Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Jordan Jesse Guys, with Bryan Quinby

Episode Date: March 14, 2024

This week we are join by the guy of Guys, podcaster Bryan Quinby for a conversation about all the types of guys out there.JORDAN, JESSE, GO! A CAVALCADE OF STARS (LIVE + LIVESTREAMED!) On March 24th at 3pm PST, Jordan, Jesse, Go! is going live for an afternoon of music, comedy and podcast magic at the Elysian Theater in Los Angeles AND livestreaming FOR FREE everywhere! Join Jordan Morris, Jesse Thorn, and a cavalcade of comedy stars for a years worth of entertainment packed tightly into a 90 minute live show. The show is also a fundraiser for the Maximum Fun! If you are in Los Angeles, buy a ticket now and come see it in person! If you can't make it in person, watch the livestream for free. Reserve your livestream spot here!Brought to you by Manscapped: Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with code JJGO at Manscaped.com. This St. Patrick’s Day, make sure your little hairy leprechaun is luckier than ever with MANSCAPED.Brought to you by Stitchfix. Style that makes you feel as you as you look—get started today at stitchfix.com/JJGO.Are you in or near Sacramento, California? Want to catch producer Matt Lieb and his wife doing stand up comedy on St Patty's Day? Sure you do! Come to Sacramento on Sunday, March 17th at 7pm and see Matt Lieb and Francesca Fiorentini tell jokes to already drunk people. It'll be great! Buy your tickets to the Sacramento Punch Line now!

Hey Jordan, Jesse, Go listeners. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. The Max Fun Drive is right around the corner. We're not going to get too deep into it right now, but what we are going to get into is a very, very special event that we will be doing right smack in the middle of the Max Fun Drive, the Jordan, Jesse, Go Cavalcade of Stars. March 24th, 3 PM. We're doing it live at the Elysian theater in LA,

but if you're nowhere near there, you can see the live stream for free. The link is in the description of this episode. It's going to be us doing Jordan, Jesse go stuff, standup comedy, live music, Jackie Cation,

Chris Estrada, if he wide away, Rob Hubel, Kim Clark, live music, Jackie Cation, Chris Estrada, Ify Wadaway, Rob Hubel, Kim Clark, Carrie Poppy, Steve Agee, and Cephalopods Are People, the band from Valley Heat, all performing live in addition to us. It is going to be a great fucking time. And guess what? Me and Renee from Can I Pet Your Dog are going to do Suddenly Seymour from Little Shop of Horrors. She is going to play Seymour and I'm going to play Audrey. And Jordan, I'm going to make you come up with a talent. You're going to have to do a talent at some point, yo-yo tricks or something. I'll see what I can do.

I will try and master the yo-yo before March 24th. I feel like a talent. Remember that one time when we did a live stream for the drive and you took out one ball? Yes. I wish I didn't do that. People screen capped that and sent it around. It's a good talent, though. Yeah, just being okay with taking out a ball.

Listen, I don't know if anybody's going to take anything out, but I do know that we're going to have a great time. March 24th, 3 p.m. The Elysian Theater in L.A. live streamed everywhere else in the whole wide world. Check out the episode description of this show, ElysianTheater.com. You can go there to, what is it, MaximumFun.org slash events? Exactly. Okay. The link is there for you. So go subscribe to the Maximum YouTube channel so you don't miss it.

Let's get into the show. Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I have a really good dinner idea, Jordan. It's based on this dinner that I just ate. Oh my gosh, dinner. One of the top meals.'s hear it what do you got buddy it's basically an idea for a multi glop dinner okay like where i just realized that i really like glop food so what

are some examples of glops uh hummus is a glop hummus is a glop. In this case, I made myself a three glop dinner, which was pulled pork, which is a glop. Like of the proteins, it's one of the most glop. Yeah. Baked beans and braised cabbage with mustard. Okay, three good glops. Do you have any starches to soak that up? Is that on top of any rice? No, so that's the, like, really central to this is that it's just glops.

Okay. So it's like a nothing but glops thing. It's like there's no... Oops, all gloppies yeah i don't like i don't want any um i don't want like a a crusty country bread okay to get involved in these glops who needs it because it it interferes with the purity of my vision which is just things that you could put in a in one of those semi-disposable Tupperwares and then put in your freezer for later.

Are you mixing? Are you mixing your glops? I don't choose to mix glops. I'm pretty – my father-in-law, Steve, shout out to Steve. Steve loves to mix all of his foods together. Whatever is on his plate, he'll be doing that thing with his fork where he's bringing them all together and then flopping them in like shuffling playing cards. But with piles of food, no matter what it is. I mean, he could have a scoop of ice cream, a steak.

You know what I mean? And he'd be. Bunch of pennies. I'm not a person who freaks out when foods touch each other but i'm also like i made this food there's sectional eaters yeah i made this food by itself for a reason i would have mixed them together before if they were supposed to be mixed together like i'm not saying i don't sauce pasta or something i'm just saying like if i wanted to eat the cabbage with the baked beans i would to eat the cabbage with the baked beans, I would have

dumped the cabbage into the baked beans before I put it on the plate. You know what I mean? Yeah. Nobody asked. How do you feel about... Yeah. Thank you, Jesse. Were you going to ask how I feel about mixing?

Yeah. I was a little worried. I was a little worried to even bring up glops on the show because I know, Jordan, that you're a texture nut. I love it and hate it. Yeah. So I feel passionately about textures. What I'm wondering is a,

how do you, as a texture nut, how do you feel about glops and B given glops? Are you a mixer? Yeah. Thanks for asking. You're welcome. So as far as mixing goes...

Jordan, do you want to do a podcast together? We'll see how this one goes. Okay. As far as mixing goes, I like a little light mixing toward the end of the meal. Okay. When I've gotten to enjoy everything on its own, then I'll start to slush it together for the final bites.

Yeah. Let's say final you know eighth of the meal right if the meal is eight hours long then toward you know the final hour the final hour is a mixing hour yeah and i do tantric eating i should say okay me and sting have these meals Me and Sting have these brunches. We come so hard at the end. I wish I could do that. I come so fast every single time I start eating dinner.

We got to do your dinner kegels. I can't wait. And think about dinner baseball. Yeah. I have to do my dinner breathing and stay in the dinner moment. There you go. There you go. And then, you know, if it happens, it's not that big a deal.

Just learn to eat dinner pussy. Yep. That's about as far as we can go with that. So as far as glops go, I like the sound of all the glops that you mentioned. But I think having them without, you you know a starch or something a little more substantial would really hurt my tummy so i think i would i would you know do my darndest to find you know stray tortilla uh bread like you mentioned a little bit of minute rice maybe yeah so i think i would i would you know i probably wouldn't eat the glops without the

you know the anchor i try and tend to my flock of tortillas so there aren't any strays. I try and keep them on the straight and narrow. But you never know when one's going to head off to the big city. It's true. Try and become a dancer. Get involved in the seedy world of tortilla pornography. of tortilla pornography. Our guest on the program is one of the hosts of the Smash Hit podcast, Guys, all the way from Columbus, Ohio.

Visiting us from Columbus, Ohio, by the way, Jordan, but because I have a cold, he's in our studio and we're not. Brian Quinby. Hi, Brian. Hi. I like bread. I have bread with every meal really i know that's bad but uh that's uh you're in la buddy that's a dirty word yeah we all need carbs we're keto old me and my wife me and my wife were together for probably

like six years before she said you don't need two carbs with dinner. Because I would like always be like meat, vegetable, which like cursory, not like a real vegetable, like just green beans out of a can. But then I'd have macaroni and cheese and a bread. And if I didn't have both of those other two, I was like, we're just going to have to get burgers or something like that. You like a little rice on a roll? Yeah, I don't have both of those other two, I was like, we're just going to have to get burgers or something like that. You like a little rice on a roll? Yeah. I don't ever do bowls. I got like real mad when the bowl trend started because I said it's just like every third restaurant was a bowl restaurant.

And I was like, they're just dumping a bunch of shit in a bowl, which is they're admitting that. It's not like that. You said that like you decoded a conspiracy man they're like yeah we know yeah i don't think so what do you want for your base i don't think that you have found an equivalent to soylent green as people in bowls are bowls right yeah why are they done that's just you beans, rice, and then like maybe a steak or something like that. Sure. We have a place in Columbus called Piata where they do like Italian bowls with like – they have spaghetti and stuff, but they also do Italian burritos.

So they'll put it in a burrito. Spaghetti in a burrito? And I go there a lot and get – That sounds like some real Columbus, Ohio shit. I've never been. Maybe I'm way off base here, but does that seem very homegrown to you? No. Because it's treated like a Chipotle.

It's not like a low-level kind of place. It's like a second-level fast food place that you would go to and it's like kind of nice inside and and but yeah they they sell burritos spaghetti italian burritos and they say that it's italian street food but i've never been to italy so i don't know if they do spaghetti burritos people just tack street food onto the end of something these days that's that's thrown around pretty liberally like oh i'm like anthony bourdain getting tack street food onto the end of something these days. That's thrown around pretty liberally. Like, oh, I'm like Anthony Bourdain getting some street food. Yeah, it tricks me every time.

Actually, I don't do street food or tapas. Okay. And I don't know if I even said that right, but I just like to get all my meal done. Perfect pronunciation. Like, I'm not a fan of eating very much. eating very much i was in uh arizona and i saw multiple instances of restaurants advertising that they served indoor restaurants advertising that they served street tacos right yeah and i was trying to think of like what an indoor taco is like what what what is the thing they're doing to tacos to distinguish between street and indoor? They're putting them in that thing, the Charlie Brown shirt thing that they put tacos in.

Yes. Yeah, there's like a toast rack for tacos. Yeah. If it goes in there, if it's wrapped in aluminum foil it's a street taco it's a street cup but when it's when it's in the little taco cradle then yeah that's a taco you can take home to mom not a not a sloppy side piece that you eat and shame in your car i'll tell you this um when we've gone to london for the lond Podcast Festival, I like to go and cruise flea markets and antique stores. You know, that's my interest.

And in London, everything, every store that sells antiques is just like piles and piles and piles of silver table things. because just in the Victorian and Edwardian times, England was so rich from exploiting every other country in the world that they just didn't know what else to do besides make everything out of silver. Jesse, they said they're sorry. You don't have to keep bringing it up. Yeah, they're super woke. Woke over there now. I don't think you've heard conservatives here talk about them recently.

No go zones there you know no go zones no there's not a single male superhero in all of england banana man is now banana person for me like i don't need a soft boiled egg cup made of starling silver you know what i mean yeah most most of those items beyond standard cutlery are not of interest to me and i and i sort of question their utility but in england it seems like everybody has a toast rack uh-huh and i really like the idea of bringing a toast rack to the table you know it's like a it's like the taco sure charlie brown shirt holder but it has a handle on top and it keeps the toast vertically in little slots uh-huh right and that's very appealing to me because it keeps the toast from

steaming itself so what's the i guess i those exist, but I don't understand their usefulness. So that if you put toast in a pile, the toast makes steam that softens the toasts that are on the bottom and in the middle. Okay. And makes them not crispy and toasty. Okay. But if you keep them vertical with a little bit of space in between them they don't get soggy so you got to set up a table with a toaster next to somebody at the table

that just doles out the toast that's now that is why you have to do that yeah no obviously you have to do that yeah no and that's why yeah that's why everyone has to do that. I thought that was like the way to do big family. I don't do big family breakfast. I hate breakfast. So my wife and kid will eat breakfast. But there's so many good breads at breakfast. I know. As a bread guy, I haven't figured you out, man.

You're a contradiction. I go to bed. If I eat bread in the morning, I'm just going to go right back up to bed. And I already sleep until noon. So it's like get up at noon, eat some bread, take a nap until 3, and then it's just the whole day is gone. So I usually have a smoothie or oatmeal. I'm like oatmeal every morning. I do a lot of oatmeal.

I figure out a breakfast. I do oatmeal and pomegranates every single day now. No variation at all. I heard pomegranates have fiber in them, and I was like, well, I'm going to start eating those a lot. Yeah, you're probably nice and regular then. Yeah, I had a huge problem when I went to Alaska earlier in the year or late last year, and I was like, I'm going to eat more fiber, I think, is going to be my— Did you have the

that famous alaska constipation is that what you're alluding to were you only eating i just immediately imagined you eating nothing but salmon that you had knocked out of a river with your paw well i ate uh basically like burgers and stuff like that the whole time but i didn't use the bathroom through the whole week like i was there for a week and i like didn't use the bathroom and it became this whole situation with my you know i was like i don't fucking know what's going on you know what i mean i'm like blow and then i got on the airplane to fly home which is like a nine hour affair to get back to my place and that's when everything decided to start working again and then i had a whole problem on the airplane where i was sweating

and then flight attendant was like are you okay you look kind of crazy i guess i'm not feeling well so did the flight attendant say you look kind of crazy or did she say something more appropriate like you look like you're losing your shit or. Well, I was like sweating because I had on the way out there. They've talked. They make they tell everybody that's on guys. So I might as well just say it on this show on the way out there. I got really hot and I went into the bathroom and ripped the crotch out of my underwear so that i could like cool down i was going fucking crazy because i was so hot

and right i mean that makes sense because because your crotch is gets hot and you want to reduce the number of layers so you rip the crotch out of your underpants on the airplane in the bathroom yeah i just ripped it and it was fine and then when we got when we landed and we got back got to the airbnb and i took my you know to get it get a shower and stuff my wife was like what the fuck happened to your underwear yeah explain that to her but then yeah on the flight home i had the whole the the flight attendants like you look like something's going on here i need you to go back and sit in the back of the airplane by the bathroom and click you know in case something happens so then i went back there probably there they can probably tell when

someone is having uh a shit issue they probably know the look of someone who's having a shit issue it's terrifying on an airplane to have the thought like i might need to shit because that is such like the it's like uh the only two places you ever hear not to do that is airplanes and like rock band tour buses right like are the that's the two places you're supposed to not do that so i i had a real panic but uh yeah this time i was like a lot better getting out here i think it was you already you didn't have to take the crotch out because you already had the no crotch ready well i dressed put on shorts put on chaps under your jeans well when i flew home from alaska i was standing in the alaska airport in fairbanks in november

in a sleeveless shirt and a pair of shorts. And everybody was kind of looking at me. I was like, it's just, I have to do this because if I get on that airplane and it's hot. And it was Alaska Air, which now I believe is, that's not a very good airline. I didn't think it was good on the way there. Yeah, I mean, that's a premium airline. I mean, they're telling people they're crazy, apparently.

They're just going up and down the aisles, telling people how they look, roasting them, roasting them in their seats. I looked very bad, I have to admit. Did the flight attendant say you were a real hockey puck at any point? Yeah. But, you know, did some racist stuff that was probably like, you know, okay, in context, we knew he was a good guy. And I will say that I also took a trip to Alaska a while back and was every meal I ate was at a brewery. Every restaurant is a brewery.

All food is either a burger or a fried app, which, you know, is very fun for a day and a half and then uh and then you're ripping the crotch out of your underwear i totally understand it's like it's crazy there it's like if you took look at the amount of breweries in denver and alaska said hold hold my ipa they said hold my jordan hold on what they said how'd my small batch ipa yeah says alaska that's what alaska said brian says hold my uh hold my floral yeah i tried to do that too i got to fairbanks and i like for years every time i go on tour with the other podcast i'd be like uh i just searched the town we're going to with the name hipster and see where I could probably find something to eat at the very least or some stores or something. And

I typed that in and Fairbanks and like, if you, you can do it now, it's like all of them are like, there are none here. And like, so then I was like, well, maybe I could go bowling. That sounds fun. The bowling alley closed at like 7 o'clock. And I was just like, this place. I mean, my wife wanted to go see. The Northern Lights. Yeah. And I was like, fuck it.

National parks. I had that same problem, Brian, one time in Calgary, Alberta, which is a town with this beautiful river down the middle of it that I hear is great for tubing. And there's a big, beautiful island in the river that's very nice and when i i got there i was at a music festival and i asked the people at the music festival i'm like well these are the people who know i was like where's the like you know whatever used bookstore record store, you know, uh, exposed,

uh, filament light bulb restaurant, uh, uh, neighborhood around here. And three people who were all there just sort of thought about it and said, yeah, no,

we don't have one of those. Did you go during the stamp? I want to go during the Calgary Stampede really bad, but that might just be a wrestling fan thing more than a – Is there a wrestling thing about the Calgary Stampede? I don't think so, but like Bret Hart and all that stuff, they would wrestle during it. And so I think of it as wrestling. I think it's actually just like a horse thing. But I think of it as a wrestling thing. I think it's a cowboy event a horse thing. But I think of it as a wrestling thing.

I think it's a cowboy event. So wait, the men wrestle the horses? Bret the Hitman Hart wrestles a horse? No. No. He was just from there. I'm piecing this together. No, no, no, no.

I would love to watch a man wrestle a horse. The jobbers wrestle the horses. The stars don't wrestle horses. Okay, yeah. I would watch a man wrestle a horse or a bear even. I guess you could watch a man wrestle a bear. They have those on YouTube. In Calgary, a cowboy-type guy called me the standard geysler.

Oh, yeah. Which I think that's the last time I've been called the standard geysler. That was a solid 10 years ago. That is – I'm trying to think. I get called that sometimes when I'm walking around town and stuff like that in Columbus. Guys get mad at me.

Oh, you're walking around town. You gotta expect it. Walking around town. Yeah. I mean, you're a real hockey puck. I haven't done cowboy guys yet because I think I respect cowboys too much. You got a lot of built-in respect for cowboys because of their relationship with the range? Right.

Yeah, and I like westerns. I didn't like them growing up because I grew up in this really redneck part of Columbus, like in the suburbs. And so I was like, I don't like cowboys was like I don't like cowboys I don't like country music I don't like anything that has to do with that shit but then when I got older I started watching westerns and I was like damn I should have been it if I would have been smarter I'd got to be a cowboy like I would have started working out toward cowboy when I got out of high school instead of like what I did technical school yeah school yeah i uh sorry sorry air conditioner repair i'm studying

cowboy it was just as like likely that i would do some kind of radio type thing i gotta be uh i also got that kind of later in life appreciation for Westerns. My dad would sit me down and show me all of his favorites, and I was just so bored I wanted to scream. It seems so boring. Van Damme movies exist now, Dad. To you, this was an action movie. To you, this was thrilling.

But when you get a little old and you maybe get a little little uh you know the 30s 40s sadness in you westerns good westerns you know they've got a forlorn uh quality to to them that uh you know that that i think appeals to fellas when they get a little country music that's the same thing with country music like i i couldn't listen to country music till i was in my 30s but then when i was in my 30s i was like i can't listen to anything now i know sadness i've had some heartbreak yeah yeah i think we i do want to say we should describe the premise of brian's podcast because it is it is genius it is a it is a genius premise that we that i think anyone who hears it will be like oh yeah of course like of course. That was my reaction.

It's absolutely. I mean, my reaction was just an overwhelming internal cacophony of jealousy and rage. They had come up with such a good premise for a podcast. Yeah. Meanwhile, Jordan and I host this podcast that gives no one any reason to listen to it at all. Well, Chris, it's funny. When Chris James is my co-host, he said when I asked him to do the show, he didn't know what the fuck it was. He was like, I don't know what he's talking about.

But then he said like five or ten minutes into it when we were reading reviews of porno videos on Pornhub he was like oh I think I understand this podcast now so it's called guys and each episode you take another kind of guy who is active on the internet the first episode is sex guys you do sword guys who are some of the other guys that you've investigated i did menswear guys with jesse menswear guys that was fun i i found gentlemen's weekly a uh gentleman's gazette brian gentleman's gazette yes i'm sorry i found gentlemen's gazette we gazette we did nudist with ike baron holtz which i found very fun that was i hired my daughter who is 20 don't everybody freak out i hired my daughter to do the facebook um research because i don't want to go back on face i hate it on facebook and i just didn't want to do it and she's on it to goof around because it's funny

and i was like hey if you join some of these groups and uh send me pictures so the first episode was nudist or we called it naked guys. And she was like, I can't even believe these people exist. And was sending me pictures of guys weed whacking in their yard naked, which I found to be the craziest thing. And now, like, my Reddit, if I open Reddit now, it is basically all the guys I've covered. If I open Reddit now, it is basically all the guys I've covered. So it'll be jam band guys, classic rock guys, swingers, because they're the crate. I mean, like the show was built on that first episode.

Yeah, tough to start with swingers. Really like impressive to start. Yeah, it was definitely a choice. And it was like, I've said this as a joke, but I was like, I never really pictured myself doing like a really dirty podcast. Like I never really. But then when you start with sex guys, it found a classic rock guy that posts YouTube videos about the rock and roll hall of fame, sometimes three times in a week, like all year, not even like when the stuff comes out, it's just all year.

He's like, can you believe this rock and roll hall of fame? It makes them really mad. And, uh, we found this, this swinger couple that we pay attention to. And, and uh the guy just went to hedonism too which is uh for i'm glad you brought this up because okay so i subscribe this is what i was thinking about as you were talking about this so

one of my favorite subreddits is called i think i brought this up on the show sex over 30 and this is this group of the sweetest fucking gentle moms and dads who are all married and they just they just have the most positive wonderful vibes around fucking and just like everyone is really supportive of everyone else. Like some people are going through some shit. Some people are just enjoying having sex with their spouse. Some people have complicated arrangements of various kinds. And nobody's weird about it. Everybody has a real positive attitude. But the ones that I enjoy the most are when someone is talking about going to one of these sex resorts. The sex resorts are unbelievable. These are special.

Brian, you'll have a lot more context to add to this from your research and your daughter's, of course. Well, she didn't do that episode but she's that's why she won't listen to the show because chris says i'm a swinger every week and then she has to confront the fact that her dad's had sex before i'm not a swinger but well i think your your pineapple shirt says otherwise sir the tiny lawn gnome that sits on your shoulder you're not wearing any of those things these are like club med they're like

they're like mid range sort of middle class tropical resorts in like Jamaica or whatever yeah but they're for fucking. We think it's for sucking and fucking, but we can never really figure out.

Nobody ever says what happens. Yeah, these types are cagey about it. Yeah, but we do know this. I'll tell you that- What do we know? What do we know? We watch this guy, right? And he goes, he posts a video.

He's been at Hedonism 2 for three weeks. And we've been following him on Twitter. How much jizz is inside this man? Well, you're about to find out. And he posts a thing and it says, Tom broke his dick at Hedonism 2. And we're like, what? So we waited and didn't watch the video until sunday we finally we watched we get the video it's 35 minutes long we started as soon as the stream starts and he goes like this

he goes now for years i would get up in the morning and i would take two viagra and i would take two sialis at night and uh that's how i was you know know, getting a hard on. I was doing the whole thing. And then it stopped working. He grew a tolerance to it. And so he goes to the doctor, the urologist, and he says, is there something you can do? The urologist is like, here's these injections that if you need to get it up, you can inject this in the side of your penis. It'll go up and you can do it. He overused those yeah he overused them and grew a tolerance to him wow so then the doctor's like here's what

i can do he's like shooting she's like shooting viagra between his toes i don't know what the i don't know what the injections are but it it's the scariest thing. But he loved it. Turns out it's just a saline solution. Well, and then the next thing they had to do was implant these two, he called them like pool noodles on each side of his urethra. And then he has like a little pump in his balls, like a third. It's like a third ball, but it's a pump. And he can just pump it up, pump saline into the little pool noodle things and that's how it gets hard and can i ask you brian let's just say that your hobby was

making youtube videos of sex things and you were taking multiple viagras and multiple Cialis' a day, and then eventually you were having a hard time getting hard on, would you switch hobbies potentially? Yes. I don't understand why this guy has – I hear Baldur's Gate 3 is fun. Could this guy fuck one time a day? Is the thing I always – could he like just cut it a little bit of a slack

but anyway so when he broke his dick at hedonism it was because he'd used the pump too much and they asked him and he says this in the video he goes i asked my doctor how long is this pump supposed to last and he's like it's supposed to last 15 years it only lasted three years and now he's got to get it fixed but unfortunately he's now back at hedonism too and his dick doesn't work because uh he wasn't able to get it fixed before he left so did the pool the pool noodle broke because you can break too much you can break your dick right like if if you're if you're erect and it goes in the wrong thing it can break i feel like I've read about this, right? I'm not making this up.

Yeah, and this was the only time I've ever heard somebody describe what's going on in hedonism. He said, you know, a lot of times I would jump out of the pool and people would gather around and watch me pump it up. And then bring it down and pump it. That's what he said. And I was like, so one thing we know that happens is because you have to be naked. That's why I won't go.

People are always like, oh, Brian, you should go and see what's going on there. But there's two sides. Yeah. Are we, and you know, I want to hear more about the broken dick,

but are you, have you ever been tempted to, do you think you'll become a guy? Do you think you'll get sucked into one of these guys? I sometimes do. Are you worried get sucked into one of these guys i sometimes do i have in in the past god i've gotten really into coins because of magic tricks that's a guy i got really into coins because of the chive episode we did chive guys and they sell these this is the website with

like fail videos right yeah yeah it was uh that some of the worst stuff I've ever read was on that site. And I am looking forward to listening to the Chive Guys episode because I think that'll answer a lot of questions that I have. videos and kind of like saucy pg-13 you know chai vats chai chai vats it has like there's a culture around it like people identify with this website where that's the content and they make these challenge coins and some of them you can i just ordered one before i left of chris farley i mean if you look through them it it is like the internet. Oh, Chris Farley. That sounds cool. Well, they have Chris Farley ones.

They have Bill Murray ones. Wow. They're like really big on the Bill Murray thing. They were like the original memeing Bill Murray guys. That's gotten a little out of control. Like right when we found out what a bad person he is. Yeah. Well, and I think he's involved with the-

Double down on Bill Murray. Yeah, and I think he's involved with the Chive because he does a- They do a yearly golf thing with the Murray brothers. Okay. So you can pay money and go play golf with Brian Doyle Murphy and maybe Bill Murray. I don't know. And I just said Murphy again. Yeah. with Brian Doyle Murphy and maybe Bill Murray. I don't know. And I just said Murphy again. Yeah, I mean, I think it would be amazing

if you showed up to play golf with the Murray brothers. I think I'm going to. Held his hand out and said, hi, I'm Brian Doyle Murphy. And you're like, God damn it. Suckered again. I'm going to. I have to go to the Chive headquarters where they say that if you have a Chive coin,

you can walk in. And I have a go to the Chive headquarters where they say that if you have a Chive coin, you can walk in. And I have a Kevin Smith coin. So that's the one I got. When we did the Kevin Smith guys episode, Kevin Smith's Patreon, you can pay $15 a month. And after three months, he sends you a coin. So I got the Kevin Smith coin. But they make these coins and you can get some of them for 10, 15, $30. But then some of them, they say are legal tender in Palau, which is a country that's pretty far away. Cause I was thinking about buying one and then going there and trying to spend it.

But yeah, they sell for like $3,000 a piece or they sell like real gold coins. And it was just, I don't know why, but I got this Kevin Smith coin and it's kind of heavy. And I kind of like the feeling of the coin. And then when we did the magicians episode, I bought a magic trick. I bet it fits snugly in a hockey jersey. I bet you can just slip it right into a hockey jersey. It's a big guy. It's like a gold medal or something for being a fan of kevin smith you get it it's like a gold medal for being kevin smith guy but uh yeah i uh

i we did that episode and uh the coins like really grabbed me in the magic tricks i love magic tricks and i had been reading about like you can go to a magic shop and uh if you buy some tricks and you prove that you know tricks this is what they said and people keep saying this isn't true that you can then go into magic shop and display like present to them a trick and then they'll be like here take you in a back room and i'll be like here's the real tricks and they're like 1500 and they teach you like the real the real magic tricks right they'll put a pump in your they'll put a pump in your dick so i want to learn magic now but uh i don't think i'm i'm skilled enough like

i don't have the hands have you magic or cards have you out where, I bet a lot of these guys overlap. For instance, I bet the sex guys are also the sword guys. Is that, have you found the places? That seems like a dangerous combination, Jordan. You know who I think are the most similar to that I've found so far is swords and guitars. Like, I felt like I was kind of reading the same guys but like the sword guys would think guitar guys are dorks and guitar guys would think the sword guys were dorks and i'd probably take the guitar side you got your sword guys your guitar guys your missile guys your washington

monument guys right see i want to do i like getting increasingly weird with them too. Like I always am trying to get like a – I have to look through and see what I have. Like when we did – I did Karate Guys with John Gabrus, which I found was like an extremely fun episode. But yeah, Travel Guys. travel guys that's the ones i've really gotten into lately because i think i found my favorite subreddits and that is the uh marriott and delta oh well my my colleague john hodgman is a member of the delta subreddit um because he was when he was working on, when he was in the Mac versus PC commercials, they shot in LA and he lived in New York. And so they would just fly him out. And after they made a couple of them, like his agents got a thing where they flew him out first class.

And so because he had to fly out to make these commercials like once a month or something he got an infinite number of delta points because someone else was paying for it he could choose which airline so he just chose delta and became a delta king and now his entire brain is broken by obsession with delta points even though now he no longer flies in that manner And so he keeps getting kicked down levels over and over. I read the guy. I like the people that like the Marriott Bonvoy points people. I like read this one lady's thing where she said, I got to my room and it smelled like farts. So I went down to the front.

And I also, if you check it enough, every once in a while, somebody will check into their hotel room and there's a turd in the toilet. And it's like my favorite thing I've ever heard. They get so mad. And I guess like I kind of feel like they should flush the toilet before they let the guests in. But I guess something like that's going to happen. Yeah, that's where turds live. it's gonna happen yeah but like that's where turds live they'll hold out and suffer for a while so that when they go to the desk the desk person is like i i'll give you a hundred thousand bonvoy points if that'll make you happy and also the the when you get into the travel guy stuff you get

into that credit card guy stuff too where yeah you know like one of the things we read was this guy that had a ritz carlton card that he got and uh he put it on it's a metal card and so he put it on a scale to see if it weighed as much as the ritz carlton metal card was supposed to because he had a suspicion it didn't and it didn't and so everybody in the subreddit was really They're like, they must be putting like plastic in it or something like that. And they were like very mad because they think the Ritz Carlton changed their metal credit card into a different kind of credit card. Those fucking bastards. I'll tell you this. I have some metal cards. I'm, you know, most things I've said on this show, I've said before on this show.

So forgive me if I'm repeating myself, Jordan. Things I've said on this show I've said before on this show, so forgive me if I'm repeating myself, Jordan. But my dad's dad was an executive at Fox Theaters, which then became Lowe's Theaters. And when he retired, he retired relatively early because of encephalitis. But he retired in his 50s or something, and they gave him forever admission cards for him and his family in perpetuity so there's like these gold cards that have his name which is also my dad's name and you know free admission to all Lowe's and Fox theaters forever and my dad and i when we went to like clean stuff up out of my grandfather's estate found these cards and we're like awesome we're gonna go to the fucking movies this sucks talking about thinking about dead grandpas let's let's go to the movies on dead grandpa's dime and we went

to the movies and not only do they not accept this solid metal card that we had that was engraved forever for for leithorne and family uh not only did they accept it but like we're at like one of the you know there's a giant theater in westwood that's like in movies and where they have premieres and shit. That's like the original Fox Theater. That's where we are. They go like in the box office booth. He like turns around, grabs like a four inch binder, pulls it out. This is just a binder of fucking cards they don't accept. It's just like a fuck you binder.

He just flips through it points to our fucking card with someone else's name on it and says sorry here it is in the we don't take this binder like what are you talking about all you have to do to not take something is put it in a binder like a promise was made to my grandpa that That is true. That is fucked up. I'd be ready. I'd go on a rampage for that one. But yeah, I was. We were there to see the rock in rampage.

Just like your grandpa would have wanted. Yeah. Yeah. On his deathbed. He's like, I hope they make a movie out of that arcade game. They did say that the cards don't work that well either the the tap doesn't work on a metal card as well so that's why i like in my mind i'm not trying to stick up for credit card companies but i think maybe they were trying to do something

that would make it more convenient but then there were a lot of people in the comments they're like i don't care if it's more convenient i want want the rich card. I'll insert the card. I don't care. I don't need a tap. I'll insert. I'll swipe. Yeah. And you know who else is really big?

Our listeners, well, they hate them, but I make them deal with them, is the Pastafarians. Oh, sure. The Flying Spaghetti Monster people. They're kind of like atheists who have like kind of a joke god that they used to make fun of religion oh yeah but i mean they get really into they wear colanders on their head right yeah picture taken and stuff like that yeah and like i think the thing about the church of the flying spaghetti monster is is that like maybe in 2007 or 8, I probably heard that was like, ah, it's kind of something, but now it's 2024 and they're still in there. Like, what do you think? Uh, do you think we

should write a Bible about how to get touched by his noodley appendage? And you're like, and they also do this thing where every day is a holiday. So on our bonus shows, we read the pastafarian holidays for the week that's coming up. And it's always like, oh, beer day. You know, kiss your grandpa day and stuff like that. It is like that. It's just like pretty good days. Actually, yeah.

Yeah. I mean, kissing your grandpa and beer. I mean, Brian, it's a little insensitive of you to bring up. That's true. Jesse's grandpa died. That's true. Did you hear the story? Immediately.

Oh, Bourbon Guys, too. Bourbon Guys was an episode we did. Oh, I bet those are guys. Oh, yeah, they are. Well, hey, let's- They like beer and are almost about to get divorced, just like every other one of the guys we covered. Yeah.

I bet that's a little sub-theme that unites all the guys. Just either recently or teetering on. Well, what we say is that if you're several types of guy, you're perfect. Like that is what you're supposed to be. If you're one type of guy, that's where your life like starts to sort of fall apart. That's when things are out of balance. Sure. Yeah.

And you're sneaking guitars into your house after your wife's in bed and stuff like that and getting them down in the basement before she can see them and like or or you're going to the guitar subreddit and saying my wife told me i'm not allowed to buy guitars anymore and then people respond and they're like uh why don't you ask her how much she spends on hair straighteners and stuff like that like they get like really defensive about they owe it women wives and their makeup they spend all kinds of money on their damn makeup and decorations in the vintage audio subreddit there's just all these dudes taking pictures of stacks of pairs of speakers well one thing is putting i don't understand what this is for but it's where you get two sets of stereo speakers so four total speakers

one you know in stereo speakers one's on the left one's on the right right but in this they take one and put it on the left and then they put another one on top of it upside down and i don't know what that does but that's important to them but the other thing they'll do is just construct these areas where there's like six different speakers in each side you know six different pairs of speakers and then they'll just be like yeah i was listening i was just changing between what speakers i was listening to while tool played it's always tool yeah it's always tool or rush or i did audio files and prog rock both audio files and prog rock i've done okay let's take a break i'm gonna listen to that rush thing about the the the trees the like sentient sentient trees thing on six different

pairs of speakers see how it sounds. And we'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Well, of course, every episode of Jordan Jesse Go is supported by the members of Maximum Fun. We're never more aware of that than we are when the Max Fun Drive is right around the corner. We only ask once a year, and we'll be asking in the next couple of weeks. So we hope that if you're not already a member, you will join.

And if you are a member, you'll think about upgrading at MaximumFun.org slash join. We couldn't do it without you. We're very, very grateful to you. We're also this week very grateful to our old friends who have returned to us, the prodigal sons, Manscaped. Yes, we love them.esse i'm gonna read their seasonal intro if you don't mind i want to read it okay top of the morning to you this episode is brought to you by the saint patrick's day shamrock shavers manscaped this year don't just chase rainbows make your own pot of gold and groom your little leprechaun with the leaders in below the kilt care. It's a mixed metaphor.

Listen, Manscaped, are their metaphors clear? Not always. Are there below the belt groomers? Are these Irish people or Scots? Are there below the belt groomers of a high quality? You bet they are. Jesse, I use the Lawn Mower 5.0 Ultra. Guess what?

What? Penis and balls looking great. They're looking great. They're feeling great. This is why I'm saying you should use your talent in our live show of taking out one of your balls. Okay, listen. I'm a little bit more confident in taking out my balls knowing that they've been properly manscaped, so I'll

think about it, but I do think people should check out manscaped.com and get one of these tremors. Before getting the manscaped tremors, I had no idea how to groom myself in that area. Or period, but mostly in that area. I would

stand over a garbage can with a pair of safety scissors and just whack away and hope that I would come out looking a little more presentable. It never worked. But Manscaped, these things are great. They're easy to use.

You can use them in the shower and they're kind of fun. The new ones have two different heads, one for a classic trim and a new foil blade to go smooth wherever your heart desires jesse yeah that went smooth oh i love it get 20 off and free shipping with code jj go at manscaped.com that's 20 off and free shipping with the code JJGO at manscaped.com this St. Patrick's Day make sure your hairy little leprechaun

is luckier than ever with Manscaped we're also supported this week by the no broad accent folks at Stitch Fix yeah with Stitch Fix you get a stylist who understands your style, size, and budget. They do all the shopping for you.

It's the easiest way to update your wardrobe this season. My kids have very particular clothing tastes, Jordan. This is not unusual among children, especially neurodivergent ones.

But just a total contempt for any non-soft clothing, just absolute hatred of any tag. And I have my own thing. Like, I don't want them wearing just things that just say like, you know... Slogan or company on them. Stussy across the front or whatever.

You know what I mean? I don't know. I'd rather they not, you know, be have brand names on them that mean something uh and so i said i told the stitch fix this is what i want i want really soft stuff no tags and i want no words on the front uh only pictures and stuff no brand no branding on. They sent me the nicest box of stuff for my kids, and my kids loved all of it. So it's not just finding clothes for you if you're tough to fit, or finding clothes for you if you just don't want to be bothered with shopping. They can do it for kids too. Yeah, I use Stitch Fix, and I always love something in my box,

if not everything in my box. It's really fun. You get a personal stylist to help you through things. You tell them what you like. You tell them what you don't like. Stitch Fix, it's great. The clothes, you'll love them. Style that makes you feel as good as you look. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash jjgo. That's stitchfix.com slash jjgo.

Stitchfix.com slash jjgo. Stitchfix.com slash jj go stitch fix.com slash jj go stitch fix.com slash jj go ah i love that seasonal voice it's feeling so marchy in here and speaking of feeling marchy and also speaking of doing broad irish accents hi producer matt lieb, and I'm also plugging something. I'm going to be at the Sacramento Punchline March 17th at 7 p.m. That is a Sunday. That is St. Patrick's Day. So if you want to see myself and my wife, Francesca Fiorentini, co-headline the Sacramento Punchline at 7pm on March 17th please buy your tickets now

there is a ticket link in the description click on it, come to that and come to the other stuff but definitely come to that okay I'll let Jesse take us out we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go to go. It's Jordan, Jesse Go.

I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Brian Quinby, not a swinger. Good for you. Just keep the swing locked down. You know? Believe me. If you looked at my mentions on Twitter, you'd be like, Good for you. Just keep the swing locked down. Believe me. If you looked at my mentions on Twitter, or X, formerly known as Twitter.

Thank you. If you looked at my – you can't. You got to be accurate. If you look at my mentions, every time I post something, people are like, seems like you're jerking off over there. I'm not. I have a question. If you went to one of those places, right, would you just want to have sex with everybody

because you're there and that's the vibe? I don't, because I looked it up for, like, for real. I said, listen, because the audience of the show says i will pay to send you there right and i'm like well if i don't have to pay our audience never pays to send us anywhere yeah and i i'm going honestly audience if you want us pay to send us to buffalo wild wings i could go for that oh yeah that'd be great w3 sure we'll fuck there, too. Yeah. I mean, but the thing is- All bets are off. They don't have wings at hedonism.

They do have weck, though. Beef on weck. Oh, right. Oh, it's a buffalo sort of thing. But yeah, they have a dispensary there called Hedo Weedo. Cute. That's fun. Cute.

You know that, yeah. And they have like three world-class restaurants, but if you read the TripAdvisor, they're maybe not as world-class as they claim to be. And we did find out you have to wear clothes at the restaurant, but we also find out that we know there's a nude side and a prude side. So like if I went, I'm not getting naked. So I would be on the prude side. So you could conceivably do a fully clothed trip to this place report i would for the podcast i mean that'd be kind of like bullshit if you would do it that way and i would be fucking mad if i agree i agree it would be bullshit and i want you to go and be

nude and i want you to fuck and i want you to put it on twitch but you could you could technically go and like walk around in the prude side where people are leaving their – and I looked up. I was like, so how much of the like place – how much of the – and they're like 15% or so of the people do the prude side. And I'm like, I don't even know why you would do that. But we also found out that even on the nude side – Because they have a great arcade, really good arcade. This is a huge controversy there. You're not allowed to wear fetish gear on

the nude side so like there's because you wouldn't if you if you're wearing a leather bustier or uh you know horse mask or something that's technically clothes and you're so i don't even know if there's a way you don't fuck the horses jordan they wrestle the horse right and you know if the horse you know and if the horse if you start to fuck the horses jordan they wrestled the horse right and you know if the horse you know and if the horse if you start to fuck the horse and the horse i don't i don't know if there's a way that i could go there even if like i think i could wear a towel if i had to but i i just don't i don't think i would see much and i don't think i would talk i barely talk to people and when i go places i'm comfortable i don't know if you're i don't know if brian i don't think i would talk i barely talk to people and when i go places i'm comfortable i

don't know if you're i don't know if brian i don't know if you're fishing for this um and you know we're over zoom and i can't you know see the whole package but you have a great body oh no i really don't but they say that that doesn't matter there i i have so that's what this is what i'm wondering i'm sincerely wondering right i think what i'm wondering is the the dream of seeing everyone you want to see naked is very real of course we all want to see naked people oh i don't of the of the sort that we're interested in. Brian's demolished your premise, Jesse. No, thank you.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to do that, but I gotta say, I get very nervous. I'll hear you out, Jesse. Where are you going with this? Okay, so we all have a natural drive inside of ourselves that desires nudity among those persons we wish to have sex with.

Right? Like whether it's everybody, ladies, dudes, whatever it is that floats our boat, so to speak, we're interested in nudity of that. Right? Yeah. of that right yeah and obviously these places deliver that but they're also you know i think for a lot of the most attractive people they have access to that through their attractiveness like i didn't and especially i think especially i think hetero ladies can uh can access it on their own terms uh but like they don't have to go to a

special place is what i'm saying i think the thing that i always picture and i hate to like the thing i picture there is there are people definitely i i'm sure people are having sex by the pool but i always just imagine it's a lot of guys jerking off and that that makes it gross to me and it might not even be like you've got some baggage to deal with because i find that beautiful well we looked at this sex club on we watched this club this tour of this club that was in like a pole barn just outside of new orleans um that's like one of the more famous ones and they're like walking around and it's the scariest looking place you've ever seen like the walls are dirty and they're like this is one playroom and here's

another playroom and right in the middle of the, there's a big table in the middle of the place. And then there's like these gross leather couches around it. They're like, oh, that's where you just watch people, you know, do whatever they're doing. And it's like that. See, that looks like like Requiem for a Dream sort of stuff like that kind of draw conjures up an image of like real seediness to me and i i think hedonism but would you conjure that up here's my question brian do you prefer that do you prefer the real seediness or the level of geniality projected by people calling these activities play. Right?

Like the level of like positive vibes and like hail fellow well met, that is the dream of these fetish communities to generate, right? Right. these fetish communities to generate right right just it's the same as kiwanis club only it's for fucking while wearing a particular outfit sure yeah yeah i think i think you've you've hit on something jesse and it's not just the you know it is not just like i want to see a lot of nudity it is a like you know you go to comic-con so you can talk about doctor who without having to explain to anyone right like what's that oh yeah okay like it is just it's like that is their thing they want island vibes they want you know the yeah that is that is their thing that is their vibe

and they just want to be around people who have all agreed to that it's like an orthodontist's convention sure yeah exactly but everybody's naked and that's where the problem comes in if they were like hey man yeah i understand why everybody has to be naked like i i do fully understand that like if you didn't say that everybody has to be naked then you would have this situation like they do at nude beaches which is something we learned about when we did the nudist episode is like you can go to a new beach and you don't have to be nude and when we did the episode i never had so many people contact me and say i've been to a nude beach but i've never been nude and it's like it seems like almost like you people treat it like a

zoo where they can go and look at naked people and that's the whole reason you go do something like that so that's where like i understand you have to have the rule where everybody has to be naked but if they allowed board shorts and maybe a sleeveless t-shirt i would go and wander around and see what's going on but there's just i don't see any world where they're like if they allowed if they allowed board shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt i would have been invited my daughter's wedding here's my last question about this because i do want to do and i i read it on the internet my last question about this and it's the thing that i think about all the time when this comes up in the sex over 30 subreddit

the sex over 30 subreddit as i said nothing but positive vibes just like spent so much time on there when i leave here it's going to be crazy it's so nice has there even been a have you detected any drop of like weird drama no there's no there's zero drama it's amazing i mean there's drama in people's lives that they talk about like there's a lot of people who are lonely in their marriages for example but there's not someone like who posts a picture of their new ball gag and and someone saying like oh you know they make those in China. You know, there's not that. There's not that. No, it's nothing but good vibes.

And Brian, I actually just got a text from the boss of it and they said they're big fans of yours and would love to have you there. No way. No, they didn't. Yeah, they texted me. But single guys. Hold on. Are they cool? No, I'm not going there i'm getting it hold on i'm

getting a text too there oh jordan's getting a text i'm getting a text too um this is actually from the uh guest relations manager randy mon randy yeah this is that's his name yes actually he's been fired there's a new guest relations manager, but Randy Mond is the old one. I'm getting it from the new one. And he says that Brian has a beautiful body and shouldn't be ashamed of walking around should he ever choose to leave the prude side. Well, I'm never going to Jamaica now. I've just decided, because I can't go to Jamaica or everybody's going to tell me why. Can we be your correspondents?

If your listeners i would if your listeners are ponying up i'll do it i'll i'll wrestle the pony and i'll go to jamaica i'll be your uh you know your guy in the field you'd go to hedonism too and be nude i'd nude you're the most brave person i've ever talked to this is jordan's not afraid to be nude jordan appears nude in our listeners dreams that's true skinny dipping down at the holler yeah that's true uh you know no i kind of got over my i i you know i like didn't do any real exercise for a while then i started swimming seriously and it just required a lot of changing and then a lot of like people wanted to chat with me in the changing room because these are other people who are comfortable with like changing and it just fucking snapped me out of it i will just i will dry off and you know have a conversation about the latest streaming

offerings on hulu it's a different vibe i think though at a sex resort where they're kind of checking you out to see i could do it though How's that penis going down there or something like that? How's your penis going? Do they treat single guys? I'll tell you this, fucking great. Are there single guys on Sex Over 30? Because they are very maligned in the swinger community. I think there are single guys,

and I think as long as you're not being a weirdo, you're going to get nothing but positive responses. Every sex club that we've watched a tour of has two sets of rule one for couples and one for single guys and uh it's very and also a lot of the bad reviews we read for swingers clubs specifically the one in columbus where single guys saying they checked the website and said it was going to be 60 for them to get in there and then when they got there that they were like, this is going to actually, it's $90. And then they're so horny, they got to pay it.

They got to have them over a barrel at that point. What's the name of the club in Columbus? Club Princeton. Oh, that's kind of a fun cheat. It's kind of Ivy League sex thing. They all have funny names. Oh, that's kind of a fun cheeky. It's kind of Ivy League sex thing, you know. They all have funny names. I had a recovered memory recently that the strip club in my hometown where I grew up,

I don't think is there anymore, but it was kind of like, you know, legendary. People would say, oh, do you know what's in that? You know, it was in a strip mall. Yeah. Appropriately. But there was, you know. and it was called Captain Cream's. I was going to say, we had even in Ohio. So fucking gross.

It's not even like, you know, Plato's Domain or, you know, Venus's Retreat. That's like if Guy Fieri named a strip mall. Yeah, it is. Columbus,io's is called rachel's it's such a more like that's great rachel's is great it's making you know is it a neighborhood bar is it a diner i don't know cheeky cheeky wink wink this is captain cream's rachel's and sin bags those were the two of my neighborhood i pilot the cum ship the good ship set sail on the cum ship. The good ship. Set sail on the cum ship.

I'm Captain Cream. Captain Cream is rough. I want to read this. I want to read this. I read it on the internet because we're running out of time here. It's from Casey. Thank you, Casey. And email us your I read it on the internet.

It's at JJGo atximumfun.org. It's from the Pittsburgh subreddit. Casey is a Pittsburgher. The subject line is, anyone know an Italian older lady who wants to pretend she's from the future for money? Any other context? It's a link to a craigslist post okay it's older actus older actress wanted for one day gig it says you'll have about three simple lines to say that's it flat pay of 200 basically you need to look like an older version of my best friend the job is i provide you with an outfit slash

accessories to match her style. You will knock on her front door at a predetermined time, transportation provided if necessary. She will answer the door because her husband is in on this and will make sure she answers. You briefly inform her that you are her from the future. You look into her eyes kindly and say i just want you to know that everything's going to be okay then you leave that's it that's the whole gig wow that's it that's the whole gig transportation provided if necessary the husband will make sure she answers the door i once had a guy stop me on the street i was like walking down the street because it's all i ever do and uh this guy stopped me and he said what day is it and i was like uh

wednesday and they said what date is it and i told him the date and then he said what time is it and then i told him what time it was and he was like a. a.m. or p.m. And I was like, that guy traveled through time. There's no – like, how is he out here doing something? He doesn't know the day, date, or time, or what time of day it actually is. There's no confusing times of day, I don't think. Sure. I guess six. I'd just check out the sun. Six in the morning looks like six.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe that's it, sure. It's like a magical horse that turned into a person or something. It's beautiful. Or like three aliens sitting on each other's shoulders. Yeah, I just can't picture how you wake up. Like what happens that you have to stop a guy on the street and ask those questions. But I don't believe in time travel.

I'm just letting everybody know that i think that's fake okay possible well we're letting us know do believe in time travel we believe in science we believe in this podcast everyone is equal and that time travel is real and that equality works my house doesn't believe in science. We're kind of against it. In this house, we believe in magic. I would buy that. Now I'm going to make that science. In this house, we believe that crystals have power. Sure.

That herbs can be used for summoning. My wife is headed in that direction. She wanted to go to a crystal store today. Oh. She says she doesn't believe they have power, but she believes all kinds...

Her thing is Pinterest. So you know how people get the misinformation and it's different for every website for pin for pinterest it's just like different essential oils or essential oils or like you know put a little that's a pretty benign misinformation of all the misinformation that one seems fine i mean i guess it can lead to i guess you know if you go down certain essential oil rabbit

holes then you know you could be uh you know you get somewhere nasty but i mean you know it's like better than believing that there's such a thing as a lock in sports gambling sure that's true well i do that i did that i went to vegas for i have only been to vegas once and i i left up 250 dollars and the minute i got home sat down with my wife and i said i think i know how we can make some money and she was like uh i've heard that's not and i was like roulette is like it's impossible to lose because i had left with money right left ve Left Vegas with money. I was like, I think I like am really cut out for this. I mean, Brian, to be fair, roulette is the most conspicuously like there's just a one there where you where everyone loses.

I know. But it seemed like I was I left with so much more money than I came with, with $250 more than I came with. But it was still some money. And I got home and I thought I figured roulette out. It's like you just got to be fucking even keeled. You know what I mean? But I'm not like that. And then you kind of came to your senses and you realized the proper investment is Kevin Smith coins.

That was better. But I got to our casino in Columbus. I sat down. I was like, I'm going to take out $40 for me. I'm going to give you $40. Let's play, and then we'll leave. We were out of that casino in 15 minutes, and I had already tried to go to the ATM, and she had to stop me.

I lost it all in such a quick amount of time, and that kind of cured me of gambling. That's how I got cured of gambling that's how i got cured of gambling but i'm still not really i so i have in my mind that i could figure out sports gambling like that's that's the one i think is actually skill that you could work out i believe in you brian you know what go ahead and ruin yourself you have my so many bad decisions it's not it doesn't listen Listen, let's do this. Let's take a little break.

Let's think of some new ways to ruin ourself. I might do crypto. I do bet on pro wrestling. You know, a lot of people think. I do. I do. I do. Every pay-per-view, I bet on a little bit of, I do a couple bets thinking I got them.

I'm left agog, so we're going to have to take a quick break. I'm joining Jesse Coe. Most of the plants humans eat are technically grass. Most of the asphalt we drive on is almost a liquid. The formula of WD-40

is San Diego's greatest secret. Zippers were invented by a Swedish immigrant love story. On the podcast Secretly Incredibly Fascinating, we explore this type of amazing stuff. Stuff about ordinary topics like cabbage and batteries and socks. Topics you'd never expect to be the title of the podcast. Secretly, incredibly fascinating. Find us by searching for the word secretly in your podcast app. And at MaximumFun.org. Back for another game. You know it.

What's going on? Just one more week till Max Fun Drive. Hard to believe. It's been a heck of a year since the last one. We're now a worker-owned co-op. We raised $50,000 for charity last year. And we've added a bunch of awesome new shows. But do you think we're ready to do it again?

Absolutely. Lovely new gifts are lined up. The episodes will be amazing. And wait till everyone hears the bonus content. Think we're ready to do it again? Absolutely. Lovely new gifts are lined up. The episodes will be amazing. And wait till everyone hears the bonus content. Yeah, plus they know to go to MaximumFun.org slash newsletter so they're getting all the news. Oh, like that meetup day is on Thursday, March 21st. Then what's bothering you?

Me? Oh, nothing. We're all set for MaxFunDrive to start on Monday, March 18th. I just didn't want you to see this coming. Check. What? Hang on. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. Brian Quimby, nudist. I just want to say this, Jordan. Yeah. First of all, our thanks to Brian. Oh, yeah. Brian, it's been a delight to talk about guys with you, as ever. Thank you.

I hope that you continue to enjoy your Airbnb in Beverly Hills. Thank you. Now, I didn't say that on the show. No. So now I sound incredibly like a fancy boy. I just wanted to make sure that people know that you're not a man of the people. I hear this all the time because I don't go on the guys' Discord, too. They say I'm not. But I am a man of the people.

People love me. If people want to listen to a weird episode of Guys, it's Cheap Guys, where I go on and say I'm a cheap guy, and then they point out all the very wildly irresponsible ways I spend money. Listen, nothing's come up that's rung any bells for me on this episode. The Max Fund Drive is right around the corner. It starts the 18th. We want you to pay attention, enjoy it. We're going to be live streaming every single morning with I read it on the internet. We're going to make a 15-minute show every single day during the Max Fun Drive.

Yeah, a lot of fun stuff coming up for the Max Fun Drive. 10, 15 minutes, whatever. Yeah, some of them might go 15 16 17 minutes and we're gonna live stream them and we're gonna fucking put them on the podcast feed it's gonna be great it's gonna be so much fun uh and of course as you heard earlier we have our grand fantastic live show on the 24th uh that is at 3 p.m. Pacific time, 6 p.m. Eastern time. You can find it at MaximumFun.org slash events. You can also find it in the notes of this episode of the show. You can find that link. The stream will be free. If you're in Southern California, I hope that you will come out and join us there at that show. It is going to be

a great time. And if you come out and join us, this is my promise, Jordan. I work in the Max Fun office. In the Max Fun office, there are closets full of old crap that no one wants i will bring it to the show at the elysian theater we will be handing out merch from our tour in 2019 old other things unwanted promotional items of other types jordan jesse go hearts michael. Yeah, exactly. I would have loved to have brought you my underwear that I ripped the crotch out of. Oh, man, that would have been great. I'm sorry, it's in Ohio.

Actually, it's in Alaska. I'm sorry. I understand. I understand completely. Anyway, we'll be talking to you throughout the MaxFunDrive, of course, on this feed and on our social medias and stuff. We're going to have a good old time. But yeah, I want everybody, if you live in Southern California or you want to come down,

get your tickets for the show on the 24th. It's going to be a great-ass time. If you don't, make sure to mark your calendar and sign up for the Eventbrite for the free stream of the show. That's going to be a great time too. Brian, what a joy it has been to have you on the show, uh, that's going to be a great time to Brian. What a joy it has been to have you on the show. Um, and thank you for,

I had such a great time when I went on your show. It was, it was a total blast. And I don't think I've, I was telling you this off the air, but, um, I don't think I have ever done a,

a podcast guest appearance myself where I got more feedback from listeners that i had gotten peanut butter in their chocolate there was so many people who were like oh it's my two favorite things coming together and i had such a great time i can i can totally understand why so many jordan jesse go listeners love guys so thank you again for the invitation. I really appreciate it. And yeah, just search for the podcast guys. Just search guys, Brian. It'll show up. B-R-Y-A-N.

Yeah. Yeah. Just search for guys, Brian. Now I'm searching guys, Brian. That's a pretty hunky guy is named Brian. Before we go, I don't want to spend too much time on this because we're wrapping up. Brian, what kind of guy are you? Wrestling guy?

Lego guy, I think. We did the Lego Guys episode. It was two hours long, and it was episode 52, the one-year anniversary. Yes, I have gotten – you would think it was like something from when I was a child. But no, I started collecting Legos three years ago. Wow. And they are – You've been fully Lego-pilled.

It's every – I have the Titanic in my living room. I have like – I've bought – basically the way you know you're a Lego guy is if you've bought one of the $700 sets. And you have. I have. I have. I can't go without one. I have a flea market pal named Matthew who one of the things that he does is he'll buy an incomplete vintage Lego set. And he knows the bricks so well that he knows which ones are vintage from certain times. And he will complete the set

and then sell it that's i want some old sets but i'm just so every new step you know how when you're getting into a thing and you're going way too far every new step is like oh you shouldn't like when i bought the titanic i was like oh that's that's a line I didn't think I was going to cross. Well, you know, you're a habitual line stepper. Everybody knows that. That is. You're going to be, I know, you're going to be fucking naked in that hot tub in Jamaica by 2025. Timestamp it next year.

That's the thing that. You're going to be out there in Jamaica with your hand extended high. I'm, I'm guys, Brian, you know, me from the dirt bag left.

You'll say, that's going to be great. Say that. That gets me yelled at. If I really, I'm really, I'm really happy that this is in your future, Brian.

I think you're going to be amazing. It's not happening. It's definitely, but Jordan, I'll get ahold of you. Thank you, yeah. I bet the listeners will be very excited. I'll be your man in the hot tub.

Sounds perfect, Jordan. Our show is produced by Matt Lieb, producer Meredith, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design. Thank you to The Free Design. Thank you to Light in the Attic Records for letting us use that as our theme music many many years ago little did they know

that our show would become so moderately successful that we'd still be using their theme music for free 12 years later we're very grateful uh and uh yeah we'll talk to you in the max fun drive it's going to be a great time. Make sure that you follow the Maximum Fun YouTube page and follow us on Twitter at JordanJesseGo. Follow us on Instagram at JordanDavidMorrison at put.this.on so you don't miss any of the fun happenings. We'll talk to you soon on Jordan Jesse Go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.