Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Jackbox Naughty Boys, with Arnie Niekamp

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

This week Jordan and Jesse welcome back Arnie Niekamp of Jackbox Games and Hello from the Magic Tavern for a conversation about Street Fighter The Movie The Game, great movie novelizations, and much more!Style that makes you feel as good as you look—get started today at stitchfix.com/JJGO.Get 30% off your first order, plus free shipping today at Microdose.com, promo code JJGO. It’s available nationwide.

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. How's life treating you, buddy? Pretty good, actually. I had kind of a noteworthy achievement recently that I thought maybe I'd share with you and our audience and our guest we'll introduce soon.

Are you talking about on the Xbox here? Well kinda. Okay. You're in the right zone. You're in the right zone. Okay let's hear about it. Um yeah so let's see so I was at a I mean this you know this anecdote starts out with a little bit of a brag just preparing people for it.

I was at a rap party. W-R-A-P. I think it starts out with a little bit of a brag, just preparing people for it. I was at a rap party, W-R-A-P, that's what us showbiz types call when we celebrate the end of a production. It's- By rapping. By rapping, yes. And so yeah, this rap event was being held at a barcade.

It's a barcade. It's a bar with arcade games. I actually think it was at a barcade, it's like a chain. It's like there's a chain of barcades in your hipper towns across America. And so this is one of these things that is a combination of a combination work Social event, you know, it's it's betwixt the two and sometimes that can be a little bit awkward It's like sure you might end up wearing a lampshade on your head. Well, yeah

I know exactly well if I if I really want to network I throw on the old lampshade and Here's the thing. It's covered in my business cards. Yeah So yeah, and again, yeah, yeah, I think you're you're you're right on Jesse It's like you don't want to like, you know, you want to like have fun But you don't want to drink too much where you you know Make a NASA yourself in front of your boss or future employers or anything like that So yeah

I'm kind of like and I'm not thinking of that so much like The thing that I am thinking about the most and worrying about the most is like, okay, socialize and have a good time. Don't just go off and play video games by yourself, right? Because video games are available to you at the venue. Yeah, exactly. And and, you know, and I'm sure that's like part of the, you know, hey, let's all do that Simpsons game. Let's all, you know, hey, I'll let's all play. Oh, they had the Michael Jackson's Moonwalker game.

That was oh, that's a kind of a fun little kind of weirdo piece of pop culture that only exists in retro barcades now anyway, so there's like stuff like that and Yeah, so like I and they hand you as you're coming in You know they check your thing if you're you know you you say your name to the guy at the door And they hand you a giant cup of tokens. Oh wow just like they're just taunting me It's just like here you go go off in me. It's just like, here you go, go off in the corner, weirdo, and like, don't network.

And you're like, no thank you, I only need a one. Sure, I'll, just tell me when you need to shut down for the night, and I'll, yeah, exactly. I know, it's like I could just take my little drink ticket and I could just say, fill up a glass with tequilaquila and just I could go over in the corner and have myself The best night of my life, but I wanted to I wanted to socialize. I wanted to network, you know And these are people I'd like to work with again. So Yeah, so I'm just like don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it even though

Oh god, they got the demolition man pinball machine fuck fuck fuck, you know They did they have it. They have the demolition man pinball machine fuck fuck fuck you know They did they have it they have the demolition man pinball machine. Oh man That's the only pinball machine inspired by the Jack in the Box mini poster that I had in my childhood Yes, I know exactly they if you hit the mini poster with the multi ball, so yeah, and it's going pretty good I'll just want to see what everybody's frame of reference is here Jesse. I'm assuming I'm gonna take a wild guess and Assume that on some sort of family movie night. You've watched the Street Fighter movie starring Jean-Claude Van Damme Jordan it's a great assumption. I have it also stars Raul Julia. It sure does in his final

In a genuinely charming and impressive performance. He's great as M. Bison. And I would say the most remarkable thing about M. Bison, if I am remembering correctly, is that he receives his own before the credits individual costume design credit. So there is a costume design credit just for Raul Julia's character that comes before the credits. Edith Head, right?

Yeah. Exactly. And Bison's gowns, bye. It's a truly, it's a truly bananas movie. I mean it is weird and dumb. Yeah. They really, they try so hard to cram in all 16 characters that were available at the time in very weird ways.

Yeah, it's a pretty wacky movie. So okay, so you know that a movie exists, right? But they also made a Street fighter the movie the game guess what they have at this barcade Street Fighter the movie the game I was gonna guess that multiplayer Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where they also have that they also have that the regular one not turtles in time though which is the superior one but don't get me started don't get me started Don't worry. I won't don't please don't There's fuck I haven't seen one of these things in in in you know in 20 years

I'm just oh boy. I there's I'm like I can play once I can play one That's why they gave you the tokens. I don't have to schmooze the whole time. I Can I can play around. And this thing is famously- What's the nature of this game, Jordan? It is the video game Street Fighter, but with digitized actors as the characters, Mortal Kombat style. I don't know how much of it Van Dam did himself,, but you know, it seems there's a there's a kind of a photorealistic

likeness, but like There's that but it's just all the shit from Street Fighter like the moves are pretty much the same The rules are pretty much the same but just like you have these digitized characters and it's a famously bad game but I played my one round and I'm like This ain't so bad. I It feels pretty good. I know how to play it. The AI is kind of bad.

I think I could beat this game. I think I could beat this game. I can beat Street Fighter 2. I'm like, I think I could beat Street Fighter, the movie, the game. And it's like, it's total, like, there's so much we- And you said, gather round ye executive producers. Yeah. Hey, storyboard artists. Come ye, writers. There's so much we gather round the executive producers Yeah, hey storyboard our writers

Bring your studio heads dose now wish to see hey Zaz log get over here All right, if I beat this thing you have to uncancel the coyote movie And he did Like there's so much weird shit about this game. When you insert the coins, they take a sound effect from the game. So when you insert a coin, you know it happened because you hear Zangief go, duh! It's just the most awful grunt. And you have to put in two corners, so it's So weird I make that sound when I'm off in the corner during the party there you go

You jacket off the party dude. I am you know hell. Yeah, baby. That's why I got the lampshade on my They know you're very tall Have a distinctive penis yes, yeah, yeah, I know when the mustache sticks out from under the lampshade anyway, but we Were you know, no, but I'm like nobody tell him it's a secret place So here's what I did I Played my one. I just kept this knowledge in the back of my head. I think I can beat this thing. I Socialized for the rest of the night took the fucking group picture went home came back the next day beat Street Fighter the movies again Thank you with Sagat and at the end you get a little you get a little just a tiny tiny the

biggest video clip they could make at the time, about the size of a saltine, against black. That's the most video you could have in a game at that time. You have a little saltine-sized photo of Raul Julia going, Game over! Feels fucking great. I did it. Which is, what's great about that is that that also commemorated his passing. It did, yes, exactly. That was from his funeral. Previous generations, for people who are younger than us or just don't know a lot about the history of gaming,

this was from what they call the Saltine era. Previous to that, only Cheez-It sized videos played in arcade games. Kids don't know now with their VRs and such, but it was huge to see that Saltine Square. It was big for us. It was incredible. It was a huge time for Saltines too. Soups were everywhere. That's true, yeah.

People with the flu needed something to eat. There were a lot of expectant mothers in their first trimester. That was very big at the time. Our guest on the program this week is one of the hosts of Hello from the Magic Tavern. He's also a studio creative director for Jackbox Games. It's our old pal Arnie Niekamp. Hi Arnie. Hey guys, so excited to be back. So Jordan, I have a question.

Yeah. Arnie's a show business insider. Sure. Could you see yourself inviting Arnie to watch you beat this game sometime? Yeah. What level of part, like I feel like you should delineate every type of party by, is it something that you will play

Street Fighter, the movie, the game, or you won't play Street Fighter, the movie, the game, at that party? Right, what are the stakes? Yeah, exactly. And I think this was, yeah. Was there a part of you, Jordan, that wanted to invite others at the party to see this? That you were like disappointed?

You know, I mean, I guess I could have. And you know, it was a party for an animation thing. So I think that like, if there's one crowd of people that might have People in it that would want to see someone beat Street Fighter the movie the game. It's probably gonna be there but I Didn't want to risk it. I didn't want to risk it Yeah, I Think you that you would have to do You would have to do, you would have to have a, what's that test to tell if somebody's a cyborg?

Right, yeah, from Blade Runner, yeah, the Blade Runner test. I think you would have to give them, you would have to figure out what is the Blade Runner test for somebody that wants to watch you beat Street Fighter the movie the video game. Right, yeah. And I guess I could just go up to start going up to people and asking them what their favorite Raoul Julia performance is. Yeah, and if they say fucking the Addams family or whatever Sorry, they'll be like I can only think of ral Julia performances in reverse chronological order, so I will say Of course always think of the last one first man This is a classic example Jordan of why it's so disappointing that my daughter grace doesn't run any animation studios Yeah, because grace would have been so hardcore there for this activity.

And here you were with a bunch of guys, they probably only wanted to watch you beat Simpson's Road Rash or whatever it's called. Yeah, I know. They probably were only interested in good games or just bad but not historically bad games Yeah, I know I'll fuck listen. I'll find my people someday. I'll find them someday. It reminds me slightly of When I was in like late high school early college, I was at a bookstore and I saw a novelization of

was at a bookstore and I saw a novelization of the movie, of the Super Mario Brothers movie. And it just blew my mind. This sort of process of a video game became a movie and they did a novelization of that movie. Arnie, you won't be surprised to hear that I've also recently seen Super Mario Brothers, the movie, which is one of my daughter's favorite films, oh She's a passionate defender of Super Mario Brothers the movie

She thinks the novel she has not read the novel though. I gotta get her this novel You know what they say anything to get him reading anything to get him reading yeah exactly I hope the novel says you know always refers to Bob Hoskins as Mario like it's never Mario does this or Mario does that Bob Hoskins as Mario Bob Hoskins who is inexplicably a children's movie star in the 90s need somebody for your kids movie how about this How about this? How about this grizzled British stage actor who always looks drunk? Arnie and Jordan, have either

of you ever read a novelization? When I was a kid, it was yeah, I mean, I remember reading the novelization of the Tim Burton's Batman movie. I think I read it before the movie came out. Oh wow. Did it say at random intervals

a little bit of Prince would play? Yeah and I would be like, oh this bad dance song, this is gonna be good. Gosh, my sister growing up had the novelization of the movie Monkey Trouble. This is a movie about some trouble involving... What's Monkey Trouble? I think it was a kid's... It was like a kid gets a monkey movie.

And yeah, I think my sister was such a fan of Monkey Trouble. She's like, I gotta dig into this backstory. I think you do get a little extra backstory in in those novelizations sometimes. I was it's true a lot of times they're written in advance right so like they're written off of the screenplay okay so sometimes there will be details that are just wildly different or yeah something that got changed or yeah yeah I also remember seeing a novelization of the movie

The Scarlet Letter, but it was not the book the Scarlet Letter It was a novelization of the movie Scarlet Letter the movie the book yes The book based on the movie based on the book. Yes. I think I had a Star Wars one that I there's this pile of so My dad never really bought me any toys but There was a period where he was dating a woman named Susan and Susan had a son that was about three or four years older Than me. So I had a lot of Return of the Jedi related toys

than me. So I had a lot of Return of the Jedi related toys. Film that came out when I was three or whatever. I don't remember what year that movie came out, but something like that. But because he had been eight when it came out, I just had a pile of Return of the Jedi crap. Oh, hell yeah. I mean, that's the Star Wars movie you want the toys from Java eWalks Yeah, I had need I go on I had one of those flappy guys. You know the big tall flappy guys. It's a type of Imperial spaceship big It's got one tall Middle flip flap and then two side flaps that go up and down. Oh, I can, yeah, yeah.

That's just, yeah. That'd be cool flipping this. Yeah, may the fourth be with you. May the fourth be with you. And then I had a, I had one of those- People in their cars are just veering off the road, yelling at the podcast.

I had one of those spaceships that I wanna call a land speeder, but that's a different thing and Then I had a snaggle puss That's a guy with a little purple shirt He's a guy with a little purple shirt a little brown guy with a purple shirt. It's got kind of a pig face Okay, or like a war dog face You would say sufferinguffrin Succotash, right?

Yeah, that uh, sure. Job of the Hutt always wanted a picnic basket, right? I had three Bullwinkle J Mooses. Sure. Yeah. Salacious Crumb would always be like, oh no, I do feel like the novelization was the lore video of its time, right? I think so too, yeah. There's some extra shit in the novelization of Predator 2 that gives a lot of great context. I had to, I was estimating as I was eating dinner and my children were watching something awful in the living room on YouTube I was finding myself wondering what Percentage of all YouTube views are dedicated to videos summarizing something Like just a kind of like and then this happened and then this happened and then this happened and then this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened. You might not have noticed that this happened.

Yeah. And I think you could, at some point, you could have said, these things are time savers. Now they are longer than the thing. I think YouTube, yeah, they're going for length these days, right? How long can I do an explainer? I think it's a dick swing in the YouTube explainer community. Yeah. Everything is all about explaining now.

Let's leave things with a little bit of magic. Why is that guy with the lampshade on his head jacking off? Sure. Yeah. Have you guys considered, what is the going thinking on how long a podcast should be like I was just thinking about that because like videos Yeah, they used to be like they have to be short now. They have to be long What's in there? How long are podcasts supposed to be now in the 15 to 20 years range?

Okay, I guess about 15 years because I know we're a little past our cell by day. Yeah I'm always yeah always encouraging them to make it shorter. I'm always telling them, guys, this is too long. Well, usually you just say, I'm bored. Yeah. Well, every time you go to commercial, I'm like, can't we just end it? We've already done 30 minutes.

Do the nicknames, read the ad for the Weed Gummies, everybody say good night. Yeah, and then everyone goes home, me especially. People are just listening for the Weed Gummies promo code. That's the best part, because then you get like a percentage off. Anyway, the problem with trying to figure out how long a podcast should be Arnie, is that if you ask how long a podcast should be, the only people who will answer you are the people who would listen to your show if it was six hours long. No one who doesn't like your show that much is going to answer a question that

boring. And so the data is fundamentally skewed. That's a good point. I feel like for Hello from the Magic Tavern, answer a question that boring. And so the data is fundamentally skewed. That's a good point. I feel like for Hello from the Magic Tavern, we usually think of like, it keeps getting longer. We actively keep trying to stop it from getting longer. It gets longer mostly because we just can't, don't stop ourselves. We don't have the like diligence to be like, it's done.

But then whenever we think about making it shorter, the like diligence to be like it's done. But then whenever we think about making it shorter, it's mostly for our editors. We think about, we'll think about making our show shorter, but it's hard to distinguish between different parts of our show. There's no real peaks and valleys. It's an extended mid-valley. Not the lowest of valleys. I think you're describing a plane, Jesse. Like the Serengeti.

Yeah, it's a sort of dry, parched, cracked plane. Where no life can exist where nothing can grow tumble weeds blowing through Maybe a baobab tree Arnie at your any of your jobs jackbox included do y'all have wrap parties holiday parties that kind of thing we we do actually a jackbox we You know we used to and then we didn't for a while and now we're sort of tiptoeing back into having like Parties or just like, you know, we're kind of we work hybrid now where some people work in the office. Some people don't

And kind of figuring out like, you know, actually coming up next week. We're doing an onsite where most everyone that wants to is coming into town coming into the office So we'll do events and things My hot take is I? Activities at these events are almost always bad like what's a good activity like Bobbing for apples bobbing for apples that could be. Oh, yeah, you got to go classic I'm talking pin the tail on the donkey Something from the Great Depression. Oh, yeah, maybe you could bring in like a company that specializes in party games Oh that's trying to get things

Bring people together, right? That's the that's the weird like monkey's paw of my job where it's like we work on these party games all day and then at the end of the day when we want to get together we're like, huh, we can't, we don't want to play our own games. How about just like, it could just be like conversation cards with like fucking deep ass questions like, you know, do you believe in God? You know, do you, you know, you love your parents, but do you love your parents?

You know, like would you love your parents if you didn't have to love your parents? Just like huge shit. What's the thing you're afraid to say? Yes. Here are 10 possible places to draw the line on abortion. Which. Which.

Which. Which. Which. Let's all go around the room. Sure. Your hand raised at each of the ten you lower your hand so we're gonna find out the exact line for everybody. Right. Years and years ago I went to a public television conference in Atlanta Georgia and I was invited by a Jordan Jeske Goh listener to stop by the offices of the production company that was at the time working on the pilot of Archer. And at the time, I think they had just taken their,

like, their money from Frisky Dingo, their previous show, and just bought a house with it, and so they were all just working at this house And I think in Atlanta you can do anything you want. Mm-hmm and And I was over there in hotlanta So I went over there. I've said hello to everybody I got to see you know stuff they were working on which turned out to be my favorite show which that was fun and everything. And then the executive producer over there was like,

well, let's go to lunch. And I'm like, great. I'd love to go to lunch. Yeah, you love lunch. I mean, I guess probably the number of people that worked on Archer as a real television show was dozens. But this was maybe like 10 or 12.

And they all went to lunch with me. And then when we got there, the executive producer of the program busted out apples to apples and they started playing a board game right there in the barbecue. Wow. And I was like, what? What is this? What is this world where these people do activities together and like each other? And I mean, like I like my coworkers, but I don't do activities with them. You know what I mean?

I couldn't, I could not wrap my head around any aspect of it. It worked apparently, cause they made my favorite TV show, but it was mind blowing. Apples with apples is a, it's a good choice. It's like low impact. Yeah Like aren't sure there's so much word association now that I think about it. Oh, yeah

Just it's all just apples to Apple screenwriting. Mm-hmm That is very possible Arnie I know I know, you know details are scarce at this point but I was I was glad to hear that the gang from Jackbox is working on a Naughty Pack, right? Is that what we're calling it? Yeah, the Jackbox Naughty Pack. That's what they call me, Jesse and Matt, when we roll up to the bar. The Naughty Pack?

Here comes the Naughty Pack. They call us the Jackbox naughty pack if I'm wearing They think the shade is a box Yeah, there are lots of details I have all the details I Don't believe I'm allowed to share or really any of them besides that Yeah, it's a collection of more adult takes on some games And it's like a lifestyle thing pineapple shirts and all that

Only available in the Florida Keys for some upside down pineapple Yeah, no I honestly look everyone, everyone, almost everyone plays our games like putting in pretty dirty answers and we basically decided like what if we did a pack that really catered to helping you do that better? Like helping you not only be dirty, but also maybe thoughtfully so. I mean, it almost sounds, uh, it almost sounds pretentious. But it's not, it's not. It's just kind of like this is a drink man woman pack. Yes, exactly. Yeah, this is going to be, you know, just some prestige drama of party packs. No, I

Literally don't have any talking points on this. So I'm I feel myself going off the rails basically I'll ask a question that requires no specifics But if I'm not mistaken the Jack Jack box has a writers room, right and it has like Staffs and groups of people who do these. Is it weird coming up with with filth in the office like that? Like is it difficult? Is it challenging? How do you make sure everyone is giving their best filth but also keeping the work environment as safe as possible? Absolutely. In our context, obviously, we keep a PG at work. Of course. 100 percent.

What's it like for you? Yeah that's a good question. Like I've been at Jackbox for a long time. I've been there for almost like 17 years now. So it has changed a lot in that time. And like I have, I vividly remember making a game many years ago called Monster Seeking Monster, which is just a game where you, essentially the premise is like you sext each other, like and try to set up dates. And your monsters, but your monsters

and you have secret powers and you're like Oh, you're trying to talk people into going out on dates But if you're a vampire you infect the person you go on a date with the vampirism There's all kinds of doing it's boy. Hey, I've been there brother There brother And I remember playing it in the office and fleas, but I won't tell you who I was dating Let's just say I was working in the lab late one night And I remember like

Working on the game and it was so funny like just sort of sending dirty texts to my co-workers In the game and it's feeling fine and safe and funny and weird. Right. And then, but then like starting to play it with other co-work, like as we started playing it after a while I was like, oh wait a second, everyone in the world is not me. Like everyone is not going to have the same experience, like this could be quite awkward and uncomfortable for people. And that's, I know, a very obvious statement,

and I feel like we were always very open-hearted at that time. But it was the first year after year thinking more about, how do we keep people safe playing these games? Sure. How do we hopefully keep it so that people aren't weaponizing the content against someone else in the game? How do we be thoughtful around like, you know, some game, like especially if it's like a social deduction game

where you can't like, you can't step outside of the game as easily and be like, am I allowed to do this or am I allowed to do that? Like, you know, it's very important to kind of, the more safe the game can be, the more fun everyone can have. But then also not doing that in a way that feels sort of LeDen and like,

ideally it's doing it in a way that you don't even notice that it's happening, basically. You wanna just be able to text someone, stick it in my gills daddy, and they know you're the creature from the Black Lagoon. Right. Yes. But it's also funny for me to be the person at work who's like, oh, like I'm kind of

like, at work I'm kind of, you know, I'm like I've headed up the editorial department for a long time. Now I, you know, head up the creative department. So I like try to be a little more cautious and thoughtful in sort of the jokes that I make. And then I go off and do my podcast where it's all just like butthole jokes all day. Like it's, it's a weird, it's a weird life.

But with a lot of fantasy world building, I guess we should say. It is butthole jokes, but. Yeah, it's their fantasy buttholes. So that's just a whole different experience, really. I got some fantasies about buttholes. All right. What? Name five. OK, well, first of all, I put that lamp on my phone. Yeah, get the lamp on there.

Let's start there. Let's start there. Let's start there. Where did that, where does that come from? I mean, I think we were talking about a couple weeks on the show, Arnie, we were talking about where did Kids in a Trench Coat come from? This seems to be, lampshade on the head

at the office party, seems to be from the same, like, joke era as kids in a trench coat who was the who was the first lampshade on the head again I think this is something that the librarians and our audience can help with I mean right our audience is right the Eisenhower is the oh okay yeah one of the greats yeah one of the Korean war so do we think the first person was just like there was some one who had a great impression of a lamp like right? You know, already that never occurred to me that the person who is trying to do an impression of a lamp. You know, it's there weren't a lot of ironically that person doesn't sound very bright.

No. a lot of ironically that person doesn't sound very bright no it's spread because it's it's sort of the same as like uh the sort of george bush or the arnold schwarzenegger it's that impression you hear it and you're like i can do that right i can put a lamp on my head and pretend to be a lampshade exactly and you know like uh you know when people do it they're doing an impression of dana carvey with the lampshade on his head. They're not doing a lamp. They're doing Dana Carvey as a lamp. And some people at a party, you know, are you really acting like a lamp? No, but you're getting to a deeper emotional truth about that lamp and the way that you put the lampshade

on your head. Exactly. I have a question. Do you think they tried putting anything else on their head before they landed on lamp is the ideal thing? To put on your head while drunk at a office party, right? Yeah, lucky so, you know Plates but they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna slide off the boss, but he's not gonna care for it No, of course not. He's got a he's got a you know He's got a he's got a decorum

He's got a he's got a you know He's got a have decorum There's you know, there's a lot to do with the water cool. You could be the water cooler, but it's just so heavy holding that Water right right human you're suggesting human water cooler human water cooler. They come everyone doctor. They want to talk around me Discuss with me lost. Sunday night HBO what did everybody think? So I think I have sort of an answer to this. Oh wow. What do you got? I googled it and because great way to get an answer great way to get an answer. And this an answer and this is from a slate article They don't precisely know where it came from but before you let us know is it just is it tragic? No, no

It's not tragic Is it part of some sort of outdated theatrical tradition of some sort of outdated theatrical tradition that maybe we don't know the origin of. Early Americana. Yes. No, not precisely. One of the first instances was Charlie Chaplin playing a rich yachtsman who was pursued by the police and the adventurer in 1917 in which he puts a lampshade over his head in order to disguise himself from the from the cops, but that of course not drunk there. Yeah, not drunk. It's more of a disguise but right Sort of more of a precedent for Pistachio disguise. Yeah And then in 1928 with the Baltimore evening sun ran a satirical piece called The Life of the Party, quote,

It is usually customary for the life of the party about the middle of the evening to put a lampshade on his head and give an impersonation of Scottish soprano Mary Garden, after which he tells a joke that is not meant for mixed company. Got her ass. Got her ass. Got her ass. Got her ass. Got her ass.

Got her ass. Got her ass. Got her ass. Got her ass. Got her ass. Yeah. That Scottish soprano Mary Garden. Not tragic, but you know. Okay. We don't know what that joke was, but we can assume it. He had to wear a disguise in order to tell it. Otherwise people would know it was him and not Scottish soprano Mary Garden.

Maybe there's some bias against the Scottish in the core of it somehow. Yeah, probably. They're beautiful people. Scottish people are always emitting light. They have beautiful singing voices and are excellent sopranos. They're always yelling at that donkey.

Yeah. I'm thinking of Shrek. You're thinking of at that donkey. Yeah, I'm thinking Okay, hold on let's take a break let's all think of Shrek, okay, and then come back for a little bit more We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you,

love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love

you, love you, love you, love you, love you the special shows that we make just for you. If you're not yet a member, you can become one at any time at maximumfun.org slash join. We're also this week supported by the folks over there at Stitch Fix, who will give you a personal stylist who knows your style, size, and budget and do all the shopping for you? Here's what happens Jesse you tell this stitch fix stylists what you like you tell them your sizes You got any like big events coming up? weddings vacations new jobs things like that and they send you a big old box of clothes and All the clothes are attractive. They all fit you, you can take what you want, anything you don't want, you send it back in a big ass envelope,

you could fit a baby in this thing, Jesse, you shouldn't do it. And they should not send you a baby. No, if you get mailed a baby, that's an error. Yeah, give them a call. If they mail you a baby, give them a call before you put it in, but if it's just clothes that you decided you didn't like for whatever reason go ahead and put those right into yeah put the clothes In turn the baby into the nearest fire station

These envelopes are so big you could stuff you could stuff the clothes Yeah, that aren't quite right into it mail about this easy peasy Yeah, you could stuff a holiday ham in there. There you go. That's a less upsetting thing to stuff in a big ol' envelope. Jordan, I'll tell you this. If the folks at Stitch Fix send you a holiday ham, they just want you to have that. And hey. You don't have to return that.

You don't have to drop that off anywhere. Just spiral cut that bad boy and get to munching. And hey, because Stitch Fix sent it, it it's gonna fit perfectly it's going to fit perfectly You're gonna love it. I always love getting a box from stitch fix I've gotten so many of my favorite clothes from stitch fix if you're not somebody who loves shopping if you're not somebody Who likes you know going to the mall and rooting around in there? Give stitch fix a try. It is really cool, really fun, really easy. Style that makes you feel as good as you look. Get started today at stitchfix.com

JJ go that's stitchfix.com JJ go stitchfix.com JJ go. We're also supported this week by the folks at Lume Labs, the micro dose people. Yeah, micro dose gummies. They give you perfect entry level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. Look, I've been thinking about going out to this giant desert orchestra performance. Sure. And I'm just saying, it might be a good time to feel the perfect amount of good.

Yeah, you might want to head over to the Loomy Labs website. If you don't have a desert music performance to attend, it's summer music festival season. That's a good time to enjoy THC microdose gummies. There's a variety of situations where these delicious gummies will really enhance the time you're having. Jesse, I like to pop one while I'm just relaxing around the house. It's the end of the day. I need to wind down a little bit, pop a little microdose gummy. It tastes nice and it doesn't freak you out.

Get 30% off your first order plus free shipping today at microdose.com. Promo code JJGO. It's available nationwide. That's microdose.com. Promo code JJGO for 30% off and free shipping. microdose.com. Promo code JJGO. Let's get back to the show.

It's Jordan Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Arnie Niekamp, I know the premise of this bit. Great. Great. Checks out. That checks out. Thanks, Arnie.

Speaking of not knowing how to interact with others, I have this dog, and he's really full of beans. Dog beans. Yeah. So I gotta take him to the dog park every day. And I had forgotten that when you go to the dog park you talk to every other Person at the it's the only place in my entire life where I talk to people. Yeah, I don't go to church You know what I mean? Like I know that at church after church you talk to the other people because I've been to church sure

But there's no other context in my entire life where I talk to others. I don't go, my kids don't go to school anymore, so I don't go to other children's birthday parties very much. That's another one where you just have to talk to whoever's there. You're not going to the coffee shop

and saying, you know, hot enough for ya? No, not in the slightest. I'm not talking to anybody at the farmer's market, Mr. Ha, but Mr. Ha just from Ha's Apple Farm just regards me with quiet contempt. Yeah, yeah famously cranky Ha. His apples are as delicious as he is fed up with you. Yeah some of his apples are as sour as he is. Oh okay. Yeah Yeah. Um, and, uh, so I was just, I, I've been going to this dog park. I switched from, um, dog park by my house. Uh, there's a, uh, terrifying

killer dog there. So I, I bailed on that one and, uh, Does he kill other dogs or people? Um, whatever strikes as fancy as he kills. He kills serial killers. He's the Dexter of dogs? He's the Dexter dog, yeah. It actually just is Dexter from the show Dexter. Oh, okay. You just can't tell he's a dog in the show. That's why they kept wanting those makeup Emmys. I gotta watch one of those explainer videos on Dexter. Yeah, So. You didn't know the guy was a dog.

I'm at the South Pasadena dog park. South Pasadena dog park, much bougier than the one by my house. I bet that's a nice dog park. I like, I mean, every time I go to South Pasadena, I'm like, hey, this is a lot of fun. I bet they, I bet, I mean, it seems like a place that would have just like a pristine dog park. Well, if you're wondering whether it's called the South pause adina Wonder no more because it definitely is it makes it really hard for me to tell Siri to direct me there

But I'm there there's this nice woman there who I see sometimes and And she's got two dogs. One of them is an older girl dog who does that great thing. You know the thing that a dog does when he's, when they're waiting for you to throw the ball where they like put their paws, their front paws down and stick their butt up in the air. I like that. Love it. This one dog does that.

The other dog is a younger dog and he got an enormous heart on. So like a truly like a like full like sometimes the penis comes out some and you're like oh right dog's penises are weird. This one was at full extension like the FM antenna on a boom box. He had a little lamp shade on his head. He had a little lamp shade on his head. And this woman, she's standing there and she looks at me and she says, do you think he's okay? Has she never seen an erection before she just and she said she said Should I call my husband?

Was it like a measuring tape where you pull it out too far and you're worried it's never gonna go back Depot and get a new dog dick. I have to try to stuff this back in. She says it's happened some before but not this much. My dog too horny? She said to me, will it go back? Do you know why she's asking you? You're just there. I think because I'm the only, not only am I the only dude there, but I think besides this woman, it's all just 60 year old lesbians at the dog park. So these people don't even have them.

You're like, I need somebody to talk to about dick stuff. Yeah. Only a man will know. This guy looks like he knows a thing or two about dog dicks. And I mean, it was legitimately- Did your dog have an erection at the time too? And was it like, oh, this was pumped because he was pumped about the other Wow, look at that thing

Let's listen to Jordan Peterson together like a dog park version of challenges your dog alt right Both dogs are the only just they just love to check out each other's boners and talk about them and eat only meat Is that a is that a tenant of Jordan Peterson fans? Do they look at each other's petersons into eating only meat? Yeah, okay, but not the boner thing is just a no the boner thing is just yeah It's one of those things were like with that with that says they're on masculinity. Okay, gotcha Okay with that world. I my polls are limited and I'm like, hmm, do I learn more about this to joke about it or do I?

I don't think he should. Or do I feel good by not, yeah, not going to. Just leave it with, he's Canadian? Oh wow. Yeah, just leave it with that. So anyway, she says to me, should I call the vet? And so I had to make the call here. Yeah, this woman. This woman needed help. I said, give it 15. I was thinking the exact same. Give it 15. That's just good advice in any situation.

This was this was my and Arnie, you're a veterinarian, so I want to check in with you about this. I said give it 15, then if it's still out, you gotta take him home, right? Because the other dog's still playing fetch. Sure. I said give it 15, if it's still out, take him home. Then give it till the afternoon. If it's still out in the afternoon, bring him to the vet. How does that sound to you guys?

I mean, great improvised advice. I mean, it seems sound. I'm sure you said it confidently. Yeah. Now Arnie, you're both an improvisor and a veterinarian, so I'm sure you've got some advice here. I think that's good advice for a dog or a human, basically. Right.

Give it 15. Give it 15. If you have an erection for 15 minutes, go home. Leave the place you are immediately. Honestly, I think I originally, you assumed I improvised it, Jordan, and it's nice of you, but I think I originally read this

in Benjamin Franklin's autobiography. He always said, give it 15, then go home. If it's still there by the afternoon, go to the veterinarian. If the veterinarian can't help, then tie a key to it and put it out in the lightning storm and see if that'll help. Listen, each- Yeah, find out what electricity is. If the dog dick is still out, just push it back in with with an apparatus maybe the pestle from a mortar and pestle yeah

is the pestle the pusher is the pestle the bowl is that your warm-up before you do audio recording is the pestle the pusher the pestle the bowl the pestle the pusher the pestle the bowl ah mortar dog dick, dog dick, give it 15. Long red dog dick. Long red dog dick. So Jesse, were you as alarmed as the woman was by the, like, how much, like, were you seeing new stuff? There's a point where she said,

look, he's uncomfortable. It was the most, it was by a wide margin. I mean, I had a boy dog, I have a boy dog now. Was she trying to get you to jack off the dog? This just seems where like this is going. I mean, I'd have did it if I'd have had my dog gloves. It very much sounds like someone asking for permission. What should I do?

She's gonna do it. It's like, I wanna seem like I asked someone. I was wearing my pineapple big dog shirt. No, this isn't weird. I asked a stranger at the park if I could do this. I can jack off my dog. I couldn't tell ya, I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell you.

Look, 15 minutes and then you jack off the dog. Then you, yeah. Yeah, exactly. And when something momentous happens to you down there at the South Paw's Adina dog park, give us a call. It's cute. At two zero, so hard to get Siri to understand what you're saying about Siri

Navigate Can I say has anyone had a similar thing with Siri where you're like I use Siri on my Apple TV And sometimes there's a movie that it thinks I'm trying like I'll be like I'm thinking of ending it or whatever It literally thinks I'm distressed like right, the title of the movie, they want to check in on you. Sure, yeah. I just want to watch the new FX series, The Darkness is Creeping In, starring Elizabeth Moss, let's say.

No, no, no, Siri. I'm a ghost and I'm going to Denver. I don't want to watch the movie Things to Do in Denver when you're dead Wow, I'm a ghost Siri before I tell you anything. I need you to know I'm a ghost I Just invented chiropractic and I'm about to reveal it Mike Long story short chiropractic was invented by a ghost. That's true. We were talking about that before the pod. Listen, just the first chiropractor just

wrote it down. A ghost told it to him overnight. Anyway, when something momentous happens to you, like a ghost tells you all the rules of chiropractic, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN or send us an email at jjgoatmaximumfun.org as this person has done. Hey Jordan, hey Jesse. Hey, I'm gonna say, naked Pete Adams. Close. Anyway, at the gym today,

undergoing some ACL injury, recovery. I was approached by an older man at the Y, you know, the type. Can you pause this for a second? Matt, is that a technical medical term to undergo recovery? The worst part was undergoing recovery. My insurance covers recovery under go mint. So I got 10 sessions. Sure.

I can only undergo five more times this month. And I gotta wait to roll over. You can't save your undergoings. It resets at the end of the month. Yeah. Gotta get an HSA. Approached by an older man at the Y, you know the type. He told me probably the best advice I've heard so far in my recovery which is that everything

I'm going through this whole process is just part of being a jock. I've never felt so motivated before. He also told me stories about leg pressing 650 so I think this guy knows his stuff. This guy whips ass! Alright, love you guys. Oh man, I gotta rejoin the Y! Yeah, I know. Then maybe next thing you know he'll take you to hassle some nerds. Oh, fucking...

You can go out with your new jock buddy and and find some nerds to hassle Arnie have you ever worked out at the Y I? Have I've worked out at the Y I would always go at a time when everyone was very old But also and so at first I thought that was gonna be great at first. I was like great I'm gonna feel good about myself. I have a some amount of workout anxiety I'm not that good at this but everyone there was very old and so much better working out than I was oh Well, that was my experience taking yoga class at the Y. It was just me then 36 year old man and then just

12 66 year old women Who could out yoga me and whip my ass any day. Just and they would just they would just they would just laugh at me with sincere fondness. These are not bad people. They were not contemptuous. But also they truly found me pathetic. Like in a true... Jesse, I think these were yoga bullies. Yeah. I think you had yoga bullies.

Yeah. Yeah, probably so. Sounds like it. Anyway, what's great about the Y is these about the why is these these guys these guys working out in slacks mm-hmm slacks in an a-frame undershirt on a press machine right the Bluetooth headset in yelling at their nephew while they're on the treadmill they're doing some sort of business deal with their nephew, I don't know. They're calling in a grocery order? There's a good tip in it for you, boy. They're calling the radio station with traffic tips? Uh, by the way, the, uh, the pestle is indeed the club and the mortar is the bowl. Thank you, Jordan.

No problem. That is from Britannica.com. Thank you. I'm glad I found that out because I'm starting a compounding pharmacy tomorrow. Yeah. Wow. Okay. And you didn't know that?

Seems like that's kind of a- Well, I do now. Yeah, I know that. Well, you're good to compound then. Yeah, the mortar is the pestle, and the club is the ball. Right, exactly. Yeah, I'm always paying attention. The mortar is the pestle. Father, son, Holy Ghost, all one.

Mortar is pestle. Christ is God, So say we all. Amen. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Go. Why did you say Battlestar Galactica? Why did we say anything? They always say, so say we all. They say, so say we all all the time on Battlestar Galactica with their routines almost from

Stand and Deliver. Anyway, we figured it out. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, try S-T-O-P-P-O-D-C-A-S-T-I. Were you trying to put the name of the podcast there? Yeah, I'm trying to spell it, but it's tricky.

Let me give it a try. Okay. If you need a laugh and you're on the go, call S-T-O-P-P-P-A-D. Ah, it'll never fit. No, it will. Let me try. If you need a laugh and you're on the go,

try S-T-O-P-P-P-D-C-O-O. Ah, we are so close. Stop podcasting yourself. A podcast from MaximumFun.org. If you need a laugh, then you're on the go. Hello, teachers and faculty. This is Janet Varney. I'm here to remind you that listening to my podcast, The JV Club with Janet Varney, is part of the curriculum for the school year. Learning about the teenage years of such guests as Alison Brie, Vicki Peterson, John Hodgman, and so many more is a valuable and enriching experience, one you have no choice but to embrace because yes,

listening is mandatory. The JV Club with Janet Varney is available every Thursday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you and remember no running in the halls. It's Jordan Jesse go I'm Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective and Arnie Niekamp I forgot to come over the funny one. So did we and by one we mean podcast. You know what Jordan I'm glad you brought up Battlestar Galactica because we had a really intense I didn't. I had a really intense sense memory.

Do you remember the time we had dinner with Jane Espenson the Battlestar Galactica and Caprica writer Jane Espenson in? Buffy right? Yeah yeah. And Buffy. I mean what a resume on Jane Espenson. Geez Louise., right? Yeah, yeah. And Buffy, yeah. Woof, what a resume on Jane Espenson. Jeez, Louise. And dinosaurs, she wrote on dinosaurs.

Whoa, oh my gosh. Jane Espenson, great fucking lady. Anyway, there was this part in that dinner where Battlestar Galactica came up and she said something about Edward James Olmos and she called him Eddie. I've never been more jealous of another human being in my life.

Not even one time if I've been more jealous of another human being in my life. Oh, to know Edward James Olmos. Sorry, everybody that knows Robert De Niro as Bobby. Knowing Edward James Olmos as Eddie is 10 times better. At the time I was doing press junkets for the Fuel TV network, not around anymore, RIP, was around the time of the first Avatar.

And we were a Fox company. And Avatar was a Fox movie, so naturally, we just had to go to every avatar press event that they had and like they had so much shit for that like not just when the movie came out, but also like Home releases and re releases there was so much avatar Press that we did Avatar press that we did. The final one I did was some sort of Earth Day celebration that James Cameron was presiding

over. And I had talked to him so many times in those junkets that the final time I called him Jim. I'm like, good to see you again, Jim. It felt amazing. It felt amazing. You literally- I don't know if I could do that now. I mean, I probably could not, but if I ran into James Cameron, I'm like, Jim, great to

see you. It would be nice. It was a fly-in, Arnie, and James Cameron invited Jordan to spend the night on his submarine. Wow. Flying in, you flew in, and then you could have spent the night on a submarine? It was beautiful. You should see how many lampshades this guy has in this thing Did you know the Navi well enough? Did you just call them the Navi not like nav word? Mr.. And mrs. Oh, I see yeah

The knob the knobsters Navarino Arnie Arnie, what do you got going on over in the Magic Castle these days over in the Magic Castle? I'm just doing my magic Some slight a hand slide a hand up. Well people eat a $60 prime rib. Mm-hmm. Here's the thing. I'm not good at it Although hey, I do have a one weird magic. The magic tavern is what I meant to say. Yeah, hello from the magic tavern, but I do. I meant to say the magic tavern. I am gonna go off on a weird, very short side tangent.

No, please do. Loved magic as a kid. Yeah, yeah. I would go to a magic shop in my hometown that was in the back of a hallmark store behind a beaded curtain. Wow. And the guy would show you.

Hey, I was looking for pornos. He's like, yeah, I'll show you those too. Hand dexterity is important for both. Yeah. Yeah. So he would like show you like little tricks. You should see Chris Angel jack off. That's what I do at the though. I go to the corner

I think you're gonna watch Chris angel jack off now, but really it's a bunch of other people jacking off Oh, yeah, Chris angels name on it. Sure But they would do he would do these tricks in the back to try to sell get you to buy like a cheap trick or whatever Yeah, and but then unfortunately at some point there was an accident it was at a busy intersection and a semi truck crashed through the back of the magic shop and it never reopened and I don't thankfully you don't think anyone in the magic shop was hurt but I like to imagine him just showing a cheap magic trick to a kid back there and then

halfway through the trick a semi just blows through the wall. And it's just the most amazing thing he's ever seen. And the semi truck has a jack of hearts on it. Is this your card? Bam! He's like no that's not my card. You're a terrible magician. So pretty cool. The truck crashed, huh? The magician guy comes home and he says, he says, honey, a semi truck blasted into the back of the magic shop and it may never undergo recovery. But that's what it takes to be a jock. That's what it takes to be a jock. Yeah, the magic tavern, Ernie. I love the magic tavern. We're in our fourth season.

Fifth season, sorry. And yeah, it's going great. It's still really fun to do. This is on the show. It's an improvised. It's an improvised program set in its own fantastical world where guests come on and appear as new characters in that world. Yeah. And, you know, they, you know,

Jordan and Jesse, you've both been on. You're both sort of delightful on the show. Tons of fun. Thank you. And anything the guests say becomes canon for the life of the show. And we just continue to deal with that burden of all that lore, that lore that makes no sense. Now you know how George Lucas feels.

Exactly. Are there YouTube explainer videos for hello from the magic tavern I don't think so. There should be though someone please someone out there If you just got a little bit extra time make an explainer video We do have a very extensive fan maintained wiki, which is very helpful Uh, you know now if they maintain the wiki for more than 15 minutes Gotta go home wiki for more than 15 minutes He looks painful yeah Have you ever like made a

Continuity boo-boo that you've had to like work out after the fact Usually not I mean Look, I'm sure every episode we make continent continuity boobiesies and we just kind of go with it and it's fine. There are a couple of things like if we know we're headed towards a big thing, like in a season finale or something like that, like, you know, I listen later and just will sort of try to trim things out every once in a while afterwards like I'll rerecord a line or something but mostly it's fine it's fine I think your audience is mostly listening to point out when you're wrong though right exactly and why take away that joy the one joy they get is

emailing us and saying I think youadors brother craptor isn't really a dinosaur and that doesn't mean that usador is a dinosaur I can't believe you fucked that up so tired of false dinosaurs false dinosaur witness is a real problem stolen velociraptor I tried to make a stolen valor velociraptor pun couldn't stick the landing on that one Arnie I disagree yeah I say it was good at least as funny as Southpaw Sedena. Yeah, you should open a dog park. Oh yeah.

Do you think dog things like dog kennels and places have better puns or hair places have better puns? Oof. Yeah, these are the two great businesses when it comes to puns. You know, Fuh Places also can do a good pun. You gotta throw them in there. But yeah, I don't know. I think that the dog people have puns on Locke. I think the world of, the world of, our greatest puns are being done

in the world of dog products, right? Yeah. I think if you brought a pig to the dog park, it could be a dog of pork. That's good. If you brought a frog, it could be a frog park. That's true. Yeah.

If you brought, if a pig ate a frog, it could be a frog pork I know earlier in this episode I asked how long can a podcast be How it's too long Say we could do this for another 30 to 40 minutes, but we shouldn't is what I would park grog park nog park at Christmas come on we can go all night this is a Springsteen concert no opener three hours log park man remember that time Clarence Clemens came up with 15 straight haircut puns? That's right.

Alright Arnie Niekamp. Man that guy can blow. Arnie Niekamp from Hello from the Magic Tavern. It's a hilarious show. Go listen to one of the episodes with me and Jordan on it. Yeah, it'll be fun. Oh my gosh, so much fun. You never heard the show.

Go back and listen to it. It's uh uh it's them being great and improvising in their own magical world uh Jordan being making incredible contribute contributions to their magical world and me gumming up the works. That was my role on the program. It's Borm Borm I believe was the name of your character. Borm Borm is that right? A lot of good naming a lot of good. I have to go to the wiki to be a hunter But you're the one who's job it is to remember and that was That was the gang the magic taverns gangs adventures in the gum works The mystery of the haunted gum works

Arnie is go listen to our program by Arnie is, go listen to Arnie's program. Buy Arnie's family games, workplace group games. Did you know that at Max Fun, when we have an online gathering, we'll play those games? Did you know that? I didn't know that. You know why I hate it?

Because sometimes somebody just like Kira or somebody will beat me and I'm like I'm a supposed to be a fucking professional entertainer here Sorry fucking Kira Here's what you got to do you gotta say you're losing on purpose Yeah, that's what I told Danny, but he knew that he won cuz I'm doing anti comedy like Andy Kaufman Just say like the people can't like handle it, you know, like Make them seem unsophisticated for wanting to have like jokes in there make all of your quip lash answers threats to other people

Don't start your car by yourself our producer on George Matt Lieb Our theme music is love you by the free design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us on Reddit at maximumfund.reddit.com. On Instagram, at Jordan David Morris at Jesse Thorne, very famous. Jordan, I enjoyed seeing pictures of you at the Y'all West Literary Festival with your upcoming book, Youth Group.

I hope everyone will pre-order that book. It's going to be a hoot and a half. And that's all. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan and Jesse Go. Love you