Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Full Foamo, with Steve Agee

Episode Date: October 16, 2025

On today’s episode, we welcome back comedian and *Peacemaker* star Steve Agee to chat about the series, his time as a Cowboy Camper for Christ, the Noah's Ark Experience, his Jamie Lee Curtis trauma, and much more.* Steve Agee's Instagram: [https://www.instagram.com/steveagee/?hl=en)* Watch S2 of Peacemaker on HBO Max: [https://www.hbomax.com/shows/peacemaker-2022/a939d96b-7ffb-4481-96f6-472838d104ca/)* Order your Battle of the Dinosaurs! shirt today [https://maxfunstore.com/collections/jordan-jesse-go)* Bullseye 25th Anniversary live show dates: [https://maximumfun.org/calendar/](https://maximumfun.org/calendar/)* Pre-order Jordan’s new Predator comic!* Pre-order Jordan’s new Venom comic!* Donate to Al Otro Lado.* Buy signed copies of *Youth Group* and *Bubble* from Mission: Comics And Art!* ~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~* Get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.* Grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!* The Maximum Fun Bookshop!* Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!* Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.* Follow former producer Steven Ray Morris on Instagram.* Follow new producer, Jordan Kauwling, on Instagram.* Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sucks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, stupid fool. Stupid, stupid fool. Jordan, I think you're quite bright.

No. At least 50th percentile. Well, thanks. That's nice of you to say, but it's not true. I'm a stupid fool. Why is that? makes the same mistake over and over and over. I just won't learn.

What's the mistake that you made? Thinking Orange Julius is good. I'm pretty sure Orange Julius is good. If that's foolish, then I, too, am a fool. Okay. So growing up, the Orange Julius, that was the mall treat. Yeah. You're going to the mall with mother to pick out new church pants.

Yeah. And if you're good for me. mother, she will take you by the orange Julius stand. Right. You get the Julius. If you're a very good boy, they'll add a banana. Oh. Yeah.

Man, this doesn't sound like it makes it better to me. It did. Okay. It did. And, you know, it's a, it's a core beautiful memory for me. You know, like it's the end of Ratatouille, a movie I don't really remember. Yeah. But the one thing from that movie is when the guy eats the ratatooie, he goes back.

I'm searching for that. This ratatooie is so good. I'm searching for that moment to be transported back. He eats the ratatouille. He remembers all the Madeline C-8 in the past. Right. Yes. And then I just want to be, I just want to have that mouthful of Julius

and be transported back to the Laguna Hills Mall where I was good for mother. And she got me the Julius and gave me, it gave me $2 to run to tilt to play Golden Axe. Have you ever made a Julius at home? Oh, yeah. There's like a packet you can buy. or there was a packet of Julius powder that you would add? I didn't make it with the powder. I made it with, so did you, okay, we'll cover that in a moment.

Sure. Did you go have Julius and you were disappointed? So, not a lot of Julius is in the world, right? Like it's a chain on the decline as far as I. Yeah. But, and there's certainly not a lot of them in L.A. Et two orange brute. Yes.

And then, so, but sometimes, Sometimes I'm somewhere that has a Julius, right? Uh-huh. And it always, I was like, I should do it. Maybe the last one I had, maybe I just went to a bad location. Maybe there was an incompetent teen behind the blender. Yeah. So I was in, oh gosh, I was in Santa Clarita today.

It would be wild if you went to the Orange Julius and there was just a 37-year-old who was really good at it. Right, exactly. This guy is, you know, he's little Davey Julius. His dad was Reginald Julius. It's about mastership. Anyway, I was in Santa Clarita today, getting an ultrasound on a lump on my arm. They think it's nothing. They think it's nothing.

And you're like, I'm pretty sure it's a lump. Yeah. They're like, no, you want to feel, it's on the left armpit. Our guest is squeezing around for a lump. It's my left armpit. They think it's nothing, but I was getting an ultrasound, just to be saying. I love safety, you know, precautions, that sort of thing. Hey, we both love safety.

We met at UC Santa Cruz. Yes, the safest safety school. And they did that thing where they rub the gel on and they show you the inside. And then they glarp it around. I wanted to say like, oh, I could see the heartbeat. But I'm just like, it's just me in this medical technician in the room. I should just be fucking quiet and let her do her job and we should make this short. Anyway, I thought of saying, oh, I can see the heartbeat.

But you didn't like the Julius? So anyway, there's Julius in Santa Clarita Right by the freeway I'm like, I'm gonna do it And it was bad and I have a film in my mouth That will not go away I'm really sorry I have a mouth film That's the egg whites

Yeah, probably or Anyway, so I'm a fool But you know what, I'll fucking do it again The next time I'm in Ventura Or the next time I'm in Pekoyma I'll see it by the off ramp And I'll go this time This time it'll be good

Did you at least get plowed by one of those hot dog-on-a-stick women? Yeah, but she wasn't into it. She's just sort of half-assed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man, that's 20 bucks wasted. That's what it costs. I'm always wasting 20 bucks. Okay, we have an important thing to discuss, Jordan.

We have important news to discuss, but I want to introduce our guest on the program. Our guest on the program is a beloved favorite here on Jordan, Jesse Go. He's a legend in the field. of stand-up comedy, hey, why not? Legend. That seems right, right? Legend. Yeah.

Sure. Legend. You know him from television's The Peacemaker, starring John Sina as the peacemaker and Tim Meadows as another guy on the peacemaker. And of course, our guest, Steve Agee. Hi, Steve. Hey. Fucking Orange Julius does suck.

Oh, my God. Yeah. It tastes like children's chewable aspirin, that orange chewable aspirin. No, it's good. I like it. I like that it tastes weird and bad. When you're in a weird, far-flung suburb, do you stop and get a Julius? I got one in Glendale not that long ago.

That's a good place to get a Julius. Yeah. I was pursuing the greatest fruits of the Glendale tree, which are this one sort of miscellaneous video arcade that's in a mall. Okay. And the orange Julius nearby. mere steps away my children wanted to go to a video arcade there's not that many so we went to a mall in glendale and right next door there was an orange julius i got myself a julius it tastes weird and bad it does taste a little bit like medicine but i like you're into it i like it i like are eggs involved

eggs are involved yeah that's what i thought yeah that's what it gives it a whipped that's right it makes it whip whipped that's where that do you have a mall treat you prefer steve i mean the the cinnamon roll, Cinnabon. Cineabon. Cineabon. Yeah, that is a good treat. Wait, can I share this news with you?

Oh, sure. It's dinosaur news. Okay, great. I just know, Jordan, you love dinosaurs. I do. I love them. Stephen Ray Morris loves dinosaurs. Jordan Cowling, how do you feel about dynos? I love him.

New producer Jordan Cowling. Jordan loves him. New producer Jordan Cowling. Steve, how do you feel about him? Love? Yeah. Big dinosaur fan. Yeah.

This guy's a huge dinosaur guy. Did you guys hear about this dinosaur kidnapping that went down in Los Angeles? Tell us more. No. Okay. So you know the gas station Sinclair? Yeah. And their logo is a green dino.

It's a brontosaurus, I would say, probably. Oh, who knows? Maybe it's a diplodocus. Who am I to say? Who am I to say? Only Sinclair knows. Only Sinclair himself knows. Anyway, a couple weeks ago, this guy, they, they have.

have a fiberglass dinosaur there at the Sinclair station here in Los Angeles. Jesse is showing us a guy on his phone. Looks like me from behind with a hoodie on. Yeah, 100%. He just pulls out a fucking like a tarp, a bed sheet basically,

throws it over the dinosaur. Then this truck drives up and he hunks the dinosaur into the back of the truck. This is a two guy operation at least. Yeah. This dinosaur has a getaway driver. Oh, my God.

This guy doesn't pull his truck up and then get out and put it in. The truck is like ready to go. It like rolls in and gets prepared and then they just fucking leave. This is what my close personal friend, Jamie Lee Curtis, had to say about it. Okay. By the way, she's having a moment. I don't know if you guys knew that. She has been.

She's always having a moment, Jesse. What a legend. When is this, when she's not having a moment? I have a great story about her. She posted this video. We're talking about dinoes now, so save it. Steve. Yep.

She posted this video on her Instagram. She wrote, Really? Hey, you with your fancy truck. Really? You need to steal

the dinosaur from in front of the gas station? Really? Not cool, dude. Not cool. I agree. Yeah.

I'm on her side as well. What's your Jamie Lee Curtis story? Wait, no. No, no. Look at this guy. He's got knuckle tattoos. We can come back

to it, but yeah, I just, you know. All right. Don't fuck someone would not go that. I'm sorry. Yeah. He had a plan.

I'm sorry. Okay. Continue. So this dinosaur got stolen. Uh-huh. This was the talk of the town. I don't know how you guys missed it. As far as I'm concerned, this is the talk of the town.

Oh, I never go out on the town. Okay. Maybe you guys missed a few nights of local television news accidentally. Sure. That's why you don't know about the strawberry festival. Mm-hmm. But there was some good news. Beloved fiberglass dinosaur stolen more than a week ago from a Sinclair gas station and Brentwood is now back home.

You see it right here. Security camera video captured a man dino napping Claire the dinosaur and trucking her away. The station's owners left this message to the thief. Bring the dinosaur back at night. No questions asked, and that's exactly what happened. First he came in the nighttime and took it, then he came back in the nighttime and brought it back. Exactly. And then he put the note on there saying, I'm sorry for taking.

your dinosaur, please don't press charges. Do you plan on pressing charges? I'm not going to press charges. I'm just glad that the guy came to his senses and brought Claire the dinosaur back home. Yeah, happy ending of sorts. So here he is unveiling it. Claire was returned under a blanket, as asked,

so no one knew if she came back damaged. Once unwrapped, it was clear she did take a few bumps on her wild adventure, but the owners are just glad she's home safe. There is another clip She's like, I would appreciate it If the dinosaur was unfucked I don't want to get

A hole in the dinosaur Right Have dinosaurs Someone made a hole Where there was no hole before And it's heavily lubricated Yeah A fiberglass, you know

Anyway, I just I just feel like I'm with I don't know how you guys feel I'm sort of with John Krasinski Where I feel like we could use Some good news Yes, sure

You know what I mean? And I feel like we could have it. It's good for us to have it delivered to us by celebrities. So given that Steve was here and he's on the peacemaker and our audience is probably waiting for good news, I thought I would share that good news with our audience with Steve here. So they know that celebrities love them, but are also just like them, but better than them. This brings me to the real subject of our program this week. And it's not some fucking story about a movie star everyone loves. I'm on TV

It's what he is He's on television Not a movie Stunk Prestige television There you go High budget television Which I've heard

Is the new movies Yep That's a good point Got John Sina around You're paling around With Jamie Lee Curtis Yep CGI Eagle

Yep Here's Can you imagine How good the wire Would have been If it had a CGI Yeah No one even knows

What that show is Jesse People would know what that show was If it had What it was Yeah Okay So Steve I like it when you and the eagle Are friends in the show

I do too It's really great It's nothing there But I like to pretend What are you hugging? Air There's nothing there dude They don't give you like

Nope A tiny guy Nope And a green suit Nothing A tiny guy Not Sean gun in a body suit Like a three year old

Covered in ping pong balls Andy circus isn't Crouched there I wish Yeah that'd be great They just cut off Andy circus's limbs. Okay.

Worth it. The guy's method. We have discussed on this program in the past. What, the question of these dinosaur t-shirts. Yeah. Do you remember these dinosaur t-shirts that I'm talking about, Jordan? I do. Yes, we've talked about them any time.

Oh, but you're setting up a thing. So you want me to, okay. I want you to help me. I was like, Jesse, yes. Okay. So, when we were kids, like late, late 80s, when you would go to a museum. Maybe mid-80s. even.

Mid-80s, yeah. I could see these things being around since the 70s, the design of these things. Absolutely. The greatest gift in the museum gift shop, well, astronaut ice cream. Yes. But the second to astronaut ice cream was a bad tasting

treat. Yeah. Speaking of a beguiling bad tasting foods. Do you, what's your feeling on astronaut ice cream? You seem to have one. I don't know I didn't know astronaut ice cream was a thing. I can't even speak. Is it tang flavored? It's like freeze-dried, like, hunks of, like, Neapolitan, usually.

Yeah, it's usually Neapolitan. It's not up my alley. It's sort of like an ice cream-flavored chalk. It's bad. That's why. That's why. It comes in a sealed metal, plastic, mylar palace with a picture of a dinosaur, of a... Of a spaceman on the outside, doing a spacewalk, I would say. Whoa.

And that's why it's so appealing. And then you eat it. You remember that it's bad. Yeah. So that's the number one. And you can get it at museums? Yes. What's that?

What are you? You're probably going to fucking art museums like a dork when you could be going to cool guy museums like the air and space museum. I've been there. I don't remember astronaut ice cream. Any museum with an airplane inside of the museum has astronaut ice cream. Wow. But the greatest gift behind the ice cream is a primary colored shirt with a. with a black dinosaur

and underneath the dinosaur in black writing is that dinosaur's name and nothing else. It just says the name of the dinosaur. We, I think I had a couple of these as a kid. They did not get like saved. And I think Jesse and I both really remember

these and covet them and they're impossible to search for. If you just type in red T-Rex. Yeah. Nothing comes up on the Google. It's fucking hopeless. Yeah. So, I see this They're great

They're yeah They're beautiful They're simple beautiful Indicative of a simpler time You guys should make some Well Well Thank you

See he's doing a better job than I was Setting up the fucking t-shirt thing Okay So I got obsessed with these t-shirts I'm ready to admit That I got obsessed with these t-shirts One of the big problems with these t-shirts Is even if you find one

It's in a six-year-old old size. You can't wear it. So I was fucking obsessing on the internet. I went all over everywhere on the internet. I finally did find one and I bought it on Etsy and I gave it to my child because it was much too small even for my relatively small wife. But then I had an idea. Okay. We have our own podcast, Jordan. That's true. Jordan and I, we should explain that. We should

mention that to Steve. You have two. Well, three. technically. Oh, yeah. That's right. John Hodgman. John Hodgman. I think I hate Stuygens. PC guy, okay.

Oh, I'm on the Daily show. John Hodgman. I've done a lot of hilarious voices for animated characters. So I spent, I mean, like, I'm good at looking for vintage clothes on the internet. I want to make that clear.

I probably spent a total of roughly six to eight hours obsessing over this on Google and various chat apps. And what you have to do ultimately is just type in red dinosaur t-shirt and then just fucking go through page after page of image results on Etsy, on eBay, on whatever. Do you type in vintage when you do it? Yeah. But it doesn't help because there's a lot of dinosaur t-shirts in the world. You got to add thick, discreet.

No drama. Uh-huh. Mother-in-law. Mother-in-law. Discrete thydos in your area. So... Down the clown. T-Rex stuck-in-washing machine.

In the end, I managed to procure several product images. Okay. I managed to find Brontosaurus, Tyrannosaurus Rex, the king of the terrible lizards. And I found triceratops. Now, we have designed three Jordan Jesse Go t-shirts based on these original t-shirts. And I want to be clear, these t-shirts have no branding on them. They were designed by an artist. We have stolen his art.

Yeah. Or her art or their art. Their art has been stolen directly by us. When I say, based on, I mean, we are exactly reproducing them. Plagiarized. One thousand percent. the only thing is we have changed the name of the dinosaur

to say Jordan Jessica because that's the name of our podcast to see if that's our podcast I would have done full short but you're oh yeah well too late where were you man in the fucking brainstorming phase

extinct extinct God now it now it feels like whoever designed the dinosaur t-shirt fucking blew it 20, 40 years ago thank you okay so there's these three

dinosaurs right Bronosaurus Tyrannosaurus Rex and triceratops These are the top three dinosaurs There's no question about that Sorry Stegosaurus Fuck you

Okay Sorry all flappers are out Flappers Not even technically dinosaurs Yeah not even dinosaurs Sorry fucking sea creatures Go back to pirate stories So the three things

The Three Kings of the Dinosaurs are Tyrannosaurus rex, Brontosaurus, and Triceratops. But here's the catch. There can only be one monarch of the dinos. You should make Highlander shirts. There can only be one monarch of the dynos.

You can't have a tripartite commission ruling the dinosaurs. Only one dinosaur can be the top dinosaur, which is why I'm going to ask Jordan Cowling, Jordan, what is your top dinosaur of those three dinosaurs? Tyrannosaurus rex, triceratops, bronosaurus. That's easy. It's T. Rex, baby. Jordan says T. Rex. What do you say, Jordan Morris?

I'm with her. Really? Yeah. I like a carnivore. For me, it's triceratops all the way. Okay, well, now it's getting spicy. Steve, Bronosaurus. Brontosaurus. Wow.

We're at an impact. There's only one way to solve it, Jordan. This is how we're going to solve it. We're going to solve this. We're going to solve this. We're going to go back and observe them and see which one is best. We're going to go back. Fuck them.

Yeah. Which one feels best. You got to make a hole, though. Okay. Here's how we're going to do it. We made these three designs. Tyrannosaurus. Right.

Triceratops. Brontosaurus. These are exact replicas of the 1980s T-shirts, only they say Jordan Jesse go on them. For a two-week period, starting the day that this podcast is released, all three T-shirts will be available in our store at maxfundstore.com. For two weeks, Jordan. But at the end of two weeks, Jordan Cowley,

do you want to tell them what's going to happen to these T-shirts at the end of two weeks? I don't feel like I can break it to them. We kill a bronisaurus? Basically, if the bronosaurus loses. Only the king of the dinosaurs will remain. Yes, the other ones will go to dinosaur hell. They'll be gone forever. Crackling in the flames of dino hell.

So the audience can vote with their dollars. Exactly. By buying the t-shirt they want the most. And if you think you think you got a dino that you want to need, you got to get it. I don't fucking know. I'm about Triceratops guy. I don't know, man.

I think our audience is peaceful. They're peaceful herbivores. So I think they will want a peaceful herbivore. Do you think that's, maybe that's why Steve picks Brontosaurus. He's a herbivore. Well, I have my gobletter removed. I can't eat red meat anymore. Oh, herbivore.

And you love the sweet herb, am I right? This guy loves the sweet herb. Yeah. Let the record reflect that Steve A.G. made hang loose signs. Hang loose. Shockers. Put the herb in herbivore? That's fun.

What do you think Stephen Ray Morris is, though? I would say, Jordan, with all due respect to you, the previous number one dino guy on Jordan Jesse go, I would say Stephen Ray Morris may be more of a dino guy than you. Yeah, I'd say that too. Because Stephen Ray Morris, of course, hosts the podcast, see Jurassic Right about Jurassic Park. And Jurassic Park Associated Culture?

Yes. Sorry if that sounded contemptuous. No, no. It was more baffled than anything else. No, that's actually about right. Okay. Stephen, yes. What's your top dino among those three dinos?

Um, Bronto all the way, baby. Wow. I love a long neck. I love a long neck. Yeah. We're all doing the shaka. Hang-tang. Or however many toes those fuckers had.

I guess I'm the only, there's two, there's two fucking T-rexes and two brantos. and no stegos? No tyrannot. Triceratops. No triceratops. How many horns do your fucking dinosaurs have? I'll give you a hint. It's not three. Boom, boom, boom.

Where's your crests, assholes? They're the rhinos of the dino. Trisotaphs is ready to become king. He's already got a crown. This is going to be spicy. I hope people don't get it hurt. We even like, I hope no one perished us because of this.

We even, like, fucking went and got the best, like, repro t-shirts for this shit. Beautiful shirts. We did everything. Soft shirts. We did it soup to nuts. The colors, the graphics, everything. Maxfundstore.com, but only for two weeks. You got to get them.

Stephen, when does this, when does this episode come out? October 16th? 15th, 16th? October 16th. Soon. October 16th. You have until Halloween day. I'm going to give you 15 days.

Right. Stop working on your costume and start buying. T-shirts. Can I ask about sizes? What's your max size in the store? Brontosaurus. So, 50s. I think we got big sizes. We got big sizes, I think.

5xL, baby. Holy shit. Okay. Legit. Yeah. Yeah, we don't fuck around. Legit, okay. We don't fuck around for our herbivore friends. That's right. Anyway, let's hear this Jamie Lee Curtis. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Maxfundstore.com is my point here. Maxfundstore.com.

I don't know if you know fucking triceratops has horns. I used to go whenever I would have back problems, which used to be a lot more, not so much now. I would go to a chiropractor in Beverly Hills that was recommended by Sarah Silverman to me and was recommended to her by Gary Shandling. Two people with famously great backs. Famously, so if they feel good, there's got to be something to this guy. Aligned spine. I went to him for years. Did this guy only treat people who've changed the course of comedy?

No, no. Recommended to Gary Shandling by Carl Reiner. Right. Recommended to Carl Reiner by Buster Keaton. So many, so many norms, as we call them. Recommended to Buster Keaton by Paliachi. But I once threw out my back getting off the toilet. So bad.

It's so much harder than getting on. So bad. Like, standing up through my back out, had to go to the Rochford Clinic. Can I ask you a question? Yep. I had wiped and flushed. Okay. It was all done.

Were you able to replace your pants? Yes, yes. Did you have to? I think I was wearing sweats at the time, so it was a pretty easy pull. Yeah, you should pull. So I go, like, I call them, they're like, yeah, you can come in at noon, and I went in, and I was in the waiting room, and I had to lay on the couch. Like, I couldn't, I had to lay on the couch in the waiting room.

And as I'm laying there, the door opens, and the door. and the doctor walks out with Jamie Lee Curtis who had just had an adjustment I'm guessing and she saw me and she goes oh my dear what happened I go I just go through just gritted teeth I threw my back out taking a shit

nothing it got nothing she just turned and walked out did you see who it was oh yeah yeah I was like oh shit that's Jamie Lee Curtis she asked Okay. When Jamie Lee Curtis was on Bullseye, she found out that my daughter loves horror movies, and she got my address.

She had me write down my address. And then, like, three days later, a giant box full of all her children's books. Yeah. All her children's books, but also like Halloween action figure and a T-shirt and a hat and a tote bag all just showed up at our door. They're still my daughter's most treasured possessions. That's amazing. Nice lady. That's, yeah.

Well, I mean, she's kind of one for one. She sent all the stuff to Grace. That was nice. But she didn't laugh at Steve's shit joke. Yeah. So, I don't know. The jury's still out. What did the chiropride?

Did the chiropractor laugh? No, I don't think he was paying attention. But I met her years later when I had a podcast and I went to Weird Al's House, Weird Al's house to do my podcast. And she lives at Weird Al's house. She's best friends with Al's wife, Suzanne. That's fun. And so I'm there.

We're getting ready to do the podcast. Jamie Lee Curtis walks in. And Suzanne's like, Steve, this is Jamie Lee. And I just didn't have the heart to go, we've actually met. Remember me? I just took a shit. Saying like it's your catchphrase. No.

Didn't have the heart. Have you ever been to Weird Al's house to record a podcast? No, I've never. Steve has I. I've been to Weird Al's House to record a podcast. Yeah. But you... No, I've led a much less interesting, worse life than the two of you.

Okay. And you know what? I'm okay with that. That's kind of a bummer, though. If I were you, I would not be cool with that. Fly awake, tossing and turning, thinking of a way to record a podcast with Weird Al. No, I'll figure it out. And his house, specifically.

2026, I'm going to record a podcast. Yes. He's got a really lovely house. I bet it's great. Really cool. Really tasteful, full of actual art. And he does have a giant closet full. full of Hawaiian shirts and vans.

Is it weird at all? How weird is the house? It's not that weird. Yeah, pretty tasteful. A lot of, like, juxtapose magazine art on the walls, but, like, originals, not like copies of juxtapose magazine, but lowbrow art, I remember. And a very nice dog, I also remember. Okay, I got to get there.

You guys want to take a little break, and I'll think of a way to podcast with Weird Al? Okay. Do you not want to? No, it's fine. You know, if you want to, it's okay. Okay. I mean, I'll just, me and Steve, while we take the break, do you, is it cool if me and Steve just, we just remember what it's like to be in Lurd house house?

And I'll be like, why do you have huge grins on your faces and giant erections? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Every episode of Jordan, Jesse Go, brought to you by the members of Maximum Fund. If you're a member of Maximum Fund, we thank you.

If you're not yet a member of Maximum Fund, why not become a member of Maximum Fund by going to MaximumFund.org slash join? That's the money that lines our pockets so this show doesn't fall out of our pockets onto our socks and shoes. Yes, that's a perfect analogy. You painted a beautiful picture, Jesse. And not only do you keep the shows going,

but you get to listen to our bonus episodes, including our further dive down the pit of agony that is the run of Alex Inc. The amusing pit of agony. It's amusing that we are at. It's good that you don't have to watch the show. We watch Alex Inc. and describe it to you so you don't have to on our bonus show, podcast, movie, movie podcasts, and sometimes we talk about shows.

Yeah. These episodes maybe got a little racist. The Alexink, to be fair, not the episodes of our show. No, our shows are anti-racist. Yes. But, yeah, we have a ton of fun watching Alex Inc. and other podcast-related media, and you can listen to it by going to Maximumfund.org slash join.

We're also supported this week by our friends over there at Factor Jordan. Yeah. I was chowing down on Factor Meals. I got one with Stake and Trayton. Shrimp. Ooh, Jesse. Surf and turf, baby. So here's what Factor does.

They make special chef-prepared meals. They send them to your house. You put it in the fridge. They sit there until you need a meal. You pop it in the microwave or the oven or the toaster oven. You got beautiful, delicious, satisfying food. It's quick. You got it.

I did Factor Breakfast this week, Jesse. Oh. I particularly liked the bacon, sausage, and white cheddar scrambled eggs with garlic, spinach and roasted potatoes. That sounds nice. I'm a huge breakfast. guy. You're like,

you're a fucking breakfast monster. I'm a breakfast monster and this satiated the beast within, my friend.

Wow. Yes. I mentioned I am a big lunch factor guy. Okay. Because I'm often

working from home and I'm often in this weird time crunch where I have to run to the office to do a bull's eye interview, but I know that if I

don't eat, I will lose steam 10 minutes into the interview. But I also don't want to like give up time preparing myself lunch.

And so I end up eating frozen food or something those days and having those factor meals in my fridge and having fucking fancy ones with a little filet mignon's in them and shit. Yeah. Which, by the way, they have fancy factors now. Yes. I ordered those. I had some getting a nice chimituri. Ooh.

And a very nice chimitourri on a filet mignon. Uh, yeah, totally tasty. They are lifesavers when things get busy. And Jesse, did you hear for the first time you can try Asian-inspired? Meals with bold flavors influenced by China, Thailand, and more. Ooh, I'm hoping for Suriname. Eat Smart at Factor Meals.com slash J.J. Go 50 off and use code J.J. Go 50 off to get 50 off your first box plus free breakfast for one year.

That's code J.J. Go 50 off at Factor Meals.com for 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. Get delicious. Ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. Big stuff happening in the world of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. Oh, yeah. Tell me more. Okay, I will. First of all, if you're listening to this on the day it's released, tonight in Los Angeles at LAist in Pasadena, there is a live Bullseye with Jesse Thorne recording.

Tickets start at free. I hope that I will see you there. You can go to maximum fun.org slash events. Then in the coming weeks, there is a recording in Santa Cruz with Adam Scott and Boots Riley and Glenn Washington and the Merman and Scott Simpson. Then there is also a recording in New York City with Tony Shaloobe, John Benjamin, and others, Jordan. Others. Yes, that's right. Others. Wow.

Yes, fuck it. I said it. Others. Okay. Josh Gondelman is going to be a fucking extravaganza. Amazing. It's going to be an extravaganza, Jordan. So I hope that I will see you at those three shows to celebrate the 25th.

And you know what, Jordan? If you're out there and you can't watch those shows because you don't live close enough to New York, Los Angeles, or Santa Cruz. Got good news for you. We just, the other day, did this Bullseye 25 for 25 thing where I interviewed 25 consecutive people, including Tony Hale and Bob Oden, Kirk and the Squar brothers and Lisa Loeb and lots of friends of this show and lots of friends of ours from our college days and so on and so forth. You were there. Gene was there. Dan Grayson was there. All these wonderful people, Brandon Bird, was there. And that entire thing is now streaming on the Bullseye YouTube channel for free. So why not put that on in your kitchen while you're

making dinner and laugh at the pathetic display of me as I drive. further and further into madness on my 23rd interview as Elvis Mitchell comes into the room. It was a ton of fun to do. I had a blast. So many cool folks on this thing. And it's so nice to be celebrating bullseye. It's such a treat. I hope folks make it out to some of these things and ingest some of this beautiful bullseye celebratory content. In no small part a celebration of my friend Jordan Morris and our friend Gene O'Neill, who were the creators of the program with me. and just 25 years of good times and great oldies. So we'll see you in all those places and we'll see you on the Internet.

Jordan, what's going on with you? Oh, yeah, and I should mention some more live events that people in the Southern California area can attend. Okay. I am going to be signing. First of all, Monster Truck Jam. Monster Truck Jam. Get out there. I'll be in seat 7B.

It's going to be at the Toyota Center in Ontario, California. Come say what's up. Yes, and I am going to be signing copies of Predator, Black, Black, White, and Blood with our buddy Cody Ziegler at Things from Another World Comics Saturday, October 24th, 4 to 6 p.m. We will both be wearing tank tops. Where's that, Burbank?

That's in Burbank. It's a city walk, baby. Guess it won. Yeah. And then November 8th, I will be at the Burbank Book Festival at the Buena Vista Library branch. Don't go to the main branch. Hold on. This thing we were doing with Zig? Yeah. You're going to wear hot pants? Because Zig's always wearing hot pants.

I don't know. That might be more his thing. I don't know if I had. I can get hot pants by then. I'll try. I'll try. We have tanks, maybe hot pans. November 8th, I'll be at the Burbank Book Festival, 10 to 11 a.m. at the Bupac Library, Buena Vista Branch, yes. Where is that, Burbank? That's in Burbank. Yeah.

And then you and I will be at the Revenge of Comic Creators Block Party doing something later that day. Yeah. What day is that? That is November 8th. Okay, great. And so we will both be there at Revenge of Comic. comics and penball at a certain time doing something. Stay tuned to this space and social media for more.

I mean, that's a fun day at Revenge of. It's going to be a blast. It was such a fun time last year. They get so many cool folks out at this thing. We hope to see you at all of those events. And hey, Jordan, yeah. Fucking maxfundstore.com. We're crowned a king of the dinos.

Let's do it. Get your shit together. Maxfundstore.com because you only have until Halloween. Please do. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective.

Steve Agee, Dino Fanatic. Man, you must be fucking, you must be fucking flipping out about this contest. I am so stoked. I'll be there first day. I'm buying like all three. I think, Steve, what you're going to want to do is purchase one of each color. We're one of each dino. And because you're a bronto guy,

buy a few extra brontos. That way, that way they'll lead in the race. You know, you'll give brontos the foot up, you know? Genius. And I'll give them away as Christmas gifts. And you give them away as Christmas gifts. Or just hoard them.

I mean, I know you got a fucking, I know you got a big closet full of vans and dinosaur t-shirts. Yeah, but that's because I'm a Magnum P.I. fan um Steve had you decide on your giant water bottle we were talking about giant water bottles the other day

I want to get your opinion I just went online and typed in best water and this was one of the better ones yeah Jesse's not joining

the modern world and he's still drinking out of a tiny cup yours is good because it fits in the car cup holder that's part of why I picked it it's the it's the simple modern I'm a fan I'm not paid

to say this but simple modern and it's the best giant water bottle, in my opinion. Anyway, but... You guys want to take a momentous occasional call? Oh, that'd be nice. When something momentous happens to you, give us a call at 206-984 for fun. Or just record a voice memo and send it to us at J.J. Go at... Guys, you're distracting you.

We're drinking water. We're just drinking water, like normal modern people who are always drinking water. I don't want kidney stones to you, Jordan. No, I've had one. It's not fun. Same. Multiple. Oh, yeah. It's weird.

I've never had one. Here I am drinking out of this mug. Well, now Steve and I have a thing that we share. You and he and he up at the Weird House house, and me and Steve, shock a bra. If both pass the stone out of our pee hole and it's real peatool. Okay, anyway, record a voice memo and send it to JJGo at maximum fun.org. Now. Well, wait.

Hi, Jordan. Hi, Jesse. Hi, hi guest. I'm going to guess 30 under 30 media luminary Griffin-knackleroy. My name is Sarah. I'm calling in with a moment as occasion. I just took my dog, whose name is Wallace, to the dog park. And it's kind of an overcast day, so there weren't a lot of other dogs there.

In fact, there was only one other dog there, and his name was also Wallace. Love you guys. Love the show. Bye. That's why we do it. Two dogs named Wallace? Wallace? Come on.

You know, we could hear the panting. We all loved the panting. For a second, I thought that someone was doing some woodworking. I had the notion, yes, this is probably the caller's dog. But what if it's their partner? What if that is Wallace, you know? What if they got a real heavy breather on their hands? I mean, more power to them, you know, if they want to be a, you know, a human dog play couple.

Yeah. But anyway, I just wanted to know. It's pretty momentous. It sounded human. Two wallaces. Two wallaces. Good. I mean, how many Wallace dogs have you ever met in your entire life?

Zero. Yeah. In Wallace and Grommet, Wallace is the human, right? Grommets the dog. So I was going to, that's, so not even that. Yeah. So zero wallaces. That said, I'm impressed that you've met Wallace and Gromit.

I have. I was at their house for a podcast. Did you go to Winsleydale to do it? Whoa. Oh, but that penguin was there. Oh, and he had that glove on his head. And he tried to kill us, but it was pretty funny. It was pretty funny the whole way through.

I went to space with them. Oh, man, one-up again. So, okay, Wallace. Can I just say, Weird Al's wife's best friend is Jamie Lee Curtis? Weird Al's best friend is Gromit. Oh, but they're a fun pair. Is Jesse, as a guy with dogs, you probably hang out, you know, you go to dog parks, You probably go to, like, dog owner functions.

Dog fairs. Dog fairs. Must love dogs. Must love dogs. You got a repertory screenings of the 90s rom-com must love dogs. Yeah, starring John Cusack and Gene Garfiel. I believe. Yeah, yeah.

And Uma. And Uma. And Uma. And Ouma. And Ouma. Oma. Oma. Uma.

Um, is the most popular name for a dog still Luna? Oh, that's a great question. No. It's not. What's replaced the Luna? Soul. I'll tell you this. I'm tired of moon dogs.

It's only sun dogs now. All dogs are husky dogs now. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Every dog is a husky dog, which I love husky dogs. They're very beautiful. Sure. But, and you should adopt every dog at the pound.

Right. I want to be clear about that. But also, don't get a husky dog. Because it doesn't want to be your pet. it wants to pull you around in a cart. Yeah. I think the numbers are skewed a little bit because when you're at the dog park, all the husky dogs go to the dog park because their owners can't walk them

because they want to pull their owners on a cart. Does that make sense? Yes. But I do think that husky dogs are like the main type of dog in 2025. I think it has to do with Game of Thrones. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Our former producer, Matt, was a husky owner. And he told me that it's...

He was heavy? Exactly. He had to go to a special store to get his pants. Yeah. He up to 5XL. Yeah. And they, he said that it's the number one breed of dog in shelters these days, even more than pits or Chihuahuas or any of these other. And it's because people are giving the dogs away because George R.R.R. Martin won't finish the books.

Yes, exactly. So my, if you want to adopt, I'll say this, if you want to adopt a husky, holler at my Aunt Gail and Norseled in Oakland, they'll hook you up with a husky. She's always got like six at her apartment, ready to go, locked and loaded. She drives down in her El Camino. My Aunt Gail's 81 years old. Drives down in her El Camino. Wow, that's cool. Picks up dogs from like the Redlands Shelter or whatever, throws them in the back of the El Camino, drives back to Oakland, spruces them up a little bit and loans them out.

It gives them a fresh coat of paint. Exactly. It paints the dogs. Paints everything millennial gray. Yeah. She, my Aunt Gale. And then you put a neon sign on the dog that says, girl boss. Yeah, exactly.

And then you attract. And then you're ready to go. You can Airbnb be it for a while, but eventually. So my Aunt Gail and her former partner, Deb, were both husky enthusiasts. And they would have these husky days in the park where they would hook all the huskies up to dog sleds on roller skate wheels. Ooh, fun. At the park in Oakland. And then it would just be, it would just be this like, I saw pictures.

I never got to go, but I saw pictures of it. Just as far as the eye can see, huskies and lesbians. Just lesbians on carts being pulled around by huskies. Oh, it was an expression of joy like none you've ever seen, Jordan. I like that. Steve, you a pet guy? No, I hate animals. No, I'm just allergic to so many animals.

Oh, no. What animals are you? allergic to? Dogs and cats, mostly. Horses. Horses? Horses? Tarranosaurus.

Heavily horses. How did you find out, how does one find out they're allergic to horses? Going to friends' houses. Oh, oh, horses? Yeah. I went to a summer camp one year where it was called cowboy camp, where you go, and you get your own assigned horse for the week. Cowboy camp.

And you sleep in a covered wagon. What? And you ride horses all week. The fuck. I had so many fucking horrible, like, allergy issues. Where was this camp? Ida Wild. It was Pine Springs Ranch.

They had different, you know, you had rock climbing camp, you know, hiking, backpacking camp, and then they had a cowboy camp with horses and sleeping covered wagons. Do you eat a ton of beans? Yeah. Beans round the fire. Black coffee, a lot of chaugh. And then you died of dysentery at the end, right? Yes, I did.

You definitely did. Did you do roping? No, just riding. There was no lariates? And, you know, rodeo stuff where you go between the barrels and stuff like that. Did you get thrown out of saloon doors? Sex with prostitutes? I was Ted.

It's very authentic. It's authentic. Claim jumping. Claim jumping. Yeah. Panning for gold. All kinds of old west stuff. I feel like we did pan for gold.

I feel like that as if you grow up in California, you get a gold rush unit at school, right? Just did you get a gold rush unit? And eventually you pan for some gold. Yeah, they take you somewhere. Not Sperry Farmer. You also sleep on a boat. Yeah, let's see, did we sleep? I don't think I had a sleep on a boat unit at school.

We slept on a boat, the Balclutha. Ah, the beautiful noble Balclutha. Yeah, we learned boat songs. What do you do with a drunken sailor? A shanty. Was this in San Francisco or was it? This is up in Santa Cruz? This is in San Francisco.

Yeah, I've never had any kind of boat education. Really? Yeah, I'm still, I've never been on one. We had to learn not songs? I have been on a boat. Oh, okay. I believe. I won't go on one.

I don't feel prepared. What about missions? We did do missions, yes. Okay. And what did you, what do you remember about missions? I think I missed missions. Yeah, let's see. So we are, we were close to one, the San Juan mission.

Where the Swallows returned. I mean, Jordan, I'm from the mission. Sure. Named after its mission. There was a mission two blocks for my house. I've never been to it. Why are you mad at me? I don't know.

I'm mad that I missed out on missions. Were you in the mission district? I was in the mission district. Do you know anything about the mission? Lawrence until I was a little further once I was 11. That's when my mom moved. I think we made one out of graham crackers. Oh, wow.

I think we got a replica out of graham crackers. You talking about not being on a boat, jokingly, reminded me, I went to a wedding on Catalina Island probably like five or six years ago, probably about six years ago. And I get seasick. I was not like looking forward to, it's an hour boat ride at most, very easy, usually calm. And I was still dreading it, was considering a helicopter ride over. And I have a couple friends that did do the helicopter.

This is so bonkers. So my friends show up in Long Beach at the helicopter, you know, pad. And, uh, the, Gary Shambling, Jordan Carlin. No, better. So the guy is like taking their luggage and he's taking it out to the helicopter. And the guy goes, you know who your pilot is? They were like, a CGI eagle. What?

Uh, no. Lorenzo Llamas. Wow. What? Yeah. What? So Lorenzo Llamas. Pilots helicopters.

Nineties hunk and star of syndicated action shows. now flies tourists Renegate Was it Renegade Also in Greece The jock in Greece Oh yeah Was he maybe in Baywatch

At a certain point Probably He was a hunk You're right In those So now he flies tourists From Long Beach to Catalina Among other things

Yeah I'm sure he does a lot We all have to have a lot of hustles These days Yeah Wow Which I thought was really cool I was sure you were going to say Either John Travolta or Harrison Ford

The two two most famous celebrity. Valenzuela is about the same as them. That's a great, yeah. I mean, three equals. Three hunts. He said the flight was great. He, like, took him down, like, really low to the water, like, to see dolphins and shit.

What? He's like, it was amazing. He said it was amazing. And then you were disappointed. Because you took the boat. And then you, no, guess who's pilot in the boat? Chris O'Donnell. Yours was better.

That's huge. 90s hunk Captain Crutch They were always finding excuses for him to get shirtless Remember? Oh, hunks on deck. Hoops saw muscles. Steve, I still have questions about Cowboy Camp. Yeah.

Was this something that you chose? Yeah. I was like, that sounds awesome. How old were you? I was like 10 or 11. Yeah, when you're 10, that sounds awesome. By the way, you get to name your horse for the week, which has to be confusing for the horses.

Horses just get nine names per summer. Because my horse would foam at the mouth when you would put the bit in its mouth, I called my horse for a week, FOMO. This is pre-fear of missing out. Yeah. This was straight F-O-A-M-O. O-M-O. That's a good name.

Oh, FOMO. Okay, so, but you didn't, did your parents suggested it to you and you agreed to it, or did you, like, find a pamphlet? Early in the spring, you get the pamphlet saying, you know, because I went there for years. Despite this allergy? Well, yeah. I didn't do Cowboy Camp for years.

I just did that one summer. And the pamphlet came and I was like, Cowboys. This was the first year and I was like, yes. Immediately, no. Because it was 1958. You're doing shit like putting saddles on. Like you're doing like not fun kid stuff.

And it was freezing. It was up in the mountains. It was freezing. I just remember you'd wake up in the morning and all on the top of the canvas, you know, covered wagon were flies that were frozen, that had gone to sleep and froze and would not start flying until, like, it warmed up and the sun hit the... They'd come back to life. Yeah. Wow. It's so weird.

It's smash them. It's really beautiful. It's a really beautiful story. Camp. Did you go to sleep over camp, Jordan? I did one summer of, like, a church-based. camp and remember coming back

terrified of hell because that's all they talked about like at night before bed you would just hear about what hell was going to be like

our camp was church based too yeah the cowboy who's Christian cowboys Pine Springs Ranch was yeah seventh day Adventists I was terrified

they were seventh day Adventists yeah wow that's a very specific and intense form of Christianity I was terrified I was like oh my God all my siblings

are going to hell and I'll probably go to hell my friends are going to hell. If I can't rope this buckaroo. Oh, my God. What if someone accidentally celebrates a birthday or something? Wait, that's Jehovah's.

No, we can do that. That's Jehovah's, yeah. I went to Episcopalian camp. There was one day where you weren't required to go to church, but there was a church service. Maybe you were required to go to it, but you were allowed to go to it in your sleeping bag. Like you brought the bag with you and laid it down on the pew? No, no, like you held it around you and jumped to the chapel. Like a potato sack?

Yeah. Wow. And then you curled up and had an Episcopalian church service. Every time I hear Episcopalian, I think of Joe Piscopo. The original Episcopalian. Joe Piscopo flew the helicopter over there. Right. Yeah.

St. Dorothy's Rest. Episcopal camp. I mean, we sang like One Tin Soldier. That's a Christian song. I don't know. I don't think I know it. Zero, zero hell talk. That's nice.

That's good. That's cool. I mean, there was one of the counselors ate scabs. Okay. As like a trick. It's like a, hey, watch this kid. People who broke the picket line. Right.

You would find factory workers who weren't part of a union, kill them and eat them to teach kids the importance of organized labor. What's wild is, I went to that camp one year, and next year I went to Pinkerton camp. Oh, sure. To bust. We just busted it. The scab eating guy, he was probably like 16, right? Yeah, probably 16. That's a good, that's a good 16-year-old.

I got invited, I got invited to be a counselor at that camp. I couldn't do it because it was like, it was when I was maybe 18, and my wife was going to college in New York. So, like, the summer was like the only time we had to make out. And so I skipped it. I was like, I don't want to do this. But it was an appealing possibility. I could, I could have seen doing it.

I liked the idea of being there, but also being in charge of everything that's happening. I love summer camp. Is sleeping with celebrities? Is that a Max Fun podcast? So I did that like two weeks ago. And the topic I chose to talk about was the movie Meatballs. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow.

That's how into Summer Camp I am. Did you go to Summer Camp every single year? Yeah. But it was just cowboy themed one year. Until I was too old to. And then there was probably a year off. and then I had a summer job for two years doing construction framing

and one of those years our construction crew was hired to build a new lodge at the summer camp that I had gone to my whole life because the previous year it had burned down so I spent a whole summer up there like building a lodge with these guys and then two years later I went back

as a rock climbing instructor wow like 21 or 22 what other theme camps did you attend at this camp? There were a lot that weren't specifically like themed. Like there was just regular, hey, go swimming and canoeing and do cool

camp themed camp. There was one at my summer camp where we went to the state fair. Okay, that's fun. And everybody tried to win mirrors with the Guns and Roses logo on them. Classic fair prize. Classic fair prize.

Did you think of becoming a counselor? No. No. That's because that's all summer. And I was like, it's fun to go to camp for a week or two. You were too cool. I was too cool. Was summer camp, chaka bra. Was camp the first place you had like boy girl interactions?

Oh, yeah, like big time crushes, holding hands and stuff like that. Holding hands. Okay. Smooching? No smooching. I was still a little young. It's against the cowboy code, Jesse. There was a cowboy.

I just get smooch. No, they're just rapy. I, our camp had a dance. That definitely terrified me. Sure. I think I was probably nine and ten the years that I went to summer camp, I would guess. Yeah, going to this, going to the school dance, I mean, the summer camp dance, much scary. The only thing scarier than that to me is a canoe.

Oh, yeah. Terrified to get in a canoe. Very unstable. You know, try and dancing one to get in a canoe as a 10-year-old. We had a dance at my camp, and it was hell-themed. Oh, wow. There you go. We had to push boulders.

I think my first week at camp, very first ever, I was probably like nine, I was, and this continued, I don't like having to go to the bathroom in public, like, poop. Sure. And that first week of summer camp. I did not poop the entire week. I held it the entire week. Wow. Nine years old was like not happening. Do you remember the poop when you came home?

I don't, but it had to have been brutal. We had a case the other day on Judge John Hodgman, this couple who owned a summer camp, and they were so nice. One of them had gone to the summer camp as a child and then been, you know, the whole nine yards and bought the camp from the people that were in charge. of the camp when he was a kid and this was like on an island like a no electricity island in a lake in Canada and all of that sounded good and fun to me until I learned that the toilets were just holes next to each other with nothing in between and I am not on board for that I am not okay with that. No.

And like part of it... You need the turds to leave. There's like a window facing out toward the lake. So there's like a view to look at while you go to the bathroom next to your friend with nothing in between the two of you. I couldn't bear the idea. Could not stand it. I hated it. Hated it.

How was the pooping at Cowboy Camp? Same horrible. But I was older. Once you get that coffee. I can use a... Yeah, the black coffee. and the beans. Can I say the best part, looking back of this camp, was every Saturday, you know, throughout

the summer, they would do a thing called walk through the Bible, where the camp, you know, different cabins would pair up and they would have one counselor that would walk them through this trail to different areas where then people would recreate a scene from the Bible. Who are the people of the other campers? No, like counselors and stuff. Or people, like when I was. love to put on a show. Oh, my God.

I was a rock climbing instructor. I had always wanted to be an actor still at that point. And so I was in charge with putting on the stoning of Stephen. Uh-huh. And so. I don't know that I've heard this one. I think we could argue you've been in charge of the stoning of Stephen for the last 40 years. Hey, oh, for real, dude.

So what I arranged was, this would horrify children from what I heard after. towards, they would walk them up, and we would be kind of up on this hill, and Stephen would be standing there in front of us, and we were like, Stephen, for your sins and transgressions, we were going to stone. And so then we would throw rocks at this guy, missing him, of course, and then he would fall down behind, like. So you had, you didn't have foam, you had actual rocks, and you just were instructed to miss him. Yeah, yeah.

And so he would fall down behind this embankment where the kids couldn't see him. fall down and then I would walk over and we would have a big pot of like spaghetti and mariner sauce and I would lift like I would mush it up and lift it up with my hands and go Stephen is dead and like horrify these children was it supposed to be funny or was it supposed to horrify them I thought it was funny I was doing that I was like in my head I'm directing and I was like okay so we have We have to, you know, have fake blood, obviously, because we're killing this guy. Yeah.

And we'll just use, like, spaghetti as, like, brains and stuff. And I'll hold it up in front of these nine-year-olds and just shout, Stephen is dead. And then they would walk on to John the Baptist. I forget this Bible story. Why was Stephen stoned? I don't remember. Yeah. Probably coveting or something, coveting his neighbor's wife.

I don't know. Because he found an old Jay. Oh, yeah. Between the seat cushions. Stole some spaghetti. Yeah. Jordan, did they give you specifics about what was happening in hell? Gosh, I can't, I don't think so.

I don't think it was like disembowel. It was like a lot of vague, like, it'll be the worst. It's torturous. I feel like that is a really like a hard line between types of Christianity is whether you're telling children hell will be the worst thing ever or whether you're giving specific events that will take place. Right. Because I think that stuff is like not in the Bible. Like getting disemboweled by Pitchfork guy. Yeah.

Like that, you know. That's only a Kiwi's big adventure. Right. Yeah. And it's Francis. So, yeah, I think it was vague. And I think that's probably what was part of what was so scary about it is because, like, it's the worst thing you can imagine. And then you just lay in the cabin and imagine.

I also remember being told that when God came back the second coming to take his followers to heaven, for some reason it wasn't just a boom, you're in heaven. It was like, he comes down and gets. It gets you on, I guess, basically a cloud, and you take a three-day trip to heaven on this cloud where you take turns watching the story of your life. Everyone gets to see it, has to see it, I guess. You have to watch other people's lives? Everything. Who knew that there was porno on the way to happen? And I remember being so like, oh, no, like.

Homemade pornography. You know, I was my hormones. were in like full blast and I'm like it's like everyone's going to watch me masturbate. Oh my god this is horrible. Just three days of masturbation. Three days of like

all this horrible shit. And then just a lot of like somebody watching TV. My church had a garden. That's nice. My mom would grow like radishes and cucumbers. Piscopalians. Everyone was very nice. We got another call in there?

Yeah. Steve, you've been on the show before so you know that we're really creative and think of a lot of good ideas for segments. So this is an example of that. It's not just someone who called in to say something and then said it was a segment. That's what it is. Okay. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guest.

I'm hoping to starve Roselicus. I'm calling with a reoccurring segment here, things that your father surprises you with. Me and my fiancee were going to visit my father. It was her first time meeting him and we were doing a traditional

Islamic marriage as we are going to get married in just a few more months now. And during this ceremony, my dad surprised reverted my fiancee to Islam. And thankfully she took it in stride and everybody's happy. But definitely something your father would do, I guess, right? Love you guys. Have a wonderful day. I don't know.

My father never converted anybody to Islam against their will. Like on the day. Yeah. Like breaking, you're a Muslim now. Wow, that is a huge, huge move. I'm going to say, check in with your wife. I'm going to say check in with her. Check in.

Give her a little breathing room and then check in again and just let her know that your dad is not the final decider on this issue. Sure. If she doesn't want to follow the religion, she doesn't have to. Yeah, she can. But she can't. She can just be a Piscopalian if she wants to. Sure.

He didn't like make it official, right? He couldn't do that. That has to be done in the church, right? The mosque? The mosque, yeah. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe it's something dads can do. I don't know enough about the faith.

I'm not a theologian. I'm not a comparative religion scholar. Sorry to everyone who's been tuning into this podcast for theological information. For those of you out there who thought I was an imam this whole time. We have nothing to offer. We have upsetting stories about church-based summer. ourselves in front of Jamie Lee Curtis. Yes, yeah.

Yeah. Et cetera. So, anyway. I have a friend who's in the midst of converting religions right now for his wife. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I've been going to Jewish classes. But that's nice. He's allotting to do that.

He's not getting, like, surprised by it. I get the impression that at least for him or in his synagogue, you have to go to a lot of classes and learn a lot of different stuff. But in the end, it doesn't matter that much whether you believe in the God of the Hebrew Bible. True. Like, I think at the end, they're just like, great. Now you get to hang out more at the JCC. That's nice. Everybody loves a nice place to hang. I'd love to hang out at the JCC more. While, it seems like we've found a little motif here in the, you know, second to last segment of the show, religion and faith. Yeah. And that's really good.

and we did that on purpose and we're good. Steve, it's a good show. The show's good and we did this on purpose. No, I like it. Steve, you mentioned that you went on a curiosity, a pilgrimage, a curiosity-based trip to the Noah's Ark Museum. Yeah, in Kentucky.

I'm sorry, I called it a museum. It's an experience, apparently. I think it's called the Ark Experience. Prince named it. They've like rebuilt a church. Yes. They figured out the actual measure. They converted them from cubits to whatever.

Yeah, it's really hard to find cubit tape measures these days, but they did them. And they recreated the arc, not of the covenant, but Noah's Ark. A lot of Indiana Jones fans showing up, kind of bummed, like, oh, a bummer, okay. I was in Dayton, Ohio, working on a movie, and the makeup girl who was a local hire, she was like, you know, like an hour and a half, two-hour. south of here they have and you know they also have the creation museum and i was like i think i need to go see this um the margaritas are awesome so it was her myself uh set hirzog comedian set hirzai and we went down there and it was bonkers first of all it is huge it is fucking huge there's no way one man built that thing it like it would have taken a lifetime

Steve, one man and one guy upstairs. It was a two-man job, and one guy is the big guy. The thing that stood out to me, walking around, and you would walk around it and they would have like dioramas of like, here's, you know, how they had food and da-da-da-da. Here's where the animals were. Here's where the dinosaurs were. That's what I was most curious about. Are they? They said dinosaurs were on the ark.

and there was a whole thing where it's like we already know what you're saying there's no way a bronosaurus good fit on the air they took baby dinosaurs oh babies right that's

that in the Bible did I just miss that in the Bible it's about their babies did they have a skate park for Denver the last dinosaur it was insane they had a diorama with little tiny dinosaurs what's incredible

about it in some ways it's incredible in some ways it's not right yeah like it's a

it's not so much that you would think literally of the Bible and say that the arc was a

literal thing that was actually the certain number of cubits by the certain number of that part

it's that you're also a guy that has two hundred million dollars and is going to make one

near Dayton It was pretty deep into Kentucky But yeah How was the food There was like a little snack shop thing there And it was it themed Zoo food Not what the animals would eat

But if you went to the LA Zoo Like ground monkeys Pizas and stuff like that Pizas and burgers It was crazy What was the crowd like? Was it jamming? We had to go down on a weekend

So it was pretty crowded Hot goth chicks It was a lot of... It's a lot of what you would see at Disneyland, you know. And then obviously stoner, like, college kids. There for the pizza. I could have sworn we were stone, but looking back on it, I don't think we were actually. But I was like, I have to see this.

Yeah. You guys want to... That's my momentous occasion. You guys want to blaze and go to the Tower of Babel after the break? Where language was born. Whoa, dude. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Desi go. La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La.

Amber Celeste Nash. Welcome to the afterlife. Oh, snap. I have before me the record of all your worldly achievements. The voice of Pampoobion Archer. I must say we're all a big fans of yours up here. Great. Swing open those pearly gait.

big winged son of a bitch. Not so fast. It says here that you've never hosted your own podcast. I did some other cool stuff, but no, I never got around of making a podcast. You are here by sentence to relive your entire life. Only this time, host a damn podcast. Okay.

That's why we should do an Archer rewatch podcast. We should call it rephrasing. And we could even do it with maximum fun.org. Let's just do the podcast for normal reasons. Okay, grandma. The wizards answer eight by eight. The cornclaves call to demonstrate their arcane gift, their single spell. They number 64 until a conflagration.

63 and 62 they soon shall be, as one by one the wizards die. Until one remains to rain on high. Join us for Taz Royale, an oops-all wizard's battle royale season of the Adventure Zone. Every other Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Steve Agee, Arc Dinosaur. Oh, boy, that was rough. It was great.

Yeah. People, everyone loved it. Steve, what's going on in season two of Peacemaker? You're also, by the way, on the official Peacemaker podcast I just saw it today. Yeah, we recorded. What is James Gunn doing hosting the podcast also? Well, it was one of the- Show Business for the rest of it's a re-watch, you know, and a recap,

re-watch of Season 1 and then a recap of Season 2. And we did all 16 episodes in one week because he was so busy. He's like, we got to knock this out in a week. So it was a lot. I have Booster Gold movies to conceive of. Yeah. Yeah. Bring us in, James Scott.

We're ready to write Booster Gold. Sure. At least give us a chance to pitch. Pitch it, man. Oh, you know what, I will. Thank you. We're going to pitch Booster Gold. Firestorm the Nuclear Man.

Peacemaker, both seasons, a fantastic show. At Friomax currently. I loved it. Some of the most fun you'll have watching TV. It was fun. You filmed this season, you mentioned to me outside, in Atlanta. I have to ask, did you return to the murder Kroger? I did drive by.

Okay. Well, I think last time I was here, we established that they tore down the murder Kroger. Oh, okay. And just built a new Kroger where it stood, which is so weird to me. They're kind of a fucking psycho move. That is insane. That's right up there with murdering someone in a Kroger. Just redecorate it, maybe.

Repave the parking lot. Sure. Pain over the blood. People still call it murder Kroger, by the way. Sure, yeah. You can tear it down all you want. I mean, you got to at least, like, convert it to a pickly-wiggly. Sure.

For a wah-wah. The A&P. I don't know if they have wawaws in Atlanta. Hard to say. I guess we'll never know. There's a hoagie store by my house now. I've got to start eating hoagies. Oh, yeah?

Hogies. Hogies. What did you call them in the Bay Area? Subs. Yeah. We call them grinders. Grinders. In the inland empire.

That's cowboy talk, though. Yeah. I call them long and meaties. Yeah. It's kind of funny, all these different regions of... In Words County, they call it Long and meaties. Long and meaties. Yeah, the only thing is, when you're going up to heaven, everybody gets to watch your long and meaties.

She gets to watch you eat sandwiches. Gobble and Long and Meets. We watch this guy eat some long and meaties. Medes. Wow, this is his old life. I see on this cloud with us. Do you think, given that it's only a three

day, it's a three day trip, you said? Sure. Do you think that everything goes like super fast? Like an old time movie, like I feel like it would be I'm jacking off super fast.

I feel like it would be the slowest trip. Because you're like, we're fucking going to heaven. We did it. What is this three day cruise we're on in a fucking cloud? Watching people jerk off and go to confessional.

Yeah, and win awards at the Rotary Club. Yeah, man, what the fuck? Really, Frank? That made your top 12 hours? That also made me think when they told us that that not many people are probably going to go to heaven. Because you can't fit in trillions of people. Yeah, on one cloud. It's very selective, very selective.

You figured everybody was sharing the same three days? Yeah, I figured it was everyone on one trip. I don't want to double back, guys. Get in the fucking cloud. Yeah. Is there a VIP in there? Yeah. I don't know.

Slightly nicer seats on the cloud. You get more leg room. Meet and greet with Peter. Yeah. Talk about long and meaty. I don't know. Whatever. The show's almost over.

St. Peter? Sure. I don't know, Jesse. I don't know. I don't know why I said it. It doesn't mean anything. You're greeting St. Peter's fat hogs?

Sure. Yeah, I guess. Are you saying it's a pearly necklace gate? Yeah. Yes. You're saying that one of the most revered figures in one of the world's most popular religions is just there for his fat cock to jizz all over you? Oh, my God. You know what?

Yes. Well, I mean, I think we've confirmed that this is a good podcast. Show's good. Greatest podcast. Weird good. I'd love to see Stavros, what's his name, fucking come up with that shit. Yeah. Like my friend Jordan just did.

I didn't have anything to do with it. Thank you. Yeah, we can land a plane here at Jordan, Jesse Go. We don't hit an helicopter on Catalina Island if we want to. We can just like that guy whose name, I forget. Steve A.G., where they got this on stream? By the way, Lorenzo Lomas is piloting the cloud for what I am. He just yells back, all right, I hope everybody likes jackoff footage.

That's what life is composed of. HBO Max. A fun place to watch TV. Eric Estrada just pilots the ferry to hell. Well, Captain Sat rings a bell. Steve, you are great in Peacemaker. You're so funny. You have emotional stuff to do and you fucking nail it.

All of your scenes are awesome. Big laughs. It is genuinely a really fun show. It is. It's totally great. And you are the funniest part of a show that has Tim Meadows on it. And that's like, he is very funny in this season. Guy's an award winner, man.

The guy's great. You know, I'll always be an economist, man. Thanks, buddy. No problem. And there's the CGI Eagle, who apparently is not a guy. No, they took Andy Circus. They cut off his legs. Yes, because he's method, right?

Yes. I remember some wings to his shoulders. I remember that part of our conversation. He's not method, Jordan. is because he's the only way you can fit him in the eagle suit with the pinkboard balls. The arms take up too much space and they wanted circus.

He's got his famous long arms. So they gave him the old Loparoo. Loparoo. James Gunn can do that. One, two, three, four. He's like, I made Superman, baby. Is you not the restaurant by UCB? Yeah.

Loparoo? It is, yeah. A great place to hang out after your improv show. Good broasted chicken. Oh, the broasted chicken at Loparu. Oh, the broasted chicken. Okay, well, uh, looks like, hey, it looks like Jordan Cowling's our producer now. Yeah.

Welcome aboard, Jordan. The transition is becoming complete. Uh, we are bidding goodbye to our beloved Stephen Ray Morris, who is a wonderful man. He will remain our friend forever. Thank you, Stephen. And we're excited about the new era with Jordan Cowling, who maybe will call J.K. Yeah, we'll find out. Yeah, I vote for J.K.

J.K. Um, it can be Jordan. Isn't it hating this funny? That's a terrible name. J.K. Yeah. That's a fly in these things. That's fun.

JK. It can be Jordan, too. We can both be Jordan, or I'll change my name. I don't know. Whatever. Wallace? Yeah, I'll be Wallace, just like most dogs. Get some mechanical pants.

It'll be really funny. Our theme music is Love You by the Free Design, courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records. Steve Agee has been our guest on the program. He's that guy that was just noticed. there was a camera over his shoulder and was just decided to stare down the barrel

I think I'm a little bit off I don't know what the focal here's to you small rig oh it's 25 millimeter I might actually be in the shot yeah

might be in the shot that's a wide shot love you by the free design courtesy of design in the attic crickers hey Jordan yeah are you think our listeners in

Santa Cruz and New York City are going to come out to the live bullseye 25th anniversary shows I certainly hope so. I hope our listeners in those places like to be entertained. I mean, Santa Cruz, we got Adam Scott.

Yep. Santa Cruz's own. We got Glenn Washington. Banana slug. Yeah, we got Glenn Washington from Snap Judgment. She's a banana slug. Is she? Yeah.

They didn't know that. Didn't graduate. One of the many that didn't graduate. All good UC Santa Cruz graduates did not graduate. Right, yeah. Yeah, but. And then we got Boots Riley there. Amazing.

We're going to have the merman there in Santa Cruz. Okay. When is this? This is November 1st, I believe, at the Coimboid Jazz Center. Fun times. That's going to be a show. And then two weeks later in New York City at the pit, we will have John Benjamin. Hey, hey.

We will have Josh Gondelman. We will have other acts. Ed Koch. We're going to have Ed Koch. Orber mayor, Ed Koch. He's going to be fighting out with Zoron Mamdani. A fight to the death. Okay, anyway, maximum fun.org slash events.

And you know what, Jordan? You know, we just did this Bullseye 25 interviews in a row thing. We did. People can watch you and me talking on the Bullseye YouTube page as well as me and Gene talking. It was a blast. A lot of our old Santa Cruz buddies, a lot of giant celebs, tons of fun. Some Bobodenkirk stopped by.

Oh, yeah. Telephonically, the movie shoot was going late. Of course. He calls. He's like, I'm so sorry. Sorry. It's Bob Modenkirk. Yeah.

The world's greatest actor and the creator of Mr. Show. He says, I'm so sorry. This shoot is now four hours late, but I don't want to miss it. Can you patch me through? What a guy. That's what I said. I'd go ahead and watch this video. I was a pro.

All-timer. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum Fun.

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