Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Minotaur Milking, with Erin Cholakian

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

On today’s episode, we welcome comedian Erin Cholakian, to the show to chat with us about the wide, fast streets of Santa Clarita, being a Six Flags kid, Jimmy Angel: Teen Idol and much more. * Follow Erin on Instagram. *Grab tickets to Erin's Heated Rivarly comedy show on January 29th at Westside Comedy Theater *Pre-order Jordan’s new Web of Venom comic. *Say hello to Jordan at Pasadena Comic Con on January 25!*Check out Jesse and Judge John Hodgman LIVE at San Francisco Sketchfest.*Catch Jesse and Judge John Hodgman LIVE for Night Court at the Bell House in NYC on March 6th and 7th!* Celebrate 25 years of Bullseye!* Order Jordan’s new Predator comic: Black, White & Blood!* Order Jordan’s new Venom comic!* Donate to Al Otro Lado.* Purchase signed copies of *Youth Group* and *Bubble* from Mission: Comics And Art! ~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~Get  Bronto Dino-Merch!Get our ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Follow new producer, Jordan Kauwling, on Instagram.Thank you to Engineer Gabe Mara!Use code JJGO50off for 50% off your first Factor box at factormeals.com

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Under the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sucks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boy, Detective. Can I tell you what I love, Jordan? I would love to hear about something you love.

It's a classic dining experience. I went the other day with my wife. There's one of these 61st floor or 71st floor restaurants. like where there's windows all the way around. You can see everything. There's just a couple blocks from our office on Pershing Square. I went there. I ate a steak.

Right. Somebody proposed to somebody at the next table. Oh, cool. What did they say? Will you marry me? But what did the person say in response? Oh, yes. She said yes.

Thank God. Jesse. I almost had a heart attack. I follow. Yeah. Yeah. He asked if she would marry him and she said, yes, I will marry you. And now she looks so excited.

that wouldn't happen. And then later, I was like looking at her face and I'm like, she no longer seems that happy. But maybe she has resting, I should have said no face. Could be. That's also possible. It was very sweet. It was like not corny. People can't control that, Jesse. It's just how they look.

It was like genuinely sweet. It was not like, it was because of the nature of the restaurant. It was like a romantic context and it was not super public. Like I saw it, but it wasn't one of those things where someone was pressuring something. Yeah, or doing like a flash mob or something. Anyway, it made me think that from now on, I'm only eating in legendary restaurants,

rotating restaurants. Right. And legendary rotating restaurants. That plays of that, like, a space building at LAX maybe still has a restaurant in it. I'd like to go to that. Oh, boy, does it? I don't, yeah, I feel like they talk about bringing that back every couple years. Maybe they haven't yet.

I went to the Tamo Shanter, the Tamo Shanter with Elliot Kalin. Oh, that's a great place to go. I had a wonderful experience in such a place. Jesse, when's the last time you've been to the smokehouse? Oh, the smoke house of Burbank, California? That's the one, the one and only. Finally, we're talking Burbank on Jordan, Jessica. We got there.

You can stop sending us letters. We're going to talk about Burbank. My wife and I, because of various family situations that were happening in the years 2020, 2021, and possibly 2022, we did not go out together for like multiple years in a row. Wow. Okay. And when we finally went out, I mean, I think one time we like went to a local park for 45 minutes. That sounds nice. But when we finally went out.

When we finally went out to dinner, I put on a cream-colored turtleneck and a wide-lapled blue blazer. My wife put on a dress. And we went to the Burbank Smokehouse. That's how you dress and that's where you go. Like a couple of, hey now Hank Kingsley's. Yeah. The Smokehouse is a suburban state. house of absolute classic quality. It is like a 1972 through and through restaurant. The food

is fine. There is a woman who goes from table to table taking your photograph. Yes. And they print it out and then give it to you and make you buy it. And if you don't, you feel bad because they probably just throw it away or something. Yep. There's always people wearing shorts in there. And famous garlic cheese bread that you can get like shipped. Like so if you're craving a little taste of Burbank, you can have the garlic cheese bread shipped to you. Yeah. Or you can just get some goth shoes sent to you from the Goth shoes store. Sure.

A lot of good stuff to do in Burbank. But yeah, wonderful classic restaurant. What were you up to you? So I went, this is at the suggestion of Mike Carlson, our buddy from podcast The Ride. He has become obsessed with a guy who performs at the smokehouse. Now, when you went, was there a performance? was there a live music act? No, but if I imagine what the music at the smokehouse would be,

do you remember the part of the Blues Brothers where Matt Guitar Murphy is playing at a band called Matt in the Magic Tones at the Ramada Inn lounge? I don't remember that specific part, but I think... Murph in the Magic Tone. Okay. So Mike has become a total evangelist of this guy, Jimmy Angel Teen Idol.

Uh-huh. And I think every Saturday at the smokehouse, Jimmy Angel, Teen Idol does two sets that starts at 9 p.m. He is 90 years old. He is wearing a... 9-0. 90 years old. He is wearing a like rockabilly shirt with the collar popped. He is wearing...

I don't know if he would say that this is a wig. He has jet black Elvis hair that sticks up high. He, I think, is the original recording artist. Maybe Gabe, you can look this up. I think he is the original recording artist behind Teenager in Love. Oh. Why must I be a teenager in love?

Why must I be a teenager in love? It's the way of teenagers. He constantly, between every song, does some patter, where he talks about how many albums he's sold. He talks about Pat Boone and Dick Clark constantly. While he's on stage, he drinks a glass of milk, a pint glass of milk.

He says it's good for the voice. I don't think it is. No, that's the worst thing for the voice. everyone else says. Jimmy Angel sounds fucking beautiful, too. He's got, he's doing, he's 90, and he's still playing two sets at the smokehouse. You gotta lube it up with some dairy fat. I eat butter before shows.

Yeah. Just, just dump a tub of cottage cheese in your face. He sounds great. He's got a pretty kickin band. The crowd is, uh, I would say Lynchian. They look like David Lynch extras in a David Lynch movie. You know, people were hanging around in trailer park. Yeah. It's like, yeah, it's like kind of.

boomery rock and roll people who never gave it up and then kind of like gen x hipsters and then just like burbank people who were there on a night out like it is a very ever since the restaurant slash bar from swingers closed right like those gen x hipsters have to have somewhere to go yeah right because um what was that restaurant where marty and elaine please all fit at corey doctoro's house right yeah so they are now going to the smokehouse to see jimmy angel and it's an amazing experience. He says he knows Godzilla and doesn't explain it. He says he knows Godzilla. Like he's friends with Godzilla? I think so. Or are they business acquaintances? He just mentions briefly he knows Godzilla and then they launch into a little

a little less conversation. They were lady lions together. He was apparently in the mafia and on the Yankees. He was the, he said the mafia recruited them to be their official singer. You know how every mafia family has a singer? Yeah. I guess he was on the Yankees. I did not confirm this. Yeah.

The New York Yankees? I don't know. Might have been the damn Yankees. It might have been the damn Yankees. Gabe, can we confirm about his Jimmy Angels big hit? Was it Teenager in Love? He did have a song called Teenager in Love, but the popular one was by Dion and the Belmonts. And Dion is still alive, I think.

I think Dion is still alive. I can give you his first, like, six singles. Yeah, please. Yeah, what pops up on? I'm going to need chart positions. Sure. Oh, I don't have that. Okay.

The dare. Where they fall on the countdown. Teenage Heartbreaker. Okay. Heartbreak Valley. Ballad of Margie. Teenager in Love and one last kiss. Okay.

Well, these are all our favorite songs. These don't have chart positions on Wikipedia? There's no Wikipedia page for Jimmy Angel. So all of this might be a lie. Look on, see if he's mentioned on Godzilla's Wikipedia. Right, as an associate of Godzilla. It's Mothra. Look on the list of notable Rotarians and see if he's there after.

King Gidora and Jimmy Angel. But the best part of the night. I mean, it was a wonderful night? Yeah, it was. If you're in L.A. or you're visiting L.A., this was a great Saturday night. It was so much fun. Best part of the night, he's like, we have a special guest.

And he's like, you know, everybody's looking around the room. Who's it going to be? He's like, and now my special guest, Ernie Valens, Richie Valens' first cousin! And this guy in head-to-to-toe Dodgers gear comes up and sings LaBomba and brings down the house. People were freaking out

because Ernie Valens, Richie Valens' first cousin sang LaBomba and fucking killed it. A lot of us have seen one of Ritchie Valens' second cousins. Right. Or even first cousins once removed. Yeah, a big deal.

A big fucking deal. I want to see his first cousin. I mean, I once saw Ernie Vellin's uncle saying my heart will go on. Yeah, who cares. Big fucking whoopty-do. Yeah. That was at a K-Rock weenie fest or whatever it's called. The old weenie roast.

Yeah, the weenie roast. There you go. So, yes, I recommend the smokehouse. I recommend Jimmy Angel. A night to remember. Were you able to eat dinner? Was there food? No, it was packed.

You cannot get a reservation on the night Jimmy Angel is playing. Really? So we ate elsewhere and then like there are just Jimmy Angel regulars who Mike is friends with now. And they like, he knows the Jimmy Angel people. And so they let us like slide into their booth and share some of their famous garlic cheese bread, which was really tasty. Wow. That's incredible. This sounds like a kind of actor.

Let's plan ahead and do it together and eat steaks. I would love to. That would be really fun. Yeah. Let's find, yeah, we'll find the next open reservation for Jimmy Angel. We'll book it now. And if we're lucky, those stakes will be a B plus. A B plus.

Well, a B. Yeah. I think if we're lucky a B, if we're unlucky a C. Sure. If we're really unlucky. Depends on who's been in the grill that night. Yeah. Yeah.

Our guest on the program, thank God. George fucking God. We've been doing this show, what, 15, 18 years, something like that. I don't even know. I don't even know either. and no one ever reads the rider. No one ever reads the writer. We give people specific instructions

on how to come into our program. We say, we're going to need your coat to match the furniture. We are going to need you to wear heels to our show. This is a business formal show. Right. Stand-up comedian, Aaron Chalachian, hi. Hey, how's it going? Good. It's going great.

I'm also a Jimmy Angelite. What, really? No, okay, that's actually a fake. But I will say this. I do live. Don't lie to me on my own podcast. Right away. The first thing you're saying.

I'm so excited. That's on the rider. You have to bring a fake. I thought you could confirm whether or not he was a mafia singer. Well, you said I filled out the writer and you missed one. And so I had to fill it out. I live three minutes from Smokehouse. Oh, really?

Okay. And so the fact that you brought up Burbank. Right. While a Burbankian is in the house. crazy. Do you have a, do you have some favorite Burbank spots? Yes, I do. Bebees for breakfast. It's close by, it's like right down pass.

I've been to Bebys. Love Beebies. And Priscilla's coffee. Can I ask where you buy your model airplanes? You know, I just go down by Gun World and I say, give me a model airplane. That's where you're going to want to go to buy a model airplane. I guess I'm, maybe I'm talking about, yes, I mean, obviously, great coffee, great dining destinations.

Like the Burbank weird shit. Like the, why is this Here. Burbank to us is not so much a real city. I mean, bear in mind, we have an international audience on Jordan. Of course. Hopefully, for their sake, they won't visit Burbank. Hopefully for everybody's sake.

Maybe if they're going to Universal Studios. Yeah, yeah. You can grab lunch before you go to the park. But like, in general, Burbank is a garden of the mind. Oh, yeah. Burbank is a place you go so that you can buy, you know, R.C. are highly customizable. Of course. If you want to customize your RC car, but you specifically want it to have like a Pantera

theme, Burbank is where you're going to want to go. Right. And that's why I moved there. I was like, I just am such an RC car head that I had to go. Yeah, we know that about you. She's ahead. Do you have any favorite weirdo Burbank spots? Well, so I grew up in Santa Clarita moved to Burbank. And my way of moving to Burbank was like, I just need to be closer to Hollywood, but I don't want to be in Hollywood. Sure. And so one of my favorite, like weird Burbank things, which is specific to me, Aaron Chalachian, is that the park near me is called Lincoln Park.

Oh, yeah. And every time I drive by it, I put a Lincoln Park song on. It's fine. Just because it's just like a little bit I do with myself. That's fine. You got to keep yourself entertained. You got to keep yourself entertained. That's by the Burbank Public Library.

Buena Vista branch. The Buena Vista branch. That's the branch. We all know it. We love it. That's where I vote. Jordan, I don't know if you knew this about. Lincoln Park. They rock. They also rap. I've heard that. I haven't checked them out yet, but I've been

meaning to. You've got to. I've been meaning to. Drive by Lincoln Park. You'll throw it on. It'll be that'll be fun. Yeah, that's a fun. It just pops on when you drive by. Original artist behind the song, Teen Angel. Gabe, can you look that up? Did Lincoln Park record Teen Angel? Yeah, Gabe, can you look that up? Anyways, Aaron, I think we're excited for many reasons. You're matching outfit. That's great. I mean, come on. I match this pillow like perfectly. It looks really nice. You are producing a comedy show about the hit TV show heated rivalry, which is some sort of hockey fuck show that people like. Right.

Now, we love being two months late to things. Yeah. So we, have you seen this, Jesse? Is this on your radar at all? Okay. So I knew that the number one category of sports book was hockey fuck book. Hockey fuck book. Right.

I knew that that was outselling, you know, book of. about the 27 Yankees and a book about how life is like golf. Funny observations about golf. It was like the primary sports media item was books about hockey players fucking each other. That was like two years ago. But you know like the number one overall type of book is women fucking fairies.

Right. And there's no women fucking fairies TV show. Not yet. Not yet. I turned on my HBO Max or whatever it was and saw that they had turned the hockey player's fucking books into a television program. That's when I got excited.

Yeah. As hard as a hockey stick. Sure. As they say. So to speak. Do they say that in the show? Oh, yeah, every time. I think it's like every two minutes-ish, they throw in.

They're like, and I'm as hard as a hockey stick. Yeah. And you're like, yes, he said it. And then the bingo cross. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Were you a fan of the books before it became the televised phenomenon? Yeah.

So just like you said, two years ago, it was a big deal. Two years ago, I read this book. And then I didn't even know that they were adapting it. And I've been a fan of Jacob Tierney, who's, he's the creator, and he made Letter Kenny and the shows that he's made before this. Wait, hold on. Yeah. Yeah. The hockey players fucking show?

Yeah. Is by the creator of Letter Kenny? Yeah, babe. I mean, they both have hockey players in them. Yeah, babe. But you might as well. tell me that it's from the Wayne Gretzky. Like, hockey players, the only thing.

Well, did you ever watch Shorzzi? Because Shorzzi's a little gay. Is it? Yeah. Shorzzi is the spinoff of Letterkenny and that's hockey gay a little bit. Are they, but is it... These are all fake shows. My understanding... Yeah, they're all fake. Well, Letterkenny is a fake show. I've watched Letterkenny. In the best way. And it couldn't possibly be a real

television program. It's so odd. Letterkenny is a really brilliant, special, odd comedy show. Yes. I've loved Letterkenny forever. And, but it is not... not like, you're right that there are also, there's also gay stuff. Yeah. But it's not romantic or hot in any way. Right.

But if you think about the two main hockey players in Letterkenny, they're in a thruple with Katie. It's a little gay. Okay. Yeah. That's a good point. They've kind of always been leaning there. So I think Jacob Tierney saw an opportunity and he took it.

They drive that babe, the babe character, they all drive around together. Yeah. That sounds fun. And a little gay. Yeah. You miss all the, uh, the, 100% of the shots you don't take when Wayne Gretzky, Michael Scott, as they say. Yeah.

Sure. Five minutes for high sticking. Yeah. So that's fun. Get it right in the net. Yeah. I can do these. I haven't seen the show.

I can do these. You got to make this slap shot in the five hole. Yes. Okay. So yellow, yellow card. Is the soccer? Yeah. Yeah.

It's all right. I can make a horny soccer show. Just say ice. I scared balls. Ice skates. Ice skates. Okay. So is the hockey players fucking show?

Yeah. The HFS. Yes. H-PFS. Is it a comedy show? No, it's a drama. It's a drama, and there are like comedic moments, but it's, what I love is he shot it like a spy thriller. So you're watching it, and it's like gay romance and also hockey and drama, but at the same time, you're like, somebody in the background has a guy.

Gun. Enhance. No, literally, you're like, someone's hacking the mainframe, but I'm watching these two men fuck. Are there thriller elements to it? Yeah, I mean, thriller elements in the sense of like, they're both closeted. So it's like this like, and one of them's Russian. And if he ever comes out, he can never go back to his home country. So it's like, that's kind of where he's, yeah, there are high stakes in this closeted world.

High stakes, high sticks? And that's the sequel. So. This is like if there was gay sex in a Jean-La Cray novel. Yes. I'm going to act like I know exactly what that means. Smiley's people. If Alec Guinness was fucking and smiley's people.

Sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, perfect. Something they recommend on Slate a lot. Tinker, Taylor, soldier hockey player. Exactly right. So you, but you were into the books pre the show. Yes.

Do you feel like the show has done a good job adapting the books? I think it's one of the best adaptations I've ever seen. And I've read, I've read like 400 books in the last three years. Like I'm a big reader. I love to read. And I also worked in TV and films. So when I see these adaptations and I'm always like, all right, you did what you did, you know. You film the book.

Yeah, exactly. But this one I literally was on the edge of my seat. Like, and that's chapter 12, you know, like they have exact quotes and exact moments. And even like the minutia in between where it's like Shane looked this way. It's like the actor is doing what is written in the narrative. Yeah, it's really stunning. Did you, before you got into horny hockey, were you into? horny fairies and Minotar milking and these other genres.

Oh my gosh, you just pulled out all of the genres I love. Sure. Yeah. The milking farm and the fairy fucking, it's all a part of it, 100%. I have a question. Sure. And I mean, you've read 400 books in the last three years. So you're a perfect question.

I was about to say we should ask the ladies from reading glasses this question. We can ask them too. They haven't read 400 books. They probably haven't read 200 books. They've probably read, yeah. 200, I'd guess. Yeah. Get on my level.

Get on my level. Speed up. Mm-hmm. Are you also reading just standard books about just like a fucking hunky cowboy or something? Like are, is it, is it like Porn Hub now where like at some point? Everyone's related? Everyone got access to pornography and they got too specialized. Okay.

So there's like the romance genre that has sex involved in it. and then people see that and they're like, it's born. And it's not. It's just like a love story and love just happens to have sex in it. And then there's like, then there's like, well, I know. I mean, I wouldn't even be speaking for myself. I'm single. But.

My wife and I fuck all the time, George. That's what, it's not a problem in our. It's not a problem. It's not a problem. Penitful penetration. You guys did that right after the proposal the other night, right? You went home and. We'll show them who's boss.

Yeah, exactly. you said she's got resting no face. I've got alive, yes, more face. That's the face. Consent face. Consent face is so important. But yeah, so like there are definitely the books where I'm like, I'm just reading this for a means to an end. And then they're the other ones where I'm like, oh, they're in love.

And then they also sometimes have sex. What's an example of each? Like a book title of each? Yeah. Give me a little, give me a one page. Yeah, yeah. Give me the elevator pitch for both. Okay.

So what do they call that a treat? Give me coverage. Something meets. That's the word of Lennel. I'm going to give you. I'm going to. You claim you've read 400 books and working in film and television. Give me some coverage.

Well, there's one book that I love that it's called The Flat Share. They made it into a TV show that I have not watched. And I did this on purpose because I love the book so much that I was like, I need to not change it yet. That one, the Flatchair TV show is from the creator of the trailer park boys. Hell yeah. That's a good. Okay. I can see what's going on.

Yeah. It's all coming together. It's a culty Canadian TV show that caught on in America amongst. a certain kind of comedy nerd. Well, the flat share is about a woman in, I think it's London, who like needs a place to stay while she's in, because she's getting out of a relationship, and she finds this situation where a guy is a nurse at night.

And so he needs someone to like be there, someone can sleep in his bed in the evening, and then he's going to sleep in the bed during the day. So no one's sleeping in the bed, it's going to waste. Exactly. And so he's like, let me make some money on this. Yeah. Beds can't just sit there.

They have to be used. He's basically approaching his apartment like it was a submarine. Yeah, basically, yeah. They're hot bunking. They're hot bunking for sure. And so she is in the apartment at night. He's in the apartment during the day and they leave each other post-it notes. And they end up like falling in love.

Look up submarine romance novel because otherwise I'm writing it down on a piece of paper and mailing it to myself and then no one can copy it. Yeah, Gabe. And also trademark that idea while you're at it. It's called hotbunking. The book. Have you dove into, I made a joke about Minotar milking, but is that something you... Hold on, Jordan.

That's a joke because that's real. Oh, sure, sure, yeah, yeah. I know that I took a moment to tell Gabe about my idea and register it. SAG eligible. Right. I have an attorney. It's legal if you say SAGELigible. Just a moniker that you put on everything.

I'm not in WGA, but, you know, I'm SAGELigible. You're running around going, saggy, baby. B, I'm saggy. Sure. I almost made it into the union at Macy's, but I didn't work there quite long enough. And that's M-A-C-E, M-A-C-E's. It's okay. So in the flat chair, this one is an example of a relatively traditional romantic story.

Yeah, like they, like fall in love through their circumstance, and then, like, sex is, like, a secondary plot line. Somebody sleeps in, and then all of a sudden a boner is poking a butt, and then... Right, yeah, sure, something like that. That's how that's how sex usually starts. He comes home and he's like, it's my time for the bed. Sure. And she has not woken up. So he's like.

So he just lies down, but then it's like, oh. And then it's like, oh. What? Wee. My butt is getting talked by something. Is there a hockey stick back there? I like in your scenario, she says, rut row like Scooby-Doo. Yeah.

I bet there's some hot Scooby-Doo stuff out there. Oh, there's got to be. Don't look that up, Gabe, because you're going to ruin the computer. Gabe, look that up on your. personal time. Okay, so the computer's on fire. That's an example of romance that includes human sexuality. Yeah. But sexuality is an expression of love. Exactly. I'll give you an example. I'll give it to Jordan. So my wife and I love each other. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah, and keep this between yourself. I don't want to hear this. Yeah. And so she and I engage in penetrators. Gay put on some Lincoln Park for Aaron. Well.

Could you please? And can you bring up Lincoln Park, the park near me and just put it on a screen? This is like when Joe Rogan is doing research on his show. Right. This is exactly what's happening. In fact, when he's trying to figure out if vaccines work, he says, can you put a picture of Lincoln Park on the screen? Yeah, and then they start playing the song and showing the park. So what is an example of a more specific and horny book that you have read where the goal is

to achieve arousal? Okay, so first of all, my mom is going to hate this podcast. Second of all, the... And she's loved it to this point. Up until this moment right now. 15 to 18 years, right? Mrs. Chilaki has been, she writes us letters. Why can't you go on good hang with Amy Poehler?

Yeah, she's calling in. It's a whole thing. She tried to nominate us for a Golden Globe. It turns out that Aaron's mom is not a qualification to join Hollywood Foreign Press. Which I have to say, shocked her deeply. Yeah. That didn't make any sense to her. So whatever.

But it's so weird that you brought up Minotar Milking. I thought you were literally calling out the book that I've read, which is called like something Glory Milking Farm or something like that? I know that, yeah, this is from having been on reading smut, the Reading Glasses Spinoff podcast. Oh, gosh. Where they read this sort of thing. And I read my first Smut to go on that podcast, which was a... What Smut did you read?

It was a... I should listen to the pod, my bad. It was such a fun episode. Priy and Mallory, they're the best. This was a horny priest book. I think it was just called Priest. Was it called Priest by Sierra Simone? I've read it.

I think that's the one. I've read it. There's many sequels, right? Yes, yes. Are they better or worse? I can't remember. They all are just the same right now in my brain, but I do know I've read all of them. Yeah.

I'll just give you some, you know, again, you can listen to the podcast. I'll just give you some of the highlights. Yeah, please. The priest lubs up with anointing oil. Yes, true. And there, in this thing, it's a priest and his parishioner. Right. The forbidden romance.

There's so much anal in it. There's so much anal in it. There's all, there's all this. anal. Is it intergender or intradgender? Is it, is the parishioner a lady or a dude or something else? Dude, dude priest, lady, parishioner. And they only do it with each other. It's a 900 page book, not that long, it's a very long book, but just these two going at it and they hate everybody else. Everyone else is ugly and no one's good. No one can get it up aside

from each other. Yeah, wild time. Yeah. So, but you've read the whole series. I have. It's been a really long time since I've read that series, but you called it out, and I immediately knew what we were talking about. But yeah, I don't know. I think it's fun. I think it's a fun way for everybody just, I will say this. I treat books the same way people treat reality TV. We're like, I read the book and half the time I hate the book, but I don't care that I hate the book because it's too fun to hate the book. You're just reading more you're reading.

Yeah, exactly. I'm like reading the book and I'm like, that's so crazy. Why would they do that? And then I'm still reading the book. It's the same thing with like watching Love Island when you're like, what the heck. How do you pick the books? Sometimes I see it like online. I'll see like bookstagram and book talk.

I could name 400 books. I don't know where 400 books come from. I don't know what 400 books eat. Well, I have the Kindle app on my phone, and then I have Kindle Unlimited. So it's like, it'll just come up and be like, have you tried this one? And I'm like, I am now. Here I am. If people were wondering, I guess there's, and you can correct me because you've read the thing,

but there is a series of books where minotars are kept in a farm and, use for their cum or the cum is harvested, right? Am I wrong about that? Yeah, they're not like kept on the farm like the farm is like a corner store where it's like they live in society. Yeah, no literally.

It's like they live in society and then they clock in to get paid for their release and then they go about their day. And I feel like there are so many people out there that wish that was their situation, you know? Do they live in a minotaur society or a human society? It's like a mixed,

magical society. There are humans, there are minotars, there are vampires. It's really beautiful. Yeah, it's really like... What a great message for 2026.

Are only the minotars milked or are the other creatures milked? For example, the vampires. Jesse? Wonderful question. And this is a wonderful question. And I do have an answer. So the minotars are milks,

but they do have restaurants for the vampires. But it's that the vampires go to the restaurants and people show up to like give their blood. It's kind of like a blood bank, but it's a restaurant. But the vendors aren't eating cum.

No, no, no, that's like blood, you know, because vampire. This is so fun. I had no idea this is what this would turn into, and that's why I love it the most. Yeah. That's every episode of the show. Yeah, it's a delight. Who gets the cum? You know what?

Who's the cum for? That is such a good question. And I'm sure that they tell us that. I'm sure that they tell us that. And I could not tell you what that answer is right now. Okay. Let me ask you this question. Okay.

follow-up question. Yes. If a minotar makes love to a human woman, such as yourself. Right. Is their child a quarter bull? Great question. And what quarter is bull? You know what?

I think that would be decided in the womb. Did Jordan Cowling, our producer, send you the question list out of time? One of them was what quarter is bull? What quarter is bull? Yes, exactly. And that's why I was so ready for that answer. It's decided in the womb. I did do my research on that.

And I think that that's kind of like how we are like, oh, we don't want to know the sex until the baby's born. It's that kind of thing. Like, we don't want to know what percentage is bull until the baby is born. You can see the ultrasound technician can see. Exactly. They turn the screen away. What if any. What if any.

They put it in an envelope and they pass it to the family. And they're like, it's up to you if you want to open. And then you can have a amount of bull reveal party. And then in the cake, they do like a cake reveal, right? And then they open the cake. instead of a color, it's like an arm. Or like, the legs, you know, and then that's how they know. A woman I know has a child who's a quarter bowl.

It's just the top round. Top round. Right. Okay, so now we've got an answer to that question. A London broil. There's still, okay. We need to take a break, but we do have to, at some point, find an answer to the question of, say it with me, who gets the come? So, maybe this is something Gabe can look into.

He has a lot to research. Let's take a break and then we can come back and decide who gets the come. We need the reason we need to take a break. Can I clarify why we need to take a break? Because Gabe also will have to go get a new computer for the office. Yes, because the other one got fire. I'm going to be disowned because of this. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica.

It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne America's Radio Sweden. art. Jordan Morris Boy Detective. You know, every episode of Jordan Jesse Go, supported by the members of Maximum Fun, thank you for making this program possible members. We hope you like your little special shows that we make for you every month. They're just for you. We make them by hand, and we put them into the member feed, just for you. Uh, we watch a lot of bad movies and TV shows lately. That's what we do. I think Grace is still planning to make us play the, you. Babe,

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Jordan Morris Boy, Detective Aaron Schlockian, trying to figure out where the cum goes. Yeah, we will have an update on that in just a moment. update. I have a question. I've got to get a point of clarification from Aaron. Are you also reading like for whom the bell tolls? I do read some other crazy books for sure. I haven't read that one specifically. But it's been a while since as stand-up has gotten crazier, my reading has gone down. You mean you talk about the rise of cancel culture? That's exactly what. We're actually, that's what we're transitioning into, the rise of cancel culture. But no, I used to read like, all of the crazy brain books.

And then I have now just been reading for fun. Aaron, look. Oh, no. You're a great stand-up comic, but you're not the greatest stand-up comic. Right. Which, at least for last year, was, of course, Ricky Jervais.

Yes. You said that, and I was like, you sound just like my parents. That's crazy. Ricky Jervais, Golden Globe winning stand-up comedian. At least Amy Possible. The caller seems nice.

Yeah. I know if you're just going to... People like her. I don't know. I've never met her, but... Yeah, she does seem nice. She seems like she's probably a nice person. So it was very funny when she said dolphins can suck it on the Upright Citizens

Brigade TV show. That was funny. Anyway. So what are we talking about? You do some... Oh, we have an update on... We have an update on... We have a...

Talking about how I'm bad at comedy and then Ricky Jervase is good at comedy. He is good at comedy. For whom the come tolls. Probably because you believe in God too much. You know, have we thought about really sticking it to the... Yeah, right. If you just would stop following her. around the sky daddy

his little baba sheep. It's little baba sheep. It's probably something Ricky Jervais says. Yeah. It gets a huge standing ovation. And then everybody loses their mind and then I say it and they're like, you're a woman.

Everybody's like, yeah, Ricky Jervais, you definitely wrote that joke. He doesn't even fucking write his shitty jokes. He's going to shoot us with a gun. No. No, of course not. Who does? No.

Someone that Sarah Morgan used to be friends with until they became a dick, I'm sure. Wow. Right, but roughly. I don't know. I'm not referring to a specific person, but I'm just saying like, in general, some people who are more talented than Ricky Jervais, but their best work, Ricky Jervais crosses out.

How do you get into that twisted voice? I know, that's a really good point. Most of our guests on the program. And honestly, honestly, Aaron, this is something you might not have known about us before. We're a little bit twisted. What? Yeah, we have a little bit of a. twisted perspective on current events.

And honestly, there's people who can't handle it. There's people who can't handle it, but we're like, sorry, I gotta, I'm a do me is what I said. And if it's a little twisted. Yeah, I said it. Yeah, I said it. If it's a little twisted, say, that's life, baby. As a great mob singer, Frank Sinatra once said.

I guess he was a mafia singer. Yeah. Gabe is on the boards this week. Gabe, have you looked on the internet to find out for whom, did you just, for whom the cum gets? Did you type this into Google or Gemini or? I searched Google. I searched the words Minotaur Cum Farm. I got, I believe the title was Morning Glory Milk and Farm by C.M. Nis Costa.

Yes. It says here. By CCH Pounder. Oh, my God. It says here quite vaguely that Minutes, horse semen has pharmaceutical value to humans. Oh, so maybe that's why they're in the corner store. It's people come up, you know, they come and get their, you know, like eczema cream,

and then some minotaur come for other reasons. Maybe that cures eczema. I don't know. I haven't read the book. Obviously, you know, that which I admit is part of my marital. relationship. Sure. But Jordan, you're not married.

No, I'm not married. Aaron, you're single. Oh, yeah. Would you use your emissions commercially? Yes. Were they to have pharmaceutical use to humans? Jesse. Given the opportunity.

Oh, my gosh. I'm saying, given the opportunity. That's what it comes down to. It's not even about the money. It's not about money. I just want to be of use. It's just about helping. It's about helping.

You guys are called to service. Lend a helping hand. Of course. Always have been. You might put it. But do the minotaurs put their dick in a sleeve of some kind? This question for Aaron probably. Oh, God.

I really don't want to keep talking about this. I am going to transition really quickly because I just remembered that Ricky Jervais, he actually, so he produced the show. Carl Pilkington was in a show called an idiot abroad. Do you guys know this? So yeah, Ricky Jervais, a pioneering podcaster, much like us. Yes, of course. And he had a show with Stephen Merchant where they, like, made fun of their producer.

Right. And then that led to the producer, who's kind of just this dumb guy. This dumb dude. Getting like TV shows and stuff. Yeah. And so he came to my high school. I'm in an episode of that show. Wow, okay.

Because I was in show choir at the time that Glee came out. Uh-huh. And so they were like, we have to get this dumb guy. in a show choir to see what this is all about. The capitalized off Glee Mania. Exactly. And so it's in their Root 66 episode. Okay.

I'm wearing the most obnoxious outfit. It's a tie-dye shirt and tie-dye tom's. Do you guys remember the Tom's shoes? Yes, sure. And we taught him a dance, and he performed with us in front of our families. And it was the strangest experience of my life. And I forgot about it until you guys brought it up right now.

Is that still like, can you like watch that on the Roku channel or something? It was on Netflix for a really long. long time. So I used to jokingly tell people I was on a Netflix show. And then people would be like, what? And then I'd be like, yeah, it's this thing called an idiot abroad, which I really made it seem like I was the idiot. And so, yeah, so that's my, that's my connection to Ricky. And that was a very strange. They, like, interviewed me and my high school bully. And I really thought that they were going to, I was like, oh, that's juicy material. It's me and Jessica and we hate each other.

And then they did not use it at all. Like, they were like, what do we care about two 15-year-olds who are mad at each other? They were going to put together a spinoff. And I am shocked that they didn't. I'm shocked. I saw the emails and I just couldn't believe that Jessica pulled out. But whatever. Fucking Jessica. Yeah.

Fucking Jessica. I can't believe she pulled out given the medicinal value of her. I knew. I said that and I was like, oh, we're back to come. Can I say one thing? Yes. One time Stephen Merchant, the co-creator of the British office, was on Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. Maybe even the sound of being America with Jesse Thorne. Couldn't have been nicer.

I bet. Very nice. very funny. He was making his own HBO show, I thought, was pretty fun. Believe it. Oh, yeah. Hello, ladies. Yeah. Ricky Deerbiz sucks ass. Sure. Gabe, we have some phone calls, right? We have a momentous occasion to start it off. Should we listen to that? Yeah, why not? Hi, Jordan, Jesse. I'm going to guess Merrill Marco.

So I was listening to a back episode, and you guys were talking about how you couldn't find the stankus boys. So offhand, you said that there was a name Wolfson on the list, so I looked up Pasadena, Wolfson, and a name came up on LinkedIn, and I have a LinkedIn account, so I figured I would contact them. I contact them, gave them the basic explanation, and apparently I got in touch with the right. person. I found Mrs. Stankis. So I am going to forward you their information and love you guys and good luck.

Yeah, this is a huge news. This is a huge seismic news. Aaron, maybe for you and many new listeners will explain a little bit. Jesse at a flea market bought a zine-style comic book from two children. called Stankus the Rat. And it was about a rat who goes on an event, and he farts out of his butt. He goes on a sewer adventure,

but his mom becomes corrupted. It's a great summary. It's the greatest comic book we've ever read. Fuck you, watchman. Yeah. Are you listening? And I've always said that. Are you listening, Ghost World?

I don't know what it's... Hey, fun home. You're no Stankis. I don't know what it's a metaphor for, but, uh, hey, mouse, you're a little too on the nose. Yeah. He could take a lesson from a certain stankist. Yeah.

That's funny. Like, I don't know what that mouse is supposed to be about. Too dense. So. But we found them? We have, thanks to a wonderful listener, we have found the stankist boys and are in talks for a collaboration. We're in negotiations, sag eligible. This is huge.

And I have been. It is huge. Thank you. I've been texting with Mrs. Stankis. she's really lovely. The Stankis boys did listen to an episode of our program, which seems bad. Sure. Probably too young.

They shouldn't be allowed to listen to our program. Especially not this episode. Certainly not this episode. Or a different episode. Sure. This is about as gross as our other episodes. Good. I've met the mark.

Good. But Mrs. Stankis is very proud of her boys. I would be too. I'm so excited. that we've found her, she turns out to be someone I knew. Okay. It's just that when I bought the comic book from the Stankas Boys, she was off at the other side of the booth,

and she was in the minivan that they had brought their items in, and the boys were up front sitting at a table. I just bought it directly from them. So I didn't see that she, a lady I know from the flea market, was the lady who was the parent of the Stankis Boys. Wonderful. And indeed, I know the stankest boys. This is fun.

Sometimes the stankest boys would come to the flea market with their grandmother, a different woman, which again is why I didn't put the business together, but I also know their grandmother. Wow. And sometimes they would bring little toys and I would need to bring something home. It used to be that my children needed me to bring something home if I went to the flea market without them. So I would buy little toys from the children, which they would charge me like, fucking $3 and shit.

Like they would really screw me to the wall. That's so stankus of them. Very stankus. But I've met the boys. It's just that, you know, the last time I saw them, they were six and now they're nine or whatever. They grow up so fast. So we're in talks with the stankist boys. Jordan and I have had some conversations about the potential for Jordan, Jesse, go ex-stankus boys.

Those conversations are ongoing. Obviously, our agent, Ari Gold. From entourage, the entourage character. Right. is of course. And it's hilarious assistant Lloyd. Of course, needs to talk to their agent,

Swifty Lazar. Sure, yes, another agent. And they're going to work out the details. They are interested in coming on the program. This is a huge get.

This is ginormous. I think this is... You're a good get, we don't want to make you feel like... No, I mean, I'm already not a good comedian and I'm already not the stankist boys. So like, this is...

Guys, let's celebrate this. I mean, I didn't say you're not a good comedian. I said you're not as good a comedian is the greatest of them all. them all, Ricky Jerva. Right. Which is so hard to come to terms with. It's because you're afraid of getting canceled and he's not.

You're so right. We have made friends with the stankist boys. We've connected with the stankest boys. And I think that we're going to put together something magical. I think the stankest boys might be willing to come here to downtown Los Angeles. They can buy some just fell off a truck perfume next door. Stop in, buy some gold-plated. Virgin de Guadalupe's on the other side,

get some of the important shit they want, then come visit us. I think we're going to get the Stankis boys on the air. You should call Jacob Tierney and see if he'll adapt the comic books. Yes. Who better? Who better?

I'm going to call Brent Butt, the creator of Corner Gas, the Canadian sitcom Corner Gas. These are all great options. Whatever is. They can do it together. It should be Canadian. Yeah.

Everything should be Canadian. So it's just a serious show about hockey players fucking each other? It's about hockey players falling in love, but it's over 10 years of them playing on separate teams. And every time they play against each other, they meet up and have like a little romp. A romp. But they're slowly falling in love. And it's over a whole decade. It's crazy. Okay. Are there any Czechoslovakians on the show?

No, but that is what people think my last name is pronounced as. Okay. Ah. Czechoslovakian or Czechoslovakian? Yeah. I can understand that. All right. Let's take another call. Oh, I should give you some context on this, Erin. Again, context. You're new to the program. I love context.

The context for this is that Jordan and I are both creative people who work very hard on the show. We think of a lot of ideas for segments. This isn't just someone calling in to tell us something they wanted to tell us any way. It's your guys' segments, right. It's a segment we thought of if it's not. Hello, Jordan, Jesse, and guest. This is Alex calling in from Chicago for your segment, stinky customers. I work at a popular United States grocery store chain where we are required to make conversation with the customers.

and today on register I was chatting with a woman who I was having a pretty standard conversation with and when I rang up the chicken sausage she was buying the conversation kind of took a big left turn and she said oh man I can't stop eating these sausages too bad they make me fart so fucking much when I get home my whole goddamn apartment is gonna smell like a zoo then as I was putting her bags in her shopping cart

she gave my co-worker who was bagging for me her phone number so I think I just met the coolest lady ever get them get them get them thanks wow dude this lady fuck yeah she just dropped her pink in your lap for sure oh you think that's what it was yeah you think you was just like taking the temperature of yeah she was like yeah she was temp checking

she was like Gabe might be you're into those write down sausage fart fucking and mail it to me so that I'm DGA eligible and trademark it while you're working on it too yeah also trademark it sagg after so do you think this woman

was a, and I'm saying this, and I'm saying this in a positive way, a nasty fart sniffer. That's what it sounds like, or wants to find a nasty fart sniffer. Yeah, yeah, I think she's the nasty farter, and she's looking for a sniffee. Could she be a toot-hofer? Great question, yeah. Is that the legal name? Is that you, you would chew in a receptacle of some kind, a bag, I'm guessing. I mean, honestly, I don't care what the legal name is because I'm not afraid of

cancel culture. Wow. Wow. So that's so brave. It's very brave. Wow. Truth to power. My question is, is this someone actually calling in or is this someone recording themselves reading an email or something? This is someone who had had, you know, allegedly had this experience. Yeah. And I mean, we don't know, this could, this could be the fart sniffer. This could be someone, you know, foisting a kink on our listenership. What I love is, which we're happy to let people do. You know, foist away, we say. Poised. It just sounded like the actual quote she said was read and I loved the idea of somebody calling in but writing down just the quote that she said and being like yeah and then she said this and reading off my

these make my farts smell so good it was just so fun you know like a zoo yeah I don't know about you guys but I love to look for drama in everyday life that's why you're a storyteller sure right And the story that I'm hearing here, like I see that you two are hearing a story about nasty fart sniffing or tooth huffing. Sure, toot huffing. As Aaron, I believe you called it tooth huffing. But that was me. Yeah, I did do that. You can't shut up about these.

I just keep talking about it. Okay. So obviously, that's an element of this. That colors the story. Right. To me, the story here is this man that called into our show because of how sad he is. is. Sad.

Yeah. Let's hear. Let's talk about sad. Say more. Okay. Let's say you were working at a popular U.S. grocery store. No telling which one this was. Yeah.

No way to say. Yeah. And you're checking somebody out. Yeah. And this lady is hot flames. Sure. Okay. Just the hottest of flames.

She's fine. This lady, that's great. That's a perfect way of putting it. Fine. With a lot of ends. Or F-O-I. I am. Yeah.

Either way. And she's also kind of turning you on because she's talking about hoffing. Chicken sausage. Chicken sausage. All the best stuff, right? Yes. Like, I think we can all agree that chicken sausage is a good kind of sausage and not just shitty pork sausage. Yeah, like she's paying extra for that.

Yeah. So this is the experience. You're having this incredible experience, right? Like, you're like, the love of your life is playing out across your eyes. Totally. The magic is there. The chemistry, the frisson is off the charts. Okay.

And then she gets out a piece of paper and a pen. Licks the tip of the pen. The lick is important. Yep. Writes her phone number on the piece of paper. Folds it up and hands it to the fucking grocery bagger, not you? Yeah. I mean, I think maybe to hand to him, right?

That's what I heard it as. I heard it as handed it to someone else to hand to him. I disagree. Can we play it back? Can we go into the tape, Gabe? Can we, Gabe? God damn apartment is going to smell like a zoo. Then as I was putting her bags in her shopping cart,

she gave my coworker who was bagging for me her phone number. So I think I just met the coolest lady ever. Oh, you're right. Oh, you're right. Oh, my gosh, you're right. For me, he is bagging on his cashier line. And I'm like, that's kind of insulting to the bagging. like, oh, like they're the assistant of the teller, you know.

That's what I thought was happening. Wait, it is kind of funny now, now that we know the correct context. Right. Because of how close those two people are always to each other. So she's telling this person. But do you think she was looking at the bagger as she said it? Do you think she was like, I, right, by the way. These are really like a fucking shoe in my apartment.

And she kept looking at the bagger and then walked over to the bagger and was like, and just in case you like to any. I'm assuming you didn't hear the fart stuff. Or maybe it's that. I don't know. Maybe she was nervous, so she told the actual cashier about the farts and was like, I got to get this out of my chest before I talk to the guy I'm attracted to. At the San Francisco Zoo in San Francisco, California, in the cold neighborhood, I don't

know really where it is, but it's very cold there. They have a program where you can drive your car to the zoo, open up the back, and shovel as much animal shit in there as you please. Okay. They call it zoo do. Is that to make paper? And it's for your home garden. Oh, for the home guard?

I've seen people make paper out of poop. And so I thought that's what it was. Poop paper, yeah. And it's, they make it out of like elephant poop and all different kinds of poop. And then you buy it. And it's so expensive. And you're like, wait, why is everybody being so much for poop paper? I mean, it's not cheap to keep a fucking elephant.

Right. It's so true. I mean, have you tried to send one to college? It's hard. Play you're going to get a consultant. There's clown college. There's elephant college. The L-S-A-T.

Mostly, mostly elephants. That's what I, EL instead of the L-Sat. Mostly elephants go to art school. Right. Because they're making the paper. The painters of the animal kingdom, yes. They're painting monkeys as well. They're painting something out front and they're making paper out back.

Game, what animals go? College. Put that on the screen. And play Lincoln Park while you do that. Play Lincoln Park. We're making too many demands of game. If you have a call for us, record a voice memo, send it to us at JJGo at maximum fun.org or give us a call 206-984-4FUN. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. Chef Fantasy League. And I'm here with Max Fund member of the month, Dan Kotnick, who has been a maximum fund member since 2023. Thank you very much. As the Max Fund member of the month, Dan, you'll be getting a $25 gift card to the maximum fund store. And you get a special member of the month bumper sticker. This is a huge one. You get a parking spot at Max Fun Headquarters HQ in Los Angeles, California. Sounds good. Is there anything else you'd like to add

as member of the month? This is my opportunity to say thank you to everyone that is a part of Maximum Fun because you guys have just created a media environment that clearly resonates with a lot of people. Being able to do that organically is really impressive. And I think that's the root of why I've been such a big supporter. And so I want to just thank you guys for committing to that goal. It's for members like you, Dan, and you specifically are a member of the month for a reason. Thanks. Bye. Become a Max Fund member now at Maximum Fund. You know, we've been doing my brother, my brother me for 15 years.

And maybe you stopped listening for a while, maybe you never listen. And you're probably assuming three white guys talking for 15 years, I know where this has ended up. But no. No, you would be wrong. We're as shocked as you are that we have not fallen into some sort of horrific scandal or just turned into a big crypto thing. Yeah, you don't even really know how crypto works. The only NFTs I'm into are naughty, funny things, which is what we talk about on my brother, my brother, and me. We serve it up every Monday for you if you're listening, and if not, we just leave it out back.

It goes rotten. So check it out on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcast. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, Boy, Detective. Aaron Chalachian, doing her best. Aaron, you mentioned you're from Santa Clarita, California. Unfortunately.

Santa Clarita is the farthest Los Angeles-related thing. Correct. Santa Clarita is a road that you, is a town that you drive through on your way over the grapevine. It is the first thing that counts as Los Angeles. Correct. But the extent to which it is not the... Los Angeles and is far from Los Angeles cannot be overstated. The best way to explain that is during COVID. So I, Santa Clarita is like the Texas of Los Angeles. Like it is it is deep red state.

Okay. And during COVID, everybody in Santa Clarita wanted to be extricated from L.A. County because they had to follow L.A. County COVID laws. And so everybody had to like wear a man, the blah, blah, blah. And the riots that people were losing their mind because they were like, we are not L.A. we should not be having to follow L.A. stuff. And I was like, I was still living in Santa Clarita during COVID

and I was always laughing because I was like, you guys don't want to be associated with Los Angeles since when? What else have you got going on? Since when? Magic Mountain? Or is that Ventura? No, that is us. We are a six, the Six Flags town. Oh, that's pretty good. Anytime

somebody is like, where is Santa Claus? Aside from Santa Clarita die at the Netflix show. Right. I always say, we live where Six Flags is. And then I always used to call Six Flags my nanny growing up. Did they just leave at Six Flags? Yes. My parents would buy me a year pass, and then throughout all of summer, they would just

drop me and my friends off and be like, see you here on the corner at 5 p.m. Have fun with all these other bad teens. Yes. My wife worked in Santa Clarita for a time. Oh, no. Which led me to spend some time in Santa Clarita. Oh, I want to hear it. Santa Clarita for about a year as a legal writer when she graduated from law school. And she worked

at like a rich couple's house. Of course. Classic. And they kept buying luxury cars. And everyone would get more and more mad at them as they would replace their last luxury car. I mean, she only worked there for like a year. And this happened like four times. Oh, Santa Clarita is the most in debt place of all time. The thing that I noticed most about the city of Santa Clarita, California, other than Magic Mountain, is never have I been into place with such wide, fast streets where they're, that don't have sidewalks? Yes. Every street in Santa Clarita is a freeway, even though the freeway is right there in Santa Clarita.

Yes. This is exactly true. People are the most dangerous drivers of all time out there. and it's crazy too because of what you just said of like these wide fast streets with no sidewalks almost every single driving scene that you've seen in TV in the last two decades is filmed in Santa Clarita like because it's the streets are so wide and you know and they've just got and the backgrounds are always just like trees you know and I can I can tell you like 18 different shows I've watched and been like that's McBean Parkway like I just know like that is my hometown and it's just for the

driving scene and then they're not anywhere else in Santa Clarita. I wasn't going to bring up McBean Parkway, but that's a main thoroughfare in Santa Corrida, McAbean. Every time I'm on, because sometimes McBean, they'll say. When you're driving from Northern California to Southern California, sometimes there's traffic around Santa Clarita and it will put you on McBean Parkway instead. Yep. You end up on, the two things that you end up on as you're heading south from the Bay Area to Los Angeles. It's a McBean Parkway and of course, the old road. The old road.

I don't know what that is, but I'm on it sometimes when, because Ways told me to. It's Y old road is what I call it. Oh, you added the Y. I added the Y for flavor. Yeah, no, it's just an errant-chlocky. She happened to be falconing. Yeah. I, every time I, I have been to Magic Mountain, I'm like, the only people here are teens who are up to something. Yes. Yes. No, that's it. When you went as a kid, were you, like, there to buy drugs? So I have perpetually been, like, too much of a goody-to-shoes. Like, it's been kind of sickening.

I've never been able to shake it. And, yeah, there's one story from Six Flags that just kills me is, and almost did literally kill me, all of the kids there were just running amok. They were trying as hard as they could to ruin everybody's day. And there's one ride at Six Flags called Ridler's Revenge. And Ridler's Revenge is a... roller coaster where you are standing. And like there's just one piece in between your legs and then the bar that gets pulled over

top you. You know, they say don't drink the water in Gotham City or you'll end up with the Riddler's revenge. Right. And yes, and that is, it's written all over the walls. See you on the toilet, the Batman. And so as you're getting on this ride. Riddle me this, what throne do you not want to be sitting on all day? This one over this.

It's the toilet. you know, it's trying to give me diarrhea. It's hard to take off my pants. Oh, my God. They're part of my shirt. The arm has many pieces. And this ride did give a lot of people diarrhea. I bet.

Yeah. Well, you had to, like, set the standing place for yourself because you had to, like, find where you were most comfortable. And what the kids would do is that they would jump up and down until it locked. And then wherever they got locked is where they got locked. Right. And so if their lives were dangling, they were dangle. they were dangling.

Like mingled air or something. Exactly. So that was happening near me. All of my friends. What was holding you if your legs are dangling? Just the top bar. And so it was so dangerous these kids doing this. And the people that were sending us on our way were so sick of the kids doing this

that they like stopped checking on those kids. And so I was near all of the kids that were doing the bouncing, but I was not doing the bouncing. And my overhead bar wasn't clicking. And so I tried to get the like 14 year old kids attention. at 12. Right, the park is full of 12-year-olds and run by 14-year-olds. Exactly.

And so I'm like waving my hand to kind of be like, I'm going to die on this, and they just completely ignored me and sent the ride away. And so the only thing that I was like attached to was the seat belt that connects to the overhead arm. And so I had to hold myself in a spinning roller coaster for the minute and a half that you're, on there and I will never forget that.

Sounds like a little bonus thrill, though, if you're paying for thrills and chills. And ain't that just the revenge in Riddler's revenge, you know? I was getting revenge for something. Did you experience any chills? Chills and thrills for sure. Yeah. Plus bills, bills, bills.

And bills, bills, exactly. Automobiles. Right, yes. You get it. You get it. And you've always got it. I'm locked in. You are locked.

You are loaded. Do you like a roller coaster? I like a roller coaster. I like a roller. hated them, but I think that's because my sibling loved them. I think I was like because you like a thing, I'm not allowed to like the thing. Okay. Yeah. What did you like

then? At the, at Six Flags? I mean, if you're at Six Flags for eight hours, what do you like? Oh, the food. Right. I just, you know. What were you looking at like a chicken finger? Just whatever I could possibly eat. That's kind of the childhood that I had was like the only comfort I can ever feel

is when food is going into my mouth. So everybody else was on the roller coasters and I was like, I'm on my fourth funnel cake. Yeah, funnel cake's pretty good. Funnel cake's good. Funnel cake's good. 2026, it's a new year.

It's a new year for us on the show. Will we transition from Burbank Talk to Santa Clarita Talk in the new year? Wow, this is exciting. We're going to have to go gather some material. I mean, the reality is that Burbank is a lot more accessible and Kimberly Clark lives there. Yeah. I go to the dentist there. Oh, wow.

Why aren't we talking about that? Well, I got to say we've got to change it. some of this stuff. Is your dentist a rockabilly dentist? Yeah. Yeah. Do you go to Bieber and Tooman? I don't go to Bieber and Bieber.

I always try to find out if Justin Bieber goes there and they always say no. Oh. Does Tumann go there? That's the next question I ask. He's so hot. And he goes, yeah, he's the one working on your teeth right now. You've met Tumen? Oh.

I love Tumen. That's me when Tumen comes in the room. Look, if you've got a Santa Clarita experience to share with us, send it to us at J.J. Goad Maximum Fun.org. And email me, too. I need to hear it. Email everyone. And C.C. Aaron.

Or just check out her hockey fucking. Yeah. And you can share it with her there. Yeah. Which that is what we're going to have on stage, by the way. It's labeled as a comedy show, but it's just hockey fucking. Can you tell us more about the hockey fucking show and where and when we can view it? Yeah.

So this is just like an idea. I posted it on threads one night. I was like, if I put on a heated rivalry themed comedy show, would you guys come? And I woke up in the morning and I had over 50 responses. And I was like, okay, I guess I'm. promote, I guess I'm doing this show. So my friend Maddie Walzer helped me co-produce it.

It's January 29th at West Side Comedy Theater. Lyft is promoting us. Belessa is promoting us. If you're too horny to drive home, call a lift. Exactly. The ripped bodice, the independent bookstore is giving everybody

that comes a 10% off coupon code. It's been such an incredible experience. Are they going to be providing stimulation? No, but you can get your own stimulation. How do you prove that you've come? That's something that they're going to have to figure out on their own. Okay. You can take people's word for it.

Yeah, everybody's going to have to just. But yeah, so we have two shows. We've got an 8 p.m. that sold out in under three hours. And a 10 p.m. show that has only like 15 tickets left. And we're starting some dates. We're going to go to San Diego and an East Hollywood date and potentially New York and Arizona soon. Number one, I just want to acknowledge what a fucking bananas list of places that is. Yeah.

Because I don't want to. Like, we don't need to get into it, but I just want to note that I'm aware that throw in Arizona in there with San Diego and New York was a very weird list of things. Yes, yes. They're really deprived over there. Second of all, I guess it's kind of like a general show business question. Yeah. Should we be doing things that people like? Interesting.

So, okay, great question. I also like this. So that's why, like, if it was just a thing people liked and I didn't like it, I would not put a show on. It was more that, like, I like the show and I want to talk about it more. And I saw a need in the community. And I was like, I'm going to fill it. And so I'd say, yes, do things people like, but only if it serves you first. That's great advice.

Can I, can I give you a hockey joke? Please do. You say, hoops, I made a Mark Messier. And I know exactly what all that means. Mm-hmm. It'll kill. With come. With come.

That's what made the Messier. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. The semen. And then it's where does the come go? Where does the come? Who needs the come? I don't know.

Whatever. We talked about that earlier. Yeah, Wayne Gretzky. Wayne Gretzky. Michael Scott. Michael Scott's, in conclusion, the end of the show. Well, it's been a joy to have you on the program. Thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm a big fan and it's been really nice to be here. Well, thank you. I'm quite sure that all of our listeners will be making a trip to Arizona. And so scared of everything we've talked about today. Yeah. Gabe Marr is on the boards this week. Jordan Cowling is our producer on the program. Our music, love you by the free design, courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records. Our thanks to them. We're on social media, Jordan. We sure are. Oh, boy. Have you heard about this social media? Yeah, it's blowing up. Uh, hello, our social media is blowing up. Yeah. We're getting a lot of comments. Going live. Yeah. Hello, we're playing a video game. Sure. You know what? I'm like about it.

Tip us coins. It's just a way to have a conversation. It is. It's another way to have a conversation. It's just another exit on the information super highway. The town square, you know. It is the new town square. Hear ye, hear ye.

You know, I... Here's what I think about vaccines. I had a picture of myself taken as though I were Jesus on the cross, for example. Because I'm not afraid of cancel culture. Public discourse. Okay. Jordan, David Morris. Jesse Thorne very famous on Instagram.

I'm also now on TikTok. Jesse Thorne very famous. We're on Blue Sky. Jordan Jesse Go is on Instagram. Jordan Jesse Go is on Blue Sky. We don't even really need to give out the handles anymore. You can just search for our names now. At 2026, you can just type the thing into it.

But then hit subscribe. You got to. Like and follow. You must. Smash the buttons. Please do. And comment. We want to hear from you.

What's your feedback? Sure. Keep it positive. Sound off. Or negative. Sound off. But don't tell us about the negative ones. No, I don't want to hear about it. Unless it's constructive, then maybe tell Jordan Cowling. Tell Jordan Cowling. She'll relay it to us in a nice way. Yeah. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan. Jase and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum Fun. A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.