Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Halloween Queen, with Lucé Tomlin-Brenner

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

On today’s episode, we welcome back Lucé Tomlin-Brenner to chat about haunted houses, animatronic snakes, dating in the punk community, and much more.*Follow Lucé Tomlin-Brenner on Instagram!*Follow It’s Always Halloween Podcast on Instagram! *Listen to Lucé Tomlin-Brenner’s podcast, It’s Always Halloween here.*Browse spooky Halloween videos at Videotheque!*Celebrate 25 years of Bullseye!*Order Jordan’s new Predator comic: Black, White & Blood!*Pre-order Jordan’s new Venom comic!Donate to Al Otro Lado.*Purchase signed copies of *Youth Group* and *Bubble* from Mission: Comics And Art!~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~Cast your vote for your favorite dinosaur now through Oct 30 with new limited-edition Dino-Merch!Get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Follow beloved former producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Follow new producer, Jordan Kauwling, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sex and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy, Detective. I've got an update for you from the website Reddit.com. Ah, finally. I was wondering what's going on over there. Yeah, well, we of course have a famous segment called The Internet's Reddit.

We do have that, and that's certainly what it's called. And it's never changed. And I happen to be in a subreddit today called R slash male fashion advice. Okay. Like a, you know, an outfit. This is for mail carriers? Yes. Postal workers.

You know, it's like, it's like the little menswear discussion area of Reddit. What's the vibe of this place in general? The vibe of this place in general is pretty positive. Okay. It's starting to move away from slim blue. jeans, Clark Desert boots, and Oxford cloth buttoned-down shirts. But slowly. Okay.

It's not a fashion-forward locale, but it is a practical locale. They're kind of locked into a certain style. Yeah. I mean, this is the style of like 2010. Does it get spicy? No, no, no, not at all. Okay. No, this is a generally, like, pretty chill, positive space.

There are menswear psychos, right? Am I wrong in thinking that? There are, well, there's a few categories of menswear psychos. You have traditional menswear psychos. They work in the Trump administration. Okay. Sometimes literally. Depper lads all of them.

Yeah. I think there is a certain, there is, as my colleague, Derek Guy, has pointed out, known as social media as menswear guy. I put this on, colleague, as Derek has pointed out, there has been a real move towards two small suits in the conservative side of the political spectrum. They're all wearing these things from 2008, wearing them pretty poorly, and looking like real twats. So the other side is just going in giant David Byrne suits. Giant David Byrne suits. I should be clear. Puzzies are strong, twats are beautiful. Sure, sure, sure. But they look like real so-and-so.

such and such is. Jesse, you bitch. That's one category of cycle. I would say there's not, like, there are, like, engineering-minded people who, like, want to know the specs of the clothes. Okay. You know what I mean? Like, they want to know that, like, what the value to cost proposition is, you know, that kind

of thing, to a kind of silly extent. Belt, tensile strength. And you just want to be like, I don't know, do you think? it's pretty sure but no i in general not that psychotic okay again other than the people who literally work in the trump administration uh michael anton is one of those guys you have a you have a post here from yeah this particular subreddit subject is the undershirt affairs um uh it's it i loved those on showtime as a kid i know you know stayed up late and snuck into the family room to watch david dukovny in the undershirt affairs those were the ones

that they ran at 11 o'clock at night on over-the-air syndicated television. Right. And they added the undershirt. Yeah. Okay. This is, it's tagged with discussion. And, you know, some people have a question, some people.

Yeah, yeah. Live events, memes. Just for fun. These are some categories. Undershirts are so underrated. They don't even have a dedicated sub despite huge number of men wearing them daily globally. So, may I discuss undershirts here?

What is your favorite style of undershirt, any brand and model suggestion, perhaps something that you wear regularly, please? How often do you wear an undershirt? Optional. If you're feeling generous, please state your age and location as well. I want to know whether undershirts are still popular among younger people. What are the responses? The responses are mostly helpful things about... Undershirts, yeah.

Do you think that there is a, I don't want to call it sinister, but a, like, is this person harvesting souls? Kind of. Does this person need descriptions of men and undershirts to jack off? Like, is that what they're looking for? They're like, that's a good question. Mine are always getting so stinky because of the sweat. It seems entirely possible.

I would say the hottest controversy in the world of undershirts. Right. Which, you know, is full of fucking psychos. Sure. The hottest controversy is, well, there's a few controversies. One is, do undershirts make you more or less sweaty? Okay. Some people say, well, it, like, blocks the sweat.

Some people say, well, it makes you too hot, so it makes you sweat more, and then you sweat through your undershirt, and then you sweat into your shirt. I haven't worn an undershirt and forevs. Really? Yeah. Well, you're mostly a t-shirt guy. I work. Primarily, you're like a 70% t-shirt guy.

But even when I'm, even when not a tea, it's been a while. So do you wear an undershirt? I do wear an undershirt generally under like, like I will wear an undershirt under an Aloha shirt. They're often made of rayon, not washable. So, you know, you want to wear them a few times before you take them to the dry cleaner or something. I'll wear an undershirt under a scratchy shirt. I'm not afraid to wear a scratchy shirt, but I'll wear an undershirt underneath. You know what I mean?

To avoid chafing and. I love to wear a nip discomfort. I love to wear a woolen shirt in the wintertime. Okay. But, yeah, I've got delicate little nippies. Delicate nippies. Okay. No, second question. When you do wear these undershirts, how stinky do they get?

Do they get in early? Tell me how stinky. They don't get that stinky because once I've worn them once, I sell them on eBay. Jesse, I'm-to-my fans. I need to hear about the stink. Sorry. That's why I didn't know you were- In this subreddit, I need to hear descriptions of stink.

I didn't know you were a total fucking psycho. I'm a psycho. This guy's a fucking psycho. Sorry. The other big controversy in undershirt world is whether what shows up more underneath your shirt. Is it a white undershirt, a pink undershirt, or a light gray undershirt? Because what you want is the most invisible undershirt in this construction. Sure.

And a lot of people will tell you light gray. Okay, that's a fun tip. Should I go back to the world of wearing an undershirt? No, it's fine. Just don't. It's fine. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to.

No, it's okay. Just don't. Yeah. It's hot in L.A., you know? I don't need that. Yeah, you don't need one other thing. You're not smelly or sweaty. I've never noticed you being smelly or sweaty.

I wish you were. Then I could fucking jack off. Oh, I've been jacked off in so long. I've got to get a sweatier. Co-host. Try and get stinkier. Oh, my God. I'm going to bring, you know what?

I'm bringing Gene back in case he sweats more. Should we introduce our guests on the program? She's a stand-up comic. She's one of America's most celebrated VHS collectors. And she's already ready for the spooky season as we record this program at the very dawn of the month of October. Lucey Tomlin Brenner. Hi. Hello.

Thank you for having me back. It's great to have you back. Did you... Were instructions given to you by Stephen Ray Morris or our producer in waiting, Jordan Cowling, or did you simply into it that we expected you to wear 9-inch or longer earrings? Well, you know, when it hits October 5th,

you're not going to wear studs anymore. No. That would be insane. I mean, as a fashionista like yourself, I'm not a total psycho. Yeah. And this isn't debated. It's not like undershirts.

It's like there is a length per a day. Everyone knows. Yeah. I mean, if you care about Halloween, then maybe you guys don't. So you said the fifth. Can you, what's the thinking behind the, why not the first, I guess, is my question. Oh, it's just the fifth today. So the day that we're recording.

Well, you know, my podcast is it's always Halloween. So technically, this is special because everyone else is finally celebrating. Right. I like when people. They're all just catching up to you. Yeah. Oh, finally. You guys got on my page.

But I've been prepping. On my podcast, I call this time calendar Halloween. Sure. Ignor me Halloween. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when I can do the skeletons. When I do these in like June, people get really uncomfortable. They act like I'm going to take their summer away from them.

It's sort of like if somebody's like, oh, can I get you a burger? And I'm like, no, thanks. I'm vegan. And they're like, oh, so sorry. And I'm like, it's fine. When you, so when you, you know, when you are wearing something Halloween-y off-season, people are like, oh, I guess I should have a car to get in an apple cider. Okay.

Oh, sorry, I'm not drinking a chai. I'll go home in a hay ride. She'd be crawling out of a grave to say hello to you. And I say, yeah, it'd be nice if you put in a little effort. That would be nice. Thank you. Yeah, people don't try as hard as me, and it's really difficult. I don't do anything spooky today.

Sorry, I apologize. I apologize. I feel like a fucking. Thank you. That is how I want people to feel like fucking dicks. You know what the spookiest thing I did today was? Yes. I took my 14-year-old child

with me to go to the thrift store and we went to the out-of-the-closet thrift store. This is a great thrift store here in the Los Angeles area that funds syphilis billboards with volcanoes.

We've discussed those on the program. Those are funded by the out-of-the-closet thrift store. Yes. And I like this thrift store a lot. My daughter wanted to look at the VHS's, and there were a number of animatronic Halloween nightmares going on inside the thrift store. Okay. Secondhand ones, presumably with bedbugs. And I hate these machines.

I don't hate one that doesn't make noise. But as soon as it makes an electronic noise, I hate it. I don't want that. Even like a small cackle? Yeah, even like a small cackle, for sure. Like, put a big skeleton on your lawn. I'm fine with that. I think it's fun.

Right. But give it a voice and you're out. Me walk past it and it goes, Ah, ha, ah! I'm like, oh, God. Fucking batteries were a mistake. I actually got Gott by an animatronic recently. I like to think I'm pretty tough

and prepared for Halloween scares around town this time of year. I mean, you spend your whole fucking year doing calisthen. Yes, exactly. So I'm at the Alamo, which already I, you know, braved the circle of death in the parking garage. That's a rough parking lot. Plus you drove all the way to Texas. Yes. Oh, we're talking about the Alamo Drag House movie theater in downtown Los Angeles. Well, I went to see kind of a scary movie, kind of a modeling movie, the Long Walk, the new Stephen King adaptation.

Profoundly modeling, yes. Yes, yeah. But in lots of moments of shooting kids that I didn't, that was a lot also. So I go to get my parking validated, and they had this, like, fake snake sitting there. And I wasn't going to think anything about it. I was just, like, oh, cute fake snake. And I'm trying to hold it up and get it to, you know, fire or whatever. And the thing is animatronic, and I had no idea. And it went, ha.

And it clasped down on my wrist. What? It bites? It was perfectly like this, and my wrist was here, and it just perfectly, it, like, was the exact size of my wrist. Are you supposed to, I'm imagining you're supposed to validate the ticket in mouth. This is not that, right? You're not sticking your parking validation in there. It's dumb. There's a new thing and I find it confusing. There's like a light and you're supposed to wave it and the, and a beep happens. Oh, no, that thing is horrible at the Alamo Draft

house in downtown Los Angeles. It's a nightmare. You can't tell whether it's worked or not. I needed to go to chunk to chunk. Yes. Yeah. And it used to do that and it was nice. And now it's just like scan. But I do feel very strongly that it would be great if they had one of those snakes that was a hole punch, and train conductors had it. Sure. Aw, that's nice. You know, you're going to get them to train, like, a real snake to do that. Yeah.

Snakes on a train. Sure. There's a market for that. It did scare the shit out of me, and I screamed. I screamed a full scream out loud in public with tons of people around, and I think I caused a little bit of a stir. Yeah, I can only imagine. Yeah.

So that was one of the scary things I did recently for the season. I mean, honestly, just your foot-long earrings would cause a stir. They're scylla. They're purple skeletons, we should mention. But I'm, like, in control of them, you know, like, I can't see them. If they were swinging up near my face, maybe I'd be like, ah, ha, you know, I luckily, this is to scare other people. Got it. Are you feeling scared?

Yeah. I peed my pants. Oh, wow. That's going to contribute to that stink you've been craving. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Sniff, sniff. Jesse, you can make your own stink.

Yes, be the stink you want to smell in the world. Don't wait for others to stink. Stink the stank you want So I saw these I would Now my guess Is that your Kids would want these

Yes So You guys already go pretty wild For Halloween I've seen the decks Yeah we put up some We got some stuff in the closet You know

And And this one was It was like a witch It was going Ah A That's not the noise a witch makes A wish should go like

You're right You know, like, squeakier A dolphin Well, dolphins can be scary Dolphins can be witches too That's true Dolphins can be Anything can be

Dolphins can be whatever they want to be Yes, and a dolphin can be president someday And I hope I live to see it Frankly Yeah I'd vote for one Yeah

Dolphins can pull you underwater And have sex with you Sure Why can't they be president Much like any U.S. president Grover Cleveland That was his signature move A few in our lifetime

I would say that it was horrible Right And there were a few others of similar Style I bought Frankenstein that went Wow wow wow Wow

Yeah it's the wrong noise Coming out that's irritating Maybe that's why they got taken to the thrift store Right they're like they switched the voice boxes All around in the factory Yeah And I He's a werewolf saying blah.

Why have you heard of Werewolf say blah? I bought a nice Shaw collar sweater to put this on shop. We're walking out to the car. My daughter didn't find anything. There wasn't anything she wanted

in that VHS section. The VHS section there, as I'm sure Lucei knows, is a pale shadow of its former self. It used to be five for a dollar and there used to be a shit ton of them. Now there's some and they cost, I think, $2 each.

$2 still a steal. Yeah, well, you know. But they're not as good. Depends on what you're picking up. Right. It's all older stuff. It's like Casablanca. I'm like, this is never meant to be watched.

Six Casper cartoons. Six Casper cartoons. I would be psyched about that. That to me is the ultimate thrift store VHS. Oh, yeah. Every thrift store has a VHS of six Casper cartoons. Yeah. Any VHS that you could buy at Walgreens.

Sure. Oh, God. That's like a gas station. Yeah, the good time label where you pick up the tape and you're like, this is lighter. somehow? It's just made out of the worst material. What have they made this from? So we're walking out and my daughter, God bless her, turns to me and she says, Dad, I guess those animatronics in there

are probably too expensive to bring home, right? Oh. God bless her, right? And I said, yeah, sweetie, what do they even cost? You know, I don't know. I didn't see what. Did you see what they cost? And I'm thinking like, if she says they cost $12, we'll buy one. If she says they cost $50, I'm not going to buy one, right? And she says, gee, I don't know. A thousand dollars?

I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. Geez, I'm just trying to, what could an animatronic possibly cost? We say, do you do, like, haunted houses and events and things like this? Yes, but I draw the line at anyone you have to do by yourself, or were they, want to put you through a traumatic experience because your life has been too nice.

There's like these waiver haunted houses, right? When you wait on a corner and they throw a bag on your head and drive you to a sears. No, I'm a woman. I don't need to do that. Waiver? No waiver. Signing a waiver. I thought it was a guy that, hey, buddy, welcome. Oh, he's waving.

Look out. I don't know that guy and he's waving. I've been in L.A. for too long. I don't like Midwestern friendliness anymore. Sure. So it's a thing where... Don't bring over a casserole. I'll freak out.

It's a thing where they, like, touch you and stuff? I think, I've only read descriptions of these. Not just touch you. I think it's the 13th floor. Don't quote me on this. But they, like, will shave your head. And copy your keys. I don't know that.

And then go to your house and watch your TV. Who's messed up by Hulu recommendations? They'll smell your stink? Okay, hold on. Only my closest friends get to do that. No, they do like simulated waterboarding. They do like electric

cattle prodding and stuff that I'm like I don't... Wait, like with a real cattle prod? Yeah. They prod you like so many cattle? Yes. And it's my understanding that any time you see a still standing

seers that is closed, that's what's going on in there. Got it. Once a year the extreme you know, NDA haunted house comes through. It's sort of like agreeing to do jackass but

everyone's wearing like a scary mask. But you'll do a less... I like a boo-ah. You like a boo. Yeah. I like like, oh, I'm walking through. What is this? Are there spiderwoods everywhere?

And then somebody comes out with a knife and they're like, ah! And I'm like, oh, no. Are they going to kill me? I kind of feel like if you're going to have a haunted house, you should have it at the gym at the Boys and Girls Club, right? Yes. What are these haunted houses in these giant warehouses and abandoned seers is?

When you could just be having it in a special effects guy's garage or the gym of the Boys and Girls Club. Yeah, or the Elks Club. The Elks. That's a nice place for a boo. That's good. You can get a boo there. Jesse, I think we talked about this off mic, so might as well bring it up again because, you know, this is a show and it's a certain amount of time we have to film. I mean, we try and avoid spending time with each other outside of the studio, whenever.

Sometimes it happens and we accidentally say something. Yeah, what if there's a Simpsons event and we accidentally run into each other? I know. It happens. It happens. But I was wondering if Grace, who is into the Terrifier movies, I have been told that there is a terrifier haunted house this Halloween. And it has two options, wet and dry. Oh, God.

And I am like, what the fuck is this? I'm obsessed with, like, I took grace to see the terrifier movie. Yeah. It upset me. I thought I might be turning conservative while I was watching it. It did not upset my child, not at all, despite her being a child. But ever since I heard about this, I'm like, what's the wet option? What's the wet option?

So I don't know. I'm like thinking of actually going to this because I've just been so obsessed with how wet I'm going to get. Jordan, I think the way that it works. And Lucy, you know more about, obviously. You go to the Halloween podcast. I know more about this. The night. My understanding is it depends what row you sit in for the orca show.

Oh, okay. The orcas got like a little art the clown like hat on. That would be they're black and white. So that's fine. You know, I was anti-Orcas at amusement parks, but now I'm saying bring them back for Halloween. Grab them, throw them into captivity. Make them in the charge of a haunted house. Make their fin slump over.

I mean, hire a few fucking dolphin witches witches and you're in business. Yeah, the only thing I think that could be more torturous to these dolphins is like, now you have to hold a chainsaw. Well, I guess I got to grow with posable thumbs now. They demand so much of me. What are your thoughts on a haunted house with a wet option? Okay, so when this is the Universal Studios,

Halloween War nights, I think. I think so. I think it is hooked up. Thumbs up from Stephen Ray Morris, yes. It is part of Universal Studios' Halloween thing. You know, five or six years ago, well, not five. I guess six or seven years ago when they did House of a Thousand Corpses, there was lots of, you know, chopping and slaying and blood moments.

And you would walk up and you would see people, you know, little action. They'd do a little thing, you know. Yeah. And you, I don't know if this is going to be a clip that we released. But when you, your example of action was some sort of jitterbug? I guess they should have said, like, ah, stabby, stab, stab, stab, stab. Yes. But you did jazz hands.

Yeah, I know. I guess, like, imagine that there's, like, knives flying out of them. Okay, yeah. Okay. Sorry, I imagine knives. It's really scary. Oh, fuck. Don't make me imagine knives.

The worst thing you could imagine. So, when they were doing, like, the stabbing, blood was coming out, and you weren't getting, something was, like, pitting your face. I think it was water, because you didn't, walk out, like covered in, like, food coloring or anything. But a lot of their houses do have, I have gotten wet at those houses before, but mostly because everyone was so sexy.

But it mean, the fact that you can make a choice, they must trench you. Yeah, probably. I don't know why it would be such a big deal. Because that's like they're, universal, I love them. I love stepping into the movies and feeling like you're a part of it. It's really fun. I like a branded house. Yeah, and they put a lot of effort into it.

And I think everybody there is, like, acting their ass off. because they don't know if it's going to get them a better job sometime, you know? They never know who they'll meet in the haunted house. Yeah, it's a nice combination of, like, professional grade special effects and also dorky theater kid. I got to say, I think that I just saw on social media that our friend Riley Silverman, stand-up comic Riley Silverman, comic and writer Riley Silverman and professional dungeon master. Yes. She's my eight-year-old's professional dungeon master. Hey.

My kid Frankie is going to this dungeon school. Such a dragons. Yeah. We've said Dungeons and Dragons. Not just like a torture school, dungeon school. Right. Anyway, I think Riley is, does seances at one of these haunted houses. Oh, boy.

Wow. Okay. Yeah. I went to a great licensed haunted house. It's a field of dreams themed. Oh. You never reconcile with your father. No, I have to.

There's a dry version and a wet version. And, of course, Taylor's version. Anyway, just trying to say that Stephen would like. Now she owns her mask. I loved it. Hey, it worked. Wait, Jordan Cowling, what did you think? I liked it.

Okay, I'll take it, I'll take it, all right. You know, Jordan Cowling, a little taciturn. I think it's all right. If you made it to like it with Jordan, I think you did. pretty well. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back wet or dry in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan on November 1st, I am in Santa Cruz, California. On November 15th, I am in New York City, New York.

Oh, yeah. Santa Cruz, I got Adam Scott and Glenn Washington and Boots Riley and the Merman and Scott Simpson. New York, I got Bobby and Kristen Anderson Lopez, Tony Shalube, just added, John Benjamin, Josh Gondelman, and probably someone else that I'm forgetting, the show is freaking packed. So go to maximum fun.org slash events and come out to one of these live 25th anniversary of Bullseye shows, because they are a great time. I can confirm that is true. I went to the Pasadena show. We had all kinds of great guests. We had a blast so much fun. If you miss these shows, you're a dang fool. Thank you very much. Thank you to you. And Elliot Kalin and his wife, Danielle, were nice enough to come out. Thanks to all the pals. Our old friend Maria Calpito came out to the show. It was nice to see a lot of friends coming

Yeah. What a treat. Yeah, and of course, stacked lineups all around. This is so much fun, and you should go if you can. And Jordan, do you know about my 100 review promise? No, I don't. Tell me everything. If you got a podcast that has 100 reviews and Apple Podcasts, I'll go on your fucking podcast. Wow. Wow. I'll go on your podcast as long as it's not some Nazi shit. Yeah. You know what? I like this. I like this a lot. It would be weird. I'm going to be You can get the Jesse Thorne bump. You could get the Jesse Thorne bump as long as you're not saying Nazi shit. It would be weird if you were listening to Jordan Jesse Go and on the side you host a Nazi shit podcast.

Yeah, who are you? You would be in on you. If Stephen Miller, if you're out there listening right now, what's your deal? What do you like us? But yeah, if you have 100 listeners on your podcast. podcast. I will come on your show and talk about the 25th anniversary of Bullseye or just about anything else. The only exceptions being a Nazi shit and look, if you if you like just barely have a hundred and it's like a thing where I have to like go on a week long trip to

prepare for the podcast. I guess I'm sure. I won't be able to make time for that. But basically all you have to do if you if you have a real podcast that people listen to is email my publicist. Her name's Emily Erskine. You can just Google it. Find her. Send her an email. you go. She'll set it up. I got a bunch of time cleared on my schedule to talk about the 25th anniversary of Bullseye, because I'm very excited and proud about it, Jordan. As well, you should be. It's a wonderful show with an impressive run, and these are some fun shows. Every episode of Jordan Jesse Go is supported by the members of Maximum Fun. Thank you, members of Maximum Fun. This episode also brought to you by our friends over there at Factor.

you know, fall is falling right now, Jordan. Yeah, and things are getting busy. I'm swamped with fall stuff. I've got to pick so many freaking apples. Help me, there's leaves falling on me. Ow! Ow! Gotta dodge these leaves.

I got to put on a light sweater. Oh, no, I put my arm through the neck hole again. So fall is crazy, as we've established. All this stuff we're saying right now you relate to. you're having an insane fall back to school for the kids preparing for the holidays when are you gonna eat you gotta eat some time you gotta eat guess what i've got a solution chef prepped dietitian approved meals that make it easy to stay on track and enjoy something comforting and delicious no matter how hectic the season gets jordan you probably guessed it i'm talking about factor oh yeah

Factor. They mail you in a box via mail these delicious, almost basically out of the package, ready to eat meals. They're really tasty. They got real ingredients, protein, veggies, all kinds of good stuff. You pop them in the microwave. You pop them in the oven. They come out hot and tasty. Yeah, they got lunch and dinner, but also I was nomin on some Factor breakfast, Jesse. I was having eggs, potatoes, veggies, pancakes, all kinds of great breakfast stuff. They got protein drinks, so you can start the day with a tummy full of wonderful food. I tried a few of the premium. Ooh, I ate a surf and turf that had a little steak medallion and some shrimps.

You know, my wife won't eat shrimp because she had a bad shrimp once. And I really liked shrimp, but I can't cook them because my wife won't eat them. So I've got to get my shrimps where I can. I was like, oh, this factor meal is the perfect way to get shrimps in my mouth. Get the shrimps in your mouth with Factor, genuinely really tasty, and they are a lifesaver when you are busy. Here's what you do. Eat smart at FactorMeals.com slash J.J. Go 50 off and use code J.J. Go 50 off to get 50 off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. That's code J.J. Go 50 off at Factor Meals.com for 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one

year. Get delicious, ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. Offer only valid for new Factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchase. Jesse, folks in Southern California, hopefully they all came to your bullseye in Pasadena. If they want to see you plus me on November 8th, they can come to the revenge of Comics and Pimball, comic creator block party. We are going to be doing something there. At a time. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to do a little show type thing.

We're going to do a show type thing. It is free. So come on down to Revenge of Comics and Pinball. Maybe keep an eye on social media for specific times and deets. But yeah, it's going to be a ton of fun. And earlier that day on November 8th, I will be at the Burbank Book Festival at the Burbank Library, Buena Vista Branch, 10 a.m. to 11 a.m. So you can see me there, or you can come see us at Revenge of Comics and Pinball on the 8th.

Let's get back to the show. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Luce, Tomlin Brenner, Halloween Queen. Luce, I can't help but notice you've taken the opportunity for the Halloween season here to really work in layers. So obviously we're looking at a Halloween-themed manicure.

Mm-hmm. A high-end Halloween-themed manicure. It is. I have a really wonderful guy. I just go to his house and he does them, and it makes me feel good that all my money goes directly to him and no other corporation. A guy's house.

That's nice. It is nice. I like go to a guy's house for stuff. Did you get the wet or the dry? You know, it started wet, and then I went dry. So best of both worlds. Great. You're also wearing...

That's because nail polish dries. That's funny. There you go. Steve, what do you think about that? I loved it. Jordan Cowling? Jordan Cowling? I liked it.

Okay. All right. He loved it and she liked it. I'm going to try to get you to love, Jordan. I'm going to take what we can get. Oh, okay. It'll happen. We're talking about tall boots.

We're talking about on-themed stockings. We're talking about spider-web stockings. We're talking about a velvet dress with a belt on top. and a t-shirt underneath but the t-shirt has a boobhole no the whole thing is like there's almost no

it's only it's like a shrug it's like you it's like a shirt that a murder victim would have is that when you were going it's like I've been attacked and it's like a shirt it's like a shirt that she got from what was left of a guy

who got bit by a shark shirt I like to hang around shark crime scenes and take what I can get that's my thrifting What was this shirt before it became a murder shirt? It was a whole shirt, and it was like two creatures kind of like looking at each other, wolf dog creature things, and they were like one mouse open, they were like, rah.

And then the top here it says boy toy, and it didn't really make sense, but it was thrifted, and I liked it. And I was too old, I think. And I put it in the delicate, but I think I should just hand-washed it because the first time I wore it, it was great, and then I put it in the wash, and it came out. And this was the only part that was left. But I was like, well, it still says boy toy. That's fun. It is fun. So I'm trying this new, barely a shirt thing.

And then I'm going to add, you know, I feel like a jerk with all this fucking shirt on now. Yeah, it does kind of... Look at this, me covered in shirt. It makes you look very material list and, like, you don't care as much about the environment. I know. And uptight, too. Yeah.

I feel like it makes me look up tight. Plus, not enough layers. Yeah. What are you wearing two layers? I suck. Luce, I've also, I've never seen you without a... elaborate and specific makeup. Yes.

I think that tonight, given your fully head-to-to-toe Halloween-themed look, I am really impressed by just the sheer number of sparkles on your face. I got to balance it out because I'm also high femme. And, okay, so in high school, I dated many guys that didn't like the makeup that I wore. And each time they didn't like something, it made me dig in deeper. So there was a guy that didn't like... That's why we're still doing this podcast. Yeah, yeah.

The more people that say they don't like it, we do it another five years. Yes, exactly. Yeah, there's a guy who didn't like blush, and there was a guy who didn't like glitter. And then in college, again, I had to deal with some guy who was like, you know, you're a little too old for glitter, like a 21 or something. Imagine be, I mean, all of this sucks. Imagine being the anti-blush guy? What the fuck is that? What kind of preference is that?

I don't know. I think I was too hot and intimidated him. That might have been it. Yeah. And I grew up in Ohio. Like when you say too hot, too physically hot, like you were uncomfortably warm. Because of the layers of makeup I got on. It was a natural blush.

It was not makeup blush. Right, right. No, it was the pancake makeup from the theater department. Got it. Again, drifting. I don't wait under those hot lights. Yeah, sure. You and he had met on a polyachi for us.

That's what was so weird why he didn't like it. Yeah. I can understand. I can understand. But, you know, one time, this is now not a, this is kind of like a dated celebrity story, but when I first moved to L.A. in 2012, I worked at this, like, fancy toy store. And Theodore Roosevelt came in. Yeah, I know. Does that make me sound so old?

And Russell Brand came in. And he was like. And he's a bad person. We know. Don't need to tell us online. In 2012, though. I don't, probably. Probably. He was on his way, but we didn't know.

We didn't know. We didn't know. He was the off-the-cuff clown prince of the UK. And he kind of just like bounced in the store and I love for getting Sarah Marshall. And he was like, oh, hello that. Oh, I don't do accents well. Oh, God. I disagree.

I thought that was amazing. He's like, oh, hello that. He's, oh, look at you. That's this toy store. I mean, porridge. That was pretty much it. Um, and I said, I'm like, no porridge at the toy store. Nobody's like, oh, look at you.

It was so bright and sparkly. so much gloat. I love looking at your face. And I was like, I have only been in L.A. for a month. And also, Bramon looks like looking at my face. You know, I was, whatever. He's obviously a creep. But I didn't know that at the time. And so I was just flattered. I, Jesse, do you think British people eat porridge?

Well, British people and teddy bears. Teddy bears. Right, yeah. Like street urchins, too. Oh, okay, okay. Well, only if they're in, like, an orphanage, though. I think if they're just on the street, they're doing cans. Like a goat. Yeah, right.

They just eat 10 cans in hopes that there will be some food residue on the can, so they eat the whole can. I mean, if they're in an orphanage or if they're in an army of child pickpockets. Oh, sure. Okay. You've got to pick some porridge. You got to pick some porridge or two more. I'm more of a gruel guy. Yeah.

This is a sincere question. All right. Porage or gruel? Way in. While you serve a lot of look, it's not necessarily like intensely specifically, subcultural. Like, it's not like you're only delivering, like, art deco or whatever, right? But it is a lot of look. When you were dating, did you feel obliged to date people who could match your level of look? Oh, my God. I love this question. Okay, I don't like competing with the people that I'm dating, and I don't want anyone to look better than me. So you only date stagehands. They have to wear all black and stand so far behind me. No, I just, they have to have a good look. but my upbringing is in the punk community.

Right. So I usually, and I, you know, worked with the band War on Women for a long time. Oh, they're great. Yes. Right. I did merch for them. I did tour manage them. And yeah, that's the people I'm used to being around.

People I like being around. So I've always dated people in the punk community. So somebody who always has, yeah, a look. But, yeah, I can't even even look like a square or a dud, right? I mean, that's definitely a huge problem. But what's so hard about it is, like, Duds are always attracted to me. Oh, yeah.

Like a square loves to see me coming. Sure. And I'm, like, happy to be friends. Would you like to attend my Bible study, says the Dudd? I know. They always think they can get me into that. And I'm like, I only like the Church of Satan, obviously. Yeah.

I've mentioned these, like, boys that wander around the flea market wearing 1920s clothes, right? I can't. I've never been able to commit to one decade. That's why my style is. all over the place. I don't like rules. So here's the thing with these boys. Like, I think obviously if it's a, you know,

if it's a girl in stockings with lines on the back and a snood, they're not going to have any trouble. There's going to be a line around the block for the girl with a line stockings in the back and the, you know, the whole nine yards, right? And if they want today to date a guy with a hot rod, they can, but

everyone else wants to be in line to. Right, including these fucking squares at the box social. God, they're the worst. And so that's clear to me. Would you like to see my whittling project? That's clear to me, right? I'm making my own calculator. They all are.

I've seen enough. These sweet, gentle dorkwad boys, these boys are, I'm going to put them at 20 years old. Sounds about right? It might be 22 years old. Yeah, that's a good time to have an affect, you know? So they travel in a group of five-ish, all dudes, they give off straight vibes. I could be mistaken, but they seem heterosexual to me, but they seem like real, like, A.V. Club dorks. I say with all due respect to our friend Lusay.

Yeah, that's me. And so they was elected cleaners of the AV club. but I see them walking around in their like the pants are a little too short you can't really when pants are that vintage you can't really lengthen them because the wear lines show when you take them down you can only sort of take them up so always the pants are too short

and like tall collars you know like chin height tall like 1920s detachable collars and stuff and I just think, like, who are these guys dating? Because I don't think there's a girl group of that. Right. Like, I don't think there's a forum that's, like, with the swing dancing? Yes.

There's plenty. Sure. No problem. If you're that guy, you can go to the, you can go hang out with Bill Nye and meet as many swing dancers as you want, even in 2025. Mm-hmm. But for these jazz age 19-year-olds, I don't know who they're at. asking out.

Yeah, I'd think that would have worked on me when I was in college. Oh, yeah? I just liked anything that was, yeah, not wearing popped collars, Abercrombie, North Face. Where did you go to college? Bowling Green State University in Northwest Ohio, Go Falcons. Well, first of all, go Falcons, indeed. I mean, I'm more of a Ball State guy, but. Ew.

Okay. Should tell me that before you booked me. And I'm a third college. Uh-huh. Ew. You said it, dude. Oh, you got to believe I'm a third college. Yeah.

You're a Drexel Dragon, aren't you? No. Okay. Listen, we've got a really famous cat at Bowling Green right now. Really? Yes. What's cat doing? Pudge, pudge the cat.

Somebody on the football team brought him over the summer for training to make him like, what's that, morale, lift the morale. I couldn't remember what morale was called. And everybody got obsessed with the cat, and now the cat travels on games with them. They were just playing Louisville, and Louisville set up a little lot. locker for him with like little toys and temptations and the giants in the san francisco giants enormous uh therapy rabbit died oh no wow you really brought down my cool story oh sorry we were talking about an animal that was alive jesse actually i could top that my cat died last

week oh yeah see that was sad or wasn't it yeah that was sad so the animal one of us knew when something momentous happens to you like your cat dies but hopefully more fun yeah give us a call at 206-984-4-Fund or just send us a voice memo at J.J.Go at maximum fun.org. An example of somebody who's done that, Jordan, is the person we're about to hear from right now. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest, I'm going to say Dan McCoy of the flop house. I'm at the, this is Max from New York City. I'm at the Hudson Valley Garlic Festival, and I just saw a hot sauce called G-spot remover. Hot sauce guys need to be stopped.

X-O-X-O-O. Love you. What's it called? I think G-Spot-R-R-Mover? Okay. First of all, I just want to say, that's better than Jew-Spot-Rover, which I was trying to figure out what kind of anti-Semitism that was. So here's what I think. Just misogyny. So I think, I think what's happening here is that they're not talking about maiming someone.

Right. By burning. This isn't a female genital mutilation song. I don't think so. It is incidentally. Yes, I think it's accidentally. If you don't wash your hands after you eat and then you finger bang somebody and you take out the G spot. That's what it's saying.

But here's what I think happened. This is my theory. Yeah. Someone's like, oh, we should call it the spot remover. And then a dude said, yeah, G spot remover. And they didn't think about how violent it sounded. Yeah. Or somebody was like, I finger banged a girl once and I'm like a dirt trash man.

and I didn't wash my hands and then I had to take her the fucking emergency room. A lot of UTIBs in the hot sauce business. Yeah. I really think that yeah,

it's really catering to a gross subset of men. You should always wash your hands after wings or whatever you're eating with sauce. Yeah, I mean, if you date a hot sauce guy,

you're going to get a UTI. Listen, yeah, if he goes if he goes higher than halfway up the Buffalo Wild Wings thermometer, you're getting a UTI. They should make shirts

that say that and sell that. They should. It's a little wordy, but people like a long shirt these days. People are so concerned about airborne illness and so unconcerned about sauceborne illness. Right. Yes. I mean, I guess I'm just happy. I do think it's crazy. The idea that a man who would finger you without washing their hands after wings or whatever would also know where the G spot is. I just don't think they go together. Right. This is a person that doesn't exist. I'm like, you both, you think badly of yourself and too highly of yourself. I don't know.

Maybe this is, maybe this person is like a luxurious heed mist. Maybe this is somebody that's all about, like, prostate stimulation, G-spots. Right. Delicious fried appetizers. And getting sauce all over their face. Listen, you can eat anything in bed. Go nuts. Blush it up.

But you always have to wash your hands before going inside anywhere. You have to. I think I'm, I think I mentioned this. when we had an episode where I discussed my visit to Dyke Day in the park near my house. But they had a kink tent at Dyke Day where shit was going down, I presume.

I didn't go in there because I was with my child. It was a closed tent. This is one of the most respectful events I've ever been to in my life. Like just the fucking off-the-charts, positive vibes at Dyke Day. What you're saying, they're secure in the flaps. Exactly.

They're secure. The flaps are secured. The outside flaps are secured. Inside, anything goes. With consent. But they had outside a, like, mud wrestling ring. And I was like, this is living. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, it wasn't a horny experience for me. I think for many there it was a horny experience. Sure. It was not, it's not what I look to for horniness. I'm more of a stink guy, as you know. Sure, yes. Have you smelled mud, Jesse?

You think like in a pinch, you could go with slimy, though, or is it just hard limit? I mean, yeah, I think I could go, like, if it was like something greasy. Oh, okay, so the mud is too natural, not greasy enough. No, it's too soiled. Like, if it was just a bunch of Vaseline or something. Okay, well, we're in agreement there. That I could see. I mean, it's not like, it's not what, like, what I'm typing into the internet.

Girls covered in Vasily. I could see it working if it came to it. But the mud was a little dirty. Right. You know what I mean? I was worried, you'd be concerned about, I'd be concerned about grit. Oh, sure, sure. And worms?

And worms. But I have to say. They just dug it all out of Sycamore Grove Park and put it right in. Worms and all. And treasure. Yeah. And I made a few bones. But I would...

Classic mud stuff, right? Worms, bones. I do have to say, A, that it was, even with a, like, a barely pubescent child with me who belonged to me, I still thought it was such a delightful, positive experience to see. Here's what I like about the mud wrestling. It's a kind of classic 80s, 90s, horniness. Right. Like a, like a horny guy on the trail. in an 80s, 90s movie would be like,

oh, they got mud wrestling tonight. You know, that's a, you know. But it's like, what's great about it, what really adds to the vibe is it's like two kinky butch lesbians that are like just, this is just like their greatest joy. Yeah, like they're doing it anyways, whether or not there's an audience. Yeah, exactly.

Like, it's not a, they're not there to make money. Right. They're not even there to like get off. They don't know anyone else is there. They're in their world. Yeah, exactly. It's just radiating pleasure and enjoyment. You know what I mean?

But anyway, my point here, I think, is that if you just replace that mud with a sauce, all of a sudden, the situation we're talking about is the situation that you denied could possibly exist, which is hedonists covered in sauce who are finding the G-spot. Because if I know anything, if I know anything about the people in that mud wrestling ring. There's some problems with you. It's that they know where the G spot is. Yes, I'm sure they knew where it was, but they weren't actively utilizing it. No, that's inside the flap. You got to lift the flap for that. This is a no-flap lifting mud wrestling competition.

Yeah, get serious. Luce, you've been on the show before, so you probably know how hard we work on the program. And how much time we put into preparation and coming up with ideas for the show. So if this next person seems like they just called in, said the name of a segment that they had made up in order to tell us something that they wanted to tell us, that's not what's happening. What happened is we thought of a segment and then they called in for it because we work so hard and are so creative. Amazing. What a coincidence. I mean, it's no coincidence. Hard work wins. Hello, Jordan, Jesse Go.

This is Anna calling in from Canada for your long-running segment, bullied by a teen. I'm a substitute teacher and was subbing in a high school at PE class. Kids' favorite class to ditch out on their regular class and try and wheedle their way into. And maybe 15-year-old girl came and tried to join our class. And I said, absolutely not. Go back to your main class. And she tried to negotiate for a little bit. and I shut her down and said

Get out of here And then she went to go away Turned back, looked at me and said Are you the substitute? And I said, yes, obviously And she rolled her eyes and said I can tell and then walked away Love you guys, bye

Whoa I can see a real teaching credential a mile away You seem like you're also trying to write a screenplay You're just doing this because it has flexible hours. Yeah, I can't imagine handling. I have a friend who right now is in graduate school and has been substitute teaching. And the shit he tells me about what is going on in America's schools is absolutely nuts. Like some schools, they have to keep the classroom door locked.

The kids are all drones, right? Yeah, I think that's correct. but they'll get like kids like banging on the door like let me in let me in and he has to like make a call with no context because he just got there that day about whether it's okay to let that kid into the classroom or not is it thought that the kid could be violent yeah or the kid could be brink so in this case that he was going to let the kid in but then all the other kids inside are like no no no no no no no it was fucking going to down like a psychodrama was happening with about potential violence in this classroom. Yeah, bananas. But the part of it is a fucking teacher that's in that classroom, they know what children aren't allowed in there. Sure.

They know the rules. They got a list. They got a list to kids. Sounds like you're a sub. Yeah. I haven't been bullied by a teenager since I was a teenager. Really? Yeah.

I think teenagers, thank you. They tend to like me because I think I love. illicit. Well, it's because they think you're a teenager because of all that glitter. That's right. I'm so young. 21's a little old. She's got glitter on. She's got to be under 21 at least. I love the idea that

like I would have turned 21 the drinking age. If anything, I would be mostly glitter at that point. Yeah. Once you're drunk, everybody's glittering up. Truly, I'm like, is this enough? Tandfuls of it. Yeah. No, that's sauce.

Fuck. Oh, my eyes. My juiceful. The eyes? So that's, oh, I was, I was way off. I was imagining. Hey, Jordan, let me stimulate your G spot. Yeah, a wise guy. He's stimulating the G spot.

That's how you're doing. Whatever, you just say stuff on the podcast. Yeah, we're bringing a podcast, Luce. That was during the Hays Code, and you couldn't talk about sex. That's how you did it. Right, right. So the three stooges were getting each other up. The most pornographic show on TV.

When a stooge comes, he goes, y'n-knit-h-h-h-ha-ha-ha-ha. Swig-a-latter around, balkinged people. That's why they were so hard the whole time. What were we talking about? I don't know. Who cares? Did you two bully substitute teachers when you were still in school?

No. So my mom is retired now, but she was a teacher at my high school. Wow. Okay. So, like, it was fraught. And I, not until my sophomore year, my freshman year, I was there all by myself, just me and the school. Me and everyone else, no mom. And then she started working at my school sophomore year. And then it became like, this is my workplace and you're coming to my workplace. And that was not great. Didn't, didn't you. Did you, uh, carpool? No, God, no. No, I, um, I would have rather walked, uh, 5,000 miles. Uh, no, I don't. Just to show about it. at my door. Yeah, exactly. I think she had to be there way earlier. I had to be there late

as you normally was. You were the custodian. I had to sweep up over there. An internship there. Luce at high school, just sweeping up a spotlight. Yeah, so I couldn't ever be to flip at school because the teachers would immediately tell my mom like that day. They were all buds. So I know. I even had to like change my clothes when I got to school because she would look at me in the morning and be like, you can't wear that to my job. Like, you can't, like, shirt that's half ripped up. Sure. Look like you got attacked by a shark.

Yeah. And you're like, sorry, Mom, I should have hand washed it, but I put it in on delicate. I thought it would be fine. How many times do I have to tell you? Yeah. And we don't have sharks in Lake Erie, and so that was the whole thing. Yeah, she didn't like me thrift shopping. She did not think that I looked appropriate for school in thrift clothes.

So I had to keep them all in my station wagon, which is what I drove to school. Oh. And then I would do a little changeroo. Do a little change room. Yeah. I made out with a girl in her station wagon once. It was great. It was so great.

Oh, so great. It was so, it was so spacious. Mm-hmm. Get up on that roof rack, huh? It was like, see what you can do up there. It was like a classic, like 1978 American, like 1981, like 1981, just a gargantuan American station wagon. With like the back that opens all the way up. Yeah.

Oh, amazing. Oh, boy, did we play, we played a little tonsill hockey. back there, Jordan. Toadso hockey? And the station wagon? Oh, she's getting wetter. I'm a 40-80s guy. No longer dry.

So you couldn't bully any substitute teachers? No, I couldn't bully any of the teachers. Nor did I want to. All the subs were cool. Like, they were all, like, right out of college. And I felt like every time they came in, they were giving us a nice break from the other teachers. There was a guy who now is a full-time teacher

at my high school. He was subbing And he was there for a long time Because our world history teacher was like I don't know very ill Who knows She's gone forever now But he

She died of the illness Yeah But he was like our sub for like It turns out it was consumption Yeah Wow okay Man I'm too young Now I'm too old

When is the last time Somebody died of consumption Is that in the 1800s? You know what It's probably coming back right Yay All sorts of retro diseases Make America consumptiv again

Sure, yes. So thin. But he had these octagonal glasses. And he showed us this, you know, film strip of like Hiroshima and Nagasaki getting bombed. And I was like crying. I was like, oh, this is so sad. I didn't know this horrible thing happened. And the lights go up.

The guy's, the teacher, the sub starts asking us, like, what we thought. And he goes up to this one kid and he's like, well, Brandon, what did you think? And he goes, I think your glasses look like stop signs. Brandon Brandon A local legend Yeah right I don't know what happened

to Brandon with blonde hair Let's do this Let's see if we can find Brandon on Facebook Yep And see if we can go on his podcast Which he almost certainly has And we'll come back for a little bit more We're back in just a second

I'm sorry to a second La La La La La Hi I'm Travis McElray I'm here with Maria and we're excited because as a member of the month. Maria, thank you so much for being a listener and a supporter of the show. Hi.

How did you find out about the shows? When my daughter was in high school, we kind of connected over Taz. She introduced me to Schmanor's and Sawbones. What made you decide to become a Max Fund member? I kind of decided that with the economy being so difficult, it was worth me giving up my Starbucks to join in with you guys. Well, Maria, I owe you a cup of coffee then. At some point, I'll get a cup of coffee in your hands to pay you back.

Okay. Maria, again, thank you so much for your support. Thank you very, very much for your time and getting a chance to be the member of the month. My daughter was shocked when she found out about it, so I can't wait for her to actually maybe catch a little bit of this. I can rub it in her face a little bit. That's what we do it for. Thank you, and thanks to everybody for your support.

Maria, have a great month. You have an amazing month as well. Become a MaxFund member now at Maximumfund.org slash join. Hey. Hey there. Do you love reading Smut? Erotica? Romance.

Romanticy. Is your e-reader full of horny fairies and sexy shifters? Are your shelves bursting with enemies to lovers? We're reading smut. Your new faded mate. Every other Friday, we dive into sexy books and talk to the people who love them. Consider this. I'm me cute.

Reading Smut, every other Friday on Maximum Fun. La La La La La. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy Detective. Lucy, Tomlin Brenner. Halloween queen. I didn't vote for you.

That's the whole thing with queens, Jesse. Yeah. Oh, shit. It's a lineage. Oh, no, queen? Yeah. I rule you whether you want me to or not. God damn it.

Yeah. It's all right. It's fucked. I know. What holiday could we become queens of? Oh, let's see. What's out there? Okay.

Hey, Siri, show me a list of holidays. This is going to be great That's going to be great Okay To Christmas That's Mariah Carey So we can't do Christmas Okay I'm going to

Okay Top 100 Holidays I think we'd just take a quick look at this Top 100 holidays You're going to get a lot of dogs You're going to get like Waffle Day in there Yeah sure

Okay I'm going to I'm just a best friend's day I'm using Visualcapitalist.com That might be fun for us though I said it kind of Uh, I mean, maybe Earth Day.

No, I hate the Earth. Okay. You can have fun, man. That's out. I wanted 100. This gave me like 20. Okay, 100 holidays celebrated around the world. Okay, Christmas, Duwali, Chinese New Year, Hanukkah.

We're wrong for some of these. Uh, Independence Day, St. Patrick's Day, Bastille Day, I could see us. Okay, that's friends. Do you hear the people sing? Say to you, tears. We are the queens. What about bonfire night? Yeah, queens of bonfire night.

We fucking hate Guy Fawks. Yeah. Oh, wait, does this have some political implications that I'll have to learn about? I don't want to learn about anything. Okay, okay. I just thought we could throw a cool, you know, bonfire for the kids of the neighborhood. There's some, there's other options. Talk about what's going to happen when we go to college.

What about Australian Anzac Day? Oh, no. Commemorate Soldier's Service and Sac Day. What about like Arbor Day? That's like not as much pressure as Earth Day. I could do Arbor Day. I hate the Earth, but I love a tree. I'm complicated.

I don't like trees too looming. Oh, okay, okay. I'm going to go with La Tomatina from Spain in Buneo, Spain. Every August, it is a tomato throwing festival. Great. I'm the queen of that. I feel like we could incite some tomato throwing in Spain. Sure, if anybody's ever seen our live shows.

Oh, my God. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. There it is. Okay. All right. The Queens of a tomato throwing. La Tomatina.

La Tomatina. Although there is a certain appeal in Norwegian Constitution Day, which celebrates the signing of Norway's Constitution in 1814. I mean, it needs to be judged up, that's for sure. Yeah. So if you're ready for that, task. Yeah. Well, this is the perfect time for us to celebrate to be the Queens of Saudi Arabian National Day. Oh, you missed.

It's your festival. That's in the news. Yes. Well, Luce, tell us where people can find your podcast. Anywhere you want. Anywhere podcast-y. Yeah, it's always Halloween is the name. It's always Halloween podcast on Instagram.

And I'm LTV comedy on Instagram. And you can also find me at Videotech, one of the last thriving video stores in Los Angeles. You know what? Just head over there to Video Tech, rent yourself a phone. Blu-ray. They've got four Ks, Jordan. Four? Yeah. Yeah. K? Mm-hmm. Wow. So many times I've been at videotech with my daughter, and

I've said, four, that's the perfect number of Ks. How does she like that? She doesn't care for it. Keep trying it. Keep trying. Louder. Yeah, yeah, maybe she doesn't hear you. Louder for the people in the back. Say the quiet part loud. There you go. I mean, we have people coming in who only think we have tapes, so. we do need to keep talking about the 4Ks. There's some tapes.

We've got tapes. We have about 60, 50 to 60 rental tapes of movies that have never been released on any other format. What's an example of that? Wouldn't that be great if I memorized that? It's a lot of foreign films because those don't get a lot of release. They don't get released out here as often unless they're more popular. When we were doing our Bert Reynolds rewatch series, Stash Rules Everything Around Me, I feel like I got most of those movies from video.

Tech. Oh, hell yeah. Thanks. It's a wealth of Bert Reynolds and other fine films. Yeah. You know what happened to me the other day? I was writing an essay about Peewee's Big Adventure. Yes.

For the Criterion Collection. Yes, that's correct. Yes, that's correct. Yes, that's correct. They didn't let me in the closet. What? They gave me $1,000. Oh, that's nice.

That was very generous. You can buy a nice closet with that. Yeah. I was writing this essay about Peewee's Big adventure for the Criterium Collection and it is for a group of movies. It is for the Tim Burton Uve. Uh-huh. It is not the Peewey Herman Oove, right? Right. So because it's about Tim Burton, I was like, I need to know more about Tim Burton. Like I've seen many of Tim Burton's films, certainly, and enjoyed many of Tim Burton's films. I'm not like a neophyte to Tim Burton,

but I know a shit ton about Pee Wee Herman much more than I knew about Tim Burton. Burton. So I'm like searching on the internet. You've been to a certain home for peculiar children. Exactly. I've reeled in a few big fish in my day. Yeah. That's another thematic Halloween about not reconciling with your father. There you go. I think they reconcile at the end. Do they in the end? Yeah. I, but that's why it's a haunted house. Oh, right. So I'm like searching the internet. Where is something where Tim Burton has talked about, his experience working and I'm like oh there's this book called Burton on Burton and I'm like fuck I don't want to have to go to the library and get this book I don't have to like go to the

main library to rent this book or and I don't have time to wait a week for it to come in the mail if I buy it you know second hand I can go go across the street to video tech they got it yeah five bucks well five bucks right there on the shelf of books about movies that they have a video tech and then you had this like displeasure of finding out it's Tim Burton talking about Burton snowboarding material. The whole thing was about snowboarding. I pulled a sweet 1080. Yeah, like, I didn't even know

he did that. Talk about Frankenweedy. He's going to try to weave that into the essay somehow. He's like, you wouldn't believe this gnar. Yeah. And the pal? Forget about it. Carving gnar. Anything about Ed Wood. Literally anything. One thing about, yeah, so anyway,

thanks to videotech for coming through in the clutch there. Hell yeah. We've got over 40,000 movies. That's like more than twice as many as what is streaming. Yeah. People don't realize not everything is streaming. It's true. I think the first time I saw near dark was I rented it from video tech because that is a famous hard to stream movie.

Yes, good, good. Fucking great movie too. Yeah, that was, you know, when David Lynch, my Lord and Savior, when he passed, Elephant Man and Wild at Heart aren't streaming. Oh, yeah, sure. And suddenly everybody came around to the video. Well, well, well. Oh, everybody likes sparkles and thinks they're age appropriate.

Interesting. They're like, please, spark a girl, get us a razor head. And like, oh, yeah, that I definitely have. But not Wild at Heart. We had a list. We had like a waiting list of like 10 people for Wild at Heart. It was like the good old days. I got that on VHS.

Ooh, very cool. I have blue velvet on VHS. That's definitely. I've never actually watched it, to be frank. It came with my cabin. It was just sitting in my cabin. It was like six movies. what's eating Gilbert grape, wild at heart.

I can't remember what else, but I remember being like, huh, maybe those two back to back. I know. Hey, boy, I don't know. I guess what's eating Gilbert grape first. Probably doesn't hold up, right? No, I don't know if it held up at the time. No.

I mean, I was just going through Leonardo DiCaprio movies very fairly. Oh, the beach. Yes. Oh, I saw the beach in the theater. I read the, I made, I played tonsil hockey at the beach. What? But, blah, the beach? I think I was with, I don't know if I was with a kissing friend at that screening, remember.

Just a fucking straight raw dog in bed. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you could. You were with a sex worker whose only rule was no kissing. Yeah, no kissing. Got it. I was like, that's fine with me, because I don't want to take my eyes off the screen. No kissing in Decaprio only.

DiCaprio only. Going from dry to wet again. Stephen Ray Morris is the producer of our program. Our producer in waiting, Jordan Cowling. The Dolphin. Is that right? Don't know. Dolfin?

Isn't a dolphin like a king that's not ready to be the king yet? Cyan. That's about to become. I thought we were talking about our president dolphin again. See, good callback. We talked about that at the beginning and we're talking about at the end. So people are now they feel satisfied. I would love to have a dolphin president.

Me too. Oh, my God. What do you think we have to do to make that happen? Like, would you, are you willing to take the time to be the campaign manager? I mean, there was already that person who was jacking off the dolphin, right? I'm sure there's several people that do that. In the dolphin house? You guys know about the dolphin house where somebody was, there was a radio lab about it.

Here in America? Yeah, there was a house. This is happening in America? There was a people house. God's United States. There was a people house that a dolphin lived. and the person who lived in the house with the dolphin, Stephen knows this.

You've jacked off a dolphin, is that correct? Yes, exactly. Yeah, it was in the 70s. They're giving the dolphin acid. It was a whole trip. Yeah, it wasn't Sequest, though. No. It wasn't secret.

Different dolphin. I was okay with the jacking off, but the acid part made me feel sad. Yeah, a dolphin can't consent to that. That's true. But maybe that's the dolphin that'll become president. I think because the dolphin's mind has been expanded. That's sure, yeah.

These things other dolphins don't. Yeah, I never believed he could be president until the mushrooms. Oh, shit. Maybe I'm president now. I gotta get out of this water. I hope my mom doesn't come home. Our theme music is Love You by the Free Design, courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records. What about a t-shirt that says dolphin president now?

Sure. I think we have more t-shirts coming. Oh, yeah. We got those dino teasers around the corner. But, yeah, I mean, I think we should, yeah, I mean, I'm, I'm not. Do we strike while the iron's hot? Will Dolphin President ever come up again on the show? Yes, it will.

We say five or six things over and over again. You need to have like the little squirts of water, I think, too, because I think that would add a lot to it. No, I agree there should be squirts. Yeah, okay. Yeah, great. I've always thought there should be squirts. That's the one thing the spot guess has always been missing.

Thank you. More squirts. 4D experience. Yeah, right. We've always been sort of G-Spot Destroyer, so it's been hard for us to generate squirts. That's why I'm brought back in here, too. You know, get the G-spot going again. To re-squirt.

To re-squirt the cheesepot. Our theme music, love you by the free design. Our thanks to the free designer, thanks to Light and the Attic Records. You can find us on Instagram, Jordan Jesse Go pod, Jordan David Morris, Jesse Thorne, very famous. You can find us on Blue Sky at Jordan Jesse Go. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse Go. And hey, how about this, Jordan? How about this?

if you're listening to Jordan Jesse Go right now I bet you like Jordan Jesse Go because you not only listen to the whole show then you listen to the bullshit part where we should have ended it but we haven't yet if you like Jordan Jesse Go that much this week will you pick someone to recommend Jordan Jesse go to That's a great idea

Not everybody in your life is a bunch of box social squares There's a couple nasty freaks out there You know a couple stank hunters Right your local stank hunter. This is the stank hunter episode. Tell them that you've got the podcast for them. I feel like our listeners could find one person to recommend Jordan Dressigo this week.

They could do. They know all kinds of people. And it can't just be the one person you know that already listens to George Desego. And if you can't think of anyone else, recommend it to Mommy. Go, mommy. Come. Whoa, Mommy. No, don't talk like that. Talk normal.

This is my normal. voice my podcast voice is a put on oh okay uh cheese pot's getting destroyed again we'll be back and just oh no we'll talk to you next time how about that on jordan jessie go dolphin president now dolphin president now dolphin president now dog you and kiss you and love you love you love you love you love you love you Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.