Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Morris Mains Marth, with Jackie Kashian

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

On this week's episode, we welcome back comedian and podcaster, Jackie Kashian, to chat about tour stays, Super Smash Bros, dream covens, prop Xena swords, and more.See Jackie perform in a town near you (Spokane and Cincinnati among others)!Listen to the Jackie and Laurie Show!Listen to The Dork Forest!Want your Capybara roasted? Send to our Instagram!#RoastMyCapy Justice for migrants. Please consider donating to Al Otro Lado this holiday season. Pre-order Jordan's Godzilla vs. Los Angeles comic to benefit Wildfire Relief Charity! Pre-order Jordan's Spider-man comic! Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Go see Free With Ads and Judge John Hodgman LIVE at SF Sketchfest!Come see Judge John Hodgman: Road Court  live in a town near you! Jesse and John will be all over the country so don’t miss your change to see them. Check the events page to find out where! Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorn, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Well Jordan, I'm glad to be home. Had a wonderful trip to the Pacific Northwest and San Francisco with the Judge John Hodgman

podcast. Amazing. Had a great time, had a little bit of time off in Vancouver, British Columbia. Got to go- That's a nice place to have some time off. It is. It's a beautiful city. Well, it's surrounded by natural beauty. The city itself is a bunch of unremarkable three-story gray concrete buildings, as far as I can tell. But it's surrounded by astonishing breathtaking natural beauty. And of course, the beauty of its residents. Yes.

Talking about our friends Dave and Graham from Stop Podcasting Yourself. Yeah, the two most beautiful Canadians. Went to visit Dave and Graham, went on Stop Podcasting Yourself. And yeah, I'm including Ryan Reynolds. Oh yeah. They're more beautiful than him. Absolutely. Went to, I stayed with past guest Helen Zaltzman.

Hey, okay. She lives in Vancouver these days. Little slumber party. Yeah, a little slumber party. I paid my way though. Did you make prank calls? I had my... Oh, your crush and hang up? When I'm on the road, I bring like a checked bag, like a big checked bag,

because I need somewhere to put my bailiff costume and my ukulele for the Judge John Hodgman tour. But the bag's a lot bigger than the bailiff costume bag and the ukulele bag. It's just, they got to be in one thing so you don't have to pay two checked bag fees. And I just stuffed fabric scraps into every unspoken for portion of the checked bag. And I just got to Helen's Altman's house, just opened my bag and it was like I had opened a can of mixed nuts and snakes were coming out with fabric scraps for my crafty friend. Right. They were gifts, the scraps were gifts? Yeah.

They were all for Helen. It wasn't like I was traveling. It wasn't like they say when you go to Japan, you should bring small bags of beef jerky so you can give thoughtful gifts to anyone Who does you a favor? Yeah, that's what they said when I went when I went to Japan which was Admittedly 32 years ago, right? You brought beef jerky. Is it like hard to get over there? Yeah, it's like hard to get or like very American like You just just like a little packet of a kind. Bring something cartoonishly American.

A beef jerky, a gun. You gotta give people a little, yeah, like a little pea shooter. A life ruining healthcare bill. Had a nice time in Vancouver, British Columbia. It is a wonderful city. Literally, Jordan, I had carried my luggage from the airport onto a plane and then I was sitting outside of a cafe waiting for Helen and Martin to walk over and meet me. I hear a voice. You get a form?

Can I just say, if you're gonna wait somewhere, it's gotta be a cafe. It's one of the best places. Is there a better place to wait for someone? Nice public park. They got those in Canada. Yep, you're right. You're right. But it was a little cold.

I went inside the cafe to order something. I looked at the menu. Couldn't think of anything I like from a cafe and I just left and sat on the bench in the front. Anyway, I'm sitting there. Scone? Bottle of water? They didn't have that kind of thing.

They only had like coffee drinks. I had eaten too much. I thought about getting a little tartlet. Tartlet, yeah. But there was a line and I'm like, I don't wanna wait in this line to get a tartlet just to bring a tartlet to Helen and Martin's house. So I was just like, I'm not even gonna, I'm just

gonna sit on this bench out front. I'm sitting on this bench, I hear Jesse Thorne, I look up, look, there's Stop Podcasting Yourself legend Alicia Tobin. Alicia Tobin was there. How about that? A legend of Vancouver comedy and one of the greatest Stop Podcasting Yourself guests of all time. Happened to be there. She's also been a great Jordan Jesse Goh guest. Yeah, what a legend. I had a nice time in Vancouver. I also had a little bit of time in Portland, Oregon. Ooh, that's a very nice place to have a little time.

One of the best places that there is to have a little bit of time. I went to Powell City of books, legendary bookstore there. You must. Found some menswear books I didn't have. Turns out, Jordan, here's a pro tip. They'll ship them to you. Oh yeah? Pull them from the shelves. $2.99 plus 99 cents a book, they'll send them to you.

Oh my god, great deal. Yeah, I took advantage of that. I'll tell you that much right now. I also, we stayed in a double tree, which is, at least in Portland, Oregon, truly the most generic business hotel I've ever stayed in in my life. Really? They didn't try and Portland it up? They didn't try and add some funky antlers? Just glue some antlers on something?

It has a certain kind of 1980 charm. Like it was as gray and concrete as the many buildings of downtown Vancouver, British Columbia. It was true. It was that kind of like 1980 modern that is like headed out of, it's like 30% modernism, 30% brutalism, 25% postmodernism, 15% cost savings. Just the most generic building you've ever seen, but enormous. Just the hugest hotel. All of downtown Portland, or at least the convention center district, is this one hotel. It had an outdoor pool, which is exactly where you want to put the pool in Portland. Sure.

Probably use that pool for a month out of the year. Exactly. That was closed. That was closed, Jordan. And they had a big atrium, you know, it's this kind of hotel. And there was a big conference floor area. And as I was headed out to go catch the light rail and go to Powell City of Books and go for a little walk. It's a really nice light rail in Oregon.

It is a really nice. Really nice. You can just tap your credit card right on there. You don't have to get a card. Ooh. You have to buy a special card. Anyway, I'm headed out to the light rail and I look and I see there are big windows to the street in the conference area of the hotel and I look inside and I see a lot of, I don't know what it's called, but do you know that kind of like, you know, an ear gauge, the hole in the ear earring? Yeah. Do you know the thing that plugs into that and then goes around and around like a ram's horn? I don't know what that's called. I've seen that. I've been to a Renaissance fair, I've seen that.

I looked inside there and I saw a lot of that and I saw a lot of velvet. Right. A lot of velvet inside of this room. And I said, what exactly is going on in here? Then I spotted a few spell compendiums and I realized, yes, that's right. I was on the side of a witch convention. So, we'll see. They did do some Portland shit to the hotel. Yeah. There was a witch convention there. I thought about going in, it cost $10 to get in and I decided, just as I had decided not

to purchase that tartlet when in Canada, I decided it was not worth the $10 to me when I had other things that I wanted to do to go into the witch convention. But I did, like the light rail station was right across the street I looked it up the witch convention while I was waiting for the train. Mm-hmm, and It was called the moon bizarre Uh-huh It did have an education track. It wasn't just a sales floor Certainly you could you could buy in fact, I literally saw The like Florida water cologne that we talked

about a couple weeks ago on the show. Oh really? That you can use to mop your house and make it magical. I saw some of that in there, but I looked in there, there was an education track with like activities. There was one, it was about tarot reading. Sure, okay. Makes sense. I could have guessed that.

There was one that was called altar decorating. I don't know, there's so many humdrum altars out there these days. Have some fun with it! Yeah. Maybe a little glitter blue. Yeah, just because you're summoning the dead doesn't mean it has to be a bummer. Yeah, exactly. Get some puffy paint. Popcorn garland. Googie eyes. All kinds of stuff.

Is that sacrilegious? Maybe. But it is fun. You can do incredible, incredible stuff with pipe cleaners and they come in all different colors Jordan Yeah, have you ever seen a really good pipe cleaner pentagram? I haven't but that's because I didn't have the 10 bucks to get into the witch convention. Yeah uh and then the activity that I

most regretted not going to was called stories from a Viking with Raven. Stan So, are we being very lenient about who we let present at the witch convention? A Viking is a different thing. Jordan Yeah, first of all, I think there's a couple of concerns here. Number one, a Viking is a different thing. Second, if you don't mind my saying this, Jordan, and I'm honestly, I don't care, I'm just gonna come right out and say it, Raven is not a Viking name. Raven is a witch name.

No, Raven is a witch name. But I think the Vikings do, and I don't know a lot about Viking history, but there's like, there's a lot of Ravens in Viking lore. I think Odin has a three-eyed raven. There's a lot of slaughtering, I know. Sure. But yeah, it seems like, and again, I don't want to be disrespectful to any cultures here, but it seems like at the witch convention, if you also have a Viking, you're just opening it up to people whose deal would also make a good Halloween costume. Like do you also have to let cowboys possess?

Right. I mean, it's one thing to let the wizards in. Nobody is going to keep the wizards out. You know what I mean? If there's wizards... Too much magic. Granted, will the warlocks be upset that they have to compete with wizards? Sure.

But you know what? The wizards are there. they got the same hat, they should be allowed in. Like all they gotta do, like you just take a witch hat, spray paint some stars and moons on it, you got a wizard hat. Boom, boom, boom. Right? Yeah. Let wizards in. But what happens if like fucking wolfmans want to come in there? I mean, I don't know. I mean, I think they have a leg to stand on if the viking's there. Four legs to stand on. Four legs to stand on, depending where they are in their transformation.

You know what? That's an excellent point. If you're mid-transformation, you're probably still a quadruped. Yeah. You're going to get bipedal at some point. Yeah. Anyway, we're just had a nice time in Portland. I bet our... I'd love to talk to our guest, who I bet has some opinions as to what the best city to have a little time in is.

Yeah. She's been all over the world in her capacity as a legendary stand-up comedian, by which I mean a comedian who does comedy about Norse legends, specifically Ravens. She's one of the hosts of the Jackie and Lori show, Jackie Kishen. Hi, Jackie. How are you? Oh my gosh. It has been a treat listening to you guys talk. The first 10 minutes of any podcast is sometimes I'm like, all right, but my own podcast, the Jackie and Lori show. I was thinking when you were trying to tell the story about seeing someone in Vancouver and Jordan kept interrupting, I was like, oh, he's me and Jesse is Lori

trying to tell a story. I am kind of the Jackie of this show. A lot of people say like... Why wouldn't they? Oh, Jordan, he's kind of a Jackie. And I have an extraordinarily athletic physique. Right, the swimming, that alone. I have to say that I went to a... I came from the airport and went directly to a Super Bowl party in an effort to do something

social. There it was, the Super Bowl party. Somebody came up to me as I was there at lay, a bunch of comedians. This guy came up to me and he said, I just want you to know that, he said something like, you're my favorite old comic. And I was like, wow. Little bit of a comic. How about comic?

Yeah. It felt like one of my favorite comics. There, I can help out with that sentence. My favorite old comic, by the way, Little Nemo in Slumberland. Little Nemo in Slumberland. Right. It's Pogo. Nemo in slumberland. Nemo in slumberland. Right. It's Pogo.

I just want to say that there was more to it, but that was the thing that made me go, all right, okay, I'm trying to get what you mean. And what he meant was that when he used to do standup 20 years before he got a writing job, he would follow my name around the country, as we all did, where you would see you never met these people. You would just be like, oh, Tree was here last week. There used to be a comic named Tree. It would be like if I met Tree. He was performing at the convention in Portland. Why would he? When you mentioned tarot cards, all I could think was, Facebook, for a bright shining

moment, had my number, and I was ordering everything that they were throwing at me. One of the things they were throwing at me was a tarot deck based on the characters from Peanuts without the benefit of copyright. It was inspired by, a tarot deck inspired by, Peanuts. And I bought, I believe, three decks, maybe two, can't remember. I knew who I was giving one to immediately, Karen Rontowski. If you pull the Snoopy card, does that mean you're going to die? Snoopy's all over it. What is he on? Is he on a 10 of pipe cleaner tentacles?

The bats were the ones. That made me laugh. Baseball bats? Yep. A lot of people think that the Red Baron means bad news, but it just means change. It just means change. Rebirth. And what if it's upside down? You got it. Yeah. That's amazing.

Death is coming. What else? Anything else good you got off Facebook? Oh my gosh, yes. There's a brand of sweater that could not possibly be made sustainably or equably or with any sort of justice. And that brand is Oxknit. And Oxknit has sort of old-timey 60s patterns on it, and I find them attractive. So I have bought several, and I believe it to be menswear.

And I've given at least one to my husband, but I bought two for myself, just because I think that the models look nice. Do you ever buy something because you're like, I dress like the men that I'm attracted to So like I see something and I'm like that's why I'm dressed as Catwoman right exactly That's why you guys bought girls jeans in college Because you're like, oh, I like the way those jeans made me feel when I looked at her and so I bought those jeans and I got a show off a little hip bone too, you know? Oh, a little low rise, low rise?

Oh yeah. Yeah, we were in the Beyonce era. Sure. Jesse, did you have Chinese food in Vancouver? I didn't have Chinese food in Vancouver. I did have Indian food in Vancouver. I had it at a famous Indian restaurant in Vancouver of some kind. I'm going to call it Raj's. I don't think his name was Raj, but I can't think of what it was. Anyway, he came to our table. Oh, God, it was what a dream it was to meet this man with a sort of diaphanous. I mean,

Jordan, just the other day we were talking about Jude Law's Diablos cotton scarf that he was wearing. The proprietor of this restaurant had a similar scarf. Apparently, I learned this from Dave and Graham. He's a backup shark on Shark Tank Canada. Whoa, okay. So he's not in there every episode, but he'll cycle in like the kind bar guy does in America. Apparently he doesn't invest in anything because all he knows about is restaurants.

Right, right. And somebody just has a broom holder. Actually, that was from my junior achievement years. Right. He's like, I love this new self-drying swimsuit, but can you make it into a restaurant? Have you ever? I really like how the swimsuit, but can you make it into a restaurant? Exactly. Have you ever? I really like how the swimsuit dries itself. It doesn't get your bag all wet, but can it be a restaurant?

Have you ever had the experience of having the proprietor of a restaurant come up to your table? Gosh, I'm racking my brain. It feels like something that's happened, but maybe it's just been something that's happened in like a movie I was watching. Our friend Tyler is a restaurateur. I know I've been in some restaurants where Tyler has been actively running the restaurant and checking in with other tables in between bringing us free appetizers, which makes us feel like kings.

But I've only had it happen in a few different restaurants. And the main thing, the main way that you can tell that it's the owner coming up to your table and not a waiter is that they don't introduce themselves and they act like you should be happy they're there. Right, right. And I have had that and it's always in passing. They're just like, how's everything on air? Everything? should I be mad at somebody? And then they keep moving. Yeah. Oh, you know, this did happen to me once.

I was eating at my favorite restaurant and I did get to meet Jonathan Wilde Wings. I met Buster. I was about to say I met Dave, but I am still waiting to get to meet Buster. Sure. Oh my gosh. Jackie, is there a place when you're touring, is there a place where you love to have an

extra day or two? I would love to have an extra day or two in so many towns, quite honestly, just because you're just there for two days and you're like and for decades I didn't remember how old I am for years I didn't your America's most celebrated old comic yeah besides Doonesbury the Lockhorns other than the Lockhorns Jackie is the I gotta go get a Dagwood sandwich I'll be right back I'm a fan of I'm a fan of Jackie I'm a fan of Andy Kindler, of course, and let's not forget, Action Comics.

Nancy and Sluggo are my best friends. Pep, love Pep's. Comics. So, yeah, but you only get a chance because you're usually working, and you should always try to take advantage of wherever you're going. And so I've done that more often in the last probably decade or so.

But like I was in DC, I got there a day early, so I got to go to a couple of museums before they get looted. That'll be fun. And then I love like Burlington, Vermont. A hundred percent thought you were going to say Burlington code factory. Wisconsin where Burlington code factory is from. Just in Burlington, Vermont recently and yet, and yet haven't been in a Burlington code factory since I was 12 years old and yet. That's what you ought to go.

Now it's just called Burlington by the way. By the way, when I was a child, back in the, obviously in the 1930s, right after the Soviet Union took over, 1919, if you could bring them Levi's if you went to visit. Japan, you brought jerky. When you went to the Soviet Union, you always brought an extra pair or two of Levi's. Anyway. Burlington Coat Factory is where my father took me and told me I could choose any coat, where I chose the 49ers coat that led later to me being walking down the street in front of St. Luke's Hospital, seeing an older teen wearing the same coat, me saying,

hey, nice coat, and him punching me. Right. Not your fault. me saying, hey, nice coat, and him punching me. Right. Yeah, he doesn't want to. That's your fault. Yeah. I think, have you been to a Burlington Coat Factory, Jordan? God, I'm racking my brain. Maybe I saw one in a movie once? I'm sure I was brought into one to get like church pants at some point.

Right? Where you get church pants. That seems exactly where you would have gotten your church pants. 100%. I think I bought a pea coat when I was allowed to pick my own coat. It would also be a great place to buy a coat if you had accidentally gone to, I'm going to say Philadelphia, but forgotten to bring a coat. You would go to the Burlington Coat Factory to get your coat. This is a discount coat. You might not get a coat that you like per se, but you will get a coat at an affordable price. And it'll do the job for as long, and if

you're lucky it will be a coat you like, but it's a real crap shoot when you walk in. When you walk into a Burlington Coat Factory, hit and miss on what year the styles are coming in. They're coming in hot, but sometimes they're coming in hot from like 2006. But Jackie, you're a stand-up comic. You're often playing clubs for the weekend. So you have the day, right? I usually have at least one full day.

And here's one thing that I do like to do. I like to put into the app Yelp. It's spelled Y-E-L-P you guys. Okay. And it's an app. I use City Search, but go ahead. I was just about to say something with City Search. You beat me to it. Type in the words pour over coffee and then sort by reviewed and then you will find the 11 people that you don't know that you want to meet in that town.

Okay. Yeah, I think the strategy, the secret is it's really when you're in a town like that, if you're not going directly to a specific tourist destination, which for me, it's going to be a historic home tour. I love a Gilded Age mansion. Wow. Where are you going? Chicago? New York?

Yeah. Why don't I go to any of these places? You don't think there's a Gilded Age mansion tour in Burlington, Vermont? You know there is. No. Yeah. If I type in Gilded Age mansion the next time I visit my dad in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I went to a spectacular... I mean, Milwaukee, that's Gilded Age Mansion, the next time I visit my dad in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. I went to a spectacular, I mean, Milwaukee, that's Gilded Age Central.

I went to a spectacular one in Chicago. The Pabst family own a very Victorian, well, they did for a long time, I believe, whatever. It's a hotel with an unfortunate name, The Fister. And the, it's, that I never knew was a terrible name until somebody from outside of town was like, hmm, there's trouble there. It's sort of like when trying to explain to people from Sacramento that calling their old town Old Sack is gross. And they should stop doing it. They see nothing wrong with it. They don't even hear it. Anyway, but the Pfister has a beautiful building. And if you go at

Christmastime, acapella top hat singers will give you a carol. Wow, isn't that nice? Are they all wearing top hats or? No, some of the ladies are in bonnets. Sure. It's a bonnet top hat group. But it's always fun. The secret is that you have to find that neighborhood that has the most vintage clothing stores and pour over coffee locales. Right, right. Vinyl. over coffee locales. Right, right, vinyl. Unless you are specific, unless again, unless you're going to a specific tourist destination,

you can want to go to that neighborhood and it's other people's problem that it's gentrifiers destroying the lives of the people who lived in that neighborhood 10 or 15 years previous because you're just visiting. I'm just a tourist. Yeah. Nothing makes me more mad than that in Los Angeles or San Francisco, the cities in which I lived. But if I'm going to Milwaukee, I'm headed straight for that bullshit. Yeah, you go to Beans and Barley. That's been there the whole time, though. It got gentrified around itself. There was Native American dance and lesbian drumming, or the other way, for the whole time, the whole 100 years over on the East Side.

But you were in Vancouver and Portland. I was just in Seattle doing shows this last weekend. And, and that was actually quite, it was quite fun because the club laughs is in the university district district. And so two nights in a row I had vegan pizza, which isn't hard. The only thing that's weird about it would be the cheese, right? Cause otherwise it's just a vegetarian pizza. And because dough is dough, there's no, it doesn't have to be eggs or milk in it. And vegetables continue to just be vegetables. But cheese, that's where it all, it can go thumbs up or thumbs down. Horrifically wrong, yeah.

Yeah, it depends how you're doing. And they kind of nailed it. They did a nice job. First night it was like a cashew-y kind of cheese. Was it the thing where you had it and then you're like, I'm going back? Or are you like, okay, wow. I was in that same university district of Seattle, Washington. We played the Neptune Theater in Seattle. Miss Pat was there. Kitty quarter from the hotel I stayed at, which was also a little brutalist.

Well, I hope that people went to see Miss Pat instead of us because Miss Pat's so fucking cool. What a cool lady she is. She's amazing. She was on Bulls Eye one time. I was like, man, this lady's so cool. But anyway, we were in that university district. I went and got some fry bread tacos. Someone recommended a place that had served fried bread tacos, which I really like. I've eaten those in the Southwest and I ate some of those. Oh man, I ate like a king. I went in there five minutes before the joint was about to close. I said, you guys still cooking? He said, I got some bison for you. And I said, give me what you got.

That's what you want to hear. Fry it up, baby. We've been dancing around something that I think we're ready to dive into now. I think we've naturally come here, because Jackie, you mentioned your trip to Seattle. True. I saw this on Instagram.

Of course, Jackie Cation, great Instagram follow. Everybody should do it. It seems as though you went to Nintendo headquarters and I screamed when I saw the post. Oh, I felt lucky. Jackie, tell us everything. A fan who has come to the shows in Seattle every year for the last, I don't know, six or seven years. And she always brings me a trinket from Nintendo because she works at Nintendo.

And this time... Wait, you have a fan who works at Nintendo? Yes. You know that my husband used to work at Sony PlayStation. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think... Does your husband, if I'm... Am I remembering this correctly? Does he have a Dreamcast jacket? He does have a... He works at Sega Dreamcast. And yeah. We have a listener who's, who's wedding I officiated and he works for Xbox. So very exciting.

So she invited me to lunch at their cafeteria and a chance to see around. You can't take pictures once you pass, uh, once you pass the foyer, you can't take any pictures, so I couldn't. But we did get to go, and weirdly enough, the gift shop is beyond the paywall, is beyond, like, the security. Really?

Yeah. Okay. So the gift shop is only for people who work at Nintendo? Yeah. In case they want to have a souvenir of their workplace? Right. Or, yeah, you're not more confused than me. I had a wonderful time there.

They have GiftChops on studio lots, right? Right. I remember, Jordan, when you worked at Fox, there was a lot of Discount Simpsons DVD purchasing going on. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, I think I kept that job for a year longer than I should have just because I was saving so much money on Simpsons DVD box sets. Yeah, I think that's- Like 30 years later. Yeah, I think it's like sometimes people who are like taking the tour can go to the gift shop if the studio allows tours. But yeah, I think it is mostly those things are

for like people who work there to get swag to impress people. I ended up getting a couple of Super Smash Brothers action figures and I got- Action figures, you didn't purchase the actual brothers. No, no, the brothers were not available at this time. To clean up around your house. And then I got a Donkey Kong hooded sweatshirt for a friend of mine

And Jackie well well, what do you what do you need you need a? Kirby plushy Kirby plushy Kirby plushy You know what I did buy for myself though, and I don't usually buy anything for myself. I want to fuck a mushroom They had a Donkey Kong barrel Sort of handbag. Oh, that's gentle. Like cross body bag. They have like a full, this is a very full featured gift shop. Oh, entirely.

T-shirts of all the things and all the, and I was so close. There was, I almost bought a Mario Kart jacket, but I was like, all right, you have a lot of jackets at the house. Stop buying jackets. You know, they should have put it on Facebook if they wanted you to buy it. Right. Right. But did you learn any of the secrets of Nintendo while you were on your little inside tour? Had to sign an NDA. Just to really sum it up. No. You need to meet Wario. I did not get to meet Wario.

I did find out that they sold out of Luigi hats immediately, as you can imagine. Sure. Waluigi passed by, but he just waved. He didn't even stop to chat. He tipped his hat. What was the cafeteria like? How was the food? the food was actually pretty good What did I what do we end up? Oh, it was Super Bowl themed. So we had

They had an excellent iced coffee and and then we had some chicken wings Why not sure like I like that you did this Meathead slash jock activity while you were at Nintendo. Right, right. It couldn't have been. It was, there was, I was, yeah, I stood next to some very much, I could tell that they were my people, you know? And... I would guess though, I say that, but I'm going to correct myself because what brings a meathead and a geek together, if not crushing wings? Oh, right.

And think about this. So I have the Jackie and Lori show here on the Max Fun. Worker on. Thank you very much. Anyway, but other than that, I have a podcast called The Door of Forest that you've both been on. Yeah. Had a great time.

It's a great show. Great show, super fun. People talk about what they love. And I had a guy on, a friend of mine named Taylor, musician, and his dorkdom was sort of first-person shooter call of duty. And so he's a giant nerd, but he's also a bit of a meathead, right? Yeah, he's a nerd of assholes or an asshole of nerds. Right.

At one point I said to him, because he was really into it, he was telling me in depth, which is the perfect, that's my favorite. But I said to him, Taylor, were you ever in the service? And he said the most chilling thing I've ever heard in a long time on the show. He said, almost. Oh no. Wow. That's pretty spooky. We better hope that guy had a bone spur or something. He said, almost. Mm. Oh no. Wow.

That's pretty spooky. That's just that snack. We better hope that guy had a bone spur or something. Yeah. Four sale baby shoes never worn, okay. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you. Love you, love you, love you.

Love you, love you, love you. It's Jordan Jessi Goh. I am Jessi Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every single episode of Jordan Jessi Goh is brought to you by the members of Maximum Fun, including you, if you are a member of Maximum Fun, including you if you are a member of Maximum Fun, which I hope you are. We're also supported this week by the folks at ZockDock.

Jordan? Jordan Hickman Yep. Adam Tate Let's say you wake up in the morning. Jordan Hickman Okay. I'm following you. Adam Tate And there's a very strange rash right along the top of your nose. Oh boy. Okay. Well, the first thing I'm doing, uh, I'm going to go on a TikTok. I'm going to go on, uh, I'm going to ask Jeeves. I'm going to ask Jeeves what's wrong with me.

Don't even think about going and waiting six hours in the lobby of a urgent care or whatever. Yeah. Well, what should I do Jesse? Those are my three ideas. Get on to one of those three things. What am I gonna do about this nose rash? Get on ZocDoc. It's a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and then click to book an appointment instantly. So you don't have to be constantly calling. You know that thing where you like, you can never tell if there's actually an appointment available

for you at the doctor or if you're going to like go there and they're going to show you in six hours later or it was all a trick or they've moved and not told you, you know what I mean? Yes, sure. Or they specialize in something that's not wrong with you. Yes, Jesse, I've been through this all. It's so frustrating. I can't believe I didn't know about ZocDoc. ZocDoc, you can filter for by doctors who take your insurance, they're located nearby. Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. Jordan, think about how much easier it would have been if you had had ZocDoc when you had

to go to the podiatrist. Wasn't it the podiatrist that you went to? Oh yeah, sure. Listen, I love my podiatrist. He did a great job. Finding him was a hassle. Yeah, the next time I need some medical assistance, I'm going right to ZocDoc. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to

zocdoc.com slash JJ Goh to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash JJ Goh. Zocdoc.com slash JJ Goh. And hey, Jordan, as we record this, just the other day, we had our live show in Los Angeles. Tons of fun. It was a great time. It was also the last show of the Judge John Hodgman tour. That was the end of our fundraising campaign for Al Otrulado. And I just want to say, holy shit, Jordan, holy shit. We raised fucking, as of right now, just short of $275,000.

Heck yeah. More than a quarter million dollars. You people that are listening to this, you fucking rule. You are amazing. We had, I'm scrolling down, over 2,000 people gave money. You're all fucking amazing. I love you all very much. Thank you for doing something. You can of course always support Al Otro Lado, the wonderful cause. Nothing is stopping you if you haven't already. We're going to stop asking you to, but holy shit, every single one of you who gave $275,000 fucking dollars.

Holy shit. Anyway, that's all. I just wanted to say holy shit and thank you to everybody. Very cool. We got to present a big novelty check. That was a blast. Oh, it's so huge. You'll get to see that on social media at some everybody. Very cool. We got to present a big novelty check. That was a blast. Oh, it's so huge. You'll get to see that on social media at some point. Heck yeah. Yeah, no, really, really cool. It's a common feeling to feel like you want to do something about

the horrors of the world. And it's been so nice to be able to point people toward this great organization where they can know that their money is being used for something cool. So glad we did this and so very, very cool that people stepped up in the cool way that they did. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Goh. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I am Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. And Jackie Cation, friend of the people.

She is, you know. Why not? The people love her. I'm going to be honest, I'm the people's enemy. Oh, the enemy of the people? Here's what I'd like. I'd like Hulu or Netflix to pay for my next special. Just one. I'm not going to lie. Come on, Hulu.

What are you doing? Hulu. That's what I'll call you. I'll call you Hulu. And I'll say, who's the cutest? Hulu. I can't recommend doing it for Hulu because you're going to have a lot of problems with your HDMI cable not having the right copyright protections.

That's based on my experience with Hulu. It's constantly telling me that my HDMI cable has the wrong copyright protections. That feels like a scam. It is a nightmare. You have to turn everything off and on and unplug it and replug it and there's HDMI cables now have copyright protection inside of them But yeah, but Jesse you just you just gotta have your family guy. I know I gotta have family guy Ooh, I love those non sequiturs Stewie They don't care who they offend

Yeah, no, I don't know. All I know is I'm doing a new album and special this summer and I have very little conversation. You've tapped me out with the Nintendo. Good for me. No, hey, great news, Jackie. We're at the portion of the show where we play calls from listeners. Oh, wait, no, hold on. We just get to react to those.

Hold on, because we need to address something that happened in the break, which is Jackie did a show and tell for us of things she got at the Nintendo store. She showed us two figurines she purchased. The figurines she purchased were Fox McCloud from Star Fox and Mr. Game & Watch, which leads me to believe she may not have been at Nintendo headquarters, but may instead have been at the Burlington Coat Factory. Those are two pretty Burlington Coat Factory ass characters. But I think it shows that Jackie is a real, you know, you can go in there and get Mario and peach

You know, but that's for casuals. That's for filthy Fucking casuals who you know, I hate I'm always talking about how I hate casuals. I wouldn't know. I'm a fake gamer, babe There's no there's no reason to think I don't know what I'm doing. Be careful, Jackie. The real fans we love. Don't get pwned. Game and Watch. We love Captain Falcon. Right. I'm also a very simple woman of the people.

Marth and Roy. I love Marth. My favorite Nintendo character, Marth. Marth. See, now that is a deep cut. You've gone into the long boxes there. Who is Marth? He's a Smash Brothers character who is a sword guy. And I think when he made his way into Smash Brothers, a lot of people were confused about Marth. He is from a, I think then mainly popular in Japan series, Fire Emblem. I think those games have now-

I've played Fire Emblem. So I think they've made their way to America now, and I think now Marth Mania- I played it on my DS though, so I couldn't tell you the name of the characters. The fact that there's a Marth? No, that has been lost to time. Sure. So, but good for you for resurrecting. Thank you. I'd love to talk about Marth. Love everybody.

I just want people to know about Marth. These might as well be characters from Mac and me or from fucking The Last Starfighter as far as I'm concerned. This and Burlington Co. Factory ass shit you guys are trying to convince me of. I used to main Marth in Super Smash Brothers. He was the best. He mains Marth. Yeah, he was super funny.

Morris mains Marth. Yes, exactly. Anyway. There's one thing in it. Please make that t-shirt. My main Wii fit lady. Oh yeah. She's great. Yeah.

Good main. You know what I mean? Getting my fucking ass kicked by my small children. Oh my god. They can tell what's happening. You're not supposed to be able to tell what's happening in Super Smash Brothers. You're supposed to just press buttons and then eventually you find out if you won or not. Wow. That is a strategy. I don't even know what you're supposed to do. I can never tell what the score is. You're supposed to pwn Marth.

OK, sorry. I was looking at the Animal Crossing stuff. And I'm at Animal Crossing. My island is crawling with cockroaches. I'm sure that it's just. And it's something I don't appreciate about the game, quite honestly. I do not need to be

gilded into having to clean up the island before I can play again. I don't just let me play the game. They got cockroaches in there? Yeah, yeah. If you don't play the game for a while, the game infests the entire your entire island with cockroaches and you have to kill them all. Wow. Before you can really do anything. I mean you can do stuff around them, but all of a sudden there's a bunch of cockroaches. The main thing I remember is trading fruits. I only played Animal Crossing on the whatever it was, Nintendo 64 or whatever, GameCube maybe?

Old school, yeah. What did I play Animal Crossing on Jordan? You were there. I don't know. I don't think I was there and I don't know a ton about Animal Crossing. I don't know when it first appeared. I played it a lot with my college roommate, my friend and yours, Nathaniel. Nathaniel and I played a lot of Animal Crossing. The main things I remember is that you were always

trying to get seeds for fruits you didn't have, and you were always writing letters to the characters in the video game. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the mail was a bit of a commitment that I didn't enjoy. But I did play it pretty hardcore for about six, eight months. What I just got was one of those Oculus Quest 3 things, VRs, because I did a stand-up set in virtual reality at a virtual reality

Meta owns a club in No boy Jackie Cation second time I've mentioned Facebook anyway What it's called? It's a strict or strutty metasister Tea, Cockadoodledoo, Soapstone. And they asked me if I would do like 20 minutes. And I was like, sure, I'll talk about Ready Player One and do whatever old timey video game jokes I've got. And so they put this thing, I've never done VR.

Do you guys have VR? I've tried it a couple of times. It's never like clicked for me and I do get a little bit nauseous while I'm doing it, but it's fun to try. Yeah. My children are really into it and I do think it's really funny to watch them do it because they look so dumb. It's really hard for me not to kick their butts while they're doing it I think just their butts are just hanging out right there with a big kick me sign on them Yeah, I kick those butts so much. They should be sitting on a real comfy chair. Make sure that they get the

They're not standing because when I put when I put the thing on I Want to play a better video game than is inside of there. That's the experience that I have. When I put it on, it still kind of feels like the kind of game I would have played at the Sony Metreon in downtown San Francisco in 1997 in VR. You know what I mean? It still has that kind of vaguely, look we can make VR's quality to it.

Right. Well, it's pretty self, yeah, there's a little bit of that going on. I don't know a lot about it. I've only played, I bought a mini golf game that I've never been to. It came with Batman Arkham. Oh neat. I've heard that's really cool. That one is really cool. I didn't want to play it because I thought it might be scary. It turns out it's not. It's just Batman. Anyway, and then there is sort of a learn-to-play kind of game that's in the main area where you can see through the things. You're in your place, your house, your home, and there are aliens that eat through, and you are given a gun to suck them back into the machine.

So, essentially, it attacks your surrounding area. You're like, hey, that's my wall. Oh, wait, there's blue and there's tribbles coming in and then it's pew pew pew pew and then you capture them all. I'll tell you, I got a Mario Kart at the thrift store one day that you put up little Mario Kart stuff in your own house and then there's real life Mario Karts that drive around in your actual house but you're playing it on your Nintendo Switch. Wow. That shit was great.

That shit was fun. What is it? I can't picture this. What is this? You get like, it comes in a big box with like a remote control car with Mario on it. Okay. Inside. And then also a bunch of like pieces of cardboard that are like you turn into cardboard houses or whatever. Oh, this is a, this is a labo. Sure. I don't know. It's a labo. I think this is Nintendo, like you could,

you could build your own. It's, it's, yeah, it's a game that had like a craft building component where you kind of built the, I never played with it before, but I think it's one of Nintendo's kind of kooky, innovative things that they do that people aren't quite ready for. Yeah. You like make the course in your actual house.

And then you drive it around in your Switch, and you see the stuff in your house in your Switch, but it's actually, but the remote control is driving around your house. And honestly, it is fucking works great and is fun as shit. It is really amazing. Oh, that's amazing. So you're playing the driving. I feel pretty bad that my dog ate all the cardboard parts. Oh, that does feel bad. So now we can't really use it.

Because it had, it probably had that RFID stuff in it, right? It probably had radio. Yeah. Well, it helps me keep track of my dog's location and whether he's shoplifting anything from the Walmart. And he made a game for cars, the T the movie for Disney where you got a car and you drove it on your iPad. This is your husband, Andy. Yes, my husband, Andy, Andy Ashcraft, friend of the people. Oh, I'm the friend of the people. Anyway, but he, um, people can have two friends.

Right. And then Hot Wheels put out a version that was actually pretty cool, too. Because on the Cars version, the wheels didn't move, which I sound like I'm in the movie Big. Why wouldn't the wheels move? What if you just wanted to play car, not with your iPad? The Hot Wheels version, the wheels moved, and you could play car when you didn't have your iPad. All right, Jackie, now let's play Chopsticks on a piano. When something momentous happens to you, give us a call at 206-984-4FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgo at MaximumFun.org for our segment Momentous Occasions.

Here's someone who's done that. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, guest. I'm going to guess Nick for Pete Adams because just by the numbers. And then Jordan says, close, close. I did say that. This is Sheri, she they. I am 41 years old and I had a momentous occasion today. I feel like at this time in life, the milestones, the rites of passage are coming on less and less frequently. But today I got my first invitation to join a coven. I'm so excited. Love you guys. Love the show. Bye.

Congratulations on that. We all remember where we were when we joined our first coven, huh? Well, I didn't have the 10 bucks. I couldn't join. Was she at a double tree in Vancouver? I didn't know why I didn't have the ten bucks. I couldn't join. I wish she had a double tree in Vancouver What do you think is the buy-in on a coven Jordan Yeah, great question. Yeah, I wonder if there's like like startup costs. Hoa de facto. Yeah, you gotta get past the condo board first You gotta write the coven a letter and say like this is my dream coven and Yeah, did you guys watch Agatha all along?

No, but people loved it right? I'm a people I was one of those people you're the people you're certainly their friend We know that right and that friend enjoyed Agatha all along That that's a that's a coven show right right? It a coven show. That's why I brought it up. It was coven related, lateral talk, but she did not say how much it cost. That is interesting. Stand-up comedian Jackie Cation, under what circumstances would you join a coven? What activities would have to be on offer? What would the buy-in have to be? Who might be in this coven?

What's your dream coven? How do you know I'm not in this coven? What's your dream coven? How do you know I'm not in a coven? Here, let me tell you something. Excellent point. That's it. Here's what you should know. In the 90s, I hung out with a lot of hippies, a lot of hippie skippies, a lot of drummers. What we'd do is we'd write a list on New Year's Eve or on an equinox or on a moon day or some sort of solstice kind of moment. We'd write things on a list and we'd burn it.

And then we'd play drums and there'd be dancing. And I hung out with a friend of mine, Sally Ann Farrar. I used to call her, welcome to rock talk with Sally Ann Farrar, because she collected rocks, you guys and she was in a coven I believe. This is sounding pretty coven-y to me. Right. It sounds like you were, I mean, maybe at least a satellite member of a coven.

I was definitely coven adjacent. Jackie, maybe you can clarify something I've been wondering about covens. Are your hippier covens, do they have any kind of conflict or rivalry with your gothier covens? There can be, it's interesting that you would bring that up. You would think that the sort of that whole super inclusive, you know, hanging out folk where a lot of people, but they could be kind of judgmental. It can happen. Some people can judge a goth. Other people could say, you know, you don't get to play that kind of drum. I had that conversation. I heard about that

kind of a lady saying that drum was invented in this continent and your people are from that continent. And I was like, that just sounds rude. You had brought a timpani drum. You had brought a giant tuned drum. It was just the drums that then you danced the river dance. Felted mallets you had. There was some sort of weird that they had the oil drums. I went and saw a production that everybody played giant oil drums. And it was kind of like, it was just

kind of a stomp situation. It was a stomp. It was a stomp situation, but it wasn't stomp. You saw an unauthorized stomp. We saw a real Burlington Coat Factory ass stomp. Lateral move on stomp. Yeah. Let's hear another momentous occasion. Hi Jordan. Hi Jesse. Hi Maria Bamford.

My name is Wes and I'm calling from the road in between San Antonio and Austin because I just passed a billboard for a capybara experience at the Austin Zoo and I thought that Jesse should know. So, yep, love you. Bye. Adam Hickman This is where our friend Jennifer Marmer, the producer of Judge John Hodgman and our former colleague at KZSC Radio in Santa Cruz, California, John Hodgman and our former colleague at KZSC radio in Santa Cruz, California. Jennifer Marmer had her capybara experience in Austin, Texas. I think that in California, capybaras are illegal. I think in Texas, they're encouraged. This is probably why Joe Rogan moved to Austin, Texas.

What's a capybara? How do I not know? A capybara is the world's largest rodent. It's a South American amphibious rodent. It's, it is a wonder, does a lot of wonderful swimming and a lot of waddling. Is it a rodent of unusual size? It is unusually large. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Stephen Ray Morris brought us up some cap pics on Zoom here so you can see they're very cute, I know. They're really cute and they make funny noises.

You can get a stuffed animal if you want. Have you guys heard of this film called Flow? Oh yeah, I've been really stoked to see Flow. This is a wordless cat movie, right? Yeah, this is a wordless cat movie or at least I had believed it to be a wordless cat movie is like a French Slovak film of some kind. Okay, this movie had more Title cards before it started than any movie I've ever seen with sure like just ten straight minutes It was like that. It was like the producer credits on the Simpsons. One of those had to be Canal Plus, right? Canal Plus was up there. Canal Plus was absolutely one of them, Jordan. Oh yeah.

They had to put all the words in the beginning. Yeah, if there's ever a movie with 40 title cards, one of those is going to be Canal Plus. So anyway, I'm watching this movie and I knew it was a cat movie. All I knew about this is French and Slovak or whatever. And then it's a cat movie, it's animated and they don't talk. There's a flood. I knew about a flood. Turns out this is a fucking capybara movie, man. This cat makes friends with this fat, lazy, capybara that's taking a nap on a boat. These guys are the best of friends. All

this capybara does is wander around a little bit, then flop over and take a nap. It's fucking tremendous. It's incredible. Sometimes he eats a vegetable as a you know, as a very public out there cat weirdo this people recommend this movie to me five times a week. Yes, they should. Yeah. And I'm really stoked to see it.

I didn't know there was a Cappy Bar involved. Oh my God, I gotta watch this thing. I'd watch that movie. There is some, there's some cat peril. You should know that there's some cat peril. Okay. Oh, triggering cat peril. Okay, thank you.

Good to know, good to know. But yeah, I'm down. I think I'm emotionally hearty enough. Wait, who am I kidding But yeah, I'm down. I think I'm emotionally hearty enough. Wait, who am I kidding? No, I'm not. I'm going to wait till November to watch this thing. I don't need the Wikipedia for this thing. You can handle Nosferatu, but cats and peril right now. I chose it for family movie night. That's in peril right now is I chose it for family movie night. And I've been, we've been doing family movie night in my shed office because I got a projector in here and there's speakers, you know, in the walls.

I put speakers in the walls. So it's cool. It's like it's our own little tiny movie theater. It's really neat, right? For some really, for some reason that is autistic in nature, but not fully comprehended by me, my oldest child Grace, who was the number one movie watcher with me in this room, has decided she's no longer will watch movies in here. So she was out.

She was out right away. She won't get involved in Family Movie Night. If it's happening in the shed, it was happening in the shed, she's out. All right. She used the time to watch Logistics logistics art project that was the end of family movie night wow then dad gets to watch whatever he wants that should have been a very successful family movie night I would imagine watch this movie for the it's a family film I'm trying to watch it with my family exactly we're just

trying to create a have you heard of Grand Theft Hamlet? No, oh, yes, I have this is this is someone recreated Hamlet in Grand Theft Auto in an attempt to get NPR to do a million stories about them all the time Or I think they were just killing time during lockdown the British couple yeah, as a documentarian and he played Grand Theft Auto and he was an actor. But I have seen the trailer half a dozen times. I had tried to see the movie here in Los Angeles because it has to show a certain number of times for it to be eligible for an Oscar. And sadly, The Lumiere over in Westwood is showing it every 36 to 47 hours and a half without any notice. We're not going to Westwood.

Tell these British people we're not going to fucking Westwood. I went! And they were like, it was last night at 610. What do you want us to do? Go to Diddy Rees, Jordan? In Westwood? Seems like they want us to go to Didi Reese. Absolutely not. Last time I was at Didi Reese, Jordan, some UCLA people got in a fight with some USC people.

Oh yeah, sure. And they tried to rope me into it. They were like, are you mad about this? I'm like, I went to Santa Cruz. Okay. They don't care. I'm like, I went to Santa Cruz. Okay. I don't care. I didn't, I did not go to either of those schools. UC Santa Cruz, but I did.

My first LA Improv Theater was a, I think it's not around anymore, called, it was called Ultimate Improv. It was in Westwood in a building that used to be a cell phone store. You could tell. Very apparent. Hasn't everything used to be a cell phone store?

Yeah, I know everything's been a cell phone store at one point. And yeah, so we were close to Diddy Reese, the late night cookie spot in Westwood. Oh, is that the cookie ice cream place? Yeah. There used to be a hookah bar right next to it that did stand up, and I did stand up there for a half a decade. Yeah, I went to Westwood and forever. But it was a buck for that two cookies and an ice cream.

It's a deal, I know, that didn't use cookies for a deal. I believe it's up to a buck fifty, you guys, just so you know. It's not particularly good. No, no, it is... The only thing it holds is the allure of being incredibly cheap. And if you are a college student or a comic without any money, you're like, nom. All right. We also have a moment of shame this week.

If you have a moment of shame, please do send it in to us. JJGoatMaximumFun.org. Here is one of those. Hi Jordan, hi Jesse, hi Steven, hi Guest. This is Zach, the pipe working kid from the Saint's cult story. Got a moment of shame. I was working a job this week,

taking apart a 19th century organ from an unheated church in New Hampshire. And after a few days, I just said that all this stuff that's fallen out of the ceiling and covering the floor doesn't look right. And we did some research and now the asbestos, the asbestos team is going to test it. Well, I just got out of therapy, so I'm feeling better about the reality of that. We did as best as we could. All right. Thanks, guys. Love you. Bye-bye. did as best as we could. All right. Thanks guys. Love you. Bye bye. Zach, of course, from the pipe organ story that I don't remember.

Yeah, this is, I always feel like a dick when this comes up. And to be fair, I probably am kind of a dick. That's your reputation. I mean, you're known as a dick. Yeah, a famous dick. Sorry, sorry, sorry, Jordan. You're known for your dick. For my, yes, which is quite a dick. Sorry, sorry, sorry Jordan. You're known for your dick. For my, yes, which is quite a dick. And famous in some circles. That's true. That is a circle dick. Yeah, my dick has snubbed a lot of people, Trader Vicks. Has it been over to old sack? No, I never neglect old sack. I don't remember the momentous occasions either.

Yeah, I feel like sometimes people will say like, oh, I'm the person who called in this thing. And you know, I do love that people call. I don't want to like discourage people from calling calling up. We love having this piece of content. It's a beloved recurring segment. But yeah, I don't remember them. I don't remember things that have happened to me.

Right. So, is he ashamed because the organ then could not be saved? Because it was covered in asbestos? I had a hard time with this one too. I guess this guy fixes, which is, you know, I'm someone who fixes pipe organs, a very Jordan Jesse Goh listener job right and this guy this is so sounds like he's familiar with more than one type of pipe Sure. Yeah He lays it he fits it

Sure, and I yeah, I guess I guess he was taking this apart and and and there was an asbestos problem I don't think this is a moment of shame. It's not your fault. It is his fault. No, no. Does he feel like he narked on the asbestos? I mean, yeah. No, I blame him. Yeah, yeah, I do too.

And him not, you know what, I blame him. I blame him for the asbestos and for not starting the call by giving a brief summary of his previous call so that we would know what he was talking about. Well, I don't know why he didn't remove for not starting the call by giving a brief summary of his previous call so we would know what he was talking about. Well I don't know why he didn't remove the organ from an unheated church in New Hampshire in February. Great question. Great question. Put it on the truck, take it out, then you're not in an asbestos area trying to fix up an organ. How big a truck do you think this guy's got, Jackie?

Right, how big's the organ? How big's the truck? Have you ever seen these pipes? These things are freaking huge. Have you seen trucks right now? They're freaking huge. That's true. Trucks are bigger than ever. Trucks are bigger than ever. That's a good point. Well, hey, give us a call at 206-984-4-FUN and tell us something that we won't remember. Orange, send us a voice memo at JJ Goh at MaximumFun.org. We won't remember those either. We'll be back in just a second. I'm Jordan Jesse Goh.

Big E is a former WWE champion. He spent 10 years at the top sharing the ring with John Cena and Roman Reigns. So what's next? When I retire, I'm going to move to the desert. I'm going to delete all my socials. I'm going to disappear. Y'all will never hear from me again. I'm going to sit on the couch, chill, and live my life.

From the legendary tag team, The New Day, it's Biggie on Tights and Fights. I feel like I need to listen to a few episodes that you guys have because this was really enjoyable. Oh no. Thank you so much for your time. Oh yes. Oh yes. Available on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. The following are real reenactments of pretend emergency calls.

911. My husband! It's my husband! Calm down please. What about your husband? He lobes to dishwasher wrong. Please help! There are plenty of podcasts on the hunt for justice, but only one podcast has the courage to take on the silly crimes. Judge John Hodgman, the only true crime podcast that won't leave you feeling sad and bad and scared for once, only on MaximumFun.org.

It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. And Jackie Kishan, friend of the people. Jackie, did you know that my friend Jordan Morris is my swimming friend, just like Lori is your swimming friend? I did not know that you swam, Jordan. I swam at the same pool as Lori, or I often see her at the pool where I swim. You'll see her at...

You also do in laps? I also doing laps. I'm doing laps I'm part of a little club Lori a lone wolf Could have called that So yeah, so she is she is there doing her own workout I'm part of my little club and we'll we'll say hi and chat sometimes if we're in the lane next to each other It's always always great to see her. That is great. Whenever I swim I'm always playing a little game

that I like to call Jacques Cousteau. Ooh, how do you play? Well, I keep my eyes closed underwater until I bump into the wall, and then I pretend that I've discovered a ship. I wish I were kidding. I can't open my eyes under water. My eyes, I feel like my head will pop full of water and then I'll drown.

Even if you have goggles? Do you have goggles? I never had goggles. I've never had goggles. Okay, so this is the problem here. You can get yourself some of these goggles. These things are six or seven dollars. They're like little windows for your eye sockets.

I don't know if you've seen these things. I have seen them. Incredible. So it's funny, I'm Jackie in the sense that I'm always interrupting Jesse when he's trying to finish a story, but I'm a Lori and that I swim. Who am I? A perfect combination of Jackie and Lori? You're the ultimate combination of Jackie and Lori.

Wow. You are like the Gundam that we needed. Yes. And the one that we deserve. Who's faster at swimming? You or Lori? Ooh. Oh, Lori. Yeah, Lori's a much better swimmer than I am. I can tell. She's like a superstar swimmer, right? Wasn't she? She was like a high level competitive swimmer at some point. Yeah. I think we were just kind of chatting about like, like, Oh, what did you do in the pool just now? And like, you know, the thing she casually said

just fucking blew me away. Yeah. About out of the water blew appropriately blew me out of the water. Did she say that she was she was breathing down there? Because that would blow my fucking mind. Yeah. That she somehow had grown gills. I remember, I saw some interview during the Olympics where one of the basketball players, our team, the US basketball team, he had been watching swimmers and he was talking about how amazing these swimmers were. And he said that he could beat anybody on the professional, on the Olympic basketball team in a swimming race. And the interviewer introduced

a professional swimmer into the plot. And he said, no, no, I can't beat a professional swimmer at anything, but I could beat other basketball players. Yes swimming. Yes. It's fun Olympics. Just mix it up. Everybody's the same people, the same contestants. They just have to do different sports. I wonder if, this is what I'm wondering right now. Is there a professional basketball player? I'm going to limit it to the NBA and the G League.

Is there an American professional basketball player who I could beat at swimming? Is there one? Wow. Amongst the whatever it is. Well, as a person, do you swim? 600 or so. I mean, I don't, I'm not very good at side breathing. If that's what you're wondering.

I'm going to say no then. I'm going to say if they've done any swimming, they're athletically going to be. But then if I go like this, I'm going to go, no, I just want to go up front like a whale. Just dog paddle. I mean, I can do the crawling part. It's just when I get to the part where I have to breathe, I don't want to go to the side. What about if you had to do that, the spin and then kick off?

Oh, I could probably do that one. Okay. Yeah, I'd probably do that one probably better even than Laurie. Wow. I'm a regular Ken Phelps. Now that I think about it, that's a guy that was a DH for the Yankees in the 80s. Ken Phelps. What am I thinking of? Michael Phelps. Michael Phelps. Yeah. Right. Of course, because your episode of The Door and Forest was obscure baseball facts. It was amazing. True. Is there a Max Fun Drive swim off that could happen? I don't know.

If you introduce swimming into the plot, I would like to might show up. You know what? What if we had a swim off? Jackie and Laurie show versus Jordan Jesse go because I think I might be given that you are Uncomfortable opening your eyes underwater Jackie. I'm guessing that I might be faster than you Here's Laurie's definitely faster than Jordan. You're gonna be wrong here Just because when they have those plastic things that stop the lanes, I'm an okay swimmer if there's a plastic thing that I can feel. You just need a little guidance. I am like a Roomba.

I don't know. I'm going to have to see you at the Verdugo Aquatic Center to find out. It sounds like we've got a relay race already locked and loaded. I'm in. We just need to pick a day, pick a time. Could I pick that we all go to the equestrian center and rent hacks to ride, and then we go to the gun range and then we go and grill? Wait, are you suggesting we should do a modern pentathlon? Should we also do some fencing? We should do a modern modern pentathlon. Should we also do some fencing? Yeah, cuz we know an Olympic modern pentathlete

We have a friend who was in the Olympics in modern pentathlon. She's gonna train us Donna Vakalis is on it. She's gonna teach us. She's gonna teach us how to shoot lasers. She's gonna teach us how to ride horses She's gonna teach us how to grill. We have we have She's gonna teach us how to ride horses. She's gonna teach us how to grill. We have old Xena the warrior princess prop swords. Oh yeah. Andy went to the prop sale and bought like a stack of props of swords and spears made out of resin. Just a pile of them.

Everything was five bucks. It was just, they were just swords. Were they specifically from Xeno or just it was perhaps It was that they had used for all the extras and all the that seems like an extraordinary value It was an amazing it was amazing. It's gonna do like four cons and you bought a house, right? Right, we could just we just sell the stuff of the hey who doesn't want one of these. Is this a rare? That's the mr. Game and Watch Amiibo. Jackie Cation is one of the hosts of the Jackie and Lori show, one of my absolute favorite

podcasts. If you want to hear them, try to talk about stand-up comedy, but then get derailed and talk about something else. It's one of the best podcasts. I love to hear it. I'd like to talk with my friend Ben Harrison about something we heard on Jackie and Lori. Two total heroes. You can also catch Jackie performing standup comedy across this great nation. Got any big standup dates approaching, Jackie? I think this is going up pretty quick. So I'm about to fly back to Washington State There's an Indian casino outside of Spokane that is drawing my attention And you have a Kirby plushie to get from your friend Jordan Sadly Spokane is on the other side of the the state

And then and then two days later, I'm flying to like the next day. I'm flying to Cincinnati So you're gonna play go bananas you playing go bananas in Cincinnati? No it's called Bombs Away. Oh pretty good comedy name. That's not bad people get to name their own comedy clubs. It's a lot. They get to nom their own comedy clubs too. They get to nom their own comedy clubs but it was Spokane, the Indian Casino is called Northern Quest. And I've had several people say, is it called an Indian Casino? And I said, yes, it's called an Indian Casino. And the people are called Native Americans. So we're on it. Don't email me. Well, you can. But I got everything filed correctly. Don't worry. I've paid attention. And I want to see the movie flow. We've got everything filed correctly. Don't worry.

I've paid attention and I want to see the movie flow. Stephen Ray Morris is the producer of our program. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design. Thank you to The Free Design. Thank you to The Free Design's label Light in the Attic Records. You should go buy some Free design albums because they are wonderful. Kites are fun, the best of the free design. How about that one?

Buy that. It's a real band, it's a real song, they really are good. You can find us on Reddit, reddit.com slash r slash maximum fun. You can find us on Instagram at j Jesse Go Pod and at Jordan David Morris and at Jesse Thorne, very famous. You can find us on Facebook at facebook.com slash Jordan Jesse Go. We're now on Blue Sky. What are we on Blue Sky, Stephen? Jordan Jesse Go. Yes. Jordan Jesse Go, which is actually in an incredible coincidence, the name of the podcast.

We got there early. That's the perfect name. Social media site, we got to kind of early. Got the actual name of the show. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Goh. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.