Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Maybe Mummy, with Jeremy Bent

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

On today’s episode, we welcome Mission to Zyxx's Jeremy Bent to the show to chat with us about EuroVision, wisdom teeth, Kentucky landmarks, and much more.* Follow Jeremy on Instagram.*Check out the latest episode of Mission to Zyzz. *Pre-order Jordan’s new Web of Venom comic.*Catch Jesse and Judge John Hodgman LIVE for Night Court at the Bell House in NYC on March 6th and 7th!*See Jordan Morris at Collector’s Paradise on February 22 where he’ll be signing Predator comics!*Check out a Predator Double Feature with Jordan Morris at the Friday Cinema on February 26th!*Catch Jordan at Books with Pictures in Eugene, Oregon on February 28th where he’ll be signing copies of Predator!*Join Jordan Morris and the Doughboys Live at The Aladdin Theater on February 28 or on March first at the Neptune Theatre.* Celebrate 25 years of Bullseye!* Order Jordan’s new Predator comic: Black, White & Blood!* Order Jordan’s new Venom comic!* Donate to Al Otro Lado.* Purchase signed copies of *Youth Group* and *Bubble* from Mission: Comics And Art! ~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~Get  Bronto Dino-Merch!Get our ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Follow producer, Jordan Kauwling, on Instagram.Thank you to our engineer, Gabe Mara! 

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Under the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and suck and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm the Colonel Jesse Thorne. Oh, Jordan Morris Boy Detective. Uh, title change question mark? Uh, Jordan.

Yes. It's finally happened. Uh, thank you to Chris on Blue Sky for pointing out to me that in early December I was officially registered as a Kentucky Colonel. K-E-R-N-E-L? Yes. A corn? Sorry if that sounds corning.

Jesse, corn? A corn? You know what? Oh, that's funny fun. Jesse Corn. New nickname. Jesse corn.

Can I finish before we introduce our guests? Yeah. Before we introduce our guests. Yeah, fine. I'll go ahead and shuck off. You've got my ear. this is going to be a good episode, says the listener. To their wife.

Who hates the show? Or husband who hates the show. That's true. Many husbands hate our show. Listen, spouses everywhere can hate the show. Equal opportunity. Does your spouse hate the show? 206-9844.

Fun. Hold your phone up to the spouse. Let them talk. As long as somebody is willing to come with them to the live show, whether it's a spouse. a doorman from their apartment building in New York. Right. Somebody from their bar trivia team.

You got it. Okay. Jeremy Bent is our guest on the program. Jeremy is one of the hosts of the Eurovangelists. That's right. He's also one of the stars of Mission to Zix, which has a brand new season. But we're not talking about that yet now because I'm only introducing Jeremy because he interjected because I'm going to finish saying what I needed to say about being a That's great.

Yeah, Jeremy, this is something Jesse has dreamed of for many years. Many years. Two listeners claimed to have made me a Kentucky colonel some years ago. So maybe I, despite us having talked about this several times on the show, don't quite know how this works. Jordan, I don't know how it works. Don't look at me. But what powers does it grant you, I don't know. Okay.

I think I can shoot a man. I think I can shoot a man. I think I can put anything in a pouch and carry it over a border. Cool. Well, but only a border with Kentucky. Is an ass a pouch? Yeah. And is anything a dick?

Because if it's in the pouch, then it is. So I want to thank. Okay. So those listeners, it was two listeners. Okay. And whatever they needed to do didn't get done. And I believe in my heart that they were people of good faith. Right.

And they attempted. But I didn't make it onto the registry for whatever reason. So this is something to be a Kentucky colonel. Like, I mean, is Colonel Sanders the most famous? Yeah. I mean, the Colonel, the manager of Elvis Presley, I think, was also a Kentucky Colonel. I might be mistaken about that. I didn't see the definitive biography.

And you know, there is a similarity here because Jesse is keeping me hooked on drugs so that I'll perform in Vegas. Oh, sure. Yeah. And I keep putting you in Hawaii movies. Yeah. I am not good in them. And he made you do that Christmas special? Oh, God, the Christmas special. I almost forgot about it because they're the drugs!

Jordan, admit it. You love beach parties. You love beach parties. Here's some more drugs. I do love beach parties. Okay. But thank you to Andy, who apparently was the person who put me over the edge. You have to be nominated, I think, by another Kentucky colonel.

It's like becoming a Mason or something. Okay. Now I don't know what my responsibilities are. Sure. I don't know what I get. You gotta get something. There's gotta be a lodge. You know how they're like a moose lodge?

Sure. Or an elk sludge. An elk sludge. There's got to be a kernel hutch or something you can go into. I would take a lapel pin. That'd be fun. Yeah.

Like maybe of a little string tie. Sure. Or a drumstick of chicken. There you go. What are the herbs and spices, Jesse? I have to know. But I also... Do you get access to that?

Do they tell you all 13? I also... Do you get Coleslaw in the mail? Yes, I do get Coleslaw in the mail. I also want to thank another blue sky user named Crucial Conflict. I want to thank them... Great New York hardcore band. Yeah.

I want to thank them for letting me know. And I guess I should have known this, but I'm a little too modest to kind of realize something like this. But I am now one letter away from a K-Sog. Okay. So this is an egot-like honor. Okay, I got the K. The K is Kentucky, Kentucky Colonel.

That's correct. Okay. Well, let's try and guess with the other ones. Yeah. K-S-O-G. A simp. A simp. Kentucky Colonel, Simp.

It's a simp. I mean, I simp for the colonel. Right. Daddy. What are the spices, Daddy? O-G podcaster? Yeah, so it's Kentucky Colonel. Simp. OG.G. Podcaster. Last letters, P. G. G. A goddamn great dad.

It is actually a K-Sog, which is a, I think a lot of people are probably yelling it at their podcast machines right now. Everybody knows this. That K is Kentucky Colonel. S. SAG eligible. S. SAG eligible. O is Oscar. That's the one I don't have. Okay. Okay. And then G is Metro Santa Cruz, Gold. the award. Hey. Okay. So you're only one away. Just got to get that Oscar. I only want away. I just got to get an Oscar. You know, composers get it a lot. That's what I feel like best song is my root. Yeah. Oh, totally. That's how like John Legend got it, you know. Yeah. So yeah, just like, and you know, the songs that win best Oscar. Like, these aren't like hit songs that are on the radio. They just like happen to be in a big movie. Yeah. And they have common on them.

Yes, common participates. Alicia Keys in common. That would help. That would help. Maybe Adele in common? Yeah. I feel like Billy Eilish these days, maybe that'll get you on Oscar. I believe it. Yeah, yeah. She did the Bond theme. Okay. Oh, you could do the Bond. Yeah, do a Bond theme. People love those. As soon as they get that new

bond sorted out. Yeah. Tell them. Sometimes if I find the Rat Boy to play Bond. Oh, it's going to be a rat boy. There's going to be an RVB? No, it's going to be a rat boy. Our first RBB? Oh, yeah. Barry Koehwin is Bonn. Just got to be Kogan. Sorry.

Who's going to be Bond, Jordan? Kilgin. James Bond? Yes. Kilgan. Barry Kilgan. Barry Kilgan's going to be James Bond? Kogan.

Barry Kilgan. Usually Bond drinks a martini. This guy's drinking Velvita. Shakin, not stirred. Because he's a rat. Because he's a rat. People aren't talking about rap boys anymore. No, rap boys is kind of yesterday's news.

Who are the new boys? That's a great question. Yeah. It was last. year was rap. Was last year of the year of the rap boy? I think it's, I think of these looks maxers are the new boys. Okay.

Maybe we'll give a looks maxer. Look, I recently had looks maxing explained to me. So that's where. And you were like, I've been doing this my whole life. Oh, yeah. This is you call it Jordaning. Uh, because I'm always shipping away my bone so that my cheeks become more angular. Some of them.

Yeah. I think it's about artificially achieving angular cheeks and then like sexual harassment. Okay. It's a combination of those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely don't have angular cheeks. I got real roundies, so it's going to take a lot of bone chipping. Yeah.

Well, start now. You'll never be a rat boy, Jordan. I'll never be a rat boy. You're going to have to wait for a gerbil boy to come around. A cherub, a cherub lad. Anytime I hear stuff about like, oh, yeah, that we shave down the bones or the jawline or whatever, I'm like, I just have this image of a surgeon being in there and having like a jeweler's loop and like cracking the cheekbone like it's a oh i got to split this gem far into body

horror but like this early so i had jaggedy teeth sure crookedy teeth from a childhood of poverty and i had many many visits to the dentist i did go to the dentist and the dentist would say well we probably don't have to do anything you're like i don't like this yeah this reticence So finally, I'm like, I'm in show business. I'm 35 years old or however old I was at the time. I'm just going to get Invisalines. Right? Like, I'm just going to go get Invisalines.

What could it possibly cost, you know? It costs $2,000 over two years. You know, I'm like, I can get together $80 a month for a permanent. So I went to this dentist office, beautiful, gorgeous dentist office, terrible classical music playing all the time, like fake classical music, like Montevani type classical music. everyone has clearly chiseled their cheekbones, every single person in there. And then they were like, well, we're gonna,

I had a baby tooth that was just still a baby tooth. Sure. You had a baby tooth that's an adult? Yeah. Wow. It had just never come out. Okay. And they were like, we're going to take this out

because otherwise your teeth are too tightly packed together. You got an extra tooth. Exactly. Yeah. So we're going to take this out. That's going to give room for your teeth to be straighter or whatever, right? Okay. And fix your bite or whatever.

And when they took it out, they just banged on it with a hammer. Yeah. Like, I had no idea that's what getting a tooth out was. I thought that they could somehow snip it from underneath. Nope. But, bang. They, like, split it in pieces. They had to, like, bang it until it broke because it was though it was a rock that was

too big for one guy to pick up. I don't want to keep going down this, because you have some listener out there who has, like, dental horror. I also want to say, I can't organize. unless I'm watching a car crash. Okay. It seems related, but not exactly. And I turned into a fly.

Oh, you'll say. Cron and bird movie. When I had my wisdom teeth out, three of them came right out. Fourth one was impacted. So it's not standing straight up. It's like at an angle. And so they had to shatter it and pull out the bits.

Oh boy, the bits. But I, you know, was on drugs. But I was not unconscious. And so what I remember is, a man pushing very hard on my face and like hitting my mouth with a hammer. It's so crazy. It's nuts. They didn't put me on drugs.

But I was on, I mean, I had like Novacane, but like they had a drip. I was, yeah. So they had not given me any drug drugs, only numbing. So it's just like, you're just sitting there and you're like, I guess I just have to accept that a man's hitting my face with a hammer. But since it's a baby tooth, tooth fairy can come for that, right? Yeah, tooth fairy did come for that. And because he broke it into a number of pieces.

I got $40. Wow. You just got to spread out those fragments. Like another one. Plus the interest. Plus the interest. Plus I put together a little trap and I caught the bitch. Wow.

Yeah, she lives under a bell jar in my house. Oh, wow. Okay. So you've kind of got like a saw thing going on with the tooth fairy. Yeah, and what's great about it is all the suffering of all the children out of the world who don't get anything for their teeth. Right, because the tooth fairy is under a bell jar. Under a bell jar. In my house.

Do other countries have the tooth fairy? Is that just a U.S. thing? They probably got like a bear or something. Yeah, there's some like, right? It's like a stag that visits you during twilight. Yeah, if you look up Finland. And then one country has a weird racist thing that they still do for some reason. And it's Denmark.

Sorry Denmark. It's probably you. Oh, wait. No, okay. So I'm glad that we brought up countries doing weird things. Okay. I'm not going to ask you to tell me which Eurovision contestants nations are racist. Okay.

That's Switzerland. What Eurovision contestants, or I guess they're in national competitions right now to find out who's going to Eurovision? Yeah. Or they're just picking somebody. What are the strangest current performers? Oh, boy. What are the contenders that are at the top of the weirdo heap? Nobody has picked anything, I think, super weird yet.

people know what the Eurovision's song contest is now it's a contest between all of the nations of Europe plus a few other miscellaneous countries It's a contest between most of the nations of Europe Peacock on the map Is that currently the streaming service that has Eurovision That's correct Okay and then

I think it's on CISO CISO Yeah it's on CISO So if you remember your login you can catch it Coming soon after a new Harmon quest But Finland frequently sends weirdos They're sort of famous for sending weird entries I'm dying to see

there's a band in Lithuania called Black Biceps who last year... Is this a... We headed down a Swiss path here. No, no, no, no, no. Swiss tooth fairy. They're like a six guy, like...

I'm not going to call it ska, but like there's an accordion, and it's sort of like Eastern European ska. Right. And they had a song last year that was great. And this year, their song is called Let Him Cook. And I'm like, oh, man, I'm really written. for these guys.

Here's my casual observation. Hit me. It's a casual Eurovision fan. I, like, every time someone's like, hey, you got to check out this classic Eurovision video on YouTube. Sure. This one, this was, you know, Germany's entry in, you know, 1991, and I'll watch it and it'll be some crazy, campy thing.

Yeah. And it'll be a lot of fun. And then, you know, because I liked these so much, and I kind of like the idea of, like, going to Eurovision parties and stuff, it's so much fun. I've tuned into modern, Eurovision's on Quibi. I've logged into Quibi.

You can tune them in quick bites. Yeah. But I'll like watch your modern Eurovision. I'm like, these are cool. It maybe feels a little normy to me. Is there a like, is Eurovision still weird? And if not, do people want it to be weird? Eurovision is definitely still weird.

I think there is a lot more money going into the production of Eurovision now than there was then, which encourages more normy stuff. Okay. But that also means, When weirdos get into Eurovision, the budgets are insane. Okay. Like last year, one of the big songs that ultimately did not do very well in the grand final, but it was extremely popular, was a woman named Miriana Conte from Malta with her song.

Okay. So number one, the fact that Malta gets its own competitor, extraordinary, because that means you are set up perfectly for the combination of six singers in the nation and 42 tax-dodging billionaires to fund them. Yeah. This woman, Mirionicante, had a song that was called Serving, the chorus of which was Dore Mifah Soso serving Kant. But Kant in Maltese means singing.

Uh-huh. That's fun. And so the E.B.U said you, originally she called the song Kant, but they were like, or serving Kant, but E.B.U was like the European broadcast. Union was like, you cannot enter that song. And so she renamed it serving. But that just meant at Eurovision, there was a stadium full of 15,000 people yelling, cunt as loud as they possibly could. And snatch means dance, right? Yes, exactly. In Maltese? Yeah, of course. But she had a huge budget. She had a whole sequence where everyone's like bouncing on yoga balls. It was fantastic.

Other weirdo songs from last year. There was six women from Latvia called Tautumetas, who do like traditional Latvian music. And they had this whole thing where like all six of them were like these weird witches. And because they had the budget for it, they had this crazy digital background where briefly all of them had these like super long tails for like 30 seconds. Then I went away and you're like, God, I love this competition. Sounds like maybe I'm not watching the right Eurovision. Yeah, yeah.

Australia last year had a guy named Gojo who had a song called Milkshake Man about how he's driving all across the land. I want to shake as much milk as I can. It's a song about sucking dick, and it's, uh, he had an insane stage show where he put women in blenders. So come as milk? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Did I make that clear? Milk is a sauce word. Right. Yes. We, we have taken a little bit of a break from this running segment, but from time to time on the show, we do point out certain words that are cum words. Yeah. In this, in this, in this one, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's a very horny song. It was not even the most horny

song last year. I have noted that. I think the horniness is like a national display of horniness is kind of beautiful. Yeah. The true winner for last year's horniness award was Eric Hikman from Finland, who had a song called Iikkome, meaning I'm coming. And it was not subtle. But it was great. Are the people that competed? Are they like pop stars in their native lands? A lot of them, yeah. Like a lot of them are big artists, like Tautumaitis, the Latvian women I mentioned. They had been an artist in Lafia for like 10 years. And they had tried to get in before because a lot of times winning the like national competition within their country is a very big deal. One of the weirdest things about Eurovision, it goes back to 1956. But Eurovision is a knockoff of an Italian song

competition called San Remo because San Remo predates Eurovision by like two or three years. And within Italy, winning San Remo is a much bigger deal than winning Eurovision. You're a lifetime supply of canned tomatoes. Yeah. I mean, think about the value. You were telling us this pre-poreau. but I didn't know this. You and the other evangelists got to go last year? We went last year, yeah. Is it in a different country every year? It's in the country of whoever won it the year before.

Yeah. And then that country hosts it for the following year. So two years ago. Switzerland won? Yeah. The first non-binary artists to ever win Eurovision, this artist called Nemo from Switzerland, won with a song called The Code,

which is about their non-binary experience. very good. They won. So Switzerland got to host. They chose Basel, which is not a huge city in Switzerland, but it was super nice. It's the art capital of Switzerland. It had a lot of great museums. Home of art, Basel. Exactly. And then... Big wristwatch town. Huge wristwatch town. You couldn't find somebody without a wristwatch town. But then Austria won last year, so it's going to be in Vienna in May this year. I bet the little town, whatever town host Eurovision, I bet it becomes fun. It does become fun. I bet that draws a fun crowd.

It does draw a fun crowd and it was a good time. And especially on like Saturday is like the day, well, sort of happens like Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, like semi-final one, semi-two and then the grand final. And that whole week, they're showing it publicly all over town. There's all these like, you know, pop-up things happening. We really had an excellent time there. It was very, very fun. Do people flip their shit when they see the six Lafian women walking down the street holding

hands or whatever? I don't know that you would know them on site out, like, because a lot of them have these very intense costumes and stuff. So like, a lot of them, if they were just running regular people clothes. I've seen ones where the people look like they're in Guar. Yeah. I mean, I think maybe my favorite Eurovision video is a werewolf who drums upside down. Oh. Is that a famous one? That's not an unfamous one. I'm sure if my co-host were here, he would name it immediately, but I have seen the video you're talking about. I do, like to me, that's Eurovision. And when I watch something and someone who's like, ah, this is like a less weird lady Gaga. I'm like, where's the werewolf drumming upside down?

But the one you're talking about, Jesse, is a band from Finland called Lordy that won Eurovision in 2006 with a song called Hard Rock Hallelujah. It's great. It's a terrific song. But yes, they wear full-on monster makeup. There's a mummy on keyboards. There's a guy named Mr. Lordy who has wings and hooves who sings leads. They just have a mummy in there? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, there's a mummy in there. Now, see, I feel like that is dispensual. European touch would be to add a mummy. Right. I don't think any American Guar-style band would think to have a mummy. Except for, probably, Boris Pickett probably had a mummy in his band. In the crypt-kickers? Yeah.

You better believe it. I'd do a bit of mummy in there. At least had a mummy roadie. Yeah. But, like, I think you would mostly have your more Gothic monsters. I mean, they had a whole bevy of monsters on stage, but yes, I think maybe mummy, if you don't want to do full corpse paint. Sure.

You know, like... Maybe a simpler... Maybe mummy's just filling in. I will say them. Like, I play the keyboards. The mummy is a she. But the mummy does have most of her face exposed, so there is still a ton of monster makeup on her.

Is she totally stacked? Well, you know... I've always wanted to see a stacked mummy. See, the problem with the bandages is it, you know, pushes everything down. Right. Right, right. And hey, let's, let's, you know, I'll just go ahead and acknowledge this. Mummies can be women.

And I'm sorry that I assumed. Yeah. And can I take an opportunity to say, all tits on mummies are beautiful. Thank you. Not just, not just big jugs. Big, huge. Everything from AAA to triple D is hot if it's covered in dusty bandages in the curse of a thousand years. Yes.

Yeah. We love all memories on a month. We celebrate mummeries. Yes. Hey, mummies, if you're out there, dump them out. We want to see your decomposed tits. And you know what? If you're a mummy mummer, let us know.

Drop us a line if you march in that parade in Philadelphia. Yeah, if you're celebrating the change of seasons somewhere, and you're a mummy. And you're a mummy. Let us know. I took a class in college called English ritual dance and drama that was taught by an Englishman. who... All right. Yeah.

What college did you go to? Boston University. Okay. Uh-huh. Do you, what did you, did you retain anything from it? I mean, I could, if I had seven other people,

I could do a bunch of the dances. Your professor was... Oh, you did the dancing. That's the class. J.D. Vance. Yeah, yeah. No, his name was Tony Barron, and he apparently was like a global expert

in like Mummer's plays and Morris dancing. Wow. Yeah. I watched a television program because there was a period. Jordan knows this. You don't. But there was a period where my child would only watch holiday themed television programs. Okay, sure.

And I really was scraping the fucking bottom of the barrel. Yeah, you're hitting the, like, there's a lot of Frazier's is. Yeah, okay. But like, I don't want to watch Fraser every day. Especially only the Christmas episodes of Frasier. Yeah, and look, they're good. I mean, Fisher's a good show. But like, I don't want to watch a shit ton of Frazier.

And then all of a sudden, you're just like, God, what am I going to watch at home improvement, you know? Sure. So I noticed on my PBS living app a show called A Tudor Christmas. And it's hosted by this English woman who is sort of like one of those lisping professor twits of England. Only she's a kind of attractive lady. Okay. Which is really confusing. But there's a...

Doesn't sound confusing to me. Yeah, I mean, put her in a car accident and I think I can... rapper in ceremonial gauze. Stuff her mouth with sawdust. But it was great. Don't they do to mummies? It was great because they did. Brain out the nose with a hook.

Brain out the nose. It seemed like a pretty high production value thing for England. Yeah. But what that meant was there was like a cast of roughly seven. Okay. But then they're like shooting in real castle. Like they have access to actual castles. Sure.

But then they just have six people doing mummies. or something to show you what mumbing is like. And then all of a sudden, she's surrounded by a world of mummery. Yeah, we had to learn the dances. We had to do them in, like, the big plaza at school as part of our final. You had a recital. Yeah, we had to, like, do mummer. At the university?

Yeah. In public? Yeah. Holy shit. We had to do mummers plays in front of, like, the student union. What is a mummers play? They're frequently, like, medieval miracle plays. Uh-huh.

You know, of like, oh, we're going to, like, there's some sort of conflict. and then someone's going to killed and then they're brought back to life because it's also a changing of the seasons thing. Okay, sure, sure. Okay. Man, the post-mummers play parties had to have been. Oh, they were sick.

They were crazy. Mommies everywhere. Yeah, a lot of bandages. You go through a lot of bandages, but it's worth it. Yeah, I bet. No, a car crashes. A lot of car crashes, yeah. Was this just like to fill a requirement

or were you like legitimately? It was an anthropology crisis. it. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. But like, four of my friends were in the class, and we were like, let's all take it together. And so we did, because I think another friend of ours had told us, you have to take this class.

Do you and those friends get together like once a year and mum? And mum? And dance the dances of the Morris tradition? No, but I do still see most of them, yeah. Do you know any Morris dancing songs? They're all like, they're all like jigs and reels. I'm like, God, what? Oh, what were the names of those songs?

They, because he had a. T.A. who would just play piano the whole time. Sumer is a coomanin? It's a lot of stuff like that. I wish I could remember the names of them, but that was... Hoist the Thistles of Brambles. Yeah, nearly... I guess. Yeah, like, we had to buy his book because, you know, it's college.

And so I think I still have... Can you make people buy your book? Yeah. Teach a college class? That is like every college class I ever had. It's like, you got to buy the professor's book about whatever. Remember all those visits to the dentist I was telling you about? Mm-hmm.

I think most of those were paid for by my mom not selling her book. My mom did have a book published. Oh, yeah? But not her book. But my mom would just put together her, like, a curriculum just down at the copy place and then sell it to the students for 50 bucks or something. Ooh, good. I have bought photocopied versions of a professor's book.

But he had a book called All Copper and No Brass, which is like a part of like a mummer's rhyme that they would do. And so I think I have that somewhere. Is it talking about chicks with fatties? He's talking about coins. All copper, no brass, bad money won't pass. I don't know. Oh, it's about eating money. Yeah, it's about eating money.

It's so backed up. I ate so much money. I had so much brass and now I can never digest brass. Sure, yeah. That's rough. What other dumb glasses? Yeah, should we go around the horn? What's the dumbest class we took in college?

Was that the dumbest class I took? Probably wasn't. I took a class, and this was not a dumb, well, I took a class called Japanese cinema in translation. I took Japanese for a year in college. I was like maybe going to get an East Asian studies minor, but scheduling the language classes didn't work out. But I took Japanese cinema in translation, which I was a film major, so I was just watching a bunch of Japanese film with subtitles, and then we would talk about it. And it was great. Cultural contact, which was great. But I remember in class once, I was talking to a friend of mine who took it with me, and I was about to get in trouble.

because we were sort of talking while the professor was talking. And she's like, sorry, what are you guys talking about? And my friend had a deer in the headlights look. And I thankfully was like, oh, I was telling her I went to go see that extra credit movie that you recommended, which I had gone to see, which was a movie called Inframan, which is like a 70s schlock like superhero movie. Uh-huh. And then we talked about Inframan for like 20 minutes in class. And I was like, got out of that one. Oh, man.

I wish I could, I would take any class. where if I got in trouble, I could say that I saw Sheen Ultraman. Yeah, truly. I totally did, and it was awesome. It's great. Yeah, absolutely. I did, I did a semester of clowning. Oh, I like, like clowning.

You know, I like seeing clown stuff. I don't think they're scary, thank you very much. I find them funny. I like how they hold a mirror to the king and show his foibles. I like it when their cars crashed together. Yes. I like it when they stick. chainsaws up people's butts.

This is a bold stancy. Terrorized dairy. In 2026 to come out as pro clown. Pro clown. As funny. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

And I thought that was really fun. Like I liked learning about that and it's fun to like learn about the history of clowning and stuff. Do you do any classic clown stuff like, like Seltzer bottle type stuff? No, it was very much like. It's like Comedia della Arte. Yeah. It was a lot of that.

So yeah, no pies, unfortunately. No squirting. Well, not until you get to graduate school. But it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like. like you can make them laugh with a nod of your head, just to turn to the side, and that shows them your humanity. And also, there's something on you that means a big dick. Right, yes.

Like a long money pouch or something. There you go. And I did take a couple of, like, acting classes that I just fucking never, like, took seriously. Like, I just could never do the actor stuff. You know, I still just remember being on stage, doing the scene that the performance. had described, and he's like, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Just tell her no.

And, you know, and I just said no so many times, like, tell her no. And just me, like, and everybody in the class is sitting there going, God, he said no 10 times, like, one of these has to have been right. Yeah. And just be finally doing it. And he's like, yes. Like, I, that after. You're like, oh, I'm supposed to say yes? Right. But I think a lot of theater teachers do that where they try to break you down so that you'll just take notes.

Right. So yeah, I just never respond. Like, I don't get anything from that at all. It's probably why I am not an actor. And the times I've tried it, I've not been very good. So there you know. Oh, okay. So we've sourced that. Yeah, yeah. I figured it out. Why my acting career didn't take off. So they didn't want to do it. Jesse, dumbest class. Dumbest class. I'm SAG eligible, so I'm not sweating yet. I pretty actively avoided dumb classes. I took some silly classes in, like at San Francisco State when I was in high school, I would take classes because my high school was on the campus of San Francisco State. And I took History of the Funk.

Hell yeah. I took a class about comedy. I was on the newspaper and I took an acting class. and I remember my greatest achievement in that acting class was we had been assigned to go to the zoo and study an animal. And I was like, there's no fucking way I'm doing that. And then I pretended to be a monkey

and the teacher was like, look at Jesse. He went to the zoo. Holt top. Tell her, ook. Tell her, ook, ook. Throw your shit. But I mean, the honest truth is that, like, when you're an American...

Great gag to you. pretending to be a monkey, pretend a shit in your head. Oh, yeah. When you're an American Studies major, you can take any goddamn kind of class. Like, you know, I took a class about flim flam. Flim flam? Yeah, it wasn't only flim flam,

but it was largely flim flam, substantially flam. I took a class called Muppet Magic. Did you take Muppet Magic? I didn't take Muppet Magic. I took Muppet Magic. That was pretty fun. It was like the history of puppets,

Muppets and puppets? Yeah, and then we had to like, uh, we had to do some Muppet shit. She was like a scholar of Bologna's shadow puppets or something. But she was also friends with like Jerry Jewel or whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah. She also taught a Saturday Night Live class that I took, and that was fine.

I took a, like, I was a film and television major, and so I took a class called TV, Myth, Stereotypes, and Icons, that was sort of about, like, motifs, specifically in American television. and it was actually like a super fascinating class and the teacher was like really quite good at teaching it and you learned about all these things where you're like I've seen this a thousand times and I did not realize that this is like

a value that America holds which is why it's in every television show and you're like that's fascinating to me yeah I think Jesse you were kind of hitting on this it's our college UC Santa Cruz didn't have a lot of like super distinguished professors but a lot of them had like done drugs in the 70s with impressive people.

Sure. Okay. It's a very fair characterization. I took a class, a musical theater class that I did not know when I signed up for it was taught in part by Tom Lair. Oh, sure. Is that the coolest? That's pretty cool.

Yeah, UCSY one. I mean, like in my history of the funk class, George Clinton came one time. So that was pretty good. That's pretty good. It was like an 18-person class, too. It wasn't like a 200-person class. Because, like, the professor knew him? Yeah, they were just friends.

History of the funk. That's the present of the funk at the time. And, I mean, I didn't go to college in 1978. He was still doing shows. He was still doing shows. He was still doing shows. But, yeah, like, having Tom Lair and, like, his two friends, like, one of the things about UC Santa Cruz is it was founded in 1968.

And so... Really? Yeah. So there were, like, there was this class. of professors that were like, we're starting a new kind of public university. We're going to bring these great geniuses from around the world.

All of the Angela Davis is and shit and Tom Lairzes all came to UC Santa Cruz in 1968. To ride that roller coaster. To see where the lost boys was filmed. They all died and retired

by the time we were there, except for like six of them. And they were all these weird old people who had done something really cool, whereas everyone else was just somebody who was not good enough for Berkeley. Sure. So I would say that. Like, that class was Tom Lairn, two other professors, one of whom was an American Studies

professor, one of whom was a French professor. But there were buddies, and they were all emeritus professors. Like, they were all, like, 75 years old. Yeah, right. And they just, like, made fun of and complained about each other the entire time. Like, they clearly loved each other. known each other for 50 years. But like they all just bagged on each other the entire time. And Tom Lair was the grumpiest guy in the world and he would just complain about songs these days and how

they weren't good. But then he would say something incredibly insightful and funny. And he'd be like, right, because he's Tom Lair. Yeah. Yeah. He only liked, uh, since Jerome Kern, he said the only two good songwriters were Stephen Sondheim and Randy Newman. He probably is of the generation where he was probably mad at the Beatles. Yeah, I think he was probably bad at the Beatles. Racket, these long hairs and their racket. He's not wrong about those two guys who were great songwriters, but you're like, nobody else? He was already like an old retired guy basically when he did the electric company.

You know what I mean? He was, he only died very recently, but he was in his like late 90s. Yeah. Incredible, incredible guy. Incredible guy. Yeah, honestly, massive talent. I don't know. I didn't really.

participated in college. A lot of improv, a lot of improv. A lot of improv and a lot of college radio and a lot of fucking around. Let's do this. Let's take a little break. Let's go into this big box of hats.

And we'll eat out one. And when we put it on, we'll say a little thing. And everybody in the dining hall will laugh. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hey, gang. Jordan here. Jesse is out of town, so we're going to have us a little one-on-one time.

I want to remind you that this show is brought to you by all the members of Maximum Fun, and you can be a member too by going to MaximumFun.org slash join. That's how you hear our bonus episodes and the bonus episodes from every show across this great network. So make sure you are subscribed up MaximumFun.org slash join. Hey, before we get back to the show, I also want to give you some opportunities to see Jesse and I live in the flesh IRL. I'm going to be out there doing some signings for our new Predator miniseries from the good folks at Marvel Comics. On 225, I am going to be signing books at Collectors Paradise in North Hollywood, 5 to 7 p.m. On 226, I am going to be hosting a Predator double feature at the Frida Cinema in Santa Ana, a beautiful independent movie theater.

be showing two Predator movies. I'm going to be sign in books. It's going to be a good old time that starts at 7 p.m. And you can get the tickets on the Frida Cinema website. And on 228, I am going to be at Books with Pictures in Eugene, Oregon. That's right, the Eugene Oregon location. Don't go to the Portland one. I won't be there. I'm going to be in Eugene Oregon at Books with Pictures, Sign in Predator, and whatever else they got from 12 p.m. to 3 p.m. Speaking of the Pacific Northwest, I am going to be joining our pals, the Do Boys, for their Portland and Seattle live shows. That's right, the funniest food podcast ever. They're hitting the road. I'm going to be joining them in Portland in Seattle. That's 228 in Portland, 3-1 in Seattle. You can get those tickets at birdfuck.com,

which is the Doe Boys website for some reason. Birdfuck.com. Come to see me in the Doe Boys in Portland and Seattle. And if you want to see Jesse and the great John Hodgman, they are going to be doing a live show at the Bell House in Brooklyn. Two shows, March 6th and 7th. You get those tickets on the Bell House website. Go see Jesse and John. It's going to be a funny, funny, fun, fun, fun, good time. Okay, back to the show.

It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio, sweetheart. Morton Morris boy detective. Jeremy Bent, the hard luck kid. What's the new season of Mission to Zix? Mission to Zix is the highly produced, but improvisationally generated. Yes. Science fiction comedy adventure program.

That's right. That is a sensation across the world. It did quite well for its time. It was five seasons. Now is also its time. Yeah. Well, it did end in 2022. We did a finale that we were really happy with.

And more importantly, our fans were like, this was a great way to end the show. But then you went through an unpleasant divorce. Yeah. And then thought, maybe we got to get the band back together. Yeah, to hit the road doing stand-up like Dave Foley from the kids in the hall. Oh, I thought you were going to say, like, Will Arnett in that new movie where I guess he does stand-up. But yeah, so we put together a prequel series because we did not want to mess with the finale that we spent too much time on. People love prequels.

Yeah. So we're doing it. And also a lot of our show is goofing on Star Wars. So we're like, they did a prequel series with Kenobi. So we're going to do a goofy prequel series with our Obi-Wan Kenobi character, who is named Old Durf. And I think we were brainstorming like, well, what is this show? And somebody pitched like, what if it's called the Young Old Durf Chronicles?

And we were like, that's it. That's the precise right amount of dumb. Let's do that. So that's coming out now on Max Fun. And it has been very, very fun to work on. What are you, a robot guy? I was a robot guy in the original series. In this series, I'm, I guess I'm sort of the quigon gin to the Obi-One.

A quigon gin, yes. I'm a character named Zapsop who's trying to get him to take being a Zima warrior, which is our Jeter Warrior, seriously. Let's go around the horn. What's your favorite prequel's character? Oh, that's a great question. I'll start, Dexter, Jester, the owner of the Space Diner. Sure, okay, fair enough.

I got to say, it's going to be Greg Proof. Red proofs as one of the two spot race announcers. Oh boy, favorite prequel. I mean, there's so many. There's so many characters. And it's hard to choose because they're all so bad. Yeah, and so memorable. They're horrible movies.

I guess I enjoy the absurd and terrible CGI of Boss Nass, the leader of the Gungans. That's a good prequel. Who's constantly going, which I think is fun. They somebody, literally somebody was in a VFX house for weeks going like, his cheeks got it. They're not gelatinous enough. And you're like, well, that was that guy's life for a while. The entertainment, the kids entertainment of our youth really had a lot of guys who went,

I guess I like that. Yeah. That's pretty good. We all sort of like it. Learn about why that's a universal archetype in your clowning class. I didn't take I was busy clowning around. I was busy tilting my head slightly and trying to get a laugh. You got to take theory of clowning to learn about that guy.

Boss Nass is a trope that goes back to the Renaissance. Reaches back. Pre-Shakespeare. Folks, we've got a special guest in class this week. It's Moss Nass. Wow. The professor and I did mushrooms at the first burning man. Oh.

We were at the real electric acid Kool-Aid tulle. Yes. The Gungan Kool-Kul-Aid acid. Oh, boy. Oh, those gungin acid parties. If you remember the gungin acid party, you weren't there. You guys... Boss Nast.

Yes? How do you get your girlfriend off? Do I know where this is going? Oh, you go down between the legs and then what happens? Oh, right. Well, I gently sprem her thighs apart. She lays back on a cushion. I place my face upon her womanhood.

And then, hurl. Anyway. Good episode. Your spouse was wrong. Yeah. Your spouse is wrong. Your spouse is wrong. Your spouse is wrong.

And so are your misgivings. Yes. You're wrong. Yeah, you are also wrong. Everyone's wrong. Everyone's wrong. Turn back now. Return back now.

I wonder what it sounds like with boss nats, pussy. Oh, I thought you were going to say. I thought that was the listener, and the listener were saying, I wonder what it sounds like when Jesse and Jordan are being funny. I can't recall such a. I guess I was being the listener before they turned on the show. Oh, I see. Okay, great.

Well, we've all figured out a little something about the human condition. Yes, we sure have. I'd like to think. We've held up a mirror to the king to show him his foibles. Now, Jeremy, you guys, you guys work very hard on the young old Dorf Chronicles. Old Durf Chronicles, yeah. The young old Dorff Chronicles. Yeah, the young old Dorff Chronicles.

But a propeller beanie on. Yeah. What would happen if we watch that? Dorf on, the Dorf on series? Do you think that would be something we should do for the Max Fun Drive? Maybe. To watch the Dorf on golf videos. I mean, I would say, you know, are they available?

But maybe I would assume Grace could find them. I think got to be on daily motion. Oh, yeah. They're right. They're on some shady website. They're on break. dot com. Gotta be.

Okay. I'll watch a Dorf. If the listeners come out in favor of us watching Dorff for bonus content. Isn't the whole Dorff catalog on CSO?

Yeah, I think that's our you can watch it in three-minute chunks on Quibby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like little quick bites. That's how I like it.

Dorff was the original quibbing. I only watch it on Brit Box. Oh, sure. Well, then he's dubbed, but yeah. I watch it on Mooby,

the channel for Seney asks. Right, yes. Does anyone remember Dorf? They got all the Lars von Trier movies plus Dorff. Dorf on fishing. Well, of course, until Criterion releases all the Dorf movies. Right. You know the Dorf movies were Dogman 95 before Dogman 95?

A lot of people said that. They only use natural legs. A lot of handheld camera work. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so anyway, you guys work really hard on the show. So do we. We come up with a lot of ideas for segments. So if you're wondering if this person is just calling in to say some shit they

wanted to say to us and then claiming it's for some segment that they made up just to justify calling in. It's not what it is. Okay. All right. We work hard on the show. Sure. We're smart and it's a good show.

I believe all of those words. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and Gus. This is Max in Minneapolis calling in for your long running segment. Best protest sign I saw this week. Of course, last week's winner, white hot take, white supremacy is bad. This week's winner was a sign on an overpassed. in the form of Kelvin peeing on something, but it was the president's face

peeing on the Statue of Liberty. Well, go float a boat. I think you're probably going one, it's one step too complicated. You just have Calvin P. Yeah, just having Kelvin P. on the president's face. Yes, knowing what I know about the president's supporters, that might have been put up by one of them.

Yeah. They might think that's good. Yeah, the fucking Statue of Liberty's too woke. Yeah. And I bet it is pretty woke if you think about it. It's crazy. I'm so sick of these masses. You're not to be free.

I bet Trump supporters do buy a majority of the Calvin peeing stickers. It's crazy that Bill Waterson came out of retirement to draw that one, though. Yeah, he's been such a recluse. But then he's like, I got it. I got an idea. Trump peeing on the Statue of Liberty. I did see a tag I enjoyed today. Okay.

AIDS with a Z. What particularly did you enjoy about that? I don't know. I just wasn't expecting it. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. Fair enough. Yeah, it makes sense to me.

I am surprised that Calvin peeing has endured like it has. I mean, that's been out of newspapers for 25 plus years. Yeah, and I think probably people do, there's probably a generation just as knows him as the, you know, the kid who pees on stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think at this point, I would think it would be like the characters for better or for worse, pissing. Right, yeah. Who are the, who are the comic strip characters that are more?

Your get-fuzzy characters Peeing on things You look at the comic strips? That's the most recent comic strip I could think of And I bet that comic strip is at least 15 years old Yeah, that's got to be 30 years old Sure I guess you could have like Heathcliff peeing on a ham

And it's like I was gonna say he makes his own glaze That makes too much sense Yeah It would be just some And then like a man seeing Heathcliff pee on the ham And he would be saying like He's glazing it

Again, too much sense. You can tell what he means. Have you seen recent Heathcliff? Yes. Okay, you are. We don't need to explain recent Heathcliff to you. And I truly, like, but the more I see, the more baffled I get. But I, like, every time I log into Facebook, I must have entered, like, clicked through

one too many times because now every time I open Facebook, which is not a lot, but every time I do, I see a Heathcliff. Oh, good. That sounds fucking great. You fucking trained your algorithm, friend. That's what you do. You got it right. But I will look at the comments because sometimes they make no sense.

Every single Heathcliff comic that is posted on Facebook, a guy named Will posts the same comment every time. And so he has a little star that says top commenter. And his comment every single time is classic Heathcliff. And I'm like, that's a solid bit. I am enjoying this a lot. Okay, here's my pitch for the caption of Heathcliff peeing on the hand. Okay, yeah. Okay, Heathcliff being on the ham.

There's an old man and an old woman watching it. And the old man is saying to the old woman, well, the weatherman was right. Yeah. That sounds right. Thank you. I just wrote a Heathcliff. Yeah.

That's incredible. Thank you. And then some hipster will take that comic and erase the caption and put in. Looks like Bill Waterson just came out of retirement. Looks like. But again, it makes too much sense. Well, that's why I'm saying that's the hipster version. Right.

Hey, I think we have a moment to say. occasion as well, Gabe. Can we hear that? Hey, Jordan. Hey, Jesse. And bonjour, go. I'm calling for your long, running segment, things that people eat in department stores. I live in Geneva, Switzerland, where they still have department stores with their own restaurants. And I was at one of these department stores with my kids that were playing in the ball pit. And a man went to the grocery store section of the store, which is on an entirely different floor. And he brought himself an entire watermelon. He then went into the restaurant, sat down, took a knife, cracked it down the middle, and started eating it with a spoon.

The staff said absolutely nothing and left him alone. He was wearing a fur coat and a Daniel Boone-style cap with a raccoon tail. I mean, the watermelon looked delicious, so I know where he was coming from. Anyway, I love you guys. And au revoir, as they say over here. Yeah, that was, first of all, maybe this gets lost in translation when it goes across the pond, which is what I call Europe. But that was definitely a momentification. You know, just say it was a momentous occasion.

It was. That was a momenticcation. Very momentous. That sounds like a time displaced Daniel Boone Who's learning to navigate This strange new world Sure Yeah

He's like this is what a modern man does Yeah he cracks a watermelon And eats it in an apartment store This definitely feels like Something from my late 19th century American popular culture class Yeah Which was about 75% flimflam

And 25% watermelon eating Sure Sure That's watermelon eating sounds like a early 20th century American fad, like flagpole sitting or something? Yeah, sure. It's like, it was 1937 and water meddle eating

was gripping the nation. Sure, yeah. They would fill the department stores. Woolworths would be filled to the brim with young people. They'd lay out tarps for people to dissemble their watermelons and have at it. Right. Have you guys ever been to a B.Y.O.W. restaurant? They're like, as long as you crack it open.

Right. We'll give you. There's the cork. There's the corky. There's the corky. They got to make a living. They got to make something off it. But yeah, if it's a birthday watermelon,

they'll slice it up for you in the back. I get a question, I got a Geneva question. Yes, please. Switzerland. Do you think this guy or his spouse are in making arguments in front of international courts? That's the only reason

that this American guy could possibly live in Geneva, Switzerland. It's either him or his spouse is arguing trade law in front of of an international court. Gotta be. He could be an Interpol. Or he could be a chocolatier.

Yeah, he might be a chocolate tier. Think about that. I've got a lot of our listeners are fleeing something. Yeah, that's a good point. I thought you were going to say a lot of our listeners are chocolatiers. Yeah, maybe. Do you think he's living off a Swiss bank account? Is that what you're suggesting?

I don't know. I mean, you would think that him calling into this podcast would be, you know, like popping up so the authorities could find him. He could be a soldier of fortune. Could be, yeah. Maybe he's like a soldier of fortune. He got paid pretty good for his last tour of duty. It went to a Swiss bank account.

He decided, you know what? I've always wanted to live somewhere where the department stores still have restaurants. Nordstrom's has restaurants. He says it like we don't know. Like we're some American, some boorish Americans who don't eat at department stores. Nordstrom has a restaurant. What do you think the number one criteria? is for a retired soldier of fortune, when they're picking the place to retire, away from the hustle and bustle of the professional killing racket, what is the number one criteria they're looking for?

Like fat, juicy mummy tits. Oh, yeah. Fair. Fair? Fair? So there's so many in Egypt. Just dusty and with big nips. Yeah. All right. Real dusty, real nips out, cat under one arm. No brain, head full of sawdust. Oh, yeah. Got Boss Nass sweating over here. Boss Nass loves to taste the honey that's used to embalms. Yes, he loves.

I love to taste the honey. I love to crack a canopic jar and drink it down. People know who Boss Nats is? They will after this episode. He's that guy that's always eating mummy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Guy.

He hates the Jedi, but he loves mummy pussy. I joked about this earlier, but I want to... Seriously, it's important that the lady mummy also have an opportunity to have an orgasm. Yeah, absolutely. And a lot of mummies that, you know, they can't come through penetration. It's pleasurable for them. It helps them feel connected to their fish man partner. The penetration slowly destroys their lower hat.

Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's very dangerous. And all your guts have been removed, so sometimes the sensitive... Flying free. areas are not in there anymore. Fair enough. Fair enough. They're in a jar. So yeah, this, I, I want to open this. If this is a, Jesse, if this is a bad

idea, put the kibosh, we'll let it this out. I'm not afraid to kibosh. I do want to hear from spouses who don't like the show. You, if you're out there... You know what? I do like this. Spouse or significant other, you don't need... You don't need a... Listen, you don't need a piece of paper. You don't need a piece of paper to prove...

If you're a... If you're a Kentucky Colonel, please mention it. Yeah, that would be nice. Yeah, so 206-984-4-fund, get your significant other or your spouse, or if our, I know you're our listeners, so you can call both the other members of your Thruple. I'm going to extend this. Any honorary degrees or titles, I want you to mention them when you call them. Yes, please do. Justice of the Peace, any kind of, whatever you got. Universal Life Church.

Oh, yeah. I'm one of those. Yeah. Yeah, so 206-9844 Fun, get your spouse or significant other who hates the show on and have them explain why they hate the show. and maybe, I don't know, if there's like something we could do to, like, help bring them back in and, you know, like, let us know, you know, does your scene or they put it on in the car and you can't stand that? Are they, you know, laughing at something in the other room? And then they have to try and explain who boss nass is and you say, shut the fuck up. Anyway. You don't have to answer all these questions. No, no, no. These are just like, yeah. Whatever amongst them you feel most strongly about. Just send us a voice memo at JJ go at maximum fund.org. If you've been forced to rewatch episode one, the Phantom Menace, call in.

All these great pussy eating jokes. Call in. Discuss your feelings about Boss Nass as a sexual being. As a sexual being. Do we understand? We're willing to, whatever, recap drag race or something? Sure, yeah. What do people like on podcasts?

Whatever you need from us. Yes, we want you. We'll do it. Yeah, Jeremy got in late. That's why his shows have premises. Right. We just don't. We just started it too early.

We'll do whatever you need. Why am I doing that? I feel like I'm wasting time with all this premise stuff. You need us to complain about cancel culture and move to Austin? We'll do it. We can do that, yeah, sure. Is that what you like? Do you need us to remember episodes of an 80 sitcom we were on?

We can't do it. We weren't on one. We would love to remember step by step. We would love to. Well, I was on Charles in charge. Jesse, have you been, you were on Charles in charge. We could have been sitting here remembering Charles in charge. Of our days and our nights?

I was Charles. You were Charles? I was Charles from Charles in charge, but here's the problem. I was blackout drunk for a whole. You can't remember. I was so fucking hammered. I've never seen this episode before.

Yeah, I've only know that I was on the show because I've seen the show in reruns and I see myself there when they're talking to Charles. And you nail all the jokes too. The irony is that would make an incredible podcast. Yeah.

A star had been blackout drunk the whole time, rewatches the show. They thought they're, God, that would be an amazing podcast. Yeah, JJ go at maximum fun.org. If you're a spouse that doesn't like our show, give us a call. Let us know why and what we could do differently. Yeah. I think we know why.

Well, I don't. Help us. Yeah, we don't know. We're not self-aware. Fair enough. Fair enough. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hi, I am Jordan Cruciala, and I host Feeling Scene.

I'm here with Maximum Fun member of the month, Khalil Goodman. Hi, Khalil. Hi, Jordan. Thank you for having me. So great to see you. I gotta know what's made you feel seen. I figure you've thought about this if you've listened to the show a bunch.

I read X-Men when I was six. When you're a kid who makes art, which I am and you're a queer kid, like there's a feeling of like something is different, but you don't know what it is. You can be different, but it can be a superpower. What would you say to others who might be considering supporting the show? What would be your sales pitch to them? If you love this thing, if you are getting all of the... this joy and comfort from this thing.

Make sure that this thing that you like will continue. Thank you so much, Khalil, for taking the time to talk to me today and for listening to the show. My God, it means a lot to just know people are really listening and valuing what they're hearing. Thank you so much. Become a maximum fun member now at maximum fun.org slash join. If you want to know what's going on in the world of movies, you should be listening to Maximum Film so we can tell you all about it.

Okay, but what if you already know what's going on in the world? world of movies. What if you're kind of obsessed with movies? Like, maybe you have a problem? Well, then you should definitely be listening to Maximum Film, because we too have that problem, and it's important you know you're not alone. We're talking Indies you'll want to seek out. Blockbusters

and blockbusting wannabes. Classics we can't get enough of. I'm comedian and writer Kevin Avery. I'm film critic Alonzo Duraldi. I'm festival programmer and producer, Drea Clark. Together, we're Maximum Film. Smart about movies in Hollywood, so you don't have to be. But if you

already are. That's also great. And hey, we see you. New episodes every week on maximum fun.org. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm the colonel, Jesse Thorne. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Jeremy Ben, the hard luck kid. Do you think being a Kentucky colonel has responsibilities? Yeah, I mean, you're the guy. Kentucky Colonel responsibilities.

I hope they have like a... Maybe, is this a job for Gabe, Jesse? Can we put... Gabe's done a great job. Gabe's filling in for Jordan Cowling. First of all, I have to represent the Commonwealth of Kentucky and its interests globally.

So I'll say this. I went to Lexington, Kentucky once. Okay. And there were a lot of horse statues. Okay. So if you want to see horse statues, what did you do in Lexington, Kentucky? We had a Judge John Hodgman show.

Oh, nice. How'd it go? You know, we did it. Okay. All right. It was nice of Travis to come by. Travis McElroy came by and really really brought the heat. We were very grateful to happen.

I mean, like, is there a world where we do a show in Kentucky? What's the, like, Kentucky place that would have, like, the theater that we would play at? Would it be Lexington? Ooh, I'm going to say maybe Chicago, Illinois. Yes. The Kentucky of the Midwest. Atlanta, Georgia, I'm thinking maybe. How close? Nashville? Is that close?

Nashville's not that far, right? Tennessee. I don't think so, yeah. Yeah. I've done a live show in Nashville. How did that go? What, okay? Yeah. Get some Bachelorette parties in there. Hell yeah. I truly. How many penis crowns did you come back with?

Could not believe the volume of Bachelorette parties moving through that city. God, I want to go to Nashville. We've talked about this on the show recently, but I'm really, I bet I would have a lot of fun in Nashville and I won't go. It was nuts. It's a lifelong title, so I'm glad to see that. I'm also responsible for- relinquish the title on death then. I'm also responsible for promoting Kentucky, so I'm going to Google best things about Kentucky. It's interesting that you are not allowed to keep the title in death,

so you cannot be a ghost colonel. It's famous for its bourbon industry. Well, as a blackout drunk, I certainly support that. The historic horse racing venues. I think that's another way of saying horse statues. Yeah, sure. Well, that's why they have all the statues. And then there's a mammoth cave national.

park, which so many of the states, there's 49 other states, all of them have small to mid-sized caves. Some large caves? Only one state has mammoth ones. Are they mammoth because they're big, or do they have, like, mammoth bones in them? I'm looking at this cave. It looks pretty big. How much to get you and your family in a small to mid-sized cave today? Look at this cave.

That's a big cave. Jesse's showing us caves on his phone. These are huge caves. I mean, this is like a cave where Batman could put his basketball court, okay? Sure. Not even essential crime fighting gear. Batman loves hoops. I mean, it depends on what criminal year fighting.

That's true. You're fighting. I'm like, what is the name of the basketball-themed Batman villain? You know, Johnny Dunks or something. 1988, or just like 1978, maybe. The Harald and Carlem Globetrotters are big. So some coked up DC artist. Like technical foul or something.

Okay. First of all, we would do a show in Louisville. Louisville. Of course. I will say that when we did a show in Lexington, I would say two-thirds of the people who came up to us after the show asked us why we didn't do the show in Louisville. That's a fair question. That's a city that I think most people know. Yeah. Louisville, like a very cool, hip town, Lexington was nice and had a lot of horse statues. You get a horse tour. Okay, so first of all, Louisville Mega Cavern.

That's your number one attraction. Yeah, you're selling me on the Mega Cavern. A lot of caves. What's going on? That's different from Mammoth Cave, by the way. Mega Cavern is number one. Mammoth Cave is all the way down on number three. That was my favorite.

After Shark Nato, that's my favorite movie, is Mammoth Cave versus Mega Cavern. Number two is the Ark Encounter. Oh, yeah. The real arc! That's where you're in an alleyway. and an arc holds you up. Number four is a bourbon tour. Well, sure.

Number five is Keenland. Number six, the Louisville Slugger Museum. I would go to a Louisville. Especially, you're going to want to have a little slugger in case you have an arc encounter. Oh, yeah. Maybe do that before the bourbon tour. You know what I mean?

Jesse's the Louisville slugger, still the bat that the pros use? The pros use all different kinds of bats, but it's definitely remains one of the most popular. It's a respected bat. Yeah, they use different woods for bats now. Some bats are torpedo shapes, so they go up your ass easier. More of a post-game bat, yeah. Yeah, Lost River Caves, Churchill Downs in the Kentucky Derby Museum.

Of course, this is the number one julep state. Okay, I'll take a julep. Oh, you're suggesting we head down to Louisville, Kentucky for a fine mint julep, Mr. Thorne. Sorry, Mr. Corn. Sorry, Colonel Corn. Colonel Corn. Colonel Corn. Hello, they are to me.

Colonel Corn. Lord and Lord. I'm sure you're wondering, why I don't remember much about my time is the star of Charles in charge? Now, the reason, of course, being... The delicious mint, jolips we may get, Louisville. I was admittedly somewhat in my cups. Due to the frequency with which I consumed,

I spent a late evening with Mr. Jeremy Bent engaging in a bit of jigs and reels. We were celebrating the changing of the seasons, naturally, performing miracle plays and such. And I inhabited upon a big tidal. And her suitor, a giant fish man, who was a mayor of some sort of an underwater city. Dressed in ceremonial garb or some kind.

I don't know if he was an elected official or if the title was bestowed upon him. And as you know, as I'm, of course, responsible for greeting him in an appropriate manner for his gas befell's his station in my own as a colonel. Oh, I gave him his traditional greeting of his culture, which is, of course, Oh, okay.

Guys, isn't it wild that we just did this scene from this unproduced Cohen Brothers movie? John Goodman's good in everything.

They should have let us. John Tudorow, who would have had him direct a Star Wars trilogy, just the Cohen Star Wars.

Yeah, and have a bunch of fat southern guys. That'd have been great. Jeremy, I don't think people can expect things that are that

like refined and coherent. and overall good as the scene that we just performed. No, no. But if people are interested in the young old Durf Chronicles, they should check that out. You can go to mission to zix.spice. You can find it on any of the podcasting place.

Just search ZyXX. I was going to have to spell six. ZyX. Or honestly, we're at the point where if you do Mission 2, you're probably going to get our podcast. Wow. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Not mission to Uranus? No. We beat them out. Uh-huh. Mission to Burma, which was maybe an Ian McCoy. Yeah. Mission to Burma.

If they had a podcast, we might be in trouble, but thankfully we're okay. Maybe a post-punk band? Is that a post-punk band? I think it was like one of those post-minor thread Ian McKay things. I think. They were not bad, is what I'll say. I think. Okay.

Good job, Jordan. Thank you. I think that's right. you know what punk rockers are pretty chill about that kind of stuff? Yes, I'm sure no one will yell at me. Especially like Ian Mackay types. Right, yes, especially that. I doubt we'll hear from them.

I doubt we'll hear from them. Ian McKeye is a very chill, nice guy. I met him a couple times. It's really nice. A nice phone call with him once. Give me some advice about something. Oh, nice. That's good of him.

That's good. Jeremy, thank you for joining us. Gabe Marr on the boards. Jordan Cowling, our producer, our theme music, love you by the free design. to see of the free design and light in the attic records. Hey, if you're a spouse out there, hit us up. What's wrong with our show?

How could we improve? What could we do to get you on board? 206.9-84-fund. What can we do to put you in a small to mid-sized podcast today? Uh-huh. I mean, that's definitely what we're asking here. This ain't a large podcast, I promise you that. No, Makayan and Mission to Burma.

No, Makian. I don't know where I got that. That's all right. What was the name of him in the, him and his wife. They had like an acoustic guitar. Maybe what I was thinking of. That the Evens?

Something like that. Yeah, maybe that's the Evens. Anyway, nice guy. You know what he really knows a lot about? Tell me. New Orleans bounce music. Oh, sure. Like Big Freedia and stuff.

Yeah, but like early. But before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and bass music too. He knows a lot about bass music. Him and my friend Andrew Knosnitsky were talking about it backstage. I was like, how do they know all these fucking... I never heard of these guys.

Yeah, New Orleans. DJs and shit, like pre-master P fucking New Orleans shit. Oh, okay. Anyway. And you can find us on social media. How about that? Go find us on social media. You know, we just type in our fucking names into your social media.

How about that? That's easy. I mean, we're not on that one, but we're on most of the other ones. We're on the other ones, yeah. We're on most of the other ones, you know. Hit us up on Black Planet. I don't know. Which ones are we on?

Is that the new one? Yeah, what's the latest? Biceps. Hit us up on black biceps. Let them cook. Mastodon. And what was the peach one? Peach one.

There was a peach one for a hot second. Oh, wow. Peach. Peach. Peach tree lending. Yes. That was it. Kentucky, of course, the peach state.

The Peech, yes, I love those Kentucky peaches. Everyone says Kentucky peaches. Yeah. The best. We'll be back next week on Jordan, Jesse. Go, good night. Goodbye. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you.

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