Jordan, Jesse, GO! - John Yum Yum, with Kimberly Clark

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

On this week’s episode, fan favorite, writer/comedian, Kimberly Clark, is back to chat about cruise life, hot young rat boys, passing the conch, and so much more!Listen to Kimberly Clark’s new album, Junior!See Jordan Morris at Galaxy Con in New Orleans, July 11th - 13th.Buy signed copies of Youth Group and Bubble from Mission: Comics And Art!~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~Jordan’s new Spider-Man’s comic is out now!Order Jordan’s new Godzilla comic! Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorn, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris here with a linguistics update. Fantastic. Now, I'm so glad that you could be here this week since Gnome couldn't. Yeah, he's got diarrhea.

You've now heard everything I know about linguistics. It's just that Gnome Chomsky is one of it. And I didn't know who you're talking about. I just said something about diarrhea. Let's just abandon this riff and do the thing I was going to talk about. Okay, what were you going to talk about, Jordan? So people who listen to this show know that we love words. Yeah.

We love language. It's a living document. A lot of people say to me, Jesse, what are you, one of those word nerds? I'm making air quotes. Word nerds? And I say, yeah, I love to do crossword puzzles. Give me all your wordles. Yeah, exactly.

I'm a real squirtle for a wordle. So it makes you squirt when you solve the wordle? Like a Pokemon. Right, right. This is vulgar. And again, I'm not a Pokemon guy. I just missed it a couple years too late. I don't think squirtle, the water type Pokemon, I don't think the thing he's doing is the

same as sexual squirting. Although... No, I think he's out there glazing. No, what's that? Help me out. Glazing is on the internet. Glazing is when it's a slang word for young people that means when you're like talking about how great something is, but what it implies is that you're jizzing all over that thing. Really? Yeah. Huh. Yeah. Okay. There you go. Young...

Covering it in jizz, glazing it. The young are disgusting. I'm sorry. I hate to be. Why can't they keep it clean like us? Thank you. We had these nuts and we liked it. We don't need swear words to be funny. No! We don't need to talk about need swear words to be funny. No! We don't need to talk about sex and sexuality to be funny. We choose to do those things and we're not very funny. That's right. And with that being said, I have something to say about Come.

Great, thank you. I had something preloaded I was going to say about Come. Preloaded, that's fun. Show's good. Anyway. It's a good show. Saying things is what a podcast is. As a recurring segment on this show is we talk about the words that are cum words.

Yeah. So, sauce is the classic cum word. Sure, sure. There are some words that could also be. I mean, I hate to compliment the young here, but glazen, glazen, you know, these are. Glazier, the person who installs Glass. Sure, or Nikki Glaser. Nikki Glaser.

The hilarious host of FBoy Island. Yeah. So yeah, these are all come words. And you know, we've been cataloging them, investigating them, celebrating them even. But I think I have found the ultimate come word that may put an end to this segment entirely. This is huge. I know. It is.

The come word to end all come words? You're saying that you are the Franklin Roosevelt or Churchill of come words. You found the come word to end all come words. Maybe it was World War I that was the war to end all wars. Yeah, maybe. Okay. But. So you're Archduke Ferdinand? Yes, I was assassinated by cum. You got glazed to death. So anyway, let me back up. Let me show you how we got here. That was the backup noise. I recently visited Canada, Toronto. Okay. Didn't have that on my bingo card. You can just say that to whatever. I was not on my 20, 25 bingo card.

You're probably wondering how we got here. Probably wondering why we got here. First, we picked up our bingo cards at the start of the year. The church bingo hall. Trump says, fuck on TV. Not on my bingo hall. Trump says fuck on TV, not on my bingo card. Not on my bingo card. Not on my bingo card. Wait, that was on my bingo card. Bingo!

Steven, what do I win? Sega Genesis. A brand new card. Whoa! Anyway, I was in Canada, a lot of fun. I was in Toronto for the Toronto Comic Arts Festival. Beautiful comics festival. Met some nice listeners out there,

had a great time. Toronto rules. I loved it. Were you worried to go there with your tour mate Kendrick Lamar? I was, yes. But you know. Turned out everyone rapped along with all your anti-Drake songs. They love my anti-Drake stuff.

It's my most popular stuff. Sure. So, I was there and my flight got in late. I'm starving, right? I throw my stuff down at the double tree. You say point me towards your beef patties. Well, that would have been great. I also hear that they have these giant street egg rolls that I didn't find.

Oh, I haven't heard about that. Yeah, I heard that was kind of a Toronto, like drunk food that you should try is there's like a giant egg roll guy. He's probably a normal size, but his egg rolls are giant. Got it. Anyway, so the close thing that's open to the double tree, A&W Canada. Oh, Stephen, did you know this about A&W Canada?

It's owned by different, two different things. No, so. That is true though. The A&Ws in America are owned by a different company than they are. That's interesting. I learned this from our friend Dave Shumka of Stop Podcasting Yourself. You know what A&W stands for? No, what does it stand for? Did it again. Did it again. So there's an A&W Canada close to the hotel. And I'm like, I'm going in. Somewhere Dave is like, I didn't invent that! Did he not?

He didn't invent that. Oh boy, you know who did? I don't know. Okay. Anyway, there's an A&W Canada near the hotel. I'm going in. It's open. Yeah.

You'd have gone into a Swiss chalet if it was open. I know, that is another Canada thing. What is that? You would have gone into Canadian Tire to get your lunch. Sure. Oh, I did go into a Canadian Tire. That was kind of fun. Excellent.

What did I need? Scissors? Anyway. Swiss Chalet has a special sauce. Go ahead. Well, so, A&W Canada. I didn't know this about them, but their burger naming convention is based on the family. Yeah, so it's like a daddy burger or mommy burger.

Daddy burger or mommy burger. There's a burger called the twins that you can get. That's what I call my giant egg roll. Sure, the twins. Sure. Whatever, no one think about it. And so there is, and I think the most remarked upon burger in their burger family is the Teen Burger.

The Teen Burger. And the Teen Burger has something called Teen Sauce. Now, now, hold. Hold! Sorry, holding. Hold. Holding. Further information flying in.

Hold. Now some might say, well, surely that's the ultimate cum word. Hold. Holding. Further information flying in. Hold. Now some might say, well, surely that's the ultimate cum word. Yeah. I mean, that's what, that's the, that's one of the, that's the cum phrase. Right. That taught us what cum could be. Yes. Through, of course, the medium of Peter Parker, the spectacular Spider-Man.

Yes. His famous teen sauce. Yes. Swip to whip. There is a new promotion at A&W. Yes. His famous teen sauce. Yes. Swip, swip, swip. There is a new promotion at A&W. Okay. So the Teen Burger Teen Sauce, does it get any come here than that? Well it does.

If you also serve an Uncle Burger that has Uncle Sauce. Is Uncle Sauce... can we beat it? Can anyone beat it? I mean teens can beat it. Teens can beat it. That's how they get the sauce. Uncle Sauce. I forget what's in the Uncle Sauce.

Stephen, can you maybe do a little Googling and we'll check in later as to what the ingredients of Uncle Sauce is. Which do you think would be a better spokesperson for Uncle Sauce? Uncle Moneybags from, I think, Annie. Is that what Uncle Moneybags is from? No, I don't think so, but I don't know what the character from Annie is. Okay, Uncle Moneybags or- Is that the Monopoly spokesman? Might be the Monopoly spokesman. No, I don't think so, but I don't know what the character for Manny is okay uncle money bags Yeah, or is that the monopoly spokesman might be the monopoly rich uncle penny bags anyway

I don't I don't know okay rich uncle penny bags or New York rapper uncle murder Well who makes the most sauce? I mean who makes them. I don't have first-hand experience We gotta have a sauce off. Yeah, I with either one. We gotta have a sauce off. Yeah, gotta have a sauce off. Gotta have a sauce off. Okay, should we introduce our guest on the program

now that we've covered the important stuff? Sure. Glaze the important stuff. Yeah. Our guest on the program, one of our favorite friends, stand-up comedian, writer, and roller skating celebrity, Kimberly Clark, hi, Kim. Hello, gentlemen.

Hi, Kim, sorry. Yeah, sorry we invited you on our show. Oh my God. Did you guys hear about baby gravy? Wait, hold on. I've heard of, yeah, you've heard of wavy gravy. Right. The hippie with his own ice cream.

Listen. Can you say more? Well, okay, so you remember how the whole thing with Shannon Sharp came out, right? Where he had like these text messages with a woman that was, you know, I can't get into all the details. I knew there was a controversy, a sexual controversy regarding former football player, turned bad but very popular internet podcast host, Shannon Sharp.

Yes. He was a great football player. No question about that. For sure, in the Hall of Fame and all that. And he's got a hell of a fireplace. Yeah. Is his podcast a just asking questions type show? It's a celebrity chat.

Celebrity driven. It's the show that Cat Williams went on and said all of the truth slash conspiracies that he believes about how show business works. Where he prophesied. Anyway, so in the exchanges, the young lady, they were reading the text messages, or I read the text message and it said I can't wait for you to put that baby Gravy in me. I never heard that terminology before and I clutched the pearls because I was like

Yeah, you get that with the meatloaf meal. The meat chunks in the gravy, what is that stuff called? That's a very Canadian thing. They have the gravy with the... Right. I know what you mean. They have a chunky gravy out there. I don't know what it's called.

It could be baby gravy. Poutine? Poutine? No, that's a... No, that's a French fryer. Poutine is French fries with gravy on them. By the way, Jordan, I don't know if you knew this about Kimberly Clark, but I was just doing some

put this on business over in the put this on shop across the hall, putthisonshop.com. My colleague Bryna heard Kimberly Clark's gonna be on Jordan Jesse Go today. She said, last time I saw her, she offered me some French fries at a comedy show. Did I really? That was nice of you.

God bless. I'm always willing to share a fry. She offered me some french fries at a comedy show I'm always willing to share for I do you think I mean obviously you don't explicitly remember this I do not you think these Were like free comedy club fries or not I pay for yeah, that's nice more than likely. I'm always Hey, I only got an onion ring what gives Hey, I only got an onion ring. What gives? It's better side. Can I say I love to share an onion ring? Oh yeah, sure. Too many onion rings to share. Onion rings are so substantial. Yes.

And there's a lot of them in an order. But if I have a friend to share them with, oh, you know I'm ordering the rings. You're having a good time. I love onion rings. Absolutely. I just hate it when the raw onion doesn't grab. When it slips. Yeah, it doesn't grab the breading. And then you have that. Your chomps are not powerful enough. You gotta power up your chomps. Clearly. I'll say this, I kind of do like it when the onion slides out because then you just get to have a bite of breading. Oh yeah, that is nice. You just want the breading and not the onion.

I like the overall experience, but I'm like, well, if this bite's gonna be just breading, I mean, whatever. I'm not mad at it. I'm not mad. I get it. Can we have lunch and discuss? You have a new album out, that's great.

I do. First of all, of course, there's conflict in the Middle East. Conflict in the Middle East, let's solve it here. Oh my God. You were saying that you've now done cruise ship comedy. I have. I've been on two cruises. It's interesting.

It really is. There's been a lot of cruise chat on the show lately. And so I feel like that's who's tuning in now is cruise enthusiasts. So yeah, I think we- Sorry, Disney adults, you're out. Cruise enthusiasts. Yeah. So yeah, I think we sorry Disney adults you're out Unless you're on the Disney Cruise Did you hear about the kid that went overboard on the Disney Cruise recently no no and the dad jumped in oh my gosh And I guess they did like their whole

Man overboard announcement on the ship and they everybody came out safely. Oh my god. That's like... Did you know this? I learned this from I guess a John Ronson essay, probably a John Ronson essay. If you get pushed off of a cruise ship, they just say that you fell off and don't investigate. just say that you fell off and don't investigate. If you ever need to murder someone, follow them onto a cruise ship because you can do anything because the only investigating body is whatever flag the cruise ship flies under. Oh, that's right. And on the Disney cruise, it's Buzz Lightyear, right? Like that's who does it. Exactly. And that guy's too drunk to do anything. The cops in Bermuda or whatever are not going to get on the boat and actually do anything because they're like, yeah, we have crimes in Bermuda to deal with.

That's terrifying. Yeah. So they just counted as an accident and on to the next. That sounds like Disneyland too because no one can be pronounced dead at Disneyland in the world, right? Yeah I think so. So they just take the body off the premises and then... I don't know, because Jordan, you grew up in Orange County, right near Disneyland.

We're an annual pass holder as a team, whatever. You did some flatlining there, right? I did, yes. Me and Kevin Bacon. I think that's who's in flatliners. Yeah, we did. Yeah, it's the ultimate high They say yeah is you die on the Haunted Mansion And then you get brought back to life at the top of the matter at the top of the Matterhorn from someone dressed as Tinkerbell Yeah, the ultimate high

Had you been on a cruise just as a passenger before you went on as a comedian? Yeah, I was on the Jordan Jesse cruise one year. Boatparty.biz? Yeah, that was fun. As a kid, I used to do the one-day cruises to like... In Sonata? Well, no, to Bahamas, because my mom's originally from West Palm Beach.

So we would drive to Miami. Not the fancy part. But we would drive to Miami. We're fancy part, but we would drive to Miami. We're thinking of East Palm Beach. Probably. Not there. But we would drive to Miami, and they would do the one day cruise to, I think we would go to Freeport or whatever.

And so it was casinos and straw markets. And then you go back home. What happens at a straw market? You know, a lot of haggling. Doesn't seem like there would be a thriving market for straw It's just a lot of haggling going on, you know, okay, we want $20 No 15, you know like that You you were saying pre taping that this cruise went to Richard Branson's private island. Yes Bimini, what do you do? What do you do on Richard Branson's private island? And can Bimini. What do you do on Richard Branson's private island?

And can you just murder someone there? I doubt it. Yeah. I mean Richard Branson can murder someone there. Well, yeah. It's called the Virgin Perogative. Great 70s thriller, the Virgin Perogative. Oh gosh. No, it's cool. I mean, it's just you know, I feel like all the islands They started to morph into the same island because it's the same thing Yeah, like at every port a lot of the so like my experience I just went on the Jonathan Colton cruise this year. My experience is like that cruise stopped in San Juan, right? San Juan is a major, pretty major city.

And while there is like a cruise ship stop here in neighborhood, you can kind of walk from there to a place that feels like a normal place. But there are all these places that cruises stop that just belong to the cruise line. Exactly. And are just like walkways over the sand, like people grilling skewers of chicken and beaches where you can borrow a pontoon or whatever.

But if you're by yourself, you want to stay there. Oh, no. You know what I'm saying? I didn't feel adventurous going into the city because there were a couple of people that were working the ships. They're like, oh, we could catch a cab and go here here here i was like nah i'm not gonna do that you don't look strong you know what i'm saying

like i didn't be with somebody me show is powerful hold on before we start okay before we get in that cab could we do a quick gun show yeah i'm sorry Could you do some karate moves on this log? My street sensibilities are like, you don't know the lay of the land. As far as the LA, streets in LA, I don't drive down. Cause I'm like, the neighborhood don't know me. You want your reputation to precede you, Kimberly? Yeah, ideally.

Okay. Yes. Great. How was the cruise food? Delicious. Now, this is the banging thing about Virgin is that it's all restaurants. So everything is curated. Each restaurant, they even had like an experimental kitchen where you were eating things that were just very unorthodox and different and and, you know, the chefs were, like, basically experimenting on you.

When you say unorthodox, you mean shellfish and creatures with cloven hooves? Not that unorthodox. Not sinful food. Okay. Jesse's an Old Testament weirdo. We should mention. No, but it was more, like, more experimental with, like, textures and flavors. Is it, like, stuff that's been, you know,

whipped into a foam or dunked in liquid nitrogen? I had this one dish that looked like it should have been a sweet, and it was savory. It tastes like Thanksgiving, basically. The savory part of Thanksgiving. And it looked like it's, it looked like ambrosia salad. Really? And I was like, this is wild. Do you know what it was? I forgot. Yeah. But

they like curate the menus and stuff. Like it was really, the food was amazing. But a lot of people say that that's a boring cruise line because it's not like Carnival. You know Carnival is real. Carnival is where people are drunk. Yeah. That's what its reputation is that it's the fun ship. Yeah. And there's like kids, a lot of kids. They're drunk kids. It all depends on your sensibility. I mean, they're all great. I think says the comedian that wants to work. I'm only Viking River Cruise. Viking River Cruise or nothing. If it hasn't been advertised on a Prairie Home companion. I'm out if Rick Steves isn't the guest of honor. I'm out on it How drunk was everyone The first day they're very drunk, okay

You know cuz it's such a like ordeal getting on the ship. I mean, you know that you guys I actually don't know that I haven't been on a cruise. It's a long. You know, you didn't the Jordan. Jesse was a not sure I'm in the max fun. Yeah, I didn't know Really? Yeah, I know No, he wasn't well. I'm not a time. I'm not I'm not what they call a draw I don't sell tickets. No, I think I was invited but couldn't go for some sort of work reason Your face, I don't think I was it well, I think I was invited but couldn't go for some sort of work reason. I don't think I was Were you on the cruise Kimberly? We should have a Jordan Jesse cruise our friends. Yeah, we absolutely Are the Jordan Jesse cruises just through the ramble in Central Park? Yeah

Yeah, suck a few dicks and call it a day Can we just do like a party boat in Ventura for 50 weirdos? That would be fun. That would be fun. Even looking to party boats in Ventura. Oh yeah, on it, I'm on it. Was the Jordan Jesse cruise just that time that we did a show in a historical battleship?

Oh yeah, we've done water adjacent performance. Give your agent our number. Sure. For sure. Were you on the Max Fun Cruise the year that I'm going to say Matt Bronger, Kyle Kanane, and Chris Fairbanks each agreed to buy the unlimited drinks package at the beginning? They agreed to this. I was there when they agreed to this in line. They each decided to buy the unlimited drinks package, which cost, you know, $200 or something like that. Oh, it's a bargain.

And then they all agreed that they would tip a dollar per drink. And then whoever had the biggest tip bill at the end of the cruise one. Oh, my God. That wasn't the one I was at. Those guys were so like they were having a blast. I've never seen three adult people people adult men together having so much fun So it's a name brahmer and who was the third party Fairbanks? Apologies to canane brahmer and Fairbanks if I'm if one of you is included who shouldn't be or if Apologies to anyone who I'm leaving out. I think it was those three guys. I want to see that in movie form

Oh my god Great movie. Oh, what a delight their chemistry together. Yeah. Yeah three drunk friends Yeah, and if we could get some hot young rat boys to play them Year old rat boy could play Kyle Canaan comedy's finest rat boys Give us a call. 206-984-45. The rat boy's like, I can play Bond or Matt Bronger. They're offering me two roles. Bond's probably going to be a rat boy, right?

I think Bond will probably be one of these rat boys. They got rat boys in England? Sure, they probably basically invented rat boys. I think all of the rat boys are English. Yeah. All the prominent rat boys. I think all of the rap boys are English. Yeah. All the prominent rap boys, I don't know that. That's like a trend, it's like a kind of dude. All their names are like Gareth.

Yeah, Oncel. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jesse Goh. I am Jesse. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I don't know, why not? You know? Just say it different.

Say it different. Say it different. That's what I always say. Every episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is of course supported by the members of Maximum Fund. If you're one of those members, just know we stan you. We stan, yes. No choice. We have no choice.

You're the legend we stan. I'd love to choose who I stan, but the reality is I can't. Not while people are supporting Maximum Fund and Jordan Jesse Goh by going to MaximumFund.org slash join. We're also supported this week by Good Story Guild who present Josie's Lonely Hearts Club. This is a new semi-scripted audio drama. By audio drama, this is a comedy. Yeah.

Comic drama. Sure. I think this has yucks and laughs. Love Line Meets Who's line is the log line. Yes, it's a prank show wrapped in a sitcom with both improvised segments no one can see coming and scripted arcs over four seasons. Jesse, you know who's in season five of this thing? Is it our friend Hal Lublin? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Funniest guy. One of the best and one of the funniest guys likes to wear Philadelphia sports jerseys. Sure. Yeah.

Will he talk about them on the show? You gotta listen to find out. Season five of the show is now airing. Join the club by subscribing and catch up on every episode wherever you get your podcasts. Once again, that is Josie's Lonely Hearts Club. We've also got something up on the Jumbotron this week. Yes, this is for Coral B from Chloe.

The message? She is a simple one. She is simple, she is brief, but she carries much importance. That message is, happy birthday! By the way, Coral B is one of the new fill-in Spice Girls. It's probably just a person whose name is Coral and their last initial is B. So yeah, that's fun. I hope Coral B has a great birthday. They've got a great friend Chloe. So they're already on their way to a happy day.

If you want to wish someone in your life who listens to Jordan and Jesse go happy birthday or send another message, go to maximumfund.org slash jumbotron. That's maximumfund.org slash jumbotron. We'll deliver any message you want to the Spice Girl of your choice. Exactly. I like the idea that the Spice Girls could be sort of like the Three Stooges. Sure. And they're just, in the 70s, they just started rolling people through. Yeah, Harlem Globetrotters.

Yeah, exactly. Slay one or two of the original ones. Yeah. I have an event in the past I wanted to mention. I did a signing at a great comic book store called Mission Comics and Art. That's in San Francisco. That's in the Hansonman Historic Mission District. Did you know that I'm from there? I did, Jesse. You've mentioned it and I clocked it when I booked the event. I'm like, maybe

this is one of Jesse's spots. I was about to say, did you stop by Thrift Town? But then I remember that Thrift Town just closed recently. Oh, sorry to hear that. Well, Mission Comics and Art, it's still there. It's a beautiful local comic book shop. They got everything you would want if you're a comics fan, casual or major. Remember when we used to do shows in a theater on Mission Street called The Dark Room where just an older couple lived there? Yeah, it was their house, but also they ran the venue. It was great. But yeah, Mission Comics and Art, it was great.

I did a signing there with a great comics artist named Brianna Lowenson. She's got a great new memoir from Fantagraphics out called Raised by Ghosts. Isn't she friends with Ashcon? Ashcon's in the book. She grew up with Ashcon and Ashcon is a character raised by ghosts. It's a beautiful book. We're buds, so we did a signing together. Hold on, I have a question. Yeah. So you mentioned this is a character raised by ghosts. It's a beautiful book. We're buds. So we did a sign together. Hold on.

I have a question. Yeah. So you mentioned this is in the past. Yeah. I've been wishing I could get an autographed copy of one of your comics or one of your book length comic. Right. Items.

Graphic novels. Yes. Book like the items. Yes. Yeah. That's what you call them. But I don't have a time machine to go back to the past, to Mission Comics.

In fact, I might not even live in San Francisco's Handsome and Historic Mission District. I might be my mom, who now lives in Richmond. Sure, well, good news. Mission Comics and Art has signed copies of Bublin Youth Group, my comics, Brianna's book, Raised by Ghosts. And you know why they have them?

Because no one came. Now, a guy did come, he asked me to move so he could get a Deadpool poster. And he recognized me from Good Mythical Morning, we chatted a little bit, and then he bought Brianna's book. So Mission Comics and Art, they were lovely to host us, they did buy a bunch of our books that I feel bad didn't move. We signed them and you can get them via mail. I'm going to have Stephen Ray Morris drop a link in the comments. So if you want to make me seem like less of a failure to some nice comic book people,

and if you want to get a great book and support a local shop, yeah, they're on the website, Mission Comics and Art, Link in the comments. Get yourself a signed book. Maybe I can help based on my experience living in the neighborhood. Sure. Were you wearing blue or red? Oh, both. Oh, no.

That's the problem. You alienated the Norteños and the Sireños. Rush, that's the Spider-Man, okay? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse go It's Jordan Jesse go I am Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective and I'm Kimberly Clark glazed donut. Wow. Did you hear the top of the show? Great kind of donut though, right? It is a great donut.

It'll never taste the same. Would you say that's the number one donut? Race glazed. I am a huge Fritter fan. Huge Fritter fan. You're a Fritter guy. Is that the cinnamon inside of it? Yeah, usually an apple Fritter fan. Huge Fritter fan. What's the difference? You're a Fritter guy. Is that the cinnamon inside of it? Yeah, uh-huh.

Usually an apple Fritter. Sometimes you'll get an alternate Fritter, but Apple's the one they got most places, and it's honestly the best. But I think if someone said glazed donut is the best donut, you're not getting any arguments from me. And a raised glazed, not a cake donut, right? Yeah.

I want a fried donut. If you're gonna give me a donut, fry it. Sure. Yeah, I like them fried but can't go wrong with glaze though yeah you can't before we move on to momentous occasions we should do some checking in with Stephen yeah been doing some research for us over at the research library Stephen Ray Morris our producer on the program what kind of updates have we got over there Stephen Stephen? All right, well, the thing about Uncle Sauce is that it's a variation on Papa Sauce. Of course! Well, he's Papa's brother, after all.

This is getting worse and worse. It's a variation on Papa Sauce in the sense that he's had a vasectomy. Uh-huh. That's why it's not Papa Sauce. But yeah, so Papa Sauce is a blend of ketchup, mustard, and vinegar, and spices. And literally, Uncle Sauce is just a spicier version of that. OK. Just spicier Papa. I mean, I think we can all agree that when

it comes to the family members, an uncle's spicier than a dad, right? That's true. Yeah. So yeah, that's the update on that. That's Uncle Sauce. Sounds good. What about Swiss chalet sauce? Is that a cheese sauce?

I think it is. Yeah, sure. All words can be just words. Also I did find rentals in Ventura. Yeah, what do we got? Yeah, if we wanted to do, okay, the Jordan and Jesse Go Crews, you know, in my mind. Hold on. Yeah.

He found rentals in Ventura. Do you mean just like air compressors? No. Carpet shampoos. Yeah on. Yeah. He found rentals in Ventura. Do you mean just like air compressors? No. Carpet shampoos. Yeah. Party tables. If we wanted to do 42 passengers out on the harbor. Okay.

Yeah. So Jordan, give us your vision. Yeah. So here's my vision. Okay. The Jordan, Jesse, Go! cruise, you know, we're probably not filling up a Carnival cruise line. We're probably, you know, it's a modest audience.

Yeah. up a Carnival Cruise Line. It's a modest audience. But I think if we had did a four-hour there and back sunset cruise around the Ventura Harbor, I think we could probably fill a 42-person boat and have a great night. What are we going to charge for that? 120? Well, let's see what the rental costs. I'm trying to find out if we're gonna make money. So we need to find out what our what our market is first.

What do you think? 120? Yeah, open bar? No. Okay. Cash bar. What are you getting for 120 bucks? Some kind of show like we do a little show. Yeah, the the privilege to murder me and not be persecuted for it. Yeah. And then, you know, light bites. Handjob. be persecuted for it. Yeah, and then you know, mm-hmm light bites handjob handjob, okay All right. Well, if you're yeah 42 passengers, it's

995 on a credit card or 900 cash so you save a little bit if you throw cash up front What does that come with? That comes with... A captain, or do you have to provide your own captain? Uh, it's... P-Y-O-C. I think it's all included crew, and it might include... All included crew? Yeah, you could have a first mate.

That's a good deal. We're talking boat swaying? That's a good deal. Is there a coxswain? Yeah, there might be. I think it maybe even includes maybe some music and drinks. Oh, you get a DJ? DJ or a live band?

I think you can bring it out however you want. But on this same page, it does have another page for funerals at sea, or for burials at sea. Even better! Oh, that would be a dope funeral on a cruise ship. Yeah, I think it's probably on a cruise ship. Yeah. I think it's probably not a cruise ship. It's probably like a... Not to go far. Yeah, it's like a little...

I mean, again, it fits 42 people, so it's decent size. Yeah, it's like a party boat. That's lovely. It is lovely. It's a lovely boat. By the way, I'm glad to see, as you showed us that page, Stephen, I'm glad to see that you just went straight to VenturaBoatRentals.com. I had to specify party boat rentals because it was either like swan boats or kayaks and stuff.

You want a swan boat? I'd love to rent a tug. Sure? Did you get us a tug? I will look that up, yeah. Maybe my wife could come. Sure. You get a tug on a tug.

Yes. Well, we probably would get a deal if the tugboat is already pulling another boat. Oh, yeah Jump from the tugs to the other carnival cruise. Yeah, you know what? If you're willing to come on our let's make a social media post Comment if you would come on the Jordan Jesse go venture We could probably get like Fairbanks to come or something. Yes, but I only would Kim would you do the hell? Yeah? Okay, I'm down. Yeah, this is gonna be good. Good Nick Adams will come. What is he doing? Take care of his fucking children

Are we talking about people to perform or just people to come hang out? Yeah What what is our performance, Jordan? You should get Canaan. And Bronger. Fairbanks and Bronger. Tip a dollar a drink? Yeah. See what happens?

Yeah, absolutely. We'll have the night of our lives. This is gonna be great. This is gonna be great. Okay, when something momentous happens to you, give us a call at 206-984-4-FUN or send us a voice memo at JJ go at maximum fun org in fact Just send us a fucking voice memo at JJ go at maximum fun org

You know is listen to answer me this our friend Helen's awesome podcast. Yeah, they don't have a phone number anymore They got out of the phone number business because not us they were on Skype I mean I will say the voice memos do always sound better than the voicemails now So I mean I checked both but you know We have it's a it's a legacy number, you know Yeah, you know what give us a call and tell us if you want to come on the boat Yeah, let us know if you're if you're down to travel to Ventura or if you just live in Ventura Just tell us what's the best. Yeah, sure. You know what if this show is just about who's what's the best donut?

People would listen to this show. Yeah, you're right. You could get a doughnut spot to sponsor. Yeah. Yeah. Brought to you by Winchell's. Let me call Winchell. Yum yum.

Yeah, yum yum. We'll take yum yum. Let me get yum yum on the line here. Get John Yum Yum, president of Yum Yum Donuts. Oh my gosh. Okay, let's play a call. Hi, JJ Goh. This is Paul from New Jersey

calling in for your recurring segment, best baseball names. I'm currently watching the Philadelphia Phillies versus St. Louis Cardinals game and saw one of Jesse's favorite guys, Lars Knupbar, draw or walk, and then realized he was over at first base having a conversation with my favorite baseball name, Cardinals first base coach Stubby Clap. So I see your large new bar and raise you one Stubby Clap. Thanks guys, bye. Stubby Clap,

a baseball name legend. Yeah. Played second base for the Canadian national team for a long time. Long after his major league baseball career had ended. So he had that sponsorship deal with A&W and they had clap sauce, right? Exactly. Oh, God. There's a new baseball name. Thank you to everybody who sent me an email about the important news of a new baseball name. Dickie Love Lady.

Good name. Dickie Love Lady, hitting the major leagues now. He was known as Richard Love Lady. Let the media know he prefers to be called Dickie. Refers to be called Dickie. Dickie Love Lady, Jordan. You know about Dick Pohl? Um, yes, but not in a specific context.

Yeah, he's just, the context is there was just a guy called Dick Pohl for a long time. He was around for a long time. He was around for a long time. He was a pitching coach for a long time after his career ended. Yeah. I mean, you got to really give it to the Dick Poles and the Dick Butt Kisses of the world. And Dickie Love Lady, who are just like, I could go by Richard, I could go by Rick, but I'm doing Dick.

Yeah. But I'm doing I'm doing dick. Yeah, I feel like dick butt kiss really Seized the branding possibilities of being named dick butt kiss like dick butt kiss is a was a Hall of Fame football player But I feel like his fame was probably treble what it would have been if Was Richard butt kiss. Yeah, or if his name was Richard... Branson. Branson. You'd have a private island.

Was there like Richard Branson stuff on the island? I'm thinking of a giant Citizen Kane banner with his face on it. I'm thinking of a marble statue. No. Where he's holding his hand out like, here's my island. Welcome.

But this ship was very like Virgin Records influence like there was like a lot of music CDs no, they had like a little record shop actually important. Yeah, you say import is That's what you went to the Virgin Megastore International though. Yeah, what is international How long the status of Virgin as a I guess the cruise lines. Virgin America Airlines doesn't exist anymore. Virgin Atlantic Airlines does. Okay. But Virgin America doesn't which is a very sad I think everyone can agree it was one of the only airlines left where Jesse could

sit and coach. I loved Virgin me too American that play the little beats and the mist would come out We had a little TV too much in the morning. There's too much mist in the morning. Yeah in the morning. You got a tone that yeah You're right. It's a little extra for a for a six. Yeah doesn't go with your doughnuts or whatever you're eating Sure, but it's just weird to like hear, unt, unt, unt. Right. Like. I think Virgin America was probably best known

as the only airline where my television pilot for current TV ran for like seven years and the little screen on the back of the chair. That's dope. Yeah, I should have fucking negotiated some residuals for airplanes. Oh, yeah. That'd be nice.

It's got that flat 300. Oof. I miss that lighting though, it was relaxing. The lighting was nice on the Virgin Plains. So relaxing. Was that the lighting on the island? You know what? It's crazy because in the rooms,

they have, okay, everything is like controlled with like your, basically. So you can control the lighting, and they have themes for the lighting. This is the hangover lighting. This is your get it on lighting. This is your photo shoot. Did they call it that? Yeah.

They set it on there, and there was music to accompany it and stuff. It was pretty high tech. It was pretty, you know, high tech. It was very Richard Bronson-esque. And just like retired couples were pressing the button and fucking... There was a lot of retired people that were looking at me and they were like, we don't belong here. Like I would like sit to dinner with some older people and they were just like, it's a nice cruise, but I feel it's a little too young for me.

And I'm like, OK. But then there are other couples that were that age that were all for it. They were trying to get you to join the team. Possibly. OK. Quite possibly. How long were you on the ship?

The first one I was on for like almost three weeks. Oh wow. That's a good run. Basically it was going back and forth from Miami to the islands. And so it was like three to four day increments. And then the other ship, it was just a full week. Did you make cruise friends? Yeah, I did.

But I have not been in contact with those people since I've been off the ship. Write a letter. You know? Write a letter, Kimberly. I know. I did meet some lovely folks. I really did.

Very lovely folks. It's like kids who go to camp. They have those camp friends that are so... Yeah. I'm sure you'll just... Once a year, you'll see your cruise buddies. Right. It's like a whole world.

You know what I mean? When I stepped on on some of the people that worked on the ship, they were already on there for like six months. So I was like stepping into like literally like another, I don't want to say country, but in a sense it was a planet. Let me say that, a planet. They had their own it was they had already Fully Lord of the Flies doubt. Yes, they had reached stability. Yeah new government. Absolutely Yeah, did they ever pass you the conch? No, okay. That's I didn't even see the current. That's the dream. Yeah

We keep the conch somewhere safe. Yeah, I didn't even see the conch I want to know like I'm so excited to learn about this are there clicks on the cruise ship like do the comics and showgirls hang out together and they like have bingo games against the kitchen staff or whatever? The shows definitely hang with their own. Like I noticed that. I was kind of on my own, because I was the only comedian.

Yeah. Oh, what were you, were you doing solo comedy shows or were you doing sets amidst the Broadway spectaculars? I was doing solo comedy shows, which was daunting to be the first experience. Yeah. Because initially, I think I was supposed

to be part of an ensemble. Then when I got on the ship, they were like, oh no, it's just you. And I was like, oh, okay. You will also be organizing shuffleboard, so just. Right, right. But there are definitely. Did you host the newlywed game or anything?

No, I didn't do any of that stuff. There are definitely clicks though, definitely. But like, I didn't try to infiltrate anything. I just really stayed to myself, cause I was like, there are so many rules that they give you. What kind of rules are you talking about? Just to put it all like in one statement,

like really no fraternizing with the guest Except for you were fraternizing like crazy Yeah, I was I was talking I mean but like you could have conversation with people But they just don't want it to go into the next level. They don't have any intimate. Sure Yeah, it's not like look you see our love boat, you know, everybody should have been fired off a love boat I agree. That's why I call it Really ultimately sorry

This is about ethics and love. Thank you But you can you can actually lose your contract if you like canoodle and really? I I think the rules might be a little bit different for me being a comedian, but for the staff... I thought you were gonna say for me being a babe. Stop. No, but for the staff, like they could lose their jobs for, you know, it's just interesting. But they can canoodle with each other, right? I think so.

But then there's some kind of weird hierarchy with that too, like with captains and... That's weird. How was I? You know why I bet they have all these like tight rules about socializing? I bet it's the fucking magicians. Yeah. I bet all of these, like who are we doing this for? It's probably the fucking magicians getting on there,

pulling rabbits out of shit, fucking everything in sight. I bet that there's a lot of problems with ships with two magicians, where one of the magicians is a pull a rabbit out of things magician, and the other magician is one of those goth ninja magicians. Like a Chris Angel. Yeah, with a bunch of silver jewelry on. I think there's probably drama and danger.

Yeah, sure, the rabbit out of the hat guy is like, we need to make a rule. Guys, guys, fucking everybody. And then the other guy says, art has no rules. Yeah, look at my dick. Then he pushes the other guy off the boat. No one investigates it. No one investigates it. Do we have another call? Steven? Yes. Yes, we do. Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. Hey, third person who I'm gonna guess is Justin McElroy Alex calling in here with us momentous occasion from Manhattan. I just drove here to New York from Los Angeles after having lived there my whole life. I told my dad that I was gonna move to New York just before he passed away over the holidays and I was texting a friend to let them know that I had gotten here.

And I was, for some reason, feeling too self-conscious to say that my dad would have been proud that I made this journey. And for whatever reason, it popped into my head, you know what? No, I'm a Jordan Jesse Goat listener. I can share my feelings. I don't know. I just thought you might want to hear that anyways, thanks for Everything you do. Love you. Bye. Bye. I think it's fair to say and I say this in part because you know I just saw our friend Elizabeth Gilbert the other day

the wonderful new book on the way I Think it's fair to say that Jordan Jesse Goh really is kind of an eat pray love for people who hang out at the board game store. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yes, yes. What do you mean to say? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm. Just tell who have Settlers of Catan expansion packs.

I thought you were going to say Settlers of Catan tattoos. Oh yeah, well that too. I mean what is a tattoo but the ultimate expansion pack. That's a really good point. Thank you. That's a really good point. Yeah, I do those a lot. That's why I got an extra large penis tattooed onto my regular penis. Yes.

Because it's an expansion pack. Yes, that's good. Thank you. Yeah, no problem. No, it's very good. You know, this was one of those calls that I maybe brain fogged out on. Okay. Can you summarize it for me?

What happened to this guy? Okay, so he told his father he was going to move to New York City shortly before his father died. Then he moved to New York City and he realized that it was okay to have feelings because he listens to Jordan Jesse Goh. Okay. Right? Because he told someone, he was hesitant to tell someone that his father would be proud of him for moving to New York.

Yes. So yeah, I mean, I think that's a lesson we try and impart. Just tell everyone your father's proud of you. I imagine anyone who moves to New York City getting off a bus. Number one, they're always getting off a bus. Yeah, you got to travel by Greyhound with two suitcases with like handles, two brown suitcases with handles. Number two, they look up and they're looking up at all the things and they say, New York City, just how I pictured it. Just how I pictured it.

Mm-hmm, tall buildings. So I pictured it. Just how I pictured it. Tall buildings. So I pictured it from its descriptions on Jordan, Jesse, Go. Exactly. How did Coming to America, how did Remy and what were the characters' names? I can't even think of the princess. I watched that movie literally four months ago. I could not tell you. But did they travel by bus or did they travel by their fleet of cars? They traveled by fancy airplane. They did not get all

their stuff stolen until after they parked. Right, right, and everybody's wearing their clothes and everything. Yeah, everybody was wearing their clothes around the neighborhood. You know what? I watched that movie a few months ago, was pretty sure it was not gonna hold up. Yeah, coming to America. It held up pretty well. James Earl Jones is so funny in that. Amazing was not going to hold up. Yeah, coming to America pretty well. James Earl Jones is so funny in that. James Earl Jones is amazing. Yeah.

What's James Earl Jones do fucking anything? Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever seen those pictures of young Harlem Renaissance James Earl Jones? He's handsome. This is the fucking handsomest man on earth. Yeah, he was fine back in the day. Holy shit.

He was fine. Okay. JJGoAtMaximumFun.org is the place to send your RSVPs for our venture party crew. Yes. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. Are you a five star baddie? If you answered yes, then Black People Love Paramore is the podcast for you. Contrary to the title, we are not a podcast about the band Paramore.

Black People Love Paramore is a pop culture show about the common and uncommon interests of black people in order to help us feel a little bit more seen. We are your co-hosts Sequoia Holmes, Jewel Wicker, and Ryan Graham. And in each episode we dissect one pop culture topic that mainstream media doesn't associate with the black people but we know that we like. We get into topics like ginger ale, the golden girls, black romance, UNO, and so much more. Tune in every other Thursday to the podcast that's dedicated to helping black people feel more seen. Find Black People Love Pair More on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

One thing we all have in common, we all have a mind. It makes me so scared because I'm like, when is the bad thing going to happen? And minds can be kind of unpredictable and eccentric. Everybody wants to hear that they're not alone. Everybody wants to hear that someone else has those same thoughts. Depresh Mode with John Moe is about how interesting minds intersect with the lives and work of the people who have them. Comedians, authors, experts, all sorts of folks trying to make sense of their world. It's not admitting something bad if you say, this is scary.

Depresh Mode with John Moe, every Monday at Maxim at maximum fun org or wherever you get podcasts It's Jordan Jesse go I am Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective and Kimberly Clark Nick Cannon's turban. It's Nick Cannon's turban. Cause I earlier I said Lena horns, but my sister, I've been wearing these turbans like, I don't know when I don't feel like dealing with my hair and my sister is calling me Nick Cannon.

I was like, Nick Cannon where turban's around. He had a turban era. He's out of it. Can I just say, talk about daddy sauce. Sure. Unlimited. Unlimited daddy sauce. He does not charge for it. At all. He's giving everybody the sauce.

He is charged for it, I think, ultimately. He really needs to do a lot of extra Wild'n Out tours in order to pay the charges related to his dad. Wildin' Out in Atlantic City. Right. Father's Day alone is like Christmas. Oh goodness. Kimberly, you have a brand new comedy album that is available what? On all platforms? It's available on all platforms. It's called Junior. And yeah, please listen to it. You named it after my dog

Is your dog's name Junior? Yeah, my dog's name is Junior. My wife named him after me. His full name is Jesse Junior. Awwww Well, my sister calls me Junior while just saying she's calling me Nick Cannon, but You guys have a lot of fun. You're a fun family. You guys have a lot of nicknames You guys have a lot of fun. You're a fun family. You guys have a lot of nicknames Junior I forgot what happened and she's it just stuck. She's caused me junior. So Yeah, Kimberly Clark junior available on all platforms. We're talking about Spotify gotta-be band camp. Yeah, I'm talking about Apple music on there, right? That's a fun place to listen to

Oil Apple music on there, right? That's a fun place to listen to it. It's on there too. I'm talking about oil. Oil platform. Yes. Deep sea oil platform. Listen to it with all your deep sea drilling buddies. I think I talked about it on here when I was talking about doing my album because I did a show and somebody put me on a poster and it said, Kimberly Clark Jr. And I told them, don't correct it. Leave it.

Oh man, that rules. That's like when Greg Fitzsimmons was on the marquee as Grapefruit Simmons. You run with it. Stop thinking about Grapefruit Simmons in a while. That's beautiful. Jordan, you going anywhere? Are you finally in a lull of travel or you got further

travel? No, baby. Want to hear all about it? Yeah, I want to hear it. Baby? Where are you going? Are you finally in a lull of travel or you go further travels? No baby, want to hear all about it? Yeah I want to hear. Baby! Where are you going? Calling people baby now. Wah wah wah! I want to hear it Uncle Jordan!

Yeah here, let me give you some dates if you're listening to this. Then I want some hamburgers and wuvia! I'm going to be at Galaxy con in New Orleans July 10th through the 13th, will you? Please cosplay as celebrity chef Yeah, well be one of 1000 there Listen you go to comic con everybody's Deadpool you go to Galaxy con in New Orleans everybody's palpredome people are like, what are you Dom DeLuise and they just punch their ass

Yeah, Galaxy con in New Orleans, I will be there. I'm going to be at table E6. That is right next to the food court. Error on the shortstop. Yes. Prime placement next to the food court. Come see me at GalaxyCon in New Orleans, one of my favorite cities in the world. If you have any recommendations for restaurants

I can eat at that have cartoon shrimp on the signs. Let me know Okay, great my favorite kind of restaurant. So bubba gumps is my top recommendation Gotta get to bubba gumps while i'm there Uh, and yeah, i'll tell you what I ate a great sandwich in a convenience store I'll tell you more about that after the show can't wait to hear more about it. And then uh, yeah, san diego comic-con I will be there scheduling announcement to come so I hope to see folks at GalaxyCon and San Diego Comic-Con San Diego Comic-Con isn't that the uncle of them all? It is yes, it's the sauce-covered uncle of them all. The papa sauce. I mean not to glaze it. No you don't want it now

You don't want to glaze it too hard. Kimberly, thank you so much for joining us on the program our producer Stephen Ray Morris our theme music is love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us on Reddit. That's reddit.com slash r slash maximum fun. Great place to hang out, talk about Jordan Jesse Go episode. Probably meet, talk to Schultz Buster there. Yes. You know about the Schultz Buster? That's a guy on Reddit. Yeah, you know, Dr. Colossus of Rhodes. That's another fun one. Yeah.

You can find us on Instagram at JordanJesseGoPod. You can find us on BlueSky at JordanJesseGo. Yes. You can find us on ourselves on Instagram at Jesse ThorneVeryF famous at Jordan David Morris. That's a great place. You know what I like to do? I like to go there to keep track of your many appearances with your hit comic books. Well, yeah, that's what's a fun place to do that.

A great place to do that. Am I coming to your town? Maybe. I mean, I hope so because we got a show to record next week. That's right. Oh yeah, I can't record next week. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Goff. Love you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Maximum fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Of artist-owned shows. Of artist-owned shows. Of artist-owned shows.

Of artist-owned shows. Of artist-owned shows. Of artist-owned shows. Of artist-owned shows. Of artist-owned shows. Of artist-owned shows. Of artist-owned shows. The End.