Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 741: Pickle Chill Summer with Bill Oakley

Episode Date: June 8, 2022

Bill Oakley (Simpsons, Portlandia) joins Jordan and Jesse to talk about the smokey sweatsuit Arby's sent him, incredible prison-exclusive potato chips, and Jordan's favorite chonky blue cheese dressing. Plus Jordan and Jesse do a taste test of Bill's favorite grocery store snacks.Check out Bill's Audible Original with Natasha Lyonne Space 1969!And join the Steamed Hams Society and Food Discovery Club on Patreon!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Now, Jordan, you can see this through our video conference. And the people who are watching live on YouTube on the max on youtube channel can see this but i'm wearing a safari vest today and i posted a fit pic you know about fit pics yeah it's a picture of how fit you are it's like a muscle like a muscle pick yeah stripped down. Lats. Delts. Stripped down to show off my delts.

Pecs. Dick. We only muscle the cats, right? Oh, man. My dick exercises have really been paying off, Jordan. I am swole. I'm wearing this, or it could be a photographer's vest, arguably. And I posted a FitPic on the the internet that's a picture of your outfit

right and uh one of my twitter followers said oh where's your sign i buy fishing lures and now i'm burned to a crisp forever man i will never i will never recover from the question, where is your sign that says, I buy fishing lures? Thoroughly roasted. Call Kenny Rogers because you've been roasted like one of his famous chickens. Well, his chickens are broasted, Jordan. Oh, that's right. Can you be broasted online? I think I got broasted by one of my bros yeah on the internet when

jordan peterson insults the sports illustrated model he gets broasted do you know about that thing where you walk around carrying a sign of the thing that you collect uh i actually i mean i maybe don't quite know the reference of where's your sign saying. Is that something that somebody would do at like Comic-Con? Would somebody walk around with a sign of the thing they want to buy? Oh, maybe. Yeah, looking for Silver Age Fantastic Fours or something like that. So at the flea market, there's a couple different kinds of guy that walk around. Yeah.

There's this guy who walks around with a cart that has a bird noise generator inside of it okay i don't know what that guy's story is scare off snakes i think that's the only possible answer for what this man is up to um there's a shirtless guy who wears a lot of southwestern jewelry and he just goes around to buy and sell southwestern jewelry but he's never wearing a shirt okay he looks great i'm not even gonna i'm not gonna fuck around like the guy looks he this guy could take a fit pic right then and there right uh he looks like Jim Morrison, maybe from Wayne's world too. Okay. And then,

and then there's like a guy who will walk around with it. Sometimes a t-shirt, a homemade t-shirt, or sometimes a cardboard sign or like a sandwich board kind of sign, but lightweight for walking that says I buy, for example, old fishing lures. I would say old fishing lures is the number one. Like stamps, maybe. So that's actually someone, there are people that are literally looking for old fishing lures?

1000%. This is not something, this is a type, like not just there's people looking for old fishing lures? 1000%. I'm not, this is not something, this is a tight, like, not just there's people looking for old fishing lures. There are guys with signs that say I buy old fishing lures. One, no question about it. 100% is not a made up thing. Not a, no, it's not that they're, they're adding guys with signs to guys who are looking for old fishing lures. There's guys with this particular sign. 1000%. How do you think I would do? Uh-huh. I mean, I'm looking for things as well.

What if I went to the flea market with a sign that says, just looking for a little human connection? Yeah, I think. In this crazy world. I don't know. Are you willing to pay market prices? No, I'm going to haggle a little bit.

I'm going to haggle a little bit for the human connection. How close to retail are are you willing to yeah i mean like what's your markup i'm not gonna get ripped off okay i'm not a chump are you looking for dealer prices yeah i mean it just depends on the connection i guess depends on the human yeah what would be what's top of the line like what's the upside down airplane stamp of human connection? Jason Momoa. Sure. Getting to connect with Jason Momoa. Any kind of connection with Jason Momoa. Fair enough.

Even just a hand on the shoulder. Yeah, that'd be great. Do you think he could lift you with a hand on the shoulder? Probably, right? Like, could he palm me like a basketball? Well, your shoulder. Yeah. And then a hand on the shoulder. Probably right. Like, could he palm me like a basketball? Well, your shoulder. Yeah. And then lift you by the shoulder.

I think so. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if he's like, he's certainly in like great movie star superhero shape. I don't know if he's like buffed out to the point where he does that. I think he's just like striking. Or maybe he is. I don't know. i've not seen a fit pic in a while but i think this guy i think this guy's dick is swole well sure this guy's gorgeous sure this guy's fucking ripped like a dolphin yeah sleep Yeah. Sleep. You know how dolphins are super rich, though? Should we introduce our confused guest?

Yes. Everybody knows. I don't think he's confused. I think everybody knows that Jason Momoa is dolphin-like. That's why he was cast as Aquaman. Come on. They had to teach him English so he could become a movie star he only communicated in whistles and squeaks um our guest on the program is a legendary comedy writer uh for i mean well we could go on for days but the simpsons portlandia many many others uh he's the

proprietor of the steamed ham society i don't know if that's your actual title bill proprietor under president ceo what about godhead that's pretty good too yeah that seems right yeah bill oakley is our guest hi bill how are you hey it's great to be here i'm excited i'm excited we have a lot of exciting stuff in store, I know, for this particular podcast. Now, I think there's a great segue here. We talked a little bit about FitPix. Bill, I've seen a FitPix of you on the internet that I need some more information on. Do you have an Arby's sweatsuit?

I do. Tell us everything How do I start on this? Arby's Arby's has sent me two sweatsuits over the past couple years Wow Including the smoked one which I had to give away because it smelled so strongly It was unbearable

I just assume they sent you a second Sweatsuit because You ate too much Arby's And the first sweatsuit didn't fit anymore they've been pretty good to me they did send me their their their uh vodka and stuff and they sent me a hat too i'm gonna put that on a little bit later it's right here but um the arby's had this thing a few years ago where they had this thing called the meat sweats and it was a sweatsuit you know like a track suit that had pictures of meat on it and um it looks like you have been

flayed when you wear it. So I only wear it for Halloween and stuff. And I do have it. And I wear the hat. They said, I think separately, they sent me the hat, you know,

the Arby's tall hat. That's like their logo. That looks like that one Pharrell wore so famously like 10 years ago. Yes. Yeah. So yes, I do wear that. It's mainly a Halloween costume or I wear for other,

you know, Arby's promotional funny videos but uh that's the to answer your question yes i do have that sweatsuit and i it's right behind me as a matter of fact why do you have a question when you say it makes you look like you're flayed do you mean like like slim good body it makes it look like you don't have any skin and you can and you're just a pile of meat. Yeah. Aren't we all though? Huh?

Aren't we all? It makes you think, makes you think that's slim, good body all the way, baby. God, I'd love to see slim, good body sign up to,

to be, uh, an Arby's influencer. So when you say that the other one smelled too bad, was it like intentionally spritzed with like a meat smell it was a short-lived promotion they did with um where they were something these sweatsuits that were smoked it was different than the meat sweats it was a separate set of brown sweats that had been literally smoked in a smokehouse oh my gosh and they smelled terrific but very strongly they smelled like a bar you know like you were in a smokehouse and like i had to seal them up in like a plastic bag and put them in another room they and i

finally gave them away to somebody i said first person to come pick these up can have them uh so a local resident came and got them and and god bless him for taking them away um but they were they you could i mean people were complaining it's very much much like the KFC fire log. That KFC made that Kentucky Fried Chicken scented fire log last holiday season. Oh, yeah. And it reeked. And I had to throw it away. I had to get out of the house too fast. Like that stuff.

They're pretty good at making these smells, but I don't really want them in my house. Bill, are you at all concerned that you gave your address to someone who wants a smoked sweatsuit? No, I didn't give my address. We met a couple blocks away. Maybe behind the high school. Under the bleachers. Yeah, in your position as a food influencer. And I think that's a safe way to describe you at this point

if people do not follow bill oakley on instagram you really need to do it bill does incredibly highly produced short videos about food and especially about uh mass market foods your uh fast foods in your grocery store foods and novelty, novelty grocery store foods in particular. Yeah, that's true. And there's I mean, there's a number of I'm turning this into a mini empire where it's not it's not just that there's also, you know, I appear on the History Channel on the Food that Built America now. And I do I do I'm actually writing a book on this topic. I have starting a couple of podcasts on this topic and the Steamed Ham Society, which I want to plug. Go to steamedhamsociety.com.

If you're interested in joining, this is kind of a food collective, a club where people like, you know, we talk about it. We exchange. We exchange like this is the best spice to put in your barbecue. This is the best recipe for cheesecake. You know, you've got to try this new thing, these new chips from Ohio, things of that nature. And there's a lot of perks to it. If you're interested in food at all, definitely check it out because it's growing and it's extremely fun. We have secret menu items too. And it just started here in Portland for members. Someday we're going to be able to move or someday hopefully we'll be a collective that can say, we demand the Taco Bell bring back the double

decker taco and they will do it that's the dream right right you gotta organize though right you gotta organize you gotta do the work on the ground right like just like evangelical christians you it's a long game yeah totally that's you know why why can't we do that too you know why can't us us uh likers of low-end foods band together to move markets and stuff. What's the best chips from Ohio? Now I'm intrigued. You know, Grippos are from a kind of... You know Grippos? No.

It's another one of those brands that's kind of like the northern Kentucky, southern Ohio, I think. I've had some of them. I mean, they're hard to get. And they have been uniformly terrific. So that's my best Ohio chip. I can't believe're hard to get. And they have been uniformly terrific. So that's my best Ohio chip. I can't believe I actually pulled that out of the hat because I made that as a fake example.

And you asked and put me on the spot. Hell yeah. And I answered. Off the dome. Best Ohio chip. Fifth best marks, brother. Because, like, I mean, we mentioned the sweatsuit. And obviously, like, the sweatsuit is really an amazing, amazing item.

But other than that, what is the best piece of swag you've gotten as you're in your position as a food influencer? Honestly, it's, it's ice maker. The, uh, the play, a liquor store in Orange County has been sending me liquor, uh, for a couple of years, uh, putting on my Instagram and to make, I guess it was Mai Tais. They sent me a countertop ice maker that makes pebble ice. And it is, so I use it every day. It's amazing. So that's not, I wouldn't say that's like the, it's not the sexiest item I've been sent, but it is the most, it's absolutely the best. Other than

that, I got nine dozen oysters were sent to me on a plane from an oyster farm in alaska that that was beyond great and then also like the place that manufactures desserts for white castle sent me a big box of the stuff that there's desserts they sell at white castle which we don't have out here like the um the gooey st louis gooey butter cake uh and stuff and that was terrific some of the things that spring to mind. Ben Harrison got one of those pebble ice makers. And I got so jealous that I complained about how I didn't have one on Judge John Hodgman. And Hodgman sent me one because he loves me.

Oh, my God. So you have one, too. Yeah. Do you have the extra jug attachment? Yeah. I think it's the GE Opal. We're talking about the GE Opal ice maker. That's the that's the one it is it's so good and like you know i would never have thought of well fortunately somebody sent it to me and you got it for free as well it seems

like an indulgence that you would that only a rich person would have in their pool house you know like we have this ice countertop ice maker that makes my tie ice but it's once you get it it's like regular ice just sucks yeah i can't even i can't even look at regular ice now i thought i thought it would be look i already loved pebble ice before i got this pebble ice maker uh like i was into it you know i was on board but i truly thought that this was a product that i would not want to maintain that i would not want taking up the counter space. And I almost felt embarrassed when Hodgman sent it to me for Christmas. And then it is probably the thing I love most

in my entire home, like more than my dogs and children and wife. I've never met anyone else who owned it. And this is an exciting moment for me to be able to share ice maker stories with you. I hope everyone in the audience is appreciating this because it's going to be, I got a lot of deep dives deep dives now do you clean it do you clean it as per the maintenance schedule jordan this is jordan this is the this is the new a guest is on who wants to talk about

sports i love this i love this man you gotta clean it baby and you gotta you gotta use it you gotta you gotta use a drop of uh you gotta use a drop of ice maker a little tiny bit of bleach. We got to use some white vinegar to clean out those tubes. Especially, Jordan, we got hard water, baby. Our water's hard as a rock here in Los Angeles. You don't want those deposits to clog up your tubes. Yeah. Totally.

How's the Portland water, Bill? It's good. And the thing about it actually is, and you probably know this, Jesse, the more frequently you use the machine, the more, what the problem is, if you don't use the machine and the water doesn't circulate, then it builds up, the deposits build up. If you use it frequently, like I do every day, refilling it twice a day, it doesn't have so much issues, but yes, I do clean it as well. I take great pride in cleaning it monthly with draining it. And then also every three months with the special ice maker cleaning fluid that I bought. This is great.

I can't wait to join. You have special cleaning fluid. Yes. Yes. If you haven't watched the YouTube video, the GE produced about how to clean this missing out and you do need the special cleaning fluid and, and it helps to have some of the other little,

you know, brushes and stuff. But anyway, this is – it's great. Okay. Well, we probably spent enough time on this topic, but maybe we should do a separate podcast. Honestly, this is the most content Jordan Jessigo has had in years. Finally, Jordan Jessigo is useful to someone. Granted, three people, people but still that's three more

than before um yeah i think this is actually a great time um to kind of transition into the special segment we've prepared um that bill has helped us prepare um now uh bill i think a obviously like some of the food you review on the show is like on your show. I mean, by show, I mean, Instagram, that's a show, right? It's a show in your book. Um, it's like, you know, the return of the Mexican pizza, the, uh, you know, here is a banana ice cream they serve at the McDonald's in Japan, things like this.

Um, but also I'm really interested in your passion for packaged supermarket snacks. Did this passion come up because this was the food that was around your house growing up, or was it a thing where, oh, we only got to eat carob, so now that I'm a grown-up, I can just go wild? We did not have that. Part of my fascination with fast food and this stuff in general is that I was deprived ofup, I can just go wild. It was not, we did not have that part of my fascination with fast food and this stuff in general is that I was deprived of it as a kid, not because my parents were healthy, but because it was a, it was a long time ago.

And then they were McDonald's everywhere. Like I had to go, you'd be lucky. It was 60 miles away. So, you know, I could take it once on my birthday and that kind of thing. And that's my fascination with this. Now we did have more supermarket food growing up, um, but not to the extent that, um, you know, the extent I have it now, like, and also things didn't exist like this, you know, like when I was a kid, they had regular potato chips and barbecue potato chips. And that was it, you know, now we've got 16 flavors of lays at every supermarket. So it's something that I'm interested in. Uh, and it's also something like, as I said, in the steam ham society, we talk about it. People say, you know, the day that something comes out, like they got the new whatever, the new Flamin' Lime Ruffles or whatever. And like, you know, is it good? Is it worth stopping by and getting? And yes. And so I am very interested in that kind of thing. I love it when new flavors of stuff come out. And it's something that not just in fast food, but in snack food, ice cream, whatever, you know, it's something I like to try. I don't know why that is.

So we had you send to our producer, Brian, your picks for the greatest, like widely available supermarket foods. And I think we want to try them on the air because I don't know about Jesse. I know you have a couple of like supermarket snack faves. It's not something that like this is totally not a category that I buy a lot. My kind of like food philosophy is like keep the food around the house kind of boring and then go wild when you go out. I think that's kind of how I operate food wise. So a lot of this stuff, you know, is not stuff that I get when I go to the grocery store and I'm kind of really excited to try it. I'll give you I'll give the audience the mass list

and then we can get into what we actually got. By the way, keep in mind, you're this list. This is stuff that you could get anywhere. Like a lot of this stuff that I particularly like is stuff that you've got to order online or it comes from a regional place or a small place. So this is what you could get at any supermarket in America. Bill, what's your number one order online? Like what do you order online and then order online again when it's gone? Manitoba honey dill sauce, which is the best sauce. How much time do you want to spend on this, guys?

I got a lot. Manitoba honey dill sauce is a sauce that you dip chicken strips or chicken nuggets in. That is basically what it is. It's honey and dill. For some reason, it's only sold in Manitoba. It's the best chicken nugget dipping sauce there is. And I don't know why it hasn't spread even within Canada beyond the borders of Manitoba it's the best chicken nugget dipping sauce there is and i don't know why it hasn't spread even within canada beyond the borders of manitoba but that is what i order and it's

expensive and i get it every so often um i also by the way have been getting these potato chips i'm going to be doing a video about this next week there's a brand of potato chips that they only that they only sold in prisons for the for the last 20 years that that ex-cons have been seeking out um like potato chips they're so good they're made by this company that only makes food for prisons there's and like there's a you know they make not only food but also like you know shower sandals and toothbrushes and crap that they sell prison they also so these chips were only available in prison canteens for the past 15 years and when people were released from prison they were seeking them out like on facebook like they don't sell them anywhere um recently they

have been selling them online they're called the whole shebang and you can trade them for cigarettes right that's how you buy them yes cigarettes are against the rules now jordan it's packages of mackerel which are called max anyway that's the other thing I order repeatedly online. I'm going to make a video about it in the next week or two because it is shockingly, it's the best potato chip in America, I would say. Oh my gosh, wow. And it's weird that nobody knows about it

and they don't sell it in stores. I'm all about Father's Country hams. I don't even really fuck with hams that much. I'm not even ordering the hams i order all the other non-ham items what kind of stuff oh talking about a a tube of smoked sausage love that talking about cracklins i'll munch those down talking about prime prime rib seasoning talking about local uh biscuit mix that's one that i particularly love is their local biscuit mix damn i have to check this place out this is exactly the kind of information

that should be conveyed back and forth on the steam ham society discord um so not to brag but one time i asked jonathan gold where i should buy bacon he told me to go fuck with father's country hams and now that uh the late polititzer Prize winning food writer Jonathan Gold is dead, I can never find a new place to buy my bacon because he can never suggest a new thing. Is this online or is it in L.A.? No, it's in Kentucky, I believe. And but they will write them. They will send it to you. They'll send you a summer sausage. They'll send you a summer sausage.

They'll send you a ham hock. They'll send you some cracklins. If you want a country ham, you want a spiral glazed ham, go to town. Enjoy it. That's what I say. I wrote it down. The minute this is over, I'm going to go order some. Weisenberger is the name of the biscuit mix, by the way.

I'm going to give Bill's master list, and then we're going to kind of get into what we are actually trying. Master list includes Doritos Tapatio Flavor, Snyder's Jalapeno Pretzel Pieces, all caps, dipped in ranch dressing. All caps. Reese's Potato Chips Big Cup, Cheddar Jalapeno Cheetos, Cup Noodles Stir Fry Korean Barbecue, Oreos, Apple Cider Donut Flavor, Tostitos, hint of spicy queso flavor, Seekak? Am I

saying that right? Cacique. Cacique. Spicy Queso Dip, Crave Sweet Chipotle Beef Jerky, Take 5 Candy Bar, Ruffles, All Dressed Flavor, and Grillo's Pickle Spears. A little heat on here. Oakley sweet chipotle beef jerky take five candy bar ruffles all dressed flavor and grillos pickle spears um a little heat on here uh oakley oakley likes it hot i guess huh i do these are all and they're pretty mild you know by by heat terms you know the things in the supermarket generally aren't hot to the point they would cause you pain like some hot sauces are but they are a little

spicy and that's like that's what i prefer they're generally something that is more um that has a little bit more zest a little bit more flavoring yeah i'm right there with you bill on a take five bar if i'm going to the grocery store and i'm buying a i'm buying a chocolate bar i'm not a huge chocolate bar guy but if i go into the grocery store i'm buying a chocolate bar off that rack of candy, that big wall of candy, a hundred percent. It's going to be a take five. It's a really good on, you never get any publicity, not like Snickers or whatever, you know, you never see any ads for anything like that, but it's got a great combination of stuff inside like that of textures and flavors, including like the pretzels, right?

Mashed up pretzels or something like that in there. There's a whole pretzel in there. I think that it is a really good candy bar. And I, uh, I't have it that often. I don't buy candy bars that often, but I'm with exactly with you on this, Jesse. I would always choose that one. I'm not going to lie. Our colleague, Christian Duenas, who works at Maximum Fun, one of the producers at Maximum Fun, he had a giant bag of take five bars on his desk at work and then everyone went home for uh coronavirus and uh but i would be going to the office sometimes to do stuff or or work by myself or whatever um and over the course of like a year or 18 months i just ate all of his take five bars just a hundred percent of them i don't want them to go bad yeah i started out like well he won't notice if i eat one and then six months later i

had destroyed the entire bag one at a time um so we are going to try some of bill's favorites uh do not worry we will not be chewing on mike we will be chewing off mike and uh brian will be editing out any uh gross mouthings that we that might slip through. Wait a minute. Jordan, Brian's going to edit out our gross mouth things. Yeah, he's going to edit out the whole. What's going to be left? Just the word the over and over.

It's just going to be silence. It'll be like a John Cage thing. Yeah, hold on. So I'm going to go grab my things and then we can do it i'll be right back bill i did uh for these purposes i do have a sipping glass of ranch oh perfect um this is like one of my children's glass uh juice juice cups you know like a six ounce cup here that's perfect in there do you do you uh make ranch or do you use a grocery ranch i just buy the regular rain i buy ken's or uh hidden valley hidden valley is the classic

classic for that reason i don't use a lot of ranch dressing honestly for this i i actually i don't i'm not a huge fan of ranch dressing like other people seem to be in this day and age but um i do like to dip pretzels and stuff in it you know from time to time i don't like put it on salads and i don't like to dip pizza in it like some people do um but for the purposes of our our snack thing it it is it's the perfect accompaniment to this item i thought i would be against dipping pizzas and ranch but then in college they have these bad pizzas but sometimes the other foods are more bad and so when you have the bad pizza and you dip it in ranch it is still disgusting but in a way where you feel like you have control uh-huh you know like you feel like you have created something

disgusting for yourself rather than feeling like grossness has been imposed upon you. I understand that sentiment. It is a very valid sentiment within the food modification community. I do it. I don't dip it in ranch. Generally, when I do it, I have a piece like that. I dip it in spaghetti sauce. Excellent. Jordan, are you make your own ranch or are you a grocery ranch man? Oh, okay. So I think this will come up once the tasting begins. I'm not a big ranch guy in general. My dressing of choice is blue cheese.

I love anything blue cheese. Oh, yeah. The chonky or the better. Give me them chonks. Chonk it up. And my great brand loyalty is to a supermarket blue cheese called Ken's. Ken's Steakhouse Dressing. Oh, that's a great blue cheese.

Man, it is so good. I think the Trader Joe's approximation is pretty good, if that's the run you're making that week. But man, cannot beat Ken's. Now, Ken's is very good. But Ken's is not in the refrigerated blue cheese dressing section, right? It's on the regular? Yes, yeah, I believe it's just in there. Because there's also, I tend to buy my, when I do this,

I love blue cheese just like you do, especially for wings. I buy from the refrigerated section because I find those to be slightly better and like the marie's or the lighthouse brand chunky blue become the glass jars and they're always in the refrigerated near the salad section okay those i find those to be slightly better than the unrefrigerated ones oh that's interesting i'll buy that blue cheese dressing by the mason jar that's my recommendation to you i found out i i also love blue cheese dressing uh i'm i'm more likely now to put a vinaigrette and some blue cheese on a salad but um that is some some blue cheese not blue cheese dressing and vinaigrette combined together um but i do love like if i'm out i love a wedge salad at

a fancy restaurant i love a wedge salad at a not fancy restaurant uh i love blue cheese too yeah jesse i um i definitely agree with you there that's a great that's a great way to do a salad is the vinaigrette and the like crumbled blue cheese but you know what is also good crumbled blue cheese and then blue cheese dressing that's also yeah fair enough fair enough i looked up so one day i'm like i didn't have blue cheese dressing i think i was making wings and i thought to myself ah well i have blue cheese in the fridge how hard can it be to make blue cheese dressing uh the answer is it's very easy because blue cheese dressing is just blue cheese and mayonnaise yeah that's what's in it it's i want i made it once or

twice and it is it's vastly superior homemade blue cheese dressing is vastly superior because basically because you can load it up with even more blue cheese than any manufacturer would ever do yeah i mean it's actually against against federal guidelines yeah i make i make my own ranch but i make it from powder i buy i'll go to costco and buy like a like a 24 ounce jug of ranch powder uh and then i will make my my ranch dressing from that and i will sometimes use that ranch powder combine it with homemade mayo and fresh herbs wow just i don't know like it's around you know i might as well but yeah i but from just straight up hidden valley ranch msg salt and buttermilk powder um so let's uh let's let's let's get down to business uh while we're talking well let's let's start here since we were

talking uh since we're talking dressings we have the sder's of Hanover pretzel pieces, jalapeno, um, all caps dipped in ranch. Um, now thank you, Jordan. Jordan, you're the one who made the,

you're the one who made the grocery trip. You were kind enough to bring these over to my pad. Uh, you made, you made the trip from Pasadena, uh, to Lincoln Heights. We appreciate that very much.

Um, tell me about your grocery experience. Were these products available to you in a standard... What are you going to? A Kroger? This was a Vons. This is the Vons in Burbank over there by the beautiful Verdugo Aquatic Facility. Oh, great Vons.

Were you using your phone number to get rewards? Yeah, I don't use other people's phone numbers to get rewards. It's a great idea. It's a great idea. Everyone,'t use other people's phone numbers to get rewards it's a great idea that's a great idea everyone i recommend using jordan's phone number to get rewards points anyway so uh these are these are the uh snyders of hanover pieces jalapeno um this was the last bag on the shelf and i i grabbed it like a little goblin um I grabbed it like a little goblin.

So obviously this is a popular item. Love jalapenos. In general, I don't love a like bagged pretzel. I, you know, I love like if a bar is doing a hot pretzel, that's obviously, you know, the treat of the century. But just a bagged pretzel, I don't love. But I'm curious as to kind of what this will be like with the dip and also the jalapeno flavor. Jordan, how do you feel about a super pretzel? Yeah, I like them. They're great.

Obviously, yeah, super pretzel if you're at a fair, if you're at a ball game. Yeah, that's also a treat. I'll literally buy any pretzel that baseball superstar Mike Trout tells me to buy. So I'm all in on Super Pretzels. If you're at a mall, a Wetzel's pretzel is 10 times better than you think it's going to be. Anyway, Wetzel's is great. I don't know. There's an Annie's pretzel in the Union Station, which is on my way to work when I take the subway. And you walk past it, and the wafting is out of control.

Like, the volume of waft that's coming out of that place is beyond words. But I got an Annie's pretzel. It was too sweet for me. Oh yeah? Yeah. I had to switch to the cinnamon sugar one, which is like a treat, sweet treat. Right. Just kind of go full dessert with it.

Yeah. Kind of a regular kind, too sweet for my tastes. But I do love a fresh, I love a super pretzel. Okay. So we got these jalap one. I love a super pretzel. Okay, so we got these jalapeno. There's a lot of flavors of Snyder's pretzels, right, Bill? Yeah, just for the uninitiated. People who don't go to the supermarket and look at the stuff all the time.

Snyder's of Hanover. Pretzel company used to be regional. Now it's national. They make a lot of pretzels, standard pretzels that you get in the supermarket. I don't know. It must have been about 10, 15 years ago. They started selling these things called pretzel pieces, which are basically busted up, you know, larger pretzels busted up into shards. And I think what I was thinking about this prior to this podcast, I believe the reason that these people do this is because, number one, they can probably reuse busted pretzels. But also, I think they hold the flavoring better.

Like regular pretzels with their coating don't hold flat you don't usually see flavored pretzels but these the coating tends to go on that what used to be the interior of the pretzel it holds the coating and it also provides a crunch it's just it's not like eating a pretzel it's more like eating a nugget of i don't know of it's like more closer to a crouton yes that's exactly right it is yeah where did the where did the notion to dip it in ranch come from bill because it's not something i think i would automatically think to do these they're also i should say there's a number of different flavors they have a buffalo flavor they got at least three or four probably many more flavors of this the jalapeno to me is the

best one um although they're all good it it's partially because these, if you start eating these, they're good for about three or four of them. And then they become kind of too salty and the flavor takes over your mouth and the saltiness takes over your mouth. So with the ranch dressing, it cuts the saltiness and it's a flavor that complements the jalapeno. We'll see if you guys agree. Jordan, why don't you be the first biter? Yeah, I'll... I agree with you completely, Bill. My experience with a flavored pretzel is that the brown outside part doesn't hold the flavor dust the way that I would like it to. Yes. That's my disappointment.

Yeah, so this was... This is tasty. I like the... I like the... A lot of times when I eat a bagged pretzel, I mean, this tastes stale. It has a stale quality to it. And these don't. This is at least kind of approximating a kind of freshness. I like that there's a kind of a tough, soft dynamic going on.

You know, the ranch is good um i think for me the jalapeno flavor just just has an artificial note that is kind of sticking in my craw i don't know like obviously all of this stuff has some sort of artificial flavoring in it and sometimes they hide it better than others but yeah this is a little bit of an aftertaste that is uh keeping it from being a home run for me are you dipping it in the ring i am dipping it in the ranch yeah okay because i feel like you're correct about that but i feel that the ranch dressing uh reduces your complaint yes yeah it is it is and you know obviously ranch delivery system this is a great way to do it. But, yeah, it's still bad. The jalapeno dust is creating a kind of a dissonance that is maybe preventing this from being my favorite. I hear you.

I don't think it's everybody's favorite. But I think you're, Jesse, you're right. It's more like croutons. I don't think people would say this is a pretzel. It doesn't resemble a pretzel. It doesn't taste like a pretzel. It's more like eating flavored croutons. What I like about this combination, and I don't think you would say this is a pretzel. It doesn't resemble a pretzel. It doesn't taste like a pretzel. It's more like eating flavored croutons. What I like about this combination, and I don't think you're wrong, Jordan, but in a way, to me, it flips the script on what's flavoring what.

That's urban slang, Jordan. Just like how Netflix flipped the script on how we all watch TV. Exactly. flip the script on how we all watch tv exactly uh i think that in a way the jalapeno flavoring is lending zip to the ranch so to me i'm eating something that's that's ranch flavored with extra zip and i'm not i'm never going to turn down zip all right that's a very trenchant analysis okay so i think i think i think bill i think we've i So I think we've done a good job of the pretzels. Why don't we move on to Doritos Tapatio? Now, Jordan, what would you say people come to Jordan Jesse go for primarily?

To me, it's got to be trenchancy. For sure. Yeah. This week's episode, be trenchancy. For sure, yeah. This week's episode particularly trenchant. So I will say, I will confess something going into this. Well, two things. I think two pieces of information are important before I talk about this. I guess one, I never loved a Dorito.

It's one of those things where I know, I know. it's one of those things i know i know it's one of those things i'm like i'd like five of them in a barbecue but beyond that um you know it's wow well this is gonna be i hope you tried them yet have you tried these yet so okay i know we were supposed to do it here on air last night i got stoned at pacific rim on hbo i opened these prematurely it just happened uh and you ate the entire bag okay well some of them are here in this gallon Ziploc that he left in my mailbox. I almost did because these fucking rule. These are awesome.

This is I mean, obviously, I don't love the other Doritos flavors. This is easily the best Doritos flavor. This bag will be gone before lunchtime. We're recording this at 1030. I'm so glad to hear you say that. Yeah. Jesse,'t tried these yet i haven't tried these are the best american dorito there is i'm gonna tell you this bill i love doritos if i was gonna choose one chip one chip to rule them all to me it's got to be cool ranch unless it's cooler ranch now rebranded have you had the flaming

hot have you had the flaming hot cool ranch which came out about three months ago wow that sounds like a thrill it is this i'd say it's second only to the one you have in your hand it's hot and cool i mean that is remarkable it's i know it's it seems almost physically impossible doesn't it but it works um it and anyway these i think, are better, but only slightly. The Miles Davis of chips, Bill. Take a bite. Let us know what you think. Yeah, I love these. I love Tapatio. I'm a big Tapatio

fan. Always have a bottle in the fridge. Basically, for me, the reason to eat eggs is because it's something you can dump Tapatio on. And yeah, having that in a chip is just, it's, it's,

it's awesome. These are great. I I'm all, yeah, these are, these are awesome. And you never had them before. Yeah.

This is the first time I wouldn't, I'm so glad that if, if nothing else comes at this podcast that you got, that I introduced to the best American Dorito flavor. Yeah. I should say this to me, there's one better flavor that I have had.

Oh, yeah? But it's not available in America. It is the sweet chili heat flavor, which is Canadian and also available in the EU. Oh, dang. Okay. And it's a little bit different

than the sweet chili, the flavor, the sweet spicy chili we have here. And I like it a little bit better. But as far as the Tapatio flavor, it's the best American flavor, in my opinion second and then second would be the flaming hot cool ranch oh here we go jesse tried it i gotta tell you this one of the things that struck me immediately is the flavor is corny which is not typically the case in doritos and i can

understand jordan why you would not like other Doritos, but like these. Yeah. Not just because you love the taste of Tapatio, but because these taste like corn chips in a way that Doritos typically do not. Typically, the flavor of Doritos completely obliterates any corn notes in the profile. I think these are really excellent. I like the way that the vinegar is represented. It's not only spicy. Just like hot sauce is typically not only spicy. There is flavor there in addition to the heat. And the heat hangs back a little bit and then lets its presence be known. Not overwhelmingly so.

But this is a very nice chip. its presence be known not overwhelmingly so but this is a very nice chip now are you going to say to me is this is this fritos flavor twists level good i'm not so sure i'm not so sure i love a flavor twist but this is an excellent chip so i actually think we we're all in agreement doritos Tapatio. Pick it up at your local Vons after you're done at the Verdugo Aquatic Facility. When you get stoned and watch Pacific Grand. Bill, I have a question for you just with regard to these chips and Doritos flavor twists. Do these come in race car shapes at all? Because the flavor twists do sometimes come in a race car shape.

I've never seen, I don't know what you're talking about. Fritos, are you talking about Fritos flavor twists? Yeah, and they sometimes come in a race car shape. Are they? They celebrate, I think, Jeff Gordon. Sometimes they come in a race car shape to celebrate Jeff Gordon. I think it is Jeff Gordon. I'm going to have to look this up.

Could be Mario Andretti. I don't know. I can't imagine that being a pleasant texture for a chip, a think it is. I'm going to have to look this up. Could be Mario Andretti. I don't know. I can't imagine that being a pleasant texture for a chip, but a race car shape. But I'm going to Google it. Wow. Bill Oakley hates race cars. Big news. Nothing against race cars.

It's all palindromes. So our last treat is the is the Grillo's, the Grillo's pickles. Yes. Yeah. And I had never heard of these um you never heard yeah no i i have never noticed these in the store um it's the regular right because the regular one is the best one they also have a spicy one and they have pickled chips they have a number of different ones this is a classic dill these are perfect halves classic dill now i know a little something about uh about pickle tastes because my mom, who has lived in California for 40 to 45 years, somewhere in that range, has her sister go into Virginia. She lives in Northern Virginia. She goes to the interior of virginia fills a box with

mount olive sour pickles i love mount olive stuff and and mails them to my mom because there are some mount olive pickles that make it out here to the west coast uh but they're like traditional style uh you know they're like dill pickles my mom loves a sour pickle i do not know what the difference is uh but it's apparently substantial enough that my mom has her sister pack them up and mail them to her across the entire country i'm writing this down to mount olive sour pickle i think as long as we're talking about the packaging i think it's worth talking about the grillos pickles mascot who yeah i'm gonna go ahead and say is a whole mood yeah this guy is chilling the fuck out okay he's a pickle in a lounge chair he's got uh he's got a belly full of pickle seeds um he's wearing a

cool hat that says grillos i don't know if he works for it or he's just a fan or whatever maybe he's the president of it yeah he's got he's got some pretty sporty sunglasses on like he's got like or maybe new wavy uh they're very angular the sunglasses he's wearing and then he's got some flippy floppies and he's relaxing on one of those one of those lounge chairs that has like vinyl tubes stretching across it in alternating colors. You know, the kind of talking about you just buy at the grocery store or something. I know we've been speculating on the show as to what the vibe shift is going to be. I think it's Grillo's pickle mascot. I think it could be pickle chill could be the new

i'm gonna have a pickle chill summer yeah so these are really like something nice about this is that they come in a plastic they come in a plastic bucket and this plastic bucket you can really see the dill and the garlic floating around in here so you really trust this is a real product uh really made by a cart in boston massachusetts in 2008 from a 100 year old recipe so this is a brand that has just really cropped up nationwide in the past five years maybe and that's me you haven't heard everybody and it was classic and Mount Olive and all that stuff. And Klausen, somebody, when I was actually, when I was starting out just doing this food stuff, somebody told me the refrigerate pickles in the refrigerated section are always better than the ones in the non-refrigerated section,

which I think is true of the blue cheese dressing as well. So, and so people, and most in the section, most grocery stores only have Klausen and Clausen are good, but they're not transcendently good. I think these are the only nationally available pickle that I would say is remarkable. There's a lot of regional brands that you sometimes find in your fancier stores and your Whole Foods or whatnot. But this is a national brand where I think the crispness is so good. It's so much better than your average supermarket pickle. And the flavor is like, this is the only one that I buy repeatedly and eat all of. Yeah, Bill, these are great. These

are so tasty. Yeah, you're right about the crispness, very crunchy. And I like that the flavoring on it, the dill and the garlic and stuff,'s kind of slight it's not overpowering it's uh it's kind of mellow this is this is great this is an awesome this is an awesome pickle and so you never saw these either before no i haven't noticed them so yeah um but yeah i'm a fan this combined with their aspirational mascot um i'm i'm in i'm all in on grillos these are great i'm delighted to be able to introduce you to these also and i think they have additional, they have a spicy version of the pickle spears. I think they also have pickle chips now that you can put on your burgers and stuff. But this brand is really worth checking out.

Bill, in the time it took you to describe the backstory of these pickles, in that like 45 seconds of you talking i ate an entire pickle of pickle i had two half pickles um because i was enjoying it so much and then i turned it around i noticed i look i mentioned the dill and garlic floating around in here here goes a grape leaf as well these are wow these are a quality product i I would say you're absolutely right, Jordan, that the number one quality of these, uh, Grillo's pickles is that the texture is like recognizably vegetal. Like it seems like a real piece of a cucumber, uh, that has been pickled. It has, uh, it has a soft interior and a crispy exterior. Crispy, crunchy exterior.

Wonderful combination. Great flavor. Another very trenchant analysis. Five forks. Welcome to the Platinum Plate Club. We can't steal other people's catchphrases. Yeah, we can. I just did.

Oh, man. All right, Jesse. Now, drink the brine. Drink the brine. Brine back, baby. All right, Jesse. Now, drink the brine. Drink the brine. Brine back, baby. Yeah. This is great. Bill, thank you very much. In my opinion, these are two for three. Very good. Very good hit ratio. Oh, Jesse took a sip of brine. That's good for you, that pickle brine.

They sell brine by itself now these days. Like for like in the supermarket, you can actually find bottles of pickle juice or whatever. Like apparently it's got a lot of restorative things for athletes and stuff. I don't know. Who knew? Do you guys want to take a break while I Google Grilla's pickle mascot rule 34? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective of course every every jordan every single week the members Maximum Fun make this program possible. Our thank you, Maximum Fun members. You're great.

And this week, we're also sponsored by some great businesses. Now, a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Hey, Jesse. Yeah. You ever done this life thing? You ever done life? I've been working on it the last 40 years or so. It can be overwhelming.

Do you agree or disagree? There's a lot of it. And I'm talking about stresses. I'm talking about sadnesses. I'm talking about exhaustions. I'm talking about burnout. Oh, man. Some people are burnt out and they don't even know it.

Something that has helped me in that regard is therapy. I do it every week. I've been doing it every week for 10-ish years now, and it's one of the best things I've ever done for myself. It really can help with all the stuff we mentioned, lack of motivation, irritability, fatigue, and more. Yeah, getting therapy is just a great way to deal with all the junk that life will inevitably throw at you. And one possible avenue for getting yourself therapy is BetterHelp. Here's what they do. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist.

So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It can be much more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash jjgo. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash jjgo. We're also supported this week by the good folks at stitch fix now jordan you know that i have children i've seen them they're beautiful you should be very proud thank you i am uh one of the things that my children love to do is wear clothing as much as i love to shop for clothing for myself sometimes it can be a chore

to find stuff that satisfies their criteria one of the things that i love about stitch fix is i can put in their sizes i can give them an idea of what kind of clothes my kids like what kind of clothes i like for my kids and they will put together either a delivery box, of which I can keep anything I want and return anything I want for free, or a special little store for us to pick stuff out from. It's a great service, and it's driven by not just your answers to a cool style quiz, but also an actual human being on the other side

who picks clothes for you. Yeah, it's a blast. I love to do it i was looking around my personal little store this week to get a couple new items to freshen up the wardrobe and uh jordan you can wash your clothes if you want to freshen up your wardrobe you can just wash your clothes i need a pen in apartment washer dryer now i've just been keeping melons in there sign up today at stitchfix.com slash jj go to get 20 off your first purchase that stitchfix.com slash jj go to get 20 off your first purchase limited time offer purchase within two days of sign up keep your

melons wherever you please we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go keep it melons in there it's jordan Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, mouth full of chips. Oh, no. I'm Bill Oakley, formerly known as Captain Six Pack in high school. That's because you love sodas so much. It wasn't soda.

that's because you love sodas so much it wasn't soda soda pops it's because you drank so oh it's because you were so ripped i'll take that fine yeah that works too you were on the you were on the water polo team and you had a really strong core what was uh bill what was captain six- putting away? Usually whatever was cheapest. You know, we used to back in the days, we had Wiedemann's Red, White, and Blue. You know, Pabst, maybe. That kind of thing. Wiedemann's Red, White, and Blue sounds like a product that was made up for, like, the movie Diner or something like that. Because they couldn't get the rights to Pabst. Those are two separate beers by the way which cost less

than two dollars a six-pack when i was in high school a hundred a hundred percent no i i understand that completely i that just sounds like the greatest uh beer in the history of 1977 or whatever yes uh it's really lost wait i don't think they have you know they don't have the really shitty beers anymore like do they like they're that are the beers that they really sell for super cheap yeah i think nat natural ice just kind of like took over the whole market yes the market yeah yeah and it's not even that cheap i mean not that much cheaper than budweiser yeah and it seems like paps kind of did a did a lean in when it was like a hipster signifier, and now I think they do like hard seltzers and golden ambers and stuff like that. Hard coffee they had.

Oh, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. It used to be there was a time when it had such a glory moment as the dollar beer in a gross hipster bar. Yes. That, that brand will forever be that. I don't think it can ever change. They're still leaning into it,

at least here in Portland. Yeah. Brian, we've got a couple of calls in the old call bag. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and hopefully Alicia Tobin.

This is Sam calling from Vancouver. I just saw a truck for a hypnosis company, Giraffe Paths Hypnosis specifically, with the custom license plate UR Sleepy, UR based SLPY. So that was pretty great all right have a good one i i what i like about this look it's a clever license plate when you're being hypnosisized they say you're getting sleepy right it's very cute i just like the idea that a hypnotist needs a truck like a plumber. Right. Well, you know, it's full of pocket watches and chains.

I feel like it sounds like it could be dangerous to drive that in a public street because people might start falling asleep at the wheel. They read the license plate too much. Yeah. Yes. Custom hubcaps that have that spirally thing. I love everything about this hypnosis truck wouldn't you love a house call from a hypnotist right or is it like a mobile thing where they can like um you know just park it outside of a you know food and wine festival and while you're walking around getting your roses and your funnel cakes, you can hop in.

It's so much more convenient than having to go to the fucking hypnosis plaza. Oh, thank God. I know. Parking. Oh, my God. Yeah. Then you have to deal with, do they even take my insurance? You know what I mean?

Do they even take my, just come to my house. I'll pay cash. Bring your hypnosis chair. Yeah. I don't know and yeah and will i think i'm a chicken every time someone says walla walla washington yeah i mean that's that's been a big problem to me to go to the plaza whenever i feel like being a chicken you know they could just come to you yeah exactly i mean i got this yard full of grubs uh has anybody ever done one of those like hypnotist shows like an office party or something has anybody ever i feel like i've i know those from like tv and the like convention of someone turning into a chicken but i've never like

seen one or had it done to me i just got i i just discovered that in the put this on instagram somehow the messages got switched around and flippy flopped and all of a sudden there's like 2 000 messages from two and three years ago and one of them was from a guy who wanted to do a trade with me where i was going to trade him some cufflinks or something. I can't remember. And he wanted to trade me hypnosis. Like he would hypnotize me into something if I gave him some cufflinks. And I don't know exactly what I would get hypnotized to do. Like I don't smoke cigarettes or anything. I'm not afraid of flying particularly.

So I don't know what the hypnosis would like unless it was hands-free orgasm i don't know what else i would want out of even that i mean i'm fine with my using my hands as necessary so um uh i i wasn't sure what i would get hypnotized by i don't know i mean we had that erotic hypnotist on jordan jesse go that one time wait i think i was on that episode yeah i think you were that's true i was in portland oregon have you jordan have you ever been to a hypnotism like show no yeah that's i was saying i i i only know it as a like convention from tv and movies yeah i've never i've never actually seen it done.

I feel I think I might have been to one in Las Vegas like 15 years ago or something like that. They definitely still have them. Would you would either of you let's say you're not I'm not talking about a show in Las Vegas with 800 people in the audience or whatever. Let's say you're at a staff meeting for Portlandia. It's like a it's like a It's like a wrap party or something. They've got a hypnotist there. Jordan, you've been invited just because of your reputation. Sure.

As a cool guy to have at parties. Yeah. I'm friends with Virginia Jones, who's been on Portlandia. Maybe I could be her plus one. Yeah. You're Virginia's plus one. cool guy to have at parties yeah i'm friends with virginia jones who's been on portlandia maybe she could i could be her plus one yeah you're you're virginia's plus one uh would you participate in the hypnotism given the opportunity it's a little i think it's the same reason that i'm like i've i've i'm nervous about like hallucinogens it's like i don't i don't want to see the the depths of my own darkness i totally agree with you man that's totally that's not a workplace kind of thing even

i don't want to see it anywhere but especially the work in front of my co-workers bill let's take it let's take it to a state fair you're at a state fair would you do it no i would never do it anywhere you could become a blue ribbon chicken i'm i'm worried that whatever i would pee in my pants i'm worried like whatever that's also a very valid happens i would just pee in my pants even if that's your same concern with the hallucinogens yeah same concern with uh why why you never took the gre's all was about issues bladder control i can understand that let's take uh let's take one more call hey jordan jesse and guest i was calling in for your segment fashion advice that jesse gave me in a dream so i was standing in a cafe and jesse walked in i thought it was perfect i walked

up introduced myself and then I asked him, you know, hey, what should I wear to a Dave Matthews Band cover band concert? And he gave me some ideas and some tips on what I should wear, and I thanked him. And he asked me what the name of the cover band was, and I said, it's the Dave Matthews Band 2042. But anyways, I was at the concert, and i was kind of towards the front you pause this for a second brian i try and i think it's fair that we fair to say that we try and discourage people from just calling in with a dream they had like obviously look there's no greater truism than no one wants to hear a dream you had uh besides you um but i i'm gonna

make i'm gonna make two exceptions to this rule number one is if you dream about skinny dipping down at the watering hole with jordan and you get a look at his you get a look at his hog yeah i mean if you get a look at jordan's hog in your dreams you got to report back and let us know how it looks now of course do us know how it looks. Now, of course, do we know that it looks great? Yeah, of course we know it looks great. This guy's got a hog on him. You wouldn't believe.

Yeah. Get out of my dreams and into my hog. Exactly. I would say I would say the other the other category is cover bands of the future i think very funny that it's the cover band is dave matthews band 2042 very funny okay press play brian and the band was really like grooving and they liked how i looked and they invited me back after the the set to to talk a. And I chatted them up and they said I had a good fashion sense. I thanked them. But then I asked them why they were the Dave Matthews Band 2042. And they said because they just needed a number. So anyways, thanks for the fashion advice and a dream so I

could meet a cover band for a band that I don't really even listen to at all. So, and thanks again. Love you guys. Bye. What kind of fashion advice do you think? What is the futuristic version of a cotton baseball cap with a worn out brim so that the brim is showing through a little bit? Like the cardboard and the brim is showing through a little bit. Yeah, maybe I'm just thinking of like a, just like a tinfoil silver drug rug.

Do you remember the time when just all bros in the entire world wore those cotton baseball caps with the brim that was artificially aged so that the uh so that the edge showed through a little bit and then it was like a college sports hat and it said cox on it yes that's very memorable because there that's the university of south carolina right the game cox oh okay and and but but by putting by putting cox on the hat you're making a bold statement that doesn't really have to do with sports. Yeah, it has more to do with cocks, I would say, like hogs, penises. Yeah. Pretty clear. It's right there.

Yeah. Right there in the stitching. Yeah. They stitch it right on there, Jordan. Cool. Should we make hats in that style that say hogs on them? Maybe. I don't know.

Let us know. Would you buy the hog hat? Yeah, 591-ROCK-591-ROLL. Give us a call. If you want to give us a call, 206-984-4FUN or JJ, go at MaximumFun.org for your voice memos. Let us know how Jordan's hog looks. We'll be back in your dreams. In your dreams.

If you've actually seen it, please keep it to yourself. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. I'm going first. It's me, Jackie Kayshun. Man, she's always this bossy. I'm Laurie Kilmartin.

We're a bunch of stand-up comics, and we've been doing comedy like 60 years total, both of us, but we look amazing. We drop every Monday on MaxFun, and it's called The Jackie Laurie Show. And you can listen to it and learn about comedy and learn about anger management and all the things. And Jackie is married but childless, and I'm unmarried but childful. So together we make one complete woman.

Is that just what's going to happen? Yeah. And we try to make Kyle laugh just like that and say, oh, my God, every episode. It's a good job. Jackie and Laurie Show, Mondays only on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. We're also supported this week by the good folks at Magic Spoon. Look, if you're eating healthier, if you're looking to get something that is satisfying for your breakfast, but also satisfies your sweet tooth without a bunch of carbs and sugar, Magic Spoon, a great option. Very, very tasty. Now, what is Magic Spoon made out of? Science, not grains. It's made out of science, Jordan. And it's full of great nutrition and it tastes great. It tastes like those sweet and tasty treat cereals you love from your childhood. Or in the case of my favorite flavor, peanut butter, a little savory, which I like. Yeah.

Zero grams of sugar, 140 calories, 13 to 14 grams of protein, and only four net grams of carbs in each serving. And hey, if we're talking about the honey nut flavor, which I definitely want to because that's a great flavor, that one only has one gram of sugar. There's some new flavors here. Not just honey nut. There's also cinnamon roll, which is very nice. And of course,

Magic Spoon, known the world over as the only breakfast cereal that my kid Frankie calls Magic Poon. Go to magicspoon.com slash JJGo to grab a custom bundle of cereal and be sure to use our promo code JJ Go at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product, it's backed with 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked. Remember, get your next delicious bowl of cereal at magicspoon.com slash JJGO

and use our code JJGO to save $5 off. We're also supported this week by the folks over there at Zip Recruiter. Jordan, it is summertime. Mm-hmm. And I want to save all of my time this summer for the Sea-Doo yeah now do i have a lake to ride it on not yet but my plan right now is to tie a rope to the back of my car tied to the

front of the sea dew and spend my summer riding the streets of southern california jesse uh i mean i want that i want that for you i want that for you there's a problem jordan there's a problem i'm a business owner what if i have to do some hiring that's gonna soak up all of my time that i would have been using right in my sea dew behind on the streets of southern california here's here's what you need to do jesse that's why you need ZipRecruiter to find great candidates. They do the work for you. Of course, the Crute. The Crute.

The Crute does the work. And now you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. Here's what they do. They use powerful technology to find and match the right candidates up with your job. It's the number one rated hiring site based on G2 satisfaction ratings as of January 1, 2022. Jordan, I've been using weak technology. This whole time I've been trying to find and match the right candidates to my job with a freaking yo-yo.

Well, you're a fool, Jesse. You're a fool. ZipRecruiter has been here this whole time. Soak up all that summer has to offer and let zip recruiter do the work ready for the url it's zip recruiter.com slash jj go that's where you can try it for free again zip recruiter.com slash jj go zip recruiter the smartest way to hire it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective bill oakley aka captain six back again uh bill you have a new audible show

i'm excited about this with natasha leone yes this is i gotta tell you guys i have never been so delighted by something that i personally wrote and you literally have a business named after steamed hams yeah but i but and this delights the shit out of me because i got to go nuts this is the thing on audible the name of the thing is space 1969 it is a retro sci-fi comedy. It is gigantic. It's an audio book. I don't know whether it's specifically a podcast or an audio book, but it's 10 episodes long. It was the longest thing I've ever written.

So I wrote it by myself, 552 pages script. And it's an amazing, it's a saga that takes place in kind of alternate reality. Natasha Leone is the star, as I said, where Kennedy was shot in 1963 but did not die. He only lost his – he lost one of his eyes. And when he recovered, he was a little bit – he acted just a little bit strange. He ended the Vietnam War immediately and decided to thrust – throw all of America's efforts into a colonizing space immediately. So the series begins in 1969. It's the day of his third inauguration.

Natasha Leone is a nurse on this American space station called the Liberty Bell, and she's disenchanted with space. I won't give away too much more than that, but if you go to Audible and search for Space 1969, you will see it. Obviously, there will be links to it on my Twitter and Instagram as well. If you follow me, it's coming out June 30 30th but the pre-orders started uh this week i i love this i love everything everything about it uh thank you when you're when you're casting and when you're casting a film and television star for your sci-fi audio epic is that just an email you write dear distinctively voiced

acting genius natasha leone uh how would you like to be a space nurse i didn't do it personally someone else did it but it was i wrote it with her in mind this was one of the most remarkable bits of kismet that it was this thing as i said it took probably a year to write and the entire time i had her in mind as the voice of this of this character and i literally couldn't picture anyone else and they were pitching other people to do it uh other actresses and stuff and i was like i just can't it can't be anybody but natasha leone and and didn't seem like we were going to get her and then all of a sudden audible did it or whatever and it happened and we got her. It was a miracle.

And also because she's so busy with the Russian doll and all of her other stuff, we recorded the whole thing in two nights. And she did an incredible job. Her performance is so good. And she, like, you know, we're talking thousands of lines here. And she did an amazing job. And I think the only reason we were able to do it was because we were able to squeeze it into her schedule of doing it in two days. I had the same thing. I wrote this Audible original for Rosie Perez, but we could not get her. They ended up with Helen Mirren, though, and it worked out pretty well.

Oh, wow. It was really nice with Helen Mirren. Good and everything. Helen's good and everything. Yeah, she is good and everything. Well, yeah, get out there and pre-order Bill's audiobook on Audible. Join the Steamed

Ham Society. If you like food, if you enjoyed our conversation about these pickles and these Doritos, this is the kind of thing that happens 24-7 in the Steamed Ham Society. At 3 a.m. I'm telling you, man, you want a recommendation

for some sort of barbecue sauce at 3. AM log on to our discord and you will get one. And it will be very, very, it will be an excellent thing. Not to mention there's merchandise. There's, there's different levels of membership as well,

including a tier for rich people where I mail you a box of my, of my favorite snacks. Instead of you having to go get them at the supermarket, like Jordan and Jesse did. Gosh, that's, that's the dream. I'll know I've made it when I can afford the, uh, custom box. Yes. Uh, I'm, I'm, I'm looking forward to this. I'm looking forward to this discord,

love the steamed ham society, love to join a club. Uh, Bill Oakley, thank you for joining us on Jordan, Jesse go. It's always nice to see you and, and talk to you whether or not there's an erotic hypnotist present. There has been this whole time. Her mic's been off. Jordan, Jesse go is the name of our program. Brian, Sonny D Fernandez, our producer Valerie Moffitt on the stream this week, a special morning record.

So you better go subscribe to the MaxFun YouTube channel so that you can catch these when we put them out because we're only doing them live. We're on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris and at Jesse Thorne. We're on Instagram at Jordan David Morris and at put.this.on. You can find us on Reddit at maximum fun dot reddit.com.

And our theme music is love you by the free design, courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records. We will talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.