Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Everybody Loves Raelian, with Charlie Jane Anders

Episode Date: April 13, 2023

Great news, everyone. Charlie Jane Anders is back on Jordan Jesse GO!  to talk about cult horror movies, breakdancing teens, turducken fluffing, and her new book Promises Stronger Than Darkness. Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping. Pre-order Jordan's upcoming Archie Horror comic "Camp Pickens" at your local comic shop NOW with code APR231183! On shelves 6/21!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, it's very windy in Los Angeles and I'm not just talking about these Hollywood executives. Oh my God. Jesse. Sorry.

Did you go there? I had to go there. Hold on. Did you just? Am I? Daniel, are we having audio problems? Because I thought Jesse just went there. But that's, no, there's no way.

This guy loves Hollywood. There's no way he would slaughter a sacred cow like that. Let me put it this way, Jordan. Do I love Hollywood? Yeah, sure. Do I love- It's the glamour, the fashion. Do I love the glamour and the fashion?

Yes. Do I love the movie-going experience? Of course. Ask my good friend, Nicole Kidman. Do I love Hollywood executives? No, thank you. But Jesse, they're the ones who make it all possible. They're the ones who say green light.

Go ahead, Vin. Tell us a story that on the outside is all about muscle cars, but in reality is all about family. These Hollywood executives. It was their idea to make it about family, Jesse. They're so busy cutting their own version of Justice League. Meddling with Zack Snyder's vision. Yeah, okay.

We agree with, I agree with you on that. Okay. That's all I got. At least the Snyder cat does restore the Snyderverse. I didn't intend to talk about Hollywood executives. It just came up naturally because, as you know, I'm one of America's – I'm probably America's premier satirist since the late, great Will Rogers. RIP.

But it is extraordinarily windy. And the good news about that is I was at the flea market this morning. Well, it's good news and bad news. I was at the flea market this morning. I saw five canopies go up like a hot air balloon just into the sky. Just majestic. Majestic as hell. It was like an Albuquerque hot air balloon festival or possibly something with, you know, when you go to the beach and there's a lot of those kites that can do tricks. Right. Not to take it back to Hollywood, but do you think that's where Jordan Peele got the idea for Nope? I think probably. I mean, I haven't- Canopies sail through the air on a windy day.

I haven't seen Nope and I don't know what the premise is because it seemed like it would probably be scary. But it's definitely 100% where American Beauty got the idea for American Beauty. Right. So I think in a lot of ways, I mean, let me put it this way, Jordan. I had a real rush this morning at the Flame Market because I had this overwhelming feeling that something dark was going on behind suburbia's white picket fences right wait hold on did jesse just go there again slamming america's greatest institution the white picket fenced houses of suburbia where dreams come true and everybody can can live the american dream hold on a second i'm getting a phone call okay hi will how are you listening jesse's actually

picking up his phone he's not miming a phone how's how's heaven going will still doing rope tricks up there i'm glad to hear it. Of course, I'll carry your mantle as America's greatest satirist. I'm glad to what you want me to take on Hollywood and the dark things going on behind white picket fences. All right. Quick question. Do you mind if I target the clowns in Congress? You don't you think that's a great idea? Well, I'm glad to. Okay. I'll talk to you later. Enjoy doing rope tricks, which was the famous thing you did besides jokes.

Goodbye, Will Rogers. Say hi for me. Oh, wait. Say hi for me? Say hi for me? I didn't. I instantly didn't say hi for you. Sorry, Jordan.

I know that you said the next time I talk to the ghost of Will Rogers. Say hi for me. We should all hope to do good in this world so that we can go to heaven and become ghosts. God, I would love to be a heaven ghost. Scaring the shit out of Jesus. Rattling chains around God's house. Got me again. Sure. sure that's christ and of course jamming with hendrix oh yeah my ghost guitar

take it jimmy you don't think that you would play you don't think you would play a living guitar you think you would get a special guitar just for ghosts yeah i would get a guitar that um was killed in a murder and uh has has something to something to prove that still has unfinished business i want a dead guitar with unfinished business it's and that business jamming with hendrix it's not chopping mall but my kid watched this movie where the killer has an electric guitar with like a drill bit at the end that uses rock and roll power to drill people to death cool yeah it was pretty great i don't remember what movie it is um i think i think there's a good chance that our guest knows what movie this is what would you put this at uh 50 50 55 45 50-45? 50-50. I think there's a 50% chance that our guest knows about this movie, just given what I

know about her knowledge base. Our guest on the program- I could be wrong. I could be wrong. Our guest on the program, one of our faves, one of the hosts of the podcast, Our Opinions Are Correct. And she has a brand new book called Promises Stronger Than Darkness. Charlie Jane Anders. Hi, Charlie Jane. How are you? Hi, I'm Charlie Jane Anders, aka The Human Tumult. And I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for having me. This is such a, it's such a thrill to be a returning guest. Like this

once is could be an accident, but clearly, you know, something has gotten gummed up here. This is such a it's such a thrill to be a returning guest like this. Once this could be an accident, but clearly, you know, something has gotten gummed up here. Let me just say, CJ, welcome into the program. Thank you for flipping the table. It is my honor that the table and I are doing a majestic dance, a balletic maneuver of, you know, we're flipping each other really like just over and over again i've heard of elevated horror but elevated podcasting i'm elevated right now okay jesse put your pants back on god damn it charlie jane do you know the name of this movie so wait was the movie i was the movie chopping mall were we talking about Chopping Mall? No, we're not talking about Chopping

Mall because Chopping Mall, I know about Chopping Mall. I've also seen big portions of Chopping Mall. Chopping Mall has no chopping. Zero chopping in Chopping. That's true.

That is true. The film is Slumber party massacre 2 i went ahead and googled horror movie guitar drill uh i never would have gotten that yeah slumber party massacre 2 according to my child uh was intended to be a comic take or satire on the, you know, the co-eds getting murdered slasher genre. That was then possibly taken from the director or rewritten and turned into just a regular one. But with a guy who plays guitar wrong information hold on i'm getting an update that's wrong information grace what's the right information slumber party massacre one was stolen slumber party massacre two slumber massacre one was written as a spoof but then

okay update slumber party massacre two was written and directed by the woman who wrote the first one at the speed okay okay slumber party massacre this update from grace thorn kind enough to burst in with a correction slumber party massacre 1 was written and intended as a satire parody then was taken away from the writer director, uh, and made into a standard slasher film slumber party too, was written and directed by the woman who was supposed to make slumber party one until the film got taken away. Uh,

it's a very weird movie with a lot of original songs, um, way more original songs than most slasher movies have. Um, a lot of them are diegetic and either played by the band in the movie, uh, or on the radio presented as though they're hit songs and the characters sing along with them as though they're hit songs, but they're original songs written for the movie. Oh, this is just everything about this. It's freaking delightful. My favorite movie- Jesse, I want to subscribe to this podcast that you're hosting right now. Same. Especially if Grace occasionally comes in and just offers more, you know, backstory.

My favorite movie of that type is called Night Train to Terror. I'm pretty sure that's the title. And it's a movie that's actually like three short horror movies edited together. Like they just found three, like 20 to 30 minute horror movies and edited them together into a single feature. But the framing device is that there's a train where God and Satan are debating whether humans are good or not, or whether humans can be saved. And they're, they're like playing chess, I want to say, but they're just hanging out and drinking and like having this debate, but the train's going to crash at midnight. And there's a bunch of teenagers on the train, the same train that God and Satan are on. And the teenagers,

the teenagers are breakdancing and playing like their own music. That's like, again, original songs for the movie and it's diegetic. And like, and there's like a demonic bellhop who occasionally comes through with a cart. And it's just like, like breakdancing teenagers on the train where also God and Satan are debating human nature. And then Satan will be like, well, let's consider this one case of this one person who deserves to go to hell. And then they'll show a horror movie and then they'll come back and like, God will be like, no no that didn't prove your point at all because here's some nazis and then they go to another movie it's like it's amazing the break dancing is somewhat interesting to me i think i am by far most compelled by the fact that god and satan prefer

to travel by rail i mean i can understand why that would be given that you get some time to enjoy the scenery. Maybe God has panic attacks and ran out of Xanax and was just like, you know what? I'm just going to- I can't fly. I can't fly during Thanksgiving. I'm going to take Amtrak, see the nation by rails. And of course, have a debate about morality with my greatest enemy. Would you say that this movie is on or off the rails? It's on the rails and it's heading steadily off the rails. It's like there's a junction ahead and some guy is trying to turn a little, I don't know.

Do God, the devil and the teens acknowledge each other? Not that I can remember. I think the teens are just there to be kind of doomed. They're just there. They're going to die soon. And they're just dancing around on this train for no reason. Is this Charlie Jane, the kind of thing that you watch in your everyday life, or was this a vacation into the theater of the horrific absurd? It's the kind of thing I used to watch every day in my everyday life, partly because I just had like this huge passion for cult movies, like from an early age. And partly because I used to have a job where like this website about science fiction. And one of my things that I would do in my job is just post a weird clip from a cult movie every once in a while, just to kind of keep people guessing. And

so this was a movie I dug up and ended up watching a lot of because I was like, holy shit, how does this exist? Who authorized this? And yeah, I mean, I haven't watched cult movies in, actually, it's been a couple of years, I got to say. Have you been in a cult at all? I have not. I once spent a day with the Raelians who are the people who believe that they cloned a baby and are kind of nudists. I thought they were the people who believed that all debates over whether humanity was good or evil should take place on the rails. And I was going to say they're a cult of people who worship Ray Romano.

Well, count me in because that guy's fucking great and everything. But still, yeah, I would join either one of those cults. Very underrated to get shorty TV show. Yeah, I've never been in a cult, but I've been adjacent to cults on various occasions. Can we hear more about the Rayleans now that we've made the best jokes in the world about their name? I mean, they were just very nice. They were very nice people who, you know, believe in cloning and, you know, they believe. It was like very, their beliefs were very weird and incoherent and they were very kind of like sweet and touchy feeling and it was just felt like a big potluck like i went to their

hangout and it just felt like a big potluck with a bunch of like you know sweet uh weirdos kind of i don't know it was it was a lot mellower than i was expecting i'm going to be honest when you say that they're partial nudists, what does that entail? Well, I mean, I used to see them here. At least at the time, they were based out of Las Vegas, but I used to see them here in San Francisco. And they would just show up, five or six of them, stark naked, holding signs, and just stand out on the street for an hour or two, naked, holding signs about- Come with us, bring a hot dish. street for like an hour or two naked holding signs about come with us bring a hot dish and then and then they'd be gone and it was just like oh it's the naked aliens again okay when you said semi

nude when you said they were semi nudists i immediately just assumed sons out guns out i mean kind of yeah i mean they were very you know they hung out in the Castro, which is where a lot of people hang out naked. There's been, it's become slightly less, there's been a little bit of a crackdown on total nudity in the Castro in recent years. But you still see these dudes standing out there with like little, like gold lame things covering their genitalia and just hanging out. I find it to be such a comfort. If I'm in the Castro district of San Francisco, any kind of, now many of the gay subcultures with committed outfits, like specifically subculturally associated outfits, Many of those men are now in their 70s. And I just love seeing them, you know, get out there and chop it up. Yeah.

My godfather, shout out to my godfather, Michael, is just the gentlest Episcopalian, God-loving, 80-ish year old. I think he's 81 or 82 now. And he just has the manner of just a sweet, gentle church man, which he is. But he also just has been wearing the same sort of giant leather belt and black leather suspenders every day since I have known him in 1986. This just melts my heart. He often wears one of those like Marlon Brando black leather hats, you know, like a taxi driver's hat, but all black leather. And he's just, he's just such a cross between the church lady and a leather daddy that it, that seeing anyone

in a gold lame anything, uh, uh, black leather Dick sling with shoulder straps, like all these things, just like they all just like warm, warm warm the little cockles of my heart just remind me of of childhood and and comfort and and good memories that is that is so sweet i really stand older people who just rock whatever the fuck they want to wear you know and i always feel like there's this weird pejorative thing of like oh you're too old to wear that oh you know you're trying to like whatever and it's like when are you going to be younger than you are now it's not like you're going to be younger next week and you can wear it then like you're just like that's that's why i'm wearing this big old eye dye did you say dirndl no but i would. Sure. Why not? Let's switch it. Now I'm an Alpine lady.

I mean, I love a dirndl. Sure. Yeah. Fill that and fill that dirndl with filthy number twos, baby. Ooh, dirty dirndl. That's what die die means, Jordan. Sure. Short for dirty dirndl yeah oh interesting i didn't know yeah charlie jane i wanted to ask you i wanted to uh pivot away from

dipe talk because that's you know they say steer into the skid, but go ahead, Jordan. Sure. I wanted to pivot away from Dypes and ask you about, I really love your YA series. Third book. Oh, my gosh. Thank you. Third book? Third book coming out. Third book, yeah. Final, third and final.

Yeah. I wanted to ask you, I really think you do a great job of like capturing teen feelings. And I'm like, I'm fascinated with that. Like, how do you is it weird going back and like trying to remember teen feelings to write about them as an adult? It can be kind of hard, you know, especially the older you get. Like I wrote a novel about teenagers like several years ago and it was easier then. And I feel like there's a weird thing where like the older you get, the more it just feels a little bit more, a little bit more distant.

I mean, I know some teenagers, I hang out with teenagers. There's teenagers in my life who I talk to a lot. Um, you know, the thing is trying to be true to the emotion without like, you know, you don't want to be that creepy person who's like, it feels a little voyeuristic in a weird way for an adult human to be like, you know, so I really do try to kind of rather than, you know, try to capture the feelings of the teens around me. I really do try to travel back in my own mind to how that felt when I was a teenager. And all that stuff is still there. It's funny. You never really let go of it. Like it's all still in there. Charlie Jane, hold on. Hold on. I have an important thread I want to pull on here.

What teens are you hanging out with? Are you headed? Do you go like do your work instead of the coffee shop? You do it down at the teen center? Oh, God, no. You know, I've got a nephew. I've got – my partner has a kind of honorary nephew who lives downstairs. Actually, two nephews who live downstairs who hang out a lot and steal all our clothes and usually with permission, I guess. But, you know, we just – they borrow them and then we never see them again. I lost a tiara recently, which I'm really sad about.

But, you know, it's you know, this is why people this is why people talk about the decline of American values. Right. It's because teens are, quote unquote, borrowing tiaras that we never see again. Yeah. And Obama does nothing about about it sorry to be this guy they're learning about it on tiktok yeah i think that's probably true the chinese government is trying to cut down on american tiaras because they make us feel great and superior let me say this to the other countries let me say this though i am not above enjoying a few tiara fails sure i mean you know they put ketchup on them or whatever oh my gosh yeah or or just like you you accidentally wear the double tiara because

you forgot you were already wearing a tiara sure it's a bit of a hat on a hat but yeah best of us yeah exactly a bit of it yeah there you hat. Happens to the best of us. Yeah, exactly. A bit of a, yeah, there you go. Jesse, I did work at a teen center for a while, but I had to quit because we were always having to save that fucking place. Yeah. That's a, that's a, now Charlie Jane, a lot of people ask. I can't save this place again. A lot of people ask Jordan how he came to be a professional break dancer.

And it's a long and beautiful story, but it involves saving the teen center 17 times between the year 1985 and the year 1995. It's not a stable business model. I'm sorry. If it needs saving that much. They need to charge the teens more. Sure.

They're fencing these tiaras. They got the cash i mean they're always just spending money on like fancy shoes and i don't know vape pens look at those fucking vape pens they can they could chip in some money for the sure absolutely take a little bit of your jewel budget each month exactly or like all that midnight basketball like there's probably a huge paying audience for midnight basketball like what am i doing at midnight nothing yeah i could be going and watching people play basketball i personally i'm watching hockey because it's faster paced and i enjoy the fights i mean i bet you could get the teens to fight at midnight basketball

if you just like you know put something extra in their jewels. Why are we even bothering with the basketball? Let's just have teens fight to the death. I mean, that's never gone wrong. I'm concerned I don't know what teens are strongest. Hold on, Jesse. I have a hit YA novel to write. It's not that idea.

It's a different one that i just had teen scorpion versus teen sub-zero uh mom they fall in love i can't hang out tonight me and gunner and marley and johnny cash are going to the the Castro to fence tiaras and vape. Johnny Cash? Johnny Cash. That's one of the kids' names. It's all one word. Okay.

Fucking hipster parents. Oh, boy. I mean, really the problem with writing teens is that you can't put it all in there because like the real life of being a teen is just so weird and over the top and just like the drama and the like the feelings and the hormones and stuff. If you put that in a book, like people are just going to, they're not going to be able to deal with it, I feel like. When I try and access my teen feelings, I think of them and, you know, obviously they were jacked up because of hormones and, you know, time of your life. But also I'm like, I just wasn't drinking water. How much more reasonable would I have been if I drank any water at all? Can I tell you this? That's a really good point.

been if I drank any water at all. Can I tell you this? That's a really good point. As the parent of three neurodivergent children, something that I have really come to understand is that I usually have to go pee and I'm kind of denying it. So I should just go pee and then deal with whatever I need to deal with. That's my insight from my children's occupational therapy is that, look, I should just go pee and then deal with difficult things. Yeah. If life seems overwhelming, have a pee. Seems like a good life lesson. So you're saying that basically all YA novels would be sorted out if they just took bathroom breaks. And hydrated. I mean, they go hand in hand. So they got to drink a lot of water and then pee and then they'll be fine. Yeah.

The sexy vampires. Yeah. The sexy vampires are just drinking blood. Yeah. Can I suggest, Edward? I would say, number one, plenty of water. Number two, regular bathroom breaks. Number three, I would probably suggest acai berries because they're a superfood.

Right. It's a good lesson for any sexy vampires out there. If there's any teens, teen vampires out there or teen werewolves, acai berries, and then you're going to want to get healthy fats like those nuts or fish. So there's omega- 17, you know. Omega 17, by the way. I love the quizzes in there. Right. Which kind of almond

are you? That's the Raelian teen magazine. It's called Omega 17. Omega 17. Charlie, I was just realizing my pull for, you know, teen book protagonist was sexy vampire,

but I guess I'm not as plugged into this world as you. How do how does the modern teen today feel about vampires? Are they over or are they just a perennial focus? It's a really good question. I haven't seen any freaking vampires in like a YA

book in a while. I feel like there might still be a little bit of a Twilight hangover. It's hard to say. I mean, you know, I always stand a sexy vampire. I've been watching all the Anne Rice stuff on AMC and like, yeah, they're really fun and super gay and violent and weird and fucked up. And I love them. But yeah, I mean, I feel like teens are just so much more into, you know, weird love triangles and enemies to lovers. And like, you know, people who are forced to be together, but they don't want to be together, but they really do want to be together, but they're forced to be together. So they don't want to be together. Like George W. Bush and Obama when they're doing disaster relief together. Yeah, exactly. Just like those two. George W. Bush and Obama are basic. They are enemies to

lovers. Oh my God. And they're like the ultimate YA protagonist. Somebody needs to write like a YA book about George W. Bush and Barack Obama. Which one was the vampire? Going to like a fairy land and like, there's only one bed. Of course there's only one bed. They have to share the bed. You know, there's always only one bed. Stay on your side, Barack. I feel like people remember Barack Obama's official presidential portrait by Kehinde Wiley.

But honestly, personally, I would love to see the original portrait by george w bush um before they said that you can't hang dong in the national portrait gallery that was biden said that right yeah i believe that was by joe biden when i'm the only one who sang a dog in this gallery. And then he put his sunglasses on in his black leather jacket but no pants and underwear. Oh god.

He drives up to the National Portrait Gallery in his Camaro, throws it in park, comes out in a flight jacket, sunglasses, and his dick out. That is bad to the bone playing where's that coming from i really do not want to imagine joe biden's penis i'm sorry like i just that's that's a that's a mental i got a mental block let's not do it let's not do it i'm not gonna do it jesse

you're not gonna none of us are imagining it right now i'm imagining dr jill biden crying but it's because she's so happy and proud she's like that's my man what a beautiful couple that's my man charlie jane what would you say are some of the top ya creatures of 2023 please say griffins wow i haven't seen any freaking grins. I'm sorry. I've seen a lot of elves, a lot of fairies. There's been some really great fairy books lately. There's a lot of like mythical creatures from like other parts of the world that I've been seeing lately, which I'm really excited about. Like I just read a freaking great book about a mythical bird woman from Thailand. I don't know.

Wow. Charlie Jane. I love a Griffin. I mean, I stand a. Charlie Jane. I love a griffin. I mean, I stand a griffin. Sure. I'm more of a wyvern guy. I just sold my first YA pitch last week for a sexy quetzalcoatl. Oh, my God.

Well, I would read the shit out of sexy quetzalcoatl for sure. Winged fucking serpent. It is kind of a wyvern, actually. It's a Mexican wyvern, kind of. I don't know if I'd get in trouble for saying a Quetzalcoatl is a Mexican wyvern. An Aztec wyvern. Charlie Jane, you're canceled. Am I in trouble?

I don't know. This has been a trap. Let me say this, Charlie Jane. You need to decolonize your mythical creatures. No, you're absolutely right. You're 100 right and like now i'm thinking about it i'm like no in fact if anything a wyvern is a european quetzalcoatl i don't know actually i um i was probably completely different and i just

totally mushed them together uh i was at uh wonder con this weekend which is like a smaller more manageable comic-con that happens in anaheim it's like a baby comic-con it's a little comic-con um and i noticed um i noticed a couple of things uh one there was more more like religious booths, like booths of like, you know, here's some superheroes that were real who, you know. Samson. We're talking about Samson here. Right, Samson, you know, fanboys for Christ, like G-R-O-O-T-J-E-S-U-S, five letters, five guardians, five apostles, coincidence? No.

You know, it's like that. Jordan, release the Paul cut. Exactly. Yeah. The Apostle Paul. Paul's edit of Justice League. Five hours, black and white. More cyborg backstory. I miss when the religious people were just protesting across the street from the convention center at Comic-Con.

Yeah. And they'd have their signs and then everybody else would show up with signs being like, Dark Side is coming. Watch out for Thanos. And like, you know, it would just get wacky. It would get seriously wacky and delightful. And just like, I love a protest and a counter protest or whatever the heck that was. Right.

But no, now they're inside the con trying to, you know, get you to buy a self-published comic book about, you know, Samson or Noah or whatever. But then counter to that, I guess I shouldn't say, I'll say maybe these two things aren't as far apart as I think they are, but there's a lot more horny stuff. You know, so this is this, we're still on the Jesus. We're still in the religious part.

There's like, it's there's horny religious stuff. Yeah. I mean, I think, you know, certain depictions of Christ are pretty horny. I mean,

okay, good. So I just, I was trying to draw the connect the dots here. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so more religious stuff,

more, you know, I'm sorry. Just so you know, that's not Christ. That's Joe Biden. Oh, wow.

You saw that. That picture is, I mean, I can understand. I assumed. Yeah. Yeah. Charisma wise.

Right. Um, and teeth. They both have gorgeous teeth, beautiful teeth, veneers probably and um but also uh there were not the amount of jokers that there usually are at these cons there was a huge joker drop off just you know i was at san diego comic-Con just this summer crawling with jokers. And a few short months later, basically zero jokers.

Can I ask this, Jordan? Yes, you may. Was there a corresponding uptick in midnight tokers? There were, yes. A lot of midnight tokers. I mean, that's the... Yeah. Release the Steve Miller cut.

Are people less twisted twisted do you think that's my concern are today's kids less concerned with being totally twisted and maybe they're not getting off on chaos like they once did i don't know maybe they're into twisters right and blizzards the movie twister with bill paxton so what was how many paxtons did you see at wonder a lot of paxtons and a lot of the late philip seymour hoffman any pullmans did you see any pullmans paxtons that's a classic comic-con uh game to play right is you take your tally of how many Paxtons, how many Pullmans. Popular couple's costume. Uh-huh.

You go as Paxton, your partner goes as Pullman. And then you forget which one of you is which. Right. How was the Deadpool quotient? Were there a lot of Deadpools? Great question. Still very high. Still a lot of Deadpools. Still a lot of deadpools were they like great question still very high still a lot of deadpools still a lot of harley quinn's um so those are you know those are kind of perennial

comic comic book convention fixtures but just like that the levels of those was pretty much standard with what i know those two are a little twisted i mean they're they're ready with a quip along with their hyperviolence. Sure. They're kind of the same character a little bit. They're both like, I feel like Harley Quinn is the DC version of Deadpool, kind of. Yeah. I think they both have permission to break the fourth wall these days. Is Harley Quinn Joker's girlfriend?

She's his ex. And they had a, basically, most versions, they had kind of a semi-abusive relationship where he treated her like dirt. And she finally gets over him. And actually the cartoon is freaking great because they actually have a really interesting kind of like, they become friends eventually. Like they eventually kind of become friends. That's really nice.

They have kind of a healthier relationship as exes than they did when they were together. It's actually really nice. I would love to – And the Joker becomes a vegan and runs for mayor and becomes mayor. And he's just like a vegan mayor now. Yeah. We have no choice but to stand.

I've always said that the Joker is the Cory Booker of the DC universe. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. I mean, I would ask who the Joe Biden is, but we got to check out those dongs. Yeah. Probably not. Too few are hanging dong in the DC universe. You guys want to thumb through our old jail eyes and check out the dongs and then come back for a little bit more?

Sure. Oh, wow. Just got a note here, Jordan. Apparently, the Joker's new girlfriend is Rosario Dawson. Good and everything. Yeah, good and everything. Okay, we'll be back in just a second

on Jordan, Jesse go. It is Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. I'm Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every episode of Jordan, Jesse Go. And Jordan, when I say every episode, I'm including this episode. This episode? Yeah. Brought to you by you, the audience, the members of Maximum Fun. Thank you to everybody who has been a member for a long time. Thank you to all the new members who joined during the MaxFunDrive. Of course, you can join at any time at MaximumFun.org slash join.

We salute you. We're also supported this week by the kind folks over there at Lumi Labs. And Jordan, when I say kind, I mean kind. They're also dank. That's right. They're big sweeties. Dank sweeties over there at Lumi Labs. They're the micro-dose folks. They've got micro-dose

gummies that deliver the perfect entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. Jordan, yesterday I ate one and then I just played Skyrim for a long time. That's a beautiful story. Where are you at in your Skyrim replay? What's going on right now? I'm at a very high level. I'm having a hard time leveling up because I would need to learn new skills. And that would probably mean learning to block. And realistically, that's not going to happen.

Don't judge yourself too much for not grinding for those levels. You'd need to wear more advanced armor. Just be yourself. Play how you want to play. Pop a little microdose gummy and have the time of your life. Microdose available nationwide. To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use code JJGO to get free shipping and 30% off your first order.

Links can be found in the show description. But again, that's microdose.com. Code JJGO. If you want to get up on the Jumbotron, you can. Maximumfund.org slash Jumbotron. And we'll be back in just a minute on Jordan, Jesse go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Charlie Jane Anders, a turducken fluffer. Do they, are they having a, are they having a hard time? Or I think these days they just give them that shot. They just give the turducken that injection. They got it. You got to get it as crispy as possible. And it's got to, the, you know, the heat's got to penetrate all the way through.

And there's just a lot of arranging that has to happen jordan when you're making an adult film how much basting do you do are you basting every hour or honestly basting isn't my concern it's just how do i get the chicken up there right it's tough you start with the chicken and then you build around it you know you just oh yeah you kind of assemble you assemble the duck and the turkey and the possibly the pheasant i don't know if you're gonna go for the fez sir duckhead oh wow well my my my only fans is about to get a lot more popular. I don't know where the grouse goes. Where does the grouse go?

I don't know. Ter grousen. I've talked before on this show about how I read and my life was changed by this one Bill Bryson book called At Home. It was like a history of domestic life. And the main thing that was important to me was just how late we figured out about forks. And then also just the variety of birds that would be presented at the same time if you happened to be a king or whatever. That like the main thing about being a king that showed you were a king was how many different birds you ate so yeah like if you could throw

down a couple of hummingbirds before you sat down for your turkey that meant you were riding pretty high on the hog and then a pheasant and four and twenty blackbirds and you call it a night boom try and pump out a male heir you know what i mean eat an ostrich eat an ostrich try and make some babies well i don't know if any of our listeners have had a male heir recently but some of them have had very momentous occasions they've given us a call if you're a member of the Landed Gentry and you finally conceived a male heir, give us a call 206-9844-FUN

or just send us a voice memo at jjgoatmaximumfun.org Here's one momentous occasion. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. I'm going to say Steve Buscemi. You've got a momentous occasion.

I just got a lady who was eating a hot dog like she was smoking a cigarette between her index and forefinger. Incredible. Anyway, shout out to my guy Carl Litter. Shout out to my guy Carl Litter. This is why we pay for the executive membership at Costco. In the executive lounge, you get to see somebody smoking a Polish. Right.

Wow. It sounds really glamorous. God. Do you think it's possible this was a teen and this is what's after Jules? Oh, right. All the commercials worked. All those commercials that play over standard cable TV, which is what teens are always watching. Yeah.

They worked. All the commercials telling, talking about the dangers of vaping worked. Teens are like, oh my God, I can't believe that I was poisoning myself like this. Thank you commercials. Tossed the jewels. And now they're just.

Thank you based commercials. Right. Now they're just walking around with hot links between their fingers. Jordan, talk about smoked meats. I mean, you know, what if you want to have candy cigarettes, but you're, I don't know, a diabetic or you just don't want that much sugar in your diet? I don't know. I think we just got rich with dietetic candy cigarettes, a sugar-free candy cigarette with- Savory flavors. Oh, wow. So I was going to suggest saccharin or whatever, but I like this savory move that recalls,

do you think we offer a hot dog in a Polish or do you think we branch out into brats and all that kind of thing? Yeah. I mean, I think we do some beef, we do some pork and for the vegetarian and vegans out there, we do a mushroom and an eggplant. Can I ask you two this and Charlie Jane, perhaps you're not a meat eater, I don't know, but when you're at the ballpark or similar and there's a hot dog and a Polish available for purchase, can you tell the difference between the two? Because I cannot. No idea what the difference between a hot dog and a Polish sausage is. Obviously, if I went into a Polish delicatessen, I could probably get myself a nice Polish sausage.

Are we talking about a kielbasa here? Is that what we're talking about? I mean, they just call it a Polish. They just call it a Polish when you got two hot dogs in Polish. Oh, man. I haven't been to a ball game in so freaking long. I just remember hot dogs. I don't remember any other options.

Where do you even get red ropes? That's a really good question. I haven't had red ropes in a Where do you even get red ropes? It's a really good question. I haven't had red ropes in a long time either. Malt cups? Where do you get those? My life is just an empty, yawning chasm. I don't even know. Wow.

Wow. The last time I went to a ball game, it was a work thing, and we all went out, and it was like minor league baseball, which minor league baseball, you get to watch them completely screw up, which is like kind of more entertaining because they're not as good as like the major league teams. I mean, they're still amazing compared to like an ordinary person, but they make errors. They kind of like screw around. And like one of my coworkers was just really committed to heckling. Like he just wanted to heckle the players and just yell, specifically the players on the other team, I guess, just yell the most evil things he could

think of at them. One of them was related to Pete Rose, who'd been in a gambling scandal. And Charlie Jane, an underage sex scandal. Oh. Well, I only knew about the gambling scandal, which that's probably for the best.

But there's a worker, an extraordinary breadth of assholery when it comes to Pete Rose. He's got a finger in every asshole pie was I think it was it Pete Rose's son or nephew or I don't know, my coworker was just heckling the shit out of him about his about Pete and like just yelling really personal insults the entire time and that was actually it was kind of delightful to sit next to someone who i work with every day who's normally a lovely co-worker just reaming whoever this was at the top of his lungs it is it is i understand why minor league baseball players think it's disrespectful but to me a spectator i love it how they're just always playing yakety sacks i mean i you know what makes their errors a lot funnier let me say this mike trout give me a call when you've got an inflatable sumo suit and we'll talk right then we'll talk okay then we'll talk um kids. Then we'll talk. Kids get the chance to run the bases.

You know what happened to me the other day? Went to Dodger Stadium here in Los Angeles with my son, Oscar, and our friend, Samuel Kalin, the son of Mr. Elliot Kalin of the Flophouse. Got to run the bases after the game. Hey. But you know what parents get to do? Just stand there like assholes. They don't let us run the fucking bases. I didn't have base running money when I was a kid.

This is my shot to run the fucking bases. Let me at them. It's just dirt. I'm not going to break the dirt this is the like this is like an upgrade you can get with your tickets where the kids can run the bases but there's not an option for adult base running i think they have a once a month or something like that a first friday of the month or some shit you get to run the kids get to run the bases after the game i think on tuesday nights it's grown-up night you know like when

i feel the same way about bounce houses let me in there oh god yes did you know i'm gonna fuck shit up in there did you know jordan that you can just rent a bounce house and there's not like a you know they don't check your id to make sure that you're that you're it's your birthday or whatever huh you can just call the bounce house people and say, bring a bounce house to my house. I have a $125 or whatever. You give them

your $125. They just leave it there for the day. They don't check it if it's your birthday. They don't check if there's children present. They don't check shit. They just give you the bounce house and leave. Okay, well. And you can get any one you want.

You can get the one with the big ramp. You know what I mean? The slide. Oh, Jesse, I've already made up my mind. It's Spider-Man. Okay, fair enough. I'll hear about the other ones, but I've already made up my mind. Sorry, I'm getting a phone call.

Hello? Oh, hi. Oh. I'm getting a phone call. Hello? Oh, hi. Oh. I'm sorry. I can come over afterwards and comfort you. Jordan, it's SpongeBob SquarePants. He's really sad. Yeah, no, he did say that, but I'm sure he didn't mean it.

Jordan's a nice guy no jordan loves pineapples under the sea what are you talking about yeah next time next time it was time for me time for me i just hung up i just hung up jordan listen hey, hey, I think SpongeBob is hilarious. The non-hilarious is Spider-Man. One of the funniest of all time. But yeah, Spidey's just, you know, he's a special character to me. And when a character has been with you as long as Spider-Man has been with me, I want to honor him by jumping around inside him.

Let me ask you this, Jordan. Yeah. When you say that he's been in you a long time i guess i always figured spider-man would be kind of a two-minute man how long are you guys going to go in there okay i've had i've had it i've had enough to hear with all of your going there okay sorry you razzing the hollywood executives i could handle sorry you socking it to congress okay hold on i'm getting a phone call okay i'm gonna wait till you're done and then i'm gonna say say hi did you say hi for me hello uh the third time oh oh hi oh hi spidey How are you? Oh, really? So you, that's what gets you off?

Me talking about that? So it's like being satire cucked? Oh, all right. Well, I'm, I'm, I'm really happy for you. Why don't you fight Dr. Octagon now? Okay. Good night. Stay out of my way.

No, it's too late he's gonna go fight Dr. Octagon you know what I mean I do you know what that's like Charlie Jane what was your experience with the early internet god my experience with the early internet

I got into weird fights like the weirdest fights like fights you wouldn't believe like uh when I was in high school I discovered early internet, I got into weird fights, like the weirdest fights, like fights you wouldn't believe. Like when I was in high school, I discovered Usenet, which was like Twitter for, you know, really old people who like to write long, angry things. It even had its own cults, like Usenet had its own cults. And I went on there and I just like would say whatever the hell came into my mind. And then people in like the Netherlands would get mad at me. And I'd be like, people in the Netherlands think I'm an asshole. This is great. And then I would just go in there and do it some more.

And it was just, I don't know. I would like lurk on all these like weird Usenet groups. And it was like my first experience of just being able to start shit with anybody, anytime. And like when I was like 17, that was like the best thing in the world. Let me ask you this, Charlie Jane, did you ever go onto the Usenet group for the NBC sitcom news radio? Because maybe we ran into each other. I didn't go into that one. Dang. I'm going to go back in time and tell myself to go in there and like, you know, say the stupidest shit I can think of.

And then maybe John Lovett is better than Phil Hartman. I'd like my friends and I would have like a Bolton board online somewhere where we would just take turns writing pieces of a story. And it was just the dumbest shit we could come up with. Basically, when I was a teenager, the internet was for posting like the dumbest shit that I could think of and looking for really terrible porn, but mostly dumbest shit I could think of. Now it's for those things, but the dumbest shit you can think of changes the course of geopolitical events. I know. It's freaking weird, man. Usenet was so low stakes. Nobody who mattered was paying attention to it.

That's the thing I miss about Usenet. I was just trying to argue about the Matt Williams trade. Okay. The end of the day, it worked out. We got Jeff Kent. You know what I'm talking about, guys. We don't. No fucking clue.

But you know, like if you posted on on newsnet and just started some really stupid shit and then the next day like the new york times was like people are arguing on usenet about like stupid shit it would be like like i don't know it's so what charlie jane what what what uh usenet groups were you on oh my god well there was a doctor who group that i would like lurked on a lot alt.fan.doctorwho it was like rec arts i think i don't even fucking know and there was like there was some like comics groups there there were one or two queer groups that i like super lurked on but never posted ever um yeah it was just like it was mostly the really nerdy ones but then i would also go into some of the other ones where it was just like the kybology groups which was like i think kybology was like a weird cult that it was like a fake cult i don't even know charlie jane i like the idea that you were going

on the nerdy use usenet groups like you weren't going on the the soc uh use that groups the jocks were on rec.sport.highschoolfootballquarterback this is the topic it says how much do you bench and then just a list of numbers i mean you know god bless them there was a group called alt.sex.stories.hamster.ducttape which was just like somebody was like let's create's create that. And like, it was just a joke group, but it was like very, very weird. Like, that's what I liked about Usenet is how weird it was. And when I was a teenager, it was like, yes, this is what the internet is going to be like forever. And I was kind of half right. The internet was definitely going to be weird forever, but it was not going to be that kind of pointless or inconsequential forever.

that kind of pointless or inconsequential forever. Yeah. I think now a lot of people are on alt.fan.q. Mm-hmm. A lot of good. A lot of good hamster memes over there. And some about guinea pigs. A lot of good, yeah. Okay.

We got one of these early internet memories in the mail here. And I'm going to read it here. These are anonymous early internet memories that have been sent to Jordan Jesse Go at AOL.com, which sounds like a joke email address, but is a real email address that Daniel signed up for. Okay. Back when I was 12 or 13, so 1997 or 98, my parents sat me down for a very serious talk with both parents. So I knew that this was a topic of earth-shaking importance. They carefully explained that they found a website in the computer's internet history about which they were deeply concerned. Bikini.com. They wanted to know if I had been looking at that website. I had in fact been looking at that website, so I considered fessing up, but I was also

profoundly confused because there wasn't even any nudity. It was an adorably soft core site, but my parents were so intense about it that I denied everything. Mom, dad, I was just testing nuclear weapons. Bikini.com. It's for the JTOL. Only go to bikini.edu.

There you go. Bikini.org. Bikini.org. Bikini.org. Like, just keep it non-profit. Absolutely. Yeah. Apparently, if you go to bikini.com now, it's just a – I think it's available. I think we could buy bikini.com.

What? What are they asking for bikini.com? Let's see. I'm going to buy a – By the for Bikini.com? Let's see. I'm going to buy a... By the way, Bikini.gov is the website of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. Sure. The Federal Body Inspectors is Bikini.gov. Just about to do FBI.gov versus FBI.com.

One of those. Let's see. Okay, so Bikini.com takes me to Shopify. I'm going to say buy a store. This looks too complicated. I wish it would just give me a price. But apparently, if we want to go through the rigmarole, we could have bikini.com and put some adorable softcore on there,

just like this writer remembers. Can I make an alternative suggestion? A cute little private eye who gets in too deep when he's looking into the sexy world of exotic dancers can i make an alternative suggestion jordan sure instead of adorable soft core maybe some adorable soft serve like a twister or a blizzard yeah blizzard something like that sounds really cute with gummy bears maybe that sounds really good i like a gummy bear when it gets some fro-yo yeah do you like a cold gummy bear yeah i love it i i think a like gummy bear as topping

on fro-yo is really really good i think the texture of a cold gummy bear. But also little Reese's cups, like little tiny ones. Jordan is, just for your information, Charlie Jane Anders, Jordan is a legendary texture freak. This guy's nasty all over for textures. Cold ass gummy bear, few things, few things more satisfying. Too hard to chew, too hard to chew. As long as you do not use the word mouthfeel, which I feel like is one of those words that nobody should ever use.

I would never dream of it. I would never dream of it. If there's one word I want to expunge from the English language, it's mouthfeel. I won't even repeat it to say that I'm not going to say it. I'm just not going to say it. That thing you said, I'm not saying it. No, listen, as a man who enjoys the pleasures of the mouth as much as I do, I would never put it like that.

Welcome to a world of pleasures of the mouth. Open your maw and let the textures amaze you. I'm your host. You nastyaze you. I'm your host. You nasty texture freak. I'm your host, the late Philip Seymour Hoffman from Twister. And I, too, am a nasty texture freak. I'm here jamming with Hendrix in heaven, and we're enjoying Jell-O Jigglers. I'm your host robin leach i lost my accent when

i went to heaven and became a ghost ghosts sound american that's true all ghosts are american robin leach is dead oh no r.i.p to a legend we have no choice but to stand this man who narrated mansion tours. Oh, God. So, speaking of bikini.com, I once almost got a job working for the guy who owned sex.com. Oh, now sex.com,

Charlie Jane, this is thrilling to me because sex.com There was a building by my house when I was growing up, a huge brick building that had been, it was like a decommissioned armory. And at some point shortly after I left San Francisco in like two, this was like blocks, like three blocks from my childhood house. You're talking about the armory. Yes. three blocks from from my childhood house yes and the armory yes and this building had never been used for anything since like world war one because it had no windows and it was a like but it was a it was a full city block and i'm sure it had seismic issues because it was mason unreinforced

masonry or whatever and so it was like a magical place to a child because it was so mysterious that in the middle of this dense urban neighborhood that at the time was, you know, let's say rough and ready, there was this gigantic armory building that looked like it had i'm gonna say dirigibles with bombs on them inside and at some point in the like 2005 or 2010 whatever sex.com bought this building to make fuck films inside kick.com king.com okay it was sex.com a bitter rival no okay well i can tell you that so kink.com i had a friend who worked there and they went to work in that building all the time and it was like oh yeah we're going off to the armory to make you know bdsm porn and uh i'm sad i never got to tour it like don't forget you're forgetting

your partridges you're forgetting your partridges they would say you would say as they left the sex.com was like a famous case back in the 90s because basically this guy owned like back in the day if you had like a url like that it would be like you'd get all the people who just went to their browser and typed sex and then like hit them just like people who didn't know how to use the internet who would just be like i want to find browser and typed sex and then like hit the, just like people who didn't know how to use the internet, who would just be like, I want to find sex. And they would just type sex.com. And then, so there was a guy who owned it. I can't remember his name now, but he, someone stole the, the domain name from him. Like someone like impersonated him or did some kind of weird,

shady business and stole it. And like, it was a lawsuit for, it lasted like 10 years. it. And like, it was a lawsuit for it lasted like 10 years. So fast forward to like the early 2000s, I'm looking for a job. I've, you know, I've been working in health, I've been doing health educator stuff. And the guy who originally had sex.com, who it was stolen from, was trying to kind of, he had just reclaimed the URL from the person who'd stolen it from him after like 10 years of legal battles. And he was going to turn it into like a respectable sex education, health education site. And I was like, ah, I'll go see if this guy wants to, like, he was hiring. I went to go and he, I had a job interview. I had, he kept me waiting for like an hour. He was like, really, he was kind of rude.

I went out and bought a new suit it was like a whole thing and like in the end i don't even know what happened with it like i feel like he it had just been turned into like a bunch of like um just ads for porn sites basically like they would just sell space advertising for porn sites and he kept saying i'm going to turn it into a real health educator and then i think he never did i think he realized that the way to make money off it was just to not touch it at all and just leave it like as just the most bottom feeder-y kind of you know here's lots of click here for hot girls or whatever i i i took a peek while we were chatting and that appears to be what's going on there i hope your browser is up to to date because I would not go to sex.com

now if I didn't have really good antivirus or all my browser settings were like really good. Can I suggest something? We've got Charlie Jane on board already. Her background is in health education. I mean-ish. It's been a long time. I think we buy bikini.com and we just dedicate it to prostates. Sure. You know what I mean? Just like all prostate stuff. I think there's some logic in there somewhere. Yeah. I think it makes a ton of sense because a lot of these people that are looking for bikini pics, whether it's Kathy Ireland or Cindy Crawford or Pamela Anderson Lee. Classic babes.

I think that they would really benefit because a lot of them, frankly, are using baseless implements. Right. It's a shame. It could get lost up there. You're not assuming that people are looking for bikinis, that this is just like people who don't know where to buy a bikini. Like they've heard of bikinis, but they don't know where to get one. They're like.

No. First of all, I don't know if they're looking for bikinis or not, Charlie Jane. Like I don't, I can't see into their mind. Okay. So maybe they are looking to buy bikinis, but as far as I'm concerned, that's going to be purely coincidental. They're going to this website for pics of bikini babes, Kathy Ireland and so forth. And when they get there, it's really important they don't lose anything up their ass.

I mean, you raise a really good point. Counterpoint could just be a site dedicated to the shameful and terrible history of nuclear testing. Charlie Jane. Charlie Jane. I didn't come here for a point counterpoint. This isn't Usenet. I mean, really, I think the world is Usenet at this point. How about this? Usenet has become the world. Here's a compromise.

Usenet is averted. Here's a compromise for you. Let's say that we don't dedicate it to the history of nuclear testing. I mean, John Wayne gave his life. Instead, I say we dedicate it to the history of atolls. Hold on. No archipelagos. I'm getting a call. I'm getting a call.

Jordan's getting a call. Hold on. John Wayne? Wow. John Wayne is- Like the's getting a call. Hold on. John Wayne? Wow, John Wayne is... Is he calling from... Ask if... Hold on. Yeah, no, I know.

I know you can't talk for very long in hell, but... So, yeah. Yeah, we'll catch up later, but there's just something you want Jesse to know? What? Wait. Okay. He says to just make it a place where people

can buy bikinis okay okay can you um before he goes which you might see him god damn it sorry oh wait hold on i i just got a text from rap andin Duke it says Taha Taha I don't know what that means well there was a John Wayne impersonator who made a rap song called Rappin Duke in the song he says Taha Taha it was later

alluded to by the rapper Biggie Smalls also known as the Notorious B.I.J. remember Rappin Duke Taha Taha I never the rapper Biggie Smalls, also known as the Notorious B.I.J. Right. Okay. Remember rapping Duke, ta-ha, ta-ha. I never thought hip hop would take it this far. Well, that's great. Yeah.

Well, we had a lot of fun here talking about that magical building from my childhood that got turned into a fuck palace and different uses for the URL bikini.com. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. I'm Lisa Hanawalt. And I'm Emily Heller. Wow, Emily, we've been doing this podcast for 10 years. I know, but hey, don't worry. You can jump in at literally any episode and hear us talk about some of our favorite stuff.

Caterpillars becoming butterflies. Martha Stewart flying around in a private jet full of trees. Yes, you heard me right. Trees. Neighbors becoming enemies. Just kidding. Whatever messed up stuff we can find on Wikipedia. Our impeccable taste in everything from dogs to TV shows to bodily functions. And horses. Lots and lots of horses. Come for our horned up rants about the world. Stay for the catchy theme songs. You might not learn anything, but we're a good hang. Baby Geniuses. Every other week on MaximumFun.org.

Are you tired of being picked on for only wanting to talk about your cat at parties? Do you feel as though your friends don't understand the depth of love you have for your guinea pig? When you look around a room of people, do you wonder if they know sloths only have to eat one leaf a month? Have you ever dumped someone for saying they're just not an animal person? Us too. She's Alexis B. Preston. She's Ella McLeod. And we host Comfort Creatures, the show where you can't talk about your pets

too much, animal trivia is our love language, and dragons are just as real as dinosaurs. Tune in to Comfort Creatures every Thursday on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Charlie Jane Anders, cat wrangler. Charlie Jane Anders, you have a new book out called Promises Stronger Than Darkness. It's out April 11th, so it may well be available by the time this episode is released. Charlie Jane, tell me about this, your latest bestselling novel. Yeah, it's the third book in the trilogy. Basically, you know, this trilogy is about, I think, feel like I talked about it on one of your previous episodes, but it's about this teenage girl named Tina, who is secretly the clone of an alien superhero. And she has all the memories of this alien superhero's past life, like trapped inside her,

but she won't get them back until she's old enough. And then, spoiler alert, she's old enough, and she goes up into space and some other kids from Earth go with her. And she's trying to like recapture her former glory from before she died and was cloned and came back. And unfortunately, the memories don't quite come back the way they're supposed to. And she finds out that being a superhero actually kind of sucks. And she doesn't want to kill people because killing people

sucks. And she meets a bunch of queers from Earth and a bunch of queer aliens. And she's also pretty queer. And so it's a very queer series, but they save the universe through kind of like teamwork and friendship and also just a lot of arguing and fighting and, you know, ridiculous maneuvers. And in the third book, basically what's happened at this point is Tina finally got back all the memories of her former life as an alien superhero, but she was erased in the process. And so now there's just this alien superhero wandering around in Tina's body, honestly being a total asshole. And, you know, kind of just like, basically, if you were like, the savior of the galaxy, and you died, and then against your will, you were brought back to life in a teenage body after you lived a whole life before that. And you didn't want to be brought back to life in a teenage body, but then you're a teenager again, and you're like, well, I have all these hormones. I am feeling pretty pissed off about the way things turned out. So I'm just going to get drunk and hook up with strangers. And that's where we find what's left of Tina. And meanwhile, her friends are trying to save the galaxy.

And they're kind of a lot of the third book is really them trying to figure out what to do about Tita, but also kind of figuring out how like that thing I said before about how killing sucks. Are they willing to kill if that's the only option? And like there's a lot of stuff about that. And it's basically about like when you're fighting fascists, how far are you going to go in order to save the people you love? And are there lines that you shouldn't cross? And is, you know, are there circumstances where violence is the only option? And it's, you know, so it actually gets pretty heavy, but it's also extremely silly. There's like monkey, they're singing monkey robots, plural. And there's like a weird wedding chapel at the end of the universe and it gets

it gets almost somebody compared it to kind of being almost douglas adamsy the other day which i think it's not quite that silly but it's it's definitely gets pretty silly charlie jane yeah charlie jane correct me if i'm wrong she sounds like kind of a nepo baby to me i mean it is a little bit of being a nepo baby of being like clone nepo baby there's a little bit of there's a little bit of common space there i could see that yeah yeah let me just say got something handed to her which is very common among ya heroes luke skywalker nepo baby great point absolutely point luke skywalker is a classic Nepo baby. Harry Potter Nepo baby. Even Katniss Everdeen, kind of a Nepo baby.

They're all just fucking Nepo babies. Sorry, what were you going to say? I was going to say, I have read the first book in the series. Got the second one on the shelf. Chambered, ready to crack. Terrific book. Action-packed. Big teen feelings.

Very good values. And also, I know you're maybe looking to manage expectations when it comes to Douglas Adams' comparisons. Very funny. Charlie Jane Andrews, very funny person, very funny writer. So yeah, I think if you know a cool teen who might like this stuff, get one for them. But also, if you're a non-teen and you just like cool books, you're going to love these. I think they're terrific. I heard Charlie Jane Andrews is a nepo baby. Are we all nepo babies deep down? I mean, nepo baby um aren't we all nepo babies deep down i mean you know that's a good point i inherited my mother's passion for having unreadable handwriting and hey aren't we all just nepo

babies for of god we're all his children yeah that's a really good point and isn't that just like being goldie hawn and kurt russell's kid jordan let me tell you this yeah you're a nepo baby of god certainly yeah but in my proud nepo baby in my book you're not just a nepo baby you're a neko wafer because you're so sweet thank you i came in a role with a bunch of other babies and I'm popular in Sweden or something. Yeah. No one knows.

Why am I still that? I just want to know how you knew that my mom was Goldie Hawn. I mean, like I don't, I never tell people that cause I don't want them to freak out. Like I don't want, you know, they start asking me all these private Benjamin questions that I just don't

know what to say. I'm like, I was five. I don't know. I have some overboard trivia. I don't know. Right. I have some overboard trivia I need answered. Overboard? Yeah. Yeah, I think that's right.

Overboard starring Goldie Hawn. I watched a Walter Matthau movie that was the premiere of Goldie Hawn. Not the greatest movie, but Goldie Hawn was fucking great. You know why she was a famous movie star? So good. That's all I got on Goldie Hawn. Very funny. She was really funny.

Yeah. I mean, you would know, Charlie, all that time at home with her. Mom had the chops. I bet she was funny just serving cereal to you or nursing you, changing your dieties, getting your high school graduation. You know, I have all these memories of breastfeeding and just laughing so hard that it was just really hard

to like. Hilarious cans on that broad. She was just the patter. The never ending patter. Charlie Jane was already in the FBI. Sure. God. I mean, Kurt was kind of a, Kurt was not the best dad, I'm going to say.

Yeah. Wow. You know. He was so busy with his minor league baseball team that he had. He had a minor league baseball team. He and his father, I think. Is that real? Yeah, that's real.

There's a documentary about it. I seen it. Yeah. Not the greatest documentary. I thought that was just a callback. No, it's a real thing. Yeah, the Portland something or others. They were in Portland.

Okay, look, I think we've sorted this whole thing out, right? Mm-hmm. Everything's wrapped up in a neat little package. Charlie Jane Anders' new book is Promises Stronger Than Darkness. She's been hailed as the new Douglas Adams, but better. I got that quote from, hold on, getting a phone call here. Hello? Hello? Oh, hi, Goldie.

Calling from Earth? Are you still alive? You're just calling to let me know that you're proud of Charlie Jane Anders? Aw. Isn't that a wonderful message? What's Walter Matthau really like? Was he really that grumpy and amazing? Well, I would never have guessed, but I'll have to go take a look at the National Portrait Gallery.

It was Goldie Hawn. She was calling to say that she was proud of Charlie Jane Anders and to describe Walter Matthaus Crank. That's all. Boy, our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Our

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