Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 749: Classic Trash with Alexis Quasarano and Conner Shin

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

Alexis Quasarano and Conner Shin (Harley Quinn on HBO Max) join Jordan and Jesse for a discussion of Paulie's relationship to the robot in Rocky IV, celebrities who everyone shares a birthday with, and why Bidoof is Alexis's favorite Pokemon. Plus, Alexis and Conner just got done writing on the new season of Harley Quinn -- check it out!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, you know this about me. We've known each other a long time. You know that I'm a news nut. Mm-hmm. I'm crazy about following the news. You tackle those newsies in the street. Give me those papes, you say. I want the headlines. I

want the bylines, crosswords. Morning edition, afternoon edition, evening edition. Give me the extra bonus edition so I can find out what's been happening in the latest Dame murders. Society pages pages marmaduke the puzzle that's about playing bridge right the bridge puzzle those hot sears underwear ads oh you've seen them gals yowza yeah the gals at sears oof i uh visited a website called npr.org i don't know what this website is but it's a news website of some kind and it might be like a russian bot farm or something you should be careful but with any information you get on that it might be sorry i just know there's a lot of like russian bot farms

out there putting out articles and stuff like that so just be careful just be careful you know fewer russian bot farms more central valley beet farms that's what i say jordan thank you finally someone had the courage to say it if we had one beet farm for every bot farm just think of how red our piss would be just think just imagine the piss there was something wrong with our liver briefly right and then remembering that you ate beets and then thinking that it's a little bit fun that your pee is a different color. Yeah. I'd like more asparagus farms too, because it makes your pee smell.

And then you're like, yeah, I did eat asparagus today. Yeah. Is there a fun salad that combines both beets and asparagus so you can really switch up that piss? What about something with beets, asparagus, and urine? Sure. Just in a little, like a urine dressing. This is, yeah, that's what I presumed.

Maybe some shallots and some red wine vinegar. That's great. Sounds really flavorful. This is what I read. Yeah. Parts of the moon have stable temperatures fit for humans, researchers find. moon have stable temperatures fit for humans, researchers find. But do you want to know what the stable temperature parts of the moon are? Sure. Yeah. Pits. Moon pits. Oh, okay. So? Yes. I'm moving to a moon pit. It's stable at 63 degrees inside the moon pit. Outside the moon pit outside the moon pit jordan temperature is as high as 260 degrees or as

low as 280 degrees and to my mind that's too wide a range i'm sticking with the pit and 63 comfortable degrees that sounds nice so you could so in the pit you would need like a light sweater yeah well that's my ideal i mean like i'm wearing i'm wearing sort of, I could wear a sweatshirt, but I could roll, I could push up the sleeves if I needed to get down to business, uh, pit business, I guess, uh, roulette or something. What do you do down in a pit? I don't know. You know, I'm actually, I'm doing a, I did a Google image search of the moon pits. Just gotta be, that sounds great. Basically what you're saying. But, uh, I think the prices are about to go up. It looks like they just opened a Pinkberry. Oh, goddammit.

Goddammit. Oh, boy. The rents are about to go up in the old moon pit as soon as the Pinkberry gets there. You know why? People are so tired of living in the suburbs without protection from harmful elements such as solar radiation, cosmic rays, and micrometeorites. Plus the long commutes. I mean, I personally, for me, for my lifestyle, for my lifestyle.

Jordan, speak for yourself, please. For me, for my lifestyle. Jordan, speak for yourself. I'm tired of you speaking for everyone else. Go ahead. I just, I don't think I could ever leave the Mars Dunes. It's just so authentic, the local culture of the Mars Dunes, you know? the local culture of the Mars dunes, you know?

There's just this little Martian lady who serves Martian pies, and they're just so authentic, you know? And I don't think I could ever leave. Something wrong with moon pies, Jordan? Yeah. I happen to love moon pies. Sounds like someone who's never had a Mars pie before. About 16 of the over 200 discovered pits most likely come from collapsed lava tubes.

I let you know that because I knew that was the question that was on the tip of your tongue, Jordan. It was. Where did the pits come from? Well, 16 of the pits, yes. There's 184-ish pits that came from other things, probably hole diggers, but I couldn't tell you. What do you think the living situation is like? Do you plan on like building a loft or just like bringing a sleeping bag and curling up in there? I feel like a loft thing is kind of cliche. Maybe a Murphy bed. Oh yeah, that's nice. That'll save a lot of space. Yeah. Well, I feel like square footage is always at a premium,

especially since the pink berry moved in prices went sky high so um you know i'm thinking a murphy bed and maybe one of those little tables that that flips up and then a little thing slides underneath it it's just got one leg underneath it and then you use that for in my case i would use it for solving the bridge puzzle in the newspaper have you ever thought of instead of like a murphy bed like a murphy brown i would love to i would love to have a murphy brown um i spent a lot of money on a caroline in the city last year oh yeah it didn't work i brought it back to the store um and they said the that the warranty had expired all they could offer me was a single guy right i bought one

of those swedish veronica's closets just fell apart just fell apart two weeks in still made out of chipboard yeah they say there's an allen wrench in there but there never is yeah spin city huh that's true i don't know it's got rich Kind in it. He's good in everything. I would love to sleep on a Richard Kind. God, I can think of nothing better than to sleep on a Richard Kind. Oh, dear Lord. Our guests on the program this week are writers for the smash hit television program, Harley Quinn, now entering its second season. Third season. Third season. Thank you. Third season. Thank you.

Third season. Forgive me. I knew it was a new season just started. Did you jump right from the first season to the third season? Jesse, you're not going to know what the fuck's going on. You don't know what happened with Ivy's wedding to Kite Man. All I really know is Ron Funches and Batman eating pussy. So we got to get down to the bottom of both of these things. King Shark News. Connor Shin and Alexis Quasarano. Hi, gang. Welcome to the program.

Hello. Hello. So give us some King Shark News. King Shark is very important. We should tell you King Shark is very important on our program. I guess you all don't know this. So we realized, so we have had Ronon funches on the show a few times uh who plays king shark on your show does a great job very funny how they draw him in that little

hooded sweatshirt cargo pants but we've also had steve agey on the show a lot who in the suicide squad movie did the like motion capture for king shark so we realized we had two prominent king sharks and now have a goal to have all people who have ever played king shark on the show that led to us getting david hater uh who played him on i want to say the cw flash show anyway do y'all have an opinion as to who the best king shark is well i'm gonna be biased because the first one I know of was Funches, but are you going to have Stallone next? Yeah, we've got Stallone's people keep bothering us. They're saying that he wants to come on the show to promote Rocky Balboa.

And you're like, who? Yeah, exactly. Apparently, it's some kind of guy that lives in a meat closet. I don't know. That sounds spicy. Yeah, hangs out at a goddamn pet store. Stallone did one of those things where he's like, Some kind of guy that lives in a meat closet. I don't know. That sounds spicy. Yeah. Hangs out at a goddamn pet store. Stallone did one of those things where he's like, I'll come on, but I also want to bring

the robot from Rocky III. But I think... Fucked his trainer? Yeah, something like that. The robot fucked the trainer? I think there's an image of Rocky III. Rocky gives... I have not seen this movie in a while uh-huh this could be a mushroom trip but i think in rocky three he brings his trainer

mickey okay first of all it's rocky four i've googled it and it appears to be rocky four okay yeah boy i'm gonna have all the fucking rocky stands on my ass after this and my menchies i don't need that i don't fucking need that in one of the rockies he brings his trainer a robot and then there's a there's a scene later in the movie where the robot is like living in the home with him and there's like a joke implying that that they fuck i think i'm a rocky fan now yeah yeah apparently rocky rules paul wait paulie fucks the robot or or rocky fucks the robot no rocky doesn't fuck the robot he's loyal to adrian what is the scene it's like oh i mean the robot doesn't know her way around a pet store that's where she works right in a pet store yeah i think she works in a pet store thank you connor what does the robot look like before we judge the trainer thank you connor

thank you okay i'm gonna look up the robot if i'm remembering correctly and again we can look these up i think it is like a twilight zone style robbie the robot okay i was like if it looks like short circuit this movie is bananas wait so this is okay with you no i'm gonna describe yeah yeah smash for our what smash some of the folks at home probably have access to a uh you know a google search of what the robot looks like some don't i'll say that it's about the same height as Stallone, which is what? Five, six, five, seven, five, three, five, three. And it has a birthday hat on just a standard conical birthday hat, right? It's not clear what's holding it on because this, even an elastic band isn't big enough for this insectoid

head it's got a gargantuan insectoid head and the eyes are like multi-colored disco balls it has a car stereo that sort of functions as droopy boobs and then above, it has a sternum cam and the, the thorax is metallic. I mean, it, it has, it's like flake paint, you know, it's like a low rider. It's got a premium paint job. And here it is. I'm, I'm looking here. Polly's having some Baskin Robbins ice cream and some champagne and a cellular phone and a beer courtesy of this robot. Yeah, they fucked.

I mean, I'm looking it's still images here but 100% they fucking boned down. There's an energy there that you're picking up on. It's cutting off at the waist but

Polly's just hard as a rock. I, and again, this did they or didn't they is an interesting question. So I, of course, went to deviantart.com. What is Rule 34, Shelly? Alexis, glad you brought it up.

And thank you for using the proper terminology. Deviant Art does not bring up any... I just typed in Rocky IV robot. And the first thing that comes up is a banana with a gun do you think that was stallone's original concept art yeah it could be he's like make one of these hey make me one of these guys that's how uh sylvester Stallone talks exactly. This robot is horrifying looking. Yeah, well, it has an insectoid head, but I think there are some people for whom an insectoid head is horny. I mean, if he has a pre-mantus fetish, he really is big. Oh, yeah.

Bite my head off, mommy. Eat my head, mommy. I just checked Rule 34. They don't have any, but a lot of five nights at freddy which i am not surprised yeah oh yeah duh of course there's five nights at freddy's alexis can you check live journal for us please yeah i'll be right back it's george rr martin writing about the robot uh i can also find something on uh a03 if you guys want some erotic fan fiction oh that might be nice this is like text yeah okay but sometimes they include fan art for visuals i

guess i'm not familiar with a03 i was just kind of guessing from context clues what you meant yeah a popular fan fiction website okay i uh want to ask y'all a few things about my favorite TV show, Harley Quinn. But also, I feel like before we get to that, I feel like the elephant or should I say cat in the room is that Connor apparently has three cats named after the Flophouse guys. Oh, my God. I didn't think you were going to say it on the show. The second you said it to us, it was immediately the subject of 40 minutes of this program oh my god sorry listen is it our fault for not having more content on the show yes so how hunky is that steward cat huh do you want to see him yeah hold up stew whoa

he's the smallest one ironically and the biggest one is elliot i got him as kittens and didn't know how big they'd get are they all related they're all brothers wow just like the real flop house guys jordan yeah they're they were all strays just like the real flop house guys jordan i meant to just get two but um the third one was really really feral and i was like no one's gonna adopt him so i just took the three of them just like the real flop house guys jordan oh this is all lines up wait so the so this is interesting so this litter of cats had two calmies and one fairly yeah like two were there well they were all feral but like two would let me pick them up and the third one was like yeah like he was a little gollumy

and um so i was like you know i'll just we'll figure it out but now he's the neediest boy oh interesting sometimes the gollumiest boys are the neediest boys and that that's that's dan the chattiest one is actually elliot i think we have we do not have cats named after us jesse and i but we do have some ducks right yeah? Yeah, I think that is correct. We have some ducks. And I think there are some miniature horses that are named after various Maximum Fun personalities and also sitcom characters like Niles, Frasier, Ben Partridge, that kind of thing. Okay, let's go around the horn.

What animal would you most like named after you? Wow, this is hard. There's a lot of types. Okay, let's go around the horn. What animal would you most like named after you? Wow. This is hard. There's a lot of types of animal, Jordan. There's Dick Dicks. Yep. Boy, that's the only animal I can think of. But I'm confident there are others.

I'm trying to think of which would be the least likely to bum me out if it accidentally died. Yeah, sure. So I'm like, no dolphins. You have to consider that. No gorillas. An elk. You know it's going to die. There's an elk named Connor going by.

Sure. I would like a raccoon. Oh, yeah. I could see that. Very nimble. Alexis, we've known each other for years, and you do wash all your food. Yeah, and I also live in a trash can. Sure.

And have opposable thumbs. That's true. You also like cosplay. Yeah, and I also sleep with makeup on, so I always have black circles under my eyes. Wait, you have a banana peel on top of your head. We should mention that. Classic trash, right? It's the banana peel.

It's the fish bones with the head still on. Sure, it's a tin can with the tops broined out. Tin can with the tops broined out. Classic trash. Is that a t-shirt idea, Jordan? Seems like a great t-shirt idea for us. Classic trash, and it has a picture of those classic trashes. Sure.

Yeah. I'm sick of this new fangled trash. So tired of those fucking puffed up plastic things that come in Amazon boxes. Yeah. Right. That's my next tattoo. Classic trash. Yeah.

I think I'm going to go jellyfish. I would love a jellyfish named after me. Because, you know, I mean, I'm always trying to be more chill, you know. And what's more chill than just an animal that wafts on the tides collecting detritus? You think jellyfish are chill? Yeah, right? I mean, they sting you and you have to piss on yourself. That's not that chill.

That doesn't seem very chill. That seems like a meth head. Hey, that's a you problem, okay? Don't get between me and my detritus. If you do, I'm going to give you a little piss kiss. That's what I call a sting. A piss talk on this show. Jesus Christ.

How long have we been talking? 20 minutes? Anyway. Yeah, no, I mean, the sting thing is a defense mechanism, you know, and it's a way to not have to kind of deal with stuff. Yes, I would love a jellyfish named after me, I think. Would you consider yourself spineless, Jordan? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm a coward. I'm a huge coward. Shaking in my boots right now. You'd also have no rib cage so you could pull a marilyn manson and give yourself a blowjob yes i could suck my jellyfish dick

suck each of my little tentacles god it would be so hard to get an erection if you were a jellyfish so oh yeah i mean i think just like don't have too much to drink you know that's fair that's why they're always in water right yes exactly vitamin keggers yeah exactly water everywhere and not a drop to drink all right jesse what animal would you want to have named after you yeah i mean um i think jordan Jesse, Go listeners know about some of my favorite animals. Obviously, Dick Dicks are one of my favorites. Capybaras are right up there. But I would probably want to be the super tall, small cat, the Serval. Yeah, that's a really good one.

Because they're so good at jumps. Yeah. And right now, you fucking suck at them, so. That's my, that's my. Sorry, I don't mean to like. No, that's my fucking classic weakness. Achilles had his heel, and I'm bad at jumps. I'm super fast, super strong, laser eyes, but bad at jumps.

Bad at jumps. So if anything rolls under me, it's going to hit me square in the chin, and I'm going to be saying, oh, fuck. I'm down for the count because I can't jump. Well, if you're out there and you manage a zoo or an aquarium, please name those animals after us. Yeah. Or you have to stop listening to the show. Sorry. God damn it.

We just lost half our audience, Jordan. Oh, fuck. Librarians can still listen audience jordan librarians can still listen librarians can still listen oh you know i alexis i'm sorry i didn't ask you about your cats you also have nice cats i don't know if they're named after flop house no sorry they're not one is named waffle because when i brought her home i forgot to buy cat food like an idiot on the first day. And all I had was a waffle and I gave her a little and she liked it. Really? As a treat? An interwaffle.

Yeah, a little treat. As a treat. And then I got cat food immediately after. I'm not a bad cat mom. The other one is named Lucky Luciano after the mobster because he looked like him as a kitten. And now he's 22 pounds and looks even more like him. Wow. Do you ever think about putting a little suit and tie on him? because he looked like him as a kitten and now he's 22 pounds and looks even more like him wow do you ever think about putting a little suit and tie on him oh i've tried multiple times um i have

many costumes for him that he will go in a panic and try to get out of i got him a little tom nook outfit from animal crossing that he refuses to wear it's a bummer good fucking cat just wear the nook yeah think about how funny it would be wear the fucking Hawaiian shirt I gotta ask you this question Alexis how many gangsters of the 1930s are you familiar with what they look like um

Lucky Luciano my dad will kill me for saying this because he's embarrassed by it but I think it's cool Jimmy Q which is a long lost relative of mine apparently who was like capone's number three guy uh so i know what he looks like uh capone obviously and it doesn't seem obvious to like connor do you know what al capone looks like do, but only because we share the same birthday. Oh.

That's why I know what Barbra Streisand looks like. We are a narcissistic species, aren't we? Jordan, who do you know looks like? I know what James Brown looks like. Sure. And of course, the Divine Miss Christina Hendricks from Mad Men. Oh, la la. Mm-hmm.

I saw her in person once, and I was four seconds away from going up and saying, we have the same birthday. Why didn't you? I think it was a good idea not to, right? Right? Am I? Did I blow it? Did good idea not to, right? Right? Am I? Did I? Did I blow it? Did I blow a magical moment?

I don't think that would have been a meet cute, but I don't think it would have been the creepiest thing she's heard all day. That's, yeah, sure. I think, I mean, again, I don't want to be creepy at all, but yeah, I guess if you are Christina Hendricks, you know, you probably have to deal with a lot of creep energy. And we have the same birthday as, you know, probably hovering kind of in the middle. But again, I don't want to deliver any at all. But yeah, I mean, you're right. I think she would have the grace to be able to blow me off casually. That's nice, sir.

Yeah. Okay. And like, yeah, James Brown, too. She's like, James Brown? Yeah. And then she would put a cape on me. I Googled April 24th birthdays. My birthday is April 24th.

Happy birthday to me. On April 24th. Every day. No, you're right. Happy birthday. Oh, God. And you're one of those, it's my birthday year, people.. No, you're right. Happy birthday. Oh, God. And you're one of those, it's my birthday year, people. Yeah.

Thank you very much. Why do you think I'm wearing this conical party hat? I thought you were just cosplaying as the robot from Rocky IV. So I'm dressed like as a banana with a gun. Barbara Streisand comes in at number two. Kelly Clarkson is number one. Ooh. Sand comes in at number two. Kelly Clarkson is number one. And it says here on thefamouspeople.com that this ranking is based on an algorithm that combines various factors, including the votes of

our users and search trends on the internet. No way this is a Russian bot farm. It's a very normal website. No, look at all these beats. How could it be a Russian bod farm? Another connection that your show has to our show is that it deals in the kind of deepest cut characters from DC Comics. Now, a lot of times on this show instead of making a joke we will just say booster gold or mr mitsapitalik hey jordan i usually say firestorm the nuclear man or firestorm the nuclear man these are all things you can say um i want to know like what deep cut characters you have tried to get into the show because i will say i've watched a few of the new ones calendar man makes an appearance i was like hell yeah getting calendar man in there i'm i don't know what i'm allowed to

say oh okay yeah i guess yeah same yeah i just sorry i just ask questions that would be heavily nda'd holy cow it sounds like connor and alexis tried to introduce Hillary Clinton's emails. Oh. That's actually the big bad for the season. Right. It's just a bunch of emails, screen caps of them. Number 37 for my birthday is Sue Grafton. Really? S is for surprise, Jordan. Congratulations.

That's all. Just mystery novelist Sue Grafton. I think if you saw Grafton in public, you would go up to her and say, we have the same birthday. novelist, Sue Grafton. I think if you saw Grafton in public, you would go up to her and say, we have the same birthday. Maybe I would play it cool. And I would say, you know, I have the same birthday as baseball shortstop Omar Vizquel, April 24th. And she would say, April 24th, isn't that Kelly Clarkson's birthday? And I would say, yes, we have something in common. We both know celebrities who are born on April 24 common we both know celebrities who are born on april 24th

know of celebrities who are born on april 24th and then we would date and tongue kiss hell yeah okay since you guys can't talk about characters who are at the show i want to ask what celebrities have your birthday uh jim carrey. That's a good one. I think Kate Moss. And I was just thinking how much it would suck if they were all forced to celebrate their birthday with me because we share the same birthday. You know, I'll just get a party room at Dave and Buster's. Yeah, and they're just like, who the hell are you? And then there's me, Al Capone. That's all I can think of for now oh martin luther king sorry

one of the greats so funny yeah fucking legend oh man his special raw just like that's what made me want to do it. I saw MLK follow Carlin. And not everybody could follow Carlin, but he came in hot. Right. And he brought the house down. It's like Carlin was doing all this observational shit about language. Martin Luther King just came out with straight up pussy jokes and destroyed. Yeah.

Just laid waste. He just came out. literally his opening line he came out and said i'm so fucking hard right now and just went from there beautiful fun fact i heard that he would have to write down the city that he was in on the back of beer cans each time he did that joke though he'd be like i'm so hard cleveland and then it would kill then it would absolutely destroy yeah god if you talk to any waitstaff at any comedy club all they want to talk about is mlk jr pumping them for local references like what's a cool bar here like what's a bar i can talk about where like people love to hang out and then like what's a corny bar that i could make fun of

just directing improv scenes now and what's a location yeah yeah i mean when you think about it i have a dream is the ultimate yes and there you go how do you think his herald game is trouble with second beats trouble with the second beats i also share a birthday with the blue demon demonio azul the legendary rival of El Santo, one of the greatest masked luchadores of all time. That's great. Jordan, what Mexican wrestlers do you share a birthday with? El Rey Supremo. Womp womp.

Alexis, who are your birthday twins? My birthday is April 9th, so I think Hugh Hefner. Thank you. I think Hugh Hefner and I have the same birthday. R.I.P. to that old perv. Kristen Stewart. What a dick. Perhaps too celebrated.

Probably kind of a dick. Looks like Lil Nas X shares your birthday, Alexis. Yes, he does. Love him. Would love to have a joint birthday with you, little Nas X. If you're up for it, let me know. Invite Leighton Meester. Why not?

And you know what? While you're at it, let's get Isambard Kingdom Brunel in there. One of the most ingenious and prolific figures in engineering history. What about Dennis Quaid? Let's get him there, too. No, he's not. Love to rage with Quaid. Not crazy about him.

Oh, I also have, I'm looking at my birthday page as well on timegoggles.com which is a fun site to hang out on. Not only Christina Hendricks but I have Bobby Cannavale. So I have a real who's who of premium cable in 2009.

Yeah. Alexis has Timur, the emir of the Timurid Empire, 1370 to 1405. I would say one of the greatest Uzbek military leaders in history. Well, as Kite Man would say, hell yeah. Are you guys excited for the Kite Man spinoff series? Yeah, it's pretty good. It's great. It's great that they are leading into like, not only will we put Kite Man in the show, but now Kite Man has a show.

I have a question for you, Alexis, about your birthday celebrities. How do you think Baudelaire feels, the legendary French poet who named the idea of modernity? the legendary french poet who named the idea of modernity how do you think he feels about coming in one slot behind ice hockey player jonathan toes i'm sure he would say something more poetic than me about it that would be kind of his thing yeah i think he would just be like yeah well at least i beat fucking carl perkins blue suede shoes, motherfucker. Fuck you. That sounds right. Yeah. Yeah.

So like C'est la vie or something. You got it, Connor. It all comes back to C'est la vie, that fun Irish song. Sure. Do not bother me. I am browsing on timegoggles.com. This is not a birthday,, you say that in French. Oh, yeah. That would be funny.

There's a pipe or something. I don't know. Yeah. You guys want to browse on Time Goggles a little bit? Just in private browsing and then come back for another segment? Yeah, I got to learn some stuff about Margaret, maid of Norway. Born 1283 in Tonsberg. That's in Norway, Jordan.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is, of course, brought to you by you, the members of MaximumFun.org. Thank you, Maximum Fun members. You keep our lights on here at Jordan Jesse Goh. We could not be more grateful. Our thanks to you. And now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Now, Jordan and I are big advocates of getting your brain repaired. We're also big advocates

of taking care of your brain. It doesn't have to be broken for you to benefit from therapy. Yeah. Therapy is really awesome. It can definitely help if you're having a crisis, if you're having a personal disaster, if everything's going wrong, but also just with the frustrations you experience in day-to-day life. It's really, really awesome. It's definitely just great maintenance for your health, for your happiness. We recommend it. And I know sometimes it can feel a little weird reaching out and asking for help. It can feel a little bit weird to go to therapy, especially if, you know, people around you make jokes about it. But it is really, really, really a great thing to do. And one way that you could consider getting therapy is with BetterHelp. It can be tough to find a therapist through referrals. It can be tough to pay for a therapist. BetterHelp is often more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can get matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. They do online therapy, so that could be video therapy, phone therapy, even live chat only if you want to just type and not have to look someone in the eyes. Well, God bless you. They can do that, too. That's all available to you from BetterHelp.

And best of all, our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash JJ Go. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash JJ Go. We're also supported this week by the good folks at Stitch Fix. Now, Jordan, whatever your style, now more than ever is the time to rock it. But let's say you've been living in a quarantine hole the last few years and you need to refresh your looks. Well, great news. Stitch Fix is here for you. Yeah, Stitch Fix is a really, really fun service. It starts out with a style quiz, a really fun to take style quiz, far more fun than BuzzFeed's Which Ninja Turtle Are You quiz is the Stitch Fix style quiz.

It's really easy and fun to get started. All you do is you answer a few questions about what you like to wear, what you don't, and how open you are to trying new styles. Then Stitch Fix's expert stylists will go to work finding items exclusively for you. Every piece is handpicked for you and it's unique to your size, style, and in your budget. They send you five pieces to try on at home. You keep what you love. You send back what you don't. Shipping, returns, and exchanges are easy and free. That is all true. I have definitely taken the quiz. I've exchanged stuff. I've returned stuff. Easy and free. They are not lying about that. I've done it for me. I've done it for my kids as well. A lot of my son Oscar's clothes I've

gotten from Stitch Fix, and I've had a great experience getting stuff for my kids there. And Jordan, how many times have I seen you said, oh, that's a great shirt. And you say, you know what? I got it from Stitch Fix. Jesse, it's constantly happening. It is constantly happening. No, I did it the other day when you were in the shower, you weren't even wearing a shirt. So looking back, it seems creepy. Sure. That time it was not actually from Stitch Fix. That was just my nude body. That's what your mama gave you. Sure. That's mom's shirt. Straight from mom. But yeah, Stitch Fix. We should explain that you were wearing your mother's shirt. Sure. Yeah. That

she got during that fun run that she did. Jordan showers in a fun run shirt. The hospital she worked for sponsored a fun run. Sign up for Stitch Fix today at stitchfix.com slash JJ go to get $20 off your first purchase. That's stitchfix.com slash JJ go to get $20 off your first purchase. That's stitchfix.com slash JJ go to get $20 off your first purchase. It's a limited time offer purchase within two days of signup. Jordan, I have something really exciting to share. I love excitement. You know how much I love the television show Archer.

Boy, do I ever. One of your fave shows. One of my fave shows. Really one of the one of the funniest shows on TV. And Jordan, you know that my life's dream, leaving aside playing Professor Harold Hill in a regional theater or above production of The Music Man. Again, no community theater. I've gotten emails from community theater people. I can't, I have a job, I have a family. I can't just travel to Baltimore to be in your musical, you know, 80 seat house.

I'll travel to Baltimore, but it's got to be like a three, 400 seat house. You know what I mean? Anyway. You have a lot of dreams. That's not the point. You have a lot of dreams. You're a man with dreams. You're a dreamer.

The greatest dream of them all has been to follow in the footsteps of so many of my legendary comedy friends and my legendary comedy heroes and do a voice on the television show Archer. Well, Jordan, there's a new season of Archer premiering August 24th. And guess who's in the first fucking scene? Yes, that's right. It's me. I was going to guess Timothy Oliphant. Timothy Oliphant would have been a great guest but it's me uh it's me folks yeah that's awesome man i am so excited season premiere first scene can you talk how how in d8 are you can you talk about your character uh what's going on in the season what

the fans want to know i'm in a hall of mirrors and that's all I'm going to share. I'm right there in a hall of mirrors, just like Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. I'm known as the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar of comedy. Ayesha Tyler dropped this at Comic-Con, didn't she? Not only did Ayesha Tyler drop this at Comic-Con, not only was I included in the list of special guest stars, which I think I maybe have two or three lines. It's a little bit of a stretch to call me a guest star, but boy, am I excited about it. But I,

I got an excited message on Twitter and excited at message on Twitter that Aisha plugged to Jordan, Jesse go at comic con. There you go. Thank you. Aisha Tyler, much more famous and successful and talented than us. Thank you to all our new furry listeners,

both of them, of course. And thanks. There's a, an Archer writer named Mark was kind enough to pitch our new furry listeners. Both of them, of course. And thanks. There's an Archer writer named Mark was kind enough to pitch me as a guest. He sent me a message and said, is it okay if I pitch you as a guest? I was like, what am I going to say to that? No, no, don't pitch me as a guest on Archer. I don't want to become SAG eligible.

Thank you, Mark. Mark, it turns out, first heard us on college radio. Wow. That's really cool. He's from Santa Cruz. Oh, gee. Grew up in Santa, first heard us on college radio. Wow. That's really cool. He's from Santa Cruz. Grew up in Santa Cruz. Heard us on KZSE. So thank you so much, Mark. We really appreciate it. It is a total lifestream and I'm so excited to watch it live on FXX on August 24th. I hope that all Jordan Jesse Go listeners will please do the same and then write letters and say, bring back the Hall of Mirrors guy. He truly was.

Yeah. He truly was the Kareem Abdul-Jabbar of comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's awesome. I can't wait to watch. Congratulations, Jesse.

And congratulations to the cast of Archer for scoring such a great guest star. You know what? I know that I sound insincere no matter what I'm saying, but it truly is a life's dream and I am so fucking honored and excited. It's like so fucking cool. I can't even tell you how fucking cool it is that I get to be on. Teresa and I literally almost named one of our kids Archer, but we were worried that people would think we named our kid after our favorite TV show. Man, it's a real thrill. It's Teresa's favorite television show,

too. So I think she's going to love me more, which is the best part of the whole thing. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, jazz hands all right uh sir sir connor radcliffe i don't i don't know no that's good all right that's really good i'm alexis quasarano or a quasar there you go that's great that's a lot of fun jordan i just got an important email oh can i let you guys know about this this is for folks in the american smet building where maximum fun is based okay it's from Gabby, our longtime building manager. To all tenants, the building will strictly enforce the laundry rules. Now, some of these rules are standard. Number four, for example, is please do not store laundry sorters or laundry baskets in the laundry room. That makes a ton of sense. It's a big building. There's a lot of units. A lot of people

want to use the laundry room. Laundry room's small. You can't just leave your baskets in there. Okay. Please be considerate. Remove your clothes from the washers and dryers when they're done. Again, makes a ton of sense. Any clothes left overnight will be collected. All clothes will be stored at a fee of $100 and must be paid when you pick up your clothes,

which is a lot. It's a your clothes, which is a lot. It's a little steep. That is a lot, but not crazy. But the top rule is, please do not wash your pet's bedding, cars, bikes, children, or dishes in the washing machine. Wow. Wait. In the washing machine.

Wow. Wait. So, I mean, it's that thing where it's like if they put it in the notice, they've had an issue with it. Yeah. Is someone putting bikes and children in the washing machines? Gabby, I should explain. Gabby, I don't think, makes jokes. Maybe at home with her family.

Yeah. She's all business when it comes to the washing machine area, though. Actually, sorry, this is so funny. I got an email from my landlord, Neil. You guys know Neil, right? Sure. First man to walk on the moon. Neil's great.

Fishing hat all the time. Neil's a classic landlord. Fishing hat all the time. Voicemail always full. Neil has never checked his voicemail. Tin can with the top sproing. Yep. There should be a landlord cell phone plan. It's like, oh, it's $30 a month.

Voicemail always full. Yeah. Sorry, I just got an email from Neil. This is R.E. Laundry. I'm going to open it up here. It just says, keep your dick out of there? Jordan, was this to the whole building or was this a personal email? Hold on.

This is to me and Beto O'Rourke. I'm doing some great faces here, by the way. Yeah. Number five is smile you are on camera. So no funny stuff in the laundry room. Jordan, as soon as the camera's on me, all I'm doing is funny stuff. I know. Everybody knows that.

You're such a cut up rube carb. That's why I had that one line on Comedy Bang Bang on IFC. Still getting 12-cent residual checks for that, baby. Hell yeah. Can you imagine if Scott Ackerman had told me no funny stuff? Yeah, right. I would have said, well, you might as well have cast, you know, Ben Kingsley. Right.

Not getting any goofs from that guy. Are you sick of walking into the waiting room for the audition and you sit down and you're like, God damn it, there's Sir Ben Kingsley from Gandhi. Sure. They just said get me a Bing Kingsley type. It's why I stopped auditioning. Right. Because you're always like, Kingsley's going to get it. I stopped because Kingsley kept honestly whipping my ass physically in the waiting room.

whipping my ass physically in in the waiting room i was scared to go into an audition because fucking kingsley he would wrap a belt around his hand and fucking whip my ass just absolutely thrash me look like a fucking pile of broken tomatoes wood smash to be fair i don't think either of you should have been auditioning for the part of gandhi it was a different time okay it was a different time connor i just i don't it was a look can we zoom out for a second i relate to gandhi too i'm a pacifist and i drink my own urine so why can't I play Gandhi? I mean, he's only known for one of those. Yeah.

I got little blackies. I wear little roundies. You know that, Jordan. Oh, I do. That's why I'm the perfect Gandhi. Little roundies, pacifists, drink my own urine. You do have an insanely fast metabolism. I do.

I eat a normal amount of food and people believe me to be hunger fasting right but you know it's about taking jobs away from indian american actors maybe put some clothes on eat some food and take those little glasses you talking about my little roundies those hurt more than help at this point. They're so small. What's the monocle do? What's the monocle? What stigmatism is that correcting? Yeah, Warby Parker doesn't even make those anymore, so just get you some Ray-Bans. They did for a

long time. That was their previous focus. Steve Punk was huge, man. That's true. When something momentous happens to you you we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN or just send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximumfun.org here's someone who did that very thing hello jordan jesse and prime minister justin trudeau. Ooh, very impressive. Ha ha! Joke's on you, asshole. Jean Chrétien. Momentous occasions. My name is Megan. Pronouns she, her. And I went to get my name changed at the court

yesterday, so my name is now legally Megan, which is great. However, that's not my momentous occasion. She's on the run. Because the gentleman in front of me got his middle name legally changed to Valentine's Day, which is uh pretty great so thank you fuck wow fuck god i'd love to change my name to something cool

every time i think there was this time when the basketball player formerly known as ron artest changed his name to meta world peace and people were making fun of him. And I was like, no, everyone wants to change their name to something fucking cool. They don't have the guts to go to the courtyard and pay the courtroom and pay $200. The courthouse is the court word I'm looking for. They don't have the guts to go to the courthouse and pay their $200 and change their name to that. There was another basketball player named World B Free. I don't know what the B stood for, Benjamin or something. But I would love to change my name to some shit like that.

Like, I don't even know what I would do. Fresh Summer Peach? I think I'd do Wicket to remind everyone of their favorite Ewok. Yeah, I would do Super Fast ewok from the ewoks cartoon it's a long name and from what i understand he's technically not an ewok but you know he's from the ewok show so he's basically an ewok connor what what would you like to name your what would you like to name yourself i just thought of of how stupid it would be to change my middle name. Well, I don't have a middle name, but to give myself a middle name of like, what's my favorite movie of the year? Just go in once a year.

Connor Nope Shin. Connor Forever Shin. And then you just change it every time there's a new Marvel movie. It's dangerous that I just found out it's only $200 to change your name. Yeah, really? That's fun, huh? Alexis, what's your new middle name? I would change mine to my favorite Pokemon, Bidoof, and be Alexis Bidoof Quasarano.

But I would have to say it as Bidoof says it. So it'd be Alexis Bidoof Quasarano. What are Bidoof's powers? Well, I mean, they're a normal type. So limitless possibilities, really. Do Pokemons have unlimited powers? No, but there's a wide variety of attacks you can train. I was sitting right here and you just said to me that Pokemons have unlimited powers. I said the options are limitless.

Meanwhile, Alexis, I'm trying to choose between the cost of solar, the environmental cost of fossil fuels and the potential catastrophe of nuclear power. I could have just been getting one of these badoofs that has unlimited fucking powers yeah what about the snorlax what's he got well he has uh sleep yeah drowsy so let's get both of those let's get the unlimited power and then let's get this he's basically a bad roommate we all wish we could have a roommate as adorable as snorlax just leaves the dishes soaking in the sink a giant snorlax plushie it used to be in this office but i had to move it because it took up too much room right so it's uh wrapped up like

a dead body in my uh garage until i have more space to put it somewhere what is it right they want the bugs to get it wrapped in i got like giant plastic bags to put it somewhere. What is it wrapped? Because I didn't want the bugs to get it. What is it wrapped in? I got like giant plastic bags to put over it, but it was too tight. So its arms are up like this and it's like, and it looks like a dead cadaver. Yeah. And I just don't want the bugs to get at it until I found a new home. It's really nice of you.

Yeah. I looked up the 100 best Pokemons of all time and badoof is number 69 nice and it says badoof looks like a little uh he looks like a it's a beaver a gerbil with growths he's suffering from growths like boils or something like like harry boils and by the way, Harry Boyles is my favorite from 1D. This, and it says here, I don't know a lot about Pokemon, so I have to read that. Oh, Harry Styles.

I know, I get it. Yeah, thanks. Jesse, that was great. You're more of a Zane guy. Jesse, that was great. Thank you. It wasn't great. It was fair.

It was quick. This bucktooth beavis gets the award for dorkiest Pokemon of all time. One look at this beaver and you can tell it probably won't stay on your team for long. I've taken my Vadoove to the Elite Four. Wow. Joke's on you, this website. What's this website that just slams Pokemon?

Jesus. It's like those old Vice articles that just made fun of people whose pictures they took on the street. Oh, God. I remember that. Oh, that was terrible. Fashion do's and don'ts. The author of this actually did end up becoming a white supremacist. Like many of the early Vice writers.

Yeah. If you hate Bidoof, you become a white supremacist. Sure. Yeah. yeah if you hate badoof you become a white supremacist it's sure yeah badoof started a small following who praised this clear underdog proving it isn't always about having the strongest pokemon if you're still having fun this soft dicked pokemon cries every time it shits its little pants i highly recommend watching a very cute Pokemon animated short they came out with earlier this year or late last year about Bidoof. It's about seven minutes.

It's fantastic and adorable. And I cried watching it about a guy who only uses his Bidoof to teach him like moves that are like cut the tree down or swim for me and not actually training his Pokemon. But then he comes in and he saves the day. Spoiler alert, but it's great. That does sound really beautiful. So it's kind of a like reaction to that criticism of Pokemon that like people just use them to fight. It's kind of like, what if you just use it for like fun and swimming? Yeah. And then you actually go to a tournament and all your Pokemon die and all you have left is Bidoof. And what are you going to do? and all your Pokemon die and all you have left is Bidoof.

What are you going to do? Alexis, just so you know, Snorlax is number 30. So twice as good as Bidoof is how lists work. I'd take 69 over 30. Wouldn't we all, right? You know what? I'm over 30 and I'm still 69. I'm looking on this list of Pokemon. Number one, Bobby Cannavale? Bobby Cannavale? Bobby Cannavale.

It's him saying his own name before he electrocutes someone. What type is he? Okay, we're pushing my knowledge of Pokemon here. Grass type? He's weak to... Bobby Cannavale is weak to lightning.

It says here he's a Brooklyn drinking type. He's always out at bars in brooklyn it says you can yeah he evolves into zaddy him and him and mud kip you're thinking of michael shannon oh thank you yeah like michael shannon people always just like see out like drinking i am thinking of michael shannon not bobby cannavale yeah god damn it Members of both on boardwalk. So I think that's where the confusion probably came from. And not only that, so was Drifloon. Is that another Pokemon?

In a world that 10 year olds go on unsupervised adventures around the world, Drifloon is the ultimate predator. Jesus Christ. Holy shit. I didn't know that sex crimes were part of pokemon you gotta catch them all right jesus christ is this from pokemon special victims unit that's for you you beat me to it you said it better we were both kind of there how cool would detective pikachu would have been if it was on boardwalk empire just trying to figure out who hooked all these prostitutes on opium

alexis is this why you know so many pokemons and what so many 1930s gangsters look like they're all italian right all pokemon are italian yes can i just say one thing about drift loon again i don't know anything about these pokemons but i'm just learning from looking at this list. Drifloon is a sort of balloon with a cloud for a head, an X for a nose, either because he got socked in the schnoz or maybe because he's straight edge. And he's got little heart cloverish hands and he's a child molester. And then at the end here, it says, just make sure you don't try to pop Drifloon as its soul will spew out with a screaming sound. What the fuck? I had no idea Pokemon was fucked the fuck up. Oh, well, you know about Cubone, right?

The little guy with the skull on his head? No, tell us about Cubone. Cubone wears the skull of its mother. Jesus, what? What the fuck? It's not born that way, but we've never seen it without its hat skull thing on. And so the story is that it wears the skull of its mother. How did she die?

And then how do you get the skull? I don't know. I'm sorry. I actually, well, Alolan marowak is number 34 here on the list it says nothing cemented the deviousness of team rocket like when you hear that they killed marowak while trying to capture it this tragic story is made even worse by the fact that every cubone wears its departed mother's skull so as to still be close to her. This is all terribly sad until Alolan Marowak comes onto the scene because of its new ghost

subtype. Cubone can finally stay with its mom, creating a happy ending to an otherwise orphaned monster. It used to be sad that Cubone wore its dead mother's skull around its neck to be close to her. Ghost mom. Pokemon are more fucked up than Elden Ring. Jesus Christ. Ed Gein's story is sad, but then when it works out at the end like this,

it's fun. Did you guys see Ghost Mom, by the way? I thought Rosa Parks was so funny in that. Nice. So funny. It's really good. Brian, we got another call in there?

Hey there, Jordan and Jesse guest. I'm going to guest Steve Agee. Close. I'm about to get taken back for a liver transplant, getting a new liver. for a liver transplant, getting a new liver. If you don't hear from me again, I probably just forgot to call, and I'm probably not dead. Love ya.

What would you say, 80-20 on that one? As long as his child wears his skull on their head, his death shall not be in vain. Gosh. Well, best of luck to you. I hope that it takes and that they're listening to this right now and livering it up. What was his question?

We should take questions on this show. That would be fun. I'm sorry we're not Steve Agee, but I hope you have a safe recovery. From not being Steve Agee but I hope you have a safe recovery from not being Steve Agee also what a weird flex just calling us to tell us he's busy right oh sorry oh god I would love

I'm so busy I'm about to get surgery Alexis can I ask you about the Pokemon Blissey yes so obviously I think everybody Alexis, can I ask you about the Pokemon Blissey? Yes. So obviously, I think everybody listening to this knows that Blissey has the highest possible hit points of the entire series, beating out legendaries and deities. And it's seeing a bit more use thanks to the Evo light item.

Well, of course, yeah. Here's my concern. Blissey is a pink round ball with little wings and a little wing tiara and it seems to have an egg for a hard-on so an erection that's made out of a little pink and white egg or maybe an acorn it is an egg um and it's filled with happiness oh i get it i mean i see where they're coming from on that yeah blizzies are normally like with the polka nurses at like the polka centers i don't really i'm gonna be honest i don't know a lot about strategies in pokemon because i'm just in it for the aesthetics and the cute Pokemon that I like to play with.

I don't care about strategy. I took a Blissey at Coachella. It's a little strong. I should have just taken half. I can understand that. If you want to give us a call 206-984-4FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoe at maximum fun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. Hey there quick favor to ask. Will you help us out by taking a five minute survey at maximum fun.org slash survey. As you know, most of the support for Max Fund comes directly from folks like you.

But many of our shows and our network also rely on limited advertising for some revenue. This survey helps us attract advertisers that are a good fit for the audiences of our shows. And it helps many of our hosts secure a bit of extra income. It should only take a few minutes to complete and you'll get a discount at MaxFunStore when you do. That's MaximumFun.org slash survey. Thanks. I'm Lisa Hanawalt. And I'm Emily Heller. Nine years ago, we started a podcast to try and learn something new every episode. Things have gone a little off the rails since then.

Tune in to hear about low stakes neighborhood drama, gardening, the sordid, nasty underbelly of the horse girl lifestyle, hot sauce, addiction to TV and sweaty takes on celebrity culture and the weirdest, grossest stuff you can find on wikipedia.org. We'll read all of it no matter how gross. There's something for everyone on our podcast, Baby Geniuses, hosted by us, two horny adult idiots. Hang out with us as we try and fail to retain any knowledge at all. Every other week on Maximum Fun. Tell us something we don't know.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Well, have we got news for you. We are breaking into this regularly scheduled program with two thrilling developments. First of all, Jordan and I have recorded an entire live episode of Jordan, Jesse Go that you can watch right now for free on video. That's right. The Oops! All Gameys episode of Jordan, Jesse Go recorded live at MaxFunCon. It is all of the stupidest games we've ever played on the show.

And that's a high bar, Jordan. That's true. But we brought in stupid scientists to help us develop a stupid metric. We basically brought everyone who was at Max FunCon this year onto the show. So that's like, who are we looking at? Chris Fairbanks, Matt Riccardo, Kim Clark. Okay. Yeah. You got Chris Fairbanks, Kimberly Clark, Matt Riccardo, Ify Nwadiwe, Ben Harrison,

Allie Gertz, Alonzo Duralde, Andrea Clark. Tons of brilliant people playing the stupidest games we could come up with. Yeah. And you can watch that via the MaxFun YouTube channel, youtube.com slash MaximumFunHQ. That's youtube.com slash MaximumFunHQ. You can check out the video there. Or if you're a MaxFun donor, you can listen to the audio in the donor feed. And if you're not a member, MaximumFun.org slash join. You get the audio for that episode, plus a bunch of other cool bonus stuff. It is such a fun episode. It is so cool. I am wearing a wizard hat. You should just go at least check out the wizard hat. Once you've

seen the wizard hat, you can decide whether you want to watch the rest. But you don't want to miss out on that hat. We also, speaking of apparel, have actually created the classic trash T-shirt. Brian Sonny D. Fernandez designed an amazing classic trash T-shirt. It is really cool looking. It is something that you can totally wear to a party and talk to people about. It's a conversation starter. What are the other elements of classic trash? But more than that, it's just a really

cool looking, comfortable t-shirt. Like it is legitimately cool. As an arbiter of graphic t-shirts, I'd hereby declare it to be great looking and cool. Yeah, we got, of course, we got fish skeleton with head still attached, banana peel and tin can with the top still flapping on, on a beautiful soft t-shirt. A classic sproing top, and it is all available for order only and exclusively in a two-week window beginning with the day this episode releases. So that means that by the time it is August 18th, you will no longer be able to order one of these classic trash t-shirts. So go to maxfundstore.com, buy it right now. There are, of course, other cool Jordan Jesse Go t-shirts

like the Prank Bear t-shirt and so forth at maxfundstore.com. We always get people asking us afterwards, oh, I didn't get in on that. How can I get in on that now? No, this is your window. It is a two-week ordering window and the Max Fund Store will print them up and send them out to you. But if you blow it, you blew it.

That's what I have to say. Even if I want one of these shirts, I have to buy it. God knows I do. If there are extras at the end of the two weeks, they will be burned and it will give off a cloud of toxic gas. Yeah. So you have to order these or you're responsible for children being poisoned. Go to MaxFunStore.com to get that classic trash T-shirt right this very moment. And hey, how about tonight? Set yourself up with a chocolatini and some other things from 2001. Sit back in your living room and enjoy that live Jordan Jesse go for Max Fun Con on the Max Fun YouTube channel, because it is a really look. I don't want to spoil the whole thing, but

is there a quiz based on which of these is a real business in Burbank? Yes. Is there a quiz based on which of these is a real Jimmy Buffett song? Yes. Will the answer to the latter absolutely blow your fucking mind? In my experience, yes, it will. I still struggle to believe it's real. And I watched a video of him performing the song. It's an hey, because it's Jordan, Jessica, we do involve potentially upsetting fan art. And because it's video, you can actually see that potentially upsetting fan art, although you could find it arousing, titillating or interesting. I don't want to judge, but sure. Yeah. A lot of fun stuff in this episode. YouTube dot com slash Maximum Fun HQ. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jessica. I'm Jesse, la, la, la, la.

It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. I'm Connor Shin. Connor the most. Oh, God, I screwed it up. I'm sorry. Alexis Bidoof Quasarano. The other way it sounds more like a cool menu item.

Like without the Bidoof. Alexis Bidoof Quasarano. Sounds like something you could order and it would be good. Maybe, you know, something with veal or something. Yeah, it's going to be actually on the bear season two as a menu item. Yes. Thank you, chef. We got to make something out of this shuckle. Shuckle's a stringy turtle who can turn berries into juice then turn that into a rare candy every time someone describes pokemon to me it's one of those things let's that kind of that classic

thing where i was like just a little too old for it when it came out it just like people who are a little bit younger than me get it i missed it it. Every time someone describes it to me, I'm like, I got to get into this shit. I got to just make, I got to do it right. I don't know. You should try Pokemon Snap. It's so fun. Oh, that's the one where you just take pictures. You don't make them battle.

No, you purely just take pictures. I don't want them to battle though. They are actually leaning away from that. Oh, interesting. Jordan and I are sort of from Generation Samurai Pizza Cats. Right. I did do, I had a really big like saturday morning anime import that hit me with sailor moon i just watched so much sailor moon

that like hit me at the exact right time and it's one of those things where i have not like revisited it but like i was i was at like a bar trivia and i'm like oh tuxedo mask and then like i was the hero of the thing because i just knew that anyway what happens in sailor moon god all sorts of fucking rad shit what doesn't yeah they go to school they eat rice balls that rules and then they change and i mean jordan that's pretty standard no but it's great when it happens though it's really good and then um they change into the sailor scouts there's a coming on, off again thing with Tuxedo Mask. He throws a rose in the air. Boy, I mean, need I go on?

You guys get the gist of it, right? This is a clear description of what happens on this program. Yeah. So it's just to recap. Yeah. The Sailor Moons go to school, eat rice balls, classic lunch food. So far, so good. Yeah, you got it. And then

Tucker Max throws a rose in the air. Yes. Classic edgelord blogger, Tucker Max. And then they turn into the Sailor Scouts. Uh-huh. And who eats the rose? Anybody, baby. Anybody who wants it. Oh, and she has a talking cat as well.

Oh, right. Is Sailor Moon only one guy? baby anybody who wants it oh and she she has a talking cat as well oh right who is there only is sailor moon only one guy well there's one sailor moon but then there's like a sailor jupiter there's a sailor mars there's a sailor mercury sailor neptune oh did you know that there's a veronica mars i did do you think they're sisters and i think Sailor Moon could whip her ass. Really? Just wrap a belt around her hand. Exactly. Gandhi style. Boom.

I piss on you, then drink the drippings. That's what Gandhi famously said. Legendary world civil rights leader. He slaps a chain against the floor yeah peaceful anti-colonial i used to see gandhi at largo the old largo when it was on fairfax oh yeah big time yeah john bryan would get up and do a couple do a couple songs yeah that was really good glory days of la alternative comedy oh yeah before that gandhi was more into the dc hardcore scene gandhi played drums in fugazi for a minute sure yeah and it's like this is punk rock i don't have to be that good at drumming it's about the spirit right exactly you know and he would on stage

people don't know this about gandhi stage, piss in a cup and drink it. That's true. He wrote the Bad Brains classic, Pay to Come. I heard Green Room was based on Gandhi? Yes, that is something that happened to Gandhi. You know what I was always uncomfortable with from the life of the legendary anti-colonialist crusader Gandhi. Remember when he used to write that column in Vice where he judged people's street fashions? It was a different time.

It was a different time. It seemed rude. And then he was constantly going on red eye on Fox News. I get it. You're edgy, Gandhi. You drink your own pee. This is a little much. It's a Gen X irony that yeah has an age

well connor and alexis were so grateful to have you on the program here to insult the greatest heroes of the 20th century humankind and not tell you anything about harley and not talk about harley at all. Jordan, it really is your favorite. You're not shitting me. It absolutely is. It has so much that I like in it. It has jokes, which is great. Isn't it good when a TV show

has jokes? That's nice, isn't it? Love it. It has deep cut references to DC Comics, including a very well thought out emotional journey for kite man i can only hope that calendar man gets the same treatment i'll be watching yeah and the like emotional stuff works and it looks like batman the animated series there's so much nice stuff to say about this show that like maybe on paper seems like such a crazy idea and i love and and

the two of you are so funny i've known the two of you for years and like you're two such funny people and i was i was so stoked to hear you were writing for it it's like oh my god that's great oh i can okay here i can sell it if you there's a joke in the first episode of the new season where someone's listing all the shit that's wrong with gotham like how bad gotham has gotten and someone offhandedly mentioned that kids are driving buses and then later in the episode, there's a shot of a kid driving a bus and he's just screaming like, I don't know what I'm doing.

It's so funny. And it causes this big like Rube Goldberg disaster. Yeah, it's great. It's really terrific. If you like the Batman animated series, get ready for episode eight of the season. I think you'll really like it. Holy moly.

Does it feature the Wild West COW boys of Moo Mesa? Spoilers. No. Oh, come on. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know. God damn it. It at least has Bucky O'Hare and the Toad Wars, doesn't it?

Yes. That should be a separate episode. We should just list the Ninja Turtles ripoffs of our youth kung fu dino posse what are you reading these off of just a website fucking list what that's what all websites are just lists i'm not saying there's not a website for it i just wanted it's the birthday website right the cowboys of moo mesa to share a birthday with uh the street nice from mars also a good poll yeah connor and alexis there's a comic book The Cowboys of Moo Mesa share a birthday with the Street Sharks. The Biker Bice from Mars. Also a good poll.

Yeah. Connor and Alexis, there's a comic book too? Yes. Me and Alexis got lucky enough to each write an issue for a side character off of Harley Quinn in an upcoming collection of Harley Quinn comics. It's called Harley Quinn, the Animated Series, Real Sidekicks of Gotham. Comes out August 30th. Which are the are you allowed to say what characters you wrote?

I'm scared. Let's just say it rhymes with schmattletoads. Certain rash zits and pimple will be making their way to Gotham. No, I think this is also something that perhaps it would be great for our listeners to request or pre-order at their local comic book store. Yeah, it seems great. Go down to your local comic book store and request or pre-order that comic book. There's two reasons, Jordan. First of all, you're supporting our talented guests. Second of all, you're getting to enjoy a great mag. Sure.'t love a nice mag i do read the harley quinn show tie-in comics and they're great and i suspect this one will also be great so yeah i'm definitely pre-ordering that that's gonna be a real part of that family gonna be a real treat

thank you excited can you say who did your art maybe not maybe you can't say anything that's okay i'm so scared that's what you don't have to with pussy gate I'm so scared. You don't have to. With Pussygate, I am so scared. I love you, DC. Please keep hiring me. We love working. Connor Alexis, it's been a joy. Everybody should watch that Harley Quinn. It's a delightful program. Our producer on Jordan, Jesse Go, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can find us on social media. We're on Twitter at jessithorn at jordan underscore morris. You can find us on Reddit, maximumfund.reddit.com. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash jordanjessigo. We're on Instagram at jordandavidmorris and at put.this.on.

If you're on Twitter or any of these platforms, hashtag it JJGo so we see it. We don't want to miss it. Have fun chatting about the episode. We always appreciate it. Hey, why not hit us with some ideas for classic trash? What do you think? What do you think are the most classic items to find in a garbage can? And Jordan, can I just say this? If you just say Oscar the Grouch, that's cheating. Yeah. We can't put him on a shirt. we'll be back next week on jordan desigo maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported