Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Miata Spindrift, with Eliza Skinner

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

On today’s episode, we welcome comedian Eliza Skinner back to the show to chat with us about car culture, weird neighbors, Garfield, and much more. ***Thank you to our amazing audience for your patience and support.  * Follow Eliza on Instagram. *Grab some of Eliza's awesome pottery. *Check out Jordan and Jesse on Reading Smut Podcast. *Check out Jordan and Jesse on Guys: With Bryan Quinby. Check out more Amazing Spiderman content from Jordan. *Pre-order Jordan’s new Web of Venom comic. *Check out Jordan's comic Predator: Bloodshed.  * Celebrate 25 years of Bullseye! * Order Jordan’s new Predator comic: Black, White & Blood! * Order Jordan’s new Venom comic! * Donate to Al Otro Lado. * Purchase signed copies of *Youth Group* and *Bubble* from Mission: Comics And Art!   ~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~ Get  Bronto Dino-Merch! Get our ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store. Grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug! The Maximum Fun Bookshop! Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes! Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On. Follow producer, Jordan Kauwling, on Instagram.

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sucks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Audi stud no longer. Oh, wait a minute. Now, I know you to be a fancy little Prius lad.

I know you to value compact size and efficiency in your tasteful, sporty Prius C or whatever it's called. I can't remember what this. Because is that it called Prius C? You, well, I did have a Prius C, the compact Prius that they don't make anymore. Uh-huh.

You love that thing. I loved it. I was rear-ended on the freeway. Everyone's fine. I'm fine. The scumbag who rear-ended me and was probably texting is fine. But my Prius with its, you know, what I thought was kind of minor bumper damage, I guess, was, you know, was so, so old that the insurance company decided to declare it totaled.

Oh, no. This is catastrophic. The Prius C, my scooty little car with great gas mileage that they don't make anymore. So, you know, I'm on the hunt, but I do have the, I did get the car insurance, you know, promised rental car. Can I recommend for you, Jordan, just while you're on the hunt? Yeah. Think about it in Ford F-250. Okay.

Because you got the crew cab. Maybe you get the diesel, you know. Okay. Can I? No, you want a Camaro, I rock. Yeah, okay. Eliza Skinner, our guest is right about this. Which one do I pick?

Yeah, I think you're going to choose. You want the tee top. It's almost summer. Come on. I got to get the D-top. I don't know what it is, but I want it. It's a T-top. You're going to want some T-T-top.

Yeah, yeah. I wanted it when it was a D-top. Now I really want it when it's a T-top. What was that cool? It sounded like something you ordered at Taco Bell, but it was like a Jeep slash pickup hybrid. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's a Baja. A Baja.

A Baja. It is a Baja. Get yourself a Subaru Baja. Get a Subaru Baja. It's nice because it's got one of those cages that you can flip from inside to outside so that you can use the tailgate as part of the floor of the bed. That's what you want, Jordan, for hauling lumber. Right.

And can I throw the canoe that I don't have in there? Okay. Wait a minute. Now we're starting to sound like Jordan wants a double dumber. The top. Yeah. Yeah. I want a thick log of a woman.

Any logs out there? Yeah, she's a brick logs. Any ladies out there? Any ladies out there want to get cleaned? Mm-hmm. Or a smooth flat surface. Ladies like getting turned in 2026. Oh, yeah.

What does any of this mean? It doesn't matter. I don't know. I watched that Jennifer Gardner show where everybody keeps calling her a woodworker and she keeps saying Wood Turner. What's that show? It's on Apple. There's a, there was the three year break in between season one and season two. And it's a mystery about where her husband disappeared to. So when season two came out, I was like, whose husband? Did what? Right. Huh? But it's really about being a stepmom to a daughter who doesn't like you. Okay. And then some woodworking stuff kind of in the same. Yeah, that's the only reason I know

the term wood turning. Okay. Behind the joke. That was a little behind the joke from Eliza. That's okay. B. T.J. I love process.

I just love seeing how the sausage is made. Yeah. So the pre. Oh, boy. I wish. It turns out sausage is made by grinding up

Apple TV Plus shows. Whether it's bad monkey. Sure. Or a second one that I can't pull. Well, Palm Royale, sure. Monarch, Legacy of Monsters. You can shove that in the sausage. Or the gorge.

Which feels like the gorge, shouldn't that have been in the world of legacy of monsters? You would think. The gorge is that movie with Miles Teller and Anna Three Names. Of Green Gables. With the eyes. Yeah, of Green Gables. On a three gables. Oh, Anna Taylor Joy, maybe.

Yes. Where they're on different sides of a gorge that's filled with the devil. Really? I don't know. But every time I see an ad for it, I'm like, man, this feels like something that somebody's agents convinced them to do. and they were like, can I get that off my IMDB? Can I just, isn't there something we can submit, some paperwork? Honestly, it feels to me like a game show hosted by Rob Lowe.

The Gorge. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, they've got to solve puzzles while they cross it or they're going to fall into it. And I think it should still have the devil. So, Jordan, you've had to give up your beloved car. I mean, I know that you are a passionate drive it until the wheels fall off. guy. You're a deeply committed drive until the wheels fall off guy. And I

expected you to have that, and you keep your car in nice shape. You know, it's clean and you're the kind of guy who could really make a car go 15 or 20 years if it came to it. And yet, he is the friend of mine who I have known through, I think, the most

different cars. Oh, really? Yeah. Like that I have had the most different cars of your friends? Oh, interesting. What cars do you associate me with other than the Prius? Well, you know I associate you with, what is that? That cyan cues. Sion X-B. Another car I like, they don't make anymore. Zion X-B, a great car.

We had one of those cars, loved it. Oh, yeah. 85-horsepower engine. It would start shaking once you got over 55, but in every other category, it was one of the best cars I ever had. I used to hate it, and then I kind of turned around on it recently

where I'm like, it's a little truck. And also when you're in it, it feels like you're driving around in an office chair. This is why I think Jordan should consider a Dodge Ram Magnum. Okay. Telling you. You're going to need the crew. You need a crew cab.

It's the first three-row pickup truck. You know, I think I'll get a Mitsubishi Kayserito. Ooh. Get one of those. It's okay. So I'm car shopping and I pull up to the old enterprise rental of Glendale. Yeah. You want a car with a lot of hands on it.

Yeah. The lady at the rental counter says to me, I'm like, I kind of explain it to her. I'm like, oh, I'm going off insurance. And she's like, you want something fun? gives me like a little, you know, a little one, a little cocaine look. A little cocaine look. You want to go in the bathroom and do a little. For special customers. Right. Do a little. We got to do a bump before we choose. We got to do a bump before we check out the Hondas.

Makes it more fun. So she gets, and I, and I kind of know what she's doing here. And it's this thing that rental car people do to make it seem fun and they kind of try and upsell you. And I, I tried to shut it down. I'm like, you know, I'm, you know, again, I'm going off insurance money here. so I just want something simple. I'm not like a, you know, I drew of a pretty basic car. I kind of want just a basic car. So, you know, give me, give me whatever cheap sedan you have. And she's like, all we have is an outy. So she was kind of trying to do the, you want something fun because, oh, the only thing they had was an Audi.

And she just, she gave it up that fast. Yeah, yeah. She, boo to her. Sorry, I was trying to make you think the Audi was your idea. Yeah, you got to go, gosh, I'm sorry, we don't have anything now. Except, no, nothing that I can offer you. Right. You know, yeah.

Make you beg for it until she's selling you a pumpkin with a couple of mice. Please, give me the pumpkin. No, you can't. This is for very experienced drivers. You seem too young for the pumpkin. No, no, I can drive a pumpkin. No, oh. Well, if you really think so, I suppose.

Oh, yeah. Now, right now it looks like a real pumpkin, but at midnight, it will become a Baja blast. Okay, cool. I'll wait till midnight. I'll wait till midnight. So I, you know, just had to take the Audi And I'm like, well, I feel like a little bit of an asshole in this thing. That Audi was fun to drive.

Now, I don't know what a typical Audi man is like. I'm thinking a golfer, somebody who golfs? I mean, drives an Audi. Jordan, you may recall that I drove an Audi for four years probably. What? I didn't. This is like when you told me you had a fucking trampoline last time. You guys should have let me answer first,

so I could have possibly embarrassed myself. but I wouldn't have. Okay. Because my profile for an Audi owner is somebody who wants a luxury car, but does not want to be an asshole with a luxury car. Every person I know with an Audi, they're like, they're not a BMW asshole, they're not a Mercedes asshole, they're definitely not a Tesla maniac. Sure. They have a nice car and they're sort of like, I know where my local library is. Right.

And I want to clarify because both when I drove an Audi, and later when I drove a jaguar, we would get comments. Wait, but that was the cat, right? The big cat? Yes. I drove it. He went to the jungles of Peru. Saddled it up.

Saddle the jaguar. Yeah, yeah. I want to make it clear that this was during a long period of my life where I bought whatever the fanciest, neatest car I could get for $10,000 was. and then two years later sold it for $11,000. If you catch the right luxury cars at the right point in their price fluctuations, if you catch them far enough, you know, it's basically if you buy them when they're six years old, if you buy a luxury car when it's six years old, it's still a pretty good car.

It's still relatively reliable. You don't have to deal with too much paying a luxury car repairman to repair your luxury car. but the value on some luxury cars, Mercedeses don't do this, but on some luxury cars just totally crashes once it's four years old. And so it's worth the same amount of money from when it's six years old to when it's 11 years old. I was actually just thinking about this. I was on the highway and I saw this kind of old-looking Porsche. And I never see.

I'm like, oh my God, you only see brand-new Porsches or cars that could pass for brand-new. or classics. You don't see like eight-year-old Porsches. Sure. You have to kind of look around. So I was like, oh, where are they? It's like baby pigeons. Yeah.

You got to look around. Porches are filthy. They have so many germs. You got to know, like, which ones are the bat. Like when I drove a Jaguar, for example, there was like a period where the kind of Jaguar that I drove was basically the world's fanciest, like Lincoln Town car. Like, it was a Ford, basically.

It was a pretty, actually, a reasonably reliable car. A big sedan. Yeah. And so, like, you got to catch it in the right spot. But I just want to be clear that when I drove an Audi TT, Redline, sports car, I bought it for about the same amount of money as I sold it for two or three years later. But I know, Jordan, because that fucking Audi that I drove was a two-door coupe that looked like it was, you know, drawn by Mies Vandero and was fast as shit. and I'm not even a fast driver, but getting on to the 110 freeway,

an archaic freeway near my house where there are... That is the scariest place anyone can ever drive. Have you talked about it in the show before? Do your listeners know what the problem is with the 110? So it is a parkway from like 1925, and so the on-ramps, you start from stocked. There's no on-ramp. There's no, like, emerging lanes.

You're just driving around the city, and then suddenly you're in the middle of the highway. You have to go off a dirt BMX jump. Yeah, seriously. That some kids put up. There's a stop sign between the on-ramp and the highway. So like you're starting from a dead stop at a lot of the entrances. I'll die there.

It's terrifying. I hate it. I love it. It's the only reason I don't live there. Like with both the Jaguar, which was a giant car with a giant engine and the Audi, which was a sports car, like getting on the freeway, because I don't speed or like weave in traffic at all, ever. I'm a person who sets up behind someone the right number of car lengths and then just waits.

And if someone gets in front of me, I back off a little bit so that I'm the right number of car. Oh, because you're a member of the driving community. You're not trying to beat everyone else at a non-existent race. You're trying to be in community with your fellow drivers? I'm not a maniac. And for that reason, the one great pleasure that I had was to get on the freeway, get up to freeway. speed from a stop, which in both of those cars, which were like driving a large and small rocket, respectively, was a fucking blast. So I understand the feeling that you're having. When I gave up

those cars, I suffered emotionally for having done so because I bought a Volvo station wagon. And the Volvo station wagon, while a perfectly nice car and impressively expensive was, fine. Not good at picking up babes. Not good at getting on the freeway. It didn't do that. And the babes. Now here's the answer, Jordan.

And the babes. Yeah. Babes. Love of all though. If you want to recapture the feeling of driving that Audi, but you don't want to buy an Audi, my recommendation to you is get a car like I got, which is electric kundi. Because all electric cars are like driving spaces.

rockets because the torque is such that it just turns on instead of ramping up. So you can accelerate as much as you want in basically any electric car. And you feel like you're driving a fucking race car, even though you're driving a, you know, Ford Focus electric or whatever. Or do what I did and get a hard top Mazda meata convertible. Yeah. Because you feel like a little cartoon cat. He's driving around her little cartoon cat sexy car.

Have I told you guys this before? My friend Janine, Janine Brito, she says that it looks like the type of vibrator a cat would use. Good line. And she knows she has an entire fucking menagerie at her house. Exactly.

And probably a vibrator or two. Yeah, yeah. You've been rocking the Miata for a while. It's been a good car for you? Yeah. Oh, it's a stupid car. It's like drive, it's like if you wore,

you guys will relate to this. It's like if you wore lingerie. every day instead of a normal workman's bra and underpants. Sure, yeah. Garters, a thong, yeah. It's not for going to Costco. Did I go to Costco in it today? I did.

I did. Did I buy anything? No. What was I going to put in there? There's no glove compartment, and the trunk is like the size of a lunchbox. You need like a passenger-shaped storage compartment to put in the passenger seat. I kind of have one because I have a car seat for my dog. in the passenger seat.

Oh. And that... You can put a big jar of almond butter in there if you need. Yeah, when he's not in it, it's basically just a big box. I mean, I got to tell you... Kyle pottery in, too. As much as I love and admire my friend Jordan Morris's commitment

to buying the most practical car on earth and driving it until it dies, which I think is a great car owner strategy. I think that's one of the top car owner strategies. I got to say, of all the people I know in my life, my favorite car person,

Haring is Eliza Skinner and her Miata. I love it. I mean, when I got it, I didn't have my dog yet, but I knew in my head. I'm like, I'm getting a coop with no back seat. It's just two seats in the front, and those seats are going to be for me and a dog that I am going to get shortly. And that's what I've done. And the only song the radio is going to play is I Love L.A. And just the opening guitar riff.

Yeah. I mean, it's been a long time, so I can't just do that anymore. I play Sweet Freedom also sometimes now. Okay. By Michael McDonald. The thing about Amazda Miata is. like of all of the cars with that much flavor, it is the one that most reasonably could be driven on a day to day.

Like not crazy expensive. You can just take it to a Mazda guy. You know, you don't have to take it to a fucking British Motors specialist or whatever. Also, people either love it or hate it. And if they hate it, fuck them. You know? If you got a problem with Miatas,

you don't have enough fun in your life. My next door neighbor's dad, I know every time he's in town for like Thanksgiving or whatever because he's just loitering around my Miata. And he's like, how's it going? You know, I used to have one of these. Still driving well? Had some good times. That's some good times.

Love a Miata. Okay. Before I married his mom, I was married to a Miata. And I fucked a living shit out of her. Yeah, the Miata. Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird little club. Yeah.

Do you know any other Miata people? I know them on the road. We do that same thing that Jeep people do. But we're cooler about it. You know, where you like honk and you like give it, we do like, I get like a peace sign sometimes. Sometimes I get a hang ten. I get like, I would love to get a hang ten. Yeah, get in the club, man.

Man. Eliza, have you ever been to a, I would love to see you attending a Miata event because you know that there's meada events. You know there's a cars and coffee for Miata enthusiasts. I mean, there's like, I haven't. But the Reddits are very active. Like, anytime I've had a problem, I go on Reddit. I'm like, all the answers are like,

here's how you switch your seats out for a car battery. Like, what the fuck are people doing? Like, people love retrofitting their miata. Oh, and what you were saying about buying older cars? I had a friend when I was living in New York, this guy, Angelo, who was like many generations of Brooklyn Italian. And his thing was he would buy, like, Cadillacs. The big sedans, usually Cadillacs,

for exactly as cheap as he could get them and then spend tons of money tricking them out very stupidly like lights underneath them right um he would any kind of I mean if he could do hydraulics if he could do anything he would until it would fall apart

in like a month and then he'd get a new one so Jordan that's an option for you too yeah maybe I could be I could just trick out an old Cadillac give yourself a Sedandaville maybe kind of where I'm at is I was loving this Audi feeling like a real real big shot.

I was, you know, in my head, I'm like, okay, I can't actually buy one of these. I can't slash won't actually buy one of these. But I'm loving it. And for the time being, this is great. And then the fucking check engine light came on. I'm like, I think I should probably switch this out. So I went back to the Enterprise of Glendale. Was there a kitten in it?

Yeah, that was a little family of kittens in the engine. And they were fine. A family, like a mama kitten and the daddy kitten? Yeah, yeah. Kittens who had kittens. The cutest thing ever. It's really, out here on the streets in urban America. Kittens having kittens.

Yeah. Kittens having kittens. Yeah, it's going to be on Bravo soon. People love those shows. The kittens are slapping the shit out of each other. Yeah. They did have the, you know, sensible, boring car that I wanted originally, which was a Nissan Centra.

And I'm driving that around. And it's nice and it's fine. And it feels a little more me. But I just, I'm like, I could have been driving this Audi for a couple more weeks. At least you got the Nissan. Like, there's such a difference when you go to the car rental place. And they give you the Nissan, which is a normal car, but very pleasant inside, well-designed, comfortable. It's great. I'm actually looking to get in one.

Versus, you know, they just give you the worst car that's made. It just says car on the back. You know what I mean? That's not my experience. In the past 10 years of renting cars is always, like, I've reserved some small, whatever, and I show up and they're like, double whopper SUV. it's an upgrade. Don't worry about the gas mileage.

It'll be fine. It's an upgrade. I don't want to drive this fucking bus. Why are you trying to give me an SUV all the time? Why aren't you giving me an Audi? It's for sports people. Give me an outy. Yeah.

Or just something like small. Like I want just a car car when I'm renting a car. I want it to say like car brand car little won't die in it. That's all I need. But yeah. So I'm cruising around this Nissan. on and I'm, you know, I'm missing the Audi, but I'm going to start car shopping here pretty soon.

So, yeah, will I get a Honda Accord? Or will I get a Baja Blast? A Baja Blast, only time will tell. Yeah, get to Hesbara Blast. Yeah, hell yeah. I think that's the move. Eliza, can we get a pet update? How are the pets with each other these days?

I always like hearing about your pets. They've settled down a little bit. One of them is taking a nap behind me. one is in the other room so that they wouldn't get in a fight. Right. Because we're recording remotely today. They wouldn't start recording their own podcast. Yeah.

Well, their podcast has been on hiatus for a long time. I don't know what they're doing with it. You never announced that I started getting weirdly political. Yeah. Eliza, you have one cat and one dog, is that correct? Booberry Jones, one of my favorite dogs and cat that I don't know the name of. Oscar Longbody. Oscar Longbody, excellent.

Yeah, he's named Oscar because he was found in the garbage. So clearly he loves to live in the garbage. Like that famous grouch. Yes. Who? I mean, Oscar Wilde. Right. His famous quotes about garbage.

Famous, famous trash liver, Oscar Wild. And he's a wild cat. You get it. You get it. You get it. And all those witty comments about eating tin cans. Yeah, exactly. And yeah, they are like, so when I got Oscar, he was obsessed with boo and thought

boo was, like he imprinted on boo and would try to nurse on his paw pads and sleep with him. And Boo is a little old man who's like, you're bothering me, kid, quit it, get out of here. There's no milk in my feet. Yeah, exactly. Stop trying to get milk from my feet. Yeah. Look, it's one thing if you're going to put some milk in my feet.

I'd love to have milky feet. But I'm the first one to know that I ain't got in. You're making any deposits. Hello my baby. Hello, my honey. Hello, my milky pads. Yep, yep. That's it.

That's the whole vibe. And, yeah, so Oscar still tries to play with Boo like he's a kitten, and Boo hates that because he can't hear very well. So Oscar will kind of walk up to him, he thinks. But if you ask Boo, Oscar sneaks up on him. He's being assaulted. Yeah, and like jumps on him, and Boo is like, holy shit, what the fuck! And that's difficult. But I think Oscar's calming down a little bit.

Boo's health seems to be Knocked on Wood going pretty well. Yeah, they're all good. I thought you were going to ask me about my neighbors, though. Ooh, is there some hot gossip around the hood? I don't know. Okay, so two things. One, I've told you before that my neighbors hate me because this one neighbor turned all of them against me. They've all turned against that one neighbor.

What? A flip-flop. A flip-flop. I don't have to do anything. So now I'm the cool guy. You're the top neighbor? Yeah, everybody's like, wow. It seems like she had to deal with that crazy person for a long time.

I'm like, well, there we go. Okay. Second of all, I don't know if you remember, I told you about the couple where one of them was really into swing dancing, and she, like, kind of aggressively told me about, like, she would bring up swing dancing a lot. I don't think I've heard maybe. You have, because you were like, ha-ha, she's going to leave him for someone she swing dances with. Oh. Guess what happened?

Oh, my God. She's fucking Bill Nye, the science guy. Bill Nye, the science guy, we have discussed, is a prominent swing dancer. Oh, well, there may be. Yeah, he swing dances at the club where my stepdad plays sometimes. Well, either Bill Nye or your stepdad has spirited away this neighbor. Wow. Yeah, the swing dancing is dangerous.

It sure is. Yeah, it's not just about the dancing. No. No, if it was, they wouldn't call it swing dancing. You know what I'm saying? Thank you. Hey, they'd call it monogamy dancing. Right.

That's what you do at. In Mormon communities. That's what I call the fox drive. Monocopy did. Yeah. Sure. A nice waltz with someone you're committed to. What are you doing now that you're the favorite?

Hold on. Hold on, Jordan. I don't remember this neighbor drama. Maybe it was on an... How did they turn against you? How did the one person turn the others against you? Well, she got mad. She tried to take my cat and she got mad that I didn't let her.

Yeah. And it's your cat. Yeah, but it got very extreme to the point. I kind of tapped out because I couldn't figure out what was going on. I was like, I don't know why she's this upset. But it got to the point where she was like, if she's there, I'm not going to be there for like block parties and stuff. And so people were like, Eliza, you can't come to the block party because. Wow.

Yeah. So your cat was like an indoor outdoor cat and she just started feeding it and bringing it into her house. He was an indoor cat and he was a kitten. I was trying to find him a home. and then I was like, okay, I'm going to keep him. And then she was like, I'm keeping him. And I was like, you're what? But I've decided I'm, no, I'm sorry, you can't.

I actually decided I'm keeping him. What was her reasoning for it? I think that she just like, I don't know. I think she thought that I wasn't being nice enough to him because I was considering not keeping him. Okay. Maybe. Wow.

But I think that that is responsible. I think if I had been like, I'm keeping this cat, boom. Then I wouldn't be considering like, how much responsibility that is. Right. You were seeing if it was a good fit. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm taking it seriously as like an 18 to 20 year commitment usually. And also this other lady down my block, she didn't like that I pulled over and waited for her to back up one time. And she didn't like, I guess the way that I did that or she didn't think that I actually lived in my house. Because when I parked in my garage after her like blocking my garage for like 10 minutes and I was just sitting there on my phone waiting. for her to leave. And she finally backed past it. And then I went and got into the garage,

parked my car, got out of my car. And she was standing there. And she was like, do you even live here? And I was like, yes. And she was like, because I do. And we're nice people in this neighborhood. We don't act like that. And I was like, what? I pulled over for you to so you could back up past me. And you didn't. And she was like, no, no, that's not the way that I like to turn. That I like to turn the other direction. And I was like, well, I don't know what you would have liked me to have done in this situation. Do you even live here? Show me some mail.

I want to see some mail. Yeah, it really felt, and this was when I was driving a fit, you guys. This is before them. Government mail. Government mail, not drunk mail. I want to see a gas bill. Because this block is all fancy SUVs. You know what I'm saying?

And so, so. You were the lone fit. Yeah. So she was like, you know, you shouldn't. I was like, what would you have had me do? And she was like, oh, you know, I came in here to give you a chance, but you're just a bitch. And I was like, who just called who a bitch? She was like, oh.

So that lady and the one who tried take my cat are now best friends and no one else will talk to any of them. Okay. Wow. Well, I hope their partners leave them for swing dancers. Yeah. Well, then the other lady on the block will probably start talking to them. It's like what they say about cul-de-sacs is true.

Mm. You got kind of a burbs situation going on. Yeah. I feel like, it's wild. I don't have five percent of this. I've never had five percent of that amount of relationship. with any neighbor I've ever had in my entire life. See, that kind of surprises me because it started for me, for the most part, besides the lady in the car thing,

it started for me when I got a dog. And so I would walk the dog and they see me out on the street. And so I know, like before I had a dog, I could just get in the car, go into my house, leave the house, get into the car. Like, I didn't really see my neighbors that much. And I know you have dogs. Yeah. Avoid the neighbors. I've got dogs, but I do tend to put my dog in the back of my car.

and drive to a park or trail to walk. That'll do it. Because he likes to pull on the leash. So, you know, we can walk him at the front door. We use the gentle leader. He's okay with that. But it's more fun to play with him at the park than it is. Yeah, where he doesn't feel as anxious.

Yeah. That he's going to run into your neighbors. I don't want to docks anybody, but do you still talk to Jordan, just to go past guest, Jonathan Ames? I do. Who is a neighbor of yours? I love Jonathan. He's my favorite neighbor. and we text each other about noises in our neighborhood.

That's probably fun to have somebody you can text with about neighborhood noises. We seem to get the same amount of annoyed by noises. So he'll be like, do you hear this dog? And I'll be like, do you hear this car alarm? And we're both like, yes. Talk to you tomorrow. And his dog and my dog are very good friends. I feel like there's nothing that I wouldn't enjoy texting the great Jonathan Ames about.

Jonathan Ames is one of the great raconteur weirdos of America. Well, I mean, I must warn you, it's not like he writes back a novel. It's not like I'm getting free Jonathan Ames published material. What's great about Jonathan Ames is not simple. I mean, did I read all three of his recent series of mystery novels and enjoy them? The doll books? Yes, I love them. Yes, I have them autographed to my dog.

Oh, thank you. Okay, so I loved Jonathan Ames novels, and I did loan them to my father-in-law, who also loved them, even though they're a little bit weird, was great about them. is that they're mostly regular detective novels, like genre novels, but then there's a little bit of Jonathan Amsey shit in there, just to keep you on your toes. There's a lot of Jonathan Amsey shit in there.

What's great about Jonathan Ames is not simply his, you know, his two wonderful television shows he was in charge of in his many books. It's that he is one of the oddest human beings I know who is able to participate fully successfully in normal society. He just, he's so smoothly able to integrate his distinctive perspective on the world into normal human interactions. I love it.

I love that he's handsome. I love that he's a jock. I love that he's secretly a jock. I love, you disagree? His jock era has, has, I think was more in the aughts. I think he is. He's not boxing so much. Right, yeah.

I mean, I saw him hit some softball home runs. I guess that was probably 10 years. but I saw him crush some... I was just thinking of the boxing stuff. I just remember from New York Magazine. Yeah, no, so he has employed what I think many of us weirdos shoot for and no we must shoot for, which is gaining status and stature

so people can't bag on you for being weird. Yeah. Right. If you're using your weirdness somehow and it's benefiting you. Or just like you become a successful weirdo, then they're more. interested in, like, befriending you than in being, like, weird. Uh-huh.

Yeah, and they're like, why am I not weird? What am I doing wrong? Yeah, yeah, exactly. They're like, I guess I'm too normal. Kick rocks, go to an Abercrombie and Fitch. I've got to get a deal. I've got to get some kind of weird deal. And kick some rocks.

Yeah. Maybe that could be it. Maybe that could be it. Well, is it? Tell me some other things that normal people do besides go to Abercrombie and Fitch and kick rocks. They go to Starbucks. Right.

They talk about how cute each other's clothes are. Oh. Not cool or interesting. Cute. They do a post on social media with like people from their family or their friends. And they go like, love these humans. Yes. And they do get readies with me's.

Get ready with me's. Get ready with me videos is. Okay. What kind of video is that? That's where you get ready with someone to do something else. so that you're not even doing something interesting. You're preparing to do something interesting. Right.

But also the interesting thing, the thing you're getting ready for, very often not interesting. It's very often, like, get it ready with me to go to Abercrombie and Fitch. And kick rocks, because I'm normal. Yeah. I have to say, I've been in physical therapy lately, just for some back pain, nothing too horrible. And my therapist, my physical therapist will often say something is cute. and I have to adjust in my head that she's not making fun of that thing or me. Like she'll say, that looks so cute.

That is cute. And I'll be like, are she saying it's bad? No, to her, that's good. She is normal. Maybe there are weirdos who strive to be cute. I feel like me and the weirdos that I am normally friends with do not want, that's cute is not what they're aiming for, what we are aiming for. Sure. Weird, spiky, bizarre, remarkable, esoteric.

I know. Somebody called something I did cute. I would be mad. Even though I do occasionally participate in something cute. Yeah. I don't want them to say it's cute though. Yeah. But if they called something you did bombastic, come on. You'd be so down. I am so with you. And I also, like, you write for children's television programs. sometimes. I feel like if someone said your episode of Teen Titans Go was cute, you'd be like, fuck you. It's funny. Yeah. No, no. He earns a cute moment in amongst the bizarreness and the chaos. I know. He's worked for me writing for children before. That's right. And that's what we strive for. Thank you. Thank you. I should mention you guys wrote the book Paddington Bear.

Yes, exactly. Which, as you know, is. is just a lot of like butt sniffing. And then marmalade. So it's like, oh, the marmalade's cute. Yeah, yeah. Because, you know, in amongst the butt sniffing. And then he goes back to sniffing butts. That's how bears get to know each other.

It's normal for bears. It's normal for bears. Come on. This is the exact same, you know, criticism we got when it came out. And otters and people from other specific body shape gay subcultures. Right? Yes, exactly.

I want to say what I think is cute. Can I just say what? What do you think is cute? Stank is the rat. Stank is the rat, yes. Eliza, this is a new, kind of newish character on the show. Jesse bought a handmade comic

from some boys at the flea market. Oh, I can hold it up. I've got it next to me. We're Zoomin. This is a self-published comic, Stankis the Rat. He shows his butt. And, yeah, we actually were able to track down

the kids that did it. And there's a Jordan, so go Stankus co-lab on the horizon, right? Jesse, can we say that? I was about to say, did you purchase the rights to this? We did. We now own Stankis, and it's coming to Peacock soon. Wow, congratulations.

I didn't know Max Fun was getting into the peacock business. We also cross-sold it to Quibi. Oh, boy, Jesse. So it's going to run in full length on peacock, and then in quick bites on Quibi. Quibi is not really so much around anymore. That's okay. C-So wants it. Oh boy, they both sold off all their water bottles.

I'll send it to Yahoo screen. Stankis is a rat. I mean, as Jordan, you probably, I don't know if you caught this in the brief glimpse of the cover that you saw Eliza, but you can see he lives in the sewer. Yeah. All I got from the cover that I saw was the idea that this should be a, um, a stomp inspired off-Broadway musical. We didn't even think about that. We didn't even talk about a stomp inspired off-Broadway musical. With the trash cans and the brooms and the like telling the story of stankus, the rat, you know.

Let the record reflect that our friend Eliza Skinner did use what I would call stomp gestures to emphasize her points there. If you haven't seen the show, you could consider it light cromping. Yeah, light cromping. Yeah. Okay, yeah, let's tell Peacock it's off. We're going to go straight to off-Broadway, and I think that'll be better for the longevity of the property. Do we have... That kind of thing where they, like, run...

Where, like, an actor, like, runs and slides a little bit, because they're so excited. And they're like, have you heard about Stankus? What do you mean? Stankus? Somebody does, like... I think it would be, like, they got a broom, and they go, down. Down is sort of, like, the snare, you know, gung, gung, g-d-ch-ch-ch.

And then Stankis goes, and then Stankis goes, thong, dunk. And then Stankis goes, he farts. Do we have a... date yet, Jordan Cowling for the Stankas boys to come on the program. I know you've been in dialogue with Mrs. Stankis, their mother. Do we know when those Stankas is will be in studio with us on Jordan, Jesse. We do not have a date as of yet, but the mother let us know that the Stankas

boys are ripping to run to cut school to come into the studio. So they're really excited. So are we. I think one of the biggest, I think one of the biggest disappointments for them is that we record on weekends. Yeah, they will not have to skip school. If they want to skip school, that's their business. But, you know, maybe we should schedule it for, take your Stankas boys to work day. Sure. Jordan. Maybe that could be Stankas' want for the musical.

Right. He wants, oh, you got to have a want. Yeah, and you got to have that I want song on the top. Yeah, to like miss school. Eliza, you're obviously the musical genius amongst the three of us. would you suggest any French circus Cirque du Soleil-esque elements? Oh, no.

Well, first of all. Bring in to noise, bring into function style. Yes, tap dancing, especially if you can like find some found objects to tap dance upon. Oh, yeah. As though it's necessary and it can't just be a stage. So you can find like a piece of like aluminum siding

or something. Throw that down. Dance on that. search is so late I am not a fan of and let's be clear not French French Canadian

yeah because there's just too much pelvis in what they do for my work I limit my pelvis It's unseemly it's untoward

I limit my pelvis to Fossi and it's just because of the legacy Okay now that we're now that we're improvising should we take a little break and play some zip zapsop and then come back for some more we'll be back at just a second

on Jordan Jessica It's Jordan Jesse Go, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, every episode of Jordan Jesse Go brought to you by the members of Maximum Fun who support Jordan Jessica. Thank you, members of Maximum Fun. Thank you. Thank you for supporting Jordan, Jessica.

Jordan and I also have our own little activities that we get up to elsewhere on the Mases, word searches. Jordan and I together went on our friends, Brea and Mallory's podcast, reading Smut to talk about a novel in which a shape-shifting, sometimes Murwoman, fucks an entire gang of motorcyclists who also are Murman. The motorcycles are magic, too. And the motorcycles are magic. You can ride them on top of the ocean.

It was a horny and baffling time featuring an extraordinary mix of competence and incompetence in the art of writing. I feel like I was surprised by how competent it was until things happened that were incompetent that also surprised me. Yeah, check it out. Reading smut. It's a ton of fun. We loved being on it.

Great show in general. You also, you've been on a lot of podcasts lately. You went on guys. Oh, yeah. I was on guys. with Brian Quimby. We talked about toy guys. It's a very fun show where Brian picks a kind of guy and then tells you all about what that guy is doing on the internet.

We did toy guys. It was a lot of fun. There are men who fight for Hot Wheels and Targets. When I went on that show, I talked about menswear guys. And there was some dissent in the audience as to whether it was good that I am and know a lot about menswear guys or that it was bad because it meant that we were. We couldn't sufficiently unload on menswear guys.

Okay. So you can listen to my episode too, and you can decide whether it was good or bad. And then if it's bad, make sure to let me know. I want to know. Post it publicly on the internet or just send it along to me how I could be better in my job. That's really nice. We have a lot of good, helpful listeners out there. You were just on Never Not Funny, too, right?

I was never not funny with our Bolivia Pardo. One of the funniest guys ever. That was a blast. Yeah, I've been making the rounds I was stop podcasting yourself Oh yeah, I listened to that That was so great You went on the flop house too

The flop house We talked about a weird John Travolta movie Apparently John Travolta just makes Eight movies a year now Anyway Yeah, having fun podin With some of our funniest friends Yeah, so go seek those out

And go if you already listen to one of their shows And you like, and you heard Jordan on it You liked it Want to go on that show subreddit And be like, man, I fuck and love Jordan, go listen to Jordan Jesse Go. How about that? Do it.

I also have a store on the internet. Put This Onshop.com. We just posted a huge amount of beautiful and magical things that I brought back from Mexico City, including but not limited to some pretty amazing Mexican movie posters and a lot of beautiful jewelry for both men and women. So go to Put This Onshop.com and get yourself something really special. And yeah, while you're buying stuff, why not pop down to your local comic book store and grab a copy of Predator Bloodshed? Issue 1 on stands now.

Jordan, I already got my copy. I already got issue 1 of Predator Bloodshed. Okay, well... Oh, you think the audience should get it. Well, yeah, they should. Of course, it's fucking read. Of course, you've got it, Jesse. You're a Wednesday warrior.

You're down there every day. I went down to... Grabbing your holds and your polls. I went down to the comic book store and bought myself a copy. Yeah, I share it with my children because it's important to teach your children early about predators and about underground fighting tournaments. Yes, exactly. It's an important lesson.

This is a teaching book. We love it. So yeah, issue two coming out later this month. So make sure you're caught up. Tell your comic bookshop you want all five issues. Hey, while you're at it, tell them you want the one-shot web of venom. That's right, a Venom story featuring the Marvel Comics debut of Dip Dobson, the inside joke. from this show. Now, Marvel continuity. And Spider-Versity, a Spider-Man family mini-series written by

me and Joe Kelly coming at the end of April there. Tell them you want all five issues. It's going to be a fun time. Thwip. Let's get back to the show. It's Jordan Jesse Go, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Eliza Skinner, clankety car. There it is. Eliza, thanks for taking the time to take a break from that spin drift. You just took a swig of spin drift, held it up near your head,

looked up into the sky contemplatively, and said, Ah! That's spin drift, baby. I am so brand loyal to the things that I love. And I, Spindrift, sponsor me. I mean, I, I'm ready to give you commentary on their new flavors. They got cherry. They got Yuzu Mandarin.

What? Oh, guys. How many of your friends know that stuff? I do. I always do. What are the top spin drifts? I mean, I would say the top is the island punch. People love the island punch.

It's an exciting flavor and it's a good mixer. Some of the other ones, they're a milder flavor. Me, I like the grape aid. I'm always, I'm always looking for a grape soda, and the grape aid is grape juice and soda, so it's like less sugary, feels like a healthier version. Okay, sounds delicious. But I do like this new Yuzu Mandarin. Sponsoring.

Sponsoring. Yeah. I feel like, what of Yuzu out there these days? If Guy Branden- People love to mention Yuzu. If Guy Brandom can get an influencer deal from California prunes, why can't we get Eliza's Kinner an influencer deal from Spindrift? Spin Drift.

Yeah, but doesn't. I come from prune country. He does. And he's, but his, but your, I think your passion for spin drift is as real is guy's real passion for prunes. Guy does love prunes. I love spin drift. And I don't understand why everybody, like, when people come over and I'm like, hey, come

over, I'll get some pizza. And of course I'll have spin drift. And people are like, okay. And I'm like, no, really every kind. I'll have every kind they make. You can choose. They're four percent. I don't know.

I don't know. Yeah. People were like, I don't know. do they have like a lemon one? And I'm like a lemon one, you fucking jerk. Are you serious? It's a better lemon. I've got nohito here.

It's a lime mint, idiot. You know what I'm really passionate about? Yeah. I flew on some JetBlue flights back and forth to New York City where we did some Judge John Hodgman shows. Just recently? Yeah, just recently. And the honest truth is that, you know, JetBlue isn't what it once was.

was. There's no longer a Moji in the JetBlue terminal at JFK. You know, there's, they've, they've really, they've really focused in on trying to make it just marginally better than other kinds of coach. Before it used to be way better than other kinds of coach. And now they're just like, what if we just, what if we charge $35 to check your bag instead of $40 to check your bag? I feel like the height of JetBlue was like the late Otts. when it was when it could be like we're a 70s party but an airline yeah i mean it's kind of a disco they used to give you a little bump before you got on yeah exactly and show you their outies um yeah now you got to got to go to an enterprise of glendale to get that bump but i can rely on jet blue to have those

little packets of granulated lime and if i'm on an airplane and i get myself a general ginger ale and a couple packets of that granulated lime and put those in my ginger ale, I'm happy as a, I'm in no position to complain about anything. I'm just thrilled. I love the kick that it gives my ginger ale. I have no idea what you're talking about and I had no idea where you were going. I don't, I'm not going to drink two gingerails on one flight, but give me a couple little packets of granulated lime. I'll drink plain seltzer all day. I thought you're going to go with the tarot chips.

They don't have those anymore God damn it What are they got? The chips All the chip options Kind of suck now They got a plantain chip None of them are blue anymore

Which is bullshit What was part of what was cool Was that they had so many blue things You could get They had those regular potato chips That were blue Anyway Yeah they got like a

Snacks are kind of bullshit now My sister dated a JetBlue Pilot for a while there Yeah the airplane It was very weird When it would come to like family functions. I guess we got to rent out a space or something.

But also like, a hanger, dude. Yeah, nude all the time, fully nude. Right, yeah, right. Eliza, I'm on the Wikipedia page for Spin Drift here. I know you were kind of looking for a connection. I know, you know, like Guy, obviously, with his prune deal. He comes from prune country.

I guess it was started in 2010 by Bill Creelman from Charlestown, Massachusetts. Do you have a connection to Bill Creelman or? Charleston, South Carolina, I maybe could scrape something together for, but Massachusetts. I do have a chew that you might be interested in endorsing. Oh. Right from Charleston, huh? Mm-hmm. Sounds like a pretty good chew.

Any other important spin drift info there? Yeah, got anything else for me? Yeah, got anything else for me? They've announced a distribution of their products in Kroger, Starbucks, and Whole Foods. Wait, I go to Kroger sometimes. Okay. Okay. When I travel, there's not much in California,

but I've been to Crokers. That's Ralph's. It's kind of the same thing. Ralph's, Yeah, that's true. It's Croger brand there. If you're traveling and there's a Kroger, put your other plans on hold,

head over to the beverage aisle and lay in wait. And when that spin drift man comes, that's the time to spring your trap. Obviously, just so you know, when I picture myself laying in wait, it's fully prone, just staring at the ceiling. Oh, yeah. In the aisle.

Just hands kind of clasped on my chest. Covered in mud. Trying to not. So he can't detect you with his thermal vision. Yeah, feeling a little bit guilty about maybe making people feel uncomfortable as they shop. Yeah. Jordan, are you suggesting that Spin Drift, the popular Seltzer with a twist of juice company, distributes its products to Kroger brand grocery stores, which, of course, what is that?

That's like a Kroger Lucky Albertsons. The variety of brands Is a Safeway Okay They do so Using Predators Yeah Got it

Yep Do the predators Drive the trucks Or Oh yeah Okay They do it all These guys with the mouth

Yeah yeah Wow So yeah That's why you need to cover yourself in mud If you're gonna lay in wait for once They have thermal Their vision is heat based So

I'm not as locked in on Predator That's okay yeah I know the lore Obviously as the writer. Hey, you have to. You have to. You've got to be deep in the lore.

They have spiked spin drifts, pre-spiked. Don't like them? Definitely don't like their sodas. Sorry, maybe this has taken me out of the running. But they've got something called soda spin drift, which I'm like, yeah, exactly. I'm like, it's all soda. What are you talking about? But I guess this is kind of their license to go crazy with sugar or something for it.

It's not worth it. The magic is in the sparkling waters with a squeeze of juice. I'm looking at the flavors for the sodas, which you do not like. The first one on there is half and half. Now, I think what that actually is is half tea, half lemonade, but it sounds like a dairy flavored soda. Yeah, it absolutely does. A full sugar dairy soda.

Yeah, I would drink it. That sounds gross. Now we're getting into like buzzball territory. Oh, yeah. We don't need that. I mean, you know how they drink like sparkling yogurt drinks in a lot of other cultures? Sparkling yogurt drinks? No, I know about yogurt drinks.

They have sparkling yogurt drinks. Oh, yeah. Like Persians drink sparkling yogurt? Plain, plain, sparkling, plain yogurt drinks. Never heard of a sparkle with it. There's sparkling yogurt drinks in a long time. In East Asia as well. I know.

In Japan, you can get yourself a nice sparkling yogurt drink. Those are sweeter than the main Persian one is just plain yogurt and seltzer, basically. Do you think people are going to think this is like my funniest appearance on your show? Yeah, probably so. Were they described spin drift? She talked about spin drift for a long time. Eliza, this is what they want. This is it?

This is the show. They signed up for this show 20 years ago. They don't know how to unsubscribe, so they just take this shit from us. Some have to. Some have passed away. Really? And they still have this, you still have the description? They're still listening.

Burry me with my iPod, they said. You should put a, you should put a telephone. call prompt out for ghosts then. Ooh. Yeah. Like top hauntings, spectral appearance, you know? So the ghosts can call in and be like, wow, I thought I was out of the loop since I shed the moral foil.

You got any unfinished business out there? Tell us about your unfinished calls. Guys, I don't mean to punch up this call out to ghost. I think it's a great idea. I'm glad you brought it up, Eliza. And Jordan, obviously, I treasure. I treasure your ideas. Your ideas usually better than mine,

but I'm going to pull the, I'm in the podcast Hall of Fame card here. Okay, here we go. Ghosts, if you're listening, can you fuck? Oh, yeah. So you think that this is worth taking multiple calls? Like some of them can, some of them can't, or you're trying to get to the bottom of an age-old mystery?

Well, we're going to find out either way, right? Because some are going to call, if it's some can, some can, some can't, or some can only do oral or butt stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then we'll find out from the calls. Well, I mean, with the oral and butt stuff, that probably depends on, like, how they died, right? And, like, what part of their physical form they maintain? Sure, sure, sure.

Or do they revert to, like, their ideal age and form? Like if they died from putting something up their butt? Or, like, maybe half of them exploded. Oh, right. Right, yeah. Mining accident. Yeah, yeah. Like, they put a stick of dynamite up their butt.

Yeah, like, the traditional bugs bunny way to go. But the, but that little curly. that little curly wire that came out of it snapped and they couldn't get it back out. Right. That's a problem. So, go-g-g-g-g-g-gosts, let us know if you can

fuffa-fffuck. You know, those dynamite plungers, you know what I'm talking about? The Bugs Bunny kind. The TNT things, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's just a butt sex sort of symbol, right?

Just like sometimes a cigar is a penis. A painting Dr. Freud. Yeah, I think I'd just see a dynamite plunger. I don't know about you, Pervo. Yeah, that's why in, in Roman. romantic scenes, they cut away to like cartoons of trains going through mountains and then people furiously pushing up and down those dynamite things and blowing things and then blowing things up and then coming.

Well, ghosts, yeah, and that's why they're, it's why they call orgasms catching the roadrunner. Ghosts, if you're out there, give us a call at 206-9844-fun. Let us know if you're going to fuck, if you can fuck, whether you can fuck other ghosts or humans. Oh, yeah. What comes out when you fuck? That's a great question. Do you require lubrication and can you generate it? Or do you have to purchase it commercially?

Yeah. Dry fucking ghosts. We're trying to eat a ghost. I just need to like, can I get some horseradish out here for this thing? Yikes. Oh, boy. I mean, that's like with everybody being horny for vampires. It's like, you know those guys don't have blood in them.

Jordan and I are horny for merman, but I get it. Okay, well, still probably chilly. I mean, if they're in the ocean, those are cold. But moist, but moist, very moist. Yeah, but too chilly. I would imagine the salt cost us chafing. Oh, yeah. That's my opinion.

Anyway, give us a call, 206-9844 Fun. Send us a voice memo. JJ, go at maximum fun.org. Do it when something momentous happens to you, too. Like you have a really sick-ass haunting. Like this person did. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and Go. This is Rick from Roanoke with a momentous occasion.

I have just completed my first circumnavigation of the globe. It started last week when I went from Washington, D.C. to Mumbai, India, transiting through Abu Dhabi, where I called to tell you that I hadn't seen normal. Now, in the normal course of events, I would have gone back the same way, checking on normal again, of course. But while I was in Mumbai, the U.S. started a war with Iran. So after being stuck in Mumbai for three days, I got a five-flight, 49-hour-hour Odyssey home. Mumbai to Singapore to Tokyo to San Francisco to Washington, D.C., to Roanoke. And I have just gotten back to my car, and I figure when I sat down in the very same place in my car

from which I started my journey, that completes my circumnavigation. I have no idea really what time or even what day it is, but I do know that I am now the only person I know to have circumnavigated, the globe. Frankly, I would have preferred not to, but here we are. Thanks. Tell me without telling me that you're not friends with Phineas Fogg, which I am, which I am. Oh, Jess, what's that? I don't know what that is. That's the guy from around the world in 80 days, isn't it? Finius Fogg. You're probably, you're probably right. I hope it's right. I hope that's right. It might be wrong. Did this guy say he was from the Star City, from Roanoke? Roanoke, Virginia. You're a Virginia.

Hell yeah. You know, that's where they got tiny Graceland and they used to. Tiny, god damn, that's a big old Graceland. No, it's tiny, somebody built Graceland in their front yard. And so you could go see Tiny Graceland. What sort of Graceland, like, features does it have? All the features. A bunch of TVs? No, it's like when you go and you see like a miniature town, but it's just Graceland.

I guess the only thing I know about Graceland is that Elvis had a lot of TV. and you could see the TVs. Wow. So maybe I, I wouldn't even know if I was looking at a bright time. Tell me, you're not watching Paradise Season 2 without telling me. I'm watching Paradise Season 2. I'm not, I'll admit it. Graceland is a character in it.

What? Yes. Wait, it's a location that's a character on the show. In a lot of ways, a location can be a character in a show, Jordan. Yeah, have you ever seen a romantic comedy set in New York? No, I never have. It's very often New Jersey is a character. Jersey City.

Baltimore. I was often the character. Horny old Baltimore. Sliding in to muck things up for the two leads. Congratulations on circumnavigating the globe. I'm sorry that it's in those circumstances. Here is a question that occurred to me. Yeah.

So obviously, Nirmal occasionally gets mailed to Abu Dhabi by Garfield. Our listeners aren't big garf heads. I think the joke our caller was making is that, You know, one of the running jokes on Garfield, maybe the one of the, you know, there's Mondays, lasagna. And then, and then, yeah, that's a key. Sorry. Sorry.

Yeah. But equally beloved and definitely makes as much sense. So, yeah. One of, one of Garfield's maybe less loved, but still very hilarious running jokes, is mailing the cute kitten normal who John sometimes has and sometimes doesn't to Abu Dhabi. I feel like Abu Dhabi has taken the place of Albuquerque as funny place, funny place name. funny sounding place name. Cartoons, comics. Here's my question for both of you.

It's a real question that you should take seriously. Okay, yeah. And not like make a joke about it. When Nirmal gets mailed to Abu Dhabi, how long does it take Nirmal to get there? And how long does it take Nirmal to figure out how to get back? He's dead by the time he gets there, Jesse. What are you talking about?

Yeah. Mail a cat, it's dead. A ghost? that's a ghost cat. John just replaces normal. Which means I don't think that he has to like try to get back or anything. Ghosts can just be like, here's where I want to haunt, boop. And they're there.

I feel like they put him on a boat. And then he didn't go around and he, you know, hard tacking. You're James Cameron, the Titanic King, this journey where he's like on a boat. He meets like perhaps a more wealthy cat, has some sort of cat relationship, paw prints on the back of the car. and then drowns still ends up dead ends up dead If we presume that NERAL does make it to Abu Dhabi How long does it take for NERML to figure out Passage Back and does it involve sex work?

I mean, I'm just looking at the USPS website here Okay This is saying six to ten business days For a live cat? I guess I don't know I've not I didn't specify live cat or normal I mean he can go around and eat eat hardtack on the ship. I already explained that. Not enough people making hardtack, adding hardtack to their, their appetizer menus these

days. I don't know why there are... Salt pork. So, Jordan, your producer, has put in the chat that NERMAL belongs to the Arbuckle's, the Arbuckle parents. John is cat sitting Nermal. I'm a huge Garfield fan. You may see there's a Garfield fan art. You got a Garfield idea, yeah. Oh, yeah. I've got a Nirmal in the next room. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Is that true? That is canon? I didn't know that. J.K., can you get on Mike? Did you just know that off the top? Are you that big a garf freak that you knew about Yeah, is that always the case? Or is that like, sort of a garf freak? I was watching the holiday special last night just for, just for giggles. But in March.

Yeah, it's not a freak move. The way the world is now, we need these holiday specials. This is from Reddit. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. All right. I think that's probably right. I think that's probably I think they probably... I buy it. I'm just... I buy it too. I'm just shocked to have... You know, it's like when you go outside and you're like, wow, I've never seen blue like that before.

So I got a couple of... I got a couple of quick updates on Normal. Yeah. I went to the Garfield fandom wiki. So first of all, over the years, Nirmal has appeared less frequently, but he tends to show up more around. Garfield's birthday to make fun of Garfield's age. Okay. Sure.

I'll also add Garfield is a boy, though some people sometimes think he's a girl. What? Garfield or normal? You mean a normal? Still talking about normal here. Oh, God, come on. Thank you. Because Garfield's dick is always out.

Oh, yeah. And it's a hanger too. Nobody's saying Garfield's. Yeah. I mean, that's what, when they say lasagna, oh, yeah. They're talking about a messed up dick. Um, Nirmal is a boy with long eyelashes.

That is just to suggest Nermal's relative youth. Right. And cuteness. And cuteness too, yeah. The inspiration, I mean, in a way, you could see him as like a metaphor for inspiring looks maxing. You know. Yes, Nirmal was the first looks max. Well, I mean, but he was natural.

But the other, but cats like Garfield are like, I am not good enough. How do I get that normal face? Because I'm not like normal. So they start doing like bone smashing and whatever, weird stuff with orthodontry. Right, yeah. So all those, you know, kind of psychotic TikTokers out there that are neural maxing. Yeah, yeah. They're trying not to get mugged by Nerbel.

I got a couple more bits of normal information. Normal does have some alter egos. The superhero version of Normal is Abner. NERAL. Fun. That sounds like, look maxing. Yeah. Abbs, come on.

Abneral's abilities include his pester power, the ability to create force fields, and a body temperature of absolute zero that allows him to freeze anything he touches. Okay, that one of these things is doing its own thing. In the movie, he is given super speed. What movie? It doesn't say. The Garfield movie or Garfield. Snyder cut of the Justice League.

There's both a Garfield movie and Garfieldsville movie. That's what he added in. No one wanted. Yeah, yeah. That was the thing that they made Zach Snyder cut from the Justice League movie was NERL. Now I'm on board with all that.

It's the Snyder cut stuff. Yeah, let's see it. More Nirmal. It's confusing collection of superpowers. Nirmal also has an alter ego named Ramon. Uh-oh. Ramon is, of course, an alter ego

made by Nermel to win the fun fest by dancing with Arlene. Okay. Huh. So is Ramon kind of the Stefan Urkel? Yeah, I think Ramon appears to be. I'm looking at a picture of Ramon, and it does have an Urkel-S.

I don't like Nirmal with motivations. I want, normal should just be a device. Right. Oh, and Nirmal is a student, a NERMEL attends Kitty Hawk Elementary School in Garfield's cyber safety adventures. Everybody's favorite Garfield adventure.

Yeah. Poor Garfield. He must be exhausted by now. Yeah, now that we've learned about NERMIL, should we take another call? Yeah, let's take another call. Maybe the guest will be me this time. That'd be fun. That'd be fun.

It's always, it's happened a couple times. People have guessed the guess. Really? It's happened once or twice, yeah. Wow. Eliza, just so you know, I mean, obviously you know this about Jordan and I already, but we think of a lot of ideas for segments for the show. So this isn't just someone calling in with some shit they wanted to tell us and then saying it's for a segment, whatever the fuck.

This is actually a thing that we thought of because we worked so hard. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. This is Lauren calling in for your segment. Oddly provocative things I saw in other. people's cars. The first thing I saw was an SUV with the license plate 26F. The second thing I saw was a white pickup truck that looked like it could be an official vehicle, but clearly was not because on the side and back, it said Thought Patrol, T-H-O-T. That's all for today. Love you. Bye. Love you too

Okay so I understand Being you know Feeling a little turned on by thought patrol Yeah I want to know is that in the font of paw patrol Are you doing a paw patrol? I don't know

Yeah I have a question Because yeah that seems inappropriate Yeah Like what's the Thought I think Like we're just looking for thoughts I think I'm maybe I'm not

I'm not as up on this stuff As some people But it's that hoe over there Is that Is that thought that hoe over there? Okay. Which of the Paw Patrolers would you say is most likely to be on Thought Patrol? It's a cat.

My initial thought is Everest. I don't know any of the Paw Patrols. Yeah, I just know there's a cat. Yeah. Cats are hoeyer than dogs, right? Yeah, very sensual creatures. Very sensual. They're long, sleek.

Jesse, did your kids have a Paw Patrol phase? How much do you know about the Paw Patrol? Yeah, there was a little bit of Paw Patrol in my house, and I will say this. It is the fucking worst. It sucks so much ass. Worse than Veggie Tales? I want to be, well, I mean... Well, at least Veggie Tales has values, you know.

At least Veggie Tales is teaching kids values they can use. That's how you taught your kids, right? Veggie tails? Right. I mean, I feel like... I feel like we grew up with Children's Entertainment that was so... so much worse than the children's entertainment of today. There were exceptions.

By and large, I think. Yeah, just maybe the general... No way. Okay. Really? Let's get into this. Yeah, come on. Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers,

electric company, 3-21 contact, you're mostly listening. Square one. You're largely listening. And number one, you're largely listening shows that still exist because PBS has never stopped making any show ever.

Well, they will now. Sorry, children's television workshop. Welcome to Trump, 2.0. However, I do think all of those are excellent

educational television programs. However, I think. James Bond Jr. Daniel. Captain Planet. It is good. The biker mice from Mars. X-Men.

The Cowboys of Moom Mesa. Uh-huh. Get Along gang. Gem. And the holograms. Oh, yeah. Jay K saying on the chat, Fantastic Max. Isn't that where you get your haircut?

It is, yeah. I think there's a lot more adventure times in today's children's market, whereas there was just the one Peewee's big adventure in commercial television. I mean, Peewee's Playhouse in commercial television way back when. And I think that the public television children's programming continues to be excellent just as it was when we were children. uh however and you know everybody fucking loves bluey everybody loves bluey however paw patrol is about the worst of the worst significantly worse than say gabby's dollhouse which isn't that bad my friend's

my friend sang the theme song for paw patrol oh really good probably a good you know how much money he makes from it how much like nothing nothing is your friend cindy lopper No, have you not heard the theme song to Popadryl? I have heard it, but I don't remember how it goes. Well, it's not Cindy Lopper. Come on in and pull yourself up a chair. Let the fun begin. Come on and let down your hair.

Right? No, that's, you're thinking, are you talking about Pee Wee's Playhouse this whole time? You were talking about Pee We's Playhouse? I think I was just thinking about Pee We's Playhouse the entire time. Both for old shows and new shows. I just can't stop thinking about Pee's Playhouse. I have commentary on this call. Let's hear.

What's that? Okay, first of all, what was the second thing that she saw? So the that ho over there, I think is fair to say it's provocative. But then I think the caller said that they were... It was F-26? Yeah. Are they identifying themselves in like Reddit, MIV-A-V-A-Shole post?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Honestly, it just made me think of, all of it made me think of the weirdest thing I saw in a car recently, which was, and apparently this is a thing, a window sticker, you know those Calvin window stickers? Ah, yes, where he's peeing on. This was just Calvin behind a flaming cross. Oh, boy. That's, wait, sinister.

Yeah. What does that mean? I think that it was like a praise sort of thing, but it was like. That's Ku Klux Calvin. I mean, it did, the driver did not, I would not have clocked her as a, as a, as a, as a, Ku Klutz Calvin driver. I think it was more of a like, ah, God is powerful.

But either way. Calvin? What is this journey Calvin has gone on on cars? When you say you wouldn't have clocked her as a Calvin, Ku Klux Calvin, do you just mean that she wasn't wearing a white bed sheet? White skin? Yeah, she wasn't a white lady.

Okay, okay. Yeah, is Calvin just, like, if you're doing a like version of Calvin that seems to be commenting on the him peeing thing. Do you just know him as a bumper sticker character? First of all, yes, possibly. But also, I don't understand that as commentary. Like, it's not, I feel like you have to just not know anything. Right.

Just know nothing about Calvin. It's just like, here's a funny little guy who likes the wrath of the Lord. Like I do. And his ability to rain fire down on. Yeah, because it's not like, you know this guy who. Piss is on Ford trucks. Right. Uh-huh.

Also, Rath of the Lord. Very Christian, yes. It was very, it was like, and why, why always him? Why not, I don't know, Snoopy? Like, why, why him all the time? I mean, I'm glad it's not Snoopy. Yeah.

Do you guys think we could, you guys think we could make money selling t-shirts? They just got Calvin peeing on Calvin peeing. Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like in a circle, like an or a borerous. Oh, that's an interesting idea. The snake eating its own tail. Right.

The snake peeing on itself. Anyway, I'm more of a Bloom County guy. Yeah. Calvin and Hobbs guy. This guy's never peed on anything, right? No. They just all piled onto the wheelchair and went down the hill. That's just going to be fun.

You guys want to pile on the wheelchair and take a little break? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse. Go. Hey, it's TV Chef Fantasy League. You know, the podcast where we watch, cooking competition shows, and we treat them like fantasy sports. Right now, we're getting ready for Top Chef Carolinas. We spend all year covering these competitions, but now it's time for the main event.

The Apex Predator of Competitive Cooking Television Shows. Tune in, draft a team, and play along. With your host, Sierra Cato. Mike Gabelon. And if you wadiway. New episodes every week at maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Wonderful is a podcast where we talk about things we like. That's hard to sell in a promo like this,

so we've enlisted the help of piano rock superstar Billy Joel to tell you about some of the topics we've covered. Take it away, real Billy Joel. Did he rocks been on leg sign, Worcson Shire of Circle Time, Sega Dreamcast, he's a salad tower of annoy. Keep me up eight time capsules, Wayne's World cheese, bulls,

Wallace Stevens stonking on, fun size, almond joy. They didn't stop the podcast, except that's not true. They didn't 22. They didn't. Start the podcast. No, they actually did.

That was in fact of him. Listen to Wonderful every Wednesday on maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks, real Billy Joel. No problem, Griffin. La, la, la, la, la. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

Eliza Skinner, Crohn of the West. Just kidding, clinkety car. She out here, Cronin. Yeah. That's me. I'm David Cronenberg. This crone over there. Oh, man.

I should get a bumper sticker that says that. That cron over there. Ticot. Mm-hmm. That's me. Ticot. Eliza, you got any projects to plug? I mean, you're out here making clay things.

Pottery like this? Oh, yeah. Whoa. Drinking from your own mug. How satisfying that must be. I've been working on a spring line of pottery. It looks kind of like floral

inspired. But also for D&D fans, it says game master because dungeon master was too many letters to fit on a mug. I think you're probably not plugging that in the right place. I don't know that our listenership would

want a handcrafted mug for a D&D game. Because every time I show somebody this Teefling mug, they go, what's a teafling? And I thought maybe you're listeners might know, but I guess you're probably right. Yeah, they probably don't want any D&D specific pottery. Yeah, probably not. Probably have to go on another podcast. Yeah, Eliza, I thought fondly of you today because I was putting something on my refrigerator and I used the bat-shaped magnet that says bat on it. Yeah. That you made for the benefit,

that you made. Well, I made some pottery kind of based on a conversation I had with you, because a couple months ago at one point you asked me if I was doing any literary mugs because in the past I did some mugs inspired by Watership Down and Charlotte's Web and never-ending story and land the witch in the wardrobe

and I was like gosh I should do some literary mugs so I made a bunch of smut mugs I made hockey smut fairy smut vampire smut monster smut they all sold out people love they smut What about the Merman Smut?

That's what we and Jordan are into. We went on reading Smut. Jordan and I went on our friend, Brea and Mallory's podcast, Reading Smut, and we read a book that is called A Why Choose or Reverse Harem about a woman who's fucking an entire motorcycle club full of Merman. I mean, why not? Why not?

That's what we said. Go for it. Might as well. Live your best life. For her birthday, I gave my friend a book that I had read a lot of good reviews for. Maybe you've heard of it the, I think it's Morning Glory milking farm. This is the Minotaur Jackdoth book.

The Minotaur Jackoff book. And yeah, I still have not heard any reviews on it from her. I don't know if she's actually read it, but yeah, I figured that's what cool modern ladies do. They give each other smut books. Right. Yes. And folks could probably find these by Googling Eliza Skinner Etsy.

Oh, my smut, yes. My smut mugs. Yeah, I think I still have like a fairy smut mug that's about it. But maybe I'll make more. Maybe I'll make more. And I definitely have other kinds of things. We're talking about some of the more novel items

because they're easier to talk about on a podcast. However, the spring mugs that you showed us were simply beautiful. and in no way wordy or clever, but simply lovely things you'd like to have in your home. Or, or you can have a little... A little guy. A little guy like that.

He's like a Humpty-Dumpy Egg. But yes, you're right. I try to have homewares that... I'm not so great at making matching sets of things, you know, like four mugs that are all exactly the same shape and size. I'm getting better at it. So I think my niche is special mug, special plate, special bowl. You know, not set of four.

Okay. Jordan Cowling is our producer. Love You is our theme song. It is by the free design from their album. Cites are fun, the best of the free design, which really is a wonderful album. They should go listen to in your streaming app. Their music is very beautiful. And we're on social media.

You can find us at Reddit at R slash Maximum Fun. You can find us on Instagram. You can find us on TikTok. I'm just post some shit to TikTok yesterday, Jordan. It was a little tour of Manhattan Wardrobe Supply. Okay. In Manhattan, which I went to and is a cool store where you can buy rubber prosthetic wounds. Doorways to.

Oh. No. It was going to be doorways to Narnia. Doorways to Nightmare Beaver People. Only on the BBC version, I think. And, you know, find us on the other social media, as follow us, subscribe to us. And how about this week?

Tell a friend about Jordan Jessica. Tell a friend. Tell somebody about George, Jessica. Hold their hand when you do it. Gaze into their eyes. With both hands. Do that sandwich hold. Oh, sandwich hold.

Yeah. And then say, there's a podcast I'd like you to listen to. Yeah. It's not good, but I need someone to talk to about it. Yeah, the lore is too deep for you to understand at this point. But I need you to know me this well. There's a woman named Clankety Car that you're going to want to get to know. She was funny at one point.

She still is and she's also a gifted ceramicist. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse Go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum fun. a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.