Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Rat Reveal, with Al Madrigal

Episode Date: June 25, 2026

This week, we're joined by writer and comedian Al Madrigal to talk dirty comedians apartments, a new call to action for the JJGo hotline, embarrassing prosecco stories, and so much more. *Follow Al Madrigal on Instagram *Preorder The Amazing Venom *Check out more Amazing Spiderman content from Jordan. *Order Jordan’s new Web of Venom comic. *Check out Jordan’s comic Predator: Bloodshed. * Order Jordan’s new Predator comic: Black, White & Blood! * Order Jordan’s new Venom comic! * Donate to Al Otro Lado. * Purchase signed copies of *Youth Group* and *Bubble* from Mission: Comics And Art!   ~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~ Get  Bronto Dino-Merch! Get our ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store. Grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug! The Maximum Fun Bookshop! Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes! Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On. Produced by Christian Dueñas Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinjjgo

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Unto the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sucks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy, detective. Jordan, I went to the doctor's office. Are you okay?

Is everything okay? I mean, mixed, you know. Oh, okay. He gave me a sort of a B-minus. How old are you? How? We haven't even introduced you yet. Let Al talk.

Al's an old pal. He can just start talking. Our guest on the program is a stand-up comic known the world over as the man of a thousand voices. 81. 81 voices, Al Madrigal. That was a long time ago. That was recorded in Korea Town in an apartment. Wow.

Whose apartment was that? That was my apartment in Korea Town. Wow. My apartment. Pre-Kids apartment? It was Christian's apartment. Christian didn't even work for us at the time. We would just go to Christian's apartment.

I had borrowed, I had made a wax impression of one of his house keys, then had a locksmith make a key. We would just let ourselves into Christian's apartment record in there. Christian, are you just finding this out? This is a shock to me. Yeah, so there you go. Christian had no idea this entire time. Anyway, Jordan, that's great.

Can we grab that as a sound bite for future episodes? This is a shock to me. Christian is that we've already said this, but we'll say it again. Christian Duanez, the new producer of Jordan Jesse Go. We love him. We're thrilled, thrilled to have Christian here. I went to the doctor because I have glaucoma, which is, thank you, Christian, gave me a woo. Jesse, you don't have to lie to get the weed card anymore, baby.

That's right. That's all it's for. You can just buy it, man. You don't have to. That was the, that was what you said, right? That, that's totally what you said. My field of vision is narrowing, you would say. Yeah. I have fond memories of that time when you had to tell a little fib to get the weed card. That was a really fun time in weed. It's when I started smoking, you know, weed recreationally, because I felt like there was a legal loophole, so I wasn't as bad a boy. Yeah. You could do it and not be as bad a boy. Right. So anyway, I have fond memories of like going into the shady strip mall, doctors, doctors. Doctors. doctor's office air quotes, huge air quotes, and like telling them a little fib and them not caring and giving you the weed card for 40 bucks, that was a fun time. Anyway, go ahead. I think I teleconferenced with someone from the lobby of the marijuana store.

I think that's how I did that. That was an option. That was an option. Yeah, Dr. Weed or something like that. Anyway, I have glaucoma. I presume I'm going to start getting other elderly person's diseases here now that I'm in my mid-40s. Jesse, I will admit, I only know glaucoma as a pull for a lie you tell the weed doctor. I don't know what it is. Help, help. My dog had it. My dog had it. We have a history of it in our family. I know because I got it from your dog. You got it from my dog. You're over the house. It is. It's a hereditary disease. Man can pass it on to dog. Well, he butterfly kiss my dog. And if you're going to

Butterfly. I butterfly kissed your dog and I French kissed your dog. You're going to get, you're asking for a glauoma. Uh-huh. That's fair. It is like something about the pressure in your eyeballs and then you usually get peripheral vision loss. I get haziness of vision, apparently.

I don't know. I've been to a lot of eye doctors lately. And what happened is I went to the optometrist. I'm talking about Dr. Shapiro right down the block. you know Dr. Shapiro from right down the block? Mm-hmm. Everybody did it. One of the best. Yeah.

One of the best. So I went to Dr. Shapiro. He took a look at my eyeball, my eyeball pressure, and he said, this is off the charts. He said, well, you went to the ophthalmologist, what did they tell you? And I said, well, you know, people get older and your vision deteriorates and whatever. And he's like, oh, well, I don't like to talk down on people, but that's fucked up. That's what Dr. Shapiro told me. The Shapiro said that.

Straight to my face. She said that. an F-Bongered? 60-year-old man, downtown opt-optometrist. And he said fucked, he didn't say F-D up? No, he said, fucked up.

He said, I don't like to talk bad about people, but that's fucked up. This sounds like a cool, chill ophthalmologist that I can hang and have a beer with. Yeah, he is. He's not using clinical language that's going to confuse me. He's talking like me and one of my buddies.

So anyway, he gave me the weed card. No. Then he sent me to a glaucoma specialist. He's like, you've got to go to a glaucoma specialist. This glaucoma specialist takes the pressure of my eyeball. No, this is Dr. Park. Talking about Dr. Park. Went to the glaucoma specialist, Dr. Park.

Dr. Park checks my eyeball pressure. He says, this is normal eyeball pressure. I can't give you pressure reducing drugs. Your pressure's already been reduced. So now we're in a real thicket. Yeah, this is a shock to me. He sends me to a different specialist, retinas something or other. That guy says, yeah, you got glaucoma.

You should talk to Dr. Park. So Dr. Park. And then you said, but I am Dr. Park. These guys are giving me the runaround. He's our shortstop, I said. I got, so Dr. Park gave me a machine. And it's, now I want to compare it to a Zoom recorder, which is a field.

audio recorder. But it's like the size of, you know, the size of maybe like a hotel room Bible. Does that sound like about the right size? Something like that. It is. Like a small projector. Like an Epson projector. Yeah, like a super small projector.

I mean, you know. Jesse, the Bible, the Bible was a perfect analogy. I'm actually zooming from a hotel and I was reading one right before we started recording. Oh, well. I hope you, I'm glad you heard the good news, Jordan. Oh yeah, love that stuff. And it's a machine. It has two prongs.

One of them goes below your eye socket. One of them goes above your eye socket. And I'm indicating here to my friend's Alan Jordan. And then it extends out sort of like an oversized cassette recorder. And you hold onto it and you cover one eye. and then you press a little button and it pokes you in the eyeball five times in a row.

What? Then it goes, beep, beep, beep, if you did a good job. Then you switch to the other eyeball and it goes, beep, beep, beep, if you did a good job. If you did a bad job,

you get scolded by the machine and you have to poke yourself in the eyeball more times. And I have to do this seven to ten times per day for a week. I also had to give them $500 to rent this machine.

Is it from park industries? It's probably from the people that go good folks over there, park industries. How pointy are the pointers? It is like this little tiny, if you imagine like, but we've done, I've all done a version of this when we've gone to the ophthalmologists or gotten our axioms. They do the pressure test with that small little. Yeah, it's like a little tiny ball thing that pokes you. on a little stick.

It's like a little tiny ball on a little tiny stick. And you can't pay Park to do that? It seems like a lot of money. So Park did it. That's the thing. Park did it. And he found it was normal. But when Shapiro did it, he found it was off the charts.

So they got to plot it. They got to get 10 readings a day and plot it out. Jesse, is there any part of this that you think weed would help with? I am so high right now, Jordan. He also said, Dr. Park said, things. He said number one, 10 times a day. He said number two, stay blazed, bro. Right. Those are the two things he said to me. Park is, so Shapiro said that's fucked up and then Park says stay blazed bro?

Park didn't really say shit. And he's Korean Park. He is. He's Korean. He's very handsome. Al, do you do you have any any hot new ailments we should know about? Well, I did just get a full body scan so I can come back. I don't want to bring the whole podcast down, but a lot of friends, a comedian just most recently. Jerry Rocha passed away. I have other friends with stage four brain tumors. And so I'm approaching 55. I decided why not just go get one of these scans.

And I got full blood work. Go talk to Shapiro, too. This guy is great. He's relaxed. He's not stuck up. Let's have Shapiro take a look at me. You know why I spend the money. Hey, your body's a little fucked up.

Yeah. Without any other details. Yeah. But I'd like to know exactly what's going on and have the peace of mind. I don't know what's going on. I just learned on the way here of another San Francisco comedian passing away that I started with in the city. So. I have a question.

Please. Do you think it's possible that there was a carcinogen of some kind of. kind in that one apartment in the avenues that everyone shared. Absolutely. There were like 12 different types of mold. And so there were a couple different apartments. There was one, I think, on Third and Clement that was maybe one of the grossest places I've ever entered.

And so when I was, I started stand up in 1998 and I was working for my parents' family business and got ushered into the. this life of stand-ups, and I would go now with all these new acquaintances and friends. I'd hang out, and we'd go do open mics around the city. And you had previously lived a life as an adult human man. Correct. I had life experience. I had my own apartment, and I had a car when I started.

You were like 27 or something. I was 28 years old. And I started late. But Al, what was your? What was the family business that you were working for? The family business was staffing. They have since sold the company, but my mom has this amazing. Gregs to Rich's story where she started as a secretary at a company and making $6 an hour

and worked her way up to account manager, senior account manager, vice president, president bought the company, quadrupled in size, this is all I'm in high school, and then... Eventually started making $12 an hour. Yeah, she paid herself $12 an hour, but she sold the company back to her employees not too long ago, and then they interned with my mom as a, they sold the company. But while there, we had employees leased out all over the Bay Area, so I was an HR major, and I was eventually in charge of all the progressive discipline, so I was firing people from the age of 19 to 32 years old. People say that progressives don't have discipline.

Jordan. Al, just for fun. You want to fire me? Sure. I've fired. Just for an old time's sake, just tell me that I'm kind of, you know. Well, if you do need to let anyone go, I think, like, people always, there's movies about horrible bosses, horrible employees, there's a lot of people trying to take advantage of the system. But so it was our job to make sure everything was done perfectly.

And let's say, and I was distraught over it. I was crying in my car at 26 years old. I couldn't believe this was going to be my life. And I always wanted to do something else. But when you're the eldest son in this family business, you're sort of comming. compelled to do this thing that has provided so much for the family. That's how I ended up in the mafia. Yeah, that's right.

So you see people taking advantage falsifying time cards. We had people with gross misconduct all over the place. And so what I would recommend, if you ever are put in a position where you do have to let somebody go, seize your moment is the thing I learned. Jordan, I've been in business a lot longer than you, George. Jordan. Like gross misconduct would be like flicking boogers in the office. Flicking boogers in the office is number one on the list. You can't do that. Picking your butt at a meeting. You can't pick your butt at a meeting.

Farting into your hand and then throwing it someone. But let's just say for sake of example. I mean, that's just funny though. Right. Yeah. Yeah. No, these are all fun. All of these are funny. These are all funny. These are all funny. These are all funny. Gross, gross. Jordan. Super gross misconduct. Yeah. What? It's so gross. You can't take your shoe off here? Yeah, come on. You can take a ball out.

Yeah. I got fired for taking my shoes off on the bus once. Yeah? Yeah. It's disgusting. It's gross misconduct. So I would then get this call. For example, fighting that we had two Tongan men that were fighting in a warehouse.

Al's got to come out. And we mentioned that they're Tongan, not because they're. something fundamentally fighting about Tongans, but rather because Tongans love a beef. Tongan men are two men of any other ethnic or cultural group

attached on top of or next to each other. These are huge people. Huge people. Then I go out and I go, fellas, what's going on here? And I talk, I just talk them through it. And then we make a choice.

Obviously, this can't continue to happen. If it happens one more time or anything, you step out of line in any way, I'm going to come back with your final check. So this is your warning. And you said, instead of fighting, let's tong tongting it out,

togging it out. Let's tong about it. Let's tong about it. Let's tong about it. Yeah, that's good. That's what I was going for. That could be like an 80s pop song. Let's talk about it.

Yeah. And so I would do that. I had fired so many people. I hated it. I was good at it. I was choked and chased. And if I were to fire, Jordan, I would just say it's been brought to my attention that this happened. We've decided that today would be your last day.

It's important to say it's been decided. I remember the it's been decided. You gave me the it's been decided advice once. I had to hear the it's been decided voice because you have to have you have to make it fatal complete so that it can't be renegotiated. People will get away with whatever you let them get away with. And so people like there's a lot of institutional fraud going on and people are falsifying time records. They're hiding out.

They're just trying to quiet quit and get away with a lot of things. And so we're running a business and it's unfortunate that we just can't have people. Yeah. We can't have you here anymore. I have been, I have been, when you say hiding out, I have been living at the Max Fun offices. I'm still living at Christian's apartment. Yeah, sure. He doesn't even know. I'm always, if you listen, if you listen really carefully during the most recent episode of Maximum Film, you can hear me screaming, quiet down, I'm trying to sleep. Not the subtlest thing to scream.

Making fajitas. You can hear the sizzling. Stop discussing. I love the. boosters. I'm trying to sleep. Yeah, it was horrible. Thank you for firing me, Al. That was a real thrill. That was really fun to be fired by a professional.

I was doing that. And then there was crossover, so I would go out and do stand-up, and I'd see people I had fired in the audience. And that was interesting. Just guys scowling at me. And then I... They just yell. It has been decided. You suck.

It's been decided. You're fucking cheating a comedian, man. It's one of my voices. We were, uh, it's good. There's a good one. A total of 81. 81, not long after that appearance many years ago in Christian Dwayneas's apartment. We used to have a message board, Jordan.

I don't know if you remember this, but we had a message board at maximum fun.org. Maybe even it's blankie. A news group. Like a full on, not just a website ad. message board. Mm-hmm. And somebody posted, I went to see Al Madrigal, the man of 81 voices. Yeah.

That was like the subject line. Okay. And the story was, and the message board isn't still up, so I'm paraphrasing from memory here, but the story was... This is not going to be good. This person went to South by Southwest Interactive. Oh, yeah. South by Southwest Interactive, the, you know, the...

Just like a tech conference, not like bands. Exactly. But at this tech conference, there was a show that was a Daily Show package stand-up show. It was a John Oliver stand-up show. And so it was prior to my time getting on the Daily Show. It was in 2010. And there was a guy in the front row with a full-on iPad out. And previous comedians had asked him to put the iPad away because he was recorded. He was recorded. I like, by the way, I just want to highlight something to you, Jordan. Yeah. It's that Al immediately got worried about what story I was going to tell. As soon as he realized it was this story, he got mad about this thing that happened

15 years ago and took over telling the story. So there was a guy in the front row. When did iPads come out? 2010? That was brand new. knows, yeah. But here he is holding this massive device. Yeah.

And I could see, like, at that time, that was probably such a techie, you know, like a cutting edge early adopter tech guy moved to have an iPad out. But that so quickly became like something mom does because she thinks the iPad is better than the iPhone for pictures because it's bigger. Yeah, exactly. I think that's a very fair characterization of this situation. And I think what it happened was, according to the, according to the, you know, forum poster, John Oliver had asked this person to stop recording. Yes. But John Oliver had asked this person to stop recording in a polite John Oliver way. By the way, John Oliver, not somebody I'd want to mess with either.

Like, he is very quick to tell somebody to go fuck themselves. So he loved all of this, by the way. And he'd love it when I would snap. And I snapped on this guy. I don't know. I've seen this guy on HBO and he can get pretty steamed. So, okay. So, Al, according to this storyteller,

Al discovered that this guy. Storyteller, random guy on a message for this storyteller. Well. Yes, isn't David Sedaris, Jesse. It might have been. Yeah, maybe it was Spalding Gray. He wasn't dead yet. Might have been Spalding Gray.

Okay, it was probably Spalding Gray. Probably Spalding Gray. Probably Spalding Gray. The username was swimming to. Cambodia. So what does he say? What does he say in his message? The user name was A.B. Sedaris's brother. That I threaten the guy. That's what you're getting to. Okay, no. That's not what I'm getting to. It wasn't that you threatened him. If you threatened him, that, I think, got left out of the story. Yeah, I wouldn't ask him. I did threaten him. Okay. Great. So what did you threaten him with? Firing?

A good time. Violence. What were you going to do? I have threatened so many people on say, let me be clear. I, we were just talking about the ADHD and, uh, how distracted I would even get on stage. Comedians also you could be killing and there could be one person, uh, just not paying attention or not into it and will focus on that individual rather than all the people laughing. So I very distracted. I can see everything. and I have many stories where I have told people like this. So this is just one instance of many

where I've told somebody, quit doing what you're doing. So Jordan, Al communicated to this man, his displeasure that he had not put away the iPad even though John Oliver had asked him. Yeah, we asked you put away the iPad and he hadn't put a iPad. away the iPad. What's your deal? What kind of asshole are you? Long story short, the question that this message board poster asked was,

is Al Madrigal, again, I'm paraphrasing, is Al Madrigal a bad person? He seemed nice on Jordan Jesse Go. However, this grown man that was standing near me at the show left the show halfway through in tears. Yeah. And he's lucky I didn't take the iPad and fucking hit him over the head with it. Because that's what he was asking me to do. He is lucky. He's lucky.

That would have been fair. That would have been very fair. Just go to the show and pay attention and just like you don't. When people ask you, if anyone, if I was at a performance or recording and I had my phone out and somebody said, hey, can you please put away the phone? I'd go, oh, I'm sorry, no problem. Let me tuck that away. But to keep it out.

And it's an iPhone. My favorite part of the whole thing is just the idea of someone holding an entire iPad. Yeah, yeah, and I'm holding it up. Fuck you. What are you doing? And it was clearly what you said, Jordan, about, like, look at me, I got an iPad. Right. Because you can, like, tape from your phone pretty sneakily and easily.

You could just kind of have it out. Christian, when did the iPad come out? Do we have Christian? Oh yeah, Christian, can we do some research on that? That would be great. 2010. So it's a brand new thing, and this guy wants to show it off. And it's like, put it away, man.

And I think I did ask politely a couple times. Look, Al, we know you. We know that you ask politely several times. Sure. We also know the fire that Batman saw in your eyes. But you responded and said he's a fantastic guy. Yeah. I said, Al Madrigal's the best.

Yes, that's right. When am I ever not defended the great Al Madrigal, Jordan? You always do. What are my favorite guys? Let me just, I come from very feisty people on both sides. And it's like I, my growing up in San Francisco, half Mexican and half Sicilian, I grew up, my dad was his little psycho, little fire plug, Napoleon complex. Mexican man who did not take any shit at all from anybody. And then I have, my mom's maiden name is Tarantino.

So I've got low-level mobsters on one side. When I told my uncle Bobby Tarantino where I was working down at the cannery at Cobbs Comedy Club, he goes, oh yeah, I used to control an alley right by there. Control an alley? Everything that came in and out of the alley, he got a little taste of. Rants and homos? What are we talking about? So it was a fisherman's wharf and they were moving stuff in and out. And then when my dad passed away, my...

I understand bragging about controlling a neighborhood or a city. This city is mine. You know, I get that. But I guess you got to start small. But no one... You're like, hey, your cousin Alice went to private school and I paid for the whole thing with bread bowls. So I get that if you want to do business here, you've got to give this guy a little bit of a taste.

Right. Yeah. You understand getting a taste. Give that guy a little bit of a taste. That's how it works. And he's the guy that was getting the taste in the alley. Right. I give Jesse a taste every week.

When I went to my eighth grade graduation party or maybe high school, we had a little, it was actually senior year high school. He came, and then my friends' uncles were there, and they were Yugoslavian, and he goes, Hey, kid, I got to go. I had a couple run-ins with that Slav. I had a couple of run-ins with that Slav. And then I talked to my buddy. It was his uncle.

And I said, yeah, and it was cousin. I forget the guy's name, but he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That totally tracks because that guy was also getting tastes of stuff here and there. But he was like a maid slav. I think to me... He was a maid slav and you don't want to mess with a maidslav. He goes, hey, and then this is another thing he said. Sorry.

He goes, you see the mitts on that slov? So when it comes to... Never mess with a maidslav or an angry tongen. Yeah. So when it comes to dealing with people, I like, I can't. Can't help, but, and we were just talking about, luckily, when my daughter got diagnosed with ADHD, and it's really bad, they said, where do you think it comes from? And my wife, who's a learning specialist, just pointed at me. Yeah.

And I got on Vivance, and ADHD is a trip because, and I didn't realize this, like, it just takes you, it's great for comedy because for comedy writing, it really does help you go to places. as other people wouldn't with jokes and stories. But it also brings you to a super dark place and you get depressed for no reason. Then you start having, I was playing like this low light reel in my head of trying to threatening to kick a guy in the face with an iPad and all these moments that you wish you had back.

That was your rock bottom, Al. That was when you realized you needed to get your life together. No, there's just plenty of dumb shit that I've done because you lack impulse control. Can I tell you what? My friend, my friend Ben was recently diagnosed

and he was reading a book about it. And he said his core insight was he realized that other people when they're in a car and having a really intense emotional conversation with their wife,

don't go, oh, hold on a second. Check out that funny billboard. And I was like, I have probably done, done that 10 times. Yeah. It's ridiculous.

The conversation can wait. You're driving past the building. Yeah, the real word's going to be gone. Exactly, Jordan. It's right there. You want the wife to be able to laugh. If I don't say it now, we're going to miss it. It's going to be gone forever.

You're going to have to try and re-describe it later. And that's the other thing. It's just like, look at everything that's going on. It's a warning against herpes, but it's a volcano. What is this? That's a kind of their L.A. focusing and, you know, on the material in the room and then having this thing that's distracting you was just impossible.

Al, when I'm out to dinner with my wife, you know, my beautiful wife, Teresa. You guys are, you're both foodies. You love to go out. Look, the two of us are foodies who love to go out. We probably go out, what, three, four times a year? Yeah, sure. And when I'm out to dinner with my wife, I'll be sitting there and I'll be telling you. her about something, I will stop dead and be like, can you believe what that guy just said?

And she'll be like, what guy? And I'll be like, you're not listening to this conversation in addition to the conversation that we're having? Same, all the time. It's a real problem. And luckily, I've been on this stuff for about three years, I think, and it's been life-changing. So, yeah, the days of me threatening people are over. I mean, I kind of do it for fun now. I mean, Al, you're, I hate to tell you, you're kind of my enforcer. Like, I kind of think of you as my enforcer. I haven't had circumstances where I need an enforcer.

I'm 6'4, 205 pounds. People don't mess around with me particularly. You know, I'm sober all the time. Nobody's ever like, I'm going to get a fight with this guy at a bar or whatever. but I do feel like if I needed an enforcer, probably Al would be my first text message. I've never been, first of all, you're right. Thank you.

I mean, Jesse, you seen the mitts on this guy? Look at those famous, I can see the magical mitts from here. I want to apologize to you, Jordan, because obviously you're one of the few people that I've known longer than Al. You know, I've known you for probably two years before I met Al. out. Maybe even a year, maybe a year and a half. Okay. Not that much longer. Not that much longer, but, you know, we live in the same hall in college. So we were pretty close by the time we met Albatrical. But like, I feel bad, Jordan, for not choosing you as my enforcer is what I'm saying. Oh, no, no, you made the right choice. I would be terrible at it. Okay. I mean, I think you, maybe I've got something in your heart. No. No, it's not true. ever texted me and say, I got a problem. The cops can't fix.

I need you to come over right now. Like now, I would jump in the car and come to your home and help you with whatever you needed. Thank you very much, Al. Sure. Thank you. And if, Jesse, if you sent me that same text, I would say, you've chosen the wrong person. I'm sorry. I would just get a reply and it's just the address card for Al.

Right. Yeah. I just again, I've never been in a fight. Never ever? No. Because I think I do give off a vibe of, I mean, I've done crazy shit in potential fights scenarios. Have you ever been hit?

I had punched across. I was just telling Christian this on the way up. I, in eighth grade, walking through downtown San Francisco, a mentally ill, homely gentleman jumped out of nowhere and punched me right across the face. Okay. See, this must be, Jordan, you're from Orange County. So you're the only one here who, when they were 13, weren't punched by a random person while walking down the sidewalk.

That did not happen to me. The person that punched me in the face did not appear to be mentally ill. I think he was just having a laugh with his friend. We were, I've told this to Ryan Jordan just go, we were wearing the same 49ers jacket. I told him he had a cool jacket. He punched me in the face and laughed. But I'll tell you what happened to me. In the city? Yeah.

Right in front of St. Luke's Hospital, Al. St. Luke's Hospital. Yeah. That's going to happen over there. Great Valencia admission. Yeah. So I had a situation to happen at my home, Jordan, this week. A home situation.

Exactly. My family and I are all in our home. My two beautiful dogs, my three beautiful children, my beautiful wife. And, Jesse, let me say, the home is a beautiful place for the family. Thank you so much. I couldn't agree more. It's where the family belongs. Sorry if that's unpopular.

And I just want to say, I feel bad for leaving out our four beautiful rats. That's going to be Boba, Galactic Annihilator, and the other two rats. Is this a rat reveal? I didn't know you guys had four rats. You didn't know we got a rat. How do they get along? How do they get along? They get along great.

They fucking love each other. They're always in a pile like trying to get the attention of my daughter, Scarlett. It's amazing. Anyway, we can come back to the rats. Right, right. We're all at the house. I tried to say right, but I said rat.

Everybody's... Red on. Everybody's in the house and the doorbell starts ringing. Okay. Ding dong. Ding dong. Dogs are going ape shit.

No one ever ring... It's 2026. Nobody ever rings my doorbell. By the way, great doorbell impression, Jesse. Thank you, Jordan. Known as the man of 80 voices. A doorbell's not a voice, Jesse. You can't count.

Yeah, it's 80 sound effects. It's like an appliance. I don't know what a doorbell is. It's not a voice. Jordan, God, this is why I don't trust you to call when I'm in the shit and I need somebody to help me with a problem that the cops can't deal with. And I'm saying that's a good choice. don't call me.

I would be bad at it. Okay. So anyway, my doorbell is ringing. Ding dong, ding dong. My two fucking dogs are going ape shit, running back and forth. What the fuck is this? Trying to guard the gate from inside the house. Going totally nuts.

What are the rats doing? The rats are piling up and probably trying to go underneath one of my children's shirt. That's one of their favorite things. They'll go right up under your arm. It's really fun. It's hilarious. And rats are really great. But anyway, everybody's going nuts.

And we're like trying to get the dogs together and whatever. And like usually if someone rings the doorbell, it's either like an election canvasser or it's just like a UPS guy who's just letting us know that he threw something with the fence. Especially these days when like the, you know, they have these like delivery contractors for deliveries. a guy in a you know Amazon vest he'll ring your doorbell 17 times

throw it over backwards and leave you know what I mean so that's what we assumed was going on so we were not really rushing to the door we were just like

trying to get the dogs under control so they don't freak out the kids so they don't freak out the rats etc. Yeah.

I look out I don't see anything out there and my wife goes out there she looks and there's like steaming

bag of poo. There's a bunch of trash. Classic gross misconduct. There's a bunch of trash spilling out of our mailbox and our doorbell is missing. And there's these guys that work at the there's a machine shop, a metal shop

across the street from a house. Yeah. And they're always hanging out there. They look, they like looking out for us. And he says, that guy just did it. The guy goes, the guy says to my wife, he says, uh,

a crazy guy put trash. we told him get out of here a man had come to the front of our house stolen our doorbell a ring doorbell no it's just a regular wireless doorbell not a camera doorbell

not a smart doorbell he just tore it off the fence how is he getting into up to the door he's at the gate he's just at the sidewalk but what are we doing about this gate The gate was the gate did its job He didn't enter the gate It sounds like he didn't pass the gate Okay good

He only made it to the gate But he stole our doorbell So the doorbell was ringing Because he was in the process of stealing it We accidentally pushed it as he was ripping it off Yeah as he was ripping it off of our fence He he's he brang it several times And then he it was just like some like food trash

That was just in our mailbox just he had stuff some miscellaneous trash into our mailbox. Maybe he was trading you for it. And the guys across the street just said, crazy guy put trash. We told him, get out of here. Yeah, got out of there. You don't need an enforcer for that. No, well, I got those guys across the street for that.

They seem like people you'd want to bring lunch to occasionally. Oh, you know I want to bring these guys lunche occasionally. You know what I do sometimes? You don't offend them. Sometimes I bring them lemonade. Yeah, I'd bring them lemonade. I'd drop over donuts. You put on your, you put on your Daisy Dukes.

You struttle across the street. You say you, who? Hi, boys. You guys live in Los Angeles. You know about what it's like when there's too many lemons on the lemon tree? Sure. Sure, yeah. You got to make some lemonade and you give it to the guy across the street.

I mean, Jordan, Al Madrigal's entire house smelled like guavas for four years. That's right. He's acting like you wouldn't bring lemonade to the guys across the street. I would definitely grease those guys across the street. Give them a little taste. A little taste of your lemons. Yeah, just give them a little taste. Let's do this.

The boys across the street, they're getting thirsty. Why don't we grab some lemons, do a little squeezing, and then we'll come back for some more. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris. Boy detective.

Jordan, every episode of Jordan Jessica is supported by the members of Maximum fun. I met some MaxFund members on that boat that I went on, Grace Bailey. Oh. And I, lots of MaxFund members there. Some Jordan Jesse Go listeners. Incredible. Thomas, one of them? Thomas. We love you, baby. Hey, baby, we love you.

Gis kiss, baby. Meet us at Muso and Franks, baby. We are also supported this week by a message that is on the Jumbo, It is a design exit. Jumbotron, by the way, where Jordan Jessica listeners can share messages with other Jordan Jessica listeners, Maximumfund.org slash jumbotron.

It is a printing exhibition called Red is the second color of printing at second color.org. So for all the graphic designer tuppies, apologies to librarian tuppies. There's basically two categories of tuppies here. It's graphic designers, librarians with tattoos. This is for the graphic designer ones.

Our listener says, I'm curating a memorial exhibition for my printer father called Red is the second color of printing based on his idea to ask graphic designers for their favorite reds, then display them all together. It will open in Brooklyn in December. Then we'll transfer to the museum of printing in Haverham, Massachusetts. That's pretty cool. That's a real fucking museum.

Heck yeah. Participants will receive a $100 stipend, details in submission form at second color.org. No fee to enter. Garaba. So if you're out there, you're a graphic designer or a printer, go to second color.org and submit your favorite red. Try and get that stipend and get into this exhibition.

Red is the second color of printing. Kind of cool. I think that sounds pretty cool to me. Yes, it does. Maximumfun.org slash jumbotron. if you want us to read your message and why wouldn't you? My, my grandfather was a printer. Hey, okay.

It was an Epson. No, he was a human man. Jordan, he was a human man. The grandpa's not a toner, you said. He was a human, he was a human man, and he'd lost sight in one of his eyes because of an accident with the printing press. Ah, well. True story. We love our listeners.

Yeah. We love our listeners. Yeah. Can I tell the listeners about a URL they can go to? Come on. Come on. We got a couple of minutes. Bit.ly slash goo friends.

That's good friends without the G. Bit. L.Y. slash goo friends. That's where you pre-order all five issues of The Amazing Venom, a new Marvel series from me and artist, Luke Ross. So you got five issues now. This is not the Venom. This is not Venom that's Spider-Man's friend of me.

No, no, no. This is a different. Some other character. It's a different guy. Spelled differently, legally speaking. You don't have, you don't, you didn't, nobody can to do the keys to the, one of the signature Marvel characters, Venom the Spider-Man. Well, kind of sort.

This is a different guy who has a different thing going on. This is a Marvel comic. This is the D-List villain Boomerang. We love him. He has an alien symbiote and he's got to get it home to its home planet. It's going to be fun. So Boomerang? Boomerang.

Okay. Yeah. What do you want to know about boomerang? Okay. Jordan Spider-Man. Yeah. When he was wearing the black suit, that's because his regular suit that was made out of some sort of stretchy jersey.

Right. Was replaced by a space alien. Yes. A symbiotic because it ate his life force and he is. Yeah. Got it on Battleworld. And then instead of shooting gooey, out of a container,

the alien itself shot the goo would blast onto the people and grab them, wrap them up, make a web, whatever. Later, Eddie Brock got a hold of this thing. And it's sort of...

It sort of twisted his mind. This guy got kind of twisted. I know you can relate to that, Jordan, because you're a little twisted. Sometimes you're a little twisted. And then certain flavors of Sunny D. So, yes. Also twisted.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah. Uh, and then you're saying that boomerang also got twisted? Yeah, he's, he's all twisted up. He's, he's got, he's, he's, he's, is he a bad guy? Is he a good guy? I don't know.

This guy's being pulled in every direction. Boomering throws boomerings? There's boomerangs. Used to be a major league pitcher and then he got into boomerang throwing for crime. Um, vampire. Why didn't he use baseballs? Honestly, don't know. Don't know.

Blue brakes are cooler, I think, and they come back. So it's a value thing. One time a world champion javelin thrower tried out to be on the Atlanta Braves. And I thought it was just something I made up and I finally ran a LexisNexis search to make sure it was true. It was true. It did happen. I mean, yeah, there's a lot of things to throw. Anyway, bit.

I'm going to throw a freaking tantrum if we don't get out of this ad break soon. Bit. L.Y slash goof friends. Jesse, you'll be glad to know that one of the. the variant covers as being designed by Eric Larson. No. Yeah. Eric Larson?

My favorite Spider-Man guy? You're your favorite Spider-Man guy is doing the cover for Amazing Venom. You have to get it. When everyone was always talking about Todd with Farland and I was like I like the Eric Larson one's better myself because I'm a hipster. Yeah. You got to get your Eric Larson cover for the Amazing Venom. Bit.

Dot L.Y slash goof friends. It's going to be a lot of fun. Homework Light. You'll be able to. read it. Did he introduce you to the Savage Dragon? Yes, he did. We went to Prime's hot tub. We went hot tubbing with Prime. Holy moly. I think that's one of his. Holy moly. That's incredible.

If you're out there, you need a gift for somebody. Go to put this on shop.com. That's my antique store. I got into my own antique store. Put this on shop.com. It's pretty cool. It's got all kind of beautiful things there and gift items and home goods, jewels for ladies and fellas and put this on shop.com. Okay, we'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La La La La La La La La La La Dr. La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La La

It's The Man of 81 Voices. And I'm Al Madrigal. man of 81 voices. That's one of my favorites. That's one of my top 40 voices you do, Al. Al, we were talking about these apartments. So in San Francisco, there was a few comedian apartments that had been passed, like two or three comedians and chestnut was, that was the better one.

And that, I think, had Dana Gould, Janine Garofalo, had lived there. And by the time I went there, I think it was Colin Mayhan from Fresh Robots that I was impressed. So we'd rehearse there a lot. Tony Kameen, I believe, was there also. And that's, I don't know who else lived there at the time.

And then there was a real shithole on third. But I remember going to the bathroom was like Third and Clement. One of them was by LaVideo. I feel like I remember one of them was by the video. The video was Joe Closick and W. Kamal Bell, who I just spoke to this evening. When you ever... That's two clean men. Two clean men and one and a half clean men.

Uh-huh. And then you, when you ever, you have five guys, five unclean men sharing a place and there's sheets, there were sheets for walls in the, to divide out like a, The living room became this prized bedroom, but, you know, nothing, you're not going to put a bookcase there, sheet. Yeah, bed sheet. And then went into... So you made a house like an enthusiastic dad makes a Halloween maze in the garage. Correct. And not the best sheet, just gross, everything just in total disarray.

These aren't premium sheets? Not a premium... Not using a serfaro. No, Egyptian cotton. He's probably not Egyptian cotton. Brooklyn. So then when I remember having to use a restroom and then going to the pizza place, I think it was Gregorios.

And it, because there was mold everywhere. Black mold on the entire ceiling all over a toilet that hadn't been scrubbed ever. And it was just the worst. truck stop bathroom, but that was your everyday bathroom for these guys. And I never went back. I couldn't set foot in a place like that again. I just didn't understand how anyone lived like that. Did you skip comedian lifestyle completely? I never really, I didn't live, live with any comics, you know, because I was 28 when I started. So I missed all of that. But even if I was 18, I mean, we were always taught to be clean people. For a while, Jordan had a housemate that drove one of those Red Bull cars. Yeah, that was my first roommate in L.A. was off Craigslist. And she was like, I think she had many jobs. But one of the jobs was like she was a promo babe.

So she would get kind of babed up and like hand out Red Bulls at like, you know. That was something you would get a Red Bull at. A monster truck rally or, you know, outdoor music festival. It was the inspiration for Sean William Scott's character and role models who would. drive that big minotaur. Yeah, that was based on my roommate. They had to pay her life rights for that. So, and then she adopted this kind of hilarious kid.

He was pretty foul mouth. He had a little bit of a mouth bottom of this kid. Yeah, he did love boobs. He did love boobs. So yeah, that was all based on my roommate, so. So she was unclean? No, she was tidy. I don't know where the unclean connection made.

But yeah, she was pretty tidy. I think in that situation I was probably the messy roommate. So, yeah. I was a best of you remit in college. I just, again, well, neither of my parents went to college. I was dropped off and they drove away. What college did you go to, Al? I went to Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo, and I didn't really care for it.

And then I transferred to USF University of San Francisco, where I probably should have gone all along. I mean, you went to a Catholic high school in San Francisco. I think the plan was always the. that you would go to USF, right? Sure. Yeah, I just... What was San Luis Obispo like?

Do you remember what you didn't like about it? It was just, you know, I can't walk into town, wearing all black smoking a cigarette, and it was, you know, famous for a tri-tip. And it was mostly in agriculture school. I got to say, of all the regional foods, of all the types of regional barbecue in America, of which there are thousands.

Sure. They're all good. The worst of them may be tri-tip. Yeah. Tri-tip is a type of barbecue. It's a cut of meat, but it is the like signature, it's the signature barbecued food of central California. I mean all of California, but particularly central California.

And it's not very good. Like you marinate the shit out of this. That's what they would do. Piece of meat. Once you've marinated the shit out of it, it tastes fine. But unlike other forms of barbecue where you like start with a type of meat that has a lot of fat and connective tissue in it and cook it slowly until all that gets all soft and nice. Try it. You just slap it on a barbecue and then call it a day.

Sure. It's a struggle to take everybody. I think people get excited about it because you're getting so many tips. You're like three tips. Ooh. So there were at the, it was primarily in agriculture school, and there were five guys to one girl, and I had just gone to an all-boys high school, and then went down there. Literally?

Five to one? Five to one. Wow. And I remember being at a party, and I gave a speech on the stairs from a movie like the chairman of Jerry McGuire's speech of there should be girls at this party. How are we all okay with this? I'm transferring tomorrow. Who's with me?

And nobody, I walked out. This is nonsense. Off to the universe. I'm becoming a dawn. I'll be a dawn. What were you studying? I was a business major. Business major.

Okay. So you weren't doing like theater or, you know, writing or something. No, no, no. Okay. And did you feel like USF was more in line with your cigarette smoking, blackware and life? style? Well, I was familiar with the city. We were talking about the ADHD of it all. Like, I just was not prepared to go to college. I just wasn't. And I didn't really know how to navigate life on my own.

And very late bloomer. So it just took me a while to figure it out. And by the time I got to USF, I knew how to study. And I knew it would take me longer. And I'd have to focus. And I'd have to do extra work? I never learned to study. Yeah. Never learned to study, not even a little. I did a fair amount of unproductive studying for certain things where I was worried I would fail if I didn't memorize a list of things.

In all of those cases, I failed at memorizing that list of things and somehow only made it through through some other means such as charm. Oh, I was a terrible student in high school. I remember having a physics teacher, but it was like Rushmore for me. I had an article in the newspaper. I produced all of the sketches and wrote all of the sketches and was standing on the side with a headset going, you go now, now. And so. I would also, if I needed a guy to wear a headset and say, you go, no, you would be my first call for that as well.

Get out there. Get out there. Where's the mustache? And you're just handing out random props. Here's your top hat. Here's your opera horns. I was great at that part, the school part. I remember walking, and that was student body treasure.

I was on the announcements. All this stuff. We had an office because my buddy was the editor of the newspaper. So when it came to the school part. Hold on. Your buddy was editor of the newspaper. So you had an office? We had an office.

I had friends that were all the presidents and editors of stuff. So there were offices to be had by students. Uh-huh. So, yeah, we had offices. It was great. And then- But you didn't have a right to any of these offices. You just wanted a little taste.

I had an article in a newspaper. I was in, yeah. So you got an office because you had an article in the newspaper? Yeah, exactly. That's how it works? This is an article or is this a column? Like, did one article? article get you in office?

I had a regular column. It was a advice column that I wrote all the questions to. It was called Ask Al. And then I would do topical stuff that was happening at the school at the time. See, I picture you as more of us. Dear Al, I'm getting the squirts from the cafeteria food. Yeah, exactly. I picture you as a sort of like a three-dot columnist, like a Herp Kane or a Larry Kane.

That's really what it was, but in the form of an advice column. So I got to. address all of the issues going on in school and just make fun of people. Sure. So, and then I had a box called, my box was in the activity center and people could put their questions in there. And then there was a whole murder threat. People said they were going to murder me and cut me up and put me back in my own box.

And so we had that saga playing out throughout the, entire school year it was great was that a real thing you were responding to or did you make that it was no it was my some juniors that I was friends with they put it in there but then I fucking juniors man that's when you were you're a senior yeah when I was a senior so I would walk up to

I had a very funny it was very old man but he posted the grades out you had an office and an old man I got an old man that was working for me so he was at Dr. Parker, he posted all the grades. This is right, three days left. And then he hit return

like eight times and put my grade. Which was a 53. Uh-huh. And I said, I walked out to him in the hallway, I go, Dr. Parker looks like I'm in danger of failing your class. And he goes, Mr. Madrigal, if you're students like you, I don't believe in F's. I believe in Bs. Have

a wonderful summer. Wow. And so everyone kind of put me through. I did an impression of the principal, Father Mario Prieto, and it was a great man that actually encouraged me. He made me the salutatorian of that class, so I did a big speech. Al, can we talk to Dr. Mario? Let's see. I think I might have him right here. Hi, everybody. How are you? I see it. Hi, boys. That's just what he sounds like. Jordan, how are you? I feel like I'm back at St. Ignatius.

So he was worried. And actually... I'm great, Dr. Mario. Look out for those falling pills. This might be my 10th or 11th year. I do the father Mario Prieto comedy scholarship. I'm sorry. Al, I was calling him Dr. Mario.

No, it's a father. Father Mario. Father Mario. So I do a comedy scholarship for kids not tied to grades or just the funniest junior gets $2,500. bucks towards their tuition every single year to encourage and ideally their Latino or Latina and they get the money to encourage them to go into comedy because we need more Latinos and comedy.

I got to tell you this, Jordan. My brother-in-law, Danny. Al Madrigal gave him an inspirational speech in high school. Really? How'd that go down? I went to the same high school as Al Madrigal went to. Al Madrigal came back and gave everybody an inspirational speech. Oh, I think I did.

I've gone back a couple times. Well, I was encouraged to get into comedy. I had comedians on my block growing up. So the million brothers lived across the street. And then Michael Pritchard, who was there for a little bit. And then another thing, are you following this? Eric Bagoni murder in San Francisco in the Outer Sunset? What's the Eric Bagoni murder?

Eric Bagoni grew up on my block in the city on 15th between Irving and Judah. Oh, he's very nice to us. My mom pointed out he was always nice to you boys. But he was a little bit of a punk. And we would see him as dad, him and his sister, Lisa Bagoni, and the dad, I think, played for the Angels for a little bit. All the Bagonys. All the Bagonys were there on 15th.

He actually owned the father owned the Stinking Rose restaurant. It was a famous garlic restaurant. Jordan? Eric Bologone. You wouldn't believe how many clothes of garlic they could put in one chicken. I think there was one of those in L.A. for a minute or for a while. So he was living in the Outer Sunset. He's a 58-year-old man now, and there's a fire that starts outside.

He walks outside, somebody shoots him with a silencer. This just happened a month ago. that San Francisco Police Department investigates. It was his landlord. He was a dentist. Is it a dentist murdered Eric Bologna? A dentist landlord who had also been accused of murdering another one of his tenants years before and got off. He figured because he held the future of San Francisco's teeth in his hands,

he could murder with him. Right. It just makes you feel like a god being a dentist. And what would Shapiro say? Shapiro would say that is fucked up That is what Dr. Shapiro would say And what would Father Mario

Say about it You know some people just lose their way And you know I certainly hope He would be understanding He would be forgiving I certainly hope that He gets to help he needs

I never murdered Eric Bagoni But I did once murder Eric Beogosian The storyteller that's right we did talk about that earlier and now you're saying it here in this part of the show that's good thanks jordan that's good oh al it's a good show people like it it it's a good show the content is good no calls we don't have any calls this week no calls this week how good is it how good is it if we don't have any fucking calls 206 9 844 fun or just send us a voice memo jj go at maximum fund dot org let's say

Is there something we can do to like stoke the flame of the calls that has apparently gone out? Is there any like prompts we can give people? We need this people. We need your call. First of all. Should we be sexier? I don't see how that's possible. Couldn't hurt.

Try it, Jordan. Try to be sexier? Yeah, just give it a shot. See what you can come up with. Ha, hi, aye. You're going to keep your shirt on? Yeah, I'll keep, I mean, I don't think this video is going out, so me taking off my shirt would, I mean, it might like inform my performance a little bit, but I think I would like, what would Dr. Mario say about it? Father.

If he wants to take his shirt off, that'd be great? Look out for falling in appeals. That was what Dr. Mario would say. Father Mario would say. It's probably Dr. Mario who killed Eric Bogotian. Was Dr. Marr. there was a Mario Brothers where Mario was a doctor. It was always a plumber.

That's Dr. Mario. Yeah. Yeah. I think Doctor, I think Nintendo has said that Mario has had many jobs and one of them is a plumber. I don't think they're saying he's always a plumber. He's not exclusively a plumber. The company line is that he has had many jobs, including Dr. What other jobs are you have besides doctor and plumber?

Fox. Tennis player. Oh, tennis? player. Mario tennis. Yes. Someone who punches Pikachu.

Smash Brothers. Street fighter. Street fighter. Street fighter. Smash fighter. Yeah. Illegal tournament fighter. Yeah.

Sure. Cart racer, of course. Cart racers. That's a good point. Mario really has done a lot of different things. Plus there's that one where he hoses graffiti off walls and it says, Shine get. Shine get.

Yeah. I mean, aside Barbie because Mario's the original girl boss. Yeah, sure, it's a good show. It's a good show. Barbie had a lot of jobs too, so what I said was good. Get back to being sexy. Okay. Ooh, give us a call at 206-9844 for Anna and tell us about how wet you are.

No, all right, let's do another one. Did that not work for you now? Did that not make you wet? Do you want me to give it a try out? I hated the wet part. Let's give Jordan one more just to redo. What do you hate about the wet part? Are you up tight?

I'll try. Jordan, I'll give, I'll do one and then Jordan, that'll give you a chance to get it, get it together. Give us a call at 206, 984 for fun or just send us a voice memo or J.J.Go and maximum fun.org. Let us know how wet you are. I don't want to know how wet anyone is. It would be fun. It would be fun. Like one to ten.

They told us how wet weather. They were washing their hands. Just one to ten. They're in the tub. They won to ten and then give us the context. Sweaty. Sure. Yeah.

One to ten and then give us the context. Let us know how wet you are. 206, nine, eight four, four, five. Okay, Jordan, you get another shot at this thing. That was it. We promised you another shot at this. How about, uh... Tell us your horny stories.

Ooh, yeah. Tell us your horny stories. You got a horny of stories. You got a hornet? Are you super a warning? Give us a call at 206, 984-4-fund, and tell us how big your butt is. You got a big old butt? How big old butt?

You got a big old bubble butt. How big's your butt? You got a flat butt is fine. You can call in too. We just want to know. Give us a call. We're in second grade and we're learning about making charts. We like butts.

We're going to put a stick. at each size of butt and find out what size butts our audience members have. People, yeah, for a while, people were calling and handing the phone off to their significant mother who didn't like the show. Yeah. What we've learned in doing the show for these past 20 years is that people's spouses don't like the show. I mean, by and large, people don't like the show.

but amongst that subpopulation of people who do like the show. It divides couples. It divides couples. It divides, yes. It tears apart barriages. And sometimes they're getting, that's what that argument was about before he saw the billboard. Yeah.

That they were just going on and on about it. Rachel does not like the program. I'm only Ben likes the program. Yeah. And you know what? It's going to be our 20th anniversary, Jordan. Sure. Yeah, that's something.

Give us a present. Give us a call to give us a present. Also, you could call about as your favorite moment. And because it is the 20th anniversary, we'll replay that moment and it'll be more of a clip show. We're going to do that. Christian, I got a question. This is great producing, by the way, Al. This is awesome producing because it means less work for us. That's true.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Christian, are you ready for this? Yes, sir. So there's about 20 years of Jordan Jesse Go episodes. We're going to need you to access the library. Okay. And be ready to pull up people's favorite moments. Just what we're going to have you do, Christian.

What was the moment that made you a fan of the show? When did you start listening? And if you can pinpoint the exact moment, like I can recall the moment I threaten that guy with the iPad, why don't you recall what your favorite moment was from the show? Can I pitch an idea? Please, it's your show. Give us a call, 206, well, I mean, you started taking over. You put on the headset and ever since it's been put on this mustache.

Yeah, get out there. Give us a call, 206, 984-Fund, or send us a voice memo, JJGo at maximum fund.org. When'd you become such a fucking perv? When'd you become a pervert? Yeah. All you perves out there, what turned you into a pervert? Was it Robin Hood from Disney's Robin Hood? It usually is.

Oh, yeah. That's a popular one. Dan Soder has a great joke about that. One day you're just playing with dinosaurs the next day. You're like, I need pussy. And then I just saw a great Brent Weinbach bit about horny. Like, just, yeah. I mean, how are you laughing just the idea of Brent Weinbach saying the word horny?

Horny. That's a pretty good. So what do we got so far? Give us a 20th birthday present. Yeah, give us a. a present. I mean, that could be like the form of talent, a poem. Right.

A little song. There's lots of forms that that gift could take. So this is why we're not getting any calls. Okay. It's because we're asking too much. We need them to perform for us now. Do we need their talent? That's what they want to do.

Do they? Yeah, these nasty freaks want to put on a show. Just, yeah, these nasty freaks, they're also little hams. They love to ham it up. Freaky little hams. If you're out there, you're listening, what size of your hands? This is informative for your sexy call request. Now, do you say, all right, you sexy little ham.

All right, you, all right, you little ham. Sexy little ham. We're going to serve you, sexy little ham. We're going to serve you with rings of pineapple because you're just little hams. and marasino cherries or whatever they're going to. Ooh, that sounds nice. That sounds like a nice way to serve a ham. I'm going to glaze you with honey.

Yeah. You want to get all glazed up, you sexy little ham? I'll glaze you honey. Tell us about your wet hamps. How wet are your hands? How wet are your hams, baby. 2069844Fund or JJGo at maximum fun.org for your voicemails. How'd those hams get so wet?

And you know what? While you're at it, this isn't going to work on the audio. part of the program, but Christian is the one in that email inbox. Email your ham picks to JJ go at maximum fund.org. You got your son. You got a ham there right now. You got a ham at your house. You got slices at your house.

Send a pick to Christian. Christian wants to see your hands. Christian wants to see those hams. JJ, go at maximum fun. org for those ham picks, baby. Okay, let's do this. Let's take a little break. What's our call to action here, Jordan?

I don't know, all that stuff we said. the ham stuff Remember the stuff we said? Do that. Everybody do that. We just want to convey how low our standards for momentous occasions have fallen. Right. Just send them into us.

We got nothing this week. We got zero. Don't you want to be a celebrity? Yeah. This is the first step. Want to hear your voice on the radio? After my momentous occasion, I think the bar was just so high, you know? Christian one time called in with a momentous occasion before he even worked here.

And it was that he found out what his grandboss's favorite genre of movies was, and it was Talking Dog movies. I love him. It was so important, it was so important to our emotional well-being that we made Brian look up his phone number from the, like,

email that sent us the voice memo and call him and ask him to come in. Hire him on the spot. Yep, basically. And now here he is producing the very show. He started out with one little, little alley. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. He ran that alley with an iron fist. Now he's getting paid $12 an hour. Talking dog movies? Talking dog movies. What are they? Beverly Hills Chihuahua, you know, that kind of stuff. Oh, Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

I thought it was like, I went straight to like a turner. The godfather of talking dog movies. Turner and Hooch. Just, I don't think, no, Huch doesn't talk. That's why I just went to, like, movies with, like, Air Bud doesn't speak. No, but the. Space puppies or whatever they're called. They talk.

Oh, they talk. Yeah, you know those guys. Homeerbound. Dogs in space. Homebound, incredible journey. Those are some talking dogs. And I think there's no more. I think we actually identified all of them.

So your grandfather just loves Beverly Hills Chihuahua? Probably. Do you want me to hook him up with George Lopez? Is he still around? Yeah, he's still around. He's still kicking. All right. What do you mean hook him up with?

Like, they'll go to watch? You could probably get a voicemail out of them to play your grandpa. You think you don't think you get a video? No. Too much to ask. I might be able to get a video. Is he sick? Sort of.

All right. That's how it's my chances. Let's do this. Let's take a break. Let's see if we can get Lopez on the phone. Cheer up Christian's sick grandpa. And then we'll come back for some more. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, just to go.

Hey, it's John Moe and I host Depresh Mode and Sleeping of Celebrities, and I'm here with Max Fun member of the month, Kara. Hi, John. It's great to talk to you. We appreciate your support, Kara. How long have you been listening to the show? I've been listening to Depresh Mode since the first promo came out with Patton Oswald. I've been listening since the very first episode. Now, Kara, as our Max Fund member of the month, you'll be getting some prizes here. A $25 gift card to the maximum fund store. a special member of the month bumper sticker, and get this, a parking spot at Max Fun headquarters in Los Angeles, just for you, just for a month or so.

Well, that's so exciting, if only I lived in Los Angeles. But I got my eye on some stuff in the Max Fun Store. Kara Barnett, thank you for being a listener, and congratulations on being this month's member of the month. I hear the member of the month promos all the time. Uh-huh. And I can't wait for my friends who listen to Max Fun shows. to hear me on the radio because I haven't told any of them.

Support the shows you love, including this one. Check the show notes for a link or go to maximum fun.org slash join. Hello, this is Alden Ford. And Mujan Zofigari. Two of the creators of Mission to Zix, your favorite improvised obsessively sound design sci-fi sitcom here on the Max Fun Network. And the news is, we're back.

With an all-new miniseries set in the Zix universe, the young old Durf Chronicles. Yeah. Well, DIRF, find his own killer before it's too late. Ooh. To find out how that question could possibly make sense, well, you just have to tune in. Yeah. And as always, it's ambitious and labor-intensive to, frankly, absurd degree.

Indeed. So if you are looking for a little break from your own galaxy, we would love for you to check it out. That's the young old Durf Chronicles. Search Mission to Zix, Z-Y-XX, in your podcast app. Or on Maximumfun.org. Keep it fresh. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I am Jesse Thorne America's Radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Father Mario Prieto. How are you? Hey, Father Prieto. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha. I just like him. I can't wait to play your famous video game, Dr. Mario. Father Mario Piotto is the best person.

He really is a great guy. It sounds like a wonderful. man. Is Dr. Prieto still kicking? He is. I think he was just moved to a facility. They sort of, he was working at Bellarmine High School, which is in San Jose, another Jesuit All-Boys school, and I think they just moved him. But, yeah. Christian, did you just whoop for Jesuits or All-Boys? I also went to an All-Boys Jesuit high school. Oh, which one? It's called Verbum Day. It's in Watts. That's great that you're keeping tabs on your old high school teachers.

No, he's really the reason I'm doing comedy because he sort of gave me that opportunity and pushed me after I was doing the impression of him on the announcements. He was such a fan and I nailed it so much. I did a sketch where we, it was a WWF sketch where we had all the people wrestling and we did the Jesuit, you know, the heart connection or it was, we did the Jesuit connection. And I had a little caller and we were a tag team. And I did the impression on the announcements. And then he, you know, helped me give the speech or gave me the gig as a salutatorian.

So I gave this, it was the funniest guy in the class as the salutatorian. And I killed in front of 1,300 people. And I was like, oh, wow, I should maybe be doing this 10 years later. Maybe I should procrastinate. And fire people. You had to put off Father Mario a little bit so you could take a little time for Dr. Mario. Yeah, that's right. Mm-hmm.

So I had an awkward moment at recently where I was at a party. And then my wife was not there. My friend and his wife were there. And the wife was looking for a glass of Prosecco. Sure. That's a sparkling wine. That's a sparkling wine. But then I noticed there's a bar.

I said, hey, there's the wine bar because they didn't have it. They had all the wine at the wine bar and the booze at the booze bar. And so I said, there's the wine bar. I'll get to that glass of Prosecco. I'm a nice guy. Al is sort of looking out for his buddy's wife here in this scenario. I'll go hook you up. Let me go over there.

And the bartender's... I'll just take a beer. Whatever's in a bottle. I'll grab you a beer. Can you get me a ginger ale or not, just a club soda with lime. Sparkling water. Just a club soda with lime. So I go to the bar and the-

Not sparkling club soda. Gotcha. Bigger bubbles. And so I go, and this is actually good because when I go to the bar, they say, very nice bartender says, we don't have Prosecco. I do have a sparkling white wine. And I said, just pour it. She won't know the difference.

Uh-huh. That's lush. And she's standing right next to me. And she goes, I won't know the difference of what. Wow. And I said, in my defense, I would have said the same thing about my own wife. I just think wives don't know the difference between sparkling wines. I don't think anyone, unless you're some Prosecco aficionado would know the difference between a white sparkling wine and a person.

If I walked back with that thing and said, here you go, I might have said they didn't have Prosecco. They had this sparkling wine. I brought it, but she was just standing right there. Maybe. You might have said that. It would be like me going to the bar for you. And she said, I don't have club soda, but I have Perrier, and I'd say, just pour it. And you know what?

You'd bring it back to me. I'd take a sip. I'd say, this is a little minerally, I would say, and not salty enough. I need to throw it. I don't like these bubbles. They're too small, I'd say. These bubbles are too small, just like Al Madrigal's opinion of his friend's wives. Should I talk to my friend about it?

Should I mention that we had this awkward moment? Do you think she got in the car and brought it up? I mean, I can't imagine that she didn't bring it up. But here's the thing. She probably brought it up because she has other concerns about her husband's friend, Al. We're not that close. But it is one of those things where I. I wish I had said something else.

And see, this is me playing it back. I think, I think, I think you're such a, I think you should bring it up. I think you're such a charmer. I think that, that charm that got you that, that turned that F into a B in high school, will, will lead this to be a funny story that everybody enjoys rather than like an embarrassing thing

you have to dodge. I think, I think do it. I think pull the trigger. But I do, I don't love this being, me being associated with all these beefs and confrontations. I got an idea. What?

First of all... Call in to Jordan Jesse Go. 206-9-84-fine. Leave a voicemail. This is a good, very specific call to action. What's your problem with Al-Mhedron? No. What's a problem?

We don't have the kind of, we can't handle the volume. What's a problem? You just starts ringing like a telethon. Like there. No. If you were, were to have me fix a beef and help out, like, do you need my enforcement services? Maybe this is a whole little side business for me

where I can go and do you want me to fire somebody? Do you want me to talk to your neighbor about not picking up dog shit? Do you want me to settle all your neighborhood beefs? Do you want me to... Okay, I got this. I got... I'm fixing your beef here, Al.

You know, do you think you could get your friends address? Sure. All right. You send them a bottle of Prosecco. This is smooth. You send them a bottle of Prosecco, you say, you just write a card, hey, Frank and Sally. And I mean, obviously find out what their names are. And not just any bottle of Prosecco, a real nice one. A nice one. It doesn't have to be a $300. No, but I'm talking about a $50-60 dollar bottle. You go to one of those liquor, stores where they know what they're talking about and they only have a few different bottles of each type of thing. But like you know that if this guy says that it's good, it's going to be good.

And then a note that says, I'm sorry that your wife caught me at the bar thinking she's saying she would know the fucking difference about it. I was being, I was being glib. You sent it to both of them. You say it's your old pal Al. I was just thinking of you guys in that time I really stepped in it. Sorry for being glib at the bar. Sorry for being glib. You two are the best. that's nice that is nice I don't think we're close enough for that

everybody has yeah it might feel a little bit or just send a $40 or just avoid them or just avoid them forever or just never see them again yep here's that

you know what always bring a mustache around I know you got one if they're coming the opposite direction down the sidewalk or in the supermarket aisle or whatever throw the mustache on put on the headset

look away they're never going to notice here's the thing if I do know that I'm going to go to a thing where I'm going to see them, I can bring it. Sending it's weird. No, I think sending it is the way that it's... Sending it is the way that it's cute and fun.

Okay. If you bring it, that's weird. Yeah, that just means you're... It seems like you're just walking around with hidden Prosecco's because you have a problem. I haven't stopped thinking about that moment at the bar. I'm talking about it on every podcast. It's eating me alive.

I mean, they're going to hear about it because it's been on this podcast. I mean, it's like, this is going to get clipped. This is going to be on Twitch. He listens, she doesn't. She hates it. So he'll hear it, but she won't. All right.

Well, he already likes you. This guy's your friend. This is one of your closest friends in the world. We're fine. And also, I think you're going to become even closer with these people. Comedians get a lot of leeway. I was just being funny. I'm being funny.

Hey, guys. This is Josh and Rob. I was being funny, but I was worried you to feel that way. Christian, look up the route of Joshin around. Was there a guy named Josh that was just hilarious? Do you think Christian is your producer? Christian. Fetch my car.

Let's put him through the paces. He's new. We gotta razz the new guy a little bit. I'll think he puts on one headset. Fetch. If he puts on one headset, he can tell Christian to look up where Josh and around comes from. Christian, second thought, I will take that water. What does it say about Josh and around, Christian?

The verb to Josh first appeared in written American English around 1845. Linguists suggest it likely originated as a playful shortening of the proper name Joshua, which was commonly used at the time as a generic or stereotypical name for a gullible, rustic, or country bumpkin. Oh, Joshes are idiots. I'm excited to learn about these Joshua's. It just fell off the goddamn apple cartons. These bumpkins. Joshua.

This guy's a regular Joshua over here. Yeah, they were the gunners of their time. Sure, just exploding themselves, trying to make homemade moonshine. Those Joshua's. Well, we had a lot of fun with our friend Al Madrigal. We have had a lot of fun. Al, uh... Time for you to go get stabbed.

I'll walk you for safety. I know you're scared to go back to our parking structure. where can people find you on internet what should people do well it's at al madrigal on instagram i am posting a lot of my stand-up lately and then i have um i'm doing a tremendous amount of stand-up comedy so if you're in l.A., please uh comedy story improv laugh factory i'm going up at all the spots but yeah i'd love people i've actually posted my specials on punch-up so there's a link on my instagram so if you want to watch it anything. It's all there.

And then that's, that's pretty much it. Watch how's fucking specials. Trippin' Easy talks about all of these anger issues that I have since put behind me. And I'm a nice guy who, if you got in a situation, can turn it on. You've improved. I've improved. You're in a better place. I'm in a better place.

I'm not overreacting. Put behind me, seems. I'm not the Batman of Smaller. offenses that I used to be. Al Madrigal, one of the greatest in the world. A wonderful comic, a wonderful pal. So grateful

to have you here out. And send me some pictures of your hams. Send those wet nasty ham. How wet are those hams, baby? Send to the picks. JJGoa maximum fun.org. We're all going over the ham limit here. Oh, now we're talking. Hey, Jordan, did you see the, did you see the listener who made the

dank meme of of the ham limit Heathcliff cartoon only was Wario riding a container of sauce and it said gum limit Has anyone done anything with

you know there's a host I haven't that's good though Mario Lopez Yeah Mario Lopez Is there a Wario Lopez Is there a Wario Lopez? I'm in

Could we make that Can that be something We could collab us On a comic Like we start this alternate universe where there's Wario Lopez and he's a host, but it's like do the bizarreo Mario Lopez. Right, and he's always looking for treasure.

I do, I did do a Google image search for Wario Lopez, and a lot of people are into it now. Well, let's write some Mario Lopez fan fiction. Yeah, I would love that. Yeah, I think we need to know about this guy's inner life. Are there T-shirts? If you go on Etsy, is there a Wario-Lopez T-shirt? Oh, I bet.

Let's see. Let's see. Yeah. I mean, we could clean up with that. I mean, that would be all the rage at this year's Comic-Con. I would suggest Wario Batali, but I think he's his own Wario. Yeah, I got a story about that. Misconduct. You know what? A search on Etsy reveals lots of Mario Lopez merchandise and lots of Wario merchandise.

I'm not seeing any Wario Lopez. So, I don't know. Maybe. This is how we get rich. We just got rich. This is how we get rich. Christian Duenas is the producer of the program. Our theme music is Love You by the Free Design.

Our thanks to the free design. Our thanks to Light in the Attic Records for letting us use that. You can join us on Instagram at Instagram.com slash Jordan Jesse Go pod. We're also on Blue Sky, Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan and I are also both ourselves on those platforms. Jordan, I got to tell you, went to the comic book store? Mm-hmm.

There's just a sign-up that said they were out of baby garfs. I know, baby garf mania is sweeping the nation. You gotta get yours. I actually think the baby Garfield will be out by the time this podcast comes out. The woman at the store explained that to me. When you looked for my comic book, what did they say? I was looking for Jordan's comic book at the time. So you weren't.

You don't have my comic book. comic. I didn't see a sign about your comic book, no. It's probably there. So I was looking for Jordan's comic book, Baby Garfield number three. My comic book, Three Moes. There's no Latino superheroes. I made some. AWA. Well, first of all, there's Blue Beetle. I don't know what ethnicity Baby Garfield is. Nigerian, right? Nigerian, right? Yes, he's Nigerian. Yes, he's Nigerian. And I think who better to write him than me? Who better to capture that voice, to bring the lived experience to the baby Garfield character

to add authenticity to that voice than me, Jordan? They were just going to give it to iffy, but then they were like, we need somebody that has an authentic Nigerian voice. Right, yeah. And he was too busy. Guys got a lot of, guys got a lot going on. He's got a lot of jobs.

Got a lot of jobs. Okay, we'll talk to you next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum Fun. A Worker Owned Network of Artist-owned shows.

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