Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 78: The Big Easy

Episode Date: November 3, 2008

Jordan is heckled in New Orleans, everyone gets political and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, Go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, lanky, twiddle, Jesse, go.

We've got a new project for you. Jordan visits the Big Easy and we visit with an old friend, Jesse Thornton with an E, British sports reporter. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thornton, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan?

Yes. Tuesday is our nation's election. We're going to be choosing a president. Sure. President of the United States. And a few doozies of propositions as well. Some propositions. Depending on which state you live in, I guess.

Now, I've been taking a look. I've spent some time with these candidates. Yeah. I just can't decide. I feel like, here's the thing. Okay. For one thing. You're undecided.

You're a swing voter at this point. Yeah. This black guy. Mm-hmm. Who is he, really? Yeah. You know what I mean? Sure.

I feel like I don't know anything about him. He just came onto the national scene, really? Yeah. You know what I mean? Sure. I feel like I don't know anything about him. He just came onto the national scene, what, a week, two weeks ago? I feel like I haven't even gotten a good look at his face yet. I know. Exactly. Mm-hmm. Exactly. He's always kind of, you know, in a shadow.

Or he has a hood or a baseball cap pulled over his eyes. Exactly. Oh, he was really happy it was Halloween the other day. Yeah, I know. You know what I mean? Because he's the kind of guy who loves to hide and move, slink. Sure. You know what I mean?

Really spook around. Anyway, but I do trust him on the economy. Mm-hmm. Because I feel like just, I don't know, from what few glances I've gotten him, he looks kind of smart. Sure. And the other fella. The muscle man.

He's sort of, I don't know. He looks more lumpy. He looks like all the muscles. Right. Exactly. No, exactly. That's exactly. And there are some, like, for example, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I voted for him against the gray guy. Sure. Because I knew that his muscles, it was a time for muscles. Yeah. My concern is roid rage. Right. No, that's not unreasonable. I mean, he does seem like he's flying off the hook all the time.

I get that impression. But I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel like I don't know where, how do I get more information about this? Like, I'm just having a really hard time deciding because I feel like I don't know about these guys. What about that kind of cat-looking lady? Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. I saw her on a comedy lady. Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

I saw her on a comedy program. Oh, absolutely. I'm all for that. Sure. She seems fun. What's she going to be? Secretary of Pets. Great. That's one of my favorite secretaries. I mean, you've got to keep pets in line.

You know who's a really good secretary? The one from... If I was going to really good secretary? Pet issues, pet rights. The one from, if I was gonna choose a secretary for the country, it'd be the one from Newhart. Oh. Is Newhart the 70s one? I'm thinking of the 70s one. Because in the other one, he runs an inn.

He doesn't have a secretary. Yeah. The one from Newhart, that was just a really... I think Newhart was just the 70s. She was smart. Mm-hmm. Funny. Yes.

Capable. Mm-hmm. Funny. Yes. Capable. Mm-hmm. And I felt like I knew her. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, let's talk about issues, for example. What about that, um, are you going to vote for that Chinese guy? Mm.

Deng Xiaoping? Uh, something like that. I mean, you know, it's three weird words. Deng. Strung together. Cheng. Ding. Yeah, that's it. Anything you can think of for him? I like the Chinese generally.

Sure. I'm just not sure if he's the best guy for the job. Yeah, they have some odd ideas about masculinity over there, too. That's what concerns me. Sure. No, absolutely, Jordan. Absolutely. Here's what it is.

Sure. I was watching the news the other day. Oh, yeah. You know. The television news. Sure, Leno. And I'm thinking to myself, what I want in a president is the guy who's going to do the best job. Sure.

Right? The guy who's going to do the best. Not the guy with the most health care or whatever. Not the guy from the camp, from the, you know, concentration camp. That's not what I'm voting for. I'm voting for the guy who really knows what to do presidenty handsome yeah like really like somebody you know is gonna like show up on time not too smart yeah oh that isn't gonna like i have my boss is really sick with a bunch of like bullshit excuses exactly like the new guy at my

job if that guy was running for president i would not yeah i would not vote for him but do you know um do you know sarah um for my job i do yeah she's nice i'm thinking i'm thinking about voting for her oh she'd be great because she shows up every time she shows up and check this out last year my birthday doesn't let you know too much about her personal life but she still seems like open you know and i didn't even talk about the fact that it was my birthday i did not even talk about that i kept it under my vest i don't know usually your jesse's like no two weeks two weeks guys no i didn't and i know you're kind of kidding around

but you're also like throw me a party i swear God, I did not bring it up at all. I'm just saying, it's kind of your... Anyway. But you know what? I trust you on this one. You know who remembered it was my birthday? Sarah. You got it.

Ice cream cake? You know who brought an ice cream cake? The whale kind? Sarah. Yeah. President Sarah, as I like to call her. I don't know what party she's in. I'm hoping American Independent Party, because that's what I'm registered in.

Yeah. Or Natural Law Party, because that's the one I've been thinking about switching to. Yeah. It's, I don't know, American Independence. You know, it's kind of an antiquated belief system, you know? Yeah, sure. It's like, sorry, things aren't that, you know, it's a new era. Things aren't that rosy anymore.

The New World Order. Have you ever heard of that? I think I have. That's something I'm familiar with. Yeah. There's helicopters in there. Mm-hmm. Black helicopters.

Yeah. Tell me about it. Maybe a hot Russian babe telling you what to do. Yeah. I'm all for it. A lot of people are against it. I'm all for it. Yeah, me too.

I'm all for it. A lot of people are against it. I'm all for it. Me too. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is it's really getting down to crunch time. And I always vote. You know, almost always. Yeah.

In the president ones. Mm-hmm. So... The other ones seem a little dull, you know? Yeah. No, they do. There's not that, like, excitement around it, so. Yeah. You know who I think I might like to vote for?

Hmm? Do you remember Dave Henderson? He used to play center field for the A's. I don't remember him. I mean, again, I mean, once really, I mean, basically every week I have to read it that I don't know anything about baseball or obscure old baseball players. Well, I think I'd like to vote for him. Okay. Because he had a charming smile, and he's a black guy, just like the other fellow.

Oh, yeah. That's nice. It's about time a black was in there, isn't it? Yeah, sure. They've had a black for a while. It should be an athlete. How long has it been since we've had a black? Franklin Roosevelt.

So what's that? The 40s? Mm-hmm. So we're looking at 50 years. Yeah. Too long. Yeah. Get another one in there.

Absolutely. Shake things up. And like I said, if it's going to be a black, I think it should be an entertainer or an athlete. And Dave Henderson's an athlete, and he's now a color commentator, which is a kind of entertainer. Yeah. You know what? Okay. Not some elitist is all I'm saying.

I don't want to... If I'm going to vote for a black, it's not going to be some elitist. Right. Okay. Here's my... You know what? Okay. Not some elitist, is all I'm saying. I don't want to, if I'm going to vote for a black, it's not going to be some elitist. Right. Okay, here's my, you know. Okay, well, I want to hear your philosophy. I want to hear how you think about this. Okay, I mean, and I know this might seem a little corny. Sure. And, you know, and maybe, I don't know, maybe not something, it may seem a little corny, something that, you know, I'm a college educated, well to do, entertainment industry type. Sure.

And I know that maybe this won't be popular. But, you know, you know what? God put you on this earth to speak your mind. Right, exactly. put you on this earth to speak your mind right exactly and uh going on just voting record and past performance right mom i'm voting for mom who's mom my mom my mom's not running for president i'm voting for my mom i don't think i just said my mom's not running for president oh uh okay let me see if i can usurp this your mom your mom's running for president i don't think she is but i'm gonna vote for her

fair enough yeah i mean i've i've been over to your house sure i've eaten your mom's cooking she's stellar right yeah level yeah she's a solid woman you, yeah. She's a solid woman. Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying? A solid woman with family values. Right. You know what I'm saying, Jordan? Family values. Not a spanker. She's not some crazy person from some camp. Yeah, I know.

Some black person that wants to be president. Just good old mom. Just mom. That's what America's about. Yeah. Mom, Sarah, Dave Henderson. I mean, if... Yeah, I could see if there was like a war

or all the war guys were sitting around going like, When do we bomb? When do we bomb? Mom would just say, Hey, cut it out. She'd make them some cookies, I bet. Yeah. Make them something anyway.

A stroganoff. Mm-hmm. Probably better to make them a stroganoff. They haven't had dinner yet. If you're sick, she'll pour you a ginger ale. Go rent some movies. Exactly. That's what America needs right now.

Rent America some movies. Pour America a ginger ale. It's sick. America is sick, and it needs comic books. Mm-hmm. Well, it's settled, Jordan. America needs to watch all three Back to the Future movies back to back. Jordan. What? Look in my eyes for a second. Okay. People write to us sometimes,

why aren't you more politically engaged? Yeah. Well, you know what? We just changed the course of a nation. We're the Abraham Lincoln and Mike Douglas of podcasting. This was the Lincoln-Douglas debates. Just when Abraham Lincoln went on Mike Douglas, and they just hashed it out. John Lennon's there. Oh, I thought you were talking about Michael Douglas, the actor. No, no, no, no, no. Mike Douglas, the talk show host.

That's why I tried to engage you in an erotic game of cat and mouse. Gotcha. I see. No, no, absolutely not. No, I'm not talking... You don erotic game of cat and mouse. Gotcha. I see. No, no, absolutely not. No, I'm not talking, you don't have that kind of gravitas. Yeah? You're engaging, but you don't have a lot of gravitas. You don't really exude a sexuality either.

No, there's no, you do have some, I mean, it's impolite to talk about what people exude. Sure. Well, I mean, I'm going to go ahead and call a spade a spade and say that I... I mean, I am rocketing a lot of stuff at you, but sexuality is not one of those things. You have a surprising volume of exudations. Sure. I'm not sure if that's a word, but it's certainly something that I experience on a day-to-day basis.

Sure. Your exudations. My spores. Sure. Absolutely. I mean, you've got to reproduce somehow. I know, right? When you have those kind of exudations,

it's going to be hard to reproduce in the way that most animals do. They use a plant-type reproduction. Mm-hmm. Like a spore. Chlorophyll. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, I mean, I am definitely shooting a lot of things out of me. Nervousness. Yeah. Not knowing what's going on. Absolutely. You know, worrying about what's for lunch. Yeah. But yeah, I don't think... Wondering what time it is? I don't think a raw classic sexuality is one of them.

No, you're not George Clooney. No. You know what I mean? I mean, specifically, I'm no Michael Douglas. You're no Michael Douglas, if you follow what I'm saying. I don't want to go too far out of limb with my metaphors. Yeah, you're losing me a little bit. You're not like Michael Douglas.

Slow down, James Joyce. Do you think we should vote for Michael Douglas? Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. What about your mom and Michael Douglas? I'm over mom. Michael Douglas. What about Kirk Douglas? Yeah.

Is he dead? I think he is. All the better, I say. Yeah, he's a little too... He's wiser. A little too warlike. Michael Douglas will just seduce you in the 80s. That's what I'm about.

Is there another Douglas? What about Emilio Estevez? Is that a Douglas? No, I think he's technically a Coppola. He's a Coppola? He changed his name. He's a Coppola. Emilio...

Now, Emilio... You're telling me Emilio Estevez is a Coppola? Yeah. Does he make the wines? He helps with the wines. What does he do, mix them? Quality control. Right.

Make sure there's no sand in it. Does it sound like a good VP to you? Wine? A bottle of wine? Well, it's settled. Michael Douglas and a bottle of wine. we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go jordan jesse go i'm j Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan. Yes. When you work in the entertainment industry, I mean, I don't need to tell you this. No. But when you work in the entertainment industry, you're a vagabond. Yeah. Of a sort.

You're always on the road, finding new places. I'll give you an example. Sure. Probably America's two best entertainers. They hear about this horrible tragedy, Hurricane Katrina. What do they do? Do they run away from the tragedy, Jordan? They run towards it.

They run towards it. That's absolutely right. They're making a hugging motion so when they get there, they can just hug it. They run towards it. That's absolutely right. Making a hugging motion so when they get there they can just hug it. They see a city that needs the gravitas of two of the most important entertainers of our time. Two of the funniest people.

Yes. Two of the most multi-talented people. Humor's important. Other talents are important. Generally two of the most amazing people. The kind of people who can bring electricity back to a city where the power lines have fallen, so to speak. If you don't mind me mixing reality and metaphor. It's fine.

I'm talking about Harry Shearer and Harry Anderson. Yes. Not just two of our greatest celebrities, but also two of our greatest Harrys. Yes. Not just two of our greatest celebrities, but also two of our greatest Harrys. Yeah. These two men, living in Hollywood, a life of sin, treasure baths, move from Los Angeles to the Big Easy. New Orleans, Louisiana. And they inject a life that leads the New Orleans Saints to win the Super Bowl. The Charlotte Hornets to win the Slam Dunk Championship.

The Fleur de Lis to be featured in a lot of runway collections. Magic. Voices. Other things. Reading from the newspaper. Mm-hmm. Out loud. Reading out loud from the newspaper. An experience having been the star of Night Court. Playing your wife's records. Talking about shortwave radio harry anderson impersonating celebrity columnist dave barry uh calling up john larroquette occasionally and asking him how things are going being friends with the big giant guy from night court presuming he's still alive is he he sort of seems like a guy who would who would die young yeah because he's so big and he was always so wasted on the show yeah anyway i guess what i'm trying to say is yeah you also brought your light to

new orleans recently in following in the example of these great men sure now granted harry anderson i think left yeah i think he pulled up stakes he had a shrimp restaurant though for a while didn't Following in the example of these great men. Sure. Now, granted, Harry Anderson, I think, left. Yeah. I think he pulled up stakes. He had a shrimp restaurant, though, for a while, didn't he? Sure. He's a shrimper. Mm-hmm.

Absolutely. Shrimpins. Is it because he knows trawling? I don't know. If you know trawling, you can get into shrimping. Very similar skill set. Absolutely. It's sort of like if you have really excellent draftsmanship,

it's a good idea to consider becoming an architect. Yeah. It's sort of like if you have really excellent draftsmanship, it's a good idea to consider becoming an architect. Yeah. It's not a direct quarrel. It's not like you can automatically do it, but you just add a few twists and twinkles, and then you're knee-deep in shrimp. You wonder what to do with them. You open a restaurant in New Orleans, the Big Easy, making po'boys. Sure. Shrimp po' boys. Sure. Shrimp po' boy. Yep. Had a few of those.

Sure. Very delicious. Absolutely. You know, I had to go to New Orleans recently for my job. It was the Voodoo Experience Music Festival. It's kind of like a big Coachella-y thing out there. Oh. Is that sort of like the grand finale of Blues Brothers 2?

That's how I imagine it. I've never seen Blues Brothers 2. I think it's about the of like the grand finale of Blues Brothers 2? That's how I imagine it. I've never seen Blues Brothers 2. I think it's about the same as the grand finale of Blues Brothers 2. Anyway, and you know, my mom's from Louisiana, so... Quick clarification question, though. Was Erykah Badu singing Funky Nassau at all? I do not... I did not see Badu personally. She probably was. I don't mean to

interrupt. There were several different stages, so. Was there a new guy who was black? What? Was there a new guy who was black? I mean, I haven't seen Blues Brothers 2. Right, no, I mean, I'm just asking you about the festival. I'll just assume there was. Okay. And a cool kid, like a really cool kid who wears sunglasses? And a cool kid? Like a really cool kid who wears sunglasses? I don't... Yeah. No, I know it. Yeah, I know. Okay, voodoo music. I got a picture of it in my hand. Nine Inch Nails was there, though. Oh, good. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

Now I'm right there with you. My mom is from there, so I've had to go there for lots of family visits and stuff like that. And her sister still lives out there. So I've been to New Orleans, kind of Louisiana in general, maybe half a dozen times. Sure. LSU. Yeah, sure.

Go Gators. The fighting Gators. Absolutely. I think. I can only imagine. What about this? The Maynaisey Poor Boys. Yeah. Poor Boys. Possible. Just throwing stuff out there The mayonnaise-y poor boys. Yeah.

Poor boys. Yeah. Possible. Mm-hmm. Just throwing stuff out there. Sandwich is a good mascot. Yeah. Because it's nourishing.

Mm-hmm. Nourishes the body and the mind. I heard a news story that Iran tried to build the world's largest sandwich recently. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And they didn't get the record because the volunteers stormed the sandwich and ate it before the Guinness people could get there. Once again, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad foiled. I know.

It was an ostrich meat sandwich as well. You know what's interesting about that story, Jordan, is that, you know, a lot of people here in the United States, you know, in the presidential debates and so on, responded to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as though he had the power in Iran. It's actually the clerics who, it's a, you know, it's a nation that's actually ruled by this cabal of clerics, not Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He's mostly in charge of the sandwiches, the big sandwiches. Sure, the giant stunt sandwiches. Yeah, exactly. And other giant things. I mean, the rubber band ball that he did last year, which they also stormed in it. The three-legged race.

Absolutely. That thing where you hold an egg in a spoon? Yeah. Egg spoon race? No, and then after all the kids have gone to bed, a little suck? Yeah. Egg, spoon, race? No, and then after all the kids have gone to bed, a little suck and blow. Yeah, you got it. Anyway, New Orleans. So anyway, but I feel like I did not have a very high opinion of it because I either saw kind of, you know, kind of the boring suburban area that my aunt was from,

just kind of getting a bunch of Walmarts and stuff like that. Sure. Not an unpleasant place to go, but just kind of dull. And then I feel like I also saw just the really obnoxious touristy side of New Orleans. It's like the jambalaya jamboree and you know, and just all that, you know, kind of foot, footlong margaritas. And sort of like a drunker fisherman's wharf. Yeah, right. Exactly. And you, yeah, you always feel like you're just surrounded by various bachelorette parties that are about to fight each other. Yeah, absolutely. you so so yeah that was kind of my opinion of of new orleans but i uh this time uh i kind of went with uh the um the camera guy that i went with

um had visited there and um really knew just kind of a lot of nice places to go we went to it was really just just just extremely fun kind of strip of bars about, you know, 10 blocks away from the kind of Bourbon Street craziness. And it was just, you know, so much fun and just like an actually like, you know, legitimate great band in every bar. And, you know, wood floors and like legitimately multicultural, like effortlessly multicultural and not, you know. You mean mystical? Yeah, very mystical. A lot of crystals you know, and, you know. You mean mystical? Yeah, very mystical. A lot of crystals. No, no, mystical.

M-Y-S-T-I-K-A-L. Oh. Mystical. Yes. Bumping me against the wall. Dippa-doppa-doop-ba-doppa-doop-da. Yes, he was there. Okay.

So, yeah, just good, you know, good solid folks. And then kind of the day after we did that, we kind of had an afternoon and we went to the, you know, kind of historic garden district where there's and then kind of the day after we did that we kind of had an afternoon and we went to the you know uh kind of kind of historic garden district where there's all these kind of you know lovely homes with a lot of columns and just you know beautiful public park spaces and bike riding and uh you know just just and it's definitely a side of of uh new orleans i hadn't seen before and like you know definitely you, you know, you saw all those kind of loving tributes from, you know, post-Hurricane Katrina. And you're like, oh, this is just exactly, you know, what people said it was. It was just this kind of wonderful place.

And I was kind of saying to him, you know, just kind of for the first time, I kind of really appreciate, I appreciate my roots a little bit more, and I could, you know, I could absolutely see myself moving here at some point. Just as I'm saying this, a car goes by, and a guy sticks his head out the window and yells, Baggots! So. Did you just do like, like some jazz hands and then hop on a jet and fly back to California? Brief, really a little window where I had warm, warm opinions about the South.

To be fair, I wasn't even doing anything faggoty. You were a couple of faggots though. We were both wearing shorts. Shorts and running shoes. Short pants. Yeah. You know, a place where two guys dress like skateboard guys are considered to be a couple of queers. There's a couple of queers. Maybe the fact that we were standing there was inconsequential.

Maybe the guy was just yelling faggot. Oh, like it had just been boiling up inside him and it was like blowing the gasket off of a pressure cooker? He definitely made eye contact with me, but that could have been just an accident. Maybe there was a dog behind me or something. Do you think it was like an invitation? Oh, like he was saying, hey, faggots, follow us.

We're also faggots. To a Madonna concert. Yeah. No, I don't. It was aggressive. Because we don't know. It seemed aggressive to me. I have a good sense of gay culture in San Francisco, where I grew up, but it's certainly a very different situation.

My guess is, it's unfounded, that slurs are because you can't, you know, you're in the South, you can't say something nice. See what I'm saying? So you just, if you're gay, you also, you just slur other gays. Yeah. That's my best guess. So you just slur other gays. Yeah. That's my best guess.

A story from New Orleans number two. Okay. In the airport, I saw like a limo driver with a sign. And the sign said, I guess it said Spindleman. But when I looked at it, I thought it said Spider-Man. And that's the funniest thing in the world is a limo driver holding up a sign for Spider-Man. When's that asshole going to get here? And you know what?

What happens when just a guy walks up to him and says, I'm Spider-Man. What? I'm Spider-Man. He's like John Spider-Man. Also funny. Three funny outcomes to a guy holding up a sign that says Spider-Man Also funny Three funny outcomes to a guy holding up A sign that says Spider-Man A, the guy comes up and he says, I'm Spider-Man

Two, I'm John Spider-Man Don't tell anybody, especially Dr. Octopus Third funny option Guy in full Spider-Man outfit Walks up holding a briefcase And they get in a limo Spider-Man would travel by plane Because he can't go faster than a plane.

No. You see what I'm saying, Jordan? Mm-hmm. Like, you could see, if he's got to go coast to coast, and you could see, he's not rich. All the only money he has

is from taking photos for the Daily Bugle. Mm-hmm. So, I guess what I'm saying is you could see him hopping on board just a regular, you know just a regular Delta flight. He's saving up miles. He's got miles from his credit card.

But when he gets there and the guy has the sign for Spider-Man, do you think he has to maybe drop Trout to prove to the guy that he's Spider-Man? Maybe to show him the Spidey suit? Yeah, or the Spidey cock. Yeah, Spider-Man's famous web shooting penis

he just had to like swivel his hips around to do his spider stuff. He had to hold his pants for his dick to come out. It doesn't come all the way out. It's just so that the little urethra can shoot webs. I don't know. I don't think that would be very popular. You don't think that would be popular? I don't think that would be popular. What if it't think that would be popular? I don't think that would be popular. What if it was Michael Douglas that was Spider-Man?

Oh, yeah. Because he has that kind of raw sexuality. Sure. Sensuality. The kind that brings in a Catherine Zeta-Jones. Mm-hmm. You know what I'm saying? A beautiful Welsh woman.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Are you with me? I do. I feel like you're not with me. Where did I lose you? Was it the spider dick part no i was bringing up michael douglas again i was tired of talking about him well fine this is this conversation is over all right we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Jordan, I don't know if you've ever... They don't seem to carry a lot of BBC news here in Los Angeles, but I don't know if you've ever... Yeah, kind of late at night on KBCC they run it. You ever listen to News Hour or something? I think that's it, isn't it? News Hour, were they... I used to listen to that every week.

I used to listen to that every week, I used to listen to that every week driving back from The Sound of Young America because it was on the radio. I just got really interested in the particular British style of presenting the news. It is. It's interesting.

And so what I did, I typed my... I looked for the British spelling of thorn is with an E, and I just wondered if there was any British people who might have that, share my interest in news and radio and stuff. Sure. Who were actually from my family, you know, obviously my extended family. Right. you know obviously my extended family right so i googled it and i actually found someone who is uh

uh it's exactly my name yeah and he's a sports reporter oh really yeah anyway i think is it do you mind if he just a real quick yeah sure that'd be sounds really interesting it's jesse it's jesse It's Jesse Thorne with an E, British sports reporter. See what I'm saying? Okay, yeah, sure. I would love to hear some of his stuff. I just have some tape. Do you mind if I just run the tape? Sure, yeah, run the tape.

Sure. And now with the best in sport from the British Isles, it's sports reporter Jesse Thorne with an E. Chelsea took on Lancashire in a 1912 match for 14 drops. The pitch churned with chips as midshipman Colin Fontalberry captured 9-16 with 14 punch.

6-9, 22, and the victory to Lancashire. Bulls legend Thomas Hamill struck twice this weekend with an oversized shoe and a hacking cough. Stratford-on-Barsel celebrated as Hamill struck twice this weekend with an oversized shoe and a hacking cough. Stratford-on-Barcel celebrated as Hamill cried, died, and 94-6-12 on the fast track. In cricket, Pakistan met Bangladesh with 12 men and a small dog, riding 6-9 and up we go. Pakistani helmsman Asif Bhuta scored 13 times with a flat- run, twice up, twice down, and the victory to Bangladesh.

In racing, Formula One driver McLaren Benetton was nabbed for illegal wheeling, striking the pavement with over-rubbered bottoms, and an avid appetite for dangerous turning. The race of champions at Brandhatch was decided 1922 at the third lap, championship to the late Prime Minister of Pakistan, Benazir Bhutto. Bhutto up 12-9. In field sport, Tuppence was the name of the game as 16 lagas were driven ever northward with bold expansion

on 22. Finally, in American baseball, the Philadelphia Phillies won the American championship, besting the Tampa Bay Rays in five matches. 22-19, 64, the MVP to Cole Hamels. That's all for sport. Back to you. Anyway, I just thought that was fun.

Oh, interesting. I thought it was fun because he has the same name as me. And it's just fun to hear they have a different style. Hey, do you think they're going to play this on the BBC now? I insist that they do. Yeah, right? Absolutely. You want to give them a call right now? This is of interest to the British Empire

Let's call Let's get Bush House on the phone Bush House, London Yeah We'll phone them up Take care of business Harrods Absolutely

Give the Harrods a call Let's call Harrods Let's call those people who insure everything Let's call them The insurance The insurance of London Yeah, the insurance people Sure

See if they'll insure my gams, my legendary gams. You know what I'm saying? I know. Because if they got hurt, my career would be over. Yeah. They're the ones who have, who insured Spider-Man's dick, right? We'll be back

in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. New sponsor on Jordan, Jesse, go, Jordan. God damn. I know, tell me about it. That's great.. Jordan Morris, boy detective. New sponsor on Jordan, Jesse Go Jordan. Hot damn. I know, tell me about it. That's great. I'm very excited about this.

Okay. All across America, nerds have iPhones. They do. Not just iPhones either, Jordan. Mm-hmm. I'm talking about iPhones and iPod torches. Yeah. You know these other ones?

Mm-hmm. They need apps. You gotta have apps. They need games! Otherwise, what are they gonna do when they should be paying attention to the road? Absolutely. What are they gonna do when they're on public transportation

and they want someone tougher than them to beat them up and take their stuff? Yeah, what are you gonna do when someone forgets what a lightsaber sounds like? And here's the thing, Jordan. What? These games are expensive. Mm-hmm.

$2.99, $3.99, $4.99. That's a little much. You need to know what games to get. Mm-hmm. You can't just fly blind. You can't just download any game willy-nilly. You can't just say, oh, here's a new release, Puzzlado. Here's a new release, Tap Tap Revenge. Here's a new release, Tap Tap Revenge.

Here's a new release, Sudoku Party. Here's a new release, Twisted Chopper. You see what I'm saying? You can't just download them just because they're new releases. Absolutely not. You'd be in the poorhouse. You don't go see every movie that's in the theaters. I do, but I've got a lot of time on my hands.

I'm a film buff. I'm an enthusiast. I love Woody Allen. You just want to see what people are talking about when they're talking about High School Musical. Jordan.

Yes. Here's the thing. Mm-hmm. What if I told you, try not to freak out, that there was a website you could use to learn about apps and games?

That's great. Sounds like a real time saver. That has games reviews that tells you a score, whether something is a must-have or not. Mm-hmm. For example. What website is this? Slide2Play.

Slide2Play.com? Slide2Play.com! Is it T-O or the number two? This is a commercial enterprise. This is not an organization of a nonprofit nature, nor is it a network. Here's an example of a great game. Okay. Dizzy Bee.

It's a must-have. Here's what you do. Guide a round bee through a maze in this puzzle game. A round bee. Wow. Jordan. What? If you're looking for a must-have,

I'm just throwing out some ideas here. Let's say you're looking for a match-three game. Yeah. I know you love match-three games. Absolutely. If you're looking for a match-three game that uses triangles instead of the usual squares, and you want it to be a must-have,

why not try Trism? It's reviewed right here on slide2play.com. That's where I learned about it. Wow. It sounds like a one-stop shop. This is an amazing resource. They will tell you how good Pass the Pigs is. They will tell you how good Cluster Ball is.

They will tell you how good Pathways is. And they're experts. Jordan. They know apps and games. What? Find and trace as many words as you can before the time runs out. That's Wordle. It's only $1.99.

It is a must-have according to slide2play.com. That's great. I'm sorry. This is going to save me a lot of time and money i am flipping the fuck out about slide to play.com the new sponsor on jordan jesse go that's great to or number two uh to a slide to play to like a normal fight not like some dipshit would spell it yeah not like an asshole would spell it like a great games review site would spell it. Yes. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, people Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, people need heroes. Mm-hmm. Like the movie The Right Stuff. I haven't seen that. I only saw the second half because I didn't realize it was a double-sided DVD. I thought, this is a weird way to start a movie.

Oh, you know, I did that with Stephen King's It. I watched the second part first and then uh watched the first part second anyways good way to watch that movie by the way you're like halfway in and you're like they're really there hasn't been a credit sequence has there yeah i thought it was just artsy that they weren't introducing because they're like they really are giving the audience a lot of credit here in stephen king's it yeah I mean, you know, they're just assuming we're going to put the pieces together. Anyway, people need someone just to guide them.

Like a guru. That's why people call our show, because they need a guru. That's why the Love Guru is such a big hit. Exactly. People love gurus. They love the Love Guru.

They need gurus. Guru from Gangstar. Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is. One of his most famous lyrics. I mean, that's what people are looking to their entertainment for. That's why people watch The Hills. They're looking for a guru. Let's help people.

Hey guys, I just thought I'd call because I know that everyone's interested in how they look and appearance and fashion. And, you know, so I just overheard an older woman having a conversation with another older woman on 16th Street, San Francisco. And she was commenting to her friend about how a male friend of theirs was, you know, kind of stepping up and looking a little better. Her explanation of why this was the case, was wearing leisure suits, no, little leisure suits and glasses. Little leisure suits and glasses. That is the formula for success. Yeah.

You see what I'm saying, Jordan? Hey, you don't have to tell me. I think we all know the case study on that. A little fella called Leisure Suit Larry. Absolutely. He's more successful than him. One of the most successful people, fictional people, in the history of adult novelty video gaming. Also, Loom.

Yeah, look at Loom. Look at Loom. Look at the game Loom sure look at lucasarts classic look at pirate island monkey island yeah where they're where they're fighting they make the little jokes to each other i know it's a wry british sense of humor it's not really actually funny but it's funny for a video game oh sure you know which are typically not very funny i was on 16th street in San Francisco, and I was reminded of two things about San Francisco that I had somehow disappeared from my mind.

One is a little game you can play. Hipster or homeless person. Because a hipster in San Francisco is a particular kind of hipster, much dirtier. A little filthy. Like a little filthy. Like a little gross.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that's part of the thing. Like a little gross. The key is to look at the tightness of the pants. And piss in the pants. Yeah, exactly. Whether or not there's piss in the pants. Yeah. The other thing I noticed is something I talked about a little bit more on the show, but was a little bit before on the show, but was really driven home to me. I think ultimately, if you were to boil down my concerns and issues about Los Angeles into one singular granular point, it would be this. Not enough solid lesbians. Yeah.

You know, like the kind of lesbian that's your neighbor and wants to help you with a project. Yeah. Like a nice, maybe a lesbian school teacher for example maybe you just aren't looking in the right places really yeah koreatown you mean yes specifically yeah i guess that's possible yeah i mean you got to go to your los los phillies is your eagle rocks eagle rock oh if you want a nice if you want a nice kind of hearty helpful lesbian it's not going to be it's not going to be a flaky, artsy lesbian?

No, no. Okay. Yeah. I'm just saying. I'm just saying it's a matter of... Because I want to talk specifically about solid lesbian. I'm not talking physically solid. Right.

Although they often are. Sure. I'm talking about just a real solid citizen, like the kind that just is a great friend. Okay, here. You're going to want to go to Tangiers. Okay. You're going to want to go to Hotel Cafe on great friend. Okay, here. You're going to want to go to Tangiers. Okay. You're going to want to go to Hotel Cafe on certain nights. Hotel Cafe, sure.

That's a good... Okay. Both good places to find... I just wish they would come to me. I feel like in San Francisco they'd come to me. You've got to do a little legwork. That's the thing. That's the thing they always say about Los Angeles.

You've got to find the little... The pockets. The pockets of not awfulness. Sure. Yeah. I feel like I just bathe in the awfulness. I just float water winged through the awfulness. Yeah. Here's what you do.

You put on one of those mining hats with the lights at the top. Sure. You clip a rope to your belt. And you spelunk for not awfulness. It's what you got to do. I gotcha. You repel? Would you say I should spelunk or repel? You're going to have to be doing both. There's, these are, it's a skill set. Outside of my skill set. That you have to have. Hey, Jordan and Jesse, this is John from St. Cloud. You guys got to help me solve something in my mind. I was just driving back from a DJ show, and I saw a cop with a car pulled over,

and the guy inside had a black ski mask on and even had an old-timey sort of robber's outfit with the white and black stripe. I have no idea offhand if he had a sack with a money sign on it, but I was just wondering, do you think I actually witnessed a robber being pulled over and getting caught by the hands of justice, or a cop just pulled over some jackass? Because it is Thursday, the night before Halloween, and I know people like dressing up beforehand, so I was just wondering, was it just a Halloween guy that got pulled over,

or did I actually see a man dressed up as an old-timey bank robber who actually did some sort of robbing? Our friend Weird Al Lover, John from St. Cloud, John, right? John from St. Cloud? He lives a sheltered life.

In St. Cloud, Minnesota, you don't see a lot of robbers. You don't see a lot of hobbers you don't see a lot of hobos you know what i mean yeah you don't know what it's like to live in a real in the what i call the real america i don't care what sarah balin says is the real america i'm talking about just the gritty what is that i'm talking about the gritty it's the northern mid Rust Belt? What is that? I'm talking about the gritty. It's the northern Midwest, I think. Oh. It's the snow belt.

What belt is that? Snow belt? I'd say it's the snow belt. Yeah. What about radial belting? Yeah. Belt sander. I think that's the belt sander.

Yeah. America's belt sander is how it's known. Because it smooths out America's deck. Yeah. Metaphorically. Because it smooths out America's deck. Yeah. Metaphorically.

What I'm saying is this guy doesn't know what it's really like to be in a real gritty urban situation where there's hobos everywhere. There's robbers, potentially monsters. Sure. Of course this guy's a robber. Flappers. Are you a fucking idiot? Flappers. Flappers. Libertine women such as flappers. Sure. There's this guy's a robber. Flappers. You fucking idiot. Flappers. Flappers. Libertine women such as Flappers.

Sure. There's hippies. Listening to hot jazz. There's hippies around. Mm-hmm. You know. Oh, also, I don't think this happened. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, go.

This is Nathan from Little Rock, Arkansas. And I was calling because last night, I'm kind of a new listener, so I fell asleep listening to one of the back episodes that I was in the middle of. And pretty much the whole night, my dreams were you guys narrating various things that I was dreaming about. Instead of dreaming about them directly, you were talking about them in a humorous manner and in my conservative estimate that's pretty close to the best thing ever also i'm going to oh my god jesse i didn't sign up for this shit when i said i'd do this podcast i didn't sign up for dudes having jack-off dreams about me i'm this is disgusting. I'm just happy my plans are finally coming to fruition.

What? Invading people's dreams? Yeah. Like Freddy Krueger? Making dudes have jack-off dreams about me. Oh, man. So gross. It's not really about us. Jordan.

Oh! Oh! It's not really about us. What? We're controlling their jack-off dreams. I don't want to be a part of these jack-off dreams these dudes are having. You know what I'm saying? Come on.

Put it away, dude. Jordan. What? What if we got Spider-Man to listen to Jordan, Jesse, and Go? Yeah, we need a face full of web. A face full of webbing. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Do you know what season it is now, officially? I mean, I have election fever. No, it's not election fever season, Jordan. That's not even a season. Oh, yeah. Baseball season just ended.

Sure. That means it's the... Hockey season! No. I mean, it may be... I don't know. Yeah. I think it is hockey season.

I'm talking about seasons that matter to people, Jordan. Okay. It's a... Hol... Hol... Hol... Holiday season? The holiday season.

I was wondering why you were doing that. It's the holiday season. You wanted me to say it. That's the most magical season. Sure. There's no doubt about that. Yeah, absolutely not. It's also the best season for projects.

Yeah. Here's what I'm asking. Round the hearth, maybe? I know that you know how to make something in the Jordan Jesse Go audience. I don't give a fuck what it is. It could be plastics. Something made out of plastics. It could be, you could crochet something.

What I'm asking is for people to make something that captures the spirit of Holiday Awesome. Okay. Make something, Jordan. spirit of Holiday Awesome. Okay. Make something, Jordan. Here's what I'm doing. I'm posting a thread in the forum, in the show's forum. You're in that fucking forum. Holiday Awesome.

Mm-hmm. You have to make something and post evidence and explanations Yes. in the thread. I have $100 of my own money that I will distribute as I see fit among the projects. If you make a project that I don't like at all, you don't get anything. If you make a project that I like,

but I think there's going to be something better, maybe I'll send you five bucks. Okay. I won't send it. I'll make Casey the intern send it. Sure. You're not going to be handling the envelopes and the stamps.

That's a fucking hassle, Jordan. I know. I'll write you a check. Great. I'll write people a check. Boom. Right here. That's a fucking hassle, Jordan. I know. I'll write you a check. Great. I'll write people a check. Boom. Right here. Here's a check.

$50. It's a great project. $20. Project's good. It's a good project. It's a fifth good. I want to see some amazing shit, Jordan. Yeah.

I'm not fucking around here, Jordan. Don't half-ass this. This is the kind of thing that binds a community together. Yeah. Projects. These are trying times. When you're looking at economic hardship, you know where you should go? To the garage to work on a project.

You know what I mean? Yep. Look, Weird Al, we all know Weird Al Lover is already in an advantage here because he lives in America's belt sander. Yeah. So he's got the tools. They have a, every neighborhood has the neighborhood belt sander. You can just go and use whenever you want to. We all know that Ronnie from the forum, we know he's already in the lead because he knows how to make a car do a wheelie. Okay? Does he?

He does, yes. That's great. People have different skills. That's why I'm not limiting it. This is not a knitting contest, Jordan. Right. This is not a drawing contest. Although both of those are perfectly legitimate forms of expression sure

we're not saying don't do those i mean try and if you're gonna do those especially drawing don't do them you're gonna try and do drawing there's got to be a really good drawing you know what i mean yeah collage if you're gonna do a collage it's got to be a really good collage yeah you know it's gonna have a sound element to it too got to be a really good collage. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's got to have a sound element to it, too. It should have a sound element, yes. No visual collages only. It has to have some other medium. Yeah.

I want something that sounds like something the Kitchen Sisters would produce for National Public Radio. Sure. Some Jay Allison type shit. Yeah. The only thing that's making any money in this is if you're interviewing your grandma. It's in memory of the late Studs Terkel. Sure. He was great, wasn't he?

Dude, he was so awesome. Yeah, he was a cool dude. It's too bad he created the most boring genre of public radio because he was a really cool guy. Okay. Anyway, does that seem clear to you? Yeah, sure.

We're posting on the forum. Make something big, small. I'm going to be giving out money probably every week. Wow. From this $100. We're writing checks, Jordan. Writing fucking checks. Man.

Straight from my account. Will your butt be able to cash them? I don't know. We'll see. Yeah. We'll see. The real question is, am I writing checks that our audience can cash? Can our audience cash those checks?

The answer? Probably. Probably. By making amazing holiday projects. Do you have any good ideas for a holiday project somebody could make? I already thought of a holiday car doing a wheelie or a holiday smooth piece of wood. I'm thinking of

some kind of cake? A brownie? Probably a cake. Pan of brownies. Pan of brownies. Make that. Make a pan of brownies. Make it.

Mail it over. It's got to have some holiday stuff in it. It should probably say Jordan Jesse Go on it. No, it doesn't have to have that. They have to mail it here? Just mail a pan of brownies over here, please. Fair enough. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. There are special moments in each of our lives. Sure. When they are so special, they almost boggle the mind, and they are so unique that we have not heard someone talk about them already on our show. They fall into that specialist category of special moments, the momentous occasion. When something momentous happens to you, we ask that you call us.

If not contemporaneously, then in the immediate aftermath at 206-984-4FUN. That's 206-984-4FUN. And share with us what was so momentous. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, this is John in Denver. I was calling with a momentous occasion. Just about five minutes ago, I broke up with my girlfriend I'd been with for three years. And what was momentous about it was we were talking, we were having this really deep conversation, and I finally dropped it that we shouldn't

be together anymore. And there was a really awkward pause right then. Her dog farted, and we both just burst out laughing, and it was amazing. Thanks. Bye. The fart was amazing? Way to go, dog. Yeah. Yeah.

Dogs are really... Dogs have good timing. Dogs are the windows to our souls. And in some cases, our souls are stinky, full of farts. They're incorporeal, like farts, also. That's another thing they have in common with farts. They waft. They come out of butts, too. So that's three different things that they have in common with farts.

Sure. Hey, Jordan and Jesse. Just had a momentous occasion in a subway in Queens. Jesse just had a momentous occasion in a subway in Queens. A guy got in an argument with the, I don't know, owner of the establishment because he put a cold sandwich in the same bag as a warm sandwich and it proceeded to turn into a fist fight. But I didn't help out because I don't have any health insurance.

You know what? What? but I didn't help out because I don't have any health insurance. You know what? What? That just goes to show that you should never trust the owner of a subway with your sandwiches. Right. There's one person

who doesn't know anything about sandwiches. It's a subway. All he knows is trains, Jordan. Yeah. The man only knows underground trains. See what I'm saying? What are you doing? He doesn't know the difference between prosciutto and pimento.

Jordan and Jesse, this is Dash from Summit, New Jersey. I just had to tell Jim Cramer from Mad Money's Daughter that she couldn't rent at Blockbuster. And I had to call Jim Cramer at his home and speak with him and get his permission, and it was totally surreal and wonderful and weird. Bye! Wow, she's trying to get a... She's underage and trying to get a rated R movie.

Is what this sounds like. Have you ever seen Jim Cramer on TV? Yes. People are saying, you know, Jim Cramer's... I read in the New York Times about how Jim Cramer's fortunes might fall because of the economic collapse. Yes. I don't know. I could be wrong.

But I don't think Jim Cramer's success has anything to do with his stock recommendations. You know, actually, maybe I seem most familiar with him because of him, like, kind of cameoing as himself in things. He is... He does really a lot of cameoing as himself and things he is he does a really a lot of cameoing as himself it would seem if he if you ever see his program it's him yelling running around and pressing big plungers that make sound effect yeah it is really i think it might be the best program in american television because it is he's's really picking up where Mark Summers left off. It is absolute madness. That is why it is called Mad Money. Right.

It's not because you're making so much money. It's because it is pure... It is like they just took the world's most coherent, insane homeless person... Sure. ...and asked him not only to host a show but also to design it to build it and and in addition to those two things they're like oh and this is cnbc so it's got to be about stocks yeah you know what i mean fine that's the most one of the most important

things yeah you know what i mean i don't mean? I don't think he's going anywhere. All he's doing is the same thing. He's still just running around. Barooga. I say sell. RTM. Bye. I'll play myself in a movie.

Anyway. That's what he'll say. I just want to take this opportunity to dedicate this show, this episode of Jordan Jesse Go. To Jim Cramer's daughter. To the late, great Jim Cramer and his daughter. Yeah. Who's trying to rent some... Porno movie.

Porno blockbuster movie. Softcore porn. Yeah. Like a Shannon Tweed type of movie. Sure. Erotic confessions. Exactly. Confessional eroticism.

You know what the problem is, Jordan? She doesn't listen to Jordan Jesse Go. We can't control her eroticism. You know what the problem is, Jordan? She doesn't listen to Jordan Jesse Goh. We can't control her erotic dreams. Yeah. If she did, it wouldn't be a problem. I don't want to control the erotic dreams of a teen, Jesse. Teens will have erotic dreams whether or not we control them, Jordan. Teen and over only.

No dudes either. Oh, yeah. No dudes? Yeah. No dudes. Jordan don't be a homophobe. I'm sorry. I just don't want

you know. Sorry. Also Jordan in addition to that don't be a homophone. You're right. You're right. I'm kind of being a homophone.

Because you know I just it confuses me. Yeah. You gotta get confused when someone is a homophone. I'm really just it confuses me yeah you gotta get confused when someone is a homophone i'm really just doing it for no reason someone's no rhyme no rhyme or reason to when i'm turning into a homophone we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Just one quick thing I want to mention. What is it? You're supposed to tell me about this kind of stuff. The show's over. It's done. This is really good, what I'm about to mention.

No, it's done. It's over. Show's over. Okay. Really? Let me mention this. Let me mention it. Come on.

No. You're lucky I can't remember how to turn off the recording. This is going to spark a lot of great discussion. Okay, fine. Whatever. Actually, no. On second thought, no. All right.

It'll be good. Don't say it.'t just flirt it out yeah okay that was good all right do you have anything else to say in addition to that because that was so good yeah i i was noticing especially um uh i imagine a lot of our audience uh has some really erotic dreams, maybe does a lot of some sort of social network-y thing with their personal life, whether it's a blog or a MySpace or with Twitter. And I noticed this especially with telling that story about New Orleans today that I've probably already told that to two or three people who may or may not listen to the podcast. And I never want this to get too self-referential, but it's a definite problem. to apologize to people because you told them that and then told it on the podcast. Or then also, when you're talking with someone who may or may not follow you on Twitter or listen to your podcast, and you want to talk about something, you have to preface it by saying, Well, I Twittered about this.

Or I blogged about this. I'm wondering kind of what the classy way to do that is. Some real class access into this show. When you interact with someone in real life who you also interact with in a virtual space. And this isn't, to be clear, this isn't a question for all the listeners of the program. No. This is a question for the people who have real life friends

in addition to internet friends. Sure. Or, yeah. So I want to know how you deal with that inevitable awkwardness that comes with doubling up, the bringing up something in real life that you've already brought up in the virtual space, and if there's a classy way to do that

or how you would prefer that to be done. You know what I like to do? I wear this t-shirt and it has bars that light up if there's a Wi-Fi signal in the room. That's a good idea. So that's really helped me in terms of just classiness. And I just wear it to like events and just stuff. Mine says got milf.

Yeah. So, I mean, it just seems like T-shirts is the way to go. T-shirts. Maybe the audience has different ideas. Okay. Action item? Yeah, absolutely. 206-984-4FUN is the number to call.

If you'd like to respond to our action item, if a momentous occasion happens to you, if you just need some advice from us, you know, we're not afraid to help people out. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you know what else? Hmm. Here's something I've been thinking about. What? Occasionally, there's a sponsor to help people out. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you know what else? Here's something I've been thinking about. What? Occasionally there's a sponsor on Jordan Jesse Go. Sure.

Sponsorship on Jordan Jesse Go is not out of anyone's reach. Absolutely not. But I'm not going to call businesses and try and sell them sponsorships on Jordan Jesse Go. Yeah. Fucking hassle. You probably should. So you know what I'm going to do? Make more money that way.

I'm putting it within everybody's reach. If you have an announcement you want to make on Jordan, Jesse, go. You want us to make. Okay. $100. It's a one-time deal. $100. Wow, that's pretty good.

Yeah, I'll do it. Any business. It could be your blog. I'll shill. Your podcast. Sure. Whatever it is, $100 one time. Great.

Of course, if you want to do it for months or whatever. All the better. Drop me a line anyway. What I'm saying, $100. Okay. I mean, you've got to really give us the $100 before we do it. Great. Of course, if you want to do it for months or whatever, all the better. Drop me a line anyway. But I'm saying, 100 bucks. Okay. I mean, you got to really give us the 100 bucks before we do it. Yeah. We won't do it and then bill you. Yeah, make sure the check clears. We got to clear the check first. Yeah. We take cash also. Absolutely. And if you want to pay in a foreign currency, we'd also take 100 pounds. Sure. You know, also maybe 100 euros? Guineas? Absolutely. Guineas, yeah, sure. What about this?

Pieces of eight. Yeah. We would take 12 point something pieces of eight. We would take one buck for each piece. Of eight. See what I'm saying? Yeah, that sounds... Does that make sense?

It's the exchange rate as I understand it. Right. 206-984-4FUN. If you do want to do that, I'm totally serious about this. Jesse at MaximumFun.org. Yeah. I'm opening it up, Jordan. Wow.

I'm opening up the floodgates. Yeah, man. We are selling out big time. I'll do... The only thing I don't want to do is political stuff. Set your phasers to shill. Yeah. I'm shilling for anything, Jordan.

You know why? It's the holiday time. I need the money. Yeah. I got a big project in mind. I need to make $100 so I can give out money to other people who make projects. Okay. We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jesse.

Oh, shit. You know what? What? Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design. Sure. Available on the best of The Free Design called Kites Are Fun. Light in the Attic Records. Great fun.

Absolutely. We'll see you next time. Bye. Light in the Attic Records. Great fun. Absolutely. We'll see you next time. Bye. I'm John Jessica. Hey, it's Jesse. Something that I'm pretty sure I forgot to record in the actual recording of this show. My Spanish class pal Juanita is going to come in and be on the show sometime in the next couple weeks once we figure out the timing. And I think she's super wise.

So I decided to have her anchor a segment called Ask Juanita. So if you're out there and you have questions about your relationships, your love life, your work life, anything that you need advice on from somebody who's going to drop some serious wisdom on you, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN so we can put the questions to Juanita.