Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Scissor Brothers, with Atsuko Okatsuka

Episode Date: July 10, 2025

On this week’s episode, we welcome comedian/writer, Atsuko Okatsuka, to chat about staying positive, the Donner Party,  her new Hulu special (Father), and so much more!Atsuko’s new special, Father, now on Hulu!See Atusko in your city!See Jordan Morris at Galaxy Con in New Orleans, July 11th - 13th.Buy signed copies of Youth Group and Bubble from Mission: Comics And Art!~ NEW JJGo MERCH ~Jordan’s new Spider-Man’s comic is out now!Order Jordan’s new Godzilla comic! Be sure to get our new ‘Ack Tuah’ shirt in the Max Fun store.Or, grab an ‘Ack Tuah’ mug!The Maximum Fun Bookshop!Follow the podcast on Instagram and send us your dank memes!Check out Jesse’s thrifted clothing store, Put This On.Check out Producer Steven and Margaret Cho’s chat on See Jurassic Right about the “Movies That Made Us Queer.”Follow brand new producer, Steven Ray Morris, on Instagram.Listen to See Jurassic Right!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, I learned... I'm sorry, first of all, I just want to apologize that from now on on the program, and in fact

from roughly three years ago on on the program, all fact from from roughly three years ago on on the program all my anecdotes are just something I saw at Costco well I mean you know you're a Costco I don't know I'm starting to suspect you're getting some sort of Costco kickback obviously I was in Costco connection magazine a lot of people know I don't know was that a payola thing I'm starting to think maybe it was I mean I look no money changed hands I don't know, was that a payola thing? I'm starting to think maybe it was. I mean, look, no money changed hands. I didn't pay them, they didn't pay me. Right, but you do get a crate of bagel dogs every week.

I once got invited to address like a conference that was full of super famous people. And I asked, it was in Europe. And I asked, well, do I get paid for this? And they said, we do not pay nor do we accept payment. Okay. I was like, oh, thanks. Okay, great. Well, I wasn't gonna pay you to fly to Europe to work. Anyway, I'm sorry that all my anecdotes are about cost. I think people I think people love it. I have three children, Jordan. Sure. It's all I do. You gotta shop.

You gotta buy in bulk. It's all I do. Okay, so when I was at Costco, I learned yesterday that the kids are all right. There were two beautiful children who seemed to... I'm gonna say this frankly, they seemed to have their own card at Costco. Right. I mean, you can get the family card, you can get a business card, and there's also just a child card. No, no, no, card, card, card, card.

Ah, okay. Card, yeah. But still, no less strange, that's a very large card. They should have a child card for Costco. I agree, I agree. Or they should have, like, you know how children's museums sometimes have an imaginary town where some of the children get to be police officers and some of the children get- Oh, yeah, sure.

They should have that, but it's just a Costco. Right. Lil Costco, they can call it. Yeah, they're buying bulk toilet paper. So it's just two children in a cart. Yeah. Are they being pushed? Is one pushing the cart?

No, they're on opposite sides of the cart. Imagine them each touching the cart, but on opposite sides of the cart. One of them is maybe- Did they appear to be married? Were they like some sort of child couple? I took a look at that left hand, bling bling. Yeah. She got the rock. So they were on opposite sides of the cart. I'm going to say they were maybe 10 and 7. Okay. Small. Fun ages. And as I said, these are beautiful children. Yeah. These are children so good looking. They're the kind of children where one glance at them and you can tell that in 12 years they'll

be stealing your girl. Okay. You know what I mean? Like they are already in the process of breaking up your marriage. Okay, so two very good looking children, very charming. Twinkle in their eye too, which I resent. Skinned knees. I couldn't tell, but I can only presume. So the older kid looks at the younger kid and goes, hey Mario, you can't touch this. And then starts dancing around the cart and he goes, Mario, you can't touch this. And then starts dancing around the cart and he goes, Mario,

you can't touch this. And I was like, I was so happy. I was so happy that the taunt, you can't touch this, delivered in the cadence of MC Hammer has survived lo these 35 years and may have become permanent. Like I think, you know how when you do Ring Around the Rosie, you don't have any idea what a Rosie is. Sure, yes. Pocketful of posies. Yeah, related to the black death Ren Faire types will want to tell you. Yeah. I think that's got to be where you can't touch this is for today's children, right? Yeah MC Hammer. Do they know about Hammer? Is a mythical figure lost in the in the mists of time. Sure. Yes

Like Loki or Gilgamesh You know, do you think do you think that I mean I'm glad you can't touch this is you know, still out there Still something kids can use to taunt each other. Yeah. Yeah, looking back. Do I think kids are giving each other the gas face? Third base? I don't know.

I wonder if we could, if we could, you know, somehow repopularize or re-bring to the surface MC Hammer's song from the Street Fighter movie soundtrack, Straight to My Feet, featuring Deon Sanders. I am unfamiliar with this song. I know Pumps in a Bump. Okay. And look, Pumps in a Bump are always in. This is we watched for my other podcast, Free With Ads. We watched the 90s Street Fighter movie starting Van Damme.

Which is a truly remarkable film. It sure is. I imagine given your kids' interests, you've probably seen that movie. I saw that movie and it is... It is just really, like they just really made a shit ton of choices. They really did. They really made choices. They made choices. They did not back down from the challenge of making a Street Fighter film in particular What's His Face from the Addams Family.

Oh, Raul Julia. Raul Julia makes an amount of choices that movie has a costume a one character costume credit before the credits Mm-hmm. So like before the titles so in the like starring blah blah blah blah blah Directed by sequence there is mr. Julia's costume by Anyway, yeah amazing movie. Anyways the soundtrack. It's Costume Bye. Anyway, it's an amazing movie. Yeah, anyways, the soundtrack... It's terrible, like, let's be clear. Sure, sure.

Yeah. The soundtrack to the movie, because it was released in 1994, has an exclusive for the movie MC Hammer song featuring Deon Sanders, Straight to My Feet, kind of got a new Jack Swing sound to it, And it's kind of good. Maybe, Stephen, can you find a little bit of this? Not for now, let's introduce our guest and maybe we can go to break and listen to a little bit of Straight to My Feet.

You know what the secret of MC Hammer is? He's great. Not good at rapping. He's fine, you know. Sure, and great at being MC Hammer, great at being an animated character with magic shoes. Exactly. From his Saturday magic shoes. Exactly. From his Saturday morning cartoon.

Exactly. That he actually had. Our guest on the program, one of my favorite stand-up comics in the world, Jordan. And people have been asking me, are you including Uganda? Yeah. Sure. Even including Czech stand-up comics. Okay, okay.

She has a brand new special on the streaming service Hulu Have you heard about this service? Love it. Yeah, bring you a lot of great programs including Atsuko Okatsuka's new special father Atsuko. Welcome to Jordan Jessica. It's a delight to have you. Oh my goodness I'm delighted to be here. Thank you for wearing such bold accessories Thank you so much. This is this is for you. You know, thank you. I appreciate it. I'm glad that we we usually ask Stephen to let our guests know that we're going to want

distinctive signature accessories. And a lot of folks don't come through. I mean, come on, Chris Fairbanks. Thank you. What are you doing? Thank you. Not even his skateboard or something, because that's an accessory. I know come on distinct Come on Chris bring bring the board when you record a podcast. Yeah, we've got golden bangles. Yep Mm-hmm, where you got fried egg dangly earrings. Thank you so much. We've got distinctive rubber shoes. That's right. We have a

truly spectacular custom manicure featuring slices of three-dimensional slices of pizza. Yeah. Guilty. Guilty. Lock her up! As we like to chant on this show. Lots to talk about. Peacocking. Yes. Lots. Oh, so this is a pickup artist thing. I just forget that that's a term that, for some reason, it's like a core memory, the pickup artist times. It was an extraordinary, that pickup artist thing, the book that it was all based on. Right, this is maybe like 2007, 2008, there was a book called The Game about infiltrating the world of pickup artists.

So that book was written by a guy who was the music critic for the New York Times, like the pop music critic for the New York Times, Neil Strauss. And for that reason, when I was doing Bullseye, then The Sound of Young America on the radio in Santa Cruz, was still in Santa Cruz. So it must have been like 2005 or something. I had Neil Strauss on the show to talk about that book before, like right when it came out, before it was a bestseller and stuff. I read it and I thought, whoa, this is fucking weird.

Like it's a pretty good book, which is I think why it was successful, compelling to read. And it's not that pro pickup artist. I think people imagine it to be very like a manual. Yeah, it's not like tips. It's like, here's my experience with this shirt. Yeah, I checked this out and it is a fucking trip is basically the theme of that. I had him on and then it just blossomed it just blossomed I'm not taking credit sure but it just blossomed you know Jesse go ahead and take credit you know what if you're out there and you loved Mysterio what was his name I think it was something like that I think it was mystery you're thinking of

Spider-Man villain Mysterio you You're making him more interesting. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So Atsuko, I'm glad that that imprinted upon you. Yeah. Yeah, the word peacocking, where I was like, what is it when someone wears bright things and wants to stand out?

And he was like, that's peacocking. Or just has an iguana on their shoulder. That's right. That's right. Which is like the Chris Fairbanks skateboard that I was talking right or it's my pizza nails You know, but it's not to draw attention. It really is to try to make you happy My style icons I said earlier is like Dora the Explorer, but also What was her name? Is it was it mrs. Frizzle? Yeah

From the pilot pilot of the Magic School bus. That's right driver. Well, I guess it flies. I think it flies Yeah, so I don't know you probably maybe you do see that but yeah animated characters It's what I you know, you you were in your in your special father You are wearing the most extravagant skirt skirt I have ever seen in a television comedy special I've seen skirts that extravagant like on the Grammys. Sure. Let's say the American Music Awards. Oh, wow Met Gala, I don't know You just say things. You say things, 80, 90 minutes, show's over, it's done.

That's the show. Yeah, we're veteran podcasters. So where do you get a pizza manicure? Oh, I go to, you can really get it at probably many. Papa John's. At Papa John's. Papa John's. You just soak your hands in the garlic sauce.

He's really trying to rebrand after he upset some people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going into beauty. Kind of a softer, more approachable Papa John. Yeah, yeah. He's like, this way maybe I can get more women, you know? Sure, yeah. I'm bored.

He actually gets Peyton Manning to do it. Oh, okay. That's nice. Yeah, it's creating jobs, if you will. Can you get a pizza manicure and a regular manicurist? Well, I go to New Way Nails, who is, it is just a, you know, nail salon in Atwater Village. They do a great job. Yeah, I know the family very well now. Very talented. They are artists. Do they have like a selection of...

Okay. No, they create whatever you go. I would like a donut or whatever. I would love Jesse and Jordan on my fingers. They will do it. Oh Yeah, that's incredible. So it's not because that when I say they're three-dimensional. Yes I mean it looks like tiny pieces of pizza were applied to your fingernails. It's not pictures of pizza You could take little bites. Yeah, you could you could I'm not going to yeah, I would say oh, yeah Hey silly, that's my hands putting in your mouth. Well, I would say I don't know if you knew this before agreeing to be on the show But I'm kind of a silly goose

Little bit of a silly, you know, it's always a fine line between silly goose and hey, you're eating my hand Cannibalism and being silly is like so fine line, right? You know what? If we've learned anything in our 15 years of podcasting Atsuko, it's that if you want to be a success at podcast, you got to cross those lines. You got to cross the lines. And you said that there's a fine line between- Cannibalism and silly goods. But I mean, who are bigger silly billies than the Donner Party?

That's a really good point. History's silliest billies. They were so silly. They were very silly. I just read about another group that had to do that. They were in like the Alps, I think. Okay. Right, the Uruguay.

The Uruguay. The Alps are in Europe. The Andes? Oh, the Andes. Thank you so much. Yes, the Andes! Thank you so much! Yes, the Andes. Yeah, yeah, they had to eat each other and me and my husband were talking about how like, you know We're pretty optimistic people and you are too. I feel like you guys always go for the positive more Yeah, people always say like... Half empty, half full. Right? More half full. I claim that it's all the way full usually

Even if it's not. You're like, that glass is full. Mine is like so full, like, don't pick it up. Yeah. You will spill. Take a sip first, you say, because this glass is full. Yeah, we're like, so we're like that. Yeah, we're all like, I'm like that. I'm like that.

I'm definitely like that, especially right now when everything is really good. Sure. Yeah, then we're like, let's make it even better. Better. And so, you know, people always say is really good. Sure. Yeah, then we're like, let's make it even better. And so people always say they had to resort to cannibalism. I think it's, think of it like they got to. Right.

You're gonna change the connotation of words. Reframe, reframe. I think we're all. How many people get to? Right, exactly. I think we're all curious what human flesh tastes It's sweet, but we're I don't know gamey. I imagine it being sweeter than the flesh of the beast

Interesting is what I would well will never know and hold on guys and it in the Andes We never got to never got to we never got to know they're like oh they had to resort to this They were forced to and it's like well I mean how many people really ever get this experience They're already trapped in the Andes. Yeah, how much more negative do we want to make this story? They were having a meeting and one of the guys raised his hand and said hey gang Silly idea Do we have a little room for fun? Call me Cookie. You know, hey guys, so you know how much silly goose...

Feel free to shoot this down, but it's too silly. Speaking of geese, kind of hungry, right? There's none around. Kind of hungry, yeah, exactly. If there were geese, we could eat those. There's not. I don't see not. Like fat goose, for example. Hey, it's been 80 days. Just kind of framing like that. A few of us have died. Their corpses are rotting.

And hey, uh-oh, are we not kind of in a big freezer because it's snowing? That's a really good point. Thank you. That's a really good point. Amazing point. I just encourage more people to think this way instead of like, you know, yeah, just negative connotations.

Can I ask a question? This is something I don't know. Like obviously we all went to a public school in California, learned some California history. Yes. Oh, wow. Yes. Is this a test? No, no, this is just a question that I don't know about.

This is about the Gold Rush. The Donner Party. So you know how their whole sort of environment was a freezer? As well, yeah. Did they ever do that thing with the dead bodies where that you like pretend to be Rocky in the meat locker and you're like... Oh, punching your friend? Yeah. Punching your friend's corpse.

I mean, he's dead. He's not going to feel it. It's not like Atsuko's fingernails. Yeah, I don't think the Donner party had seen Rocky For a variety of why not. I also don't know what fight they would be preparing for besides winter yeah General fight against my thought is Apollo Creed, but maybe I'm thinking about this the wrong way I have I think I've talked about this on the podcast before but since We're on the topic of the Donner party. I will mention that I I went to like the Donner party museum

Oh, you do it is up, you know up there where that happened. Yeah, so you're at the Donner party museum You're like politely listening, you know during the tour. It's like oh and here's some here's some belts from the era Ooh interesting and just the whole time you're waiting to get to the cafe you know, during the tour, it's like, oh, and here are some belts from the era. Ooh, interesting. And just the whole time you're waiting to get to the cafe? Well, you're like, where? Talk about the cannibalism. That's why we're here. AKA the cafe.

AKA the cafe. AKA lunchtime. Yeah. You exit through the flesh shop. The human flesh shop. Ooh, I hope they have astronaut flesh. God, I know, right? Free stride.

Yeah. Always a fun museum gift. And like, you know, you're like, oh, I'm going to get a free gift. I'm going to get a free gift. I'm going to get a free gift. I'm going to get a free gift. I'm going to get flesh. God, I know, right? A free strive. Yeah, always a fun museum gift. And like, they just never talk about it. And we had to go up to the guy and just say like, hey, you know, we've heard this thing. And their line at the museum is that there's no proof that it happened. Many people wrote

about it in journals, but I guess their angle is they could have just been writing cannibalism fanfic? Like their thing is like, it's never proven that they cannibalized. So who is running the museum that's trying to defend the Donner Party from allegations of cannibalism. It's gotta be descendants of the family. You go, hey, not my great aunt. It might just be the survivors of the Donner Party and they're just hanging on. Sure, yeah. I feel like if it was my great-great-grandfather,

I would not feel sensitive enough to deny the cannibalism. It would have to be me. Right. You know what I mean? You're like, I don't know. I wrote about it in my journal. I don't know if I did it Shit in my journal I wrote about making out with Harry Styles Didn't happen you know in the dead of dead of winter when you've run out of food, and you're you know you're frail You what do you want to do you want to you get real creative? You want to do some creative writing you want to give the whole group the same writing prompt and see what everybody comes up with.

Because obviously you have pencils, right? You have pencils, yes. You have journals. No food, but pencils, yes. Atsuko, one of the things that blew my mind in your bio is that over the last two years, you had performed in 20 countries. What countries are we talking about and what are the museums like in those countries? I do love

going to the museums in these countries. Well, I went to like some of the mains like the Anne Frank museum. I'd call that one of the mains. The mains in Amsterdam. I've in Amsterdam and Frank Museum in Street Fighter 4 Yes, well, I wish I went to more, you know There was also like more like niche ones right that people go to I yeah, but I went to and Frank I went to Van Gogh What else what else was there around the world? Oh and then like an art museum and Berkeley or something Check out some art. I go to the art museums. Yeah, are you like an art museum in Berkeley or something. Check out some art. I go to the art museums, yeah.

Are you like, so there's a lot of countries where English is the primary language. Right. We're talking about, of course, the United Kingdom. Can't leave them out. Ireland. Hey, Canada. We see you up there. Yes, thank you.

Speaking mostly English and sometimes French. How about this? Australia, home of Yahoo! Sirius. By the way, I was at the flea market, I almost bought you a young Einstein poster, but then I realized you wouldn't want it. Thank you. Thank you for realizing that.

Thank you. Jesse, thank you for thinking of me and then realizing that. You got New Zealand. That's a primary language in New Zealand. Okay. What secondary language of English countries are you performing in ATSCO? Yes, well there's like Singapore, Singapore, Malaysia, they speak a lot of English, Indonesia too. And then I performed in places where English kind of isn't you know so known like Taiwan, Japan, you know.

What are the what are the comedy clubs like in these places? Do they all just like have chicken fingers? These are, so I'm performing in theaters, so it's a little different in that, I don't know if they serve food. So sometimes you had to improvise because they're newer to stand-up comedy. So like in Indonesia, I performed at

what is usually a Christian church, and that's not even their main religion there. So it was extra weird Yeah, their main religion in Indonesia. It's the main religion at the church But it was for the church, that's right We have a couple of backup religions here in case this isn't your thing In the back even in the back of the chairs There were QR codes to like sign up to be a member of the church So that's the kind of vibe I'm performing stand-up comedy in,

where they're like, this is usually. And then sometimes it's also a wedding venue, and a banquet hall. So Malaysia was also a place like that, where usually corporate events happen. So we're just improvising in some of these countries that are newer to stand-up. So are you touring?

Are you doing these shows on the strength of your internet video celebrity? Because you are, you're a viral dance hero across the world. Thank you so much. Well, you know, everyone, because of the internet, you know, they are watching my stand up on line on Tik Tok, on Instagram. And they also watched, a lot of them were able to watch my first special on HBO, the intruder as well. But yeah, it's a lot of clips, also stand up clips from, from my social media. Did you like decide, did you have a like a meeting with your management team and we're like, we're breaking Indonesia this year. Like, Jakarta, here we come.

I really have a very parasocial relationship with my fans, and so I pay attention to them telling me to go. Come, come to Indonesia, come to Malaysia. And also I pay attention when I'm traveling. Who's recognizing me? You know, a lot of Filipinos everywhere, whether it was like in Minnesota or Wisconsin or even when I'm in Japan, come to the Philippines. So I clock that. We do something similar and that's why we go to Portland so much.

Yeah, I see that. I see that Portland. We meet Portlanders all over the world. That's the thing about people from Portland. They're everywhere. And that's what, no offense, but Portland seems smaller and smaller every time I go there. That's 2,000 people. Well you're not engaging with the Portland diaspora. It's really a diasporic population. Yeah, Portlanders are not a monolith. Of course, you're right, you're right. I take it back. I mean, I think something that we both have in common is that neither of us ever pays for a burger at the Jollibee. Because either a Portland or a Filipino is buying our lunch.

That's right. That's right. Yes. That's where our demographic crossover. I do well in Portland, too. Portlanders, you know, the true weirdos. Where besides Portland do you think is like the second largest Portland? Portlanders Demographic. Oh, that's a great question I think we've got some Portlanders is it LA? Yeah, it might be Honestly, good guess. Yeah. Yeah. I mean it's possible that it's like Fort Townsend, Washington Port Townsend, Washington, Port Townsend, Washington, Port Townsend, Washington, right? Or something like one of these kind of places or like-

Keep it port, keep it port. Yeah, some of those islands, you know those Washington state islands that are sort of near Seattle, but not quite? Where Phil Elveram lived for a while, our friend Phil Elveram from Microphones and Stuff. Okay. Yeah, that, But I think there was like this historical migration pattern where people were traveling from San Francisco to Portland throughout the 1980s and 90s.

Yes, across a land bridge. Yes. Right, right, right. There was at the time a land bridge. That's why you can see, like you can see even like physical characteristics of San Francisco in the ancestors in Portland, white people with dreadlocks, sort of things from 1989 San Francisco that remain. Same jeans, gene material, denim. But I think a lot of those people, they're returning south. They're returning south from Portland. Wouldn't you say, Jordan?

I would say, yes. It's really beautiful. They fly in a V formation. That's right. It's very majestic. It's fly south for the winter, I guess. Exactly. They bring their home blacksmithing equipment.

Yeah. So it's just like that with the Filipinos. Okay. But a little more international. Thank you. God, we're learning so. But a little more international. Thank you. God, we're learning so much. A little more out of... We're learning so much.

A little more international. Of the like strange kind of improvised venues that you played in, was there one that you just like totally loved? Was there one that was like turned out to be great for comedy? I think that maybe it was that church, that Christian church. Because you do have a portion of your show where you try and get the audience to accept Christ. So, obviously, that worked well. Yeah, it was a perfect setting. Yeah. It's sort of a comedy. We said it was a stand-up comedy. It's like comedy slash

testimony. Sure, yes. Sure, yeah. It's a cult. Comedy is a cult. When my fans started showing up wearing wigs of my bull cut, I said, okay. Has that happened? Oh yes, it's an international thing they do. Do you sell the wigs? I don't. They just find them. I know. Why are you selling the wigs?

I'm sorry to be this guy. You're leaving money on the table. You gotta sell the wigs. But it's like a bowl cut wig is like Amazon's got that corner. You know what I mean? Party City has that. Amazon has that, so many Halloween stores. Like I don't know how to, I guess it's just the branding. Yeah, I think you're, you wanna, marketing, I don't know how that works. You wanna like have a tag in the wig with your signature.

You know, like this isn't a knockoff, you know. Right. Can I recommend Otsuko? Think about a hologram too, cause that way people will know that it's genuine the bootleggers Aren't gonna be able to make their own at school holograms. Oh my gosh. Okay, so sell that too So the you know, it's just on the way like yeah No, it's like on the tag like a sticker. I'm not talking no

Uh-huh. I'll also say if you want to sell like Princess Leia style If you want to sell like Princess Leia style Holograms of Otsuko Katsuka that I also support but you're gonna have to charge a lot more for those than the wigs You're right. And I'm about accessibility. You know that I do know that and relatability. You're a regular wheelchair Keep it 15 bucks. Yeah, Jesse. Do we need wigs? Should we start selling wigs? I mean, yeah. Well, you could do, you know, a cap. You could do a cap. Yeah. Like a Ron Howard wig. That's what I have to offer. Pitbull's fans show up wearing bald caps. Oh, okay. To his shows. So everyone's bald. Jesse, you are often- So my fans wear super handsome masks. That's right.

People do refer to you as the pit bull of podcasting. Yeah, Mr. Worldwide. Mr. Mostly Portland. Yeah, primarily Portland. Yeah, primarily Portland, but some other places. To a lesser extent Seattle, St. Paul, Minnesota. Yes, shortly. Sometimes I do well.

Right, right. Let's do this. Let's take a break. Let's have Stephen price bulk wigs Yes, and then we'll come back for oh, you know what we got Stephen Do you have the MC hammer song from I do I do I do okay? Let's take a break but first let's listen to a little bit of this kind of good isn't it is very new Jack's way Yeah, I fuck with this You know how I feel about you know how I feel about the new Jack swing all the some of the Street Fighter characters are in the video to Sagat's in the video

Yeah, he's the fire breathing Dalsim oh, sorry my bad. No, that's okay reasonable. I don't accept it inexcusable I should know I always played I try to be him as much as possible. It's a good character. It's a good choice That's a jam. Okay. It's a jam. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse go It's Jordan Jesse go I'm Jesse Thorne America's radio sweetheart Jordan Morris boy detective Jordan every single episode of Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorn, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Jordan, every single episode of Jordan Jesse Goh is supported by the members of Maximum Fun. And Jordan, the members of Maximum Fun can enjoy our brand new podcast, which is

called Podcast Movie Movie Podcast. Also, sometimes we talk about shows. We have an episode with John Hodgman about Pitch Perfect 2 in the feed right now as you are a Max Fun member. John Hodgman, in that movie, talked about his experience making it. And then we dissect the podcasting representation in the film. It was a lot of fun. It was very fun.

We're also supported this week by the folks over at Zoc Doc. Gordon, once in a while you wake up and something gross is happening with your body. It's true. Bodies are disgusting. We're talking about rashes. Yes. We're talking about itchy eyeballs. Boils, growths?

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book a top rated doctor today. You can also book a bottom rated doctor if that's your preference. Sure, yeah. We're not telling you which doctor to book, but we have recommendations. Yeah, yeah. I personally would book a top rated doctor, but you know. That you yeah that's z o c d o c dot com slash JJ go zoc doc dot com slash JJ go and hey if you're listening to this the week it comes out I will be at Galaxy con in New Orleans come find me E6. I cannot wait to get out there. Big easy. And I'll also be doing stuff at San Diego Comic Con later this month. And I hope to see folks there. I don't think anybody listening to this is going to go.

Yeah. What am I even talking about? Why am I wasting air time asking if I have a listener, asking if we have listeners that'll be at Comic Con? That's insane. Jordan, are you going to finally meet the cast of Babylon 5? Boy, if I do, if God willing! Oh, please God, help me! Deal, God! Help me meet them! Please, I need to meet them!

Jordan's got scabs on his knees from all the prayer he's been doing about meeting the cast of Babylon 5. I gotta do it! I gotta meet them! Oh, god, these guys, they're a bunch of space guys. Yeah, I can't wait to meet those space guys. Did you know that, Stephen? The cast of Babylon 5, bunch of space guys. Oh, I thought it was like a Indiana Jones thing. No, space guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You might think that. Purple boobs in the whole nine yards. Oh, hell yeah We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse go It's Jordan Jesse go I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris Boyd, detective. Otsuko Katsuka, bull cut queen.

She is. We have no choice but to stand. Yes. Are you concerned? Okay. Our friend, Cameron Esposito, many time repeat guest here on Jordan Jesse Goh, former colleague of ours at Maximum Fun, rose to fame substantially on the strength of her charisma and talent. Yeah and skill Charisma talent and skill. That's the big three that she has Kaz. Yes. We know CTS. Yeah CTS. It's also the kpop group that she was in But the fourth element I think of her rise to fame was distinctive hairstyle

You have an even more distinctive hairstyle than Cam did. Are you terrified that if you ever change your hairstyle, the brand will collapse? You know, I joke about that. I go, I can't change my hair anymore. But I think that like musicians, you know, musicians change their look all the time. I think that, you know, with a new era, I could do that too, right? Something new, something different. Just like 2026, the normie tour. Something like that.

Just yeah, get a ponytail. Yes. Get a Kirkland sweatshirt. Yeah, that's right. Some soft pants. Yeah. Tour like thatland sweatshirt. Yeah, that's right. Some soft pants. Yeah. Tour like that. Normie Tour.

Would it have to be as dist- I mean, Imo Phillips is 70 years old at this point, I imagine. And that guy still looks like Prince Valiant. Sure. Would a new hairstyle have to be similarly distinctive? I think, yeah, I think so. You know, I've thought about it. Like, would it be a perm? Like a curly perm. Oh, I would love a you know, I've thought about it. Like would it be a perm like a curly perm? Oh, I would love a hat like a Hasselhoff. Oh my god. I would love that

My mom and grandma both have curly perms. So why not finish it off three generations? Sure Can I make a suggestion? Yeah, let's go You don't have to run to the salon and get a curly perm. Okay a wig we have some wigs we can Jordan wig. This is for our co-headlining tour. I will not be performing any stand-up comedy. Who's who? Which one's which? Right we can do a switcheroo. People are like wait if you're yeah. Which one do I shoot? That's right. Exactly. Yeah. Are they mad about Cotton Candy Randy? They are, yes.

They're having an episode. Watch too much YouTube. Got it. You know, so Atsuko, here on Jordan Jesse Go, a lot of people think that we just have one anecdote at the top of the show about three seconds of something that we saw at Costco and then we talk bullshit the rest of the time. But you're more than that. The reality is, you know, you know, you're a real fan. That we're constantly coming up with new ideas for segments on the show for people to call into. It's not just people who wanted to

call in to tell us something and then at the end of that call they just said or the beginning of that call they just said it was for a segment that they imagined we could have. These are segments that we thought of. It's not true. Because we're creative. That's also not true. And then people call them in because of our creativity.

So really, it's sort of like our work and focus on this show is not just a bunch of bullshit, just so you know. So here's an example of that. And I would tell you what the segment is that this person is, because I definitely thought of it, and also listened to the call ahead of that. And I would tell you what the segment is that this person is because I definitely thought of it and also listened to the call ahead of time. But I feel like I don't want to ruin the surprise for you. It sounds great. So I'm we're all figuring it out as we go. No, I already you are. We already know because we thought of it. We put a lot of work into it ahead of time. Right when it comes from within.

You don't forget. Exactly, it comes from the soul. Hello Jordan, Jesse and guest. I'm going to say Glenn Weldon. This is John calling from St. Paul, Minnesota, calling in for your segment of Mad Max in real life. We were driving home today from the farmer's market and passed by a man who had a bike that I believe he had possibly himself custom attached a small gas engine to, like a lawnmower engine or something. It wasn't like a normal e-bike. It looked like he'd strapped it on himself and he was just kind of ripping down the road

and it was the coolest thing I've seen today. Love you both. Thank you for the show. Bye. Have you seen this stolen bicycle with lawnmower engine? No. I definitely have seen this. I don't know if it's a lawnmower engine, but it, here in Los Angeles, there is a genre of bicycle that at some point in its life has been liberated from its original owners. It has then been like spray-painted gold or something, very conspicuously spray-painted. There's a

sub-genre of this type of bicycle where there is a weird actual gas engine, as he said, like zip-tied to it. Is this propelling the bike? Yes. Okay. This is something this like just lives right on the edge of like Ingenious creativity and Crystal math sure And pure death wish and pure death wish. Yeah, it's really all three of those things, but you will see someone riding like a you know 1997 mountain bike down the street, like a Walmart mountain bike. But it's going, crazy. Yeah. Right. Seems like a good way to perish.

It does seem like a good way to perish. Not if everyone knows you're coming. You know, maybe that's true. Maybe it is safer because traffic can hear you better if you're, you know, scooting down with the motor. Yeah, I know to dodge that person from a mile away. Yeah, you know, to avoid them. Yeah. My greatest fear is the return of tiny motorcycle. Right. Tiny motorcycle. Right. Tiny motorcycle. Now tiny motorcycle are largely electric,

which is terrifying but fine because it's not, it doesn't make a nightmare sound. Sure. But gas-powered tiny motorcycle. Are you familiar with tiny motorcycle? No. How tiny? We're talking about maybe two feet tall. Okay. Something like that. So you sort of imagine somebody like squished all together. So it's like the pony of the motorcycle like a pony. Yes. It's like a baby motorized. Wow. Smaller. Yeah. Wow. No, I haven't seen this. Is it because it's just like you can buy it at this? Probably hit its peak. No, you would buy it at like a shady imported goods store.

OK. Like a store that just says imports really big on the outside. You know what I mean? Sure. And it also sells like giant vapes or something. You know, like Rick and Morty bong. Yeah, exactly.

And they cost, I think they cost like $400 or something like that at their peak. It was like 2005. I would say it was the peak of these things. An absolute horror show made a horrible noise dramatically worse than the other things that were going on in my neighborhood in San Francisco at the time. I live in a very inner city neighborhood at the time. It was those tiny motorcycles, which were scary because you couldn't see them in your car and a nightmare because they made so much noise. Like 20-year-olds with SpongeBob backpacks, like tiny SpongeBob backpacks. That was the best of all these. That was wonderful. That was a joy to see

like a tough looking guy standing on the corner, like looking out for the cops, but also he's wearing a tiny spongebob backpack. Gorgeous. Okay, when something momentous happens to you, give us a call for our segment momentous occasions at 206-984-4FUN or just send a voice memo to JJGo at maximumfun. org. Here is someone who has did that. Jordan, Jesse and guests. This is Paige. She her previously from Chicago now in West Virginia. I'm just calling with a momentous occasion. You pause this for a second, Stephen. I'm

going to want to know sort of people's journey. Yes. Where were you born? Where'd you go to college? Where did you lose your virginity? Yes. Also, what place would you say made? Right, right. You know what I mean? It might not even be somewhere you lived. Maybe it's the time you went to the Grand Canyon

and you really thought about shit. Sure, or you studied abroad. And just, you know you know abroad it's so beautiful the blankets the people yeah men let's talk about the food have you seen the art abroad oh my god I went to a museum at the abroad when I was abroad I went to a museum I saw I learned a lot of the trinkets I love language I did this trinket I brought back from abroad. I learned a language. I love language. I love language, I did some journaling.

And finally, hi-yay. Okay, go ahead and press play. Yesterday, in the spirit of that lady that Jesse would see who would carry around the retractable switch or cane or whatever when she went walking. I wanted to feel safe walking alone on a deserted, isolated trail. So I brought a real pickaxe. And let me tell you, I did feel extremely safe.

I included a photo of it for you guys too. It was $5 at a thrift store. Best $5 they ever spent. Wow. Steven, can you- Can we see the pickaxe? Do we have a, I would, yeah, I'm curious if this is like a regulation pickaxe or- Are you concerned that she's corked her pickaxe?

Or I thought that it just might be from a gold miner costume, you know, from Spirit Halloween. She said a real pickaxe, right know, from Spirit Halloween. She said a real, she said a real pickaxe, right? She did, yeah. So I mean, I guess I'll take her at her word. She said she got it at a thrift store. She probably got it when she was on a chain game. Oh, that's, that's like old, that's old school. Yeah. That's like a full scale pickaxe. She's also shown it to us in situ, which I like. Like, I don't think it would have had the same impact did it not have a background of a bunch of trees

and a bed of leaves. You know what I mean? She looks like she's starting a new life. She does, yes. Like, this is where I'm gonna build home. Yes, and I'm gonna start by driving this pickaxe into the ground to symbolize the founding of my new home. Yeah.

God, I'd love to break ground on something. Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't you love to just, I actually, this is weird to admit on my podcast, but at home, I have a giant pair of scissors and a shovel in case I ever get invited to break ground on something. Hey, you don't have to dream that that big. You can go find ground. Uh-huh. And just break that shit? Isn't that how that works? Yeah. What's a giant ribbon cost?

You can cut that with the scissors. You've already got the scissors, so that's... Well, it could possibly cost $300. If that. If, oh yeah, for like a premium ribbon. But I'm not gonna but I'm not gonna Fuckin we can get you And we can find it, but I want can I be clear big ribbon I want a big premium Ribbon, I don't want like don't just go down to the 99 cent store. I see your concern. Joanne's has closed. Yeah, I see. And I don't want you guys going to Hobby Lobby. Yeah, no, no, no.

I'm uncomfortable with their politics. We wouldn't go anywhere unsavory. Do you think they have premium ribbons at Costco? Oh, I don't know. I could take a six pack. We were hoping you would know. OK. Yeah, you're the guy.

You're the guy to talk to. I don't know. I usually just go there for those affordable chickens. You know? We should cut one of those up with the scissors. Yeah, practice for that big ribbon we're gonna get you. Thank you, okay. Yeah. I'll go home and focus.

These things are attainable. These are attainable. Let's do this, let's take a break. Jesse, sharpen up those scissors. Get to work on that chicken flesh. You know what, Jordan? What? I don't need to cut a ribbon with these scissors.

I'll just bring them hiking. There you go. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jessico. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Do you want to travel this summer but don't have the time? Want to learn all about state mottoes and history without summer school? Or maybe you just love urban legends and Latin? Well, my friends, there's one podcast that ties it all together and celebrates the

American state's many-call home, E Pluribus Motto. Every episode we showcase a different state or Commonwealth or district or territory and celebrate its official motto and the absurdity of all its local life. We'll go across the country with stops at Oregon, New Mexico, Pennsylvania and so many more. Join us won't you to take in the sights and sounds. New episodes of E! Pluribus Motto every other week on Maximum Fun. What's more action-packed than prestige television? With more continuity than comic books?

And more reality than reality television? With more continuity than comic books? And more reality than reality television? One, two, three, yeah! It's professional wrestling! It's impossible! It's impossible! And to better understand wrestling is the ultimate form of entertainment,

you need the Tights and Fights podcast. This is the perfect wrestling show with a lot of love, a lack of toxic masculinity. And just the right amount of butts, cats, and spandex. Listen to Tights and Fights every Saturday on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, the Scissor King. Jordan Morris, Boy Detective. Otsuko Katsuka, leader of babies.

A lot of people, first of all, Jordan, a lot of people think that I'm the Scissor King because of my giant pair of scissors that I bring hiking. It's nice because I love to scissor. Sure. Well, yes, we know. We know. Yeah. We have seen your OnlyFans.

Right, but you want to keep it family friendly sometimes. You switch, right? You code switch depending on who you're with. If I get a corporate, I bring the giant scissors. Yes, yes. Yeah. You're not the scissor king, the other scissor king. And then when you're with your boys at the Comedy Cellar, that's when the...

When I'm with the boys, Jordan, I'm gonna tell the truth, okay? I'm gonna cross lines, I established that. That's the kind of shit I'm into, Jordan. Yes. Oh man. That's what you talk about, male scissoring. Yeah, scissor brothers. Yeah.

It's good. Male scissoring is nice because you can achieve what's called a scrotal orgasm. Sure. Yeah, that's where the friction between the scrotums. Right. Not to be mixed up with tantric sex. No, no, not at all. There's no touching at all. No, I'm trying to jizz as quick as possible. Yeah, you're not staying over here. Give me a fast, unsatisfying orgasm every time. Yeah. I don't want to connect with anything divine. I just want to rub balls and call it a day

Yeah, get on get on with get on with stuff. What it what kind of babies are you leading? Let's go Well, a lot of babies do have my hair cut So I've noticed, you know in the in public when babies see me they think I'm one of them I think that's what's happening We didn't know before what was happening me and my husband would be like at the airport. And these babies would just look at me. They all are so interested in me. Is it possible that it's because you are also wearing Geranimals?

As well. Because you have a top and bottom that coordinates so carefully. That, there's the bowl cut, there's the pizza nails. I mean, I'm just like, I'm like a walking toy store. So they're like, excuse me. I hear you. Dora the Explorer in person. I get the same thing cuz I look like one of the dads from Coco melon Okay. Huh? Yeah, see that's

But that's more hmm that could get dicey. Yeah, I can't babies following you. Yeah. Oh, I don't need it I don't need it people will need it. I don't want it. You'll be the guilty one. Right? I don't need it I don't want it. I don't need it. I don't want it. Because you'll be the guilty one. Right. I don't need it. I don't want it. I look like Big Bird. That's true. And Big Bird is, what's wild is, Big Bird is what? Six? Big Bird is six? Big Bird is a child. Six years old.

So aren't we all kind of children? I mean, that's true. Besides you, you're a dad. Honestly, I think that's a testament to my skincare routine. Yeah. It's great. I use CeraV my skincare routine. Yeah. You're still, yeah. It's great. I use CeraVe every night.

Sure. That's why you have- Oh, buoyancy of a baby. That's their- Oint is a baby. Log line. I also travel with a purple dinosaur. Wait, not dinosaur, fucking elephant.

Snuffleufagus? Yeah. Yeah, he's Big Bird's imaginary friend, right? Well, he initially was imaginary and then later became unimaginary. I didn't know that. This is a fun glimpse into Sesame Street canon. Yeah, a big part of the canon is that initially only Big Bird could see and talk to Snuffy, but then Snuffy became visible to everyone else.

And how old is Snuffy? 12? Eternal. 42 years old. So that's why he just bought a convertible. I'm a little concerned about that friendship too. And he's got to start getting his prostate checked. Yeah.

God, if you've never stuck your finger up a purple elephant's ass. Not purple, he's brown. What color is snuffy? Maybe maroon, maybe a mauve. Hey, I don't see color. There you go. Not me. There you go.

Not me. There you go. Not me. Yes. Otsuko, can I ask one thing, one last thing before we go about your special father? Your special. Comma. Father. Titled father. My father is special.

Special guy. He's a special dad. Yes. About your special father, you illustrate a special move of disapproval that you and your husband offer to things that you don't like. Oh, yes. Can you teach us to do this move? Is it okay if we also do this move? Because I was really... I mean...

Moved? I was moved by it. Moved by the move. Yeah. I mean, it's one a lot of us know. It's internationally known. It's the thumbs down. Yeah, but it's one a lot of us know. It's internationally known. It's the thumbs down. Yeah, but it's a big.

It's a big thumbs down. There's no need to be modest here. It's a lot more than just a thumbs down. Sure, sure. It's a thumbs up first, and then you kind of, and then you thumbs down really dramatically. But it has a sound, too. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, you've got to go up and then down. That's right. Make them think you're coming and then you're going. Make them think you're gonna tell them it's good but it's actually, I don't like this. You know what? I'm gonna take this opportunity Jordan. Otsuko's special father. Oh, yeah's right. It went from down to up because I loved it. It was so funny. It's a very funny special. You are Big Bird. Very funny. Yeah.

Thank you for listening to Jordan, Jesse, Go! Our producer, Stephen Ray Morris. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design. Our thanks to the band The Free Design. Our thanks to their record label, Light in the Attic Records. It is from Kites Are Fun, the best of the free design, which you can find inside your telephone if you have a music store. And we're going to be doing a live show on the show.

So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show.

So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a live show on the show. So, we're going to be doing a, Light in the Attic Records. It is from Kites are Fun, the best of the free design which you can find inside your telephone if you have a music service or, Jordan, at your local record store. That's a fun place to find it. It is. It's really fun. You can probably get a cool blacklight poster as well. Mm-hmm. And not necessarily of the free design. No, yeah. But they probably have those there. It's probably a little rack in the corner. Yeah.

It depends on how your record store feels about, you know, like Stereo Lab, that kind of thing. You know what I mean? Maybe they're into that kind of shit. It'll, yeah, it'll very... How twee is your record store? It'll vary from store to store. Join us on social media at jordanjessego.pod. On Instagram, Jordan David Morris and Jesse Thorne, very famous.

You can find us on bluesky at Jordan Jesse Go. Just Jordan Jesse Go, right, Stephen? Yes, that's correct. I knew it all along. Yeah, we all know it. And of course on Reddit at r slash maximum fun. We will talk to you next time on Jordan Jessi Go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.