Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Slippery Dips with Charlotte Nicdao

Episode Date: December 8, 2022

Charlotte Nicdao joins Jordan and Jesse to talk Tim Tam slams, the evolving cuteness of Blanka and an explanation of Pogs.Check out Charlotte in season 3 of Mythic Quest!

Give a little time for the child within you. Don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. You know what they got at Business Costco, Jordan? Have you been to Business Costco? Hold on. Yeah, I guess I didn't know that there was a business Costco and a pleasure Costco. I guess the existence of business Costco implies the existence of pleasure Costco. Business Costco in the front and then party Costco in the back.

There you go. Yeah. You've never been to the Costco business center, Jordan? Wow, a gallon of lube. It's so cheap. That's what you get at pleasure Costco. Anyway, lube. It's so cheap. That's what you get at Pleasure Costco. Anyway, no, tell me more. I've only visited Costco once in the last five years. My mom took me. Business Costco is a Costco where you can also buy an industrial slash commercial size deep fryer. My gosh. Okay. So this is like for restaurants and, you know, if you had a catering company, you would go to business Costco. Convenience store. Maybe you would go buy some product at the business Costco. The business Costco is a fucking dream because like the restaurant supply store, it like almost makes me sexually excited to think that I could have like

an industrial convection oven. Right. And like, I don't need it. It's not any better for my purposes necessarily than a home convection oven, a standard residential. But I just love the idea of having an industrial grade lifestyle. You just want what they have at the restaurant in the Hyatt. Oh God, yes. Oh, I would love to get that Hilton restaurant, be able to make those like a B minus tater tot. Oh, yeah, sure. That's where it's at. Just not have food samples. All the good things from Costco aren't there, but they have a...

Now, is this a separate building or is this like a section within Costco? Whole different building okay whole different building a whole other costco this is in the city of commerce jordan commerce california the city of commerce this incredible town nice drive-in out there you ever been to that drive-in oh great drive-in and plus you got the citadel there which is a ancient egyptian castle ancient Ancient Babylon themed outlet mall. Yeah. I think it's ancient Babylon.

I could be wrong. I could be confusing my ancient cultures. Yeah, I think it's Babylonian. Yeah, I think you're, no, you're absolutely correct. Now that I think back to it, I got some scratch and, some scratch and dent Gilgamesh's.

Yeah. I mean, it's so blatant just to attract kids, you know? Yeah. Kids fucking love Gilgamesh. Love, they love hanging gardens you can buy at the business costco a whole lamb wow i was disappointed to learn there was not a live lamb sorry so is it all things for restaurant businesses or can you buy like a big ass fax machine or something it's all things for mary my friend mary so she had yeah she had a little lamb yeah sure why not

i don't know i was kind of looking for a place to do that but yeah it doesn't matter i decided against it but thanks for i have no such standards jordan thanks for picking up my slack yeah no it's like you can you can buy you know like uh you know gasoline can full of printer ink that you just pour into your printer or like that kind of thing i bought some you know those kind of mats that go on the floor of a commercial kitchen that have the holes in them so the grease can drain away yeah sure i just bought three of those for my kitchen. Fucking, I'm going to be dumping shit all over the ground. I'm going to put some sluices in and just start hosing down my kitchen instead of sweeping and everything.

So when did you start going to business Costco? Like, did you need something that wasn't at standard Costco? So this is, I mean, I think it's, this is a classic business Costco story, which is I had purchased some art at a nearby auction house. And I was like, Costco business center? The fuck is that? So I stopped in for $1.50 hot dog. Right. And I poked my head in and I saw.

Great value. I saw the prices they got on these 10 by 10 canopies holy shit i started an outdoor cut rate cell phone kiosk on the spot dang on the fucking spot jordan beautiful they got all the seltzers i'm drinking a mineral agua right now i got that at business costco hey that's great it's great to have a seltzer options. Great value on seltzers, great value on USDA choice meats. They don't have the good meats, but they're, you know, they take what you can get meats. That area in commerce out by the Citadel, the ancient Babylon themed outlet mall. I guess there is a

unauthorized Jurassic Park restaurant. Someone has just created a Jurassic Park restaurant with animatronic dinos that is just operating. I saw a convoy of Jurassic Park vehicles, like bootleg Jurassic Park vehicles driving on the freeway the other day. They must have been headed to that restaurant. It was like five straight various levels of attention to detailed Jurassic Park Jeep type vehicles. None of which were an exact replica. Just all of which were just like somebody went to the vinyl wrap store and said, I got this Jeep-like vehicle. Could you Jurassic Park it up a little? You know what I mean? Yeah. That's kind of an easy skin to

slap on something. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to go buy a whole DeLorean, you know? That's true. Commerce is an incredible city, Jordan. Commerce is the home to the open to the public wholesale candy store. Ooh. Where you get a pallet and you walk around and you can put as much candy on the pallet as you, I mean, you have to pay for the candy. But like, if you need a case of bubblegum cigarettes, that's where you go. Amazing. Do they still make bubblegum cigarettes?

I would think that those would be, those would be out in this new, you know, woke culture that we live in. They're legal. You just, I mean, maybe you could get them in Nevada where people still approve of freedom of speech, but. They're legal. You just can't advertise them on television anymore. Oh, okay. You know, like when we were kids, that was like, it's crazy.

This stuff you could see right there on television. You know, you'd be watching MASH. Yeah. On channel 44. And there'd be watching mash yeah on channel 44 and there'd be an advertisement telly savalis for bubblegum cigarettes right you know huckleberry hound just horking him down by the handful that was crazy how huckleberry hound would hork them instead of chewing them and blowing bubbles you just hork them down that's a fun tongue twister to say when you're warming up your voice huckleberry hound horking them down huckleberry

hound horking them down jordan let's introduce our guest on the program no wait let's do 10 more minutes of this no let's introduce the guests our guest guest on the program, one of the stars of the smash hit television program, Mythic Quest. And Jordan, I don't know if you know this, our first ever guest from Australia who isn't family friends with Yahoo Sirius. So Claudio Doherty, family friends with Yahoo Sirius. Charlotte is not family friends. What about those guys from that Craigslist podcast? Oh, shit. Yeah.

Maybe they are friends with... Do you think they are or are not friends with Yahoo Serious? You know, let's shut it down. Do some more research. Let's reschedule this two weeks from now. Great. We have to have our facts straight. You know what?

Let's... R.E. Who is and isn't family friends with Yahoo Serious? We have Charlotte Nickdow here. Why don't we introduce her? We'll tape some stuff, and then we can find out later whether we need to erase all of it. I think that's- Does that sound- That sounds efficient and sensible. Charlotte Nickdow, welcome to Jordan Jessigo. What a joy to have you here. Thank you so much for having me. I actually

have it on good authority that those guys from that Craigslist podcast are very close friends with Yahoo Serious, which would make me the first Australian guest that is not family friends with Yahoo Serious, which I'm proud to be. Congratulations, by the way. What a thrill for you.

I'm thrilled. Charlotte, I love Mythic Quest. It is such a funny, great show. Thank you. I'm thrilled. Charlotte, I love Mythic Quest. It is such a funny, great show. Thank you. I was enjoying some new episodes. There is a new location this season. Yes. Mild spoilers for Mythic Quest Season 3.

Your character has moved into a new office that is essentially like a white void with no angles. Can you, wait, can you describe this before I ask you a question about it? This is a really wanky way to describe it. But when I first stepped foot on that set, I might, the first thing that I said was, oh my God, I feel like I'm in a James Turrell piece. Do you know that artist? He like does these.

Sure. Like in a James Turrell piece. Do you know that artist? He like does these. Sure. Like in a James Turrell piece. Yeah. Like in a James. So, and I'm sure all your listeners will be very familiar with. A lot of Turrell heads. Yes. Yeah. He was on, he was on two weeks ago. I was air checking a Jordan Jesse go on my way to business Costco this morning. And I heard myself say that I had that by pulling a rock, a giant rock out of the ground in front of my house, I had constructed an earthwork. So we can do Terrell stuff if we can do earthwork stuff. Spiral jetty humor and Terrell humor. Same page here.

You could have just said Apple advertisement, but. Yeah. I mean, that's the other thing that it looks like is an Apple store. And I don't know if that's an insult to Terrell or a compliment to the Apple stores. Beautiful stores. Beautiful. You shoot it on one of those giant white sets because like there are in show business. And I don't know why I've been to these places, but I have been to enormous hangers that are just white voids where they have that like 20 foot high white wall that slopes imperceptibly into

the ground well jesse you say you don't know why you were there let's just be real with it yeah i want to you're stalking john travolta jordan come on you and i both know i was there to shoot vr pornography with john travolta yeah sure It's a remake of Face Off. Face On, it's called. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it looks like, though. It does look like a VR porn set that John Travolta might star in.

It's not a void. It's actually been beautifully designed. When you see it on screen, it definitely looks like a sort of edgeless white space. But it also feels like that when you stand in it. Like they had like the walls are all curved and the light comes from nowhere and everywhere. And it was a very surreal space to be in, in the truest sense. There's no humor that I enjoy more than can't find the door to the bathroom humor.

That to me is the top category. We have a joke in the show where no one can find the elevator button because the walls are so smooth. And I had real trouble with that for my craft because they were like, so when you press the button, just like slap your hand anywhere on the wall because we won't see it. And I was like, right, but shouldn't we always be touching the same spot or like shouldn't we like have a little x or something so that we as actors know where the button is and they were like no that's that's the joke yeah they tend to have a void continuity guy on set right yeah yeah we couldn't afford that but the question i had about this area which i guess we should say is the like the douchiest possible version of a tech office is kind of the joke.

Of a tech office, yes. Does filming for hours and hours in this angle-less white void make you feel insane? Absolutely. Absolutely. And also my character, for people who haven't seen the show, like a fairly big touchstone of my character is that she eats a lot of candy. And I'm a big believer in if you're going to eat on screen, you should eat convincingly. Like I love pointing out when actors are taking teeny tiny bites of things because they don't want to be sick. And I'm like, suffer for your craft. Jeremy Strong said the exact same thing when he was on the show a couple weeks ago. ago well he and i have a lot in common in the way that we approach our work sure a lot of people have said that i am the australian sir ian mckellen literally eats until

he vomits oh does he yeah that's i've heard that about him too he you can tell and it shows you know yeah the vomit a little bit just a little Because they can't clean it all off between takes. Obviously not. But it's worth it. That's why he plays those bearded characters, to hide the vomit. Yeah, when he vomits, he lifts up his beard, just does it under, and then covers it back up again. Yeah, so I eat a lot of candy and exist in this big white void

and by the end of the day I'm absolutely crazy. There are also little pockets in the set that you can kind of hide in, like some of the walls jut out and I could fit underneath into these little alcoves where no one could see you. So I would eat all my candy, feel a bit crazy, and then go hide in a little corner until I heard someone say, why isn't Charlotte in her room? And then I'd like pop out and surprise everyone with my professionalism. I've curled into a candy ball. Yes. What are you eating? Does it have to be what

the character is actually eating? Or can you say like, I'm eating Skittles, but you're really eating Whoppers. Skittle doesn't look like a Skittle on camera. The greatest trick of Hollywood. At the beginning of the season, I was eating what I was given. And then about halfway through. Also, I don't think this has been something that my character has done since the beginning. I don't think in season one, I'm really eating candy. And then in season two, I was like, wouldn't it be funny if she ate a lot of candy? And season three, me is like, no, no, it wouldn't be Charlotte, you idiot. Why would you suggest that? So the beginning of this season, the writers really went hard with writing candy into every scene. So it wasn't just

me being like, oh, maybe I'll eat some of this or some of that. They would write specific candies that I was eating in every scene. And then halfway through the season, I was like, what if she's drinking soda? And it's just colored soda water, which kind of saved me at the end there. My pitch, if I was in your position, I'd be like, what if my character was always petting a little kitty and then he got to go home early? See, that's smart. That's the way to do it. Maybe I'll suggest that for season four. Pet a cat for a couple hours, knock off at three. That's my dream. My dream.

Are there any high quality Australian candies that don't exist in the United States? So many. So many good ones. I mean, because you guys don't have Mars bars, do you? We have something called a Mars bar, but I believe our Mars bar is different from yours Mars bar. Describe it. It's American, so it's just a chocolate gun. It's a gun covered in chocolate. And it's our right to eat it.

Ours is just like a chocolate healthcare system. It's free too. We have a thing called Tim Tams, which is a biscuit, I guess, that Americans go nuts for because you can't get them here. And when my dad came to visit set in season, I think he came to LA during season one to visit, and he brought like half a suitcase full of different flavored Tim Tams and turned me into the most popular person on set. It was great.

I know our friend Greg Barrett is one of these comedians who is as or slightly more famous in Australia than he is in the United States. I think Arj Barker, another example, Maria Bamford, also very successful in Australia than he is in the United States. I think Arj Barker, another example, Maria Bamford, also very successful in Australia. But Greg basically has built his entire emotional life around Tim Tams. Oh, so you know them. Yeah. Just all he ever wants to talk about is Tim Tams because what is so great about a fricking Tim Tam, Charlotte? Have you eaten one? Whoa. Because if you had, you wouldn't have to ask in such an aggressive tone. You know what? I'm just trying to juice things up a little. What's in a Tim Tam? Yeah, I guess I don't know. I think automatically I like it because that is maybe the most Australian

name you could give something. A Tim Tam? Yeah. Like if I was joking about something I ate when I went to Australia, I'd be like, oh, I had a packet of Tim Tams upon a koala. Jordan, did you know that they call playground slides dippy-doos? Slippery dips. Slippery dips.

Slippery do is, that's ridiculous. It's a slippery dim Yeah, Jessie They're not babies What a fucking great-ass country Well done Good job being from there Yeah, except for Mel Gibson

It's a home run all around I think he's from New Zealand Oh, thank God Okay, good And if he's not Then let's just like spread that Yeah Oh, wait

So what Yes, what is in a Tim Tam besides? It's a, it's a chocolate biscuit with a chocolate cream inside covered in chocolate. And it tastes delicious, but you can also do a thing with it called the Tim Tam slam, which is where you bite the tip off each end and then you can drink beverages through it. Oh, okay. Yeah. So you could

like so you could make a cup of milo and you could drink the milo through the tim tam because i don't know what milo is either i knew you wouldn't i've fallen right into your trap i've fallen into your snare it's like a malty chocolate drink are we we really? Are we doing the full tour of Australian snacks? So wait, malty chocolate? What is it? Malt. Oh, malty chocolate. Malt. I thought you meant that it had four different chocolates in it.

Oh, it's a malty chocolate drink. Like a fancy macaroni and cheese. Name any kind of chocolate you can. It's in there. When you said that you could do a Tim Tam slam, I think Jordan and I, I don't mean to speak for you here, Jordan, but I think Jordan and I immediately assumed that what you would do is you take a Tim Tam and then you have a stack of pogs. Right. And you slam. I don't, what's a pog?

It's a round cardboard disc originating in Hawaii. See, we're all learning a lot this episode. This is a cultural exchange. This was a fad that we experienced in the 90s. We were kind of kids in the early 90s. And a strange fad was there were these kind of cardboard discs. They originated in Hawaii. Originally, they were like a milk cap, I think. Yeah. And people would trade them. And, you know, there were a lot of branded pogs. I had some beloved Street Fighter pogs as a kid.

They had little chibi versions of all the Street Fighter characters. In the Put This On Shop right now at PutThisOnShop.com, we have some Jesus pogs. There you go. All your favorite characters from Jesus to Blanca. They kind of sound like Tarzos. Okay, what's a Tarzo? Well, they were little cardboard discs that people would trade. And you could do little flippy games with them.

Did you do flippy games? Okay, Tarzos. Pogs are Tarzos. Yeah, so a Pog is- Even their names for Pog is better. Jesus Christ, what are we doing over here in this shit country? I think that's right.

I don't think, Jordan, that Tazo stands for pineapple orange guava though, which is the best part of Pogs. That is true, yeah. That was the original drink it was attached to. That sounds amazing. Is it still available? The drink, absolutely. I've been to Hawaii. I've chugged some Pog juice. That sounds amazing. Is it still available? The drink? Absolutely.

I've been to Hawaii. I've chugged some pog juice. It's great. I gotta get me some pog. Pogs? Pogs? That's an interesting question, Charlotte. And we're going to have to leave that to our Hawaiian friends. We'll have to text Jonah Ray and ask him whether it's one pog or many pogs, one pog. Charlotte, I was curious if working on Mythic Quest like you do, has your life become just rich with video game related swag? Do people send you like stuffed Warios all the time? I, I, okay. Definitely. I have more video game swag in my life than I did pre-Mythic Quest. But I will also say I wish there was more.

I think that the video game world can see that I'm not the most authentic of the performers on the show. I mean, one of the other actresses and writers on the show is Ashley Birch, who if you're in the gaming world, she's like the biggest superstar of that world and so i think gaming whatever the people that choose who gets gaming gifts watch the show and they're like ashley birch that's right and she seems to be coming into set every other day with like oh look at this cool plastic like village dock for my controller that spreads across an entire coffee table and you can put

customized. And I'm like, where do I, I want that cool stuff. Why am I getting the cool things? Did you get to meet the real Blanca? I don't know what that means, which might be one of the street fighters. Might be why I'm not getting sent stuff. Listen, I don't know what social media you're on, but just start posting about Blanca. Call him the daddy from Brazil. He'll love that. Right.

He's my beloved video game as a kid, and I guess still is, is the Street Fighter series. My favorite character is Blanca, who is a green mutant who has electricity powers. And over the years, they have made him so much cuter and more huggable. Every iteration of Blanca is cuter and more huggable. And the new Blanca has overalls. He has a little pair of overalls. It's so cute. I just love him.

I'd like to see him with one strap on one strap off like LL Cool J. Yeah, sure. Or the Come On Eileen band. Oh yeah, sure. Dexy's Midnight Runners. There you go. LL Cool B. Ladies love Cool Blanca. Anyway. My favorite street fighter is Dalsim. That's the guy whose arms stretch, but it literally took me the last 10 minutes to remember what the stretchy arm guy. I usually, I just say,

what's the name of that stretchy arm guy from, from street fighter. And then Jordan helps me. That's what I'm here for. Yeah. What would be your dream swag? We're, we're the video game influencers of the world listening to this show.

And I think some of them do. Most of them. What would be your dream swag? I mean, I like all the cute games. Like, I played a lot of Animal Crossing, especially during lockdown. I love Stardew Valley. My favorite game when I was a kid was The Sims. Like, I like any game where you're basically just approximating a really relaxed, normal life where you wake up and just do some things that don't matter and then you go to sleep again.

I don't know. You probably did weird, horny stuff in The Sims, though, right? Isn't that the point of the sims that big love heart bed that you would have to be like you would delete the bed at the end like just in case anyone was going to come in and see that you bought that big love heart bed for the sims to do woohoo in wait a minute i guess there's a lot i don't know about the sims i'm learning i did not know that it had a horniness element to it there was definitely a horny element to it but you you couldn't be horny secretively you had to buy a big love heart shaped bed yeah and then the game would and then the game

would let you be horny that's a kind of an unlock for horniness yes that's right and then everyone would know you know if your sister came in while you were playing even if you weren't doing anything weird she'd be like oh you've got the love heart bed. You're doing woohoo. I don't know how it got there. Yeah. Oh, it just matches with the decor. I thought it was a dipsy do. Sometimes a dipsy do turns out to be a love heart.

We've learned anything. Honestly, I think that the PG rated fucking in The Sims is in its own way hornier than if there was nudity. It's outrageous. Wait, wait, what is it? What is it? Do you do you see it? They go in the bed and then it's like they're having a wrestling match.

Like the blankets all fly in the air and there's like limbs coming. Like it's it's it's a pretty intense visual. That is definitely a misunderstanding that I had about sex as a kid is that, you know, I think the sex scenes that we, you know, saw on TV, etc. were like people totally covered by blankets and then motioned under the blankets. Yes. I think until two years ago, I thought you had to be covered by blankets to have sex.

Jordan, spoiler alert, dude, for what sex is really like. Jesse's hoping to have a big Christmas this year. Dear Santa. One that would like to nut, i've been very good guys yeah uh charlotte you're of course a gifted actor a gifted and celebrated actor and so uh with the holiday season approaching i thought i would give you guys a little acting quiz a little actor quiz oh no do you guys think you can handle this the name of this quiz i put a picture of blanca with overalls in the chat by the way if you guys want to look at it oh i i actually do i do want to see that thank you for checking man he's pretty

cute i just want to hug him this is important linking us to that oh he's adorbs oh wow and it is the one-shouldered overall. And he has a little neckerchief. I like his little bandana. Yeah. The bandana is also very cute. Anyway. It's like a friendly dog.

Yeah. Now that we agree that Blanca is cute. Go on, Jesse. What were you saying? You prepared a piece of content for us? Jordan, would you say that Blanca is probably the world's cutest green electric mutant? Oh, yeah. No contest.

No contest. Okay. It's not even a... Okay. People are writing in right now. Number two is so far. I'm trying to think who else is electric. Yeah.

I mean... Well, Dylan. Did you know in Jordan... Not me, not my Dylan. Jordan, did you know that inia at every wedding they play that song electric dipsy too i don't know fuck it that's fun to say stuff i guess fuck it why are we doing this jesse you prepared a piece of content for us yeah it's not any better than the other bullshit just no we're gonna love it it's gonna be fun man no i'm excited i believe

in the in the content we all believe in the content. We all believe in the content. Don't fucking torpedo it before we've actually done it. This is a multiple choice quiz. And Charlotte, I'm going to let you go first. Okay. The name of this quiz is which of these is the real co-star of Lindsay Lohan's new Christmas movie? So Lindsay Lohan is making a television Christmas movie for one of the big television Christmas movie networks. It marks her return to acting after her various other returns to acting. And of course, she's very talented. We really wish her the best in her efforts to be together and do her great work. She has a co-star in the movie, a male lead. All these movies, of course, about some people falling in love

and learning that people belong in small towns and not wearing high heels in some fancy office. Very true. Charlotte, is this a genre that you respond to, this kind of Christmas movie? I have not watched the Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie, not because I'm uninterested, but because I am literally saving it for Christmas Day.

Like that's going to be the highlight of my Christmas Day. So I think, look, I just am quietly confident that I'm about to win the content. But wait, is the quiz, has it got more than one question about Lindsay Lohan's co-star or is it just one question and the question is who is the co-star? So the title of the quiz is which of these is the real co-star of the new Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie? Okay. And you know, you're just going to have to use what I call your actor's

intuition to figure this one out. Are you ready, Charlotte? I'm so ready. Okay. Which of these is the real co-star of the new Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie? Hamish Westmoreland, Bertram Chippendale, Tennyson Dressage, Beaumont Land Rover, Blort Pimpernel, Court Yankee, National Anthem, Chode Lacrosse, Bugatti Goldman, Montgomery Blazer, Ludwig Amadeus Bach, Dijon Mustard, Q Luggage Ferrari Esquire, Calliope Hamptons, Paris Symphony, Sir Arthur Gallery. Wait, am I supposed to stop you when I think that this is it? I'm going to start from the beginning. Okay, okay.

Go again. Hamish Westmoreland. The joke is that there's a lot of options. Bertram Chippendale. We're sorry. Tennyson Dressage. Hold on. Bowman Land Rover.

Blort Pimpernel. Court Yankee, National Anthem, Chode Lacrosse. The first one. What was the first one? The first one's Hamish Westmoreland. Okay, great. Second one is Bertram Chippendale. Proceeding to the third, that's Tennyson. I know them then from there up to Dijon Mustard and then. Okay, so.

Should I be taking notes? Then cue. Okay. So. Should I be taking notes? Then Q. I mean, have you not been taking notes? Shit. For the program in general? There will be a quiz afterwards. I thought this was the quiz. Yeah.

Which of the following is a word we used on George Jesse Go? Which of the following is something we said to kill time? Which of the following is something we said to kill time? Dijon Mustard, Q Luggage Ferrari, Esquire, Calliope Hamptons, Paris Symphony, Sir Arthur Gallery, Cord Overstreet, Topiary Julep, F Remington, Windsor Gunt, Cabernet Sauvignon, Ascot Pinkberry, Heathcliff T. Cat, Wilson Fisk, Otto Octavius, or John Francis Alistair Mitzopitalik? If you need them, I can repeat them for you, Charlotte. But which of those is the real co-star of the new Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie? What did you say before Paris Symphony?

Okay, so I said a number of names before that. That would be Hamish Westmoreland, Bertram Chippendale, Tennyson Dressage, Beaumont Land Rover, Blort Pimpernel, Court Yankee National Anthem, Chode Lacrosse, Bugatti Goldman, Montgomery Blazer, Ludwig Amadeus, Bach, Dijon Mustard, Q Luggage, Ferrari, Esquire, Calliope Hamptons. Yes. Okay. Oh yeah. So my question is, is the name Paris Symphony or is the name Calliope Hamptons Paris Symphony? Because that's going to greatly affect my answer so it's two different names two different real names calliope hamptons and paris symphony so it's not the paris symphony of calliope hampton no no no no no no no no no no i would be crazy i don't know if they're related i mean i don't think these people they go to the same coming out parties and they, you know, it's a ball season and everything.

What was the first one? Hamish Westmoreland. That. Incorrect. Jordan, over to you. Which of these is the real co-star of the new Lindsay Lohan Christmas movie? Is it? Jesse, can I just hear answers three, six, nine, and ten?

Yeah. just hear answers three six nine and ten yeah tennyson dressage court yankee montgomery blazer and ludwig amadeus bach i'm gonna say court blazer incorrect sorry guys you both lost and we'll be back in just a second on jordan jesse go it's jordan jesse go i'm jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. Every episode of Jordan, Jesse Go brought to you by you, the members of Maximum Fun. Thank you, members of Maximum Fun. Thank you for going to MaximumFun.org slash join and supporting our show. The members make the difference, Jordan.

That's what they say. That's why we do it. It's why we're here. It's why we're fucking around every week. We would literally be curled up in bed crying if it weren't for the members of Maximum Fun during this 90 minutes or so. Right. Get it out of our system.

And we've significantly cut into our weekly crying time to bring you this show, which is a cry for help. Yeah, technically. We're also supported this week by the folks over there at Raycon. Now, Jordan, the holiday season can be very stressful. Wrapping gifts is probably the most stressful part of it for me, frankly. Oh, yeah? You don't like scotch tape? When I worked at a bookstore that offered free gift wrapping, it was like you had to upsell at the counter, but you were allowed to say, did you know we offer free gift wrapping? So then people would say yes, and I would fuck it up.

And like, do you have any idea how easy it is to wrap a book relative to something difficult to wrap? Yeah, that is one of the easiest things to wrap. But I'm with you. As a guy who has a problem wrapping gifts, I totally sympathize. I hope that when people receive my poorly wrapped gift, like it's so bad that it's charming, that's what I'm going for now. Like, just pretend a little kid did this. I had to convince my mom to put what child was each gift was for, for each of my children. Okay. Wrapping gifts, it's hard. But if you're looking for the actual gift itself, we're going to make that real easy for you because we're going to tell you about

some premium audio products from Raycon. These are wireless earbuds, headphones, and speakers. They offer premium sound. They've got great features. They've got an almost custom, comfortable fit. Jesse, I've got some Raycon wireless earbuds. I use them all the time, walking around, going on a run. I get to take my music with me. I get to take my podcasts with me. They sound great. They fit great. I love these things. And if you have a music freak on your list, if you've got a podcast fan on your holiday list, Raycons, they're great. I think they'll love them. And I think you'd love them.

Grab yourself some Raycons. You know what? Music freak, podcast fan, bird song enthusiast. Yes. Someone who thinks the regular world doesn't have enough clanking. No matter what your gift he likes to listen to, Raycon is a great way to listen to it. And right now you can go to buyraycon.com slash JJGO to get 15% off site-wide with the code HOLIDAY plus free shipping. That's code HOLIDAY at buyraycon.com slash jjgo for 15% off your Raycon purchase. Buyraycon.com slash jjgo.

We're also supported this week by the folks over there at Stitch Fix. Yeah, Stitch Fix is a really, really fun, easy way to shop for clothes. Jesse, I don't know if you know this, but I have a very stylish friend maybe you know them emily fleming yeah sure you know my always looks great always has a lot of great thrift store finds always looks good the other day i was hanging out with her and i was wearing my famous green jeans that i got from stitch fix i walk into the room first thing out of emily's mouth. Hey, great pants, she says. Great pants. To get a style compliment from this style king.

Oh my gosh. From the great Emily Fleming? Yeah. Yeah. Loved the green jeans. And basically every time I wear a piece that I get from Stitch Fix, I always get some nice compliments and I nom them right up. I love them.

The nice thing about Stitch Fix is it's not just that they're like recommending something cool for you, but it's something that is specific to your tastes because there are real life people, real stylists, human beings who are looking at your responses to their little fun style quiz and picking out stuff specifically for you that you will like. You don't have to buy any of it. They'll make a little store for you or they'll send you a box full of stuff and you can return whatever you don't like. Very neat service, very pleasant. And, you know, maybe you'll get some green jeans and find out that should have been what you were wearing the whole time.

Yeah. I feel like I wasted 40 fucking years not wearing green jeans. But right now, Stitch Fix is offering our listeners $20 off their first fix at stitchfix.com slash JJ go. That's stitchfix.com slash JJ go for $20 off today. Stitchfix.com slash JJ go. We also have new t-shirts in the Max Fun Store, Jordan. Yeah. We have our Saying Words t-shirt. Brian Sondity Fernandez designed these t-shirts. They're gorgeous. As you know, what is a podcast if not saying words? Exactly, exactly. So by wearing this shirt, you will become a podcast. Oh my gosh, you could finally become a human podcast hybrid. That's

your dream, listener. It's the perfect gift for the one other person you've ever met that listens to this show. Go to maxfundstore.com, get that shirt, and also our nicknames shirt. Yeah, Radio Sweetheart, Boy Detective, and three of the bestest nicknames we've ever had on the show. Of course, Repeat, Clankity Car, and Explodo. Really just a way to baffle anyone who sees you. You like to confuse those around you. MaxFunStore.com

to get some truly beautiful, truly confusing shirts. Jordan, I'm going to be at the South Pasadena Vintage Flea Market on Saturday, December 17th. If anybody's in Southern California, they should come see me and do some Put This On Shop shopping. And if anybody needs a beautiful holiday gift, go to PutThisOnShop.com because we got a bunch of cool stuff for everybody. We made some dad hats, Jordan. They're already sold out. Oh, my God. We sold all of them as pre-orders before they even got finished being made.

So go to maxfundstore.com, choose one of the many beautiful treasures available there. And thanks for listening to Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm just assuming that at the end of this segment, everyone's quitting forever, I guess. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jesse go. It's Jordan, Jesse go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart, Jordan Morris, boy detective and Charlotte Nick Dow, an homage to fromage. Don't we all just live our lives as an homage to fromage? I like to think so. I want cheese to be proud of me.

Charlotte, what's your top three cheeses? I, look, I love a, what's the really creamy, stinky one? The French. Rue? Daffanois. Camembert? Camembert. Oh, okay.

A Daffanois. Oh, wow. Yeah. That sounds stinky. I love a Daffanoir. Camembert. Oh, okay. A Daffanoir. Oh, wow. Yeah. That sounds stinky. I love a Daffanoir. That's only one. We asked for top three. Oh, top three. You really fucked this up, Nick Dow. I did say it three times. Does that not count?

No, that's how you get it to come to life. Yeah, if you see it three times, it appears in the mirror. It comes back from hell. It's like Candyman in that way. I'm going to go with Daffanois, Jarlsberg, total other end of the spectrum,

and you know those little baby bell cheeses that go in the red, in the wax? I had one of those, again, since childhood recently, and I was like, this is great. Yeah, those are good. Yeah. I got to tell you, I don't like the cheese very much, but God, do I love that wax.

Yeah. And again, like having it as an adult, I will take the wax off and be thinking how much I love the wax. Yeah. It's such a novelty. Jordan, you're a former cheesemonger and you're the host, of course, of Shooting the Breeze, the Max Fund Members Only Cheese Podcast with you and John Hodgman. Yes. We're going two episodes strong. What are your top three cheeses? Well, first of

all, the wax that covers the baby bell. I'm with you to 100%. Absolutely. I just wish all food could be wrapped in that wax. Can I get a burger covered in that wax? Oh, God, that would be a delight. Can you imagine? And you've got the little strip so that you can hold the burger with like a half wax after you take the top off. Charlotte's Burger would have a canned pineapple slice on top of it. What's the other thing that's on there? And beetroot.

And beets. Yeah. Beets and canned pineapple. That's an Australian burger. You wouldn't have both. That's a bit, that's going a bit far. I think you would choose either the pineapple or the beets for your burger. One or the other, Jordan. What's your other top cheeses? Oh, okay. So my Shootin' the Breeze co-host, John Hodgman, and I both share a love of a just deli sliced white American cheese. We love it. We both have had experiences of just standing near our open fridges and eating it out of the packet. Classic. It's so good. You can melt it on anything. And then let's see. You know, when I monged cheese back in the day at say cheese and beautiful silver Lake, I I'm right by say cheese. Oh, nice. Yeah. I, I was so bad at that job. Do

not mention me. If you go in, they'll kick you out. It's not going to get me free Daffan. It will not know you'd say, say, you know me and I'm kind of an asshole. it will not no you say say you know me and i'm kind of an asshole maybe that nice man will help you with some cheese no and we had i remember we they gave us some little samples of a cave-aged gruyere a gruyere that was literally wrapped in volcanic ash and buried in a cave and could just be the ceremony surrounding it that i liked so much but i'm like oh this this is wonderful that's my jam That's the cheese that I'm into. If it's got ash around, well, maybe it's just any cheese that's covered in something that's not cheese. If it sounds like it's part of a Wiccan ritual, then I want to eat it.

God, I love a good Wiccan. You know, surprisingly affordable Wiccan cheeses at Trader Joe's. Yeah. High quality, surprisingly affordable wick and cheeses at trader joe's yeah high quality surprisingly affordable because they come from the same factories as the expensive wick and cheeses are made they just have different labels on them right although it's all sabra i do worry about the the working conditions for those witches and warlocks and warlocks. Sure. And warlocks. Hey, Producer Daniel, we got a call, don't we? We have somebody called us in, 206-9844-FUN, and they left us a momentous occasion. Is that right? Yes, it is right. He's nodding.

He's nodding silently. Hey, Jordan, Jesse, and we'll guess Emily Heller. This is Aiden from D.C., just having lunch in York, Pennsylvania, and sitting right behind a car in the parking lot with a bumper sticker with a yin-yang on it that reads, Sick Dads Who Vape for Christ. Again, that's Sick Dads Who Vape for Christ. And a 20-something woman just got into the car to drive it away, which I would not have anticipated. Love you guys. This kind anticipated uh love you guys this kind of feels like you planted this here uh bye love you too um any look i don't think that being a

sick dad has to be gendered i think it was thick dad oh a thick dad oh does that change your response to the call i thought it was a sick dad. I thought it was sick dad too. And I was wondering if it was like sick, like unwell or sick, like sick. Sick bro. Dude, sick dad. He came to all your t-ball games. Fucking sick, dude. Jordan, you're already known for kind of having a, like a mind or a perspective,

a sense of humor. That's a little bit twisted. A little twisted, yeah. So in a way, you're almost a sick dad now. I mean, all you need is a son. I got to get a son. I'm working on it. I'm working on it.

I would say if you want to be a sick dad, you're going to need to get a son. You could have a daughter and be a sick dad. I don't think that the- That's a great point. Yeah. The gender of your child doesn't change. need to get a son you could have a daughter and be a sick dad i don't think that the point yeah the gender of your child doesn't change but jordan's not he hasn't he's not been working on that oh i see i've been working on the sun thing joshua you know first things first i've been covered by a bunch of blankets if you know what i mean throwing my limbs out yeah i'm having a heartbed installed yeah no i think i think this i hate to say it but i think that the person who had this bumper sticker is kind of you know has a twisted deadpool mimi sort of sense of humor and i think

they were looking for this when they're cruising around with this baffling bumper sticker, they're looking to, you know, freak out the normies. And I think, I think that's what happened to our caller. I feel, I feel bad pointing that out, but I think obviously that bumper sticker was, you know, meant to elicit confusion. What kind of vapor, what kind of vapor, Stunker? What kind of bumper sticker? Jesse, do you need help? Sorry. Can you smell pennies or whatever?

Are you okay? Guys, just stop making toast and everything will be fine. No one's making toast. Here's my question. What kind of bumper sticker does a real thick dad who vapes have? Oh. The Christ? Well, I mean, for whomever.

I like the idea that some people are vaping for others. Too many selfish vapers out there. I think he would just have a bumper sticker that said, my child is a thick honor student at Altadena Elementary. Real thick ass honor student. student at Altadena Elementary. Real thick ass honors student. If you have a momentous occasion for us, give us a call 206-984-4FUN, or send us an email at jjgoe at maximumfun.org. You know, you can just record a little voice memo on your phone now, Jordan. Phones have microphones inside them.

Amazing. What an age we live in. It's incredible. Mine is a calculator. Send those voice memos to jjgoe at maximum them. Amazing. What an age we live in. It's incredible. Mine is a calculator. Send those voice memos to JJGo at MaximumFun.org. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan and Jessica. You probably already have a favorite animal. Maybe it's a powerful apex predator like the tiger or a cute and cuddly panda. And those are great, but have you considered something a little more unconventional? Could I perhaps interest you in the Greenland shark, which can live for nearly 400 years? Or maybe the jewel wasp who performs brain surgery on cockroaches to control their minds?

On Just the Zoo of Us, we review animals by giving them ratings out of 10 in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics. Listen with friends and family of all ages to find your new favorite animal with Just the Zoo of Us on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. Hello, I'm a scuffing dowager countess. Travis? I'm judging everybody's manners. Oh, no.

Schmaners isn't judgy. It's about teaching you to be your best self and be a little more confident when you enter social situations that you don't understand. And maybe also teach you a little bit about history you didn't know or give you interesting things to talk about at parties. Yeah, like the secret life of Emily Post. Or like why wristwatches are the way that they are. We can talk about table manners from the Victorian era. Sure, or what it's like to attend a Regency ball. Yeah. You can find all that and more if you listen to Schmanners on Maximum Fun

or wherever your podcasts come from, I guess. Schmanners, Schmanners. Get it? It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Moore's boy detective. Charlotte Nickdow, homage to fromage. What a joy to have you on the program, Charlotte. You know, a lot of people, Jordan, ask us, what is this show for? You know, why do you record this show? Why do people listen to this show? Or just kind of what the fuck? You

know, they'll hear this, just say, what the fuck? I get asked that question a lot too. Right. And ultimately, I think think that this show if it's about anything and you know it's not but if it's about anything it's about intercultural exchange yes yes in a way in a way aren't we all sucking knowledge through the Tim Tams of relationships? You know, I always say that. I'm always saying that. You're constantly saying that.

I'm always saying, aren't we all sucking knowledge through the Tim Tam of intercultural relationship? You know, a lot of people think that it's inevitable that Australia and the United States would be at war. But I think that if we could travel to Australia, meet young Einstein, Yahoo Sirius, and see him drink a multi-chocolate drink through a Tim Tam, and he in turn could come to our summer camps and see us drink a Capri Sun through a red vine with the end spit off, that exchange could prevent thermonuclear Armageddon. Right. I believe. I believe.

I believe too. Or just Hugh Jackman coming over and giving us a wedgie. Yeah. He's like, ha ha ha, I'm strong and I can dance. Fuck you. How dare you. I'm even better at the music, man, than the guy from Wings. Charlotte, I really do love Mythic Quest. It's such a funny show. You're so great on it. I think

if you like video games, it's definitely like there's so many fun Easter eggs in it. And I love- If you like Easter, there's a lot of fun video games in it. Right. And yeah, I can't wait to see what you get up to in that formless white insanity void this season. Thank you so much for having me. This has been so fun. I like to think, I think our show is the formless white void of podcasting.

Yes. It's hard. I'm feeling it. It's hard to find the bathroom. We've been driving people to madness for 12 years now, Jordan. There's no elevator button to get out. No, you're trapped in here with us. Well, that's it for this week's Jordan, Jesse Go. Our producer, Daniel Zafran. Our producer emeritus, Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. Our theme music,

Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of the free design and light in the attic records. You can find us on Twitter at Jordan underscore Morris at Jesse Thorne. You can find us on Reddit at Maximum Fun dot Reddit dot com. Boz Skaggs dot Reddit dot com as well. And you can always email us at JJ go at maximum fun.org or other shit. Did I list all the things? Oh, Instagram put on and Jordan,

David Morris, Jordan, David Morris would be a good name for you. If you were in a Prague rock band. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Or if I was like a child actor from 1992.

Oh, fuck. Yeah. You know, all those fuckers used all three of their names. You weren't a fucking child actor from 1992 oh fuck yeah you know all those fuckers used all three of their names you weren't a fucking child actor in 1992 why not no didn't want to make the drive yeah didn't want to make the drive and i was burbank you're like that's all the way on the other side of la thank you and you know i was on home improvement briefly, but Tim Allen and I didn't get along. You stole his blow, didn't you? I stole his blow.

And I always wanted less power. Yeah. He wanted more. I wanted less. When I was a kid, I was on Cheers for a while. But then I got in a fight with Kelsey Grammer's Tiger. Right. And I really kicked its ass.

Oh, boy. And Kelsey Grammer was not happy. He was very drunk at the time. That'll get really kicked its ass. Oh, boy. And Kelsey Grammer was not happy. He was very drunk at the time. That'll get you kicked off. Cheers. Yeah. I also made out with Bebe Neuwirth. Well, that'll do it.

So, win and a loss. Yeah. That tiger shouldn't have parked in your spot, though. I know this fucking guy. He thinks just- It was labeled. He literally thinks that was labeled he literally thinks that just because he drives a

and this is surprising Jaguar he can park in any spot he wants I gotta park somewhere you know with my cozy coupe well you were you were morally in the right I'm sorry it got you kicked off cheers but well you know

things are going pretty good regardless right i mean i mean i'm no i'm not doing as well as i was then yeah that's true is that is that what you mean i mean i was just podcasting now i was on cheers yeah the greatest sitcom of all time i lost it for getting in a fight with a fucking pet tiger. But you know, this is fun, right? Shooting the shit.

You can do it in your underwear, right? Come on. Yeah, it's fine. We'll talk to you everybody next time on Jordan, Jessica. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you.

Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.