Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Ep. 95: Ever Skyward

Episode Date: April 12, 2009

Jordan and Jesse create a utopian society, slake their thirst with Jordan, Jesse, Beer! and much more.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys, and take off your shoes and sex and run you. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. And I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. And this is... Jordan, Jesse, go! Icicles, tricycles, ice cream, candy, lollipops, popsicles, licorice sticks, Salmon, brandy, maggoty, netty, twiddle, Jesse, go.

We found a utopian society, experienced the thirst-quenching power of Jordan, Jesse, beer, and more. Let's go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. You're welcome. Not you, Jordan. All the people who called in to thank us for the Jordan Jesse Goh shirts.

Yeah. You're welcome. Let's see some more pictures of you guys hanging out doing awesome stuff in them. I know. Where's that? We got, what, two or three so far? It seems like the natural evolution. People are bragging about hanging out and doing awesome stuff in it, but we

want proof. Yeah, bullshit. I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit until I see some photographic evidence. I want to see skeet shooting. Sure. Maybe some jet skiing or wave running. Yeah. That would be good. I know you don't usually wear a t-shirt when you do that. Cross-country skiing? Sure, absolutely.

And not talking about Nordic track. No, absolutely not And I'm not talking about Nordic track. No, absolutely not. I'm talking about in the wilds of maybe Saskatchewan. Sure. Rehearsing for an Ibsen play. Ibsen specifically. Not a dress rehearsal, because you'll have to be in your period costume.

But a full run-through. Yeah, during a full run-through. Not a scene rehearsal. No. There's tons of stuff. There's all kinds of stuff you can do in your Jordan Jesseco shirt and send us a picture of it. run-through yeah wear it during a full run through not a scene rehearsal no there's full run of stuff there's all kinds of stuff you can do in your jordan jessico shirt and send us a picture of it yeah absolutely and with camera phones as prevalent as they are it should not be difficult to give it to someone and say hey would you snap a quick picture making a really

important telephone call yeah absolutely speaking of camera phones just on the subject of camera phones sure anyway i think it's great i think it's great people love the shirts they're on the internet there we got that forum thing people are posting twitters with the hashtag jj go shirt okay you like that hashtag yeah i still kind of don't know what that means i still kind of you put a pound sign and then the word and then people can search for that that pound sign in the word to find out all the things that have been said about that topic. Okay, sorry, on the subject of Twitter, this is a little bit of a divergence. Okay. It's fine.

What is this show if not a collection of divergences? Right. A collection of bullshit, I would say, but go ahead. It's fine. Here's something that I would like to go away immediately. Okay, let's hear it. The news story about Twitter where the host pretends to be confused by Twitter. Okay, and everyone is guilty of this.

I've seen Good Morning America be guilty of this, and this is something you would expect for them to do. But I've also heard NPR be guilty of this and this is something you would expect for them to do but i've also heard npr be guilty of this and this is where they have the you know the kind of cute funny tech guy on explaining twitter to the host they're b minus chris hardwick yeah yeah this is a b minus chris hardwick this is maybe someone who auditioned for the role of chuck on nbc but did not get it yeah absolutely and he's on there explaining it to your you know either your bryant Bryant Gumbles. Is Bryant Gumble even on one of those shows anymore? I bet he is. He's not. Ahmad Rashad.

Probably Ahmad Rashad. Yeah, there you go. Or your Zawali Saikowtow. Sure. Absolutely. One of the two, because I've heard this on each thing. He's like, you know, so Twitter is a— Excellent execution on Zawali Saikowtow, by the way.

No problem. And so he's explaining what twitter is right and then the host just freaks out they're like what are you who do i what am i you call them tweets what do i do it on my phone who do i follow what am i twittering now the one on the today show or whatever featured like all the hosts you know the hosts, Al Roker and shaved head middle aged guy. Sure. Matt Lauer. Matt Lauer.

They're all sitting around with their phones and he's explaining it to them in a very reasonable way. And they're all just like this gang of- These are intelligent people. Right. And here's the thing. They're all doing it on BlackBerrys. They all use a blackberry

this is not this should not be new you know technology that's out of the realm of their understanding but for some reason they're like what are we doing do my twittering are you twittering or you want to take you want to twitter me what is this for what do i do and it's like they're acting like children about this i don't understand why they feel the need to make it sound stupid with their befuddlement. I don't understand why they want to... They're representing the average American and in their opinion, the average American

is a fucking retard. I think that's my understanding. Do you call them tweets? Do we Twitter our tweeters? What, characters? Is that all? Is it on my phone? Is it in the phone?

I'm like, God. It's a website with one box on it. You just type a thing into the box. Why are you a baby all of a sudden? That's the end of that. I don't know. Anyways. I feel for you.

Jordan, speaking of, it's nice that you brought up the Twitter technology. Because I really, I was Twittering yesterday. Yeah. And I think I found something really special. It's something – sometimes when you – I'm sure you could probably dig up an episode of this podcast before I knew what it was where I'm acting like an asshole about it. Well, no. Anyway.

One great thing about Twitter is you're sending out some things that occur to you, and by things I mean off-color jokes, and occasionally something will touch a nerve. You'll realize this is something special. You know what I mean? For me, that was the Boner Society. Okay. Now, I'm thinking it came from an idea that if I started a Boner society, the slogan would probably be ever skyward. Sure. Okay. Because that's where you'd like your boner to point. Exactly.

Well, it's a boner society. So I've been thinking a lot about it. I got a lot of... Anyone here... Does that imply that the best position to have a boner in is on your back? I mean, there's... No. I mean, what it means is that your boat that a boner is

always striving to be higher okay see what i'm saying it's always like there's there's certain you know it depends what direction you're pointing in but what a boner is is it's taking something that's naturally downward sure and it's striving towards victory striving towards the sky okay i mean i guess that just maybe i mean i get that i totally get that i just think maybe what what some people might think is that you just have a bent penis well i do have a bent penis right i mean i i mean i'm just saying that as you know i i'm aware you've seen my erect penis many times, Jordan. We've been camping. We've made s'mores. Sure.

But I guess, I don't know, maybe, I mean, I see that, and I think that's valid. I'm just saying, as a guy with a, you know, relatively straight penis. Right. You know, maybe just another option for a slogan would be, you know. Ever forward? It's going to be thrusting toward the future. No, Jordan. Judding toward the future.

Jordan. Yeah. The problem with your proposed slogan for the Boner Society is that it's vulgar. Oh. This is not. What's vulgar about it. This is not... What's vulgar about it? This is not thrusting. We can change it to jutting.

Jutting? Sure. Jutting is a salacious word. Yeah. Okay. This is not... So this is not about the Boner's relationship towards sex? I don't get it.

You don't want to conjure a sexual image? This is not a group of salacious, greasy underworld types. Okay. I know that when you join an organization, it's typically an organization like that. Yeah. I mean, I got a boner while watching the movie Underworld. Jordan. If that's what you mean.

Look. This is a classy operation it is a celebration let me clear up a few misconceptions about the boner society a lot of people have had use this as your misconceptions about the boner society number one a lot of people think that you have to be able to get a boner to be in the Boner Society, which is to say specifically that you have to be a fella. Sure. Untrue. Absolutely untrue.

A lie. If someone tells that to you, tells you that. They're full of beans. They're absolutely full of beans. The Boner Society is an organization that celebrates boners and celebrates the spirit of the boner. Okay. Which is sexual. Which is preparing for intercourse. Here's our Latin motto, Jordan.

It was contributed by a Twitter user named Wedgex. I don't know who Wedgex is. But he suggested that a good Latin motto is Ad Astra. Ad Astra, which means it will translate it as ever skyward, but it's essentially to the stars, to the moon, to the heavens. Okay. You see what I'm saying? So what this is about is ultimately when a flaccid member becomes engorged. Sure.

With blood. It's essentially reaching its full potential. Okay. You see what I'm saying? It's not necessarily literally about intercourse you know what i mean right it's about being all that you can be i mean just think you take a take a any 98 pound weakling and put them in the military what do they learn they learn to stand erect they learn to project dignity uh intelligence sure competence

basically to be all they can be right okay that was that was the slogan right be all that you can be i'll i'm following you here so in the same way the boner Society celebrates being all that you can be. Just as a boner is essentially a gentleman's part that is standing at attention. Okay. You see what I mean? That is prepared to do its duty. Okay. So this is just about, you know about readying oneself for greatness. This is about always striving towards greatness. Okay. You see what I'm saying? It's about dreaming the impossible dream, then building a bridge to that dream with...

With your dick. Or whatever's at hand. Okay. In your case, that'd be your dick or or whatever's at hand okay but it's called in your case that'd be your dick oh nice that hand you masturbate a lot no never mind continue the boner society is open to men and women okay pets if you if you feel that they're capable of understanding what we're talking about. Okay. That's the thing. It's sort of like... Like a real intelligent chimp, then. Or even just a well-trained dog, I would say.

But you know how it's sort of like if you have a border collie, for example, as a pet, it always wants to kind of herd things, and so you want to teach it to do the thing that it's been trained that it's been bred to do um my my aunt uh uh my aunt fosters um huskies and she lives in oakland so sometimes on the weekends she goes out and and they have these like snow sleds that are on wheels so you can mush with the with the huskies in just a park in Oakland. Yeah. Because the huskies are...

They want to mush. Yeah, they want to achieve what they're capable of. Okay. You know what I mean? They want to essentially self-actualize. Gotcha. So what we're talking about here is essentially self-actualization. And we're using one of our most powerful metaphors, the phallus,

to talk about making the world a better place and making ourselves better people, more full, if you will. Okay. Building full lives. Sure. Essentially. I mean, this goes right back to Ibsen, which we were talking about. Head of Gobbler. Exactly.

Sure. If there's a gun on stage, you have to fire that gun at some point. Yeah. And I'm really proud of the Boner Society, first of all. I'm really excited about the possibilities for the future. Yeah. It sounds like something that needs a jacket with a crest. Of course.

Jordan, of course. A lapel pinel pin yeah and here's the thing somebody sent me somebody was kind enough to mock up uh a crest for oh really boner society now the crest had a picture of uh an erect phallus sure um which you think is inappropriate and the phallus. Sure. Which you think isn't appropriate. And the phallus was spurting jisms. Okay. Now, I understand that if you say boner society to people, they're going to think probably of an erect phallus spurting jisms. But what I'm talking about here

has nothing to do with that. It has something to do with erect phalluses, certainly. Sure. But, which is just another way of saying boner. But I certainly wouldn't want it depicted on the crest. Okay. I would say, how about this?

You don't like a griffin. I was going to suggest a sun. Okay. Because we're ever skyward, right? Gotcha. The Boner Society, ever skyward. It says the Boner Society on top, ever skyward on the bottom, and maybe a sun in the middle.

A griffin's a good idea, too. Yeah. Because it's a mythical beast. Right. Very powerful. Powerful talons. I would say that it certainly um to its credit uh fulfills the maximum potential of both the eagle and the lion sure but i and do you want to do you want to see

like what people can come up with as far as yeah absolutely i we're really gonna have a non-sexual crest yeah it should not involve if there's a picture of a boner in it you're missing the point if you have a sexual crest you can just mail it to me because jesse doesn't want to see it exactly so if you have a sexual correct for my press jordan once gave out his address on the on the show you can go back listen for that send it to jordan yeah um one thing about that though jordan just real quick for the audience uh wrap it up in a plain brown paper wrapping sure um and when you put down the the return address something innocuous the container store yeah um you know what i mean jordan like something i just don't want to get like someplace i would be shopping uh someplace i would be shopping otherwise teen porn warehouse exactly

so i just don't want to get you in trouble with, what's that woman called? Peachy? Yeah, Peaches. Peaches. Yeah, Peaches will really tear you a new one if she catches you. No, I mean, Peaches monitors the mail, too. Peaches is the world's nosiest woman

who lives in the basement of my building. Moderately unhinged, too. Yeah, definitely nuts. Yeah. Anyway. Yelled at me for playing rock band once. I'm really looking forward to, I'm really looking forward as we develop this Boner Society. And Jordan.

Yeah. As an act of friendship, I think you would agree that we're friends, right? Sure. I'd like to offer you the first ever membership in the Boner Society. I'll take it. Congratulations, Jordan. Look how excited I am. You're very excited. About the commendation.

I can see physical manifestations of your excitement. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. It's Jordan, Jesse, go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Now, Jordan.

Yes. Last week on the program, we asked for Jordan Jesse beer. We did. What was the context of that? I forget. When did that come up that we... We were talking about Danny DeVito's Limoncello. So if Danny DeVito... So he has a celebrity spirit.

We feel like we should have one, too. Exactly. And in our case, we figured there would definitely be home brewers available to us. So we thought, well, what about Jordan Jesse beer? Now, we didn't get Jordan Jesse beer. We did not receive Jordan Jesse beer. We did, however, receive Jordan Jesse ale. Yeah.

Now, do you know... What's the difference between... I don't know the difference between a beer and an ale, if there is. Maybe it's like... I don't know. I'm going to save it. All beer is an ale. All ale is beer, but not all beer is an ale. Maybe is maybe it's like i don't know i'm gonna take it all beer is an ale

all all ale is beer but not all beer is an ale maybe it's something like that rectangle rectangles this is i guess something i should know being a being a 26 year old i should know the difference between ale and pilsner or something well jordan uh there are many different types of beer but they're usually broken up into two basic categories. Okay. Ale and lager. Okay. Lagers often interchange with beer, especially outside of Germany, which is why some consumers make a distinction between beer and ale rather than lager. Oh, okay.

And ale. The difference between beer and ale has to do with the way in which it's brewed and how the yeast ferments. You see, before hops became widespread in Europe, ale was a beer created without the use of hops, while lager combined hops with the other ingredients. However, as the hops began to pervade breweries, this distinction between beer and ale is no longer applied. Okay, so we're still back at square one here. So don't know the difference. As the hops began to pervade breweries, this distinction between beer and ale is no longer applied. Okay. So we're still back at square one here. So don't know the difference. Ale is fermented at a higher temperature and matures more quickly.

Oh. So that's probably why we were able to get Jordan Jesse beer so quickly. Ale so quickly. Jordan Jesse ale so quickly. Yeah, right. As opposed to Jordan Jesse lager. Which might take a little longer. Exactly. So we got Jordan Jesse ale so quickly. Yeah, right. As opposed to Jordan Jesse Lager. Which might take a little longer. Exactly.

So, we got Jordan Jesse Ale. It's a kind gift from Gene, I'm going to guess, Ullery Smith? Could be Ullery Smith. He is,

he runs this nice homebrewing website called at ullerysmith.com slash jeanshomebrew where he posts

all his different recipes, trying out all different recipes. This is what he says. Please find enclosed two examples of Jordan Jesse Ale, the only beer celebrity podcaster Jesse Thorne will imbibe. That's the slogan. Now, I'm actually reading this. I think he's, judging by the spelling of Thorne, I think he's referring to, I think this is actually the only beer that British sports

radio host Jesse Thorne with an E at the end will imbibe. Featured in this package are Winter Wheat, an American refresher, and Coffee Porter, a roasty and malty crowd pleaser, just like us. I'm roasty roasty and malty crowd pleaser, just like us.

Yeah. I'm roasty, you're malty. Exactly. Showcasing a dark roasted Sumatran coffee accent, just like Coco. Yeah. Each of these fine beers are crafted with by hand, with love, in Traverse City, Michigan.

Wow. Traverse City, Michigan. Which one do you want to try? Do you want to try a coffee thing? I'm going to try this refresher one because I think that... Yeah, sure. As a non-beer drinker, you might be... Maybe the darker beer might not be... They're in their own bottles.

I posted on the Twitter a picture that Brian the Intern took with his laptop of the graphics. It's got a lovely label. It features a darkish teal ribbon and the slogan, the only beer celebrity podcaster Jesse Thorne will imbibe. I don't

appreciate not being in the slogan. Well, suck my balls. Sure. So here's the coffee porter.'m just gonna open it up here here you go jordan okay uh i'm gonna i'm gonna drink this oh god should i really be should we be drinking booze that some guy made in this house no this is a good idea it's a terrible idea okay lovely dark it's kind of a kind of i got aness-y look to it. It's got a nice foam, a nice head on it. Now, before I eat and before I drink the beer, I'm going to have a few kettle chips because it's 11 in the morning when we're doing this.

Right. And I don't want to have an empty stomach. No, not at all. And you know what, Jordan? I feel like I should take this opportunity to say that not only do I not drink alcohol as a general rule, I really have, I would say, like a six-year-old's relationship with beer. Like maybe you had some accidentally at Thanksgiving once? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, what is your experience? I literally do not think I have had any drink, any beer since I was seven.

And a friend's dad said we could have some beer. And how was that for you? Didn't care for it at all. I mean, like anyone else, it tastes horrible. So I'm actually not looking forward to this because I think I'm just going to think it tastes gross. Okay. So you've got the chocolate porter.

The Sumatran coffee situation. Okay, here we go. That's great. Very tasty. What does it taste like? The coffee-ness is apparent. Usually in those situations where they say that food or drink tastes like something

that's not in it they're like oh this wine has a hint of blueberries and I'm like you know what fuck you are there blueberries in it yeah exactly then I punch the waiter at the restaurant can I have the kettle chips you may have the kettle chips

yeah it's very tasty it's not unlike Guin, it's very tasty. You're going to need to eat a lot of kettle chips to make up for the fact that it's... It's not unlike Guinness. It's very nice, and I'm not blind yet. I have not gone blind as of this drinking. Okay, now this is a winter wheat, and I'm going to get better at eating some kettle... Talk while I eat some kettle chips. Okay. Yeah, I guess I could...

No, I definitely like a lighter colored beer more than I like a dark beer. I'm not usually nuts about a Guinness or a Newcastle or something like that. On a rare occasion, I will have one, and this is an excellent example. This one has much less bubbles than your one does. Yeah. That's called the head. Yeah. Tastes kind of like a butt to me.

Yeah, it's like you're drinking a butt. Yeah, I mean, it's not horrible. It doesn't taste very alcoholy. It tastes too alcoholy. Although it is 5.7% alcohol by volume. Makes it a good bachelorette party drink. It's relatively light. It does have a light flavor, but the light flavor I would describe as kind of a butt-like flavor.

Kind of a light butt. Yeah, just kind of a gentle... Why don't you hand me the bottle, and as a guy who has drank a beer in the past 20 years... I'm going to need some chips to cover up the flavor. That's nice it's nice uh not unlike maybe like a flat tire something i might compare it to um yeah it's tasty very delicious how long did it take you to like the taste of a beer it took me a while uh yeah it took me a while and i I still – and I think like everybody, kind of the first beer that you drink is cheap beer. I was thirsty, and so I went to drink something, and then I remembered all I had was that gross beer, so I didn't drink it. Gotcha.

Yeah, usually you kind of start out, you know, everybody's beer life or most people's beer life starts out with, you know, cheap beer with like, you know, a Miller High Life, an MGD, a Pabst, a Bud Light, kind of something like that. And kind of I think what you hear from everybody is that, you know, your taste will improve. And then, you know, as a sophisticated adult, you'll, you know, you'll start to, you know, drink only, you know, as a sophisticated adult, you'll, you know, you'll start to, you know, drink only, you know, micro-brews, maybe kind of Heineken and up, I think is kind of the understanding for an adult person is like, well, stick with Heineken and up. What's amazing to me is, like, other alcoholic beverages. I've certainly tasted a fair variety variety just to finish my thought uh uh my my point being that i uh uh i do like a nicer beer and i do like you know when you go to a nice restaurant and they have like you know something brewed in house i

like to get that uh but no i feel like i still just love a miller high life i still like i like i will feel still just like order one at a bar or at a restaurant. So yes. And it's not just because of those really cool Errol Morris commercials they used to have. No, uh-uh. Those were really cool. Or the sweet logo where the bandito lady is sitting on the moon. Do you remember those where the High Life logo was a little bit fuzzy and it was just kind of weird. Two tight shots of different things while there was just this outrageously deep voiceover about a Miller man?

Yes. Oh, God. Those made me... I have never had any interest in drinking beer as a general rule. I just usually find this the prospect unpleasant. But, man, those really made me want to drink miller high life like there is no doubt in my mind that after that camp that series of commercials i would i want like if i was going to want to drink a beer it would be a miller high

life uh yes so yes my uh my beer taste is no more sophisticated than uh when i started and it doesn't doesn't look to be changing anytime soon okay so this is i i haven't tasted a lot of uh the more traditionally unpleasant tasting mixed drinks but like a wine or a not traditionally unpleasant tasting mixed drink tastes good to me boozy and like you know that doesn't do much for me you know what i mean gotcha but like like a like i a red wine or something like that like i understand what people like about that sure beer completely a mystery to me completely yeah no it is something i mean yeah if if anybody tells you they like it right off the top they're probably lying um yeah it is something you do have to learn to like but

uh yeah once you get to to a nice sweet spot, like if you come home at like – Like two or three beers. Is that what we're talking about? A nice sweet spot? Yeah, yeah, exactly. No, but if you get to a point where you like it – like now, coming home and having two post-work beers is great. It's a really nice treat.

Are we going to have... I know there are people out there who are making Limoncello. I want to know if there's anybody who's making Limoncello in a place where they don't have to mail it to us, maybe. Like in Seattle or Portland where we're going with the Monsters of Podcasting.

I could bring us some Limoncello. You could bring us some Limoncello. I'll maybe drive out to, like, Riverside and get some. Because I would totally taste a Limoncello. And'll maybe drive out to Riverside and get some. Because I would totally taste a limoncello. And also, there's this other part of me. Hodgman said, demanded that people bring him Crystal Head Vodka when he was on his last tour. Yeah, I think we were at one of those shows, and I think four people brought him Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Head Vodka. I would like to see some Danny DeVito Limoncello.

May I have some more chips? Yes, you may. At our shows in Seattle and Portland. What do you think? Yeah, I think so. Oh, also, we were mentioning on the last show that the drink, there was to be like a Long Island iced tea that was Limoncello and Crystal Head Vodka mixed, what that should be. Right.

We were wondering if there was any movies that both those actors have starred in that we can name the drink after. Excuse me. And I guess the only thing they ever collaborated on was the movie Feeling Minnesota, starring Keanu Reeves and Cameron Diaz. And I guess Danny DeVito produced it, and Dan Aykroyd has a part in it.

That's pretty good. And the suggestion for the mixed drink was a Minnesota Danny. There you go. I thought that was great. That's fantastic. A Minnesota Danny, that's one part Crystal Head Vodka, one part Danny DeVito Limoncello? Yeah, and then maybe like 7-Up or something.

Yeah, and then 7-Up. 7-Up or Club Soju. Okay, so if you're willing to bring these things to us at either of our Monsters of Podcasting shows in the Pacific Northwest, email me. A ginger ale, maybe? Yeah, a ginge. We could do a ginge.

Absolutely. Okay, it's on, Jordan. It is on, my friend. Yeah. The Minnesota Danny, the official mixed drink of Jordan Jesse Go. It's going to be gross, too, huh? Oh, no. I mean, I think it'll be gross. Depends what

Limoncello tastes like. We don't have any idea. Yeah, I was going to say, if it's going to be gross, it's probably because Limoncello is nasty. Okay, cool. Well, I'm looking forward to it. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Oh, Jordan. Hmm. One of the great pleasures of doing this program Yeah. is hearing from you, the listener. Not me, the listener. The person listening now. Yeah, I guess that was a pretty awkward construction. You were looking right in my eyes when you said that.

I was looking into your soul. There you go. How's that beer? Delish. Oh, it looks like a good beer. Yeah, I really like it. I really enjoy the coffee porter. Is that one of the best coffee porters you've ever had?

Top three. That's a quality beer. Anyway, what I was trying to say to the listener. Sure. I think, wouldn't you say that the listener lives in your soul? Yeah. Okay, so I was looking into your soul at the listener and telling

them how much I appreciate hearing from them. We have all these telephone calls and we're just going to make this show about you. The listener, not you, Jordan. The show's always about you. Judging from the reactions we get, especially from ladies. Hey, Jordan, Jesse Go.

This is Russ from Bloomington, Indiana. And I was listening back to the old podcast and I'm responding to a very old action item about a stupid thing you did. And a few years ago I was teaching swimming lessons to kids and I kind of got in that mode where you talk to kids and you say things and they do something and you go, oh, well, that's too bad. Oh, that's no good. And I started talking to the grandparents of one of the kids.

And the grandmother said to me, was just kind of telling me about uh what they've been doing lately what they've been going through and she mentioned that her husband who was standing right next to her at the time had just had a stroke and my reaction was oh well well that's no good and i felt really stupid because that's a really terrible way to trivialize something as terrible as a stroke. It's back, Jordan. Yeah. Moment of shame. What stupid thing have you done?

When you make a terrible mistake, do something stupid. Embarrass yourself. Give us a call, 206-984-4FUN, Jordan. Oh, I love it. Moment of shame. God bless this young man. At least that guy didn't just make a fart noise. He's like, well.

He should have did. Fart on that. Hi, Jordan, Jesse Go. There is a breakfast item in which you take a piece of bread and you cut out a circle from it. Then you throw it in a skillet and you fry an egg in the circle. And you end up with a piece of toast with an egg fried in the middle of it. What do you call this thing? I have heard it called sunshine egg, a bullseye, a golf club sandwich, a gas house egg, or Breg?

Number one, I want to congratulate her on, what's that called? Sunshine egg? Yes. I like sunshine egg. I like Breg. Man, I like bullseye better. Okay, well. Bullseye's punchy.

We'll just agree to disagree on this. What do you call this thing? Gosh, I've heard toad in the hole. Toad in the hole? That's kind of gross. Yeah. No, I know. I don't care for that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I understand. That's not my favorite. Sounds like a sex act. So you would always call it toad in the hole? Well, I mean, this isn't something that I've ever eaten before. Oh, it's great. Yeah.

I don't even like eggs and I like it. No, it sounds nice. Gotta put some butter on the bread. So you're cooking it in some butter. Natch. You make the hole in the bread. Here's the thing, Jordan. Here's the secret. That's probably the tough part. You make the hole in the bread with an overturned

cup. Okay. You see what I'm saying? You cut around it. You squish it like you were making biscuits. And then you take the center out and you cook that on the side of the bread right in the same skillet in some butter. And you use it to dip. Oh, it's great.

You know what my dad used to call it? Egg in middle of bread. It's a little less punchy. I think it's pretty good. I think this is a regional thing. I think this is like submarine hoagie sub. Egg in middle of bread. Or brag or golf club sandwich. The best name is probably egg in middle of bread. Or brag or golf club sandwich.

The best name is probably egg in middle of bread though. Sure. Then no one's surprised or disappointed when they get it. You want people to get what they're expecting. Sure. Hi, my name is Rebecca. I'm calling with a problem for Jordan and Jesse.

I'm having a problem with podcast inspired jealousy and I'm hoping you guys can help me. So a couple of months back, I bought a ticket for Max FunCon, and my husband couldn't go, but he knew it was important to me, so I made a plan to go without him. And then recently, the Monsters of Podcasting announced a Seattle show, and once again, he can't go. So I made plans to go without him.

And now, just last night, my husband, I think jokingly, said that he's concerned that I like Jordan Jesse Goh more than him. So I'm calling to find out whether any other listeners have problems with Jordan Jesse Goh-inspired jealousy, and if so, is it tearing your home apart? Thanks. Well, I can't speak for the other listeners, but obviously yes. Yeah. Right? Sure.

Why not? Number one, we're very handsome men. Sure. We're in the prime of our lives. I'm in my age 27 season. Jordan's just coming into it. Mm-hmm. Number three, we have an amazing society that everyone wants to be a part of.

Yeah. Sure. Number four, of course, we're charming entertaining um i'm well dressed and uh jordan is uh lovably slovenly i don't want to go as far as they slovenly maybe lovably underdressed no okay fine slovenly how about unkempt well yeah sure i guess i do have Cheeto dust on me right now. So, yeah, let's go with that. So there's a lot of reasons. And I mean, besides that, there's our raw sexual magnetism, which is immense.

And it affects not just women, but also men. Pets, too. Absolutely. Pets fly into a sexual frenzy. If your cat is near the podcast, she will go into heat immediately. If you think Jordan makes his money by being on television, you are completely wrong. And if you think I make my money by being on the radio, you're completely wrong. We make our money working for racehorse breeders.

What we do is we go nearby a female racehorse. Just start gabbing. We just start gabbing. Exactly. We banter a little bit. She immediately goes into heat, and the stallion stud enters to mount her. So, yeah, sure. uh you know what you know and we're and we have loose morals too we'll uh you know yeah absolutely i'm i'm uh i love gambling i'm i was gonna say uh i'm a bit of a home wrecker i'll wreck a home absolutely just for the fun of it yeah you get the fire in your

eyes i've wrecked many a home fire in your eyes and a bead of sweat on your brow, and you just take care of business. And the business there is home wrecking. Sure, exactly. Tearing a family asunder. I would certainly, if we've torn your family apart, let's hear about it. You know what I mean? Sure. I think that was a great suggestion.

206-9844-FUN. Jordan, Jesse Goh, Reverend Joel in New York. Kurt and Jesse Goh, Reverend Joel in New York. I just discovered from a friend of mine who's a specialist on horses that minis, in addition to being the most adorable type of horse, are actually proportionally the strongest form of horse, being as strong and sometimes stronger than draft horses and easily proportionally being stronger than a riding horse. I figured that that would be an interesting update to our file on minis and dongs. Did you know what the strongest horse of all is?

No. The ant. It can carry 50 times its own weight. Do you know what the most airborne horse is? The pelican. Do you know what the most airborne horse is? The pelican. Jordan, it's the albatross, but I'll let it slide.

Oh, sorry. I guess I was going by some sort of outdated horse manual. Do you think I could have a mini in Los Angeles? What if I had a backyard? If I lived in a house in Los Angeles that had... like, I live in a particularly urban kind of apartment building part of Los Angeles. But let's just say I moved to Echo Park or Los Feliz or one of these people where, one of these places where. Eagle Rock. Yeah.

And I had. Glendale. And I had more of a home with a backyard. Do you think I would be legal to have a mini there? I don't know. You know, at least the apartment I live in now has a specific no dogs clause. Right. But there's no donks clause.

Yeah, exactly. So there's a lot of other weird pets in our apartment building just because I guess people are just thinking outside the box because it says no dogs specifically. So, yeah, I mean, I think you can just, you know, just exploit that loophole and just have a tiny horse walking around. I think it should be illegal to have a mini in the city of Los Angeles. Hmm. Unless it has a donk to be best friends with. Sure.

You don't want it to get lonely. Hi, I'm calling with a recommendation for Jordan. Oh, by the way, this is Lenny from New York. So I went to my parents' house for spring break. I just got out of her college. And my mom bought Trader Joe's Tuscan white bean hummus. And I didn't know that you can make hummus out of white beans instead of chickpeas. But it turns out you can, and you can also make delicious hummus out of white beans instead of chickpeas.

Bye-bye. A lot of people don't know this. You can make hummus from any bean. Yeah. I learned this from Mark Bittman, the minimalist from the New York Times. Okay. I'm talking about red bean hummus.

I'm talking about black-eyed Susan hummus. Any bean you can make hummus from. I recommend having some tahini on hand. Right. You don't want it to be a tahiniless endeavor. You ever made hummus before? Yeah. I worked at a coffee shop in college where hummus was – if you opened, you had to make a big tray of hummus for lunch for the lunch crowd.

What was in your hummus? Gosh, I think it was pretty standard. You see Santa Cruz is the hungry slug? This was at the Stevenson Coffee Shop. Stevenson Coffee Shop, sure. And this was, yeah, you had to put it all in a food processor. You had to make the teeny separate, which was like, you know, garlic and sesame seeds and some other stuff. Yeah, and then it was just kind of ground up chickpeas.

I think it was a pretty bare bones kind of usual hummus. A basic hummus. Yeah. Not an advanced hummus. No, this was not a roasted red pepper hummus. This was not a Mediterranean style hummus. No. That's the best hummus. I make my own hummus, but I also buy Mediterranean style hummus. And you mix it together. No, I eat them when the occasion calls for it, Jordan. Oh, sure. I don't just mix hummuses willy-nilly. So you eat the Mediterranean when you're feeling particularly swarthy. Yeah, sure. If you're walking around the house all swarthy-like. When I dress my hair with olive oil, I'll go with the Mediterranean style.

Sure. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart Jordan Morris, boy detective Jordan, we have a sponsor on this week's program Okay, good Isn't that great? It's great to have a sponsor We actually have a sort of a dual sponsor. Okay.

It's a two-headed sponsorship, I would describe it as. It's Brian O'Shea and Britton Smith. They are teaming up to sponsor this week's Jordan, Jesse, Go! in honor of a gentleman named Matt Turk. Now, what are you wondering right now? Who are all these guys? Exactly. Specifically, who's Matt Turk. Now, what are you wondering right now? Who are all these guys? Exactly. Specifically, who's Matt Turk? Why are we sponsoring a podcast? I mean, we know the other two guys, they're the sponsors of this week's Jordan Jesse Go. What we don't know is

why is he being honored? Now, let's just say I told you this was the Matt Turk who wrote The Formation of Primordial Protostars, a dissertation submitted to the Department of Physics and the Committee on Graduate Studies of Stanford University. Oh, that Matt Turk. The Primordial Protostars. The very same. Matt Turk. I was wondering if it was him.

Matt Turk is presenting his thesis. It's on the formation of population three stars, of course. Now, this is what Matt would argue. Matt would argue that population three stars are a well-posed problem in that the initial conditions are specified by the cosmological standard model and extraordinarily well-proved by observations of the cosmic microwave background radiation, galaxy surveys, and many other means. Using the adaptive mesh refinement code ENSO,

we followed the collapse of several 10 to the 6th power solar mass halos from cosmological initial conditions through protostellar densities, achieving unprecedented resolution of subsolar radius with over 30 levels of refinement. And that's what's key here.

Right. If we were to condense it down. If this guy was coming to me to say I have done all that shit to 20 levels of refinement, I'd say good for you here's a handshake. Sure. 25 levels of refinement, I'd

say I'm impressed. i'll make you a sandwich 30 levels of refinement i'd say here's a phd from stanford university my friend yeah you sir are an astrophysicist you know what i'm saying that is a lot of refinement you know how they did it number one they developed a high density chemistry and radiation model that includes the effects of chemical heating and cooling collision induced emission as well as optical depth effects of the molecular line and continuum transfer is this some guy's college paper spectacular work here jordan yeah very exciting stanford university so you know this is a classy institution. So this week's Jordan Jesse Go, Brian O'Shea and Britton Smith offering their congratulations to Matt Turk, who has defended his thesis.

So congratulations, Matt Turk. Absolutely. We hope that your thesis defense was a success and that you are now Dr. Matt Turk of astrophysics. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you break the tension, you get release. Tension and release. Full release. We're a full release podcast. Jordan, when something momentous happens in your life, what should you do? Call us. Momentous occasions, my friend.

Hopefully as it's happening. Hey, JJ Goh. It's Mike from New York. I was just crossing the street around Houston and Allen, and there was a car, like a dolly, lying in the middle of the street, you know, where the cars drive, and a bunch of boxes. And as I got closer to it, I realized there were boxes of knishes, and one giant knish. And I guess someone had dropped them or fell off a truck,

but someone had just decided to abandon the whole Knish operation right there in the middle of the street. And no one had taken up the cart or the Knishes nor the cardboard boxes. So I thought that was a momentous occasion, although a sad state of affairs for the popularity of street dirty knishes. Have a nice day. Bye. Why didn't he go into the knish business? Yeah, right? If this happened to me, I would take it as a sign from on high. Sure.

This doesn't happen to people every day when you get a business opportunity like this. It's a kosher food, too. Kind of adding to the... Timeliness. Yes. Absolutely. I was going to say, adding to the idea that maybe this is a sign from... Himself? Sure.

With a capital H? Mm-hmm. I agree. Or herself. Sorry, Santa Cruz. Yeah. Don't be weak. What?

Don't be weak like balls. Or you should be strong like a pussy. Oh, this is a Dan Savage thing. This is all just to please Dan Savage, isn't it? No, it's those people who call in and bitch at us. Do they? Do they call because you say pussy? Yeah, I don't usually play it on the air, but they do.

They call in all the time. Say every third week we get a call about that. Huh. Do you really care? I don't care. I mean, I care about Dan Savage and what he thinks of me. Yo, absolutely. I care big time about that.

Holy shit. Yeah. How could I not? Okay. Hey, Jordan, Jesse. This is Jason in North Carolina. I'm with my company at some meetings and we all went bowling

and I just bowled four strikes in a row and I've never bowled more than one in a row. That's awesome. That's a lot of strikes. That's a lot of fucking strikes. You can't add a business thing? Come on, you have the upper hand for future meetings. You just showed up all those dickheads in corporate. God, man.

Hey, Jordan, Jesse, this is Rob from Athens, Georgia, calling with a momentous occasion. Just went downstairs from that work, went downstairs for a pee, whipped it out, started peeing, looked down, and there was an inspected by sticker on my dick. I don't know where it came from. I think it's my pants, not my underwear.

I got some new pants on today. So all day that sticker's been making the rounds, deciding where to land, and that's where it ended up. I like how it considered neighborhoods, and it did some inspections, and finally laid claim to his weenus. Yeah. You know what I mean? Hopefully after inspected by, it said, Cindy Crawford. Va-va-va-voom.

Am I right, Jesse? Hello. Hello. Celebrity hottie, Cindy Crawford. jordan can i ask you a quick question sure how is our podcast simultaneously so outrageously vulgar but not vulgar in any traditional sense like how do we talk so much about balls and stuff yeah on the show and say so many swears but i don't think we're like bubba the bubba the love sponge or something are we okay i don't know what bubba the love sponge is but uh it's a guy it's a guy who

you know got sued by the fcc got fined by the FCC, and for saying, you know, showing strippers on the radio or whatever. No. You know what I mean? One of these kind of shitty Howard Stern type fellas. I don't know. I mean, I want to be careful about overthinking it too much. Right.

That's a concern. But I'm just going to go with we're dummies. Right. And that's fair. A couple of dum going to go with we're dummies. Right. And that's fair. A couple of dummies. Or just a couple of yetses. Sure. You might say.

Yeah. Oh, and we know easy ways to get laughs. Yeah. Oh, my God. Jordan, Jesse, you're on. This is Jenny in Oakland. And oh, my God. So I'm at a bar last night, and it's closing time, and my dude works at the bar, so we're all hanging out, and the door is closed.

And then I hear one of the bartenders yell at somebody, whatever, Ashkahn, and I lose it. I turn around, and there's only a few people in the bar. And I'm like, what'd you say? And she's like, Ashkahn. I was like, are you fucking Ashkahn? And I looked at the dude, and it was Ashkahn. And I just lost it. You know what I mean? I was freaking out.

And I was a little drunk, perhaps a little drunk. But I was trying to explain to him what a thrilling, thrilling event it was for me because I basically go to the gym every day and like giggle and listen to Hot Tubbin because you guys at Jordan and Jesse Go brought Ashcon to me. And there, of all places, in a dive bar in Oakland, I meet the one and only Hot Tubbin Ashcon. I want to be clear here, Jordan. Oh, I just want to be clear first. It sounds she was, so she says she was maybe a little drunk when the instance happened. Sounded like she was a little drunk when she made the call. Maybe very drunk.

Yeah. Somewhere. Maybe she just has one of those drunk type personalities. Hey, Jenny from Oakland sounds fun, though. She sounds like a cool lady. I bet like Jenny from Oakland can get the party started. I know she can, especially if Ashkahn's around. Yeah, right.

Between those two? Jeez, man. That's a regular- What's a party that must have been? That's a regular Al Roker and Matt Lauer type situation. Yeah. The fun will never stop. And if the bar was closing, it sounded like those two probably got some kind of after party started.

Oh, I know they did. After hours? You know what I'm talking about, right? Yeah, I'm talking. Yeah, sure. Absolutely. Jordan, what I don't want people to think is this. Okay.

I don't want people to think that every person named Ashkahn is Ashkahn. That's a concern that I'm a little worried about. That if people in the future hear someone say, hey, Ashcon, they're going to think that that person is Ashcon. That's just a different person named Ashcon. Sure. Most likely. Now, that's what makes this momentous. This actually was Ashcon.

It's probably a very common name in whatever. Dive bars in Oakland, for example. I was going to say whatever part of the world Ashkahn is from. I believe he's Persian. His parents are from. He's Persian. His family's from Iran, I believe. Sure.

So, yeah, I mean, it's probably a perfectly common name. And it's doubly common in dive bars in Oakland. And I just don't want people to get into trouble. I don't want people to go up and say something about hot tubbing that's misinterpreted and get a sock in the nose. Sure. You know what I mean? I just want to throw that out there. Just throwing it out there.

Jordan, we have one more momentous occasion. You know, we talked last week about how I've been playing these momentous occasions from our brand new rack-mounted CD player. You have. Purchased by your donations. Now, there's one feature that we have not yet explored on this CD player, which is the pitch shift. It's for DJs, mostly. So if we want to beat match any of our calls, we can pitch shift them. Yeah.

Sort of like this. So, Jordan, just to go. I'm a huge fan, and I love you guys. I listen to your show all the time and I'm a big fan of Ashkahn because you are and I actually met him last night.

Still freaking out. Went out to breakfast this morning and I'm still freaking out. I have to tell everybody. Okay, keep it up. Is that good? Yeah, I like that. Is that charming?

We should just do that on all our calls from now on. Yeah, just... People will love that, Jordan. They'll love it. Speed that charming? Mm-hmm. We should just do that on all our calls from now on. Yeah, just... People will love that, Jordan. They'll love it. Speed it up, slow it down. Speed it up. Slow it down.

Okay, one more momentous occasion, Jordan. Hey, this is Ryan. I'm in Winston, Oregon at the Wildlife Safari, and my two-year-old just went apeshit when a mini whinnied. That was freaking cool. Can you imagine how many two-year-old just went apeshit when a mini whinnied that was freaking cool can you imagine how many two-year-olds would go apeshit if i had a mini and a donk living in my backyard they would it's their best friends jordan sure minis and donks are best friends yep jesus fucking christ we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go.

Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You build the tension and you release the tension. Jordan, Jesse, go. A full release podcast. Full release. A few weeks ago on the program, Jordan,

we asked people to call in and share the strangest person they'd met when traveling. Obviously, we would have loved it if they could have gotten that person on the phone. That's unlikely because they were traveling at the time. Sure. So what we were willing to accept was descriptions of the people. We got a few great calls. I'd love to share them. Hi, JJ Go. I heard your action item about the craziest person you ever met traveling. About 10 years ago, I was sitting abroad in England and I took a little trip through Europe. One of my breaks, I had a layover for one night in Belgium, in Brussels, not a very eventful town.

Checked into the cheapest hostel I could find with a roommate who was Canadian and kind of very gregarious and wouldn't take no for an answer when I didn't want to go out for the night. So we proceeded to go out, get fairly drunk. Two main highlights for that that he told me the previous night he had met a girl at a bar and quote unquote finger banged her in the middle of the bar a bunch of his friends watching and then later in the night as we got drunker he told me that uh he was just recently had finished up parole because uh i think it was more of like a i don't know not

parole but some kind of suspended sentence or something. Because a few years ago, he was held up at gunpoint in an ATM in Canada. He wrestled the gun from the would-be criminal's hands and bludgeoned the guy to within an inch of his butt. And was put on manslaughter charges. So then I had to go back and sleep in the same bunk bedroom as him, which was awesome. All right, thanks. Because he just got to bathe. He was awesome because he got to bathe in the man's violence.

Sure. And his potential for murder. His violence and sexual exhibitionism. Yeah, a truly remarkable man. Yeah. I feel like that happens a lot in like a hostel. Too uncontrolled of an environment. Sure.

Shit can go down you know what i mean if he had called me and said that he bludgeoned a man nearly to death in a hostel i wouldn't have been surprised no as long as there's an australian guy yeah seems like hostels have you know two kinds of people you know less so you have your you know kind of wide-eyed post-college, traveling kid, maybe with a nice trust fund or something. You've got somebody with a beard and a knife. Yeah, exactly.

He's either, you have a Nalgene bottle or, yeah, or a knife collection. Hey, Jordan and Jesse. This is Chris from North Carolina calling about a weird vacation interaction thing I had. A couple weeks ago, my girlfriend and I went up to Chicago for a couple of days, and we stayed in this hostel, and when I got there, this guy introduced himself to me as Tommy. He said he was from Denver, and we didn't really talk much for the next few days. Then, as I was packing up to leave, he was sitting on his bed, and he looked up and asked if he could pass some literature along.

And I had the natural reaction of thinking he was some religious nut. Of course, he said, it's nothing religious, in fact, quite the opposite. As it turns out, he's a traveling writer who had written a novel from the point of view of his beard. And he goes by the alias Johnny Opium. a novel from the point of view of his beard. And he goes by the alias Johnny Opium. So that was kind of strange. I got an excerpt from the novel

and I haven't read it yet, but it's about his beard going on vacation with him or something. Alright, bye. He's going on vacation with him. He. All right, bye. He's going on vacation with him. Yeah. He wants to tag along, you know?

Sure. The sequel, by the way, is going to be from the perspective of his knife. Right, a beard and a knife. That's what you get. Yeah. You know, it's not just creepy beardos, though. That's the thing about it.

It is not just creepy beardos, as you're about to hear jesse uh this is uh stewart from northern california and i have a quick weird traveler story uh back in college i was on uh the starlight express um from uh on amtrak from uh san luis vizco up to san jose where my parents uh were at the time and um this is relevant to the story but it was in the observation car reading a book actually about the history of the movie 2001. And a nice, you know, moderately elderly,

probably in her mid-60s lady sits down next to me and, you know, starts a conversation. And I didn't really have a whole lot to do because it was a very long train ride. And we start talking and, you know, she asked me what I'm studying. And I said I was, you know, pre-med and kind of applying to med school at that time.

And the conversation then takes a very strange turn, because she mentions, oh, that's very nice, you're becoming a physician, that's wonderful, the world needs doctors. Oh, well, thank you, you know, I say to her. And then she says to me, oh, yes, because you'll be very important. Very soon the transformation will occur, and we need someone to make the injection so that we may all turn into true, pure energy. Thank you.

Thank you for helping out with this transformation. She's got a point. Yeah. Right? She's got a point. I mean, you know. A nurse practitioner could do it, though. Yeah, I was going to say, do you really need a full-fledged doctor to give the energy injections?

You don't need a full. Numberledged doctor to give the energy injections? You don't need a full... Number one, they're not energy injections. They're injections that allow us to transform into pure energy. Because if it was an energy injection, anybody can operate one of those. Yeah. You need... But there's a variety of people who can do this. Number one, nurse practitioner.

Number two, army medic. Number three, like a cpr trained uh emergency response technician like somebody who rides in a you know in a um uh ambulance um you know there's different stuff you know there's different people who could do this i don't think she needs to be that freaked out about it yeah you know what i mean and you know, we got all the time in the world. You know what I mean? Once people are turning into pure energy, other people will be willing to wait to turn into pure energy themselves.

You know, they're not just going to be like, they're going to want to take care of a few things before they do that. You know, like in my case, for example, let's just say that it was time to transform into pure energy right now there's a big line i wouldn't be that worried about it because i'd be like well before i transform into true into pure energy i want to see i love you man because i haven't seen it yet i think i would probably like it pretty good i would probably enjoy it so i want to see that before i transform into pure energy. Because once you're pure energy, you're one with the universe, but you can't see movies.

Right. You know what I mean? You could probably just waft into a movie and hang out above everybody's head. You could course through a movie, technically. I have a co-worker maybe I've mentioned on this show before who's very into kombucha, yoga, hates religion but believes in ghosts. All of the, like many Angelenos, all of the most self-centered parts of New Ageism. Yes. I made her very mad one day when I said I didn't believe in energy.

You didn't believe in energy? Yeah. She got upset? Mm-hmm. Why? Because she thinks uh that energy controls everything oh yes i didn't believe in it like energy used and you said energy in general not just energy pathways for example yeah not just cheat channels yeah well i mean it can be used to heal or it can be used for evil yeah it's bad energy in fact i would say that when you said

that you didn't believe in energy what you really were saying was i believe in projecting bad energy at you ma'am sure i'm messing up your chi pathways yeah it's kind of fucked jordan all right now i see where she's coming i'm not i was just rabble rousing i do actually believe in energy. Jordan, just give her the injection. Fine. She's sick and tired of waiting for the injection. Yeah.

Get her on the train. Give her the injection. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse. Go. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you.

It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. It was a great show, Jordan. Wasn't it, though? We really hit a home run just now. Yeah. I'm so proud of this boner society.

I'm so proud of every single member of this society, from me to you. Me too. But mostly me. I'm mostly proud of me, so it balances out. Great. And it's my society, so I win. No dispute in that. Is there a gender-neutral version of fraternal? Yeah.

Eternal. Just eternal. Frat is brothers. Soror is sisters. So what's siblings? Is there a gender-neutral version of that? Clubhouse? A clubhouse-al organization?

Yes. Sounds right, right? I mean, is that weird well i move it we should probably move on we'll have to we'll just have to find out we're getting people are going to design the crests for the boner society um people are going to be just creating a lot of great ideas around the boner society so i'm just looking forward to that um in terms of action items well of course we have the the return of moments of shame. The worst thing that ever happened to you or when you do something really stupid. We demand that you call in 206-9844-FUN.

Of course, we are continuing to do Gender Solutions High Flexny on the forum. There's been some great work being done on the forum right now with gender. And we'll check in with it maybe next week. But some amazing interpretations. Literary interpretations, branding interpretations, aesthetic, graphic interpretations.

Just really great work. Just a lot of cool dongs and places you'd be surprised to find them. Just a lot of great stuff. Yeah. We got any other special action items this week, Jordan? Just a lot of cool dongs and places you'd be surprised to find them. Just a lot of great stuff. Yeah. We got any other special action items this week, Jordan?

Am I forgetting anything? Oh, we need somebody to bring us Limoncello. Yeah. And also, if for some reason our podcast has hurt your personal life at all. Right. We want to hear about that. If there's jealousy that's come up or any other problems in your personal life, 206-9844-FUN or JJGO

at MaximumFun.org. Of course, our theme music is Love You by The Free Design. If you want to sponsor Jordan Jesse Go, you can always email me

personally, Jesse at MaximumFun.org. And that all having been said, we'll see you next time and hopefully in Portland and Seattle on Jordan Jesse Go. Bye.