Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 93: Explosion Party

Episode Date: March 23, 2009

Rob Corddry joins Jordan and Jesse to talk about television, New York City and much more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, brandy, maggoty, netty, twiddle, dum, twiddle, Jesse Go, we're joined by the great Rob Corddry to discuss Jordan working on his television program, among other things.

Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Oh, it is a pleasure to have a special guest on this program. Every time we have a special guest. But this guest is more special than past special guests. Mm-hmm. Wouldn't you say?

Yeah, I mean, at least he's more special in the fact that he's met Oliver Stone. I think that's probably what separates him from you. You're Ashkahn's. Yeah, sure. I mean, Ashkahn's probably a better rapper. Juanita's probably wiser. But our guest Rob Corddry has met Oliver Stone. Welcome to the show, Rob Corddry.

I have touched a hand that has touched an Oscar. Oh, wow. Yeah. Nice. Did you get any of the juice on you? Do you know what happened once? I was up at a friend's house and his great aunt won an Oscar for, I think it's an ordinary gentleman, a something gentleman in whatever, the 40s.

His great aunt won this Oscar and he goes, go ahead, pick it up. And he's an actor too. And I pick up the Oscar and he goes, now you're never going to win one. Oh. Is there a curse? It's the Oscar curse. If you touch an Oscar, you don't win one. Oh! Is there a curse? It's the Oscar curse. Oh, that is fucked up. And you were totally going to win one, too.

What a dick, right? I mean, here in 1991, I'm already destined to win an Oscar and my friend fucking sabotages me. Oh, that is disastrous. Just think, like, for example, just for example, Harold and Kumar and Guantanamo Bay. Exactly. If you had not picked up that Oscar in 1991. Yes.

I think everyone, when the Oscars were announced that year, were kind of like, where is it? Suspiciously absent. Just remind me, who did win Racist Buffoon this year? Who did win that? Do you remember who won that? God, who won that? Wilford Brimley, I think. Yeah.

Again? That's so boring. I know. I know. Every time he plays a guy from real life. That was last year. It was Gerard Depardieu. Oh, that was Gerard Depardieu.

You know what? He deserved it. He deserved it. It was kind of just one of those things where he's been up so many times. It's a lifetime achievement award. Right, right, exactly. He also won the Golden Globe, I believe, for best nose in a comedy or variety program.

Sure. Man, I'm feeling bad. I shouldn't have touched that Cable Ace Award the other day. That was what you had to look forward to, Jordan. I've touched Webby's. I've touched Key Art Awards. I'm not winning anything. A High Times Stoner of the year award?

I kind of wonder about Oscars specifically. I think a lot about Oscars and not an Oscar for Orson Welles Oscar for best screenplay on Citizen Kane. This Oscar will live forever. Right?

They give the same Oscar for best sound mixing. So let's say the person who won the best Oscar for best sound mixing on The Poseidon Adventure and that person dies and doesn't have any family.

Then what happens to that Oscar? Somebody uncovers it. It goes into a secondary market, right? But what is the secondary market for Best Sound on the Poseidon Adventure? What is the worst Oscar you could have? Because you still have an Oscar. They become sex toys for the absurdly rich. Are you trying to sell me second hand Oscars?

Is that what this is about? Have you ever seen An Officer and a Gentleman Rob Corddry Did you know that it won a best costume Oscar? I don't have any cash on me right now I really don't I don't need cash

I like your shirt Will you trade me your shirt for the Oscar? The answer is yes You can't wear the Oscar as a shirt though You should know that what do you give me for this bernie brith award uh uh speaking of uh speaking of media yeah sure okay uh now that's a kind of smooth segue that's paved our way to super popularity on the internet you are killing yeah the internet and radio with that segue yeah uh yeah they're both exploding right now exactly um uh rob i don't know if you uh you know this but i

was uh i was a PA on the pilot of your television series, The Winner. Okay, so Rob, you created a Fox television pilot called, you were starred in a Fox television program called The Winner. This was what, three or four years ago now? About three years ago.

I just started it. I had nothing to do with the... You started it. It was created by the family guy guy and stuff, right? Yes, Ricky Blitt and Seth McFarlane. I had nothing to do with the... You started it. It was created by the family guy guy and stuff, right? Yes, Ricky Blitt and Seth MacFarlane. I had nothing to do with the hiring of the PAs. So you sat in on the hiring of the PAs. You recognized in Jordan. You recognized that glint in his eye

that signified one day this guy could win a Cable Ace Award unless he makes a horrible mistake. Which I have. Do they still give out Cable Ace Awards? They do. Okay. I don't know. Do they still exist?

I don't think so. We haven't heard from them in a while. You, because you had a career for quite some time in exactly the kind of program that would win a Cable Ace Award. You're right. You should know this. I would be ass deep in Cable Ace Awards right now.

Okay, so Jordan, you worked as a production PA, production assistant. Yes, and I think maybe the two noteworthy tasks that I had on that were... Was this before or after you were working on Living with Fran? This is after. Okay, so just for perspective. Right, exactly. So we can get a timeline. Jordan had already worked on the acclaimed sitcom Living with Fran,

created by Jamie Kennedy, starring Fran Drescher. Now I have a picture in my head. Sure. So, I mean, obviously I know what it's like working in a kind of a rigorous office with a lot of egos. With a lot of stars. You know the ropes. You know the ropes.

You could make it through you could make it through a narrow hallway despite being pulled hither and thither by various people's star power exactly yeah so i know what it's like uh to deal with a rob corddry a lady from airplane sure the two stars from yep um name three great things i did to you. Oh, gosh. Just the three top things, great gestures I made to you. Well, if you can. Yeah, yeah. No, I mean,

if you can pick three. Yeah, that's kind of the difficult part is just picking three. Well, I mean, the crew back rubs were great. You're welcome. And, you know, whereas, you know,

I might have wanted a little more personal attention, it was nice of you to go around and do that. You're welcome. Yeah, I mean, thank you. I said it at the time, I might have wanted a little more personal attention. It was nice of you to go around and do that. You're welcome. Yeah. I mean, thank you. I said it at the time.

I'll say it again. Thank you. Okay. Now I remember you. Yes. Yeah. Now I remember you. I'm the one with the knots.

Yep. Sure. Jordan used to come over to my house on the way to work asking for olive oil. I never knew why that was. Now I know. Now I know. Yeah. Thing two. You crashed that was. Now I know. Yeah, thing two, you crashed my car,

which, I mean, I guess in hindsight was kind of inconvenient, but funny at the time. Well, also, you have to keep in mind that I was drunk, so it doesn't really count. And making a point. Yeah.

Trying to make a point. At the same time. About the national debt. And I think my point was made. No, it was loud and clear. And, you know, I had to walk to work, which was very inconvenient after that. But, you know. But to be completely fair, how many, lots of people voted for Perot that year for just because you did that.

That, and you know what? I feel like I did my part that year and and um for the independence party the freedom party yeah whatever the perot uh army the pro yeah yeah the perot paramilitary shock troops uh and i mean i think just three i'm gonna say pinata okay and it was did enough said thursday pinatas yeah jordan i remember this is something that i remember um from your time working on the program i'm not authorized to bring this up but go ahead i remember jordan that at this point jordan had been working on these living with fran type programs for quite some time, several years. And so it was a great pleasure to be working on a program that wasn't, you know, notably horrible.

You know, and the show was, you know, relatively speaking, a success compared to other television pilots, although a failure compared to successful television programs. We got six on the air which yeah on the scale of that's a yeah something of a coup yeah so um i remember against the odds in the tv business really yeah i guess sure sure yeah so i remember that jordan's as i remember it and this is just working from my memory jordan's proudest moment was the moment when a pa's job normally obviously for folks who aren't in the entertainment industry, is to go get somebody coffee. Or we need a thousand clipboards for this scene.

Can you go to the Office Max right now? Basically to do what I say. Exactly. Sure. So you were running the show. So, yes. I knew what I could get away with. Yeah.

Yeah. So I remember Jordan had a moment where he got to do something creative he got to contribute to the program do you remember this jordan yeah yeah um uh in your character's room your character uh in the winter was kind of a um kind of a pop culture junkie uh you know spent a lot of time watching tv and that was kind of his frame of reference for a lot of things. So they wanted your room to be filled with VHS tapes of stuff you had taped off the TV, and I got to label all of those.

Oh, that's great. Jordan got to label the television program. When I asked them what TV shows I should put on the labels, they said, like, just whatever you think the character would be into. Oh, my God. Wow. That's called creative license. That's fun.

Yeah, it was very fun. You had a lot of fun, didn't you? I did. I had a ton of fun. And it probably took you like four hours. It did. You really milked that one. Yeah, I neglected a lot of coffee and dry cleaning because, yeah.

Do you remember what you wrote on the video cassette? Yeah, I wrote the name of a show, Yeah. Do you remember what you wrote on the video cassette? Yeah. I wrote the name of a show, and then I kind of came up with a joke episode title. They were definitely looking to the PAs as writers. Yeah, sure. And that's a good way to slip in. Like, who wrote these hilarious... Part of you must have thought, like, what if Seth MacFarlane was just walking through the set,

and he was like, wait a minute. Who wrote this? This is funnier than anyone on the staff and he was like, wait a minute. This is, who wrote this? This is funnier than anyone on the staff. Who wrote this? Get in here. Oh, sorry, sir. I didn't, I just wanted to. You are super great.

Here's your WGA card. Yes. And a bag of cocaine. Yeah. card yes and a bag of cocaine yeah um yes i think my the two ones are most proud of i did one that was the a team in this uh episode uh title was uh explosion party and then uh doctor who and then some british stuff happens episode title oh i think the show i mean you didn't see them on camera but it you know one of those things where it informs the world it adds to the did you ever try and like ply the director of photography to uh to kind of or or the director of a given episode uh or maybe a storyboard artist to slip in a shot where the camera pans across

his video cassette collection. Is there actually any of those things on a multi-camera sitcom? Don't they just have robot cameras set up and you hit a red button and you go? Yeah, there's a fat guy reading a penthouse that pushes a button every now and then and then the show starts to be filmed. Cinematographer is not a word that's bandied about a lot on the Fox lot. I like the idea. I really like the idea of like

one of these guys from Europe that Woody Allen would hire. Czechoslovakian dude. Working on The Winner. And he's like, he brings, he like comes to work with like a special case full of lenses.

Like these are his lenses. And he attaches them to the cameras. And then he just sits behind a console with an A, B, and C button. Yes. Jordan, I think you made... Maybe I'm speaking out of school, Rob. But without Jordan's contributions, I'd say four-episode run. With Jordan's contributions, six-episode run.

I will say that I remember the bedroom set being very, very realistic. The books that were set there, you know, that there were videotapes was appropriate. Yeah. There were, I believe, action figures. No, no. Actually, no action figures. They're like, come on, no action figures. That's crazy. that there were videotapes was not was appropriate yeah there were i believe action figure no no actually no action figures they're like come on no action figures that's crazy yeah you wouldn't play with action figures you wouldn't play with they thought it was too steve carell they thought it was too uh 40 year old virgin yeah sure sure um because that's a comparison people are gonna make but you also i mean to be fair, you also, your character got really

into A-Team and Doctor Who specifically. Well, Wings was my character's possession. The show was like, it was a period piece set in 1992. It's the worst idea for a show, really, when you think of it. It's way too about the writer's life.

So it was like, yeah, it was a period piece set in 1992. And then you're looking back, my character's narrating it from the future. So from like 2015. Wait, so... And it's being, and it's played in 2005. So this really was, this was very Doctor Who-like. Crazy.

It was deeply and powerfully informed by Doctor Who. It was kind of a time travel show. Were there Daleks? I was going to say a red phone booth. A TARDIS? You got it. You're on board. You know what's going on.

You did wear that gay scarf the whole show. I was the fifth guy to play the winner. My grandmother really loved Doctor Who. My grandmother is a German-American woman. Her two favorite shows were All Creatures Great and Small and Doctor Who. I think she just watched whatever was on PBS, maybe. And Doctor Who.

I think she just watched whatever was on PBS, maybe? She had no interest at all in science fiction. She liked Dickens. Dickens was her favorite thing. She was not highly educated, had not gone to college. She loved Charles Dickens and Doctor Who for some reason. I remember when I was nine years old visiting her in Washington, D.C. and thinking, what is this shitty ass show like what the fuck is this i was convinced by one of my friends that it was a brilliant show and so i would watch it a lot and never and always really trying to

enjoy it as much as my friend did you know and like getting into it but really just for his benefit you know yeah it really maybe it's just one of those things like there are these things that a nerd can like because there's things to know about and right there's things to geek out about yeah i don't know because otherwise i could not tell you the appeal of the program and i'm gonna be honest right now i'm just baiting hate emails yeah um i think the podcast audience and the doctor who audience largely coincidental this And I'm going to be honest, right now I'm just baiting hate emails. I think the podcast audience and the Doctor Who audience, largely coincidental. Yeah, this is going to be, you're going to get more of a backlash than that time I said I hated Blackadder on Twitter.

That was a mistake. I'm paying for that one. I hate Blackadder too. Yeah, I hate Blackadder. Yeah. It's not funny. It's stupid. It's weird it's dumb i don't understand i like a lot of the people involved good idea though like i wish i wish yeah i wish they would do something like that now where it's set in a different time period every

year you know the onion just did a had an article about tv shows mutating did you guys read that valerie's family became hogan's and the hogan family, and it just got rid of her. And then Charles and Charge's second season, he was in the same house but with a different family. So the implication being that he stayed in the house as people moved in and out of it. Did they bring up family matters in that article at all? No, no. What was the... What bothers you about that one?

It starts out kind of, you know, Cosby-esque sitcom, kind of wholesome family sitcom. And I remember at the end, it was about Urkel shifting shapes and then having a robot that was becoming sentient. Yes, there was a robot urkel that he like almost had to fight against yeah the robot was becoming too aware it was a it was a terminator situation that's scary and then yeah i think there was all there's a time i mean yeah i mean i just remember i think he had any i think urkel had an evil twin too yes probably urkel was really getting around well he started to throw his weight around the set i think he's like come on let me do something else right i'm an actor i'm classically trained

i remember as like i remember as like us as a six-year-old a really key worry in my you know there's this you when you're really young a big part of your life is trying to figure out what the fuck is going on you know what i mean like you just don't know what the fuck is like there's some like even the things that you do know them you're still not sure because you only just figured that out and you could be you've been burned before you know and i remember two things specifically that i loved that i could not wrap my fucking head around one of them was mr t i i knew he was on the a team because we got a team reruns um when he had it and i i was vaguely aware that there was a cartoon of him but i don't think i had seen the cartoon i think the

cartoon came on and like i was born in 1981 i think he came on maybe 1984 1985 when i was just a little bit too young to really get a cartoon so when i'm a couple years later i i know that there what and i also knew him again from received information to be a professional wrestler which i guess is something he did after the peak of his career but that was so that was more i think he started off as a wrestler and then went back to it. I think he started off as Sylvester Stallone's bodyguard. Oh, you're right. And then he put him in Rocky.

Yeah, that's right. And so I remember... If I know my T-lore. As a child, just being fucked up in my mind. My mind just twisted into pretzels by, who is the real Mr. T? my mind just twisted into pretzels by who is the real mr t because he's like because the mr t is also like he was also a sort of a public figure at the time well he had yeah there's that famous shot of uh nancy reagan sitting on his lap exactly like that must never seen that must have destroyed you yeah god and so there's this real life thought of that is destroying me now. There's real life Mr. T, right? And that is a man who's going by the name Mr. T.

He's playing a character. Yeah, but in real life, sort of like Pee Wee Herman was doing at the time. Then there's Wrestling Mr. T, which is a wrestler who has the same name as the real life Mr. T and is the real life Mr. T, but he's a wrestler and exists in the world of wrestling. You see what I'm saying? Like it's a different... And then there's a cereal and you just shit your pants. I did shit my pants at the time. You know, yeah, that definitely seems to be a trend that doesn't exist anymore. It's kind of taking that real life celebrity, a Mr. T, a Hammer, a New Kids on the

Block, and making a cartoon out of them. Harlem Globetrotters. I was actually just talking last night to somebody about how many cartoons the Harlem Globetrotters popped up in. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. And did they have their own at one point, too? I know the Scooby-Doo was their big launching pad.

Sure. But yes, I think there was a standalone Globetrotter cartoon did you go see the globetrotter somebody was telling me they went to see the globetrotters and it was real boring ah it wasn't me i went to see the globetrotters once i don't know what that is what is that anymore i've never heard the fast and the furious movie and that was real boring i've never heard those words in the same sentence the globetrotters were boring. I don't know. Can you imagine? There wasn't enough antics? I don't understand. I just heard an article that the Washington Generals have actually won twice.

Really? They've won games twice. One they just claim to have won because they're an actual real team, and they're really out there to win. No, they're not. Yes, it's not rehearsed. And number one, they're not a real team, and number two, they're not out there to win. Well, they're not a real team, but they are out there to win. Do they get like a special bonus if they beat two, they're not out there to win. But they are out there to win. And they –

Do they get like a special bonus if they beat the Globetrotters? No, no. I'm sure they'll get money taken away if they actually win. They're not told to lose. Yeah. And they won one and they changed the scoreboard so that the Globetrotters won. And then they just – then they really won one game. Wow.

Yeah. The owner just – the original owner just died or something. When did they – The generals. It's a separate owner. No, it one game. Wow. Yeah. The original owner just died or something? When did the... The generals. It's a separate owner. No, it is not. The Washington generals are not owned by a separate person. Callers?

Callers? Call in. That's outrageous. It's completely different. And, you know, they used to be called... There used to be, like, eight different teams that would just put on different uniforms. Right.

You know what I mean? And they would be the Kentucky Rebels. But I believe now they're just the generals. They're just the generals now, and they really play to win. True or not, I like this version better. That's what I choose to believe. They're college kids who choose that over going to Europe and playing European basketball.

You know what I really like? This is something that I really like. Speaking of barnstorming sports teams, when I was a baseball, when I was a super baseball nerd, in the 1920s, 30s, and 40s, there was this barnstorming baseball team that would play against semi-pro teams and also against Negro League teams. It was one of the few white teams that would play against Negro League teams called the House of David. And this team was the Jewish version of the Negro League's teams.

But because it was the time, it was sort of vaudevillian, they wore like forelocks and big beards, and many of them were not jewish just to be clear but if you want but they were one of the top earning barnstorm there was it was like a big deal to play for the house of david team like it was a big team if you weren't in the major leagues and um so the players would grow giant beards in order to try and be on like if you got signed to the team like you there was like a period where you had to just grow a giant beard before you were allowed out onto the field and and four locks and uh you know you had a star david uniform in the whole nine yards there you go thanks jordan that's well that's true. There's something. That exists.

I just say the word baseball and Jordan just shuts down. I mean, I guess we could riff on that. Hey, what about the Viking team, right? Was that something? They wore pelts and horn hats. You could segue into a slightly different topic. You don't have to riff on that okay i'm sorry you know i was being rude our whole our whole operation is falling apart at the seams yeah i blame rob corddry don't you want to ask me a question or something oh god um what do you think about about Jesse's baseball story?

I thought it was a perfectly good story. Rob Corddry was impressed with the giant beards on the whole nine yards. I like the beard thing. I like that they had to make that probably nine-month commitment to grow a beard like that. If you were touring with, let's say you weren't a film and television star. We're going to make that presumption.

Impossible to consider. If you were at this stage in your career that you were at maybe 10 years ago and you were touring with a ucb touring company type type operation uh would you corporate retreat would you be willing to grow a giant beard in order to participate in a uh-themed barnstorming comedy group. There's a question for you, fuckhead! Man, I would love an excuse to change my appearance for something. Yeah, I would, because, yeah, I'd love any excuse to grow a beard. That's a really good point.

I have not enough beard to grow a beard, and so I think that any opportunity that I had just to see how much beard I could make, because I don't have enough to do it legitimately, it would only be embarrassing. But I really want to know how much beard I could make. Yeah, man, I have a thick beard, but I have never been able to do it past a couple of weeks, just because I hate itchiness. Oh, it's so itchy. It feels like you've been eating a candy apple.

Really? And it's hardened on your mouth, and every time you open your mouth wide, it cracks a little bit. It's horrible. Oh, my goodness. Also, there's three wasps on your face at all times. Yeah, always, just crawling around. I feel like my whole goal in life is now to set up situations where I can find out how much beard I can grow without embarrassment. Do you remember Mustache March?

That was a complicated scheme we had a few years ago. Maybe when we were still in college, I had this idea that we were going to start this thing called Mustache March. We're in March. Then after that failed, I turned the schedule back and I tried to convince people to do Mustache May. It's harder. But it was where I was going to get Jordan. And Mustache July, which was less catchy. Then South of Young America co-host Eugene O'Neill

to grow mustaches with me for some kind of charity something that we would do on the radio. They would not go for it. I was like, this is a free pass to see how much mustache you can grow like if anything embarrassing happens i think what it came down to was at the time romantically speaking i was spoken for and they were not uh-huh and so i was i was essentially pitching them a dry spell of one month you Yep. You know what I mean? A smoochless month.

Anyway, we have a lot of cool stuff to come on Jordan, Jesse, Go. We'll be back in just a second with myself, Jordan Morris, and of course the great Robert Corddry. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Rob Corddry, you get to introduce yourself and you get to make up a nickname. Rob Corddry, wearing pants. I like it. Good one? Yeah. Pants wearer, pants wearer. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of charming.

Yep. Covered in pants. That's the winner. Your cohort, Seth Morris, when he was on was a tall glass of faggot. I mean, if that gives you any kind of like bar. Oh, boy. That's been said. But I think covered in pants kind of torpedoes that one.

Covered in pants? Yeah. Covered in pants is really solid. So, Rob, this is something I wanted to bring up. Rob, you kind of are a recent-ish New York to L.A. transplant, right? Yeah, three years almost. Yeah, yeah. I read about Rob when Rob first moved here to Los Angeles.

I read about his apartment or his house, his rental unit, in the New York Times apartment section. In the magazine? Yeah, in the magazine where they go through a famous person's house. Dwell? Is it Dwellings? Dwellings, I think Dwellings sounds right. JJ Abrams was in before me, that's not to drop names of famous directors. And your house is totally bigger than his. Were you pleased with the piece? Did you feel like that? Yeah, actually.

Did you look cool? There was, yeah, there was, they do, like, they kind of, I was like, I really don't have anything. I don't know what you're going to do. It's a rental. It's not really, I don't really feel like it's ours. And they kind of walked around and was like, oh, this is great. This is great.

And yeah, I think I ended up looking like I had some pretty cool stuff. Did they just, like, send a lady to do it? Yeah, yeah. Was there a photographer? And then there was cool stuff. Did they just send a lady to do it? Yeah, yeah. Was there a photographer? And then there was a lady. Two different... Separate? There was a photographer, and then I guess a producer with them as well, or maybe the writer.

Wait, a producer? No, because the writer called me. There's no producers in newspapers. Well, it was a woman that was not taking... She wasn't the writer, and she wasn't taking the pictures, but she was kind of making sure making sure making sure i don't mean to be rude but i think that was just a stalker i think she just they assumed that she was with you and you assumed that they were that she was with them i get a lot of emails from her yeah are they follow-ups darkly sexual yes but she said they're they're always like uh subject is fyi or btw or

uh you know have you ever thought about putting a in your basement some stuff like that like a fuck machine stuff like that yeah yeah and i just thought she was kidding i was like this is funny she's fun this is a fun situation oh she wants to kill me again she's great you figured it was one of those intellectual New York Times-y kind of things. Yes. Maybe, you know. I just so want to be part of that gang.

You know, that you're willing to let them sodomize your wounds. Let this crazy woman. Like, sure, there's like an automatic dildo pumping machine that you had to buy and install in your basement, but if you get to meet Paul Krugman,

then it's all worth it. You get to hang with A.O. Scott for a day. You were just in New York City, though, right? I was. You did like a week in New York City. Yeah, and I'm actually on Sunday. I don't know when this is coming out, but the week that you may or may not be listening to this,

I have to go again. I just wanted to see what your feeling was, Rob. Do you miss New York terribly? Yeah, I do, for sure. However, now that I have two kids, one being three months old, I realize how much easier it is to live here. Yeah. Because kids, you know, I was just back there a a couple weeks ago and they have to dress kids in layers and even if it's not raining they have to put like a rain

slicker over a stroller it's like my kids don't even have long sleeves you know there's like yeah we might have a sweatshirt lying around somewhere and it's so much easier seriously the first four months that rob lived here in los angeles they hadn't gotten their stuff from New York. He forgot to buy his kids pants. Yeah. I literally wear the pants in my family. I'm the only one. No one else.

I'm the only one. That's why it was remarkable enough to use as a nickname. Oh, no. People call me that. You'd think I was making a joke. Oh, covered in pants, Cordray. Here he comes. Here comes old pantsy. Old pants guy.

That's to be distinguished from Mrs. Corddry, for example. Yeah, right. It was just a pants-less situation. No pants. So it's just easier? Yeah, it's easier here. But that's about it. I want to die in New York someday.

Not soon, but I want to die in New York. Yeah, yeah. In Brooklyn. But in the meantime, I'm going to live here for a while because it's very easy to live here. I like driving. I enjoy driving. I had a car in New York. I used to drive to work every day, which was great.

What is it about drive? Do you have a radio station? Do you have a mix? Why the pleasure in driving? Oh, I don't know. I mean, yeah, I listen to a lot of different... I have like three things that I listen to when I drive, and I always make sure I have them either on my iPod.

Elton John, Yellow Brick Road. Thank you. That's number one. Yeah. The soundtrack to Battleship Potemkin. And the CD that you bought at Cirque du Soleil. Yeah. We just named them.

So I had this kind of trip to New York. I'm having kind of, you know, version two of that coming up. And it seems to me that, you know, kind of when you're, you know, when you're my age, kind of people have, kind of when you're my age, kind of people have, there's this kind of hegemonous reaction to New York City. And that is kind of a two-part thing.

It's, oh my God, there's nothing I want more than to move to New York. And that's kind of followed up by, I totally belong there. This kind of people, everybody kind of feels that when they go there, and I was never really on board. I'm like, you know, this is very fun. You know, absolutely I will not deny the total, you know, way out in front coolness that New

York has on basically everywhere else on the planet. Uh, but I'm like, nah, it kind of smells bad and it's hard to get around. So that was kind of my, always my feeling going into it. Um, but this particular time that I went, uh, was really, really fun, was like really fun. And I kind of, I really felt that like, you know, uh, uh, you know, I really felt that like, you know, this would be a cool place to live feeling for the first time. And I think it was maybe specifically because I was there with work and kind of having the bill footed for food and cabs and stuff. Maybe that was it. The expensiveness was now out the window.

It is cheaper to live here for sure. I mean, not much, but it is definitely cheaper to live here. But the one thing that didn't jive with me, there's that feeling, there's that, I would love to live there. I totally belong here. No, no matter how much fun I was having, I never felt like I belonged. I always felt like I was poorly dressed. Yeah, yeah, always either too hot or too cold. Yeah, that was my experience as well. Always running up and down stairs.

I couldn't move to New York City. Teresa and I have talked about moving to New York City. She went to college there. All her best college friends live out there. She could have taken the New York bar instead of the California bar in six months. And I would still be living in a major media capital where I could get a Rob Corddry to come over to my apartment to tape a radio program.

But, um, ultimately I couldn't, I couldn't deal with it being too hot and too cold. Like I grew up in San Francisco and I'm, my internal temperature is so fucking pussy. Like seriously, as soon as it like i can handle i can handle it down to 50 like people some people are like like a lot of people go to san francisco and then when night falls and it's 55 instead of 70 then they're like oh it's so cold and i'm like what do you like you fucking live in a place where it's like negative 20 in the winter like but as soon as it gets below 50 i'm fucking freezing and as soon as it gets above uh 80 like literally if it's 85 degrees i'm like out i'm like like melting like my brain is

like i'm like passing out that was that's ultimately the like the make or break for me with new york i always think too it's it's easier to get i don't mind the cold because it's easy to get warm but it's really hard to get cool. And the summers in New York are brutal. Like August in New York is stupid. I feel like people on the East Coast, though, people on the East Coast aspire to live in San Francisco the same way that people aspire to live in New York. I aspire to live in San Francisco. Yeah, but where are you from?

You're from D.C., right? I'm from San Francisco. Yeah, but where are you from? You're from D.C., right? I'm from San Francisco. But, you know, it's also like it seems like it has a lot of the same charm that New York has, but with better weather. Yeah, it does. Although there are big differences. I mean, one of the biggest differences in New York is a fucking New York is a huge major media capital and San Francisco isn't. I mean, ultimately, there are like so many things that you can do as a job in New York that you just can't do in San Francisco. It's also really hard to get out of New York. You just drive a little

bit out of San Francisco and you're in the country and it's gorgeous. You're a whole different thing, yeah. And in New York, you drive the same distance and you're in New Jersey. Right. Or Staten Island. And it's horrible. And it's pretty gross for a couple, like maybe about a hundred mile radius. It's pretty gross. Yeah. How far do you have to go to get to any kind of majesty? Well, you get up to like Connecticut where it's gross for a different reason. Yeah.

You know, what's like Greenwich is all J. Crew stores, just J. Crew, one on every corner, you know? And it's like, it's like Dunkin' Donuts in Boston. Exactly. yeah. And maybe like the Berkshires is as close as you can get. It's about two and a half hours away from New York. That's a sizable distance, though, because that's a little bit too far to drive there and back in one day. Well, also, too, my first like maybe I was in New York for about 13 years.

My first five years or so, I definitely felt trapped. Like, I loved it, but I felt trapped. Like, I couldn't leave. I didn't have the money to leave. I didn't have the means to leave. You're stuck there, and it feels that way. You know, and this is something I also noticed. You know, when I visit there, you know, we have a handful of college buddies out there that, you know there that I try and hang out with. And there's definitely – it seems like when you move to New York, you try and keep your emotion to a minimum.

Like I feel like I'm kind of trying to meet up with people and I'm staying in one part of town. And they're in another part of town. I'm like, hey, if you come to Chelsea where I'm staying, I hear there's this great restaurant. We can go to this show. They're like, why don't you come to Brooklyn? There's a great bodega that has a steam tray with five tamales. It's just across the street from my house that we can eat at. Really?

Is that going to be as fun as coming down here and going? No. Yeah. They're like, it's as good. I feel that way in Los Angeles, though. If I was going to say. More so, I think, in Los Angeles. Yeah.

I feel like I've never felt that way so much as I do in Los Angeles, though. Yes. If I was going to say... More so, I think, in Los Angeles. Yeah. I feel like I've never felt that way so much as I do in Los Angeles. Like, hearing you say trapped, like, no matter where I am in Los Angeles, I feel trapped where I am. Because everything... Like, there's no two things in the same place unless you're in a mall, and I always feel trapped in a mall. unless you're in a mall and i always feel trapped in a mall so like there's like there's no there's no i feel like there's no place i can be and like do multiple things and like see people i know you know what i mean like even when i say people i know i'm using the broadest definition of people

i know you know like i'm including like you know the guy that works at the corner store in that list sure you know what i mean and like i can fake it by living here in the new yorkist bit of uh los angeles here on the you know the street that they use is to for to set movies in new york but like at the end of the day like there's only so much i have to say to a 27 year old oaxacan woman with uh who's three feet tall three feet wide and has seven children which is like the primary demographic of my block you know what i mean like nothing against it but i just you know not a lot of shared ground there rob you mentioned you're kind of a los files guy is it the is it the you know kind of uh hip getaway that people make it out to be. Los Feliz is a northeastern kind of hip neighborhood in Los Angeles. Well, I live in, I believe I live in Franklin Hills, which is just kind of, you know, by

the Shakespeare Bridge and the high school over there. So I live actually like... That's a good bridge. Like that's a... It's a solid bridge. I like, every time I drive across that, I'm like, all right, this is a sound bridge. I really like it for crossing. I like every time i drive across that i'm like all right you know what i use a sound bridge i really like it for crossing i cross every time i'm over that thing because otherwise i'd have to ford and i don't want to afford you're not gonna ford through franklin sometimes when i'm crossing i'll linger yeah but uh i i don't so so uh but but but uh

yes i like uh the vibe over there a lot more than I do anywhere else in the city. I lived in Larchmont as well, and that's a very kind of Westchester, suburban, rich suburban vibe. Larchmont is really intense. Larchmont is the nearest to where I live here in Koreatown. If you want white people stuff, Larchmont is the nearest place to go. So like Teresa goes, the specific things that we go to Larchmont for are the farmer's market and Teresa buys her coffee there. Sure. So we. If you want like a $10 sandwich too, like that's where you go.

Those are great sandwiches. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, and bagels. We'll go there for bagels too. Like these are things not available in Koreatown. So it's the nearest place. And I just like I've i've spent you know theresa

theresa and i have been together since high school and she grew up in mill valley in marin which is a very uh it's a largely a very tony place you know she did not grow up in a tony family but her the place where she grew up you know is a rich rich white people of privilege place. But Larchmont, just that little strip of coffee shops and shit, it just explodes my brain with the extent to which these people are just at leisure, rich, white. Always in expensive running suits. Yeah, so expensive. Like that is the thing that-

Healthy. Nothing- Dealing with an iPhone in some way. Nothing amazes me more than the amount of – like when I look at some dude's outfit, and it's dudes too, not just ladies. When I look at some dude's outfit and I think how much money he spent on those clothes to look like a total fucking slob. Like these people wear the most it's not workout clothes they wear the most expensive sweatpants yeah like i look at their sweatpants and i'm like holy shit they got those fucking sweatpants at barney's yeah like those are 250 sweatpants

like they're just sweatpants but they're 250 ones and they just have like a faded thing that says brooklyn on the pocket or something like that, you know? Yeah. I'm just flabbergasted by that. Every time it just freaks me out. Yeah. You know, I sometimes think of maybe kind of relocating to someplace hipper. I live in West Hollywood now.

A very nice apartment complex, but I mean, definitely, you know, in the middle of lameness. It's definitely... Definitely a... You have a great apartment, but that is incredibly lame. Sure. I'm on the same block as the laugh factory. If that gives you kind of any indication as to what's going on. He lives right near, let's say you are, let's say you were a guy wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt. Oh, is it like that Melrose block of douchebaggery?

It's a sunset block of douchebaggery. I think I see what you're saying. I know what you're talking about. I sometimes think of relocating to maybe an Eagle Rock, maybe a Glendale or something like that. I love it over there. But a couple days ago,

they opened up a Trader Joe's right across the street. I am there for fucking life now. I can walk to get a trio of hummus dips oh my god that's how they get you yep i'm a lifer now i'm just gonna sign a i'm just gonna sign a contract with that apartment holy shit i can walk just you might as well just tie a rope to your leg and tie the other end to the trader joe's at this point i don't really get uh i don't i have a trader i live right near the Trader Joe's in Silver Lake.

Yeah, yeah. I don't really... Do you ever go to that place, Say Cheese, next to the Trader Joe's? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good sandwiches. I worked there for like two weeks. Really?

Yeah. With a guy, a douche? I remember when you worked at that cheese store. That was the weirdest pairing of man and employer in history. I was... Fuck, I've never been worse at a job. I've never been worse at a job. I have never been worse at a $6 an hour job. I've never been worse at any job.

But like, yeah, I definitely failed more spectacularly. Rob Courtney, I don't mean to be rude to my closest friend Jordan Morris here. But look at this man and tell me if this looks like a man who belongs in a cheese store. No, I couldn't buy cheese nor pate. Yeah. Nor a sparkling of fruit-infused water. All of which they sold. Very reasonable prices.

It was actually an instance of a customer telling the owner that I needed to clean up, quote-unquote, this is a cheese shop, not a mechanics. Oh, wow! Wow, yeah. And he told me about that, too, which kind of this is a cheese shop, not a mechanics. Oh, wow. Wow, yeah. And he told me about that, too, which kind of seems like a dick move.

Yeah. It was his way of saying, clean up, because you look like you work at a mechanics. Yeah, yeah. Here's a funny story, man. Here's something that a lady said. You're going to like this one. Yeah. But seriously, you look like you work at a mechanics.

Yeah, but also just to be accurate, say that in the most comically stereotypical gay voice you can muster. I've met that guy. Yeah. Gotta love him. Well, what's special about a Trader Joe's supermarket? Tell me. Besides the gorgeous women.

Full to the rafters. With beautiful pedicures and naturally tan skin. Perfect skin. Sorry about my erection, guys. I want to apologize. I just realized. How long has this been like that?

Rob, I'm feeling it too. Look, we've all got bone zones. Bonafide! Bonafide! We've all got bone zones. Bonafide! Bonafide! LA definitely has the reputation of having the world's most beautiful people. But that kind of statement is assuming you have a very specific taste in women. Yes, which I do not have. Sure, sure.

Or I guess maybe not that specific. I guess a broad taste in women. No, I don't. Sure, sure. Or I guess maybe not that specific. I guess a broad taste in women. But if you do like a girl in a knee-length skirt, if you like a little pair of Buddy Holly glasses, you're going to want to just hang out in an L.A. Trader Joe's

and just watch them parade by and buy legumes. Here's the thing. They got second-rate produce, and they got a tiny meat section. So those are the disappointments. But there's no better prepared foods. The meat's expensive, too. Yeah, the meat is expensive. There's no better prepared foods, and you basically can buy for all other products besides

those two particular areas, which, granted, are staples. Very, very important. Can you buy dry goods there? Do they sell, like, your napkins and your toothpicks? Yeah, you can get, like, an Earth First napkin. They have a very basic selection, but yes. And what you find immediately is you're like, oh, I'm eating fancy organic store quality foods,

but I'm paying less money than i was paying at the regular grocery store oh i didn't know that either yes that's that's ultimately the secret is that you get to eat and they also like their their quality is very consistent i would say like sometimes so you'll eat something that you don't like necessarily are we back on to trying to get sponsored by by trevor it was definitely a twinkle in our eye at a point uh but hey i think this is we should make the push again yeah i'm really i'm just disappointed they used to have a really great doctor fake dr pepper called dr joe's they don't make it anymore it's too bad it was really good and it was non-caffeinated which was really great for me

very fruity it was a fruitier dr pepper which i like i really like that what flavor is that uh what is the flavor of dr pepper yeah uh well as the former president of the school of the arts high school dr pepper club i can tell you i can tell you that was you the flavor of dr pepper was uh meant to suggest the odor of an old-time pharmacy. So it's essentially, if you think of what was available... It's a phosphate. Yeah, if you think of the various flavors of phosphate that were available in 1910 or 1908 when Dr. Pepper was invented,

and, you know, they're fruity flavors and then sarsaparilla and cola. Okay. So you're basically looking at, if you mix all of those flavors into one flavor, you get Dr. Pepper. Oh, that's great. Yeah.

Isn't that fantastic? Yes. And there's no prune juice. That's a myth. Talk about asking the right guy the right question, huh? Yeah. I'm not a fan of that better.

Are you guys glad you came in today? And I'm really kind of jonesing for Dr. Pepper right now. You didn't just... It wasn't just an opportunity to say you were working so you didn't have to take care of your children. You have got me nailed. Yes, yes, of course I'll do your podcast.

When? When? Is it eight hours? Friday? That's two days from now. Can we do some warm-ups before, like some pre-podcasting? And my mother's in town, so I was like, had more of an impetus to get out of the house.

That's a good, excellent opportunity. That is an excellent opportunity. What I like about New York City, to get back to New York City, is I feel like, A, people are trying, and B, they give a shit. And that's a part of, that's something that I, that is the thing i think the cultural thing that i feel like i miss the most in los angeles like to the extent that anyone gives a shit in los angeles i feel like and this is just the general miasma and it's most certainly

covered by my own personal bigotries um to the extent that anyone gives a shit in los angeles it's about their desperation over something related directly to themselves. Narcissism. Yeah, exactly. Whereas, yeah, I think you nailed it on the head. I love for someone to tell me about how they think that gays should be able to marry dogs relative to like just whatever their most extreme liberal causes that they believe in so very much relative to them telling me about how they're doing a master cleanse. Which is like the same thing, only completely centered on yourself with no like they're both kind of flaky and crazy and too much of the thing. But one of them is about doing some weird thing that's only for yourself and carving out some me time. And the other one is about making the world a better place.

That difference, to me, is the thing that i'm that i like freak out about yes yes shut it down no you summed it up that's i think you you ended that conversation you definitely summed up something that i i've always uh been unable to articulate about new york city when you're when you're a californian this is a thing when you're when you're from northern california the world's you live this life your entire life with people anyone who doesn't live in california thinking of you as being the person the la person they've seen on tv in like an on the spot reportot report about the Venice Boardwalk or whatever. That's what people think of you as. And so if they've been to San Francisco or something,

you're just so grateful to not... Because they think, oh, these California fucking hippie whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, it's too different. They're both ridiculous. Don't get me wrong. San Francisco's a pretty dirty place too like it's a gritty city yeah well i mean it's an urban you know it's definitely like it reminds me of new york and that it's a very kind of gritty

although i will say for san francisco relative to new york and i would i wouldn't i would hesitate to make any kind of argument that san francisco is better than new york it was new york's pretty amazing place but uh one thing that san francisco have on New York is they keep their trash in trash cans and alleys rather than in piles on the sidewalk. Good point. I can't argue with you. Which makes a big difference. It really does.

And smell? I kind of wonder, like, Rudolph Giuliani figured out all this different shit that people who weren't from New York would be really bothered by about New York, like people who hadn't just come to accept it. You know what I mean? Like figured out how to, like, reduce the murders, especially for the rich people. And like, you know what I mean? Like all this different stuff that that he did through his, you know, through his various jackbooted thugs. And I wonder, why couldn't he have figured out a way to set up the sanitation system so that the trash went in garbage bags that went in garbage cans that held in this tank? It's impenetrable. It's mob run. It's just a New York

calling card. It's like the pizza pie and the cabbies. We got the bagel in the garbage the strewn garbage ever since i moved to los angeles all i can think about is where can i get that new york garbage on the street you want real new york garbage in la they bring in the water from new york and then they pour it on the garbage and put heat lamps on it. They fly in the rats on tiny airplanes. We're having fun here on Jordan, Jesse, go. We've got plenty more stuff to talk about.

We'll be back in just a second with myself, Jordan Morris. Do you like this how I'm saying the names at the end of every segment? No, because we say them at the beginning of every segment, so it's really only a five minute. And the show also has our names in the title. Yeah, and people are listening to it on their iPods. It probably has our names in the little picture. A lot of access to our names. But we want to become household names, Jordan. That's our goal, right? Isn't that why we started this, to become household names? I think you should say your names at least once in the middle of the segments as well right so just as a kind of a pick-me-up yes resetting yeah resetting yeah a little kick in the pants i would say kick in the pants we'll be back in just a

second on jordan jesse go it's jordan j Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Rob Corddry, pants, pants, pants. Nice. I like that. Jordan, have we talked about there's the video game that I recently purchased. It's for the Nintendo Wii game console. I don't have a Nintendo Wii game console,

so I had to think of someone I knew who had a Nintendo game console who I also needed to get a gift for in order to buy this that's how a specific set of circumstances that's how important it is to me it's called imagine colon party babies with a z uh yeah that sounds great yeah imagine yeah colon party babies z at the end i I'm on board. Oh, my goodness. Is this from the makers of Grand Theft Auto, right? Yeah, it's from the Grand Theft. It's an immersive world.

This is actually from Rockstar East. You're thinking of Rockstar West. It's a massive multiplayer online arcade. Man, how fast would you sign up for the $5 a month massively multiplayer online game where you're a baby and everyone's having a party uh fastish yeah do you think yeah if you do you think that maybe what about this maybe it's tiered maybe it's free to play free to create your own character but it's five dollars a month if you want to be a stogie smoking grownoking, grown-up, you know, sort of middle-aged Jewish agent baby character. A wisecracking baby.

Exactly. You're not like, ah! Money well spent. Yeah. Like a baby that lights a cigar with a $20 bill. You know what I mean? Sure. Ah, where's my baba?

You know what I mean? Well, somebody took my binky! That's the $5. That's the value. It's the downloadable content. That's how they monetize it. You know what I mean? Sure, you can buy it as an add-on in Xbox Live,

in your Xbox Live marketplace. You can buy different sort of like, what do they call those? Modules. Sure. Baby system modules. Skins. God, I love it.

I love it. I'm having fun. Did you guys notice my outfit today? This is a vacation outfit. Oh. This is... It's kind of summery colors. It is.

It's transatlantic. Thank you very much, Robert. It's trans is there anybody ever call you bobby can i call you bobby my whole life i was called bobby okay bobby i'll tell you this is a transatlantic outfit i'm climbing aboard a steamer later on today and i want to be clear i'm wearing a suit today but this is a casual suit i'm not trying to show anybody up i'm wearing a khaki suit i got on i got on a button-down shirt. That's how casual I'm talking about. I got on this summer necktie. It's a cornflower

blue and a peach, a pale peach. My t-shirt has a bear on it. The bear has a gun, too. Ultimately, I got white canvas tennis sneakers on. You know what I mean? And the reason is because I am, for the first time in my life, going to be traveling aboard a steamer ship. You're going to throw your coat jacket over your shoulder and climb aboard a steamer. Exactly.

And which passage are you taking? I will be taking the Carnival Cruise Lines passage to exotic Ensenada, Mexico. Yeah, I know. They tell you the cruise is going down the Northwest Passage. Don't listen to them. It does not exist. I only hope that my boardroom will be proximate to that of the Duke of Windsor. Are you bringing all your art with you? In trunks?

Most certainly. I've collected some fantastic art from the local artisans in the desert communities of Southern California. artisans in in the desert communities of southern california i travel with my own escargot forks are you getting a divorce why are you going in what's this place in mexico yes i'm getting a divorce i'm i'm taking a cruise with my wife a divorce. I'm taking a cruise with my wife. A divorce cruise. To get a quickie divorce. It's what they call a hate cruise.

Are you getting an abortion? Myself and my special lady friend. They're getting co- They're going to hold hands while they get matching abortions. Co-abortion. Co-abortion. Co-aborted. This is actually a plastic surgery cruise.

Once you get offshore, you can do all kinds of crazy shit. I'm going to get something implanted under the skin of my skull. Yeah. Well, okay, now let's break this down because you don't seem to be like a cruise guy. Okay, so typically my travels have taken me to places like Switzerland. I've been to Switzerland. I've traveled to London, England. I've traveled to Laos in Southeast Asia. That's you.

So I have never... A Laotian holiday. Yeah, I have never been on a cruise. But this is, you guys are familiar with the collapse of the American economy, correct? Gotcha, yes. So this economy has collapsed. And I had, and my plan had been, there's these nice condos for sale down the street from my apartment building here. In this older building that got turned into condominiums.

My plan had been to take advantage of the collapse in the American economy to purchase a one-bedroom condominium here in my inner-city urban neighborhood. It turns out they still cost $450,000. So that was off the table. So I thought, what else can I do to take advantage of the collapse of the economy?

And I read a newspaper article about how cruise ships were struggling to fill their berths or whatever it is. And so I went on to like Hotwire.com or something. And it turns out you can go on a cruise for $195. And that includes the cruise and the food and everything like everything you want except the gambling and the booze but since i'm a teetotaler and not much of a gambler i'm not going to lose a lot of money on that so we had this money uh that we had gotten for christmas from my wife's parents they had given us a couple hundred dollars and told us to do something silly with it you know as a christmas gift and but we couldn't think of anything good to do because every time we thought

of something you know like we would be like, oh, we'll go to Palm Springs for a weekend or something. It was way, way, way more than $250. So we looked and we're like, well, for $200, why not go on a stupid fucking cruise? It doesn't have to be that stupid. It has to be pretty stupid to overcome the fact that we're doing something ridiculous

and it only costs $200. So we thought, well, maybe we can rope somebody else into it. So I happened to be talking with our friend Lonely Sandwich from You Look Nice Today. And I said, have you ever thought about going on a cruise? And he said, absolutely not. And I said, what if I told you you could go on a cruise for $195? And he said, I'm in. So Mr. and Mrs. Lonely Sandwich are on board with us.

So we figure, you know, we got some pals with us. You know what I mean? And at the worst, at least we have some people to just mock the entire experience with. I think that's smart and safe because otherwise you would be surrounded by,

you know, that you'd have people that would glom onto you. I think you'd make some cruise friends. You think we would make cruise friends? Yes, my mother always, My parents always went on cruises and they always came back having met the most lovely couple from the Jersey Shore.

Or whatever, like some horrible sounding people. Now I'm excited about this. But at least you have that insulation. No one I know has ever been on a cruise. None of my immediate relatives, none of my wife or any of her immediate relatives have ever been on a cruise. So my only understanding of a cruise, and I really sound, in saying this now, as I consider what I'm about to say,

I sound like the most New Yorker subscribing asshole in the history of the world to say this but my understanding of cruises comes from uh the david foster wallace essay is a supposedly fun thing i'll never do again um which is about him going on a cruise because he had never you know obviously as being david foster wallace had never been on a cruise and so uh in his essay, the one thing he talks up is making cruise friends at his cruise dinner table with just these random fat people. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. This cruise.

Jesse, now you want to say you don't watch TV, you read. I don't even. Jordan, I don't even own a television. Yeah. What I've been told. and now i didn't know anything about cruises um what i've been told is that my cruise that i'm going on is the absolute lowest of the low when it comes to cruises like it's not the lowest of the low in the sense that we're that they're just going to be feeding us porridge. Mandatory dogfights? Yeah.

It's not like we've booked passage on a commercial junk that's going to be... You'll probably be sold into white slavery. No, you're not going to be... Opium to the back from the Orient or something like that. But this is like the single most like spring break from Texas to A&M cruise I could go on in the world someone told me that they went on one of these carnival cruises

and it was exclusively morbidly obese people from Lubbock, Texas most of whom were drunk and 19 and that is something that I think is going to be amazing people from Lubbock, Texas, most of whom were drunk and 19. Yeah. And that is something that I think is going to be amazing. Yeah.

I don't know anything about this. Well, how long are you going to, how long is the journey? It's only, it's, we leave on Friday evening and come back on Monday morning. Perfect. So. Get into a fist fight while you're there. I should get into a fist fight. Yeah. Do, do, quick question.

Do you think they'll have Dannyy devito's limoncello there i can't imagine that they would are you familiar with danny devito's limoncello yes he takes out full-page advertisements for it in numerous prestigious public publications including the new yorker he makes a limoncello yeah it is limoncello and he also plays some sort of italian lute or something i'm just judging by the composition of the photograph gotcha um someone emailed us and said that they make limoncello themselves do you think we should ask that listener to send us some limoncello yes if they send us limoncello i'll drink some i have a friend who i have some limoncello in my freezer oh yeah my friend

cynthia made us some limoncello is it foul i've heard the limit gross yeah it's pretty gross uh it's very thick oh really syrupy sure it's syrupy very syrupy and sweet and um yeah have you okay we're getting back to crew have you ever been on a cruise before no but i come i come from cruise going stock uh my family goes on a lot of cruises i avoid you're one of the Massachusetts cord race yes I am of the Massachusetts cord race we uh we I avoid a lot of cruises oh god no I cannot make that family crew love to but I have to do something else thing but I but you know I talked to my wife about all the time like we would also like to kind of give it it seems like a very easy vacation

but you do feel like you have to make it somewhat I would have to make it educational or some stupid thing like that so I would feel like or go to like Alaska that seems like a more a cruise where douchebags won't you can cruise to like Chichen Itza

or something like that I think there are some cruises where it ends up in – But Chichen Itza is like another word for Cancun. Yeah. But the thing is – As long as Sammy Hagar has a restaurant wherever we're going. I would like to maybe go somewhere like on one of those smaller boats. Actually, you know what?

I would love to get the full love boat experience. My dad came back from his first cruise, and he goes, you're not going to believe the amount of shrimp I ate. That's my plan for the cruise. You order a shrimp cocktail, and you eat the whole thing, and they ask you if you want another shrimp cocktail, and they just bring it to you.

That's what, when we, I went to, I went, unfortunately Jordan was out of town, so he couldn't participate in this, but another one of my good time experiments was I went on eBay to see how much I could get – how cheaply I could get hockey tickets. And I ended up buying 10 hockey tickets for $50. Wow. So I was like, $50? I'll spend $50 to invite 10 people to go see hockey with me.

And so we just invited everyone we knew that might be willing to go. I mean, I'm not a hockey fan. I think I'm fine with it. But yeah, so I went to this hockey game and the folks who went with us had been to one of these cruises. And what they told us was that they said some of the food was good,

but some of the food wasn't as good. So what they would do is just order two entrees per person, and then anyone who got an entree they didn't like, they'd just eat one of the other entrees that was on the table. So gluttonous. Because you can just, they don't even care if you do that. That's totally allowed. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, don't brag, Jesse. I make my own fun too i've tried masturbating with different masks on you're not the other one who could be creative but i know what it's like in a clown i know what it's like in a dino you're having a sorry honey i'm having a prehistoric good time Dino noise Have you ever been on a cruise, Jordan?

You know, I think my family took one But I have no, when I was younger And I have really no recollection of it Not even like high points, flashes of memories? Here's actually the one thing I remember from the cruise There was like a closed I remember from the cruise. There was a closed circuit TV on the cruise that showed just, you know, they had a block

of programming that they showed on a loop. And I remember just over the course of the six days or however long it was seeing Mr. Baseball and sneakers like a dozen times a week. Sneakers. Do you think there could possibly in the world like Mr. mr baseball and sneakers is such a

perfect distillation of 1991 like i feel like mr baseball and sneakers would be punch lines in the winner that's how like particularly 1991 1992 those two things are. I had a Mr. Baseball birthday party. We all went to see Mr. Baseball starring Mr. Tom Selleck. Great. You just reminded me what Mr. Baseball was. I was kind of pretending I knew what Mr. Baseball was. I definitely know what sneakers is now. I know exactly what Mr. Baseball is.

Tom Selleck's mustache is a guy who's... Stars ass. Stars. Tom Selleck's mustache is a guy who's a fellow who's failed out of the American Major Leagues and signs a multi-million dollar contract to play baseball in Japan. And needless to say, this guy has a lot of cultural adjustments to make. Those guys, those people do talk weird. Yeah, they talk crazy and they're always bowing. Oh, they're always bowing. Shorter than most. Oh, they're always bowing. But you know

what? They have a refined aesthetic that I really respect. I call it kind of zen. Yeah. It's sort of zen to me. I imagine if you're in that situation, you're gonna learn something. Yeah, absolutely. You're definitely gonna learn something. And you know what?

Not just about life, but maybe also about love. Probably. Let's just say umbrella about yourself. About yourself. Sure. And what about tatami mats? Because you'll probably learn about those, too.

Yeah, a lot of bare bones stuff you'll learn about. Driving traffic rules. Like when you're supposed to take your shoes off yeah exactly you know that kind of that's not so much about yourself as it is about about just others getting along others in their cultural getting around tokyo it's hard it's hard the subway gonna master the subway yeah sure uh you know i'm gonna do you think you guys think i'm gonna have to do a lot of cultural adjustments? Coco's pissed off about that Mr. Baseball segment. Do you think I'm going to have to make a lot of cultural adjustments to learn how to live life in Ensenada, Mexico?

Because as I understand it, one set of rules applies when you're in the States, but another set of rules applies when you're at Señor Frogs. Yeah. It's a lawless place. It's really the Wild West. Sure. You know, so I'd be careful because there's, yeah, Señor Frogs is an outpost, I believe. I've heard that they have more.

Dick's Last Resort. Cabo Wabo. Dick's Last Resort, Cabo Wabo. More that the hard rock cafe there is actually more oriented towards hard rock, like Poison. It is actually celebrating hard rock down there. So there's no safety net there. You might have to see something Alice Cooper related, for example. You can't rely on seeing Rod Stewart stuff right is what i'm trying to say sound garden bass guitars exactly so and that's a well you know you know what i mean guys yeah

we're all on the same page right yeah have us take another wife while you're down there yeah i would love to have two wives you can get away with anything you know what i can't say stuff like that something like that you know what i can't say stuff like that. for something like that? You know what? I can't say anything like this anymore. You know why? I found out that our audience is full of finks.

Oh. You know? She found out. Our audience is full of finks. You know how I found out? Finks. Yeah. At some point

in this program's three-year history or however long we've been doing this show, at some point in this program's history, I said something about Teresa's sister, Frances, being a brat when she was a teenager and younger um or possibly

being a very uh mean child who was really mean to my uh wife and beat her up um despite the fact she was two years younger um which is true both of those are true i'm a big fan of uh theresa's sister francis great lady um uh very grown up now she was a bratty teen and she was a nightmarish small child okay that's just the facts but it turns out that up in portland oregon land of the finks there's some young ladies who listen to this program and then report back to Francis, who then reports back to my wife anything I say that's bad, anything that could get me in trouble. My wife doesn't have time to listen to this. She has to listen to me talk all the time. She probably hears you talk about it, too.

Oh, man, I had this great line on the podcast today. Jordan, I mean, look, Teresa has to listen to me and Jordan. Yeah. Like whenever Jordan comes to visit or we're hanging out and she's around, the essential part of our lifestyle is us trying to make jokes to impress each other. Like that's the entire emotional basis

of our relationship that's been going on since we were... Which is to say, no emotional basis. Yeah, exactly. So that is the center of what we were... Which is to say, no emotional basis. Yeah, exactly. So that is the center of what we do here, right? And so Teresa doesn't need to listen to that. Yeah. Which is why I feel like I should be able to say something off color,

to make a silly joke about something, about taking a second wife, except that it turns out there's Sphinx! See, this is your special place this is your uh this is the thinking man's man cave exactly not allowed in here you know they should and neither are finks no neither are finks let's stop snitching finks keep it to yourself okay i've got a chain and i know how to use it for beatings yeah of finks now if there's anybody in orange county don't tell my mom i made that masturbating joke i'm trying to start a fight jesse is by the way taking off his shirt he has a knife open and he's snapping like the west side

story guy i have no i have no shirt on he's gone full full Puerto Rican. Yeah, right. Yes. He's getting swarthier by the second. Can my nickname be full Puerto Rican for the rest of this show? Yeah, sure. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweet... Oh, wait! No.

It's Jordan Jesse Goh. Wrong show. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, full Puerto Rican. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Rob Corddry. It sounds racist now that we say it out of context. Yeah, it does.

You are. It is racist. It is? It's purely racist. I'm a racist? You're a racist. Because you don't think it's racist. You're an even worse racist.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. You broke racism. It's a secret. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck my balls. That's racist broke racism. It's a secret. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck my balls. That's racist, too.

It is? Yeah. There's a aboriginal tribe that fucks purely with the balls. Just fucks with balls. You didn't know that? Racist. Jeez, man.

Wow. Get a world view. Although. It's not so narrow. Although, honestly. Yeah. Before, when it was against Puerto Ricans, I felt bad. But I do hate aboriginal people.

I do, too. The aboriginal people of. Look at me. Look at me. Yeah. Look at my. Look at my. I made a painting.

Exactly. That's how they make a painting. Totally. They put their hand up and they go. Fucking queers. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Oh my God.

I'm in trouble now. Yeah. I'm a native San Franciscan. So I have like a permanent, I feel like I'm a permanent political correctness, like tolerance level. No, just what you were doing is you were drawing attention to how comic racism is.

Yeah. Do you feel like that though? You know, I know Seth Morris, a mutual friend of ours, who's also from Marin. Legendary improviser. He guest-hosted on the show a month or two ago. Sure. Tall person. He's from San

Francisco, and we had a hard time... He's from Marin. He's from Marin, and I've known him for a long time and he uh he's very uh he can be very uh politically correct or at least he can um he doesn't like my sarcasm because i feel like that or i think he thinks that's an east coast thing sarcasm is strictly like a uh route 95 kind of thing you know do you i don't know if sarcasm wasn't seth morris's uh pilates instructor for a while yeah yeah yeah there you go so that's what kind of thing, you know? Do you? I don't know if sarcasm... Wasn't Seth Morris a Pilates instructor for a while? Yeah.

Yeah, there you go. So that's what kind of fellow that guy is. There's your context. Let's move on. Seth Morris, to me, is an amazing man specifically because of his combination of being such a gifted improviser, truly one of the most gifted improvisers that there is,

no doubt about it. And perfectly comfortable in the context of an astonishingly profane improvisational scene. And you get the impression, oh, this is what kind of dude this guy is. But then he has this second life as a former Pilates instructor. Those two things together make him a special man to me. A little too good looking to be in comedy. Yeah, also a very handsome fellow. Yeah, a little too good looking.

That's a good point. That is a good point. And not only that, his core is a little bit too strong to be in comedy, in my opinion. He's kind of let himself go a little bit. He's looking funnier and funnier. Good. He grew that creepy mustache for a while. It's about time.

He had a real creepy mustache. He has a lot of weird facial hair. He's very creative with his facial hair. Oh, speaking of creativity, Rob, here on the program, we have a segment called Momentous Occasions. What we ask is that when something remarkable or special happens to one of our listeners, that they call in at 206-984-4FUN, our hotline number, and let us know either as it happens or in the immediate aftermath.

We call it momentous occasions. It can range from anything from losing one's virginity to being locked on the porch by the children that you were supposed to be babysitting. And kind of more recently, a guy being set up on a weird date with the wife of the man that his wife was cheating on him with. So the guy who called in was being cuckolded. And their solution to being caught was, hey, why don't you go on a date with my wife? And they went to see Watchmen.

It's a date movie, that's why. That's a two-hour and 40-minute movie. It's a good date movie. Don't you feel like probably in the Jordan-Jesse-Go audience, like a plural marriage is probably over? What do they call that? Polyamory. Polyam is probably over. What do they call that? Polyamory.

Polyamory probably overrepresented. Don't you feel like there's more polyamorous people in the Jordan Jesse Go audience than there is in... Like that kind of weird shit is going on more with our listeners than in a random sample? Yes. I think so too. Yes, call in and tell us about your polyamorous marriage. You're going on a cruise with another couple.

Don't tell us about your polyamorous marriage. I feel like if somebody calls in and tells us about their polyamorous marriage, it's going to be so fucking boring. No, you can tell me about it. I'm kind of curious. You are wearing your dinosaur mask right now. Mm-hmm.

And jerking it. Anyway, momentous Occasions Hi JJ Go this is Lee from New York I'm going with Momentous Occasions I'm on improveverywhere.com and I'm watching this

video about I'm watching this video wherein people are singing and dancing in a food court as part of their Improv Everywhere MO, I guess. And at one point, the janitor character announces he's going to dance and throws a broom at none other than you, Jesse, which I thought was amazing. And so I'm curious why you didn't mention this on your, on Jordan,

Jesse go. And if you did, I'm curious what I don't remember it. Excellent cameo. Blah, blah, blah, blah,

blah, blah, blah. The reason that I played this is not because it's actually momentous. It's a good example of something that's not momentous. Actually something not to do. However, I did want to seize

this opportunity because i'm tired of getting emails about it yes that is me the thing is it's like i'm not on screen for very long and uh i i actually sang a little bit of the song but they cut that bit of the song out in the video that's on the website so because i'm a horrible horrible singer so were you a mark or were you involved i was involved in it it was when when our friend charlie todd from improv everywhere came out here to los angeles to shoot some of this stuff for when when he made a tv pilot of improv everywhere they made this thing for it so he just invited people he knew in la to come do it with him so um yes that's that's me. We're done with it now.

Stop bugging him. People really, a lot. Hi, Jordan Jesse Go. My name is Dan. I have a momentous occasion. I work in a library, and just now I met a person named Dobson. Until now, I thought Jordan

made that name up. But now I see Jordan, I guess, was right all along. So, Rob, just to fill you in on the background here, Jordan has come up with, I mean, you've probably been in a situation where you're writing something. You've probably done a fair share of writing, best known, of course, as an actor, but certainly you've done your fair share of writing.

You wrote all those Children's Hosp's hospitals didn't you sure sure streamy nominated you mean yeah yeah yeah okay go on okay go on P award so first annual streamies wow go ahead go ahead do you think the streamies could be sponsored by flow max I'm just throwing out an idea. You've written things, and one of the great challenges in writing something is coming up with a great name for a fictional character, because you can't take a real person's name and use it, because it could be a basis of a libel suit or something like that.

And when you make up something, it has to have a certain je ne sais quoi, but it can't, you know, also it can't be too phony, bologna. You know what I mean? So Jordan came up with two names that are the best names that a character could have. If you want to say them, Jordan. Sure. Chip Dipson and Dip Dobson.

So that's why it's of consequence. And just so you know, if you're ever writing something, these are, we've released these into the creative domain. Oh, that's why it's of consequence. And just so you know, if you're ever writing something, we've released these into the creative domain. Oh, that's nice. Thank you. We have decided that if you want to name a character Chip Dipson or Dip Dobson in anything, we will not take that as stealing Jordan's idea, but rather we'll accept it as a tribute. I am writing the second season

of children's hospital as we speak and brian husky is playing an emt and his name will be chip dipson i promise you yay history has been made that's better than the guy who named his world of warcraft character that somebody named his world of warcraft character that. Somebody named his World of Warcraft character that, and then like six months later, he emailed us to show a screen capture of a search for that name. Now there's like ten World of Warcraft characters named Chip Tipson. I want them to fight

each other. That's not how it works. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, go. This is Rebecca from Boston, and I'm calling with a momentous occasion. I have my first foster care placement today. A little one-and-a-half-year-old boy named Angel who won't stop crying, which is understandable, but it's a new adventure, and I thought, wow, you'd like that, but you might not.

All right, bye. We totally like that. Oh,, bye. We totally like that. Oh, my God. We really like that. How fucking great is that? I'm really moved by that call. Your pants are moved, if you know what I mean. Strangely excited by that call.

Gorilla mask, anyone? Any talk of foster children. Give me a rock hard in a second. Don't you feel like don't you feel like that is like just what a great momentous occasion right truly that is what momentous occasions are all well no okay momentous occasions are all about the guy who is going on a date with the wife of the man who cuckolded him yeah i think also dobson's a pretty good momentous occasion yeah that's also a solid momentous occasion but but that is truly but that is really special that's also a solid momentous occasion but uh but that is truly but that is really special

that's awesome right and i would never have thought of that if you if you gave me a hundred years i would have thought of all of the you know losing my virginities getting married bought my first house that we've all already had yeah this one is truly special if you have a momentous occasion 206-984-4FUN is the number to call. We suggest, strongly suggest, that people program that into their cellular telephones so that when something momentous is happening, all they have to do, it's like the London train bombing. Put it in your favorites. You just take out your cell phone and start shooting.

In this case, you, wait, no, start shooting video with your cell phone. In this case, you take out your cell phone and start shooting. In this case, you... Wait, no. Start shooting video with your cell phone. In this case, you take out your cell phone... Although my cell phone does shoot bullets. Go ahead. Are they normal-sized bullets? Yes. They're Christmas gifts from the Gersh Agency. Yes. Hollywood.

Seriously, 25% of people in Hollywood have one of these guns. I would like to thank my representation. Chip Dipson at Gersh. 25% of people in Hollywood have one of these guns. I would like to thank my representation. Sure, sure. Yeah, absolutely. Chip Dipson. You know, I'm at CAA, and all I got was a fruit basket. So anyway, 206-9844-FUN. Put it in your cell phone.

We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Bobby, what are you doing to me? Bobby Corddry. What's going on here? You're freaking out. Yeah, I'm freaking out. I just started freaking out a little bit. I just got nervous. Yeah. People are going to hear this? Yeah. The whole thing?

Like the whole? Well, yeah. Can you cut out most of? Oh, sure. Yeah? Just whatever. Did I say anything really embarrassing? I just smoked a lot of weed during that last break, and I got very paranoid. Right.

And I just kept going over everything we've been talking about. Remember that glass of water I gave you right before the show? Yeah, yeah. Did I tell you that that was weed water? No.

I bought it at the dispensary. That's a new thing, weed water. That's why I felt like going out and getting high again. Yeah. Listen, do we talk...

Probably why it tasted so non-watery. Do we talk about Dr. Pepper? Did I dream that? No, that was... Yeah, we talked about that. Can you cut that out, please? No. I'm so embarrassed. You guys, we did not talk about that. Pepper? Did I dream that? No, that was... Yeah, we talked about that. Can you cut that out, please? No.

I'm so embarrassed. You guys, we did not talk about that. I dreamed that. Do you have like a sponsorship with Mr. Pibb or something? Yeah, I can't talk about Dr. Pepper. Oh, boy. The Dr. Shasta people are going to be very upset. We'll talk after.

We'll talk after. Grease the palms. Give us a little bit of that Mr. Pibb money and we'll see what we can do the deep pockets of Mr. Pibb it's a short story I'm writing Rob

before we call it a podcast you actually had your own momentous occasion am I right? we were just talking momentous occasions a couple years ago

I went back 10 years probably went back to get reacquainted with my ex-girlfriend we dated for probably about seven years. And this was – That's a long time.

We hadn't spoken for a year or two. Yeah. And we got together and we had a great time. Did you make the trip specifically for this? No, I was there for the Chicago Improv Festival. Okay. And then she was living in Chicago. And we hung out.

We had a great time. And we've been friends ever since. But she introduced me to her boyfriend, now husband, and great guy. And she went to work. He took me. He's a trapeze artist. He took me to the trapeze in the middle of a Chicago museum. It was this thing they were having.

And he took me up to the top of the flying trapeze and was going to let me go. I was going to give it a try. And I was terrified. See, now I'm going to interject something here really quickly. it a try and i'm gonna interject something here really quickly if i was going to the top of a trapeze with my former long-term girlfriend's new boyfriend i would have safety concerns no no no no very kind warm-hearted person never do not trust circus folk there's a net do not trust circus i think he fancies himself an artist okay yeah. You know what I mean? Trapeze guys are different. They fancy themselves a step

above the normal carny. But that's the thing. They all fancy themselves that way. They think that doing a weird circus thing is an artsy thing and not just roughly equivalent to being a professional

Renaissance fair employee. Like clowns. Like, for instance, I hate it when people say they're afraid of clowns. I just hate clowns because they take themselves so fucking seriously. Sure. It's a lost art, Rob. It's not, and it's lost for a reason. Yeah, spoken like someone who's never done Commedia dell'arte.

Okay, okay. You got me. You got me. You know, Rob, we love you and Harold and Kumar and what happens in Vegas,

but the real comedy... You would make a great punchinella. I was just trying to think of the clown's name, the patchworked harlequin. Harlequino? You might make

a very good Ildotore, too. Worth considering. Okay, so here's what... I want your agents to start selling you as, an emboldened servant type. Well, my agent would do that, and he'd say, it just keeps people guessing.

What's next? What's next for you? You know what? I feel like Rob's agent has been selling him as an emboldened servant, and he would be better served being sold as a young lover. Yes. Yes yes thank you am i right rob or am i right who gets set up by the emboldened servants yeah do we mention that i've worked with oliver stone have we talked about that we did okay good yeah i believe you worked on

you worked on the film that was in his he directed harold and Kumar, too. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, the film that was closest to his sort of center of skill and ability, the political satire farce, right? Yes. Yes. Okay. Anyway, so you're...

Studio 60 of political films. You're at the top of Trapezeze yeah or as i call it a death trap and uh he now it's what kind of guy is this guy he's a very like a lanky short and stocky and very muscular but stocky he's got a compact center of gravity that's the kind of the build you want for trapeze yes i think so. His ample arms were wrapped around my waist. Sure. And I was... You have to lean out very far to hold the trapeze.

It's very scary. And I was terrified, and that's when I felt the tip of his penis flaccid penis against my behind. Were you wearing trapezing clothes? I was wearing, I must have been.

Had you borrowed a trapezing pant? No, I must have been wearing some kind of sweat pant. Sure. Because you just can't go trapezing in jeans. Because this is like, what, 1998, and that was your. It was about 98, 97, 98, yeah. So that was your sweat pants period. Yeah.

Because I was so fat. You rarely got out of sweat pants in your life. Yeah. I did have a sweat pants period. Even. You rarely got out of sweatpants in your life. Yeah. I did have a sweatpants period. Even for traveling. Yeah, yeah. When you were on The Daily Show,

we often saw you behind a desk. Exactly. What maybe they didn't see, waist down. You were enormously fat. White socks. Waist down, you were corpulently obese.

I was a mutant. A news mutant. Yeah. So the tip of... Tip. The very tip of his penis, I felt... Let's get back to the tip of this penis. Bouncing against my hindquarters.

Let me ask you this question. He was bouncing against it, too, because he was kind of holding me. Let's just say... There's a rhythmic situation. Let's say your butt had been made out of... Rather than flesh, it had been made out of rather than flesh it had been made out of sculpey go ahead then you had baked with you then you had baked your butt afterwards would you be able to use that as a mold to create a new trapeze wiener i would be able to use that

not knowing whether he was circumcised or not, I would be able to use probably the very tip of his trapeze wiener. Yeah. Sure. I'd be able to fashion. Yes. Excellent. That's wonderful. Yeah.

That could come in handy. I have a clear sense memory of it as well. Like a very clear. Have you ever used that for, in your work? Saving that one. Right. Saving that one for the right time.

For the right role. Oscar moment. You have to bank your, your moments Since you're shooting this movie Hot Tub Time Machine I imagine I might get a chance to use it During some sense memory work

You're going to be working with Clark Duke Craig Robinson John Cusack If you're working with Cusack, it seems like a great opportunity because he's known for the tip of his wiener, isn't he? Isn't that what he was?

Oh, I didn't know that. Oh no, no, no, no, no. You're talking about his sister,

Joan. Oh gosh, what a pleasure. That's the wiener you're thinking of. You know, Jordan, I don't know if you've had an opportunity to view Rob Corddry's Streamy Award-nominated internet video film, General Hospital. What's it called?

Children's Hospital. Children's Hospital. I'd watch the whole Nine Yards. You were a guest on The Sound of Young America. It was difficult to watch, too, because the WB.com is a shitty, shitty website. Well, they actually revamped it because we were getting so many hits oh really destroyed it and they made it's a better player now that's good that's a shitty it was a train wreck of a website i could not figure out

how to do anything with it terrible it didn't like my browsers it was a real situation my mother couldn't watch it for like a week but nowadays it's been revamped i think it's it's on some there's some of it is on youtube and whatnot as well. Well, there's trailers on YouTube. Okay, just trailers. It's part of my deal that it's going to be released. They call it syndication. It's going to be released internet-wide. But I'm not sure when that's going to happen.

You're making another one too, right? And we're doing it for TV. We're doing it for TV. It's going to be on. Really? Yeah. It's either going to be on Adult Swim or Comedy Central. We're in something of a bidding war.

It should be, man. That's like basically like stuff on the internet, even stuff made by people that I love, usually is not funny. That was exceptionally funny. Very funny work, yeah. I hope we can, you know, I'm going to have a lot of other people help me write the second season because it's going to be like 12, 11-minute episodes.

So it's twice as much stuff. uh so i'm gonna have some i think david wayne and ken marino are gonna write a couple and paul sheer and rob hubel are gonna write a couple you can you can't that's that's heavy hitters i would love to have like robert and eric bobby you are bringing in some heavy hitters right now yeah you're talking about if you're talking about uh david wayne you're talking about a ken marino yeah you're talking about a paul sheer you're talking about a rob hubel yeah you're talking about David Wayne, you're talking about a Ken Marino. You're talking about a Paul Scheer. You're talking about a Rob Hubel. You're talking about heavy hitters. Heavy hitters.

Yeah, A-team. Murderers Row. First string. First string. Yeah, the thing that I thought was noteworthy about the Children's Hospital, it's so ridiculous, so silly, but it had all of those comic performers nowadays who just really commit to that ridiculousness and it like had this gravity that was almost upsetting throughout the hilariousness tell me this do you

think you could get away with because that's the kind of comedy i like just take no winking at all just taking it very seriously do you think you can get away with that on like a half an hour show it's a challenge i mean i know children's Hospital is just kind of like a loose framework to write sketches, right? But it's basically a sketch show. But like, could you do that for an actual narrative show, like a comedy,

but it's not a comedy like in the way 30 Rock is? Well, that would be like a police file. Police files or airplane, right? Yeah. It's the same kind of... Police squad, is that what it's called? Police squad, yeah.

Police squad. Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, it sounds like, I mean, in that kind of adult swim, you know, time block, I mean, that's kind of a guaranteed home run, I think. And they're also making it, they're sort of launching, if we go with adult swim, they're going to be launching their prime time with it. They're going to go to like a nine o'clock. Really? Yeah, late prime time.

Yeah, yeah. Sure, nice. You can get a little naughty. You're looking at LPT, but still. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We have fun. Rob, what a pleasure to have Rob Corddry here, huh?

What a great friend. What a great day. This is great. Oh, God. And now I'm going to go on a cruise. I'm going to take Vicodin. I'm going to do something else. Oh, gosh.

Well, it was fun. Oh, gosh. Well, it was fun. Oh, shit. Before we go, I got an action item for this week's show. Yeah. Holy shit, this is important. Cruise-related. Action item. It's cruise-related.

Okay, we were talking about making friends on cruises. I want to know who is the craziest and or most fascinating person or personal interaction you ever had while you were on vacation. So out of town, out of country, what person have you met that was the weirdest, the strangest experience you ever had, the person that you met? 206-984-4FUN is the number to call. 206-984-4FUN. Leave us a message.

Tell us who that was. We'll talk about it next week. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design from the best of The Free Design, which is called Kites Are Fun, courtesy of Light in the Attic Records and The Free Design.

Thank you so much. It's a wonderful song. And we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Bye.