Jordan, Jesse, GO! - JJGo Bonus: Stop Podcasting Yourself

Episode Date: March 29, 2010

Scott Simpson from You Look Nice Today joins Dave Shumka and Graham Clark for an episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself, the newest affiliate of MaximumFun.org.  Enjoy!

Hey friends, it's Jesse. Jordan had to work this week, so we couldn't record a new Jordan-Jesse Go, so instead I thought I'd give you a special treat. The latest additions to MaximumFun.org are Stop Podcasting Yourself. Graham Clark and Dave Shumka are two of Canada's funniest podcasters. They're two of my favorite podcasters, and I think you'll really like their show. I picked out one of my favorite episodes. This one has our pal Scott Simpson from You Look Nice Today on it. There's so much crossover between our fan bases. You may have already heard Stop Podcasting Yourself, but if you haven't, give them a try. Give them a trial subscription. Listen to a couple episodes. I'm on their upcoming episode. It's a great show. It's a lot of fun. That's why we brought it into the fold here at Maximum Fun, and I think you'll like it.

So without further ado, here's Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode 94 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark, and joining me, as always, is the man they call the original Teen Wolf, Dave Shumka. Yeah, yeah, I was before Justin Bateman. Jason Bateman? Justine Bateman.

Justine Bateman. Correct. Yeah. Wait, no. Michael J. Fox was before Jason Bateman. Yeah. Who was in the prequel? Me. Who beat at Michael J. Fox?

You. You're the original Teen Wolf. Taylor Lockhart. Kid Teen Wolf, they called you. Yeah. In your pool playing days. Yeah. Teen Wolf babies.

And joining us here on the podcast, a guest up from the U.S. of A., a fellow podcaster of the You Look Nice Today podcast, and an avid Twitterer, and just a real all-around nice guy, I think, Mr. Scott Simpson is our guest. I asked for pro-Twitterer was what I asked for. Pro-Twitterer. Oh, sorry. Don't worry.

You say it. We'll edit it in over my voice. Sure. As if I said it. Pro-Twitterer was what I asked for. Pro-Twitterer. Oh, sorry. Go out, don't worry. You say it. We'll edit it in over my voice. Sure. As if I said it. Pro-Twitterer. Yeah. Should we get to know us? Sure.

Get to know us. So, Scott, how's it going? What's new? Good, good. Well, it's really exciting for me to be here and to be talking to you guys because I really love your show and I'm a huge fan. We're a fan of your show as well, we should say. We're one fan of your show. I didn't think when I recorded this, when we would be recording this together, that you'd also be talking on the cell phone with your other ear and sort of one-minuting me the whole time.

Yes, and stretch and wrap it up. I didn't know how busy you guys were, I guess. I always figured you were just hanging out, palling around. I kind of give dog hand signals, too. You sent me that little doggy sign language, those PDFs beforehand. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with those.

I do the Asian version of Come Here where you put your fingers pointing down. That's also jellyfish in American Sign Language. And it's also limpristy. Yeah. Dave and I run our own gay Asian dog grooming business. Yeah. So you'd be surprised how often.

Oh, and also a lot of our clients are deaf. I imagine you get a lot of Greg Kinnear sidekick movie work. Yes. Oh my goodness. I'm at the point of turning it down at this point because I've got too much.

Sky, you are from, is it California? Yes, I'm from the Bay Area in California. And your wife, Canadian by naturalization? Is that what they say? By birth, I think they say. What is naturalization?

I think that's afterbirth. Oh, it's the afterbirth? The placenta. The placenta, okay. That looks Canadian. That's actually how you can tell if it's Canadian or not, is the afterbirth. Oh, yeah, okay, that's Canadian. not, is the afterbirth. Oh, yeah. Okay.

That's Canadian. There it is. Yes. My wife is Canadian. She's from Calgary. Calgary. Alberta. Yes. And I've been there once.

Yeah. And it was just great. It was fine. Yeah? It's fine. It is fine. It's fine. It's not post-apocalyptic.

It's fine. It's fine. Yeah. It's not like that movie, The Road. You know? No. Yeah. It's not like that movie The Road. You know? No. Yeah. There's stuff.

You know, houses. Plumbing. Yeah. There's a place called Cowboys. Yeah. Jeremy Piven apparently hangs out there if you follow his twittering. He is a... He hasn't upgraded to a pro account yet.

Yeah. I don't know. Is it pro-twit or twit-pro? Twit-pro-quo? Right. I'll look into it. And so you're up here for the holidays. Yes, up here for the holidays.

Nice. And very excited because I really enjoy Vancouver. It's a beautiful city. Are you an outdoorsy type of skier now? No. In fact, I resent that about people. That there are people who are outdoorsy? I resent that that's such a de facto thing.

That you're allowed to just say, yeah, yeah, I hike. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I hike. And then I like to just do shit outside. That doesn't count as a hobby. That's the thing I am. Yeah, yeah. That's the thing.

That, to me, should be fringe behavior. The rest of us should be inside. And if you want to go outside, that can be, like, it's like, that should be, like, chess level of hobby. So, like, do you think, like, originally, like, hikers and stuff, they were the weirdos. Right, exactly. And now they've kind of

somehow brought society with them? How did that work? And you say Vancouver's a beautiful city. Yes. But I feel like an outdoorsy person would claim that more. I know what you mean. Like, yeah. Like, maybe the beauty belongs to them a little bit more than it belongs to you.

Oh, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Like, go home. Like, it's beautiful when you're not here. Well, take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints. Right. There's a lot of that in Vancouver. There's a lot of people who, and you'll see it if you walk around,

there's a lot of people who are dressed as if a hike will happen at any point. Can you do that? Can someone just call hike? Everybody has to leave. It's a flash mob of hikers. Oh, God, I got this test coming up. Fuck it. Hike!

Put on your polar fleece. Already on. Yeah, already on. You'll see it a lot, and it's like... I have these kind of fantasies about these people. They're just in town until the ranch gets... Until the fence gets built or something. You have fantasies about these people?

Yeah, not erotic fantasies. But fantasies involving them owning a ranch? Yeah. Dave, I've got a lot of mind freaks. He's got a broad spectrum of fantasy. Yeah, yes. I'm not just, I don't, you know, just, what do you fantasize

about? Outside is sexual. I don't want to hear about that. Oh, geez. Laziness. I fantasize about? Outside is sexual. I don't want to hear about that. Oh, geez. Laziness. I fantasize about being lazy. Yeah. Money. I fantasize about having all the money.

Yeah. You having none. Me having none? I fantasize about your failure. So you fantasize about you being rich and me being outside pressing my face up against your window and it's cold out and you're warm, maybe burning money? Yeah, and I'm singing It's Cold Outside to myself. You could have a servant sing it to you if you were that rich.

Your fantasies stink. Oh, also I have perfect pitch. How about you? Well, when you were talking about fantasies, I was realizing that... A moment ago? Yes. I was realizing that my sexual fantasies, more and more, you know, of course, no matter how sexual your fantasy is, there's always a prelude.

There's always a preamble that involves some sort of setup. I fucked these hikers. Did I mention that? On their ranch. Yeah. I should have said that part. It helps it make sense. Let's make goat cheese.

Generally, you know, there will be some sort of setting, right? Right. Because every fantasy includes that setting. A four-poster bed. Yeah. Outer space. I'm teaching somebody English. Flying carpet.

Don't you dare close your eyes. Nomads. Don't you dare close your eyes. Nomads. And so I, unfortunately, though, I found more and more that what intend to be sexual fantasies end up being just sort of non-sexual fantasies. Like, I get sort of wrapped up in, like, why doesn't this girl, this poor 18-year-old girl from Mongolia, like, speak English? Like, why doesn't she speak? Well, obviously, it's a post-Soviet country, and, you know, there are real issues. And then before I know it, I'm, like, Googling Ulaanbaatar.

And, you know. You're like, how can I help this girl? Yes. What kind of trade could I teach her? That's very funny. In Vancouver, I've seen pretty homeless girls. And I've been like, oh, you know. What do you mean?

They're pretty homeless? Is that what you mean? Oh, yeah. The whole nine yards. Four days a week. Yeah, they're pretty homeless. No, but you're like, oh, you can't. And you think you're maybe too pretty to be homeless.

Like when you see a pretty girl on the bus. Someone should have given you a ride. I always think if there's a pretty girl on the bus, there's something wrong with her. Because she would have gotten a ride if she had a better personality. I'm going to scratch ride the bus in Vancouver off my list of things to do here. Because if there are no pretty girls, I'm not going there. No, that's the thing is there is, because there's this one bus line that goes east-west and it goes along Broadway towards the university.

So you do get quite a mishmash of people. By mishmash, you mean young students. Yeah, Mongolian students looking for shelter and maybe a hot meal. Where do I go? Excuse me, sir, where do I go? I don't know. I don't speak English. Not very well. I don't know why I talk like this. I was in a helium

accident. When I was about seven, my family went to France, and there was a family of gypsies. We call them Negroes in the U.S. There were these beggar children of some ethnicity, and they came up to my dad and started stroking his arm. Oh, that's effective. And sticking their tongue out.

Oh, wow. If they were making a noise, it would be... Really? But they weren't making a noise. Okay. And for the rest of my life, my entire childhood, whenever we begged our dad for something, we would stroke his arm.

Is that because you saw him hand over his whole wallet? No, but this was an international incident. And we would stroke his arm. And then you'd blow him. Yeah, for all intents and purposes. But that kind of got dumbed down. It started as blah, blah, blah. And then we would just spell out, like we would just pronounce blah, blah, blah as buttle, buttle.

So you would go like stick out your hand and go buttle, buttle? We would just please buttle. Oh, you'd stroke your. Stroke the arm. Please buttle, buttle. That's awesome. I love family language and how that evolves over time. It's sort of handed down and then it also comes out.

Do you, Graham, do you have... I'm trying to think of something where it's like a phrase that would only exist. The phrase that pays. Well, that is your phrase that pays. It's buttle buttle. I don't think I have one that

exists between me and my parents that I can think of. I know for a long time, and this just recently came full circle, there was a long time ago in the back of comic books, they used to have a page of cartoons that would

be a comic book hero advertising hostess cakes or Twinkies or something like that. Like Mighty Mouse. No, it would be like Spider-Man or the Hulk. And there was this one comic strip, I remember my brothers, and I thought it was hysterical

because at one point Hulk's only line in the strip is, Hulk no understand. And we were like, what if somebody took the time to try and teach Hulk more Can I read the story for this? Sure. That's sexual fantasy number two. took the time to try and teach Hulk like more. Can I interrupt you?

That's sexual fantasy number two. He speaks about the same amount of English as the Mongolian. Swap it right in. We pictured this guy taking years and years to try and teach Hulk how to speak more words than Hulk no understand.

And at the end of that whole period, all that he was able to say on the breakthrough day was Hulk overstand. So then that became short form for if you had to spend a lot of time doing a task, became Hulk overstand. Love it. Scott, do you? to spend a lot of time doing a task became Hulk over stand. I love it. Scott, do you?

We had a misstep recently. We misfired. I spent a little bit of time in Japan, and so I speak Japanese. And so as a result, some of our family words have some sort of root in the Japanese word. Well, actually, I just learned this. Sukoshi is a Japanese word for a little bit, which became skosh. Oh.

That's the origin of skosh, which I didn't know. Huh. That's not our family. We didn't invent that. That's somebody else. You can claim it. I've never heard that. What we invented was...

Yeah. Oh, you've never heard skosh? No. For just a little? A skosh? No. Yeah, it's not a great word. It's not bad, though.

It's fine. It's fine. Yeah. You know. But skosh sounds a lot like scoo No. Yeah, it's not a great word. It's not bad, though. It's fine. It's fine. But skosh sounds a lot like scooch. Yeah, because you skosh over there? Which means, like, move it over a bit. Yeah, yeah. Well, anyway. Sorry. What am I supposed to do with that, Graham?

I don't know. I'm becoming less of a fan of this podcast. Oh, from that one line? Well, that's how it happens. So our misfire was that we've been using kind of the Japanese word for mouth

when I'd be like, oh, come on, but I shorten it. Open, come on, honey, open your mouth for the last bite. Have the last bite. You have children, right?

Yes. Back to the Mongolian girl. I've actually been learning Japanese to enrich my sexual fantasy So that you can actually I'm a rich Japanese businessman It turns out that she doesn't speak Japanese either Three years wasted

Hulk overstand So yeah The Japanese word for mouth is kuchi And so we shortened it to kuch So I've been telling my daughter to open your kuch Oh no And it didn't really occur to me until we had really made it part of the family language And so now the children say kuch all the time for mouth Wow

Put it in your kuch Open your kuch, Open your cooch. Open your cooch, Mayu. Open your cooch. Now, did you – you spent time in Japan? Yeah, I just did the English teacher after college thing. Did you – a lot of people have said that when they've come back from Japan, they're like, oh, you got to do that. And I don't think it would be for everybody. No, no, no. But did you enjoy it? Well, you got to do that. And I don't think it would be for everybody.

No, no, no. But did you enjoy it? Well, you got to try the hot wings. Teriyaki? I heard they're good. I did. I wasn't particularly interested before I went. It wasn't really a place that I thought I would go.

There was just a girl that I was dating who was from there, and so I followed her. Then I showed up at her door, and she let me in. And so I stayed for a few years. And I ended up really liking it. It's very different culturally. It's just generally more restrictive and generally more kind of buttoned up. But as a result, it's very nice and very clean, and people are polite, and it's very safe. It's great.

Yeah, it's a lovely place. And I think I was especially protected because I didn't have any really high expectations of finding the Buddha or something like that. So as a result, I found the Buddha. Are there people – Where was he? The Buddha. When you're over there and teaching English, are there any kind of like rogue English teacher, kind of like in the apocalypse now,

like a guy who's been there? Like the Walkins. Yeah, like he's been there too long and he's lost touch with what he is or where he's from? I flew back with a guy who's exactly like that, who had been living in the kind of the party area of Tokyo for maybe 14 or 15 years. Yeah, that's the guy.

And they become, I think, like kind of, if you stayed young looking forever, but you really had lived for 50 years, you start to look sort of not wrinkly, but sort of pouchy and puffy and red-faced and just gross. They get gross. They're in some sort of eternal adolescent state.

Yes. Because it is sort of a, it's a phase job. And then you hope that. Yeah, it's a PJ. And so you hope that you become P, PJ, post-PJ at some point. P, B, and J. It's not to say that teaching English is in any way a P, J. It's just that type of kind of...

You're going through a P. Yeah. How many hours a week would you work? Because I know a couple of people that are teaching English and have done for many years, and they only work this very small amount of time a week, and then they've got a lot of time for things like that, drinking. Are you asking me as sort of a roundabout way of asking me

if I have time in my schedule to give you a lesson well just cuz it's your FL doesn't mean it can't be your SL as well I'm gonna need need some kind of chart at the end of this there's too many abbrevs but yeah I always pictured that there would be that person that would just stay and yeah

the work week is pretty short it's pretty tiring but I liked it yeah it was a lot of fun. I met my wife there. She was another teacher. So that paid off. Sorry, ladies. Sealed up. Two kids. Yeah, his kids were conceived in wedlock.

Dave, what's going on with you, buddy? We are recording this pre-Christmas. It will be released post-Christmas. Pre-Krampus. Sure. That's my new thing that I'm into. I don't do Christmas anymore.

I told you last week about how that girl showed up at that party. That girl? Yeah, Krampus, we call her. Yeah, she stole Scrooged. And then she was double Scrooged. Yeah, she was reverse Scrooged. And we had a Scrooged viewing party. And?

Results? It was 90 minutes long. Yeah. And my friend Simon brought a cake. And he went to Dairy Queen, and he picked out a cake, and he had them write Mary Krampus on it. Yay. This sounds like a good party.

Yeah. Sounds like it has all the elements. Well, that's about it. Oh. So it was missing some elements. But last night, I went to a professional hockey game. Oh, NHL? Yes.

National Hockey League. Can I interrupt for just a second? Yeah, please. NHL, does it bother you when people say the whole thing as if you don't know what it is? Is that a commentator thing? National Hockey League? When they're talking about the NHL? Because with football, if you ever watch football commentary, they always say National Football League.

I wonder if that isn't a legality or something where they have to say it so many times or else the candy man will appear. Yeah. Maybe. I hope so. Yeah, I don't think they ever do say. Do they ever say National Hockey League? Probably. I don't really pay attention to that.

Does it bother you when it happens in your football? Thank you for asking, Dave. Let's make this about Scott. It's not worth it. Please continue. No, no, no. Does it bother you when it happens in your football? Thank you for asking, Dave. Let's make this about Scott. It's not worth it. Please continue. No, no, no. Does it? I honestly don't have a story.

It does because I think that they're saying it in that sort of over-detail speak that some people use. I think criminals use that when they talk about the crimes that they've committed. Some people use – I think criminals use that when they talk about the crimes that they've committed. Like, oh, so I went to jail for possession without intent 17B. You just say drug. I had drugs. Right, right. So there's that sort of like extra detail speak that people in certain industries or levels of education use. Do you think that there – so do you see it as an overcompensation for perhaps a lower

level of intelligence or education maybe a lower or a feeling of inferiority but all usually football commentators a lot of them are former football players so they all they've all gone to college yeah true true probably i saw the program i read ter read Terry Bradshaw's book. But do they, because they also say when you watch baseball, they often say. Major League Baseball? Yeah, the formal announcements, they always say Major League Baseball. But they very rarely say National Hockey League during the commentating. Well, I've never heard anybody say.

The only time I've ever heard somebody say National Hockey League is when they're describing to somebody who's not from this country what the NHL stands for. I don't think I would even... I would just assume it was National Hockey League. There's nothing else it could be. Yeah, so that's why... Well, that's what every post-port is.

There's not a lot of... It's either a league or an association. It's usually national. But I actually... there's not a lot of it's either a league or an association it's usually national um but uh i i i actually i don't watch football very often but this is the time of year i do because i like watching people play sports in the snow in the snow yeah it's uh it's fun to see somebody skid out and create that first like where it's all white and then create that first strip of green. That's good. That's good watching.

And I like seeing guys in toques. I like that they... What? Why do I like that? That's a weird... No reason not to. Also, they can kind of get together some sort of pseudo-warm clothing for the cheerleaders. They've been able to get hand warmers or something for them. That's pretty great.

I do like how they bring out and fully branded, fully articulated branding for something they'll use once or twice. And always it's really on the cutting edge of warmth technology too. So they'll have some sort of heat cannon on the sidelines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dyson heat cannon. Mountain Dew heat cannon. Oh, wow. Yesterday, the New York Jets were playing, and their cheerleaders were wearing Santa outfits to keep them warm.

I like that, like the Rockettes. Yeah. They all kicked real high. What's the appeal like the Rockettes. Yeah, they all kicked real high. What's the appeal of the Rockettes in this day and age? In this day and age tradition, back in the other days, it was... Gams.

Yeah, gams and lots of them. I haven't looked at a Rockette in 10 years because I'm afraid of centipedes. And it just sets it off. So, Scrooge Did you enjoy or did you not enjoy? Yeah I enjoyed it I don't think I had ever seen it before Oh really?

We had some questions afterwards Like why did they never mention Because he's making He's a TV executive, and they're making a live Christmas Eve broadcast of... A Christmas Carol. Well, they call it Scrooge. They call it Scrooge.

There's no mention of a Christmas Carol, which is certainly in the public domain. Why can't they mention a Christmas Carol? You can shed some light on this. Why would I be able to shed some light? You look a little bit like Charles Dickens I look Dickensian a little bit I don't know

I don't know why they would I think there was a period of time when it stopped being called A Christmas Carol and it was called Scrooge in that time period that it was made I think people were calling that particular story Scrooge and not. Yeah, like the poem A Visit from St. Nicholas,

everyone calls Twas the Night Before Christmas. Yes. So I think it was one of those things. And then it came back around with, I think, The Muppets maybe ushered it back into A Christmas Carol. The Muppets' Christmas Caroled it back into a Christmas carol. The Muppets' Christmas carol is one of my top Christmas memories.

Because I remember, it was the last day of school. I was in like grade 6. It was quiet around the house. I don't know any of that. We've all been to Dave'sTopChristmasMemories.com I need to go over this again.

It's a surprise that you could buy the domain name. It was.net for a long time until the other person let it lapse. Yeah. It was Lil' Kim. For charity. Lil' Kim cares. I don't need to bore you with my Christmas memories.

The other thing from Scrooged was that at the very end, everyone sings, it's Christmas Eve, and everyone, for some reason, gets together to sing, and everyone knows the words to the song, Put a Little Love in Your Heart. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's true.

That doesn't make any sense. It makes very little sense. Released as the single for the movie, right? I'm certain. An eight-minute version playing over the credits. All I would know is the chorus. I mean, I would enjoy being there. And the world will be a better place for you and me.

Just wait and see. Oh, okay. So I got that in my back pocket. Yeah. If it ever comes up. But, you know, maybe like a Christmas song. I thought it was Auld Lang Syne, but no, you're right. No, that's the, what's the Jimmy Stewart one? Oh, um. Miracle on the rear window.

No. What was it called? It's a wonderful life. It's a wonderful life. Graham, why don't we get to know you? Okay, two things. You sicken me. Why?

I don't know. You're not going to be invited to my mansion in my fantasy. You're ranching. Yeah, it's a ranch-style mansion. It's a ranching. Okay, first things a ranch-style mansion. It's a ranching. Okay, first things... Will there be a luncheon? Yeah, there will be a luncheon at my ranching-style

mansion. Is your favorite South Korean city Incheon? Why do you look so angry, Dave? I know, I'm trying to think of other chins. What did the cop beat you with? A trenchant. What did we find in the ocean? An urchin.

Trenchant I've only ever heard in the novel 1984. I've never heard it. And the song, We Will All Welcome You to Trenchin I've only ever heard in The novel 1984 I've never heard it And the song we will all welcome you to Trenchin land Munchkin land You've been arrested That's what the cops sing When you get booked they all get together It's like it's a birthday

It's like oh god somebody's been arrested We gotta sing the song again We all welcome you to Trenchin land Of course we can't sing the traditional Happy Trenchin It's trademarked We'll welcome you to Truncheon. Of course, we can't sing the traditional happy Truncheon. Yeah, it's trademarked. Okay, one thing, and you know this from a couple weeks ago. I know.

The new place I've moved into, there's a lot of problems with it. No furniture. There was no heat for a long time. My shower broke over the weekend, so I had 48 hours of non-showering. The faucet handle stopped working. It was broke and needed to be replaced. So you could only get scalding hot water. So there was no bathing, which is fine for 24 hours because that can happen even naturally.

You have a busy day and you're like oh i just didn't even yes shower uh but after the 36 hour to 48 hour laps you for the effects you mentally first of all yeah that you just are like well i'm not even gonna do the dishes why the fuck should i i'm filthy everything around me should also be filthy and then you just stopped even doing things that you should be doing like errands canceled yeah i smell too bad to to send to go out to grandma so that how how fast i turn greasy i'm shocked by like when i see homeless people i think i could get to their level inside of four days like Like a level that we're talking probably a month steady of them, no showering or limited showering.

I am able to amass that inside of less than a week. Which I'm not saying that as a point of pride. I'm actually deeply ashamed that I am able to regress that quickly. The beard doesn't help. What, looks-wise? Yeah. Yeah, looks-wise? Yeah. Yeah, no. The General Dickensian demeanor.

It's a problem. Yes. But, yeah, I devolve very quickly. Yeah, it's weird that, like, a sport coat on a homeless guy it doesn't really class him up. No, it's like it's like a battle of wills there and the sports coat has very little

will in that fight. It's going to be homeless-ized instead of it going the other way. But he could probably get a they can't force him to wear a sport coat at a fancy restaurant because he's already got one. We'll just be able to invoke the barefoot clause. Right.

Oh, also you have no pants on. Oh, right. I guess you took the jacket required requirement literally. Yeah, and you've also stolen our no shirt, no sign off the wall. So that's clearly in contravention. And you brought a copy of no shirt, no sign off the wall. So that's clearly in contravention. And you brought a copy of Phil Collins' No Jacket Required. And the patches on the elbows seem more authentic on a homeless. Agreed.

Because they've earned them. Yeah. Earned their patches. He's probably actually patching something. Oh, you get to see their rank. Is that what you're saying when you say they earned them? Yeah, how many patches you have shows you what level they're at. Oh, cool. You cut them open and you see the rings. Oh, you get to see their rank. Is that what you're saying when you say they earned them? How many patches you have shows you what level they're at. Oh, cool. You cut them open

and you see the rings. Oh, cool. So yeah, there's that. So that's one of the features of living in the new place. The second feature, and you saw it, is that I live around the corner from somebody who owns a DeLorean.

Yes. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, and it's really fascinating because I pass it every day. And Dave was dropping me off the other week, and I said, Dave, look, it's a guy getting in a DeLorean, and you got excited and honked at him, which then scared him. Well, I'm sure. Yeah.

Oh, no, but he's got to be used to getting honked at. Yeah, but I don't... I'm trying to just, at a distance, I mean, I don't want to spoil the illusion for himself, but he's a big guy with a completely shaved head and a very short, beautiful girlfriend, but every time I see them getting in, there's just like a... There's such an air of mystery.

I don't know what he does. I don't know where he's going, but wherever's going he probably doesn't need roe uh the first thing is uh that may be the delorean that was featured in the music waste promos uh okay a few months back uh probably it probably was yeah it's in great condition too like that's the other thing and second of all condition We were talking about fantasies. Yeah. A few years ago, maybe 10 years ago, I used to go on eBay and look at the price of DeLoreans. Wow.

Yeah. Wow. And my fantasy was buying two DeLoreans. One. And then get them to fuck. Rev them up to 88 miles per hour One would be Just a throwaway DeLorean To teach myself to drive standard on

Oh I see And the other would be for legitimate use And you know tail chasing Really is that Is that why you looked at two Like really you thought In fantasy world Because I can't drive standards to this day

Right me neither I can't So I guess I'm better than you guys I guess so I feel pretty good about that For a homeless You know what I may be homeless I'm better than you guys? I guess so. All right. I feel pretty good about that. All right. For a homeless. Yeah.

You know what? I may be homeless and in your fantasy world starving outside of your mansion. Hold on a second. Oh, yeah. No, it says on your patch. It says standard. It says standard. You can drive standard on this patch.

Yeah, exactly. That's my standard patch. No, he's good. Sorry. I didn't see that. I would have been more respectful. No, you know, that was – There are different shapes in Canada and America. That's what it was.

That's what it was. That's all right. Is DeLorean still... Is it still like... It's not a sign of wealth. No. It's got to be an ironic statement. It's a collector's...

There's clubs. Sure. Well, there's clubs for everything yeah hair clubs yeah for one alcoholics anonymous yeah that's a club uh those truncheons are clubs yeah seal clubs um pamela anderson hates them so much oh really um but yeah they so that you know the story of the how the del, like why that car exists. Have you ever heard that story? Please, Grandpa.

Oh, well, gather around, young Tannins. Is it December 21st already? Time for Graham's story about the origin of DeLoreans again. The first DeLorean. But it was this guy. He worked for several major car manufacturers. John Z. DeLorean. That's his name, John DeLorean.

I know, because when I would look up DeLoreans on eBay, there would be a ton of model, back to the future model cars, and then a bunch of tell-all biographies about John Z. DeLorean. Yeah, he was like this really eccentric character. I wonder what the Z stands for. To this day, don't care enough to look it up.

Yeah, zucchini. It's got to be. Well, zebra, also a frontrunner. It's a really short dictionary entry. Yeah, he just got this sense that he'd gotten to a certain point in the automobile industry where he knew everything about marketing a car and building a car so surely he would be able to run his own company and he came up with the delorean which was made of stainless steel yeah which was the only car like it on the market and uh but the thing was about it is that the model of it with the gullwing doors,

it let in so much water. Like it was basically, so they would rust in all the joints and they became almost impossible to maintain. Like it would be something you would buy and there'd be an instant liability. Yeah, because you're making a car out of something that's pretty rust prone.

Yes. And then you're making it in a way that makes it more rust prone. Rusty. And so then what happened, though, was that it basically, this guy's career was over. And the DeLorean became just, it was like something that had passed. It was only that Robert Zemeckis thought we need, because originally it was supposed to be a time-traveling fridge they were going to use in Back to the Future. Is that true?

Yeah. Wow. And it was also originally supposed to be Eric Stoltz. Yeah, that's correct. Gross. It is gross. I'll bet he has a smelly penis. I don't know why.

I just look at some people and I think, smelly genitals. You know the guy from, the guy who used to lead in, what's that show? Entourage. Apparently, there was a- Very smelly penis. Really? There was a groupie- That's not halitosis.

That's something else. Kutikosis. Sorry. I was trying to think. Genitosis. I guess if your dick could breathe, it would be halitosis. I went to school. The guy named Dick could breathe. But if your dick could breathe, it wouldn't smell so bad.

Just let it breathe. If your dick could smell, it wouldn't smell so bad. Yeah, so anyway, so that's the story of the DeLorean, which is a pretty good story. Have you ever seen the Canadian gullwing door car that was manufactured for... It was probably a bigger failure than the DeLorean. Was it called the Canada Goose? It was called the Bricklin. The Bricklin?

Yeah. No, never heard of it. B-R-I-C-K-L-I-N. I don't know why gullwing doors seemed like such a thing, but it was. Why a Canadian company would make a sports car at all? Well, it harkens back to the time when it was still possible not to be a megacorp and build something like a car. Yeah, that's true. And so you had much more variety.

That's fun. You know, it is fun. It is fun. Like in a time when a small business could be a car menu. Yeah, sure. Right, right, right. Mom and pop cars. I think we just got to the essence

of why there are no more mom and pop car shops. Yes. You know. So, yeah. So there's that. And also, I think I put it on Facebook, but I was at the laundromat. Everyone be Graham's Facebook friend.

And I was watching a portion of Grease on the television at the laundromat. And I never realized this before watching it this past Sunday, is that there's a line in it where they're singing about Grease lightning. And the line is, it's such a dream, the girls will cream? The chicks will cream. The chicks will cream. I never realized that that was in Grease. Did they talk about this on Never Not Funny a little while ago?

Did they? About something with the tit? Was there a tit mentioned? I don't. That just blew me away because I never had heard that. Because that's a fairly advanced dirty word in that context.

It makes you wonder if maybe it had a pre-modern meaning, a pre-modern day meaning. Maybe to cream back then would be to lactate uncontrollably. Hey, you're making me cream, mom. Stop it, mom. When I was a teenage boy, I used to subscribe to Rolling Stone magazine. And here's something that will place it in a very specific time.

And here's something that will place it in a very specific time. There was a red carpet event with John Popper. Blues Traveler's John Popper. Pre-stomach stapling. Of the vest of harmonicas. Did he have to play less harmonicas when he got skinny? That thing was flopping everywhere. I can't do he flat anymore, guys.

I'm sorry. I don't have room on the... No flats. No flats. There's no way the band has songs in all 12 keys. But he... John Popper was at a red carpet event with Quentin Tarantino. And Quentin Tarantino was kind of wonder-kinned at the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was some video store clerk. Yeah, he'd come out of nowhere and he had all these like, oh, you know, he'd spent his whole life in a video store in his parents' basement. Yeah. And, but somehow he knew a little bit about everything. Yeah. video store in his parents basement yeah and uh but somehow he knew a little bit about everything yeah and he uh according to john popper he grabbed one of his microphones and like played this virtuoso riff on it and john popper said i creamed my jeans oh in rolling stone yeah yeah yeah but in case... And the Rolling Stone writer even wrote you. But in his case, in Popper's case,

it was that he was trying to smuggle out a banana cream pie from the party. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, man, I just creamed my jeans. Thanks, Quentin. Well, shall we move on to the overheards? Yes, overheards. Overheard.

All right, overheards. Things that have been overheard in general life. I imagine this time of year, waiting in line to see Santa. Possibly. Haven't got one yet, but that doesn't mean... Have you been waiting in line to see Santa? No haven't got one yet but uh it doesn't mean have you been waiting in line to see santa no no not not me out there the other people uh no i haven't the common people yeah the uh grunts so we call them i call them scrunts normies norm normies um the you know the

grunts the scrunts the normies they all love them paris buehler uh right um the sportos the scrunts, the normies. They all love them. Fair feeling. All right. The spornos. The spornos, the scrunts. Yeah, so things overheard in general life. We like to start with the guest, Scott, if you would. I was in line at my local neighborhood coffee shop a few days ago. Mermaid logo,

green kind of branding. And I was waiting there, and there were two kids studying at the table near me. And they were like Asian-American kids, and they were done up in just totally kind of like crazy comic book, spiky blonde hair, crazy leather, super neon clothes. Harajuku girls. Yes.

They were two boys. Super kawaii. Andajuku girls. Yes. They were two boys. Super kawaii. And they were students. They were high school students. And so they're just madly flipping through, obviously cramming, three books stacked up on the table. And I

didn't really... My line passed by, so I didn't get to hear a lot of what they were studying or talking about. But the one kid said to the other kid, madly flipping through his books, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait Simpsons book report where he's just read the title of the book. This is a story about a great guy named Gatsby. Have you ever used Cliff's Notes? Cole's Notes? Cole's Notes, yeah. Spark Notes? Spark Notes. Right. Yeah, yeah. I have a few

times. Do you remember the book? Yeah, I remember Brothers Karamazov. I really wanted to be the kind of person who read the Brothers Karamazov. Right? Yeah. But it turns out be the kind of person who read the Brothers Karamazov. Oh, who doesn't? Right? Yeah. Tough guy.

But it turns out I'm the kind of guy who reads the clip notes of the Brothers Karamazov. But yeah, that's exactly the kind of thing that they underline in those terrible, terrible books is, you know, notice the symbolism of the use of brothers in page 27. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah i never under like i once that existed i was like well then what is school for if these books exist and you could just flip through these and go oh yeah okay i got the full thing i don't it almost like uh were those things illegal in schools were you not supposed to use those? No, they weren't illegal, I don't think. But there was an essay writing service you couldn't use. Well, people just download essays

off the internet now, right? That's what kids would do. Smart kids would do that. Dumbos would just, you know, scrunt. Spoiler alert. In the Brothers Karamazov, the brothers throw themselves in front of a train At the end

It's a whodunit I thought you were going to say they throw themselves a party Brothers forever We gotta raise enough money We be the brother Father Zosima's still in jail. Whatever. Brothers forever.

Good. This has nothing to do with that except that it's brothers throwing a party. Do you remember... Well, why wouldn't you remember this? Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? Yeah, I remember the show. I never watched it. Not once.

We didn't get it in Canada. And I used to download it. Really? Yeah, that's weird, eh? Yeah, that is weird. That's a bizarre admission. That is weird. Oh, as long as we're admitting something weird,

I had a dream about you guys last night. Oh, that's not weird at all. I did. You were taking me to the clinic to get my blood drawn. Which we may do after the show. I didn't want to tell you. Do you need blood work done? I need blood work done.

I'm not donating. Oh, okay. And I didn't want to tell you guys that I was going because I wanted to impress one of the clinicians, I guess you would call them, there. Yeah. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to hang one of the clinicians, I guess you would call them, there. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to hang out. Sure. And so I was simultaneously trying to get rid of you guys

because you took me thinking that I had cancer. And we kept jumping in in the middle of your stories. Yeah. In front of this clinician. And so anyway, so I was avoiding you guys, and then I was trying to find this clinician, and there was also somebody named Horny. Oh, wow. Somebody named Horny?

Yeah, somebody named Horny. Oh, man. That's a great name for a character. Horny P. Watson. Yeah. For like a character in a college movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here comes Horny.

When I say character, it's implied that I'm talking about the college movie I'm writing. Right. Horny Academy. So that would mean that he's the guy who started the... Yeah, Horny Academy. He's the dean. Dean Horny? Arthur P. Horny IV.

What about a complete opposite on the college movie where it's a party school and there's a kid who goes down there. It's taken over by preppies. Yeah, like the total straight edge kids that are like, we're here for an education. Yeah. And the teachers are like, you know, I feel good or whatever. You will teach us. We will wear cable knit. Yeah.

And they demand an education, like a proper education. That's proper. Do you think that that's... Yeah, and then they throw a big party at the end of the year. Yeah, the Brothers Karamazov. Throw a party. With a string quartet. Yeah.

Instead of Hoobastank. Instead of Hoobastank. It'll be called instead of Hoobastank. Hoobastank shows up, called Instead of Hoobastek Hoobastek shows up But are not let in Anyway There were these On Queer Eye for the Straight Guys

There was once this episode With these two brothers Named the Bravo Twins And I'm certain They picked them Because the network was Bravo. Was one of them Dino Bravo, the wrestler? I don't know who that is.

They were twins. They were early 20s. They lived together and they wrestled each other all the time. Sounds like Dino Bravo, the wrestler. Oh, right. From the movie The Wrestler. These queer guys, they moved in.

And they couldn't stop them from wrestling all the time. But they always, in that show, they would make them... But they taught them to Greco-Roman wrestle. Shaking my head. Oh, God. Homophobic. Or Greekophobic. Homocentric. Or Greekophobic. Homocentric.

Agoraphobic. They would... In every episode, they would kind of... There was one guy who was the grooming guy. One guy who was the dressing queer. But they were doing it while these guys were wrestling the whole time. I'm trying to get you dressed. And I put one pet leg on you and one pet leg on the other guy.

I'm trying to get you dressed and I put one pet leg on you and one pet leg on the other guy and then there was one guy who was the I don't even know he was just life coach yeah sort of

he would like just teach them to he was their astrologer hold a conversation and one of these things was like oh you guys love your grandpa right we should have a painting made of your grandpa and they were like I guess we love our grandpa. Can we wrestle the painting?

And so they changed their whole apartment. And the centerpiece of their apartment was this enormous mural of their grandpa. And I just imagine that for the rest of their lives, people would come into their apartment and be like, Wow, you guys really love your grandpa. their lives. People would come into their apartment and be like, wow, you guys really love your grandpa. And they would have to either say, yeah, we sure do, or no, we

were on Queer Eye for the straight guy. And the guy's like, what? And he's like, I'll wrestle you. You know what? To avoid this confrontation, let's just wrestle. I always think of the Todd Berry bit whenever I think of that show. Have you ever heard of it?

Probably. Just where they would go and they would go to the home of a longshoreman and they're like, wait a minute. You're telling me that you have never used moisturizer on your elbows. However he says it. That to me was the epitome of that show. They would go to a slob's house, be horrified that the place was slobby, without which they would have no show, and then fix it.

I still do use Neutrogena moisturizer, but I use the manly kind because they used to have Norwegian fishermen in the ads. Not for faggots. Yeah. It says right on the bottle. But I use the moisturizer, but I use the face wash for faggots. Yeah.

Because your face is gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the one with Vanessa Hudgens in the ad. It tastes like pink grapefruit. They say it smells like pink grapefruit, but they just don't want you to eat it. But it does taste like it. Do you have an overheard?

Yeah, I sure do. Or was that your overheard? For the 100th time, we're recording this pre-Christmas, but it's released post-Christmas. Yeah, yeah. It's real mind freak. Is this your card?

I'm holding up the Ace of Spades. So if you currently have the Ace of Spades In your deck I just blew you In your whole deck? Yeah In your upper deck I went to the mall

Where people are Christmas shopping Yes For Hanukkah And they There was It was Lots of hustle Lots of bustle

Yeah, yeah, yeah Argyle, lots of argyle Super packed And it was just of hustle, lots of bustle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Argyle, lots of argyle. Super packed. And it was just hard. It was like I was at the crux, right? With the food court, met the escalator, met the Hollister. Is that a thing? No, but what is a Hollister?

Is that one of the stores? Yeah, okay. So you were at like a fork in the road. A big intersection. Yeah, an intersection. Okay. Yeah. And it was really hard to get by. Yeah. And I wasn't forcing people around, but it was

slow going, stop and go. Yeah. And... Oh, that reminds me of a story. I'm just kidding. Oh, Simpson. I love it. There was a guy sitting on a stool in the middle of all of this, and he was sitting on a drummer's throne, and he had one, what are they, electronic drums, the kind you would play if you were in Duran Duran?

Yeah. He was playing Hungry Like the Wolf. Yeah, he was playing just one drum, but not the kind that makes play if you were in Duran Duran. Yeah. He was playing Hungry Like the Wolf. Yeah. He was playing just one drum, but not the kind that makes noise. The electronic kind. Just the drum part from Hungry Like a Wolf. How did you know it was Hungry Like the Wolf? I'm just yes-anding.

And he just had the one drum. Not a whole kit. Just one guy sitting on a throne, playing one drum. Doosh! Doosh! Doosh! But making no noise. It's not plugged into anything. So it's just... And he's got sheet music.

And I saw this and I thought it was so funny. And I just was laughing to myself as I made my way through the food court. I had the biggest smile on my face. And I overheard this woman who had, I guess, been through the food court. I had the biggest smile on my face. I overheard this woman who had, I guess, been through the ringer.

She saw me and she didn't think I could hear her. She said, some people are actually smiling. So Christmas shopping is pretty miserable. Oh, man. Have you got your shopping Oh, man. Yeah.

Have you got your shopping done, guys? Nope. You? I have mostly. Yeah, yeah. I do the accidentally give somebody a present on December 3rd thing and then just call it for Christmas. Yeah, totally. I forgot when Christmas was.

I accidentally gave you a present. Well, I got my wife. We moved recently, and so my wife did a ton of work for the move, and so I got her a new laptop. Nice. And then I was also in Japan, and I got her a handbag. So she's had two December gifts, so if she complains that there's nothing under the tree for her,

I'll just take the laptop and the handbag and then put them under the tree again. Right. Remind her. Put a bow on them. Like I did with my Lexus. Is it fun to shop for kids? Yeah, that must be. Along the similar lines, is that a rebirth of the interest in Christmas when you have kids?

Everything. Yeah, you get to relive all the good stuff. Right. That's the really great thing about kids is that you really get to relive. You get to tell your children about Star Wars. And so you get to talk about it again in a really fresh way and not just crack jokes about something or avoid it or whatever. Let's avoid the Star Wars talk. It's kind of a touchy issue this time of year, but with the Christmas special.

Is he ready? Is he ready for it? So that is the great thing about kids. And our kids are so young that they don't really want anything specific. They just want to wake up and have lots of things to open. Yes. Yes.

Great. God, I wish I had that. Is Santa a thing? Oh, definitely. Not yet, but he will be. Once your kids go German. Oh, I'm sorry. That's what you guys were talking about a couple weeks ago.

Now I remember. The evil demon that hangs out with Santa. Well, we call him Dad in my family. Who wants to sit on Krampus' lips? Graham, are you in possession of an overheard? I am. who wants to sit on Krampus' Graham yes sir are you in possession of an overheard I am

this is from a couple weeks ago when I was at the airport you said it for the home listener Graham did a little hand flourish looked like a mentalist

yeah when he said airport I'll believe anything you say now and there was this guy and a lady and they were filling out their customs form And the guy

You could tell that he was a guy Who's had to answer a lot of dumb questions Like he's had to field dozens of them And mostly from her I'm imagining Because this question She was filling it out Intensely

Every single square And she was making sure. And then she said to him, where it says countries travel to besides Canada, should I write none? That guy. Just leave it blank. Just leave it blank, baby. That's my advice. Just leave it blank.

Save some pen. Save some of that pen Just leave it blank, baby. Just leave it blank. Save some pen. Save some of that pen we got from the Hilton. Don't waste it all on the customs forum. Save some for me, baby. I feel like I kind of grew up when I realized that I didn't have to

seriously fill out every single question on every single questionnaire. You're not going to be arrested. Right, right. I feel like that was just a tiny liberation and a tiny measure of adulthood. When you go to countries where there's guys openly with machine guns writing whatever

as your address. Estimating something. Poop lane. I have a million dollars worth of stuff i'm bringing hey graham yeah yeah vancouver gets the olympics in february as far as i'm concerned yeah um we uh will there be guys with machine guns yeah uh we're gonna have the the there was a special organizing this this part of it uh like i'm not the organizer, but I'm certainly the mouthpiece. You're not the CEO, but you're like a director.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Junior executive. Yeah, when people got questions, this is who they're going to come to me. The other guy's too busy, so I'm going to field all of them. You're the face of the organization. And what a face. Yeah, thank you. And what a face.

Yeah, thank you. There was a gentleman who was in charge of security in Israel, in the West Bank. Dohan. Yeah. And really, if I was to give one piece of advice, do not. You know. But he said that there will be, during the Olympics, the security structure and number of officials here security-wise will far outstrip that that they currently have in the hotbed of conflict in the Middle East. So when they say, too many.

So it's going to be, there's not going to, nothing's going to happen here. Because it's everywhere you go, it's going to be, I think it's one security official for every five people that are here. Okay. Wow. Which is, that's an astounding amount. That's crazy. Securidad Primero, as the Spanish say. Safety first. Feliz Securidad.

How are you guys going to cover the Olympics? I don't know. I think we should be correspondents for someone. I think you should be correspondents for yourselves. I think you should do some sort of... Like remote? Oh yeah.

You know who loves this kind of show is Olympians. Foreigners. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know who loves this kind of show is Olympians. Yeah. Athletes. Foreigners. Yeah, foreigners. People for whom their language is, you know, English is like the fifth language. Yeah. And people who train every day for something that happens once every four years.

And they have a very small window to achieve greatness. And right before it, we're like, who's your favorite Ghostbuster? Yeah. Have you overheard anything funny? What? What? Funny? What do you know about DeLorean? We have some listeners who wrote or were kind enough

to write in some overheard. That was kind of them. This is from Laura M. I think, she says, I think I actually was a speaker of an overheard today. I don't know. That sentence is shaky. But I was walking with a colleague to grab some lunch at the corner grocery.

She is president of her condo association and was telling me stories of some people in her building. Pretty big wheel. Yeah, no kidding, right? As we walked into the deli area, that weird thing happened where the whole room went silent at the same time, and I said to her, well, just because someone has mental problems

doesn't mean they can't own property. I added in a voice there to make it more... It's true. It is true. Most landlords have mental problems. Oh, man. Everyone, I... Well, that's not true.

I think I've had a good landlord. Have you ever had a crazy landlord? Yeah, my last one. Did I tell you about my landlord that ate a possum? That's a story for another time. Was he a Beverly Hillbilly? No, he lived on a farm in Abbotsford, and a possum fell in his rain barrel, and he ate it. Like, he didn't eat it straight from the rain barrel.

Right, but it drowned in the rain barrel. Yeah, he was like, well, no use wasting a good drowned possum. Now, Scott, where do you keep your rain barrel? This is some sort of Oprah thing, right? The rain barrel is more of a euphemism for your womanhood. Right here. He pointed to his, I want to say solar plexus. Oh, I thought you were going to point at your posterior. Question. Is there a famous wine called Dos Pinos? No, no, no. We spoke about a – when I went to Costa Rica, there was a brand. Yeah, what was it called?

Dos Pinos. Oh, okay. There was a brand of like apple juice and milk. Oh, gross. Well, no, it wasn't a mixed drink called apple juice and milk by Dos Pinos. Oh, this is from Amy who just wrote, what's better than Dos Pinos? Tres Pinos, which is apparently a beverage.

Not sure if this falls in the category of overseen or not, but I saw this in my mom's cabinet when I was visiting her house and thought you guys would appreciate it. Now, the great thing about it is she took the photo of it in the cabinet. She didn't remove it to take the photo. She opened the cabinet, snapped the photo. I assumed she closed the cabinet. She seems like somebody of good manners.

Her dad probably yelled at her when she was younger for not closing cabinets. But on the bottle, it's trees. Is that what pinos are? If you've listened to our show, Graham... I don't. I've got other things. It means pine tree in Spanish, but it sounds like penis. Yeah, that's true.

Because we're children. True enough. This is from Nate K. Overheard. A guy with a bunch of shopping bags is talking to some of the bucket drummers in the Union Square Station. Like a rain bucket drummer. Yeah, yeah. Like an overturned rain bucket.

Okay. Sans possum. And I was only able to hear this exchange shopper and then i ended up with 250 dollars on this cashmere sweater uh bucket drummer that's pretty digimon this was last night And basically Immediately My friend group Has replaced the adjectives Good and bad With Digimon And Pokemon

Respectively Or Digi And Poke For short Wow Yeah There you go The creation of group language

Yeah Linguistics Yeah Man If we ended it right here We could call that a full circle. But we're not going to. No, people demand more, except for the one person who Twittered me today saying,

Hey, why are your episodes so long? Oh, really? Yeah. Do you have so much to do? Yeah. The person who Twittered Dave in the middle of the day? Come on, person. I'm very busy.

Yeah, in your face. Oh, you know what? This isn't so much an overheard But somebody Did you read this? This gentleman wrote in And just in our support of our horrible ability To be DIYers Oh, maybe not

And he just He said that the guys that laughed at you When you were trying to saw something Were a bunch of jerks Oh, well, agreed Yeah, that was from Kurt C And he said You know, don't let people intimidate you.

Keep up the good work. Yeah, keep sawing. Yeah. Keep sawing logs. I don't like how this section is not about me. Yeah. Okay. Well, it was for a moment.

Somebody wrote in one. Well, you know what? If you had written one in, you could have really usurped this part of it. Fair enough. Or if you had a DeLorean. Fair enough. Oh, my God. Can you imagine?

Feel free to react to these. Was that good? Yeah, it was good. Feel free to use words. This is interesting because of the supplement to it. The other day I overheard something. It's not very good, which is true. This is from Nina B.

By all means, read it. Yeah, no, it's not very good, which is true. This is from Nina B. By all means, read it. Yeah, no, it's not so much. She was under a lot of stress, and then she heard somebody say, wait, how did we get from research questions to queefs? That was the quote. And then she wrote, it tickled my fancy because I was under a lot of stress, yet this simple question released it into a roar of laughter. I don't understand how. I don't understand how that line...

It didn't happen here, but you're not under a lot of stress. You're relaxed. Of course I'm under stress. You know me. Yeah, that's true. It's the season. To be stressed? Absolutely.

Oh, that's totally pokey. Yeah, if you want to write to us, you can write to us at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And if you had a problem following the last minute of the show, so did I. Yeah, well, Twitter Dave about it and tell him how much it took out of your day to listen to that last part. We also have some listeners who've called in using the power of telephonics. If you would like to call us, our number is 206-339-8328. Have a listen.

Hey guys, this is Scott from Aurora, Colorado. The other day I was flipping through the channels and I saw Larry King Live had Howie Mandel on it. I only stopped long enough to see what they had up on the screen. In big letters it said, Howie Mandel on public restrooms.

And then underneath that in smaller letters it said, Are you kidding me? That should be Howie Mandel's new tagline. That's the name of his new book. Are you kidding me? Really? Yeah. I expect it in your stockinging from people who barely know you. The picture of him.

You like comedy, right? Yeah. That's what you do, right? You want to be a game show host? Yeah. That's the one with the cover where he's in a bubble. I do not know. I do not know.

I actually read about a page of that when I was at a bookstore just to see what something like that would be. Because I just read the Craig Ferguson memoir. It's hard to read because it's all in like Irvine Welsh speak. It's very difficult, but luckily it has subtitles. Okay. So you can... I just read the subtitles. I didn't try to learn Scottish from my Mongolian friend.

And I... Well, just as an aside, the Craig Ferguson book's lovely. Is it really? It's really good. It's really interesting. But the Howie Mandel book, the page I read was terrible. It was about how when he was at the Howard Stern show one time, he had a really well-developed OCD by that point. And I guess he had not told anybody about it.

Oh, wow. And so when he went to leave, he had seen so many gross people touch the doorknob as they entered and exited the Stern studio. And this is the on-air portion of the studio. He said,

can somebody just get the door for me? And they're like, well, what's the problem? Just open it up. And he, at that point, had not told anybody that he had OCD. And so Stern made this huge thing of it on the air.

And I guess that freaked him out. And that's the centerpiece. That's the dramatic centerpiece of the book. That is terrible. Wait, is one of his compulsions to host terrible undercover surprise shows? It is. It is. He's got one of the world's only briefcase-based

diseases, too. Really? What's his game show called? Look Who's Talking. What's it called? One Versus 100. I don't remember. Deal or no deal. Thank you.

OC deal. Now, why did he shave his head? Was he going bald? Or did he realize how gross his hair was? He was going bald Call him A, call him B It's both

It's He also popped He also had like a major He like burst an Like what do you call it? Embolism Having an embolism Or bursting an embolism Eating an embolism. What do you call it? Having an embolism or bursting an embolism?

Eating an embolism. From that thing he used to do by putting a surgical glove on his head and blowing it up? Really? That gave him in his blood? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. That's why he stopped doing it.

Not by popular demand. A lot of people had assumed. In Australia, they call an embolism an embo hey graham and dave and guests this is roy from alaska uh i haven't overheard for you guys so i was at the bus station on my way actually to pick up my car from the repair shop, and I saw a bit of an altercation between a teenage girl and a slightly older, maybe still teenage guy, and he was telling her that she needed to stop partying, to which she slammed the door of the transit center and ran back in, yelling something about how he needed to stay out of her shit.

Then a friend of his walked up and said, what was all that about? He goes, well, she's doing blow-up parties. She's only 16. She hasn't got no right to her own nose. Anyway, thought you'd enjoy that. Great show. Keep it up.

Ain't got no right to her own nose? Wow, that sounds like the beginning of a Roe versus Wade conversation. A woman's right to blow. I support it. Roe versus Lohan. Well, thank you very much for calling in. Are those all the... Yeah, that's good

for now. Yeah? Okay. Like Dave said, if you want to call in, it's 206-339-8328. Or, like I said, if you gots to, you can send it by email. If you want to hear

Graham's Dickensian voice, read your email. Yeah. As a listener of the show, I really do enjoy when people call in and tell their stories. Yeah, it's great.

It gives you a timber, gives you a natural flavor to the story. Yeah, and I never pick the bad ones. Yeah. Okay, so I picked the bad ones. No, no. What I'm saying is if you're timid that your phone call won't be well received, I guarantee you it will or it won't be heard. Yeah, totally. To be fair, though, that's how we warmed up.

We listened to all the dumb calls that people called in. Now, so we want to move on? Do we? Well, we don't have a theme song, so I can't bumper it with a theme song. A couple weeks ago, we were talking about being sassed by a kid. Yeah, I talked about when a little kid in Wales in a Speedo farted in my face. And so we asked people out there if they had any stories like that about a kid really getting the upper hand on you.

Getting their goose. We asked Scott before we started the podcast and you said that you had one such occasion where a kid really sassed you good. Next time I do this show I would appreciate just a little more me time. Oh, sure.

We're going to record just like a loop of you talking about yourself. It's going to be're gonna record uh just like a loop of you talking about yourself it's gonna be it's gonna be a bit i got a lot of stories and there's gonna be uh scott simpson annex podcast that's right that sounds good uh i i do have a story and i'll i'll i'll share it with you now i was at a wedding a few weeks ago uh and i was in the front row because it was a family member my sister my stepsister was getting married and it was a beautiful wedding. It was in Napa. It was blue skies, you know, 23 degrees sideways.

Wonderful. It was very, it was very, very sideways. Right. Um, I was wearing seersucker. Ooh. Um, were you really? Yeah. Well, yeah.

I mean, that's, that's when you, that's the only time you would wear seersucker. I've never had the occasion. Or possibly. Have you? No. Well, I own a pair of seersucker pants. What was it like to wear a seersucker suit? Did it feel great?

It seems like it would feel fantastic. It felt good because the occasion was just right. Okay. I wasn't the guy who insisted on being the seersucker suit guy with my straw boater and fancy tie. Were you also wearing a straw boater? Yes. Oh, really? Oh, how fantastic.

I don't know about hats at weddings. I feel like that seems a little... Was it outside? It was outside. So hats are acceptable. You have to take your hat off for the national anthem at the wedding. Yeah. Play ball.

That's right. So we were there, and my son and daughter and wife obviously were there. We were all in the front row and my son was getting antsy. He's almost five years old. No, they grow up so fast. He's very energetic and he's very loud.

He tried to get me to see his room when I picked Scott up today. Really? He was like, oh,, I got to show you my stuff. My temporary room. Oh, that is such a kid thing. Let me show you my thing. That was maybe the worst interruption. Yeah, you were the worst.

Back to me, Dave. Thanks. So he's being bad, basically, and he's getting worse and worse and worse. And, of course, because it's a silent wedding and the pastor is speaking and people are trying to hear him, every sound is magnified, especially to me, the parent of this noisy child. So he's getting noisier and noisier. My list of things that I can take away from him is getting shorter. It starts with the glass of lemonade after the, you know, you're not going to get that lemonade. And then it goes to more long-term type stuff until it's like no college, right?

Yeah. And then I'll go to a trade school. Right. He burners back with you. Fine. Didn't need it. Didn't want it. Wasn't asking for it.

Didn't need it. Didn't want it. Wasn't asking for it. So I got to the end of my rope. And I'll admit that what I next said to him was over the line. It was bad parenting. And I hope that you guys don't get any blowback for this. It was really bad.

So I whispered it to him. And he looked at me and he said, If you kill me, I'll kill you. So loud that everybody could hear it. That's the darndest thing. It was pretty darned. I mean, my mind was reeling before you That's the darndest thing It was pretty darned Oh my god

I mean my mind was reeling Before you got to that I didn't know where Had it gone Oh lordy That kid really did get one up on you I I have a story about

Kid Sassery When I was a young man... When you were 17? Yeah. No, when I was actually the kid sassing people. When he was 17? Yeah. When I was maybe 11 and my sister was 17.

That was a very good year. You hate it so much. GG. My parents were out of town, and she threw a party, and my parents were okay with it. All my siblings are very good kids. All 14 of them.

And my sister threw a party, and a bunch of her friends came over, and I was just a little brat. And my sister threw a party and a bunch of her friends came over and i was just a little brat yeah and my sister had one friend who uh he had a stutter yeah and i knew about this in advance i'd met him before and i yeah it's horrible he was i made fun of his stutter worst yeah yeah he can't help it. But she also had this friend who had a broken neck and was wearing the... What kind of party was this?

Not the thing you wear at a court around your neck to convince the judge. He was wearing this cube with poles coming out of his shoulders. Oh, with the screws in the head? Yeah, screws in the head and stuff. And I don't remember doing anything to him.

But when my parents got home, my sister told on me. And she said that Dave made fun of my friend who had a stutter. And he looked at my other friend with a broken neck like he was a robot and my dad was was like dave i'm really disappointed in you uh i mean people can't help if they have a stutter you know you really should know better be more grown up but uh i bet that guy totally looked like a robot see that was your dad's like yeah i was definitely off the hook for the robot stuff oh man that is funny yeah yeah it's up to our dad's stuff yeah um this is a this is a listener wrote in this, this is Kurt S, uh, wrote in last summer. I went for a hike with some friends and family.

A friend of my father-in-law had an obnoxious eight year old who we sarcastically nicknamed bashful. During the hike bashful told my father-in-law, you're a pretty good hiker for an old guy. He told my wife, you're a girl. You can't hike all the way up this mountain. He told my friend, you're a girl. You can't hike all the way up this mountain. He told my friend, you're way too fat to make it. And he said to my other friend, you're annoying. No wonder you don't have a girlfriend.

As we were finishing our hike, I was commenting to my friends that I was the only one in the group that hadn't been insulted by Bashful. But at that moment, I noticed my shoe was untied. I bent over to tie it and i heard a voice yelling from the back of the group just say no to crack just say no to crack because his butt was sticking i see a lot of myself in that kid yeah yeah yeah a lot of my

kids though maybe you can mentor him be like we got to take you to the the hospital unit where the robots are sure i know so quality and You can give them some weird stares. Someone called in with a... With a sassy kid. Sassy kid. Hey, guys. This is Aaron in Iowa. I have a story about a small child that was abusive to me.

I was... This is a few years ago now. I was actually at my church, and I was leaving, the service was over, and there was a kid, he was probably nine tops, I'm not sure, I'm not good with ages, but I think he couldn't have been over nine years old. Anyway, he had this PlayStation Portable that he was playing with, and he looked up at me and kind of dangled it at me and said, do you have one of these? And I said, nope. And he said, that's because you're too poor. And I was kind of in shock, and that kind of hurt me. And I, and when I gathered myself said something like,

no, it's because I'm 20 and I don't need a toy like that. But that was a lie because I thought they were really cool and I really wanted one. A few months later, I actually went out and bought one, and that kid was probably like 20% of the reason that I actually bought one was just to stick it to that kid. And that's when you found out that that kid works for Best Buy. You're too poor. That's the new spokesperson for Best Buy.

The you're too poor kid commission office. You should buy this, and if you don't, you're too poor. And I think he said it was at church. Wow. A, you can bring a PSP to church. Also. And B, make fun of the poor And you could throw holy water on that kid And it would burn him

Sure So yeah, if anybody else does have any other Stories of a sassy kid Why not send them to us At stoppodcastyourself at gmail.com Or you can call in Like that gentleman from Iowa did At 206-339-8328.

Scott, if people want to find you online. It's wrap-up time. It is wrap-up time. Unless you have more Scott. I got more Scott. We'll save it for the annex after the show. Sure, yeah. Stop podcasting.

You guys do a separate stop podcasting yourself after the show. Yeah. It's the stop podcasting yourself after hours. Things get a little blue. We loosen the bow tie. Yeah, in the spy lounge. We bring some playmates. The spy lime.

Sponsored by spy lime. Brought to you by Bud Light Lime. The spy lounge. So if people want to find you online, youlooknicetoday.com or I guess my, I don't know. Yeah. Google Scott Simpson. See what comes up. And really it is, if you haven't out there, people who enjoy listening to the podcast,

if you haven't heard You Look Nice Today, it's a fantastic podcast. It's very avant-garde. Can I mention very briefly that anything that's good, as I have amply demonstrated in that show, either comes from the humor of Merlin, one of the other hosts, or the humor and editing skills of Adam. We don't believe it. Not for a second. Yeah. Adam was the same self-effacing way

when he was on our show as well. You guys are so self-effacing, you might as well be Canadians. Yeah, your faces are effaced. Well, they're effed. Yeah. Your faces are effed. Your selves are effaced. Your faces are reffed. Your selves are effaced.

Your faces are reffed. Got it. And if you out there, if you haven't been, please stop by our website, stoppodcastyourself.com and there you can see the recap. Every week, Dave puts together a great blog that

details a lot of the things we talked about in the episode and there's a forum and a chat and all sorts of great things. And furthermore, this is our last episode before New Year's. You can come see us on New Year's Eve. May old acquaintance be forgot. F them, old acquaintances. And their faces. We will be performing New Year's Eve at the Cambrian Hall for $15.

The best value on New Year's Eve in the world. Yeah, and if you are in Vancouver and you want tickets, I have tickets to get rid of. I have them in my possession, physical tickets. How much are the tickets? $15. $15. Smackers.

Too much. And, yeah, if you enjoyed the podcast please do tell your friends uh and come back in the new year for another thrilling year the 2010 year of stop podcasting yourself hey you you should subscribe to stop podcasting Yourself right now. Just go to iTunes and search for Stop Podcasting Yourself. New episodes of Stop Podcasting Yourself will be up on MaximumFun.org in the coming weeks. Seriously, one of my favorite shows. Very sweet, very charming, and fucking hilarious. So subscribe to it.