Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 740: P.P. Barnum with Jenny Jaffe

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Jenny Jaffe (Rugrats, Teen Titans Go!) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of how it's possible that Tom Cruise has never seen a movie, Jenny's deal with herself that lead to an extravagant massage chair purchase, and Jesse's attempt to use The Secret to become a minor league baseball announcer. Plus, Jordan and the Bubble Team are nominated for an Eisner!  If you are a librarian or a comic industry professional, please vote for Bubble!!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Congratulations, my friend, on being nominated for a Michael Eisner Award. Very exciting stuff. That's true. I introduced the wonderful world of Disney all last year.

Uh-huh. And just let people know Pete's Dragon was coming on, Roger Rabbit, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. This is an award, we should explain, this is an award for comic book creators that honors the most magical entertainment executives of the late 1990s. Right. Yeah. It's actually the Will Eisner Award.

Creator of The Spirit, I believe. Yes. The Will Eisner Award. And you were not nominated for one of these, Jordan. You were nominated for two of these. we were nominated for the Eisner Comic Book Award, Best Comedy Thing and Best Adapted Thing. These will be given out at Comic-Con. Jordan, who votes on this?

This is my question, because we got to get this in the bag for you. Who votes on this award? Well, I mean, I think comic book industry professionals. Okay. We're going to do fine there. we'll do fine on comic book industry professionals i think we got comic book industry professionals you know um but also just maybe a little more relevant to our audience uh librarians can vote so well attention librarians bad news for brian michael bendis or whatever game pawn lock as they say holy mackerel if you're out there and you know what sorry allison bechdel if you're if you're out there and you're not a librarian you're listening to the

wrong show if you are a librarian now's the time get your ballot just drop it in one of the thousands of drop boxes right and round and above all stay in line stay in line they will try and tell you that it's over uh no this is really cool it's it's really cool they give out these awards at comic-con uh we're we're flattered we're honored a lot of a lot of fucking heavy hitters nominated for these things so it's it's uh it's great company to be in and um it's described in the press release as a gala oh that's gonna be nice jordan gala i don't go to i don't know that i've been to a single gala i've had a gala apple loved it gala apple that's right where you were going well we both got nothing but hits sure solid gold here yep a lot of apple humor from the show

um yeah so it's a gala um a little bit confused as to what to wear my first instinct is my formal Deadpool costume. Yeah, I think that's about right. You're going to have to have a lot of quips ready, though. Yeah. In case the camera comes towards you. I'll very politely break the fourth wall. I'll ask the fourth wall before I break it.

I would imagine a comics gala has a broad variety of looks being presented, wouldn't you guess? Yeah, it did not say anything in the press release about dress code or anything like that. But yeah, I'm sure it's chaos. Jesse, do you know what constitutes a gala rather than a party or a gathering or a hang? I mean, first of all, you're going to need a ballroom. Yeah. Okay. Right?

I think so. I think, right. Oh, so it's location dependent. Yeah. I'm going to say ballroom first and foremost, as they sang in the hit film Frozen. You can't have a ballroom without balls. So think it's a ball is that in frozen it is and it's great good tip tip of the cap to bobby and kristin for as someone with young children i i i defer to you on any facts about the movie frozen yeah i'll tell you i'll tell you this about Frozen. Is it a little messy? Yes.

Are the songs great? Absolutely. Tremendous. A lot of great work in there. A lot of good laughs. And of course, we have no choice but to stan a legend, Snowman from Frozen. Sure. Yes.

Snowman from Frozen, show feet on main. Does he have feet? I don't know. I i mean just the bottom ball show bottom ball on main don't neglect the bottom balls dear mr gad thank you for your lively and charming performance as snowman from frozen i would like for you to accompany me to a gala. I like that your character's theme was confusion and upset with remortality. I have seen Frozen the one time. I have not had to watch it on loop. But my thought coming out of that thing, third best X-Men movie. Wow.

Yeah. of that thing third best x-men movie wow yeah this is the kind of hot take that would make that should be making us the new blank check or whatever that's yes hey can i can i tell you this movie thing someone posted on twitter oh sure yeah i think this is well i was gonna say before yeah would it be should we introduce our ghost to introduce our guest who's wearing a movie themed sweatshirt no this is going to be wonderful our guest? Would it be ghost to introduce our guest who is wearing a movie-themed sweatshirt? No, this is going to be wonderful. Our guest on the program, beloved past guest on this show, friend of the show, successful comedy writer working on some incredible projects that she cannot say.

A lot of NDAs. A lot of NDAs. Let's just say we also didn't hear them and we're really impressed so they're really exciting you'll probably hear about them in the future jenny jaffe hi jenny how are you guys i was thinking i feel like in la it's such a power move to like you can tell anybody you're working on stuff that you can't tell them about at any time i did tell you guys what it is so you can verify that there are things but anybody could just be like yeah i just i'm under ndas you could be completely unemployed let's just say we're about to hear a really hilarious take on something that rhymes with

schmance formers oh man it's not the schmance more than schmitz the eye schmato bots they finally picked a screenwriter for the frankenberry movie It's not the Schmancer Wormers. More than Schmeets the Eye. Schmottobots. They finally picked a screenwriter for the Frankenberry movie. I definitely think there's a world where I pitch on a cereal-based movie. That's really in my wheelhouse. Top three dream cereal projects. Which sandboxes do you want to play in? Booberry, for sure.

For me, I think I want to know the origin story of the rice crispy guys sure crackle and pop and then of course for me it's got to be the good friends oh hakashi good friends that's right i think the good friends is the answer here what's your take let's hear got to have a take on these. Is it dark and brooding? Is it grounded? They love a grounded take. Grounded, grounded, grounded. The good friends.

Oh my gosh, you get friends take. So they've been friends for such a long time. These two friends and they we you know we see we open on like sort of this montage showing their friendship together and then uh and it seems like everything is going great right and their lives and both of them are like they have this special locket each of them has half of it but then one says one half says sear and the other one says eel yeah exactly combine the and when they have this ritual where they eat cereal together every sunday but after time they grow apart it's really sad you know life just sort of takes me these different directions they

haven't seen each other in 10 years um but then something happens and their other friend turns up dead. Wow. And the thing is. Did not see that coming. Only one half of the locket was found at the scene of the crime. They both got to work together to prove their innocence. Yeah. So it is dark. It's dark as a detective tale. Kind of a gone girl.

It's about friendship. There is some supernatural stuff that starts to happen as well uh we you know we meet this dark spirit called kashi that has decided to bring them together we must summon kashi and and at the end of course they you know it's it's all just like about how cereal brings them right together so it's great for brand integration and then at the end of course they you know it's it's all just like about how cereal brings them right together so it's great for brand integration and then at the end and again you know this is you can use this this is a yeah there's just a pitch here yeah at the end when they banish kashi they're like oh no we've opened up a rip in the spirit realm here comes boo berry exactly it's like a mid-credits thing of like here's all all the other, you know, Count Chocula.

I don't actually know if they're in the same cereal family, but I mean, Grape Nuts for sure. Yes. You called for a Grape Nuts? We're really excited about this one. I actually sold recently, Jenny, Grape Nuts. It's sort of like a prequel to Gra oh yeah it's a romantic comedy it's about how uh rocks met twigs and fell in love and then their baby was grape nuts i like grape nuts so do i i ate grape nuts for breakfast this morning did you actually yeah absolutely i love okay so you

so you're very close so this is how you got this pitch. You're like, this is really close to my heart. Yeah, you got to have a personal connection to these things, Jesse. Exactly. They want a personal connection. This is my story. This is my story. So I read, guys, I read in Vulture that Tom Cruise puts on a disguise and sees every movie that's released in movie theaters. You know, we're out

to tom cruise to play booboo oh wow booboo will be doing a lot of running i'm out to tom cruise to get me off this c-org boat wait every movie that's in theaters he sees that's what it said in vulture in vulture it said he puts on a disguise and he sees every movie that's released in movie theaters sonic 2 but do you guys remember the quote that was uh it was from um movie bill magazine that tom cruise said about movies do you guys remember about how much he loves movies i pulled it up uh no uh-uh do you think you could they much he loves movies i pulled it up no uh no uh do you think you could they asked him this is real i know that i sound insincere as i read this but this is

actual they asked him do you have a most memorable movie going experience i mean obviously like the first time you went to the movies uh the time the train seemed like it was coming out of the screen and you screamed and ducked. For your first time you made it. How old are you? Who knows how old Tom Cruise is? It's true. This is Tom Cruise answering the question, do you have a most memorable movie going experience? And remember, he puts on a disguise and sees every movie in theaters. And remember, he puts on a disguise and sees every movie in theaters. Sure. Boy, that's hard to say because I can basically look at my whole life in terms of films I've seen. To name just one, so, so many films that have been memorable to me.

I love movies. I can remember since I was a little kid going to the theater or the drive-in and what it meant to me when the lights go down i'm just taking on a journey going to places that i didn't even know existed or different worlds that i wished were real incredible adventures drama comedy that's what i love i love the cinema experience i prefer it with a packed audience that's what we dream about when we're making these films too thinking of that group experience there's nothing like it and nothing like seeing it on a big screen with great sound and exactly the way it was meant to be that has never changed for me i love it it sounds like he's never seen a movie he's heard about going to yeah someone described movies to him most memorable so he was married to nicole kidman and i don't i and if you're listening you

can't see that i'm wearing a sweatshirt that says somehow heartbreak feels good in a place like this which is of course from the nicole kidman amc insane monologue and they have the exact same energy which is just neither of them sounds like they've been to a movie yeah well because they i mean like it's like when trump was asked what his favorite bible quote was yes yeah it is it does have that exact same energy it's like too many too many to name too many yeah it's a name on movie yeah i don't know top five you can have a top five i'll tell you jackass forever was my favorite movie going experience it's not it's not sounds great you know what about that part where they turned out all the lights and then the guy ran into the frying pan that was tremendous it was really funny that was i think that's the artist i've laughed at a long time at

any kind of filmed entertainment from the ceiling by their handle and it was dark and he walked straight into one this fucking guy being in a packed theater post like the omicron wave anytime and there's like a newly pandemic thing anytime you've been in isolation period and then you go to a movie the audience is feral yeah like i saw in the heights and like i the audience was just so happy we were all just so happy to be in public yeah like it was just the first time a theater had been open it was like oh my god this is that's a great movie going experience i went to and i don't know you know jenny you you know this because obviously you're you have a fandom for the amc brand i do um you know a list baby okay all the way so i'd like to join your entourage sometime oh yes please um it's the best uh so you know amc has these has

these adults only screenings where you can drink you can grab a drink at mcguffin's the amc bar and you know so you know you know everybody is at least of drinking age and um i know exactly what you mean because i went to a screening of sonic 2 that just turned into an orgy it just soon as soon as eggman popped up everybody was impregnating everyone everybody was up on the cross i i i really wanted to go see sonic too i know that we were joking about that but i think i really enjoyed the first one and i think the second one looks like it was fun um it's so funny that like idris elba is like you know very arguably like one of the great actors and you know the great modern movie star and he's playing knuckles

oh are you talking about mcavity from the film cats yeah we're talking about yeah that's what i know primarily is mcavity you know yeah because because i don't know if that man can pick projects very well jenny you would know cats primarily as a film yeah Yeah. Yeah. The famous film, Cats. A famous film, Cats. Well, I've watched it now twice for the flop out. Maximum fun fans really want to make us keep watching Cats. Have either of you heard that story about Tom Cruise talking to other actors about the things they can't do because they're famous? No. I have no source for this.

It could be another podcast. It could be fake. But here's a story that I know and like is that some actors were sitting around talking about the things they can't do because they're famous, and Tom Cruise slides in and says, yeah, I mean, you can't go to the ravioli store.

Oh, I want to believe i don't know where that's from i'm choosing to believe it's true it's there's nothing funnier than that just like way too famous yeah he's just been famous too long doesn't understand anything i was shocked to learn there's a whole store for honey baked ham oh yeah you can get a sandwich that's wild to me because that seems far too specific yeah so i don't know maybe there is a ravioli there's an old spaghetti factory jenny where are you getting honey baked hams let's say it's easter and jenny jaffee's looking for a ham to celebrate the rebirth of Christ. Well, I am Jewish, so I guess I was just surprised people need that much ham. So it's even harder to find a ham. You don't know the good sources. Well, that was mostly the thing.

So you just look up ham in the Yellow Pages. What's the first thing that you get? John. That's true. He buys a full page. It's weird his number is still in there. Full page. Full page ad.

Call me. Yeah. Looking for a John Hamm from Mad Men? Weird that I'm not more famous. Yeah. I'm great. I could have played Knuckles. Where'd I go?

I think he's in Top Gun. Speaking of Tom Cruise, I think I saw john ham pop up in the top gun trailer oh really oh i'll watch that shit i don't you know i'll watch any goddamn thing show me something that's the thing about amca list i'm like listen it's i'm paying for it no matter what like i can go three free movies a week i'll go see whatever now it's wait you can go see three i thought this was points i thought you were saving up points because whenever i go to amc i give jordan's phone number so i can save up the points god you gotta just give them your phone number no i always use jordan's because i don't want them tracking me uh no it's like three free movies a week it's it's awesome it's like 40

bucks a month which is a lot but if you go to two movies, that's like almost there anyway. I mean, that is pretty solid. This AMCA list sounds great. I'm in Jerry Seinfeld's B movie. I don't know. I don't know. It's a different letter. Top gun. I wasn't sure what the connective tissue was,

but I was going to let you know. Come on, Jesse, you can get there. Let's just sit quietly while Jesse figures this one out. The next fucking letter. I don't know. I, too, am excited to see the Top Gun movie, but I do have this weird association when watching the trailer.

I'm like, oh, cool, Top Gun. Yeah, this looks really, really cool. Okay, cool. The Nintendo game was too hard. It was just too hard to land. And then I just get mad. I've never seen Top Gun. Oh, really? Like regular Top Gun 1. Boy, I don't know if it would hold up. I don't think so. I kind of don't think so either. I looked up the plot and it was very different than I thought it was going to be.

Yeah. It seems like the kind of movie that would have a heinous crime in it that we forgot about yeah yeah like a breaking and entering or something yeah i think i think maybe you can watch the like erotic volleyball scene on youtube and the what do they all sing in the bar there's something they all sing in the bar and it's like a great what do you do with a drunken sailor i think there you go yes and to sing something in the public domain yeah i deleted twitter a year ago and it was fantastic but i did i did a thing on twitter when i had it where i would just give the plot that i assumed the movie had based on what it was and And everybody told me Top Gun was completely off. And I was like, there's no race to be the Top Gun, which didn't make sense to me.

That's the title of the movie. But they were all racing pilots, like a pilot racing. And, you know, there's I he, you know, it's come from like a field on a motorcycle to like be a rebel pilot. A classic pilots race. yeah uh you've lost that love and feelings son you've lost that love and feeling oh well that sounds nice yeah i don't remember that at all is anthony edwards bald in that movie uh are you thinking of revenge of the nerds that's a movie that's who's the other guy who's the other guy in top gun val kilmer it's val kilmer revenge of the nerds is one of those movies where a guy showed it to me on a

date and part way through realized that it maybe wasn't actually as wholesome and fun as he thought it was yeah that's that one's a that's a famously horrible one isn't it uh it is yeah it's one part one of the one of the many 80s slumber party movies that we watch that have anthony edwards is in fucking top gun politics is he okay hey okay i'm gonna say he wasn't in it yeah i did i'm sorry i'm sorry you were thinking jordan you were probably thinking of whipip Huxley. That's the name of a person? Whip Huxley, he plays Hollywood.

Whip Huxley? Whip Huxley. That's a fantastic name. Whip Huxley plays Hollywood and Barry Tubb plays Wolfman. All of these people sound like Revolutionary War names dearest whip my dearest way i did a um i did a community theater production of top gun uh where i played uh adrian pasdar's famous role chipper what was your take on chipper dark dark supernatural sort of brooding grounded so grounded yeah jordan you were in that you remember that you played duke stroud's famous role air boss johnson that's true and people still call me air boss johnson to this day these are real what is top gun it's a nintendo game that's too hard it's hard to land

it's too hard to land the plane i've seen top gun and i don't i don't think any of this can possibly be real it sounds increasingly made up this is from the mind of tom cruise you got to admit if you didn't know that tom scarrett was was a real man, you wouldn't believe Tom Skerritt was a real man. I mean, I've met Tom Skerritt. You, sir, are no Tom Skerritt. I didn't claim to be Tom Skerritt. At best, I'm Meg Ryan as Carol. Jenny, with the A-list program, have you gone to see anything that's just like random?

It's three o'clock. I have this app. I can just see a movie. I'll see something. Has there been anything like that? I'm sure there has. It's kind of escaping me right now. I am getting over COVID, so my brain is a leaky sieve at the moment.

I truly like this. Glad to hear you're getting over it. Thank you. This is leaky sieve at the moment. I truly like this. Glad to hear you're getting over it. Thank you. This is the most I've been awake in a little bit. Nice to hear you're prioritizing coming on Jordan Jesse Go. No, I honestly really excited to have an excuse to sit up straight. What is Jordan Jesse Go, but an excuse to sit erect um no but uh i feel like it's it's not coming to me but i do know it's just one of those things where like if i'm bored or like

we've got like this whole little entourage of like and i'm gonna add you to it where you can like add your friends who have a list and you can get to it's like oh do you guys don't want to go see this movie and just show up and whatever is playing basically i love the experience of being at a movie theater so i'll go see most things like i just like having like a soda you know what's your movie soda oh okay so i do all you do suicide i do suicide of all of the diet vanilla options that's a very specific suicide it is very specific so the coke freestyle one of my dreams in life is to own a coke freestyle these are amazing machines they're so fabulous seems like an accessible what could

what is a coke freestyle cost do you think i don't know i like own a massage chair which to me was the most insane thing a person could have and uh it's i'm i'm so thrilled with my purchase um i feel like the next like big purchasing white whale for me would be a soda machine like that yeah coke freestyle is a pepsi freestyle okay um but they have so many because like uh they i they have so many options and there's so many times i've gone to the movie on a different kind of diet where i can't have popcorn but i can have a fun diet soda so um i'll just get anything in the like you know you have the option for all the ones that are zero and then they all have flavors which you don't get at the grocery store i'm kind of picturing the the coke freestyle interface do you have to do any and i'm kind of imagining like

the times i've used this thing um great dispenser of pebble ice by the way pebble ice has come up on the show recently pebble ice that we just put that on our registry i want a pebble ice maker you're on the right show bill oakley are 100 behind you uh we both have one love it ben harrison also a big supporter uh can you send me which one you have because i was i've been doing some comparison shopping like i feel like i would drink so much more water if i had a pebble ice maker can i suggest to you this it's gonna cost you you're you have a registry and look you're getting married but you already you already have a home so you know there was a time when a wedding registry was really just about we need silverware.

We need plates. Right. We need. Well, that's the thing is it's like we're not going to use the like fancy like we wouldn't use like China, which I feel like is the thing you're supposed to register for. So we've been like, well, what are the things that we probably wouldn't buy ourselves? And I feel like a pebble ice maker is up there. So it costs between about $2,000 and $11,500. No way. Are you serious? To get ready to receive a Coke Freestyle machine. And then you're going to want to lease it from

Coke. That's much more than I thought. Oh, are you talking about the Coke Freestyle machine or the pebble ice machine? I thought you meant a pebble ice maker for a second. I'm talking here about the Coke Freestyle machine or the Pebble Ice machine? I thought you meant a Pebble Ice maker for a second. I'm talking here about the Coke Freestyle because you're going to, it could cost more if you have to cut granite countertops to install it. Okay. And then you're looking at about 30% more than a regular soda fountain in terms of cost, about $320 a month to lease it from the Coca-Cola company. That seems worth it to me.

And then the electric bill. Yeah, well. Probably a lot of hidden costs too, I would imagine. That's a good point. That's a good point. And also, do you have to buy the syrups every couple? I don't really know how these work. Yeah, I think you're going to need the syrups.

You're going to need the canisters. You're going to need a water hookup. And then, of course, you're going to have to go ahead and cut the granite countertops. Well, I don't know what granite countertops I need to cut. Well, first of all, if you don't have them, you need to install them. Then you can have them cut. I kind of just straight up want it in my office. Like, you know, just I'll make room.

That'd be such a great, like, power move for work calls. Right? Here's one on eBay for $8, 8 500 it's right here in gardena really and that's a that's a freestyle self-serve 7 000 this thing retails for 20k jump on it jaffee we'll stall you go to gardena okay give this person covid while you're picking it up i'm negative now i am today was my first day it's very exciting congratulations um that feels like one of those things where if you want like to me that's like when you go to somebody's house if they have any sort of arcade machine i'm like that's cool like that that's that's living i've definitely mentioned this on the show before but my like childhood dream you my massage chair jenny, is one of those sit-down Ms. Pac-Mans that they have in bars. Yes.

Oh, that would be so sick. I just want one of those. I want to eat all my meals at it. Oh, you want to use this? Yeah. That's smart, actually. Thank you. Yeah, it's a space saver.

I associate those sit-down Ms. Pac-Man machines exclusively with pupusas. Oh, with me, it's Chinese restaurants. There you go. Same reason. Yeah. It was Los Panchos around the corner from my house. I think Los Panchos might still be there. Didn't we get somebody to confirm that their creepy ceiling display that looks like a skeleton

and a serape is still there and and just getting dirtier and dirtier that's about right i believe that's correct i believe jesse price that for me price sit down because maybe this is an achievable dream i've just like been sitting here thinking this could never happen for me well this was the massage chair thing for me yeah how did it happen this is not a thing here's exactly how it happened i went went to Costco with one of my best friends and there was a guy selling like there was like a instead of like the free samples or whatever, he was there selling this specific massage. And he gave us like a demonstration. And as he was giving us the pitch, he was like, he told us how much the massage chair costs. I was like, I have to admit that is less than I thought a massage chair would cost. And it didn't occur to me up until that moment that that was a thing people had in their house.

I thought it was a thing you sat in at the mall until they kicked you out. And so I got, I just kind of kept thinking about it. And then my friend and I like just got really into like looking up massage chairs. It turns out there's a whole world around it. Like it's a really good, like an online community. Like people have a lot of feelings and i was about to pitch the show that elliot caitlin and i sold with elliot and i kind of made this really dumb deal with myself i was like if i sell this show i'm gonna make a one stupid purchase and it's gonna be this and so my friend and I picked out the one that I would buy.

And Elliot and I ended up selling it in the room and I made good on my promise. It wasn't the Costco one, though. It was a different one. It was not the Costco one. I went with a different one, ultimately, because for the price point, like they had more features and stuff. Yeah, you want as many features as you can get. We had more features and stuff. Yeah, you want as many features as you can get. And then I ended up, so I have this chair, which I continue, which I love, but is really silly and kind of an eyesore. And I ended up pitching an episode of Teen Titans Go about massage chairs to kind of justify the purchase.

And it aired. So I'm like, okay, this was completely worth it. Like, okay, now it has paid for itself. Did you get, did you call your accountant and ask if you could write it off now? No, I wasn't, I wasn't that smart. I should, I should see if I can retroactively, but the move it for free for life. Like that's one of the crazy things is that I've now moved twice with this massage chair. So wait, a separate massage chair moving person comes just to move the chair because they it's really really heavy and they have to take it apart and set it up again so

that's a great selling point yeah how did you find a place to put it um it was just in the living room at my last two places and then at this house our bedroom had room for it and i was like let's put it here so less people like so people can use it if they want to use it but it's not it takes up a lot of floor space and it's not like a pretty piece of furniture that's what like i when i get bad migraine headaches which i do too and it's like the best thing for it god don't sell me on this jenny i can't i will it's there's this zero gravity feature where it kind of like picks you up like a baby wow and tell you it's proud of you yeah it does it's i have it programmed it up with a migraine which i frequently do i'll

just like go into it for a bit and wait for my imitrex to kick in and yeah i mean i so when i lie down when i have a headache it gets worse yeah all i want to do is lie down because i can't do things right uh and so i the number of times i have thought about buying a barca lounger or upgrading to a massage chair just so I have a place to lie down with my head on top of my, above my shoulders or like above my heart. Well, that's exactly what this is. It's like this. So it does this like zero gravity thing that puts your legs up. It is actually like much, it is less than other pieces of furniture. It just looks much less attractive and takes up more room and is a transformer that lives in your house

but it lets you drink its milk it does slurp it up delicious chair milk jordan if you now you have a beautiful the listener knows you you've got a beautiful bungalow there in pasadena california yeah uh in the morris complex is there a place for a miss pac-man head-to-head arcade table god i don't know do you need the dimensions yeah you're looking at 29 inches high though do you have a dining table because get rid of that yeah i was thinking can this be the coffee table? Like, yeah, I don't, not tastefully, but I don't know, maybe fuck it, right? It's about a yard by two feet. Yeah. It's only a yard long, two feet wide, 29 inches high. I just measured, I got out my measuring tape.

That's a coffee table for sure. 29 is, that's too high for a coffee table um but it's a reasonable size for this item the reason i mentioned this the reason i asked we have a price um is that jordan you absolutely 100 can buy yourself one of these i know i've actually priced them too i'm looking at and kind of what i'm looking at now is there's these like reproductions which are cool in their own way but i'm not nuts about them um and then there's like some og ones with like wood paneling on the side and that's like that's like best case um and those are and so but we have a huge price difference here i think the original ones range from fifteen hundred dollars to thirty two hundred dollars fifteen hundred

dollars is for a for a one of the pac-man coffee tables yeah wow the reproductions are six hundred ninety nine dollars uh you can get it from kohl's.com they're a little janky though they look a little, I don't know as long as I'm doing kind of a crazy purchase I think you should get one Jordan what are you doing with your life? maybe one day

Jordan what are you waiting for? you're going to die waiting for a Ms. Pac-Man plus it's a money maker that's right I can charge kids come on kids start pumping in those quarters Oh, yeah. Plus, it's a moneymaker. That's right. I can charge kids. Wow. Come on, kids. Start pumping in those quarters. You have a friend over near their house. I'm like, oh, man, I want to play this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got quarters? But then I have to install the quarter machine. Amazing. I think that's worth it. I say go for it. You can build. There's a lot of... My fiance has been trying to build an arcade cabinet for a while. There's a lot of hobbyists who just buy all these raw materials and pretty easily build an arcade cabinet. We should mention that you're engaged to Tom Brady.

I am. It's great. Giselle is very, very chill. Very, very chill. Soup's chill. Open-minded. Yeah. She loves chamomile tea anyway that's why i can buy any coke freestyle i want so you got that touchdown money i got that yeah is there a way to combine these two things can you install let's say mortal kombat 2 into a coke freestyle machine and then everybody wins that's an amazing idea

kit like those screens you should be able to just play like it's probably just an eye yeah it's just a screen right if it can dispense aha sparkling water it can play mortal kombat 2 yeah i think as lin-manuel miranda said at the oscars screens are screens are screens um i don't think he can win an oscar so i don't think it could have been the oscars but get what you're saying mary was a tony i don't know cable ace oh but you that like i feel like the amc could cut out a lot of the middleman if they just started playing their movies on the Coke freestyle. Everyone just crowd around the Coke freestyle. Ooh, vanilla Top Gun.

Jenny, what's the most opulent, crazy left field thing on your wedding registry? Ooh, that's such a good question. I feel like I've been trying to keep it relatively like normal there's a couple of like random objects that are straight up like this is a little sculpture of a little like there's a little like unicorn looking ball that has it's literally like a ball and then it has like a unicorn horn i just saw it on the bloomingdale's registry suggestions i was like i don't know what this is i i would never buy it i like it that's one of their auto fill suggestions i think that's they're basing it off of other stuff i've ever purchased and like they're correct i like weird little objects but it's such a weird thing to put on the wedding registry it's kind of fun you know

what we just got that i'm really excited about um off the registry is an outdoor heater like one of those restaurant ones because we have an outdoor like dining table thing but i was like it'd be great to have a heater and it's fun to um just be like oh let's just throw it on the red we were just saying it's like kind of cool this is the only party you have where you're like this is the thing i want this is where you're gonna going to get it from. This is how many of this I want. And everyone's like, thank you. Cool. I took you to a registry for my birthday. That would be psychotic.

I would love to have one of those outdoor heaters because then I could just pretend I was eating every meal on the patio of the California Pizza Kitchen. It is. It's really restaurant-y. You know what else we have is a picnic set and i love that because it really imagines a world where we're gonna go on a bunch of picnics right there is something probably something aspirational to this registry like who do i who do i want to be in this new life

yeah i mean that's the thing is there were so many like suggestions of really nice and dining sets and stuff. And I'm like, I just don't know that even if we have friends over, we're going to reach for the nice dinnerware that you can't like not punch bowl. Yeah. Like I don't trust myself with a lot of it. So when my wife and I were married, we had, we had lived together at that point for like five years or something we had a an apartment of what stuff we lived in a tiny apartment there was nowhere to put any additional stuff and we were absolutely broke as a joke but we were having a big ass wedding

uh because well that's when to just get stuff and sell so so what we should have done is the category for what you just described jenny because we had literally hundreds of people coming to this wedding because my wife comes from a catholic family all of whom live in the same place and if you invite one of them you have to invite all of them or else the family is rendered apart uh and so we had this giant wedding at a state park and in san francisco and we registered for we're like we we can't register we don't need silverware we're just going to ask people to give some money to a thing so we can go to hawaii because we oh that's good we were totally broke we were like we would love to just go to hawaii and uh no one is paying for our honeymoon like please pay for our honeymoon family members um more than one of Teresa's aunts were offended and insisted on one aunt bought us plates and sent them to us.

Unwanted plates. The office plates at Maximum Fun are just the Martha Stewart Macy's plates that one of Teresa's aunts bought for us that we did not want. Actually pretty nice as far as that's concerned. I have a Martha Stewart cutting board that I really love. Yeah. Yeah. She knows what she's doing. But the honey fund, I feel like, was it a honey fund

or was it just like contribute money towards it? Because I feel like a lot of people do that. And I think people like to feel like oh i bought you this dinner on to on your honeymoon or i bought you this part of your plane ticket it was before the internet counted it up for you see i think that's the thing is people like the formality of honey fun because it doesn't feel like just giving cash and i think people think that's i would say that's less personal maybe there were a few a few relatives who insisted on giving us an unwanted house gift. We have like a we have a Bud Voss that someone gave us.

Does Budweiser on it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I would say maybe 20% of our guests made a contribution to the honeymoon fund. It was a debacle. It was a catastrophic failure, 100%. We should have just had everybody give us a refrigerator and then returned it for cash. Like, no question about it. It paid for like 20% of our honeymoon. It was a total disaster. The one big success I would say is our friend comedian Brent Weinbach, the brilliant standup comedian Brent Weinbach was nice enough to come to the wedding. He did not come to the reception though. I think he had a gig or something. So he came to the church where we got married and like we were in the churchyard after the wedding and Brent, who is a character, walked up to us in his Brent Weinbach clothes. He was not wearing wedding clothes, just the same regular parka that Brent Weinbach always wears. He has kind of like an Andrew WK--esque devotion to one outfit a hundred percent man

brent weinbach so great uh weinbach came up to us and just handed us an ice cream maker we're like i guess we'll put this in the limousine on the way to the reception but you know it was great because we used it to make ice cream ice cream's the greatest you know what i'm gonna register for an ice cream that's a great idea well a lot of it is really aspirational because a lot of it is me going man when i'm married i'm gonna cook so much as though anything materially in me is gonna change between now and after september 24th like i'm the exact same i gotta tell you jenny but in my head i'm like i'm married i'm gonna be a married lady i'm gonna know how to make pasta other than the pebble ice machine which i do hope that you registered for i that to me is like

yeah so other than that the the great the the sort of the inspiration that came from Brent Weinbach was, we got this ice cream maker, but it's the kind where it has a canister that you have to freeze. Which is fine if you have canister room in your freezer, which we never did. So we did use it to make ice cream. It worked great. How big is the canister? Ice cream sized. Okay. So it's like a pint of ice cream.

Yeah, or a little bigger than a pint because it's got all the gel. You got to have room for the gel. Oh, sure, the gel. You got to have room for air and the spinner, the flip, flip, flip, flip. And so the thing, the canister is pretty big to put in your freezer. So we, I went ahead and I and I think for, for Father's Day one year or something like that, my wife got me the kind that has its own refrigerator inside of it. And, uh, God, do I love this machine? I love this machine more than words can express. And it

is something I would never buy for myself. Something that takes up a lot of room. These are also in common with the pebble ice machine. I recommend you get the tank that attaches to the, make sure to register for the tank that attaches to the pebble ice machine, by the way, Jenny. I am, this is all really helpful, honestly. Thank you guys so much for coming on to Jenny registers for stuff podcast. We're sponsored by

macy's so please do all this through macy's i really appreciate it uh i watched a a tiktok the other day about these girls who are both aspiring actresses and their roommate is an ex-amish girl and she went away for the weekend and just left them all this homemade butter and ice cream and all these other things that she's like hand churned. And I was like, man, that is the best roommate you could possibly. Have you thought about registering for an ex-Amish person? Was this a documentary TikTok, Jenny? It's literally just these two girls. And they were like, our roommate is ex-Amish.

And here is the butter she churned for us. then everyone's like bullshit they're like here's her churning butter in the living room it's just a video of a girl with a full old-timey butter this isn't just like watching tv and churning butter pitch for an episode of laverne and shirley or something i don't know i love the idea that someone's out here pitching lover and shirley but i mean it's a great setup for a tv show now that it's been a tiktok now it's ip so now it's a viable pitch and yeah i think you can just take that tiktok around and you know talk about how you you know relate to it personally my story my we've all felt like my story an amish roommate and so you know this is part this is all part of my um rice krispies oh wow is that snap

snap and crackle are roommates pop is ex-amish and uh and the three of them are trying to just like get along in the big city and we said in austin because we thought new york was a little too first thought yeah i mean you get a tax break too for shooting in texas so i mean that'll that'll yeah exactly yeah well we're shooting you know atlanta for texas vancouver for atlanta for texas yeah exactly yeah we're shooting in prague uh That's doubling for the Vancouver scenes. We're shooting in Vancouver for the. Well, we're shooting in Bucharest. But that's actually where Laverne and Shirley is set.

So we'll be back in just a second on jordan jessica it's jordan jessica i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart uh jordan morris boy detective you know every episode of jordan jesse go the fuel that fires our fuel tanks is that a coal in our hopper no i'm no engineering expert but i'm gonna go ahead and say that sound the grease on our cranks is the membership of maximum fun dot org thanks to everybody who's a member uh you're our heroes if you want to join them it's maximumfun.org join we're also supported this week by the good people over at magic spoon now magic spoon is known the world over as the only breakfast cereal product that my child frankie calls magic poon uh because of a mild speech delay.

But it's also known for being a delicious breakfast cereal that has zero grams of sugar, 140 calories, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four net grams of carbs in each serving. I love that you get all that protein in a breakfast cereal. I don't know how they get it in there. It is not made of grain. That is one of the interesting things about Magic Spoon. It is made of something. No one knows, but it's very tasty and has an impressive nutritional profile. Yeah, it is great for breakfast. If you eat a bowl, here's something. Do you want to know what's wild about Magic Spoon, Jesse? What's wild about

Magic Spoon? It can't be tamed. It cannot be tamed. Magic Spoon cannot be tamed. If you eat a bowl of it for breakfast, you put a little milk in there, you throw a little fruit, Greek yogurt, whatever, you're not hungry until lunch. Yeah, that's that protein, baby.

It makes you feel full and it tastes really good. I'm a huge fan. I just crushed a custom box of Magic Spoon. It's a situation where I use my own dang promo code. I like this stuff so much. You got blueberry, you got cinnamon, and the newly reformulated honey nut flavor.

Go to magicspoon.com slash JJGO to grab a custom bundle of cereal and be sure to use our promo code JJGO at checkout to save $5 off your order like Jordan did. Yeah, I use my own promo code. You should use my own promo code too. Get yourself a box of that Honey Nut. It is really, really tasty.

Good for breakfast, good for a midnight snack. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product. It's backed with a 100% happiness guarantee. Again, that's magicspoon.com slash JJGO and use code JJGO to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for supporting this episode. Jordan, we're also supported this week by the folks over at Zip Recruiter. Now, Jordan, we all rely on others to get our work done. Yes.

I rely on you to provide punchlines when I'm just talking about slim good body. Sure. The television personality who wore a spandex or lycra suit with the interior of the human body printed on it and had weird curly hair. So this is something that I, you know, in theory would tag with a punchline. Yeah, theoretically. But that would get in the way of us talking about ZipRecruiter. Yeah, I rely on my colleagues at Maximum Fun. I mean, I'm a business owner.

I have to hire people all the time. And if you need someone to rely on, ZipRecruiter is a great place to look. They'll find people that make your life easier, not harder. Their technology finds the right candidates for your job and you can invite your top choices to apply. It's like if you need to grow your business, ZipRecruiter makes hiring easier because they do the work for you. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo to try it for free. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you love you

it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective jenny jaffe pain reliever fever reducer Cruise admitted to being so obsessed by the theatrical experience, he goes out incognito to see every movie that comes out in theaters. I put on my cap and I sit in the audience. That's not a disguise. I was thinking Ethan Hunt status. I was thinking full clumps. He just gets a makeup artist.

He sits in the makeup chair for six hours. He puts straws in his nose for when they're making a mold of his face. That kind of thing is not appropriate. That has sunk more than one gubernatorial candidacy. People going full clumps. Even for like a frat party or something. It is not acceptable anymore. Right.

I want you to know that. Yeah. For Tom Cruise to clump like all the stories of people of like celebrities dressing up as their own character at comic-con or whatever to like walk among the peasants the other thing that uh tom cruise said this is just shit he's the category here is shit he said at con um this is c-a-n-n-e-s not con like i just mentioned right okay great uh uh somebody asked him uh why he still does these dangerous stunts when he could die doing them oh no and he said nobody asked gene kelly why do you dance which to be honest no notes 10 out of 10 response fucking home run champion

he's at least seen singing in the rain right right maybe that's the one that he saw at least you're gonna see one movie still pretty funny dude if gene kelly danced up the burj khalifa i'd be like why would you do that that's a good point that's like if he did it in real life and yeah well he thinks he actually did dance up the walls like that's the that is the thing about tom cruise um the there's a book and i think it might have been i've read like so many scientology books i think it might even leah remedies but where she talks about going to tom cruise's house and he's like let's all play hide and seek like he just doesn't have a sense of like how to be an adult person wow that's good yeah why don't well

like honestly if you live in a house like tom cruise probably has what a great place for hide yeah i mean great point a lot of good hiding spots. I think it would be amazing to have hundreds of millionaire or whatever say to you, you go to their house, they say, let's play hide and seek. You agree to it. You're getting hunted. You agree to it. Right.

It's the most dangerous game situation. You don't know what it means. You're trying to figure out what it means, right? You're trying to figure out if I was a billionaire, what would hide and seek mean? You're thinking about, is it a sex thing? Is it a most dangerous game thing? Is it a, you know, is it what, what is this exactly? And then you find out that it's just hide and seek that would be the creepiest yeah that's almost creepier than the other two

you're like well of course uh you know a multi-bazillionaire uh has odd sexual practices and yeah yeah would have a variety of holes to put his dick into right Right. You're just like behind a curtain, like getting undressed. And he was like, I found you. Oh my God. What are you doing? Is this not a sex thing? We have brunch in a minute. Or just fully clothed hide and seek is sexual to him.

Yeah. Tee hee. He's like, oh, you want to play thumbs up seven up? Okay. Oh, you want to play Thumbs Up 7 Up? Okay, when something momentous happens to you, like a billionaire invites you to play Thumbs Up 7 Up, we ask you to give us a call at 206-984- Heads Up 7 Up? Is he Thumbs Up 7 Up? Thumbs Up 7 Up? Isn't that a different one?

Fuck, fuck, goose. Fuck, fuck, goose. Sorry. Heads Up 7 Up. Yeah, Heads Up 7 Up. Dicks Up 7 Up and Fuck, Fuck up. Anyway. Dicks up seven up and fuck fuck goose. Dicks up seven up. 206-984-4FUN or just make a voicemail. Your phone has a voicemail app and then just email it to us at jjgoe at maximumfun.org.

Here is one momentous occasion. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. I've never guessed a guest correctly, so I'm not going to start trying now. My name is Trixie Biscuit, and I'm calling in with a momentous occasion. My momentous occasion? I do a lot of announcing for a local roller derby team here in L.A., and I just called my very first game with a brand new partner, one Valerie Moffitt. with a brand new partner, one Valerie Moffitt. Valerie kicked all the ass there is, rocked the mic.

It was fantastic. Cannot wait to do it again. So if Schaefer gets tired of this producing business, a bright future in doing live sports commentary and not getting paid for it awaits. This is amazing. This is really amazing. Jordan, you've announced lucha va voom one time disastrously right yeah chris fairbanks and i for a uh segment on uh the late lamented fuel tv um did a bit where we chattered during lucha va voom which is a like um like a mexican style

wrestling extravaganza that I think they tour, but it's mostly here in LA. It's fantastic, by the way. Blaine Kapach usually announces it, and he's the world's funniest person, and it's a great, great show. You should really see it. It's great. And, yeah, the audience did not like us.

We got booed, and on the way out, when I was in the alley, Zooey Deschanel saw me and shook her head. Like, ugh. She wasn't even in the alley, Zooey Deschanel saw me and shook her head. Like, ugh. She wasn't even in the audience. Yeah, she's walking by. She just sent the stink on me. Insufficiently adorkable. But yeah, let's...

Okay, so I mean, this is... Let's not run by this. Congratulations, Val. This is a pretty high-profile gig. Very impressive. My instinct is to welcome val on to talk about her experience doing this but the sound in val's apartment is so awful yeah val just moved from north hollywood and left her microphone behind so oh okay yeah there's a there's a real rough sound situation going on for valerie but we do have it we do have a little chat window um

so val can you describe your experience hosting the roller derby match in three words oh here we go it was a blast that's four words yeah but fuck you val you're fired have fun with your new friends yeah you're you're cooler friends than us yeah Yeah, Val's trading up, right? Have fun with fucking Drew Barrymore or whatever. Yeah, that's pretty cool. And this is my start. Oh, man, we're getting big-timed by Val in the chat. God damn it, Valerie.

Jesus Christ. How come I've never announced anything? You know, NPR, I think it was Scott Simon from NPR took a sabbatical to become a minor league baseball announcer and like whenever i think about that i just think way to go what a what a what a beautiful dork dream to take a sabbatical from npr so you can be a minor league baseball announcer that's what we all want the npr to minor league baseball pipeline classic pipeline uh you can do that you can make that happen i can't even get into a regional

production of the music man jordan that's true by the way somebody somebody at messaged me if i'm serious about that they can get me into a production of the music man so number one i am serious about it number two that was a fucking community theater i've made it very clear it needs to be regional theater or above you have standards okay yeah because it's a lot of shit to memorize i gotta learn the steps i gotta go up to burj khalifa val what was the best in the chat val what was the best roller derby name you encountered besides tripsy biscuit tripsy biscuit solid i mean i think maybe the ideal one has a lot of like it has a violence pun somewhere in it that was saying

chew blocka yeah that's pretty solid pretty good it's pretty good i think you can manifest like if you're on here you're like listen i want to announce a minor league baseball game i feel like someone out there can make that happen yeah come on just just say it just secret it into the world you i feel like you're really good at like saying things on the podcast and making them happen yeah i'm not gonna look what i made something happen by saying it on the podcast that i can't announce jenny jaffe i would love to announce a sports game i do want to say in advance, I don't know anything about sports. I think that might make it better, but I can just tell you what I see happening.

So yeah, I think that could be a lot of fun, Jenny. Yeah. Well, here goes this guy. You'll say, you know what?

Everyone seems like they're having a, Oh, that was bad. Whenever he just did this stripe shirt, man is not pleased. The stripeped shirt man is not pleased. The striped shirt man is not pleased. Val said greased frightening. Also, Val says she doesn't know anything about roller derby.

How did that? Okay. Roller derby is a very complicated sport. I feel like I. Have you seen roller derby in real life, Jordan? I have. Yeah, it's really, really cool. It's very fun.

Have you, Jenny? No. I also think it would be really cool. It's very fun. Have you, Jenny? No. I also think it would be really cool. I would love to go. Now I want to go to one of these games. It's a real competition, right, Jordan? Yeah, totally. It's not like pro wrestling or something like that. I mean,

not to dine out on fantastic stories about my salad days at Fuel TV, but that was also a field segment we did was i did a roller derby class and it was just to do it just to like skate around the track it's they're banked right so it's like a you know they're they're on a curve just to skate around once is fucking exhausting and then they do hit you really hard and you fucking fall down and it hurts like yeah roller derby is like super the real deal i think maybe there's a little bit of a feeling that it

is kind of like theatery or goofy but no it's like the real deal you need to have like so many strong muscles to do it and you like can get really hurt uh so yeah it's like the rules are kind of confusing that's what makes it a little bit of a tough spectator sport it's a little bit like hard to follow but um yeah the like shit happening is like totally real shit is there no harlem globetrotter stuff no yeah i know no uh nobody uh like rides on each other's shoulders no there's nobody puts on a big wily coyote rocket booster oh man they like hurt each other like that's the thing that i think is i feel like is a little like because there's always a part of me that i think was like man i want to just give it all up and be a cool rockabilly girl who likes to do roller derby

and then i'm like i really don't want i've never even played paintball i just don't want to get hurt you know i'm really delicate you don't need to get hurt just get yourself a dress with some cherries on it and you're set to hang out at the classic car night at bob's big boy uh we also on jordan jesse go create a lot of cool stuff we have a lot of great ideas um they're all original to us it's not just people calling in to say something that they wanted to call in about it and giving it a name and claiming that it's a segment on our show these are segments that we actually thought of not just some bullshit uh so uh here's one of those segments that was our idea hey boys this is christine calling in from pittsburgh for your beloved segment can you

pause this brian pause this real quick this person's 100 in blair witch project right gotta be i would love it i would love to get a call from the blair witch project it was a phenomenon do you think we could book Blair Witch? What do you think that Blair Witch is doing right now? I hope she's happy. I hope whatever it is that she's happy and just realizes how much joy she brought us. If we tried to get Blair Witch and we did not get Blair Witch, do you think we could get Blair Underwood? She's like, we could get Blair Underwood, right? I was about to say Blair Underwood.

I was about to say Claire Witch. she manages a claire's in the mall she founded claire's oh yeah she's a fucking multi-millionaire dang dude i got so many piercings there we actually we tried to book claire which and we failed but but we got Lids Vampire. Supreme Sorcerer Julius. Cinnabon Frankenstein. I don't know. Same stuff. Go ahead.

What is a podcast if not saying words? Go ahead and press. I proudly told my wife that that was our new catchphr words? Go ahead and press. I proudly told my wife that that was our new catchphrase. Go ahead and press play, Brian. For your beloved segment, weird sex dreams about Jordan. Don't love the modifier weird. Go ahead. I was getting it on with Jordan and his penis had two heads.

Like if you've ever seen pictures of a two-headed snake, it was like that. Yeah, like a snake at the aquarium. Yep. Or a loris is what they call it. To be clear, it did not writhe around like a snake. Wait, is your penis in my dream i wasn't bothered by it but now that i'm awake i realize it was super weird oh that's great love you both do not love dream jordan's weird dick thanks is this a recurring segment uh no so this is a i mean maybe it will become one now

it is now recurred oh yeah i guess maybe it is maybe this is the this is the second one so technically it is recurring someone had a dream someone famously on jordan jesse go had a dream that they went skinny dipping with some of their friends and also Jordan down in the holler. Yeah. And Jordan had a really impressive crank. Thank you. I'm sure it's got two. I don't know.

Yeah, I know. Right. I don't know if that's the reason why it was impressive. Yeah. Let's all just give Val a little credit here before we move on. I said or a Boris and then val put val put oral boris in the chat so that's very funny that's a lot of fun and ora boris is eating its own tail right so your dick would really be more of a donut like it would just be like it would be

really docking into itself i mean we can give that a try. Sure, I'll try anything once. Listen, I'm open-minded. I'll play hide-and-seek. I'll put my dick in itself. Whatever, man. Whatever turns you on, baby. I could see. It depends on where the fork is. Right.

There was a Reddit guy who had a two-headed dick. Oh, yeah? Really? Yeah. And there were a ton of questions about it. I think it may have been proven to be fake oh yeah but like there was a it was like for a while it turned out to be just got one of those snakes from the aquarium and painted it pink through pp barnum 206-984-4FUN

or jjgoe at maximumfun.org Friends, this is why we do this work. This is why we do the work. We show up and do the work. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. You're in a theater. The lights go down. You're about to get swept up by the characters and all their little details and interpersonal dramas.

You look at them and think, that person is so obviously in love with their best friend. Wait, am I in love with my best friend? That character's mom is so overbearing. Why doesn't she just stand up to her? Oh, God, do I need to stand up to my best friend? That character's mom is so overbearing. Why doesn't she just stand up to her? Oh, God, do I need to stand up to my own mother? If you've ever recognized yourself in a movie, then join me,

Jordan Cruciola, for the podcast Feeling Seen. We've talked to author Susan Orlean on realizing her own marriage was falling apart after watching Adaptation,

an adaptation of her own work, and comedian Hari Kondabolu on why Harold and Kumar was a depressingly important movie for Southeast Asians. So join me every Thursday for the Feeling Scene podcast here on Maximum Fun.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Video games. Video games. Video games. You like them? Maybe you wish you had more time for them. Maybe you want to know the best ones to play. Maybe you want to know what happens to Mario when he dies. In that case, you should check out TripleClick. It's a podcast about video games. A podcast about video games? But I don't

have time for that. Sure you do. Once a week, Kickback as three video game experts give you everything from critical takes on the hottest new releases, to scoops, interviews, and explanations about how video games work, to fascinating and sometimes weird stories about the hottest new releases. To scoops, interviews, and explanations about how video games work. To fascinating and sometimes weird stories about the games we love. Triple Click is hosted by me, Kirk Hamilton. Me, Jason Schreier. And me, Maddie Myers. You can find Triple Click wherever you get your podcasts and listen at MaximumFun.org.

Bye! It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm celebrated baseball announcer jesse thorn jordan morse boy detective i'm jenny daffy referee he was mad about something you have to speak it into existence jordan right i got a dm one time from jason benetti the play-by-play guy of the Chicago White Sox. I think he could make this happen for me, right? I mean, I think so, yeah. Why don't you – well, let's all go around the horn and say, just put something out in the universe that we want to come back. Jesse, do you want to start with this baseball announcing thing?

Yeah, I would like to announce a a broadcast baseball game i'm willing to accept my the minor leagues for this but it has to actually be broadcast and if it's a college it can't just be the thing that's like it can't be that shit where it just goes out on the cable system on campus i'm not falling for that jenny do you have do you have something you know what i have it i have i actually do and i feel like because we talk about npr i'm gonna you're gonna go on from npr i really want to be a panelist on wait wait don't tell me oh you would kill on wait wait don't tell me i think it would make my dad so proud like i feel like that would be the thing i could do it would be like the pinnacle.

We should mention that your dad is Tom Bodette. Yeah, it's true. It's crazy he hasn't been able to get me on. My ends are tied. But he gets you 20% off at Motel 6. Yeah. So that's 5% better than AAA. I also want to coke freestyle.

So if anybody is listening and happens to be Mr. Freestyle I bet Tom Bodette could get you a Coke freestyle Don't you think if Tom Bodette called up Coke And said I want my friend Jenny to get a Coke freestyle Fantastic What's funny is I think Bodette could get it I don't think Sagal could get it

You don't think Sagal could get it? I think Sagal could get it I mean Sagal can get it Well there's no doubt about that The guy is a Sagal can get it. You don't think Sagal could get it? I think Sagal could get it. I mean, Sagal can get it. Well, there's no doubt about that. The guy is a Zaddy. Yeah. He's a distance running Zaddy. Peter Sagal, show bottom ball on main.

I'm going to put it out there. It's crazy. I don't know if it could happen. I would like a check for 14 dollars again just a crazy dream but if i say it if i say it i might get a check for 14 dollars a personal check a personal check yeah or cashier's check i would take a cashier's or traveler's check would you accept a money order yeah postal money order yeah sure okay what about a big novelty check only for four like it's that costs so much more than 14 i'm sure that's the funniest amount of

money to win for that they're like hyping it up and they're you know there's confetti and they're all your balloons what oh my god they hand it to you like oh 14 one that can't be right great i can almost eat at tender greens um i also want every librarian and comic book professional to vote for bubble in the eisner awards yes of course i'll do a real one um we at max fun have made a few large donations to charity every year the past few years we have done a a member's uh pin sale this year patch sale uh where we donate all of the proceeds to charity and it has added up to a lot. It's been around a hundred

grand each time. That's a lot of $14 checks. Yeah. So we have given, we have been given big amounts of money to a few charities to the point where like, they're like people get involved. You know what I mean? Like they have people and they're, we're like communicating with them. They're like, we want to come, we want to do a photo op, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And the first time, second and third time that we did to come we want to do a photo op etc etc etc and the first time and second and third time that we did this i had to have this conversation with uh bickram our managing director who sort of runs the business i was like uh bickram we need to get a giant check right like can you ask them if we can have a giant check? Because why would we donate $100,000 to charity if we weren't going to get a giant check?

It's not their job to get the giant check. Yeah, so that's the thing. That's what I found out. They won't get us a giant check, even though they probably order hundreds of giant checks a year because of all the giant donations that they get that need giant checks. They wouldn't even give us instructions on how to get our own giant check an insane we don't have any experience we don't have any giant check experience why don't you start from ground zero they have it because you're giving the check to them though right but they could they could print one up for us we'll give them a tiny check a a regular-sized check.

I'm not asking them to write us a check. But why is your assumption that this is something they do? Because they're charities. They deal with giant checks. They're in the giant check business. We're in the podcast business. Hold on a second. You are donating to a charity that you clearly think

does like good important work for the world and you're like why aren't you guys you guys have a person whose job it is to go and print out novelty checks otherwise they're just gonna spend that money on some bullshit like legal defensive immigrants okay or like i have now defending our rights i have now priced giant custom checks okay yeah let's go around the horn uh-huh and say what we think yeah what's the what do you think the cheapest giant custom check is when you think the most expensive giant custom check is and this is just kind of a general search on like a Google shop. Are we including the cost of cutting the granite countertops? No, that's a separate fee. Okay.

I'm going to say $350 a month if you lease it from the Coca-Cola company. Okay. Yeah. Then you have to get the canisters. Yeah. Run a water hose to it. I bet it's like the foam core thing to print print it i'm gonna say 30 okay so i don't know if that's low a a discount giant custom check whoa hold on this is a discount one oh

this is the lowest this is the lowest amount i want to be be clear. When I was talking to the ACLU, I asked for a premium. Okay. Again, I don't know why you think they provide the checks. I said, I want the best you've got. Stop defending our rights. I want to focus on letterpress printing. Okay. So here's one that's kind of like big for 30 by 16 inches.

This is from walmart.com. Reusable, giant, oversized, big, fake, blank check for endowment big for 30 by 16 inches. This is from walmart.com. Reusable, giant, oversized, big, fake, blank check for endowment award. 30 by 16 is not big. That's not big enough. So this one, $12.99. Oh. Well, this one is garbage. But on signs.com, a pretty big check that 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 people of every race can stand behind.

Yeah, all of the good friends and all of their friends. This one is $36. Yeah. You think the ACLU doesn't have $36 to make a giant check for us? But you do. We're giving them the check. Make your own giant check you're getting the press for it what do you think i made out of money jordan i'm already

go dutch really cutting go dutch with the aclu on the giant check i do have they get something you get something i do have sees well if you give a donation like couldn't that be part of your stipulation like because you can give a donation and be like couldn't that be part of your stipulation? Like, cause you can give a donation and be like, this has to be used for this thing. And you do like $36 of this donation has to be used for a giant novelty check. We did do, we did do that. We did stipulate.

Well, I had to talk to the attorney, but we did stipulate because, you know, sometimes you make a donation for like operating expenses, continuing expenses. But we actually created an endowment at the ACLU, which I thought was smart because they can't dip into the capital.

They can only take the interest. And we specified every year you take that interest and you use it to buy giant checks for all your major donors. Because these people can't, you can't ask them to buy their own giant checks. They're already writing a small check. I guess I don't really think about charities as being the big check people. To me, that's like you want a big thing and getting the money is a big deal. I feel like charity is more like a quiet, like, like a respectful donation. No, that's a myth. That's what Ed McMahon wants you to think is that the contest people are the

ones giving out giant checks. Show me one picture of Drew Carey giving somebody a giant check. You can't do it. You can't find one. You know why? Don't exist. Findy giving somebody a giant check. You can't do it. You can't find one. You know why? Don't exist. Find a charity getting a giant check from somebody. Yeah, you're going to find hundreds, Jenny. Honestly, the smart thing is the giant blank check that Jordan mentioned.

Blank check, pretty good roller derby name. Jenny Jaffe, it's been a joy to have you on the program thank you for joining us here always a great time to hang out with you guys yeah thank you congratulations on getting over your covid congratulations on your uh your nuptials on scoring the good friends movie that was a big one for me i'm excited yeah it's gonna be such a fun sandbox to play in. I just can't wait to play in the sandbox, the world that Kashi's created. Yeah. Huge fan. And I think it's going to be fun for the whole family, honestly.

I think this is a movie everyone can enjoy. It's really going to remind us why we like going to the movies, just like Tom Cruise. Right. Can I tell you something, Jenny? Yeah. I've seen a lot of movies in the theater. Uh-huh. What's your favorite, would you say?

I put it on my cap and I see everything. But name one or two. You've seen so many. Naming one or two would be easy. Honestly, the moment when the lights go down, to me- On what movie, though? One movie would start playing. There is this sharp intake.

Everyone is sort of sucking in their energy so they can let it flow out onto that screen. To see what's on the screen. To see what's on the screen, though. I mean, you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right, Jenny and Jordan. That flickering magic. I call it the magic lantern show still. It's that moment.

The movie he's talking about shrek 4 it's shrek 4 oh boy can you just admit it it's fine like if you're like the only movie he's seen really it's crazy because he's referenced other movies on this podcast but that could have been a smokescreen yeah no i think he just looks him up on wikipedia as he's talking yeah it's that moment where you sit down you're you're surrounded by nine-year-olds and they're and they're and they're upset parents everyone's laughing at knowing references uh you're really taking disney down a peg see it's trek 4 it is trek 4 that's trek 4 we brought it all back to michael eisner blank shrek my roller derpy name is just shrek there's no regular mine is shrek 4 yeah

brian sunny d fernandez is our producer valerie moffitt is on the stream our theme music is love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records hey if you want more of this jenny jaffe, look, the guys over at the Flophouse made her watch Cats twice. So go listen to that. That's an all-time classic. Y'all can make me watch any movie if you peer pressure me enough about it.

What would you say is your favorite movie that you've ever seen? Oh, boy, God. You know, there's so many great ones. Just pick one. One or two. Watching it when you go and you're sitting in the seats and there's a security guard and he's doing the count thing and you're going, oh, boy. The Milagro-Beanfield War?

Security guard? What? There's a thing I've noticed at the theater. There's a guy who always comes in and he sort of looks around and kind of counts it and then he like goes back out what is he counting i don't know one two three four four shreks nope nicole kidman's not in here we got to keep looking her by the way nicole Kidman's dad invented CBT. Cock and ball torture.

Cognitive behavioral therapy. Wow. He invented cognitive behavioral therapy. Did he actually? Yeah, I learned that on Fresh Air. So she's an nepotism baby. Shout out to NPR. Okay, you can find us on Reddit, maximumfun.reddit.com,

on Twitter at jessithorn, at Jordan underscore Morris, on.com, on Twitter at Jesse Thorne, at Jordan underscore Morris, on Instagram at JordanDavidMorris, at put.this.on. Hashtag your Jordan Jesse Go tweets, hashtag JJ Go. I love to hear what people have to say. I love to hear what people have to say. And we're streaming live right now on the Maximum Fun YouTube channel. So go subscribe to that so you can catch us. We're mostly Sunday nights lately.

Mostly Sunday nights. It does not get archived. You're in or you're out. Right now, there's literally dozens of people who know that me and Jordan coincidentally both wore T-shirts with tons of tiny eyeballs on them. What the fuck? This podcast is a trypophobia nightmare. It really is. Okay, that's it.

We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximumfun.orgorg Comedy and culture.

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