Jordan, Jesse, GO! - JC Power & Co. with Steve Hernandez

Episode Date: January 26, 2023

Comedian Steve Hernandez joins Jordan and Jesse to talk losing Pasadena in a divorce, the best menu items at TGI Fridays and Steve's time as a youth pastor.Don’t forget to pre-order the “Pop’s Chocklit Shoppe of Horrors” that Jordan wrote on using code JAN231229 at your local comic shop!Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping. 

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, big man on campus. This surprises me, Jordan, because it's been some time, I presume it had been some time since you had been a student. Wrong. Oh, no. Do you had been a student wrong oh no do you mean that dead wrong

okay do you are you talking about your love of lifelong learning i am wow tell me more about this this is gonna factor in jesse i'm doing it call rodney dangerfield because i'm going back to school wow i'll get rodney on the phone oh yeah r. RIP. And you know, while we're at it, RIP Matthew Broderick. Yeah. You seen that movie? I think so. Probably. Yeah, I think so. A young Robert Downey Jr. also in that. Okay. There you go. Places like goth friend. RIP to him. Yes, sure. Well, RIP to Tony Stark anyways anyways he died and came back to life several times i'm pretty confident robert downey jr yeah robert downey jr has probably been like revived by paramedics what's your over under a number of times robert downey jr has flatlined has legally died

i would say three in the 80s okay Okay. And then maybe once more since then. Got it. No, Jesse, I'm following up on my New Year's resolution from 2021, which was to, in 2022, write some prose. Something I have not done in a while. I like to read prose, certainly, and it's intimidating to me. And you know what? If it scares you, it means it's a good idea. That's why

I watched The Babadook. And that's why I signed up for a short story writing class at Pasadena City College. Go Lancers. So I did not write any prose in 2022 like my New Year's resolution said I was going to do, but I did recover my high school AP scores to sign up for a class at Pasadena City College. Go Lancers. And I'm three sessions into my short story writing class.

Now, this is an extraordinary turn of events. Not just that you're- I know. I know. I'm a gog. Who needs prestige TV? Not just that you're learning about writing prose. And I will say, I will admit that when you said you were working on writing prose, I immediately imagined you writing a letter to the helpful hardware pros at Ace. No, it's a letter to GamePro. I had some issues with their fun factor score for Echo the Dolphin. I feel they rated the fun factor too low. But I think even more than that, even more remarkable than your extraordinary commitment to your love of lifelong learning, it's that it's taking place right there at Pasadena City College.

Go Lancers. I mean, when you think about Pasadena City College, you think about three things. Number one, you think about Jackie Robinson, who maybe went to college there. I can't remember. I think he did. Yeah. Number two, you think about the Pasadena City College flea market. One of the region's best flea markets.

Not as good as the Rose Bowl one. Or I don't know. You're the expert. I like it better. The vibes are better. Really? Better vibes? Better vibes.

Yeah. Much better vibes. You don't have to deal with a bunch of streetwear doofuses bumping into you at 1145. Okay. And number three, of course, short fiction. Right. Those are three things that you think about

when you think Pasadena City College. I think someone from Van Halen went there, too. Was it Joyce Carol Oates? It was Joyce Carol Oates. She replaced Sammy Hagar. So David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, Joyce Carol Oates. Should we introduce our guest on the program? I want to get more into this.

Yeah, no, no, I don't. Yeah, let's do it. This lifelong learning. Our guest on the program, beloved stand-up comic from here in Los Angeles, joining us from a rental apartment in New York City, Steve Hernandez. Hi, Steve. I mean, you don't have to call it a rental apartment. Okay, did you purchase it?

I just think it sounds skeezier when you say a rental apartment. You're in the city for a weekend of shows. You bought the apartment. You plan to sell it afterwards. I used a very popular app called Airbnb. Okay. I haven't heard of it, but. That's how people like to refer to these things.

An Airbnb. I only use Verbo. You know, I lost Pasadena in my divorce in my last marriage oh yeah i lived i lived in pasadena okay and i remember one i think one of the times when we knew that the marriage was going to collapse right by pcc there's this frozen ice cream place i don't know if it's still there and i remember looking i'm sorry steve i'm just gonna interject here yeah are you telling me that in pasadena there's a place where you can get ice cream frozen and then the toppings by the pound okay wow and i remember one of the last times when the marriage was falling apart looking

into my ex-wife's beautiful eyes and you know we were so sad holding these heavy cartons of frozen yogurt and i knew if we were that sad holding these heavy cartons of frozen yogurt and i knew if we were that sad with the yogurt we weren't gonna make it when you reach yogurt sad right i have one squirt of yogurt and two pounds of gummy worms we were too young guys we're too young yeah So you, in the divorce, being the amicable guy that you are. Yes. You seeded, like, from where to where are we talking? Not to get too granular about LA geography.

Old town and probably till about that. I know. Sometimes I could hang out off of Rosemead. And that's really the outer limits. That's really the outer limits of Pasadena. A lot of people don't know that, but she never goes over there. There's a Mongolian beef place. I still kind of hang out there by myself,

but I won't run into her there. But this woman is very involved in the junior league still. And yeah, you guys are not going to believe this, but we had a split. We had like, not a con, what do you know, like when they split a thing. I forget what they're called, but the only one in all of Bungalow Heaven.

For your listeners that aren't familiar, Bungalow Heaven's a beautiful little neighborhood. It's classic. They do like tours once a year. So we left, it's right by the sandwich place where you get the pink sandwiches all wrapped up in the pink thing, you know? Oh yeah, sure, Roma Marketplace.

Yes, it's right there. The sandwich. sandwich yeah i don't want to say what street but uh i have an old christian friend i used to be a youth pastor i don't know if you guys knew that who no yes lived a few doors down still lives there that's going to come into play then we lived a few doors down and then recently my current in-laws moved down four doors down for my ex-wife. Oh, boy. This is incredible. I mean, that means that anytime you go to visit your current in-laws, the house arrest anklet or whatever it is goes off. Wistfully. I look at the old place wistfully. Wistfully. Every time. I'm trying to make some lemonade here i don't know how your

relationship with your in-laws is but maybe they can get you that sandwich from the roma market throw it in the freezer so you can get it again i guess i'm just thinking about the sandwich and your access to the sandwich which is very good we we regularly have these sandwiches and they go pick them up my in-laws i mean this is is a hell of a white family, you guys, hell of a white family. And they're very in shape, very healthy whites. My wife's mom is a psychiatrist. Her dad's in finance, you know? So yeah, I've said enough. He's a loan shark. Yeah. These are the kind of people people that go for a walk after dinner. This is the kind of white I'm talking about here.

You're talking about the members of the evening constitutional community. Yeah, nice people. And even my mother-in-law will give me her half. I'll have one sandwich. They don't ever want to buy me two, I think, because I presume your audience doesn't know this, but I'm morbidly obese. And they don't ever want to slam the two, but she gives me her half. So I'm always slamming one and a half of those sandwiches. Very grateful for that. I could slam one and a half of those bad boys.

I could slam one and a half easy. Exactly. Steve, given that you don't have the access you'd like to have to Roma delicatessen and its famous pile of sandwiches wrapped in pink butcher paper yeah do you ever go down to the mongolian beef place and meet up with the stooped italian man the elderly stooped italian man who makes the sandwiches at the delicatessen and stands outside sorting the fruit combination newsies incidental character style and weirdly threatening pissed that that he's still making these sandwiches this man is 84 years old making this sandwich this famous sandwich and he's legit pissed every time you walk past him he just pulls up a chair in the front if you know i don't know if you think we're making this up And he's legit pissed every time you walk past him. He just pulls up a chair in the front.

I don't know if you think we're making this up. I know Jordan and I were talking off air. He was talking about how much he missed UCB, his UCB days. He called them his glory days. Yeah, that's when I was hot shit. When I was doing 6 p.m. improv shows for four people. And that was before the sunset you know that was just you know when they were getting oh yeah that was back when the only ucb was on franklin am i right and largo was on fairfax a church franklin is still a church yes i'll say

this guys for the italian delicatessen where the old man stands threateningly outside. It only has a very small ingress. The ingress and egress is very narrow. There's a narrow delicatessen and the man does stand there and sort of stare daggers at you. Right next door is a type of business that is one of those kinds of businesses I have always fantasized about patronizing. And that is one of those stores that sells fish and will fry it for you on the spot.

It's like a store that is a fishmonger primarily, but they will also dump it in some boiling oil for you. And here's the catch. I do not like eating fish. I do not like fish. That's why I've never patronized one of these. But the idea is thrilling to me. Do you think you could just take him

some frozen jalapeno poppers? And just say, fry these up in the fish oil for me. I would be, you know, sometimes like the, if you're in England, the chippy where you get the fish and chips, sometimes they'll have chicken as well. Okay. If there was chicken, if there was calamari at the fry or fish place, like you could choose your own calamari and they'd fry. This is the same.

The same thing is longtime listeners know my passion for tip top meats in Carlsbad, California, German deli, where you point to a piece of meat in the meat case. They make it into schnitzel for you. But this is the same feeling. I have this urge that I love the idea of there being raw flesh, me pointing at it and someone preparing it before my eyes. You don't like any fish? We can't find a nice compromise for you? I don't really fuck with fish. That's the thing. I just don't enjoy it. There's some that I dislike less than others. I'll eat some fish and chips if I need to, but I don't really like it. I like

all the many of the other creatures of the sea, uh, taste gross to me. And that's just, it's just part of my life. I've just come to accept it. My wife doesn't like fish, so it's fine. It's not a problem. All right, good. I was, I was picturing that she brought fish, like cooked it for the family and you push it away in front of her. No, my wife doesn't cook. Mine either. And thank God. I mean, we don't really have anything left to offer these women. So I do all the cooking. I mean, they could just leave at any time now.

What are your signature dishes when you're doing the cooking for your household? Oh, we're not, you know, your listeners might think I'm joking, but morbidly obese. And so I'm always worried about my blood pressure. And so we're eating the same things. We're eating like kind of beans and rice bowls and with a lot of vegetables, salads chopped up. We eat a lot of eggs. If we're feeling naughty, I'll grill a couple of sourdough pieces of bread maybe with the side of the eggs. Now, my wife doesn't deal with this stuff at all

she's beautiful 10 years younger than me she's white she doesn't have these latino blood pressure problems that i have but she's a trooper she goes along with it yeah i mean that's the dream right to have somebody cook you some eggs and grill some sourdough for you yeah i mean it's not pointing to a piece of raw fish and having them dump it in a deep fryer, but... She points to the eggs sometimes. Let her point. Let the woman point. She works hard.

We should mention the chopped salads and everything. Those do go straight into the deep fryer, right? Have you guys talked on the show yet about the egg prices? Egg prices have gotten out of control. We have not talked about this on the program. We mainly talk about Wario, Mario's enemy. You know, evil Mario. I'm sure the egg prices are upsetting him too.

Yeah, I mean, what is Wario talking about right now? Eggs. Sure. I'm telling you, and luckily I'm at the place right now, you know, every time the till's running low, I'll get a Jack in the Box commercial, something like that. I don't have to think about that that much. But they're running out of the eggs, too. So you'll go to the store at 7.30 p.m.

No eggs. Yeah. The egg supply chain from the grocery store to the cloaca is badly clogged. Now, I don't really know how egg production works but we gotta get these chickens hornier it's a really good point the hornier the chickens this is something that the more eggs they produce president biden has announced a commission on have we figured out if you think chickens get horny yeah i think so that's a great question steve no the rooster the rooster gets horny yeah but chickens yeah i mean i think you know

they're more turned on by you know emotional connection i mean is the rooster bringing home the grubs? That's what my question is. Wait, so we ran past something that I think we should dig into. What could be more important than whether hens get horny? Do chickens get horny? And does it mean they make more eggs when they are horny? President Biden's commission on horniness. Chicken porn, what would it be? If we were on that UCB stage, Jordan would be running across the front of the stage right now.

I'd be wiping. I'm sweep editing. Danielle Schneider taught me to sweep edit. Okay, so Jordan. Yes. Steve, I was fascinated to hear you casually mention that you used to be a youth pastor. Oh, so Jordan. Yes, Steve, I was fascinated to hear you casually mention that you used to be a youth pastor.

Oh, thank you. I saw your act the other night at the Better Half comedy show, great comedy show here in LA. I was rolling. I was hurting myself. I was laughing so hard at your act. It takes a lot, Steve, to make Jordan raffle. Right.

I was raffling. From time to time when he sees a great comic, you'll see Jordan out there in the audience raffling. Raffling. I was. I was. Hand to God. Your act is what I would... It was saucy. It was blue. Not something I would have expected from a former youth pastor. Well, yeah, I stopped youth pastor about 20 years ago. I used to be a youth pastor at Omega Church, a place called Faith Community Church in West Covina that recently sold their property to Amazon for $50 million. Well, I mean, it's a different kind of fulfillment center. Yeah. Thank you, Jordan. Thank you. You fulfillment center. Yeah. Thank you, Jordan. Thank you.

You're welcome. These are bad people, folks. I promise you that was said at one of the sermons before they left that property. I promise you. Right. Now, Steve, something that we've spent a lot of time discussing on the program is all ages Christian partying and all ages Christian party venues. Our friend Blair Erskine famously spent a lot of time as a teen at a hangout in her native Georgia called J.C. Pineapples.

The J.C. stood for Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ Pineapples. Well, get this. We're going to say this too, but I used to when I was in middle school, I was in a singing and dancing troupe, a Christian troupe called the Sunshine Company. Whoa. But get this right before we left, right before it was collapsing, I think. And they're like, we got to do a name change. They brought it.

They had a big meeting. They changed it to J.C. Power and Co. Yeah. Wait, Steve, are you familiar with okay so dude okay get this hold on not to get away from the sunshine company but it was led by these three women and you know you're a christian you when you hear about abortion stuff you think oh no i can't be murdering these kids you know and so they the woman drew i don't want to say her whole name, but she wrote a song, and she would take the Sunshine Company

to anti-abortion rallies all around SoCal. Oh, dear. And we would sing this song. It was called Mommy, Please Don't Throw Me Away. Wow. And you were a middle schooler? And it was a bop. Yes.

I mean, I don't always agree with the message, but the beat jammed. Yeah. The shit went hard. I used to kind of say a joke about it in my act, but it just upset too many people. Yeah, it's very upsetting. I grew up going to a Southern California church that had a youth group, and we had a cool youth pastor. What denomination?

Baptist. Okay, go on. So I'm familiar with... I mean, I'm kind of picturing a version of what you did. I want to know what your youth pastor move was. Did you sit backwards on the chair? Did you compare Bible stories to, you know, popular culture? I knew a guy who had a pretty big posse. He had 12 deep he rolled. Was that your move? the same kind of person I would tell stories and Bible stories like that. And then I just,

at the end, I'd say like, do you guys ever get lonely? You know? And then I would like sneak in on them that way. But one of my great moves that I would use is- Wait, when you say sneak in on them, you mean like move in with them and their parents because they're too lonely? Yeah. No, no, no. I could live in your spare room. You know, we- I don't have anywhere to live and you need a friend this could work we would have so all these paperback bibles around because when people would give their

life to christ hundreds each week in the main service we would give them a paperback bible but i would take one of those and you know i'd like get up there and i like quietly i'd look at the the kids and i'd like rip a page out of the bible and like throw it and like just keep looking at them you know and they're like what the hell is going on with pastor steve and then i'd rip another page and throw it out and then i'd be quiet and i'd look at them and say i know you guys think i'm crazy for ripping out of all these pages of the bible like this but it's pretty much what you guys do every day when you pick and choose what laws you're gonna come turn to accept all the time they would just start gnashing their gnashing their teeth and ripping their clothes wow it's like yeah you might think i'm crazy yeah ripping

out pages of the bible like this yeah but i have more bibles this one doesn't count that much because it's a paperback this is actually a hardy boy's book i was lying to you a lot of people will give you free bibles so it's not an issue it's on the internet for free too has anyone from your like past life as a youth pastor like senior comedy or do they know that you do secular stand-up comedy now oh yeah i mean this is this church is big and i'm from west covina this church was in west covina i bartend at the chatterbox in covina still three nights a week i live in hollywood i commute home wow so you know to this bar so So everybody sees everybody still. This is another piece of Christian culture. So Jordan, as he mentioned, from Orange County, which is one of the epicenters of megachurch culture. And he was both culturally and physically proximate, adjacent to

contemporary megachurch culture, right? Occasionally went to a megachurch as well. And he knew from a backwards chair, youth pastor. I'm from San Francisco. I went to and worked at a church that had a painting of Malcolm X. What church was that? St. Gregory of Nyssa in Potrero Hill. Lovely place, lovely people. I was grateful to have the job. So I'm a little less familiar with this, but one of the things that I have learned a lot about from our listeners,

and I think also again from Blair, is a pair of strong men who would perform shows where they ripped phone books in half for jesus power team everyone knows about the power team they came to my church when i was little wow did they did they rip anything in half yeah they did the whole thing you ripped bibles in half the bend like pieces of steel are not bibles like phone books they chop ice headbutt ice yeah they did the whole thing and it was incredible so the message was i've like seen this on like you know via youtube i never saw this irl is the message that like they that the reason they can do this is christ

this christ helped them to destroy the phone book? Dude, John Jacobs. It's John Jacobs and the Pirate Team. He would be like the MC, basically, and he'd like call the guy over and the guys would give little testimonies.

They used to do drugs and all that stuff, but now it's, but so the guys would be doing things and it'd always take them like two or three tries to do the thing

and John Jacobs would be screaming, help him! Help! And you had to like keep cheering like louder and louder for him. It was awesome. Yeah, that sounds pretty cool.

You know, Christians, all they care about is truly trying to be cool. So they're just, to a lot of people, that they thought this was cool. I mean, it's not not cool. I mean, in the same way that, look, I think the equivalent in the culture in which I was raised is the Guardian Angels, a bunch of dudes who rode the bus wearing berets to protect me from gang members. But that was cool. Yes, that was also. But so is if Steve, if I could tear a phone book in half or bend steel, I would do it on behalf of whatever deity was necessary.

And I would think it was fucking awesome. Is there a secular version of that we can go watch or just, you know, one that has like a general spiritual message like like at the magic castle or something yeah tear a phone book in half for community or is it the water world stunt show credible still see it every time maybe you're right maybe the the secular power team is the water world stunt show at universal studios hollywood ride the movies yeah that seems right The secular power team is the Waterworld Stunt Show at Universal Studios Hollywood. Ride the movies. Yeah, that seems right.

Amazing that that still goes on. I know that's like a cold take about the Universal Studios Waterworld Stunt Show. Oh, yeah. They just keep doing it. They just keep doing it. They're not going to stop. Do they write new gags for it? Like, is there topical stuff in there like the elvira halloween show so they do a they do a

version of it every year for the halloween haunt and they change the name to slaughter world okay and that will have some randy jokes and that will have some like topical jokes and by topical i mean probably two years old i think they you know maybe they would say damn daniel a year after damn daniel was a thing it's not just in my mind it's all kevin costner jokes like it's all yosemite gags right yeah that's the only time that they that they flipped the script i i think the closest thing to a topical joke in it currently, and I actually saw it fairly recently. Our buddy Stuart Wellington came to town.

We did a trip to Universal, watched Waterworld stunt show, had a great time. I think the closest thing to a topical joke is, I think the guy who plays the villain of the piece is the deacon, the deacon. and i think it's the same guy who's been playing the deacon you know for the whole run of the show and this is like his thing this is his kingdom and you know the rest of the cast changes out but the deacon is always the same can i ask jordan yeah if this isn't this isn't a a Christian show. No. If the villain is the deacon,

is this some sort of Satanist program? Oh, maybe it is. Maybe it is a kind of a humanist cautionary tale against religion run amok. You could be right. Religion runs amok soon. You will drink your own urine. I think that's what happens in water world.

Blessed are the piss drinkers for they will chug that nasty yellow glug glug indeed glug glug they said let the congregation repeat it glug glug so the deacon is the villain and i think gosh i remember going to see water world the movie when it came out yeah and i'm i'm i'm kind of trying to remember parts of the movie i think that the villain character played by dennis hopper he both smokes and plays golf i think he's supposed to stand in for kind of like a rich asshole i think he's like the rich asshole of the future. So I think the deacon in the stunt show comes out and like hits a golf ball into the water. And he says, I'm Tiger Woods. That's not like, let's see Tiger Woods

hit one like that. He just i'm tiger woods yeah i mean that's a little something called transubstantiation jordan it kills it kills every time there is an applause break every time i've seen it he has the jet skis have to wait to jump over the wall because people are too busy laughing at him saying i I'm Tiger Woods after hitting a golf ball. Jordan, the difference between the sects watching the Waterworld show is between those who believe that the deacon transforms literally into Tiger Woods and those who believe it is a metaphor. Right. It's complicated. Metaphorical transformation.

You guys want to take a minute to undergo a metaphorical transformation and then come back for some more? I gotta let go of some of that hot yellow. Gotta go make a little yellow it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse thorn america's radio sweetheart jordan morris boy detective we're coming to san francisco sketch. That's going to be February 5th at the beautiful Gateway Theater. Kevin MacDonald, Mary Roach, Jaleesa Robinson, La Doña. That's your lineup, folks. An all-star lineup.

We got a kid in the hall. We have a best-selling author. We have a beloved local stand-up comic. We have a local music celebrity. That's the lineup you want, Jordan. SFSketchFest.com. We're going to be playing some of our favorite games that we play on the show from time to time. It's going to be a content-packed Jordan Jesse Go experience. We always have such a blast at SF Sketch Fest. We hope to see y'all there Sunday, February 5th. at SF Sketch Fest.

We hope to see y'all there Sunday, February 5th. On La Doña's record, there's a song where she raps called Lelo Lai that I really love. And the rap verse is about her going to Puerto Rico and hooking up with this dude. And they get drunk

and he falls in love with her and asks her to marry him. And she goes, I'm here for vacation. I'm here for a week. I'm never getting married. The fuck did you think? And I just think LaDonia is really cool.

Beautiful. She's a cool lady. SFSketchFest.com. Grab those tickets. You know, Jordan, how everybody is always saying they want to see us perform, but they can't because we don't come to where they live. Everyone's constantly saying that all the time. First of all, I apologize for not. We can't come to where they live. Everyone's constantly saying that all the time. First of all, I apologize for not, we can only come to so many places, but I do want

to say me and Hodgman, Judge Sean Hodgman, we are going to be live streaming a show from SF Sketch Fest. We're playing this theater. SF Sketch Fest has a whole live streaming setup, you know, for all of the, you know, like big fancy, they bring in this huge crew and all this stuff. So you can get tickets to that show. It is February 4th. It is at 7.30 Pacific time, but also you get a 48-hour viewing window. So if you can't make it to San Francisco for Sketch Fest to see Judge John Hodgman and Jordan Jesse go, you can travel the tubes of the internet to see at least the Judge John

Hodgman show live and streaming. It's a big blowout show. LifeCase is on stage. I sing in the show. Hodgman sings in the show. We've got all kinds of stuff in there. It's a great time. So stream that shit. Go to sfsketchfest.com. You can get your tickets there or moment.co, also on the Maximum Fun Events page. It is going to be a great time. It's the first time we've ever done this. So go show SketchFest that this is a good idea. Maybe next year we'll get to do Jordan Jesse Go there streaming too. So yeah, sfsketchfest.com. We are, of course, always supported by the members of Maximum Fun. Not that long until the Max Fun Drive. I'm starting to see it come over the ridge.

I hope that if you're already a member, you'll think about upgrading. If you are not yet a member, you'll think about joining. It's something very special, a special treasure to give you in the MaxFunDrive. We're excited about it. We've been working on it for a while. Jordan's having a son. I will have a son live on Twitch for the MaxFunDrive. You've been working on it. I've been working on it. I'm working on it. Yeah, no, this is really cool.

This is some really cool bonus stuff that... Don't say any more. It's something special. I'm not going to... It's a bonus thing for people who donate. It's something special. It's something special. MaximumFun.org.

Slash join. We're also supported this week by the folks over there at Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix is a website service where you go and take a fun quiz. They figure out exactly what size you are. They figure out what your taste in clothing is. It's one of these, I like this, I don't like that. I like this, I don't like that. I like this. I don't like that. And then a human being uses the power of computers to pick out clothes that they think you'll like. And you either get a box in the mail, you can return anything you want super easy, or they make a little store for

you. It's really fun. It's really easy. And all of the stuff is pretty great. If you ask me, I love doing Stitch Fix. Got a box from Stitch Fix on the way. I cannot wait to see what my personal stylist picked out for me this time. Jordan, I know there are people in our audience who love cozy clothes. My son, Oscar, loves cozy clothes. I got him a box from Stitch Fix and I told them he only wants cozy stuff. Got a lot of sensory issues. He didn't get it from me. As you know, Jordan, I exclusively wear hair shirts, but my son Oscar likes soft, cozy stuff. They sent some of the softest, coziest stuff I've ever seen. So whatever your taste is,

whatever your needs are, if your body is an unusual shape and it's always a hassle trying to find clothes that fit you, if you only like stuff that's blue, whatever it is, they're going to source it and send it to you. Right now, Stitch Fix is offering our listeners $20 off their first fix at stitchfix.com slash jjgo. That's stitchfix.com slash jjgo for $20 off today, stitchfix.com slash JJ Go for $20 off today. Stitchfix.com slash JJ Go. We're also supported by Lumi Labs, the microdose folks. Yeah, Lumi Labs, they make these microdose gummies that deliver the perfect entry-level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. I love these things.

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Eat one of these every 45 minutes and clean your apartment. Is that happening in the future or has that happened in the past, that reference? Hard to say. Is it happening in this episode? Put together the puzzle. It's like your own little glass onion. Microdose is available nationwide. To learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com. Use code JJGO to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links are in the show description, but again, that's microdose.com, code JJGO. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse go. It's Jordan, Jesse go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective, Steve Hernandez, uh, La Masa. Oh, Steve La Masa Hernandez. How about that? Tell us about the origins of this nickname, Steve. Making tortillas over there? You would think it was that. I'd explain a lot of this a lot,

but I used to have a pretty big Christian hip-hop group called Get Down Voltron. Wow. This is a rich vein we found. Yeah. I mean, you guys, I'm also, you know, we haven't even gotten started. You know, I'm polyamorous. I'm queer. I'm a bartender in a small Latino town.

We're going there, guys. This is extraordinary, Steve. Why have we talked at all on this podcast? We should have just turned on Steve's mic and let him go. Why have we talked at all on this podcast we should have just turned on steve's mic and let him go why have we talked at all in this podcast now i don't mean this episode of this podcast why didn't we just turn on the microphone 15 years ago and let steve mine these veins From toppings, Pasadena sandwiches, polyamory, healthy whites. 15 years ago, I was slaying country fried steaks at the Monrovia Claim Jumper. Wow.

He worked at Claim Jumper, Jordan. And I learned this before we started. Also, TGI Fridays. Holy moly. TGI Fridays, West Cov. Jesus. TGI Fridays, West Covina, six years, then one year at the claim jumper.

And then I've been at the chatterbox in Covina for 15 years. What's the better gig TGI Fridays or claim jumper? I mean, TGI Fridays. I was so, I mean, what a crew. Yeah.

If you're in the West Covina area, people still talk about, I mean, we got, we got guys, the head bartender at Northwoods Inn. Yes. Was, you know, just a server on the floor. I mean, the head bartender at Buffalo Wild Wings West Covina on the floor. Wow. Guys like me, you know, on the floor, all these guys and one crew at a lunch shift. I had, you know, I just quit being a youth pastor. I, pastor. I was drinking so hard. I worked my shift three different times on ecstasy, just sweating, just sweating. What's the best TGI Friday's entree or app when you're on ecstasy? You're not that hungry. Absolutely not that hungry. Absolutely not that hungry.

You just want to take some deep breaths and get a hug. I'm excited about this sort of like dream team like West Covina squad. Yeah. That the TGI Fridays put together. Like, yeah, fucking we got Dominique Wilkins. He's on the bench. It's so funny because, you funny because we're joking about this. Ha ha.

But in Covina, you used to throw out some of the names that I'm talking about. Maybe a Chris Case, a Steve Spade, a Travis Taylor. Holy moly. You got Travis Taylor? Yeah. I mean, come on. When he first came over from the old spaghetti factory at Monrovia, people were talking about him back then for being a hot shot,

but that was 20 years ago. You know what I mean? This is like when you find out that the Dominican World Baseball Classic team is going to have to push Starling Marte to left to make room for Julio Rodriguez in center. It's just like that. But with more jalapeno poppers. But when you talk about some of these guys being pushed to floor server.

Yeah. I mean, honestly, when I say some of these names too, Sean Sorensen, people still, they just cannot believe that we were a squad like that. And it was like a true golden age for the Eastland Shopping Center. There's a Chili's, there's a BJ's, and there's the Fridays. It was incestual, but it was fun. All the whole crews serving the city of West Covina.

And then once we're clocking out, we're having our fun. It was great. Now, in these various restaurant communities, i've heard from friends in the restaurant industry that fun is often had yeah how much queer polyamory was going down there in the in the west covina mall absolutely none i mean i was i think i was yes i was having sex with guys back then but you couldn't talk about this is 2003 this was a different time folks it's a different time right it was it wasn't you know I can't just be talking about being queer willy-nilly back then but I would still do it I'm sure like I'd get drunk and I didn't I didn't start using the internet till 2007 and that was

just to get behind Obama you know right and thanks and thank you by the way that worked out great thank you for pushing him over the top i for real did not i like found out about amazon in 2007 i was like you can buy any book and everyone was like yeah man yeah i was so behind but uh like look at these JPEGs of Cindy Crawford. Yeah, so back in the day, how I would have sex with guys is you would like call numbers, like 900 numbers, and you would leave voicemail. Like the whole thing is you listen to voicemails and then you leave a message for like the different guys and you had to pay money to hear your voicemails back.

And so that's how I would do it. It seems like that could get a little pricey. I was picking up shifts, Jordan. Picking up shifts. No, I mean, I'm sure the... I was cutting TGI Friday coupons when people paid with cash using them just to cover these phone bills, bud. Wow.

Now we're talking. Now that's a little something called creativity. Or embezzling. Hey, speaking of voicemails, once in a while, we have a listener call us at 206-984-4FUN. And by once in a while, I mean every single episode without fail. And Steve, just so you know, we're really creative and talented guys who come up with a lot of ideas for the show. So all the time we're thinking about content that's refillable, that's always delivers great stuff,

great segments for the program. So this is somebody who called in for one of the segments that we thought of, not just somebody that called in because they wanted to say something and then said the name of a segment. That's what it is. Like, as though that was a segment on the show, just to kind of shoehorn it into the program. This is our creativity on display. Go ahead and press play on this, Daniel. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guests. This is Barbara in San Rafael, two blocks west of Jackson's Hardware.

Lucky me. I'm calling in for your long-running segment called Stuff My Elderly Parent Says in the Middle of the Night. Recently, my dad moved in with me. He's 88, and it must have been sometime around Thanksgiving. I went in to check on him around midnight and pull up his blankies. And as I did that, he very clearly said, turducken, turducken, turducken. Love the show and love you guys. Bye. First of all, I just want to say to Barbara and everybody out there in San Rafael and the surrounding communities,

shouts the fuck out to Jackson's Hardware. Go holler at my father-in-law, Steve Hossfeld. He'll hook you up with some lumber or some fixtures. Whatever the fuck you need, Steve will make it happen for you. Go to that counter and say, I'm not buying anything until I talk to Steve Hossfeld. Steve's going to come out there he's gonna help you one of the nicest men in the world and he knows his hardware right there in san rafael california 100 employee on jackson's hardware and if steve has the day off sleep in the parking lot

yeah sleep in the parking lot till he gets there no shit i mean find out what the fuck steve's schedule is why don't you know what Steve's schedule is? That's my father-in-law, Jordan. These people makes me sick. Have either of you ever had a turducken before? I don't know that I've ever seen one in the wild. Do they really exist? Yeah, that's a great question. I don't know that. Yeah, or is it just something that people make for BuzzFeed articles, you know? It was really big during Obama's second term, I remember.

That's another thing Trump took from us. Yeah. I remember learning about a turducken from the late great John Madden on an NFL football broadcast. He discussed turduckens, and I believe he did some telestrating on the subject. I think he drew a Turducken on the screen using the screen drawing pen, the magical screen drawing pen of the 1990s. I think, you know, we were wondering earlier in the program about what makes chickens horny. And I think it is being stuffed up inside a duck hell yeah i think if you're a chicken you want to get all up in them duck guts oh shit and you want to be snarfed by john madden

r.i.p snarfed i can't get off unless i'm snarfed by man i haven't blasted since madden died. No one could snarf me. Fucking leave that shit on the 900 number. See what comes in. See what the fishermen bring. Have you ever been snarfed on John Madden's bus? Oh, man. Oh, he won't snarf on a plane.

Afraid of snarfing while flying. Oh, rest in peace to him and young Robert Downey Jr. 80s Robert Downey Jr. Do you remember when it was like, I guess it was after Chaplin when Robert Downey Jr. snarfed too much Madden and he just was wandering around someone's backyard? Right. They found him on the bus. dead for five minutes pat summerall had to revive him you know how to use those paddles

though so that's good steve interesting that you were talking about being late to the internet yeah i was a little bit late to the internet as well but i enjoy hearing of you know the early days of the internet and it's something we've been talking about on the show a lot jesse you were would it be correct to say that you were kind of early to the internet you were doing you were in the when it was the wild west yeah i was obscenely early to the internet 1991 1992 right in there i was on the internet pre-worldwide web thanks to the fancy private middle school at which i was a scholarship student yeah i mean i sent emails with pine baby i was on gopher which was a thing that was like it was like if you imagine all the universities in the world connected by, you know, then relatively primitive cabling, digital cabling, every university in the world, so that you could download a text file of all the names of all the characters in Star Wars.

That was what Gopher was. And then if you waited long enough, you could get that bikini JPEG of Cindy Crawford. I remember there were some kids at my high school who were early internet kids as well. And they would bring out printouts of just like the text of Jack Handy's Deep Thoughts. Oh God, yeah. Printed out on one of those, you know, from paper where you had to rip off the sides. Yeah. And text of all of Bart's prank phone calls to Moe. Can I tell you something?

Yeah. No one really needs the list of characters from Star Wars. I mean, certainly I don't. I'm a medium Star Wars guy, as you know. characters from star wars i mean certainly i don't i'm a medium star wars guy as you know however if the internet was still just fucking every deep thought and every prank phone call that bart ever made it would have officially fulfilled al gore's promise the information super high like we should still be if that was all the internet was we should still have had the sort of like marshall plan to connect every school to the internet with

ethernet and wire every school for ethernet because kids deserve access to every deep thought that's true oh mortal combat fatalities too the kids would have the thing stapled together and they would bring them to the mall with them and like look at them as they were playing Mortal Kombat. Love it. What a beautiful dream. We have actually, so Steve, we've been asking our listeners to email us at jordanjessegoeataol.com, which seems like it's made up, but is a real email address. And I know that I did a bit earlier where I said something was real that wasn't real, but this actually is real. We really did get jordangessigo at AOL.com. What's real? What's a lie? This is like F is for fake. Our podcast.

Bring me the steak au poivre. So we have asked people to email us at jordanjessegoe at AOL.com with their shameful early internet memories. And here is one of them. They're completely anonymous. Writing to you from my own 24-year-old AOL account. As a kid, I was really into neopets, As a kid, I was really into Neopets, as I'm sure many children were in the early 2000s. I regularly fell victim to people claiming their parent worked for Neopets and saying they could get me all kinds of money and items if I just gave them my Neopets password. Somehow, my eight-year-old brain did not compute after the first time it happened that giving your password out was a bad idea. I gave out my password so many times,

had a total meltdown every time, then started the cycle over again. I don't know when I finally figured out I had the power to stop getting swindled, but it's like every time I was just hopeful that maybe this time they were being honest. I'm surprised my parents didn't just kick me off the computer forever, considering the number of nights I spent wailing about my stolen Neopets. Did you ever do any of these kind of online games when you were internet at one point going, Jesse? We had a game called Bolo that you could play in the computer lab where you were a little tank and you drove around and you could play against the other kids in the computer lab.

But the only thing I ever did that was like, I didn't do anything Neopets style. We were a little too old for Neopets. I did play some R-rated dial-up text-based games on BBS systems, bulletin board systems, where you would get, there was like a free computer magazine. There were two competing, Microtimes and Computer Currents. You would get one of them, you'd pick it up at the corner store or whatever. You would flip through all the listings for used computer parts. And then you would find the phone numbers of BBSs in your area. You would dial in

and you would hope that one of them had an adult-themed text video game. I have a different website I go to for BBSs in my area. Okay, Steve, I know I'm doubling back. Sorry. Yeah. I'm doubling back. I know you said that you're probably not that hungry when you're on Ecstasy, but from a server, from somebody who's been in the trenches.

Yeah. Top three TGI Fridays menu items. Someone who's been there with those guys you mentioned. I thought you were going to say top three hungriest drugs. Have you, have you guys had the Jack Danny, the Jack Danny, the Jack Benny?

Have you guys had this Jack Benny, Benny sandwich? Right. You know, TGI Fridays is known for their Jack Daniels sauce. Have you had the Jack Daniels glaze? I have not. I have not been to a ton of TGI Fridays. The times I've been have been a lot of fun. I've really enjoyed the handful of trips to TGI Fridays I've made. I don't think it is Magic Johnson's TGI Fridays anymore, but for a while, there was Magic Johnson's TGI Fridays by LAX. That place is always fucking going off. I'm more of an E40s wing stop guy, but come on. You do your thing. I'll do mine. You know, there wasn't that many TGI Fridaysidays and so we would get a lot of people this

is a real story there's a big table that would have in the back and uh the black eyed peas would come in to the west covina tgi fridays wow before before i was gonna say are we talking about peas be falling up never falling down or are we talking about london bridges. Pre-Fergie, and it was always kind of sad when they would come in, too. What other? Mario Van Peebles. Wow. No, no, I'm only accepting mid-'90s underground hip-hop groups.

I'm going to take, I'll take the Alcoholics. I'll take the Loot Pack. Bus Driver would come in on Thursdays? Bus Driver would come in. My open mic eagle and Bus Driver would come in on Thursdays? Bus driver would come in. With my open mic eagle and bus driver would come in together, hanging out, talking about abstract raps. Yeah. The Jack Daniels.

Okay, the Jack Daniels. I know that's a signature thing. It's still going, still going strong. I have not had it. Yeah, the Jack Daniels chicken strips. Excellent. Excellent. The blackened chicken fettuccineine some of the best fettuccine

you'll ever have great great pasta dish i maybe wouldn't think to go pasta at tgi it's very good very good and then um they make a hell of a wing i'm not yeah i make a hell of a wing yeah i've that's been my experience it's a straightforward classic steve when you work at TGI Fridays, do they teach you about the extraordinary history of TGI Fridays? How it was the first singles bar in America? Thank you, Steve. This is what's important. If you're listening to this program, if you're anywhere within the sound of my voice, and you need to learn about literally anything, just a thing, you have to choose a thing to learn about in the balance of your life. Don't sign up for some fucking weak-ass- Prose class. City college prose writing class.

All right, all right. Lay off, lay off. Some kind of- Lay off English 006, okay? Fourth tier fucking- Wow. Wow. Some kind of. Lay off English 006, okay? Fourth tier fucking. Wow. Go Lancers. That's what I have to say to you.

Go Lancers. You and I both know that I took basketball class at LA City College and disappointed 700 19-year-olds who just looked at me and said, oh, when I was on their team, they passed to me. Oh, oh, when I was on their team, they passed to me. Oh, big man, big man. It's just broken hearted. I'm proud of you for taking that class. Thank you, Steve.

Are you going to go? Do you go or is it on the computer? He was number one. He was talking to me. Number two, I need everyone to read about the history of TGI Fridays, number two i need everyone to read about the history of tgi fridays which invented singles bars and was the hippest bar in new york city new york yeah i watched uh i had never seen cocktail i saw cocktail for the first time uh not that long ago and i'm like and it's supposed to be like a cutting edge kind of like um you know subcculture movie. It's like, ah, we're taking, you know,

we're showing middle America, the cool, you know, urban flair bartending places. And I'm like, I think this is taking place in a TGI Fridays. Yeah. It was based on a TGI Fridays. That's for real. Yes. Steve, to answer your question, I do. I do go. I've been to every class so far. I've done all my homework. I've even been journaling, which I hate. Congratulations, Jordan. Thank you. The fact that you are able to journal for this course. Right.

Absolutely blows me away because you could literally, I have three beautiful children, Steve, and a wife I love to the end of the earth. You could tell me that they were going to be knocked unconscious with a sap to the end of the earth. You could tell me that they were going to be knocked unconscious with a sap to the back of the head, then dumped into a vat, and that vat would be filled with concrete, which would then be allowed to harden around

their unconscious bodies. And the only way that it could be stopped would be if I did some journaling. And I would think, man man it's going to be really hard to find another wife I'm a professional podcaster that's what I would think yes are you afraid of what's going to be on that page what's going to end up on that page yes Steve yes of course I am oh shit of course I'm afraid. Write what you know. I don't want to know what I know. You got this beautiful family now. You're doing all right. You started these podcasts decades ago.

You never thought you'd end up here. What's going to be on the page? Shout out to America's community colleges. My own mother was a junior college professor. Got that job when I was a teen. That's how I got Kaiser. Not to brag, got off those government health care stamps and got on to real full-time worker health care, thanks to community colleges. I also had a great time in my community college Spanish class with our friend Adam Lissagor from You Look Nice Today. He and I were both really impressed. We were among the, I would

say, six to eight non-native Spanish speakers in that community college Spanish class. I would estimate it at 25 native Spanish speakers in the introduction to Spanish class there at LA City College. Community college, you get a variety of students. That's how I would characterize it. I think my class so far is just me and a bunch of 19-year-olds who hate being there. I remember the old person in class would always answer all the questions. Do you have to fight answering the questions?

Yeah, no. I mean, I want, I'm doing it for like fun, you know? That's the weird thing. I'm like, hey, I'm back in school. Look for like fun you know that's the weird thing i'm like hey i'm back in school look at me you know yeah so i i definitely want to like chime in you know all the time i want to like get into it about the short stories of you know shirley jackson i mean i spent a lot of time in the back of my mom's junior college classes at Santa Rosa Junior College. And my mom's class, I mean, as you know, Jordan, my mom is a brilliant genius and very eccentric, very difficult to understand what she's saying at any given time, makes up a lot of words, has a nickname for everyone that she doesn't explain to anyone, talks about people she knows as though you know them, and really has no screen, like this is a full-time, like she would

do this in the, if she was Catholic, she'd do it in the confessional, right? And most of her students were like fire science students who were going to become firefighters like that kind of thing these people were just sitting there with a combination of boredom anger and hatred towards my mom that was just pouring out of every pore of their body what is this strange woman and why is she talking about parliament funkadelic p-f Like, what does this have to do with school? But the groups of students that she connected with very deeply were super smart former gang members, fair number of super smart former gang members, a lot more gangs in Santa Rosa, California than you might think. And super smart former gang members really loved my mom. Really intense

high school fuck-ups, like people that were super smart, but really did a shit ton of acid in high school or whatever, right? People who really got involved in crazy ass drugs. And old people, like old people are the lifeblood of the community college because they are there, as you said, Steve, raising their hands, reading the books. Journaling like a fucking maniac. Yes, doing the journaling. I had to explain to my mother one time that if she didn't test people on the material, they wouldn't read the books. My mom truly didn't understand that. She wouldn't believe me when I told her that.

You know, I know I've been shouting out the mascot, Go Lancers. You know what a lancer is? Yeah, it's when you have a boil and you go to the doctor, like a pus-filled. It's like a knight with a lance. Oh, okay. No, Jesse, it's a knight with a lance. Oh, okay. No, Jesse. It's a knight with a lance. That's not what the mascot of Pasadena City College is when you have a boil. You go to the doctor.

No, sorry. It's a guy with a lance. Now, what about the Long Beach City College podiatrists? What's that about? It's an extinct ice age bear. Got it. Okay. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hey, let us guess. You love books, but wish you had more time to read. Or maybe you used to read a lot, but life has gotten in the way. Kids, grad school, you name it. Maybe you don't know where to start and bookish social media is overwhelming. How do people on TikTok read so many books? Oh my God, I don't know.

And maybe you've been reading the same book for six months and now it's permanently attached to your bedside table. Maybe you don't even know what you like to read anymore. We're Reading Glasses, and don't worry, we got you. We'll get you back into reading and help you enjoy books again. Reading glasses every week on Maximum Fun. What happens when you give a bug recreational drugs? What was the first recorded sound? How do we figure out how old the Earth is? Let's find out together on our show, Let's Learn Everything,

where we learn anything and everything interesting. My name's Caroline, and I studied biodiversity and conservation. My name's Tom, and I studied computer science and cognitive... Did you? And my name's Ella Ella and I studied stem cells and regenerative medicine. On our show, we do as much research

as you would for a class, but we don't get in trouble for making each other laugh. And we get to say f***. Maybe not in the trailer. Subscribe to Let's Learn Everything every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio. Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective, Steve LaMassa Hernandez.

We didn't get into why LaMassa. Well, get down. Voltron was a pretty big Christian hip hop group, but we started off as a punk band and a hard pivot. Sure. You're the known as the beastie boys of Christian. You have a Christian beastie boys.

You guys, I'm not kidding when I'm going to tell you this, you know, this is a mega church. There was like a foundation of mega churches across the country and the, all the senior pastors would get around for like a retreat in the summer and they would take turns and bring one of their youth pastors to take care of all their kids and so i was staying at a very fancy hotel in arizona the first time the limp biscuit doki video came out wow yeah i remember i'm not i swear to god i like it i was at the uh the princess that was the name of the it's some fancy hotel in arizona and i was on the edge

of my bed and that limp biscuit video came out and i like sat up and that changed the direction of get down voltron forever wow did you already have a dj in your punk rock band there was a time where i was i'm not kidding but i was very aggressively pushing to get a dj in the worship band but we just didn't have anybody that was doing that so we would have had to pay an outside dj rick rick rick of christ are you still are you still a limp biscuit fan do you are you following them on their comeback that i think they're kind of having i looked at my wife the last time they played the palladium sold out and i said i will pay up to 150 a ticket to go see limpets get wow and she said absolutely tickets are 200 each couldn't do it wow you stick to your guns i appreciate that steve wow 200 bucks also jesus

christ sold out did you in the christian hip-hop group were you a rapper lead rapper pump choclo uh that was my my rap name p-u-m-p-c-h-o-c i got that because i used to work at in and out too and that was the name of the chocolate syrup we would use to make the shakes pump choclo was the name of the chocolate syrup it's fucking raw as fuck yeah yeah my brother who is uh now he's a famous he's one of he's a famous hair colorist but he rapped alongside of us lieutenant is this west covina famous or internationally my brother's world famous for a hair color love it yeah yeah his name is danny moon he's in vogue all the time yeah he's very very successful he rapped with us,

and then my sister rapped. Mean Face Trey. So this was a sibling act, like the Von Trapp family singers. Yes. My sister was going to take us to the top, man. She was very cute, and she's a very, very good rapper, like a very, very good rapper. So she was like our secret weapon. But all that to say, La la masa is um i wanted to write a song about the hulk the incredible hulk and that's that's how it translates la masa yeah i like it i support it did you get to meet any of the big celebrities of the christian rap community like mace or little mike and Funny Bone from Reservation Dogs? Jars of Clay?

This is pre-Mace. This is pre... I'm not kidding when I tell you that we met with P.O.D.'s, the people, P.O.D.'s original thing. Wow. They brought us down to San Diego. They wanted to sign us, but they insisted that we start wearing Dickies. And I said, no. What?

You're like, nope, it's Ben Davis or nothing. No, they wanted us to start dressing like that. Carhartt only. Yeah, they wanted us to start dressing like that. And I just couldn't. What did you dress like? What were the things you refused to give up? I was just a terrible dresser.

But to me, you know. Jim Iroquois kind of thing. Jester hat. Yeah. Do you miss it? Do you have old albums that you break out when you're feeling wistful? Do you miss it? Are you ever driving around in your car, single tear rolling down your face as you fucking

rip bars? I'm going to find some way for you guys to hear this album and it's actually pretty good okay let me just state that right now i'm i would love to hear it yeah we opened up for deezer d a lot he was a one of the black nurses that on er so you know go to indiana open up for him now we're talking in indie yeah wow i was at an estate sale earlier today and there was a cdr there but the printed kind the kind with a little cover that's printed out and then like a little thing that's on top of the cd yeah for a man named dr rap it was a rapping doctor and i thought about buying it to make fun of him,

but then I felt bad because he's healing people. Through rap? Well, no. I mean, he's healing people through medicine, one presumes, and rapping on the side. I love to hear about that kind of stuff. At some point, he was like, I got to reach the kids. Yep.

They'll never learn about endocrinology. I have to speak their language. He's like, I already endowed the Long Beach City College podiatrists. I mean, he was hitting the desk and he's like, I'm not getting through to him anymore. What do I have to do? Steve, it has been an absolute joy to have you on the program. What a delight. Speaking of the Chatterbox in Covina, you've got a regular comedy night there on Sunday nights. I think we probably got a few Covina... West Covinians? Covizials. Two separate... Don't make that mistake, Jordan. A lot of comics come out there and they say, hey, what west covina the chatterbox is firmly in covina oh wow okay i'm sorry two separate places uh thank you for correcting chatterbox comedy night we've been doing it since 2010 it sells out all the time we have no business

it's a nationally known show we have it has no business being in covina but it just is there every sunday night eight o'clock at the chatterbox and And I bartend on Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays as well. So you stop in the kids don't get there till nine o'clock. I'm open at six watching Shark Tank a lot by myself. So if you want to come rap, you want to rap. If you want to spit some Bible theory, I love talking Bible theory. We can get into it. But you want some polyamory talk. I have this joke thing that I do. I go up to tables, people that know me, and I go, hey, have you guys read The Ethical Slut? And it's just like a joke. But the other day I did that to two girls that are my friends,

and they hadn't read it. And then I just ended up explaining polyamory to them, which I did not like doing that, guys. Have you thought about putting together a polyamory hip-hop group oh because i could see you getting some bookings at like anthro con or whatever but how would we how do we stop like when do we stop letting in new members that would be the question right that's a good point i mean as long as it's consent as long as it's explicit what the rules are yeah as long as there's a clear understanding i don't see what's wrong with it yeah yeah hey

fuck it get as big as arcade fire yeah just get huge yeah i think i think that's a great idea numbers wise covina y'all gotta come come visit me. I make a mean sweet tart. What's in a sweet tart? It's, I can't tell you over the air. Wow. Now I want one. Ecstasy. It's mostly ecstasy.

And JD Glaze. I'm making the drive. I'm coming to West Covina. By the way. It's Covina. No, I'm going to, but I'm going to West Covina. Friday night, Steve Hernandez can be found cutting it up on the dance floor over there at JC Glaze. JC Power and Glaze.

He has glazed us all. So go check out Steve at the Chatterbox. That's in East Covina, California. Oh God. Sunday nights at eight. Look for Steve on your YouTubes, on your Twitters, and so forth. Very funny man. What a joy it's been to have you on the program.

Thank you very much, Steve. Thanks for having me, guys. Our producer is Daniel Zafran, producer emeritus Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. Our theme music, Love You, by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us on social media. We are at facebook.com slash jordangessigo, at jordangessigo on Twitter. We are on Instagram at jordandavid Morris and at put.this.on. We are on Reddit at maximumfun. dot reddit.com always a nice time there on the max fun reddit can i add jesse yeah sure check me out on goodreads you know what check out jordan morris on goodreads this guy's sharing his short fiction on goodreads no that's that's for my

journal only that's for my journal in the eyes of my professor. Jordan just comes to class every week with a fucking new adventure of the Gilmore Girls. So I slash fic, they meet Digimon. Just fuck the hell out of those Digimon. Talk about queer polyamory. Jesus Christ. Fucking Digimons, huh? Fucking same-sex mother-daughter team-ups.

Digimons. Can you read this to 19-year-olds there in Pasadena City? Call them shortly. Let me put it this way. You don't need any fucking 900 numbers. You must be swimming in it. Okay, we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. love you.