Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Evil America for Evil Americans, with Brendan Hay

Episode Date: June 1, 2023

Brendan Hay is back on Jordan Jesse Go! to discuss the outsourcing of American henchman jobs, his new show Gremlins: Secrets of the Mogwai, and the return of #SummerBoySummer.See why 3.8 million businesses have come to ZipRecruiter for their hiring needs. Go to ZipRecruiter.com/JJGo to try ZipRecruiter FOR FREE.Pre-order Jordan's upcoming Archie Horror comic "Camp Pickens" at your local comic shop NOW with code APR231183! On shelves 6/21! Get your signed copy at Golden Apple Comics.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, we addressed this briefly. We did a live performance here in Los Angeles the other day, which I alluded to this, but I'm still trying to deal with it, and I'm hoping that you can help me with it. Yeah, let's unpack this suitcase. The other day, yeah, let's unpack the knapsack of white privilege.

Who better? Who better than the two of us? Two whites. It's a classic American studies essay. Yes, yeah. Classic American studies essay. Okay, Google it. You can find it on the internet.

You'll learn a lot. Okay, anyway. So, as you know, I have three children, and they're all of tooth-losing age. My oldest, she's 11. Oh, sorry, I dropped the ball. That's a fun age. Sorry, go ahead. Okay. I'm sorry, she's 11. Oh, sorry. I dropped the ball. That's a fun age. Sorry.

Go ahead. Okay. I'm sorry. I should have. Can you edit, Matt? Can you edit out that pause and the rest of the show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll delete it.

Delete the entire back catalog, Matt. Yeah. Can you go ahead and- Already done. It's over. Matt, do you have one of those men in black sticks could you put that on america just about us yeah i can get one okay that's kind of overkill i don't know i don't know that america is aware of us certain parts of portland are aware of us yeah park brooklyn

yeah micro neighborhoods in brooklyn they're aware us. But I don't think you need to go to America with the men in black stick. Like if you go to Red Hook, you don't have to cover everybody there. You could probably tell in Red Hook who you should and shouldn't hit with the men in black stick. men in black stick. Okay. So as I was saying, my 11 year old is, she's at the, you know, the tail end of tooth losing. I got a six year old just ramping up the tooth losing, losing, and I got a nine year old right square in the middle. Oscar is my nine year old and Oscar is terrified of losing teeth. It is some sort of sensory issue. The sheer volume and variety of sensory issues in my family has led me to completely lose track of who can't bear the thought of one food being next to another food and who has nightmares about itchy tags and so on. Ooh, that was me.

I was an itchy tag kid. I was absolutely an itchy tag kid. My mom had to cut off all of my tags. I still sometimes cut off my own tags. I no longer need mother to do it for me. Yeah. I have been asked on more than one occasion to cut off your skin tags, which I think goes far beyond the role of a co-host on a comedy podcast. To be fair, you were telling me you were a dermatologist for a while.

diatrist no which i don't i think was a reasonable claim because they mostly shave bunions and god knows i know how to do that okay it just seems to me like second of all some kind of nasty eczema freak who just wanted to get a look at my look at my no i'm into spiny shaving and tough actin tenactin that's the whole totality of my medical toolbox everything I know about medicine

as the best-selling book goes I learned from John Madden the late football commentator and coach

John Madden okay I mean everybody everybody's got that book on their toilet tank, right? Yeah. My nine-year-old is stuck in this world of like wanting the tooth. Once the tooth is loose, Oscar wants the tooth out.

But Oscar does not want to wiggle the tooth yeah and so the tooth just gets more and more loose but oscar is unable to deliver the coup de grace sure you know unable to give that death blow that will remove the tooth and deliver the five5 under the pillow. So, a few nights ago, for the second time, and I cannot emphasize this enough, for the second time, Oscar went to sleep with a tooth hanging by a thread in a little mouth gap. hanging by a thread in a little mouth gap. And at Oscar's request, my wife, Teresa, snuck into Oscar and Frankie's room while they slept like the little beautiful babies they are

and tore the tooth from Oscar's mouth without waking Oscar up. Jesus. How? How is she so soft a foot? How do her foot falls so softly that she doesn't wake up a sleeping babe? My only guess is that it's because she walks heel to toe with one foot directly in front of the other.

Right. But that might just be a vague memory I have, possibly from reading The Secret of the Indian in the Cupboard, maybe? I have that memory, too. I think I thought, I was assuming I had that because of the, like, month I spent in Boy Scouts and didn't like it. Maybe that was the one thing I retained. But, yeah, I also read. Maybe you remembered it from like it. Maybe that was the one thing I retained. But yeah, I also read...

Maybe you remembered it from Little League. Is that possible? Sure. Yeah, could be. Or Little Big League. They're stalking. Most Little Leagues are about 80% baseball, 20% stalking. Right.

Like stalking prey, not like stalking enemies. Yeah. If you can stalk and kill the coach, you become the coach. Right. If you can like stalking prey, not like stalking enemies. Yeah. When you, if you, if you can stalk and kill the coach, you become the coach. These are the, these are the cardinal rules of little league. I don't even know if I want to know how my wife has done this twice. I don't know why Oscar has asked for it. This I, and again, you, you said you don't, you, you have not looked into this.

That's something I'm curious about. I mean, two things. One, how are her footfalls so silent? And two, is she using tools for this? Or is she just bare handing this thing out of there? Are you picturing a frontier dentist situation? Yeah, right. She just has, yeah, some pliers or something like that i don't

know i was we're all out of ether we're gonna have to give oscar six shots and knock him out right give him a little bathtub gin yeah i'm i mean does it even matter it's so weird uh fucking weird you know i i think uh i, I've said this on the show. I'll say it again. Moms are the real heroes. It's not, you know, Batman and, you know, Captain Atom out there. It's moms. I'll tell you this much right now, Jordan.

Mm-hmm. If Teresa even one time tries to remove one of my teeth while I'm asleep, it's going to be single moms that are the real heroes, if you know what I'm talking about, because I'm going to be serving her some papers. Reason for divorce? Tooth theft. I thought- Nocturnal tooth snatching. Before you mentioned divorce, I thought i thought she would she was killing you to get the teeth in this scenario she was murdering you and taking your teeth what do you think my teeth are worth jordan i i don't know there's a bunch of listen there's a

bunch of there's a bunch of freaks out there on the internet who probably want their favorite podcasters teeth i have a follow-up question here. This is for all the dentists out there. Are gold and silver really good substitutes for tooth? Or are they just like, well, if we just make it out of, you know, Sculpey, then, which is, you know, that's like a quick drying clay. Right. If we just make it out of Sculpey, nobody's going to believe we're real doctors.

But if we make them pay for gold and silver, well, then it's going to justify itself. It's like a calling card. gold and silver, well, then it's going to justify itself. It's like a calling card. Yeah. I mean, like, why can't you just fill your tooth with, you know, tinfoil? Yeah. I mean, I think that probably comes from a time when, you know, having a lot of precious metals meant wealth.

I mean, when they're replacing teeth now, they're just throwing a monkey NFT in there. So tired of monkey NFTs. Should we introduce our guest on this program? This guy's a show business professional, so he's probably got a mouthful of monkey NFTs.

There's a big shot. There's an entire blockchain around my mouth. He's an entire blockchain around my mouth he's an he's an old pal of ours he's also an exec folks an executive little something called an executive producer of the new television show gremlins secrets of the mogwai brendan hey hi brendan how are you hi thank you guys so much for having me back on have you do you have anything inside your teeth inside my teeth no i actually uh i'm gonna brag i i have had very few cavities in my life i've

got a pretty i've got some skull peaks i only started getting cavities in like my last 10 years excuse me excuse me excuse me not to interrupt never had a cavity what yeah i never mind i usually get to be the big shot in the room but all to you well i have more rhymes than the whinings have family um i however i want to bring back to teeth on two things one is theresa for hire because one of my kids were on week three of a wiggly tooth that will not, will not come out slash she, it would be her first one out. So she does not want to catch up to her sibling who has lost teeth and she's just not wanting to go that extra step. So yeah, if Teresa is willing to sneak into my house, a heel to foot, I am okay with it. I will not press charges, anything of the nature.

Now, Jordan, you don't know this, but my wife and Brendan's wife are friendly. They have each other's phone number. They've connected on parenting matters. God, that's so important. And it is a fun age. It is a fun age. Thank you, Brendan.

And I'll get to my other catchphrase. I got to get a son later in the show. Not that I've said. Thank you, Brendan. And I'll get to my other catchphrase. I got to get a son later in the show. Now that I've said. That's a tease. You know, there's that meme, you had one job. Yeah. I have three jobs. Okay.

One is to say, that's a fun age. Every time somebody mentions, you know, the age of a child. I have to say, got to get a son at some point don't know why and three a long story about something that happened at the verdugo aquatic facility these are my three jobs and i like it and i almost missed one at the top of the show and i feel like fucking shit about it brendan my recommendation to you is to have your wife talk to my wife. Okay. And remember that money talks and bullshit walks. Fair.

I'll loop you into our Tooth Fairy cuts. This makes sense. Actually pay her to be the real Tooth Fairy. I'm expecting cash on the barrel head here. That's fair. No lines of credit are going to be extended with this extraction. You know what? That makes sense. Look, the Tooth Fairy fairy gives money up front you demand money up front i get it hey jordan my wife does the extraction i do the extraction if you know what i'm talking about toughest nails over here i don't actually

i'm extracting what do you mean i'm extracting the money from brendan oh yeah she's extracting the tooth from Brendan's child's face. It turns out the word can mean two things. Yeah. One of the dentists thing I learned, this comes from a, somebody we used to know who came from a family of dentists who had relatives. He was like the one non-dentist out of a whole family of dentists and had a

brother. It's called escaping a family of dentists and had a brother it's called escaping a family of dentists yeah cross countries to this tracks yeah it's like when you're raised scientologist yeah it's you just have to get out and never go back but we no longer speak to my son who's the ear nose and throat guy we do we he's not invited to Well, no, you don't want that kind of a freak. But yeah, the his dentist brother who would spend all day doing dentistry go home to is apparently a very large dentist online community, which is not just sharing what happened in a day, but photos of what happened in the day. So, oh, I feel like they're going back to would your teeth fetch money? The answer is almost definitely yes. In this like dentist circle.

So you can, they buy and sell dentists. I'm going to believe it. So they buy and sell teeth. I feel like it. There's at least, there's a strong dentist online community. So I think we're selling teeth.

Is there a, something I should search for on Facebook marketplace? I think so. Here's just as a this is a question again i know this is just a world you're on the periphery of oh i'm i've just basically heard the fidelio of it that's all that's i got this little droplet into it i got nothing else but i know i'm gonna keep asking you questions it. Let's say I do know more. Okay, this is fun. Feel free to speculate, Brendan. You know, I bragged rightfully earlier in the show that I've never had a cavity. So are these, you know, pure unvarnished choppers?

Are these worth more? Am I a unicorn in the world of oh they have eyes on you probably already there's probably already pictures of your mouth going around wow oh my gosh and i opened my mouth a little bit wider when you said that just in case yeah matt's snapping photos of the zoom call looks matt makes a little extra on the side this way it's great we all gotta have a side hustle exactly it's it's a sad state of modern affairs, man. Jordan,

could this, could this be a good sideline or primary line for your only fans presence? Oh, it's okay. Here's, here's, uh,

I love it. And again, um, yeah, the, the launch of my only fans is eminent. Um, but yeah, i guess i worry i gotta get a son see if verdugo aquatic facility will let you shoot your only fans there yes okay thank you brandon thank you thank you for working in the verdugo aquatic facility of course of

course i worry that like there's a ceiling obviously i mean if if you know this only fans presence involves tooth extraction and then you know this only fans presence involves tooth extraction and then you know like mailing them off to the highest bidder um i can only do this what 14 15 times probably like a dozen times you could do it yeah i mean what are you doing let me ask you this what are you doing with your soiled panties? Because if you stuff those in the holes, you might be able to go quite a long way.

So I fill the holes where my teeth once were with panties. Soiled panties. Panties you've worn. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Brendan, would you say the thing you said again? Sorry sorry if you're not selling those on the only fans you gotta do something with the soiled panties yeah you're right yeah um yeah and i mean you are selling the teeth jordan so it it makes a ton of sense when you think yeah i mean and i can just say that there's a little note like i rub these all over my gums my pure pink gums

i have an i have a question about tooth materials sure let's say i got to the point in my mouth where i was gonna get what my mother calls falsies okay let's let's say I was going to get... Oh, that's what my mom called, like, stuffing your bra. Why was she stuffing your bra? Because my tits didn't come in until later, and I had to fill out that prom dress. Got it. That's fair. So let's say...

Yeah. I've lost enough teeth that I need falsies. Right. Could I get a full set of golden choppers? Like if I had the dough, how much dough could it be? $20,000? Sounds about right. I don't know.

Yeah. Could I get full golden choppers I think you could probably go one step further get full golden sharp jaws from James Bond choppers whoa yeah and then whoa

like filed to a point like a fucking Mayan king yes just walking around LA eating your favorite tacos, whatnot, but with the sharpest teeth on the street. Yeah, and I think we're all thinking about side hustles. It's a little running theme here.

And, you know, the modern economy, you can't specialize anymore. That's what the movie Magic Mike is about. You can't specialize. We all have to have that little side hustle jesse maybe when you have these teeth you could do a little henching on the side have you ever thought about becoming a henchman it's a growth market yeah yeah i mean i i have i think one of the big problems is there's a lot of Central American henchmen flooding over the border right now, fleeing the violence in Venezuela and so forth. Oh boy, here we go. Yeah.

I was so hoping we were going to have to talk about that again. That's why I say evil America for evil Americans. Evil America first. Right. evil america first right used to be in this world that uh you know just american henchmen really had the chance to move up and you you'd hench and you'd either die or eventually become a villain yourself yeah when you're describing your evil plan to the hero who you have captive do it in english sorry do it learn the language they will not replace me at the controls of this moon to the weather machine yes um brendan during your intro jesse mentioned that the television program you're an executive

producer and uh head writer head writer of uh just executive producer it's uh yes myself and zee chan uh both kind of the co-showrunners both eps both head writing i in my head ep is jordan they don't work in show business eps extra penis Yes Look, you're going to need at least minimum two penises to handle that much show running Yeah Some say three, but that's your Aaron Sorkin types This is why I'm stuck at

Staff Rider, I just got the one penis This is what we're marching for Extra penises for all Give us some extra penises so we could climb the ladder jesse uh said the the correct name of the show secrets of the mogwai that's correct in my head it was secret these little guys have more than one secret oh they got secrets you don't even know that's uh heck uh-huh they've been look mogwai been lying to you for decades what whatever you think you know about them yeah they've had secret families they've had uh so much going on yeah no we are we are definitely

plural um yeah we dive into it this is a lot of people think this is a reboot of the gremlins universe they've actually just they happen to of the gremlins universe they've actually just they happen to have the gremlins ip when they were trying to do an animated reboot of the mike lee film secrets and lies that's it thank you look you know what i knew some people wouldn't see it but you're a sophisticated man you enjoy your art house cinema right right you know this no um yeah it was uh that and also be honest it's a soft backdoor uh pilot for a liar liar reboot as well just mixed yeah gremlin secrets and that is actually as you said you're mike lee is not involved in gremlin secrets of the mogwai he is though working on the liar

liar thing right now everyone's improvising together developing their characters British working class and Jim Carrey those are his two passions in film yeah yeah um but yeah no uh we get to on the secret on the mogwai front tons of uh secrets because it turns out not just the origins of where they come from but we also get into their rules sorry a lot of fun stuff uh jim carrey is going to be played by leslie manville okay of course that's i just wanted to bring up leslie manville real quick she's wonderful tyranny in this version will be jim broadbent it's's great. Yeah. I was trying to back into something where I said dumb and dumber at Nashville,

but I never quite figured it out. It's a problem. Just, you know, it's not your fault. Robert Altman was just always more of a Dudley Moore guy. Oh, Robert Altman. Okay. I even confused. Look at me. Okay. I even confused. Look at me.

Okay. I wasn't even close. I wasn't even fucking close. That's all right. I just threw Dudley Moore and Jim Carrey in the same sentence. I'm not even sure that tracks. Sure. No, why not?

Brendan, if there's one thing we're not concerned with here on the show, it's anything tracking. Fair. You just say stuff that's good it's the beauty of your show thank you what a podcast is brendan secrets of the mogwai what are their secrets spill them spill the beans i can't because it's no secret that you can't get these fuckers wet yeah well all right here the things the secrets you know can't get the fuckers wet yep uh taking them to the beach in the bright light.

Those fuckers. Don't do it. They're sweet fuckers. They're nice fuckers. But yeah, can't get them wet. No, they're not. They're evil. You know what?

That's part of what our show is here to show. They're completely evil. They're agents of chaos. They, you know, they will indiscriminately kill hurt and maim but you know what they do it all in good fun they like to laugh yeah in the spirit of fun yes they're looney tunes back in action exactly see uh they're like you know it's killing and entertainment so it's like kill kill entertainment that's the thing yeah killilt entertainment kilt entertainment did you get to meet joe dante a whole bunch gremlins master absolutely i bet that guy is fucking fascinating

and delightful i can't imagine being anything other than that you know joe is everybody's best uncle um he is absolutely just has amazing stories about everything and has hit the wonderful age where he is going to share them all he we got to spend uh like the best part um last year they premiered our show at a french animation festival so is uh myself z and joe there for like a few days so just getting to like it's one of those nice things they thankfully flew us out early so we had an extra day or so so it's just like getting to hang out and eat and drink with joe dante and hear his tales and um yeah he's the best i like that you said that he's reached the age where he's willing to share his tales as though like in 1982 joe dante was unwilling to

share his tales this strikes me as a was unwilling to share his tales. This strikes me as a man willing to share tight lipped Dante. They call that thing. That was the nickname. No, it's very true, but it's feel like it's also, as I feel like I found it's the,

the older you get in entertainment, the more uncensored every single story you have becomes that it's, there's no longer any concern about like, look, I don't know, maybe somebody worked on this or maybe somebody has a, is close to that. They hit a certain point and it's usually somewhere like over the age of 65

where it's like, fuck it. I'm laying it all out there. Here's exactly what my feelings were on making explorers. He's the real news about piranha. Yeah. Probably a lot of stories of like, that start with, I was having dinnermy kahn and then the craziest thing you've ever heard in your life comes out

the best yeah it was yeah well everything you want of getting to hear i feel like i remember stuff that i feel like he shared so i won't step on but too much but where um i was like hearing of uh remember now, John Peters, I think was the Warner Brothers executive producer at one point. And it's like, John Peters complaining about the dailies of inner space because he was like the one person

who didn't find Martin Short funny and thought Martin Short needed to be replaced with an actor that somebody would, it's like, no, no, everyone in this cast has to be somebody that you'd want to fuck. We need hot actors all across the board on inner space, like that kind of a thing. It's like, these are the tales'd want to fuck we need hot actors all across the board on inner space like that kind of a thing it's like uh these tales i want to hear so i my first gremlins movie was gremlins 2 the new batch of course and before i saw the movie i had like beaten the nes game so

technically my first there are a lot of properties where i know the nes game before i like i didn't see until three years ago so you did goonies 2 before you did uh yes yeah so the nes goonies game was called goonies 2 the biggest fucking dick swing in history and so yeah i knew the game and i saw the movie like four years ago um was like, that's fine. There's no text based ways to open doors in this film. Yeah, right. There's no yo-yo as weapon in this. I think that was Goonies 2.

Yeah, there was. OK, thank you. This really captures the spirit of the game. But why have they added these slurs? of the game, but why have they added these slurs? So I knew my journey with Gremlins starts with

Gremlins 2, the new batch, the NES game where Gizmo used tomatoes to fight spider gremlins. Then seeing Gremlins 2, the new batch. And then like as an adult, I finally saw the first Gremlins. Pound for pound pound fucking great franchise uh there's not a lot of it but what there is it's fantastic but i know to a lot of people gremlins to the new batch is really special because it is absolutely insane yeah i know your show is a prequel but do do you have any nods or allusions

to gremlins to the new as much as I could get away with, yes. Okay. So, Brendan, what I want to know is this, because for people who haven't seen both Gremlins, as Jordan alluded to, Gremlins 1 is very, I mean, like for a movie about like, for a Christmas horror movie about little furry creatures from space or whatever it's very spielbergian it's very it has a lot of sweetness and wide-eyed qualities

to it a lot of small town americana and so on and so forth as you said jordan uh gremlins 2 is absolutely fucking bananas there's 20 000 gremlins 2 is absolutely fucking bananas. There's 20,000 gremlins and they're all taking over an apartment tower. I mean, an office tower, a huge office tower, and all kinds of crazy shit happens the entire time. And maybe I get the impression that the second one was what Joe Dante wanted to exist in the world. was what Joe Dante wanted to exist in the world.

He was just like, I want movies where all kinds of crazy shit happens the entire time. Where Hulk Hogan talks to camera. Exactly. That is exactly the case. I mean, the first film was also him through and through because he's a big proponent of, why can't you laugh at one scene and scream at the next? He's a big fan of just like, yeah, just have fun with tone.

Like make, make movies crazy and keep people on edge. Like have fun. But yeah, the second one, as he put it, was they tried to make a sequel without him for years. None of them worked. So they eventually were basically like, fine, just whatever you want to make, just make us something that has the title Gremlins.

And what he felt like making was a looney tunes movie yeah so so which was your which was your i mean i think all i think that gremlins 2 is the classic like counterintuitive this is the good one of all film snobs of a certain age. You know, it was the Bay Pig in the City of its time. But Gremlins 1, I mean, I don't know what you thought of it when you saw it, Jordan, but it's really great. It whips ass. Gremlins 1 is fantastic.

I mean, I think I alluded to being kind of like underwhelmed by Goonies when I saw it jordan but it's really great it whips ass gremlins one is fantastic that i mean i think i alluded to being kind of like underwhelmed by goonies when i saw it like as an adult i'm like oh boy what is my generation nostalgic for this uh but like seeing gremlins for the first time um i was like oh this is hilarious and pretty crazy like you know you talk about how crazy the second one is first one's pretty crazy uh and really funny like still like hilarious and has a great like cartoon logic to it what was your gremlins brendan um i got answers for both i will say two is probably still slightly dearer to my heart but the first one i saw younger than i feel like I should have at like six or so. Younger than 15.

Yeah, exactly. It's one of those I was with my older cousins for a weekend, and they were just like, oh, yeah, let's take you to Gremlins. And I'm like, oh, yeah, cute Magui, Gizmo guy. I saw that picture of it, sure. Baby's first Fleshblender film. oh yeah, cute Magui, gizmo guy. I saw that picture of it, sure. And it totally scared the hell out of me. Baby's first flesh blender film. 100%, exactly.

You know, now I understand what melty, what is it, gooey horror is. Things like that, yeah. But yeah, it was delightful. It terrified me, made me question Santa. It did a lot of good things for my like six or seven year old mind but i it still stayed with me and kind of like my gateway to horror but gremlins 2 i saw twice

the week it opened uh because i was just so enamored of it and after the first time like must see more jokes like there i know they're jokes i miss basically like i have to see this again so yeah love them both and i think for our show we i think we're honestly a third thing i think we kind of became this uh we definitely have the amblin feels uh and occasional incredibly gory horror of the first film so it's like you know we got some of that in our dna we occasionally go super weird because what we realize is chinese mythology is almost as batshit crazy, actually more batshit crazy than Gremlins 2. So as we were kind of playing with that, it's like, oh, these creatures are amazing and their roles are totally bureaucratic and odd, but really charming.

So we have that. But I think a lot of it also is just a kind of Amblin-esque adventure story also that is also rooted in like cultural specificity of trying to figure out, trying to take Mr. Wing from the original film and make him a full-fledged character and backstory. And how did one kid grow up to be this man who had a shop full of oddities in New York? Can you, without spoiling too much stuff,

can you say an allusion or two to Gremlins 2 that you were able to slip in there? Oh, yeah. We get to a point in the season where we get to let Gremlins play with magic. And what comes out of playing with magic might be different types of Gremlins. Okay.

Perhaps they sound a bit like sound super smart and super dumb super smart and super dumb super smart and super dumb i am both yes does a certain tony randall make a voice appearance if he's alive which he may actually be so once the ouija board got mr randall's spirit um we fell through in negotiation. It sucks. Even, you know, just beyond his agent was still a little too tough. Yeah. I wanted to impregnate someone from beyond the grave. He was famous for impregnating someone at 80 or something. It was like 80, wasn't it? Yeah.

And he was thinking at this point he'd be about 109. So, yeah, why not? You guys want to take a little break, impregnate someone for Beyond the Grave, and then come back for more? Always. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse Doe. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. A Jordan Morris boy detective. Love you, love you special for you. If you're a member of Maximum Fun, you've got that bonus feed going. And if you've got that bonus feed going, we've been doing some live shows here in Los Angeles in front of an audience of Maximum Fun members.

And our first recording from one of those live shows is up in the feed. Yeah, we got Nick Repeat Adams, perhaps one of, if not the most legendary guests in Jordan Jesse Go history. He would say the most. He would say that. He would insist upon him. What would you say, audience? Yeah. At Nick Adams on Twitter.

Let him know. Yeah, we had a super, super fun time, and that show is up in the MaxFun member feed, and future shows will be as well. So if you're a member, keep that membership going. And if you want to be, MaximumFun.org slash join. A lot of fun stuff up there in the member feed. We're also supported this week by the folks at ZipRecruiter. Now, Jordan, I'm a business owner. You know that.

I do. I own MaximumFun.org as a worker owner. That's right. Cooperative. Mm-hmm. But I know from my years as a sole proprietor that it can be very difficult to hire. It can take, on average, 11 weeks to hire for a position. You don't have that kind of time. I don't have that time. I need a guy. I need a lady. I need a person. I need some talent in the

door. You need them now. You need them yesterday, right? So you know what? I'm going to stop waiting and I'm going to start using ZipRecruiter. They help me find qualified candidates for all my roles fast. See why 3.8 million businesses have come to ZipRecruiter for their hiring needs. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo to try ZipRecruiter for free. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash JJGo. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire and Jordan you have a brand new Archie comic on the way that's true I did Archie is short for Archibald that's true Archibald Andrews the classic American teen boy

what is he getting up to now well it turns out he and all its friends Betty Veronica Jughead etc more is it good you know the different universe. Okay. They are getting up to some spooky stuff. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Totally, okay, again, that's a third universe you're mentioning.

The Flash. Okay, he's there. The Flash is there, but he can move between worlds by using, say it with me, the Speed Force. That's right, the Speed Force. Archie and the gang are up to some spooky stuff. For instance, the stuff they get up to in Camp Pickens, the Archie horror anthology, out June 21st

with a story by me and the great Diana Camaro, just a beautiful, beautiful comics artist. I saw some of her work in preview format for proofreading purposes, and she did such a beautiful job on this. She has such incredible work with Mort's turtleneck. Okay, again, different unit. I don't know if she's drawn Mort,

but really just did a spectacular job on this. Everybody, there's so much talent in Camp Pickens. Hopefully you pre-order it at your local comic book store or get down there and pick one up on June 21st. Archie, Jughead. Yes, okay. Yep, great. Veronica.

You got it. Booster Gold. Well, that's another guy who can kind of travel between dimensions. He uses, say it with me, his speed force. His robot. So, yeah, will Booster Gold make an appearance? Who knows? But, yeah, I can't pick it.

And we're going to be doing some cool signing events around the Southern California area. So if you're there, keep an eye on social media for those. Maximumfun.org slash join if you want to become a member. Maximumfun.org slash jumbotron if you want to share a message with our audience. And, you know, maximumfun.org slash... Mort. For turtlenecks. To find out what Max Fun Talent has dyed recently. Right.

And MaximumFun.org slash Le Petit Mort. Sure. For what Max Fun Talent has had a French orgasm. Right. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go it's Jordan Jesse Go I'm Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart

Jordan Morris boy detective Brendan Hay yellow belt at Gymkata. Jordan, if it helps, that is the combination of gymnastic skills and karate kills. I wouldn't want to live in the village of the crazies when Brendan gets there. I'm going to get the best concrete pommel horse and just work through him for hours. God, the other day I was being followed by a pack of crazies i went into this alley which of course the last thing you want to do is get into open space when you're when there's a bunch of crazies around i went into this alley i got down to the

end of this alley there's no fucking pommel horse. What am I supposed to do with a goddamn balance beam? No pommel horse. Impress them with a floor show? Does anyone have any idea what we're talking about that's listening to this? You know, I think, I mean, if we were doing this at a dinner party, probably not. But you know what? I think, I think, I think that if there's a place to do this bit, it's here.

Yeah. Right. The bit where we describe a scene from the movie, from the director, the director of Enter the Dragons starring olympic no not even olympic only uh international competition gymnastics champion kurt thomas yes as a man who survives the most dangerous game by using a combination of martial arts and and gymnastics no in other words gymnastics skills and karate kills. Yeah. Exactly.

And at one point, he goes to a place that sometimes is called the Village of the Crazies and sometimes has a different name. I don't remember what the other name is, but there's two different

names for it. And he goes into an alley while being pursued by the crazies. And there happens to be a bumble horse there that he uses to whip their asses.

See? It's just the bit's good. The bit was good. It all. Solid either way. And I will throw out, by the way, for just other childhood movies that made a lasting impression on me. Yes. Watching Gymkata on the if anybody who grew up in the New York area, WPIX always showed really fantastic films like this in the middle of the afternoon on

weekends I was at uh my dad's work party where uh as a of course very social child I went into the owner of his boss's home found their tv just turned on whatever I wanted and was watching that away from anybody else I had to interact with. And in came East Coast celebrity, local celebrity Mario Perillo of Perillo Tours. He turned out to be the brother-in-law of my dad's boss. He was half drunk, asked what I'm watching, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the couch while I watched Gymkhana. So I can say I saw Gymkhana with a sleeping Mario Perillo. This will be so much to your New new jersey new york connecticut listeners did you stroke his hair gently and like put it behind his hair of course little kiss on

the forehead don't wake him don't wake him uh hey before we get to our uh phone call i wanted to uh usher in one of our most beloved holidays here on the show. This is really special. You know, we talk on the show about Analogist. We talk on the show about, of course, Arbor Day. Sure. We talk on the show about, I think, Labor Day maybe was the one where there was a Gary Marshall movie

that had Cameron Esposito in it, our friend Cameron Esposito. But this is the true most exciting part of the year for any Jordan Jessico listener, and certainly for us as the hosts of Jordan Jessico. Yeah, and this is maybe something we haven't talked about a lot in recent years, but a post on the, on the max fund subreddit that's our slash maximum fun reminded me that,

you know, what we do is almost right now. Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Brendan, Brendan doesn't know about this.

Right. So can you give the quick, and they're certainly both of the new listeners that we've gained in the last four or five years probably need a quick recap of how this holiday period, let's say, came to be. Yes. Can you quickly explain? I will. And yes, the post here I'm referring to on Reddit is, with the current state of the world, I think it's time for JJ Go, that's us, to deliver another hashtag, Summer Boy Summer.

We need this. This is hosted by Jeremy Frankly there on Reddit. Thank you, Jeremy. So what Jeremy is referring to is a lifestyle that we're fans of, that we try and participate in. We try and practice what we preach. And that's the summer boy lifestyle. This happened when I was at a wedding in Baltimore, which was cold. I was wearing jean shorts because that's basically all the pants I own. And the cab driver taking me to the airport said that in those shorts, I looked like a real summer

boy. So that became, I don't know, kind of a mantra for me. And we all love summer and i think that um you know i think the post the reddit post alludes to the current state of the world i don't know what they mean i don't keep up with the news but if something's getting you down they're talking about the henchmen flooding over the southern right yes taking away like taking away our american henchmen jobs yeah so that's probably it um but yeah it's just kind of a celebration of the of of the summertime is so that includes i mean let's let's go around the horn here jesse uh wearing wearing jean shorts um having having a beer underhanded to you as you walk in a barbecue yeah i would say uh almost any kind of marinade sure chilling and grilling socks gone till september yeah love it

how about this one of those uh big hats like a lifeguard wears and you buy it at the hardware store. Sure. Putting a pool noodle between your legs and pretending it's a dick. Sure. Almost anything that squirts water in a pool. Poorly applied sunscreen. So it looks like you're doing white face, even if you're white. Yes. Yeah.

I mean, I would have just said maybe that kind of like zinc lotion that a lifeguard wears on his nose in a cartoon. But either way, either one is fine. And you know what, Jordan? I would add to your pool noodle dick. Anything that squirts water from a pool out of a pool. Beautiful. Whether it's one of those water guns where you put one end into the pool and then it sprays huge blasts of water, or whether it's as simple as a classic cannonball. Beautiful. Absolutely. Give everybody a little splash.

They might pretend like they're annoyed, but they love it. They love to get a little splash. Yeah, so what we want y'all to do is to celebrate the summer boy within. And I think also it's important here to say that we're using this as gender neutrally as possible. You don't have to identify as a boy to be a summer boy. However you identify, we invite you to become a summer boy it's a big tent there's room for everyone get those fucking socks off and catch this Coors Light that I'm underhanding to you some socks no Coors no service there you go here at the summer boy store and you better be marinating you oh you better be marinating. Oh, you better be marinating.

You better be soaking in a plastic bag filled with soy sauce, garlic, and assorted spices. It's the only way. A little orange juice in there. You know what I heard? Yeah. I heard that there's people, and I'm talking

about in June, July, August, even September, who are eating chicken breasts instead of thighs. Get your act together. We're grilling. Okay, what do you want to eat, a marinated wood? Have a thigh. Live a little bit. Get yourself a wing. Have a plate of wings.

So here's what we want you to do. Give us a call. 206-984-4FUN or give us a voice memo from your phone. JJGo at MaximumFun.org. Let us know how you are being

a summer boy this summer. Yeah, let us know. What are you up to? And let us celebrate with you. Give our listeners some ideas on how they can maximize their potential this summer. Here's what I'm going to

try and do. I'm going to try and wear a Speedo to social events that involve a pool. Okay. That's great. What about standard ones? Yes, also non-pool, non-pool social events.

Well, it would be a tuck speedo in that case. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Depending on the level of formality, obviously. Of course, of course. Yeah, I'm not an animal, please. Yeah, please. Yeah, something that i uh talked about doing last year i think john gabrus was on the show he's a big fan of uh speedo at a social event

that involves a pool i couldn't do it i chickened out but i think this is the year i think this is the year i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it i'm in the spirit of you being summer boy, I'm going to do it. I know that you probably have a Speedo as an avid amateur swimmer. Yeah, I have it. That's the thing, too. I could just wear the Speedo that I wear a couple times a week, but I would be doing it socially while I'm having a nice brew. Have you thought about, you know, shaving off and slicking down? Jesse, I am four steps ahead of you, my friend.

Shaved and slick, my friend. You know what I would like to do for summer this year? Smell like coconut. Ooh, that's a nice smell. It's a good smell. smell like coconut. Ooh, that's a nice smell. It's a good smell. And the thing is, is those kind of like, um, sun creams, lotions that smell like coconut. Those are, I think are mostly what you would call a tanning lotion. They're mostly the kind that can cause problems with skin cancer. Mm-hmm.

kind that can cause problems with skin cancer. So I think I'm just going to have to always, sort of like a roast pig has an apple, me, but a snowball. Like from the gas station? Host a snowball. Host a snowball. If you just keep one on you and the temperature's warm, it'll slowly be kind of melting and oozing in a way that will provide a very nice cologne that's kind of what i'm thinking i mean the other

option that i came up with and you guys can help me is i think if you cut a coconut in half it could be a kind of a hat sure sure my my summer promises i need more i need to be more adventurous in my hat wear so i mean a coconut hat would fit that to a t and if you do any rollerblading another good summer boy activity helmet oh yeah oh that's great yeah that's a really good point in fact if you're on a tropical island wearing a coconut hat and a mischievous monkey tries to bonk you with a coconut, sorry, Bozo. One step ahead of you, little fella. I wear coconut protective equipment absolutely head to toe

because I'm in a children's breakfast cereal commercial. So I'm always wearing wrist protectors, elbow protectors, knee protectors, head protector. It's your cup. Yeah. The whole nine yards. So audience, hold us to this. Hold us accountable. Jesse's going to smell like coconut.

I'm going to wear a Speedo to a social event that involves a pool. Brendan is going to try out some new headgear. And you, our listener, are going to have the best fucking summer of your life. And you're going to tell us about it. 206-984-4FUN. How are you going to become a summer boy? Speaking of that number, someone called us to leave a message. Matt Lieb's going to play it.

Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, guests. I'm going to guess. I don't know. Legendary Bay Area rapper, Keith Kisneek. I'm going to guess, I don't know, legendary Bay Area rapper Keith DeSneek. Close. This is Scott calling from Charlotte.

With a momentous occasion, my wife and I just bought a house. They said that my generation would never do it, and we said, fuck you, we're going to. And we did.

And we're very happy. We have a yard for our dogs to run in. We have a yard for me to grow peppers in. And we have a metal roof, which I'm told is a good thing. I don't know a lot about houses. Much like Jordan, I'm working on it. Anyways, I love you guys. I love the show.

Keep it up. Bye. This guy bought a fucking chicken shack. He doesn't know that he bought a chicken shack, but 100% he just bought a fucking chicken shack. Chicken shack. Sorry to break it to you. This guy and his wife and his dog and his babies

are all going to be living there with a bunch of laying hens. Yeah, I hope you like spooning a hen while you go to bed at night because that's what you're going to be doing

in the old chicken shack. You know what that's the sound of? That's the sound of a fucking hen in your bedroom, dude. Because your bedroom is a hen house. Chicken shack. Goddamn chicken shack.

Sad. Sad, really. Come on. Yeah. This guy thinks backyards, by the way, are for peppers. Did he say growing peppers or grilling peppers? I think he said growing peppers. I think growing.

Okay. Now, Jesse, is your issue that that's more of a backyard? Is that a front yard vegetable? In my neighborhood, the main food stuff, you're going to have backyard citrus. You're going to have front yard dragon fruit. Dragon fruit trellises all of it's fucking incredible i have to come and raid your dragon fruit trellises that sounds delightful

yeah it's the it is this is why we live in america brendan it's because some of our neighbors are from southeast asia and they build gigantic trellises of dragon fruit and then underneath grow leafy greens. It's the greatest front yard in the... I could never, I could never in a million years have a front yard that great. There's probably 18 of them within a three block radius of me. Love it.

Now dragon fruit, I'll be clear about dragon fruit. Dragon fruit is not really anything. I mean, it really is impressive looking, but it doesn't taste like shit. Coasted on a cool name, kind of. Yeah. Yeah. It looks amazing.

It's like a weird fruit pudding inside. Yeah. Well, it's like a fruit pudding if someone accidentally diluted the fruit pudding four to one. Sure. Fair. Not really anything. It's like if they wanted to rehab cucumbers and calling them adventure tubes. I think you're onto something there.

Boring. I think that's exactly right. This guy thinks backyards are just for growing peppers. No, hey, there's one thing I know. And listen, I'm not a homeowner. I don't know anything about this. But my frat bros always said, peppers in the front, party in the back. That's true.

That's a good point. Yeah. You know, I actually, I had a friend who had one of those backyards. I went over there. This is my friend, Peter. I went over there and he had picked a peck of pickled peppers and

we ate good in the neighborhood Matt do you still have that men in black stick sorry I just used it on myself I gotta get the fuck out of here 206-9844-FUN or JJGO at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jordan Carusciola, the host of Feeling Seen, where we talk about the movie characters that make us feel seen.

And I'm the show's producer, Marissa. Jordan, you've interviewed so many directors, actors, writers, film critics, and I like to play this little game where I take a sip of coffee every time someone says, that's such a great question. That's such a fabulous question. Or they tell you how smart you are. I think that you are rather brilliant. And of course, the big one is when they cry unexpectedly.

Jordan, I don't want to cry on your podcast. I wasn't expecting to cry. I mean, it makes me kind of want to cry. Feeling Seen comes out every Thursday on MaximumFun.org. Listen already. What are you waiting for? Jordan, that's such a great question. You probably already have a favorite animal. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

You probably already have a favorite animal. Maybe it's a powerful apex predator like the tiger or a cute and cuddly panda. And those are great, but have you considered something a little more unconventional? Could I perhaps interest you in the Greenland shark, which can live for nearly 400 years? Or maybe the jewel wasp who performs brain surgery on cockroaches to control their minds. On Just the Zoo of Us, we review animals by giving them ratings out of 10 in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics. Listen with friends and family of all ages to find your new favorite animal with Just

the Zoo of Us on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective, Brendan. Hey, uh, claiming false valor in the area of Gymkata. He came clean. Wow. He admitted it. He came clean. Wow, what a journey this has been. Look, I just don't want to end the episode with people believing lies about me.

The lies are for the mogwai, not for me. What about going somewhere in aqua socks? Ooh, okay. As a summer boy activity? That does seem like a good asterisk, yeah. Are you allowed to wear aqua socks in the Verdugo Aquatic Center, Jordan? I don't know. I don't wear them myself, so it's not been an issue.

But I think you could. It's a pretty inclusive place. Sorry, why would you not wear? Sorry? Why would I not wear aqua socks? You don't wear aqua socks, so yeah, why would you? You know, I guess I don't... In the water?

I guess I don't know what the benefits of aqua socks are. Are you wearing... What are you wearing, Hanes? No, I'm not. I'm just not wearing any socks in the water. I just kind of get in. Stance? No.

I mean, I do like a stance sock, but I don't wear them in the water. I just kind of get in. Stance? No. I do like a stance sock, but I don't wear them in the pool. I just wear them inside shoes when I'm walking around on land. So what are you wearing in the pool? None. What kind of socks are you wearing? Jordan, what kind of socks are you wearing in the pool? Bare feet.

None. None socks. Brendan, I've been working with jordan for 20 years 23 years i had no fucking idea this guy was a nasty sicko i know you'd think there would be some kind of a registry here for this kind of stuff that you would have to legally need to be informed about. I had asked Matt. Matt's our producer. I had asked Matt to look at the nasty sicko registry and see if we were working with him. Ebobsworld.com. I had looked at the...

Matt, did you not look at the sicko registry I did but then Jordan told me to not look at it so I stopped looking yes headed him off at the pass I always forget that you can say not to do something well Matt

let me tell you this I can tell you what you're not getting for Christmas this year a new pair of premium Aqua socks. You don't even need them. Just get in there in your hands, you nasty fucking sicko. You're the same as Jordan. Brandon, you and me, buddy. We're old schoolers.

We keep it true. We believe in the old ways. Henching jobs for Americans and Aqua socks. Can I interrupt a bit here to just share a little bit of art imitating life? Yeah, sure. You got art there? I wasn't sure. This is art.

I consider this art. It's like one of those elephants who paints. I think of it at best as Linklater. Sure. sue pates i think of it at best as link later um so my i was when in we were doing this bit i was having this weird bit of dissonance because hours ago i got a email from my swim coach coach mike saying at tomorrow's workout we're going to be doing resistance training. Wear socks. And he included a photo of just someone in like tube socks.

So I know we were doing that funny bit about socks in the pool. Tomorrow, I'm going to wear socks in the pool. I didn't know Coach Mike was... I mean, my worry here is that coach Mike was previously not asking you to wear socks. So he must've gotten a peek at the registry, seen his name and flip the fuck out. Coach Mike finally, after probably, I'm assuming you've worked together for some time, finally realized, wait wait i'm only not looking because jordan said not i could look it might be that jordan instead of sending him to the of course we know the registry is at ebom's world he might have sent him to break.com yeah uh yeah as a wild goose chase funny stuff over there you

know classic goose chase yeah you know my you know my little league coach tim jordan you remember tim his car only had one door and you let kids brighten it to games a great man i did confirm that i confirmed confirmed that, by the way, with Lonnie Odomayer. Lonchetsky confirmed. Tim only had one door, and in retrospect, he might have been drunk. But in my mind, the number one compelling evidence that he was a good baseball coach, despite the fact that, again, he drove like a Mercury Capri or something like that, but it was a coupe, but it only had one door. It should have had two.

So it's not like it was missing 75% of its storage, just 50%. Is he would take a ping pong paddle, break the handle off, shove it inside a tube sock, and then, wait, no, first he'd break the handle off the paddle. He would duct tape some packing foam onto the ping pong paddle, shove it in a tube sock, and then make us play shortstop with that thing on our hand. And you know what? To this day, I have soft hands. There you go. All right. Got to receive the ball. I mean, that's just a beautiful life lesson.

Soft hands, receive the balls. Duct tape. Can't lose. It's really. Yeah. Oh, Brendan, i am so excited to as we watch this the show is two days from appearing on max um and as you know this has been a topic of discussion in my family for look the animation cycle is a long one two and a half years i think even more about right brandon i remember talking to your daughter about this in i want to say it's like right before pandemic

hit in like january 2020 so yeah this is this is like uh if you have any idea how many little date boxes on monthly calendars have X's through them. And then a big red circle around the premiere of this gremlin show. I couldn't be more excited about it. I don't think anybody could be better entrusted to co-show run this program. Thank you. I'm really thrilled and excited about it. And I can't wait to see

what the Tony Randall Gremlin gets up to in this show. Impregnating in Broadway shows. Yep, primarily. And cashing residuals checks. Of course, you get to actually see him go to the bank. It's great. And appearing on Letterman when somebody else cancels yeah just cruising through the green room sometimes for snacks yeah um yeah brendan uh i uh got to watch the first episode of this thing at comic-con uh

i loved it and i guess more importantly a more important endorsement. I was sitting next to a gremlin super fan and regular guest, Sarah Morgan, who also loved it. And she is, yeah, the gremlins are far more important to her than they are to me. Yeah. I say Sarah and Sarah and grace,

the two biggest gremlins heads. I'm so relieved to hear Sarah like, because I remember talking to her the night before we got, she got, we screened it before she got to see it. And frankly, honestly, I was still a little nervous because I'm like,

I don't know if I ever heard if she liked it or not. So glad to hear that. Yeah. Yeah. Stoked. Cannot wait to watch the rest. Beautiful animation style. You got a great voice cast in there.

This thing's, this thing's going to be a hell of a show. I hope so. Yeah. It's thankfully, yeah, it's our voice cast, especially they're absolutely incredible.

Where else do you get to hear James Hong and Matthew Reese go toe to toe? Nowhere. That's where. Yeah. Well, I'm working on an animated reboot of the Jim Cotta universe. Obviously they're the first two you go out to.

I get it. Thomas, obviously by James Hong. Yeah, sure. Well, he's got a gymnastics background. Sure.

And incredible pommel horse efforts. If you heard James Hong's pommel horse efforts, just the sounds he makes while he spins. Stuff of dreams. Switching hands. God. Is there any hand chalk in your show because there's practically half of my show is chalking up hands i'm so glad to say it's max uh 20 percent of ours

so you it's your thing we we just touch on it but it's clearly when you're putting the the genre labels on your chalk got it literally the director of enter the dragon jordan literally i know it's it's crazy jim gotta life takes you in weird places check it out yeah village of the crazies specifically okay okay okay okay uh yeah send us your summer boy shit j JJ, go at MaximumFun.org, 206-9844-FUN. It's going to be the summer of gremlins over there on Max. Our thanks to Brendan Hay. Our producer is Matt Lieb.

Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. Producer Emeritus, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. You can find us on social media maximumfun.reddit.com send us an email jjgoe at maximumfun.org facebook.com slash jordangessigo

we're on instagram at jordandavidmorris at put.this.on we're on twitter at jordangessigo that's enough different stuff we'll talk to you next time on jordangessigo

I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.