Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Real Lard Only, with Brian Michael Smith

Episode Date: August 14, 2025

On this week’s episode, we welcome actor and filmmaker, Brian Michael Smith (9-1-1: Lonestar), to chat motorcycles, meat sweats, looking awesome on camera, and more!See Jordan at Cape & Cowl Con on August 24th!Donate to Al Otro Lado, any amount helps right now.Buy signed copies of Youth Group and Bubble from Mission: Comics And Art!~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~Jordan’s new Spider-Man’s comic is out now!Order Jordan’s new Godzilla comic! Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and sex and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Doe. I'm Jesse Thorne. America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, get ready to step into the conversation pit. Oh, is this our segment where you tell us about different people who've come up to you and said they have a dark take on Superman?

Yeah, listen, I'm just trying a little branding here. I'm, listen, I have a, I have a thing I want to talk about, something that happened to me at a con. I realize I'm doing this a lot lately. Right. It's just that I don't have a lot else going on. I work on my little projects. I come to a podcast. I go to a con or book event.

It's a fine life, I think. Yeah. No, it sounds great. And, you know, in this case, often you get to travel to incredible places from New Orleans to Thousand Oaks. That's right. I was in Thousand Oaks this weekend for the beautiful Thousand Oaks Library, comic book and pop culture convention. It's, by the way, called Thousand Oaks LibCon.

Yeah, lovely event. So I had not heard anyone say it out loud until I agreed to do it because I love a library event. You know, a big con and a convention center, that's a lot of fun in its own way. A library event, it's a little more intimate. You get to talk to the people. The community comes out. And they provide mini muffins.

Every library event I have ever been to, they provide. mini muffins. Now, I would prefer it if they went to Costco and got those macro muffins, but still, sure. I'm glad you, I'm glad you did take the time to go to LibCon. Yeah. I was at NealibCon, of course. Right. Yeah, no one took a position one way or the other. I was doing, uh, welfare reform. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yes, I assumed it is called LibCon. I assume it was called LibCon. Uh-huh. But I heard someone announced it over the library PA. They call it LibCon. You know, good branding, and that's what I'm trying to do with this segment. The Conversation Pit.

We're going to have Stephen compose some music or hire someone to compose it. I'm going to say Danny Elfman or better. Oh, yeah. We could totally get that. So we want Danny Elfman or above. Above. So that would be like Hans Zimmer, John Williams, Randy Newman. That's basically the only ones we're willing to expect.

I'm on it. Thank you. Thank you, Stephen. I'm sure this is going to be a great theme for the conversation pit. Yeah, I had a lovely time in Thousand Oaks this weekend. And, you know, it's on a smaller scale, obviously, because it's a public library. They set me up right by the recent returns. That's a prime space.

Yeah, that's where people are going to see if there's a DVD of a movie they want. So, premium space, lovely vibes. The library cons, they are on a smaller scale, but you still get everyone you get at a normal con. Right. Um, just, you know, fewer, fewer of them. And I absolutely had a visit from inspire my kid dad. Okay. So yeah. For folks who don't know, a regular thing that will happen to you at the cons is that a parent will bring their child up to you because the parent wants the child to go into creative work. Right. And will essentially push that child up to you and say, demand that you inspire them. Yes. Then once you have,

done so, they will walk away without having bought anything. Yes, inspire my kid dad never buys anything. The kid is always too young. Yeah. I mean, I can see maybe like shoving your junior year of high school kid who isn't into anything up and trying, but no, this is always a five or six year old. Uh, yes, and inspire my kid dad will never buy anything, nor does he care who you are. Right. Or what you do. Right. Despite the fact that unlike the child, he is in the demographic for jokes about pop punk bands from 1998. Right. Thank you.

I mean, this particular Inspire My Kid Dad, Grateful Dead shirt. Okay. So I met him. Inspire My Kid, Dad comes up and brings his five or six-year-old kid in full Mario costume with sharpied on mustache that had smeared all over his face. And this kid... Too many, mini muffins. This kid's energy I would call bobbing and weaving.

You know, like when a six-year-old is too stupid. and will not stand still. Yeah. And does not care that dad is like dragging him up to me and saying like, oh, so, you know, so this is kind of like, so you draw comp, did you go to school for comic books? Do you study real hard to make comic books? And he's doing this. I'm going, yeah.

And, you know, I'm trying to like include this kid who is just like, just basically break dancing around this library in his Mario costume. How does your medical degree. help you in a creative field. Sure. And so finally, he gets the kid, he gets Mario Kid over and he's like, do you want to ask him a question? Ask him a question. And Mario Kid goes, do you have a Nintendo 3DS?

That I said. At one time, I did have a Nintendo 3DS. And he's like, that's a great console. I'm like, yeah, it was. It was really, it's a really great. It was a really great console. And he said, and then the kid says, would you consider giving it to someone? You're backed into a corner now.

Yeah. Well, I don't have it anymore. I think that's something the kid missed. Yeah. I don't know where my 3DS went, probably, you know, lost in a move. Yeah. Only if they studied real hard, you said. Right.

Yeah, well, if you study real hard, I might give you. And I winked it dad. And your dad gives me two of them. Uh-huh. So yeah, that was my, that was my conversation pit for this week. Jordan, only the fact that you said that that dad was wearing a Grateful Dead t-shirt convinced me that I was not that dad and one of my children was not the child who was bobbing and weaving and then bothering you about whether you have a 3DX. Like if that child had also asked if you would be willing to show them some tips in Street Fighter 2.

that you would know for sure that I was the dad and they were my children. I would have loved to just like, I feel so bad for the kids in these situations. Because again, they don't want to be talking to the strange grown up. I think this kid wanted to be there because of his full Mario costume and general air of excitement. Yeah. But I would have loved it if the kid wanted street fighter tips. I would, I would want to feel useful to these kids.

So I think I have mentioned that our friend Stuart Wellington was kind enough. to go on Zoom from Brooklyn, New York, where he lives, and talk for a solid 35 straight minutes with my eight-year-old about painting Warhammer miniatures. Yes. And, uh, which is something that my eight-year-old aspires to and considers himself an expert on, but I don't know if one could say is successfully done it. Okay.

Anyway, my wife texted me earlier this evening. Frankie is getting ready for bed talking about how nice Stuart is and this is the text that my wife then sent me. Context for this is that Clay is the Dungeons and Dragons Teacher at the online school that my child

attends. Okay. Clay, Big Max Fun fan, only McElroy stuff. That's fair. Yeah, I get it. They're great. My three role models are Matt Mercer, the famous D&D YouTuber, Clay and Stu. They're all really nice people, and they play a lot of TT RPGs.

You know, you could do a lot worse. You could do a lot worse for a set of heroes. I've heard great things about Clay. Mm-hmm. I don't know that's Matt Mercer. Yeah. Probably good, right? He's like the biggest D&D guy.

Oh, okay. Well, then that's probably pretty good, too. Like physically biggest? Oh, gosh. I mean, I'm sure the bar isn't real high there. I guess that would probably be Brian Possein, right? Oh, yeah. Yes, probably Brian Possein.

He's really big. Yeah. They're like 6'5. I know. I forget which one of those. I don't know. Maybe Matt Mercer might be the guy that does Sam Regal's thing. Yeah?

I don't know. That's possible. Stephen Ray Morris, do you know? Can you check in on this so people aren't screaming at us online? Sure, yeah. It'll be great. I love to not get screamed at online. No, he is on Critical Role.

Yeah, see, I kind of knew that. There you go. So he knows Sam Regal and so do we. Yeah. So that means that we can sell up Madison Square Garden, right? Oh, yeah. Stephen, after you've gotten done, hiring the composer for the theme song, book us, Madison Square Garden. We're going to need two nights, too, really to...

Yeah, yeah, early in a late show, probably. See if Critical Rule wants to open for us. Oh, yeah, they're so in. Our guest on the program this week is an actor, writer, and filmmaker. He's one of the stars of 9-1-1-colon, lone star. Ooh. Not 911-colon-standard. Or, as I call it, 9-1-1-colon yesterday's news.

We've picked a favorite 911 on Jordan Jesse Go and attained the original. Brian Michael Smith. Hi, Brian. How are you? Hey, guys. I got doing it. I'm good. Good.

This is, I think, Jesse, correct me if I'm wrong. And Stephen, go into the archives and see if I'm correct about this. I think I know where you're driving with this. I think you're the first guest to ever arrive on a motorcycle. Yeah, I think we've been. doing this show for 70 years. Is that correct? And we've never had a guest roll in holding a motorcycle helmet. Listen, you know, if you want to get here on time, you got to get on a bike. Thank you. Yes. How long have you been a motorcycle man?

It was my 39th birthday. I said, I was about to get an electric scooter. And I was like, Brian, I think you want a motorcycle. I think your whole time you wanted a motorcycle. And if there was ever a time to do it, this would be it. You've done the e-bikes. You've done the bicycle. You've done the bicycles, you've kind of done everything, except the one thing that I think you really want to do. Hovercraft. Hovercraft, right? It's like, come on.

Let's actually get the bike. And if you learn how to ride it, then you can continue on. Okay. That's beautiful advice. If you learn how to write it, you can continue on. It was so funny because I wanted one and I would take pictures of bicycles that or motorcycles that looked cool and like calling to me. I knew I didn't want one of the ones that, like, you know, got you up here.

You didn't want a chopper. Didn't want a chopper. Despite your love for Dennis. Hopper. Didn't want it. Right. And then I didn't want to crotch rocket either because I'm like, what am I leaning forward? Like driving like this and like zoom and I'm not trying to zoom. I just want to, so I kind of had an idea of what I wanted. I had to look into what that was. And then a friend of mine had actually posted on Facebook that he's selling this motorcycle. And I was like, this is like the one I took a picture of months ago. Like, let me, let me see. He's like,

yeah, come over. You want to take it for a test drive? I'm like, no, I want you to ride me around on it so I can see because I don't know how to drive it yet. And he did. And I love to check it out. Do you go to like motorcycle events? Do you meet other bikers at bars and hassle undercover cops? I'm not that cool yet. I literally ride it like, it's a bicycle just to get like point A to point B. But it's been fun like I did, you know, O'Holland Drive and things like that. So I'll take it on a nice little long ride, but that's as long as it is for me.

But I just really enjoy it makes you focus. Like when you're in your car sometimes, you can get really distracted about what's going on. But when you're on a motorcycle, you have to pay attention to everything. So it's like kind of a meditative thing for me. I had a co-worker when I worked at West Coast Live, San Francisco's radio show to the world. I had a co-worker. He was like the house manager or something like that. Really, really sweet, profoundly dorky kind of older bear.

Like maybe he was 55, I would guess. And he was constantly doing things with his Honda gold wing. club, which is like that kind of motorcycle that's basically a small car, like it's basically a Honda Civic, but with two wheels instead of four. And they would just go on these long motorcycle rides. And I envied the satisfaction he got out of this activity because it was immense. It was absolutely immense. But then I would think about it and I would think, do I want anything involved in that? Not at all. Like, that sounds like all the unpleasantness with none of the coolness of riding motorcycles.

The sides of it. Yeah, like, you have to know what you want to do on it because I was thinking about that too. And I was like, well, here's my criteria. I want to sit up straight. And if I fall over, I want to be able to pick it up by myself. That's how I picked, like, what kind of bike I wanted? What kind of bicycle? What kind of motorcycle is it?

It's a 2016 Dukadi Scramble. And it's like, when you think Dukadi, you think like, you know, crossrocketed. But it's like a bike that's modeled all. off of old cafe racer bike. So it's really just you sit up. It looks kind of sporty. It's got a little sportiness to it. Like it can go if you wanted to, but I can also just cruise.

For the folks just listening at home, you're making kind of a cranking motion with your hands. You can't not. You got to crank it. That's part. I bet the cranking is probably pretty satisfying. I bet it's satisfying. You don't have to convince me that cranking is satisfying. I have often found myself, like, I got this cabin in the Southern Cierras.

and there is a like you could not I've only ever been on a motorcycle like on the back of a motorcycle when I was in Thailand because like little motorcycles are like the taxi cabs of Thailand and I hated it I couldn't have hated it more like truly despised the experience it was my worst nightmare I basically cried while holding onto a man half my size like I like yeah like by the hair basically but there are a couple kinds of motorcycles that really appeal to me one is I imagine myself often getting like a little tiny 70s off-road dirt bike like a Honda like a janky one like a really janky like its jankiness is really central to its appeal yes and it's like the kind that you could get from selling enough like magazine subscriptions if you're million You know what I mean? Like, that appeals to me. And then there's also this kind that folds up into a suitcase. I want that so bad. It's like your own Transformers. So bad.

So bad I want that. I think my dad, before my sister and I were born, was in, like, a motorcycle accident that I think terrified my mom. And so, yeah, just growing up, every time we would pass someone on a motorcycle, my mom would be like, How could they? So I am just so afraid of them. I have had it conditioned into me that if, you know, I see a motorcycle, the person riding it is a bad person. I'm having to, like, get over some prejudice here to talk to you. You're working through it.

Thank you. You're doing a great job. I'm backing my baggage. For a while, I was like, I was threatening to my wife that I would buy the other thing like that appeals to me a lot, which is like one of those 80s Honda motor scooters. that, like, you would listen to Devo while you're driving around on. Sure. And one day I was like, man, I wonder, you know, I could just get one of those, you know, what could they possibly cost $2,500? You know what I mean?

Like, I could get it together. I could get that together. I could take a scooter driving class. I'm just telling my wife about this. And she goes, Jesse, you have children. I was like, all right. Fair point. I do like the idea of, like, you're.

vehicle just gets you into a social club? That would be nice. Yeah, I went to a guy that we went to college with, he had two real claims to fame. The name was Ben. Nice guy. Had two claims to fame. One was that he was on the secret world of Alex Mack. Great claim to fame.

Yeah. Played the neighbor, the dorky neighbor on the secret world of Alex Mac. The other was that he was in a Vespa gang. Yeah. A Vespa gang. Yeah. And he once, he had a Vespa. that was like a souped-up Vespa

and he drove it to Santa Cruz where we went to college from Thousand Oaks home of the LibCon where he was from on the freeway like he could get a freeway

legal Vespa okay that's more gangster than just a motorcycle the fact that he got his Vespa and was like bold enough to ride it up the PCH like that's off it's off

it's off indeed Yeah. Hats off, but helmet's on. Helmets on. Thank you. Hats off, helmets on. That's what we say all the time here on the show. Sure. In your being on 911 Lone Star, are you spending a lot of time in the Lone Star state or is this a thing where like it's all filmed in Vancouver? In Vancouver, yeah. Los Angeles. Wow. Los Angeles for Texas. Yes, yeah. I think there was an original plan of like filming it in Texas.

Right. We started shooting it in 2019. And I think they were like, okay. They had some of the show, like, set up to shoot there. So we shot some exteriors. There were some scenes that just had to be, like, shot there. And then Ms. Rona rolled around, and they're like, so we're going to continue to shoot this here in Los Angeles. And paint out a couple of palm trees every now and then. Right. Just replace them with a tumbleweed and a cow skull.

Texas. They matted in Joe Rogan. Are you, like, do you be, from being on the show, do people, like, come up to you? and expect you to have an opinion on Waterburger or something. I think I know, because I did go on a burger tour. I did want to know, like, what are some of the best burgers in the United States? And so when I was there, I went. That's what Constantine Stanislovsky would have talked to in.

Be real. He said, be real. Culver's was actually one of the best burgers I had down when I went to Austin. I was like, there's a lot of Culver's freaks out there. I haven't been, but the Culver's people are serious about it. I got nothing against a Waterburger, but I was very pleasantly surprised at that Culver's. Okay. I went to a Midwestern Culver's.

I enjoyed it very much. Yeah. I think I've told this on the show before, but I'll, for your benefit, I'll tell you my recent Waterburger experience. I was there. My hotel was like right next to the Waterburger. You know, I'd been wanting to try it. So like, you know, 1 a.m.

Get back from a bar. I'm like, ah, this is perfect. This is going to. Oh. And I went and I had it. Burger fries vanilla shake. And it sucked. I was, you know, it really, it was, it was.

I thought it really sucked. And then I told, was it too moist? No, it just, I would just say school lunch food. It just tasted to me. I mean, I, you know, could have gotten a bad one. It could have been sitting out, you know, a lot of factors. Jordan, I happen to be on the internet. And I've received 20,000 communications that you didn't order exactly the right thing in exactly the right way.

Here's what happened. It's the next day I told a native Texan. I'm like, hey, I did the water burger last night. I didn't like it. And if they had that reaction, like, well, what did you get a doctor?

What do you get? What did you get? And I was like, I got a burger fries in the shake. And they're like, we're not supposed to get the burger. What? It's in the name.

Is that the part of it? You're trying to get napkins. In the burger tour, what else did you have that impressed you? I liked Culvers. What a burger was, was fine for me. I got a chance to get some hearties,

which I don't get to get up north very, very much. I used to get, bombarded with sonic commercial. Right. And there was no sonics where I lived. They'll just put on a sonic commercial where there's no sign. And I'm like, I want to taste.

I want to go to there. That is actually, I don't know if you know that. That's an NIA program to support Chicago's improv scene. Right. Yes. All of Improv Olympics finest. It makes sense. So then I switched course.

And because I was in Austin, I was like, well, all right, I got my burger fix. And I think Culver's one out. And so then I was on a brisket hunt. And I had the best brisket in my life. in Austin. That sounds like the place where one has the best brisket of one's life.

Where did you get the best brisket of your life? Terry Black's barbecue. Not to be confused with just Black's barbecue. It had to be Terry's black. I had to get a hat to remind me because I went down there

and I went to go to Black's barbecue and I went there like this isn't what everybody is like well you didn't go to Terry Blacks Barbecue? Is this a famous race situation where there's just a lot of someone Black's barbecue?

Probably, yes. Yeah. But I actually, I went to the one and I knew it because it was like It was maybe 11 a.m. on a Sunday, and it had a line out the door and around the corn. I was like, right, this is probably the wise. It's hard to remember because you're not supposed to go to Black's Barbecue. You're also not supposed to go to White's Only Barbecue.

Don't go to that one. That one is really bad. The cornbread is so dry. Leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. John Hodgman, the coast of my other program, is friends with Franklin of Franklin's barbecue. And last time we had a show in Austin, we went there and, like, sat by an air stream where the, where the staff went to pee.

Oh my. And just at a kitchen tape, you know, like a picnic table, like a wooden picnic table, while just different people came and brought plates of meat. Yeah. Until there was just like, like we thought, like I think at that barbecue,

you have to like get there in the morning before they sell out and get in line and stuff. And we thought what we were, we were doing was skipping the line, but actually what was happening was Aaron Franklin of Franklin's barbecue was building a four foot tall pyramid of meat in front of us. And I had not ever, I genuinely believed that meat sweats was like a cute expression until I had them. Very real. I must have eaten, like I probably ate three pounds of meat or four. form, you know what I mean?

It's just like... Virtual experience, my brother. Yeah. Yes. It was so awesome. Came out changed. Yeah. It'll do something to you.

It was the best. Oh, yes. Have you gotten to go to Texas and be people like, you're from the Texas show? Texas people have feelings about the show because even though it's called like 911 9-1 lone start and it's supposed to take place in Texas, it's not white accurate. They can, I'm sure they could tell. They could tell, you know, it doesn't, yeah. And it just, so.

Like, Angeline is in most of these shots. Right. What is you doing here? What mountains are there in there? So the Texans aren't watching our show and going like, whee-hoo. They're like these guys with Texas. But they do enjoy the shenanigans because it is a show that's full of shenanigans. And like there's this, there's something that you can connect to with all the characters.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Do you have a personal favorite shenanigan you've ever participated in a day on that show? It really is. Like these programs, the premise of them, as I understand it, is that Ryan, is celebrity television. show creator, Ryan Murphy, heard that people like procedural television shows. And then he said, but what if they were insane and gay? He's like, I got just the guy to run this, kicks it over to Tim Mineer.

And what's crazy... Oh, I didn't know Tim Mineer. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah. And Tim, he does, like, that's, he spun all those off. I have no idea. And, like, I mean, runs great. It's great.

But what I found out was that each of these crazy shenanigans is rooted in something that has happened. So they had like, you know, the solar storm. It's like, that was really a thing. I did this one rescue where this guy's car drove up and got suspended 50 feet in the air on a power line. Okay. And I were like, this is crazy. And he's like, yeah, no, that happened.

Wow. Okay. So we're like, okay. So that's cool. But I think the shenanigans that we had the most fun, this guy, he had like rage issues. And he went to a drive-thru and he was supposed to get like, you know, 20 nuggets. And he's like, where's my wife's nuggets? Like, she doesn't have the nuggets, and, like, we're out of nuggets, and, like, he loses it, right?

And it's so much, so he tries to come through the drive-through window and get stuck. And so, you know, they have to call 911, like, we got to figure out how to get this guy out of the drive-through window. And so it involved copious amounts of, like, lard and, like, using the lard from the restaurant? You had to juice him up? We had to lard him up, man. What do you use for TV lard? I don't know what the stuff was. It was fake lard, but it was buckets of just this, this, viscous stuff.

And we had to be very, sir, are you, okay, we're going to lard you up now. Well, the lard is coming. Consent is so important when it comes to larding someone. It's complete, like, professional, like, you know. Honestly, I don't know if it would be a bad idea to use real lard. I feel like if I'm in that situation as an actor, I mean, when I'm, I'm not talking about in the, in this fictional situation or the original real life situation. I'm talking about as an actor on the show, 911 Lone Star. Yeah.

You'd be very method. I just feel like, in your mind, are you the guy getting stuck? Are you the guy administering the lard? No, I'm stuck in there. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they didn't give you your tickets. I'm not a series regular, Jordan. I'm sag eligible, but this feels like a step sister in the washer dryer situation.

That was the original pitch, but then standards and practices got involved. I feel like, I feel like if I was stuck in that window and Brian or whomever was larding me up. I feel like that'd be great for my complexion. It might be. I feel like that would keep your midsection complexion. Yeah, as I get into my, as I get into my 40s, I find myself dealing with dryness more often.

Oh boy, tell me about it. Got a moisterous. You got a moisture. Well, something called paramedopause. Sure. And I feel like I could use a little greasing. Okay. And why not an animal grease?

It's a wonderful point. It's fragrant. It's organic. It's organic. Yeah. There you go. That's a really, unless you're, feeding the pig. We don't know whether they're

what they're doing. What kind of grain at these pigs have? Oh, just DDT. Let's take a quick break. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Ford in America's Radio Sweetheart.

detective. I was not doing that voice on purpose, by the way. Honestly, I love the voice. Thank you. Yeah. Do you not like my regular voice? No. I've been meaning to say something. Man, 25 years in and this is how I find out. Well, okay.

A new voice time. I'll try and do this one. Cool. Every episode of Jordan Jesse Go is supported by the folks who are members of Maximum Fund. That is like, that is at the heart of every Jordan Jesse Go operation, members of maximum fun. That's how we keep this thing rolling. Keep this train rolling down the tracks.

And that's why I had to watch another episode of Alex Inc. Yesterday. Ah, yes, we were getting ready for a new episode of podcast, movie, movie podcast. And sometimes we talk about shows about episode three of Alex Inc. I might watch when I get home. How bad is it, Jesse? Tees us. Jordan, I'm going to give you one tease.

Okay. It's this. I'm watching this. There was a joke. I don't remember what it was, but I wrote it down. where I wrote it down and I thought, I actually thought that was pretty funny. Sure.

Alexink, we should say, is Zach Braff's failed sitcom where he plays a podcaster. Exactly. Then, a few minutes later, after I had been thinking about how I felt about the fact that I had laughed sincerely at a joke from the television show, Alex Inc. A kid on a school bus barfed. And then another kid said, uh, clean up on aisle nine. No fucking way. Yeah. In 2002, 83 or whenever this aired?

Yeah. That joke from 1994. A kid said it? A kid said it. Boy, it sounds like this is going to suck. The kid should have said, where's the beef? Okay, we're also supported this week by our friends at Factor. Jordan, I know you have a busy lifestyle.

So busy. I can't stop doing things. Okay, but Jordan, do you always have time? to prepare from scratch a beautiful, delicious fresh meal for yourself? No, I don't. And it's part of what's making me so insane. Well, let me ask you this question, Dorn, a follow-up question. Do you want to just eat some frozen garbage from the grocery store?

No, I want to eat food. Real food! Okay, well, there's no way to reconcile that because you've either got to make food fresh from zero, take an hour to do it or whatever, or you've got to eat frozen garbage from the grocery store. Those are only two choices. Wait, Jesse, what about this factor I've been hearing so much about? Well, there's one on this piece of paper in front of us? That's the one.

I mean, it says they have more variety, more meals. You can choose from a wider selection of weekly meal options, including premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost. Wait a minute, but Jordan, I want to savor global flavors. You can do that, too. For the first time, try Asian-inspired meals with bold flavors influenced by China, Thailand, and more. Here's what Factor does.

They ship you a box. It has delicious food in it. That food is ready. Do it in the microwave? You can do it in the oven, comes out nice, it's hot. It's really good. It's really good. Delicious proteins.

So easy. Veggies, real veggies. I know I say this all the time, but like the number one use case for me for factor. Yes. Is that we're always booking bullseye interviews at like 1 o'clock. So I have to leave my house at 1230 to get to the office at 1 o'clock. But if I wait until after the bulls I interview, I eat lunch at 2.30. And I'm cramming right before I leave.

So I'm like, oh, my God, I'm not going to cook a meal for me. myself. I'm not just going to eat a bunch of carrot sticks for lunch. And I'm like, oh, I have a factor meal in my fridge. All I have to do is heat it up for two minutes and I can eat it while I gram and it's actually tasty. It's smart actual food. Eat smart at factormeals.com slash JJ go 50 off and use code JJ go 50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code JJ go 50 off at factor meals.com for 50% off plus free shipping. Get delicious. to eat meals delivered with Factor. We're also supported this week by the folks at Zock, Doc.

Jesse, making an appointment with a doctor is hard. You got to call them. Somebody sometimes doesn't pick up the phone. Do they take my insurance? Is this doctor for what's having a problem with me? I don't know. Here's the thing. Yeah.

A lot of times, you'll find out you need a phlebotomist. Sure. No one even knows what that is. No. You know what I mean? There's no way to find out either. So how are you going to get like a referral to the right phlebotomist and then get an appointment at the right time? You just got a phlebotomy buddy that knows has all the insights into the world of flobotomy.

No, unlikely. But if you just dial up Zoc doc. It's a free website. It's a free website. You got listings of doctors that are in the specialties you need that take your insurance. that are near where you live or work, that have user reviews so you can tell if they're nice and good, and then you can make your appointment right there for like that day. Yes, it works really, really great. I found my dermatologist through Zock, Doc. I was very happy

with my new dermatologist. Head to Zockdoch.com slash J.J. Go this weekend. Maybe check out a new dentist. I moved recently. I need a new dentist. Jordan, you know my doctor, right? Dr. Vinny Bumatz. Yes, that's from something that our dad's liked. Yeah. Is Rodney Dangerfield? Rodney Dangerfield. Anyway, is Rodney Dangerfield's doctor on Zock doc?

I don't know. If he's a real guy, he's probably there. It's really easy. I did it while I was waiting in line for coffee. Stress free. I love this product. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com slash JJ go to find and instantly book a top rated doctor today.

That's ZOC. D-O-C-O-C dot com slash J-J-G-G-Go. Zock-Doc dot com slash J-J-J-J-Gow. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. La-la-la-la-la-la-la-law-law-law-law-la-law-la-la-la-la-la-la-ha-ha-ha is your chug. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio, sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I'm Brian Michael Smith.

I'm to Chala's father. Chala is your chug? A little chug, chihuahua pug mix. He just turned five in July. I love him. Oh, that's a fun age. That's a fun age. Does being a motorcycle rider automatically make him our coolest guest ever?

Let's see, just, let's see if we can go off the gentleman's think. We had Miles Davis on once. We did. He's great. He just swore us and did cocaine. So maybe on paper the coolest, maybe not the best get, you know. Not the most chill, for sure. Not the most chill.

You won't chill? No. No, because of the blow Or just because of his A combination of the blow And his natural disposition. See that. Right.

I can see that. Yeah. All right. Coolest guests. There it is. Yeah, I think that's right. The one to beat. Thank you.

Do you think he's the only high school football player that we've ever had on our show? No, because Guy Brandham played high school football. Guy. Yeah. What position, though? I believe Guy was a nose tackle.

Okay. What were you? I was a defensive end of fullback. Okay. Yeah. But I mean. That's cool. It's a pretty cool.

A lot of smashing. A lot of smash. Very good. You're not a tall man. So that required some serious chutzpah. Hutzpah and just control of this center of mass on like a unmovable thing. Yes. Very dense.

For the folks listening at home, he's doing the core flexing motion. It's all the core. It's core. What size were you at the time? Were you on hormones or did you have a small? Yeah, no, it was like I was five foot seven. And 145. I don't think I broke 116 until I started getting into college.

So I wasn't big. But it's just, and there's some people like that. Like, oh, I had this one guy on my team. His name was Stephen Greasper. And he played a safety. And he was as skinny as could be, hyper as could be. And you wouldn't, you would think you would run over. But he just knew how to, like, move energy.

Did you have, like, those like Ikedo moves that linemen do? Like, just swims and stuff? Yes. And because, you know, especially going on. up against other like big guys they thought they're just going to like come and pancake me so i would like be quick so either i would you know do a jab step in one direction and swim the other way i'd either you know just make a mess and like you know fall over and they like you know tackle all over me or because i was under them my favorite move was to push their shoulder pads up into their neck yeah and it's like

i'm small so like they're trying to push down on me but i'm wedged in the ground and they're talking themselves and you could you can drive a car by pushing those pads it's really impressive when you see, like, even like professional football players, line men, who are 330-pound men, just the biggest human beings you can possibly imagine in your life. And you realize how much of what they're doing is basically like little slap fights, just like going, but it's like pandapause, man. Short range, but they got some heavy, like, impacts, you know? And so it doesn't matter how, as long as I plugged the gap, I did my job for that play,

you know what I mean? And so it's like either I could make you fill the gap I could put my head in there I could shimmy over here I could slide in here I could take a step back when you come forward and now I'm here you know You're a fullback where you primarily a blocking back

Oh yeah yeah yeah Because we had some fast guys behind it So it was just the same thing I just like to hit things It's fun to hit It's just great That's what Miles Davis said to Yeah

Mike Mitchell also high school football We've had a lot of jocks on the show We have a lot of jocks on it's not all nerds Mostly jocks Mostly jocks Mostly jocks. Time for a segment? Chris Fairbanks was an all-state snowboarder.

Oh, yeah, sure. And he, I mean, I think, you know, if you're making a coolest guest list, Fairbanks, you know, has to be in the conversation, skateboarding and in a band now. River Butcher was a professional skateboarder in the sense that he briefly had one model of his own signature sneakers. That's cool. That's it. Okay. So, you know, we're creating a list of coolest guests.

Yeah. Who do you think was our coolest guest? 206-9844-5. Let us know. Yeah. How cool are we? Give us a call. Let us know.

How do we stack up to our guests? Well, you created your own cool kids table. There you go. We're sitting at a table right now where we can invite the cool kids of the world to come chat with us to equals. You know why we did that, Brian, because our mom suggested we do it when we didn't have any friends. Right. Just ask them to come sit with you. Didn't have any friends.

They said, create your own table. And just march right up to S&L and say, I'm ready to work. Lauren Michaels. Just call Tyler Perry and tell him that you. Okay. I call Tyler Perry twice a week. He can stop picking up. I've sold Tyler Perry so many magazine subscriptions.

I got my own motorcycle now. Wow. I'm ready to work. Mr. Perry. So here's the deal with our program. We are very creative guys who think of a lot of ideas. So a lot of people think that in this part of the show, when people are calling in and saying that they're calling in for a particular segment on the show, it's just something that they wanted to talk about. And at the end, they're like, oh, and this is for our segment, blah, for your segment, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it's some shit they thought of because of the thing they wanted to talk about.

Actually, we think of a lot of ideas for segments because we work really hard on the show. We don't. Yeah. We're very creative. We're creatives. We're what's called creatives. Great, great. Now you see that.

You get some creatives. create don't you want to create yes sure that's cool content content content is king content is king hello Jordan jesse and guest I'm going to say gumby you got gumby for this week's show

this is Derek from Ohio calling in with your recurring segment stories from a band director who's no longer in the profession I am listening to your show this is a weekly segment Derek forgot

Derek forgot the real name of this segment, which is stories from a disgraced band director. I am listening to your show with Sam Sanders, and I can agree with him and attest. The clarinet players are the weakest part of any marching band. Every year, we would do a Memorial Day parade at the end of the year. We would meet at the Veterans Hall, do a quick little march down the main road, and end up at the cemetery. And without fail, while we were waiting to play at said ceremony, ceremony, some clarinet player would inadvertently lock their knees and pass out every single year. I would always be on the lookout and I'd watch her kids wobble and I just have to, you know, scoop in and catch them before they get a concussion.

But I taught for seven years in this district and I kid you not, each year, it was a clarinet player. So thanks. Love the show. Bye-bye. So, just so you guys know, this is something, I'm glad that this segues directly into this. I've been doing some fundraising work with an organization that provides service dogs to high school clarinetists. They can actually sniff when you've locked your knees. And they can, they sort of swoop in underneath you to take, to take the weight. I mean, the nice thing is that these clarinetists, they're what, 50, 55 pounds.

So the dog can catch them. I mean, this is a strong dog. I- A ridgeback. I genuinely don't remember what we talked about on last week's episode. Were we dicking on Claire and Het Players? I think Sam Sanders was. We just have to say stuff on, I don't, I don't know what I'm saying, okay?

I don't hold me to it. Don't ask me to follow up on what I've said on the show. Yeah. You just say stuff. A lot of times, I'll look at my, it'll be Sunday afternoon. Yeah. I'll look at my calendar and I'll be like, I host a podcast. I have a calendar?

Whose phone is this? It's a big problem. It's a big problem. What kind of marching band did they have at your football high school? Oh, man, they had a big marching band. Pioneer High School, Ann Arbor Pioneer had a big marching band. We are in the shadow of the big house. Okay.

So the University of Michigan football team was like there. So it was a big to do. I was in Ann Arbor, Michigan once. on a game day. Actually, that was when Jordan and I had our gig in Ann Arbor, Michigan, 10, 12 years ago, right? And it was a... We have not been invited back. Despite how much the guys who were wandering through while we did our show and seemed to enjoy it.

It was a library, so you have to let anybody in. But it was a Saturday, and it was insane. Correct. Because Ann Arbor is a city of like 75,000 or whatever, and the Michigan football stadium holds 100,000. 120. Yeah, wow. And they got bigger.

Like, when I was in high school, it was one side, and they constructed, they added, like, more seats. I was at that game between Michigan, Ohio State was a big rivalry in 97 when they went to the Rose Bowl and won the championship. And it was crazy because I think at the time we might have had like, Oh, the population of Ann Arbor was like 107,000. And in the stadium that day, even though the capacity was, you know, 110, it was like 112,000 people in one place.

And that was my first time actually seeing 110,000 people all at once. It's like when we play Madison Square Garden. Yeah. Were you also like, because, you know, I don't need to tell you this, you're an actor now. Me. Were you also like doing school plays or did that come later? It was a conflict. It was either you do sports or you do art.

That's what happened. I was on the boys football team, and that started in August in 97. So before school even started, I came out of middle school and I was like, I'm going to go to the team. I tried out, and we were doing the two days in the practice and got on the team. And so we had already started. So I did football, and it was kind of like a big to do. Like, what, this kid must be athletic, like whatever. And I'm like, I'm going to keep going and I'm going to, I'll do wrestling and then I'll do, you know, track to stay in shape for football.

can be very like football oriented. And there is a track coach at our school, Brian Westfield. And he was like the winningest coach in the history of the school. And I think he's in the Michigan Hall of Fame for the track coach. For track coach. Yeah. For the girls' teams. And I was like, you know, we pretty much were wrapping up football.

And he just kind of saunter's up. And he's like, so you're the one who plays football, huh? Yeah, yeah. And he's like, you're going to be joining the track team in the winter. Well, I'm going to do winter. I'm going to do wrestling. like, you want to be joining the track team. And I went to time.

I was like, oh, okay, I guess so. I'm the Hall of Fame. What I say goes. He was 100% correct. So I went and I did the indoor track. I discovered I could throw a shot put very far. Okay. And all the other like implements.

And, you know, I have good. I don't do distance, but I could have some really good powerful burst of energy. So I did a 100 meter. I did the 200 and then we got the pole vote and I got a chance to do the pole vote. And so that was like great. And so that's what I did. I do track and I do football. And so there was no.

no real time for anything else, even though I wanted to act. I would take my classes in school, but it was like, he could recognize, like, what a lot of people in our school would want to do and, like, help you get there. So there's a lot of people who are like, you want to go to college, there's ways to get to college. Here's one, here's a path for you. You're probably not going to go to college on a football scholarship at five foot six and 140 pounds.

But you can chuck that shot, but, you know, that's, let's keep going with that. And when did the, when did the acting come into things? So I was always doing it. I just didn't get a chance to do it through high school. So when I was in church, I would do and write church plays. We did some community stuff where I could. And then I was like, when I get to college, I'll do more. And then I did get to college.

I went to Kent State University in Ohio. And it had a really good program there, but it was really musical theater based. I'm like a TV film like kids. So I got there. And they're like, you know, these are the kids who come from like theater school and musical theater school. Yeah. And they're like, oh, you know, I was the lead in. And I'm like, Scotty Pippin?

I was deleted, Scotty Pippin. You know, I don't know what is going on. Yeah, I don't sing. I don't, you know, I'm like, oh, maybe I'm not really an actor because I don't know any of this world. And they also had a really strong journalist broadcast program at Kent State. And so I was like, maybe I'll go get on the camera there. Like, even though it's broadcast, at least there's a camera and whatever.

And so I went. I can be a weather guy. Seriously. I'll do the weather. I'll do the entertainment report or like something. So I go there to audition for that. But then I learned while I was over there that they also have a student-run cable network.

And so they were auditioning for those shows. And it's like that's where all of my film like weirdos who were like finishing quotes from movies and like, how many times you sing five clip? I was like, oh, thank God. Yes. You know, so I found my people over there and I did start to do more acting in that capacity.

But it took a second for me to find where I couldn't. Even then it was challenging because it's like, really to get on stage in school, you have to go through the musical theater program. You have to really be involved in that. okay, but I'll do my TV stuff over here, which was, which was fine. And then we got to a point where I'm in my acting classes and they're like, you know, here's this role for you to do.

I'm like, I don't know how to play this woman. Like, I don't, I don't know how to play this. And they're like, well, that's how they're going to see you. And I'm like, oh, no. You're right. Oh, no. Who am I? Like an existential crisis.

Yeah. And I'm like, what am I going to do? I was like, I really need to figure out who I am because I don't, I can't, I can't go into the world and perform other people if I'm not. really embodied yet and I got to figure out what this is and this is 2001 2002 and like there's not as much language and access to stuff and all this time in my life I'm like I'm like I'm the only person like this I don't know how do I sort this out I was like I guess I'll just ask Jeeves help you went on Alta Vista what is transgender they didn't even have that

word at that time like what am are there other people like how does the one what is a sex change was like even like the thing that had like find out and it was like all this information started to come and then I found like blogs yeah people oh okay so there's people who are real who are doing this I found um the website uh for jameson green's book he had just put out a book called becoming a visible man and it was like his biography and he just kind of like went through a story and picture him when he's a kid picture him when he was a teen picture of him when he was a young woman picture of him when he was 40 and a picture of him after he started his transition and it was like he's just this man just this dude just as regular like dude and I'm like oh okay there's

there's a path there's a me there's whatever and then I kind of started to buy more information. And that's why they call Jeeves the ultimate ally. Jeeves is the first ally, okay? Yes. He was, man. No judgment. All information.

Jordan, did you know that Brian Michael is not the first throwing sports star that's been a guest on Jordan, Jessica? Who also has been throwing? Our friend Mark Gannick, former head writer of the television program, Archer.

Right. I love Archer. Uh, uh, uh, look, we all, we all love Archer, not least because I'm the star of the program. Hall of Mirror's guy. Yeah. SAG eligible. Let's go. Contact Josh Lindgren, creative artist agency. Get him a job.

Um, I, uh, get him through a drive-thru window. Help. Get some lard on this man. So I'm having lunch with, I'm having lunch with Mark Gannick. Yes. And I already had this discussion with Brian Michael when we met at a party and he mentioned he had been a put the shot. I'm having lunch with.

with Mark, our friend Mark Gannick. Now, I think, Jordan, you and I can agree. Mark Gannick already significantly too handsome to be a comedy writer. Oh, yeah, Evans. Yep. Notably handsome man. Just improbably handsome man. But I notice that while Mark Gannick had always been improbably handsome,

he was now two men in thickness next to each other, chestwise. Right. Like he had become, he had gained what I would call it, juicy body. Right. Like he appeared to be a ready-to-royd rage at any moment. He had gotten so swole. Yeah. So I said to him, what is going on? You're so yoked now, Mark.

And he said, well, during the pandemic, I got back into shot pudding. That's one does. I'm sorry. What? Excuse me, Mark? Don't you mean animal crossing? No. Shot pudding.

So this is our- This is our comedy writer friend. He tells me, well, you know, I was on a state championship. basketball team when I was in high school, but I wasn't tall enough to play forward in college. And I wasn't fast enough to play guard. So I had to think of something else to do. So, of course, you know I went to Stanford. Like, yeah, I knew that.

A braggy, but okay. And then he says, well, anyway, I ended up joining the track team. And I'm like, the track team at Stanford? That's a real track team. He's just walking on. Yeah. Strolling up. So Mark Gannick was, not only was he on the track.

track team at Stanford, in addition to being the head writer of archer and shit, he was such a, so good on the track team at Stanford. Then he's like, well, I ended up dropping out of Stanford. Did you know that? And I was like, oh, no, I didn't. And he's like, yeah, because I had to train for the Olympics. Some people are good at many things. And apparently.

So, people have many skills. So this is something Mark Gannick told me, if you are a sprinter, and he was a sprinter, But he was like, but I wasn't a very good sprinter. I was like the worst of the sprinters on the Stanford track team, right? He's like, I was much better at shot pudding. But if you're a sprinter who also does shot pudding, like if you're a swole sprinter, just some guys with a bobsled come up behind you,

tap you on the shoulder and ask you to move to Blake Placid. To bobsled. Yeah, to bobsled. You fit the criteria. Yeah. And he's like, the only reason I wasn't on an Olympic bobsled team was I got, I dropped out of college and got so obsessed that I trained too hard and broke a vertebrae. Oh, my God. And then I kept training instead of letting it heal because I didn't want to miss being on the bobsled team.

When I finally went to the doctor, he said, are you familiar with dust? That's right here and circled it. Oh, my God. And his, so, so, Markannick is a, like, he said, and then, of course, I had to find a circle to shot put out of or whatever, a field to shot put from. And he convinced a local community college to let him use their shot putting area in exchange for coaching their shot putting team.

I mean, Olympic, yeah, I mean, why not? Yeah. I'm like, do these people know that what your job is is to think of obscure references for Archer to say They're probably caught on You can't coach that long without bringing up those references It slips out These fucking people

It's got to slip out Jordan was homecoming king I could see that False homecoming It's a whole prompting No I if you'll remember It was it was revealed to be A hoax, a fake

I did not win That's why we build our own table That's why we build our own tables I don't need that title No. When something momentous happens to you, like the wool is pulled off of your eyes and you find out that George is not the real homecoming came. No, I was not. Give us a call at 206.

It was rig. I didn't have anything to do with it. Yeah. You didn't rig it. See Jordan Jesse Goh episode 339. I didn't rig it. Someone else did. Wow.

Take fun of me. And I thought Stanley was dead. I'm not true believers. I'm simply reminding people which episodes of Jordan Jesse Go, Jordan told long story. he's on. Excelsior, true believers. 206-984-4-fund or just require voice memo. Pretty good, Stan Lee. That was pretty good. Man, it was like you were selling someone a hot dog

in Fantastic 4-2. Jordan Jesse Go, JJ Go at Maximumfund.org is where you should send your voice memos, such as has this person. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, Stephen, guest. This is Jason from Los Angeles with a momentous occasion. I was on a flight back from Nashville to Los Angeles, and I noticed the guy sitting in the row in front of me was just writing furiously, scribbling, scribbling, scribbling, scribbling, and I glanced over his shoulder, and he had a red ink pen and was writing a poem or song lyrics in the blank pages at the back of his passport. He used up pretty much all of them, and this is where I want to advise on my fellow Tuppies not to do that. because you can render your passport invalid by defacing it in such a way.

But I didn't tell this guy because not my circus, not my monkeys. Anyway, don't doodle in your passports. Okay, love you, bye. You know what, Jason, I'd love to hear about your circus. Yeah, not my circus, not my monkeys. Is that a phrase? It is. Really?

I've heard that repeatedly on set. What's the ideal use of not my circus, not my monkeys? When some nonsense is going on, I'm not going to get involved in that. Not my circus. That's not my mother's. Okay. Yeah. What do they call?

What do they call them? C-37? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm a show business insider. Yeah. Now he knows. Stephen. It's taken a shit's called the, the Q-Train or so, I don't know.

It's taking a shit something. I don't know. I haven't been, I haven't acting in a while. Honey-wagon. Honey-wagon. 10-1. 10-1. 10-1.

10-1. That's it, thank you. C-47? C-47. Yeah. Stephen, did I just. We haven't known each other that long, only like a year or whatever. Did you know I'm SAG eligible?

I did not know that. I'm a show business insider. He's real. Salg eligible. Yeah. Anybody needs me for SAG work. I can just pay the dues and I'll be right there. I'll be it right there.

You can fit through a drive-thru window. You can. Real Lard only. Yes. Works with Lard. I bring my own lard no matter what the job is. Just in case. I'm not just talking about.

acting jobs. I'm talking about like a copywriting. If I get a copywriting gig, like day job, sure. For a while I worked at Macy's. I brought my own large. Yeah, you never know. You never know when you're going to need that large, you know? And imagine you're out there and all you got is vegetable oil. No, boy, you're out. Yeah. There's no flavor in that. So embarrassing. Your refried beans are going to be awful. They're disgusting. It's disgusting. J.J. Go at maximum fun.org is where to send those voice memos. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessica. Hello, I'm John Luke Roberts, and I would love for you to give my podcast soundy with John Luke Roberts a try. It's basically a parody of every type of podcast imaginable, made up with loads of brilliant comedians.

It was named the Best Scripted Sketch Show by the BBC Audio Drama Awards, was a finalist for Best Comedy Podcast at the New York Radio Festival, and it has just been nominated for Best Comedy at the British Podcast Awards. Surely if there are three things you can trust They're the BBC, New York and Britain So give Soundie with John Luke Roberts a go today Available from Maximum Fun in all the best podcast apps Hi, I'm Alexis

And I'm Ella and we're the host of comfort creatures We could spend the next 28 seconds telling you why you should listen But instead, here's what our listeners have said about our show Because really, they do know best The show is filled with stories and poems and science And friendship and laughter and tears sometimes but tears that are from your heart being so filled up with love. A cozy show about enthusiasm for animals of all kinds, real and unreal.

If you greet the dog before the person walking them or wander around the party looking for the host's cat, this podcast is for you. So come for the comfort and stay for Alexis's wild story about waking up to her cats, giving birth on top of her. So if that sounds like your cup of tea. Or coffee, Ella, we're not all brits. Then join us. Every Thursday at maximum fun.org.

It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Now I'm Brian Michael Smith. To Charlie's father. Brian, you showed me a little bit of your action short. I'm excited when we met at a party. I'm excited for the next step of your career as a Liam Neeson.

Yeah, I'm ready. And it's going to be long because, what is he, 71 at this point? Yeah. I got time. I can marinate in this. Yeah, sure. Let the juices soak in. And then when you hit six.

When you hit 60, yeah, get good and gruff. I might even get taller. We don't know, but. Your American accent is very convincing. Thank you. It's really much better than his. I've been cooking it up. What kind of action are you doing in this action short?

You're punching throats. You're jumping off a box. A little bit, a little bit. So, like, I grew up watching a lot of action. And, you know, I didn't have a father in my house. And I think a lot of what I understood about manhood and masculinity just came from all the HBO. Yeah, John Claude Van Dan. Bruce Willis.

These are perfect role models. These are just exemplars of what's good about masculine. It taught me everything that I needed to know. And I had one for like every like age. I had my Stallone and my Schwarzenegger like period. Then I got into the Bruce Willis. Yeah. And I got into the, it was a Nicholas Cage, you know.

So I was just like on a roll. Like this is what manhood is. And then as I started to grow up, I was like, maybe that's not. Maybe there's more to it. Maybe there's more ways to show up in the world as a man. But I really like, I'm on the football team. masculinity is about drawing blonde. Yes.

Hurt, right? We harm people and then, nope. And so I was like, what can I do? What have I learned about being a man just through like my life, my own like experience that, what made me even like these kinds of movies? And it wasn't necessarily all the violence. It was just this decision. They decided that who they were going to be.

They were like, decided I'm going to take action to make whatever I want to have happen, you know, even if it was like, okay, we lost the Vietnam War. But me, this single man is going to go back and write all the wrongs in the 80s, you know. You got a giant knife, though. You got that big knife. I'll do it. So, like, you had that going on. Or just, like, the every man who's just like, I'm just not going to let this happen.

And they make the decision. I was like, I can really relate to that as a trans man. It's like, I get to decide, like, what kind of man I'm going to be. So I want to play these characters that do that. And I could do a classic character study about a trans experience. Or I can do this kind of. By the way, for our listeners at home, the type of man you've chosen to be is. yoked.

I could help it. I was a shot putter. Like, it doesn't just go. The natural, yeah, sure. And so I was like, yeah, I want to do this. I want to ask these questions in a way that is familiar to me.

That's fun. You know, and it's like, I don't want to, you know, hit you over the head with the message, but I can punch you in the throat with it. So that's kind of what my movies are about.

So this is my first time really getting into the producer element. So I'm like, let me start with something small and then, Let it like snowball. So I got together with some friends. We started building our own table. This is kind of our first foray into that. And we just got some other things cooking up.

And I just want to do that for the next, you know, a couple of years of just using this genre to explore these questions. Have you learned to do any important moves, such as flips, sideways shooting? Hit with a chair. You guys have been watching my videos because that's exactly what I'm not. Whoa! What? Exactly what I've been doing. Yeah, I did this stunt acting workshop because I was doing, I've been doing a little.

a lot of martial arts just in general. I did karate for a long time. And then I got into boxing for the last couple years because it was, I don't like cardio. And if you want to look yoke, you kind of got to slim down. So I was like, okay, fine. So I did boxing. And it's great if you want to fight. But you have to protect yourself. So this is not good for the camera, like covering your face and punching like this. So I had to learn like acting and action for the camera. So I did this workshop with this guy, Daniel Cicero, who's a fight coordinator. And these other guys at this place called Jam out here where that's what they do. And I'm like, let me show you how to do these moves in a way that you look awesome.

Like, what's your pose going to be? So it's like all this stuff that we didn't actually look awesome. It's so cool. I bet it's fun to look awesome. And it's like, that's part of what makes action fun. So I spent like the last, you know, 20-some of years learning how like be real and be rooted and be grounded, which is great. But then you do actually have to look awesome. Yeah.

Or especially in this thing. So it's like, I had to like, I did a workshop on like looking awesome when you're fighting in a film. What's a good example other than not covering your face? So punch in real life, you know, you want to punch at their, at them and you want to line up and you want to actually hit them. Or on camera, you want to punch, you know, towards the camera. So still punching at the person, look like you're hitting the target and you don't want to do what you do in real life. Would you, you know, scrunch your face up? It's like, you know, sell it, but still look good.

Yeah, because when I'm, like, you got to show the money maker. You got to show the money maker. And you got to convey feeling and what's going on in your character's journey. not looking like, you know, contorting. And when you jump off, I know this, when you jump off something, you have to land with one leg extended, one hand on the ground, and then one hand up in the air. And you've got to hold it, head down, head down a little bit, and then look up. That's it.

See, I could do this. No, I didn't take the glass. I just know this stuff instinctually. Oh, see, he's going to be sagg out. We've got to watch out. Oh, look out. Jordan. Look out.

Yeah. Oh, I'm sag in bad standing. I have not paid my dues because of lack of interest from the entertainment industry. Jordan, I don't think I have a moneymaker. Oh, yeah, you do, man. Your mom said you did. Yeah. Your mom said it's your wonderful personality.

That's the moneymaker. And that's the only moneymaker that God cares about. Let me get weirdly Christian here for a second. At the end of the show, I like to get weirdly Christian. Hi, it's me. God. My God. Yes.

introducing yourself by saying, hi, it's me. I'm not sure. Hey, listen, I can't help but notice you've been talking about yourself a lot lately. Maybe you could ask other people about their interests. Oh, thanks, God. You're right. I'm just trying to help you have a good personality. It's the only thing I care about.

You're right. Thanks, God. It's good advice. Also, say their name a lot when you talk to them. God's just like a Tom Cruise alpha. Pull a little bit. When you shake their hand? Lend their palm with one finger.

It reminds me that time I ate all that meat and just started to slay. I know. This is exactly. Yeah. Oh, yeah. If you had a brisket. High-voiced God criticizes you. Oh, no.

I ate too much brisket again. Jesse and Jordan are talking about calm. Talking shit about clarinet players, apparently. What's going on. Well, Brian, Michael, what a joy to have you on the first. program. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for not beating us up. We did. I mean, I gave him my lunch, buddy. He did. Yeah. He did. The theme music of Jordan Jesse Go is Love You by the free design, courtesy of the free design, and light in the attic records. Stephen Ray Morris is the producer of our program. You can find us on social media. Search for Jordan Jesse Go on Blue Sky, on Facebook, and on Instagram. You can also find Jordan and me on Instagram at Jordan David, Morris at Jesse Thorne, very famous.

And you can find us on Reddit. Reddit.com slash R slash Archie Comics. Maximum Fun. R slash Maximum Fun is where you find talk about this show. R slash Archie Comics is where you'll find Jordan. I love hanging out. Show me your jugheads. We'll be talk to you next time on Jordan, Jesse.

Go, how about that? I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. I love you