Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Maining Dilton Doiley with Kumail Nanjiani

Episode Date: December 22, 2022

Kumail Nanjiani joins Jordan and Jesse to talk Street Fighter 2, Mark Wahlberg's acting techniques and working with the hunks.Check out Kumail in Welcome To Chippendales  on Hulu.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. How are you doing, Jordan? Beautiful winter day here in the great city of Los Angeles. I got a layer on and I'm having fun. We love to layer. I'm wearing a wool blend shirt, Jordan, like a king, a cozy king. Jesse, there's something really exciting I've been wanting to talk about. Not just that you're a cozy king. This is a big announcement.

Jordan, I don't mean to jump the gun on this. I've been anticipating this. I think you got a son. Well, maybe, maybe I may. Okay. Let's start from the beginning. I don't want to get people too worked up. I don't want to promise more than we can deliver. They know you've been working on that. Yeah, I'm working on it. I got to get a son. These are things we say on the show from time to time for some reason. Don't remember why. Hard to say. And, you know, for a while, I was, you know, we've been friends, you know, a long time. Yeah, 20 smart guy. You've achieved so much.

But frankly, I was wondering if you were fit to parent. Right. Well, first of all, I want to say that I admire you too. Thank you. You're maybe the funniest guy I've ever known. Cut it out. You're a great swimmer, like a dolphin. Well, porpoise, but thank you. Thank you for upgrading me to dolphin. I am just a dolphin well porpoise but thank you thank you for upgrading me to dolphin i am just a lowly porpoise that has something to do with blowholes or uh teeth

maybe tooth size sure porpoises have bigger teeth i think anyway you can really filter krill you're thinking of baleen whales now sorry no please No, please. I may be a porpoise, but I'm not a filthy baleen whale. The point is this. We've been friends for a long time, but you have concerns about my parenting, which I have concerns about my parenting too. So I don't take any offense to this. But something happened the other day, which really cemented in my mind the fact that you're doing a great job raising your kids. Wow. Okay. Gee whiz. There's different ways to help sensitive children through upset rather than stopping the upset, like trying to preempt the upset or escalating mistakes, but rather joining them and demonstrating to them how one can soothe oneself and move through one's feelings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. Great, great, great.

Whatever, whatever. But I mean, I think mostly I'm impressed because you've managed to raise a hearty, healthy son who's taking an active interest in Street Fighter 2. And I think that speaks highly of your parenting. It speaks highly of Teresa's parenting, you know, the community of people you have around you, helping you to raise your kids.

This was a real thrill. I learned that your son, Oscar, is, you know, despite being eight or whatever, is interested in the 25-year-old video game Street Fighter II, which was my key interest at that age. I mean, this grew out of his interest that I think is more... He's nine years old now, but I think that this grew out of a more natural interest for a nine-year-old, which is street fights, cage matches, blood sport. Yeah, yeah. Two enter, one leaves.

Well, I think what you're referring to is, so my two younger kids, Frankie and Oscar and I, have a new family activity called Roofers Adventure Club. They are known as the Goofy Roofers, a name inspired by a sketch from our friends, the Birthday Boys. You should start calling them the September Santas. Another great Birthday Boys sketch. A lot of fun, those guys, the Birthday Boys. Oh, I got to get that pie. So Roofers Adventure Club, that's where on Fridays they join me in going out of the house and doing something fun, like going to a museum or something.

And there's a trampoline park in Altadena, California, right next to Pasadena, where there are what they call sensory hours. So these are kids that would love to use the trampoline park, but maybe needed to be quieter or needed to be calmer than it might otherwise be. Go then. And then also it appeals to me because it only costs $10 to get in and grown up so free. You mean you can jump on the trampoline as much as you want? You got it, baby. Take a nice piss in the ball pit. That's a great afternoon.

I had gotten the kids into the car. We were headed for Altadena, California. And Oscar said to me, I am really excited to go to the trampoline park. I said, is that so? And he said, yeah, they have an unlimited play Street Fighter 2 machine. And I said to myself, being the good parent that I am, and I think I really am a pretty good parent, being the good parent that I am, I said, I'm going to use voice to text, to text my friend, Jordan Morris, who lives in the Pasadena area and see if he wants to come play street fighter

with my son. I was like, I bet my friend Jordan would like to play street fighter 2 with a nine-year-old it was yes you're you you know me well there's nothing nothing in the world i want more it was really impressive that you know and i think i think even cooler that there you're at this trampoline park which by the way is very cool i i really wish you know we had stuff like this when we were kids, just this kind of amazing facility with all sorts of obstacles and ball pits. To be fair, in San Francisco, where I grew up, there was a real fighter jet that you could climb on that was full of rusty exposed panels. Yes, we def death more than uh the children of today yeah but it was

really impressive that he the main thing he wanted to do was just play on this you know free play street fighter 2 machine and yeah we really had a great time his main is cammy okay which is a great main to have he did not seem to have a backup. Now, this is just some knowledge that I want to impart to, you know, any nine-year-old out there. Yes, you have to have a main, but you also need a backup character. If your opponent is playing someone who your character is weak against, you're going to want to have somebody you can go to in that situation. But yeah, Cammy is a really interesting character, really interesting spacing really interesting spacing and you know he already had some good fundamentals i thought but i thought where he was really strong was in um shit talk right yeah do you do you remember i remember the shit talking being strong but i don't remember these specific shit talks do you

yeah do you remember what some of the taunts were oscar and his friends play a lot of do a lot of online gaming and oscar makes his own private youtube videos of him gaming for our friends so to oscar gaming is primarily a talking exercise. Talking is the main thing that's going on. Shooting bad guys or whatever is secondary to that. And I know, look, I was chasing Frankie around the trampoline area while you were there with Kimmy fighting Dhalsim or whatever. And I didn't hear a lot of it. The unbreakable Cammy Schmidt. Yes. But what I did hear was on the way home, Oscar let me know that he trinkled your keys

and that you got coconut mauled. He did. He really, he trinkled my keys. Mm-hmm. Coconut mauled me. Just great catchphrases. Just really, really strong. Yeah, what he kind of lacks in, you know, street fighter knowledge, which will come with practice. You were nice enough to teach him some techniques and combos.

Yeah, yeah. You can throw somebody while they're blocking, that sort of thing. But I thought that, you know, the shit talk is powerful. And I think that, you know, by the time he's 16, he will be a millionaire streamer and running us all over with his Tesla. Yeah. I mean, I'm just grateful he has a mentor. I kind of consider him the Daniel to your Mr. Miyagi. Yes. And I hope that you will take him through a long series of training trials that involve caring for your classic car. Yeah. And then he will become powerful and strike me down, hopefully.

Oh, I can't wait to be struck down. I watched Karate Kid recently. And first of all, I really still enjoyed it. I enjoyed it a lot. It's still very charming. I forgot how much of that movie was like, I remembered that the training sequences were about Daniel doing weird things that you don't understand how they're going to turn into karate skills. Yeah. I forgot that all of the weird things are just chores that Mr. Miyagi wants done that he just sort of crosses his arm and smiles slyly as daniel does all his chores like some of them even not clear also even ultimately how they fit into it was just a sort of like a dom sub craigslist house cleaner type situation anyway very erotic just things i remember about uh things i remember about uh uh, things I remember about, uh,

the karate kid when I watched it nine months ago, should we introduce our guest on the program? I would love to, that would be great. Because this guy can really trinkle keys. A lot of people think that this guy can only have superpowers or be a gifted actor or a hilarious standup comedian, but he's also fully capable of key trinkling and coconut mauling. He is one of our favorite comics, one of our favorite actors. He's in a brand new miniseries that we'll talk about in just a moment that I really enjoyed. I thought he was wonderful in. Kumail Nanjiani. Hi, Kumail. How are you? Hello. Thank you so much for having me. What a joy. Do you think you could trinkle Jordan's keys or coconut mall him at all?

I mean, name the time, name the place. I'll be trinking keys and coconut malling as soon as I can get an Uber. All right. High noon at the Trampoline Park in Altadena. Be there, Nanjiani. I've just been on mute screaming about Street Fighter 2 for the last 15 minutes. Do you want to get in some of your screams? What were you screaming that we couldn't hear? Cammy, very, very solid main. Great main.

Not an obvious main. No, yeah. No, I mean, so impressed, Jesse. You've done such a great job as a father. Thank you so much. I taught him also, this is sort of a father-son thing. I taught him that it's okay and natural to be horny on Maine. And how does that manifest itself? Just part of getting older.

Sure. But around 13 is right the perfect time to be horny on Maine and to Maine cammy. Yeah. I think both of those are true. I think we can all agree. Looks great. And you know what? Looks great.

If he's horny on Maine and he's maining Dhalsim, I understand. Dhalsim's incredibly stretchy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, that can be very useful in certain horny situations. Yeah. I tried to main Talsim when Street Fighter 2 came out. I just found him to be too slow.

I couldn't do it. Too floaty, you know? Yeah. So mine was Blanca just because I just thought he looked so cool and that I had to get really good at him. Yeah. Now, this is something we discussed recently on the program. Hey, I don't know if you've seen the new Blanca design, Camille,

but he has little overalls, one strap. It is so fucking cute. Like LL Cool J. Sounds like he's horny on main. Yeah. So this is Street Fighter VI that I cannot wait for. Yeah, no, this is VI. VI is looking great.

V was, I'll be honest, disappointing. I loved four. Four was, you know, I remember I had just gotten a job writing for Best Week Ever in New York. So it was the first time I was getting any kind of steady paycheck for comedy. This would have been 2008 or 2009. And I said, I finally have enough money to like be able to afford rent. And cause Emily had been supporting me for a couple of years in New York.

And I said, I will not spend this money on anything frivolous or irresponsible. Then we were just in Best Buy at the Best Buy in Union Square. Great Best Buy. And they had a Street Fighter 4 game pad. Like a specific with, you know, it was Sagat was on it. That's the only one I had. And I said, well, maybe one frivolous purchase is okay. Because I had controllers already. And I bought it. You got to have a dedicated fighting game controller.

Everyone knows this. This is something Oscar's going to have to learn, Jesse. Does Oscar not have the big sticks? You should get them because I have them and Emily, there's nothing Emily hates more that I own than my big sticks. They just take up so much room. You can't walk. You can't walk in the living

room because of these big sticks. I think all the married guys out there can relate, Kumail. Okay. Yeah, she's like, this stick is too big. I think all the married guys out there can relate, Kumail. Okay. Yeah, she's like, this stick is too big. I can't do anything with this. It's nearly useless. My son has told me 47 times about this controller he's going to get for Christmas

that has some kind of trigger lock. Does that sound like something? A trigger lock? Yeah, sure. Okay. He's really excited. That's what Santy Claus is bringing him,? A trigger lock? Yeah, sure. Okay. He's really excited. That's what Santy Claus is bringing him is a trigger lock. I have two questions.

What console are we talking about? He's using a home personal computer. Okay. All right. So the trigger lock, if I understand it, is Jordan, am I right? You hold the trigger down and it just does constantly shoots instead of you having to pump the trigger? and it just does constantly shoots instead of you having to pump the trigger yeah maybe yeah maybe this is this is the equivalent of the nes pads from our youth that

had turbo buttons yeah i don't think i i my plan is to wait until he's at least 13 or 14 until i teach him about pumping the trigger i think he's gonna learn it on his own. Yeah. Okay. And, you know, and I think, and I think, Jesse, if I know you and your values, you'll support him no matter what Street Fighter character he wants to pump the trigger with. Yeah. I think that's absolute. As long as he doesn't get anybody pregnant. Right. You know what I mean? Sure.

As long as he doesn't get anybody pregnant. Now, with Blanka, are we like at least flirting withiality? Or is Blanca also fair game? This is a great question, Kamil. I think Blanca is a, if I'm remembering his backstory correctly, I think he's a mutated human. So that's okay. Yeah. And I think that if a mutated human can find love with a non-mutated human,

that's really beautiful. Kamil, I have many questions about your new miniseries, Chippendales. Yeah. Let's talk Chippendales. Let's get chippy. It's so good. And I haven't finished... I guess all the episodes are not out yet. I am not caught up. But I really love your relationship with all the hunks in the show. Yes. And I just want to know, even though the show has stopped filming, are you and the hunks still in touch?

Do you guys have a text chain? Do you and the hunks do Taco Tuesday? I want to say the show is called Welcome to Chippendales. They're very serious about that. Sure. Yeah, we should say. We don't want people accidentally searching for Rescue Rangers, I guess.

Right. Even though outside of America, they are on the same app. Yeah. And I did think the new Chippendale Rescue Rangers movie was absolutely fantastic. Yeah, very funny. Strong recommend. I love the hunks. I saw the hunks most recently, I would say three or four weeks ago. They are all extremely excited to be part of the show. There is no text chain, although that seems to be,

I should rectify that. I love the hunks. You know, it was great to have the hunks around because when you're shooting a show like this, it can get dark, you know, there's murder, there's arson, there's a lot of drama, dark stuff. But the hunks were always so happy and excited to be there. It shows. It shows.

And every time there was a scene with the hunks, it just lifted everybody's spirits and energy. So very, very grateful to the hunks for being. And they comment on my Instagram, you know, and it just brings me joy every single time I see a hunk. Yeah. What did you say? Twinkling the keys? I believe it's trinkling. Trinkling. Yeah. What did you say? Twinkling the keys? I believe it's trinkling. Trinkling. Yeah. Trinkling the keys. I'm sorry. I mean, coconut mauled. Okay. So Kumail, I have a hunk question for you. In the program, this is the story of the Chippendales, the legendary male erotic dance team. That makes it sound like a competitive

international. It's not. It's very collaborative. Yeah. Guys, we got to go to state. Your character is the founder of this organization. And one of the transitions in the show is in the end of the first episode, beginning of the second episode, something like that, you hire on a professional showman, a guy who can teach choreography and put together a show. And part of that process is dumping an original group of hunks and replacing them with hunkier hunks. So I guess my question is the proto hunks, the original hunks who have an everyman quality, are they friends with the ultra hunky hunks or is there a rivalry there? Did they shoot together at all? Have they kissed any of that stuff? I would say the rivalry is one-sided, you know, where when you go to San Francisco, they think LA and San Francisco has have a rivalry that LA is absolutely unaware of.

Yeah, that's fair. So I think it's a little bit like that. It's a little bit one-sided. They never shot together. We deleted all their phone numbers from my phone. Right. You know, we cut them out of the picture. You and the new hunks did that together? You and the new, the hunkier hunks took out your phone as a group and deleted the previous less, more regular Joe hunks phone numbers from your phone. That's right.

It was a ritualistic thing. We had one of the new hunks, one of thee hunks phone numbers from your phone that's right it was a ritualistic thing we had one of the new hunks one of the uh final hunks video it and send it to them before he deleted the number of the last proto-hunk so like a hunk cuck thing like yeah we we totally cut the old hunksks. But cucking implies agency and desire. So I guess this was a forced cucking. Yeah. Because they did. And then we blocked their numbers too.

Right. But I think we were good. We were smart enough to not, because we almost deleted all their numbers. But then we said, if we delete their numbers from everybody's phone, then how are we going to cuck them against their wishes? So we kept one and then we blocked all their numbers. We don't know what their reaction was. Frankly, I don't give a fuck.

Right. I mean, I think it's good. You had a lot of talented producers on the program, you and your wife, Emily, who's been a guest on this program, both executive producers on this show. And I'm glad that you had Emily on board because obviously she can help with the story and the writing. That's one of her great gifts, but also just the logistics of the cuckoldry. She can be there to advise you, don't delete the phone numbers first, make the video first, send the video, then delete the phone numbers. With her background as a therapist as well, that helps a lot in terms of how to humiliate and destroy people, especially regular

Joes who aren't as hunky as new hunks. That's right. That's right. So we were going to delete it. And Emily was like, as producer, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what about this? And we were like, oh, wow, that's really good. And as a therapist, she knew exactly how to really get them, you know? So the text message we sent with it was, miss you guys. Can't wait to see you again. So then they get their spirits up. Then they watch the video and it literally ends with us saying kind of fuck you to them. Right.

So it just sort of lifted them up and really like bashed them down. You know, it really mauled their coconuts. Yeah, totally. So it just sort of lifted them up and really like bashed them down. You know, it really mauled their coconuts. Yeah. Totally. By the way, have you guys seen that subreddit, the coconut mauling subreddit? I ran into it accidentally. I wasn't looking for it, but now maybe I'm into it. I don't know.

I don't know why. It's just filled with pictures of dragons getting it on with cars. They just all Reddit now? Yeah, 240,000 members. That's a lot. Speaking of dragons getting it on with cars. They just all Reddit now? Yeah, 240,000 members. That's a lot. Speaking of dragons getting it on with cars, let's talk about episode five of Welcome to Chippendales. I'm not there yet.

Spoilers. That caught me by surprise. Listen, Hulu liked the first four episodes. They upped our budget and we had to spend it on something. And so, you know, we got money to, it's a CG dragon and a CG car. That's how much money they gave us. I mean, what's great is, I don't know if you know this. Industrial Light and Magic handled the whole thing.

They made a beautiful Chevy that just looks like the real thing. No, it was a Tesla. Oh, wow. We watched a Tesla get dragon fucked. Well, I don't know if you know this, Jordan, but Northern Ireland, where they shot Game of Thrones, actually has production tax credits specifically for the creation of CGI dragons. And so I'm not surprised that Hulu got in on that

in any way they could. Because there are ways, you get the tax credits, you move this line item this way and this line item that way, and all of a sudden you're making money as long as you can get some dragons into the show wait are they do they really have one just for cgs specifically dragons and it doesn't apply to griffins or centaurs or no hydras no hydras there is a bugbear exception um but that is a new thing that was recently passed by the legislature there and very controversial does not apply to the republic of was recently passed by the legislature there. And very controversial.

Does not apply to the Republic of Ireland, by the way, just Northern Ireland. And if you want a gelatinous cube, you got to go to the Dominican Republic. Yeah. The DR does incredible stuffs with gelatin. Yeah. If you've seen a gelatin cube in a movie, they shot that in the DR. Watch at the end. It'll say a special thanks to Dominican.

Right. Film industry of Dominicanican republic yeah now i have a this is interesting and again like i said i'm maybe not caught up to the point that jesse is so i haven't seen this scene what so i guess i've known the show as a period a period piece so how do they account for the tesla being fucked by the dragon is it like a time jump is it a you know a peek into the future we really treated it sort of like a bonus out of universe moment i'm looking directly into the camera for a lot of it you know deadpool style sure people are calling me kumail yeah would you kumail would you say that you looking into the camera is sort of a meta effect to make us feel like we are the car being fucked by a dragon? Yes, that is exactly what my eyes are saying. My

mouth is not moving, but my eyes are saying, wouldn't you like to be this Tesla? It's a way of managing the perspective, Jordan, just filmmaking technique wise, Jordan, I work in show business. I can explain this to you. Thank you. Yeah. Public radio host. When they use Kumail's gaze and they send it to the audience, that makes the audience feel like the subject of the fucking. Right. And that's a technique that, you know, Don Johnson was the first one to really come up with that. This is actually true. I have a friend I won't name who worked with Mark Wahlberg. And Mark Wahlberg told him that the key to acting is in every scene, you got to buzz the lens, which means for just a moment, you got to look into the lens for just a moment. That's how you connect with the audience at home. And Mark Wahlberg, tremendous actor, very talented. I don't know if the story

is true. This is what I was told by someone who worked with Mark Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg says he learned it from Don Johnson, another very talented individual. Every scene, you gotta just for a quick moment, buzz the lens. You gotta like look into the camera for just a little moment. That's how you connect with the audience at home. And all I thought of was the editors having to cut around Don Johnson and Mark Wahlberg. Constantly looking into the lens. Yeah, it's part of their thing. They think it works.

Are you going to go say no to Mark and Don? No. And I think if you've ever eaten at a Wahlbergers, you know that the secret to a great side dish is you got to buzz the fries. Yeah, you got to buzz the fries. And what they do now, apparently, with Mark Wahlberg is they have a dummy camera

that he thinks is the real camera and the real camera is hidden. So he's not always looking into the lens to try and connect with the audience at home. Is it possible, Kumail, that this really does work if you're hunky enough? Because you have just listed two extraordinarily hunky performers. And I feel like you could speak to this as a guy who, relate to because of his schlubby quality, but also his ambition to be

something grander. That's something that I think a lot of us at home can relate to. But look, you've also been a hunky superhero on film, so you know a little something about hunking out. Do you think that this is something that hunks can do that regular Joes can't do? I should set up that text thread with the new hunks and ask them, is this something that they try? Because I did not do it on Eternals, and I think the movie might have suffered for it. Can I ask you this, Kumail? Would you mind texting Cheech Marin and asking him about this? Because I think this is the perfect control for this experiment. If John Johnson can do it texting Cheech Marin and asking him about this? Because I think this is the perfect control for this experiment. If John Johnson can do it and Cheech Marin can't, then we know this

is honks only. Yeah. Ambitious slubs do not look into the lens. Yeah. Can I return to what Jesse was saying about breaking the fourth wall to make a joke that I thought of, but then didn't get in? I would love that, Jordan. Yeah, sure. Hey, Jesse, you know, when you were talking about breaking the fourth wall to make someone feel like they're being fucked. Yeah. Is that what they call the P and the V effect? Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. No, I think that's wonderful. I think Bertolt Brecht would be very proud of you right now. He's writing a letter from beyond the grave. He's like, oh yeah, sure. Like I made the moon a literal pizza pan. Sure. And then I drew a dong on there for the PNG effect. You guys want to take a minute to think of some new jokes and then come back for some more? I mean, I'll take, let's take

a break and I'll leave out, I'll skip the joke part. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Now, every episode of Jordan, Jesse Go is brought to you by you, the members of Maximum Fund. Thank you, Maximum Fund members. If you're not yet a Maximum Fund member, you can go to MaximumFund.org slash join. Means the world to us. Keeps our lights on. That's central to the economic proposition that is Jordan, Jesse Go. But we also have other supporters. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Hey, Jesse. Therapy. Did you know that it's good? Yeah, I actually did know. The way that I know, Jordan, is that for a while I thought maybe I didn't need it, but then I got it and it turned out I did need it.

Yeah. I started doing therapy personally during a really, really tough time in my life, and it really helped me out. I am having a less tough time in my life right now, but my weekly therapy session is still awesome. And I think it's a big part of why I handle problems in a more healthy way, why I deal with stress better, why I'm a better communicator. It's really the best thing that I've done for myself mental health wise. And if it's something you've thought about doing, we really think you should. We're big fans. Look, a lot of ways to get therapy. You can get it through your health insurance. You can get a referral from a friend, get it at a community clinic, but it can be tough to find the right

person, find the right circumstances. One way to get therapy, BetterHelp, which is online therapy. It can be more affordable than other versions of therapy. You can switch therapists very easily if you don't feel like you're connecting with somebody. You can even get therapy just through text. If you don't want to look at your therapist at all, you just want to dip your toe in the water, even just writing out your thoughts and feelings and getting some feedback can be a big help. As the world's largest therapy service, BetterHelp has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists

available 100% online. Plus, it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. If things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime. It couldn't be simpler. No waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash jjgo. That's betterhelp.com slash jjgo. You know, Jordan, the holidays are coming. And I know that there is somebody on my holiday list who is tough to buy for.

It is my wife who feels shame upon receiving gifts and who also doesn't particularly like things. Well, are you giving her watercolors of her on the toilet? Jordan, come on. It's not 2019 anymore. Yeah, you're right. It can be hard to find something that means something to my wife, but I'll tell you what the one sort of indulgence that my wife allows herself is coffee. And I bet that if you're out there listening, I bet there is a true coffee lover in your life. And that is the kind of person who might appreciate a coffee sommelier, a set of coffee experts who would pick something very special for them. And that is

exactly what Trade Coffee offers. They're a coffee subscription service. They make it simple to discover new coffees and make your best cup of coffee at home every day. Jesse, I have been drinking Trade Coffee for the past couple of months and I love it. I had no idea that coffee I made at home could taste so good. Yeah, you go on there, you take a really fun quiz about what you like, how you brew your coffee. We should explain that previously you were making coffee with half coffee beans, half pinto beans. Yeah, I just wanted a little south of the border snap, you know?

I know what you mean. Jordan, you're a guy who makes pod coffee. My wife is a pour over nut. You know, you're a guy who likes a straight ahead cup of Joe. My wife is somebody who wants weird notes and trade coffee. What's cool about it is that they will find the coffee that is right for you, not someone else. And if you're giving it as a gift, they will find the coffee that is right for your gifty. Yeah, it's a really awesome service. I think obviously a perfect gift if you have a coffee nut on your list. But also if you just know somebody who drinks a cup in the

morning and they just get the grocery store stuff because it's cheapest or they don't know that it can be better, you can really stoke them out with a subscription to Trade Coffee. And can I make a suggestion here, Jordan? Please. Get them something really special from Trade, and then head down to the grocery store down by your corner. Pick up a can of Pintos, and the combination is going to make their Christmas. It's going to blow their minds. Treat yourself or the coffee lover in your life with Trade Coffee. Right now, Trade is offering our listeners a total of $30 off a subscription and access

to limited time holiday specials at drinktrade.com slash JJGO. That's drinktrade.com slash JJGO for $30 off drinktrade.com slash JJGO. We're coming to San Francisco, Jordan, and San Francisco Sketch Fest. Yes. It's our first live show in a long time, and we're super glad that it's going to be with Sketch Fest. We've been to just about every edition of the San Francisco Sketch Fest. It's always a great crowd. I literally think we were in the third ever Sketch Fest. If I'm not mistaken, I think it was the third lineups and we're stoked to be a part of it. We're going to have some really awesome guests for you and some extra special JJ Go content. We're going to be at the Gateway Theater at 8 p.m. on February 5th. That's Sunday, February 5th, 8 p.m. at the

Gateway Theater. You can get those tickets right now at sfsketchfest.com, sfsketchfest.com. The links will be all over our social media. And hey, not to brag, but we usually sell this out. So if you're thinking about going, go over there to sfsketchfest.com, grab those tickets now so you have them when the show happens. I'm going to mention too, if you're on the West Coast, anywhere on the West Coast, in any of the major cities, if you're in Los Angeles, if you're in San Francisco, if you're on the West Coast, anywhere on the West Coast, in any of the major cities, if you're in Los Angeles, if you're in San Francisco, if you're in Portland, Seattle, also Denver and Port Townsend, Washington, because the mayor invited us, I'm going to be on tour with Judge John Hodgman right around San Francisco Sketch Fest. So if you live in one of those places,

come get tickets for that. And hey, while we're mentioning stuff, Jesse, I got a cool new comic book project I'd like to tell the listeners about. I just saw this on your Instagram. Yes. I am both pumped and confused. So please explain. It is both exciting and confusing. This is really cool. I've obviously been a comics nut since I was a kid. And this is my first job writing a licensed comic for an established world of characters i've got a new short story in an upcoming anthology of archie comics it is called pop's little chocolate shop of horrors this is part of their archie horror line that puts the familiar gang into uh i'll go ahead and say fucked up scenarios. Well, Jordan, we know you're a little twisted.

I'm a little twisted. Yeah, this is a funny sentence to say, but this Archie comic goes hard. I'm really pumped about that. You know this, Jordan, but for years, I have been pitching a series of historical romances starring the gang from Bazooka Joe. Right. I haven't gotten anywhere with that. Kind of a Bridgerton thing. Yeah. And I'm glad that you finally broke through with this Archie horror thing. I think this is going to be great. And you know what I think? I bet there's a lot of our listeners who've got

a pull list at their local comic shop. Yeah. We know who we're talking to. This comes out on March 22nd, but you can put it on your pull list now. You can call your local comic shop and make sure they get plenty of copies of Pop's Chocolate Shop of Horrors. Yeah, I'm super excited. I got to write a really fun story for this. I'm kind of surprised they let it go as hard as it does. And it's really cool. I'm a big fan of this line, actually. The Archie Horror comics are terrific.

And I'm very excited to be a part of it. So yeah, put it on that pull list, March 22nd. Librarians could order it for their libraries. Librarians could order it. If you're a librarian, grab some copies for that. Graphic designers, get a copy and draw it. There, now we've covered everybody that listens. All the listeners.

Graphic designers, librarians, and people with pull lists. Steve Agee, you could get one too. Yes. You think Steve Agee doesn't have a pull list? Come on. Steve Agee's got a pull list. Well, anyway, at the end of the day, what's important is this. Make sure to get tickets to Steve Agee and pre-order Steve Agee.

Yes. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Kumail Nanjiani, the cat. Yeah. How many A's in that it's seven seven A's wow seven A's

yeah Jordan I think the new technique for our guests to come up with a nickname is gonna be say something they see

but multiply the vowels just something within their line of sight computer yeah exactly is your beautiful cat bagel and i shot no she's not but i should have got yeah i'm camille nangiani jesse zoom window no my my cat is not here she's she is on my mind a lot though because i just i don't know she's older now she's 14 i have a senior cat as well 15 yeah we're very very lucky she's very healthy

very active but somehow in the last year in her now you know she qualifies as a geriatric cat right there's like a new level of cuteness that she's achieved. Yeah. Somehow she's- I'm noticing this too. Yeah. She's leveled up. Her eyes are doughier and she's just,

I don't know. Something's happened and I'm into it. A lot of creatures get doughier the older they get. In my experience. Just to rise. My cat Bug has always been on the chunkier side and i love it i think she's beautiful i love my curvy cat but it's always been something that when i've taken her for her vet visits the vets always mention it's like she's a little you know she could she

could lose a little weight but now that she is a senior cat whenever i take her to the vet they say oh that's it's good she's really keeping on her weight so take her to the vet, they say, ooh, it's good. She's really keeping on her weight. So I guess now that they're older, when they start losing weight, that can mean health problems. But I think the fact that she's chunkier means that she's healthy and rearing to go. That's what my doctor told me. Gave me a good pat in the midsection and said keep that on baby you're looking drunk good job keeping on the job we we just took her to the vet and and now emily won't let me go to the vet with bagel alone because i just fall for all their upsells oh yeah i've come back with cat

toothbrushes which is impossible to use yeah and in our relationship with cat toothbrushes, which is impossible to use. Yeah. And in our relationship, a cat toothbrush is now shorthand for any time I get bamboozled. Right. Which happens. I will pay for anything that they tell me to do for my dogs at the vet. Like literally they could tell me we need $12,000 because your dog's paws are very itchy. And I would be like on the phone with my wife, hey, honey, what can we sell to solve this itch problem? Oscar can't go to Street Fighter camp anymore. How come? It's interesting that it's Street Fighter 2 and not the newer ones. That's what's available at the

trampoline park. It's interesting. When we were playing, he even said to me, you know, this game is really pixelated, but it still looks really good. Well, I think part of it might be because now there's this throwback. There are new video games that go for the pixelated aesthetic. Right. To sort of, you know, for nostalgic purposes purposes i have a strong feeling about this i am strongly anti it oh interesting hot take you don't like a celeste i don't want to name specific games because the games themselves are great i just wish you know when they were pixelated it's because they had to be and i thought those games looked great but i wish they were back then that they were a little less pixelated now i want to what I want to play is games that are a throwback in style, but I want the visuals to be as good as they can be.

I don't want, because it just calls attention to the fact that it's a video game if it's on purpose pixelated now. I want my games to be immersive. And that just puts like a membrane between me and the experience. And I do think it's a little bit lazy. I want to play a 2D platformer game that looks as good as a game can look now. Give me that. I have to say this.

My son, his biggest games that he likes to play here in the house are Fortnite and Minecraft. And Fortnite, I like that they do funny dances. They all wear different backpacks. You turned into a different person. You turned into a bro for, I like that they do funny dances. I mean, I do. They do these little dances. They wear these funny backpacks. They got like a chicken head on or whatever. That's ton of fun i got no beef with that okay i have tried to join oscar in playing mine because oscar really wants to connect with me i'm pretty distant and cold so he's really desperately trying to you're always staring out

at the sea yeah that you're one true love soon i will return to you, my mistress. He's like, can you please play Minecraft with me? You've been doing Scrimshaw for hours. And he will want me to play Minecraft with him. And I have tried to play Minecraft with him, which I think is like, you know, as far as games go for parenting objectives for kids, Minecraft is one of the better ones because it really can be a creative exercise. The building in it is really neat. The things that my son builds in Minecraft are really cool. Like the experience of looking at that hideously ugly screen full of hideously ugly grotesquerie makes me want to put my face through a window.

And I can't even engage with the brilliant creativity part of it because it's so fucking ugly to look at. I mean, I admit I'm basic. I want, I've always been sort of a sucker for good graphics. Good graphics are important to me. I know it's shallow, but still to this day, if a game looks like dazzling, I'm on board. I'm playing God of War Ragnarok right now,

which is also a remarkable game. Nice looking game. On top of maybe the best video game visuals I've ever seen. I want that. I have no shame in saying that. I am, I think, unlike the two of you, I am charmed by a retro aesthetic, but I think that's just because I'm emotionally stunted.

And I want to return to a simpler era before the world crushed me. I mean, the world did really, you know, it crushed a lot of us. What pixelated games are you into? I mean, the world did really, you know, it crushed a lot of us. What pixelated games are you into? I downloaded, and this is a little bit different, but I downloaded that new Ninja Turtles game, Shredder's Revenge.

It's great. It fucking whips ass. It's so good. And it's, it looks, it's not exactly, you know, 1987, but it like, it has the kind of the vibe and, and they up, end of the animation is really nice but that is a like retro ass game that i'm just like this is great i feel like i'm in a pizza place i have no worries my life is going great i won't play i really put a premium on

graphics and animation so i literally will not use the system unless it has blast processing you need blast processing you gotta have it what about mode seven are you into mode seven we love it love it makes it feel like the foot clan is coming right at the screen that's it's so great to do one has it too two comments comments on that. One, I love the Ninja Turtles game. Emily and I played together. It is a blast. How cool would it have been if they had made a game that looked just like the cartoon from the 80s?

Like do that aesthetic. I have a question, Kumail. Who do you main in Ninja Turtles? Well, I'm a Donatello guy. I liked all the- He does machines. He does machines. I liked all the nerdy people and all the things.

I, you know, if there was an Archie game, I would be maining Dilton Doily. I love, I love, I love Donatello. I actually have my Ninja Turtles action figures over here. And Donatello has the best spot. The other thing that a comment all the other ones are are watching donatello fuck abril o'neill that's right it's the nerdy ones that in my narrative are the ones who are finally getting the women right yeah can anybody name modes one to six it's like they started with seven like mode uh seven i remember

really buying into it and having arguments with my friends blast processing if there's younger folks in the audience mode seven was something that they used to sell the super nintendo which caused the effect to make it look like things were coming at the screen or rotating. That's right. In a way that you had not seen in video games before. And maybe the ultimate use of it was in one of the Ninja Turtles games where you could throw the Foot Clan at the screen. And it was very cool. Yeah, I think it was a big, let's get real technical.

Let's get real. Because what they could do is... This is the podcast. Because for the Sega Genesis, which was its competitor at the time, if they made like a little Jesse, to make that little Jesse rotate, they would have to animate every little bit of that Jesse. So they'd have to draw Jesse standing straight. They'd have to draw Jesse at a slight angle, a bigger angle.

This would be, like Kumail, this would be, to be clear, a real treat for these people. Like, this is something that they would love to spend some time with. Just because it's me, you know, kind of their guy. They love it. They're having to animate Jesse 40 times

just to rotate him. If you're going to make Jesse bigger, forget about it. That's weeks of making Jesse slightly bigger. Mode 7 made it so that you could just make one Jesse, hit a button, spin him right around, make him bigger. The Genesis didn't have that. What the Genesis had was

blast processing. That was their Mode 7, and I think that just meant shit can go fast. Shit can go fast. Sonic. Sonic. Echo the dolphin. These are all things that could go fast.

Randall Cunningham. I don't know what that is. Football man. Football guy. That wasn't a Genesis game? That was a Genesis game. You need blast processing for his quarterback scrambles. Okay. You're going to run a bootleg with Randall Cunningham. You're going to need blast processing for his quarterback scrambles. Okay.

You're going to run a bootleg with Randall Cunningham. You're going to need blast processing. Listen, as much as I would love to sit and talk about marketing gimmicks from the 16-bit era of video games, we do have people who have called us on our hotline, 206-9844-FUN, and they're going to let us know about some momentous occasions. Here's one. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. This is Christy from Denver, they, them, calling with a momentous occasion. So I was just walking my dog and I was walking by this apartment building and there was just a mattress seemingly discarded near the sidewalk, which whatever, it happens,

trash. But I had looked up and on one of the balconies right above it was a giant skeleton and his arm was outstretched a bit and it looked as though the skeleton had thrown the mattress off the balcony. And I don't know if these things were related or if this was entirely a coincidence, but it was beautiful and I'm thinking to think about it all day. And I thought y'all should know. Love you. Bye. Love you too,

Christy. They're natural enemies in my opinion. Right. Mattress and skeleton. Mattress and skeleton. I mean, think about if you were going to say what is the opposite of a skeleton you're gonna say mattress right because first of all skeletons made of bones a mattress is made of something different I couldn't honestly tell you why. I think that's a pretty fair assessment of mattresses. It's amazing that we could tell you the minutiae of Super Nintendo and Genesis processors, but we don't know what goes in a

mattress. No one knows. Sponge? Is it a big sponge? It's possible that one of these outfits that's disrupting the mattress industry, your Caspersutes whatever your lisas it's possible one of those is using some bones like it's but it's probably not all but now christy has attached a picture of this and i have i'm gonna go ahead and confirm that this really, there's no exaggeration. It definitely looks like this skeleton has just thrown this mattress out the window. A hundred percent. I am downloading the picture so I can get a look at it. It looks like the skeleton is in the middle of kicking its significant other out of the house.

Just throwing all its shit on the lawn. Oh, this, I i you're so right i thought that it was a stretch that christy had connected these two things but they seem i mean it seems like a scene was set up here yeah the skeleton like the eyes of the skeleton are looking down at the mattress the skeleton's hand is extended and pointing slightly downward as a skeleton would do if a skeleton had just. And I would say one clarifying point here, which is I don't think the skeleton necessarily threw the mattress. I would say that the mattress was like having a smoke on the balcony and the skeleton obviously it's natural enemy right came up behind it and gave it a push foul play yeah that's that's very interesting i want to say one jesse when you said that skeleton and mattresses are opposites i was like this guy

is so full of nonsense and then you explained your reasoning and i completely turned around airtight one's hard one's made of hard one's made of soft very opposite hard and soft natural enemies i represented the aclu in the case of hard versus soft argued that point in front of the supreme court i think i know a little bit about what the opposite of a skeleton is actually before the show was called jordan jessica it was called hard versus soft who's who we'll never tell uh the other thing the other there is i have a counterpoint to why i think they're unconnected because every mattress that is thrown out is thrown out because someone has peed on it. Right. Great point. Skeletons do not have bladders. I do not think the skeleton threw it. I think

the actual explanation is a third explanation, which is it was a person. They were moving their mattress in. They dropped it. They're there. They're waving because they want someone to help them and toss the mattress back up. Denver, very unhelpful city known for it. Yes. Yes. Rude-ass Denver. Nobody has thrown the mattress up. And now that person, it's been so long, they are now a skeleton. Yeah, I think that's true. I think that the person was there asking, like, hey, a little help here. Little help, toss that mattress back up.

And then the citizens of Denver were passing by saying, sorry, I got to go have a craft brew. Yeah, I have to go buy legal marijuana. Yeah, I have to go hiking again. Here in Los Angeles, Jordan, we have the decency to leave hiking as it lays. Thank you. One hike is plenty. Fine. We don't need to do more hikes. Now for this next call, Kumail, just so you know, obviously you're a creative person. You and Emily have done a lot of writing in addition to your performing. We're also really creative. Think of a lot of our own

ideas for segments for this show. So that's what this is. It's people calling in for ideas that we've had. That's not it. For segments on this show that we use all the time, different creative segments that we thought of, not just people calling in to say something miscellaneous to us that they then claim is a segment on our show. Wow.

I'm seeing the hard versus soft dynamic at play right now. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and unknown guest Wow, I'm seeing the hard versus soft dynamic at play right now. because once he starts to go, you should not stop stroking until he is empty. No, that's not about hand jobs. It's from the website opossum.org, explaining how to manually stimulate an orphaned baby opossum so that it can pee and poop. I had a baby opossum in my backyard that got into a fight with a rat and wasn't looking too good. Fortunately, he ended up being fine. Anyway, thanks. Bye. Fortunately, he ended up being fine.

Anyway, thanks. Bye. Wow. This is a story of everyday heroism that you don't ordinarily hear in the mainstream media. Now, if he knew beforehand that saving this adorable baby possum was going to lead to him having to, you know, stimulate it to make it pee and poop, would he have done it? Yeah. Like, would he? Great question.

What is the least cute animal that you would help express a gland of? Oh, that's a great question. That's a very good question. Because a cat, a kitten, I'm there. I'm first in line. Sure. Most dogs, every puppy, i'm there yeah yeah um let's get you pooping little guy is what you say before you start a percentage of humans yeah there sure yeah what is like what is i think i think i stop at eel yeah wow so you're going pretty far down i would

go pretty pretty far down into the trench. Here's the Marianas Trench specifically. That's the one. My favorite trench. Is there any other trench? Not to Jordan. Not to me. I don't recognize any other trench. I mean, it's certainly in the top tranche of trenches. Oh, sure. If we're talking trench tranches to me there is a sort of

uncanny valley that has nothing to do with uncanniness but there's a gap one of that's my favorite valley thank you death can go fuck itself. Yeah. Mine is of the dolls. So we all have, we each have our own. Solid valley. I love the hidden valley. You can dip anything in that valley. Yeah, great ranch there. Great ranch.

I would say I would be glad to express an eel. It would be no problem to me to express an eel because it is in a category of non-animal-like animals. I think I completely understand what you're saying. It is as much kelp as it is beast, okay? Right. You might as well express a chair, right? Exactly. And the same applies to most undersea creatures to me, like most fish, like a tuna, like a big tuna. I would gladly express that, you know, I would express it in one of those shallow pools at the science

museum. You know what I mean? Yeah. If that's what they said, they said, touch a real, they have asked you not to do that again. Yeah. But if they said, touch a real sea have asked you not to do that again yeah but if they said touch a real sea urchin express the glands of a tuna you know that kind of thing i would be right like touch do like make a sea an enemy open and close i'd be glad to do that it's the more it would be like a mangy coyote that i wouldn't feel comfortable expressing it It's the tweeners that I wouldn't feel. And I would express almost any lizard on the same principle. So you're saying a mangy coyote is too obviously an animal. You have hesitation.

Anything to you that is like an eel, you can argue is more of an object than a being. An eel is substantially a type of kelp. And most lizards are part rock. Right. Whereas... Mattress is opposite of skeleton. Yes, sure.

These are all just science facts that we knew, we learned when we read Encyclopedia Britannica. Heart hates soft. Heart hates soft. Heart hates soft. Magicians are opposite of skeletons. Trench trotch. Saying stuff. Heel is a kelp. All this stuff.

But I think you follow what I'm saying. There are mammals that are lower on the mammal list that I would not feel comfortable expressing. Whereas almost any lizard, because it's substantially a rock, I don't have a problem expressing. I agree with the basics of your reasoning. Fundamentally, very sound. The specifics of your reasoning, I have issues with. I agree with you on eel.

Eel is a kelp. I'll express that all day. Any kind of mollusk, I'm there. Right. To me, a tuna is in the realm of animal. And hence, I don't want to be there doing it. Not a cute enough animal to me. Okay.

Same with, what was another animal that you mentioned you would express? Well, my concern was mangy coyote. I would express almost any lizard because they're part rock. Lizard, I would say too much of an animal to me. I'm not expressing lizards. And not cute. Emily thinks lizards are very cute.

And she seems to think that's the standard opinion on lizards. She thinks it's weird that I don't think lizards are cute. What do you guys think of lizards? I'm team Emily. Love a little lizard. When they're scurrying around. Oh, yeah. Kumail, what about when they're doing those little push-ups? Horrible. Go home. I hate the push-ups. Although if the lizard's done enough push-ups, it's allowed to look into the camera lens while

it's shooting a TV show. Right. Wow. Eternal star Kumail Nanjiani slams lizards on Unlistened To podcast. I would say. Guys, I'd love to get into this a little bit more, but can we take a break while I express the eel, if you know what I mean? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse, go. Hi, everyone. I'm Anna McLeod. And I'm Alexis B. Preston. And we host a show called Comfort Creatures,

the show for every animal lover, be it a creature of scales, six legs, fur, feathers, or fiction. Comfort Creatures is a show for people who prefer their friends to have paws instead of hands. Unless they are raccoon hands, that is okay. That is absolutely okay, yeah. Yes. Every Thursday, we'll be talking to guests about their pets, learning about pets in history, art, and even fiction. Plus, we'll discover differences between pet ownership

across the pond. It's going to be a hoot on Maximum Fun. Hi, everybody. My name la, la, la. Hi, everybody. My name is Justin McElroy. And I'm Sydney McElroy. Dr. Sydney McElroy. That is true. It's important in this context because we host a medical history podcast called Sawbones.

Oh, I thought we were going to. We shouldn't have worked on that. Sawbones. Sawbones isn't afraid to ask the hard-hitting questions like, are vaccines as safe and reliable as they want us to believe? Yes. Do I have to get a flu shot? Yes. Okay. Is science a miracle? No. We have a lot of great history for you and a lot of laughs. And sometimes the history is so bad that there's no laughs, but you'll learn something. You'll feel something. And it's always Sawbones. That's right.

Every week on Maximum Fun. Dot org. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Kamal Nanjiani, the cat. Seven A's every time. Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

Kumail, did they let you keep your wardrobe from the television program miniseries, Welcome to Chippendales? They asked me. Other people kept them, but other people wore fabulous things. I just wore boxy suits the color of different parts of the earth. And I said, no, I didn't want, I did not want them.

And I kind of wanted to get rid of this guy from my life. Did you at the very least pick up one of those cuff and collar sets? Yes. Do have those. Yeah. This is interesting that you mentioned this. I was thinking while I was watching the show, I know these outfits are supposed to be telling us that this guy is you know uptight in all business

i think they look great i think you look great in the brown suits i really do i was jealous of the brown suits i wanted one i wanted the little glasses i have gotten to fall back in love with suits by the way. As a kid, loved suits. I remember going to an uncle's wedding, fitted for a suit, like a little suit, felt like a king. And then up until I would say quarantine, hated suits. And then in quarantine, had no occasion to wear suits at all. And now slowly going back out into the world, wearing suits again, really on board with suits again oh i love it i'll encourage people who are out there on social media take a look at

camille's social media get a peek at his outfit from the avatar premiere that's a suit that's a i love that suit so much and the word on it in the comments is mixed but you know fuck the haters i'm right the haters that's good it's a good suit i love that suit i like a little swing with the suit you know like have fun have fun do something when you say a little swing with the suit you mean to have the dick out yes it has so what it is is it's got a transparent window over the crotch a viewing panel a viewing panel and part of the the the jacket is cut off to make sure that it never you know hides the viewing panel yeah mine mine has one of those sort of um a bubble or dome shaped viewing panels that's just to equalize the pressure right because it needs the the strength yeah or else it would shatter because you don't

want your you don't want your dick to get the bends no it's really helpful when you're deep sea diving or flying to get that yeah now do you exchange that viewing panel with other suits or do you have multiple viewing panels? That's a great question. Parometric pressure equalizers. That's a great question, Kumail. I mean, obviously between your remarkable physique and your status as a film star and Hollywood icon, you know, I'm sure you have designers building new custom

viewing panels right bespoke viewing panels yeah they're sized perfectly to my you know right so for me i'm obviously buying ready to wear and with that of course comes ready to view and that will usually have a standard armature so i spent the money on the good plexi i got a good viewing panel and i just purchased a standard size so i could slot it into whatever suit i was wearing right so it's not bespoke but it's a good fit it's smart yeah's, look, made to measure has come a long way with the lasers and the digital fittings and, you know, custom factories these days. For a really good price, you can get what they call a semi-custom viewing panel. Well, the technology has come a long way because I don't know if you've played NBA 2K, you know, you can scan your face and put it into the game with your iPhone. They have that now for viewing panels.

So you can, if you do a 360 with your iPhone on your member, they can get one. That's pretty close, you know? Well, with Jesse, it's more of a 260, if you know what I mean. Oh, I'm soft. He's hard. Oh, I'm soft. He's hard. Yours isn't fully 3D.

It's a little bit pixelated. No, it's incredible, though. It's retro. It's a retro. It's like it's from the 80s. Jordan, I know you're not a huge sports game guy. Maybe, you know, I know you were a big fan of like those kind of, what was that called? Baseball 3000. What was the one where the base wars?

Oh yeah, sure. Future baseball. Yeah. Baseball simulator 1000, base wars, mutant league football, all the great sci-fi sports mashups. Mutant league football, you said? Yeah. Do you remember mutant league football?

Yes. So good. Yeah. There are monsters and robots playing each other yeah oh my god so here's the thing you're you're more traditional sports games jordan in the year since you were last playing sports games have gotten really realistic and part of that is recreating you know it's like you want to be able to have dominique Wilkins' windmill dunk exactly reproduced or to see, you know, the perfect curvature of Kevin Durant's schlong. Mm-hmm.

Right. You feel like you're watching the game on television when you can see the outline of the member of Chris Stapp's Porzingis, for example. How far we've come. What an age we live in. Well, hey, I don't have to feel like I'm watching sports on TV because my TV is already filled with Welcome to Chippendales. Can we get the Chippendales honks as unlockables in the 2K games? What a great idea. And you wouldn't even need all the technology to see the outlines of their members because it's all out there. Yeah.

It's right there. It's in the show. You don't need the physics of the shorts and the contouring and all that. Leave nothing to the imagination. That's the tagline for Welcome to Chippendales. Leave nothing to the imagination. You don't need the shading of the shorts and everything.

It's a long one. The whole show is a viewing panel. The show is great. I think it has all the best parts of prestige TV but also a little true crime a little a little sleaze sex and rock and roll the suits we mentioned the soundtrack is fucking great i i love this show i i hope people check it out what i was saying to kumail when kumail is nice enough to come on bullseye recently. One of the things I really liked about this is that, you know, despite what could be a

really campy subject, it is a very real and grounded story that isn't about the camp. And Kumail, who does some very serious acting in a very serious role, also gets to be funny in a way that does not undercut that seriousness or that groundedness. There are a lot of moments where Kumail's sort of slyness, his natural slyness, comes out in that character in just little bits and pieces here and there that are not like anti-character moments, but just little grace notes that I really enjoyed. There's a great line where you're trying to get people to come into, you're trying to like get women to come into Chippendales and you say, come in, come in. The men are all in great shape and they're great listeners.

They're all in great shape. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, that was, you know, that was something you discover as you start shooting because I was like, OK, this is the most serious role I've done. But then naturally, you know, I think all of us as people who are on this podcast are always kind of looking to make jokes. Right. And so as that character, I was like, what can I get away with? What makes sense in the story, the tone for this guy? What can I get away with? So that was really fun to do. It was also really fun, you know, you guys haven't, once you get to the last three episodes of the show, it turns so, it's so intense. And so, you know, I love it. It's so fun. But it's so intense. And his character grows. So he sort of backed into a corner and in such a tough spot that all those little sort of what you call them grace notes, Jesse. So I'll use that term, even though, you know, it seems a little arrogant for me to for me to use it. But all those weird little moments of levity really, I think, make the intense stuff later more impactful because you've seen a little bit of fun from this guy. So when you see him really go the other way, that contrast I think makes it more powerful.

To me, the most incredible moments are in those last couple of episodes where we see your character who's been through so much. I mean, like I don't, I don't want to get into spoilers that much, although this is the historical record, but don't, I don't want to get into spoilers that much, although this is the historical record, but he's, he's founded this club. He's nearly failed. He's come back. He's

been with these business partners. He's had strife with these business partners. He's going through legal challenges. And there are these incredible moments where your character just comes straight at the screen, like gets really big, just comes straight at the screen. And I thought that was extraordinary because I had seen other miniseries where they just went really fast. But when I saw you come straight at the screen and then rotate, I knew I was seeing something good. Michael Angelo threw you at the screen. Yeah. I mean, you know, the good thing was with Hulu money, they didn't have to animate me slightly bigger each time.

Right. You just press a button and Hulu cameras can do that. You know, it's Disney. So they've obviously got that. Blast processing. When we did our true crime miniseries for Quibi, the number of times they had, the number of frames they had to create of us as we spun and got bigger coming towards the camera,

an essential part of any true crime miniseries. A lot of the budget goes into that. This is what they said to me, Kumail. They said, wow, we bit off a lot more than a quick buy. This is a trench tranche. I don't think anybody can argue. They genuinely did. Yeah.

Yeah. So, you know, the show, as we get to episode seven and eight, it gets really intense. People are rotating, flying into the camera. We weren't able to go that fast you know warner brothers has that technology but i don't i think it's overrated well warner brothers is better for sports gaming sports games are better on warner brothers right like if you want the fineness of the graphics you're going to want to go to hulu right if you need a character running around collecting useless gold rings so that they don't die if they get hit by a spike sure now technically warner brothers does what hulu don't right yeah but but hulu does what warner brunt yeah sure great point great point thanks Great point. Thanks, Kamil. We really brought that one around.

You start talking, you don't know how it's going to end, and then you get there and you're like, okay, I could have stayed home. Well, Kamil, it's always nice to see you, pal, and congratulations on the show. I really enjoyed it. It's called Welcome to Chippendales. It's on the Hulu network. You can load it up there on your Hulu and watch all the different episodes.

That's how I'd recommend enjoying it. And I would sit back from the TV as you get to the last episode. Right. Because you're going to be afraid Kumail is in your house coming at you. Yeah. You will get hurt if you're closer than six feet. And do not watch those episodes in a Nickelodeon because if you're in a Nickelodeon, it's going to be mass hysteria

as Kumail comes towards the screen. You don't want to get headbutted. Yeah. Let's see. Our producer on the program, Daniel Zafran. Our theme music, Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records.

You can find us on social media. We are at JordanJesseGo on Twitter, facebook.com slash Jordan, Jesse go. We are on Instagram at Jordan, David Morris and at put dot this dot on, and you can chat with us on Reddit, maximum fun dot reddit.com. Very fun, positive Reddit area. Reddit, uh, one of the less toxic social medias these days. Who saw that coming? Fun flip. Is it that they got better

or did everyone else take it up a notch? Hard to say. It's the other thing. The second thing you said. Kumail's show is called Welcome to Chip and Dale's. Go check that out. And we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse, go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you next time on Jordan Jesse go maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned audience supported