Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Herdin' Around, with Kai Ryssdal

Episode Date: May 28, 2026

This week, we’re joined by public radio host and journalist Kai Ryssdal for a conversation about referee culture, iguana inflation, Wile E. Coyote rules and regulations, and much more. *Follow Kai on BlueSky. *Listen to Marketplace.  *Grab tix to Judge John Hodgman: NIGHT COURT on June 11 at Coolidge Corner here. *Check out Jordan at the Toronto Comic Arts Festival on June 6th and 7th. *Grab a signed copy of Jordan’s new Baby Garfied #3 comic. Available June 10. *Check out more Amazing Spiderman content from Jordan. *Order Jordan’s new Web of Venom comic. *Check out Jordan’s comic Predator: Bloodshed. * Order Jordan’s new Predator comic: Black, White & Blood! * Order Jordan’s new Venom comic! * Donate to Al Otro Lado. * Purchase signed copies of *Youth Group* and *Bubble* from Mission: Comics And Art!   ~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~ Get  Bronto Dino-Merch! Get our ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store. Grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug! The Maximum Fun Bookshop! Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes! Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On. Thank you to our outgoing producer, Jordan Kauwling! Follow her on Instagram. Thank you to engineer Gabe Mara! Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinjjgo

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sucks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Man, Jordan, you know how, you know I had very briefly this lifestyle where I was taking my daughter, Scarlett, to go see concerts? Yes.

What all did you guys see? Oh, we went to some rap concerts. It started when we went to see Kendrick Lamar. Yes. And that was really fun. And then I was like, maybe she would like to go to see Dan Deakin. Maybe she'd like to go see the Mountain Goats. Maybe she'd like to go see some rappers that I like.

Uh-huh. Not that I don't like Kendrick Lamar. No. That's a young person. Except for Drake. He doesn't like Kendrick Lamar. Okay. So we went to a variety of different concerts.

And some people who watched the Super Bowl halftime show that didn't quite get it. Yeah, exactly. I feel like I didn't know what concerts she would like maybe. Maybe her interests just move around a lot because she's a young person. Sure. At this point, we're at a sort of detente where she will only go to more concerts with me if they are Weird Al Yankovic concerts, which I'm glad to go to. Okay.

I'm glad to go to a Weird Al concert. I mean, that's a pretty good, could gap to be at. I have his email address. Okay. You don't have to have his email address to go to the concert. I'm just bragging about the fact that I have Weird Al Concert. Al's email address. It's a good brag.

If I had it, I would probably randomly cram it into conversation too. Thank you very much. I've also heard you're in the podcast Hall of Fame. That's also correct. That's also true. That is also correct. Pause. I love, I just love that when kids get to that age, they just start liking Weird Al.

I think that's just the age I was when I started liking Weird Al. There's a whole generation before us who got to that age. Yeah, totally. We're not even the oldest people that like Weird Al. There was another set of 13-year-olds. Incredible stuff. Like, I think we got, I think I got my first Weird Al tape from the oft-mentioned Matthew Dudley's brother. Yeah.

Who, like, was, I think by the time I met him, a scumbag metal head. Yeah. Who, like, smoked clothes in the yard. Sure. But I think he was. I can't smoke those inside. No, you can't. I think he was a teen who got into Weird Al and then handed the tapes down to me and Matthew Dudley.

I think I bought my tapes at a used bookstore. Nice. Good place to get a Word Al tape. So my concert-going lifestyle, which was briefly abundant because I could take my child. Yeah. But then all of a sudden went fallow again because if I can't bring my child, I cannot leave the house. I cannot do a thing and then leave all three children at my home. I have to take at least one child.

Scarlet's a new third co-host, by the way. Yes. So we're piping up soon. I have been dreaming of going to concerts, but my wife got to go to a concert last night. She and my youngest child, Frankie. I mean, I've always said this. You disagree. Wives deserve fun, too.

You know what? That's a really good point, Jordan. Wives deserve fun, too. In a lot of ways, wives deserve fun too. That is a really good, you know what? Let's put you in the podcast, Hall of Fame. I would love to be there. I would love to be there.

I would settle for the Allies Hall of Fame, Jesse. I would settle for it. You'd fly out to Orlando for that dinner, even if Dr. Drew was hosting. I don't know that that's where the ally. I didn't go to the dinner because I didn't want to fly to Orlando to meet Dr. Drew. Anyway, my wife went to a concert last night with Frankie. Because she deserves fun too.

They went to see the Japanese hologram Hatsune Miku. Yes. They went to L.A. Live, a major entertainment complex in the Los Angeles area. Right down, right in the heart of Los Angeles, downtown, right next to downtown Los Angeles. They went to. a theater where I saw Pee Wee Herman, a 2,000-seat theater. Who was a human and not a hologram. Yes.

And they watched a hologram sing in Japanese. It was the highlight of my child's life. He came home wearing a Hatsunei Miku t-shirt, underneath a Hatsune Miku like Obi or something. Okay. And he had bought both of them with his own. own money. He has, hey, he doesn't have a lot of money, but he had been saving it to buy stuff at the Hatsunei Kiku concert. Almost had a meltdown when they were out of glow sticks. They got there

45 minutes before the show started so that they could get in line to get glow sticks. Okay. I don't know what's special about the closed sticks. I'm going to be frankly. Can you maybe, probably, I was going to say, can you not get glow sticks ahead of time? Maybe they don't let you bring those in. I don't know. They're filled with liquid. I think the glow sticks maybe have technology. Oh, they're like timed to the music or something. Yeah, something like that. I think that must be what it is. That there's a little guy in there that changes the colors.

Sure. And it makes it dance to the songs. Of the hologram. Of the hologram woman. Anyway, I was talking to my wife today. Talking to her about how it went. And she said to me, she was so happy that Frankie was so happy. And very sincerely, my wife is a generous-hearted person, as you know.

And deserves fun, too. Yeah, I think so, too. Put me in the Allies Hall of Fame. I just said my wife is generous-hearted, but she was very happy that our child was happy. And then she said to me, the music was for me very bad. Now who opened for Hatsune Miku, Mastodon? Yeah, a band of horses was there. Weird bill, weird bill.

I, she said that... I mean, I clocked Hatsune Miku when it became a trend. I don't know, like 15 years ago or something. I mean, maybe 10, yeah. Yeah, maybe. And I'm like, oh, this is something, is like there's now a hologram that people love. Yeah.

And I just remember the music being kind of generic pop music sung in Japanese. It's like generic pop music, if the generic pop music was in the soundtrack of a video game. Okay. And was like in world. Okay. You know what I mean?

Like, it's not like like pop stars contributed songs to the soundtrack of a video game like Grand Theft Auto or something like that. it's like if the characters in the video game were pop stars, and so they wrote some pop songs for the video game. A video game composer wrote them. It's truly maddening. I mean, it's not incompetent. Right.

It just all has the same kind of like, kind of quality to it. I'm kind of loving that, honestly. I know, I can tell. But my wife said that... You got to get into Hatsunei Miku. On the way home from the Hatsunay Miku head, shout out to you.

Everybody there was really nice to my kid. That's great. I bet that's a fun, loving environment. Yeah, I think that's the, I think that's the anime expo of concerts. Right. A lot of good vibes. Probably a lot of overlap there. But my wife said they were driving home, and Frankie asked if they could listen to Hatsunei Miku on the way home.

Sure. And she said she turned it on, and it was like in the second Hatsunei Miku song. And she had to, again, you've been my wife. This is the most generous heart of a woman in the world. She turned, she turned to Frankie and said, I'm sorry. I think I can't listen to this. I'm sorry, we ran out of Hatsunomi. We ran out. All that's left is Ani DeFranco.

The Hatsune Miku. Man, I keep typing Hatsunei Miku in, and I keep getting Boni Vair out. I don't know. Should we introduce our guest on the program? Okay. Noted hologram. That's right. Our guest on the program is a real human man. Yes.

He's a public radio legend. Oh, for Christ's sake. He's handsome. Far too handsome for radio. Setting an unrealistic standard, an unrealistic standard for handsomeness among public radio hosts. He's the host of Marketplace. For years we've threatened to make him come here. That is true.

We finally did something that tricked him. I don't know what it was. You DM'd me. That's what you did. I did. I de-empt Kai Rizdahl. It's Kai Rizdahl. Hi, Kai.

How are you? I'm good. I'm just sitting here watching your work. And apparently DMs are open, I guess. They're doing. I'm here. Slide on in. Kai, what's the worst thing that your children brought you to?

And you have four children. So you've got plenty of opportunities. I have four children other than insanity with four kids. I mean, you know, at one point, we had four kids under the age of like 10. That's too many. So it was a lot. It's about two too many based on my three kids.

The house, at four, the house was full. What's the worst thing they brought me to? I don't know. I love my children. I, you know. Wow. What's the best thing they brought you to? When we go out, even to this day, it's fun to be a herd.

Just to, and watch people go, oh, my God. Look at the size of that family. I really enjoy that, you know, which is weird. Herding around. That's right. Trampling grass? Yes, a little bit. moo here and there.

Did you ever have to, like, my kid wants to go to a thing, I don't get this, but I'll go and try to get it? So we did a lot of Pokemon cards when one of them was little, which I, for the life of me, I still don't understand. Did you have to go to the Pokemon card store? I think we did. I might have blocked it out, but there were Saturday and Sunday mornings on the couch in the living room playing Pokemon cards, and of course, he makes up the rules.

And you're like, what do you mean, Charmander can't do that? I'm so hard. You know? He just can't. The central thing of the Pokemon cards is the peak of Pokemon card interest. And look, people of all ages, I've been to the Pokemon card story. Every demographic in America is represented among. Like Weird Al, it's one of those things that just keeps attracting eight-year-olds.

Maybe Weird Al attracts 12-year-olds. Eight-year-olds just see the Pokemon and need them. Here's the thing. The peak of interest in Pokemon cards. is asynchronous with the peak in the ability to understand the rules of a relatively complicated. Totally. Totally. So they're like buying all these Pokemon cards and they want to play them, but they're mad because they don't know how.

I think he was just happy to just to make up the rules. You know, whatever it was. And of course, I was more than happy to say, you win. Great. Let's go. Let's go throw a baseball. I'm not comfortable with that. I don't think kids should get participation trophies.

Wow. Well, but that's the way it is. If they don't have a shining Charzard, they're going to lose the game. I mean, because I have a shining Charism. You're up to speed, man. Did you get a favorite Pokemon in all of that? I'm sure I did. Couldn't tell you.

Honestly, I blocked it out. That's okay. He was, this kid was very serious about the Pokemon's and I just. But moved on. It's now not an adult Pokemon. I don't know that he's ever done Pokemon Go, whatever the app thing is where you chase him around, right? Don't know that he's ever done that. That one is good for you, I think.

That one's nice. That gets you out in the world. Get you outside, right? Yeah, totally. Because, you know, if you're just at home catching Charzards, snorlaxes, a third Pokemon. A third one, which exists. There was a, I watched an internet video of baseball players.

I guess this is all I do is just watch little internet videos of baseball players now. Not playing baseball, answering dumb questions into a novelty microphone. Right. They asked them what their favorite Pokemon is. You know, baseball player's favorite Pokemon is? I don't. It's fucking Pikachu. Oh, too easy.

Yeah, I think of my favorite band's the Beatles. That's right. It's the only one they know. Fucking baseball players. Get a life baseball players. Jesse, is that like, are you interested in that stuff? Or does it just come up and you're compulsively?

It comes up and when I'm avoiding, so like, you know, I subscribe to baseball reddits. Uh-huh. And I follow some baseball things on Blue Sky or whatever. And so, and on Instagram, a couple of baseball things. And I do want to see, to me, the best part of internet, clip video culture, sports highlight. Right. I love to see a sports highlight.

Show me Victor Wembenyama doing a crazy dunk or shooting a backwards three-pointer or when something amazing happens in the sports event, even if it's a sport I don't care about, I'll look at the highlight and I'll think that is pretty neat. That is pretty cool because I'm not going to watch a whole hockey game or whatever unless I've got tickets. That's pretty fun if you go to the hockey game. But I'm not going to watch it on television or something. But if some crazy thing happened in a hockey game, I absolutely will watch the clip of it. So I'm in for that, right? I'm in for like, oh, O'Neill Cruz hit a 121 mile an hour home run and it bounced off the top of the foul pole. happened the other day. I watched it. It was great. However, with that comes social media videos

made by baseball teams. And those are just cute enough to watch, but also bad because baseball players in particular, I think there's a lot of interesting basketball players who see, they seem to be interesting human beings, interesting men and women play basketball. baseball players are not interesting. They are boring people. They're Pikachu ass guys. Yeah, they're just like, what do you like? And they're like hunting.

And you're like, okay, cool. The end, that's the end of the things. I married my wife when we were 19. Yes, exactly. And so they show those videos, and I just click on it, and it goes to me, and I watch it, and then I get mad at myself for having watched it. but I would say definitely that like

baseball players saying Pikachu is their favorite Pokemon is definitely better than a video of a baseball player being funny. Okay, yeah. Kai, what's the internet shooting at you these days? I spend a lot of time on my Instagram and Blue Sky and I do, I do news mostly is what I do. Okay.

You know, I mean, I don't, this is, this is why it's so curious to me that you guys want me to come on this podcast. This is like a pop culture podcast. I'm like, but what? But this Wolf Blitzer talking about his favorite Pokemon. I'm like, God, yeah. I insisted you wear that hat with the press pass in the band. Yeah, that's right.

That's right. But you don't have a thing where you're like, oh, this is my hobby and the internet now knows it. Oh, of course I do. So I watch a lot of soccer. I'm a soccer referee. So it dishes me up soccer all the time. For whom do you referee? High school and college and kids too.

Major league soccer. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so I do that a lot. And it serves me up all that stuff. But, you know, I mean, don't click on the things with the baseball players. answering the stupid questions, you won't get more of that. You know how the internet works. Come on, man, you're doing it to yourself. I click on it. Also, it's lousy marketing. It's terrible marketing.

You're just a sucker for it. They say Casey Schmidt is funny, but it turns out he just has a mustache. Are there soccer players whose, like, personalities you're into, or is it the same as Facebook players? So this is going to make me sound like a weirdo. Okay. Yeah. I'm a referee. Okay. So when I watch the games and when I'm paying attention to what's going on, I'm paying attention to the referees. Okay. So, so yes, fine. A ref head. I kind of am. Mosolo, whatever, messy, whatever, you know, all those guys.

But I want to know what Anthony Taylor's doing or what Michael Oliver's doing. Those are Premier League referees. I love Tony T. I love that you had refs off the dome. Who are some of your top refs? Anthony Taylor and Michael Oliver. There's a guy from Australia. His name is Justin Rollout.

He rests in the Premier League right now. What is the steps? Because like a baseball umpire is, only one, the only things I know about refs is I know that possibly still and definitely for a long time, NFL referee was not a job. Yeah, it was like a side hustle. It was like a thing where you'd show up on Sunday and then the rest of the week you'd work at your car dealership, which is why they were so bad. Yeah. But I also know a little bit, like when I was a kid, I think I read a book by an amusing Major League Baseball Empire. And there's, you go to like umpire

college. Right. You go to school, yeah. In baseball. And then, and then usually you try and get, it seems like an amateur and pro or sort of different tracks. You know, you get a single-A job and you go around for 20 years and then maybe you become a major league umpire. What is it, what's the empire ladder like in the referee ladder? It is not dissimilar. So you start when your kids are little and you start doing that and you decide you like it and then you get into referee club games and then you get into high school and college. And then you join a referee academy. And you will get to do higher level, more intense games. Have you been in a referee academy?

No, I have not. I started when I was too old. But that's all different, that's all different podcast. You know what? Well, it's all about who your dad is. You know, if you get into Ref Academy. Jordan. Your dad has to have been a legacy.

I think old people can go to Referee Academy. I think so, too. If they set their heart to it, I think that Silver Foxes should be allowed at referee academies. There are second acts in American life. That is true. Thank you. That is true.

And I don't care about who said there wasn't. To me, a great inspiration is Jimmy Carter. Jimmy Carter would have gone to Referee Academy. That is true. Once he was the president, he could have done whatever he wanted to do. That's right. I went to Referee Academy. It was kind of a party academy.

I didn't learn anything. You went to Florida State. If you remember Florida State Referee Academy, you didn't go. Yeah. Okay. So you have, you are sort of you've taken a, a yeoman's, you know, college of the streets kind of approach to refereeing

to refereeing soccer games. So what level have you now reached? Do you say college? I've done college Division III. Oh, wow. It's pretty good. It's pretty fun. When you were doing kids games,

did you have to deal with dads? Oh, dads are the worst. The worst parents are 10 and under parents. I swear it to me. They're horrible. How did you deal with a dad in dad mode? where you throw them out Wow

You chucked dads Yeah And moms I'm an equal opportunity Chucker You chuck whoever You know what I think moms

should be allowed To be chucked Just for keeping with the thing With the podcast Do you do you like Do you like Do that thing where you like Point at them

And then you point away Do you out of here Like that? No I let the coach control their sideline I'm like coach The game's not going to continue If that parent is still here

Is there Like when the kid gets to a certain age, does that stop? Like, do you... So here's why 10 you parents are the worst. Yeah. They know their kid has some talent, but they don't know that the kid's not going to make it to the pros.

Right. And so they think everything that happens to that kid is impeding his or her path to the pros. Okay. So if you don't call a foul on the kid, oh my God, right? Right. And that's why they go ballistic. By 12 and 14, you know, they know maybe he'll play college.

Maybe she'll, you know, go minor leagues or whatever. But at 10 years. knew it's everything is still a possibility and so the parents are unbearable. The secret for me and my family that helped me avoid that was that I knew that all three of my children had coming out of me and my wife. So it wasn't a concern that they would be good. My kids all gave up at 12 soccer. They were like that.

I don't want to do this anymore. Yeah, great, great. Did you have a sport you played at that age? I was a soccer player. Okay. Yeah. Here's the thing, though. This is America where we hate soccer referees.

for falling for soccer players being whiny, right? Isn't that like the number one thing that? That is the thing that people object to about soccer. And that happens a lot in the Premier League and other leagues. You don't see it quite as much here, I think. But, you know, whatever, I'm biased. It is awe-inspiring that it happens. Like, I don't watch a ton of soccer, but then I'll be watching it.

And I'll be like, come on. You're falling for that? It's crazy. Give me a break. But look, so in the referee's defense, you're, you're, you're, So in my case... It's like geography, right? It's just like 7,000 miles of field.

There's a lot of turf. There's 22 people on the field, right? Also, you're making split-second decisions when your heart rate's 160. You know, I mean, just... I keep my heart rate down. I do a lot of mindfulness. You seem very calm, yes.

Yeah. Yeah, guided meditations. That's right. You have the shirt, right? You have a shirt? I have several shirts. Wow. In lots of different colors.

Okay. And whistles to... Wait, hold on. not just black and white? No, come on. That's football. Jesus. Oh, boy.

Look at me. Johnny doesn't know soccer over there. Is it different colors for different leagues or is it different colors for different referee positions? No, depending on what the teams are wearing. Referee shirt can't be the same as a jersey. But it's always a colorful shirt? Yeah.

Do you have to use a color wheel when you're getting dressed in the morning? One does not. One goes to the field and sees what the field team is wearing. And then you pull your uniform out of the best. I keep five or six referee shirts in my trunk at all times just in case. And I'm good, I'm sorry for the stupidity of this. The show in general and the, you know, and my side of this conversation. At the end of the day, as a fellow public radio host, I'll be at one roughly one-seventh as successful as you.

I just want to say that I'm sorry I brought you into this. Not at all. I'm sorry I introduced you to my friend Jordan of 25 years. I'm sorry Gabe had to be here. Not at all. Are there different whistles? Thank you. Thank you, Jordan.

There's like half a dozen different kinds of whistles. Okay, tell us about these whistles. Let's run down to the whistles. So I use the Fox 40 Classic. Yay! There's all kinds. Gabe, make a note for us to visit R slash whistles at some point.

I guarantee you it's there. What? I guarantee you it's a Reddit about talking about. Oh, absolutely there is. No question. Yes. Kai, have you ever used a whistle that I occasionally have.

have, that I occasionally have purchased at the flea market that's called. No, no, not this one. Slide whistle, right, whatever that is. That might be fun to take it to the game. Go, go one time. Hey, if Weird Al were a soccer referee, it might be a little bit like this. I'm talking about a whistle called the Acme Thunderer. No.

This is a whistle, this is a whistle where sometimes at the flea market people will have some whistles in with their jewelry cases, like the whistle is a special. item like it's old. Yeah. But it's actually just the whistles have just looked exactly the same for 75 years. But one of the brands of whistles

that you see is called Acme Thunder Room. I love anything Acme. Yeah. I know. You know what I saw the other day, actually, the rules, Chuck, whatever's name is his rules for the Roadrunner and Wiley Coyote.

Have you seen those? I have. Yeah, those are, so when they're doing those original Roadrunner cartoons, Chuck Jones laid out the rules for those cartoons. Right. And one of them was the coyote like,

him being hurt must be as a result of himself. His own actions. Yes. All products must come from the Acme company. No dialogue. The only dialogue is beep beep beep. And the roadrunner must stay on the road. Must stay on the road.

Must stay on the road. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a roadrunner. Think about how much better our show would be if we followed those rules. It's like eight rules. It's just the Bible. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, okay.

So wait, your top whistle is the Fox 40. Fox 40 classic. Okay. Okay. Tell me about the context of where you would use this whistle. What is, what are the special qualities of this whistle. Why would you choose it over, say, an Acme Thunderwere?

I like it because it's, so it's a P-L-L-E-S-S, I know where you were going. Got it. It's a P-L-L-E-L-E-S-I-S. You know, the old whistles used to have that thing in the middle that would make the sound, right? They've engineered this one somehow that it doesn't have the P in the middle, and so it just sounds, but it sounds like a classic, right? And that's what I like. It's just a classic whistle.

So it has the, it has the trilling quality of a P-wistle? which is what I call it. Right. But it's, but it doesn't have the P in it. No P. No P. You have a least favorite. No, you go, man.

You know what? Just rip on it. This whistle with no P in it, it's a lot like my Ool. Have you ever seen one of those signs of the side of a pool that says, welcome to my ool, notice there's no P. No, no P. Oh, there you go. I now get it and I love it.

Thank you. That's very good. Thank you. I don't have a pool. Um. Are there different whistles for different situations, or can you just bring any whistle you want? Okay. Refere gets to choose her, his or her own one. And you've made your decision.

I have made my choice. But you have other whistles as well, though, you said. No, I only have one. You only have other ones. There are many others. I only use the Foxxworthy classic. There are others that fools make use. So it is, but this whistle, does it have a classic whistle shape with a round part and a mouth part?

Yeah, basically. The long, skinny kind. No, no, no, no. It's a classic whistle shape. You would recognize it in silhouette. Does anybody ever use the long skinny kind? Nobody uses a long skinny kind. Why not?

I don't know. Probably because they're not. I stick to my whistle knitting, man. Probably because they're not assholes, right? Only an asshole would use a long skinny whistle to referee soccer. I know. Do you have to run around a lot? How many referees, if you're refereeing Division III,

college soccer. So this is a soccer game featuring people who are real serious, very fit. extremely fit. They don't have scholarships, but you know what? Probably they got offered a scholarship to a lesser college, but they chose academics. Might have. Might have. These are serious, look, we went to a Division III school, UC Santa Cruz, maybe you've

heard of it. Pretty famous for our, at the time, going to say, swim teams? Is that some right? I think it was Ultimate Frisbee. It is that once the joke you would make about it and also the, the thing that was real. Yeah. Oh, no.

Every year we would take on Bennington in the World Championship. And we would kick their asses, I think. Yeah, you private school dicks. Yeah. We're from the streets. We are, yes. We are scrappy ultimate frisbee team. Four-handed frisbee throwing.

I still can't do that. Okay, so Kai, how many, in a division three men's soccer game, 22 people. 22 players, three referees, big old, three referees. Three referees. Three total.

referees. Yeah, one guy with the whistle in the middle or a woman, and then a linesman on either side. I'm not asking you to brag on her show, but after the game, you get a check for 50 bucks? You get paid after the game. After the game. Not necessarily 50 bucks? It's like 160, I guess.

That's pretty solid. Baggy orange slices? No, no orange slices. Got to bring your own. Oh, no. You got to bring your own orange? No. This is not 10 you, man. At the end of every game, you choose one team to eat orange slices with whichever team was the nicer boys. Yes. And you eat, yes. Kids still getting orange slices at the end of a soccer?

They are. The little kids. It's still a big thing. The whole snack thing. Yeah, that was, I played a little bit of child soccer and always remembered the orange slices. That is my one soccer memory. I, when my daughter was playing basketball at the park, at the park league, these parents, and I mean, I live in the inner city. I was going to an inner city park. These were, my child's peers were at-risk youth,

as I had once been in my own childhood. And these parents were bringing in fucking smorgasbordes. Like the intense competition amongst these parents that signed up to provide, like, they would, you know those like, you know those like little brown paper bags that you get at the corner store? okay those weren't big enough you just have to go to full on grocery bags because of the amount of different types of bags of chips wow and like some parents this literally happened one parent just got brought McDonald's for everyone wow that's a power move that's a power move unbelievable and again

I'm not that I'm recently turned 45 years old I mean happy birthday to me sure but I'm not that old and when I was a child, my parents didn't even bring me to practice or come to my game. I just took the bus. The other kids, there was a few parents there, but nobody brought us snacks. Kai, you're nodding. What's, have you noticed snack trends developed over the years? Oh, there are snack wars. Yeah, look, I'm out of the snack game now because my kids are all grown.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. But back in the day, you would have to go. The parent would have to go like that Saturday morning before the game, run to Ralphs or the pigly wiggly or whatever, and stock up on, like, fruit. roll-ups and juice boxes and a thing of crackers. Oh, yeah, totally. That's another thing. Absolutely happens. Some of the parents were going to the Piggly Wiggly, and I'm like, this is a three-day drive for you. You've got to drive all the way to East Texas to get to a Piggly Wigley, they are. Yeah, that was another problem. Okay, so how many soccer games are you refereeing in a

given month? It kind of depends. In the middle of a high school season, it's, you know, you can probably do four or five a week, so 20-ish. Are you doing this out in the lot of You out of Flannridge area? All over L.A. Here's the thing. What would you do? You're out there playing soccer, or your 16-year-old is out there playing soccer.

The whistle gets blown. What's this called? The Fox 40? The Fox 40 Classic. Fox 40 Classic. So you hear the distinctive Peelous trill. Yes.

The pea-less trill. What are you guys? 10? Fox 40 Classic. I'm just describing the local. We're talking about a P-E-A-P. You're the one that keeps bringing up. So you hear that classic trill.

And then you hear like, you know, hard kicking. I don't know the calls for soccer. That's not a foul, but I know where you're going. Let me just tell you that the Venn diagram of soccer parents and marketplace listeners in the greater L.A. era, it is a circle. It is a circle. That's the thing. Yeah. Are there parents like bringing boom boxes and playing instrumental versions of,

They're not playing instrumental versions. But they come up to me after the game. Sometimes, sometimes when I'm doing like 16 and 17-year-olds, the kids are listening. They're like, are you? Did I hear you on the? And I'm like, yeah. Mom's yelling. Let's go to the numbers from the stands.

That just means she wants to, you know, Kyrizdall is very handsome. She just found out how handsome Kai Rizdoll is. Let's do this. Let's take a little break. I have to run to the Pigley-Wigley. I'll be back in five to eight days. Yeah, and I'm current. And then we'll finish up.

I'm currently peaceful. I've got to be pee-fell. You've got to be Pee-less. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. It's Jordan Jessica Go. I am Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Hey, if you want to get up on the Jumbotron sometime, Maximumfund.org slash Jumbotron.

That's where we share messages with our listeners from our listeners. You want to wish somebody happy birthday or you want us to plug your podcast or whatever. It's pretty cheap. Maximumfund. It's cheap and fun. It's a lot cheaper than buying a fucking ad on Jordan, Jesse, go, that's going to set your back up pretty penny. That's going to set your back up. That's a premium. That's going to set your back a pretty penny. Speaking of what we're up to, Jordan, which is not what we were speaking of, but, you know, June 11th, Judge John Hodgman is in Boston, Massachusetts, or specifically Brookline, Massachusetts. At the Coolidge Corner Theater, this is a former movie theater, now multi-purpose theater, that

that John worked at in high school. Hey, cool. We're going to be joined by the one and only Mr. Eugene Merman. Not bad. Mr. Eugene Merman back from his life-threatening traffic accident that he was saved from by the governor of New Hampshire. That's a true story. Wow.

Cool. And her security detail. Well, his security detail, I don't remember. I think her. Women can be governors of New Hampshire, too. women can save Eugene Merman as well. Yeah. Anyway, that's June 11th. Go to maximum fun.org.

Slash events. Jordan, all the internet has been talking about is bit. dot lee slash cool garf. Jesse, uh, some wild stuff has been happening in the world of bit. bit.ly slash cool garf. Of course, that's the website you go to to order a signed in the mail copy of baby Garfield number three, the adorable comics adventure that features a story from me and Eisner Winner, 10 fam, about Baby Garfield

going to the beach for the first time. And you should. And yes. You should order it, Jordan. You should order it online because I'll tell you why. I went to the, I went to the comic book story. They were sold out of number three. All they orders was number two. And I said, no, I don't want Baby Garfield number two. I'm here for Baby Garfield number three. But Jesse, Baby Garfield No, three, not out yet. I believe it comes out on June 5th or 6th, one of those days. So here's what you were doing by going to bit. LY slash Cool Garf. You're pre-ordering your copy.

Got it. The good folks at Golden Apple Comics will ship it to you in the mail. Guess what fucking happened? I went up and talked to a guy at the counter of a real comic book store and asked for baby Garfield for no reason at all, apparently, because it wasn't even out yet. I could have just gone to bit. 0.ly slash Cool Garf. Okay, what else happened?

That's true. June 10th. It's out June 10th. And thank you, Jesse. Thanks for getting into these comic books I work on. That means a lot to me. my friend checks these out. A lot of people I don't know. Thank people I know. People I know don't like, you know, anyway, thank you.

I don't enjoy them. I don't care for him. No, that's okay. Yeah, too violent. I just don't like the idea of grown men wearing little outfits. I understand. I get it. And thank you for buying them despite your moral objection. Here's what happened. Bit.L.Y slash cool garf. Everybody wants this thing. Everybody wants it signed and shipped to them. It's sold out online. And the people are, flipping out. People are like, there's no more of this thing. I'm, I could get sure I could get a non-signed copy, but who wants that, you know? Here's what I did. I called Golden Apple Comics here in L.A. and said, people are banging down my fucking door going to bit.L.Y. slash cool garf and not finding anything. You got to order some more of these things. So they did. This is a finite

number. I'm not going to make this call again. When they're out, they're out. It's a one-time call. one-time call. I'm not going to be these, they're busy over there. You already used it up. Regis isn't going to let you make another call. Exactly. No more calls.

So, I think so. Don't wait, bit. L.Y slash cool garf if you want that comic. And also, I will be at a couple of cons coming up, but before the comic comes out,

so I won't have it there to sign for you. I'll be at GalaxyCon in Nashville, May 29th through 31st, and at the Toronto Comic Arts Festival. festival in Toronto, June 6th and 7th. Jesse, that's a fucking free con. That's free. Wow, that's a couple cool talents, too. It's over there at 50, it's at 50 Carlton Street. So come on down to 50 Carlton Street in Toronto. GalaxyCon in Nashville, that's at the convention center. You've got to pay to get into that. It's still going to be a lot of fun.

And at Toronto, you have to use PayPal. So, you know, get the PayPal app. And I just want to mention, I'm not going to be in any cons this summer. I'll be running a few cons this summer, though. Oh, like a long cons, like a fake casino type stuff. In short, I do short cons to where you go in and you ask for change, but then you go through a whole thing and then, you know, you walk out more than you came in with. And I'm going to be doing it have a bunch of, you have a bunch of Bibles. You have a trunk full of Bibles. Yeah, I get a trunk full of Bibles, but it turns out, Jordan, they're just copies of Lonesome Dove. I sell you, I sell you a Bible. You open it up. It's this intergenerational. generational Western saga. Boy. Anyway. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go.

La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La It's The The The The The One. I'm Jordan Morris Boy Detective. Kyle Rosdahl and you put me on the spot and I don't have anything fun to say. That was it. That was it. That was the one. Come on.

No fun. I saw Kyrisdahl over here. I saw Kyrisdahl one time, Jordan. This is a true story. This is a true story about Kyrisdahl. It's a true story. No, I was at the public radio conference. I go to this public radio conference.

This is a gathering of public radio program directors who won't make eye contact with me. And it's a lot of fun. I usually end up just going somewhere with Roman Mars. Basically just with Rome. It sounds like a fun time. I don't think Roman Mars is a show even on public radio anymore, so he probably doesn't go

anymore. I don't think Jonathan Goldstein does either. Now I'm going to have to, I hope that Rizdahl is there, since we're friends now. Anyway, I'm at this public radio conference and it was in Las Vegas. Okay. I did. I was hanging out with Roman Mars. I know. I think, yes, we've, I've heard about this. Kai Rizdahl is

one of the big slots in the conference, one of the big show slots. Oh, my God. But you know, Kai Rizdahl hosts a serious show about the economy and how it affects the lives of everyday Americans and the business climate and so forth. And so he can't just like Glenn Washington was at one of these things. You know, he brings four DJs and two dancers. Yeah. Showmen through and through.

Yeah, he builds seven gold lame jackets. You know Glenn Washington. Costume changes, sure. You're about to get fucking Glenn Washington in his outfits. Jesus Christ. I love that guy. Anyway, Kai is doing. in this panel.

And here's the thing, he doesn't have a budget to bring in guests. He's got to use local guests. And once Caratops says no, all you're left with is people from the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce.

Okay. I bet that's interesting. I watched Kai Rizdahl throw three motherfuckers from the Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce on his back, on his broad shoulders, carry them across

the finish line of an entertaining presentation at a public radio conference. It was one of the most remarkable, extraordinary feats of hosting I've ever witnessed with my own eyes. These were some of the most boring human beings I've ever seen in my life. I don't know how they could possibly have lived in Las Vegas. Yeah, I would think that if you're going to be a fun Chamber of Commerce member, you probably live in Vegas. Maybe they're fun once they're drunk. Okay. But the point is they were stone cold sober. We were in an affordable hotel in a conference room. Kai Rizdahl just fucking just roped him up at the waist like a pack of sled dogs

and just drug him through that hour. He got a he got an ovation like you wouldn't believe, Jordan. Why? Because the man's a professional. Oh, yeah. And you know what? He's trusted. That's why you can let him run your child's soccer games.

This is monly horrifying, all of this. This guy is highly trusted. Do you enjoy a public radio conference? It's been many years since I've been at one. Okay. But, you know, I mean... That one was at the hotel where they had the Star Trek theme bar where they had lost its license from Star Trek.

Yes. Oh. Yes. That was the main good thing about that. Space bar. The galactic... It used to be the Star Trek bar. Yeah.

And it was like they had just removed the Star Trek logos and left everything else exactly as it was. Like it looked exactly. Exactly like the next generation enterprise or whatever. Like, live a long time and thrive. Exactly. That was 100% what it was. A hundred percent what it was.

Yeah, it was very odd to be at a business conference in Las Vegas. Nobody goes to public radio conferences for the fun, though. I mean, come on, right? They're just not. Well, some fun things happen. I mean, I probably told Jordan about this already, but it's been a while since I've been to a public radio conference too, because I'm not really welcome there. However, the times that I did go,

the real highlight was, I mean, you know, shout out to Sandra Sing Lo, who had a show called The Lowdown on Science, and she would go out in a fucking lab coat on the conference floor. She did not have a slot. Just go out there on the conference floor,

like a fucking busker, and do Sandra Sing Lo shit. Okay. That was very impressive. But I always say, felt bad for her, not because she wasn't doing great, but because she had to compete with the show Bird Note

and Bird Note would just bring a fucking owl. They would have an owl. This is a show that's like a three minute long show that runs on stations that don't have local news stories to run during all things considered. And just, it's

funded by some bird foundation or whatever. And the whole show is just that they play a bird song and then talk about that bird for 90 seconds or whatever. And it's, you know, it competes with Star Date, the show where they talk about what's in the stars tonight. Is that still on?

I don't know. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't even tell you if Bird Note's still on, but I can tell you that every public radio at conference I went to, Birdnote bought a fucking Raptor on the conference floor. It was incredible. That's an immediate win, right? I mean, you're like, of course I'll carry that show.

Fucking flawless victory. I didn't know I was at the Renaissance Fair. You know what I mean? Like, it was incredible. It made me want to, like, I would be like hanging out around the Public Radio International booth. Public Radio International doesn't really exist anymore because of me. But...

Sank it. But we'd be there at the Public Radio International booth, like, creepily hanging around and, like, trying to... You know, they'd be like, hey, have you guys met Jesse Thorne? And they'd be like, hide their eyes. But while we were there, I was like, man, fucking... We should just bring an iguana or something. Yeah.

How much could an iguana cost? $200? They're like, we'll do an episode about it, you know? Okay, here's a question for you. I know that we've done a lot of pricing games on the show lately. This is fun, and I know Gabe loves to help us out with these. Gabe's giving the thumbs up. Gabe's filling in for Jordan Cowling.

And Gabe loves to look up the price of something and then tell us what it is after the call. Is that what we're going for? That's what we're about to do. Oh, yeah. And I don't have any inside info on this, so I'm going to participate. Okay. What do you think in iguana costs? Live iguana.

To come to your event. Like, you're not buying it. Once we're done recording this, I'm going to pitch this as a segment on Marketplace. So, what do you think of iguana costs? $475. This is to buy as a pet. Yeah, this is the, yeah, I'm not talking about immediate. Now, is it grown or is it, is it what?

Great question. We're talking about, uh, we're talking about like the, like a young grown equine, like a fresh iguana. Like old adult, like an old adolescent iguana or a young adult iguana.

Like where you would, where you would buy them from the iguana store. The East Bay Vavarium was the, was a reptile store in San Francisco. It was in the East Bay. It was in San Francisco. Gosh. I'm going to say $800.

$800. $800. So we got $400 was a $4.73.475. Okay. $473.75. If you get within $100, you get both iguanas. Yeah, we have bought two iguana. We sent Gabe out to the piggly wiggily to buy iguanas. Okay. So what did you have? I think it's $800. $800 and $473? Yeah. I think $280. I was maybe even thinking it was there. Anyway, I think you might be surprised. Even though there's been a lot of, I mean, I don't need to tell you about this, Kai, but been a lot of inflation.

In a lot of inflation. In like the beef market, for example. I know you guys can't say it, but thanks, Biden. Thanks Biden. However. Yeah. However, by the way, Joe Biden, I think he should be allowed to go to referee academy. Thank you.

Yes. Okay, so I think you've got to be able to breed up Igies. Like, I think that if you need them, you can pump them out. That's what I think. But aren't they like protected or something? Yeah, I'm just thinking that too. Can you just do that?

I don't think you can. But is there just like a guy in a trailer in the Mojave Desert, cranking him out illegally? Totally there is. It's like a puppy farm except for iguanas. Okay, so we're going to need two prices. Gabe. Black market.

We're going to need the pet store price. Yeah. What are you going to pay for it at the East Bay Vavarium or whatever? And then I'm going to need to know the Craigslist price. Yeah, we just want to meet a guy on the corner. Just search for iguana on Craigslist and just see what comes up. And you know what? Also, I also want to know what one of those hot rocks costs.

Oh, yeah. They need to. To regulate their body temperature. They're cold blood. They can't regulate them. I mean, I don't need to explain. You're the host of marketplace. I don't need to explain.

to explain this to you. Okay, Gabe, let's listen to the call. We'll chat about the call and then we'll go to Uguana stuff. Yeah. When something momentous happens to you, give us a call, 206-984-4-4-fun. Jordan, I called into KZSE Radio, our old college radio station today. Their phone number is still the same. God, what was? Can I remember the old? Oh, I can't remember it. I believe it is. 831-459-4036. Okay. That does sound familiar now that you say. What did you, wait, Well, you were like listening online? They were having like a radioathon, and I met somebody there when I did the bullseye than Santa Cruz, and she said, well, you come on sometime. I said, of course.

Anyway, they have the same phone number. So do we. 206, 9844 Fun. Or just send us a voice memo at JJGo at MaximumFund.org, as has this person. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. I'm going to guess, Paul Rust. So calling in for a momentous occasion or possibly a moment of shame, not quite sure which. but I started a new job recently, and it's a remote job.

So I was in the office for the first time meeting all my new coworkers. One of these coworkers mentioned that she suffers from migraines. So I said, oh, have you tried, you know, using drugs to treat these migraines? As Jesse has suggested, drugs help his migraines. She said, oh, no, but where did you hear about this? So I said, you know, just on a podcast. and obviously she said, oh, well, which podcast. So in that instant, you know, I blinked once or twice and saw my future at this job

kind of flash before my eyes. And I could either say the podcast that I heard this on, you know, Jordan Jesse Go, which would obviously lead to me explaining what you are and what you do and who I am and why I listen to you and all those things I don't want to get into. Or I could give a vague non-answer and they would assume it was fucking. and Joe Rogan or whatever. So I obviously took the Cowers Road out and said nothing. So, yeah, I guess now I am looking for a new job because my coworkers think I listen to Joe Rogan.

So thank you. Punch a blimp or whatever. And again, I just want to say, we love hearing about this. We love hearing about a listener with yet another chance to tell someone about the show. I know just asking about the show. Just decide to keep their mouth shut. Directly asking. Rather than try and get us a new listener.

Jordan, how are we going to float the boat, which is the actual slogan for this year? Yes, Kai, our listeners listen to the show in shame. I think they need a little training on how to grow the enterprise, man. Help us out. Jesus. Our listeners listen to our show the way of a 15-year-old master base. Right, they keep our show under their bed.

Yeah. Dig a hole for our show in the woods. Sure, yeah. The other teens can go out and listen to it. Oh. Yeah. Hey, I don't know. It's a comedy podcast.

One of the hosts has migraines, and he mentioned this. It's really funny. I don't know. Listen, thank you for listening. Thank you for listening. We don't mean to, I don't mean to complain about this. Here's my question. Here's my question.

Yes. Do you think that when this person said to their co-worker drugs, uh-huh. they were talking about, I mean, I have on this program advocated for migraine suffers to talk to their doctor and insist on treatment. And if their doctor minimizes their suffering or their pain, even if it's very occasional migraines, they should tell their doctor to buzz off and get a different doctor who gives a shit. However, I also talked about on this show that I am the king of drugs because I got a marijuana license to try and get my migraines better. It didn't work, though. Yeah.

This is maybe... I mean, it worked to get me high. Sure. I was like, oh, no wonder people like marijuana. That's what it says on the box. Yeah. But yeah, this is maybe when... It came in a box that said high on it.

Right. This is back when maybe, you know, that medical license was a little more common. Yeah. Before, you know, there was just a weed store. I mean, I'm still the king of drugs. Right. A lot of people ask me, are you still the king of drug? I haven't abdicated the drug.

Because the marijuana was a gateway drug for you, right? And you've moved on to crank and... horse and angel dust. Angel dust. It's only angel dust. I don't, I think anybody who does anything below angel dust is a pussy. Pussies are strong. Sure. So they're a ball sack. Uh-huh. And

what are we talking about? Where are we? What turn did that take, man? I'm just watching this go by. I'm just saying, Kai, I'm just saying that if you do any drug lower on the list of drugs than PCP, I think you're weak. Gabe, let's talk about Aquinas.

If you do a drug and you can't lift a car, I even do it, drug. Right, what are you even doing? Gabe, what are, can we get some iguana prices, please? Absolutely. Thank you. That sounds shady.

Hold on. That's where you buy Godzilla eggs. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. So we were all right? What did you gather about the difference between these iguanas? What's the 20 versus the 2000? Great question. baby club tailed guana.

Okay. Oh, that's the act of a fonderer of iguanas. Yeah. That guy's not peeless. Does he, is he like purple? What am I? I don't know. Is this a show?

Why is? Is it purple or something? Oh, that sounds pretty, though. That sounds cool. Oh, yeah. My father-in-law had an iguana. He really liked it. Oh, yeah.

Did he have big head? Standard. No, your father-in-law. Sort of mid-size. Your father-in-law. Oh, this guy's head is gorgeous. Beautiful purple. I believe the sides on this head.

This thing is like a holy moly. Holy cow. I was at the flea market this morning. Yeah. Talking to my friend Terry. You know my friend Terry. Remind me what Terry's deal is. She's just a cool lady that sells textiles.

Okay. I'm talking to Terry. You know, Terry had three tortoises. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember I found out about my, just for your benefit. Yes. I've flea market friends with Terry for 10 years probably.

Then I found out that she had three tortoises. Uh-huh. She didn't mention them the whole time. I'd been to her house. They were in her backyard, and I didn't go in her backyard, and so I didn't know that she had tortoises. She glues tiles to their back, not kitchen tiles, but the kind of tile that's like an air tag. So that if they wander down the road, she knows where they are out. Oh, somebody knows where to get it back, yeah.

Okay, anyway. Terry, the big news is Terry adopted a new tortoise. Okay. He's 63 years old, and his name was Victor, and she's like, and they told me his name is Victor and I said, not anymore. She goes, I said, what's his name? His name's Romeo now.

That's, ooh, okay. It's not like, I mean, name Schmaim, right? It's not like he's going to come when he's called, right? That's not how tortoises work. I don't know. What are you? Who died and made you the tortoise expert? That is true.

That is fair. Stick to turtles, Ritz-Doll. Stick to turtles. You know turtles. Poor Romeo. We're the tortoise guys. You guys are the tortoise experts. We're desert folk.

Yes. Gabe, we got another. call in there? Oh yeah, thank you. An hour? An hour? I can buy one for $2,000 and I can rent one for $470 an hour. You can buy one for $20, Guy. Well, yeah, but that's like abusive. You don't want a baby. That's not going to be

good enough. You're never going to show up. You're never going to show a bird note. No. Nobody's coming to the marketplace, but we see a baby that's true. Okay. So I mean, I think if we, you know, if we are going with the premise that like this is a animal that you bring somewhere to blow minds, that rental price is probably what we're going for, and it is pretty close to what Kai guessed. I'll tell you what, Jordan.

Yeah. For a while when my kids were birthday party age. Oh, yeah. My kids are, you know, Scarlett went to a birthday party today. It was like six kids at Vasquez Rocks, you know, doing dangerous rock climbing. It wasn't like, you know, my kids are pretty much mostly in the like eight kids going bowling situation, and not in the everyone from the class comes to the backyard situation. But in the period where one of my kids went for a year in pre-K

to like a private school, where it was like, you know, it was like suburban private school shit. It wasn't like a blue blazer private school, but you'd go to a birthday party and they'd have people, it would, you know, it was like local orthodontists and they would have shit at the birthday party, like stuff.

Yeah. You know. Pony rides and bounce house. Yeah. One time I go to this birthday party, and it's not one of these rich people birthday parties, it's just my friends, Ivan and Michelle, and their kid. They're very regular. I had them in their backyard.

They had this animal show come in. It was fucking incredible. They had a fucking monkey and shit. It was monkey? I think so. I might be making that up. I think you're making that up. Yeah, you're lying.

I think there was a monkey. They might have had a iguana or two. I don't think they're having monkeys. They had a bunch of different animals, all right? They had at least like eight. Something was flinging poop at me. I don't know what it was. It might have been Ivan, my friend Ivan.

Okay. Okay. So they had at least eight different kind of animals and great animals. And you are allowed to touch them and everything. It was fucking amazing. It was like one of the best afternoons of my life. I mean, Jordan, you know I love to see an animal. You do.

And I said to that, afterwards, I said to Ivan and Michelle, I'm like, guys, that was kind of fucking wild. How'd you get these, why don't you got to pay to get these, all these animals to your house? And they're like, we gave them $100. Shut up. And it's one of these, it's one of these barely legal animal rescue. It's one of these operations where it's just a small farm in Oxnard that's full of, you know,

leftover zebras. And for a hundred bucks, they'll just bring some of them to your house. Bring them over. And it's tax deductible, Jordan. It's a tax deductible. This is, it just came from John Stewart's house where he rescues farm animals or whatever. Yeah. But it was the greatest shit in the world.

100 bucks. Sorry fucking magicians. Yeah. I don't care how many tickets you give out to the mess. magic castle. Passes to the magic castle. That's what magicians do at kids' birthday price.

Gabe, got another call in there? Hello, Jordan. Jesse. Jordan Cowling. And current guest. This is Robin. Can you pause?

Robin, I'm grateful to Robin for saying hi to our current guest. I just want to say hi to all our future guests. And a big shout-out to all our past guests as well. Past guests. Yes, past guests. even the ones that have been canceled.

Everybody. And the ones who will be canceled. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah. I've only been listening for 10 years. So, you know, still feeling a little new. Oh, can we pause real quick?

Where did they say that they live? I don't think Robin said that where they were. 10 years. Only 10 years she's been listening. Okay. Oh, listening for 10 years. Okay. Now I know what's going on.

Okay. Thank you, Gabe. How many people do you think they've told in 10 years, one? No, no one. It was one, but it was a part of what they call an enhanced interrogation. Okay. Okay. So, you know, still feeling a little new.

But I'm calling with a momentous occasion, which was that John Daly and Jennifer Marmer were on an episode. Woo! We, that was momentous. God, that was such a good. episode and I just wanted to reach out and say, hey, I really like this show. And that's why I listen to all the episodes. And I think the music matches the vibe perfectly. Because it's like, yeah, give a little time for the child within you. Okay, duh. And yeah, thank you for making this show. Happy maximum fun drive. That's momentous. Okay, 420, dude. Saw, dude.

And, uh, holy cow, uh, May 1st is coming up. And, uh, I started HRT three years ago, this May 1st. So that's fucking momentous. Um, I was thinking about rehoming my dog earlier this year. Jesse knows. We, we talked about it on Instagram a little bit because she's a husky. And, uh, I just have realized I'm good for this dog. And this dog is good for me. And so I'm going to be her mama until, you know, she's dead.

Like, and long after that until we're both dead. That's when I'll stop being her mama, I guess. And that just feels momentous. And you guys make me feel so happy to be alive. So thank you for the show. Love you, bye. Thank you, Robin. Love you too.

That's cool. they I should explain had taken a fair amount of PCB I do think I think Robin was joking like oh I've only been listening 10 years so I'm fairly new I do think Robin may be our newest listener that may be our newest listener

our most recent addition to the yeah I you know you know what I like about that call and I I I went through a journey with it. And on the end, and the end of it, I was pro. We were warned.

We were warned. Gabe said, Jordan Cowling said, this is a long call. It's a long journey, but it's worth it. I agree. And I think maybe we could open up a new kind of call.

I think we're always looking to keep this segment fresh. Yeah. So we take calls about people's momentous occasions. We take calls from people's spouses who don't like our show. to let us know why they don't like our show. We, of course, have a lot of segments that we think of ideas for. No, we don't.

But I do, I think in the spirit of Robin's call, let's create a new bucket for calls. Let's just call them grabbacks, where you could talk about a bunch of stuff. Okay. Where what? It doesn't have to be folk, like some, oh, moments occasion, I went to this thing,

and I saw a funny thing, and here's a bumper sticker I saw, you riff about it. Just like, here's a bunch of stuff. stuff. Do with it what you will. I like that. Is your concern, Jordan, is the concern that you're addressing here with this new, which I'm not, look, all ideas are good ideas. We're blue sky imagining right now. Kai, you know about that. You're from the business world. That's right. Okay. So is the problem that you're engineering a solution to here? That Jordan, Jesse, go, as a program,

now approaching our 1,000th episode, our 20th year, that it's too focused. Yes. Is your concern? Oh my God. Is your concern? Laser beam is too sharp. Let's just spread our wings a little.

Oh, my God. Too driven, too on target. So, yeah, let's do this. I think it'll create a fun, jazzy energy. Okay. Just let's feel, if you don't feel like you have a story with a beginning, middle, and you just have a bunch of stuff to say, give us a call 206, 984-45. Well, let me, can I make an addendum to this?

Just a suggestion, addendum. Kyle, let us know what you think about this. I have thoughts, go ahead. You run a really high-quality radio program. You have a lot of experience in what I call media people enjoy. Okay. So my thinking is they're Jordan Jesse Goal. listener, right? Yeah. That means they're a graphic designer or a librarian with a tattoo. Yeah,

one of the two. Or both. In either case, they almost certainly have one of those little notebooks that fits in your pocket. Take out that little notebook. I'm going to want you to write down a few touch points you want to get to in the course of the call. So I don't need you to plot out all the in-betweens. I don't need you to tell a story, but I do want you to have three, four, five things that you want to hit over the course of your meanderings. And I also, look, I don't know, listener, how you feel about eggs, but if you got a timer for him, maybe set that to 60 or 90 seconds. Yeah.

Yeah. Do all the meandering you want, but let's hit a few key points. And let's keep it to 90 seconds. I'm going to say 90. I'm going to give people an extra 50%. 90 seconds and at least three points written down in a little notebook. If you don't have a little notebook, get yourself one. Treat yourself. Go to the stationary store.

Even one of the little dollar store ones. Oh, yeah, sure. Don't overthink it. Get your three points. Just talk. Look, I have a rule. Yeah. And it goes like this.

If you think about how you sound on the radio while you're on the radio, you're going to fuck up how you sound on the radio. So don't think, just talk. Right. I mean that. Okay. Right? So write down your three things, set the timer, and just turn those three things over and say,

here's what I got, right? Well, let me ask you this. when you were in communications in the military, did they suggest that you write down three things before he started talking? I didn't know any communications in the military. Oh, okay. I thought you did some communications in the military.

I understood that you did some communications in the military. I flew. Can I tell you what happened to me one time with Kyrisdahl? Sure. Oh, my God, another Kyristel story? That's another great Kai Riz story. You're lousy with him. I only have the one the time he was on Jordan Jesse Go.

I'm having fun joking around with Kai Rizdahl on Blue Sky. Yeah. And, you know, we used to follow each other on Twitter when, you know, before it was a nightmare. Before it was a terrible place. I don't know. I don't know how Kai Rizdahl feels about me. You know, this guy's, like I said, at least a minimum seven times more successful than I in the field of public radio, our mutual field. But I'm joking around.

I'm like, I like, who doesn't like Kai Rizdahl? Is their friend from Marketplace, right? I'm joking around. I saw him do that thing in Las Vegas one time. That was great. I'm joking around with Kai Rizdahl. And Kai Rizdahl posted a picture of his desktop. not his computer desktop his physical desktop right and uh there's some little ding-dongs on

there just a little what's-it some little bobs your uncles some little who's it what's it chachis some chachis right yeah but they're inexplicable like they look like oh you got like a thimble down there and a spool you know what i mean like you should describe describe it i mean it's like there was a few different little so it looks like a tiny little dumb bell. Okay. So it's a piece of metal with two round discs on the end, right? And it's, and it's standing up on my desk up and it's like three inches long. So there's that. And then right next to it is the exact same thing, except it's one of them broken in half. Yeah. Okay. So there go. Okay. I say on Blue Sky, something along the lines of. I mean, you can't quote myself,

something along the lines of. I'm like, I think I can Josh around with my, with my new internet friend Kai Risdahl. We're probably, I say, let's talk about your spool collection there on your desk, I said, something like that. Let's talk about your spool collection. What is this? Kratz last tape, the legendary, where he says spool a lot, is a theater of the absurd. But I said, let's talk about your spool collection. Kai Rizdahl says to me, I'm going to let Kai Rizdahl read. I haven't to have Kai Rizdall here. I happen to be here. I got very serious because that's what I am here on this somehow, on this podcast, somehow you had me on. it's a holdback fitting for a carrier-based aircraft and so it's a again it's like a little dumbbell teeny tiny little thing like three inches long part of it goes in the aircraft part of it goes in the deck of the aircraft carrier

and when the catapult fires and your engines are at maximum thrust it breaks and you go flying okay and so for the airplane that I flew the E2C Hawkeye Max Gross takeoff weight was 53,000 pounds and so when that catapult fires and it hits hits 53,000 pounds because it's all calibrated to each aircraft, then you're going flying. And so I have an intact whole backfitting, and then I have the whole backfitting from my last catapult shot off the USS Theater Roosevelt.

Okay. And that's the broken one. Wow. And it's on the desk? It's on my desk. And Jesse thought it was a spondle or a spool or whatever the hell it was. I thought it was just a little ding-dong. Yeah.

It was a ding-dong. He was like, oh, I know how to fly airplanes. And then after that, he said, why don't you come on my podcast? And I was like, sure. And here I am. And here you are. Yeah. Wow.

Ha ha, gotcha. That's right. Trap cleverly laid. Okay. Well, let's take a little break. Talk about some other people. How's the damn juice now, Reston? Let's go to the number.

Oh, my gosh. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. La La La. What's more action-packed than prestige television? With more continuity than comic books? And more reality than reality television? It's professional wrestling. And to better understand wrestling is the ultimate form of entertainment.

You need the Tights and Fights Podcast. This is the perfect wrestling show with a lot of love, a lack of toxic masculinity. And just the right amount of butts, cats, and spandex. Listen to Tights and Fights every Saturday on Maximum Fun. You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother me for 15 years. And maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listen. And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up. But no.

No, you would be wrong. We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing. Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works. The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me. We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening. And if not, we just leave it out back and it goes rotten. So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcast. La La La La La La La La.

It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne. America's Radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy, Detective. Kai Rosdahl. I'm still without a nickname. A freaking airplane. Yeah.

When's the last time you flew an airplane? Oh, when I left the military? 1990, March of 93. You never flew another airplane? No. Flying in the military is unbelievable. And flying in general was really cool. No, no, no, you know, aspersions cast on civilian pilots out there, but it was just.

Or on birds. Yes, that's true. That's true. Well, what would your superpower be? Would your superpower be like flying? Only if I was flying in the military. I wouldn't do civilian flying. You know, there were a bunch of guys in my squadron and flying was like their whole deal.

And I was like, you know, it was cool. But it was the thing I did when I was 26. But then you were just done. Yeah, kind of. My old, so, you know, when I was at Public Radio International, I'd call and these nice people from Minnesota would answer the phone. And I couldn't tell if they liked me or not. But anyway, one of them was this guy named Roger.

I think he liked me. And Roger retired because he finished building himself a biplane. Oh, that's cool. Wow. That's very cool. I think. And now he's flying on. around. Now he just flies around in his fucking

biplane that he built. He just built a biplane there in Minnesota. You can do that. Holy shit. Apparently, Ristall's too cool to build him. The soccer thing going. That's a civilian biplane. Come on. That's the biplane of sports. Maybe if you

If you got into, okay, so one time, speaking of biplanes, one time in our college radio days. As we were. Yeah. One time in our college radio days, the phone ring at the college radio station, and there was no, like, person to answer it, just whoever was standing there. So I answered it. And it was a publicist from Red Baron Pizza. Yeah. And she was pitching us to go on the Red Baron Pizza Squadron. Yeah. So I pretended that we had shows and reporters and, yeah, that that was. People listened. Yeah. And, and I said yes, and I took down the phone number.

and then I submitted myself as the winner of a contest to fly in a... I also gave it away to a listener. It was me and a listener. Okay. Flew around in the Red Baron. And so we went and flew in the Red Baron Pizza Squadron airplanes. That's awesome. So I have flown in a biplane.

There you go. Open cockpriced the whole deal. I would not let him do tricks. He really wanted to do tricks. I was like yelling at him, do not do tricks. I was so scared. And I did write in the whole thing. the Dejorno Monster Strike.

And I'm like, let's take this thing upside down. Motherfucker. Okay, so here's my biplane question. Yes. Right now, on the tarmac at the Santa Monica Municipal Airport is a biplane. The keys are in the ignition because they use keys to turn on airplane. They do. Okay, great.

So the keys are in the ignition of that biplane. You've got to get to somewhere not that far away. medium far away like Bakersfield, let's say. Ventra. Ventra, that's a great example. Could you jump in, you were in the service decades ago. Could you get into a biplane, turn the key,

and know how to fly it to Bakersfield? Like day VFR, I could probably do that, yeah. Yeah, probably. What's the biggest airplane you think you could do that with? Oh, right now, just a biplane. Just a biplane. Not even a propeller airplane. biplanes are. That's okay. It's one, a two-wing, but monoplane. Oh, yeah, like a Cessna? I mean, sure.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But that's it. I mean, I'm not. What about a C-plane? Oh, I'd love to fly a C-plane. Come on, that'd be so cool. See, Kyrisdahl thinks he's got the flying bug is out of Cairored. It's in there. It's very. D. He was about to start northern exposure around Alaska. I don't know if my wife is going to listen to this or not.

I hope not. Although, I think Wives should be allowed to that show. Why should be allowed to listen to this podcast. She would frown on that. She would frown on you flying a seaplane? Any kind of tiny little airplanes. She doesn't,

she doesn't think. Doesn't trust them? Yeah, I know. All these questions, Jesse. You sounds like you're biplane curious. I don't know. What are we doing? It was fine.

He's a 20-year comedy professional over here, Jordan Morris. It's fine. Okay. Hey, Kai, thanks for being on our show. It's a genuine honor to have you here on the program. We laugh and we joke about Kai Risdahl Public Radio Legend, but Kai Risdahl is an actual public radio legend. We apologize on behalf of our show for having you on the show,

but we're very grateful to you for making the time. It was really great. just going to go ahead and throw out a quick plug. Sure. If you're interested in business news or news about the economy and how it affects everyday people, want to tune into your local public radio station and check out the show, Marketplace. There you go. Thanks, you guys.

I appreciate it. Educational and entertaining. You know what? Maybe check out Morning Place Margaret. Oh, hold on. Hold on. Maybe check out David Brancaccio instead. Do you have Brancaccio's number?

Could we get Brancaccio in here? I have Brancaccio's number. We got to get Brancacchaccio. Jesse. I will let you have Brancacchchchio. I don't know that David's out online. You think I haven't tried a DM on show, Jordan. Are you up?

For podcasting? He's like, no, host very early morning show. Must sleep. Have to read Newswire at 5 a.m. Okay, Kai Risdahl, it's been a delight. Everybody should actually listen to Marketplace on their local public radio station. It is a great show. and guess what? It's on all the public radio stations because of its successfulness, so you can listen to it.

Gabe Marr is on the boards this week. Jordan Cowling is our producer on the program. Our theme music is Love You by the Free Design, our thanks to the free design and light in the attic records. You can find us on social media. We are Jordan Jesse Go on Blue Sky. We are. We are Jordan Jesse Go Pod, I believe, on Instantgram. Jordan and I are also on those platforms.

You can find us there. We're also at Facebook.com slash Jordan, Jesse, go. And hey, guess what? Hey, what? I don't know exactly when this is going to go live. Neither. But it will be not long after the Max Fund Drive. Thank you for supporting us in the Max Fund Drive.

We're very grateful that we have a job doing this. It is a source of much confusion to our relatives and loved ones. It should not be. And so we're so grateful to you for making it possible. Thank you so much for being a member of maximum fun. Of course. Yes. Thank you. We salute each and every one of you.

And you know what? Hmm. If you've been listening to this show for 17 years and you've never told anyone about it, we still love you. We still love you. We still love you. Thank you for listening to our program. It's hard to explain and you're a little shy.

Yeah, you're a little bit shy. You're a little shy. It's okay to be shy. It's okay to be shy. It's okay to be shy. It's okay to be shy. You know what? Find some time to refill your batteries.

There you go. Read a book. Just read a nice book. Yeah. Okay. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum Fun. A Worker Own Network of Artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.