Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 725: Bad Bath-Maroom with J. Keith van Straaten

Episode Date: February 13, 2022

J. Keith van Straaten (Go Fact Yourself Pod) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of J. Keith's incredible Bad Badtz-Maru collection,  Jesse's collection of unique things including the prestigious award his father won and broke, and the incredible charm of deep cut Hanna-Barbera character design. Plus, Jesse reads some Burt Reynolds letters! Check out GoFactYourPod.com to watch the 100th episode of Go Fact Yourself with DJ Jazzy Jeff and Faith Salie!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. Oh, it's Jordan Jessigo. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. How you doing, buddy? You know what? I'm doing great. It was a beautiful day today. It was 87 degrees today here in Los Angeles. Beautiful day today.

It was 87 degrees today here in Los Angeles. And it was one of those days when I had to leave the house with a jacket on. By the time I got back to the house, jacket free. Rolled into my Christopher Walken interview in just a casual sports shirt. Did you do your famous impression that only you do of him? Did my Jack Nicholson? Yeah, where you push your famous impression that only you do of him? Jack Nicholson? Did my Jack Nicholson? Yeah, where you push your hairline back. Here's Johnny.

Oh, that's it. That's the one. That's the one. Get in the chopper. Yeah. Your impression where, as Jack Nicholson, you say Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes a little bit wrong. I'll be back soon. There, that's the one. I'm a twin.

I'm sorry you never made it onto SNL, Jesse. I know you had a couple auditions. Lauren was interested. I figured if James Adomian couldn't get on SNL, I could, you know, because I'm better than him at everything. Sure. Yeah. I mean, I think as those impressions clearly prove. I'm definitely a better impressionist than genius impressionist James Otome. I'm not better than him. He's way better than me. Yeah, it was a beautiful day. Did you get to do a beautiful day activity? No, you know, I just like, you know, I had to, it was, it was, it was a work day, but I had a little

break where I could go to the supermarket, get a little shopping done. And I just got a great value priced lunch there at the, you know, sandwich counter at the supermarket. Had a great, got a roast beef, bag of chips, bottle of water, $5.99. That's a great value. I mean, and it was great. Nice hard roll. Can I tell you what?

Yes. It was a great, it's a beautiful day out today. You could do a lot worse than a sandwich from the supermarket. Sandwich from the supermarket's great. You have a decent supermarket. That sandwich is going to be pretty good. Yeah. Why are people going to Subway and Cuisinass

when they could be going just straight to the supermarket? Yeah. Did I ever tell you about that Cuisinass? Is that a Star Wars planet? One time- We had to fight Cad Bane on Cuisinass. When we're driving from Los Angeles to San Francisco or vice versa,

we'll often stop in a town on the 5 freeway called Kettleman City because it has an In-N-Out burger in it. It's like the most medium distance In-N-Out burger. And my wife and I were driving between those two places with my mother-in-law and we stopped at the In-N-Out burger. And my mother-in-law got a really worried look on her face and she said she was going to eat something healthy. She said, I'll be across the street at And we stopped at the In-N-Out Burger. And my mother-in-law got a really worried look on her face. And she said she was going to eat something healthy. She said, I'll be across the street at the Cuisinass.

And that's how she pronounced it? Yeah, that's what she said. Nice. My southern relatives would come visit us and say that we should get chicken from El Polo Loco. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, relatives are fun. Yeah, they say stuff a little bit wrong. Yeah.

Our guest on the program this week is the ever-capable host of the Go Fact Yourself podcast, the man probably best known for the interview I did with him for XM radio in 2003, Jake Heath Van Straten. Hi Jake Heath. Hey Jesse. Hey Jordan. How's it going? Good. Do you do any, do you do any impressions? Uh, I can do, uh, no. You guys want to call, you guys want to call the podcast early today? Yeah. Apparently I don't do improv either.

What about the, what about this one early today? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently, I don't do improv either. What about this one? This one is Jack Nicholson. Okay. Hey, Adrian, I'm Rocky. Wow. You're branching out from Schwarzenegger quotes a little bit wrong into Sly Stallone quotes a little bit wrong. That's great.

I won't tell you what happens. It's a cliffhanger. Cliffhanger. Let's thumb wrestle Alright You see I'm pulling back my hair Oh yeah The zoom froze a little bit So I didn't see you pulling back your hair

Now I like it It's good now Your hair went over the top. Thanks. There you go. Thanks, Jay Keith. Jay Keith. Hello.

Thanks for giving us the update on what's going on in the neighborhood council there. You're an elected leader here in the great city of Los Angeles. What's the neighborhood council that you're on at this time? I'm on the Mid-City West Neighborhood Council at this time. Like, yeah, I go from council to council. And my goal is to be on each of the 99 neighborhood councils in the city of Los Angeles. Like a Carradine type situation, just traveling from council to council, solving injustices. Yes.

And then you rent an apartment in Culver City so you don't live there, but you can establish residence. Exactly. Got to be a stakeholder. Got to be a stakeholder. Got to be a stakeholder. Would you say that you really paved the way for our colleague, Sydney McElroy, to run for the West Virginia legislature? I just read that she's doing that. That's fantastic. Pioneer, trailblazer, coincidence. I mean, what do these titles or terms really mean? Jay Keith, what's the biggest grant you've ever approved on that neighborhood council? So I am less than a year into my term.

And I don't believe – I'm trying to think the biggest thing that we've done. for our outreach committee on which I serve to purchase bus bench and bus shelter ads because the city has a program where you can run them for free, but you have to pay for the printing, and you have to go to their city printing place to get them done. But it pays for itself. You get that kind of exposure, and you get that kind of engagement with the community of people looking at your bus bench and your shelter, you know, it's worth it.

You know why people continue to advertise on bus benches and shelters? Why is that, Keith? Because it works. Yeah. He's right. Yeah. That's why you see the same ads over and over. Jake, I got to vote for you just before I left.

Oh, thank you so much. Yeah. I appreciate that. You chose not to. Yeah. I chose not to. Yeah. I opted not to. I wrote in these nuts. How is,

what is it like serving, serving with councilman nuts? You know, we have, we have a cordial relationship. We're, we're collegial. We're colleagues and we have a collegial relationship.

A lot of people say to, uh Nuts, who do you represent? He says, represent who? My nuts. Jay Keith, known as Cool Keith, by the way. Right. We're doing Cool Keith material. Jay Keith, I have noticed in the time we've been talking, we did a little bit of like chatting, you know, before the show started. And we've,

you know, we've done a little bit of chatting now I've noticed more than one piece of bad, bad bots, Maru merchandise. Thank God. This is finally, I've been telling,

sorry, it's the, it's the cranky penguin in the room. I've been telling Jay Keith to save this bad, bad bots, Maru talk for the next time he's on Jordan Jesse Go for about four years now. Oh, at least. At least.

I don't think I've been on this show at least eight years, by the way. Jay Keith, let's talk. We're not bitter. We're on an eight-year cycle. First of all. The double Olympiad. The first year of your term. The double Olympiad.

In the first year of your term. J. Keith, first of all, for people who don't know, or maybe they're only familiar with some of the better Bats Marus, who is Bad Bad Bats Maru? Bad Bad Bats Maru is a penguin character. He is in the Hello Kitty Sanrio family. And for reasons I cannot explain, I have been collecting him for over 20 years. Wow. It actually started when I was visiting San Francisco, your hometown, where I was walking with a friend of mine

and she picked up a pen. I was like, oh, that's a cute little character. I'll get a pen. And then it just ballooned as too tame a term. It exploded into everything. And I actually have had to limit myself for the last several years to only things that are functional. Cause if I get things, if I get things that are, and functional, very loose definition of the term.

We're talking about condoms. We're talking about dental. All sex toys. Yes. Yes. By functional. Yes. Or, or functional as they might say. Hey, you're bad yeah he is bad uh but yeah so and and i've tried to confine it to just the bathroom uh in my home or the bad bathroom room if you will um i will not i will not well fuck it yeah i'm retracting my vote. Oh, no, I've been recalled. Yeah. Oh, another vote for Seymour Butts. And when my girlfriend, who is now my fiancée, when she moved in, we did a lot of redecorating. And so the bathroom, the Batamaru bathroom has now become the Batamaru shelf in the bathroom way up high over the door. But there's still a lot

of leakage throughout the home. So I'm just, I'm sitting at my desk here. I've got the mug, as you probably noticed. I've got that other mug behind me. This is a pencil sharpener. When you turn the pencil, little Batsamaru does a little springy dance right there. I've got two different pen cups. I've got a hundred different pencils and pens. The point is, I need help. Is there a crown jewel in your collection? Excellent question. Thank you. You're welcome, Jordan.

Yeah. That's a very good question. I would say some of my favorites are, well, when I used to wear wristwatches, there were some Rathmere wristwatches that I really enjoyed and were hard to get. And actually there's a ceramic mug that I'm very proud of that I probably should not be using because based on the eBay prices, it's porcelain and it's very delicate. But also the eBay prices keep rising for the replacement cost.

I have it appraised for the insurance replacement value. Right. I do not. I have it appraised for the insurance replacement value. Right. I do not. But for those who collect, that might be my favorite one. There's a mug that has a little dish that you can either use as a cover or you can use as a little dish for your teabag afterwards.

And I believe everyone has fallen asleep. No, I'm just transfixed. I'm getting too horny. I'm getting so.ny. I'm getting so... Anybody got any condoms? Some bad, bad condoms? I don't think there's been any naughty Batamaru stuff. There is a notorious Hello Kitty massager

that I did pick up when I was in Japan. But as far as I know, there is not any licensed Batamaru sex merchandise. But if you're imaginative enough, anything can be. Yeah, if you go deep enough into Etsy. I'd fuck a little. Oh, for sure.

If it's got a little lid for my teabag. Jay Keith. Yes, sir. What does this porcelain bad, bad Batsamaru mug go for on the electronic bay right now? Last time I looked, it was in the hundreds of dollars.

It was multiple hundreds? It was multiple hundreds. It was multiple hundreds. This particular one. Yes. Yeah. It's, you know, because a lot of them, you know, when you get it, when you get into the nitty gritty of it, there's there ones that are Japan only or the ones that were only available.

You know, like it's all supply and demand, fellas. It's all it's all Keensy and Exonomics. It's all supply and demand, fellas. It's all Keynesian economics. I'm a bad, bad supply-sider. Jay Keith, when you say that when your fiancé moved in, you did some redecorating in the bad, bad Bats room. Yeah.

Was that just because your fiancé had to move in her pom-pom purine materials? How dare you? She's a choco-cat woman. She's all carope all the time. Carope. Yeah, how did she... Now, at what point in your dating, because obviously she agreed to marry you. Yes. At what point in your dating did you say hey there's something you need to know

i collect functional penguin items uh it was pretty early on it is it is i i've learned my lesson that it is not first time uh going out material yeah um first time you open with tuxedo sam yeah that's right i've got a a graphic guide to Sanrio characters open in Google. I'm ready to talk about Spotty Dottie. These aren't organic pulls, Jesse? I had Karopi. What about the integrity of the show? You have to be off the dome.

Look, Jordan, the reality of it is it's worth it if I can just one time bring up Chi Chai Man Chan. Now, I probably do have some of those character things because, you know, a lot of times you want to only get the Batsumaru item, but it comes in a pack with all these other losers. Yeah, you end up with a pink no-ko-ri-su. Yes. One of my favorite moments, it combined two of my loves, which is travel and Batamaru. There is an airline, EVA, that is out of Taiwan that has one airplane that they decorate in Batamaru livery, both outside and inside. And it was my dream to fly on this plane and to collect every item that I could. So those actually are some of my favorite items also.

Did it happen? Did you fly on a plane? Yes, yes. I was able to do it, yeah. Where did you go to and from? I went from Taipei to Fukuoka, Japan. So it does not fly out of the bank. It does not.

No, no, no. I had to get there. The Hello Kitty one. God, you're doing LAX for this? God, fuck your dreams. Dude, man. Fucking bummer. I mean, at least Long Beach, right?

It's a longer drive. Ontario's out of the question. Save a nice little time on parking. They do have a couple Hello Kitty jets that actually will go to Chicago and I think maybe go to LA. I haven't checked the routes lately. But they had the one Batamaru plane that went between Taipei and Fukuoka. So I went Taipei to Fukuoka in economy and then i went uh back in first and let me tell you the different items that you can get in first now i get it wow

i never understood the appeal of first class i don't mean the massager and if you're tasteful with the blanket you can use it yeah they give you a little video of pippo fucking peckle oh if you ask if you have to ask for the warm nuts that's code it's airplane code your pippo fucking peckle do you know anything about the like like is there is there lore do you like is like does he have... Okay. In shows? Do you know anything about the character? Is it just pure design? I do not agree with the character.

Okay. I do know about it. He has a latter third. Profoundly homophobic. Yes. Okay. Where were you on January 6th, the bad, bad box Maru?

I just wanted to meet Jay Johnston. Huge Mr. Show fan. There are tiny little bios that appear, for instance, in an anniversary coloring book of different characters. And when I used to go on their website, a little bio of Batsamaru that would explain that I don't recall, but either that he is four or six years old. He lives in Gorgeous Town. And he has a girlfriend named Hanamaru, who, as far as I can tell from the merchandise that has both of them, is a seal, is a white fur seal. He also has a friend who is a panda and another friend who's an alligator. Frankly, I don't care about any of that

and I feel very uncomfortable getting excited to bring home a six-year-old from Gorgeous Town. You're jealous of the seal, J. Keith. Well, for a long time I was. You're in the box with his girlfriend. Now you're engaged. You're talking about, now you're engaged you're talking about now you like so you've alluded to the fact that like you know you got together with your girlfriend and

she became your fiancee and you know you're like your life is changing a lot and you're making you know you're welcoming someone else into your life and it does sound like you know the collection is kind of changing and evolving or devolving maybe. And I don't want to pry too, too much, but was this like a sit-down talk compromise that you had to have? Like the bathroom will now become the shelf, will now become the shoebox under the bed?

Like was it? Oh no, I hope it's not coming to that. There was a discussion and as in any healthy relationship, there is give and take. And, you know, I am happy with the settlement that we reached. And to be fair, it is not an eye-ruling, ugh, kind of, you know, I don't get it kind of a thing. She is respectful. That's for sure. There are some of the things that she thinks are cute as well.

respectful. There are some of the things that she thinks are cute as well. There are many that apparently in my years of living as a bachelor have become gross that I did not realize. So, you know, one of the reasons I love her is because we spend a lot of time together cleaning the Batsamaru items that we wanted to...

A layer of film had popped up. Yeah, it was... That's really beautiful. It was a little grosser than I had remembered. There's also a large box of things that – well, we're still under the delusion that I'm going to put them on eBay. But I think they're pretty much going to end up at Goodwill. But for now – no, no, no. I mean I'm willing to release them, but I just don't know how much – how realistic it is that I'll actually end up listing them on eBay.

Listeners, if there are any of you who want to enjoy an authenticated J. Keith Van Straten Batsamaru collection, please reach out. J. Keith, you're on the right show. You've chosen the right show. I don't know. I think most of our listeners are into dark grape man. Jesse, you're a man with many collections.

You also share your house. That's true. Have you, has there had to be any concessions made to like, here's the space I can use for X, or we need to decrease the amount of space we're dedicating to Y? I hired a Jordan Jesse Goh listener named, to build record shelves in my living room. So that's where those live. I I'm, you know, I'm a collector of things, but I don't have any, I don't have a ton of collections, uh, besides the records. And I guess you could count my clothes, but, um, it's a slightly different thing, but I definitely collect a lot of crap. Um, it's a slightly different thing, but I definitely collect a lot of crap I have here in my home office. I have like a little cabinet, like a lighted glass cabinet.

That's got my stuffed hedgehog, my, um, my, my, the award, my father won my, my, when my dad died, I went home to the house and took a few things out of the house. One of them was this award that my dad won called the Stockholm Challenge. And he went to Stockholm to get it. A beautiful award that was like a globe, two halves of a glass globe. And just a spectacularly beautiful award, big deal award in international nonprofits. So it was not for sympathizing with his captors? No. No, okay.

And he broke it immediately. Like between getting it and getting it into it. And he had to write them a letter to ask if he could get another one. And? I think they made him pay for it, but he could get another one and i think they made him pay for it but he did so i have that in there and then i have a i have a like a little standee of the uh 1930s baseball player van lingel mungo from the collection of the estate of van lingel mungo really Have you had to like get rid of stuff for logistical reasons?

Has there been some stuff that's been like hard to let go of? You mean like the rotating blade? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, the thing about having a store is you got an indoor and an outdoor, right? So if I'm done with it, it goes in the put this on shop and i and i don't and i don't miss it um i'm like i've had to explain to multiple therapists though where i draw the line between loving stuff and being a hoarder and and it is always a challenge i mean there's definitely no doubt that my mom's house there isn't wall space to put up art. The walls are covered in art,

but in an orderly manner, and there's never anything like blocking a walkway. That's sort of my standard. Is anything blocking a walkway? Is it impeding motion? Is there a tunnel? Egress. Egress is still achieved. Yeah, exactly. I have the fire marshal come once a year. I don't know if you... Bill, have you met this guy?

Boy, that guy is loud. A little accident prone, I've heard. He is a little bit. Do you think that's funny? Fire marshal Bill? Think about it inside your head. There's a new thing to think about inside your head. Fire marshal Bill, do you think it's funny head there's a new thing to think about inside your head fire marshal bill do you think it's funny I did a little boy this was a couple years ago but there

was some gosh I want to say they popped up on a streaming service or some cable channel was replaying in living color something that I loved as a kid like loved unequivocally like not only was it the funniest thing in the world to me for a period but also like you know the fly girls were very important to me for reasons yeah um so yeah like it was just like my shit completely yeah um wanna hear a song about it like to hear it like to hear it here it goes um yeah, like saying those old catchphrases like is very fun. But yeah, I think whenever I revisited it, which was recently, I'm like, nope, shouldn't have done that. Whoops. Yeah. yeah so I think my my opinion is like I'm sure that you know if you if you you know uh really

really went on a on a deep dive throughout YouTube you could probably find some like great and living color clips that hold up and like obviously everybody on it is like a great performer you know it's like in that sketch way that like well you know like maybe the SCTV stuff is like a little clunky now but you can tell how great everybody is. And then that same... Damon Wayans is so super funny. Obviously, say what you will about Jim Carrey, but he's... He's Jim Carrey.

He's Jim Carrey-ing around up there. He brings the heat. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, but yeah, it was not a fun revisit in that way. I think it is best left to the memory and saying the old catchphrases to other 35 to 40-year-old men and then enjoying it. back and watching Arrested Development perform on there just to get a chance to see my childhood hero, the old man in Arrested Development who didn't do anything. He was like their wisdom leader. Living the dream, that guy. Baba OJ. I don't have a lot of stuff that I collect in there. It's, you know, it's pretty, it's the stuff I do collect. It's pretty like, it's pretty,

it's pretty chill. But for, for work reasons, I had to go back and research the deep bench of Hanna-Barbera characters. And like, and kind of like, I'm like, well,

like I, you know, maybe these all weren't the greatest cartoons but the designs of these characters is so great like the designs of them are fucking awesome and like you know evoke a time and have this kind of like classic cartooniness about them that you don't see any anymore you know now that everything looks like it was drawn by a like a cool alternative comics person which is better by the way i just want to say like that's better but also there's you know there's that kind of classic cartooniness that you don't get with

cartoons anymore um and i was like you know and it kind of led me to like maybe i should get a poster like i can get a jabber jaw animation cell for 50 bucks maybe i become classic hannah barbara collector guy. Yeah. Yeah, there's just so many weird little cartoons in that world. There's like the Teen Force and the Impossibles and all this other stuff that I was like, I don't think these would be super fun to like revisit. But like the stuff is really neat. I really love the like look of all this stuff. Jordan, you know, I met either Hanna or Barbera. I don't remember which one it was.

Jordan, you know, I met either Hannah or Barbera. I don't remember which one it was. I gave him a proclamation on behalf of San Francisco Mayor Willie L. Brown at the Cartoon Art Museum in San Francisco. That's cool. harvey kytel character from like a movie from 1986 yeah like he just had like frosty sunglasses and like slicked back hair and like a gangster suit on yeah and i was like wait this guy invented scooby-doo this guy was like yeah get and he should have he should have a kid brother or a kid or something. Nobody knows what. Scrappy. And if kids get bored, you throw a ghost in there. Yeah, exactly. I don't know.

I feel like Scrappy was a network note. Yeah. Yeah, I think Scrappy was, we got to freshen this thing up. That was a poochie situation there. Yes, Scrappy was probably the inspiration. The original, yeah. Brian, I think you might have to look this up or jordan you may know from your research but i feel like today my daughter told me that there's a horror reboot of the banana splits boy that sounds right i think

that exists i think that exists that sounds familiar yeah can i honestly say i bet it's terrible but i love it but yeah way to go sure a plus yeah that banana split song you know what's good and all that stuff the theme songs all fucking rule you know and i think a lot of times when we remember stuff from our childhood we're remembering the theme songs and not the cartoons yeah but like that's fine that's such a fun thing to go back on YouTube and look at. Yeah, I agree completely. The cartoons of our childhood were excreble by and large. I mean, truly horrible.

We're talking about cartoons from, you know, one generation before us here primarily, but certainly in 1986 or seven or whenever we were watching the young childhood of our cartoons. Truly horrible. And it only got a little better when we were like 11. You know what I mean? 1992, there was some – you had Batman the Animated Series and Animated.

Sure. Both of those I'm sure are perfectly good. Yes. Warner Brothers started trying a little bit. Yeah. And I'm nodding along as if I'm the same generation and included in that we. So thank you.

Thanks, Gen Xer, Jakey Van Straaten. What were your cartoons as a kid? Well, Steamboat Willie was a classic. We would go to the Nickelodeon and throw him a nickel. Well, you know, of course, we saw all the Hanna-Barbera and the Looney Tunes and all that in reruns. Like for me, you know, Smurfs and oh, especially Snorks. Snorks, anyone?

Snorks, sure. Yeah, the underwater Smurfs. Yeah, Schmoo. This guy's Snorks. Schmoo of that era. Yeah, so a slight generation before, I guess. Can I just say Heathcliff heathcliff no one should right terrorize it at that no i'm just leaving i'm sorry i'm just leaving it at that

okay sorry just leaving it at that say no more but yeah it is amazing how much that stuff because like that was also stuff that i watched as a kid it was amazing how recycled everything was how they just like someone produced 515 minute cartoons between 1967 and 1977 and then it just kind of like was always on tv they showed popeye every day uh yeah sure when i was a kid have you guys he was he was talking about like you know saving metal for the war effort right there would be a weird parody of a celebrity you didn't know yeah james cagney yeah um uh have you guys seen on on on the website reddit i watched a video uh an animated gif really of uh like recycled animation sequences from disney movies i have not seen that it is the fucking wildest shit you've ever seen in your life there are a bunch of scenes in disney movies where they literally just completely 100 recycled

the animation exactly that's like it will just be mogli doing the exact same thing as simba yeah i've seen that like they fall over backwards into something and it's literally exactly the same sequence. Yeah. It's like the, like the, like doing different poses is, is interesting.

Like it's, it's interesting, like working in animation. Cause the first thing someone says to you when they hear that you're working in animation is like, you can do anything, right. You can do anything you think of.

It's like, no, like some shit's really expensive to draw. like they should all be in the same background don't invent a bunch of new characters if you don't have to like there are so many things and yeah and i'm sure just like if we can reuse poses and expressions it like makes the whole thing and yeah because i'm sure if you're like working on a pixar there's unlimited money but like everything especially hand hand-drawn stuff back then why would you why wouldn't you want to reuse it i mean so you could make a new and different movie oh artistic integrity right i uh i read about that and they just reused the mom dying because

that was cheaper it's too expensive for a new parent to die just have the mom die do you think every time they reused it, they said, it's the Aristocats? Yes. I think they did. That's where the Aristocats came from. We're going to take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jessica. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la just some things I've been thinking of. Jordan, no matter what you do to shake things up, whether it's switching up

your workout or going someplace new, Raycon wireless earbuds are the best way to bring audio with you. And I'll tell you why, Jordan, no matter how much you shake things up, whether it's figurative, as in, for example, going someplace new, or literal, then you go someplace new and there's an earthquake. Right. Or you go someplace otherwise very shaky. Mm-hmm. Like a Shakey's. Sure. A Shake Shack. You know Raycon wireless earbuds will not fall out of your ears. And if you're having trouble with awareness, great news.

There's awareness mode so you can listen to your surroundings. Watch out for wild cats. Jesse, I have a pair of Raycons and i love them um they're great i have tried a lot of earbuds and i will say that raycons uh are my favorite pair that i have ever had uh they're great they've got these little gel tips uh so you can kind of customize your fit i don't know how how wide or tight your little ear holes are, but Raycon has a tip for you. I think you know how tight my little ear holes are. That's a big part of my reputation. Right. Yeah. They don't budge. They always sound great. I seriously love these things. I take them

running. I take them on long walks, and they always sound terrific. I really like these. I think if you're in the market for a wireless earbud, you can't do any better than Raycons. They're really, really great. And right now, our listeners get 15% off their Raycon order at buyraycon.com slash jjgo. That's buyraycon, R-A-Y-C-O-N dot com slash jjgo to save 15% on Raycons. Buy Raycon dot com slash JJ Go.

We're also supported this week by the folks over at Wealthfront. Now, Jordan, there is a world of investment apps out there. You can buy any goddamn thing with one of these investment apps. You can buy any goddamn thing with one of these investment apps. But the nice thing about Wealthfront is it's more than just an opportunity to buy any goddamn thing. Okay, you're not just buying poppy seeds on this thing. You can buy, you're getting actual investment guidance in the app. And if you don't want to learn, let's say you hate learning.

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helping nearly half a million people build their wealth. Jeez, those numbers. Holy cow. Start building your wealth. Get your first $. Holy cow. Start building your wealth. Get your first $5,000 managed for free for life. Go to wealthfront.com slash JJ Go. That's wealthfront, W-E-A-L-T-H-F-R-O-N-T dot com slash JJ Go to start building your wealth. That's wealthfront.com slash JJ Go to get started today. Let's get back to the show.

Hey, it's me, Joseph Barbera. Don't fuck with Scrappy-Doo. I'm William Hanna. I'm his friend. Shut the fuck up, Billy. Okay. I'll go get you your iced tea. Yeah, put more ice in it this time. It got tepid.

Okay. Oh, no. Christ, you keep tooting up the room. Sorry. Get your rack together. I'm turning into Snagglepuss over here. Okay, no, I'm actually Jesse Thorne,

America's Radio. Jordan Morris. Jordan Morris, boy detective. J. Keith Van Stratton, difficult to spell. It's not two. There's just two A's and one T. Yeah,. Jordan Morris, boy detective. J. Keith Van Straten. Difficult to spell. It's not two. There's just two A's and one T. Yeah, but the van, there's a lowercase v. There's a J with a period. Does that lowercase v doesn't count as spelling?

Yes, it does. What are you talking about? That spelling, upper or lowercase? I don't remember. That's grammar, J. Keith. Are you saying it's punctuation? Look, the point is we're all disappointed in my nickname. Yeah, it stunk.

It was almost as bad as my impression of Hanna-Barbera founder, Joseph Barbera. Is that his name? William Hanna-Joseph Barbera. Hey, Jesse, I think that maybe old Jack Nicholson could pull us out of this tailspin. Is Jack the Jack? Give me some Scooby snacks. There he is. And he's pulling his hair back.

I love how Jack Nicholson starts every sentence with, yeah. Maybe it was Jack Wickleson. Is that Jack Nicholson's John Wick character? No, that's Jack Nicholson's evil counterpart from the Nintendo universe. Oh, right. You're using the Mario Wario. Okay, so guys, some time ago, J. Keith Van Straten

was kind enough to send us a highly sensual book called Burt Reynolds Hotline, The Letters I Get and Write. Exclusive Burt Reynolds Hotline scene, 16 pages of sexy new photos, including this legendary shot of his little tushy, of his little tushy

sticking out from his baseball, his football uniform. Just like, Ooh, look at me. I'm a little stinker. Uh, J Keith, where did, so this is something you've sent to us. We've used it many times on the show. Thank you. I'm so pleased. I'm so pleased that it is a lived a life beyond my bookshelf.

Where did you, where did you get such a thing? No idea. I have collected goofy pop culture books. My specialty has been novelizations of movies. Okay. And why am I forgetting anything? What are those things that look like comic books, but they're photos of – they're like film sales? Oh, yeah.

I'm blanking on what they're called. But no. val broke into the show valerie our our the producer of our web stream here broke into the show to say micro fish which really could number one she's not allowed to talk number two micro fish val i disagree i think periodically just break in and say microfiche. Yeah. Val is the show. Val is like Baba Booey, only with library words. Young adult section.

Photo novels. They're called photo novels with an F. Photo novels, okay. And so what they would do is they would take production stills and then put in speaking and thought bubbles for the characters and then release that as a companion to the movie. It was a big thing in the late 70s. What's your number one novelization that you've got? Rentacop, I'm pretty proud of. They made that.

Speaking of Burt Reynolds. I've also – just a bunch of sequels. Gosh, again, one of the things when The Girlfriend moved in was, those are now in the garage, so I don't have them in front of me to refer to, but I do remember that. Oh, no, no,

well, the Shaft books, and then there was a Shaft sequel book called Shaft Among the Jews. 100% real. That isaf Among the Jews. No way. 100% real. That is still on the shelf. That made the cut.

That has pride of place. Oh, yes. In big letters in that great 70s font, Schaaf Among the Jews. Shalom. They say that Schaaf's a bad mensch. I'm sorry, everybody. That's as far as we'll go with this. That's as good as that's going to get.

Hey, Burt Reynolds book. Anyway, so at various thrift stores across the country, in my travels when I would do road trips, I would always stop in and just pick up ones that I thought were goofy. I don't think I'd actually read this. So it's getting infinitely more use being on the show in your hands, Jesse, than it ever was in the several years that I had it. So we should say we love Burt Reynolds and are fascinated with his weird and compelling career. and this is a book made to jack off to we think where it's the premise is that i think it's not so much made to jack off to as to giggle crank sure yeah that's that's i think that's a that's

a fine distinction because brent reynolds at the time was a cheeky monkey in more ways than one. He was America's number one cheeky monkey. And then he was showing his butt. Right. And he had a who me attitude. So this is a book that the premise is that these are letters that women write him. I think the idea is that they're all i don't know if it it contains letters from men too but i think it's just women can i say

yes there is a letter there is a letter in here um that i was really impressed by sure uh that what this one says uh dear mr reynolds I'm sure you receive hundreds of fan letters daily. However, I assume my letter is unique in that I am a gay male. I hope this doesn't turn you off. I can think of no one who is more deserving of all the recognition you've been getting. Brother, you really turned me on. I'd give anything for one hour with you. answer yours for the asking uh rd and then burt reynolds writes rd dear rd a fan is a friend no matter how current he no matter what current he she operates on ac or dc thanks for being one of mine i was like that is a really generous attitude that Burt Reynolds took to that letter in 1974 or whatever. Jeez. Okay. I was impressed. I was impressed with B.R.

Okay, here we go. Letters to Burt Reynolds. This one's from Lucy Ann R. in Baltimore. Dear Burt, I was looking at a picture of you today. Let me tell you something. I want that sensuous bod of yours. I want to lick you from stem to stern. Right now, I could really go for it, Bert. I'd have my nails in your back just digging away. So let's get it on. I want to,

I really want every inch of you. So whenever you're near Baltimore, So whenever you're near Baltimore, drop over for a good piece. I know a motel with waterbeds. I'm on fire just thinking about it. Man, I want to ball you bad. I'm 21 years old, a contented freak, no VD either. That's a plus. Do a lot of grass, and I'm a good lay good lay and believe me i've got my shit together be cool wow wow be cool jordan okay so let's yeah let's just let's just let's just go through this

did you know that you had plagiarized your dating app bio, Jordan? I think I subconsciously did. It's one of those, like a parallel thought thing. Contented freak, no VD. 420 friendly. 420 friendly, yes. So when they say stem to stern,

one of those is the tape, right? But which one it it means from gotta be stern i thought it was the stem taint to show jordan from taint to show the jordan moore story he's a contented fruit i spent i spent some time among the jews so okay but yeah but but is what do you when you when you hear i'm gonna lick you stem to stern where does that start and where does that end i get your imagination boy so it could be nips to crank, or it could be butthole forward. Right.

Am I too wholesome? And I mean straight through. I'm talking about through. I think head to toe, or toe to head. Why are you licking heads? Don't kink shame him, Jesse. Yeah. Sorry.

If he and his beautiful fiance want to dress up like bad, bad Botsmaru and his girlfriend and lick each other's heads. Hanamaru, excuse me. They have the same last name? I think it's a Japanese term that I don't know what it means. I think it means maybe young person or bad something. But yeah, I mean, if Jay Keith and his fiance want to lick each other in the head, who are we? Who are we to yuck that yum?

I'm Jesse Thorne. Okay, you know what? We're going to knock it off. And I'm opposed to hat licking. Say no more, boss. Well, and of course you get down to those nasty little feats, right? Okay. Come on.

Look, I'm not going to tell Jay Keith not to get involved with some nasty little hoofs. I say go to town on those little tappers. Honey, we're back on. The wedding's back on. When it comes to head licking, I'm 100% out. I can't send a gift to that wedding party. Sorry, no toaster for you, Jay Keith. Oh, but I love toast.

And I buy Breville. That's a premium toaster brand, J. Keith. It is. I'm not just getting you some bullshit sunbeam from over there at the Super K. I'll be good. A verse for Sexy Bert. Your name is a bedroom word to every itching, twitching bird. From 16 to 60, each feminine fan goes ape when she beholds your marvelous can.

Pining Poetess in Poughkeepsie. Boy, it's a shame when you turn 61 that just ends. Yeah. Yeah. Bert's got to have standards. Dear Mr. Reynolds, you, Mr. Reynolds, are just the guy to play the leading character in my book called The Coxman and His Geronimo. I'm writing this here book, see, and it's damn near through and it's real gutsy. And everybody who's read it says you're the guy for the part it's an x-rated book i gave the part in the book what did she think a book is in the photo novel that's what she oh in the photo novel the photo novel yeah she's planning

for the photo novel it's an x-rated book. I gave it this rating. So it didn't go before any kind of ratings board. This is an unofficial. Yeah. But this is one of those things. It is like the ratings board. It is a response to governmental pressure

that's an attempt to stave off government censorship by having self-imposed censorship. May I explain who Geronimo is? It's his prick. So named by the women he made love with.

These women are all Hoddern firecrackers. Do they use an apostrophe there? Yeah. Hoddern. Hoddern. Hoddern fire. Hoddern. His real name is Dick O'Toole, but his nickname is cocky get it subtle no

i don't get it guys when everybody on the bus wouldn't tell me what 69 meant oh hannah quit tooting in here. Oh, sorry. Oh, boy. What I'm driving at, would you be interested in this book? All it needs is to get a publisher. All it needs to get a publisher is for you to say you'd play it in the movies. So what do you say?

She's talking about the adaptation of the book. No, I think she's saying it can't even be a book until he greenlights the movie. But I mean, you know, I think you can look at kind of modern publishing trends. Like, you know, obviously when Reese Witherspoon picks a book for her club, it's like it's a project for her to act in or produce in down the line. So, I mean, I think this woman was very, like, very savvy, kind of early to this, you know, idea that, like, it's all IP, you know? The Oprah of her day. The Oprah, sure.

Yes. Yeah. The coxswain and his Geronimo. Yeah. The Geronimo. P and IP. The Geronimo here, if I can explain, is his prick. It's his prick.

It's so named by the women he made love with. By the way, Bert's response to this one says, excuse the helicopter and multiple police cars going past my house. They heard about this coxswain, they want to get a look. Dear Scotty, I say to hell with women if my coxswain Geronimo could win a coveted guy named Oscar.

I think he could have won an Oscar if he had done it. Sure. He'd have won the Oscar for the coxswain and his Geronimo. Right. I mean, this was this, you know, was this kind of like predictive of his career revival during the Boogie Nights? Is this you know, could be. He kind of put this away. Yeah, it's a good point.

Yeah, thank you. Sadly, it was going to be his last project. Right. Taken too soon. Taken too soon. He had to reclaim the prestige. Right, yeah. Dear friend, I am write you a few lines to let you hear from me i'm okay and i hope when you get this letter you will be likewise

i did like it sounds like one of those letters where it's gonna say he recorded you jacking off on your laptop. I did like the picture. You like to make lots of nasty touching of yourself, don't you? I did like the picture you play on Don August very much. And I love you too, Burt Reynolds, sweet Reynolds, but I like to get a letter, Burt Reynolds, from you. I like what I see in your hot body. I'd like to kiss everywhere. And I would be so pleased if you send me some candy

and some jewels. Hope you find it in your heart to send me them. And I know you have a good heart. I like you for your sweet body, Burt Reynolds. and I wish you would think of me and send me a box of candy and a bracelet. And I do hope you don't have so many girlfriend to Burt Reynolds because I like you sweet body, honey. And I want you to remember that I your sweet body, Burt Reynolds. So please, send me some nice candy or nice trinket. Burt Reynolds was sending his fans candy and jewels? Jesse, do we need to be sending fans candy and jewels? Jesse, do we need to be sending fans candy and jewels? I mean, I think some nice candy

or a nice trinket would go a long way when we get a fan letter, Jordan. Yeah, I mean... Somebody sends us their zine. Gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to the Ring Pop. It solves all of your problems.

Two birds. Oh, wow. It solves all of your problems. Two birds. Wow. That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, do you think this is why we haven't risen to the level of Burt Reynolds in his heyday in the 70s? Is it because he was thoughtful enough to- Send out bracelet? Send out, yeah, jewels and candy.

Jewels, by the way, we spelled J-U-L-E-S. Okay. So maybe we should be sending, now that I think about it, maybe we should be sending out Jules Pfeiffer. Sure. A lot of Jules is out there we can mail to people. I was thinking, isn't there a vape called Jules? Isn't that the... Yeah, Jule is a

popular vape. J-U-L, yeah. Well, I mean, that's kind of the modern Jule. Can I suggest something for the neighborhood council, Jay Keith? Please. This is how we get our best ideas. How about $500 to buy Juuls for the local high school? Get teens hooked on vaping.

I will send you a form that you can fill out and you can present your idea at the next board meeting. I know that Mid-Citycity west high has to this point specialized primarily in academic decathlon but imagine if they bump it up one so that it's you know all the different academic subjects plus blowing fat clouds i think that's we're gonna set them apart have you seen the fucking pathetic clouds at hollywood high i mean just shameful shameful these drew barrymore motherfuckers and their pathetic clouds yeah come on jakey this yeah the council needs to step in yeah i'll see what i can do uh which i'll spoiler alert is nothing as well no my faith in government. Oh, no. That's basically what I, that's pretty much a global policy.

Mine was going great until right now. Oh, I'm sorry. Jay Keith, can I tell you something? So you're doing this live show. We mentioned this live show that you're doing Wednesday the 16th. We haven't mentioned it yet. The first mention of the live show? No, first live show j keith is doing j keith and our friend helen hong his co-host a friend of jordan jesse go are doing their show

go fact yourself live on the internet from kpcc here and that's right there in pasadena california jordan oh yeah it's pasadena city college's radio station. Got John Raby over there, the whole nine yards. This is Wednesday, the 16th. And you guys, what I admire about you, Jake, is you're not a friend. You're not afraid to send out an email. You send out an email to Jazzy Jeff. Maybe he'll say yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, that's my cue. Yes, he did. Yes. Our guests are DJ Jazzy Jeff and Faith Saley. And this is celebrating our 100th episode here on the Maximum Fun Network. That's fantastic.

Congratulations to you on that. What are some of the best people you've attempted to send an email to? Oh, I thought you were going to say, I thought you were him up for one of the best guests, and I would be like, well, obviously, Jesse Thorne and Jordan Moritz are among our favorites. Well, I don't. Well, I don't. We're top three, or

two, or three. Oh, I tuned in. Okay, sorry. Sorry. Are you done? Yeah. That's fine. I got a very... Jay Keith, an entertainer's work is never done oh don't i know it don't i know it um i i got a very quick rejection from uh from uh jake gyllenhaal's representation okay today that's a good that's a good no that was a big one um let's see uh no thank you mr gyllenhaal is focusing on developing his crazy eyes.

He is filming abroad and will be unavailable now. That's what I was told by his rep. Thank you. That's a great question. Who are some of the biggest people? Reggie Jackson was a no. What email address do you send it to? Is it just reggie at jackson.com?

You're not that far off. MrOctober at reggiejackson.net. Well, what's amazing is we do have to book celebrity guests and experts for the show all the time. And what's amazing is once I get somebody's actual email who's agreed to be on the show, nine times out of ten, it's their name at gmail.com. This is so true. I can so profoundly confirm this. We have a guest book at Maximum Fun that people write their name in when they come on Bullseye. And if someone I know is coming in, I will have them start the page by actually putting their contact information in the contact information box rather than just a generic well wish. And then everybody

else who signs underneath will feel compelled to. So that's how I gather the email addresses of the people who come on the show. And all celebrities' names are either their name at gmail.com or sometimes like fartmaster69 at AOL.net. Like it's only AOL or their name at Gmail. Those are the only celebrity email addresses. Yeah, sometimes they'll put a period or a middle name or a middle initial or something like that. But yeah, no, it's profoundly disappointing.

I have Kirsten Dunst's email because of an accidental CC instead of BCC situation. And I don't know, what am I going to do with Kirsten Dunst's email? I will take it. Congratulate her on her Oscar nomination, I think. Congratulations, KD.

Yeah. You seem like a cool lady. And I would say about 80% of the emails we send out get no response. We're so thrilled when we get a no or a pass, because at least we know we can move on to something else, someone else. And then the remaining 10 percent – of the remaining 10 percent, I would say about half of those end up saying no even if we get a little nibble or an interest. And then it's working out logistics and all that. So yeah, no, there definitely have been some bigger names that we've pursued and failed.

What's a hard no you got from someone who really should have been saying yes have you gotten a hard no from like the owner of any taxidermy museums right oh not that but you played bass in len why why are you saying that's a great question uh i will say the quickest no we ever got which would which i thought he would have said yes uh i think you've had him on your show joshua melina yeah josh melina like it was it i had barely pressed send best known as jeremy on sports night of course of course i just i seriously like i had just taken my finger off the mouse button from clicking send and i got the reply saying, uh, saying no. And it, and it wasn't a, Oh, maybe some other time or blah, blah,

blah. It was no, not dude. That was it. Sorry. I'm counting my sports night money. I already kissed Natalie. I don't need anything else.

I've peaked. My career has peaked. Yeah. Uh, but you know, that's part of the fun and the stress and the craziness of the show is, you know, and then you get a lot of very lucky.

We get a lot of yeses. You got a lot of great yeses. I, the, the, like the, you know, that's part of the fun and the stress and the craziness of the show is, you know, and then you get a lot of very lucky. We get a lot of yeses. You get a lot of great yeses. The like the, you know, the contestants come on, they have they have something they're passionate about. And then you kind of prepare a quiz about that subject. And then there's kind of this surprise reveal when a when a guest comes on who is kind of associated with that. And you've you've really had some great people and the like the reaction from the contestants when you know someone from the world of their passion comes on is is really great it's a really great i couldn't believe it when jay keith when i was on there jay keith revealed my special guest was hall of fame giants play-by-play man john miller

i i'm not a i'm not ashamed to say this jordan i flipped my wig wow i flipped my goddamn wig jordan that's what i did and that was just on the phone uh you know that was that was back when we were still doing you know live in-person shows a lot of times we would have people uh show up in person so like you know we had when we had uh jenny jardin was on the show and marijuana was her topic. And we got Tommy and we got Tommy Chong to show up. And the place and the places went bananas. That was that was that was, I believe, our first and only genuflection of a guest.

She literally she literally got on her knees and, you know, davened. I'm surprised. Now I'm surprised to hear that Jenny Jardine smokes marijuana. Yeah. It's a real shocker. She's never brought it up. On one of the episodes I did, I was playing against Alison Rosen. And she is obsessed with the facts of life.

And her surprise guest was the woman who sings the facts of life theme song. Also co-wrote it, I think. Yes. Well, she got a writing credit. By her own admission, her then husband, Alan Thicke, pretty much wrote it and then gave her a writing credit she by her own admission her then husband Alan Thicke pretty much wrote it and then gave her a writing credit on it yeah and like I you know facts of life is

one of those like things I vaguely remember as a kid but like that fucking themes when she sang that theme song like the crowd went wild like that's one of those I'm like I don't really remember what that show was about but I remember that fucking theme song. Tootie was something on it.

It was about Tootie. And the mom, that she wasn't the real mom. Mm-hmm. Tootie and the false mom was the original title. Tootie and the blowfish. Yes, Tootie and the blowfish. You know, he doesn't like to be called Tootie. Blair.

Blair is one of them them you can name a couple facts of life i'm pretty on top of that yeah that goddamn one too what's that alan thick had the fucking jams oh yeah we've discussed this already but like one of my fucking all-time jams is one of his aerobics world championship theme songs sweaty and hot yeah yeah i for real fuck with sweaty and hot if anybody wants to go on youtube and check out sweaty and hot by alan thick as performed at the world aerobics championship it fucking goes dude shit is awesome i'm into it getting down down. Well, do you guys want to take a break? I'm getting a little sweaty and hot. Yeah, we'll be back in just a

second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey, kid. Your dad tell you about the time he broke Stephen Dorff's nose at the Kids' Choice Awards? In Dead Pilots Society,

scripts that were developed by studios and networks but were never produced are given the table reads they deserve. When I was a kid, I had to spend my Christmas break filming a PSA about angel dust. So yeah, being a kid sucks sometimes. Presented by Andrew Reich and Ben Blacker. Dead Pilots Society, twice a month on MaximumFun.org.

You know, the show you like, that hobo with the scarf who lives in a magic dumpster. Doctor Who. Yeah. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Did your neighbor back into your car? Bring that case to Judge Judy.

Think the mailman might be the real father? Give that one to Judge Mathis. But does your mom want you to flush her ashes down the toilet at Disney World when she passes away? Now that's my jurisdiction. Welcome to the court of Judge John Hodgman, where the people are real, the disputes are real, and the stakes are often unusual. If I got arrested for dumping your ashes in the Jungle Cruise, it would be an honor. I don't want to be part of somebody getting a super yacht. I don't know at what point you want to go into this, but we've had a worm bin before.

Available free right now at MaximumFun.org. Judge John Hodgman, the court of last resort when your wife won't stop pretending to be a cat and knocking the clean laundry over. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. A Jordan Morris boy detective. J. Keith Van Straten, lame nickname.

J. Keith. Yes, Jesse, lame nickname. J. Keith. Yes, Jesse. No nickname could be lame when you're friends with Jazzy Jeff. I don't know if we're friends. We'll find out on Wednesday. Do you think you'll hold hands? Yes, over Zoom. That's what I would shoot for.

I'd shoot for holding hands. We'll both raise our hand at the same time in the Zoom chat window. Do we know what Jazzy Jeff's possible areas of expertise are yet? I can't say because we have not booked his expert yet. We're a week out and we do not have an expert yet. So we're working on a couple of different topics. It'll depend on who we're able to get. But I will say this, a couple of them are not at all surprising

and a couple of them quite surprising. Yes, yes. So if you so if you think about philadelphia if you think about his uh his background in entertainment those will not be surprising yes uh and then uh and then there was grapple and then there was one where i was like oh i wouldn't have i would not have thought about that for you yeah i'm excited about this thank you me too and then uh yeah so we're doing this live stream on the 16th and then it'll be uh as a podcast on the 25th uh in our podcast sheet one time i went to faith saley's book party yeah nice of her to invite me to her book party i went to her book party at a rich man's home sometimes you go to one of these parties at a rich man's home here in los angeles

it doesn't happen often for me i'm not a show business insider like jordan but uh once in a while i've actually i've never been to a rich man's home really no uh well not even here i'd like to be invited to your home someday you're invited to my you come on over to my house okay come on to my house jordan come on to my house. I went to this rich man's home and the mayor was there. Cool. Wow. Wearing that sash that said mayor. Gosh, wearing that gorgeous sash.

Carrying those enormous scissors. Yeah. Giant cheeseburger. Giant cheeseburger for a head. Oh, yeah. Huge cheeseburger head. That's my mayor. That's what I voted for, for Mid-City West Neighborhood Council.

That's a good write-in if you're not. Deez Nuts is over. I've had it with Deez Nuts. Mayor McCheese or nothing. Yeah. Goodbye revival of Deez Nuts that we proclaimed a few years ago yeah we're on mayor mccheese now yeah the mcdonald land gang burglar guys you know what besides that later the bird king kids club that's 12 years we've been just listing the names of the characters

are there any are there any fast food mascots from our youth that we're missing? That we're leaving on the table? I mean, there's Big Mac tonight. We don't talk enough about Big Mac tonight. That was like a sexy moon that played the piano. I think, gosh, I think that, I might be wrong about this, but I think Doug Jones,

the guy who does all the creatures for Guillermo Del Toro on his Big Mac tonight. You're 100% correct,oug jones was on bullseye some years ago first of all he's genuine he's one of those people where you're worried that he's too nice to you like you're worried that that there's something on your face or you know maybe he thinks you're laprotic you know like any any it's like you feel like he is a football player and you are a child in the leukemia wing right you know what i mean he knows about your diagnosis yeah but he 100 was big mac tonight for sure that is the actual truth cool guy doug jones like him a lot jakey who are the fast food mascots of your youth? The McDonald and I don't like Bertie because Bertie was a latecomer.

I was around pre Bertie and then Bertie showed up and I was like, who invited the skirt? I'm a bit of a Bertie bro. You're a Bertie bro? Yeah. So you feel about Bertie the way Star Wars guys feel about Rey? I don't know from Star Wars, but I will trust you on that. You feel that Bertie learned how to use from Star Wars, but I will trust you on that. You feel that Bertie learned

how to use the Force too quickly. Yes, thank you. Thank you for putting it in terms I would understand, yes. Yeah, Bertie ruined the true hero, Mayor McCheese. Right, that's who the story's about. The story about McCheese,

old McCheese re-evaluating his priorities. No thank you. Give me the pure boy hero of Tatooine. The land of the twin sons. But I think we can, listen, there's a lot of controversy about all this, but I think we can all unite in our love for baby Hamburglar. Who we learned later's name was Grogu. Jay Keith has a look on his face that can only be described as I'm jacking off to Bad, Bad Botsmaru right now. So for nicknames, you never thought of Bad, Bad Jay Keith Van Straten?

Never occurred to me, no. Seems like an error. I like to think that there's more to my identity than my love of Botsmaru, but I'm very open to the possibility that I could be wrong. Yeah, you're coming up snake eyes here. I mean, there's also travel points. Right, right. Jay Keith knows exactly how many points

he can get for different stuff. Jordan, he writes for thepointsguy.net. Oh, I know. Dot com, and I haven't for a while, but yes, i do enjoy my yeah how many points i do enjoy my points how many points you got we're still in the low millions how do you how do you feel about the marriott bonvoy program well there are a couple different schools of thought on that hear it 30 more minutes of the podcast spill Spill the tea. Bonvoy tea.

Have a warm cookie. Mainly I resent the name change. I hate the name Bonvoy. I think it's terrible. What was it? It was, that's an excellent question. Use the BK Kids Club. Believe it or not, I'm blanking on the name.

I'm under pressure. I'd have to look it up. I'll look it up. name. I'm under pressure. No, it's okay. I'd have to look it up. I'll look it up. It's pointsguy.net. Okay, thanks. With a capital V. What's your top points?

What's your number one points, Jake Heath? Credit card? Which one do I have the most points in? Bora Bora. I don't know. Do you know the question you're asking? What do I know about points? What's a point?

Yeah. You're asking me what's my favorite redemption of points? Sure. Yeah, sure. Why not? You ever buy a Batsamaru with points? Oh, well, I did buy the Batsamaru Flight with points. Okay. I'm talking.

So, yeah. What's your number one points thing you got? You ever get a fanny pack what does it mean just like that stuff you can get with points so you see like you get a frisbee or a fanny pack no no you get the point or a little parachute that's what you get no no you it's about the point it's not about a thing it's about points how many parachute guys do you get for the points i think you're thinking of Chuck E. Cheese tickets. Ah, there you go. Okay.

Yeah, fair enough. Well, it takes a lot of skee-ball to buy one of those Batsmaroo tickets. I'll tell you that, Jakey. If anyone has Batsmaroo tickets, I would consider that a practical item and be glad to acquire it. Jakey, if people want to watch this live event you guys are doing on the 16th um what do they do this is not this is not an import we should say it's a virtual event and anyone anyone can attend anyone in the world and it's free uh it's free we just ask you to rsvp and register you can go to go factor pod.com for our schedule and tickets it's at 6 p.m pacific uh live on your

video screen uh uh on the 16th wednesday the 16th, gofactorpod.com. We'll take you to the link to reserve. And we hope you watch it. It should be a lot of fun. And we're going to have some special surprises to celebrate the 100th episode of Go Fact Yourself. I got to tell you, I watched not just mine, but I've watched other Go Fact Yourself shows here in Los Angeles.

It is a hoot and a half. And they've been getting some incredible guests since they've gone virtual for the pandemic. Really awesome people. And go fact yourself, whether you watch it live on the 16th, you listen to the podcast, you could hardly have a better time and you'll probably learn something about somebody else's nerd shit. I learned a lot about chocolate from those nice chocolate ladies that were the experts on the show that that i was on with uh a superhero lady yeah kelly who kelly who had making chocolate is one of her topics we got a couple local chocolatiers who came by and shared their expertise as well so yeah kelly who was probably the most single most physically impressive human being i've ever she is she was she was like a 50 year old that looked 20 and also looked like she could kick

my ass at the drop of a hat and also absolutely beautiful yep and had a had a had a bunch of uh super fans who had made their own t-shaped shirts to cheer her on which is exciting she had stands in the house she definitely had stands in the house it was she was very gracious with them she's a benevolent leader for her stands. My sister came when I did it. Oh, that's cool. Man, that sounds exciting. She drove up from Orange County.

Drove up from Orange County, yeah. Oh, that's so lovely. It's a little bit of a haul, so. Yeah. It was nice. Very nice of her. Anyway. Go to factorpod.com. Jordan, Jesse, go.

Our theme music, Love by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records our producer brian sunny d fernandez valerie moffitt on the video stream by the way i think we're gonna move this video stream over to youtube what do you think yeah youtube.com it sounds great that's um yeah maybe when people got get bored they can surf over to some fail videos or minecraft tutorials yeah tesla hacks with can i tell you something we got a couple we got a couple bits of information we were talking recently on the program about the celebrities that look like us for me it was a painting by the argentine painter martin tovari tovar from the 19th century

for you it was a guy that does tesla hacks first of all somebody posted one of the tesla hacks videos it took some real detective work brian couldn't find one but somebody found one i gotta tell you not only this guy looks like you he's pretty handsome guy just like jordan morris i was i was i was happy to talk about it just because i'm like okay this is like i mean you know we're both just kind of like, you know, dude 27Bs, but like, you know. He has kind of gray curly hair, which I think looks kind of cool. Makes me excited to go gray one day. Yeah, like Rand Paul.

Sure. The hero Rand Paul. Ugh, my hero. Finally, somebody's standing up to that Americansicans with disabilities act huh rand paul and reinz prebis my two heroes sorry darth plagas i will also say this someone posted a picture on twitter of creed bratton from the office and of course the 60s rock band the grassroots uh when he was a young man and they said this guy looks like a combination of jesse and jordan and i said this is fucking ridiculous what do you mean how could he possibly

i looked at the picture he looks like a combination of us and he's very handsome we should definitely have a baby together jordan that's the lesson here and hopefully he'll be a member of an important sixties folk rock group. Right. And later go on to be an extra on the office. Who's so weird. They start giving him lines. That's the,

that's the, yeah. I mean, I think by the time our baby becomes of age, the office will be on its fourth reboot and you can probably slide. They'll have a, they'll probably have a horror reboot where they have to fight the banana splits. Man, pretty good.

Yeah, sounds like a lot of fun. Join us on social media, maximumfun.reddit.com, at Jordan underscore Morris, at Jesse Thorne on Twitter. We're also on Instagram where I am at put.this.on. Instagram, where I am at put.this.on. It's the little shop and blog. And, you know, you get my fit pics there. Jordan likes to journal posts.

You want to know what Jordan's reading? Jordan's a real word bug, as they say. This guy loves photo novels. Can't get enough. Can't get enough. Can't get enough. What are you, Jordan David Morris? I am, yeah. david morris i really ought to write that down sometime uh hashtag it jj go on twitter and look we'll talk to you next time on jordan jesse go i'll hug you and kiss you and love you love you love you

love you Love you. Love you.