Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 90: Whitman's Sampler

Episode Date: February 25, 2009

Jesse and Jordan go to the movies, plus Ask Juanita and more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, friendly, maggoty, maddy, twiddle, Jesse, go.

Jordan and Jesse go to the movies, but get pretty well sidetracked. We visit with Juanita. It's a regular Whitman sampler. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, today Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, today we aren't just recording.

Today we are multitracking. Oh, because you have a fancy new fancer recorder. We got this Onyx board. Wow. Yeah. Onyx. That's a valuable mineral from biblical times you got it it's a big upgrade we were previously using a myrrh board do people still use the mineral onyx for things is that

like an inlaid ring maybe yeah a spearhead what did you make for one of these modern spears you know like okay sorry i don't i didn't i was asking if there's... It seemed like, to me, something that, you know... You're right. It's not a spear, but they do use it in modern times. Like for an arrowhead, for example. Okay. Yeah, like if you're doing some... Some bow hunting.

Bow hunting, sure. People like bow hunting. People love bow hunting. No, they do. Jordan, I don't know. I feel like you're really shitting on my onyx here. I just don't want to talk about the sound equipment that I know nothing about. I would rather talk about the mineral I know nothing about.

Oh, man. We got a really cool Jordan and Jesse go this week. We got Juanita coming up. Great. Jordan, any day I get to talk to Juanita is the best day of my week. Sure. Right? Yeah, she's wonderful.

Decidedly wonderful. She's a lifestyle guru, Jordan. She's like, you know the Dallas stockbroker on Marketplace? Yes. She's like our Dallas stockbroker on Marketplace, only hopefully not annoying. our Dallas stockbroker on Marketplace, only hopefully not annoying. Hey, also, I would like to use this kind of top of the show general chit chat to say thank you to E-Beth for a lovely Valentine's Day package she sent me. You know, Jordan, because you're not married, you get a Valentine's Day packet.

Sure. And also because you're much more well-liked than I am. Yeah. It's inappropriate to send a married man a Valentine's Day package. Yeah, it's inappropriate to send a married man a Valentine's Day package. No, but I don't think I was outside of my rights and responsibilities to enjoy a few of the Skittles that were in the package. Sure, I mean, I know that the Valentine's Day candies within the package were meant for me. For general consumption. But I don't think, Beth, I shared some with you.

I shared some with Brian, the new intern. He sampled some of Mr. Whitman's confections with me. What's nice about Mr. Whitman, I'll tell you this, Jordan, is a lot of confectioners will force you to choose

one confection from their line, which is typically composed of many confections, and they will force you to purchase an entire case of one, say, a peanut brittle. A flat. Exactly. Oftentimes I'll have to buy a flat of caramel chews. If you go see Mr. Schmidt. If you go see Mr. Ghirardelli.

Miss Seas. Exactly. Seas. What's nice about Mr. Schmidt. If you go see Mr. Ghirardelli. Miss Seas. Exactly. Seas. What's nice about Mr. Whitman is that he offers you a sampler. Yeah. A selection of confections, and you can decide which one you like. Do you like nougat? Do you like taffy?

Yeah. I mean, I hear he came up with i just made myself laugh i'm an asshole what was it though i don't know it's probably not even worth saying anymore this one i think you have to say it or else you're gonna be upset i was gonna say he came up with the idea we should let me let me interject here to say that if jordan makes himself laugh at his own joke it's usually not because it's the most amazing joke it's mostly because he's he's laughing in wonderment at the fact that his mind developed this joke that is uh so sort of a combination of silly, nonsensical,

probably, maybe not even worth thinking of. You know what I mean? No, I think it's just because I'm a dick. I'll tell the joke anyways, though. Mr. Whitman came up with the idea when he realized he

liked white chicks as well as Asians. Yeah, okay, you're just a dick. Yeah. Well, anyway, I'm glad I'm not the one being a dick on this week's show. Yeah, right? Come on. The only dick move that I pulled was trying to talk about my new mixer. Yeah.

Isn't there some other kind of audio guy podcast that you can do? Yeah. I should just talk to some audio general this is a general interest podcast sorry i thought it was a recording technology podcast general interest well at least we got some minerals talk in there everybody loves minerals okay well we'll be back in just a second i'm jordan jessica Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, Hollywood. The City of Dreams. Yes. Tinseltown. You know why they call it Tinseltown, Jordan? Because every day feels like Christmas? Because it's the City of Dreams.

Oh, right. Dreams are made out of tinsel. Gotcha. You didn't know that? Yeah, they're wispy. Yeah. Like a gossamer. Wispy, fragile. Like a gossamer penguin. Sure. What is that? What? The thing you said? Yeah.

I just say nonsense phrases, Jordan. I guess so. I'm tired. I'm going to a conference. I'm just talking nonsense at this point. That's fine. It's gone. Well, I appreciate that, Jordan.

You're just excited because you have a Valentine this year. Yeah. And a big box full of candies. You thought Coco was going to have to be your Valentine. Yeah. Nope. Got a late Valentine via the mail. My mom sent a Valentine's card to Coco.

Did you get one? No. Yeah. I did not. Oh. At this point. But, I mean, Coco knows she's one of those reading dogs, right? No, no, no. A reader dog?

No, no, no. A reader dog? No, no, no. Coco has a typical to slightly below average level of intelligence for a dog. Okay. She's active and inquisitive, which gives her the appearance of intelligence. Sure. But I really don't think she's any smarter than any other dog. But really she's just easily startled. Exactly.

I think that's what I would maybe say Coco's defining characteristic excitable also sure um and adorable there you go certainly there's no doubt about that i posted this on the twitter somebody uh two actually different people uh sent me back a message saying that their dog sends them a valentine via their mom. Okay, okay, I gotcha. Their mom writes a valentine on behalf of their dog. Maybe a little paw print for the signature. At this point, my mom loves my dog more than she loves me. Eh, well, the dog's not argumentative. That's true.

That's true. She's not belligerent. You can be a pill sometimes. I can. I can get cross. I'm a little stubborn. Yeah'm not belligerent. You can be a pill sometimes. I can. I can get cross. I'm a little stubborn. Yeah. Coco sometimes jumps up.

Yeah, she is a jumper. That's just about. She's a little bit jumpy. Can't blame her for that, you know? So she really wants you to play catch with her. It's fun. Sometimes when you don't feel like playing catch. So we're in Hollywood.

Okay, we're in Hollywood. It's the home of the motion picture industry. Sure. It's been a long time since we've done a movie. That and Toronto. Well, industry. Sure. It's been a long time since we've done a movie where we end up. That and Toronto. Well, Vancouver. Vancouver.

Michigan lately. Oh, yeah? Michigan has like a 50% production rebate. Big tax break for the... Yeah. Man. They will pay you to make a movie in Michigan. God, I got to get to Michigan.

We got to get to Michigan. Oh, man. I got to save up enough cash. I don't have the money to live in Michigan, though, Jordan. That's the thing. I don't have that kind of money. I don't have any contacts over there either you know it's who you know in michigan it's absolutely let's say you know a barry gordy right founder of motown records a lake michigan sure i mean you have to know these are the things in michigan i know about

yeah i mean and if you don't have the connects you know you're just going to end up out on the streets of lansing no yeah and you know you're you're tem connects, you're just going to end up out on the streets of Lansing. Yeah. And you're temping. Yeah. You're temping. Going to Tigers games. You got a football team up there probably. Detroit Lions.

Detroit. Yeah, absolutely. So it's a tough. The White Stripes are from there. The point is, this is a tough. I don't know enough Michigan facts to keep this one going. Unless you're Martha and the Vandellas, this is a tough scene. I mean, you have to at the very least be one of the Vandellas.

That's cutthroat. You know what I mean? In that case, if you're Martha and the Vandellas, then you're dancing in the streets. You know what I mean? I gotcha. Anyway, it's been a busy movie time for both of us. Absolutely. The Oscars are coming up.

Oscars are coming up. Of course, we have all our favorite Oscar picks. You know what my money's on? I don't know. I was hoping you knew. No, I don't. I actually don't. I just gave the money to my bookie

and said put it on whatever. Yeah, sure. Whatever, yeah. Hugh Jackman is hosting the Oscars, though. Why is Hugh Jackman? Can you explain that to me? Hugh Jackman's great. He's a song and dance man by trade.

Yeah. He was on Broadway for a number of years. Was he? So he's got that kind of old-time showbiz razzmatazz. He's got a good razzmatazz? Oh, yeah. He's got tons of razzmatazz. Isn't he from a foreign country?

He's from Australia, I think. Do you think it's moral for a foreigner to host the Oscars? Yes. Do you think that's going to cause problems with the stimulus bill, the Buy American part of the stimulus bill? I can't imagine that it would. I think that's probably why Hollywood got cut out of the stimulus bill. Yeah.

They hired a foreigner to host the Oscars. Yeah, they should have gotten a nice American to host those Oscars. Billy Crystal. He's available. His long-running Broadway one-man show has ended. He's not doing any more embarrassing black characters on Comic Relief. Okay, so they got Hugh Jackman to host the Oscars. Hugh Jackman's funny.

He's nice, he's affable, he's a movie star. He's not going to, you know. Are you just buddies? Everybody likes him. Do you know him from The Y or something like that? Is that why you're such a big booster of Hugh Jackman? I spot for him. Because normally they have...

It's not like we talk to each other while I'm spotting. What Hugh Jackman does is he just comes into the room and he points at me. And I come over and I spot for him. He gives me a little pat on the fanny and I go my... And the best part is you're the emergency spotter, which is what you call your boner that you get when you're standing over Hugh Jackman. Nice. Thank you. Yeah.

Here's how he knows. He just sits up, touches the boner with the tip of his nose, goes back down. That's how he knows he's finished his rep. Sure. When it's the tip of his nose. What is a Hugh Jackman bench, Jordan? 8-8. I don't know what's a good night of night.

8-8, sure. That's a hell of a bench. Deuce. A deuce. A deuce. Deuce 88. How about that? Yep. And a three deuce a deuce a deuce deuce 88 how about that yep and uh three the quad dude you made the quad on a good day you know what i bet this guy benches free weights yeah you know what i mean dumbbells no not dumbbells i take that back treadmill do you

think he wears those weights around his ankles you You know how a lady will wear those weights velcroed around their ankle when they're doing jazzercise? Sure. I think he does that. I think he does that, too. He's probably one of the best jazzercisers in the world because he's a song and dance man. Have you seen his calves?

They're beautiful. Yeah. He's a beautiful man. Sure. No one is here telling you that he's not a beautiful man, Jordan. I'm just wondering, should a comedian or television personality or someone who's hosted things before host the Oscars? You know, I feel like when you do get somebody cool to host the Oscars, like a Steve Martin or a Jon Stewart, I feel like just the material that they do has to be so general.

they do has to be so general like i feel like when i i feel like when i remember seeing john stewart host and he didn't really do anything john stewarty he just kind of you know they have a team of writers i i'm sure that the host isn't because the host has their other job so they're not instrumental in the creating of the material i i don't think what i don't understand is they'll hire someone and then if they do just a thing that is the the least bit like a thing that they would do sure people go ape shit yeah yeah i mean i i definitely remember the letterman hosting from when i was a kid and i remember loving it i remember i remember going nuts it changed my life absolutely but yeah i mean, I kind of am only realized later that it's kind of a famous debacle. Yeah.

Who knew? Do you remember when Chris Rock hosted the Oscars, made some completely inoffensive jokes about how Jude Law was in every movie? Sure. And said nothing bad about Jude Law. No, there was a time when jude law was in a lot of movies he was in like 12 movies at once he was in every movie sure and chris rock's joke was basically this guy is in every movie but i'm not really sure that sure who he is yeah

besides that he's in every single movie oh and then someone was like oh he's one of our finest actors yeah that fucking i lost all respect for sean penn as soon as he came out yeah it's funny i'll tell you who he is he's one of our finest well nobody said he was a bad actor yeah right it's it's almost as though he was a comedian performing comedy jokes yeah so i mean i i feel like this feel like the kind of performance you have to give at the Oscars, like, yeah, I say might as well just let a cool, famous person do it, you know? Why don't they just have that guy from Saved by the Bell who hosts Extra do it? Mario Lopez?

Yeah, that guy. Yeah. Well, that's also a good choice. He's probably unavailable. He can sing and dance. Mm-hmm. Ladies love him. Sure. Of course, he's got a great sense of humor's probably unavailable. He can sing and dance. Ladies love him. Sure.

Of course, he's got a great sense of humor. Absolutely. A lot of fun. We saw that on Saved by the Bell. We did. I think we should have him do it. That is a better choice. Problem solved, right?

Let's make some calls. Give Jackman the night off. Look, I'll get Valanche on the line. I'm sure he's got the... Once we get Bruce, he can run it up the flagpole. Mario Lopez it'll be. Some point to make about Jack. Oh, yeah. It's interesting that Hugh Jackman has really had the only success that he's had box office-wise is the X-Men movies.

But for some reason he's one of those movie stars where like nobody teases him for all the bombs he makes but he does yeah no i don't like his movies there's non-x-men movies bomb pretty spectacularly don't they and consistently i think sure right yeah and but yeah for some reason he just he just is continues to be the sexiest man alive and they let him host the oscars and like his fame is undone oh guys i guess magician movie with christian bale was a success was it yeah i don't know the prestige i watched that movie yeah creep me out but i didn't like it that much oh yeah i liked it like bowie oh yeah seeing bowie in there wait no is bowie the one that i saw there was two you

might have seen the illusionist yeah that was this that was the year of the that one had edward norton magician thriller that one had edward norton this is the like this is the year of the mall security guard that was the year of the uh magician thriller yeah i must have seen the illusionist what was the other one the prestige is that one better than the illusionist that's great it has bowie in it yeah scarlett johansson and a uh kind of a kind of a cute little magician's assistant outfit i saw a scarlett johansson movie i saw vicky cristina barcelona oh how'd that go it was woody allen's most recent yeah i heard uh i heard someone give a real strong

recommendation of that the other day i think at this point people will recommend any woody allen movie that's not an embarrassment. Yeah, yeah. Definitely, I feel like I watched Match Point semi-recently, and I'm like, all right, that wasn't terrible. Woo! And then I did a victory lap around my living room. And I mean, granted, I have a unique perspective. I'm a guy who really liked that Woody Allen movie with John Lovitz in it.

Which one was that? Small Time Crooks. Small Time Crooks one was that? Small Time Crooks. I really enjoyed Small Time Crooks. So, I mean, obviously, I'm forgiving of Woody Allen's comedy misfires. Sure. Okay. But I watched this Vicky Cristina Barcelona, okay?

This is, I guess I'm not, this is Javier Bardem, and it's kind of a, this is, I'll give you a quick, it's kind of a Crimes and Mis's kind of a... This is... I'll give you a quick... It's kind of a Crimes and Misdemeanors situation, right? I'll give you a quick summary of what happens in this movie. Okay. Nothing.

Nothing happens in this entire movie. There's these two ladies. They go to Spain. One of them is Scarlett Johansson. One of them's another lady. Other lady was quite good. I don't know who it was. Yeah.

Then... Oh, it's Penelope Cruz? No no wait well i'm getting to penelope cruz okay so scarlett johansson goes off to live with javier bardem who basically just apparently uses his magical power of spanishness uh to entrance both of these ladies sure um scarlett johansson ends up going to live with them there's a lot of narration that basically explains everything that's happening um at one point penelope cruz comes in she and javier bardem bardem yell in spanish uh she kisses with scarlett johansson but there's no nudity um yeah i'd. I'd prefer them being nude in the same room rather than kissing. They don't even have to be doing anything.

Yeah. Just be nude in the same shot. You're not going to get a fight from me on that issue. Yeah. And then it just ends. Huh. Doesn't resolve it particularly. There's no particular tension in the film.

Mm-hmm. There is theoretically a conflict, but only theoretically theoretically it's mostly explained by your narrator good um it's uh lovely to look at yeah spain is wonderful spain's a beautiful country i haven't seen uh i haven't seen slumdog millionaire yeah yet uh i i imagine it's good i feel like i like every danny boyle movie i see and i i imagine that this is good my issue now is finding someone to see it with i feel like you have to have a stomach for child torture i want to put that out there oh for slumdog million there's these television commercials right now for slumdog millionaire that i swear to god make it look

like it's some kind of indian oklahoma yeah like it's just like uh you know bongra music playing and people doing ecstatic dances. Right. It's like, just because there's an ecstatic dance at the end of the movie during the credits. Doesn't mean there's no child torture. Yeah, exactly. There is some committed child torture in this film.

There's this part in the trailer, and I'm not revealing anything to anyone who hasn't seen it, but there's this part in the trailer where they just briefly for a second show the protagonist as a child like leaping forth into the sky like hands like fists raised in ecstasy and delight right sure and just this moment of pure joy that's accompanied by this crazy fun bongra music. They only show it for a second, I think because if they showed it for longer, you might be able to tell that the character is covered in feces. The character has just leapt out of...

Totally out of context. A drainage ditch filled with human feces. Excellent. That is... It's a legitimately triumphant moment to escape that shit pipe. i mean that's true so you know and i enjoyed the movie excellent film i was gonna say the uh i feel like i don't really know what the movie is about despite hearing multiple interviews with the director uh-huh uh i feel like the only thing people bring up to tout the movie is that they really filmed India. I mean, you really film India in this movie.

You really show it with cameras. Yeah. You really take a camera and you go out. I'm like, this is what a camera does. Yeah. But you know what? That's exactly the same thing that happens in vicky cristina barcelona you really shoot you really see spain you see screen some of the things there

yeah i i bet slumdog millionaire is great but i feel like slumdog millionaire it's a lot better than vicky cristina barcelona i'll tell you i mean vicky cristina barcelona not unpleasant i guess sure nothing happens in it but nothing unannoying happens in it really just no like high-pitched sirens no go on for 10 minutes and it reminded me you know i saw uh do you remember what what was penelope cruz's most recent uh volver i saw volver i thought that was a nothing i had had no interest in Penelope Cruz in that movie at all. And Penelope Cruz does do, when she's like freaking out, she plays a lady who kind of freaks out a lot in this movie.

Yeah. She's a fantastic at it. You can tell, oh, that's why she's a movie star, because she plays a volatile and astonishingly beautiful woman quite well. Here's my recent movie-watching kick. I've been a Netflix, a loyal Netflix user for a few years. Really love it. It's a fine service.

Support the service 100%. It's worth what you pay for it. Send you a Blu-ray. How about that? Sure. And anyways, they've had a service on it for a while watch instantly that i haven't had much use for because i didn't really want to watch anything on my laptop i don't love watching things on my computer i'll do it in a pinch i'll watch a hulu sometimes sure uh but uh you know never really had much interest in watching a feature film on my laptop.

Anyways, they recently kind of moved this feature, this Watch Instantly feature, to where you can use your Xbox online service to watch your instant movies on your TV. Fuck yeah. This is a great thing, and I just went nuts. And you can just watch as many as you want. You can stop them if you don't like them. You can take it off. You can put it on.

So much fun. And I'm kind of only— Turn up the volume. Turn it down. Absolutely. Pause. Fast forward. Go somewhere else.

Chapter skip. Play Mortal Kombat for a few minutes. Go back to the movie. Just really— Xbox Guide. Sure. movie just really xbox guide sure um i am now realizing not a wonderful selection of film the thing is one of the things about this i've got this thing too it's maybe got 10 percent of movies yeah is are available which is a an astonishing absolutely. But you can't really pick a movie that you want to see on it, then go and load it up on your thing.

Yeah, yeah. You have to kind of go and make a list of the movies you might be willing to watch. I watched Ghostbusters this way the other day. Sure. And, you know, Ghostbusters is great, and it had been a long time since I'd seen Ghostbusters. But I wouldn't have gone to the video store to rent Ghostbusters. Yeah. I mean, I definitely had a, uh, just a, just a crazy binge when this first came out and

I feel like I kind of plowed through all the good movies real quick and now I'm kind of, you know, combing the, combing the ocean floor for something to watch on this. I feel like, uh, uh, I just like getto-DVD horror movies and pop them in. There was a movie called Transmorphers that was obviously like Transformers knockoff. I'm like, I'll see what that's all about. I'm like, why am I doing this? Now I'm just wasting time. I'm like, okay, they have a bunch of good Woody Allen movies on there.

I used it to watch Manhattan manhattan and sleeper and bananas and like all all really good movies sure and those are in this upper echelon with movies uh like small time crooks sure right absolutely curse of the jade scorpion i didn't like curse of the jade scorpion will ferrell woody allen movie oh yeah that's an example of a movie that i'm willing to forgive it's got chiwetel Ejiofor. Absolutely. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, so now I'm just combing the dregs and just watching weird history channel things on trains. Yeah, absolutely. But for some reason, I like this service so much, but just they haven't added any new movies to it in a long time.

You're watching Ski School 3. I absolutely watched Ski School. Yeah, I'm watching just like 80s movies, like 80s teen comedies to like count the boobs and like making like yeah making you got one of those clickers next to your uh next to your sofa like that a train conductor has like yeah exactly uh so yeah well you're punching tickets a train conductor has a thing that punches tickets doesn't he have a clicker to counsel people on the train? I don't know. He's going tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, punching tickets.

I've never been on a train, Jesse. Okay, sorry. I don't drive, Jesse. Sorry. Yeah, I had never seen Superbad. I got to watch Superbad on demand. You didn't see Superbad? I did not see it.

I saw, just recently in a screening, the new movie by Greg Mottola, the guy who directed Superbad, which is called Adventureland. I think it comes out next month. I loved it. I fucking loved it. You know what it's like? This is what it's like. It's like, what if a movie like Garden State, just one of those movies about somebody who's kind of lost, not sure what to do with themselves. Sure.

Got a dopey buddy. Yeah. It was funny and good. it's great it's very conventional there's no surprises in it it's a straightforward coming of age story there's some really great cock punching in it oh you're just gonna love the cock punching in this movie jordan it is just this is some of the best cock punching I've seen in a movie ever. And I watch cock punching movies, as you know.

Sure, yeah. I mean, I will actively, I will type. You got a region-free DVD player so you could import cock punch movies from Sweden.

Absolutely. Because, I mean, that's where the genre was born. I mean, now he's born, yes. Oh, okay. Sorry.

You're going to get technical on me. Perfected Nigeria. Really? The Nigerian film industry. Yes. Really? They're known for two things. One is their surprising vibrancy of the local traditional features.

Second is cock punching. They have taken cock punching to a new level that is truly spectacular. But in terms of mainstream entertainment, Adventureland was the best cock punching I've seen in a movie. And you know what I said? Yeah, I mean, Hollywood, you know, waters down its cock punching,

so it's nice to see. Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig are in this movie. They have a modest part in the movie, not a huge part. And Hader's great in the movie. Hader's great in every movie he's in. He just goes in the movie not a huge part um and a hater is great in the movie i mean hater's great in every movie he's in he just goes in he does a great job gets out of there yeah you know what i mean kristen wigg i don't know the woman has like five lines in this movie she terrifies me she's too funny yeah it's it's it's it's outrageous yeah yeah yeah i am i watched a a speaking of hulu a i kind of like

they kind of put the best of each week's snl on there and there was this sketch called it's like called cougar club or cougar club i think was the name of the sketch and it was pretty you know pretty traditional pretty could have just been called uh you a moderately ill-advised Saturday Night Live sketch on a current cultural trend. Sure. That's precisely what it was. A slightly current cultural trend. Yeah. A little – like you're a little late on this, SNL.

Yeah, there were some Facebook jokes. And yes, nothing exemplary about the writing. Alec Baldwin was a weird gay guy and then then Drew Barrymore did, like, a Charo voice. It's totally unremarkable, but Kristen Wiig just performs the fuck out of this kind of sad Orange County lady. And it just seems to have all this subtext and, like— She does this kind of alienated, weird sadness. I think the only person who can do it like she can do it is bill murray i mean i mean that sincerely that is that's god that's not hyper i don't mean that as hyperbole

yeah i think her and bill murray can do the perfect alienated weird confused quiet sadness there are a few scenes in this adventure land where bill hater's doing something and bill hater's doing something great funny guy absolutely bill hater's doing something great in the front in the foreground and kristen wig is just standing slightly behind him and slightly to his right looking sad and she blows him out of off the screen just you just i literally started rolling like i started laughing so hard i was like flopping back and forth in my chair while at her when she wasn't even the focus of the scene or even talking i broke this what did you break i broke this magic ball oh geez it's a really

okay uh to clue you in the listener uh part of my Valentine's Day package from eBeth was this magic ball. Oh, my God. And it's a squeeze ball filled with gunk, apparently. And I've been playing with it this whole time, just violently squeezing it. And I just busted it all over me. brian this is a good time for an intern to come here maybe toxic slime that's fine it's not like on you know here you can here you can just thank you brian you can just take that away and uh maybe i don't put it in your mouth i wouldn't uh and i'm just gonna try not to put my hands in my mouth until we can get done with this

that was terrifying that was a nightmare I hope I don't get jaundiced I think I really put a button on this movie segment just real quick if anybody else is using the Netflix on demand feature I would love some suggestions for maybe hidden gems things I haven't seen that would be great Netflix on-demand feature. I would love some suggestions for maybe hidden gems,

things I haven't seen. That would be great. You actually told me, and I didn't know this, that the Terry Jones Medieval History series is on there. Yeah, Terry Jones from Monty Python does a couple of... Thank you. I got a wet towel. That's great. Terry Jones from Monty Python has some BBC series where he...

We should always record this with an intern around. Yeah, right? He probably has a fire extinguisher, too, just in case. There you go. I hope I do something to catch myself on fire. That would be cool. Hose it down. He portrays just a different person from a different class in the Middle Ages,

like he does a you know a surf and then a nobleman and it's great and funny and corny and filled with great dad jokes and uh yeah very very fun to watch quick question yes you a little bit educational did you say before we went on the air that you were going to watch a new street fighter the movie? Yes. Actually, I think I have to go tomorrow. This is kind of a... I have to see the occasional advanced screening for work. And I guess they made a new

Street Fighter movie based on the game. No, that's not possible. It is. It has Michael Clarke Duncan. I have a question. It has Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas. People don't...

Street Fighter is a cultural phenomenon that peaked 12 years ago, isn't it? Yes. They recently... I think it officially comes out the day we're taping this. I got it yesterday. There's a new Street Fighter game coming out that is, you know, has as much buzz as a video game can have that's not Halo or Grand Theft Auto. I guess this is the time to put out a new Street Fighter movie. But yeah, why? To the extent that there is a time to put out a new Street Fighter movie. Yeah, which maybe there isn't.

I was, you know, this came up maybe like, I don't know where. Well, I guess maybe we should also mention that there was a Street Fighter movie back when. Yeah, for those of you who are 18. Yeah. that there was a Street Fighter movie back when it was at its height of popularity. For those of you who are 18, there was a Street Fighter movie that really fulfilled what you would expect a Street Fighter movie would be. Van Damme was in it. Yeah, and it wasn't even when Van Damme was popular. No.

This was after his sell-by date. He was on the wane. Yeah. It had a techno soundtrack. Red hot techno soundtrack. Hammer did a song for it. Did he really? Yeah, Hammer did a song where he like rapped.

It was one of those situations. This might be another Jordan is wrong. We might want to look this up. Okay. I'm a little gun shy now. But I think Hammer did a thing where he rapped the plot of the movie at the end. Oh my God. Like he did for the Addams Family. Well, sure. If it worked for the movie at the end. Oh, my God.

Like he did for The Addams Family. Well, sure. If it worked for The Addams Family, that was a big hit. Yeah, absolutely. You know what I mean? Yeah. He did one for Addams Family 2, I think, too. Addams Family Values.

He may have. I mean. I don't know, Jordan. I don't follow this kind of thing. I did recently download Hammer's unreleased Death Row album. How'd that go? It's pretty good. I mean, Hammer's not a good rapper. No.

Does he do any dancing on the album? Yeah, well, you can hear a soft shoe or two here and there. That's great. This girl in my high school named Mary, she once wrote a really sensual poem about Elvis the Pelvis Stoico. Who's that? You're familiar with Elvis the Pelvis Stoico? I am that? You're familiar with Elvis the Pelvis Stoico?

I am not. Okay, famous ice skater. Okay. This came up, I remember where I was thinking, why I was thinking of this. This came up on Luke Burbank's show, Too Beautiful to Live, the other day. I was on Luke Burbank's show,

he said something about Elvis Stoico. She, once in English class, he was like known for being a very sensual ice dancer, I guess, Elvis Stoico, which is why he was called Elvis for being a very sensual ice dancer i guess elvis stoica which is why he was called elvis the pelvis yeah he was sort of uh he was sort of notorious in ice dancing circles for the thrusting of his pelvis gotcha he would do it was sort of like right around when michael jackson you know fucked up that car in that video and then he was doing the pelvic thrusts um in this case it was an ice dancer wearing sequins.

And one day in English class, this girl, it was like one of those things where it's like a free write. You know, like you write for 15 minutes, and you have to write something, and you read it out loud. She volunteered to read it out loud. She starts reading this poem she wrote about Elvis Duico. read it out loud she starts reading this poem she wrote about elvis doiko and at first you're just tripping off the fact that it's a poem about elvis doiko and she's reading this poem she'd written about sure she's 16 yeah this is not a 12 year old or a nine year old who has no self

awareness she starts and that's when it started getting steamy jordan oh my it was as she read a pornographic literally pornographic poem to talk about insertion about yes wow about elvis stoico do you remember any of it i don't remember remember any phrases. I remember nightmares I had later. This woman, what made me think of Street Fighter, the movie, is she was obsessed with this show that was sort of like professional wrestling with martial arts. And she would talk about it. She would just go to town on it.

Yeah, I vaguely remember this. Yeah, and it was called like the Something or other masters or the masters of something. And she would go to town on this. And we had this class. I went to an arts high school. We had this class called Introduction to the Arts. And in this class, everyone had their art specialty that they would spend the afternoon doing. Like I was in the theater department.

I did theater in the afternoons. She was in instrumental music or something like that. But in introduction to the arts, you would try for a couple of weeks all the other arts disciplines. And then at the end, you would put together an opera, which combined all of the arts disciplines together. And in the acting segment...

So you would paint while dancing? Yeah, exactly. And in the acting segment you would paint while dancing yeah exactly and uh in the acting segment we had to do a monologue and uh she performed a monologue from double dragon the movie wow uh one of the double dragon brothers she portrayed one of the Double Dragon brothers. Did you dress up? She did. For the non-nerds, Double Dragon, I think, was the first video game made into a movie. This was like a walk-around-and-punch-guys video game. Yeah, like Streets of Rage or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It was a genre.

Sure, yes. A genre that has kind of fallen on the wayside. But yeah, it's something you would play in a pizza place in 1986. And they made it into a movie that was roughly the same as Street Fighter, the movie. Sure. A little less prestigious. Yeah, it didn't have Raul Julia. It didn't have Oscar winner Raul Julia.

And she performed this monologue with such conviction and then i she was a very very poor actor sure and i remember i made some minor suggestion to her about like finding like something about you know just some acting thing sure you know like mark your beats marking her beats i think it may have been marking her beats okay and it was something like that something about script work she yelled at me wow she i do not know gymnastics in the lunchroom with a ribbon, you know, the ribbon on a stick? Sure.

Ribbon dancing. I don't believe that she had training in rhythmic gymnastics. I mean, you know. She was possibly an enthusiast. Sure. I don't think she was retarded, though. That's the thing. Wow. I don't think she was retarded, though. That's the thing. Wow.

I don't think she had a developmental disability. I think she was just a mess. Wow. But what was amazing is usually when someone's a mess like that, they get sad and turn inward. Sure. They start doing karate moves during introduction to the arts class. My brother has gone to the...

He's in jail again. Pa! Okay, anyway. I just... That was like the... Just watching that woman, it was like one of those things where... We should probably find her on the internet. We should look her up on the internet.

I mean, here's the thing, Jordan. I may marry her. I went to an arts high school. Lots of people did lots of weird stuff at my high school. Sure. My high school was a place where people did weird stuff all the time. Yeah. And you could do a book report.

Instead of actually writing the report or making a diorama, you could do some gay kissing. Exactly. To let you express yourself a book report. Instead of actually writing the report or making a diorama, you could do some gay kissing. Exactly. And let you express yourself through gay kissing. And, you know, it was great. And I support doing weird stuff. And I thought it was great in high school. I was a lovable eccentric myself in high school. You know, I ran a novelty campaign for student body president and won.

You know what I mean? She was not just bizarre but also openly hostile yeah that was what was truly like you'd be like i remember thinking i should be nice to mary you know like she's a weird lady yeah if you're a big dork you're to your benefit to be super nice i, it's really basically it should be your survival technique, you know? Well, it wasn't hers. Okay, anyway. Well, I don't. She sounds great.

You know what was great? Coraline. There you go. I thought Coraline was great. It was amazing in 3D. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, Cal. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, There are moments when one has to make choices. There are moments when one does not know what one should do. I would guess the first step when you encounter one of those situations is find someone to ask. Exactly.

And you know who I would recommend if someone was going to ask someone? Juanita? Yeah, it's Juanita. From my Spanish class. Regular listeners may remember that I took Spanish class at City College of Los Angeles. It was a lot of fun. Granted, I did very poorly. One of the better students in the class was, and frankly, the star of the class was Juanita.

In fact, Juanita was such a star in the class that we decided to bring Juanita on board as our in-house advice columnist. Juanita, welcome back to Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm glad to be back. It is a pleasure to have you. Thank you for joining us. You're joining us from work. We're not going to say where. We don't want to get you in trouble.

Maybe you're taking one of those furloughs the governor has been talking about. Oh, yeah. It's very well needed, too. Fair enough. Okay, well, let's go straight to our first question for Juanita. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, but primarily Juanita. I'm in need of some advice. I'm a college student and have a low, low-paying college student job,

and I can't stand the establishment at which I work. And I was just wondering if you have any advice on how to cope with a terrible, grueling work environment. Thanks. Yeah, I can. We all have to start off somewhere. And a lot of people, they feel they don't want to, you know, somewhere. And a lot of people, they feel they don't want to, you know, start off low or start off in a job, you know, that they really don't like or whatever. Sometimes we have to do what

we don't want to do to get to where we want to go, you know. And it's only temporarily, you know, sometimes I get a lot of people start off at the bottom and then next thing you know, you'll be the owner of the store either. You do what you have to do until you're able to do better. Okay, that's fair. What about like on a day-to-day basis? Like what about this guy goes in, how does he remember that he's trying to become the owner of the store when what he's working on is like, you know, putting price tags on sides of bacon or something like that?

Well, the thing is to do, whatever it is the job description is, you want to do the best. You want to make sure that you show up on time. You want to make sure that you, even if you don't like it at that point or whatever, and you know that you want to try to promote within the department, or even if you want to try to go to another professional at a date, you still need a good reference to show that you, even though you didn't like that particular job or that particular, you know, position that you held at that time, you still want to be able to get a good reference, you know, even if you move into another position or even if you go up and become the owner of that

particular establishment. You want to make sure that you do the best that you can. You want to find out. A lot of times what we do is because we don't get in there and try to find out what the job pertails, what we do is we'll take it and say, okay, well, I don't like this job, but if you sit down and you really go ahead and if it's something that you have to do, you might as well find some kind of common ground to where that you will be able to enjoy where you're at at the time because we need to enjoy where you're at at the time.

Because we need to enjoy where we're at at the time. Juanita, have you ever had just a real unpleasant job that you couldn't stand going to? Oh, yes. Oh, yes, I sure have. But you know what I do, I found out, is what we make things. You know, it's how we see things and what we make things. No matter where we're at, we can always make it more happier. We can say, for example, when I first came to DMV, I didn't like it. I didn't like dealing with the people because of the fact they had attitudes.

And you can't really say what you want to say. You can't do it because you have to, you know, have that certain demeanor you have to, that you have to, you know, that you have to put, you know, put on, you know, for people. But as you go on, you know, you learn how to deal with it, you know, because I need, you know, if you need to pay bills or something that you need to do for the time, whatever, you learn how, you learn how to adjust. Okay, we have another question that's about adjusting to a difficult situation. This comes from Ari, formerly Ari from Iceland, who for a while there only called in to Jordan Jesse Goh to berate us for something that was entirely not our fault, which is a certain

movie star who will go unnamed had agreed to come on Jordan Jesse Goh and then canceled at the last minute saying that he was sick, a certain Scandinavian movie star. And Ari claimed that we had somehow driven him away or that the whole thing was a lie or, you know, Icelandic stuff. Just Icelandic type stuff. Just taking a real Icelandic attitude with the whole thing. Well, Ari has left Iceland. Here's his question.

He says, hey, Jordan, Jesse, and Juanita. I recently moved from Iceland to Gothenburg, Sweden, where I study film. I'm starting to get to know some of the people who are in the same class as me, but I'd like to make some real friends. Do you have any tips? And he signs it. Ari, formerly of Iceland, now of Gothenburg, Sweden. So if you get yourself into a new situation, Juanita, what's a good way to make pals?

First of all, in order to make a friend, you need to be a friend. You have to show yourself to be friendly. It's just like anything out there that's out there in the world, you have to show. If you want a husband, then you need to make yourself available and to find out what, you know, what a husband, what a good wife, you know, entails of being. You know, if you want to be a friend, then you need to be, I guess, a friendly, you know. So those kind of things right here is what you need to do. It's like you need to put yourself, whatever it is that you want in life or whatever, you to take and um you know to do that no matter what it would be you know if you need money you need to know to go out how to find a job you know whether to find out your resources that that

is needed for you to go to find a good job you know or which what's the more schooling or if it's you know going on the internet you know going to the unemployment office looking you know looking on the web or even looking on the website but But in order to be a friend, you have to show yourself friendly. You need to show that you're trustworthy. You need to communicate. You need to show them that you are a friend. Now, Juanita, I know this because we were in a very similar situation together, which is we were in this Spanish class where neither of us knew anybody.

And I would say probably by class number three, everyone's best friend in the class was Juanita. But for a lot of folks, they may be, maybe they have the qualities of being a good friend, but they're a little bit nervous about sort of putting themselves out there the way that you have obviously mastered. How would you say, what's some good ways to kind of reach out to people socially? You know, I do. I see no color. I see nobody. I feel there's good in everybody. And the only way you're going to find out, a lot of people, they want to talk.

They want to make friends. They want to speak. But if you don't go up to them to speak, there is a lot of shy people out there in the world. My thing right here is my go-up to whoever, I feel I'm going to talk. I'm going to speak. I'm going to say good morning. I'm going to say hi to you. I'm going to start a conversation.

And all you can do is if I'm someone that you don't want to, you know, be with or you don't want to associate with at that point, then you tell me, I'm still going to be me. One thing about it is I know who I am, I know whose I am, and I know that it doesn't matter. Everybody's not going to like you. Everybody's not going to like you. Well, everybody likes you, Juanita. Well, you know what?

Yeah, easy for you to say. It's because I just take a me. I'm me. I don't care what anybody thinks about me, what anybody says about me, because I know who I am. And a lot of people don't. And like you say, again, a lot of I don't care what anybody thinks about me, what anybody says about me, because I know who I am. And a lot of people don't. And like you say, again, a lot of people don't. But if two of you do, then it can be a hard situation.

And if you don't try, again, if you don't try, you'll never know where your boundaries are. Well, we have all these questions, it seems like, Jordan. We've got this sort of theme of these kind of scary situations, economic downturn, etc., etc., etc. This one sort of combines the personal with the economic. Here it is. Hi, this message is for Juanita. Hi, this message is for Juanita. Juanita, I'm a 25-year-old guy in a relationship, and I really love my girlfriend.

And I have been thinking about asking her to marry me. The problem is that I don't have a job so much. I'm in my last year of graduate school, and so I should be getting a pretty decent job pretty soon. I mean, what should I spend on a ring? Should I ask her and then get the ring later? What is the protocol if you want to but you really can't afford it? We really appreciate it appreciated thank you very much uh a lot of people is into just uh into traditional matters i've been married twice and you know what i my first marriage we didn't even have a ring uh because we couldn't afford a ring uh the only thing that matters is is do you love the person the person loves you

um a lot of people go out and what is really, really bad nowadays is that they'll go out and have the big weddings. They go out for the big rings and things or whatever. And what happens is they wind up paying for the later. You can always get a ring. You can get your fifth wedding anniversary, your 10th or your 25th. It doesn't matter. If the person and you love each other, you know,

that's something that you guys can be able to talk. The main thing is communication. As long as you have communication, she knows that you're trying to make something out of yourself, you know, for you as well as her, she'll understand, you know. You may have to get a cheaper ring. You know, you may have to stay in an apartment, you know, but eventually as she sees that you're trying to, you know, better yourself in life, if she doesn't understand that, then maybe that might not be the one for you. You know, everyone starts at the bottom, you know, but you guys need to be together and be able to basically, like I said, communicate, you know, to be able to see, you know, what's going on,

you know, from the beginning to the middle to the end. Juanita, a lot of people go to you for personal advice, advice in matters of love and making friends. This one is a lot more specific, so we'll see how this flies. Mark writes, Dear Juanita, I'm looking to diversify my investments for the long term and take advantage of the current economic climate to buy some stocks on the cheap. What companies do you think I should invest in now that are going to be profitable in 35 years when I'm ready to retire?

Many thanks. Mark. Now that one, you're going to have to do a lot of research about because right now, Now that one, you're going to have to do a lot of research about because right now, the way the economy is right now, and as you can see, all the stock markets, a lot of that is not the best way to go at this particular time. You know, nothing is edged in stone nowadays or whatever, because whatever you do, you're going to be taking a risk. My thing right here is, by me being a Christian woman, I go by the Bible. That's what I, you know, I take. I take and I go by the Bible. You know, I, you know, I tithe. And another thing people have to do is, the best that you could do is, is to, if a person who has a bill, for example, you know, the best thing to do right now is pay what you, you know, go across the board. Start with the lowest bill that you have, pay on that one, and until you get that one paid off, then go to the next lowest bill.

You know, get a count of all your bills and what's going out. You know, you have your back ratio and your front ratio, you know, what you have. Sometimes, like you said, we can't give away. We can't pay cash. You know, cut up some of those credit cards, pay off the bills from the smallest to the biggest. You know, and also a lot of people don't even have emergency money. You know, and that's something that you have to have. If you pay your bills or whatever, you need to have emergency money.

Okay. Well, that sounds like pretty. Yeah, I should take that to heart. I get started a Roth IRA. So that's good because you don't have to pay taxes on it until the end. But, you know, it feels so foreign to me to even have more money than the amount of my rent check that starting an emergency money fund is like something I just did. It can be done.

It can be done. And see, the thing with this is we always live above our means. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because, in fact, you know, and sometimes what you have to do is, you know, we can't. You should be paying. When you get your apartment, first of all, you ought to know what you've got coming in, and you need to live within your means.

Yeah, and also you should support charitable endeavors like your favorite public radio programs. Yeah. Yeah, a good step towards financial stability. But the main thing is right here is stand within our means, especially right now, the way the economy is right now. Stand within your means and try it. Now, the way the economy is right now, it's the same thing I mean, and you can do, because you can save emergency money just by not drinking coffee, not smoking cigarettes. You know, otherwise, how many pairs of shoes do you need?

How many cars do you need? You would be surprised how many pairs of shoes I need. Yeah, you're telling Jesse to cut back on his shoe budget. That's probably not going to happen. But you know what? In these times, this is some of That's probably not going to happen. But you know what? In these times, this is some of the things that we need to consider. You know, okay,

if you have a BMW, maybe you might need to trade that in. And maybe you need to get a Honda for the time being. You know, it's better for you to take, because so many families are breaking up because of financial difficulties right now. And sometimes you may have to do an adjustment,

you know, and look at it overall over your whole situation. And you might have to adjust for a while. It's all right if you have a BMW, but now you have to go to a Honda. It's all right if you have, you know, a house and you may have to go and sell it and move it to an apartment. But you can always regroup and come back. Yeah, yeah. I definitely know a lot of friends who, you know, are turning down invitations to go out cause they don't want to spend the, you know, 50 bucks to, you know, go to a show and drinks. And yeah,

it's definitely, yeah, definitely, definitely that little bit of, little bit of embarrassment there, you know, and I, I feel that as well. I mean, I definitely have to turn down invitations to go out that I would otherwise take, but yeah, I think people understand. And, yeah, it can be a little – you do feel a little embarrassed when you have to do it. But it's – you know, everybody understands. Exactly.

Like right now, I stay home now. You know, what I do is I make sure my cable is paid. I make sure my phone is paid, you know. Sure. I make sure I have food. And what I do now, I stay home. And what I do now, instead of me going out, like you say, spending money, I invite people over. We potluck.

You know, we do a potluck. Yeah, that's good. And then we play cards and we play demos. That's free. We go to the parks. That's free. You know what I mean? So you have to – there's a lot of things out there that you can do to substitute, you know, from going out and spending a whole bunch of money.

Right now, I do a lot of cooking. I bring my lunch basically every day now. You know what I mean? So a lot of money I'm saving, you know, in these hard times. Jesse, it looks like you're going to have to give up your expensive Civil War Recreation Society that you're a part of. Juanita, we know that you have to go make some more money because you're at work right now. So thank you so much for coming back on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's always a pleasure to have you.

It sure is. It's always a pleasure to be on your show, too, as well. We'll be back in just a back on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's always a pleasure to have you. It sure is. It's always a pleasure to be on your show, too, as well. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh, good show, huh? Absolutely.

Okay, I should mention, we went to the tape. That's what we do when we need to check something out we went to the tape checked out street fighter mc hammer straight to my feet theme from street fighter uh-huh featuring neon deon sanders a football player deon sanders you may recall in the early to mid 19901990s, major cultural figure, known for his foot speed and his quick hands. Sure. Not so much as rapping or singing. Which he does both.

Well known for... On this song. When he was in college, he copyrighted his nickname, Primetime. Mm-hmm. in this song. When he was in college, he copyrighted his nickname, Primetime. This is a major... I mean, this is a record that we should have known about, Jordan. It is. Well, I mean, I kind of knew about it.

You did, sort of. But you didn't know Neon Dion was involved. No, I didn't. I mean, that's like if you told... He's a two-sport superstar. Yeah. Football and baseball. And I should...

Well, I guess we should mention that I don't think Hammer Is in fact wrapping the plot Of the movie Street Fighter He's just kind of a general song About getting the party started But in the video It does feature a plot

That mirrors the plot of Street Fighter Yeah In the John Claude Van Damme Well first he's doing some dances with Hammer Yeah Well John Claude Van Damme Is hanging out in a club Where Hammer and Deion Sanders are performing. Exactly.

In camo. Yeah. And there's motorcycles. And motorcycles are driving around in the club. Yeah. And anyway, so moral of the story is it's a great video, a great tune. It's just a fun thing for like a party mix or whatever. Absolutely.

Or even a martial arts movie. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's a little gay. Oh, it's really gay, but I mean, that's what makes it so fun. Sure. That's what I would say. We got this call from this guy.

Now, look, this call isn't much. There's not a lot of content in this call, Jordan, but I wanted to include it. And I think when you hear it, you'll see why. Okay. Hey, what's up, Jordan and Jesse? Giving a call from a great state of Cleveland, Tennessee. I work in the manufacturing industry. Cut out floorboards for a bus company, Bluebird School Bus Company. And I've got to say, man, we've done hit on those tough economic times

that you've been hearing about on the news talk show programs on television. And so getting a little bit behind on the podcast, a couple episodes behind, which I'm quite a bit dismayed on that. But hopefully things will turn around soon. On another note, come April 6th, I will be officially released from federal probation. I was accused of some conspiracy charges, some shit they couldn't even prove, yet I was conspiring to do, so needless to say, I'm going on three years of no marijuana intake in my lungs,

but, come April 6th, will be my first official bong hit. So, if you guys want to count down the ball with me

on that, that might be cool. I know you aren't necessarily Mary Jane friendly on the show yet. Eh, just had to put that

out there. So, yeah, I love the show. You guys keep it up. 2009, keep had to put that out there. So, yeah, I love the show. You guys keep it up. 2009. Keep it real. Whatever. Oh my god.

Wow. Yes. Yes. We will absolutely do a countdown to your first bong hit. From the great state of Cleveland, Tennessee, my friend. Wow. How do you get a podcast in prison?

He's on probation, Jordan. Oh, okay. The man is on probation. He's not in prison. Oh, okay. And he works for the... He works for the Bluebird School Bus Company. Gotcha.

Well, I'll tell you this much. What? I certainly feel a lot better about the safety of our children, specifically with regard to floorboards. Mm-hmm. So I can tell you that. Yeah. The guy's not pulling bong rips.

Yeah, right. I know. Three years he hasn't been because of those bullshit conspiracy charges. I hate those. Couldn't even prove them. I hate those. Oh, God. What do you think it was a conspiracy to do?

Defraud a miner. Probably. And by miner, I mean M-I-N-E-R. Yeah. That's a crime in Tennessee. Conspiracy to defraud a miner. Who is also the governor. Also does a little mining on the side.

They sold him a parakeet for his mining yeah uh but it was actually just one of those ones you buy at the drugstore where you just press a button and it goes you know what i mean like sort of like one of those talking he goes into the mine he doesn't know if there's poison gas exactly so then all of a sudden you're busted conspiracy to defraud a minor. You see what I'm saying? You're a legal genius. Thank you.

I'm a regular... William Shatner on Boston Legal. There you go. Thank you very much. I prefer to think of myself as a James Spader on Boston Legal. Thank you very much. Gosh, you know, we like to open up the phones, see what comes in, and you know, Juanita is not the only one who can give advice. Hi, Jordan, Jessica, this is Katie.

I want to know, should I get a dog? I really want a dog. My husband is not as enthusiastic as me. Can you help me out and give me some pros and cons of having a dog Thank you, bye Have you ever had a dog, Jordan? Yeah, we had a childhood dog What kind of dog did you have as a child?

He was like a schnauzer Miniature schnauzer What did you have as a childhood? I just said The actual words that me said That me talked me's me's talking good for radios um uh what was it what was it called robbie it's a nice dog yeah is it a good dog it was great dog you got coco here coco's being a bad dog today coco's just going around

going totally ape while we're trying to record this podcast. Barking. Here's the thing. Eating my chocolates. A lot of people don't know this about me. Sure, everyone knows how much I love my dog Coco. And everybody knows how much I love my dog Wolfie, who passed about a year and a half ago. What a lot of people don't know is that I was against getting a dog yeah well okay i didn't think how did that go down i didn't think i would be willing to do the work i had not had a dog since i was like five years old um and the dog that i had when i was five like i liked it fine but i didn't love it the way that some kids love their dog um theresa needed something to take care of because uh i wouldn't impregnate her so with your dick exactly well specifically with my jisms

i misspoke yeah and uh so she needs she really wanted something to take care of the uh various taxidermied and and paper mache animals that we had distributed around the house weren't cutting it. But I wasn't sure if I would actually be willing to do the taking care of. So we made a complicated deal about who would take care of what. But as soon as I went and met some of these dogs, the thing about a dog, Jordan, is that like a lot of pets, like a lot of pets are neat. I've always thought pets were neat.

You know what I mean? I had turtles and frogs, and I've met a lot of cats. You know what I mean? They're neat. It's neat to have a pet. Hamsters and gerbils. But they don't do that much stuff. Take a cat, for example.

This is a very high-order pet. Sure. It's an intelligent creature. Quite lovely. Very soft. You know, knows where to go to the bathroom. Yeah. But at the end of the day, like, a cat doesn't really do anything funny.

I beg to differ. Well, a kitty does. Yeah. Baby kitty. Sure. Will do a lot of stuff. Adolescent, up to adolescent. Okay.

Yeah, maybe your older cats don't do a lot of funny stuff. It'll just sit on the windowsill. It's nice. Sure. I'm not putting down cats at all. Sure. I'm not in the slightest bit. I like cats.

to spit i like cats but it there's this thing that a dog does which is a dog is a dog it's like having you know how a three-year-old when it's happy is just the most amazing thing to have around in the world like Like it just wants to give you a hug. It wants to like do something goofy with you. It laughs at all your jokes. You know what I mean? Yeah. But then sometimes a three-year-old turns against you or poops his pants or whatever.

Sure. A dog is like that three-year-old, only furrier and more adorable and it's always happy to see you sure that thing about like when you come home and your dog is happy to see you it could not be more true it is just such a fucking joy like your dog just wants to see you and like jump up and down and like give you kisses on the face and just like, my dog will give me a hug. Sure. My only recommendation is this. One thing that I've really enjoyed about the dogs that I've had as an adult is they're on the bigger side of a small dog. This is a dog that's not so small that all it does is be weird and yippy all the time although

you know not that coco isn't occasionally weird and yippy but like generally she's not and they're small enough that you can like pick them up and cuddle with them sure and fucking picking picking coco up and cuddling with her is like the greatest pleasure of my life maybe uh I can suggest that if the husband is, you know, tenuous about whether or not he wants to get a dog, maybe there's a fostering program in your area. That should be pretty easy for him to sign on for, just a couple of weeks of dog. And if there's one that you guys really like, then keep that one. Yeah, that is that is a fantastic idea and god forbid do not buy a dog from a dog dealer sure there's no reason to do that there's so many like wonderful dogs go and meet some of these doggies you know we went on this petfinder.com and it's you know it's just this website where all these foster groups and uh humane societies

and so on put up pictures of their dogs. And you just go through it. And like most of the dogs you're not that into, like you think it's a nice dog, but you're not that into it. I'm not some dog guy. I don't love all dogs. It's mostly scruffy dogs, in my opinion. So then, but then you see a scruffy one, you're like, man, that's really cute. And then you go meet it.

And maybe it's like kind of weird and jittery. And you're like, it's not the dog for me. You meet a lot of dogs that way. You make some nice friends in the foster community. They'll send a dog over to your house to stay with you for a couple of weeks and see how it works out. Ah, I love it. I love it.

On the other hand, you know, maybe they work all the time. They're never home for the dog, so they shouldn't get a dog. Yeah. If that's the case, don't do that. But if you work at home and you're lonely all the time because the only friend you have is Brian, the intern. Yeah. You know, and he's mostly, he'll help you out if you scored a super bowl anyway i just say i say

it's definitely it's definitely something to maybe look into exactly that's what i would say now jordan final decision we're done with the townie subject yeah Yeah But there was this one townie call That was so There was just such a golden moment in it That I felt like I had to bring it out Worth going back to the well Exactly Hey Jordan, hey Jesse

This is Brim I've got a townie story I worked with a couple townies During my college years And one of the townies during my college years. And one of the townies, he was really eccentric, but he was funny. And he convinced me one day to go to the local strip club so he could see his old Burger King manager strip. That's it.

That's all that needs to be said. That's the championship. That's what we were looking for. When we brought up this subject, that is what we were looking for. Bringing your old Burger King manager, going to see your old Burger King manager strip. Bringing your new co-worker to see your old manager from Burger King. From the BK. Strip.

The person who taught you how to make a BK broiler. We've talked a lot about the economy on this show, and we're looking for great ways to save the economy. Oh, this one, you're going to love this, Jordan. This is really something. This is really a great idea. Hi, Jordan, Jesse. Re-economic crisis solving.

I work at the Federal Reserve in D.C., and I recently smiled encouragingly at Chairman Ben Bernanke. So I think things are looking up. Okay, thanks. Bye. That's the kind of things we need to be doing. He's our nation's top banker. He's our financial system czar, Jordan.

Maybe next time you see him I'm going to be a hearty pat on the back. Absolutely. That's not a bad idea. How about this? A thoughtful card. Hey know i know you're down sometimes lately but i think you're doing a great job way to go hang in there buddy hang in there benny you think they let him call him bernank yeah way to go bernank bernank from the bank yeah bank and b Bernankin. How about that? From Macon, Georgia. Is he? Don't know.

Yeah, sure he is. He probably is. I think he is. The great state of Macon, Georgia. Yeah. Anyway, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you do if you're a listener to Jordan, Jesse, go? No, call it in. What's it going to be? It would be selfish of you not to. Absolutely. What does it become once it's recorded?

A momentous occasion. You got it. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, go. I have a monumentous occasion. I just had an automatic rifle pointed at me. In full disclosure, not full on pointed at me, but I made a joke to somebody in the armored truck business, and apparently they don't take too kindly to that. So the barrel of the gun found its way vaguely in my direction.

Not fully, but by the time I decided to tell any about it, I was telling everybody that was pointed at me. There you go. Again, one of these situations, leaving out vital pieces of information. What was the joke? Yeah. Even if it was bad, we want to hear it. We want to know what you said to that armored truck employee. What was the circumstances?

Why are you talking to an armored car employee while they have their gun handy? What was the joke? Wouldn't it be funny if you pointed your automatic weapon at me? I'm going to steal all the money. One way or the other, there's no doubt that it was monumentous. Sure, but please give us more information. Hi Jordan and Jesse, this is Maria from Ames, Iowa. I don't know if this is momentous or not, but today I found a prosthetic leg in the Presbyterian church dumpster by my house. I feel like I should do something with it, but I don't know what.

The obvious answer would be lamp. But if you guys have any better ideas, I would love to hear them. Thanks a lot. Love the show. Of course, that's momentous. There's no doubt that that's momentous. It's in the Presbyterian Church dumpster. Sure.

It's a prosthetic leg. I mean, come on. Give me a break. What's going on there? You know what I'm thinking? Maybe she should just keep with the furniture theme, but just turn it 15, 20 degrees. How about a side table?

It's got three furniture legs and one prosthetic human leg. It's an idea. I'm throwing it out there. If you have an idea out there, you want can give us a call. Yeah, what she can do with a found prosthetic leg. 206-984-4FUN.

Okay. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jason from Rockford. Lamenta's Occasion. I just got a voicemail from Ed Begley Jr. Look, there's an explanation for that one, but we don't need to hear the explanation. Yeah, that's one of those situations where it's best to... You want to know what the joke is that you say to the guy in the armored truck to make him

point the gun but you don't need to know why you got a voicemail from that's a monumental absolutely it's momentous it's monumentous brevity is the soul of wit situation i got a voicemail from ed begley jr fine you know how he did it send email. Sure. Hey, want to give me a call, Ed? Leave me a voicemail, please. Ed called him up on his potato phone or whatever. I believe he uses the energy stored in potatoes to make his telephone calls. Sure, to do most things. Wouldn't that be fantastic if Ed Begley Jr.'s solution to the climate problem

and, of course, our nation's energy crisis was to harness the power inside potatoes to run our nation's clocks. It would be. If you have a momentous occasion, give us a call and let us know about it. 206-984-4FUN is the number to call. It's Jordan Jesse Gohm,

Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I felt stressed out during this week's program, Jordan. Yeah? Just feeling antsy, jumpy. Yeah. You know, you're becoming a woman. So I can see how you'd stress out.

Jordan, what is it? It's your budding bosom. What's happening to my body, Jordan? All kinds of crazy shit. We had a good time, though. Yeah. And at the end of the day, we know what's happening to my body jordan all kinds of crazy shit we had a good time though yeah and at the end of the day we know what's important just having a whitman sampler with a couple of buds i was gonna say multi-tracking though you know either way multi-tracking there's no doubt whitman sampler if there's one thing we learned from the movie busting a magic

ball on yourself if there's one thing we learned from the movie Titan A.E., it's not the story or the content. It's the technology you used to create it. Exactly. You know what I mean? And Janine Garofalo. If you have thoughts about the program, 206-9844-FUN,

if you'd like to call and ask us a question, suggest an action item, if you have a momentous occasion occur to you, if you have a question for Juanito or a dispute for Judge John Hodgman. All appropriate. If you want to sponsor the show. Yeah, hey, please sponsor it.

206-9844-FUN is our telephone number and jjgoe at maximumfun.org is our email address. And I want to say that again, too. Don't email me. If you want to email something for Jordan Jesse Goe, jjgoe at maximumfun.org so we can both look at it. And, of course, our theme music is Love You by The Free Design,

and it's courtesy of Light in the Attic Records. It's a great record, and you should go get it. And I think that's about it, Jordan. I don't think we need to do anything else. i just think we'll just close it out brian the intern will bring me some uh korean food yeah and uh we'll be done something else will happen yeah okay well we'll see you next time right here bye jordan jesse go