Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 732: Yakking Off with Matt Apodaca

Episode Date: April 3, 2022

Matt Apodaca (Get Played podcast) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Jesse's two ice cream sundae epiphany, Matt's dalliance with an addictive Simpsons mobile game, and what it's like to watch Jackass for the first time this year. 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Well, I've got great news, Jordan. Finally. Fucking finally, man. That's better than real. You've had it coming thank you i you deserve it whatever this is you deserve it because you work hard you're a father to three beautiful children and of course taller than average so it's a it's it's about time. Let's hear this good news.

I'm going to get into a receptive posture. I'm going to get ready to receive your news. I think a lot of us are trying to figure shit out. And especially... Poof, tell me about it. Especially with the way the world has been going lately. Yeah, say no more. It's been kind of dark times out there

and a lot of people have been taking the opportunity to reconsider their priorities think about what really matters what doesn't matter that kind of thing i'm not the only one who's been doing this okay some people are looking to religion some people are looking to mindfulness some people are looking to mindfulness. Some people are looking to health practices. Some people are looking to family or loved ones. Some people are just, you know,

some people want to have the perfect sourdough bread, Jordan. Yeah. I hear a lot of people are watching Bridgerton. Yeah, a lot of people watch Bridgerton.

I haven't tried it yet. It's on my list, though. I've got to try it. Is that the sexy one or is that the one with Christine Bransky? Well, anything with Christine Bransky's on my list, though. I've got to try it. Is that the sexy one or is that the one with Christine? Well, anything with Christine Baranski is sexy.

Well, yeah, totally. If you like sassy-tongued broads. I do. Yeah, I mean, I fucking love Christine Baranski. I want to be... Hold on. I know we're making

a comedy show here. I just don't want anyone to think that I don't love Christine Baranski. No, Christine Baranski is great. I got freaked out that people would think I don't love Christine Baranski. She's fucking great. She is great. We were a big Sybil house growing up.

We watched a lot of Sybil. They're so fucking good. Yeah. Sybil Shepard and Christine Baranski are so fucking good. Right. I don't think anybody's saying they're not i just there's not a hot take great not a hot they're so great yes it's so you say it like it's a hot take no i'm just but i guess you know you're a broadcaster and you have to well because some asshole came in here and kind of suggested that maybe there

was something wrong with liking christine baranski not i wasn't me are you trying to pin this are you trying to say it's boy now i'm gonna get dragged online for being anti-baransk so in fact i've been pro-baransk this whole time jordan you know you know since day one we were a sybil house jordan you know that we have no choice this is not an optional thing to stand this legend. No choice but to stand. People are trying to figure it out. We Stansky Baransky.

Sorry, go ahead. Should we stop doing the show? Forever, yes. Yeah. Oh, were you doing a thing about what people turn to in hard times? Yeah. Then I just now started thinking about how much better jordan jesse go would be if it was instead of jordan and jesse it was sybil shepherd and christine baranski yeah they were talking about so good and so fun interviewing a fun guest from

the world of comedy do you think they know enough about like like, just, like, booster gold? Yes. I was going to say Wario, but yes, our usual cast of characters. I guess if they wanted to take over the show, we could do, like, and again, I don't know what Christine Baranski's Nintendo and DC Comics fandom is like. She probably had a dream cast. She probably had a dream cast. Perhaps it's us. Well, yeah. Oh, so she's a Sega fan. Yeah. So she'll probably do a lot of Space Channel 5 material

it's all Seaman stuff I love Seaman, very innovative but yeah so I mean if there's some stuff they don't feel comfortable with we can just give them a crash course and yeah they could probably be in our chairs doing the show by the end of may i think that

sounds great to me so yeah so these are our final episodes keep it keep it locked here to this feed for sybil 2 the podcast will be called sybil is a sitcom i don't think we've said that anyway go Go ahead, Jesse. I've been working very hard to figure out it all during this time. Right. Dedicated a lot of energy to my family, my beautiful children. Dedicated a lot of energy to creating this art called podcasting. Right. I mean, from times of great struggle, you get great art.

I bought a set of sex pillows, which are great, but don't turn out they're not the they're not it. You know, they're not the answer. But they're great. I definitely recommend, they're not the answer, but they're great. I definitely recommend them get the good one.

It's great. I mean, that's why people like it and buy it. Do you have a brand you want to shout out? Uh, liberator is the brand. It's great. I mean,

it's legitimately great. I'm not fucking around, but it's not the answer. You know, it's not the thing. It's not, it's not figuring answer. You know, it's not the thing. It's not, it's not figuring it out. Um, but it's, you know, I mean, it's, it's great, but it's not the thing. Right. But yesterday,

um, my daughter had decided to stay up to watch Saturday Night Live, which was a bad idea because she's 10 years old. And what would happen probably is that the next day, today, she would be insane. And today she was insane all day long. Because of something they said on Weekend Update? Yeah. I think Colin Jost got her pissed off.

Fucking Jost. She's like, how the fuck is this guy married to Scarlett Johansson or whatever? And also on this. Yeah. Sorry, my Jost opinions are coming out. Yeah. He's probably a good writer. I don't know.

Maybe he's a good person. Yeah. Seems possible. It's entirely possible. Didn't he buy a Staten Island ferry? I don't know maybe he's a good person yeah it seems possible it's entirely possible didn't he buy a staten island ferry i don't know i think colin jost bought his own staten island ferry that might not be true but i've gone to great lengths not to learn about jost yeah i don't really know i've been i actively myself in fact we've gotten to the bottom of my jost knowledge you know jost go on jordan jesse go yeah or just go on shepherd baranski go do you think he's the heir to the justin's fortune i think he is it takes class

pictures yeah i think he got i think he rode a wave of uh gold-plated class ring money to Saturday Night Live. So last night I had to stay up because my daughter was up. And this is what happened. I eat dinner around six. Usually my wife and I wait until the kids go to bed and then we have some ice cream. In this case, my daughter wasn't going to go to bed and she had actually served herself and eaten some ice cream. But she was pumped up about staying up late. And my wife was putting the other kids to bed. So I said to myself, you know what? I'm going to make myself a sundae.

So I got chocolate chip ice cream, Tillamook brand. The best in the grocery store as far as I'm concerned. the best in the grocery store as far as I'm concerned. I crumpled up those little Trader Joe's chocolate chip cookies, the little tiny ones on top. I put caramel sauce on top of that. And then I put whipped cream on top of that. I ate it and it was fucking tremendous.

Absolutely fucking tremendous. Absolutely great. But it wasn't it. But it was great. It didn't answer anything for me, but it was a fucking great Sunday. You still were unclear as to what your life's purpose was. Cut to... Thank you for using screenwriting language too, by the way. It helps me follow along as a creative. We pan up and see the clock as the minute hand sweeps past the 12.

And then you look at the camera and say, wait, how did I get here? Let's rewind. You're such a Deadpool. Let's cut to about 10 p.m. Like a hard cut or a dissolve. I went into the kitchen, opened up my freezer. I took out some mint chip ice cream. I put that in a bowl.

I put some chocolate chips on top of that. I put some whipped cream on top of that, and I ate ice cream a second time in the same night. I ate two Sundays in one night, two different sundays in one night about two hours apart and that's it i solved it i've solved it two sundays it's the second sunday it's you ate a sunday already you wait a while and then eat another fucking sunday it's great. Congratulations. It's great, Jordan. It's great and it is it. So you're like fully self-actualized now? I'm a fucking vibrating god. Man.

So kind of like Dr. Manhattan style, you're going to ascend to a fortress on Mars and just watch all of humanity pass by? I can levitate like David Lynch. Cool. Lynch levitates? I can levitate like David Lynch. Cool. Lynch levitates? Lynch can levitate. If he and his buddies are working on it together. His TM buddies. Congratulations on the two Sundays thing, man. That's really great. A lot of people wouldn't have the

balls. A lot of people wouldn't have the know-how. True. But you did it. And you know what? You deserve it. If there's anybody who deserves more than one Sunday, it's you, buddy. Congratulations. Our guest on this week's Jordan Jesse Go is a talented podcaster from the Get Played podcast, among many other podcast projects.

He's a comic and writer as well. A really, really cool, funny dude. Matt Apodaca. Hi, Matt. Hi. First of all, this is king behavior is what I'm hearing. It's true. This is...

I don't know if Babar eats ice cream, but if he does, this is how he would do it. Yeah. I'm just like, I'm blown away by this because I love ice cream. I'm just gonna go ahead and put that out there. That's, I mean, one, everyone who looks at me is like, this guy loves a cone in his hand. He loves a cone. I don't have the constitution in my tum

to have two sundaes, lest I want to be sitting on a dang toilet all night. That's true. Yeah, so Jesse, tell us about what's the toilet situation been? The toilet situation is... Jordan, are you still making your famous perfectly coiled turds?

My movements have been pure, firm, and smooth. Wow, that's honestly shocking to hear. Well, you know, you wouldn't think that David Lynch could levitate, but he can. You know what? Yeah, you're right. And I'm just glad you got to the bottom of this, because I don't keep ice cream in my home, because I love it, because I'll just eat it nonstop. And when I do have it, my little hit of serotonin is I'll just go to my freezer and get a spoonful of ice cream and walk away.

That's it. That's my little trick. I also have a no-house cream policy. Yeah. I can't do it because I'll just eat it all. I save it for when I'm out and about. Because then it's nice. I eat ice cream every day.

Wow. Oh, my gosh. But in this case, I ate ice cream two different times on one day, which is what really sealed the deal. How many flavors do you keep in the freezer at once? I've had as many as five or six flavors. Okay. My wife subscribed me to an ice cream service. These are words I didn't need to hear.

Ice cream service. This is incredible. It delivers ice cream to my home. Yeah. On a monthly basis, it'll deliver three or four flavors. But I do tend to supplement those flavors. You're saying enough with the Netflix. Just give me the chill.

Yeah. That's what you said. So you have an ice cream person coming to your house, not unlike a drug dealer in the 90s with different ice creams. Yeah, Jesse has to call his beeper. He's like, hey, look, we got salted caramel this month. Pretty good. Pretty good. That Colombian shit.

That Colombian salted caramel. I paged the ice cream guy 911. It's an emergency. And he said, I love you too. Because he doesn't understand pager codes. Did you guys have pagers growing up? I didn't have a pager. I'm going off pager knowledge from the time, from pager people that I knew.

Well, you're going off here from when you were a psychiatrist right yeah when i was in residency i had a pager uh i've never i i've never had one i my mom had one and i remember like wanting to play with it and then being like this doesn't even have any fucking buttons on it this is boring this got nothing did you snooze did your mother work in the medical field or did you just like to be available i i don't even know why she had it yeah because like i don't remember the phone ringing a ton or like somebody else paging her i never heard her say i got a crazy page like you know like yeah it wasn't like i never yeah i was never paged i don't think she

was ever paged urgently i think it was just like a thing that like you had sort of like how um like the first wave self cell phones are different now right like like cell phones are a sort of modern thanks jordan i'm curious i'm not a big tech guy. How are they different? I just feel like it was like a novelty to have a cell phone, right? It was sort of like, oh, you have a cell phone? That's really crazy. And now people's entire livelihoods can be done, can be handled on a cell phone. Sure.

And if you had one, you maybe answered it, you took it in the car, and you left it in the car and just went about your business. You didn't have it on you at all times. They're with this i'm can't be the first person to make this observation we have we're trapped by our phones you guys yeah uh thank you uh thank you bezos for my dopamine hit you say yeah thank you for hypnotizing me there's sort of like a black mirror you know it's funny cell phones have changed a lot lot. You could, a lot of people don't know this, you could actually look at porn on a beeper, but it was very rudimentary. It was just a six and a nine just going to fucking town on each other. Oh, don't say those numbers so close together.

Are you afraid it'll be too nice? Smoke starts coming out of my ears. Oh, Matt steamed. We were screwing around too much. I definitely had a pager and sent a lot of pager codes back and forth with my high school girlfriends. So this was like early sexting? Yeah, 100%. It was all 143, which was I Love You.

I don't remember. The only pager codes I can remember right now are 911 and 143. Yeah, the biggies. This is just kind of interesting. Just kind of thinking about what it would have been like to page code with a girlfriend back in the day. 143, it just seems like a big step. Is there something in between like, I like you a lot and my feelings are growing? Like, what's the pager code for I'm enjoying this and I want to see where it goes?

Because I like you would also be 143. Right. So not a lot of room for nuance. It love or nothing huh yeah i guess so did you guys ever play games in on your math class calculator yeah i remember seeing kids have like mario on like a ti 85 and being like this is i want yours and then like just this is, I want yours. And then like just never knew how to, I didn't know how to do that. I just didn't, I didn't know. I was, I guess, graphing. I did mostly graphing.

I'm using this for its intended purpose, you said. And poorly. I was very bad at math. Enjoy your Mario's. I'll be over here graphing, sir. Yeah, I didn't either. I don't think I ever had one of those. And I definitely know what it was like of getting to play Mario on somebody's, getting to play Drug Wars on somebody's.

And Snake, of course. Snake rocks. Yeah, Snake's still pretty fun. Yeah, you can get... If I had Snake on my phone right now which i easily could i could probably sink 20 minutes into that and feel good about it and be like wow that was actually a lot of fun that was great i'm well spent yeah yeah yeah no regrets and then put it down and walk away from it and then not think about it for months and then it gets up and then

it d like deletes from my phone and then i'll think about it again. Hey, I got to re-download Snake and then play Snake again. Do you? Fishes Cycle. Do you play, Matt, look, you're the co-host of a gaming podcast. That's right. Do you play the kind of games that live on your phone and mesmerize your mind? You know, I tried Apple Arcade for a little bit because I thought it was going to be like, I just thought I'd like it more i have a controller for my phone uh that you snap onto your phone and it turns it basically into like basically into like a nintendo switch it's called a backbone yeah and i i love it but i don't i

don't really play a lot of the phone games i played angry birds when angry birds was new i loved flappy bird the flappy bird story is is wild wow let's talk about this story let's talk about the story of flappy bird is this the in-game lore yeah so the reason there are pipes coming from the ground and the sky is is haunting uh no but the guy i mean because flappy bird for those of you that are not familiar with it it's like a game where it's just a bird and there are pipe obstacles that you have to navigate the bird through you navigate the bird by pressing on the on the phone for a certain amount of time it's sort of like uh it's sensitive to it so if you hold uh on the screen the bird goes up you let go the bird goes down it's a balancing act sort of thing. And the assets look like they were all stolen from other games, right?

Yeah, the pipes are Mario, the bird, I think the bird is like... The bird is Larry Bird from Jordan vs. Bird on the NES. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's a very tall white man, a guy. And you are, yeah, it's a game of endurance also. So you're trying to see how far you can go on this map. This game became a, like, runaway success. It was, like, the number one game on the, I think it was called the iStore.

I didn't know maybe it was the iStore, the App Store. And everybody was loving it at Flappy Bird. People were downloading it constantly. The guy who made it, which I wish I knew his name. John Flappy. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, John Flappy. Larry Bird also would have been funny to say.

You know what? Just pick whichever one you want. That's a choose your own adventure joke. You can have whichever one and then laugh at which one you like the best. Right, exactly. If you pick Larry Bird, you'll have to fight the Yeti later. John Flappy, you'll discover the pirate's gold. Can I throw in a C option?

Please. Yeah, Flappy Bird. It's Larry Bird's brother. See, that's a good one, too, because we missed it because we were too close to it. Larry, Flappy, and Curly are the bird brothers. Yeah, this is why you called script doctor Jesse Thorne. We missed it because we were too close to it. Larry, Flabby, and Curly. We're saying Flappy Bird. That's good. Yeah. This is why you called script doctor Jesse Thorne to come in. That's right.

That's good. Guys, what do you think? Yeah. You get a bird's eye view. Sorry for the shirt. See, look. You're like the Sean Parker of what we just did. You took the the out, and you just gave us the best option.

Disruptor. parker of what we just did you took the the out and you just gave us the best option disruptor uh i so the guy who who made flappy bird was having to update it all this all you know so much and like just didn't want to it was a it was a thing of stress for him uh and he wrote this like blog post that i i i sort of remember being upsetting like uh was just like, this is too much. I can't handle the stress of this stuff. It was kind of a dark blog post. And then he just took it down completely. And then, so if you had it on your phone still, you were good. You could keep it.

And it was like, it's just on your phone. But if you deleted it, you can't re-download it. So then, phones with Flappy Bird on it were going for thousands of dollars on eBay and stuff. No way. Yes. And so it was just like this whole thing. And the guy was just like, I'm out. Look, I just made a fun little thing to play while I was taking a shit or something.

This was just for shitting. And I heard people are playing it not shitting. Yeah, and y'all ruined it. I've seen some of your coils, and I'm very disappointed. They are imperfect coils. Somebody's been having multiple Sundays per night. Why can't you all poop like Jesse? Hashtag poop like Jesse.

I got the poop like Jesse. My favorite Maroon 2 song. Jesse. My favorite Maroon 2 song. Maroon 5. If your twos are maroon, see you, doctor. I just had a lot of beats. Joke had a lot of beats. Way too many beats.

And I'm not talking about with an A. But that's, as i remember it the story of flappy bird it was a tumultuous uh turn of events uh but but interesting nonetheless matt what's the story of echo the dolphin you know what i don't know those are this dolphin man that guy makes me shit dolphin when he sings his beautiful song um jesse to answer your question i uh you know i love a video game but i like i i can't really play them in any way other than sitting quietly alone in the dark in front of my tv there's been a couple of phone games that that have got. I was a big Fruit Ninja guy back in the day. I did a lot of Fruit Ninja. And then when I saw the big, there's like a giant Fruit Ninja

you can play in Dave and Buster's. And to get to like swipe at the fruit with my whole arm was a thrill. And I think I've probably, the gap between how cool I felt and how cool I looked was probably never greater than when I was playing the giant fruit ninja at Dave & Buster's. Was it like that video of – there's like a dog who was like – their favorite toy was like a Pluto, like a Disney's Pluto. And then they took the dog to Disneyland and saw Pluto and it like freaked out. Like it was so excited. Were you like that when you saw the big ninja? I looked as dorky as that dumb fucking chump dog. What an idiot.

It's not your toy. What a dumb dog. This is a man with a job. How'd that dog go to Disneyland? I don't know. Service dog maybe. Yeah. Maybe Pluto invited it.

Oh, yeah. Sort of like Biden inviting other people to the White House. This famous dog invites other dogs. Yeah, like how Biden invites famous dogs to the White House. Like that. Not you, Garfield. It's okay. It was a Monday anyway.

You can come, Rin Tin Tin. So Big Fruit Ninja Guy and then Big, the most, I also tried Apple Arcade, this is Apple's kind of like unlimited game service and I liked the selection, I thought the selection was really great and I got really into this

kind of color matching game called Grindstone and it is a kind of, it's you match these little gobliny guys and then if you match the colors a barbarian guy with a big sword kind of chops through them all uh so it's you know like a like a tetris or a columns type thing but it has this kind of cartoony fun but kind of cartoonishly gross overlay i got real into that in a way that you know when you get into one of those puzzle games you like see it when you close your eyes yeah yeah yeah yeah

i had that i had the i had the grindstone fever pretty hard for that but um but yeah kind of once and it but thank god that game had a campaign so you could like beat it and then put it away i'm pretty good at beating a game and then leaving it alone so the fact that it had something to beat is the reason that i'm not still playing yeah and seeing it in my dreams i get too distracted with phone games because it's my phone and i'm like i can look at anything i want on this like i can look at a six and a nine fucking going to town oh man well yeah unless I want my screen to fog up. Yeah.

From how heavy I'm breathing at the heart of the action. But I played Simpsons Tapped Out, which is not a game you play. It's like a game that you assign things to have happen. Like you give the various members of Springfield. You build a Springfield. That's part of what it is. And then you can assign tasks for the citizens of Springfield. You build a Springfield, that's part of what it is, and then you can assign tasks for the citizens of Springfield

to do. But you could also buy things in the game through microtransactions. So if you want, like, Lard Lad's donut, you know, store, or whatever it's called. I do want that. Yeah, you want that. You can buy it with,

you buy donuts in the thing, that's their premium currency want that you you can buy it with uh you buy donuts in the thing that's their premium currency and then you can spend you know 25 donuts on certain things and a friend of mine hacked my game and gave me like i don't know like 9 000 donuts or something so i was like i was i was living the dream it was i was i was going crazy in this thing and then i ran out of those. And so I had all these premium items, but then I kept playing, and new premium items came out. And I was like, okay, well, I'll just, you know, got me this far.

I'll start putting my own money into this. And it hurts me to think about how much real money I spent on this game that I don't even have anymore. This was NFTs before that. Wow. I feel like I scammed myself because i was like so addicted to it and then one day it was just like i'm done with this after several hundred dollars into this game probably so what what was your biggest expense in simpsons tapped out

what it sounds like to me from what i understand yeah is world-building Simpsons-based MMA game? It's sort of like MMA is mixed martial arts. Brock Lesnar's in the game. Simpsons is tapped out. Yeah, you're tapping out because you're in an arm bar you're cooler than us i would have

gotten that if i was cool you know that's that's just sort of a lot of the coolest people are into the coolest you should see these guys they're so cool yeah um their tattoos match their shirts it's great um but it's sort of yeah it's it's sort of like sim city kind of with the simpsons okay uh and are the things you're buying like specific simpsons references they can be you can buy that or what i was i feel like what i was buying the most was they had these like um uh at the quickie mart they had um like scratcher tickets and you could buy a scratcher ticket they're like a dollar 99 or something uh and they're always a win so ticket. They're like $1.99 or something. And they're always a win. So this is how I've learned that I'm probably a gambler. I probably love gambling. And so you buy a scratcher and you scratch it off on your phone and then you usually

you get something. Yeah, it's oh man, it's a blast. It's great. It's as good as gambling. It's so fun. When I saw that that game existed and that you could spend real money on it, as a Simpsons obsessive, I said to myself, if I get this, there's a world where I get drunk, take out my phone, and then I wake up the next day and I can't make rent. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah. It's probably why I deleted it, honestly. I was like, wait a minute. I can't keep spending money on this. I don't have groceries.

What do I do? Wait. So when you're building your city, you buy stuff from the Simpsons to put in the city? Like you buy... Yes. The story of the game is sort of like, think god came down and like destroyed springfield with his finger and sort of wiped out the wiped out springfield and it's up to you to rebuild it uh and so you so you start with the simpsons home you start with like yeah then other buildings you

would recognize and you can make like you can make it however you want you can make it crazy like you could you're not boring like the regular scripts you wouldn't do it like yeah boring regular you're not a regular city planner you're kind of maybe having a little fun right i'm a little twisted so i'd probably start throwing in shit from south park i think there was a futurama crossover oh yeah now i want it more than ever sorry i'm gonna leave and play the game now. I wonder if it still exists. I wonder, because those types of games are, I think, a net bad. I think they're not. Probably hurting the world.

Yeah, I don't think that's good. I can't believe, I'm just sitting here thinking I spent so much money. Jesse, is your fantasy baseball game that you play phone-based? No. If my fantasy baseball game was phone-based, it would be over for me. Absolutely over. Because I will sit here and play baseball mogul at this very desk where we're recording this program, where I'm recording my element of this program. I will sit here and

play baseball mogul for three hours straight during the work day uh and i'm saying that with two of my employees present on this call valerie and brian both work for me uh and i don't have any time i want to be clear like that's time that i'm not that my family will not have food because i didn't go to the grocery store if there were micro transactions in baseball mogul 2018 which is the version of it that I play for whatever reason, just haven't upgraded, I would be penniless right now. Do you think you play the 2018 version because it's existing in a world where COVID hasn't happened yet? Yes.

And everything else was good then too, right? Yeah, everything else was good. Everything was great. Those good times. Yeah. Everybody, right? Yeah, everything else was great. Those were good times. Yeah. Everybody loved 2018. Yeah, 2018. My whole thing is just like within the context of Baseball Mogul,

how can I make America great again? Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah. Right. Yes. I'm glad somebody's trying. Yeah. Do you think if you fix it then

It'll sort of like Butterfly effect and change things How they are here now Yeah I think so This is the premise for the baseball mogul movie It's mine I'm writing it it's mine No I'm writing it I'm writing it first

I'm writing it better I'll race you Ready right I have been playing that same game since we were in college i started playing baseball mogul in college it has not changed it has not improved it is the same they like the three or four years in they were still adding stuff but that was 15 years ago if you're feeling a little twisted, can you throw Cartman in there?

Yeah, sure. You can throw Cartman in there, but only if you're feeling twisted. Yeah. And they ask you. You have to sort of put your thumb on the phone and they sort of read it. Are you twisted for real?

And they can say, they can decline it. They can tell via a fingerprint. Yeah, if you're twisted or not. Because your fingerprint will be all, I don't know, crazy. Am I twisted enough for you, Papa Bezos, for my little dopamine hit that I need from my tweets? I feel like I'm going through a black mirror. Yeah. I should be clear.

When I'm doing that, I'm being like a Luddite Gen X guy. Oh, okay. I should be clear. When I'm doing that, I'm being like a Luddite Gen X guy. Oh, okay. Maybe people thought that's how actually I was trying to approach comedy, but I'm kind of making fun of a kind of dude. Got it. Also, this guy also hates the Kardashians.

He's really too mad at the Kardashians. What do you think about- So you got Seamus on a sex tape? Yeah. What do you think about Christine Baranski? Here's the thing about this guy. Yeah? Loves her. Stansky. This guy's a Stans about Christine Baranski? Here's the thing about this guy. Yeah? Loves her.

Stansky. This guy's a Stansky for Baranski. I can't, I don't think I've ever seen something that she's in. That's probably not true. I'm sure she must have popped up in something I've seen before. And I'm going to go ahead and say I love her. Have you seen The Grinch? I have seen The Grinch.

Great and The Grinch. Didn't realize under all that Who makeup it was Baranski. Okay, I'm in. Yeah. She transforms. That's what that's. See, that's why you call Baranski. She disappears into the role.

Yeah. Because everybody else, like, look, I know who else is in there. I know Molly Shannon's in there. I know Molly Shannon's in there. Tambor, I see. OJ Simpson. All the crews. But Baranski slipped by me. Very good. A great performance. And, you know, that's what you'd expect from her. all the crews but Bransky

slipped by me very good a great performance and you know that's what you'd expect from her Jesse I know your kids

were into the Cat in the Hat movie were there ever Grinch heads my daughter my daughter so you guys Grinch

you guys Grinching it over there so Matt for your benefit you Grinch it you Grinch it year round don't you there was a long period where my daughter's it may still be where my daughter's favorite movie was uh the cat in the hat with the mike myers cat in the hat okay which is truly awful yes it's

truly really really bad i think i saw it in the theater. Yeah. How did you feel about it at the time? God, what year did it come out? I was certainly too old to see it. And I just remember being like, this ain't the Grinch. Where's Baranski, you said? Yeah, I was like, where is she? Where's OJ?

Yeah, I was like, who is this? OJ's not in it. I was like, Alec Baldwin, pass. And then I was eating crow a couple years later when 30 Rock came on. Alec Baldwin, frankly, did a good job. Everyone, look, everyone does a good job. That's why it's so horrible.

Everything about it is wrong. There's a part where he does there's a part where he just does coffee talk from Saturday Night Live. Mm-hmm. In...

Kids love that. Cat in the Hat outfit, as the Cat in the Hat. You're like, what the fuck? Yeah. Does he say, like, I'm getting verklempt? He does the voice. I don't remember him using...

I mean, I imagine that belongs to lauren michaels probably catnip talk yeah yeah catnip talk that's funny hey thanks so um so she was she was completely obsessed with this movie and she's you know she's she's that kind of person she's she's she's into what she's into and um you know i had to see it it's horrible uh i i hope she's asleep and is not hearing this i love her very much um but sledgehammer comes through the door right now what'd you say about my favorite movie daddy something something about the the jim carrey grinch movie was upsetting to her something ineffable i mean it's the fact that someone would want to steal christmas and i think it's the idea let alone a man with a heart condition His heart was too small

I think it was mostly like Just you know Jim Carrey It's a little more sinister Jim Carrey is fucking creepy as fuck Jim Carrey is Deeply upsetting Jim Carrey

My brother my younger brother um would be mad if i said this you'd be embarrassed if i said this but it's okay um he would he was so afraid of the grinch when it was when it was coming out he was probably he's two years younger than me i think that we came out what in year 2000 something, 2001. So he was probably about eight, maybe. And I remember there was a big cutout in the newspaper. It was like a full page ad of The Grinch in black and white in the newspaper, as it would be. And I cut it out and taped it to my face and went into his room with it on his face. And he thought he was going

to die he thought the grinch was gonna kill him and that this was it and i was like the grinch doesn't kill in the movie i don't know what he was thinking but he was like screaming for like bloody murder my like my mom thought that i was like hurting him and i was just standing there with the grinch mask on being like it's me's me, the Grinch, in my voice. It's very clearly me. It's me. Yeah, wearing my Space Jam pajamas, probably. I mean, it was your voice, but you were doing the Grinch's catchphrase.

It's me, the Grinch. Yep. Give me your Christmas. Yeah. Give me all the Christmas. I eat it. I eat Christmas. My daughter hated Jim Carrey Grinch so much that she couldn't say its full name. Like, you know how there's certain kinds of observant Jews who can't refer directly to the name of God?

Yeah. She says G hyphen hyphen inch. Yeah. She would say JCG. She would say JCG for Jim Carrey Grinch. This is not a humorous thing that she really hated it so much that. Say his name three times, he appears. Yeah, exactly.

So don't. And I'm also on board with that. They're both horrible. To me, they both are truly the worst. Like, what a nightmare i i revisited the grinch this past holiday season and was like oh it's not good like i hadn't seen it probably since i was a kid and i remember liking it uh they keep trying with the grinch it's one of those things that i'm like just let it go who cares yeah? Yeah, there's more Grinches than there are Batman at this point. Yeah.

And here's the thing. We got to see his mom die every time. Where's the team-up film? I'll get three Grinches in a movie. Grinch v. Cat in the Hat, Dawn of Justice. Their moms are both named Martha. Can I suggest ballistics colon Grinch v. Cat in hat vx v sever i remember a single line from the jim carrey grinch yeah i think i saw it sorry jcg jcg i remember a single line from jcg and it is the grinch, sorry, the G.

He's making a list of random evil stuff he wants to do, and one of them is cure cancer, tell no one. I stand by that being really funny, and I assume the rest of the movie is that funny. Yeah. That's the only thing I remember, and I still think about that. I'm like, pretty good joke. Yeah. I mean, I'm hearing that and just wondering what got left on the cutting room floor you know he was going off oh jim yeah he's gonna riff yeah he was he was probably going off

like a little bit go you let the guy go yeah he became the grinch just like the grinch and andy kaufman. He would not break character, act kind of like a dick. He actually stole Christmas that year. Yeah, if you remember Christmas 2000, none. It didn't happen. Look it up. Can I pitch a movie to you guys? Please.

In your capacity as movie executives? Only if I can make it. JCG v. JCVD. We're on the same page I was thinking about JCVD and how good he would be as the Grinch Yeah The Grinch is doing the splits a lot for no reason Yeah

The Grinch in this one he's kicking everyone's ass That's exactly what that guy does Dude just fucking whips ass. Yeah. I'm just like, give us a new take on the Grinch if you're going to do another Grinch. I don't need to see him steal Christmas again. Let's watch him fuck people up. Like, let's give him something else to do.

There is a Halloween Grinch. I've seen it. What? Does he steal Halloween or does he like Halloween? It's a little... That's confusing. It's called Grinch Night. And it's like not Halloween necessarily, but it's like a spooky night for the Grinch. And there's other little that's confusing it's a it's called grinch night and it's like not halloween

necessarily but it's like a spooky night for the grinch and there's other things that happen and i can't i haven't seen it since i was probably like it's not halloween i don't think it's halloween but we it was on at halloween it's are they is it one of those things where they don't talk about halloween because that's for the devil so they're bad bad. They're against the devil, but they're cool with Grinches. Yeah, I think it might be something like that. I haven't seen it in, God, probably like 25 years now. But I had a tape of it called Grinch Night. And I remember it being like,

this is not as fun as Christmas. This is actually kind of scary. Is it like Vincent Price? Is it the whole thing? Boris Karloff, I think. Yeah. Oh, Boris Karloff. Thank you. I think there is a song in it from the guy who did the How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, like Jesse, I'm sorry that back there I Grinch explained to you. It's okay. Stop being such a Grinch. Yeah. I mean, there's gatekeepers and then there's grinch keepers i'm sorry that i'm grinch keeping as an adult who you know has to watch a lot of children's entertainment and as you know like i've i've talked shit about dr seuss on this show uh i think a lot of the dr Seuss oeuvre is just actual garbage,

just total trash. Um, because you're a pop and you don't want to be hopped on. Don't say that like a joke, man, because, you know, first of all,

representation matters. That's true. Yeah, you're right. That one's for you. Yeah. I, you know first of all representation matters that's true yeah you're right that one's for you yeah i you know i have i have not but contempt for two-thirds of dr seuss's work which are just obviously some shit he shat out just fucking garbage trash that's just like doop-de-doop-de-doop-de-do bullshit. But, that having been said, regular Grinch, original Grinch, is really good. Like, it's really great. The songs are great. It's a good

Christmas story. It's fucking, Boris Karloff is great. It's a winner. Chuck Jones directed it. Looks awesome, too. Yeah, it's so cool. It's really great. It's fucking Boris Karloff is great. It's a winner. Chuck Jones directed it. It looks awesome, too. Yeah, it's so cool. It's really great. It's got that great Looney Tunes animation.

Yeah. Well, we settled that. Yeah. I have nothing more to say about The Grinch. A beloved Christmas special is pretty good. I mean, to be fair, a lot of them are terrible. They all seem longer as I get older. They used to fly by.

I rewatched a bunch of these. I watched the Charlie Brown thing, and I was like, these kids are the most fucking boring kids on earth. These kids suck. There's like six lines in a given Charlie Brown special. And half of that thing is just Linus reading the Bible. Yeah. Like Revelations. He's reading Revelations. It's not a Christmas story at all. special and half of that thing it's just linus reading the bible yeah like revelations and

jordan revelations jordan the christmas story at all the other half is characters crossing the screen yeah yes people are just impressed to see something happening snoopy funny i'll give it up for snoopy snoopy rocks snoopy funny you gotta call it like you see it. Snoopy's funny. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, you guys want to take a little break and laugh at Snoopy for a while? Yeah. Snoopy Stanny.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, into the pipes, the electrical pipes, to power those very lights? What? The members of MaximumFun.org. They're the best. We love them. All the people who've gone to MaximumFun.org slash join. All the people who are looking forward to the MaxFunDrive coming up this spring. Going to be a lot of fun. Yeah, coming up, we're planning some fun stuff for that. We just recorded a really fun bit with our buddy John Moe that donors can listen into. We got something fun coming up with some of the Flophouse gang.

It's going to be great. So keep an eye on your... What do you keep an eye on? Your ears. Something. Keep an eye on your ears. Keep your eyes on your ears. Yeah.

We're also supported this week by the good people at Stitch Fix. You know, when it comes to looking good, Stitch Fix has you covered. If you're tired of browsing through a 20-tragillion clothing options, why not check out a curated selection, Jordan? You need some refined workwear? They got that. You need some refined workwear? They got that. You need some casual basics? They got that, too. Stitch Fix can help elevate your look.

Stitch Fix is really fun. I get a lot of clothes with them, and I always love what I get from the old folks at Stitch Fix. It's a fun process, too. It's not just an online store. It's more than that. Something I was talking with, they're also sponsoring the Judge Sean Hodren podcast. Something I was talking with John about is one of the biggest questions I get as a menswear expert, one of the biggest emails we get to put this on, is like, what clothing brand will fit my body?

It is unusual in these ways, because none of us has the average body, right? The average body is imaginary. It is a composite. And the truth is that I can't ever answer that question because I just don't know how every brand fits. You know what I mean? Yes. Like, there's too many of them. Right. And one of the really cool things about Stitch Fix is that you can use Stitch Fix to dial in the fit that you prefer on your body. Or I should say Stitch Fix will use you to dial that in. they can identify, you know, the particular shape of your body and what of the clothes that they offer will suit and flatter that shape of your body. And that is like in and of itself, like leave aside personal style, leave aside all the flavor things, like just being able to say, like, this is the one that will fit you. This is the one for your muscular thighs.

Like that is an incredible service that they fit you. This is the one for your muscular thighs. Like, that is an incredible service that they do. Using computers and curators. It really is. When I shop there, I'm kind of looking for something I like style-wise, but I don't have to worry that it's going to fit. Because you take this style quiz and you find stuff you want in your price range. You find it in your style and your size. And all the stuff you're going to get is tailored to you. And that's pretty great.

You can get it to where they send you a box, you know, at any interval you like, or you can just check out Stitch Fix Freestyle, where you can shop at a specially curated clothing store that has been put together for you based on that style quiz. Still getting compliments on that bird shirt. I mean, it's a great bird shirt.

The bird shirt came from Stitch Fix. It's changed my life. Get started today by filling out your free style quiz at stitchfix.com slash JJ go and get free shipping and returns. That's stitchfix.com slash JJ go. slash JJ Go. We're also supported this week by the good folks at Every Plate, America's best value meal kit. You know, if you're tired of paying too much for meal kits, great news. Every Plate's got your back. Yeah, they offer delicious dinners that won't break the bank. Jesse, you know, I cooked with every plate this week, and I am full and happy. What did you make? Okay, here's what I made.

I made pork chops in creamy Dijon mushroom sauce. That's nice. I made, that was great. I made sweet chili chicken with zesty carrots and scallion rice. That was a home run. And I am looking forward to my next recipe. It's gravy lover's meatballs with green beans and roasted garlic mashed potatoes.

These guys, you know I'm a gravy lover. Yeah, well, I know you're not a gravy hater. No. Because I know you're not a Jordan monster. No, of course not. I love gravy, and I'm excited to eat the every plate gravy. Boy, I sure had a blast cooking these. And I think people will like cooking with every plate. Their quality ingredients come carefully packed and pre-portioned. So you're not

paying for a giant jar of sumac you're not going to use. They give you exactly the amount of sumac you need for the recipe. Jesse, I got some excess sumac. I'm really grinding my gears right now. I'm so mad I paid for so much sumac. I accidentally bought a second jar of cardamom. And cardamom costs like $12. Cardamom is not cheap, the jar of cardamom. Have you bought sumac recently?

Jeez Louise. Get started with EveryPlate for just $1.79 per meal by going to EveryPlate.com and entering code JJGO179. That's EveryPlate.com and code JJGO179. oh and hey Jesse if you live in the Portland area and you want to see yours truly continue to talk about food I'm going to do a live show with our

buddies the Doughboys on May 1st at Revolution Hall it's a live Doughboys show it's going to be a ton of fun so if you're in the Portland area I would love to see some JJ Go representation in the audience. And you can get those tickets at RevolutionHall.com. That's May 1st at Revolution Hall in Portland.

Honestly, I can't think of a fucking better fucking thing to do in Portland, Oregon than go see that shit. That's going to be fucking hilarious. It's going to be fun. We're going to have a blast. Those are the funniest guys in history. And I'm thrilled to be doing their show. Yeah. I want to say, if you live in Portland and you're not a Doughboys fan, I'm going to say

you never heard the Doughboys before. I guarantee you, without ever having heard the Doughboys before, you're a Jordan Jesse Go listener. Go to that fucking show. You're going to have a tremendous time. That is 100% sincere. You're going to have a fucking blast. I is 100% sincere. You're going to have a fucking blast. I don't care if you've never heard of it. I know it's

weird to go to a podcast show for a podcast you've never heard before. I am promising you you're going to have a great fucking time. Yeah. Because those guys are so funny and your friend Jordan is going to be there. That's one of the funniest human beings on Earth. It's going to be a great time. Yes. Yeah. So

we'll see you out there may 1st portland uh that's revolutionhall.com for those tickets jordan did you know that i now sell uh 1981 tops cute and cuddly animal posters in my store oh cool wow uh man tops tops really had a pretty varied business maybe they still do i don't know if Topps is still around. I also sell 1995 Fleer Fox Kids Network cards. Okay. So you got some Eek the Cat cards in there? Probably an Eek the Cat in there.

And some Nasty Tricks trading cards. So I have a lot of different shit in the Put This On Shop at putthisonshop.com. I also sell beautiful fine jewelry. that's actually the main thing you could argue that's the main thing I sell put this on shop.com but if you also want to buy some fucking alf cards or some rad dudes trading cards go to put this on shop.com how about that just go there go there don't be a dipshit let's all go yeah get alf cards let's all go we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Matt Apodaca, the Grinch.

There you go. I don't think you're the real Grinch. No. I don't think you're the real Grinch. I'm the Grinch at the end of the story. Wait, what's that behind Matt in his closet? Is that Christmas? Don't look in there.

He's got it. He stole it. This is my Christmas. Actually, I'm actually watching this Christmas for somebody. It belongs to all Christians. What's that head? this is my christmas uh actually i'm actually watching this christmas for somebody it belongs to all christians what's that head what's that head rolling along matt's floor is that cindy lu who oh no um let me just turn my camera off real quick uh look matt when something momentous happens like you get caught murdering cindy lou who

we ask not more than two she was not more than two oh god she's kind of a busy body for a two-year-old like she was she had her nose in his grinch's business. Yeah. Why, who, God? Why? Cruel who, God? You can send us a voice memo at jjgoatmaximumfun.org or you can give us a call at 206-9844-FUN. It's called Momentous Occasions. One occasion is this occasion that someone called us with on the phone or by voice memo. Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. This is Emily from Louisiana calling with Moments Occasion.

I just woke up from an interesting sleep paralysis situation. Instead of the normal demon or alien abduction kind of sleep paralysis, my sleep paralysis situation was that I was listening to an episode of your podcast. sleep paralysis situation was that i was listening to an episode of your podcast so while i couldn't move or really open my eyes or wake up i was just hearing you guys yak off in my ears there was even a guess though i'm not sure who she was if she said a name i don't remember what it was and i don't really remember much of what you guys talked about but i know jesse mentioned something about the ever-increasing prices of gravy and he said it in a tone that suggested it was both a hot button issue and something that you were supposed to be clear he was doing

sarcastically and the other thing i remember you guys talking about was that the mysterious guest mentioned another woman who someone said should be a guest on the show but she couldn't because she was very pregnant and having too many babies i'm not sure what any of this means but my guess for who the guest is on this episode is the woman who was in my sleep paralysis dream that only I heard a minute ago in my nightmares. Thanks. Love you guys. Bye. Love you too. I mean, that's a pretty regular demon one, right?

So I think let's get into this, but I don't think we should run past the fact that I think she kind of maybe inadvertently came up with the perfect name for what we do on the show, which is yakking off. Yeah. I was going to ask if that's a regional phrase, because I've never heard that before. She's from Louisiana. I think I've

heard celebrity chef Paul Prudhomme say yacking off. I think I heard Cajun Boy say it once, too. Master P is famous for the lady from the Popeyes commercials. I like... You know she's yacking off.

Gambit. Gambit, yes. The X-Man Gambit. Who else? Who else? No one. I think that's it. The late Alan Toussaint.

What physical action would prevent us from yacking off? What physical action would prevent us from yakking off? Like, what is the paralysis standing between? It's that she starts, she hit play, but she can't hit pause? Yeah, I'm a little bit confused as to whether she was manifesting a fake episode in her brain or she was having sleep paralysis, but the podcast was playing. and because she was sleep paralyzed, she couldn't turn it off. Mm-hmm. I'm wondering, in her sleep paralysis dream state, did she believe herself to be listening to an episode of Jordan Jesse Go? Or did she believe Jordan, me, and a guest to be menacing her by making an episode of jordan jesse go

over her bed right demon like from the from the corner slender man style am i supposed to start saying who i think is having too many babies yeah yeah well let's start let's get a baseline first how many babies would you say is too many babies to be having to come on Jordan, Jessica? I feel like three is a lot. Yeah. Three is exactly what I was thinking because I thought one baby. No, that's fine. We've almost certainly had people who were bearing children on Jordan, Jessica.

Two babies. Certainly there are complications that would prevent people from coming on Jordan and Jesse Go. Two babies, certainly there are complications that would prevent people from coming on Jordan and Jesse Go, but they would be above and beyond the mere fact of them having gestating twins. Yes. Yeah.

But at the point where you're gestating triplets, where you know you have three human lives being born within the vessel that is your body, you cannot, cannot morally, defensively prioritize appearing on Jordan and Jessica. No. That is a broken priority. Yeah, yeah. You should actually be focused on having your triplets.

Right. We actually should stop allowing people with pets to come on the show. Yeah, yeah. You should actually be focused on having your triplets. Right. We should stop allowing people with pets to come on the show. Because actually, they should be looking after the pets. Now that we've established the number of babies, Matt, I'm going to say probably the guest, if we're talking about triplets, guest's probably Belleville.

Who's that? From the hit film, The Triplets of Belleville. Yes. Maybe the guests could have been the Octomom, but then, oops, there was more. You just didn't know. Now she's really not allowed on the show. Yeah. This is the only reason Jim Gaffigan hasn't been back on the show.

Sorry, Gaffigan hasn't been back on the show. Sorry, Gaffigan. I kind of feel like it's gimmicky, but I honestly, every time they're in grocery stores, I do get, oops, more Octomom. Sure. I like once a year they'll put out Chocdomom. Yeah. It's a special chocolate flavor. So this hasn't come up, because why would it have? I am a twin.

I have a twin brother. Congratulations. And thank you very much. It was a lot of hard work on my part. To share a womb. Yep. My mom loved it. It was very easy for her, she tells us. Very easy and normal.

Sounds like it. Yeah, and the doctor who delivered us also delivered Nadia Solman's octobabies. Wow. Yes. So to him, it wasn't just routine, your mother's birth. It's his specialty. No, it was garbage. Yeah. What a snooze. When like he's like it was multiple garbage yeah what a snooze when you were born it was horse shit it wasn't like why did i even show up today

fucking trash day yeah you gotta take out the trash fucking sleep matt and his brother are yeah coming on out there's only two of them, like some fucking assholes. Yeah. Oh, good. Yeah. Congrats, Mom. Yeah. Congrats. Good for you. Matt, is your twin a creative person as well? I guess he is in a different way. He works – I'm going to dox my brother.

Yeah, dox him. I mean, he has a very different job than me. He works in PR. So yeah, I would imagine you have to be creative in a different way, sort of in a more business-y kind of way. Where in that way, I am not. I would fail in that area. Is that just – Public relations. or are those paths upon which you embarked that you could say like, you know, nine years old,

I realized my brother was going to be the business one. And I was going to be the one that spends my money inside a Simpsons video game. Yeah. No, honestly, it does line up. It does. But like, it is like, you could sort of point point to i wouldn't say we always knew that like he was gonna be like a pr person like working pr um but like he's definitely more um like he's like this the the more of the straight and narrow kind of guy i was kind of like i was a brat i was a loose cannon i was a wild kid loose brat yeah i was a real loose brat i was not a stool of uh of jesse thorne i was uh not tightly wound no yeah wow yeah do you like this running do you like this running joke that you have you have impeccable stool i don't i didn't know poop stuff

in general i don't think is that good and funny okay well you're wrong which is weird given my enthusiasm for jack off stuff which is half of what i say yeah that i'm that i like draw the line at scat so is jack so you so when you watch like jackass or something you're sort of like no no no i actually i had never seen jackass until a few days ago wow and what did you think uh it was about what i thought it was you've never seen any jackass i think i mean i think i had seen like my i had never seen any of the movies and my memory of the tv show is that one time it came on and I was surprised at how much boring stuff there was before they did anything. And I don't remember what they did. I just remember being like watching it thinking that they were going to, you know, jump off a diving board onto a bed of nails or whatever.

And like actually they were just kind of wandering around for a long time yeah the movie the movie i was not like i didn't watch a whole jackass movie but i i watched 20 minutes of it because my child was obsessed with watching it and um it was not like that it was it was very lively but there was i i will say that like as much as I enjoyed when they climbed into monster truck tires and then pushed them down a hill, which I did think was pretty fun, there was one where somebody was farting into a tube that was connected to a space helmet and pooped. And that was really gross to me, and I didn't like it at all i was like yeah oh that's fucking gross that's a poop yeah yeah and see i as somebody who like i i would say probably with my full heart loves jackass i think jackass is like some of the funniest like some of the funniest art we have i mean it's genuinely amazing like there's There's no question that like – there's no – I am not here to put it down.

No. Because it is like they have demonstrated that they are the most extraordinary – like one of the most extraordinary things you could do and certainly the most extraordinary version of that thing. Yes. No doubt about it. Except for that one thing where Eric Andre on the Eric Andre show went to a Civil War reenactment as a runaway slave. Yeah. That's the best of those things.

But besides that, the jackass guy is getting in that tire and everything. I just showed the new movie to my girlfriend who hadn't seen it because it's on Paramount Plus right now. And I have Paramount Plus. It's braggy, braggy but okay have fun watching picard you fucking asshole yeah yeah yeah you know i have it enjoy halo hi it's me matt apodaca i'm best friends with michael chabon now is he in jackass i think he doesn't he write picard oh i don't know i think michael chabon writes picard i really only was watching uh survivor uh reruns i'd never seen survivor before we burned through like 10 seasons of survivor in the like early pandemic and i just

kept it um there's survivor there's survivor heads out there so you were watching you were watching the new jackass so you were watching the new jackass so we were watching it and my girlfriend had never seen it before had never seen any of it and I was just like I think she likes pranks and she likes things like sort of that are adjacent to that

and there's certainly enough of that in there and I was like maybe you would like this I don't know we watched it and it got to a point where she was like, so how many more dicks are there in this thing? She was kind of like, how many more are we going to see? I need a dick count. Yeah.

And she does not do well with throw-up at all. So we did fast forward. Sure. And I don't do great with throw-up, so there's not like a Kinsey scale for that. It's just like I've seen it and like i was like i can i can anticipate it it's fine um but she's like i can't see even a little bit of a like burp like that um and her review at the end of the movie was i liked some of it and i'm really glad you

showed it to me but i never need to see it again and i was like that's fair that's i would never make you watch it but i'm glad that you at least you know that's love she tried the thing that the thing that i took away from it um besides my mother-in-law also watched some of it and she's much more gentle than i she's an extraordinarily gentle uh person of faith and she did it for my daughter who needed to see it. And my mother-in-law wanted to be there to help her through the experience. Yeah. Her review afterwards was, she said, I don't understand so many penises.

And no one was like worried. I don't care if my children see penises. That's fine. They can see care if my children see penises. It's fine. They have penises, so it's not a big deal. just like i think there are like two sort of generational media products that i can see for roughly my or our generation that i can see that they're good and i and i like this like like i said there were things in the jackass that i watched i thought were really funny and there are things in this other thing that i think are really funny and good uh but that there's part of it is that part of what's implied in it is that you relate to it and i couldn't relate to it less and they are jackass and girls like those two things are things where like people were like

it's the worst of us but like or like it's the craziest of us but like we we see it like we recognize what it is about it and like with when i was watching jackass i was like i truly have never had the instinct to do something like this like it's not that i've been suppressing it and i like have to let it loose like there's never been i've never felt like an intense bond with my male friends that makes us want to punch each other in the dick like it just is not part of my experience at all and it's the same with girls where i'm like i don't know in my 20s i worked 70 hours a week yes yeah i for some reason when i was watching this new one it has never occurred

to me before i was watching it and i was like i could do this one and i was like going like stunt by stunt and being like i could do this one this one's was going stunt by stunt and being like, I could do this one. This one's easy. But anything that's too gross or I wouldn't do any of the gross stuff, that's not, I wouldn't think that's funny. But I could fall off a ramp and land on the ground. That seems like I could do that one. Or get hit by a big hand. I don't know.

That seems like I would just do that. Yeah, how much are you taking home to get hit by a big hand? Yeah, I do it for free. What do you think the jackasses make for a jackass? You know, I heard that the guys, like the main guys, I think all get paid pretty decently well. They own the property also, and it's through their production companies. It's a co-pro with their production company and Paramount. So they make a lot of money when the movie makes a lot of money.

And I heard that the new guys, though, didn't make that much money. And that kind of made me a little sad. That's interesting. Yes. I'll say this. So I know one of the jackass directors guys is Lance Bangs. And he is married to Corinin tucker rockstar corin tucker and they are like two of the nicest people i've ever met like they're spectacularly nice and i like have

had lunch with them and their children in a like barbecue restaurant in portland or whatever and talking to them like even lance being the sweetest man on earth like thinking of him yes of him and how normal it is to him to bring a video camera to videotape someone stapling their balls to something or whatever it's like i'm looking at a spaceman like it's as though i and a hundred percent not like and someone's farting into the helmet yeah like i just want to be clear yeah that like it's not like it's like a three percent thing that for him is 100%. To me, I can't see across the chasm. I do not understand it at all.

That does seem wild to comprehend. Because, yeah, the thing about... I guess with all of them, too, all these guys, they go to the bank and stuff. They go do normal things. It's very strange. It would be weird to see one of them do something normal and being like, I've seen your asshole. This is weird. Yeah.

That should be, maybe that would make the jackass stunts more shocking. If instead of the movie being like 90 minutes, you extend it. So maybe twice the length. So you make this, this is a three hour movie. This is Batman length. Yeah. And then just what you're padding it out with is going to the store, going to the post office, standing in line at the bank, you know, getting a key made.

You got to go out of town. You got to give your neighbor a key. You got to go to that little kiosk to get a key made. And then when the shit hits the space helmet, it's all the more shocking because you've just watched this guy get his dry cleaning. Yeah, we just watched this guy make dinner for his family. Yeah. It's a little something called establishing stakes. Yeah, yeah.

You get like- You got to set the stakes, start the clock ticking, and then shit the space helmet. And then you got to shit in the space helmet. You keep the same guys that do that stuff on that stuff. And then you get like Link later to come in and do the slice of life stuff. And so it really hits too. And film it over the course of 20 years. Yes.

I agree. Terrence Malick comes in. You got to boyhood this. Here's the thing. One of the incredible things, of course course about jackass is how they think of these premises, right? They think of these amazing things that they do.

Well, Jordan and I do that all the time. We have lots of segments on the show that have amazing premises that we've thought of. Um, it's not just people call in because they want to say something into our voicemail or whatever. And then they claim that that's a segment on our show

uh that's actually what happens man sort of retroactively or happens to justify the fact that they wanted to leave this message it's not just that it's it's it's stuff we've thought of because yeah no that yeah i know that so here's so we're basically the lie just as Jackass turned shitting into a tube into an art. So have we done the same with similar success to repeatable segments on a comedy podcast? Go ahead and press play on one of these, Brian. Hi, Jordan and Jesse and Brian and your guest. This is Debra calling with your beloved segment, Can I Make This Nickname Work? I just am driving home from helping my big sister.

She just had a baby less than a week ago. So I let them get some shut-eye and some sleep while I held the baby. Pause it for a second. Only one? Yeah, I hate to see it, unfortunately. I thought, you know. Garbage. Trash bag.

Where's the rise and grind mentality for having a baby, you know? One. Why isn't she podcasting right now? Come on. Okay. Press play button. She podcasting right now. Come on.

Okay. Press play, Brad. My sister comes out and she goes, oh, look at you with your auntie. And then she realizes, oh, we need an auntie nickname for you. Because her auntie nickname with my daughter is Tia, you know. Like Tia Carrere. And so she goes, what should we call you? And I said, how about Tuffy?

And my sister just said, without batting an eyelash, yeah, it's going to be Tuffy. Yeah. Bye. I love you guys. First of all, Tuffy, we love you too. Tuffy? Second of all, that's a fucking great anti-nickname, Tuppy. Matt, our fans love to be called Tuppies. It's something you can call Tupperware.

Yeah, this is something that Jordan accidentally called the Tupperware that he had left in the cabinet at work. He called it that at work. and then that was the rest of history it's so discomfited him yeah no i i think you're i maybe i the way i remember the story is that i liked it and uh ally gertz was so grossed out she couldn't look at me okay i'm like left the room thanks jordan um well either way is that why you have a tattoo on your back that says, One Sick Tuppy? You know, it's not actually. The reason for that is that Jordan's a little twisted.

Oh, yeah, yeah. You're a little bit of a Grinch. That's why Cartman said that. I was trying to say One Sick Guppy. I used to be a huge gupphead. But I slurred my speech at the tattoo parlor. Yeah. Well, you can't go in like that.

No, you're right. You're right. It serves me right. I think she can pull off Tuppy as an anti-nickname. Yeah. I mean, I think it just depends on how fresh she keeps food. Yeah. Like how long, you know, like a pork chop will stay.

She'll burp it. She's got to burp it. Stay good inside her. Yeah. I think that a lot of listener, podcast listener nicknames could make a good aunt or uncle name. I mean, I'm thinking Bumper. A Bumper is somebody that listens to Stop Podcasting Yourself, our sister show here on the network. Oh, okay.

Matt, do the Get Played fans have a moniker that they go by? Dorks? Losers? Noorks, losers. No. Loser says what? Yeah. Butt munch. Classic.

No, I don't, I don't think, I don't think they do. Or at least we don't, we don't address them as such. But if they came up with one, maybe we'll steal Tuppy.

Yeah, you can have it yeah it's fine we're not using it we don't have listeners so we should uh if there's like yeah we should make a we should give ourselves a name based on our our favorite podcast i'll be jordan somebody's name isn't jordan just starts going by jordan call me jordan i'm a fan of jordan jesse go so i go by jordan if you want to call in to one of our famous segments 206-984-4-FUN or jj go at maximum fun.org for the voice memo we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go hey there beautiful people.

I'm Travelle Anderson. And I'm Jared Hill. We are the hosts of Fanti, the show where we have complex and complicated conversations about the gray areas in our lives, the things that we really, really love sometimes, but also have some problematic feelings about. Yes, we get into it all.

You want to know our thoughts about Nicki Minaj and all her foolishness? We got you. you want to know our thoughts about nicki menage and all her foolishness we got you you want to know our thoughts about gentrification and perhaps some positive question mark aspects of gentrification we get into that too every single thursday you can check us out at maximumfun.org listen you know you want it, honey, so come on and get it. Period. Hi, I'm Biz, host of One Bad Mother. Whether you're a parent or just know kids exist in the world, join us each week as we honestly share what it's like to be a parent. I signed my stepson up for a camp that is actually in another state.

I feel really stupid and I don't think we're going to get the money back. And then he found out that the car manual is a book about cars. So now he's reading our car manual. We are excited. So join us each week as we judge less, laugh more and remind you that you are doing a great job. Download One Bad Mother on MaximumFun.org.

And yes, there will be swears. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Matt Apodaca, the Grinch. Matt, what a joy it's been to have you here on our program what a treat you're one of the co-hosts uh with a couple of other friends of jordan jesse go of the podcast get played that's right um jordan did you know that they did an entire c-man episode and i wasn't on it oh Yeah, the number one Seaman stan. Well, hey, they gotta

revisit Seaman at some point. We must. There's a lot to talk about with it. It's funny. It's funny and kind of good. It's great. Oh, I dedicated a year of my life to it, so you don't have to convince me. So Get Played, I should

say, I am a big fan of i want i i really hope people check out this show i i listen every week it's one of those like day it comes out podcasts for me nah with our friends heather ann campbell and nick weiger yeah the three of the three of the funniest people around they talk about video games in the early uh phases of the show they were kind of reviewing notoriously bad games uh now the show uh has broadened uh it's it's it's topic base yes to video game news you still got some bad weird games in there yeah you got uh you got q a stuff you got long plays it's such a great show i think if you if you love games uh all all three of these all three of these folks are are like people who think smartly about video games but are also really really funny thank you

and uh yeah and i've talked to uh tons of people who are like i don't even play that many games and i just like hearing these three hilarious people talk so that's that's always nice to hear and it is i'm always like what are you doing that's really nice i really. And it is. I'm always like, what are you doing? That's really nice. I really love it. But I feel like a lot of feedback I see is like, I don't even play video games. Like, this is, I would never listen to something about something I don't understand. I hate this show.

Why do I listen to it? But that's, I love it. That must mean we're doing something right. That it's approachable for people who don't, or we at least explain the game enough that it's understandable for people that don't play. That's very nice. We get a kind of similar feedback sometimes on Jordan Jesse Go. People will say, you know,

I listen to Jordan Jesse Go, and I do and accomplish things in my life. I have reason to exist. I never yak off. I've never yakked off before. I leave Christmas where it belongs. I am not stealing it.

Yeah. I like the running joke. Let's include the running joke that we're trying to steal Christmas. Yeah. Let's take that and put it into future episodes. Yeah. Matt's a hilarious guy. He does a bunch of podcast stuff.

Thank you. It is a special show, and it's really fun. I've been on it a couple of times, and I always have a blast yeah what and there's one uh i don't know when this comes out but there's one a recent one we talked with jordan about elden ring and what a boy we could have kept going we could have kept going that was one where i'm like does the podcast have to end yeah yeah i can cancel some shit i can cancel some shit and move it around so this is an open world podcast, right? Yeah.

You can just ride your horse around. We were texting afterward, and we were like, there's like a million things we didn't talk about because we were just like, this is cool, and this is cool, and this part's cool, and this is fun. It's a great episode. Yeah, so it's fun. So we talked about Elden Ring recently,

but I've also been on to talk about broken, horny Sonic the Hedgehog games. Yeah, yeah. Whatever flavor you like. The word horny and the word Sonic the Hedgehog, a little bit redundant there, Jordan. Sorry. If Sonic's involved. You know what's going on. You know people are hard and wet.

The blue blur. yeah our producer is brian sunny d fernandez on the stream this evening as we record is valerie moffitt uh we've been streaming the show live on the max fun youtube channel on sunday evening specific time um that's generally when we're recording the show. We can't promise it to you, but you should subscribe to the MaxFun YouTube channel so you can look in on our homes as we record this program sometime. You can find us on Reddit at maximumfun.reddit.com. You can email us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. Call us at 206-9844-FUN.

Hashtag your JJ Go tweets, hashtag JJ Go. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design. And of course, Light in the Attic Records. Our thanks to them. I think that's about it. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. you and kiss you and love you love you love you love you maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported