Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 747: Send Snoods with Russ Frushtick

Episode Date: July 20, 2022

Russ Frushtick (The Besties pod, Book of Fun) joins Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Russ's juice consumption, everyone's favorite edutainment computer lab games, the insane deleted Goldeneye ending that would have changed the whole game, and Swedish bunny jumping competitions.Get The Book of Fun here!!PSA: Find Jordan and Sarah Morgan at San Diego Comic Con on Thursday 7/21 @ 2:30pm at the First Second booth (#2800, 2802)! First people to show off any Max Fun merch/cosplay will get a mystery prize! 

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I was thinking about something, Jordan. Can you help me think this through? Ooh, so are we going to cease conversation on the podcast? Would it just be a recording of two men thinking? Yeah.

Kind of a John Cage thing? Like, who wants to be a millionaire? Only Regis is dead. Mm-hmm. This is my thinking on this. Well, you know the Middle Ages? Yeah. I mean, the closest I've been, I mean, I'm not that old. I'm 40, so I was not alive. But I have been to medieval times. So I think I've kind of been, you know, in the soup, as it were. Yeah. So you know the whole drill.

Knights, falconry. Right. Eating with your hands. Didn't invent forks. Boy in a park. Yeah. I think I'm sure I've told the story on the podcast before but i think it bears repeating the last time i was at medieval times everything uh incredibly

in character no one said anything like they weren't doing any like jokes about tiktok or whatever um you know they stuck to the time period except for before it started the king had to come out and remind everyone not to vape it was the only concession to modernity anyone made during the show so in the in the medieval times there was a lot of things that people had to endure right cholera clouds of vape smoke the black death just the indignity of feudalism you know like the like a horrific life of toil right your teeth just fell right out of your head whenever they felt like it um people were dying in childbirth left and right. Everything was very muddy. And the worst part, no Netflix.

Yeah, no Netflix. What am I supposed to binge? The Bible? The weather was bad and you didn't really have a house. You couldn't read. Right. They just had to have special monks that knew how to read. Dragon eats your baby.

Just all kinds of terrible shit about it. Right. They just had to have special monks that knew how to read. Dragon eat your baby. Just all kinds of terrible shit about it. Right. Today I was thinking about the Middle Ages, and I was like, oh, fuck, they didn't have ice cream. Yeah. Fucked up, huh? Can you imagine that shit? Could you imagine? What the fuck?

I mean, I guess you don't know what you don't have, but it seems like they would have been able to feel that one in their bones, you know? Right. Ice cream is coming, and I'm just going to miss it. Yeah, because I'm going to die at 21 of cholera. Yeah. Well, I think you speed the process along. You find a dragon, and you just yell, hey, get chomping. Yeah, I think that's fair. Get chomping. Or you find a dragon that breathes ice. You bring some cream over there.

Oh. I don't know how you're going to churn it. Ice wyvern. You're saying some kind of ice wyvern? Yeah, probably like a... If you could find a wyvern that breathes ice and you have a churn... Could this be a separate wyvern? It's like a churn wyvern?

A churn wyvern? Sure, why not? Why the fuck not? Sure. It's like a churn wyvern. A churn wyvern? Sure, why not? Why the fuck not? Sure.

And just all I'm saying is that there was a lot of fucked up shit in the Middle Ages, but it just occurred to me that in addition to all of those life-threatening, horrible things, and in addition to the fucked up economic system, and they only had one set of clothes that was all torn up and was hard from filth and it barely covered their genitals. all torn up and it was hard from filth and it barely covered their genitals and uh you know if you got you know an sti it just drove you insane and all your skin fell off or whatever and there was nothing anyone could do about it yeah and then plus the king sleeps with your wife on the night you get married and then he tells you not to vape yeah fucking fascist or worse jordan imagine this what if the king didn't sleep with your wife

i mean he would still tell you not to vape probably yeah well but if he didn't sleep with your wife i mean it's better for your wife but you'd feel pretty embarrassed because he slept with everybody else's wife you know right is my wife not comely you would be thinking yeah is she not comely doth she not be comely enough enough for the the lord's mouthpiece on earth uh that's all i was just thinking i was eating some ice cream and I was just feeling bad for those people. Yeah, your interest in ice cream shows no sign of wavering, waverning. I invented a new sundae. Do you want to hear what it is? Sure. It's cookie dough ice cream.

Okay. And you know I'm all about the Tillamook brand, the top grocery store ice cream brand. Get this Tillamook cookie dough ice cream. And then you know these tiny chocolate chip cookies, these tiny crispy chocolate chip cookies that come in a vat from Trader Joe's? Yeah, I can picture them, sure. Yeah. Are they kind of long and thin? Are they kind of like a thin?

No, I know the kind you're talking about. That's the kind you get on like a Delta airplane. Right. I'm talking about little roundies that are crispy and they come like a thin. No, I know the kind you're talking about. That's the kind you get on like a Delta airplane. Right. I'm talking about little roundies that are crispy and they come in a bucket. Right. You know, like a KFC sized bucket, but it's all little. So you take some of those and you squish them up on top and then you put caramel sauce and then you put whipped cream on top. It's called a double cookie sundae.

Oh my gosh. I thought about calling it a super cookie sundae, but I figured that would be gilding the lily yeah you could give one of those to the king and then he'd probably forget about fucking your wife what was i gonna do again oh that's right have another sunday then he'd be like ah ice wyvern sure It was a problem back then. Well, look, Jordan, we have a guest on the program. I, for one, let me say, I, for one, am very excited about this guest. You know him from Polygon. You know him as one of the co-hosts of The Besties. And now you know him as the author of The Book of Fun, An Illustrated History of Having a Good Time, Russ Frushtek.

Hi, Russ. How are you? Hi there. What an introduction. I appreciate it. Glad to do it. Love to list credits. Now, Russ, there's something food-related I wanted to get into with you, or I guess I should say mouth-related. Oh, boy.. Oh boy. So you're doing us a solid. You're an East Coaster. You're taping this at 1am your time. 11, but yeah.

I like the 1. I was trying to endear you to the audience more. It really makes me look like a stand up guy for 1am, but no. It's 11. I would have turned you down if it was 1. You've got a young baby that needs care, but you're staying up to do this show. And not only are you not a coffee guy, but you're a juice dude. Am I wrong about you being a juice dude?

I mean, I love juice. This came up very recently on the Besties podcast. But yes, indeed, I am powered deep within my veins with juice. Wow, like Jack LaLanne. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Was he into juice? That was like his whole deal was juicing it up and drinking it down.

And wearing those onesies, right? I think so. I think that's correct. No, that's great. Yeah. No, I love juice. For 30 years of my life, I drank orange juice like every single day had to give that up case of the acid reflux and now i'm doing sort of a pomegranate blueberry combo which i guess is good for my

my poor little esophagus which was too sensitive for the for the oj oh little russie's esophagus loves superfoods i'm just saying man he's he's a sensitive little fellow i've been taking advantage of him give me a sigh berries we brought you on the podcast to make fun of you i know that's good i'm totally used to it this is my this is where I feel most comfortable. It's all good. I distinctly remember, and I bring it up because I'm a loyal Besties listener. And a guest. And a guest. You appeared.

I was a guest once. I got to talk about Grand Theft Auto. Tons of fun. And while you were talking about juice, I was remembering the time in my life, because we were like glass of orange juice with breakfast every day in my family, part of the food pyramid. But I remember the day that people were like, oh, by the way, a glass of orange juice, that's like eating two Big Macs. Like calories. And everything.

Juice really got a bad rap pretty recently. Juice really got a bad rap pretty recently. Juice really got a bad rap. And I definitely remember when they were trying to tell you that something was bad for you, they would phrase it in terms of how many Big Macs it equaled. Now it's all about King vapes. Right. Yes. Yeah. Five fat clouds equals one eight ounce glass of orange juice.

But have you found like, are you just are you just saying you know fuck it i'm gonna have juice or have you found healthier juices oh no i don't think there i think the whole point is that there is no such thing as a healthier juice because it's all sugar so you're just imbibing a lot of sugar so i have not found a healthier sugar. I am selective with my juice intake because I realize that is not very healthy, but I need some spice in my life. I'm not going to drink coffee in the morning. So I, in the morning I have like a third of a glass of juice mixed with water, two thirds water. And I have the same thing at dinner and that's it. That's the only juice I have during the day. And I don't know if it's every day that still seems a little indulgent, but I don't know

if that makes me a juice guy or not. Russ, you need to let go and let God, buddy. This juice thing is taking over your fucking life. Well, here's the thing. I let go and let God. It was 30 years of that. And then I went to went to the wherever ent whoever yelled at me and and and i had to give it up i went no juice for like months because i had to recover from my rapscallion juice drinking ways yeah you're white knuckling it this is never gonna stick you gotta get a sponsor and get in a program we'll see jesse you guys do a lot of juice in the house no we don't have juice in the house although i do have just because i had fond memories of one from my childhood and i found one at a thrift store a champion juicer do you know what that is oh the juice

yeah an actual juicer they're like big metal giant than once right it is the greatest piece of equipment like i don't i never use it like i truly never use it it's just in the way in the back of a tall closet where it's too heavy to pull it out of but uh a champion juicer looks a little bit like a a tan colored robotic aardvark like if you imagine an it's got like a funnel a big funnel on top and a huge body that's just all an engine like an electrical engine like one that would also have powered a vacuum cleaner in 1946 just a straight engine. And then it has this little nose that sticks out and that's like a masticator. It has like, uh, it has like rotating blades, rotating burrs, and then they drip down from the nose, like a sort of post nasal drip of carrot juice or whatever. And you turn that thing that thing on it goes and then you push the

carrots down into it or whatever it is and they just get just fucking destroyed in there just fucking you could put any goddamn thing in there if you wanted to make shoe juice a champion could make it happen for you it sounds like you have like an industrial juicer, like that's overkill for a single household. Right. You could make juice for an entire factory. An entire factory's worth of thirsty workers. That's what's so amazing. That's why I love it. Jordan, it is an entire factory. That's what's so great about it. Wow. What I like to make with it is watermelon juice. Watermelon is a great juice. Yeah, yeah. That is a good juice.

I actually just have watermelon juice today. Oh, wow. A little street watermelon juice, if only. I was in Manhattan. There was a street fair. Agua Fresca watermelon juice. Oh. Delicious.

Served via ladle? Yes, there was a ladle. Okay, good. Probably not COVID friendly now that I think about it, but it was delicious. Risk taken. Hey, man, you got to live your life, man. Just drink from a ladle. Okay, good. Probably not COVID friendly now that I think about it, but it was delicious. Risk taken. Hey, man, you got to live your life, man. Just drink from the ladle. You got to live your life.

Well, I didn't drink from the ladle. Jesus. Well, then you didn't have the juice. I'm sorry. If you didn't drink from the ladle, you didn't have that juice. They don't have cups at the factory. They just give you one sip from the ladle and that's it. Right.

Yeah. And then back to work. What I like about an agua fresca, besides basically everything, is that they come out of those giant barrels that are clear plastic but made to look like barrels. Yes. Like its natural home is in a barrel and in the plastic era they needed to honor that. Yeah. It's like those root beer candies that are also shaped like barrels. Oh, it is.

Or like those poor people from the depression who are wearing barrels instead of clothes with straps over their shoulders. That seems more expensive than clothes. Yeah, that's true. You know, I bet the expensive part is attaching the suspenders. Yeah. Because who does that? That seems like a specialty job. Yeah, you'd need an auger to do that, probably.

Yeah, some sort of auger. Can I say this? A lot of people talk about how bad the Great Depression was, and I'm not poo-pooing it. You know, the last thing, obviously, my reputation publicly is somebody who's really sympathetic to the victims of the Dust Bowl in particular. Right. But, I mean, speculators, as you know, I'm ambivalent about. But certainly the working people I'm aligned with.

But as bad as the Great Depression was, as bad as our grandparents in the generation before them had it, they did have ice cream. That's true. Yeah, but have you tasted that ice cream i mean it's true it was probably like probably like root flavored or something sand sand flavored what's this meat you would say right yeah, God, for bringing me meat. That's mackerel. Mackerel ice cream. Russ, as a noted video game, a public video game professional. Uh-oh.

What has been your hottest take? Do you have a hot take? Do you have something that got people in a tizzy? Oh, my God. I mean, if you negatively review anything that is popular, generally that pisses people off. I'm trying to think of the last game that I sort of was like a little bit passive on. Oh, do people also shit if you are just like, this thing's okay? And they're like, ah, fuck you.

It's brilliant. Oh, 100%. You should have you, it's brilliant. Oh, 100%. You should have said that it was brilliant. 100%. The default setting is if any game is like a B+, but other people are giving it like hundreds or A's or whatever it is, you will basically be treated as a pariah because you are not you know cheering on this miraculous piece of artwork um and that's i think the case not just for video games for any sort of criticism anyone sort of stepping out of line for something that is popular uh will eat a little bit of shit over it just by nature now this is a very safe space to talk about these issues because no gamers listen to this podcast.

So feel free to speak frankly about these issues. But is there a group of fans that you kind of know are going to be trouble? Like, is it the Pokemon people? Is it the Halo dudes? Yeah, the Halo folks kind of got a reputation recently. And you know what? Look, let me let me start by saying if anyone is like actually harassing people online. Screw you.

I don't want any part of you. You shouldn't be doing that. Bold stance, I know. But I will say this for the Halo folks, people that like Halo have gotten pretty grumpy in the last few years. And I kind of get it because basically any big fan base will kind of treat their thing as the end all be all and if anything is like slightly lower than let's say the last release uh people kind of lose their minds and that's the thing about video games just like kind of bring people that don't care about video games it's worth considering obviously people make a lot of comparisons to like movies versus video games versus whatever the difference with video games

is if you've got a series the expectation is every single one is not only better than the last one but markedly better with improvements and new features and new things whereas with movies we all kind of accept that the next one's going to be shittier. That's like the default setting. So there is this like escalating business in video games that is impossible to constantly hit unless you're, you know,

working people to death in Crunch and various other things. So it is kind of a meat grinder of an industry. Do you think that the Halo people were mad because Master Chief started to fuck in that show, in the TV show? I think they were thrilled, quite honestly. Oh, they liked the fucking. I think they were on board with the fucking. If only because, you know, they've been dying to see.

I know people make a big deal about his mask coming off. But what about the ass? We had no idea until that i didn't watch master chief's ass comes off i'm pretty sure we see pablo schreiber's ass in that show and you know good for him not only that i don't know if you guys have seen the clip it is worth just seeing the clip because master chief gets with with, I don't know, she's like an alien. I didn't watch the show, but I did see the clip. Gets with some like alien covenant lady.

But while this is happening, his lifelong AI compatriot, Cortana, is watching along and like nodding approvingly. Wait. Whoa. Yeah. He's French. Okay. I got to watch this nasty ass show just the clip at least master chief the boss of halo yeah is friends with the search bar

from my computer yes and they fuck together okay am i following this right well you are indeed because the name cortana the search bar from your computer, comes from Halo. Jesus. That's why she's called that. Well, then I'm going to call mine John Madden Football. Root beer tapper. Jesse, did you know that this whole time Cortana has been watching you fuck and nodding along approvingly? And poorly searching things for you?

I mean, I knew about that, but I thought that was just a Windows thing. You know, who's also their jacking off is Clippy. Yeah. I mean, they've had Cortana's been watching me fuck since Windows for work groups. Windows 3.1. I see you're trying to satisfy your wife. I'll be playing solitaire. Just all of my attempts at sex just have that red squiggly line underneath them.

Too many apostrophes, Jesse. Use too many apostrophes. To people who are in, this is a sincere question. So Halo is, I know, I don't really only all i know about halo is there's a guy named master chief and it's a shooting game with like kind of like space guys you're pretty much off the speed okay so are people invested in i mean i know that it's like it's one of the most beloved uh shooting games of all space guys yeah but is there like uh is there like an emotional component to it jesse there are 14 books based on halo and halo

franchises which is to say there has to be some emotional connection because it's there's no shooting i mean there's shooting in the books but you're not doing it so there has to be some emotional connection because there's no shooting. I mean, there's shooting in the books, but you're not doing it. So there has to be some level of, you know, caring about these characters and the lore and stuff like that. So you're saying, Russ, that this is almost a Sue Grafton level phenomenon? Oh, yeah. They're on their way. I guess they're probably at like I maybe at this. W is for warthogog s is for shooting a space

guy yeah man people people get super into these these uh the halo franchise and i think that's why they're uh probably a little grumpy at this point because you know they've they've struggled to sort of keep that level of uh us you know extreme reputation it's look it's a tough business you're constantly up against new competition new vampires that are killing a bunch of ghouls at once that's that's how do you compete with that does he have friends does halo have does uh god master chief have friends yeah is halo a guy that's questions, but you can answer them. Halo is more of a landscape than a guy. But let me address the other one, the Master Chief question. His name is John, by the way.

Oh. Worth noting. That's my brother's name. There you go. That might be inspiration. You don't know. And he does have a friend, and it's Cortana. They're best friends.

Oh, that's really nice. Yeah. Because friends are cool, like, if you're you're like hey come on and watch me fucking i'm gonna insert you in the back of my head as i fuck right as i fuck this i can't believe that master chief would lie with a covenant yeah that that was surprising does cortana live inside master chief's hat or does he have like a microsoft service or something he's got it's like a chip she lives on like a chip like a computer chip not like a dorito and it goes if anything it would be one of those sweet maui onion chips kind of one of the best chips oh i'll eat a cortana on one of those

you're not paid to talk You're paid to watch me fuck That's right I'm paying you This isn't a living wage Not in a city She gets slotted into various things Supplement it with gig economy jobs Nom nom nom nom

How will I afford avocado toast Fucking millennial Cortana oh my god they'll never be able to buy a house yeah sorry russ jesse what other halo questions do you have for me yeah so is is he uh uh is he fighting a particular set of bad guys or is he just all different kind of bad guys yeah so i so I mentioned the Covenant earlier. The Covenant were like his main bad guy foes. It's like a race of a bunch of religious aliens that show up and decide,

hey, we like this Halo thing. We're going to fly there and blow up the universe effectively. So he mostly fights them and then sometimes there's like, oh, now they have to unite gi joe style and fight this other group of folks so it's highly original i know you mentioned like oh there's like 14 supplemental yeah 14 is not an exact number there are probably more for what it's it doesn't sound

like this is something that you've engaged with all of this i've played the games but no i got shit to do i have not read the books is there anything maybe like in your youth i don't know now is there anything that you went that deep on as a as a kid or as a as a as a current adult like yeah i didn't like reading as a kid or as an adult which is ironic because i just wrote a book but uh so there wasn't really but i guess lore wise yeah i don I don't know. Like Metroid, I got super into Metroid, but that doesn't have a lot of lore to it. It's like all kind of very surface and experiential. Every once in a while when I play like a Metal Gear Solid game, like a Hideo Kojima game, any of those, I'll like spend probably too much time on Wikipedia entries trying to understand what the fuck's going on. But really, you don't understand the game just by playing it?

No. They are difficult to follow. Russ, what do you think about this game that my daughter's been playing a lot of, Sonic Schoolhouse? I don't know what that is. It's a game where this terrifying, like, 1996 CD-ROM 3D- Sonic the Hedgehog. Okay. Takes you through a world of mathematics where there's only a forward button and a backward button. I mean, that's all he needs. He either goes ahead or back.

Sonic has the voice of, I would say, an older woman. Okay. But like down-to-party kind of older woman or like a little bit stuck up? Like a saucy divorcee? Yeah, a total cougar, no doubt about that. Hell yeah. How do you think Sonic met Knuckles? Yeah.

My ex has the kids this weekend if you want to come over. No holds barred. What is Sonic doing in this game apart from just going back and forth is there actual educational merit no i mean it's not it's not one of those games where it's disguised as educational but actually it's just you know it's not like oregon trail where actually you're just there to shoot buffaloes yes i. You know what I mean? Overshoot buffalo, if anything.

Exactly. I feel like I always, when we were playing that at the school computer lab, I would always spend all of the time shooting the buffalo, and then that would fuck my party. It's like, we're too full of meat. A child died from too much meat. You're like, oh, I'm switching to SimAnt. Sure. I did play a lot of sim ant uh it it is one of the it is not a it is not a false educational game neither would i describe it as educational uh so in in the sense that there's nothing fun about it and you don't learn anything

what is she playing it on she's playing it maybe on like uh she she got really obsessed with trying to play it because it's supposed to be so bad and then she got really into it after she's this is a classic situation with my daughter is she'll try and do something ironically and then just because she's doesn't have a lot of media experience or discernment she will just get really into it like she's really into knockoffs of scary movie and i think she started watching them because she thought they might be bad or something but now she just has seen every like parody movie from 2004 oh yeah not another teen movie and those ilk got it i mean not another teen movie is the

fucking citizen kane it is genre i'm talking about like a date movie yeah sure epic movie it's something that is a parody of a comedy, there are many parodies of comedies. There are many Borat parodies. I've seen multiple Borat parodies. Let's put it that way. Yeah, I'm sure you know this, Russ, but there's a world of websites where you can download games that are 25 years old and mostly but not completely work on your computer. I mean, I've seen like browser-based but i didn't i actually

i'm not aware that these are like freely available like you could buy like edutainment games or download edutainment games on like random sites on the internet it doesn't surprise me but if i wanted to go on the internet right now and download the game that i played constantly as an eight-year-old president-elect, the presidential campaign simulator. What was the gameplay of that? You decided what states to spend your budget on, and you either got to choose a candidate from the real 1988 election, which is Jesse Jackson, typically, or you can choose your own positions on school busing and then be a candidate yourself. And perhaps you get to choose what state you're from and you get to choose a running mate.

And yeah, I mean, it's a very in-depth game that I could download from the Internet right now. And if I did, I would probably just start playing it and never stop. That seems educational, to be honest. playing it and never stop that seems educational to be honest like i think that's valuable for for children to understand the importance of i don't know being from illinois splitting the ticket paul song is is there a feature in this game where you press a to lie yeah thanks jordan this show is my daily show packet by the way i'm just gonna email this link to trevor noah crushing you're not running for congress jordan well fuck it i have no plan then i have no five-year plan thanks a lot jesse yeah well you know uh russ what was your edutainment computer lab game of choice yeah uh

we're gonna show you mentioned certainly i i wish i could pull the name of this i really can i tried to think of it recently we were given a game that was like you were trying to maintain an ecosystem on an island so you're dropped on an island and you have whatever a day to find water and shelter and stuff like that but if you start like eating all the fish the entire island collapses under the weight of like your engorgement and it was the most stressful experience of my life i don't know how i even i think i made it probably three days because i just ate everything right and failed that class but yeah no it was dynamite i don't know what it's called though if anyone knows please write in was sonic the hedgehog involved no they might have done a later crossover

at this point that basically he's in everything so it wouldn't surprise me they could only afford knuckles all right kids it's me knuckles my ex has the kids this weekend don't eat that fish don't eat the fish come on over and fuck me don't eat that fish eat my pussy i'm knuckles what we also had snood did you guys have snood snood oh yeah with snood it's just like a knockoff it wasn't educational at all it was just these like very low res scary faces and you'd match them and uh it had the same gameplay as like bust a move right yeah it's a puzzle game where you shoot snoods. Yeah.

Which are spheres with bad faces. Yeah. I like that you said snood like it was a known noun that people were just like, oh, yeah, you shoot snoods. Shooting snoods. Yeah. Send snoods. That's what I text people. Yeah.

That was a classic one i i mean none of this really stuck and from a learning standpoint but we were just killing time right it seems like on those school computer labs there was always one or two games that were on there that just came with the computer and maybe they should have taken off like snood is one of those spider free ski the the pinball space game sci-fi pinball oh yeah sci-fi pinball yeah crystal quest oh what's what was crystal quest crystal quest came on a color macintosh like if you got a color macintosh you got crystal quest and you basically clicked and dragged your mouse around to grab all the little stars but avoid the bad stuff a fucking pretty sweet game i'm not gonna lie to you does that sound good did anyone play the game that's in Big?

What? Oh, yeah. With the like ice wizard. Sure. It's like a plot point in Big. Yeah. He's before he gets big. You see him.

Because, yeah, that is a that was a thing in movies from our childhood is there were these games you would see characters playing. And then it was like, is that a real game? And how do I get it? I think that was a real game. And it was like, it's just genuinely challenging for people to, I don't know, kill the ice withered. And the only way you could do it was to wish at Rye Playland that you got big and were smart enough to be. Wow. So that whole movie is about him just trying to beat that game.

Pretty much. So dance on a piano with your boss and have an inappropriate sexual relationship with an older woman that is perhaps problematic looking back look she drives him home after it's a it's a good relationship they had that's right um i remember wanting to play you remember that we all remember the robin williams movie toys right yes man i saw the robin williams movie toys in theaters me too and all i really remember about it was that it made me a little sick to my stomach it's very ambitious not because of a like a not in the way that like avatar gave me a headache but in it just sort of like, I found it unsettling. I mean, Joan Cusack is in it, and she plays a robot who you don't know is a robot. And at one point, her head just like explodes.

Right. Like you just think she's like the sister of Robin Williams. And her head just explodes. And it's very surprising. Wow. And we were all pretty young when that came out. I can see how you'd be upset if somebody exploded joan cusack's head she's the greatest that's what i'm saying

fucking great and everything joan cusack now you you mentioned toys it's relevant to this conversation because toys if you recall is like a very anti-video game movie right yes yeah toys is definitely like why don't kids play with wind-up elephants you know like it has that kind of finger waggy ll cool jay says play with wind-up elephants listen to your hero ll cool jay dress like a couch and play with a wind-up elephant uh he dresses like a couch in a scene in that movie it's pretty funny um it's uh furniture us by us that's right um that's good um yeah so that movie has so the like evil general that buys the toy factory like converts part of the toy factory into a like video game area and these kids are playing this like war video game.

And I think the implication is that like, it's them flying like drone missions somewhere else ahead of its time in that sense, I guess. But yeah, like very anti-war. The kids are all like meant to look very like dead eyed and zombified, like playing this war game.

And you're supposed to, you know, walk away from it wanting to play with wind up elephants elephants but i was just like oh that war game looks so fucking sweet where do we get that game is that what is that on the 3do how do you get that yeah do we need a jaguar to play this thing yeah that was the dream to play that game and it never happened technology still hasn't reached that point unless you are actually in the military, in which case you can really play a pretty dope drone game. It just doesn't end well. Hideo Kojima, if you're listening, make the game from toys.

I know you're listening. You know what, Hideo Kojima? Let's focus on a lore heavy version of Free Ski. I want to know why thatasquatch is picking his teeth is he paid oh because he just ate a person i can tell you right now oh check out hideo kojima over here explaining why the sasquatch is picking his teeth you could i didn't realize this i played probably 300 rounds of free ski had no idea you could actually escape the sasquatch in that game just by hitting w for down at that point we didn't know wasd was like a control on a keyboard right we just thought

oh no this you're just toast it's like a message about life and how useless uh you know the process of living is but in fact you can escape the the Sasquatch and do quite well in that game. What happens when you escape the Sasquatch? Fucking get to the bottom of the hill and party. There's a fucking party in Freeski? In the Hideo Kojima version, you have to watch a two-hour cutscene about the Vietnam War.

You guys want to watch a two-hour cutscene and then come back for some calls? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. This episode of Jordan, Jesse Go, every episode of Jordan, Jesse Go, made possible by the members of Maximum Fun. Maximum Fun, supported by your memberships, all the people who go to MaximumFun.org slash join. That's where our bread is really buttered. That's the reason we can do this show.

We're also supported this week by the folks over there at Magic Spoon. Now, Magic Spoon is a breakfast cereal, Jordan, but it's so much more than that. What else is it? It's a delicious late night snack. Oh, yeah. It's a mid-afternoon tide me over. Oh, yeah. It's a blast of a flavor that is impressively healthy. Zero grams of sugar, 13 or 14 grams of protein,

and only four or five net grams of carbs in every serving. This stuff, you might as well be eating just a bowl full of acai berries. I don't know what those are or what their nutritional profile is, but I bet Magic Spoon's a superfood. Yeah, I bet it's better. I love Magic Spoon. I had a big bowl this morning, a great way to start the day. I might have a little handful before bed, just so you are absolutely right about it being a great late night snack. A lot of good flavors in there too. You got cocoa, fruity, maple waffle, cookies and cream. All really, really tasty. I have not had a Magic Spoon flavor that I dislike.

I think they're all great, all tons of fun. I'm all peanut butter all the time, baby. Everybody knows that. Get some, I don't know if the oatmeal cookie is still available as of this recording, but ooh, that oatmeal cookie is real good. Go to magicspoon.com slash JJ Go to grab a custom bundle of cereal and try the magic for yourself. And be sure to use our promo code JJGO at checkout to save $5 off your order. And Magic Spoon is so confident in their product, it's back with 100% happiness guarantee. So if you don't like it for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked.

Remember, get your next delicious bowl of cereal at magicspoon.com slash JJGO and use the code JJGO to save $5 off. Thank you, Magic Spoon, for sponsoring this episode. Hey, Jesse. Yeah. You doing a little traveling this summer? Oh, yeah, baby. I went to the Antiques Roadshow.

Ooh, nice. I'm going to beautiful San Diego. That's going to be a lot of fun. But have you ever thought about all the people that make a vacation truly great? Have you ever thought about this, Jesse? You got hotel concierges. You got flight attendants. You got Nico Lowry from swan auction

galleries sure um not to mention charismatic bartenders and friendly souvenir slash gift shop clerks god i love a charismatic bartender the charisma coming off these fellas and ladies and non-binary persons you, outstanding talent like the charismatic bartender we mentioned is crucial for a successful business. And if you're hiring, you can find talent

for roles like these and more at ZipRecruiter when you try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. They use powerful technology to find and match

the right candidates up with your job you can easily review these recommended candidates and invite your top choices to apply four out of five employers who post on zip recruiter get a quality candidate within the first day so travel to this easy to remember web destination, ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. That's where you can try ZipRecruiter for free. Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo.

ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. And hey, Jesse, wanted to remind the listeners that Sarah Morgan and I will be signing copies of the bubble graphic novel at Comic-Con on July 21st over there at the first second booth, number 2800-2802. That's at 2.30 p.m. on July 21st. Yeah, we'll see you at Comic-Con. If you're sporting any MaxFun cosplay or merch, I got a free mystery gift for you. So come on up, get your book signed, wear a little

MaxFun gear, and get a mystery prize. If you're the first person, everybody else gets jack shit. I'm going to spill the beans. Spill it. It's a cronut. Jesse, now I have to get a new mystery prize. You got beans all over my cronut. Jesse, now I have to get a new mystery prize. You got beans all over my cronut.

It's probably going to be a DVD I get from Big Lots. If you're into getting your books autographed, this is your big shot to get Sarah Morgan before she goes back to England. England's closing its borders. She's never going to make it back out, much less come autograph your book. Yeah, right? Yeah, no, this is awesome this is definitely um one of the only times sarah and i have been together to sign books so uh yeah if you want to uh come say what's up grab a book grab a signature grab a pick i don't know i don't know yeah i say grab a pick grab a pick we'll see it uh we'll see it comic-con

uh july 21st, 2.30, over there at the first second booth. That's our publisher for a second. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Russ Frustik, America's answer to Pikachu. The American Pikachu.

Finally. There's something I feel like needs to be addressed real quick. Okay. An envelope or a package? Yeah, exactly. It takes me a long time brian edit that keep it in it's good brian cut it press ctrl c for copy then ctrl v for paste so the whole show is just that like a john cage tape composition um valerie our video producer who's in charge of the live stream, normally

she's wearing casual garb. This evening she's wearing a fun top. Fine jewels too. And some real jewels. She's wearing dangly earrings, which I've never seen on Valerie. So we said,

Val, what's the story what's what's the occasion as they like to say what do you got a job interview and uh apparently she dressed up to go to margaritaville oh wait wait jimmy buffett's margaritaville the The very same, Jordan. The very same. You know, if there's any restaurant in America, Jordan, with stringent dress expectations, it's probably Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. That's weird, because when I went in, they said no shirt, no shoes, no problem. Well, when Valerie went in, they asked why she wasn't wearing elbow length gloves rush you you guys got a uh margarita verrill there in new york city right yes we do indeed it's it's right next to the bubblegum shrimp quality establishment and uh there is kind of like a

guys and dolls war thing going on uh between the two them, or I guess West Side Story it would be. There's snapping and flinging of appetizers. It gets a little bloody. Jordan, the New York Margaritaville is actually run by David Chang. Oh, wow. Yeah. Sort of a fusion thing. Sure.

Small plates. Eater hated it. Yeah. fusion thing sure small plates eater hated it yeah uh russ you have this new book out and it's all about the history of and fun facts about fun things fun things being uh pastimes board games video games yeah i i was thinking what how broad could i go on the topic of a book? So I went fun. It's actually inspired by a podcast that I did with a couple of friends of mine called The History of Fun. And each episode of that podcast, we picked the topic and then did a deep dive, historical deep dive, into the history of trampolines, which, as you could probably guess, is very bloody and gruesome. Yeah, I bet.

You could do like a Ken Burns Civil War eight-part documentary on all the people who've died on trampolines it's horrendous uh but yeah no i i uh shifted it over and and uh wrote this book uh with a very talented illustrator named sonny ross and uh kind of runs the gamut from as you mentioned, video games. We've got roadside attractions in their wide variety of those festivals, stuff like that. One of my favorite anecdotes that I learned in doing the research, there's a pretty well known game. I mentioned this recently.

There's a well known game called Golden Eye came out in the90s, I'm sure. Jordan is a fan of it. Jesse, you've probably seen the movie, if I had to guess. Look, I watched Jordan and our friend Jim play it a lot in the dorm. There you go. I didn't really follow it necessarily, but I seen it. Jesse, I think we were playing the multiplayer for Conker's Bad Fur Day, okay? Get it right right moron i remember a lot of people going into the hallway and being like lemmings and then people would play lemmings yeah wow that sounds like a fucking blast of a dorm right there russ it was you're absolutely right so goldeneye came out in the mid-90s, came out on a Nintendo platform, the N64. Nintendo, not a company that likes violence.

And Goldeneye, obviously, being based on a James Bond movie, has guns and all sorts of violence. So the creator of Super Mario Brothers, Shigeru Miyamoto, insisted at one point. He's like, OK, we can put this game out on our system, but we need to make sure that no one dies. So he actually went ahead and ensured that they were going to at the in the final scene of the game, have James Bond visit a hospital. And in the hospital would be all the Russian soldiers that he shot throughout the entire game. And he'd shake their hands and make sure they were OK. No way. Unfortunately. No way no way no that's legit that was something that he required he really wanted from the developers unfortunately got cut very very late in the process but that was the selling

point that convinced nintendo that they could have a violent game on their system is so long as everyone was okay that whips that should be in every video game that's so well fools that's something we have it in the book mascot would do yeah like the philly fanatic is the guy who goes to the hospital and shakes hands with all the guys in the hospital make sure they're okay you don't think james bond i'm sure daniel craig as james bond has probably showed up in a tux and like met sick kids and stuff. But why did he shoot the sick kids in the first place? You know, hard to say.

Hard to say. Is there a video of that? Did it get that far? No. Unfortunately, there's very little video record. But there was a panel discussion uh the rare developers who made the game and they talked about it and they were sort of in awe and were willing to do basically anything that shigeru muemoto asked of them uh and uh kind of bummed that it actually didn't end up happening

russ in the book do you cover any of the category of games that i would probably call street urchin games which you're talking about pushing a hoop oh like stick ball stick uh stick ball marbles tiddlywinks jacks uh we've got swedish bunny hopping in there if that's of interest yeah check the box let's break that down let's get into this i mean it's pretty much right there on the tin okay uh in sweden they train small rabbits to jump over it's basically imagine you know how the horses they like have the whatever they're called that they jump over like a steeplechase so imagine that but miniature and just for rabbits and then the swedes ride the rabbits no no no sadly not do they goad them oh yes there was quite a bit

of goading uh i think carrot traditionally was used and then they sort of evolved beyond carrot to other you know cereals probably you know i feel a lot this is this is i feel like you hear a lot of like you know lefty types over here say stuff like you know know, things are so much better in Sweden. They have all this health care and they get all this maternity leave. This is the first time I've actually believed that Swedes are better than us. I don't know. These jackoffs don't even know how to ride a bunny rabbit.

Yeah, you're right. They're bad. In America, it's like, saddle them up. Let's hop. Sure. You know what I mean? And teach them to lie. Russ, I 100% assumed that this was a game in which Swedes hopped like bunnies. Oh, interesting. Perhaps against the Dutch or the Danes.

Well, there is a festival in Spain, also in the book, for what it's worth, where they jump over babies. Yeah. Wow. It's a baby jumping festival. So that's kind of close, right? I've done that. I'm from San Francisco.

That's true. I mean, what are you going to do? Trip over the fucking baby? Those guys are very delicate. Right. But they place them in such a way that they would then jump over them. Yeah. Like intentionally jump over.

It's not like an accident. Do they put them in a little box for safety? No. Right there on the street. Does anyone... Wait, they put the baby on the street so they can jump over. It's not like an accident. Do they put them in a little box for safety? No, right there on the street. Does anyone... Wait, they put the baby on the street so they can jump over it? I think they put a towel down and then put the baby on the street. What's the towel for? To keep you from running into the baby? It's more for baby comfort, I would say, than anything else. And they're jumping over the baby to get away from the bulls that are close behind, right?

Yes. Also the devil. They're jumping over the baby to get away from the bulls that are close behind right yes also the devil they're jumping over the baby ah yeah you don't want to get caught by that guy they're jumping over the baby because the baby's right there at the edge of snake river canyon and they're already going pretty fast on their rocket car that's what evil kenevil did also in the book by the way you're we're really crossing over into everything yeah we, we've got Daredevils as well. You got Evil Knievel in there? Yeah, he's in there as well as the son. Evil Knievel Jr.? What did I tell you?

It's a broad book. Bosephus? It's a broad book. Hank Williams Jr. is Evil Knievel's son. Is that correct? That is accurate, yes. My extensive research have led me to that. All my rowdy friends are jumping Snake River Canyon.

Go ahead, Jordan. I was going to say, Russ, this sounds like the perfect book if someone has like a vacation coming up. Maybe like a beach read. Maybe like a, you know, like a shared vacation home read. Seems like a great book to read in a shared vacation home. Hell, Russ, I'd love to read this book on the shitter. It is a great shitter book, let me tell you. Great gift book, great shitter book. Right there on the shitter, if is a great shitter book, let me tell you. Great gift book, great shitter book.

Right there on the shitter, if you know what I'm talking about. Do you have any family members who love to shit? But are hard to shop for? That's my entire Bumble profile. I love to shit, hard to shop for. Please swipe. No snowflakes, no libs 420 friendly 420 friendly no libs love to shit can i tell you i was at um uh i went to a birthday i went to the 80th birthday party of the psychedelic soul legend Swamp Dog the other day.

Oh, cool. It was fucking great. It was just me hanging out with Swamp Dog and Vernon Reed from Living Color, who's a super cool dude. Cool. But the best part is there's this guy who lives at Swamp Dog's house whose name is, i'm pretty sure it's moon star and he's pretty much the guy you would imagine uh like he's wears like space colored bike shorts and that kind of thing like platform boots i'm picturing footie pajamas yeah quite honestly. And there's an outdoor bathroom at Swamp Dog's house by the pool. And Moonstar had the inside graffiti painted to improve the vibe because it's his weed smoking room.

And I was like, yeah, I'm all in on Moonstar. This guy rules. I'm just saying. There's different things you can do on the shitter. A lot of things you can do. Yeah. Smoke a fat bowl. Yep.

things you can do on the shitter a lot of things you can do yeah smoke a fat bowl yep uh if something momentous happens to you give us a call 206-9844-FUN or just send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org here's a person who's done that very thing for our segment momentous occasions hey jordan jesse and guest uh this is jake and kent city i was just at a wedding in omaha Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Jake in Kansas City. I was just at a wedding in Omaha for a couple of my friends who are getting married who happen to be Polly. And I met the bride's boyfriend and he was really cool and hung out with him throughout the weekend. And then at the wedding, I was sitting next to the person and was chatting with her and asked how she knew the bride and groom. And she was kind of cagey about it. And she was like, oh, yeah, we just met recently.

I'm like, oh, cool. I think I met one of the groom's girlfriends. And she's being cagey about it because she doesn't know who's cool or not. And I felt kind of smug about that. because she doesn't know who's cool or not. And I felt kind of smug about that. And then enjoyed the rest of the wedding and then talked to the groom later in the night. And he's like, so how was meeting our therapist?

I just really got a good chuckle of that and thought that might be a good momentous occasion for you when I assumed my poly friend was dating this person i met and she was actually providing therapy uh to the bride and groom oh well well thanks guys i really love you all in your show you rule i love you too here's my question i don't have a PsyD or an MFT or anything, you know what I mean? But at what point in therapy school do you have to decide that you're going to become a throuples therapist? Right. It's a special license you need.

Yeah. Also, going to the wedding. Yeah. That's weird, right? Are you supposed to go to the wedding with people you're treating? That may be a's weird, right? Are you supposed to go to the wedding of people you're treating? That maybe is a little close, right? There was a Judge John Hodgman case that was about this some years ago. It was very intensely controversial.

We checked it out with some therapists, and it was a very hot issue. That said, I think it's fair to say that this Thrupples therapist may be a slightly non-traditional practitioner could be fair i mean that's what you're looking for if you're seeking counseling on how to fill all your holes emotionally you mean yeah yeah i mean technically i guess my therapist my therapist is trying to show me how to fill all my holes. That's a good point. Sure, sure. We're going to make you airtight emotionally. Yeah, I guess, yeah. At what point are you trying to, like, fuck your therapist?

Like, inviting the therapist to, like, what is presumably an open bar wedding. Yeah. This is my question to you guys. Russ, I don't see a wedding ring on your finger, but I'm not going to make any presumptions. I am married. Yeah. Okay.

I'm not currently wearing it. I take it off when I get home. There's no risk. I'm not going to. Yeah. Yeah. It'll be okay. Well, I don't know.

Look, how about this? I'm not going to make any presumptions about your marriage. Okay. I am. I think it's rock solid. Spot on, Jordan. Okay. I am. I think it's rock solid. Spot on, Jordan. Spot on. Russ, I think it's rock hard.

Also spot on. Everyone's just nailing it today, so to speak. I am in a monogamous relationship. So that means if there's going to be advanced sexual practices, it's going to be between my wife and I. And Cortada. Yeah well and your search bar yeah my microsoft service is present at all times um but you know like we're we have a a beautiful illuminated sexual relationship my wife and i however it's just going to be the two of us. If you were in a position where you weren't constrained

by traditional romantic boundaries, how many people would you fuck at a wedding? Like if you got invited what how many where would you put the cut off all of dad's friends dad's work friends who some for some reason got invited yeah and they're why are you wearing shorts dude i'm just here for the open bar are you saying the clock starts when you arrive and you've got like to punch a card, basically? I'm talking about how many people participate in one sex. So I'm not talking about if you fuck one person one day and one person the next day and one person the day after that because the wedding is down by the lake and everybody had a red cabin.

That doesn't count. I'm talking about. That sounds beautiful i'm i'm talking about some beautiful so and i'm also not talking about parallel sex so i'm not talking about you're fucking and cortana's watching and that counts as three okay okay i'm talking about everyone is actively engaged with each other there needs to be like a human centipede yeah i'm not saying that yes everyone needs to be eating shit i look i i'm not saying that if you have a preference for a particular gender that you

have to that you have to bone down with people who aren't your preferred genders. But other than that, everyone is actively engaged in sexuality with each other. where's the cutoff line for you would it be three people like a total of three or would you be willing to get involved in a situation where you you know where you suck six dicks or whatever are we saying it's like a total dice roll in terms of who's there like we don't know who's there you only know them from the wedding okay so it's not like maybe like one guy is like a friend of the bride that you've that you like have hung out with a couple times like on the patio of a brew pub oh it sounds beautiful you guys did pub trivia together you know you did a bar trivia with jakey van stratton or something but like than that, you don't know these people super well. Like, you have a good, they have good vibes.

Like, it's not, they're not, like, creeps. Yeah, but who's in the cabin is what I'm saying. I'm not saying, like, I get that you know, like, you don't know everyone. But, like. Clippy. Halo from the game Halo. All my favorites. Jesse Jackson.

You're saying ideal circumstances. all the greatest video game heroes it's a real smash brothers forgive the uh smash anyway that's fun i think i think i get it i think six is probably the cutoff from a from a engagement standpoint just because more than that just like room temperature is going to go overboard. And no one wants that. No, I know. I can't sleep hot either. Right. I'll give a slightly different answer.

And I don't think it's so much about how many people. I think it's more about a kind of totality, accomplishing something, a kind of a hat trick, a prestige, if you will. I think it's getting the entire wedding party to do it, right? Yeah. I guess you're assuming if this is a polyamorous wedding, all the people in your wedding party are down,

unless it's you know like somebody's brother or something like that i mean not that you would be down but i guess you know yeah i think incest is going to be the big challenge here because yeah for a wedding party especially yeah but if there's no like siblings or like cousins in the wedding party i think you try and get everybody in the wedding party to including the bride and groom or bride and bride or groom and groom or whatever including the happy couple they're busy realistically they'd be busy right they've got stuff going on no i i mean this is i mean if this is your dream polyamory wedding right isn't that the sure isn't that the ultimate you know now the question is would okay so i'm

picturing like a conga line situation would the bride be on one side and the groom be on the other? And you have the wedding DJ there. He's playing all the wedding hits. He's playing chicken dance. He's playing shout. That's the one. Oh, gross, dude. Well, look.

For some reason, that was the part of this that i found too gross i don't know why maybe we're discovering some of my hang-ups maybe this helps jordan that wasn't me having sex that was me describing what you would do i wouldn't do that i would cry it's electric anyway we got another call in there brian yeah probably so hey jordan jesse go and guess i'm going to guess uh steve agey close uh so my momentous occasion is that I am 38 years old, and I just took part in my first pro wrestling training class. A local gym by me does a wrestling workout. We got to run the ropes, do lockups, and get people put into headlocks.

I decided to do this because at 38, i needed an excuse to get into better shape uh so uh stay uh hard as a rock wet as a river and welcome to my ice love you guys yeah that is quite a knife yeah you know when he said 38 i thought he was gonna say colonoscopy so that is definitely what happens at 38 yeah i mean talk about the prestige yeah if you saw somebody clothesline somebody and then give them a colonoscopy, like the kind with the camera where there's a monitor and you can see what's happening. Right. That could be, yeah, that could be, that could be kind of your special move. Jam that snaky camera up there after your body.

Jake the snake. Yeah. Jake the snake. R.I.P. Maybe he's dead anyway. Yeah. Well, you should have gotten a colonoscopy there you go that's what happens when you skip your colonoscopy once you get into your 40s his snake is certainly

dead he's he's anything but hard as a rock is that what you're saying yeah he's dead as a snake he's still alive thank god brian's telling us jake. Well, he won't be for long once I hit him with a shovel. No, don't. He's probably very old. 206-984-4FUN, JJGO at MaximumFun.org is how you can reach us. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Co. In the briefest time, I feel like we got to know each other. Bro, I appreciate you so much for that.

Do you read minds or what? It's really a very sacred space you've created here. Bullseye! You've hit the bullseye, baby! Bullseye. Interviews with creators you love and creators you need to know. From MaximumFun.org and NPR. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Hey, were you a reader as a kid? Like, maybe you read a lot of fantasy novels?

Or horse girl books. We know how it is. But now you're an adult and you miss reading. You're so busy and you can't figure out how to get back into books. We're Reading Glasses and we're here to help. Yeah, we'll give you advice to figure out what books you love or learn to stop reading books you don't even like. We're really big proponents of dumping that book. Dump that book. But most importantly, we'll help you fall back in love with reading.

Reading Glasses, every Thursday on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the cute bunny jumping competition king. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Russ Frushtick, Master Chief's central massage artist. You can just have the same nickname. Yeah, either way. I came up with another one on the spot.

It was good. What can I say? Jordan Master Chief has a prostate. Why not stimulate it? Amen. You know what I mean? You're right. Hopefully we get a good look at that prostate in season two, huh?

Well, with his removable butt, I mean. That's true. You can get at it easier. Seems easy. Now, Brian sent us a video of the bunny jumping competition. And the Swedes are talking in funny accents. And it really is. Interesting. I think they it really is... Interesting.

I think they're beautiful accents. Interesting. Well, we don't even know how many of these Swedes are single mothers. That's true. It really is steeplechase-y. It even has those poles that fall down automatically if they get touched, and they lead them through on a bunny leash. And what I'm struck by here is that these bunnies are real chonkers.

These aren't the slim, svelte, hyper-athletic bunnies that you might imagine engaging in a bunny jumping competition. A Bugs or a Lola. Yeah, exactly. They're not as sexy as I would like them to be. No. If anything, their designs got less sexier in the reboot, which I don't like.

Looks like Magdalena's bunny got the trophy. Oh, good for her. Today she was the winner, but you never know tomorrow. That's what Magdalena says. That might be the seniors league that you're looking at, actually. Oh. Is that why Chi-Chi Rodriguez is here?

It's a golf guy. He might be dead. Apologies to Chi-Chi Rodriguez is here? It's a golf guy. He might be dead. Apologies to Chi-Chi. He killed Jake the Snake Roberts. Holy cow. Deadly combat, huh? Mm-hmm. What about John Daly?

Not the comedian who's been on our show. The golf guy with the pants. Who has he killed? President Garfield. Yeah, right. Sure. I don't know. Yeah. How did Garfield. Yeah, right. Sure. I don't know. How did Garfield even become president?

It's America's obsession with lasagna. Yeah, right. That was his platform. Yeah. We'll eliminate Monday. Well, Russ, we sure appreciate you taking the time to be on the program. And what a bunch of fun the book of fun sounds like in fact i'm gonna go ahead and announce right here right now that it's a maximum fun

it's a crossover man it's happening yeah what's your top roadside attraction uh the thing it's in arizona what what okay well that's settled what the fuck is it russ it's the thing it's it's 50 miles up ahead don't you want to stop at the thing i i do actually detail what the thing is in the book but i don't want to spoil for people also you should spend money on my book so if you want to know what it is that is shrewd so you should spend money on my books. Wow. If you want to know what it is, that is shrewd marketing.

Yeah. Buy the book. And at the price of gas these days, you're probably saving money by finding out from the book rather than driving all the way to the thing. Oh, wow. So this book is a money saver then. It is.

It's very economical. And it's a great thing to read on the shitter. Sure. If you love to shit. That's two good things about it. Well, Russuss thank you for joining us uh the besties is russ's podcast uh check out russ's brand new book what a joy it's been to have you thank you for staying up late for us russ thanks guys four o'clock in the morning

in new york city right now we could not be more grateful still go out and get one more drink at those bars that are still open famous bars in new york city that are love hearing about over here in la yeah people like to let us know about those in the new york times or whatever uh our producers brian sunny d fernandez uh valerie moffitt is over there on the stream in the max fun hq wearing dangly earrings and a necklace. I don't know if they're a set, but they certainly go together. They look great. Val did an ain't I cute face. Russ Freshdick's been our guest.

Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Hey, guess who I met at the Swamp Dog's birthday party? Hmm? The guy from Light in the the attic records. Hey, guess who? I met at the swamp dog's birthday party. Hmm. The guy from light in the attic records. Hey, cool. He came, his name's Matt and he came up and introduced himself to me.

Did he ask us to stop using the song? Hey man, I never said that was okay. Someone hacked my email, dude. Not cool. This is for all commercials, not your show.

Yeah, that's true. it is in every commercial uh we're on uh maximumfun.reddit.com if you want to chat about this show uh you can also hashtag your tweets with the hashtag jj go uh where i bet we'll probably share this bunny jumping competition video somebody will anyway somebody knows what knows what Russ's island eating game is called. And you can find us on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris, on Instagram at Jordan David Morris, and at put.this.on. Guest starring on the stream right now is Bug the Legend.

The legend continues on jordan's lap we'll talk to you next time on jordan jesse go i'll hug you and kiss you and love you love you love you love you MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.