Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 751 Sexual Lobotomy with Jon Gabrus

Episode Date: August 18, 2022

Jon Gabrus joins Jordan and Jesse to talk Marvel movie humor, the current rise of slob taste and the ultimate party experience. Check out Jon's new show 101 Places To Party Before You Die on truTV or watch the first episode on YouTube. This episode brought to you by Lumi Labs. Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping. 

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I just got here from the airport, Jordan. Congratulations. Thank you. Burbank Airport. Did not see Guy Fieri except in video form, but I want it too badly. I feel like he

probably lives there. So he's like welcoming you to Burbank? Yeah, it's just if you get on the subway in Burbank, you just hear, hi, this is Guy Fieri. Mind the gap when you step off. Also, there's no subway in Burbank. It's Burbank. If you see something, eat something. I got off the plane. And you know how a lot of times... If you see something, fillet something. Is that better? No, I think eat something. I don't know that he's known for filleting.

I think it's just a straightforward eat something is the best bet there. Okay. Don't overthink it. It was great. No, no, I fucked up. I should find something that rhymes with say anyway. Is this what you talk to your therapist about, Jordan yes it didn't rhyme enough with say i just give her alts which of these is funnier you know in a lot of ways cognitive behavioral therapy is just about

giving yourself some alts right you know run through with a okay anyway i was getting off the airplane with my son os, my eight-year-old Oscar. Where did you guys go? We went to San Francisco and I had to pee very badly. And I said, Oscar, I'm going to run in pee. And Oscar said, so am I, let's do it. That's all I just wanted to share. Do you think he was kind of absorbing some Guy Fieri energy. Oh, yeah. I think when you tell Guy that you got to take a whiz, that's how he responds. Do you think Guy Fieri always pees with you? Listen, I think that Guy's, he's living life. Yeah, sure. Of course. He's always got a beverage. So that guy's always full of a little bit of piss, you know?

That's true. That's a good point. Hey, speaking of living life. Yeah. Let's introduce our guest on the program. I'd love to. Sure. Do you know him as a podcaster? Yes. But he's also now a television star, the star of the television program 101 Places to Party Before You die. This is a man who stands before us via Zoom wearing an electric green tank top at 830 at night. He has on... So he doesn't get hit by cars, Jesse. Yeah. He has on a New York Metropolitan Opera baseball cap and a diamond marijuana leaf pendant, John Gabris, theriel's the legend the legend

himself burnishing the brand you said podcast and described my outfit i don't even think you need to say my name anymore you know who it is yeah john have you been on any podcast recently i've been trying to get the word out lately about 101 places to party before you die ah it's i'm so glad to be talking to you guys this is uh this is a thrilling so weird because you guys record late on a sunday evening a non-traditional podcast recording time but i just did doug loves movies live at the dynasty typewriter which starts at 4 20 p.m which is a not common live show time so my entire sunday is flipped the fuck like missy mr meaner elliot would say it's been flipped and reversed is what she would say i believe she would say that we record at this time just because we want to be like juiced off the energy we got

from just watching 60 minutes right yeah god so fucking juiced and also not fapping yeah that's how we and then you guys don't talk about 60 minutes at all ever no it's just a background energy you guys bring in the listeners they appreciate it they feel it but it's without saying it i think anyone who's listening to jordan jesse go here's that right in the background and they feel the ghost of ed bradley recording with them yeah that's where that's their manchurian candidate sound they hear that they go jordan jesse go and put on their headphones and start preparing to listen to a live they didn't talk it, but I know those dudes just watched an in-depth profile of Neil Young. Let's hear about what's in those bankers boxes on Jordan Jesse Go.

Gabrus, have you tried to... Because, okay, Jesse brought up your diamond marijuana pendant that is literally covered in literal diamonds. Correct. It's a plot point on your great new show that people should watch. And you're a very tan man right now. Have you tried to tan that into you? Have you tried to lay out in the sun with that? I've thought about it, but it just doesn't make sense because the other day I took it off because I was going out to dinner with my college roommate and his 11 and 13 year old son. And I was just like, I'll just not make them have to have this conversation like you'll have to have a different conversation about like

why were these two 40 year olds dressed like they were on vacation and had no kids and were clearly so wasted it's like oh yeah don't worry about that i just don't want to have to explain this i take this off for a lot of my outdoor activities to be fair and then if i'm like walking the hood shirtless which is one of my other activities i find myself flipping it around every once in a while just kind of moving it so i don't accidentally get like a marijuana also i keep acting like i'm gonna get like a marvel movie and they're gonna be like do you really have a fucking marijuana tan line that is no no go, man. You can't be War Machine or whatever. Sorry, we were going to cast you as Reed Richards, the smartest man in the world.

But now. No amount of Marvel magic can erase that tan line. John, maybe you won't get a Marvel machine, but this might get you a Wiz Khalifa album. Oh, man, that would be nice. To get to record one? Yeah. I mean, Wiz Khalifa's not doing it. that would be nice to get to record one. Yeah. I mean, Wiz Khalifa is not doing it. He hires me as a producer. He's just, that guy's feet up on his

sofa right now. He doesn't need to record his own album. Just get Gabrus in there. I'm sorry. I, I tapped out on the Wiz Khalifa albums cause you just got to watch all the Disney plus shows and they're so quippy, you know're not really jokes they're sort of changing the sense of humor of mainstream uh entertainment permanently and it's a fucking problem and everybody just talks like this now uh john that's a problem uh excuse me john that thing you described that's a problem uh i think we're gonna find out which one of us is the celestial uh celestial uh i think i missed something when i was in the bathroom listen this would all kill coming out of hayley steinfeld but not us

hayley steinfeld would crush this i don't know what these things are you don't know what who hayley steinfeld is hayley steinfeld is a celebrity she's the new hawkeye but i don't know what a so what's a celestial a celestial is a being from outer space sort of shorthand in the marvel universe sort of like those aliens from uh alien autopsy yeah similar exactly similar those are the guys are always getting chopped up on fox in the 90s yeah it was those aliens alien ant farm uh you got it what wait were they celestials the whole time wait why can't i think of the uh alienware got it thank you the computer gaming company and of course gateway 2000 guys i had kind of a bummer weekend. I was excited about something that didn't end up happening. Oh, man. Blue balls. I have a life

policy that I've described on this show before. And that is if someone offers you an extra ticket to a live music thing, you just take it. That's a great policy. Oh, I like that. I've altered that a little bit in recent years to mean outdoor music activity. But I think if it's reasonable to go, if you're not doing anything, just take it. Even if you're not a huge fan of the act, getting to see a scene to me is great. I love seeing who goes to this. One of the most successful examples of this I've had in my life is going to see Scorpions, the band who play Rocky Like a Hurricane. Oh, yeah.

Oh, okay. Sure. And I have little to no interest in that. Wait, Jordan, can I say something? You may. Here I am for that. Is that anything? Oh, as far as like a Marvel quip goes? No, as far as Rocky Like a Hurricane. Here I am. Yeah.

Yeah. Here I am for Rocky Like a Hurricane. I don't think I get it. What are you talking a hurricane here i am yeah yeah here i am for rock you like a hurricane i don't think i get it what are you talking about here i am that's jesse that was good okay thank you you know who's the asshole in that situation me for not getting it probably the scorpions one presumes they're probably not chill guys listen they're dutch or whatever german i want to hear more about uh this concert but i also want to inject have you listened to the podcast winds of change about how there is a scorpion song called winds of change that is believed to this podcast presupposes that it was a cia psyop as like American soft power to like unite people against like Russia

during the Cold War. I highly recommend because it's like weirdly the Scorpions are invited behind like into Russia early. Like there's so much weird coincidences and like they can't place who really wrote the song. They were like hanging out with some weirdos who are taking them around behind. I highly recommend check out. It's like 10 episodes. They interviewed some really interesting ex CIA people that no one can say it really happened, but like enough people are, it's, it's a very enjoyable take. It's interesting that you can literally transform anything into a 10 episode narrative podcast. Oh yeah. Or a Netflix series. I listened to one about whether Cal Ripken beat up Kevin Costner one time. I don't know what...

That was a real podcast I listened to. In the end, they found out they couldn't say. Right. In the end, that was the lesson. Hard to say whether they... Was it entertaining along the way, though? There was a lot of meaning found. Let me put it that way.

Okay. Yeah. So we learned about, I don don't know found family or whatever yeah so jordan you have been going to outdoor concerts you've been going to see uh suza celebrations in band shells god i wish yes if anybody has an extra suza ticket i will suck your dick i will suck your dick for a suza just post that on Craigslist, baby. I think it'll happen. M for M Sousa. You might get a lot of weird shit.

The M is for March, okay? Man for March. Play your dick like a tuba. So where were you trying to, was this something that you were trying to do this weekend? Yeah, so I got an invite, got a we have an extra ticket to something called the Flannel Nation Festival. And not only did they have the ticket, but they're like, we're getting a cabana. Oh my goodness. What is this? Like the surviving members of

Blind Lemon or something? So yeah, I was going to ask unless... Is that a Blind Melon cover band? Surviving members of Blind Melon? I think maybe you've completed uh blind melon and the lemon heads oh is it blind melon blind melon is that what i'm going for the bumblebee band i think there is blind melon and then there's the lemon heads who are a and then there's the talking heads okay what about the rum blossoms right is that anything there's the rum blossoms then there's blossom and then there's joey got it thank you very much joey fatone i know about that go ahead mr fat one

yes and it all comes back to my embryonic at the end of the day so do you okay if i said to you there's a music festival called flannel nation and it is a celebration of the 90s do you think you could name one or two of the acts i think so yeah jesse i think you you were going gin blossoms i'm going with the gin blossom jesse's going gin blossoms i know you guys are going to be jealous but i'm going with the gin blossom i'm going to go a little more in what i believe is flannel territory which again is crazy on like the idea of i don't know anything i'm gonna go with marcy's playground oh okay uh neither of you are right do you want one more do you want one more yeah i got one more okay here here i'll just tell you these are good guesses these are great guesses okay i'm

gonna say counting crows i got counting crows on this one okay i'm gonna say the the presidents of the united states of america okay these are all pristine guesses that i would not have made myself the thing that i think is a little bit wrong about the name v the lineup is that i to me flannel suggests grunge yes it suggests alice and jane sound garden mud honey etc here is the actual lineup for flannel nation okay sponge fastball cracker filter soul asylum everclear sugar ray okay nobody says no but to me to me jordan to you i don't know if this is how it feels to you guys but you to me i would say if i think sugar, I think flannel right away. I think about them in their native Seattle, in the light drizzle, shrouded in a vintage flannel that they bought at the thrift store. I think about them hanging out with Janine Garofalo.

Right. I think about them, you know, just an entire lifestyle of slight detachment, mild bemusement and deep emotion oh jesse uh sugar ray is the band that sang every morning yeah that's the one that goes like every morning it's every morning m-o-u-r-n-i-n-g soul asylum was actually my first concert what yeah at soul asylum at jones beach in like 1993 94 something like that do you keep up with soul asylum do not at all didn't even really listen to them at the time that was sort of like a situation where we knew the song run away train and like my friend was like honestly jomo a 13 year old gabriel ascribes

to the the fucking jordan morris theory that they were like you want to go see i'm like i have never even been to a concert before so i'm in that's why i went to see aerosmith at the same age didn't like them then don't like them now but if gabe zitra invites you you just say yes he's a good guy yeah it seems like a lot of first concerts was like someone's dad bought tickets like someone's dad heard this was cool yeah it's either someone's dad bought tickets and like it's one of those four quadrant bands where it's like okay yeah you could bring your kids this or it's one of those like hey isn't this the band you like my friends the stage you know what i mean like that i feel like that's how i ended up seeing it was like hey don't you like that soul asylum coffins bullshit

dad works for a hyundai dealership hyundai sponsors the arena right exactly some dumb weird shit like that that's how i so yeah so everybody goes gets to see marcy playground any one of those bands for you jordan stand out as particularly that you were like i know you're this story starts off with the you say yes to concerts blindly, but any of these bands get your dick wiggling? Not a one. I actively dislike most of them. Yeah. And I'm a man whose musical taste is dicked on constantly. And I think that if you were dicking on me, this is the kind of thing you would say I like, you know, because I know how fascinating and complicated I am. I would say that, no, this isn't,

I like another kind of bullshit. This is a different- Do you like ska? Yeah, I had a ska phase. I had an absolute ska phase. But Jordan is a punk rock guy. There's something about your demeanor. You know, I mean, absolutely.

No, I am, listen, I am wearing a Hawaiian shirt right now. My tips have been frosted because of chlorine but it looks like i've done it on purpose jordan is a ted leo and the pharmacist guy jordan likes a tuneful punk rock song sure yeah but hey listen will i admit that the slackers and less than jake are still pretty good yes they are they both are doing good to be fair anybody who thinks sky isn't fun is wrong ska is very fun it's great put horns in things that's my motto for add horns make it better ska is fun and i also agree that fun can be considered passive aggressive

that show was fun that was fun if someone comes to your live show and says that was fun yeah they are actively not saying that was really fun i mean what i what i like for me what i mean what i like what i like is good but this is fun but i like good but you're that's fun i see the fun here i see you guys looked like you had a blast cute that you like to have fun. Do you think anybody ever goes to see the band Fun and then afterwards? Yeah, that was fun. That was fun. Yeah. You guys looked like you were having fun up there.

You guys looked like you were playing the music of Fun. You guys looked like fun up there. I recently worked with our good buddy Ben Gruber on something. And we were kind of like talking about this punk and ska of the 90s, like in reference to something we didn't end up doing. But he was like, Jordan, you know about this. You like beach trash music. That's a good way to phrase it. You like beach trash music. Because I consider myself beach trash, but not a big fan of beach trash music. Right. I walk the beach trash walk, but I don't live the full lifestyle.

Sure, yeah. You have to get more into who are the prominent beach trash bands of today? Sublime? No, of today. Yeah, I think Sublime kind of in my mind is one. Red Hot Chili Peppers, maybe. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're right.

Those are both. Anyway, so no. Wait, I have a Sublime question for both of you. Please. Sublime tour, but the Sublime guy is dead, right? It is now sublime with Rome and Rome is a guy and I do not know where they got Rome. Morning radio, I presume. Yeah, he's the morning guy in Austin.

Real cool, dude. That's why they play so many Austin Powers drops in their set now. I would guess just based on the tradition that is kind of out there is that Rome was in a cover band, a sublime cover band for a long time. Yeah. Rome is just that Filipino guy from Journey. Right. And then the dude from Big Shot, and this is like Long Island royalty, the guy who's the lead singer of Big Shot now plays with Billy every month at Madison. Really? Yeah. And he's like, he's like he knows all the words

in what capacity he like plays guitar and backs up billy with singing it's awesome i think honestly a couple of people from big shot the mulcahy's fucking cover band i think a few of them are play with billy live at madison square garden gabrus what's the current cultural opinion of billy joel i can't get a read on it. As a Billy Joel fan, do you feel like, because I think there was a time when you would feel very judged for saying you like Billy Joel, but is that still going on or have we reevaluated him? I feel like, and this is maybe not the answer you're looking for, maybe too macro of an answer, but I feel like in the last few years,

no one shames anyone for things they like anymore at least like yeah they do but it's there's so many people the nichification of the internet and it's just like if you say like i hate billy joel like people would be like yeah a ton of people would be like yeah but then a ton of people would also be like no fuck you we're billy joel loyal it's like too weird so i think there's you know he's got the spectrum of like ironic enjoyment ironic detachment like oh who cares about this guy to like passion and love and to most people i think the most sought after opinion is like oh i don't listen to him oh i do know the 20 singles that you just listed yeah sure i i have this experience recently and it speaks directly to your question jordan which is I inherited eight or 10 bankers boxes full of records from my aunt

who passed away. And my aunt was an outrageous African-American woman who mostly liked the kind of sophisticated and sometimes outrageous black music that you might, you know, she had a lot of fancy jazz records and a lot of Terrence Trent Darby records and a lot of like Betty Davis and Funkadelic records. And it was really fun. What was almost the most fun part to me was the white people records she had, because she probably had 40 white people records in the group. And there was like all the Rolling Stones and a bunch of Bob Dylan albums and Joni Mitchell albums, you know, that kind of thing. But there was this one Billy Joel record and it was a greatest hits record from the early 90s, I guess. And I'm not a Billy Joel guy. So I was like, I didn't have room in my

shelves for all the records. So I was trying to like pull stuff and give it to my friend who's a record dealer. And I gave him this record and I thought, because it used to be that any big selling record from the 80s was basically worth five bucks, you know, like just even including, you know, Purple Rain or something, something universally acclaimed, five bucks. The like thrillers are all now $20 instead of $5. But I just figured this is a greatest hits record, Billy Joel, whatever. He stops by my house and he goes, Hey, Jesse, you know that Billy Joel record you gave me? And I'm like, yeah, that, you know, greatest hits record. I, you know, if you need to, you can just donate

it or whatever. I'm not gonna. And he goes, Oh no, that's worth like 60 bucks. Wow. Cause it's just like a rare pressing or something. It's two things. One, it's because it's like from the tail end of the LP era. So it's like harder to get on LP. Hasn't been reissued on. You know, it's from the beginning of everything's on cassettes and CDs. But the other reason is he's like, you know, those like regular Billy Joel albums that sold 70 trillion copies and just have We Didn't start the fire on them or whatever. All those are $20 records now.

Just Billy Joel smash hits are hot because people are into them. The way that people were into Don't Stop Believing 10 years ago. Yeah. I wonder what that is culturally. It is my parents' music of my youth. So if you're raised amongst it is it like somehow now the way like everything's steered towards nostalgia because we're like the purchasing class now at 40 year old uh people working and it's like now i'm gonna buy billy joel album oh i collect uh records now

i'm gonna buy billy joel i'm gonna buy marvel comic you know i mean like is is that what is is happening a hundred percent like i, I know because I experienced it. I went out five years ago or something like that, and I bought Graceland. And that wasn't even my parents' music. That was my friend's parents' music. Right. But I was like, you know what? Maybe I like to Grace. Like, Graceland had just been the go-to dad music joke in my life for 25 years.

Great fucking album. But maybe I liked that. I mean, I like Huey Lewis. That's definitely cornier than Graceland, right? And I bought Graceland after not listening to it all the way through for since I was 10 and riding in Andy Scott's car, Jody's dad. And I was like, oh, yeah, I guess I love this. this a theory i have a theory please i think gabrus i think you hit on something is that we're kind of coming we're coming out of an era where like i think we're realizing that we let the snobs walk all over us a little bit and it's time for

the slobs to uprise kind of and i think we realized that like the vocal snob class made us all feel like shit for liking something that we liked. And Jesse and I have talked about this a lot on the show, is realizing that when we were iconoclasty teenagers, we made fun of Hanson a lot, but Hanson actually rules. Yeah, Hanson's really good. And I think that something that I... Because I think I first knew Paul Simon, Billy Joel, Hall & Oates. So there was the Hall & Oates thing a couple years ago where every hipster bar you went to was just playing Hall & Oates. And I think it's because we realized that we listened to the snobs too much and that these punchline things, though kind of corny in their own way or like

they became such a trend or things imitated them like, oh, no, this was very popular for a while because it was good. And I think that like Billy Joel was one for me. I'm like, oh, I knew him as the punchline of the like the guy who wears the piano key tie. Right. But I'm like, these songs are great. You know, he kind of changes genres every album anyway. So I think I kind of had this thing where like, oh, I was like letting the like vice magazine class walk all over me a little bit and that's just like carry over from like being a kid right because it's like i like this and then like an older kid's like that shit is whack yeah and you're like someone's older brother yeah someone's older brother's like you listen to this garbage we like pantera and i'm like okay yeah pantera rules and it's like i don't love

metal but i was like listening to a ton of metal because my friend's older brother liked metal. Did you ever go to metal shows? No. Closest I could say is I saw Metallica at Lollapalooza with the same friend and dad that I saw Solas Island with at Jones Beach. Yeah. My friend Gabe Zitron wanted me to go see Metallica with him and he played Metallica for me. And, you know, as a 12 year old that was just listening to the Diggable Planets album, Blowout Comb over and over and over every day. It's a different vibe. Yeah. I don't think anything has ever made less sense to me than Metallica. It's definitely a different vibe. I was like, what? Like Aerosmith, I wasn't a fan, but like I could tell,

you know what I mean? Like I understood it as a song, you know, like it, so you're like, oh yeah, sure. Crazy. And then she's going around on a car and he's got the scarves and everything. But like Metallica, when I heard it, I was like, no idea, no idea what this is. No idea what it's for. Like it was a real bathroom monkey situation for me. I don't know what Metallica's eat. I don't know what Metallicas eat. I don't know what... Okay. Flannel Nation Festival. Flannel Nation. So I don't want to see any of these bands, but I desperately want to go to this thing because they have a cabana and the group who is putting this together is the most fun group. I'm like, this is such a fun group. These guys are going to go for it. They're going to be in this.

Everybody's going to have a good time. People are getting hotel rooms. It's at the Port of Long Beach, and people are getting double trees so they can rage at this thing. Not drive. Yeah. That's awesome. What is a cabana? Tell me what a cabana is in the context of a concert. I don't know, and I still do not know. Is that just every seat at a sugar ratio? Yeah. It's just a bench you can lie down on i feel like it's probably the festival version of a box right at like a stadium concert so whatever that just loosen the definition a little bit so that they can have like a tent with like a cooler in it with like a little rope around it that like no one's supposed to enter i feel like i've seen some of those tents at like

outside lands when i was there doing comedy you see like there's like a ring and they're like just outside of where everyone like they're not great seats, but they're you're not in the crowd and it rules for that reason. Bathroom's a little nicer. Yes. Yes. You have like there's your own bar for just the people who have that or whatever. Yeah. So, yeah. And I'm the tree.

OK, so follow up question on this, Jordan. The port of Long Beach is a place where you park a container ship so what does it mean for that to be a concert yeah good question good question again i think they were advertising ocean views and breezes at this thing okay so i'm in they're advertising supply chain problems yeah do you want to see a container filled of undelivered Pelotons while you listen to the guy from Everclear talk about his rough childhood? Okay. So Port of Long Beach. We're excited. An email comes down the pipe maybe 10 days before the concert. Venue change. It is now going to be on the patio of a brewery. So just like a brewery in San Pedro. They took it from fifth gear down to second. Wow. That must have been a real reflection of ticket sales. Yeah. There's

a text chain about it. Someone had the observation like, hey, well, brewery in San Pedro, maybe Mike Watt will show up. Sure. That guy loves Pedro. And then so that was the thing was like, okay, well, what's this cabana now? Like now what are we getting for this extra ticket fee yeah if they move it to san pedro and just the minute men are headlining now you're like wow we'll see what everclear fans think of this so just like it gets moved and then one by one the bands start to drop out the bands start to like issue for unforeseen circumstances we can't play. And then they just canceled it. And they say they're going to reschedule it. But there's all these questions and I have no answer to them. What is a cabana like? What's a brewery in San

Pedro like? Who goes to an Everclear concert in 2022? Yeah, I just feel empty and alone. Wow. You never really know what it's like. Yeah. To have the blues i don't think that's any of those bands but it's fucking right in the zone is that uncle cracker or is that ever clear who am i doing there that might be no that might that might be alien ant farm i only know them as covering smooth criminal. They had a lot of good originals, okay? Well, listeners can't see this, but you have so many Alien Ant Farm posters on the wall behind you. Okay, this is from their European tour, and this is when they did Acoustic.

I'm having like a Kaiser Soze moment. I can't think of anything but Alien Ant Farm. There's this thing that they call poptimism in music criticism. And that was like, it emerged starting in the early 2000s. And basically it was like all the bands that, or musical acts that you would have been accused of being into chick music or gay music or whatever were by, you know, white dudes from Gen X who determined what good music was, were kind of being reevaluated. That's like the era when people were like, oh, maybe Toxic is a good song.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And like that grew out of people realizing that people hating disco was probably driven by racism and homophobia, but all of that stuff. And I think that as that expanded beyond the like cultural boundaries of, you know, straight pop music of being good, you know, like Robin is good or whatever, like as it went past that, I don't think even the reevaluations of like All Star peaked a few months ago when people were reevaluating Alien Ant Farm's cover of Smooth Criminal. Like, I think even intellectually, I struggled with like, there's some of these songs I can like, look, it's not for me, but, you know, I like

Slave for You because it's produced by the Neptunes or what, you know what I mean? Like I can get there on a lot of the things. Alien Ant Farm's cover of Smooth Criminal is Good was the point where I was like, well, I guess it's all songs ever recorded are good. And I wish everyone the best. Have fun, everybody. Yeah. Good luck, everyone everyone tip of the cap to you the command of chat made me think of something that i saw on capers's show when i fucking devoured it this weekend and laughed my ass off what is the premise of your show before we get into what jordan saw on your show what happens on your show for better or worse it's all kind of right in the title about we're just trying to go to these places and party but from the perspective of two 40 year olds who are family men and like we just you don't see that a lot of like party animals who are like have a level of responsibility who

call their wives in every episode right yeah exactly and it's like it's an authentic look at truly how adam and i travel and it's like we do bits with everyone with each other whether it's you know enjoyable or not luckily for us on the show we have editors in real life we just ruin other people's meals yeah when you the the restructuring you got do not seem to be like roped off for shooting there's just like people coming up to you and asking you if you're celebrities that you're not yep really kind of fucking raw out there it's pretty exciting you know we shot it like right whenever i'm gonna use the term post-pandemic kind of in air quotes but so like people were like lost their social cues like social abilities and

were feverish to talk to people and then you get so jaded by cameras living in new york and la and then when you do a travel show you forget that it's like we have cameras on the street in Richmond. People are going to fucking be wondering what the fuck's going on. People care. All that being said, the other piece of the premise is the before you die part of the title is not just cheeky. Like Adam and I, his mom died young. My dad died young. So we both kind of have this weird, like, don't want to miss out on life. We don't know when it's all going to end. So that kind of is an under a driving force of the show as well and it's exactly what you're thinking is if you stood next to me at a party it's like that but well i think the thing i was going to bring up is that there's an element to it that i did not expect that i thought was really cool a they let you

guys just do gross podcast bits and they keep it in the show. So it's just you talking about like sucking a corpse's dick. That's in the show. So the first part of the show is like, there's beer, there's weed, you're on jet skis, you're snowboarding. But the end of the show is you guys always do something, or I don't know if this is every episode,

but you do something kind of extremely highbrow. Like you go to a restaurant where you, you know, are getting emulsions and shit. Yeah. We usually try to do like a baller last supper. In that zone, what's the craziest, most baller thing that you got to eat? We ripped this off from the movie Pineapple Express. There's the scene at the end where they're just sitting around the diner table and they're

just like. They just described the movie. Exactly. And they're just running through what happened. And it sounds like so great. You know, like post improv show where you're like yeah remember when we were the two droids 69ing people are like it's just out of content so they're describing the movie and it's like they're so visibly actually high we believe the actors seem super high in that scene and i you know i know like people always go like they're probably so high for that

scene but i think the premise was because they were all just kind of like and you got fucking shot man and like it's kind of like that uh so we wanted to rip that off and have like and we always we do this in real life when we travel it's like you try to get a good dinner towards the end so you could talk about everything you did before and so we bring that into the show with that uh element but to answer your question i hate that this answer is what it is but the most so we had one it wasn't a highbrow spot, but my favorite Sunday dinner was a place called Magnum Kusima, a Filipino restaurant in Portland. That was my favorite meal, but it was not a highbrow spot.

It was like an open kitchen bar type spot. The food was fucking banging. But highbrow wise, we ate at the Morimoto in the Andaz in Maui for the finale final dinner and like overlooking the beach and had like A5 Wagyu steak delivered. Like, you know, huge sushi platters, top shelf sake and beer. Like we were absolutely, that must have been, and this doesn't mark the finest meal, but that was by far probably the most expensive meal we ate. And we went off because when we got the A5 Wagyu, we stole from somebody feed Phil how he feeds the crew. We do that too.

Like, cause it's so hard to eat an entire $150 Wagyu steak while like your cameraman, who's definitely making less money than you are, is just like filming it. You're like, oh yeah, hey, you want to be, sorry, you should have some of this too. There's a steam tray full of chicken breasts back there that your union allows you to have. I think they're getting bag lunch for the crew. Yeah, exactly. Don't worry. You have cold cuts.

Who wants red vines? So that was a great meal to cut off pieces of Wagyu for all the meat eaters on the crew who went apeshit for that. That was probably the balliest, balliest, ballerist meal. I don't listen to a ton of contemporary rap music. The contemporary rap music that I mostly listen to is like LA gangster rap. LA gangster rappers fucking love Wagyu. That's like the number one thing that rappers rap about. Like it used to be shrimp and lobster long ago. They're 100 100 like everything about how rich or badass you

are ends with eating a bunch of wagyu or like getting everyone wagyu yeah wagyu for all the homies that's fucking awesome wagyu for my crew i don't know if i've ever had a wagyu i would love wagyu i've never had wagyu either give me, I feel like we're brewing up a little- A little Wagyu trip? Yeah, a little man hang. That sounds great to me. I'm going to Yelp Wagyu. I'm going to see what the nearest, weirdest Wagyu here is. I ate at some Wagyu steak place in San Diego during Comic-Con. The steak I got was insanely,

it's like $35 an ounce, minimum order of four ounces so it's like 140 steak but it's only four ounces and it's like fucking meat butter you know what i mean it's like you put it on your mouth and it just dissolves you start tripping balls and shit like that it fucking rolls jordan you yelp the wagyu and well that's that's like a seinfeld fit i'm yelping the wagyu we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

You know what I love to do, Jordan? Get therapy. That's you kissing therapy, which reminds me now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. The reason it reminded you of that, Jordan, is because BetterHelp offers online therapy, whether it is video, phone, chat, however you want to do it. And look, it's summertime. I personally get a lot of therapeutic benefit from walking my dog. I get a lot of therapeutic benefit from taking some quiet meditation time to myself. Sometimes I do that meditation where you squinch up and then release each part of your

body, starting with your toes and going all the way to the top of your head. It's a good way to become aware of your body. Fucking love that shit. Very relaxing. And apparently my wife told me that it releases as much of your emotional tension and psychic tension as actually exercising does. And God knows I'm not going to do that. It's great. But another way to take care of yourself in a hot summer, get some therapy and look, BetterHelp can help. They offer all of those methods that Jesse mentioned, video, phone, live chat, any way you want to do it. It can be much more affordable than in-person therapy. And this is actually a great feature. You can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Look, there's a lot of good ways to get therapy. You can get it

at a community clinic. You can get it from your health insurance. You can get it IRL. But this is an easy and accessible way to do it. Look, I don't need you to do it any particular way. This is a good one. This one's available to you. But I do think that you're worth it and you should take care of yourself. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash JJGO. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash JJGO. We're also supported this week by the folks at Lumi Labs.

Jordan, you know a little something about microdosing. Oh, yeah. The folks at Lumi Labs sent over some of their microdose gummies. They deliver the perfect entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. Jesse, I think I have talked on this show about unpredictable experiences with edibles. You get a candy, you get a soda from some pot jockey. You don't know what's in it. You don't know how much it is. Sick of these fucking peaches. Yeah, all these peaches not telling you what's in there. Nummies. Anyway, and if your tolerance is a little lower, sometimes those

things can really knock you out, give you a bad experience. But LumiLabs has these micro dose gummies that just give you the perfect little bit. I like to use it when I'm having a hard time sleeping. It really helps me get a good night's sleep. And they come in these great flavors. I'm loving my wild berry, my wild berry micro doses, genuinely really tasty. And it really delivers the perfect amount of THC. But also if you're looking for something with a little more of a kick, a little bit more of a kick, they also have standard THC gummies. It's not officially called a macro dose, but if the other one's a micro dose, this might

be considered a macro dose. It's called that because it's the dose you should take before you start writing Microsoft Excel. Of course. Don't do a spreadsheet without them. I have some watermelon sorbet flavored gummies for the bigger dose and they are really tasty as well. Yeah, I think folks would really enjoy these should they try them. You know what I did, Jordan? I ate that shit and listened to Pharaoh Sanders

like a boss. Like a fucking boss. Upper and lower Egypt, baby. Microdose is available nationwide. To learn more about microdosing, THC, go to microdose.com and use JJ Go to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description. But again, that's microdose.com, code JJ Go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy. Detective John Gabrus,

uncle, meat man. Premium. Absolutely premium. So Jordan, you've identified a location for the premium Japanese beef known as Wagyu. Yeah, you can get the A5 Wagyu. Yep. That's the top shelf one. Nothing less for me. This thing I just learned about, that's what I insist upon now. You know what's weird? I'll get the A5, but I always put A1 on it. It's just not a steak to me without... But it hits you right here.

It hits you right here. It's really good. It's really good. And I like to have a little B12. Sure. Why not? Just say letters and numbers. And I always watch B-movie.

Sure. Little A5, little BM. Little G7, street fighting man. Oh, you just hit G8. You know what? Let's do G8. Let's invite the world's leaders. Sure.

Have some Wagyu with us, guys. And call the wife for a little 69, right? Thank you very much. there's not a letter in that so it doesn't really work closest wagyu to me is alexander's steakhouse oh yeah that spot's supposed to be great that's like a michelin star steak oh yeah the wagyu is pricey but uh you know oh yeah it's not gonna be cheap we have to run a separate max fun con for the three of us to eat wagyu i think people will be let down if they find out that's where the donations go right it's just they have to watch us eat it that's the con

well they can do cosplay as well they could dress up as a cow that's getting a massage okay we could feed it beer and massage that is a top shelf prize if you're the top donator you get to dress as a cow and be massaged uh by us while you drink beer lucky you that's maybe even fucked up to even joke you know what let's save that for our only fans dude that's fucked up dude we were having fun but what you said was kind of fucked you crossed the line again guys let's get back to sucking off corpses you know who would never do that is rome yeah fucking rome is too chill for that kind of thing. Plus the FCC limits what he can say in the morning hours. You know, he wasn't built in the day. When something momentous happens to you, we ask you to call us at 206-984-4FUN or just send a voice memo to JJGO at MaximumFun.org as this person did. This is Mackenzie from Colorado. I just recently

moved to Snowmass Village and I am a concierge and sometimes I drive an airport shuttle to the Aspen Airport. The other day I was driving a family. Can you pause this for a second, Daniel? What I like about this is the amount of context we need. We need to know the valet. I mean, we need to know concierge. We need to know Snowmass Village. And we need to know Aspen. And of course, we need to know shuttle bus.

Dude's just laying some pipe, you know? There's a lot of similarities to Dumb and Dumber here. Airport, shuttle, Aspen. I mean, come on. Yeah, this guy's pet's head going to fall off? Our pet's heads are falling off. Okay, press play, Daniel.

Sorry. It's this wonderful horse farm on the right side of the road. I'm driving up. This family is having a great conversation. I see this horse whose bottom half

is completely covered in what looks like blood and it is stomping around. As I drive by, I look at the horse and it has just freshly curb stomped a deer. This is one of the most gruesome sights I've ever seen in my life. And I had to stay completely silent because of this family with young children in my car so you know moved to a very beautiful place in colorado and my first few days just saw one of the most horrible things i've ever seen thanks i think that the second he sees this two days later some fucking bill gates ass dude is going to come into the ski resort where he works, walk up to that concierge table and say, I need two prostitutes and I need to find a

horse that just curb stomped a deer. I think this guy's just describing a deleted scene from Nope. Yeah. I always knew horses were fucked up, man. I've been saying it for years. I think if you're a horse girl, you're scum there. And this proves it. Wow. This looks like Jordan's not on the poptimism train. Sorry. Well, some of us here hate fucking deers like myself. Oh, wow.

I'm a big horse guy. You stomping deers over there, hon? All right. Let's ride. Saddle up, baby. You get an extra apple tonight. We killed your mom. We're coming for you, Bambi. Oh, one by one, my dears. You're going to get stomped by a horse.

Who's this character? Is it possible, Jordan, that that horse was actually Gabrus in a horse suit? But like he's the back. Gabrus is the back legs yeah you want stomping the deer front legs is billy joel or whatever yeah i'm up billy joel is me and liberty devito and i'm fucking stamping around in steel tip boots pretend that they're hooves no i probably have to have so i'm standing in hoof like uh devices to keep it up and to cover my tracks literally right absolutely yeah so i mean immediately my first

thought when he talked about how bloody the bottom half of this horse was was this is two escaped convicts in a horse costume and one of them got shot on the way out of jail okay i when he first said it was bloody from the bottom half i thought it was a horse that had his got his dick cut off or it got like gelded and like it was like something it was like something that's supposed to happen but it was insufficiently cauterized like fucked up or something the horse escaped he kicked his castrator to death and then like when i got my vasectomy i looked him in the eye as he drove by and was like hung like a horse get it single tear goes down his long face right Jesse after

you got your vasectomy you did stomp a deer to death right oh yeah I stomped a fucking elk to death dude oh geez yeah it's like a turbo deer yeah fuck a deer I mean I'm sure you were stomping a dick dick or whatever well you could fuck a deer and you don't have to worry about getting it pregnant

finally you don't have to pull out if you have a raw dog and a deer. Just something to keep in mind. Oh, it feels so good when you blast in that deer without a condom. Finally, a positive to this goddamn vasectomy. This has become really upsetting. I can do direct deposits on the doe. Doe, a deer, I come in here.

Christ, this is horrible this is the worst thing that's ever happened on our show hold on hold on i'm gonna suppose what if it's not i've been listening to rome in the morning my brain is shot i'm sorry okay traffic on the ones with Rome. John, you probably already know this, but Jordan and I are very creative people who do a lot of work on making this show a great show. One of the things that we do for the show is we think of ideas for segments all the time. Evergreen segments, reusable segments, we call them refillables. We've come up with creative ideas. We got one of those three by five card posting boards and we got a Trello on the internet. We slack about it. So you're serious. You guys are serious about it. No, we don't do any of this. He's lying.

Some people think that this is just a segment where people call in with some shit they wanted to tell us, but then they give it a name as though it was a segment on the show. But that's not it. Jordan and I think of ideas. Danny, you want to press play on this one? Hello, this is Andy calling in from Brooklyn for another entry in your beloved segment, Other Things August Is, in addition to being Anal August. I work in marketing at a prominent theater publisher. And in a work meeting, I said as a joke that we should do a promotion called August Wilson August, where we offer discounts on the collected works of beloved playwright August Wilson, author of Ma Rainey's Black Bottom and Fences and Gem of the Ocean. And it was a joke, but they didn't think it was funny and instead thought it was a great idea. So that's what I'm doing today is setting up the promo code AugustWilsonAugust

on all of our August Wilson titles. Love the show. Bye. Love you. First of all, I want to say this is a great idea. Second of all, I immediately imagined a guy going in, trying to get the discount on September 1st and they say, August Wilson, August has come and gone. Folks, that's August Wilson humor.

And hey, if you want a DVD copy of me and you and everyone we know, just visit us during Miranda July, July. That's it. Everybody should want a copy of that movie because it's got that poop back and forth forever part. The best thing everyone ever put in a movie. Okay. Well, 206-984-4FUN is our telephone number. JJGO at maximumfun.org is our email address. Our apologies to that guy for getting fired from the play publishing company he works for because of that whole thing about fucking deer. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Morris boy detective. Look at that. Look up on the Jumbotron, Jordan. We got some messages from our listeners. Beautiful messages. Beautiful listeners. What a day! Any of you can get up on the Jumbotron if you want to give somebody a shout out or what have you. Our first one is from Mike Kloss. They are a bassist for hire with two decades of experience playing in all kinds of styles, especially metal and jazz. Ooh. They are available for remote recording or local studio and live work near the New Orleans area. It's all you Treme motherfuckers.

Get in there. Put down the beignets and check out Mike Kloss. Have you seen Mike's band, the Zatarains, by the way? I haven't seen them, but they're great on shrimp. Yeah. Check out their original music and some of the stuff they've done with other people at bossanova.com. That's B-H-A-S-A hyphen nova.com.

Or just email mike at bossanova.com for more information. We also have a message for Derek from Diane. Happy 40th birthday, Derek, to many more years of chuckling along to JJ Go while puttering around the house in preparation for actual old age. Love forever, Diane. You know what the new thing is for people that love listening to Jordan Jesse Go? Chuckling and puttering? diane you know what the new thing is for people that love listening to jordan jesse go chucklin putterin it's uh listening to jordan jesse go while uh walking slowly with their hands clasped behind their back oh beautiful maybe around a garden or botanical garden maybe specifically

that sounds like a great place to walk with your hands clasped behind your back taking deep breaths agricultural garden fuck it just walk around the cucumbers and whatnot yeah who cares find a garden put on the show clasp those hands yeah put it on a frumpy hat like a doesn't matter really what kind but it should be sort of lumpy and out of shape yeah you know what i mean it could be a trucker hat it could be a trilby get on it listeners if you want to get up on the jumbotron look it's cheap it's. You can share a message with a friend or look, we'll plug your thing. We'll plug your fucking business. We plugged Mike's metal jazz bass playing. Yeah. Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron is where you go. You know what I'd like to see? What's that?

Can we have a month where we have all bass players? I think we can do it. I think we have enough bass playing people in our audience to where we can have a month of bass player for hire Jumbotrons. I'd love to see it. I love the low end. Do you think the whole wrecking crew listens to Jordan, Jesse Go, the legendary Los Angeles studio musicians? Well, I hope the bass players do. The other ones I don't care about. All those Toto motherfuckers, they play on Steely Dan albums? Bad too. They played on Bad. Oh, now we're talking. I love it. Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. Yeah, I'm going to expand it. No matter what instrument you're looking for session work, there's no better place. You've been taking out these ads in Guitar Player and putting up flyers at the music store. No.

Maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. Do you think we could get people to assemble a band via Jumbotrons? Yes, I do actually think we could do that. I would like to see that happen. A hundred percent. I think we could do that. I'm going to say you can put in your session musician ad at the personal message rate, but you have to share contact information and you have to be willing to join a band that records a song about Jordan, Jesse Go, that we play on Jordan, Jesse Go. It could be a short song. It doesn't have to be explicitly about the show, but can just like have some thematic. No, it should be explicitly about the show. It should be about us fucking.

Oh, wow. That is explicit. Not necessarily each other, but just somebody, you know, Margaret Thatcher or whatever. That could be very political. Yeah. That sounds positively infuriating to the upper class. Yeah, fucking dropping their crumpets. Yeah. Because we're fucking thatch. Right in their golden tees.

We're all up in their thatch. Okay, maximumfund.org slash jumbotron. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. Hi, la. Hi, everyone. I'm Anna McLeod. And I'm Alexis B. Preston. And we host a show called Comfort Creatures,

the show for every animal lover, be it a creature of scales, six legs, fur, feathers, or fiction. Comfort Creatures is a show for people who prefer their friends to have paws instead of hands. Unless they are raccoon hands, that is okay. That is absolutely okay, yeah. Yes. Every Thursday, we'll be talking to guests about their pets, learning about pets in history, art, and even fiction.

Plus, we'll discover differences between pet ownership across the pond. It's gonna be a hoot on Maximum Fun. Maximum Fund. We should have worked on that. Sawbones. Sawbones isn't afraid to ask the hard-hitting questions. Like, are vaccines as safe and reliable as they want us to believe? Yes. Do I have to get a flu shot? Yes. Okay.

Is science a miracle? No. We have a lot of great history for you and a lot of laughs. And sometimes the history is so bad that there's no laughs. But you learn something you'll feel something and it's always sawbones that's right every week on maximum fun dot org it's jordan jesse go i am jesse thorne amer America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. John Gabrus, Uncle Meatman. Uncle Meatman is maybe the best nickname we've had on the show since Clankety Car. Up there, honestly.

Thank you, guys. Gabrus is obviously a podcast legend. He's a Jordan Jesse Goh legend. Now he's a nickname legend. This guy is firing on all cylinders. All three of them. Let's do it. We only have three cylinders, okay? That's plenty.

It's a three-cylinder operation. We looked into getting a fourth. It was too expensive. 38 horsepower is what we're pushing here. We are not legal to podcast on a freeway. Any more horsepower, we're going to have a bunch of dead deer on our hands, so we've got to keep it low. Thank you very much,

John. And if they kill all the deer, what are so keep your fuck we gotta keep it low thank you very much john and if they kill all the deer what are we supposed to fuck your show is 101 places to party before you die when you earlier said something about being on the streets of richmond now i presume you're talking about richmond virginia correct but in my head it immediately went to rich, California, which is a community in the East Bay, in the Bay Area. Primarily, look, it's got a BART station and a lot of gun crime. It's a troubled community. Yes. But for me, I immediately pictured you going to Richmond and going to the House Rabbit

Society building there, which is just a literal house full of bunny rabbits you can adopt that just hop around and you're allowed to just go there and pet them. Whoa, that's pretty rad. Yeah, my wife took me there for my birthday once. That should bring about gun peace. Trade a gun for a rabbit, like a guns for rabbits thing should go on. That could help. If we could get the group of eight, the G8, to take some B12, get themselves pumped, get out to richmond chock full of a5 load them up with a vest full of c4 exactly look we're gonna need refreshments let's get some v8s we'll get amelio estevez and d2 uh merch e40 present yeah well it'll be it'll be a real good time e40 is already

in the neighborhood pretty much. Yeah, he's not too far. We can send him Uber. And if they send a Terminator back in time to kill us, it'll be the T-1000. The liquid metal one, right? Liquid metal Terminator. Letters and numbers, folks. Letters and numbers. So Richmond, Virginia isn't the first place I would think of, John, but what was like the ultimate party spot from 101 Places to Party Before You Die or the ultimate party experience? Yeah. Okay.

So Richmond was really interesting because it's the same thing. I did not think of it as a spot, but some of the producers and researchers were like, no, it's kind of like an up and it's had the strongest reaction so far of the episodes that have aired from residents. Richmond heads are firing up the dms in the comments with like holy shit you guys showed our city and it was like we wanted to show a city that like maybe people could afford to go to or people like people who live nearby could drive to this spot like we went to denver and richmond in the first season just to kind of give you like richmond

is a beautiful city it has a very uncomfortable number of Confederate monuments. But other than that, it's pretty kick-ass. Which they grapple with in the show. We talk about it in the show. And as a matter of fact, it was really, it was heartwarming to see they really have an abundance of Confederate monument stands. They have very few monuments left, but a lot of bases a lot of bases yeah i went pre-tearing down confederate monuments for my cousin's wedding she's from virginia and it was a great time it's a

beautiful place but i just remember walking around downtown and being like oh right wow okay yeah holy shit that reminds me the first time i went to south carolina we went on a bike tour me and ben rogers and our friend Gavin Spieler. We were riding around. It was like a lot of stuff. That's like this used to be a slave market. This used to be where the slaves came. I'd be like, why is this? And there's like families of white people with like headphones on learning about it. I'd be like, this is feels fucking crazy. We should be ashamed of that. This should be like this should be punishment.

Like we should, we should be figuring something out about that. So what was the spot though? What was the spot? America's historical shames aside, what was the jam? The jam. Now, another thing we tackle on the show eventually is like partying when you're 40 doesn't always mean substances. It could be like, you can eat too many oysters and be you know partying before you die

the original show title was fucked up so like a lot of the story comes from that of like you can get fucked up just by trying to ride an atv at 40 years old like that is like enough to fuck you up so we like kind of live by that mantra too so by saying that we went to moab utah and that was a place that i had never even heard of. As a matter of fact, when it was in the email as a possible place, I didn't even recognize the word. Not even from bumper stickers. Sounds like a lesser Star Wars character. Right.

I honestly knew the letters Moab as mother of all bombs from the game Worms 2. Oh. Now we're talking. Dude, Worms 2 rules. I love Worms 2. It's either a Worm worms weapon or a character who has one line in the prequels let's get adam halley in here and make an episode of the show where we just hang out in our dorm and play worms too yeah it's one place to get fucked up before you die do

you think if we made that episode the audience would get like too horny yeah yeah that would be a problem we would have to distribute whatever drug they give you when you get that persistent erection right we got to give you like the fuck you know like a sexual lobotomy yeah so that you can so you can engage with us on a intellectual level without hormones being in the way there's just a headline in the new york times that says young people watch morris Gabrus Pally Thorne play Worms 2. Gelding's necessary. We're getting calls from the Brooklyn Department of Water. Apparently

too many people are flushing cum down the toilet. It's like Ghostbusters 2. Listen, I think we've all been warned about the coming super flood. The coming super flood. People say it's going to be coming super flood people say it's going to be rain but i think it's going to be come yeah it's a super flood of coming by the way you know who i

bet would really contribute to that is the great alan coming good and everything good and everything is he dead there's a couple times when alan coming just went on fresh air and just talked about his extraordinary fuck life and it's just great to hear alan coming talk with on fresh air and just talked about his extraordinary fuck life and it's just great to hear alan coming talk with i mean he talks about you know the good wife and stuff but like then there's just some parts where he just talks in his charming voice about all the stuff he fucks uh not dead by the way alan coming no very much alive blasting all over everywhere amazing love that guy but so moab utah was truly a surprise now it's utah so like the liquor rules are different we did get spoiler alert we get cut

off on camera oh wow i've also been cut off i mean i've been cut off outside of utah too for a couple of days but that was because i was on the floor i got cut off but that's because i had that persistent erection you had to get gelded stop that deer yeah i'm here to join the guild oh you read that wrong dog were you like at a bar or were you what was the contest we got we were at a bar slash cafe where we ate like elk burgers like apparently everyone in moab burns 5 000 calories a day like mountain biking hiking and kayaking so all their food could just be like elk burger with double provolone on top of stack of tots or whatever and then and the most

jacked fucking people are eating there oh this city just blew me away it looks like mars crazy outdoors activities 50 of the people we asked and we asked a shit ton of people and i would say maybe over 50 servers bartenders bus boys brewery employees everyone we engage with on the show we asked do you base jump and over half the people we engage with did base i would say over half had base jumped and a third are base jumpers who frequently base jump you're fucking crazy i asked a similar question in my neighborhood growing up got a similar answer but it was do you smoke base was crack cocaine related it was like 55 i mean it was the late 80s you know and a few of the

people who said no i feel like we're maybe actually lying based on their behavior yeah yeah easier to read than base jumping did you do crazy outdoor shit we got to drive uh these awesome off-road dune buggies we rode in something called the moab monster which was like a several ton giant like a truly like a twisted metal character it's like 12 feet up in the air it sits like eight people and we drove it down a vertical cliff and up another vertical cliff and that was fucking sick oh holy shit i'm looking at a picture of this fucking thing oh my god the uh moab monster is what they called my dick when i got cut off in utah no dick there anymore though that is amazing because i immediately when you were talking about all

these people base jumping and shit like i don't have the strength to be extreme i don't have the moral strength the emotional strength the physical strength me neither no extreme activity appeals to me at all i don't want to go for a walk us neither us like we're like no we want to party in the final episode we rappel down a waterfall in maui and it was absolutely stressful absolutely terrifying and then i'm realizing i'm an executive producer and i'm talking to the other executive producer adam pally and we're going i don't want to fucking do this man he's like me neither it's like we're both wait why are we doing this but it was like one of those things where like oh i don't want to make the show better yeah and then in you're

gonna see it's humiliating how scared we are it's like it's not good television we do not look good but we it was too raw to know i'd never been that scared like in front of that many like people, you know. But that said, I think this Moab mega buggy, I'm in on that. Like even in ATV, I think I'm probably kind of out on or like a snowmobile. I'm not sure if I want to do that. This is like a professional isn't handling it, right? Yeah. Oh, I love this. Gaber sent us a link to a TripAdvisor posting about this.

It says private Moab mega buggy poison spider sunset tour. Oh, yeah. I don't know what the fuck that's all about. That's just the first image that came up. That scares me. I mean, if I'm going to go up against poisonous spiders, I guess being in the mega buggy is your best bet. But no, thank you.

Yeah. I mean, I feel like the poisonous spiders don't. These tires are like four feet tall. Like, I don't think the poison spiders are messing with this thing at all. I mean, like what? Like the ladder unfolds from like when you open up the passenger side door, like they have an unfolding ladder, like a boat to get in and out of it. It's that high off the ground.

Do you think people in Utah are just like self-conscious because they're like, all right, people, you know, we they say that we're just like square Mormons. So I guess let's just base jump and tack poison spider onto the name of things. There is sort of an element of like, we're not allowed to have hot beverages, but we can dive off of cliffs. and that was a like kind of dude that i grew up with the like youth pastor guy who was covered in tattoos who's like i've never had a drink in my life and i get high every day you know and that i don't need to drink to have a good time but he's also the guy who's like doing knuckle push-ups and shit and you're like okay man sure yeah it doesn't seem that fun yeah yeah sick dude uh that thing was so crazy the guy had built it himself he was an engineer he like i'd had two controls one for the back tires and then it had cameras underneath it so i think that's part of how they do the poison spider tour now that you're saying it it had cameras so he

can like look at like the ground if in different situations it was fucking rad i gotta tell you if i was going to utah to party and god knows i i will be at some point you know now the covid restrictions are lifted and everything, you know. Jet ski the Salt Lake, dude. That's your lifelong dream. You know, I'm going to be out there. You know, I'm setting land speed records. Mach 10, right?

You're going to go Mach 10? Yeah, absolutely. You won't believe the fucking Machs I'm going to go. Whoa, more than 10? I'm going to go Gene Mach, man. The fucking manager of the Minnesota Twins. No way. Nobody's ever done that.

Rod Carew did. It's a fairy tale. So I think if I went to Utah to party, though, I don't drink. I don't want to do anything extreme. I'm not a man of faith. Like, there's a lot of strikes against me, but I would love to go through one of those soda pop drive-thrus where they give you a giant styrofoam cup full of pellet ice, and then they make you like a fucking crazy ass suicide that

you request that has a crazy name on a giant board. That's what I want. Oh, that's rad. I didn't even know about that. Moab is kind of like New Paltz or Ojai. It's not fully very Mormon. It's very outdoorsy. It's like four hours from Salt Lake City. Jesse, I'll pitch you. I'm not a big outdoorsy extreme person either. I mean, I'm an outdoorsy person now in the last couple of years, which was part of the appeal of Moab, but you're very Coco Pelly friendly. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'm glad you noticed my posture. Do you have any, uh have anything with the Cocopelli logo on it? I have no Cocopelli. Just my devil sticks, but they're on offer up.

So I've been going fast. It looks like Mars there. It's red. It's like one of those red clay mountain deserts with like super clear skies. So if you're like even a light hiker, you can get into some majestic vistas. Yeah, I could see that. I'm going through the photographs. There's 132 photographs of the Poison Spider tour.

A lot of them depict a pretty spectacular sunset. And then the other thing that gives me confidence is how many just dorky 12-year-olds are in these pictures. I'm like, if these little fucking sixth grade dorkwads can handle it i'm a grown ass man i'm 41 i better be able to handle it you barely pee your pants anymore right fucking rarely dude hell yeah more than a few years ago certainly but you know i'm a little drippy since the gelding but uh you know i'm thinking of getting gelded too we could talk a little more offline i'm very curious no this is this is a good 80 minutes of podcasting save it

i got a good guy i found him on offer up sick yeah trade him a back half of a bloody horse costume john gabrus what a joy it is to have you on the program as per ever dudes thank you for having me it's always fun to fucking chop it up with you weirdos yeah i love it here john's podcast of course is high and mighty a wonderful program you should go over there to true tv to watch 101 places to party before you die is it on demand anywhere can people or is it all live it's all live now i think if you have a cable login, you could watch it on True. If you have no cable whatsoever, maybe go to a hospital waiting room. It seems to be playing loudly in the corner of the room.

Anywhere that you watched Jordan when he was a correspondent on The Daily Habit, it's going to be a great place to watch True TV, whether it's a Buffalo Wild Wing. Yes. Go to your cousin's husband's house. Yeah. Get his fire stick that the cable guy made him. Yeah. Yeah.

Shout out to Alan. He's a good guy. He's from Richmond, Virginia. Listen, if you're still holding on to cable, you can watch it on their on-demand True TV. Steal your parents' login. They still have it and you can get it. Or you can buy it on iTunes. You can buy it on iTunes and Amazon, right like you can buy it on itunes you can buy it on itunes and amazon right you buy it on itunes and amazon and if that like i understand not wanting to spend money on a travel show our first episode is on youtube so just juice those views and that's

like minimal effort from anybody it's so funny man i spent the weekend catching up on it and i just like laugh my ass off and it's just so fun and you guys go to so many great places i feel like i want to do the next time i go to any of those places i'm going to go back and see where y'all went and uh duplicating yeah thank you that's like that's a testament because that's what i watch when i'm going to a new city i watch every one of my favorite people who go there you know i'll watch poor dane i watch i see if padma goes there i see if guy fieri's been there i watch all those episodes rick steves action bronson i watch all those i love that and i'm that i'm honored to be included in your potential smash burger research

richmond virginia i just have to shout out we talked about it so much i just gotta shout out cobra burger one of the best goddamn cheeseburgers i've ever had and those guys are cool they're all like ex-hardcore musicians and shit ripping out great burgers that's on the poison snake tour of rich yeah of course yeah you know but you got to drive in a 10-foot truck so you'll be okay sounds good uh john gabrus has been our guest on the program our theme music love you by the free design courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records daniel zafran our producer uh brian fernandez our producer emeritus uh you can find us on social media maximumfund.reddit.com is a good place to chat about this episode you please tweet about this show share this show put the hashtag jj go on it talk about why you think it's funny to fuck a deer just post that please tag us please tag us what you think is funny about

fucking a deer i want to read these threads that tag us and tag your mother-in-law okay let's put this down there let's make it happen we could do it tag your cousin's husband alan kennedy we love you shout out to you thanks for all that you've done yeah i mean i think the maximumfund.reddit.com hashtag a jj go we're both on instagram instagram.com slash put.this.on and jordan david morris and yeah in all sincerity share share our show. Tell one person about our show this week. I dare you. Yeah, this is good. Everybody loves Gabrus. They know who he is. This guy's universally, this is fucking

Hercules from the Marvel movies. Yeah, dude, for fuck's sake, I'm here. Listen to this. Send this non-consensually to a friend. Just drop this episode in random airdrops in public. Please. Look, we know you're listening to it in kitchens and hipster restaurants in Brooklyn. That's not what we're... Move it to the front of house. Front of house. Front of house. Play it over the PA. Play it while people eat. I'm calling out to all white courtesy telephone operators in airports let's do this put this on the pa let's make this happen if you control the subway announcements in

a major city yeah we already said mind the gap or whatever watch your step going out on this episode that makes it a good announcement so put it on in your subway train. Just tell one person, just one person, tell one person this week. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Desigo. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.