Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 742: Corked Baguette with Graham Clark

Episode Date: June 16, 2022

Graham Clark (Stop Podcasting Yourself) joins Jordan and Jesse to talk about whether or not Tommy Bahama is a real man, performing comedy with non-comedy acts, and Vancouver's favorite amusement park Playland.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, Jesse, I have a question about the world of fashion. Oh, great. Well, I, you know, as you know, I founded a menswear website called Put This On. Mm-hmm. Did a lot of fashion journalism, as you know, I founded a menswear website called Put This On. Mm-hmm. And did a lot of fashion journalism over many years, so I can probably help you. Great. Yeah, I thought so. You were the first one I thought of when this question came to mind.

That's okay. Don't bullshit me. You were. Don't fucking bullshit me. You thought of Michael Kors. I thought of him, but after that shit that went down in college, I don't know if I can talk to that guy again. When he fucked your girlfriend? When Michael Kors railed your girlfriend? Yes, Jesse, that's it. Yes, we all know when Michael Kors railed my girlfriend in college.

We don't need to relitigate this. Michael Kors, the eponymous founder of the fashion line Michael Kors. Yes, I'm not bitter about it. I've moved on, but I just don't know if I want to open up that wound by going to him with questions about the world of apparel. I'm just wanting to keep it buried. I mean, you bringing it up doesn't help, but I was just trying to keep it anyway. Did I tell you about when, after he railed her?

Oh gosh. Why do you know all the details? Okay. Well, after Michael Kors plowed your college girlfriend, she texted me. She's very complimentary of his member. So she texted you?

We were sort of girlfriends at the time, you know? Okay. Water under the bridge. I'm happy for Michael Kors and his career and penis quality. It's like the expression your girlfriend used to always say about Michael Kors. Water under the bridge. Michael Kors load all over my tits. Okay, do you want to hear this question

or not because i'm you're getting me in a mood i'm i just got a text message do you mind if i reply to this text message i mean don't read the text message out loud and then your reply but yeah sure go ahead okay yeah no it's just michael core's text texted me my ears are burning i said don't read it out loud and i'm gonna text mike back dear mike what why are you remember that time you plowed oh boy jordan's girlfriend when he was in college and you were probably 40 or so who knows probably 35 why are you reading it out loud and then telling me what you're writing in response oh he he texted me back yeah it's just water under the bridge and my load on her tits oh boy she is the same expression everybody both use the same expression this is okay can i ask my

question yeah i run the website put this on so i hopefully i can help you with your fashion question thank you tommy bahama is it a real guy is it a guy i mean jordan do you not remember when he plowed your girlfriend in college oh god now i oh i was trying to block that out oh she did not like me he does not take his shirt off that's what she told me she texted me that after oh my gosh but they did it in his famous hammock. Bahama won't fuck unless it's in a hammock.

Yeah. So Tommy Bahama, the maker of like dad's weekend best. Sure. The kind of thing your uncle wears to a summer wedding. Yeah. So like khaki shorts, Aloha prints. Yeah. But also like it's expanded into like beach chairs and stuff like it's it's like branded products now too for the like tommy bahama lifestyle right enthusiast yeah i think

they got theme restaurants they have congressional candidates the whole nine was this ever a real guy was this like the king of ball beach comers you you know, a kind of a Buffett-esque character, a modern kind of pirate type with, but instead of, you know what I'm talking about? Was it a guy or did they just make up a guy? Yeah. Are they like, we need a fictional man to represent this brand, this lifestyle? a fictional man to represent this brand this lifestyle so you know the the other day i bid on and won a lot in an auction from the estate of christian audigier the designer of ed hardy and von dutch the famous i just bought some books about blue jeans from him or from his ghost. And those were the only things tethering him to this realm. Now he can move on to hell. French hell.

Yes. Yes. Or maybe Dutch hell. Who knows? No French. Avignon. He was from Avignon. And Von Dutch, Christian Audigier, and Ed Hardy were all real people, right? Ed Hardy was a famous tattoo artist.

Maybe Von Dutch was too, or maybe he was a car customizer, something like that. He was a car customizer. Car customizer. Our guest on the program from the hit podcast, Stop Podcasting Yourself, 75-time Canadian Comedy Award winner for Best Comedy Podcast, stand-up comic, guy who is a vegetarian and is allergic to so many things, his entire diet is cheese pizza, Graham Clark. What do you think, Graham? Tommy Bahama, is that a real guy or not? Well, much like you were talking about Michael Kors, Tommy Bahama railed me in college. Congratulations. Yeah, I was relaxing in a beach chair.

So was he real? He was very real, if you know what I mean. Yeah, that guy kept it real. I'm glad to hear he was he's real he's really guys in college i was i got railed by tommy davidson i just want to put that out there and he was living color the whole time he was doing sammy davis jr so it was sort of a twofer if he gets together with billy crystal it's over, man. Oh, wow. Yeah.

You could get double teamed by two Sammies. One more problematic than the other. I'm doing it with the Candyman. Both similarly discomforting. And both were played out when they were doing it in the 90s. Even then. So since Tommy Bahama is a real guy, I think I have the perfect line if I ever wanted to like pick him up in a bar. Yeah.

You ready? I'm ready. Is there a mommy Bahama? I'm ready. Is there a mommy Bahama? Does that mean who would be the, are you asking if, listen,

it's confusing. It's confusing. If you think too much about it, don't think too much about it. Just go with the vibe. Paternal conception. He just came forth fully formed from his father's jizz no i think what i the what i was getting at is that he had a wife she would be mommy bahama and i'm what i'm doing is i'm asking you know he would get it he would get it and think it was cool and i mean he would

be chill about it yeah is that like the british thing where people call their wives mother or mom? Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes, it is. Yes, that's it. I think he would get it. Do you guys think Tommy Bahama... I'm going to look and see if Tommy Bahama's a real man. He's a real man. Trust me. He's sort of

a man's man? Yeah. Well, he's at Tommy Bahama on Twitter twitter it's easy to feel why our coconut point camp shirt has everyone smiling also i'm a real guy well that answers our question it's right there in the original tweet i i can stress this enough i am a man. A lot of people are asking you if I'm a real man or not. Their most recent tweet is, What's in the heart of Waikiki offers local farm-to-table fare and has sweeping views of Honolulu?

Our restaurant and bar, of course. I guess. We got to go. A question that's been on everyone's tongue. Sold at resorts around the world. There's a bar at yankee stadium wow what's the closest okay what's the graham you're in vancouver right yeah yeah okay what's the closest tommy bahamas between all of us we gotta meet there we're meeting there in six

hours yeah i uh i'll see you at the brentwood mall that's where i am yeah graham is this yeah not to ask you too many like canadian questions i want to hear all what are they doing you okay yeah let's talk about why did tommy bahama ever rail the littlest hobo isn't that a dog yeah it's a dog it's it's an alternate timeline in the tommy bahama universe is this kind of like vibe this like older dude gray ponytail flip-flops beachcomber margs and ronas and ritas is this is this kind do you see this kind of guy in canada you see this guy it was funny because I was in the exact place where you would see that exact guy and I think I saw that exact

guy there's a bunch of like islands off the coast of BC oh yeah little islands Victoria and Gabriel and people have like cottages there and there's so many of those people on the islands that they dominate the islands the now exactly vancouver is on pacific time right yep but then just west of that they're on island time they're on island time that's right yes i mean it's five o'clock somewhere right doesn't that guy margaritaville doesn't he have a chain of restaurants as well yeah like jimmy buffett they're called margaritaville margaritaville good for him do you travel to those islands west of vancouver i have i've been to uh i've been to three or four of them so what's involved you got to get on a ferry most of the most of the time you have to drive get on a ferry most of the time you have to drive, get on a ferry, drive the other half. Or there's little airlines that will fly you over into their harbors.

So that's what I do. A little airline, like a wee little airline. Like a tiny little airline. They just went all electric. I'm sure you heard about it. Their whole fleet is electric now. We hadn't heard of it over here. We did not get that.

Do you know what? That's the problem with my government. We did not get that. That's, you know what? That's the problem with my government. They don't get the word out about it. Yeah. Here in the United States, we have a whole branch of the government dedicated to spreading the word about electrified tiny airlines. On these little airlines, are the bags of peanuts even smaller thanks jordan i mean i'm opening this thing first of all i can't get it open and when i finally do there's like five nuts in here here's me here's me trying to open this bag

three nuts hey jesse how would sammy dav Davis Jr. open that nuts bag? Three nuts! Nice. You sound just like him. Thank you. Thank you so much. Do they have distinctive identities, Graham, or is it just island folk or island folk?

Mostly island folk out this way are rich, rich, white, retired. Yeah. And then the other part of the island are the people who live in service of those rich, white people. So they run the restaurants and the stores and whatnot. So that's the balance as far as I understand it. Maybe we should hold for a second here because my motorcycle just set off a car alarm oh there it goes okay what type of motorcycle do you ride yeah it's a chopper it's a chopper have you ever performed on those islands i did once at a place called the gumboot cafe

the what the what cafe the gumboot cafe the gum boot cafe yes the gumboot cafe and it was one of the worst shows i've ever done in my life because everyone in the room knows each other and we're just like heckling me heckling each other they, you know, this guy's not from town. So they kept brazen me. And then at the end of the show, there was nowhere for me to go. Look at this guy in his closed-toed shoes. He's not rich or a servant. Boo!

Oh, and I also did a show. I did a corporate show in a place called Tofino. And it was a Christmas show. And I kept talking to people at the tables trying to get them on board for jokes. And then at the end of the show, somebody said, oh, that whole left side, they only speak Spanish. They don't speak any English whatsoever. So I was like, well, you might have slipped me a note. So I was like, well, you know, you might have slipped me a note.

In the future, when asking a comedian to perform. Yeah. Comma. Tell them about how half the audience is just smiling politely. How many people are we talking about at these shows? The Gumboot one probably was like 75 or kind of 75 to 90 people. And then same for the corporate. And I'll never be invited back.

Not that I thought I would be invited back regardless, but I'm not welcome back at this point. Because you were an advocate of requiring shirts and shoes for service, right? Yeah. And I kept pulling people's ponytail hair bands off their head. And they didn't take kindly to that. And I wore a t-shirt that wasn't tie-dyed, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah. But yeah, they fucked up big time.

So I'm only welcome back on a certain number of the eyes, but that's fine. What do I need so much island time in my life for? And now that I know that Margaritaville exists, I don't ever have to go to to an island ever again there was this when jordan and i were doing sketch comedy right out of college there was this other sketch group it was a duo that was based in i think they were based in the islands of northern washington state okay and this was like before there was sketch comedy even on YouTube. Like YouTube basically didn't exist at the time, much less, you know, TikTok or influencers or whatever it is that young people who are doing sketchy comedy do to make money these days. Yeah. And these two dudes were full-time sketch comedians. And I didn't understand how because they did not have a television show, which was the only way to make money doing sketch comedy at the time they had this long talk with these guys they had this sort

of like i would characterize their act as blue manny nice like there was a lot of things that were more like feats than they were jokes but nice guys and i was like how do you do this and they had just built a network of performing art centers in hippie towns in the pacific northwest and they're just like we just roll we just get on a barge to an island there's 800 people on the island and 400 of them come out to the art center on Saturday night to see this sketch comedy group they've never heard of but we've got the bookers phone number and like they just did an

act that people like that would like they did they did the circuit once a year like they did they had their 60 places they played they did that over the course of a year and then the rest of the year, they lived frugally. I love it.

I love everything about that story. Yeah. Is that your motorbike being driven away? What was that noise? Yeah. It's a lot of action in my neighborhood. Yeah. I knew a guy who went to schools and put on a lecture for like don't smoke or be safe be nice and that's

how he made all of his money i was just going i love that it's as generic as be nice be nice hey kids yeah knock it off and that guy's name andrew nice clay little miss muffet i helped her couch oh i gave her a shoulder to lean on what is the graham what is the smallest show that you've played, not overall, but for which you received ample compensation? What is the highest ratio of getting paid pretty well to no one coming? I feel like there's a golden ratio, and I think it happened early on when I was doing comedy, where you're getting paid fairly well because it's a corporate. But in this case, one half of the workforce had to be at work. So the other half didn't plan it out.

You give yourself a nice show that starts at 2 p.m. And they did the like very – it's like a cliche basically where they – before they brought me up, they brought up this kid that worked with the company who had had an accident, was now in a wheelchair and they put all this money together for him. Oh, my gosh. This like handmade leather jacket with his name on it and everybody was standing in applause. And then it's just literally I think my opening joke was like look at my hair like time to bust out the big guns the sammy davis jr impression help me out of this i mean to your credit graham you were wearing that handmade leather jacket that said graham on it yeah that's why we connected. Right.

I still hang out with him to this day. One time our friend Al Madrigal, the man of a thousand voices, did a McSweeney's benefit or an 826 benefit here in LA. And there was this dog act that was the guy who trained the dog for Frazier. Nice. And his beautiful daughter uh his daughter was probably 25 or 28 and was gorgeous which i don't he this dog trainer married well but hey the eddie

from frazier no slouch i mean that's a yeah well are you suggesting pretty beautiful girl's mom was eddie from fra? I'm just saying. You're saying this guy's got Paul. This guy's pulling. I'm just saying Eddie's a good looking dog. Firm haunches. Healthy gums. Yeah.

Warm anus. That's something. Cold hands, warm anus, never lose. Yes, can't lose. And it was like maybe a dozen rescue dogs. And the fact that they were rescue dogs was part of the patter. Right. And it was spectacular. Like one of the best performances of any kind I've ever seen.

I did not. I was like, why did Al book a dog act in the middle of this comedy show with eight amazing headliners? Like this comedy show where Maria Bamford went second or whatever. Right. Like, how could this dog act possibly be worth having in this show? Destroyed. Just blew the doors off of this theater full of Gen X affluent hipsters, uh,

supporting a two six, just absolutely leveled the place. Uh, next comic was Bill Burr. He comes out, he comes out and does his bit about how if you adopt a dog, it's not a rescue dog. It's just a free dog.

if you adopt a dog, it's not a rescue dog. It's just a free dog. Bill Burr just fought his way through this audience that was in love with these adorable pets. And like years later I saw Bill Burr and I talked, I said, I told him this story about seeing him do this. Cause it's like the most amazing thing I'd ever seen in a, in a standup show. And I was like, did you like, did just decide to do that? Like, is this when you like turned on that audience from Philadelphia and decided to just do your whole set being mad at Philadelphia? And Bill Burr just goes,

no, I was just backstage, not paying attention. He didn't notice that he went on after a dog act. Oh, I love it. Graham, have you ever had to perform with non-comedy things like variety acts or bands or whatever? Yeah. There was a hot streak of burlesque was happening for a while. And so there'd be everybody from comedians to your burlesque performers to like magicians it kind of hangers on like uh you know weird vaudevillian kind of acts and i was like i have jokes about the modern day that's what i felt was wrong with

me in that scene i wasn't a vaudeville guy you're like you're like paging through your notebook sleeve garters sleeve garters sleeve garters, sleeve garters, sleeve garters the laudanum material where's the laudanum material can't get a good phosphate anywhere how about this bull moose party why do you dirige in an airship an airship in a dirigible i think sammy davis jr would sound a little something like this when piloting a dirigible

not even not even current then graham have you ever have you ever had to go on i mean like i i think generally if you're going on in a burlesque show, there's some extent to which people want to see boobs with pasties on them or whatever. But I would imagine that's a pretty game audience generally. an animal actor or a kid act or one of the famous show business blunders uh that was so good that it was impossible to follow yeah i mean i've definitely been on many shows where i've been put behind somebody let's clean up basically like this is gonna destroy there was a guy that used to teach comedy in vancouver and, I was never on one of his shows, but I witnessed this show where just before he brought up the headliner,

him and his cute little son did kind of like a back and forth comedy act that everybody in the audience thought was like the most adorable thing. And then somebody else who had just taken the comedy class had to go back clean up. And they couldn't, they died.

They just died right there on the stage. Yeah, I'm trying to think of like some like i oh i did a corporate where i had to follow a beatles cover band so that wow counts as yeah how good of a beatles cover band was it they did four sets four different costumes four different eras of the beatles they were really good and i was like but why did like what again why am i on the show like this isn't good and i was like but why did like what again why am i on the show like this isn't i'm not dressed like ed sullivan like when do you when do you ideally in that when do you want to go on between sergeant pepper and let it be

yeah only a fool would go on after hard Day's Night. I want to follow Ram. That's for the after parties, Ram. You want to follow the best of wings. They keep telling the audience, like, these are era-appropriate clothes. You just don't know wings style as well as you do the Beatles. But believe me, this is real. Weird nailing wings. Folks, my name's Graham Clark.

Let's keep it going for Ringo Starr's All-Star Band. Amazing Billy Preston impression on the keys there. Let's give it up for songs Paul McCartney wrote for the video game Destiny. Famously. Was that a real thing? Yeah, Paul McCartney wrote at least one song for the video game Destiny. And my memory of it is that it is kind of hilariously bad. It is kind of meandering and hookless, I think.

I don't know if it's about the game. I don't know enough about the lore of Destiny to know if it was actually about, if it was set in the world of Destiny. Right. I know almost nothing about the lore of Destiny. I know a little bit about Destiny's Child. Okay.

That's a popular expansion for Destiny. DLC. The raid. Oh, man, that's hilarious. You guys want to take a break and do some raids and then come back and take some phone calls? Yeah, I'm going to eat some of these Sour Patch Kids. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go.

Delicious. And staring me in the fucking face this whole time. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. You'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio, sweetheart, Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know, every episode of Jordan, Jesse go underwritten by the good folks who become members of maximum fund. Thank you.

Maximum fund members. That's what, that's what allows us to, uh, keep the lights on. That's what it pays for the porridge that we give Brian every week. Um, the whole nine yards. Also this week, a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. You know, Jordan, you know what we support here on Jordan, Jesse, go? Oh, single mothers, of course. First and foremost is going to be single mothers.

They're the real heroes. Second of all, firefighters. Returning to the gold standard. Second of all, firefighters. Returning to the gold standard. I'm all about free silver, Jordan. You know that we disagree on this. I'm out.

I was going to say mental health. We're all about supporting your mental health. Jordan and I are glad to say on this program that we each have gotten a lot out of therapy uh there are a lot of ways to get therapy um you can go see somebody in person in your community you can go to a clinic you can get your insurance to cover it uh one really convenient way uh that is pretty easy to access is our sponsor better help now jordan let me ask you this you ever feel burnt out constantly constantly obviously you can burn out at work yeah especially if you're like uh an illegal street racer right i think first and foremost, the Fast and Furious movies. A lot of burnout there.

Are about managing burnout. And drifting. And family. And family, of course. They're about three things. In the world, in a world choked by capitalism, we are all encouraged to keep working, work after hours, work on the weekends, and then trying to balance that stuff with family and relationships and everything else. It can be real exhausting. And I think that having a therapist to talk to weekly about that stuff has been really awesome for me. And if you want to try and get one through BetterHelp, they offer a lot of great options. It's customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to.

It can be much more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash JJ Go. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash JJ Go. Hey, Jordan, I want to mention that if anybody out there lives in the New York City area, so I'm talking about New York City. I'm talking about Newark, New Jersey. Fuck it. Princeton, New Jersey. All the way to Princeton. That's what I'm talking about. Across the entire state of New Jersey, basically.

We're looking at you, Hoboken. Yeah. Come on, Hoboken. Don't fuck this up for yourself. I and our friend John Hodgman are playing a show at Lincoln Center, a free show on June 29th. It is going to be a great time. Jean Grey is going to be there. You get to watch me sing if you want to, or you can just go for nachos during that time.

It's a free outdoor show. It's part of Lincoln Center's, uh, summer in the city series. It's going to be a lot of fun. And, uh, I hope that you will come. Uh, if you are worried about getting tickets, you can make reservations. Just Google judge John Hodgman, New York, or judge John Hodgman, Lincoln center. Uh, and you will find the reservation link there. Um, but yeah, it's going to be a blast.

It's our first live show in several years. Not counting Max FunCon. It's my first overall public performance in years. So I hope that you New Yorkers and I don't know, I'm extending it to Maryland. Yeah. Does that sound okay? So you're letting Connecticut off the hook? No, Connecticut's on the hook.

Specifically, I'm talking about Michael Ian Black, I think, lives in Connecticut. He better come. Yeah. You know what? If you were on the state. Anybody on the state, Kerry Kenny Silver. I'm looking at you. Mm-hmm.

Nice woman. Very funny. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, come to that show. It's June 29th at uh lincoln center in their outdoor amphitheater it's going to be a blast uh probably my friend adam from middle school is going to be there so you can meet him uh he's a good guy uh and uh that's all i just wanted to mention that

for all our new yorkers yeah get out there go to a show go to a fucking show. It's outdoors. It's safe. It's happy. Will we be really funny? Probably not. It's outdoors. You know, how funny can you be outdoors? But it'll be pleasant. You'll be distracted by lightning bugs. Yeah, and nachos.

Mm-hmm. There's many fucking nachos. You think they serve nachos at Lincoln Center? That's a safe assumption, right? Yeah, unless they love leaving money on the table. Wynton Marsalis insists fully loaded not just cheese and chips not just those little jarred jalapenos either no uh-uh sour cream guac and a protein yeah spicy chicken uh june 29th okay we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go

it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorne a high roller at many casinos. Big dog in Vegas. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Graham Clark, Michael Kors, amazing penis. All right. Okay. It's lists. And I'm just now getting over it. Here we are, salt in my wounds. I'm no Michael Kors, but I have a lot to offer.

Yeah, exactly. You're the only you. Thank you. She described it to me. Why are we, we have, we could just do calls. Why are we still talking about this traumatic? She said it was both thick and elegant. I don't know. I have a lot of good qualities, too.

I'm very punctual. I don't know. She told me that you came early a few times. All right. A lot of good restaurant suggestions. Anyway, I have an Apple TV. Michael Kors told me that eating ain't cheating. Oh, okay.

That was the shirt that got him his start, right? It's just on the subject of restaurants. God, once you get Michael Kors started. Yeah. Yeah. Plowing your girlfriend girlfriend he does not stop uh graham just like on stop podcasting yourself you have famous segments like overheards yeah and and what is a goblin what is a goblin which we never got to the bottom of there were a lot of different theories on what a goblin was or is it was a solid just for the listener who doesn't listen to stop podcasting yourself and you should be it's sort of like if this show was a thing um

uh but uh for a solid six months graham and dave were asking all of their guests what is a goblin just to define what for them yeah because we knew what ghosts were it didn't sound like you were prepping them no we weren't yeah you were just dropping that on them just off the dome yeah that's that's where you're going to get the truth. You know, if you tell them in advance what's a goblin, they're going to try and sound smart. Right. You know, you get them in the moment. They'll tell you exactly what they think a goblin is.

Jordan, what would you say is a goblin? I'm envisioning Gollum from Lord of the Rings. That to me. What color is he? Brown? Gray. Gray. Gray. What color is he? Brown? Gray. Gray. Kind of loose strands of hair.

Yeah. Like kind of a humanoid, but kind of, you know, some like ape like qualities, loincloth only. That's the only clothes, maybe some bone jewelry.

Maybe I'm thinking like necklace with bone, bone, bone trophies that kind of things with the fur yeah club club very important has has a club yeah yeah and apple bottom jeans and apple bottom apple bottom jeans yeah i feel like a goblin is a kind of guy who could go. Yeah. You know what I mean? I absolutely know what you mean. Like that kind of guy.

That kind of guy. And pointy ears. So those are my two main things. There was a lot of speculation throughout whether a goblin is wet. Are they wet? I think yes. I think absolutely yes. Yeah.

Have you ever talked to like a folklore expert or anything like that? Have you ever thought about contacting, you know, someone that kind of studies these things? We're in Canada. You're not allowed to bother scientists and stuff. There's laws against that. Right. That's why the CBC exists. Currently, there is currently a supercut of you guys asking all these guests. A listener made a supercut. And I listened to it. And I had listened to it when it was happening, which was, what, maybe three years ago, something like that.

I had listened to it as it happened. I mean, it was like my, all my children. Like pushing people away from the speaker. I got to hear what a goblin is to Alicia Tobin or whatever. And that was our Max Fun pin that year was what's a goblin. So there you go. It really became part of the show. And re-listening to it was absolutely magic. I would say that it was the greatest supercut of all time.

Okay. If it weren't for that supercut of David Letterman asking drummers in their bands about their drum kits, which Dave made. Yeah, that's right. Dave went viral. For many years,

you know, many years from now, stop podcasting yourself. And indeed the medium of podcasting will have been forgotten. Yeah. But Dave will remain legendary for having made that super cut david letterman asking drummers about their drum sets he also did a thing that took off where he was uh he was taking people from movies who were then played by a kid

so he would like the the adult star and the kid star who they cast and he put that on a tumblr and it blew up it was like an entertainment weekly and oh yeah yeah it was called kid casting yeah what is the state of tumblr i think we all had a fun time but most of us got off last i heard it was like a haven for a certain kind of like porn gif like there was a if you liked your porn in looping gif form tumblr was the place uh but that was several years ago so i don't know if it's moved on from that or or what there's somebody i follow on twitter and she regularly posts weird memes that only exist on tumblr one of which was a package of hot pockets where the hot pocket is open and you see the like stuff flowing out of it i'm just replacing it with every like a ben stiller coming out of there or

just like oops all gravel and just like that maybe we can expand this if anybody out there is a regular on a... Wants to sell us Tumblr, we have $50. Yes. Canadian, but still. You have to include all the porno gifs. That's really the IP is why we're buying it. And everyone's getting a Disney Plus series. Yeah. And I'll walk.

I'll walk away from this deal right now. So help me God. If you're a regular on a defunct social media site, if you still have an emo band that promotes themselves on MySpace, I would like to know what's going on. Do you have any updates as to what's going on on a particular defunct social media website, for instance, Twitter, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN and let us know. Not the Twitter one. I was joking with that. Don't just call in with Twitter stuff. That would be a waste of everybody's time.

Tell us what you're live journaling. Yes. If you're live, tell us what's going on. Live journal. Yeah. Tumblr. What was the one with the peach? Do you know the peach one?

Wasn't there one that had the peach logo? Yeah, I was thinking Georgia. Georgia, yeah. If you're on Georgia.gov. Ello. Ello. Wasn't Ello's? Yeah.

Ello. If you're on Ello, give us a call. 206-984-4FUN. Let us know what's going down. I mean, my concern here is that just back of the envelope, off the top of the head, math, I'm going to say three quarters of these are white supremacist websites now. Hmm. Yes. Listen, will this segment bear fruit who knows i'm just planting a crop and praying for rain so graham as we were saying you guys have a lot of original ideas on stop podcasting yourself for segments we do that too we think of our own ideas it's not just you and dave that can think of ideas we think of a lot of our own ideas it's not just you and dave that can think of ideas

we think of a lot of our own ideas we don't actually agree yeah for different segments on the show so like we'll think of something and then people will call in and for that segment that we thought of it's not just people calling in and then saying that we thought of a segment just a segment that describes what their call was happening, it's stuff that we thought of because we're creative. We're creatives. We're creatives and influencers. And content is king. Everyone knows.

You said it. And queen, single mothers. Thank you. Yes, queens them all. Single mothers. Queens them all. single mothers queen Brian make mouse podcast if not saying words

Jordan Jesse Brian listen I work with old people with their computers specifically. I was helping an old man with his iPad opened up private mode. Sure enough, he left all of his pornography tabs open. So I closed them down, closed private mode, knowing that he was safe for now. Anyway, a couple of years later, I get a phone call. It's from his wife. Unfortunately, this client, he's dead. And can I come and help with the iPad, which she has

inherited? And I knew exactly what I had to do. I went around straight away, grabbed the iPad, explained that there were probably some connectivity issues. So I took it out into the hall, opened up private tab, cleared away all that post-mortem porn, closed the private tab, and then I clenched my fist, held it in the air. And that's why I'm calling you for the segment. Today, I fist bumped a ghost. Nice. Love the show. That's great.

For once, a ghost isn't saying boo he's saying hooray yeah or he's saying booyah maybe that's the thing thank you graham do we even need the setup graham maybe we should just say today a ghost said booyah Do you think one of the tabs had one of those like, you know, porn ad pop ups that says like, this game will kill you in 40 seconds? Why would I play it? Oh, now I'm dead. There, 40 seconds right on the dot. Oh, now I'm dead. There, 40 seconds right on the dot. I would have been curious what the porno was.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm interested in, like, maybe he thinks it's porn, but it was just burlesque. Maybe that was his level. Yeah, could be. Could be like a British octogenarian is just like. Yeah. Showing some ankle. It's just babes pushing their sleeves up and then they stay up out of the way because of the garters. Nice.

Just nurses being chased by Benny Hill and a guy in a gorilla suit. You're an old British man. That's porn, right? Yeah. i think that's right yeah one of those comic book annuals maybe british comic book annuals dennis the menace desperate damn i have a real i have a real serious question do you think that when you're old, the pornography gets more Baroque, more specific, or there's like a back to basics thing? I think you probably want something that reminds you of your childhood. Oh, so like a radio, somebody fucking a radio flyer? Yeah, a radio flyer.

Really giving it to that wagon. Right in the spokes. God, right in the spokes. Oh, baby. Tell me that cars should have fins. Invite me to the sock hop. one one milkshake two straws the viral video sensation yes one milkshake two straws not as filthy as the other one no but it will kill you in 40 seconds. It'll get you where you're going.

Not entirely hygienic. I mean, there's not much backwash when it comes to milkshakes, but yeah. Brian, we got another call in there? Hey, Jordan and Jesse. Annie from Chicago calling in with an entry for your

recurring segment of ridiculous bootleg Disney t-shirts. I actually was just in Walt Disney World and can 100% confirm what Jordan said about how most people are wearing these just absolutely absurd Etsy Disney crossover shirts, mostly about alcohol. But another sub-genre of Disney Etsy shirt I saw was the crossover IP shirt. They were just astounding. So I'm going to tell you my three favorites. Number three, I saw a guy wearing a shirt that was a checklist. And at the top, it said, things we don't talk about. And underneath it said, Fight Club and Bruno. I think it was Family Encanto Dress-Up Day, and that's what he had negotiated for himself.

He needed three. Number two, I saw somebody wearing a black T-shirt with white screen printing with an illustration of a man's face wearing the classic Mickey ears hat and the word Walt underneath it. But instead of Walt Disney's face, it was Walter White's face

from Breaking Bad. That's clever. I actually spotted this on Main Street in the Magic Kingdom, which is a choice. I would have liked Walt Frazier, Clyde Frazier. And the one I cannot stop thinking about is a t-shirt that at first glance looks like the album art from Outkast's Stankonia album with two figures standing in front of a black and white American flag. But instead of Andre and Big Boy, it's Timon and Simba from the Disney animated film The Lion King with Simba standing in the same pose as Andre 3000, which arms or paws, I guess, stretched out. Anyway, I can't stop thinking about these shirts, and I had to offload them out of my brain to somebody else.

Enjoy. Thanks. What the hell is Timon and Simba doing together? Where's Pumbaa? Where's Pumbaa? Where's Pumbaa? That's all I could think about. Where's Pumbaa? First of all, where's Pumbaa i could think about where's pumba first of all where's pumba yeah and most important why was why was tommy hillfiger wearing his ring whose party is this graham what's your

what's your closest theme park if you were to have the itch to ride the coasters, grab a funnel cake, where would you go? It's a place called Playland. It's kind of in the far east of the city, and it's the rollercoaster, and it is where they shot the rollercoaster scene for Final Destination

3, so that's its big claim to fame. Oh, that's a good Final Destination! Yeah! That's a pretty good Final Destination 3. So that's its big claim to fame. Oh, that's a good final destination. Yeah. That's a pretty good final destination. Yeah. Have you ridden that coaster yourself and were you killed? I was killed, but

because I beat I beat death at its own game, I was allowed to come back. The game was Pictionary. A lot of people don't know that's how death got rich yeah but like this every year there's a big exhibition at the that happens around that uh playland and uh there's always musicians that play like every night there's a different musician, B-52's Farewell Tour is going to be there.

So, last chance. This is it. Wait, an exposition? Like Expo 76? The Pacific National Exhibition? Where it's, you know, it's just drinking.

Mostly that. It's mostly drinking. And just eating garbage stuff and then if you're lucky you get to see the b-52s or nelly nelly's gonna be playing there as well dang these are premium apps yeah get a pass get a yeah get a new old pass what are the playland delicacies if disney Disneyland had giant turkey legs and dull whips, what are you getting at Playland? Potato tornadoes are big. Those are big and celebrated. You know those?

They kind of go on a stick. What's that? It's like kind of a long potato chip, basically, that's wrapped around a wooden stick. So it's like all one piece, and they're fantastic. They're amazing. So potato tornadoes. That does sound good. Beaver tails are a big thing a beaver tail is just when a woman bends over in her thong shows yeah and then you hear a trombone uh but yeah i think like no what the fuck is a beaver tail oh sure sure um because otherwise 100 we think. What the fuck is a beaver tail, Graham? Oh, sure, sure.

Because otherwise, 100% we think it is the tail of a beaver. It's... 100%. What it is, is it's a tail of a beaver. So there you go. You were right all along. Oh, wow. Okay. Do you get a dipping sauce with that?

Yeah. French or barbecue? Yeah, you want a marinara sauce with that. Really nice. Yeah. Yeah, they are a flattened donut kind of thing with, I believe, maple syrup and powdered sugar on it. Sounds great. Yeah, so those are kind of the big ones.

And then, you know, all the usual suspects. Your mini donuts. Mini donuts is one of the celebrated ones, of course. But you guys all live in California. Do you guys ever live in california do you guys ever go to disneyland i went for the first time in years and years years i talked we talked about it a couple weeks ago on the show yeah it used to be so i you know growing up in county it was something that you could do a couple times a year but i had not been in a long long time and went to

the family and we had a really fun time and we saw all the Star Wars stuff and it was really cool. Please consult Jordan Jesse Go episode, four episodes ago for the rest. Nice. That's like the editor's note they used to do in comic books. Yeah, exactly.

For more on my trip to Disneyland, see Amazing Spider-Man issue 344. It's a very bad see Amazing Spider-Man issue 344. It's a very bad issue of Spider-Man. But I'll talk more about the corndog we got. I do like the notion of a Spider-Man comic where Spider-Man's in the background to somebody else's life. And you just kind of see Spider-Man lying around the background while you're at Disneyland. Yeah.

Oh boy. My mom, while we were at Disneyland, this was like a family trip. My mom did point out everywhere. We either got lost or threw up as kids. Oh, nice.

Yeah. We'll walk down memory lane. Yeah. A lot of both. Apparently. I put together a whole album at home. We like to flip through if you want yeah weak tummy no sense of direction but just just the lego land guy though right you're a lego you're a lego land fanatic you're a lego land adult right first of all i can't get enough but i'm not there for i'm not some duplo dip shit

i'm there for ninjago all the way baby yeah i'm a big boy with the big boys and you could go in the big boy potty no diapies for you nope that's how you know you're ready the lego land is pretty good it's what i like about it is it's pretty chill yeah it's not a bunch of fucking bullshit like this obviously is this stuff at disneyland better than the stuff at legoland yeah fucking course it is it's a disneyland they invented pretend mountains that you ride a roller coaster on that's true they're the originators they they built the game but like at lego land just everybody's just fucking kicking back and riding a boat around and checking out a evil tower made of legos that's what i want that is what i

want i want that and then if if lego land had a store where you could buy a miniature license plate that said Bort on it, that's my ultimate theme park. I just want a little mini license plate that says Bort, and then I ride a boat around and see the Sydney Opera House made out of Legos. The theme park of my youth, which was outside of Calgary, it was called Calloway Park because it was away from Calgary. That's a brilliant name that they came up with. That's cute. That rules. And at one point, it was a Flintstones-themed amusement park, but they had long since left. But all the buildings still looked like bedrock, like all the garbage cans had like a turtle shell over top.

The haunted house, like it was walking into barney's house it was uh just people with word balloons saving saying yabba dabba doot we had to change it to yabba dabba doot i don't know if i've ever told you this i don't know if i've ever told you this. I don't know if I've ever told you this, Graham, but I went to Calgary one time to do Bullseye or maybe even The Sound of Young America back then. This nice woman was helping run the Calgary Folk Festival, which is not a folk music festival, but a giant music festival in the river. There's an island in the river that's a park. There's a giant concert with Roberta Flack headlining. Cool.

And Canadian country singer Cor Blund. Yep. Who was great. I interviewed him and he was a fucking delightful guy. Just such a bright, interesting, fun guy. But anyway, the things that I remember most about it are this great park in the middle of the river. People talking about how people go tubing in the river right through the middle of calgary i thought that was really fun and then i i got called

two slurs in three days yeah yeah it was the main attraction at calloway uh was i think the flintstones like it wasn't much of a park yeah but uh they had a roller coaster they had like a splash again like it was a log like it looked like uh an old flintstones era log ride, stuff like that. Just really nothing great. Like it was good enough for us, but that was before we knew that other things were better. You know what I mean? Yeah, that was before you knew that some theme parks had a store where you could buy a little license plate that says Bort on it.

That's right. By the way, my wife took my daughter to Universal Studios. I said, all I want, I don't want to go, but I want you to bring me a little license plate that says Bort on it. Yeah. Guess what they didn't have? Fuck. What the fuck?

I ended up with a key chain that says Bort on it. Yeah, I think the license plates are gone. I think what was happening there, it's like obviously that's one of the greatest Simpsons jokes of all time. I'm assuming if you are listening to the show, you kind of remember it. You have a son named Bort. You have a son named Bort. My son is also named Bort.

I think what was going on is that when they opened the Simpsons land, they were like, we got to have this like people's minds. But also for this joke to work, we need a rack of other license plates. Right. Like we need a rack of the regular ones for this joke to track. And also maybe kids don't want that license plate anymore. So they had to make something that people liked and then squeeze Bort into there. Not as good. Not as good. i have that keychain though you think i'm gonna go eat your fucking pink donuts just because they're fucking pink and you have a license plate that says bort thanks cram 206-9844-FUN or jj go at

maximumfun.org we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hi, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Willington. And I'm Elliot Kalin. And the three of us host The Flophouse. It's a podcast where we watch a new bad movie and then we talk about it. Dan, you say it's hosted by the three of us,

but we've had a lot of great guest co-hosts like Gillian Flynn, Jamel Bowie, John Hodgman, Jessica Williams, Wyatt Cenac, Joe Bob Briggs, Josh Gondelman, Roman Mars. Yeah, and you said new movies, but what about the time we did Meatballs 2? Okay, okay, yeah. Sometimes we do older movies and sometimes we have guests, but mostly it's about us talking about

like recent bad movies. And don't forget about the ones where I made you do a role-playing game where you played cartoon dogs. Alright, yeah. Shouldn't a promo be a really simple explanation about what our show's about? So what's the show about, Dan? What's it about? What's it about? It's about friendship, all right?

It's about our friendship and how we love each other. The Flophouse. It's a podcast mostly about bad movies on Maximum Fun. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Do you sometimes wonder whatever happened to the kids at your school who really loved Star Trek? You might remember a kid like me, the one who read the Star Trek novels and built Starship models. I also took music classes to avoid taking gym classes that required showering after, but I don't see what that really has to do with...

Or a kid like me. I introduced myself to kids at my summer camp one year as Wesley. But when the school year started and some of those kids were in my new class, I actually had to explain to my friends that I had tried to take on the identity of my favorite Star Trek character. The shame haunts me to this day. I'm sure some of those Star Trek fans

from your childhood grew up to have interesting and productive lives, but we ended up being podcasters. On The Greatest Discovery, you'll hear what happens to two lifelong Star Trek fans who didn't grow up to be great people, they just grew up to be people who love jokes as much as they love Trek. So listen to our new episodes every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris, boy detective, Graham Clark, Greg Muni. It's a hockey card that was on my desk, Greg. Great. I should say, by the way, that the thing that I said was, this will be old news by the time this show comes out, but it's the thing that a baseball player who slapped another baseball player said because he slapped him over the fantasy football dispute. And he said he slapped him because the other guy was fucking with his money because he was cheating in the fantasy football league. And you shouldn't fuck with his money because he's a big dog in vegas at many casinos so i just wanted to make that clear as clear as it can be with re why i said that and why that guy slapped that guy before a baseball game okay nice graham what what are your boys stats over there uh craig nunes yeah. His overall game points, 310, which is not bad.

Wow. Yeah, I think he's been around for a while. He's an Edmonton Oiler. Goals, 21 assists, 64. And then I don't know what these next letters are, PTS and PIM. It could be in anything. But yeah, I have this baseball card that I've been slowly tearing up whenever I'm doing a podcast. So that's all that's left of Greg Muni.

Nice. Just the top quarter. You know what? The Oilers are still in the playoffs. So I won't throw it away until they're eventually kicked out. What hockey teams still exist and what have become the Phoenix heat waves or whatever. Phoenix coyotes. Sure.

I don't know. I've don't all hockey teams now play in cities with 120 degree heat. Yes. Yeah. The league really lost its way. Wow. There's two teams and see you dad. Warren's.

Yeah. There's not that many teams in Canada. Like, most of the NHL is the United States. We've only got, like, six teams. And only one of them is currently in the playoffs, I think. Yeah. Just one of them. Not my city.

Seems unfair. Does seem unfair. We all played long together fine. And then the playoffs come and we're not friends anymore? What the fuck? We got rid of the fucking Montreal Expos. Why? Because we didn't want some fucking bullshit French nonsense with a fucking world exposition theme to fuck with our national game. That's true.

They weren't using a baseball bat. They were using a baguette. Yes. They gave them an unfair advantage. It was a corked baguette. The cork was from wine. That's another French thing. So this is a lot of fun.

Baguettes were corked. The burgundies were uncorked. Mm-hmm. Glug-glug. Glug-glug. The Burgundies were uncorked. Mm-hmm. Glug-glug. Glug-glug. Say the Frenchies. What a fun time we're having. We're having a blast.

We're having a blast. Man, isn't it great to be a highly skilled professional humorist? Yeah. No. professional humorist yeah no you can't validate yourself anyway let's go 90 more minutes whenever you're alone you're sad hey we're shutting it down for the night. Graham Clark, thanks for being here. Oh, for the night? Aw.

Thanks for having me. This was a blast. Yeah. Stop podcasting yourself. It's the funniest. Graham and Dave are so funny. If y'all aren't listening to it. On which both of you have been guests.

That's true. Jesse and I have both been guests, so avoid those episodes. No, start there and then. But the Alicia Tobin episodes are a delight yes alicia tobin episodes are the best i'm gonna look i'm gonna very i'm gonna offer a very earnest plug for stop podcasting yourself i don't have a ton of room in my life for podcasts i only show up to this one because i have to i i love doing this show but i i don't listen to a lot of comedy podcasts because they make me sad or jealous and i somehow i held out on that for like

12 years and then a few years ago it turned and now they make me sad and jealous um but stop podcasting yourself is such a treasure for me. I listened to close to every single episode of stop podcasting yourself. It's the only comedy podcast that I listened to in that way anymore. I really love it. It is like a gentler, kinder, funnier Jordan, Jesse go,

which is a huge compliment coming from you. That's a, that means a lot. I mean, I fucking love very gentle because we are very gentle. jessigo which is a huge compliment coming from you that's uh that means a lot i mean i fucking love very gentle because we are very gentle because we are very gentle we would never hurt you listener i really love stop podcasting yourself every time i listen to it i think ah isn't it great that i know these guys? These guys are fucking geniuses. So you should go and listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself. And I will say, if you're American, this is a Canadian program, if you're American, it might sneak up on you.

They're not poking you in the nose with gags and japes. They're not yelling or doing a smug guy voice like me. They're asking, Graham especially, loves to ask their guest about what's going on with them and me they're they're asking graham especially loves to ask their guest about what's going on with them and how they're feeling graham's a wonderful is a wonderful interviewer of van cooper based improvisers but it is it is like such uh such a brilliantly hilarious show like listen to two episodes and all you'll think is these are my new best friends in the entire world and how brilliant and talented they are. So, yeah, listen to Stop Podcasting Yourself.

If you like this show and you don't like Stop Podcasting Yourself, I will be stunned. I will be genuinely stunned. And the honest truth is that if you don't like this show, congratulations on powering through to the end here. You'll probably like stop podcasting yourself it's better than this well thanks so much for having me guys this has been a blast yeah thank you well we're thrilled to have you graham our theme music love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records our producer is brianny D. Fernandez Valerie Moffitt is on the stream this evening, hi to everybody

watching on the MaxFun YouTube page live we are on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris and at Jesse Thorne, we are on Instagram at Jordan David Morris and at put.this.on we're on Reddit at Maximumfun.reddit.com.

It's been a little quieter on Reddit lately. I want to see some people get up in the Reddit this week. What's the fucking shit going down at the amusement park by your house? Where's the B-52s playing for you?

It's just topic ideas. You know, maximumfun.reddit.com. Where's the B-52s playing for you sound off in the comments smash that like button on reddit or whatever i don't know is you skidder you know they got a whole reddit just for dogs on roofs i love it hey that's a good one yeah how'd they get up there gotta get over there makes me sad though because it occurred to me the other day I was

going for a walk and I was remembering this dog on a roof that used to live by my house in Mount Washington my wife and I called it roof dog and I was thinking man I wonder I wonder if I'll ever see roof dog again and then I remember that probably roof dog is dead

see you next week, everybody. And now the comedy of Graham Clark. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.