennials jordan that's true give them some avocado toast and they'll do any goddamn thing goats hufflepuff hufflepuff girl boss goat sorry I had a fugue

so this goat I swear to god you know how this goat I knew this goat was a millennial still wearing fucking skinny jeans yeah right we wear mom jeans now so the one dad goat yeah just stood on the goat house and stared at us over the fence and then the two the two girl ghosts were very sweet and one of them had the sideways baby in its tummy yeah and. And then I initially was concerned it was a goiter.

I don't know what a goiter is. A goat-shaped goiter, though. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Anyone would think that. Yeah.

And then there was a boy goat in the pen with us, but this boy goat had been fixed. fixed so this boy goat had i related to this boy goat because neither of neither of us can it can impregnate a female of the species as i i've had the surgery as well i had a different slightly different surgery um and this this goat was named. It was a golden goat. And it had a circle on it. And the woman said, that's called a moon ring. And then she says, don't ask me why. I was like, thank God you headed that off at the pass. Kind of spooky, but all right. Everyone asks me and I refuse to find out, despite the fact that I own the goats.

I'll tell people what it is And then I'll shoot them down And it'll curse them forever Which I don't know why they keep asking me to tell them this information I have to find six other people To tell about it I'm very stubborn She also had She also had a trailer you can rent

In the backyard As an Airbnb Which is an air bed and breakfast. Okay, yeah. I get it now. And I found myself wondering, is this woman's life having a trailer and four goats in her backyard and a persimmon tree in her front yard and that's how she fucking lives in ohai like she moved to the fucking mountains she lived in santa paula but right next to ohai she lives in the mountains off the strength of this fucking trailer, four goats, five or six if you count the sideways ones, and a persimmon tree in her front yard. And she also had a hummingbird experience.

So those five things, do you think those constituted her entire lifestyle? Yeah, you paid her $25,000 to do it, lifestyle? Yeah, did you? You paid her $25,000 to do it, right? Yeah. I gave her a tip, Jordan. I'm not a monster. No, you got a tip. I always tip service workers.

Tip your service workers, everybody. Yeah, she went above and beyond. She told me about those moon rings. But not why. Well, she kind of told you about them. No, not why. Yeah, no, that's for the best, though. Cindy, are you positing that maybe she just only does sort of a goat cheese and persimmon like she said you can't

she said so i asked her about that because the goats make two quarts up to two quarts of milk a day got it so i said to her what about this two quarts of milk a day? And she said, well, it's for a few months. It's not the whole year around. But she goes, during those months, it's, she goes, it's all encompassing. It's my whole life. And I'm like, what do you do with this milk? And she says, you can't sell it legally. But she says, I know some people and they come by and.

Wow. You know. Okay. Okay. Okay. There's the goat milk black market. She's like a goat milk prostitute. Yeah, going down. She posted them on buybackpage.com.

It's unregulated industry, but she's out here. She's a small business owner. Well, goat work is real work, okay? Yeah, it is, okay? It's labor. Just because it's unregulated and unsafe doesn't mean it's not still respectable goat shaming jesse yeah you're just not goat positive i don't know if she had a companion at the house or if she was a lonesome goat herd i'm mad at myself for laughing at that

this is the plot of that nicholas cage movie pig this is if someone steals this lady's goats um it's going to be a very dramatic and interesting situation not as violent as maybe you would think it was really cool i hugged some goats and they were really sweet and i i um did it cure your ills your troubles yeah i stopped going to therapy and uh taking mood stabilizers yeah cool cool cool yeah go all the time huh i'm all set yeah is that part is that related at all do you not want to give out your phone number to any organization ever like how how much did those two things overlap for you just in terms of mindset worldview i gave my phone number to the goats okay yeah what if they want to protect it they're not gonna fucking

they're not gonna they're not gonna spill the beans and the fucking government comes by you think these goats are gonna spill the beans yeah i don't know i've never actually read the men who stare at goats but i feel like there was some goat bean spilling in that book probably these goats are no robert pattinson they're not gonna spill the beans as in the hit film the lighthouse sure remember when he spilled the beans jordan i think so yeah yeah that's a key thing and then willem dafoe's like why'd you spill the beans oh yeah god that movie fucking rules he also does that in twilight and i hear in batman yeah we hope i mean that's most of the trailer We hope. I mean, that's most of the trailer.

Anyway, I recommend it. Hey, Riddler, you like beans? Hey, Riddler, check out these beans. Why did you spill them, Bats? And then he flips over just a big whirling puzzle box. I'm sorry, I didn't see the beans. Batman has to figure out why exactly he spilled the beans, and it's like a Rube Goldberg machine.

Riddler's great, you know? So glad that guy's coming back around. Have you guys seen the pictures of Riddler from Robert Pattinson in Batman? Real weird. Weird stuff. Real Death Stranding energy on that stuff. Just a real weird situation. They tried to make him look really scary.

And you're like, did you see the old Rdler outfit like that's fucking scary what the fuck is that why is this guy in a fucking green question mark suit you don't have to give him a fucking scarecrow hat and like a weird black suit oh i'm so scary no i'm scared of the guy in the fucking stretchy wool right key lime green shit you don't want to talk to that guy you see that guy is the guy like it gives you that energy of a mascot character when you're a child where you're just like i'm gonna avoid this you know who i avoid maddie anybody with slim good body vibes yep yep that's the fucking vibes on the old riddler slim good body how about fucking matthew what's his name the guy that gets you free money from the government yeah that's the fucking vibes i avoid not i'll talk to a guy with a burlap sack for a head all day before I'll talk to a fucking slim good body, spleens on the

outside. Batman villains are scarier when you can see the outline of their dick. Exactly. Thank you very much, Jordan. This is why I was about to say that, and this is why we share a CVS account. We don't. And I use the box, because you don't know how to

use the box. It's against my will. I use the box. you don't know how to use the box my will i use the box are all the batman villains where you can see the outline of their dick probably bane oh that's a great question well in the joel schumacher batman he put every character dick outlines on all of them sure everybody had several dick outlines extra dick outlines characters who didn't have we're packing we're suddenly packing because joel just sort of built that into costumes, I think. Yeah. Has there ever been an episode of Jordan, Jesse Go, Jordan, where a topic has come up that has more made it so that it was a great tragedy that Glenn Weldon is probably asleep

right now? Oh, yeah. He just sat up in bed. Wake him up. I'm awake. Why isn't this person awake? Everybody should be awake. Let's all be awake. let's all be a batman villains with dick outline tell us how i authored that wikipedia page i've made several corrections since wow to others hog on King Tut. Anyway. Have you seen the Schwantz on Calendar Man, by the way?

No. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Of course, Jordan. Of course. The great hero of Jordan Jesse Goh is the MaxFun member.

Every person who's gone to MaximumFun.org slash join is our local religious leader. That's going to come up later, not now. Hasn't come up yet. Yeah. We taped the ads after we taped the bulk of the show. But the point is that we're grateful to the members of MaximumFun.org. We're also supported this week by the good people at Magic Spoon. Now, I say the good people.

I don't know their moral quality, but I know the quality of their breakfast cereal and it's high. This is a fine cereal, Jordan. And what's remarkable is it's not even made with cereal. I don't know what it's made with. It's delicious. It comes in an attractive box with fun games on the side. Zero grams of sugar, 13 or 14 grams of protein, only four net grams of carbs in each serving of this. It tastes great. And there are lots of great flavors, gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free, low carb. I really like it. But my joint is the peanut butter. We were just discussing what our favorite flavors are before we went on the air. My favorite is the peanut butter. I've said it before. I like that it has

a little bit of saltiness. I like the combination of the sweet and the savory. It's a real winner. Shout out peanut butter. But you can pick your own flavors. Yeah. And just because it's cereal doesn't mean you're eating it in a bowl with milk in the AM. You can do that.

No, you can't. But also, if you get the munchies late at night, you can have some fun with that magic spoon. I've been with that magic spoon. I've been putting some magic spoon on a spoonful of peanut butter. Oh. I've been throwing a handful in with some popcorn. How about this, Jordan? Yeah.

You don't have to eat in a bowl with some milk. Why not eat it off a plate with some orange fucking soda? Do it. This is your cereal. You paid for it. Yeah. Do whatever your sick, twisted little mind wants. We know there's a lot of sick, twisted, rude dudes and dudettes out there.

If you like to bring a little flavor to your flavors, check out Magic Spoon. Eat it the nasty way. That is not their slogan, we should say. We're saying it like it's a slogan. Go to Magic Spoon. Sure they won't like that. Go to magicspoon.com slash JJGO to grab a custom bundle of cereal

and start your new year off right. And be sure to use our promo code JJGO at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product, it's back with 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of cereal

at magicspoon.com slash JJGO and use promo code JJGO to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. Eat it the nasty way. That's another slogan. We're also supported this week by Manscaped. You know, it's a new year, Jordan, and if your New Year's resolution is to keep it tight downtown, well, Manscaped's got you covered or uncovered as it were.

You know what I like to do with my Manscaped? Take it in the shower, shave my balls. Yeah, that's a great thing. The trimmers are waterproof. They are really terrific. I haven't tried it yet with a spoonful of peanut butter. That may also be good i'm just saying uh yeah manscaped they're the global leaders in below the waist grooming this year

take your package to the next level with their performance package 4. Ooh, that sounds ultra premium. Yeah, this is, uh, look, no tool is accident proof when it comes to intimate grooming, but I haven't had any accidents using mine. And that's, that's God's own truth from, from my lips to your ears. That's, that's the, that's what God would tell you if he were shaving his balls in the shower with the manscaped. I have also done the deed with the manscaped in the shower. And by the deed, I mean shaving my balls. It always goes great. Nary a nick or cut.

And the best part is it's kind of fun. Mm-hmm. And the best part is it's kind of fun. And Jordan could have trouble with nicks and cuts because he's got huge balls. This guy's big, pendulous balls. A couple of clankers. He's got some cantaloupes. Clanking around.

You ever shave a cantaloupe? It's going to take you some time. Clank, clank, clank, clonk, clonk. Much less a pair. Jordan's got one of those executive desk toys down there. Yeah, man. Not that, listen, my balls are cumbersome, but shaving them is not. Yeah. With Manscaped.

Hey, get 20% off and free shipping with the code JJGO at Manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free shipping at Manscaped.com and use code JJGO. It's New Year, no pubes in 2022 with Manscaped. That is their actual slogan, believe it or not. We'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan mor, boy, detective. Maddie Myers, intergalactic bounty hunter. It's back, baby. It's back. We're back.

You are in the right chair to be an intergalactic bounty hunter. I'm not going to lie to you. I know. Pew, pew. Collect those bounties. I see. I was in this chair before. The last time I was on the show.

It's just you guys couldn't see me then. And you didn't know. Does it have, does it like, does it have like servos in it or like sensors? Is it like for flight simulating or something? Or like race car simulating? Jesse, you are trying to put logic onto something that is purely a gimmick, purely a marketing device. And I respect you, your attempt, but it is nothing. There's nothing behind the chair.

Since you've gotten the chair, has your gaming improved? I think it's about the same. You know, that's part of why I got it. Cause I love gimmicks like that. Like I tried gamer drugs at one point and I wrote an article about that. Cause I thought gamers are- Gamer drugs? Yeah, there's a Like I tried gamer drugs at one point and I wrote an article about that. So the gamer drugs, yeah,

there's a whole market of gamer drugs, which is like just caffeine and B12 and like a bunch of weird stuff that at the time I was writing about it, Herman Cain was endorsing and like, that's in my coverage. Remember that guy? Nothing bad happened to him, right?

Anyway. So it was like just some weird, weird supplements where it's like you don't really know what this is. So naturally I put him in my body and played some Street Fighter just to see what would happen. And I wrote about that and that was fun. But I just think it's funny. I think it's funny when products claim that they're going to make me a better gamer. I think it's funny when products claim that they're going to make me a better gamer. And I love shortcuts. And I love the idea of just becoming really good at something without needing to try very hard.

And that's never happened to me. That's just that's not an experience that's ever happened to me. I've had to work hard for everything. This isn't a funny ending to this. Maddie, I did the same. I did 100% did the same thing with Game of Thrones I was gonna play

Street Fighter 2 with Jordan he's a lot better at fighting games than I am so I did some Game of Thrones and boy I was flipping out my arms got so long I was like how did my arms so long you were like wow Dhalsim in real life man and then

you just like hit jordan really hard oh i'm dulciming over here bro and like then you didn't have to play him anymore because like you'd already knocked him out irl yeah that's the main thing i remember about street fighter is the guy i mean that guy's cool that guy's in there yeah definitely seemed at the time definitely seemed like the coolest guy. Depends on the Street Fighter, you know? Jesse loves a zoning character. Sure. Yeah, spacing.

It's all about spacing. God, I love that. Commercial, industrial, residential. Residential 2. Yep. Yep. Love zoning. Dhalsim definitely knows where you can build an above-ground pool.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. dulcim definitely knows where you can build an above ground pool yeah oh yeah dulcim can i can i have an adu there dulcim is a zoning character right am i right about that yeah that's correct i mean really any character that controls space is could be described as that yeah sure which i guess you could say is all but like ken and ryu like they're the shoto characters and guile's a charge character block is a charge character yeah shining charizard yeah that's another one that's fire type right yeah um maddie have you ever had the experience this is something we've been doing on the show recently uh and i know you're the listener to the show um i am maddie you're saying that like it's a bit but i am good go on thank you for buying so many manscaped trimmers you know it sounds fun every time you guys talk about using it in the shower i'm like that probably is pretty fun water resistant it's amazing it is fun i am a

natural blonde and i don't shave anymore and i haven't for years but hey sounds fun sounds fun yeah is that just in case someone calls you out is that what you're saying no it's well yeah if somebody calls me out they're like are you really dating a woman yeah and that will be a call out that i faced immediately after the show um no i just mean it's kind of funny like you could say that it's some sort of feminist statement that i don't shave anymore i just add in the natural blonde part as sort of a self-owned like no one notices no one gives a shit like no one can tell that i stopped shaving nothing has changed visibly but i know that and i'm saving so much on man's games

just just piles and piles of money. They're pretty affordable and they're a lot of fun. I got an offer code for you, Maddie. I'll check it out. M-B-M-B-A-M. No, no. No, no. Uh-oh.

So something we've been talking about on the show, as you know, Maddie, is experiences with being inappropriately exposed to media, whether it's at a work conference or when you're too young or whatever. We learned about porno drive-ins. Sure. extant porno drive-in in new jersey which like i thought about it and i realized it's better than an irregular enclosed i mean especially in pandemic times but uh it's better than a regular enclosed porno theater like it does make on the one it seemed feels like being on nature, so to speak, would be a weird context for onanism. But actually, it does make sense because you're inside your car

and you're invisible from the waist down, et cetera. So I can see it, but it does run into the question of why add a theater in 2022? For fun, you know, leaving the house, you know? Yeah. You seen it out there? fun you know leaving the house you know yeah you've seen it out there you know house and they you know they still make fucking typewriters yeah and those are coming back i was just reading about that the other day typewriters are back in because you know what the fuck else you gonna do with your time i've heard that in then in a lot of apartment buildings

in brooklyn they get those inflatable screens and they just show pornos on the roof. Cool. And have a cookout. Really cool. Maddie, have you ever had that experience of an inappropriate media? Never been to a porno theater. I, you know, I came up with an example. I was kind of sad that I didn't have more.

My parents did not allow me to watch television ever. So that pretty much explains everything you need to know about me and like why I'm like this. Were you allowed to play video games? I know I've just thrown a grenade into the chat here with like now everything's about that and we have to talk about that, but we don't have to talk about that.

Did you start video gaming as an adult? I was allowed to play video games. And it does. You were allowed to play video games and Video gaming as an adult? I was allowed to play video games. And it does. You were allowed to play video games and see plays. Yes, literally, yes. And be in plays, which I was, plenty of. So really, my parents were like, how do we guarantee she's a nerd? And that's what they went with.

And I was also scared of movie theaters for a weirdly long time. Just thought they were too loud. Try to guess what my diagnoses are. Anyway, so a friend of mine had his dad had a copy of Doom and we weren't allowed to play it. But there was a period of time when he was gone. I want to say fourth grade, third grade. We were too young to be playing Doom and we played it anyway. And I remember we were both really scared because you fight demons and we were like under 10.

But we thought it was so cool that we weren't allowed to play it and that it was an adult game. It was like a cool dad game. And in retrospect, I'm like, it's not that cool of a dad game. What was that guy doing? Yeah, his dad was a fucking international. What a loser. And now I hate games because of that no not really i'm just kind of like maybe that was fine like i don't know i remember being really scared of it at like age eight or whatever but maybe maybe it was actually the right time to

play doom what do you guys think is the right age to play Doom? I think that's fine. I played Doom at that time on my mom's 386. Perfect. My experience like that, and I've definitely mentioned this on Jordan Jesse Gold, but I think it's been years, was in middle school in the early 1990s, I played a surprisingly large amount of a shareware game or possibly freeware game called Pong Combat that was Pong with fatalities. What? Like from Mortal Kombat? So was there blood? It was Pong. You just did the thing. But there was fatalities. There was a lot. You would remove the spine from the ping pong ball of your opponent. It had a spine? Yes.

It had a heart? Like all the skeletons falling onto the screen. All of that was still there, weirdly. Huh. Yeah. That was in Pong Combat. Real game. Somebody's going to go find it on one of those abandonware websites.

That sounds great. Now and share it. Somebody found the trucking simulator that I played as an even younger kid. When I was like six or seven, I was playing a trucking simulator on a CGA monitor. We just decided what speed to go. And the game told you whether Smokey was on your tail. Anyway, Brian, I think we got some calls on this subject, the subject being Pong Combat. Why don't you play one?

Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and probable guests. This is Hyacinth from Chicago. My pronouns are they, them. And listening to this week's show, I thought of some media that was inappropriate in my life. And listening to this week's show, I thought of some media that was inappropriate in my life. One in particular, Catholic family growing up, you know, violence in movies, chill, sex, whoa, cover your eyes. And I do remember, like, in my early teens, we would watch, we being me and my parents, we would watch Insomniac together. And that seems strange. But the other thing, the thing i really wanted to speak to was in middle

school um the worst years i was uh really i discovered the chat room on the garfield website and people were super horny there um so me and this friend of mine kind of i really think he stole my best pokemon card we haven't i have no idea what he's up to. Um, we would just, you could private chat within the chat rooms. Um, like the yellow bar that would show that I remember it so vividly. Um, and just try to think of like the sickest shit we could think of to text

message people. And wow. Like, yeah, just classically like, you know, weird ass times. Um, anyways, love the show don't love Garfield

anymore actually really have a good one reveal that's kind of a twist ending fuck Hyacinth fuck I love this why are we taking more calls on our show Brian not today ever you hate monday

how much do you fucking hate month how much do you hate those fucking oh yeah john drink that dog cum like you did that one time in an actual garfield strip oh normal androgynous not necessarily the pronouns you'd expect from normal right that's why normal's a queer icon to this day love to send you to abu dhabi oh my god abu dhabi's in my pants actually yeah it's in my pants whiz gee yeah there is no i mean yeah this sounds like this was like just very early and there is nowhere on the internet that that doesn't that you cannot be horny i have had some fun occasionally on twitter spaces you know twitter spaces i do it's like it's like a it's there where on twitter you have voice conversations with groups of people and um it's a clone of a thing that uh a lot of silicon valley people like to use uh and i find myself wondering,

look, I invented a talk show where I just have people talk about their jobs and some people have interesting jobs. They find out somebody's the curator of the Charles Schultz Museum, find out the worst shit Charles Schultz ever did, whatever, right? That's pretty fun, but I don't understand how it could be a business

now i think the next shit that we should get vc funding for is fucking web 3.0 chat rooms let's just fucking monetize chat rooms baby it will just start a slash s slash l bring that back and get fucking rich as bring back no profile pics no video capability yes no reason to be there nobody has a digital camera anymore can we go back to that somehow as well but also everybody still really wants to talk to a bunch of strangers and freak them out a little bit from time to time yeah just really bring some now more than ever right yeah yeah yeah man a garfield chat room i i can't believe i didn't know about this as a kid i was on some some chat rooms but i i wasn't looking for themed chat rooms i i used to go to the cool.com chat room when i was first discovering the internet sounds pretty cool i found that at

age 10 i was like what's a cool website i could go to crack knuckles time to hack into the net i've got my 56k modem courtesy of my father's job i'm gonna check out cool.com and there was a chat room there and everybody on there was probably also 10 and we all acted like we weren't it was great great time should have gone to garfield you guys like smoking cigarettes oh i smoke them all up are you guys all definitely 18 years old yeah me too same sorry sorry i couldn't hear you i was cracking a beer i use crack cocaine uh but the garfield chat where people just getting into garfield lore like talking about od's owner disappearing and just like debating lasagna recipes and so forth

like i just man that must have been good that's what the days i think probably what happens is it just real quick gets into heavy shit like somebody just somebody posts my mom died this week and it's fucking on somebody else just says you have to give yourself permission to feel your feelings yeah there's no wrong feeling today you can't yeah exactly you can't blame monday that's true somebody was like it's not the day somebody just posts like it's just a construct you know man shit shit can happen on any day of the week when my mom died i felt happy and i've been dealing with that shit ever since. Yeah. Real. Wow. And then somebody new comes in and is like, what gender is normal?

Did John really drink dog cum? I have an actual Garfield. Play another call, Brian. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm calling about the topic of inappropriate media that we got as children. I hope this counts. When I was about 14 or 15 years old, I grew up in a very religious house and we were not allowed to look at pornography. Isn't that weird? Well, I did. I know. Yeah, I mean. house and we were not allowed to look at pornography is that weird well i guess yeah i mean i'm sorry but i didn't grow up richard dawkins's kids can look at pornography in the house i'm sorry i'm

sorry to drag this caller but that's not weird kids here's the thing here's the thing i think the most culturally very religious household element of this call is not that this person was not allowed to look at pornography in the house but that this person believes that those who were not raised in very religious households. Just look at pornography willy-nilly at home. Alright, kids. No gods, no masters. What do we want tonight? Playboy? Playgirl? Those are the only two magazines of my childhood

that I remember. Stepmom Evening Stroke. Let's go. Whatever, man. You just fucking go into the ground. You might as well. I'm a Unitarian Universalist. Have you guys ever seen Anal? This is sex ed to me.

Benjamin Franklin and me were into watching Anal, right? It's Unitarian Universalists. Go ahead, Brian. right unitarian universalists go ahead brian well i guess my dad had got caught looking at pornography a few times and that had become a big problem and so after talking to the local religious leader the decision that my mom and dad came up with to help my dad not look at pornography was for my mom to go take some photos of herself that my dad could then use for his self-graphication. And so my mom went and got some photos professionally done and then made the mistake of leaving those photos on our home computer which then later me and my sister found and was extremely disturbing uh yeah so that was

not great and it's one of those things that i don't ever think I'll get out of my brain. But hope you guys enjoy. Love you all. Bye. Love you too. To me, the most remarkable part about this call, and I'm leaving aside the question of in my house, you weren't allowed to look at pornography. Including this person's father, of course, which is the crux of the story. Right. Yeah.

Is that upon this happening, they went to their local religious leader? What does that mean? Who suggested, take some fucking nasty snaps. Yeah, but keep it in the marriage bed, you know? Yeah. I got a guy. Living Zoroastrian and they don't want to get into it? It's like, look,

there's a prophet named Zoroaster. It's the world's oldest religion. And there's an eternal flame. Well, they don't want it to be identifiable because they're still so embarrassed that they saw these sexy snaps of their mom before their dad that they just can't bear that anyone could know it was them.

Can I just say, I hope they're not embarrassed to be Zorro Astrid. All faiths, all faiths have a place on Jordan and Jessie Go. As long as you do not look at pornography within the confines of the home. Unless it's of someone you're married to. And then it's just someone you're married to and then it's right that's funny like what honey what are you doing in there uh nothing and then he's like jacking off to a picture of his wife but also it's like his wife asking and she's like uh we could fuck and he's like you're not jacking off to my photos again are you oh honey save your seed for me i don't know i maybe i'm

broken but i think this is kind of cute i get why the caller is embarrassed and scarred by this it's embarrassing to think about your parents fucking tale as old as time blah blah blah but it's kind of as far as a deeply religious family goes it's kind of cute you know it is cute i i was watching something i don't i don't remember what it was uh with my wife the other day and um it was some pornography of her sure that's the only thing that's allowed yeah um i was watching something with with my wife the other day and somebody said in the show somebody said they can't imagine their parents fucking um i've got a very colorful imagination honestly yeah i would say like my parents divorced when i was three and through their entire lives or at least through my father's

entire life my mother is still alive uh just genuinely hated each other uh like just just viscerally hated each other were in court until i was a teenager like just really intensely negative relationship like literally the only thing i can imagine them doing together is fucking like i 100 i can see them having fucked like i know that i'm here and like i could see how there would be chemistry there. You know what I mean? But you can't picture them at like their first date. I can't. You know, like the things that led to them getting married. Not even having a nice lunch while they're both on break from work.

When my dad died, my mom gave me some pictures of the two of them on vacation in the Southwest and a turquoise bracelet that uh he had bought for her that's nice um and a love poem that my dad wrote for my mom wow and it fucking broke my brain that they ever liked each other like that was that was like disgusting and horrifying. You were like, oh, mom. Don't show me the bracelet. Mom, that's sick. Cute. Daddy was only into that one big butts magazine I found in his bedside table one time. That was upsetting i hope that all the young people out there who are thinking about looking at pornography will remember that it's important to look at generalized pornography first if we're

gonna look at pornography look at just medium pornography do not start with specialty pornography so like no weird turquoise bracelet stuff. Like nothing really disturbing. No, nothing with my parents getting along. Yeah, because that is what's really fucked up. And they have anything on the internet. Just go to your pornography website

of choice and type in nude, love, and kiss. Watch that. see what of that does it for you wait which one of those three it can be only one one of those three words to type in

I'm nude but celibate and I'll never know love that's okay that's a good place to start that's medium pornography. Just hanging out. You know, hanging out. I'm very much in love.

And we rub with our clothes on. We just smash slacks. Oh, your dockers feel great. Smash slacks. Oh, just righters feel great. Smash slacks. Oh, just right for the office. Your pleats are so deep. So ironed. So crisp.

Oh, your crisp pleats. Oh, I'm going to pleat. Oh, shit. Oh, bro. I'm going gonna pleat wait these two lovers are also bros yes that's not what's weird it's weird that they both have pleated pants on bros complete bros complete 206-984-4FUN is our telephone number or just send a voice memo to jjgoe at maximumfun.org uh you can tell us an inappropriate media story you can tell us a moment of shame having any good moment of shame in a little bit give us some call us with a moment

of shame 206-984-4FUN or jjgoumFun.org or, of course, a momentous occasion. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Go. I'm John Moe. My show, Depresh Mode, is all about mental health. And this week, I talk with Amanda Knox. She spent four years in an Italian prison for a murder she didn't commit. That's a lot of trauma. and she's okay talking about it. If I touch on something that you'd rather not get into, just say so. We'll cut the whole exchange out, but it also seems like you're pretty open about

a lot of things. Yeah, yeah. I am having trouble imagining anything that you could talk to me about. I know. What are we going to throw Amanda Knox with? I'm having trouble imagining anything that you could talk to me about. I know. What are we going to throw Amanda Knox with? Depressed Mode with Jon Moe. Only on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Maddie Myers, intergalactic bounty hunter. A lot of people, Maddie, have heard a lot about podcasts and they love video games, but they're not sure if there are any video game podcasts. I know. What would you say to them? I would say to them, first of all, don't Google it because there's like a lot of weird stuff out there and you might run into like a Garfield chat or like something you don't want to get

into. I would say... Google stepmother evening stroke google nude love kiss and then when you're done with all that um check out triple click i don't know i you know i feel like triple click is a good what's great about it is it's an hour long and that there's a lot of video game content on the internet that's like 8 to 12 hours long. You know what I mean? Talking about these Let's Plays, just hours and hours.

We're talking about parasocial relationships that you're forming with somebody over just decades of your life and theirs. That's cool. But why not form a parasocial relationship with like three people who like video games and they're only going to take up an hour of your life every week? And also maybe say something smart every now and then i don't know uh you should know that i made a six hour long uh direct-to-camera video essay about your hour a week so thank you i will be checking that out actually you know i say that but i i totally will watch a six hour long like analysis of the politics of fallout new vegas or whatever like i will totally watch that i love that stuff well the the politics of fallout are fucking weird and gross i had a hard time i had a hard time even like i love i like as any listener to this show knows

like the video the one video game that i have ever like truly dedicated to my life to other than baseball mobile at the same time it's skyrim we're all it's skyrim only i said and fallout is the same as skyrim like it's literally the exact same game but it is made by the same it's bethesda go on but like everything is the same like you you just you gather it's just the same different names. It's different names on the same things. Like you have robot powers instead of magic powers, but like it's everything else is the same. And like I truly, I did play the entire Fallout game that I bought, but like it was so toxic that I felt like quitting the entire time.

It's rough. Skyrim's kind the entire time. It's rough. Skyrim is kind of fun though. It's really fun. Because you can just kind of click on some herbs and like maybe you join up with some type of weird street gang, but you don't have to. You can just be an herb collecting dude. There was also a lot of the thing that I object to most in video games. A lot of people think I'm going to say violence or short

attention spans. But that's what you love. Yeah, you hate sex, right? No, I hate satire. I hate satire in video games. Is that true? Because there's actually some specific games I could tell you to steer clear from. Do not check out Hotline Miami. Don't check it out. Don't want

satire. Jesse, don't buy it out. Don't want satire. Jesse, don't buy any downloadable game that costs $14. Got it. If you don't want satire or a metaphor for depression. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything that zooms out a little bit and is like, you're playing a video game. Yeah. Like that's what you want to, as soon as a game does that, you want to shut it down and uninstall it and then just head back into Skyrim.

I, you know, I have to say that in my opinion, that's what you'll get on triple advice, not to check out games to challenge you and to just keep, maybe you were the bad guy the whole time. And we don't want that. We don't want to hear that.

I guess that's triple a games now too they're also the game made me yeah i can't win dumbass like hello how am i supposed to get to the end like pretty fucked up you wanted to kill that guy i hate to be challenged pretty fucked up you know what you know what i love in a video game like my number one favorite thing let me know if i can find this it's like where you make a lot of kind of thorny moral choices along the way and it like you kind of learn whether you as a character you can kind of try on what it would be like to kind of be the bad guy uh or be the good guy like you could be a goody two-shoes and in the end you learn that pretty much the same thing happens.

Like at the end, it's pretty much the same. You just had slightly different powers in the middle. Yeah. Like it all ends about the same. I would, I would say if you want that experience, I'd probably go Mario.

But yeah, I mean, your mileage may vary on that. I usually play Mario evil style, but like you do whatever you want. I pick like the bitchy dialogue prompts. Like fuck Princess Peach. Yeah. That bitch keeps holding out on me.

Suck it, turtle. Yep. Yeah. But that's me. That's me. Like you can really play it any which way but like no matter what you do i always just choose suck it turtle yeah doesn't even when i'm jumping on one of those little mushroom guys i say suck it turtle but you're talking to the entourage character

yeah cool um anyway uh all that stuff aside triple click really is a wonderful podcast it's a podcast i enjoy despite being only a medium video game guy um uh it's one of the great video game podcasts out there you should listen to it i'm not just saying that because i have a business association with it not Not insignificantly for that reason, but not exclusively. I mean, I'm shocked Jesse listens to the show. I didn't know this. Yeah. Listens have listened.

Oh, I mean, I would say maybe Jesse feels a little guilty because he knows I've listened to his show, this show since 2012. And I learned everything I know about podcasting from him, listening to him. And so maybe in his heart of hearts, he's like, I should probably check out her show, make sure she's not making me look bad. 2012 and i learned everything i know about podcasting from him listening to him and so maybe in his heart of hearts he's like i should probably check out her show make sure she's not making me look bad yeah and i'm glad to hear i'm not i only listen to jackie i'm not just it's only

jackie and laurie rule so hard oh my god they're so cool you tell you i'm a bam bam those guys those guys i wish i was as cool as time to time. Fucking Jackie and Lori. They're so cool going swimming. Oh, my God. Jordan, you go swimming. You're really cool, too. Thanks, man. I'm Lori Kilmartin's at the same pool that I go to.

That's why you haven't switched to the Rose Bowl Aquatic Center. Yeah. Got to switch to the Rose Bowl Aquatic Center, Jordan. No. Fuck you. I'm verdugo till i die i gave him your number that'll give you i like to get a bagel at western bagel afterwards and people can call you at one number it's 94949 and that's the cvs. That's where we all get it from. Yeah, Brian, do bleep out the first thing. You can leave in the 949.

Bleep out the, okay. Maddie, it's been a delight to have you on the program. Thank you for joining us. Everyone should go listen to Triple Click. It's a great show. Whether you're a video game fanatic with your own special chair, or whether you're a filthy casual who just plays

farmville on facebook uh sure i mean honestly if you're still playing farmville i do want to talk to you like how is that going do they still have games on facebook can you still play farmville or like gang war on facebook we talked about farmville on the show last week because zynga was recently purchased jc why did you open up this whole thing out of worms i just want to know because facebook hasn't suggested that i play farmville in a long time but i'm not sure it's because this allegedly jason told me they launched a new farmville last november on the show he talked about this they launched it nobody's playing it but like zing is valuable because they sell all these other games is that but hey you say they launch it is it on facebook or do you download it from the app store or

whatever i think it's probably on the app store i see i don't know if people are out there playing can you leave the show and get a filthy casual on here for me? Because. You will just have to do that. Brian, where do you play Farmville? You're a filthy casual. Bring Brian in. We need to engage Maddie about the topics that really matter, which is. Farmville.

I was going to say the nude bosses from Dark Souls. Oh, shit. Yeah. Wait, why didn't we get into that? There's a lot. Maddie, you come on next week so we can talk about the rack on Chaos Witch Quilag. We will talk about Quilag's titties and like what's going on there. The hair just perfectly over the nipples.

Maddie, can I ask you? But Brian Farmville, what's going on? Can I ask you an important question question he's shaking his head as the whole as as the co-host of the triple click podcast what games do you recommend i play on my ti 81 well they do make a legend of zelda for that and by they i mean fans fans making a an off brand serial number sanded off version of, I believe it's Link's Awakening. I watched an entire Legend of Zelda fan movie. Cool. How'd that go?

It was brutal. Boy, was it rough. I can't imagine doing that. Oh my gosh. I don't know why my child wanted to do that. She's never even played Legend of Zelda. I think it had nudity too. Well, now she's ready, I guess.

I think maybe it had nudity. Because, I mean, the actual games are probably a lot more fun than what you did. I was into it. Jordan gave me his Nintendo Wii. I played an entire Zelda. I beat Gargamel or whatever his name is. Ganondorf, yeah, totally. I beat that dude when he was fucking flying around shooting shit out of himself and shit.

And I had super good arrows homie oh yeah fucking diamond arrows or whatever i would tell you i would tell you to get breath of the wild for you and your young that's the one i did it's a good game yeah no actually you're right we talked about that last time that's why i thought how you beat every single last piece of breath of the wild you beat all the monsters so you're already done you're already done triple click is the name of the podcast. You beat all the monsters. So you're already done. You're already done. Triple Click is the name of the podcast. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez is our producer.

Valerie Moffitt on the live stream at facebook.com slash JordanJesseGo. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them. We're on social media on Twitter. I'm at Jesse Thorne.

Jordan is at Jordan underscore Morris. And Maddie is at Middie Myers. M-I-D-I. Like the way that you use your Amiga to make music. Yeah. Musical instrument, digital interface. She loves,

she loves a good patch. Give her a good patch and she's happy. Love that. She's happy. She's like a pig in shit. Love downloading samples. Give her a good patch to trigger. That's all I know. We're on Instagram too. I'm at put.this.on. Jordan, you're at Jordan D. Morris or at Jordan? Jordan David Morris. Jordan David Morris. I gotta write this shit down because I forget which one it is and I get locked

up every single week. I think people enjoy it. I think people enjoy the... I don't think they enjoy any of this bullshit. Well, it's like an extra reminder. It's like, oh, they love it! They love it! They love the Manscaped ads. They're just looking for a promo code.

You had to explain to your partner why you were staying up late. I decided to start shaving. Oh my goodness. Help. Nothing but regret. I apologize if you don't have a romance tomorrow. It's 1.07 a.m. We'll talk to you next time on jordan jesse go

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