Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Little Rodents That Are Big, with Tamara Yajia

Episode Date: July 17, 2025

On this week’s episode, author and comedian, Tamara Yajia, is here to chat her new book (Cry For Me Argentina), Anime Expo, favorite animals, and more!Get Tamara’s new book Cry for Me, Argentina: My Life as a Failed Child Star.See us LIVE IN SAN FRANCISCO ON AUGUST 22ND AT THE ECLECTIC BOX!Donate to Al Otro Lado, any amount helps right now.See Jordan and Steven at San Diego Comic-Con!Buy signed copies of Youth Group and Bubble from Mission: Comics And Art!~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~Jordan’s new Spider-Man’s comic is out now!Order Jordan’s new Godzilla comic! Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Well Jordan, I've attended Anime Expo for the second time. I'm basically the greatest anime fan of all time.

Now question one. Yeah. How is an expo different from a con? I've been calling it anime con and you said expo and I shit my pants because I've been calling it a con. Right. So, expo is short for exposition. That means that it's held in Montreal and has a geodesic dome.

Oh, okay. Yeah. And it's the setup for everything you need to know when you do attend the con. Exactly. Yeah. It's just like world building, laying some pipes, okay. Yeah. And it's the setup for everything you need to know when you do attend the con. Exactly. Yeah. Just like world building, laying some pipes, sure. What it means is a con is just people coming together. Exposition means that there are things on display.

In this case, it's primarily but not exclusively butts. So it's butts of every gender, every race. All butts can be found arrayed across downtown Los Angeles. So the butts look like America is what you're saying. And they're glistening with the sweat of the person wearing a vinyl costume in 93 degrees. They have that magic shimmer that comes only from a drip of salty sweat running between the butt cracks of a large person dressed as a sexy cat. Sure, yes. You've had to ride the bus with a giant sword in your lap.

Exactly. Oh my god, we do take the subway there. When you take the subway to Anime Expo, there are four people with giant swords on the subway next to you. Sure. Three of them are going to AnimeCon. Yeah. So you're not a huge anime head. This is one of your kids is super into it. I mean again I'm probably the one of the top anime experts in the entire world. Oh okay right sorry I forgot. I've been to two anime expos but yeah I think when it comes to anime, I have seen Totoro, and I've seen the one

that I love with the little raccoon guys with the big balls. Love that one. That one's great. So yeah, I mean you don't need to keep displaying your bona fides, I believe you. Great, because that's where we should stop. We should stop displaying my... Why listen more? Although I liked it when those Tanookis, Japanese raccoons,

I like it when they display their bona fides. Hey, I was talking about the balls. Yeah, they stretched out and turned them into magical. Do you call balls bona fides, huh? Yeah, that's what I call them. Jesse, you're a weird guy. Wait until you hear what I call Neiman Marcus. I call it needless markup.

I call it target tar-jay. Whoa call it, I call target Tarjay. Whoa. Yeah. Sweet. Whole Foods, you call Whole Foods though, right? That you call Whole Foods, Whole Foods. Hey Steven, do you think I call Whole Foods, Whole Foods? I feel like there's gotta be some fancy.

Yeah. I call it Whole Paycheck. Oh! I call it Whole Paycheck! Oh! I call it that! I shit my pants again! Anyway.

The best thing that I, we'll have a quiz about Anime Expo later on, Jordan. I call it that! I shit my pants again! Anyway. The best thing that I saw, we'll have a quiz about Anime Expo later on, Jordan, but the best thing I saw was... You had a, if I remember correctly, you had maybe an unexpected blast last year. Yeah, I had a great time last year. This time, I think my eight-year-old Frankie was just a little more worn out, so we didn't do as much. Sure. 8-year-old Frankie was just a little more worn out. So we didn't do as much. I think last year we saw a nice anime lady sing along

to tracks of her anime records. We watched an anime-themed fashion show, or at least a Japan-themed fashion show, that I actually thought was pretty neat. I thought the anime singing lady was also, she was so sweet. She was nice to all the little kids that were there and all the adult people that were behaving like kids.

Sure. Yeah, we did more stuff in the last one. I got some old Japanese trading cards from like the 50s. That was fun. But yeah, this time we were more in and outs. There was less fun to be had. I thought we were gonna get to go to the panel were more in and out so there was less there was less fun to be had I we I thought we were gonna get to go to the panel about Don to Don yes Don to Don is

Frankie's favorite show right now okay Don to Don and season 2 of course is is right around the corner can't wait there's also gonna be a movie mmm of Don to Don and it turns out the Don to Don movie is just the first three episodes of season two Strung together. Yeah. Anyway Don to Don had a panel with the creator of Don to Don plus two of the English language stars of Don Okay, but it wasn't till 430. We ended up being too tired and leaving it. Yeah Yeah, I did find a new Favorite anime. Oh, okay. Tell me everything it's called Jordan mm-hmm. This is a comedy show.

Yeah. This isn't a joke what I'm about to say. This isn't like a bit you've written. No. This is just a fact. This is a fact. True fact. The show is called Windbreakers. Okay. So. English language name says it as big as you please right up there on the sign, windbreakers. Windbreakers. Is it about jackets or farting? I don't think it's about either one. I think it's about cool guys in a world where cool stuff happens. Sounds sweet.

As far as I can tell. Hell yeah. Anyway, I like to share both my favorite magic moments and my favorite cosplays when I go to anime expo people Will know this tradition. I have two traditions One is I get a super pretzel and the other is I share some of my favorite cosplays and magic moments Yeah, this year they were one in the same. Ooh, it was just a man in a fat giraffe costume so the man was moderate to low weight. Standard man. The giraffe was like, wasn't even like fat is probably the wrong adjective. Like thick?

Thick, yeah. Like with two C's. Yeah, sure. Like it was a thick king, daddy thick. Yeah, it seemed to be a male giraffe. Show me them giraffe cakes. But it is with a male equivalent of built like a brick shithouse. Sure. A sturdy. Big fat legs. Big nasty fucking felt sneakers. Giraffes like that make the rockin' world go round.

Exactly. Yeah, the kind of giraffe that makes the rockin' world go round. So, I don't know what character this was. Yeah, I'll of giraffe that makes the rockin world go round. So full. I don't know what character this was Yeah, I'll tell you this it's it's not from pom poco or Totoro, right? I can promise you that it might might be from windbreakers. I But anyway It's just this this trunk

giraffe But anyway, it's just this this chonk giraffe, highly detailed costume. I mean, elaborate costume, like full professional, like better than you would find at the Chuckie Cheese. Okay. You know what I mean? Little better than that. But he has the giraffe head off. His face is just pouring. He's just holding the giraffe head

like that scene from the Godfather, but with a giraffe and upright. And he's just sweating inside and he just looks sad and distant. Yeah. Just sad and distant. You might think that the best part of the cosplay at Anime Expo is people with incredible costumes who are inhabiting those characters, who are bringing those characters to life right there in front of you on the convention floor. It's actually the people with those costumes Who are tired and look confused?

Who are just Staring into the middle distance and thinking about like something their parents did to them when they were a kid or Just like yeah wondering if they left the oven on yeah That is that is a thing about cosplay is that anything you are doing that is out of character or just something a normal person would do is hilarious to look at. Have you ever pissed next to the thing from the Fantastic Four? Oh, absolutely.

Yeah, stuff like just like, yeah, exactly. Having to see Darth Vader try and get the hand dryer to work. Because now that you're a comic book celebrity, now that you're the author of multiple graphic novels and numerous comic books, I mean you're the new Frank Miller, but classier. Yes, much classier. We do have the same political viewpoints though. Let me be very clear, Frank and I are one in the same. But now that you're a major con celebrity and going all these cons in New Orleans and the San Francisco Bay Area, San Diego,

all these local areas, you must have. I love to go to local areas. Sure. Local areas in your area want to be you. I mean, you like to enjoy their weather casts. Sure, yeah. So you must have, I mean, you must have jacked off a few things

by now. Jesse, I'm not jacking them off. All right, sucking them off. Yes! Yes, come on! Okay. This ain't just for talking, baby! It's clobbering time, I say, and then dive right in. Then you dive right in, it's clobbering. It's clobbering time. It's clobbering time, I say, and then dive right in. Then you dive right in.

It's clobbering. It's clobbering time. It's clobbering time. That's funny. It's clobbering time. I say it's clobbering time. Got it. And then you, yeah.

Yeah. Should we introduce our guest on the program or has she left? Yeah. I wouldn't blame her if she had. No, this would be a good call, honestly. She's a celebrated comedy writer who's written for, among other things, The Onion and one of my favorite shows, The Dearly Departed This Fool. She is also the author of a brand new memoir of both high drama and big laughs.

Hi, drama and big laughs. It's called Cry For Me Argentina, My Life As A Failed Child Star, Tamara Yahia. Hi. Hi, Tam. How are you? I'm good. I drove by the con. So that's the way to enjoy it. Just as Jordan, once when you were underneath Disneyland being interrogated, and they asked if you were an annual pass holder and you said yes.

And they said that's an excellent way to enjoy the park. Driving past is an excellent way to enjoy anime. It was all I needed. It was in Little Tokyo, kind of, right? So it's no, no. Let me clarify this for you, Tara. It's it's right by the Staples Center. But Little Tokyo is only two stops away on either the E or the A line. And for that reason, if you are at the con, you're going to take a little side trip over

to Little Tokyo, especially on a Sunday. Yeah. Because there was a hotel full of people with wings on. So that must have been it. And then a block away is the Immigration and Naturalization Building and the National Guard was there because there was a protest. It was crazy. Yeah. It was like they were all dressed up. Yeah. I literally had like a fantasy as I was crossing the street. Like I was leaving the convention center headed to the subway

stop. It's actually elevated around there, but headed to the train stop. And there was a woman selling hot dogs in front of me on the convention center side of the street. And some cops pulled up and she sort of like packed up and was leaving. Cops, thank goodness, were nice. And they just said like, I'm sorry'm sorry I know that this is I know that people are probably been telling you this all day But you have to be across the street. We have to keep this clear Whatever my boss is gonna get mad, you know, they would be in they were being perfectly fine about it but as that was happening as I saw this woman like grab the Handlebars of her hot dog truck and or hand truck whatever you call that

device is a little roll in flat top and get ready to push it across the street away from the cops I was like if shit went down these fucking nerds would be on the right side right yes these nerds would stand the fuck up right so yeah these nerds represent every nation in the world, every cultural group, every ethnicity. This is a UN of people with tails. But also there is like an inceler too. Yeah I think there's definitely nerds you have to worry about. But I you know and maybe this is naive I think by and large nerds are you, you can kind of count on to have good takes of course There are the you know in Sully, you know Star Wars complaint youtuber guys and stuff, but

Really? I've never experienced their complaints There's one movie they love talking about But I'd love to go back to this hot giraffe because I'm horny for that man. You're horny for that man? Yeah, I'm into it. And he has horns, so appropriate. You're a small, small horny? Yeah, they have Chodey horns.

The horns are wide. They're not long, but they're also horny. In the words of David Attenborough. Yes. The horns are wide. Can you say more about your feelings about chunky giraffe men? I think they're very, very, very, very, very of David Attenborough. Yes. The horns are wide. Can you say more about your feelings

about chunky giraffe men? I think I'm a furry deep down. Interesting. I am. I think I am. I'd love to grind against a dirty costume. You prefer it to be dirty? Oh, it's got to be dirty.

Got to be dirty. The dirtier the hornier. When you say dirty, do you mean like it looks like someone dropped it, it was there on the street for a couple weeks and then someone else picked it up and put it on? Pretty much. Or like just the reality of like this suit you can't wash because you can't put that in a washer dryer. So it's been worn by the person that loves it.

Do you think people who have... That's love, that's the filth on it, that's love. Yeah, but not like to the point, I don't want someone like vomiting on it or like defecating. It's like, it's been worn with love. Do you think that they, if you have a costume like that, because obviously like some people, first of all,

there's a lot of just people in short skirts at the Anime Expo. But within the furries at the Anime Expo, of which there are a fair number, a lot of them have just seasonally appropriate garb plus a tail. Right. Yeah. There's just a... There's like levels of fur.

You can go full furry or you look like levels of furry you know furry or you like a summer goth yeah furry where you just you have the you know I don't remember if it's synecdoche or the thing where the part stands in for the whole sure you know they have they have some raccoon ears and is it metonymy maybe yeah anyway part you know. You know what? Parts of speech. Yeah. I think we can all agree, parts of speech. Sure.

But for the people who have, like that giraffe, like that giraffe was full felt head to toe, articulated fingers, like a whole thing. The head was probably two feet tall, three feet tall. Huge thing. I'm gonna cum. Many of our guests do. Many guests do. Can you get Tamara a napkin? Yes, yes.

Wait, but yeah. Here's my question. Sure. Do you think maybe they just go to the supermarket or they go to their local home improvement big box store and they rent themselves one of those carpet shampooers. Oh, that's smart. Once a year.

Yeah. Wow, that depresses me. Yeah. Like, I can't think of the backstage of it, I think. But here's the thing, they could amortize the cost by also shampooing their carpets that same weekend. Oh, yeah, sure. So economically.

So we only have to buy one bottle of this stuff and then you rent it for the weekend, you do your furry costume and your carpets. Even if it's an apartment, it's probably worth it. Like obviously you'd prefer if your landlord paid for it. Sure, yeah, but you know, they don't always. And you know those bottles are big, so you have leftover. What's your interest? What's the appeal for you?

I was thinking about that just now. I know exactly when it began Okay, my first time masturbating was with a big St. Bernard stuffed animal. Oh, yeah, and Was this a tie-in for the film Beethoven? Or was it just that that's funny. My first time masturbating was to a big stuffed Charles Groton He's good and everything. Yeah, good in everything. So it must have happened then.

I mean, I was like 15, 14, and it was this chunk, furry chunk. OK. And I wore that thing out. And then at some point, I actually write about this in my book. I needed to travel with a masturbation aid because we were going to Vegas with my family family and the St. Bernard was too big. You don't have to check your masturbation aid. You don't want to carry on. You don't want them to pull it out of your bag at TSA. What do you use this giant stuff

the St. Bernard for young lady? But I changed it for, it was a little white bear with a yarmulke on it. Wow. With a Torah. I was holding a Torah. I called it Shlomo the prayer bear. And I destroyed it. Wow. And I took it to Vegas with me on this trip.

And you brought the wrath of the Hebrew Bible upon it. But I masturbated in bed. My dad was watching silence of the lambs and I, that's how discreet that I needed a little thing. And so I pretended to be asleep and I put Shlomo the prayer bear and it was like my mom and my sister were also in bed. I sound absolutely different. In the same bed as you? Yeah. Tam, you just sold 30,000 books. People are pulling their cars over going to bookshop.org on their phones.

Twenty-five people listen to this show. So that is an incredible rate of uptake. They're buying so many books. Real quick, I do want to hear the rest of this story. I just want to say a quick word about when you're masturbating with a Charles Cronin. Yeah. What they say about that. What do they say about that? He's really dry, but he gets you wet.

Uh-huh. There you go. Worth doing? He's really dry. Yeah, it was worth stopping the show for. He's very dry. We're not doing something else. No, we're doing this.

Tam, in your, and I know this is something it sounds like you're just kind of like discovering now and unpacking with us, so thank you for that. Thank you for trusting us. Terry Gross asked her about this. I wish. I'm sure he shared this past week. Tam, you, in your, you know,

in your dream scenario with Giraffe Man, are you also an animal? No, no, I'm fully nude. Oh, okay. It's the... When you say you're, no, I'm fully nude. Oh, okay. It's the... When you say you're just, when you say fully nude specifically, you're talking about like you're sleek,

like a... Seek a... Like a hairless cat. Yeah, and covered in baby oil, no, I'm just kidding. I need my raw vagina grinding against the giraffe. Right, right, right, okay. By the way, thank you for clarifying that you were just kidding about the baby oil. That would have been a step too far.

Yeah. We're not that kind of podcast. I hate to keep going back to animal penises. I opened it up too. Thank you. Before we started recording, you were just telling us about other press stuff you've done And I'm like nice to meet you You so you've done fresh air that's so cool

But you mentioned the like, oh, you know, the interview was maybe a little more on the serious side and you You know You were thinking about the people buying the book based on that interview and they would be surprised to hear that there's stuff in the book about donkey dicks. I made a mental note to ask you about it. So I'm asking you about it. I come from a depraved family, clearly. They were lovely, but they were very sexually explicit. I write this in the book, my grandfather told me a story when I was like 12

about a woman in a land far away who wanted the biggest. Narnia. Yeah. He told it to a dinner table full of people. It wasn't just to me. Jordan, Tatooine. Tatooine. The desert planet, Tatooine. Tatooine.

The desert planet, Tatooine. Oh, hot. That's hot, too. Yeah. Pretty good planet. Yeah. And this woman, she couldn't find a penis big enough, and so she procured a donkey. And she wrapped the donkey's penis with a towel.

And is this being told to you like a street joke or it's like a fable? It was a fable. It was like Hanukkah. Okay. And it was we were at a big table. I remember he was eating a filter fish. Sure. And you come from a, to give like a little context to this, you come from an Argentine Jewish family or Argentinian Jewish family. Yes. Style manuals may disagree. And was this when you were used young enough? Were you still living in Argentina when your grandfather told you this? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I was I was like, 13 when I moved here. So it was before that. Okay. Yeah. And I just I remember being like, that's such an interesting story. And I have a question. Why did she wrap the donkey's dick in a towel?

Why didn't she just have sex with it? Wrong. Good question. And he couldn't answer it. Wow. And see, this is why Terry Gross will always be inferior to us. I agree.

We get the anecdotes people want to hear. I said at one point of the interview, I said like, oh, I got my period. And I was like, oh, no, like, I can't talk to Terry Gross about getting my period. And she used that quote on their Instagram. Really? Yeah, it made me happy. It just, that's the quote, she got her period. Molly C.V. Nesper probably used it on their

Instagram, Jordan. She's their online producer, if I'm not mistaken. Jada into a lot of cons over the years. But cons have like a part where there is, you know, gigantic 12 foot high pictures of Totoro fighting One Punch Man. And then there's just another part where independent creators like my friend Jordan sit and wait for people to talk to them, but not buy anything from them. Yeah.

And to tell me about their ideas for comic books. Yeah. In the case of Anime Expo, the artist alley is largely artists, that is people who draw or paint. And a lot of those folks are creating custom artwork for people who love anime style art and want a picture of their favorite character or something, something, something. I made this quiz about those artists

because I had a really good time. Okay, yeah. I had a really good time. This is great, we're gonna highlight some independent artists and. Exactly. As I was eating a soft pretzel. You have a dip with that?

I did not get, dip costs extra now. Oh, extra for dip, huh? I know, it costs like two dollars for a cheese cup. Sad, I'm sad for you. Did not get dip costs extra now Because like two dollars for a cheese cup sad I'll just eat the fucking thing. I'll just eat it grodin style Coming in dry wrap a towel around Shove it in all right, just real quick tam. Have you ever been to, Tam, have you ever been to something like this? Have you ever been to a comic-con or something? Absolutely not. Okay. Just to clarify, I'm not a nerd, I'm artsy. Right. And I'm a jock. Yeah, he turns into a jock. Every year, hundreds of artists gather to

peddle their wares at Anime Expo in Los Angeles. Whether you want a custom drawing of an adorable tabby cat, your favorite anime heroine with her giant tits out, or an adorable tabby cat with her giant tits out, these brilliant creators are ready to help. But with artificial intelligence's ability to create custom art, growing seemingly by the month. Will artists even exist in 2026? Or will all creative people, whether they're hardworking tit-drawers or third-tier podcasters,

be pulped and shoveled into the hungry furnaces of our nation's data centers? No one knows for sure, but I do know this. We have to fill 70 minutes or so on this show every week while Jeff Bezos decides whether we should live or die. So, I'm offering you a quiz that I'm calling AI, AX, or Some Shit I Made Up. You'll get three names. One is a real artist from Anime Expo. three names one is a real artist from anime Expo one is an AI startup and one is some shit I made up so for example I might give you Jasper which you might guess is an AI startup pocket Leslie an artist at anime Expo and Johnny the Gout man Johnny the Gout Man is not something I made up.

That's a guy who used to call into Sports Talk Radio a lot when I was a kid that has never left my mind. I think about him being named Johnny the Gout Man and the time that on the air they looked up what gout is and they were all really upset. Okay. Because it's really painful. Why would he call in and say that was fun?

Tamara, you're and Steven, I'm going to be asking you to keep score. Does that sound good? Sounds good. Okay, so just grab a pencil or a pen. If anything comes up to I if if you could maybe Google some of the actual artists and maybe show some stuff. Yeah, that would be fun. If it's interesting. We know I gotta do it every time. That sounds if it's interesting. Tamara, since you've never been to one of these cons, but I know you're huge on artificial intelligence.

Oh, I fucking love it. I'm going to have you go first. So I'm going to give you three choices and your job is to identify which is an artist, which is an artificial intelligence startup, which is something I just made up. Great. Robo-dumpling. Beep-morph. Astrodong. Robo-dumpling, beep-morph, astrodong.

Talk it out. Robo-dumpling is the AI. Okay. Dong what? Astrodong? Astrodong you made up. So it'd be like a dong in space. Yeah you made that up. And what's left? Beep Morph. That's a real person. Tamera? I dated Beep Morph for a while.

We never got serious but we were hanging out. That is one out of three. I did make up Astrodong. But Robodumpling was an artist at Anime Expo, and Beep Morph is a real AI startup. That makes sense. I really screwed that one up. You did. It's fine.

And yes, you're right. The show makes sense. This, all what we're doing, makes sense. Yeah, it's a really good point that you make there, Tamara. This whole thing should exist. Okay, you ready, Jordan? Yeah. Okay. Ali Karimba.

Okay. Flavo Wava. Uh-huh. Fart Styly. So I think fart styly you've made up. Okay. Just a hunch. Can I get the first one again?

Ali Karimba. I think Ali Karimba is the person, is the artist. And then the other one is the AI startup. Jordan, zero out of three. Oh my God! What? I made up Flava Wava. Okay.

Ali Karimba is an AI startup All right, and fart style II which by the way is spelled Farty Styl ee all capital letters. I don't know what to think now is a real artist from anime expo Steven please. Oh, sorry Steven please look up fart style II. Yeah yeah immediately okay. Here's the here's the the person who runs I I Corimba Oh my God, that is absolutely the guy who runs AI You know it's a kind of a little white wiener in a

All patterned shirt with some sort of AI. To pay on top. Yeah, exactly. A little white wiener. A little white wiener. All right, it's back to you, Tamara. Ultra brains, that's spelled with a Z. I knew it. Copy frog.

I love minions. I love minions is the real person. You made up copy frogs and what's left? Ultra brains. That's the AI. One out of three. I guess that's just what I do. You're still kicking my ass.

I made up ultra brains. Copy frog is a real AI company and there really was an artist at anime Expo called I love minions I believe it I bet his booth was packed or their booth was packed do you think they just do you think they have a sign there that says sorry I don't draw minions I love them but but can't draw them. Can't draw ovals. Underneath them, it says sacred to me. Sacred. I would never. I will draw Shrek jacking off.

It's back to you, Jordan. Yeah. Okay, here are your choices. Bo-tay-to. Okay. Wow. Bo-tay-to. The Eggo Man.

Uh-huh. Diddlebot. Oof. Boy. I mean, I was thrown for a loop by that fart-style-y thing. Now you're in my head. Yeah, so Bo-tay-toe, the Eggo Man, and Diddlebot. So Bo-tay-toe.

Could be pronounced Diddle or Deedlebot. So I think Bo... So I think Diddle or Diddlebot. In Spanish, A-e-o-u. Is the AI. I think Bo-Tay-To is the artist. And what's the one I'm missing? The Egoman.

So I think the Egoman is something you made up. Jordan, that's a zero out of three. Oh my god! No! Geez, I'm whiffing this. What is it? Bo-Tay-To is an AI company. Okay. The Egoman was a real artist at anime expo and I made up diddle bot it'll

Yeah, I do love both Tato Potato but with a B. Yeah, that's fun fun to replace a letter sometimes. Sure. Is it a great point keeps things fresh Yeah, that's great point Thank you Back to you, Tamara. Couldn't think of a word with a B. I'll think of one at the end of the show. Yeah, yeah, well, you can come back. I had to work that Charles Grodin thing out,

so you can come back to whatever. I don't know who Charles Grodin is. Looks like Steven has something to show us. Oh, no, no, I wanted to ask, is it fart-styly? Like, how do you I've the Farty Styl ee all one word all capital you're not using your personal computer to go back to burn it after this That's a great password. That is a good pat. Yeah, maybe you put like a 69 exclamation at the end you gotta Steven You must. Stephen.

Okay, I swear to God. No, no, the worst is mine too. Okay, Tamara. Dazzle pill. Charm therapeutics. Chronic Back Pain. I mean, Chronic Back Pain. Yeah, Chronic Back Pain.

That's an artist. Could be a slipped or herniated disc. I want to say you made it up, but to me that's an artist. Chronic Back Pain. What else? I forgot everything else. Dazzle Pill and charm therapeutics. Dazzle pill is the AI and you made up charm therapeutics.

One out of three. Oh my God. Wow, you're consistent, you're consistent. I made up Dazzle Pill, charm therapeutics is the AI startup and chronic back pain is indeed the name of an artist at Artist Alley at Anime Expo. Are the, Stephen, you're- I found Fart Styly.

It's very adorable, it's very cute, it's very chippy. Honestly, Fart Styly, pretty nice. Yeah, it's a cute, kind of like Care Bear type creature and with the text creamy over it. Yeah, why is the cream? It says Soda Creamy. Soda Creamy, I didn't see that. It says Soda Creamy, which I think means Jizz, right?

Gotta be. Isn't that right? Come on. Steven, can you look up, can you look up? No, no. That's even worse. Does soda creamy mean Jizz? Can you check that?

Let us know. Can you check that out for me? Yes. Okay, Jordan. My turn. Back to you. I want you to do really well. Thank you.

No pressure. Oh, thank you. See, I like that we're this way and not super competitive. We're just rooting for each other. I just want everyone to have fun. No. I know they're not, but I just want the audience to have fun. Whoever loses, I'm feeding to the AI. Oh boy. Okay. Here are your choices, Jordan. Sour snake. Yep. Here are your choices, Jordan. Sour snake. Yep.

Greptile. Mm-hmm. Prawn M33. Boy. Sour snake is the... So, read them again. OK. So read them again. Okay, that's Sour Snake, Greptile, and Prawn

M33. Okay, so I think Sour Snake is the artist, Greptile is the AI startup, and Prawn 33 is made up. One out of three. Okay, I'm in the Tam zone now. I'm in the Tam zone. This is like the worst we've ever done on one of these quizzes. Sure. If we you mean me. It's hard. That's what makes it makes the premise sound though. I made up Sour Snake. Okay. Greptile is an AI company and PrawnM33 was an artist. Wow. What's the score right now? Steven, you got something for PrawnM33.

Yeah, PrawnM33. That is a very handsome cat man. Yeah. Kind of looks like my husband, you guys. Oh, yeah. No wonder you like grinding on him so much. Is that a self-portrait? Hubba, hubba.

The score is 3-1. 3-1, okay. So, Tamara has 3 and Jordan has 1? Yeah. Oh. The good news, Tamara, is that you get the last question. The bad news is that if you don't get them all right, it's worth minus 3 points and then Jordan gets. Yes, that's how they're stacked. And then Jordan wins.

That's how they're staying. Oh, that's not fair. But I'm taking it. If you don't get two out of three, then. I'm now so competitive. How about that? Let's do your way. What was my way, Steven?

Do you remember? It was minus three. Yeah, so the point is anyone could win. This is exciting. This is the moral of this. Steven? Yes. Does it all come down to this? Any anyone can win and yes, this is the moral of this Stephen Yes Does it all come down to this it all comes down to this right? I feel alive. Mm-hmm Final question. I just wanted to mention that sexy cat man

I just want to mention that one of the artists I couldn't find a good AI company for this artist But the the artist I didn't use was called the crying corner. All right, here we go. Here's your choices, Tamara. Fuzzy Buzz. Neuro Dancer. 1000 Dead Dracula's.

Euro 1000 Dead Dracula's. Neuro Dancer and what else? Fuzzy Buzz. Fuzzy Buzz is AI and the other one is the person. God, I really fucked this one up. Tamera. Got one out of three. That means Jordan is our champion. Oh my gosh. Fuzzy Buzz is an AI company. I made up Neurodancer. One of the artists was named 1000DeadDraculis. Gosh. That's Anime Expo in a nutshell. Should we take a quick break? I'm gonna do a victory laugh. Let's take a break. Okay, great. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorn, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris boy detective this week and every week Jordan Jesse goh is brought to you

By the members of Maximum Fund the supporters of Jordan Jesse go folks who have gone to maximumfund.org slash join Are you one of those people if you are we salute you and hey enjoy those bonus episodes You know what we don't just salute you. We also salute your shorts. Yes Hey, dude Thank you for supporting us. In conclusion, reruns of Danger Mouse. That's right. I think. Right? Yeah, 90s Nickelodeon.

Yes. I think that's right. We're also supported this week by a video that I saw on the internet. It's a video of an owlet, which is a baby owl, and it's walking around on the ground in somebody's apartment with its wings out, and they're spraying it with a spray bottle, which helps its feathers. Oh, nice. And then underneath it says moist owlet.

Yes. Better than anything that's gonna to be on the show. Thanks person who sent me that. A listener was nice enough to send me that. You were right to send it to me. We're also supported this week by our friends over at Factor. Jordan, summer is going to be everybody's best season ever. It is! With nutritious two-minute meals from Factor. It is easy to eat tasty, nutritious food when all you gotta do is heat it up in two short

minutes. Fresh food, hot and piping, into your maw thanks to Factor. Your maw will thank us. Not your mom, your mouth. Although if you share your Factor meals with your mom... In your maw's maw, we'll also get to enjoy that. Stick them in your maw, your maw's maw, your paw's maw. When you say your maw's maw, are we talking about your grandma's maw? You know what? She can have Factor too. All maws can enjoy Factor. They got 45 weekly menu options. You can pick gourmet meals that fit your goals. They got breakfast, on-the-go lunches, premium dinners, and guilt-free snacks and desserts. If you're hot, Jordan, and you don't want to turn on

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We think you will too. Tastiest convenience meals I've ever had like when when nothing comes in more clutch when you are Mad that you are at the house and you remember that you have to eat a meal But you're you're not in a position to just cook a whole freaking meal But you don't just want to eat a handful of spinach and a slice of cheese for lunch. Get started at factor meals dot com slash jjgo 50 off and use code jjgo 50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box that's code jjgo 50 off at factor meals dot com slash jjgo 50 off for 50% off plus free shipping. You know what I

heard somebody say at the anime expo? Hmm. Somebody was in front of me and I just heard them go like, yeah, I got plenty of batteries. What am I going to go buy a bunch of spinach? What a thing to say. I don't want to know more. I'm just fine hearing it. A little something called a cone in a Buddhist nations, they call that a cone, K-O-A-N. We're also supported this week by the folks at CarGurus. Jordan, what was it like the last time you bought a car? Jesse, I was so confused. I didn't know whether I was coming or going. I bought a fish tank at first and tried to sit in it. Yeah, I know.

Tried to go to the store. I remember you called you called me. You said, have you got a crowbar? My butt's too big for this fish tank and I'm stuck. And did I mention that I thought I was buying a car? Yeah, you thought you were buying a car this whole time. If only you had gone to CarGurus website, it's easy to navigate and it cuts through the noise, it gives you the best deals and the best details, including data-driven details

about cars so you can feel really comfortable and confident about your vehicle choice. For example, Jordan. Yes. If you had gone to CarGurus, you might have typed in fish tank and it would have said zero horsepower. Right. No radio. Yeah. And you wanted the Bose premium system, Jordan. I gotta crank my tunes.

You'll never get Harman Kardon on that fish tank. It's no wonder that CarGurus is the number one rated car shopping app in Canada on the Apple App Store and the Google Play Store. There are literally hundreds of thousands of cars inside that app from top rated dealers. So you can find the best deal on the car you want. Buy your next car today with CarGurus at cargurus.ca. Go to cargurus.ca to make sure your big deal is the best deal.

That's C-A-R-G-U-R-U-S dot C- That's cargurus.ca. If you're headed down to San Diego Comic Con, I'm headed down there too and I want you to see me. I'm going to be there Thursday, Friday, and Saturday doing signings and panels. You can find all the information at bits.ly slash Jordan con bit.ly slash Jordan con. Yeah, come see a cool panel. Come get a book signed. It's going to be fun, fun, fun. Hey, I have some great news for our listeners who are within flying or driving or walking distance of San Francisco's handsome and historic mission district. We have our first San Francisco

show in two years coming up at the Eclectic Box, August 22nd in San Francisco's Mission District on Valencia Street, right off 16th Street. It's in Easy Jordan. Even if you live in freaking Concord, even if you live in El Cerrito, Stephen, you can just hop on the Bart train and take it to 16th and Mission Bart. So easy. You're gonna have a great time. You're gonna have a lot of great food options as well. August 22nd at the Eclectic Box in San Francisco. It's a small theater, so buy those tickets now. We'll be announcing the guests soon. But in the meantime, get your tickets. They're available only at maximum fun.org slash events go to maximum fun.org slash events and you will find the

ticket purchasing link there. Why? Because we are producing the show ourselves. So that is where the ticket link is. When you have your ticket purchased, don't worry, when you get to the door, you will have to be checked off of a list by one of my brothers. Yeah, this is DIY. We're punk rock. Exactly. Ticketmaster wanted to work with us on this and we said, fuck you.

Yeah, we said we only work with bass tickets thank you so still ticket master yeah I think so I think there's not not bass ticket well then fuck you okay thank you San Francisco maximum fun org slash your fans if you don't live in San Francisco tell somebody who does let's get on with the show It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorn, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Jo Rogan.

What again? Finally, you're going to check out our show. Yeah. I bet they'll love it. You know what happened? Joe, your fans are gonna love our show. Thanks guys. You know what happened, Jordan?

I don't know if you knew that. You were the last person to get here today, so you missed the conversation. I see it and I talked about how Joe ended up being here. Steven had actually called Bernie Sanders office and asked if Bernie could do it. Bernie said, I'm busy, but my friend Joe can come. That was nice. So Joe's sort of filling in for Bernie here. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah. Usually, I mean. Yeah, whenever we can't find somebody, it's Joe Rogan or Chris Fairbanks. That's new. Since Charles Grodin died, yeah. Since Charles Grodin died. Who is Charles Grodin?

Oh, OK, so he is a actor from like the 70s and 80s. Primarily, yeah, primarily. Mostly the 70s, right? Like most famous in the 70s, although Midnight Run, I guess, is in the 80s, right? And he's in like some Woody Allen movies. He's in like an Andy Hall for a little bit. The Heartbreak Kid, he's the Heartbreak Kid

in The Heartbreak Kid. And he's the dad in the in the yeah and then so he was in these kind of like adult comedies in the 70s and 80s and then like when we were kids in the 90s he was like just the dad in right right Beethoven and Clifford okay okay yeah because I wasn't raised here I always miss a lot of these cool references to me they're cool, because I don't know them. He's the ultimate guy who's grumpy about things happening around him. Even more, I would say, than Walter Mathau.

Oh, I do love him. See, him I know for some reason. Yeah, Groten, Groten total genius. He also became a very successful playwright. That's why I met him one time. He came on the public radio show I used to work on, West Coast Live. It was because he had a new play at the Magic Theatre in San Francisco. Oh, fun.

It was very nice to meet him. Talk show host for a while too, right? Talk show host? Yeah, for years. On fucking CNBC or something. Something like that. Anyway, he hosted a serious talk show, not a comedy talk show.

Charles Groton. Anyway, may he rest in peace. All right. The heartbreak kid himself. You know, your heartbreak kid might be Ben Stiller. Mine's Charles Groton. Yeah, that's well, that's that's the difference in our age. When something momentous happens to you, wait, I actually, before we get into the momentous occasions, Tamar, is that Madonna voguing on your arm? Yes. It's so bad. I don't know.

I love it. It's pretty great. I love it too. Yeah, no, I'm really into it. I think it's really cool. It is cool, but it's like, yeah, it's purposely bad. My friend who is a cartoonist, I guess, J.C. Catlin drew it for me and I'm obsessed with it. I was on cocaine

when I got it, so I got it a little bit bigger than I should. You don't say! It is great. It rules. It's Madonna voguing. And Donna, because she has big man hands. They are chunky. What happens when you go in there, your pupils are dilated, and you're like, put a big ass Madonna on me, baby! You know what happens? The tattoo artist said, are you sure? And I said, yes, and do it with the thickest needle you have.

Wow. Wow. I do like the thickness of the lines. Thank you. Big ol' eyebrows on Madonna. I like the idea that I'll be dead with this. It like really puts life into a nice perspective. Yeah. One of the stories in your book is that when you came to the United States giving up the titular child star aspirations that you had had in Argentina,

the last gasp of your child stardom involved voguing. Yeah, well the last grasp in the United States involved Evita. I was doing Don't Cry For Me Argentina and I did the splits on the stage and essentially broke my pussy and had to be wheeled off in a wheelchair. This was like a talent show or something? A talent show. And after that I was like, I'm done. And my reputation was forever. I was the girl with the broken pussy. So then I said, I'm done until now that I'm here.

Why don't you use Joe Rogan? You have a perfectly good nickname right there. I can't think on the spot. That by the way is my favorite Charles Gruden movie. Yeah, with the broken pussy, yes. You're about to start crying. I mean, even the lesser Robert Altman, they're still triumph. They're still triumphant, the overlapping dialogue.

And when I was on the subway today coming home from Anime Expo, I was noticing the tattoos of this man that was sitting in front of me on his arm. He had a huge Lakers logo but it was so it had been so executed with such a fine needle oh and such detail oh that's gorgeous not elegantly but detail-led like the giraffe with fine lines but with fine lines, but you know, skeuomorphic or whatever. Like, no, that's when you press a thing that looks like a desk inbox to find out where your emails are.

It was wonky, but fine. And it had over time, like bled into just a sort of blurb of Lakers. But on his face, he had two tattoos. Underneath his eye, it it said God is good. And then next to his eye was a Nike swoosh. I disagree with one of those statements. I dare you to ask me which one, mom!

I will not just do it. If you were asked to vogue right now, could you vogue? No. No? You wouldn't just move with the music? I mean, listen, not right now with this on and this. Not to be like a nice, but like, I need to be like, on a stage.

And then I could half ass it. Because let's be real, I'm not that talented. 14 on Hollywood Boulevard with no music playing? Oh, that's what you were referring to. Oh, yeah, that's even sadder than breaking my pussy. I went to Hollywood. I made my parents take me to Hollywood. How many times have we heard that on this show, Jordan? Well, yeah, that old chestnut.

Yeah, I made my parents take me to Hollywood Boulevard because I thought that that's where you got discovered by managers. Right. And I vogued down the street in a really short vinyl miniskirt with my ass crack sweating. And no one discovered me. Can you believe it? Really?

Huh. Must have been a holiday or something. Yeah. Yeah. So instead, we went to McDonald's. And then labored it. Turned out pretty good. Here I am.

I mean, to be honest, what you you're describing there 80% of that is any given trip to Anime Expo. Sure. I mean you just leave out the voguing maybe but other than that you're basically describing a trip to Anime Expo. McDonald's. Yeah, Chris Gravick got the short vinyl skirt, get some chicken nuggets. Mickey D's. Could either of you vogue though? I could not vogue. I also could not vogue. Yeah.

I would recognize voguing if I saw it, but I don't know that I would be able to vogue myself. I don't think there is a cultural force from which I am more disconnected than Madonna. Like, I probably have more affinity for Toby Keith than I have for Madonna, except for that time she went on The Tonight Show and did stand-up comedy. Wait, what? I've never seen that.

Oh, I did. She went. This was not that long ago. Maybe eight years ago. I wouldn't say pre-pandemic. Okay. Wow. Not eight years ago. I'm gonna say pre-pandemic, but not 20 years ago. 10 years ago, maybe. She had a standup set. Fallon was the host of The Tonight Show is my memory.

It could have been Kimmel, but I'm pretty sure it was The Tonight Show with Fallon. And she went on there and just did a straight up stand up set. What was the subject matter? Madonna. What it's like to be Madonna? She wasn't just doing like, how come hot dog buns come in packages of eight?

Like she wasn't just doing hack observational stuff. She said, why don't they make the whole Madonna out of the black box? Thank you. I bet it sucked, right? As much as I love her. I mean, it's okay. What's the scale on which one would judge how much Madonna's standup sucked? Like what I remember is this.

Did it suck? Like, did it suck on the standard of performance of stand-up comedy? Yes, of course. Of course. It would be absurd to suggest otherwise. I'm sure Padma Lakshmi's stand-up comedy also sucks on that scale. And she, when she was a guest on Bullseye one time, could not have been brighter, more charming, and delightful. And I just watched her episode of 30 Rock, which she fucking nailed. Okay. But like looks professional standup comics are professional standup comics for a reason

and they're deeply experienced and so on and so forth. They're not just charismatic people who are funny for a guy at the office. That said, if I, my memory, and again, I watched this one time 10 years ago when it happened, my memory is that if you're judging it on a scale of Madonna performing stand-up comedy, not half bad. Okay. Okay. That's my memory.

I remember not being mad I was watching it because in part I was amused by being Madonna doing stand-up comedy, but not because I was contemptuous of it for that reason. That's not bad. No, not at all. To me when stand-up comedy is bad, it's I want to kill myself. Tough. I know. So like it's either I want to kill myself and if I don't, then it's like you were great,

even if it sucks, you know, decades ago, now, literal decades ago, 20 ish years ago, Jordan, and actually our former producer, Matt Lieb, still the producer of free with ads Jordan's other show, had taken this stand up comedy class at our college UC Santa Cruz. And part of the part of the class had gone and signed up for the San Francisco comedy competition was a big big competition that like whatever Robin Williams won in 1979 or whatever and The semi-finals or something Jordan had passed the first round and the semi-finals were at the San Jose improv and

So I went to the San Jose improv is living in San Francisco went to the San Jose improv. And so I went to the San Jose improv, I was living in San Francisco, went to the San Jose improv to see my friend Jordan do his three minutes. And he was great, he was hilarious. This is you? This is me. This is Jordan, yeah. And you know, Jordan not a standup then,

not a standup now, but occasionally has done something in that context, always really funny. But they have to have somebody perform while they count the votes, right? So like everybody in the audience has to fill out things and then the judges have to fill out things and then they tabulate it all. So they have a headliner. And I remember that this headliner, his hook was that he was the prison guard comedian. And it was so upsetting that I just left. I didn't say goodbye to my one of my closest friends in the world who had who I had driven to an hour to go see perform comedy because it was so

awful to watch this full-time professional stand-up comedian do add a headlining set. Oh he was professional. This guy had 45 minutes. Oh wow. This was the guy they brought in. I did a I hosted a contest like this once in New York City and the guy who was the equivalent of this was John Mulaney right like it was it was a bunch of new comics doing three minutes and then you know you but then the guy who was the equivalent of this was John Mulaney, right? Like it was a bunch of new comics doing three minutes and then, you know, you, but then the guy they brought in to do 40 minutes while you were counting the votes was John Mulaney. But at the San Jose Improv, it was the prison guard comedian and it was a nightmare.

I can't do stand up. Reason being I get too anxious and I drink when I'm anxious. I thought you were going to say reason being I get too anxious and I drink when I'm anxious. I thought you were gonna say reason being you broke your pussy. You don't need this pussy for stand up. Believe me. So yeah, like every time I've tried it, I'm just like, I'm a wreck, I'm a wreck.

This is because I have performance anxiety because I broke my pussy probably. But a few years ago, I went to a party and I emceed it and in the audience was Michelle Pfeiffer, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Fred Armisen, Natasha Lyonne, January Jones. And I was fully blacked out. Oh my God. And I did 20 minutes on how my husband's dick is bad.

And he was there. He doesn't have a bad dick, but it was like, I'm very incredible things about it. Yeah, yeah, he's great. And do you remember like, like, could you do bits from it? Like, do you have lines from it that you remember? Yeah, it was. This is the sad part. My husband was playing Harvest by Neil Young and I was supposed to sing it but instead of singing it

He talked about his bad about his bad dick and I was like His penis cuz I saw a recording fuck his penis is Uncircumcised this is how I sounded right and At the end what I do remember is people were crying of laughter and January Jones came up to me, just the most stunning woman ever and was like, that was the funniest standup I've ever seen. Wow. And she's like, and I've never laughed before.

Ever. The lowest part. I didn't care for it. I didn't love laughing. I will go back to not laughing, being kind of statuesque and far off. That's so funny. And so is that why you got blackout

before coming on this show? Yeah, I'm fully blacked out right now. But I've learned to speak eloquently. You're doing great, by the way. You're killing. I'm January Jones, by the way. I should mention. I should have brought that up at the beginning, Jordan.

I feel like now it's sort of like a booby trap kind of thing. Sort of springing it on her. Should we take a momentous occasion call? Yeah, when something momentous happens to you, give us a call at 206-984-425 or just recoit a voice memo when you phone. Go ahead and, hey, I got an idea, mister. Why don't you record a voice memo when you're phoned. Go ahead and, hey, I got an idea, mister. Why don't you record one of my papers on your telephone and then send it to us?

That's what January Jones sounded like. This is my real speaking voice. I'm on Mad Men, but I do a voice on the show. On the show, I act classy. Anyway, you want to buy one of my papers? There's so many papers. Yeah! I haven't worked that much since that X-Men movie. So now I sell papers on the street!

Oh, okay. Wanna buy a paper, mister? It's me, January Jones! It's me. Yes, it's me, January Jones. You know who January Jones is close friends with? February Smith. No, who is January Jones good friends with? Dr. Anthony Fauci. There was an old bit on the show where Dr. Fauci would come on.

Yeah, I'm not gonna do it though. It's a similar voice. I tried to book him on the show today. Similar voice. He's in Washington DC pitching with the Washington Nationals. Oh good, okay. Good for him. He pitches for the Washington Nationals.

Is this real? He retired from medicine to pitch for the... Anyway, JJGoatMaximumFun.org is where to send those voice memos. Hi Jordan and Jesse and guest, the punk from the bus in Star Trek 4. This is Andy with a momentous occasion in Taipei, Taiwan. I just met my first capybara in real life at a capybara cafe in Taipei and I was told by the owners of the cafe and assumingly the capybara that his name is Fong Pee Wong which in Mandarin Chinese translates into fart king. Love you guys, long live the king.

Fart King. Think he'll guest star on Windbreakers? Do you think he went to that Brazil, Russia, Iran, China conference, the BRICS conference? Uh, I think I don't know what you're talking about. Well, you know, there's it's like a counterbalance to NATO or to the G7. Now GA sometimes G8. It's a, it's condenations from the global south, as well as a few nations that have been marginalized by what you might call the global west. Okay. Who have their own conference as a sort of counterbalance to NATO and the power of the

United States and so forth. So do I think Farking went to that? No, Jesse! I don't! Why wouldn't they bring him? Because. Why wouldn't they bring him? Because. Why wouldn't China bring him? Because he's an anarchist. Stephen, check if Fart King went to the.

Okay, I hope they don't check my phone though. I saw today on Instagram this woman who has a capybara in Argentina, cause it's like they're huge there. They're celebrities there. They're huge everywhere. These are the world's largest rodents. But she would make, she makes it like smoke cigarettes and drink yerba mate and it made me really sad. Does it want to?

I want to do those things. Ungrateful capybara. I didn't like it. It felt like abuse. I don't know. I might like the yerba mate. That part was fine. It was the cigarette I didn't like. I think it was both of those things together. It would be one thing if it was blazing trees though, right?

Oh yeah. That was cool. Now what do you think? Are capybaras nutrients? No, nutrients are different are capybaras, nutrias? No, nutrias are different from capybaras. Same family, probably. Yeah. Yeah, the family is seafaring guinea pigs. What are they? They're like little rodents that are big.

Are we talking about little rodents that are big? Duh! Little rodents that are big. Honestly, I think that was a very apt description. That was insightful. That was like James Joyce or something. Guys, I'm a published author that was on Fresh Share with Terry Kroft. I'm getting a call from the publisher.

They're taking away your book. Actually, they're taking it, but they're going to ship all of them back. If people bought them already, they have to mail them back. I'm getting a call from your publisher. They heard that saying, you seriously had a minute ago, and they're doubling your book back to back Oh interesting they're gonna be printing it in a double edition So people who have finished reading it the first time can continue to read it a second time without having to go back to the beginning They want me to add a chapter

About little big rodents little Little rodents that are big. When it comes to paperback, where does Kathy Barra stand on your personal favorite internet animal list? Or real life animal. Or real life animal. They were low until today that I've talked about them twice. Oh, okay. So now they're number five. They like you are native to South America. They are we're related From a long line of Jewish Proud people What are your other four do you know the other four off the dome um, I I Hate birds. I'll tell you that. Not a bird fan.

So birds are nowhere in the top four. I think I'm into frogs right now. I keep dreaming of frogs and turtles that eat my face. So you like that? I like the animals, but I don't like that they eat my face in dreams. That's fair. Do they eat your face in a, I want to say an aggressive way. Yes.

Not tenderly. My IQ has dropped by four million points ever since the last four minutes. Something happened. I had a stroke. Think about what our IQs are after having done this show once a week for 13 years. That's over, I don't know, 35 times we've done this show.

Hard to say. Can't add it up. Too dumb. Can't add. So yeah, frogs. Frogs, turtles. Turtles. Just anything that's eating your face. Yeah. Anything that happens to be eating your face. You know, dingoes might be on there. They haven't eaten my face, but they have eaten my baby. Oh, good. Yeah. What are dingoes might be on there. They haven't eaten my face, but they have eaten my baby. Oh good Yeah, what are dingoes like? Well, no is like an Australian dog. Yeah a cousin of the kangaroo anyway, they're related there. Well, they're related to Serious star

Serious star of the Australian comedy film Young Einstein. Oh my, don't know what that is. I only know it as a reference. For a while there were famous Australian comedians in the mid-80s. Everybody got a movie and then everybody went away. By everybody we mean Yahoo Sirius crocodile don't know who yeah Anyway we have nothing else to talk about Okay frogs that Turtles Dogs dog. I do love a dog with a little turtle on its back. That's fun. Is that something that you've seen I

Think so maybe in a dream seen? I think so. Maybe in a dream, but I think it was on the internet. Yeah. Let me ask you this. I think we could discriminate between these two possibilities. After the turtle was on the dog's back, did you still have a fucking face?

All right, let's do this. Let's take a break, Steven. See if you can find this a turtle riding a dog We'll come back to 06 984 for fun JJ go at maximum fun org. We'll be back in just a second on George Are you a celebrity are you searching for connection, and a little levity these days? Hi, I'm Kumail Nanjiani, actor, writer, and yes, a celebrity too. And I've got four words for you. Bullseye with Jesse Thorne.

Are you tired of junkets, red carpets, sick of the endless spicy snacks you have to eat? Do you want to connect with someone who gets your work and laugh with you a little? Join me, Andre 3000, Tom Hanks, Tina Fey, and many more and become a guest on Bullseye with Jesse Thorne from NPR and Maximum Fun. Walking About is the podcast about walking.

It's a walkumentary series where I, Alan McLeod, and a fun friendly guest go for a walkabout. You'll learn about interesting people and places and have the kind of conversations you can only have on foot. We've got guests like Lauren Lapkus. I figured something out about this map, like how to read it. Betsy Sodaro.

I had no clue. That's awesome and nuts. John Gabras. This is like great first date for like broke 20 something, you know? And more. Check out Walking About with Alan McLeod on Maximum Fun. Cloud on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Tam Yahia, the capybara of the United States.

Tam, USA. I've done some searching here. And I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm seeing a lot more dogs riding turtles than the other way around. Shut the fuck up. Really? I found one picture I see I found one picture of a tiny baby turtle on top of the head of what looks like possibly a German Shepherd. Oh that's cute. More broadly, I found many, many pictures and gifs of dogs riding on tortoises. It's quite, quite amazing. That might have been what I saw.

Because you can train a dog to stand somewhere. I'm a dog owner, so I... Me too. Yeah. So have you ever trained your dog to stand somewhere? No. My dog's an idiot. Me too. Yeah. So have you ever trained your dog to stand somewhere? No. My dog's an idiot.

It seems like, I mean, you, that, just the Google image search has a lot of hits. This is constantly happening. Are dogs just riding turtles around? Maybe I'm just in my coastal bubble. There's a four-minute, 35-second video here on YouTube that's called funny animals riding turtles. Whoa. The turtles are not funny. To be clear called funny animals riding turtles. Whoa! The turtles are not funny. To be clear, the animals riding them are funny.

Well, I mean, I want to say this. It says funny animals riding turtles. You put any goddamn animal on top of a turtle, it's funny. Oh yeah. If it's on top of a turtle, I'm splitting my sides. I'm yucking it up. You could put a bloodthirsty tiger on top of a turtle. It's funny.

This is something in the collective unconscious. It's got to be, right? This is where turtles over turtles comes from. Now, yes. I am seeing also a picture of a small dog dressed as a turtle. That's fun. Oh, I don't like the head part. What is that?

Isn't that something you'd grind on? It looks army-ish. Is that what you're part? That's not something you grind on it looks army Doesn't it look military ish it does look a little authoritarian as an authoritarian vibe. I think that's a fascist dog That's the last thing we need right now Tamara you if people want to know real things from your book, they should probably listen to your interview with Terry Gross on Fresh Air. Yes, where I'm crying on question one. Wow.

Just right away. I told you, I once got an email from Terry Gross and started crying. Just full tears sitting at my dining room table. When the lady, there's this lady that prepped me for the interview and she's like, you know this is the pinnacle of interviews and I was like, Did she say that? She said that. And I was like, uh, that's what I just groaned. And then,

Steven, start saying that to people when they come in. Yeah, I love that. Top of the email. And then she said, you know, you're probably gonna cry. And I was like, my ass, I'm gonna cry. Fuck you, stupid producer. And I cried. Oh my gosh.

Do you think that the secret to Fresh Air is that they just tell people ahead of time they're gonna cry? Oh yeah, maybe it's kind of a subliminal thing, they plant it there. Then maybe they get them blackout drunk. See how it goes. They're either gonna them black out drunk and see how it goes. They're either going to cry or talk about their husband's bad dick.

One of the two. It's like they say about the match game, there's just a bar card on set. Anyway. You got to get liquored up before you talk to Gross. Tamiya Hia, her book is called Cry For Me, Argentina, My Life as a Failed Child Star. Beautiful, hilarious, delightful book. I promised, I asked you permission to ask one sincere slash poignant question. So, if you're listening to Jordan Jessi Goh, only for not having feelings, now's a great time

to skip straight ahead to the credits so that you know who produced the show. Or just listen to the next podcast. But a big part of your story, Tam, is that you moved to California with your family on a tourist visa, which your family then overstayed. Which means that you spent a portion of your childhood undocumented until your family, one of the members of your family, I think your dad, won the Get a Visa lottery, which is there is a literal lottery. Yeah. And qualified for a visa.

But when you went in to do your paperwork, your lawyer had not done the correct preparations, and so you were immediately detained for deportation. Yeah, we weren't detained, but they denied our green cards, and now it was on the record that we were illegal, illegal, undocumented, which put us at, you know, next step would have been a court date where we've gotten deported. But back then, it's not like it is now where there's just like people taking you off the street. Yeah. How does it, as somebody who both experienced as a child deportation and or the threat of the imminent threat of deportation, the concrete threat of deportation,

and someone who lived as undocumented and thus, you know, lived under that threat anyway, how do you feel living in America and as a for that matter as a naturalized citizen as the government threatens to denaturalize citizens? How do you feel about living in LA right now? I want to say terrified but at the same time I have I'm white and so I don't feel you know like I'm not going to be taken from a cool wine bar in Silver Lake, you know, but as the book was coming out I wrote my publishers and I was like I need a meeting with the lawyers because like I'm literally admitting to this and I don't know what's if this can be used like I don't know if my papers can be

taken away I mean like the fact that I'm even having to worry about this I'm a US citizen but it's crazy because when I lived this, I was a young, I was a young teen, right? So it's like, I didn't quite understand what it meant, but I could watch my, I knew I felt fear. I felt fear crossing the street on a red light because I thought I would get deported. Little things like that, like walking to school. But I watched it all through my parents. Like my mom that day that we were at the immigration offices and they denied our visas or whatever was like, my mom went into shock and had a full nervous breakdown at the office. And that's how I

lived it. And I remember their fear of driving without driver's licenses. And that's how I lived it. And I remember their fear of like driving without driver's licenses. And I knew that when the time came for me to get a job or a driver's license, I wouldn't be able to unless or go to college even like, unless we got our papers. So it was this like looming fear for me. Something that I thought about when I heard your story is your folks drove food trucks. They still do in their 70s. So I we have been in this same

office for almost 15 years and of those 15 years probably three days a week I have been eating at the same food truck down the street. And my pal, who is the sort of boss of the food truck, works for her parents. She's probably, I guess she's about 35, 30, 35. She works for her parents. Her parents are 65-ish. And I had to like, I had a conversation with her just a few days ago. I went to get lunch and wasn't sure whether they would be there. And because living in Los Angeles, a lot of folks are staying home right now.

But they were there. And I just had a conversation with her that was about checking in to make sure that she knew what to do, checking in to make sure that she knew what to do. Yes. Checking in to make sure and she just said, you know, I could probably work somewhere, find other cash work. She and her folks are both undocumented.

They've been in the United States for decades. I could probably find cash work somewhere, but my parents can't. No. And so we're just out here and it's like... Terrifying. The plan is just to... I try and keep an eye on the ICE stuff and the plan is just to patten down the hatches if we have to.

Yeah. But if you're older and not on social media and you don't know that ICE is going to is gonna be I mean My parents have a lot of friends and co-workers that have not left their home Yeah, and my parents are going around with their passports in their bags, you know, cuz they have accents and they're so it's terrifying and it I I'm not shocked that this is happening I knew this would happen and I hope it doesn't get worse, but it probably will. Sorry, such a bummer. But it sucks.

One of the reasons I mention this, other than that if you want to learn about firsthand or secondhand about the experience of fearing deportation, I personally don't believe that anyone who is a migrant is at fault for anything. But even if you do believe that people should quote unquote, you know, cross borders the quote unquote right way, which is generally not available to people.

But even if you believe that, you know that it is not a choice that children are making. If you want to hear about a story from a first person perspective about what that experience is like of fearing deportation as a child who is subject to deportation and has no agency in the matter, go get TAM's book called Cry For Me, Argentina, My Life as A Failed Child Star, which is also very funny to be clear. Also, we have been running this fundraiser for Al Otrulado, which

is an organization that does direct services for migrants in both the southern United States and northern Mexico, including both humanitarian aid and legal aid and assistance for people who often are afforded not only no lawyer, but now no legal advice because Alotro Lado used to provide legal advice to refugee applicants and people in immigration detention, but the federal government has canceled the funding for all of that. So now people have no lawyer and no information about what their rights are. They provide all that stuff.

It's a really amazing organization. And with so far, between Jordan Jesse Goh listeners and Judge John Hodgman listeners, raised over $300,000 for them. And we would love for you to be a part of that or to make an additional donation even if you made one a few months ago when we first started this thing, because it is obviously a crisis. And if you are feeling shitty about it because of how nightmarishly

shitty it is, it is a way to directly impact people's lives with some money that you have. You probably have some money. Some money is what we're asking. Look, if you have lots of money, go to town, Jeff Bezos. Yeah, the website is super easy to use. It is quick. Just put in your credit card info like you're buying anything online. And yeah, they have like suggested donation stuff. You can also put in just whatever. Hold on. I have a question.

Yeah. So obviously the website is alotrolado.org slash let's do something. We'll put that in the episode notes. You say it's as easy as buying something online. I guess my concern is, let's say I go to alotrolado.org slash let's do something. I give 50 bucks. Yeah. Let's say I sign up to give 10 bucks a month alotrolado. Great. My concern here is that then my credit card is used, right? So I can't shop online after that. No, you know you can use your credit card on any

number of websites. Really? So once I've used it to give money to a worthy cause, I can still buy bullshit from the internet? You can, yes. Like, but not like, if I see a t-shirt that really aptly describes me, like the other day when I bought that t-shirt that says, Gangster Affair in Public Radio. Yes. I can't buy that, right?

You can buy that. It's not too apt? Not. Oh, okay. Well that sounds great Yeah, the other day I donated $10 to a good cause Yeah, and then I went later and I bought online a skirt with a rat smoking a cigarette on it, okay Sounds like a good skirt. We're all complicated people Have you ever read Linda Barry's books about making comics and art and

stuff? No. Amazing books. Linda Berry, legendary cartoonist. One of the core principles of Linda Berry's teaching art is that you should first draw an animal. It doesn't matter what animal and you shouldn't judge your drawing ability and then you should have it smoking a cigarette that'll make it better bars online maybe that's why that woman was having the capybara smoke oh shit behind you don't worry he's faking not smoking our producer we got that link is in the show so take your phone out and tap it in your podcast app. Our producer is Stephen Ray Morris.

Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us on Reddit at reddit.com slash r slash maximum fun. You can find us on Instagram at Jordan David Morris at Jesse Thorne very famous at Jordan Jesse go pod you can find us on a blue sky where we're just Jordan Jesse go you know what Stephen I'm on blue sky at Jesse Thorne I've just never written anything I know I tagged you in a lot of things you should go follow me there in case you know who you never know when I might think of something you know what I

mean and you can retweet all the things I've been See those great job loose loose sky. What's the rate? Yeah? Yeah, I can blue skit got a blue skit Baby, not a blue skit out of blue skit That's good enough. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jessica Love you, love you, love you, love you, love you.