Jordan, Jesse, GO! - Slurry With The Turd On Top, with Cory Doctorow

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

This week, author Cory Doctorow joins us on the pod to talk NFTs, tech commune living, and his brand new book Red Team Blues which is available for purchase right now!Pre-order Jordan's upcoming Archie Horror comic "Camp Pickens" at your local comic shop NOW with code APR231183! On shelves 6/21! Get your signed copy at Golden Apple Comics.Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use JJGO for 30% off + Free Shipping. Stitch Fix is offering my listeners $20 off of their first fix at StitchFix.com/JJGO

Give a little time for the child within you, don't be afraid to be young and free. Undo the locks and throw away the keys and take off your shoes and socks and run you. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh, I'm Jesse Thorne, America's Radio Sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. I've exercised too many, Jordan. Too much, too many of, too many of moves? Too many moves for Jesse? What would you say is too many exercise? To me, it's, I mean, if I'm frank, probably around three quarters.

Three quarters of one exercise unit? Yeah. But I think two is too many. And today I've done three. Oh my gosh. So you're basically a triathlete. I went to the flea market this morning. Okay.

Are you counting that as an exercise? Yeah, because I'm on my feet. I'm out there pumping my legs. Wheeling and dealing. Yeah. I should mention, I usually do the flea market on a recumbent bicycle. Okay. Well, yeah, that's going to up your cardio.

Okay. And then I went to the pool. I took my daughter to the pool. Amazing. Lincoln Park pool in Los Angeles. Now, when you're taking the kids to the pool, when you're dropping the kids off at the pool. Right. Are you shitting in the pool? Yes.

When you're taking the kids to the pool, what are you, Jesse, dad, doing? You mean when I'm at the pool? Yeah. Are you like... Do you mean I'm like packing a bag, I'm getting in a car, I'm driving? Oh, I guess I just mean while they're, you know, doing kid pool stuff. Oh, I guess I don't know. Maybe are they doing laps?

Are they part of like a swim class or something like that? Or are they just messing around? No, not at all. They're just messing around and I'm just there just trying to recognize the moment when fun tips into disaster. Okay. And strike just before it happens

by like just drawing them up under my arms like two bushels of straw. Have you thought about learning the Vulcan death grip? God, I would love that. Just conking them right out. They wake up in their beds, safe and sound. Jordan, not only would this be perfect for situations where I'm at the pool and I can see that things are about to go sideways,

they're also perfect for when I'm on the bus and some punk rock guy won't turn off his goddamn boombox and you know when things are going sideways don't you when the kids start drinking Merlot I'm not drinking Merlot I would never drink Merlot from the movie

Sideways you did a Star Trek thing I did a Sideways thing we probably should have done one of the two things but we didn't we each did our own thing go ahead so yeah went to the went to the lincoln park pool hold on hold on your your count i'm just i want to i want to save you you know i want to save your menchies when you're counting going to the pool as an exercise unit. Right. How, how, how, when, why are you counting that as an exercise?

It doesn't sound like you're, you know, doing laps. Sounds like you're, you're kind of just, you're watching, which is fine, which you should do that. You're a good, but it seems like you're counting this as an exercise. Do you have any idea how much thicker water is than air? Sure, yeah. Have you ever even been in water? Not as thick as blood, though. Have you been in water, Jordan? As the film sideways taught us. Jordan, have you ever been in water?

Answer me that right now. Honestly, don't bullshit me because people are listening to this. Some people. I was in my mother's womb for nine months. Wow. And I never felt more connected to the beauty that is womanhood. Just because I'm a Petri dish baby.

Exactly. It was gestated. Maybe that's not water. Maybe that's like some sort of fluid. Anyway. Yeah, I believe it's a fluid. I don't know what's not water. Maybe that's like some sort of fluid anyway. Yeah, I believe it's a fluid. I don't know what's in there. I'm just, because, Jordan, I'm swimming around in the shallow end.

Okay. I'm doing that kind of back floaty swim where you do frog legs. Okay. I'm doing the reachies. I'm doing a little goofing around. I'm picking up kids, dumping them in the water again. All this kind of stuff is going down there at Lincoln Park. You're throwing in change for the kids to dive for?

Yeah. And I went to the lowrider show that was right next door there. So I did two important things at Lincoln Park. The lowrider show. Shout out to Eastside Bombas hosting. You know, I hear dads don't throw change in the pool anymore. I hear they're throwing NFTs. Wow.

Thanks, Jordan. They're just taking monkey gifs, tossing them down, tossing them in the pool, and the kids are diving for those. Yeah, that's what I've heard too. And then I went and played basketball with my son. Okay. None of these constitutes more than 10 total minutes of aerobic exercise. It's just that any minutes seem an excess to me. I think you are fine to go on the record as having done one exercise with all of those modest exercise units. I think they add up to one.

Which one is the one? Which ones are you erasing? Combined, they're one. You can't just erase the past. No, I would never do that. I love the past. It's how we learn about the future, you know. Wow.

Anyway, I think, Jesse, good good for you you're a wonderful father and you're gonna it's gonna get it's gonna get easier that tread and water is gonna get easier the walking around at the flea market and you're sore now but you're gonna be you're gonna be so jacked come swimsuit season jordan thinks he's so fucking great thinks he's so fucking great because he grew up in fluid. Thinks he's so fucking great because he's so good at treading water. Thinks he's so fucking great because he does one exercise every 20 minutes or whatever. That's true.

I count kegels.. I count kegels. I do count kegels. Kegels in that thing where you stretch out your finger, you interlace your fingers, and then stretch them out forward right before you start typing. No, I'm not wasting my time with that. How's that help my pelvic floor?

It doesn't, so it is a waste of my time. Sorry, my timer went off. Oh, gosh. Yeah. I'm worried that we should introduce our guest, but I'm not sure if he's going to be lost if he doesn't know that Jordan has a timer to time his diarrheas. know that Jordan has a timer to time his diarrheas. Oh, Jesse, I told you I wanted the audience to think those were kegels.

Secrets out. I'm a diarrhea baby. Is that somebody that has diarrhea as frequently as does a baby? No. Well, that's I didn't grow up in fluid, like I said. Oh, wow. Well, I guess I technically did. Wow.

Wow. This just got way grosser than Jordan Jesse Go has ever been. All of our years of talking about jacking off are primarily jack off themed show. If we if I slow down, I die jesse i'm an i'm like a shark i make one diarrhea joke which i immediately regret and jordan you immediately fly me to the moon like old blue eyes that's why they call me it sounds like oh Okay. Now, I liked my thing, but your thing? Gosh. Jordan, you know we have an acclaimed novelist on the program, right?

Oh, boy. What are we doing here? I guess he left the Zoom. I'm sure it was a connection issue and not regret for booking himself on the show. Our guest on the program, best-selling novelist. I'm not afraid to say it, Jordan. A thought leader. This guy's a thought leader.

All these thoughts would be completely lost without this guy. He was longtime co-editor on Boing Boing. A longtime member of Maximum Fun, for which we're very grateful, and a lovely and delightful man who has a brand new book called Red Team Blues, Corey Doctorow. Hi, Corey. Hello. Thank you for having me on. That was delightful, especially hearing. I think that the word you're looking for for what you grew up in is not a liquid, but a slurry. Yeah, there you go. Thank you, Corey.

Thank you. I was searching for the word. Le mot juste. Yeah. Corey, you cringed a little bit when Jesse referred to you as a thought leader. Is that not a label you like? Yeah, you know, that feels like one step down from Ted Talker. Yeah, you know, that feels like one step down from TED Talker.

Is that what people who have conducted TED Talks are known as? TED Talkers? I think they're TED Talkerangians, TED Talkerangians, something like that. Helen Zaltzman, our past guest on the program, I think did a TED Talk at some point. I'm going to have to let her know that she's a TED Talker from here on out. I know Zaltzman's worked very well. I've been on a stage with her brother, Andy. Oh, a lovely man. A delightful man. Yeah.

Have you never been asked to TED Talk? Or maybe you have TED Talked. Oh, I've done TEDx, which is, you know, the low-rent TED. Yeah, they'll let anyone in that one. But no, I mean, can we tell tales out of school yeah i got school baby this is classes classes over behind the school smoking cigs yeah well i got invited to do a storytelling hour that neil gaiman was putting together in vancouver and i just had a hip surgery and i said i'm not flying from London unless you can spring for business class airfare because I'm on oxy and they said Ted can't afford business class airfare for the volunteers who come and speak to the people who pay four thousand dollars to attend and I said I'm not going so

that's as close as I ever came and Neil to his credit was, that was bogus. You did the right thing. So could they score you any oxy? No, I mean, I didn't need that. I had a Harley Street Quack. I was living in London. They'll give you anything if you've got private insurance. Yes. You name it, it's there. They've just got like a briefcase, a very nice one from fortnum and mason

you know finished in kid leather uh it's that's that is the that's how we do it in london no the national health right yeah well no no this is the you do it on private this is why they're so anxious to dismantle the the national health because once everyone has private you can just get all the oxy you need from a harley street quack yeah so tired of these Harley Street Quacks. Jordan, just so you know, I spent a lot of time in the UK. Harley is a street in London that's famous for its ducks. It is. It is. It's right near the Serpentine where all the ducks swim in the pond. They all belong to the queen and they can break a man's arm with their wings. Yeah. Wow. These sound like some powerful ducks we should eradicate.

We're learning so much about the United Kingdom. Why did Helen Zaltzman never tell us any of this? Because they like foreigners to be confused when they go over there. They walk right into the duck pond and they're deaf. Corey, I have an important question about your new novel, Red Team Blues. Yes.

Is it sort of tangential to your new novel, Red Team Blues. Yes. Is it sort of tangential to your new novel, Red Team Blues, which is a, it's like a cyber detective novel. It's about- Called Red Team Blues. I like that you kept mentioning the title. Let's keep that up. Mm-hmm. I think the official title, Jesse,

is Red Team Blues available for pre-order now. Thank you. Correct. Crypto is some kind of weird scam right that is in fact the point of the novel you have nailed it in one that is the thesis thank you if you were if you were like an english teacher asking your students what is the theme of this novel you've just completely nailed it it's for money laundering correct uh not very well which is one of the other points of this because the well i i don't want to get into a long discussion because you make your eyes glaze over and then your cerebral spinal fluid will start leaking out of your nostrils but

the the the point that's not where jordan's leaks if you don't know okay jordan you didn't have a tail removed did you because they put a little valve in sometimes for the excess cerebrospinal flu when you get your tail removed. That's what I'm given to understand. Yeah, I did. And I'm kicking myself. I wish I still had that tail. Oh, man. Was it prehensile?

It was. I could grab anything with it. I bet you're not kicking yourself in the tail. That's where you'd like to be kicking yourself. God, I would love to kick myself in the tail. It's hard to get a bathing suit when you got a tail though it's certainly like you can do like like baggies but you can't do like a jammer like there's no speedo that'll fit the tail can i make a suggestion lens end you have all kinds of sizing options tail no tail you can get

one with a little skirt or without a little skirt great stuff. So the point of the book is like, it's how did the dream of tech that could do things that were exciting, a dream that I think you, Jesse, shared for all that, you know, here we are making fun of stuff. But I, you know, you don't start a podcast network because you're like, oh, this technology is bullshit and I don't care about it. Like we were excited about it.

How did it curdle? Like what, how did the finance serpent in the gardens turn the internet into five giant websites filled with screenshots of text from the other four? And the most sort of perfect version of that is crypto, right? It's like, like they say crypto is like a solution in search of a problem, but it's actually like a solution hoping to give you the problem of having too much real money that you have to trade for imaginary money so you can use the web i mean that's what that's what web 3 is right no using the web unless you buy my shit coins for me and then i will collect a toll from you in those shit coins to use the web as cap valente said like

the theme of this stuff is stop talking to each other and start buying things should we be starting our own crypto or our own nfts because it seems like everybody's getting rich but us everybody from drake to um that dog the meme dog the those monkeys with the hats that are friends with steph. Right. If you're having a hard time listing them all, I suggest just going to the FTC's website and looking up all the ones that there's current complaints again. And that's a pretty comprehensive list. The DOJ's got a pretty good list too.

How did NFTs all decide on that awful aesthetic? Where did that come from? Why are they all that? I think they went to fiverr and they said which artist can we pay the least for this technology that's supposed to liberate artists and they found the person making the monkey jpegs and that's what sorted it out you know i mean the irony of nfts and again like i always feel stupid talking about crypto because it's so stupid but the irony of nfts is they were invented by a person who I think you probably know, Jesse,

who's a good person named Anil Dash. Do you know Anil? Yeah, I know Anil Dash. He's a really lovely guy. He is as lovely as they come. And what he said is like- Look, let me put it this way. If you want to hear an MP3 of Prince's original version

of Nothing Compares to You that was never released because he decided to give the song to Sinead O'Connor. But you need to know somebody who knows somebody who got it off Prince's hard drive. And let's say that one of the somebody's drums for the roots. Anyway, none of this applies to any situation I know anything about. Sure. Or Anil Dash. Of course. So Anil was was like it would be really great since we've got this thing the blockchain where you can write a message that lasts forever say you know jesse does me a solid right i got a new book coming out he

puts me on the podcast so i could write into the blockchain I could write a thing that says, Jesse Thorne, thank you, Cory Doctorow. And I could sign it cryptographically so that if you trusted my signing keys, if you thought that that was my key, then you'd be like, Cory Doctorow really signed this thing for Jesse. That was it. That was the entire idea. And then someone's like, hey, you know what you could do? You could sell the thank you note. And, and that's like the origin of this stuff. Right? So like an NFT is like a URL, which you may or may not own. And, uh, the name of the person who is like the giver and the name of the person who's the receiver. And there's no guarantee that the thing at the URL will be the same twice. So like your

monkey JPEG might be a monkey JPEG today. It might be a poop emoji jpeg might be a monkey jpeg today it might be a poop emoji tomorrow it might be a 404 error the next day right um i can create an nft for your monkey jpeg right it does seem like monkey jpeg or poop emoji are the only two right the two genders yeah i mean i can i can create an nft for maximum fun.org right like i can create that nft and sell it to someone else and so can you and then you can delete the website and like the idea that oh we found a way to do digital ownership this is like that's a good idea delete the website then people won't know that we've been doing this it's like the least ownership like thing you can imagine cory yeah no here's an important question is jordan jesse Go in the blockchain?

Because we do not want it to live forever. We insist that it be removed from the blockchain. Whatever the blockchain is, delete Jordan Jesse Go. Message to monkeys. Delete Jordan Jesse Go. Bored apes. You're so bored because you've been listening to this podcast. So, you know, the blockchain only holds these tiny little messages.

So although there are a few longer form works in there, mostly all there are URLs. Right. So like it's not like there's a like when people say, oh, there's stuff in the in the blockchain. I mean, yes, there's records of transactions. But when people say like, oh, there's a copy of Mein Kampf in the blockchain, it's just like, you know, gutenberg.org slash mind-camp or something, right? It's not like someone's putting long-form works in this thing that has to be continuously recomputed by millions of computers. That's very expensive.

I have the money if it would delete Jordan, Jesse, Kyle. It's, well, you know, one of the points of the book is that this has actually happened right this this immutable blockchain that everyone agrees solves problems by never being erasable or changeable like the ethereum blockchain like they were like you know we should do we should do this thing where like lots of people can pool their money together using a smart contract which is just a fancy word for a bad computer program and uh and then like do stuff with it make cool things happen and then like instantly someone stole 50 million dollars and they were like oh that's a bad look how about if we all get together and we'll just

make a new blockchain and pretend the old one doesn't exist and we'll all pay attention to the new one so it turns out that like the immutable ledger is immutable right up into the moment you're like oh that's terrible and then you can mute it as much as you want can i can i tell you something important cory yeah yeah i wasn't gonna say this but um i'm the guy that stole the 50 million dollars of ethereum and it was because i needed jordan jesse go deleting money but now i'm ready now i stand ready i'll buy as many monkeys as i need to good to delete jordan jesse go cory i have some non-crypto questions oh good about those are my favorite questions uh first unless they're about ai then they're bad questions go uh no no no no um i will not ask you to uh criticize stanley kubrick's final film um cory you do a pretty spectacular piece of naming in the book uh your tech mogul guy's name

danny laser with a z yes yeah uh so my secret weapon for naming is that whenever I need to name a character, I think of people who kind of remind me of it or careers or fields that remind me of it. And I go and I look up like famous people with that name. So when I wanted to name my Azerbaijani gangsters, I looked up like old Ajeri finance frauds from like the, you know, pre-revolutionary era and just gave people the names of famous, you know, 19th century, late 19th century Ajeri, you know, mafiosi, right? And so Laser was like, Danny Laser was a combination of two different early tech pioneers that were cypherpunks that were involved in early cryptography. All of the names are like that. So like Marty Hensch is named

after John Hensch, who's the Disney Imagineer. I wanted someone kind of mid-century. All of my names come from that. When we went into the studio to record the audiobook with will wheaton he was like how do you pronounce this name and i'm like that is the name of uh like a czech uh composer from the 17th century that i looked up and i didn't bother looking up the pronunciation i just thought it had a nice resonance so then we had to all stop and look up how to pronounce czech surnames yeah sometimes you gotta check on that sometimes you to check on that. Sometimes you got to check on that. Your main character is like, let me know if I'm mischaracterizing this. No, go. He's kind of a van life guy. I hadn't thought of that.

But yeah, he's like, his deal is that he's a forensic accountant who foils Silicon Valley finance scams. He's been doing it for 40 years. And along the way, his deal is, I'll find your missing money. And however much of it that I find that it's left when I'm done, you give me 25% of it. And I take nothing up front. If nothing comes of it, then I get nothing, even if I work on it for years. And one of his clients is a rock star whose manager has stolen all his money. And he finds the money, and the rock star doesn't have to go on tour. He can retire. And the rock star had bought a luxury tour bus and he doesn't have any liquid cash.

So he just gives Marty the bus. So Marty drives around in this 34 foot luxury tour bus with marble countertops called the unsalted hash, which is a little cryptography joke. And he drives around doing van life. Exactly. doing van life. Exactly. He lives in Walmart parking lot and just kind of bums around making porterhouse steaks and drinking good bourbon and meeting people at the next campsite. That's his deal when he's not working. He's like, I finish a job, I stop working and I go and bum around until my money runs out. And then I go and I look for another job and I'm going to keep doing that until I die.

Have either of you been on a tour bus before? I've spent like an afternoon on a tour bus. I've never lived on a tour bus. Jordan, have you ever been on a tour bus? I have briefly been on some tour buses when I was doing like field piece interviews for Fuel TV when we would do like music festival type stuff. Sometimes they would request for the interviews to be done on the tour bus.

I've been on AFI's tour bus. Like the American Film Institute? No. You were on one of their top 100 tour buses. Yeah, the like goth rock band. Oh, goth rock band. I think it stands for a fire inside. Oh, right. Okay. I, fun

AFI connection. I once got drunk at an art show where there was an open bar. And I, you know, got home the next day and found someone had emailed me a receipt. And I was like, oh, fuck. I bought some art, didn't I? I fucking bought some art. I bought some art, didn't I? I fucking bought some art.

And, you know, the art show was up for, you know, like two weeks. So I had spent two weeks just thinking, I'm like, what is this thing? And then I had to, like, email back and forth with the person who put it on. And, you know, obviously, maybe not surprisingly, this person was a weird flake. Right. And kept asking me to meet them further and further out to pick up this thing that I didn't know what it was. So can you come to San Diego? It's like, I can't come to San Diego. I'm sorry.

Like, finally, I think it was Christmas Eve. In my mind, it was Christmas Eve. I met them on a corner in like Koreatown and she like hands me this like bubble wrapped, know slab of wood wait wait does it say live laugh love no god wouldn't that be great the original yeah this is it this is the all the other ones are copies nicholas cage will try and steal it from you so what was it it was a painting of a cat burning down a police station and it was painted by the bass player of afi and it is still in my living room it's fucking beautiful all cats are badasses all cats are badasses yes yeah anyway i uh yeah apparently i have excellent taste when i'm drunk there was a brief period where i was supposed to,

it looked like we were going to book an interview on Bullseye with Willie Nelson. And my producer just called me one day and was like, we think we're going to be able to do the Willie Nelson thing. I was like, that's amazing. And he goes, it has to be on the tour bus. And they want to warn you, the tour bus is always hot boxed. I was like, I guess. I mean, how could you say no, right?

Could you do it in a respirator? Exactly. Just wear like one of those Star Trek helmets with the tubes coming out of it and shit. I was thinking like a scuba mouthpiece. You could take it out to ask the question and then just get it back in there. Yeah. Or just like just do the most stoned interview of all time. And the whole thing is just you asking him if the word museum sounds weird. Museum, right? Gazebo. weird i didn't know anything about tour buses particularly until i was touring with judge sean hodgman we do not have a tour bus we're one level below tour bus oh now i'm disappointed

i know i i would love jesse get up get up i mean for the sake of your image man get a bus i are touring engineer it's the rock and roll judge podcast if people see you pulling up in a rented kia i know if people see white snake pulling up to the whiskey in a hyundai they're gonna want their money back now if it's a Kia, that's different. Yeah. No, I mean, a Kia is a really sleek car. I think people are impressed because we're driving midsize and full-size SUVs because there's got to be room for four people plus the stuff in the back. Right.

I mean, that's a pretty, I'm not bragging about it, but it's pretty impressive to people outside the whiskey. it's pretty impressive to people outside the whiskey. So I talked to Matty B, the touring engineer for Judge John Hodgman, and he does not generally follow, you know, comedy courts around the country doing recordings. His real job is making bands sound good.

And he likes touring with us because it's easy and we're nice um we're not drunk i'm not drunk um and uh he tours with a band called destroyer i believe quebecois yeah bodes well good name yeah heavy rock band speaking of being drunk um uh and you know very popular band that plays you know 1200 seat venues or whatever so they they tour in a bus and there's also too many of them to get into one suv and too much gear right so they tour in a bus and the thing that i did not know about touring in a bus that blew my fucking mind is that when you tour in a bus, you shower at the venue. Like all your human needs are met by a shower like at the third floor of a converted movie theater in Dubuque. You know what I mean?

Like, and that shower, like when you shower and you like Al Jolson has showered in there. Right. So there's still blackface on the tile is what you're saying. Yeah, exactly. It's a shower from a different time.

It's a different time. I mean, I get like, I have seen tour buses that have RV-style showers, but my guess is that you just don't have that much water, and your heater doesn't have much capacity, and you've got a sludge tank that you've got to empty out. So if you've got five people showering, then someone has to drive the bus and sludge it and refill the water tanks. Yeah. And if it's sledging can be difficult, especially if you're

not driving over a bridge in Chicago, which is where you traditionally. I hate Illinois Nazis. Dump the excrement. But like, yeah. Corey, you were doing a Blues Brothers thing and Jesse was doing a Dave Matthews band thing. Right, right. What if Dave Matthews Band were in the Blues Brothers? It might sound a little something like this. Right. Wait, Jesse, I'm getting a call. Funny or Dies back in business?

They want this to be their first video back? But they're going to do it like it's going to be a Quibi. Yeah. It's going to be a Quibi. They've're gonna do it like uh it's gonna be a quibby yeah it's gonna be a quibby they've been rebooted and merged with quibby well so a lot of the stuff in the book is about logistics you know um when you're when you're writing a uh book you want to have a lot of like business going on where you can just have like otherwise just the character like thinking or people just talking like you know unless they're running all the time or hiding. Like there's a lot of like, you know, stuff that amounts to monologue or dialogue and you want business. And a lot of the business for Marty is tour bus logistics.

Right. Like, you know, he like has a conversation and then, you know, he's an old man, so he needs a pee. And he goes like, how's my sludge tank to can i can i pee in the bus do i need to go in the walmart uh and there's just a lot of kind of background radiation of that and at a certain point you know spoiler not really a spoiler because it happens pretty quick um the cryptographic keys that marty's been hired to find uh are part of a bit of skullduggery between ajani gangsters and Mexican narcos, along with various corrupt US three-letter agencies. And at a certain point, he just

becomes homeless. He's just like, the only place where I can hide in San Francisco is the place where tens of thousands of people are completely invisible, and that's in a tent on the street. And then it just becomes about bundle buggy logistics because he is not actually homeless. And one of the things he's trying to do is a bunch of forensic accounting on a blockchain to find gangsters and expose them. And so he's got like a laptop

and a bunch of other stuff, cash. And he's got this bundle buggy that he's like lugging around. And of course, San Francisco Public Library, the first library to ever hire a social worker, has a place where people who don't have houses can lock up their stuff so they can go inside and use the computers and read books and use the bathrooms. So like this becomes a safe haven for him.

I'm a big SFPL stan. I really love that main branch library. I think it's a beautiful facility. No choice but to stand this lending legend yeah micro microfiche for days at this place yes i've never been i'd love to go you you joke but i dropped out of ninth grade for a month before the school figured it out and called my parents and told them i wasn't showing up and what i did is i took the subway downtown every day and went to the metro reference library and looked at microfilm. And I did this thing.

It was like, it was like pre web. So I was just like, what's more school than this? No, it'd be like, I I've heard about Jonestown. What is Jonestown? I've heard about it.

I'm going to go find the contemporaneous newspaper reports about Jonestown. I literally did that for a month at Bloor & Young in Toronto before the school figured out that I was missing. And my parents and I had a long fight. I don't know if you've ever thought of this idea, but I'm just going to pitch it to you real quick. What if you became a nerd? Did the library employees like clock that this kid was coming in here every day around school hours. They were, they were absolutely cool about it.

I think the only thing they cared about was that I was, um, treating the film and the machines with respect, right? Like they, they just wanted to make sure I wasn't breaking nothing. I was just like insatiably drawn to it. I'm kind of bummed that we are beyond the era of film and fish,

to be honest, both of them. I mean, I think probably most significantly could be made to fit in your butthole. Go on. Well, an individual roll of film. I don't think a cabinet full of film, not even Goatsy Man can do that. That's true. Wow. Just a quarter of the cabinet maybe for that guy. We can rely on Cory Doctorow to bring illusions to what we'll call the classical internet. Ah, yes.

I hope the lemon party comes up at some point. Here comes the Usenet jokes. You just wait. Friends, let us discuss Zombo.com. Who does all your base belong to? To Hume. To us.

To us. That is who our base belongs to. Whomst amongst us has not owned a base. Jesse, I cracked Corey's book today and had a great time. And the van life stuff had me wondering about your van. You are a man with a particular van. Yeah. If it came to it, could you van life out of that thing?

Just bail on everything. Corey, for your benefit, I own a tiny Japanese van. Oh, that's cool. I thought it might be your thrifting and flea market van. Is that what you use it for? Yes, that is actually what I use it for. Did I see it at the Pasadena Flea? Yeah, I think you met it.

I think you met it in Pasadena. And my tiny Japanese van, well, it has advantages and disadvantages as a van life vehicle. One advantage is it does have push button four wheel drive. So I could throw it into four wheel drive. I would say that given that it essentially has the wheels of an ATV or something, it was like six-inch wheels, I don't know what I could climb up or over using the four-wheel drive. So the four-wheel drive is available,

but I don't know for what it could be used. If you want to get most of the way to the top of the hills in Silver Lake, that's your van. Right. I would say another plus is that it's reasonably fuel efficient. Okay. And so that's good. A negative would be that if something breaks, you have to order it from Japan. Pretty much no matter what it is yeah you could if you

could like uh get it on a container ship to japan yeah that's a good idea that's not a bad idea and i would say that it is you know a a good thing about it is that it is probably big enough that if i fold all the seats flat which all the seats do fold flat, I could sleep in there for sure. I would say for van life purposes, one problem would be that its top speed is about 50 miles an hour. So I would really have to be only van lifing from place to place where there is a well-developed street road network. Jesse, I don't know if you heard, but van life, it's slower. It's slower than regular life. It's not the rat race.

It's for people who want to live and be present. I want someone to drive me around in a luxury bus. Oh, okay. Well, I know the guy. Unfortunately, he's fictional. Do you think that Judge John Hodgman could, I don't want to say open for, maybe they would open for you, but maybe you could tour with Destroyer? Yeah. I mean, I think we could tour with Destroyer. The only problem is that we already have a tour booked with the Locust. Oh yeah, sure. So yeah, you don't want to drop sure so yeah you don't want to drop out of

you don't want to drop out of that that uh they're litigious those locusts i'm sure you've seen anvil the story of anvil yeah anvil the story of anvil delightful documentary about a second tier third tier heavy metal band from canada yeah i was gonna ask to ask. Was a young Corey Doctorow at Anvil shows? No, I used to go to Barenaked Lady shows at the Scarborough Town Center, though. That was my dream. That's like I saw Green Day at Gilman Street. Yeah. Are you like a, like, I liked them before they were cool guy about the Barenaked Lady?

I still like them. I liked them before they were cool. I like them now. ladies i still like them i liked them before they were cool i like them now i have their uh i have their yellow cassette somewhere that that had their like their six song ep that i bought from their mom at a show at a mall i have a i have a question guys about this whole thing yeah without making any judgment regarding quality we are presupposing that at some point the bare naked ladies were cool. They were cool in Canada. Like, look, I think everyone respects their craft.

We all love a well-written pop tune. So I think you're underestimating the kind of sweaty desperation that Canadians have to be validated by Americans. And so just like that, the merest hint of recognition south of the border immediately transforms anything Canadian into sort of amazingly, totally cool for 15 minutes, at which point they become sellouts who have gone to America. Is this why the prime minister of Canada is Patois rapper Snow. You know, I kind of think he might do a better job than JT, to be honest. I have Snow's first cassette. I got it from his mom. You guys want to

catalog our Snow cassettes and then come back for a little bit more? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. It's Jordan, Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective. It's Jordan, Jesse Goh. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. Jordan Morris, boy detective.

You know, every episode of Jordan, Jesse Goh brought to you by you, the members of Maximum Fun. By the way, members of Maximum Fun, I hope that you are enjoying Stash Rules Everything Around Me, our exclusive Burt Reynolds recap podcast, exclusive only to Maximum Fun members and Burt Reynolds. We gave Burt Reynolds, we're giving Burt Reynolds an officially courtesy invite. If you can hear us down there, Burt, you can listen. We'll send you a special link. There are no paywalls in heaven. Heaven, huh? Yeah, okay, fair enough. We are also supported this week by the folks over there at Stitch Fix. We, of course, we've talked many times about what Stitch Fix is. Basically, you go onto the Stitch Fix website, you do a fun little quiz about what kind of stuff you like to wear,

and then a combination of their super smart algorithm and an actual human being stylist pick clothes out for you that fit and that fit your personal style. Stitch Fix always sends me great stuff. I got a box from them recently. Got some fun summertime shirts because, you know, that season is just around the corner. That's something fun you can do with Stitch Fix. You can tell your personal stylist, you know, kind of what you're looking for. Do you need something for the office? Do you need something for vacay? Do you need shoes? Do you need shorts?

Yeah, and they will help you out. I always get something I love in my Stitch Fix boxes. And the stuff that's not quite right, it's real easy to send back. You got a prepaid envelope. You just shove the stuff that's not quite right in there, mail it back, super easy, and you keep what you like. And I always do like something in my Stitch Fix box.

They'll even make you a little store if you want to, and you can just buy things one at a time. Right now, Stitch Fix offering our listeners $20 off their first fix at stitchfix.com slash JJGO. That's stitchfix.com slash jjgo. That's stitchfix.com slash jjgo for $20 off today. stitchfix.com slash jjgo. We're also supported this week by our friends at Lumi Labs. We're talking about the microdose people, Jordan.

Oh, yeah. If you want a good entry-level dose of THC that helps you feel just the right amount of good, microdose.com is the place to go. Lumi Labs, they got these gummies, and they got just a little whispering summer kiss of THC. It's not going to, you know, gonk you out on the couch, but it's going to. No whispering summer kiss would ever gonk. Yeah. A whispering kiss doesn't gonk.

I shan't gonk you. I shan't gonk you. Yeah. These gummies are great. They really, really taste good. And yeah, they're awesome for when you're unwinding at the end of the day. Maybe you need a little help getting to sleep. They're useful. They're tasty. They're fun. Microdose is available nationwide. To learn more about

microdosing THC, go to microdose.com. Use code JJGO to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description. But again, that's microdose.com, code JJGO. We'll be back in just a second on Jordan Jesse Go. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, He's open sourcing it over here. That's the sound file to make sure your sound card works in Linux, by the way. Isn't it really? Yeah. I think this is an innovative episode of the show for a lot of reasons.

You know, one, you know, the diarrhea thing. Yeah. Slurry. Excuse me. The slurry incident. But I think Corey, the first guest to introduce themselves, not just with a nickname, but for an, with an entirely different character.

Oh yeah. Yeah. I can't do any more of that. I, my, my making fun of fins is limited to just Lena Storvald's jokes. Maybe the odd, the odd sauna joke.

I, I thought you were going to say Jordan. I'm pretty sure Corey is the first guest ever to record Jordan, Jesse Go and Linux. This is our first open source guest. It's entirely possible. If you want, I can go whole hog and I can say, you know, technically it's GNU slash Linux, which most people call Linux, but it should probably be called GNU slash Linux, which acknowledges the contribution made by the Free Software Foundation and the GNU movement. That's the full name of Linux. A lot of people don't know that. I'm recording this in DR-DOS.

Nice, nice. And I'm recording it right onto a Kasingle. Oh, Jordan. It's got kind of a retro fun. You're destroying that perfectly good copy of Lay Your Head on My Pillow by Tony Tony Tony. So where do I send the wax cylinder when I'm done? No one's told me that yet. Jordan, without the wise words of all four one, how will you know how in love you are?

Classic of singles. How will I know how horny Paula Abdul is for a cartoon cat she's so corny I saw that cat I saw a single like a modern single at the at South by Southwest and it was this guy he had these things they were little plastic case things with a watch battery in them and there was a room to slip some artwork in them and they had a tiny speaker on the bottom and you installed an app on your phone and you held this up to your phone's microphone and it played a hypersonic chirp that had a unique number in it that corresponded to some music that would then download to your phone

and it was like the first collectible music for your phone. And he seemed very earnest. And like each of the pieces was kind of interesting, but as a package, I've just found it like, not just baffling, but like, holy moly, like how, how did you come to the point where you spent however many thousands of dollars it costs to have a booth and a staff at South by Southwest and a bunch of prototypes to come and try and pitch this to the people who've shown up at South by. It was very weird. That's why we put out Jordan Desigo on MP3. Yes. VRSS feed.

Sure. But for people who are collectors, we also put it out on hit clips. Right. Right. Oh, nice. And coming soon, PSP UMDs. Yeah. Listen right on your PlayStation portable. Underwear of mass destruction?

Mm-hmm. I believe that's correct. Yes. That would be the underwear full of slurry. Oh, no. More slurry. Here comes the slurry. Chicks and ducks and geese batters curry when i make them into a slurry cory you got the part thank you thank you the lead you're the lead

in the jordan jesse go musical it's the role i was born to play slurry with a turd on top i don't know what you're parodying but sure sure paint your wagon i think yeah jordan you're supposed to be a musical theater nerd come on get it together my musical theater nerdery basically starts and stops with rent that's interesting that's an interesting entry and exit point i mean it is a classic of our generation. Yeah, it is definitely like it was the hottest shit in high school when I started high school. And it was the thing that like the, you know, the drama kids put on at lunch, you know, like put it on the CD player. Oh, not like standing on the tables in the cafe or anything. No.

Yeah, we were about. Did you go to the fame school? We were about that annoying. I was like, did you go to the fame school? We were almost that annoying. Not quite. I think being timid beta has probably kept us from doing that, but I think it crossed our minds. And we saw it at the Orange County Performing Arts Center with Neil Patrick Harris, who I knew at the time.

Oh, Doogie Howser? At Doogie Howser, MD. Did you guys, either of you do his magic box that came out Christmas before last, the one box? Oh, no, I heard that was, Neil Patrick Harris, it's like a magic guy, right? Yeah, yeah, he's the, I don't know, patron saint of the magic Castle now, but he did this box of self-performing tricks and riddles and stuff that ends up telling a story. It's really good. It's really, really good. I wrote one of these for Disney. I wrote a Haunted Mansion one of these for Disney called Ghost Post. And having built one of these, I was really impressed. Nothing Neil Patrick Harris

could do could impress me because I happen to know there are literally guys out there 15 16 years old medical doctors practicing medicine right now so what's so great about neil patrick harris fair it's a good point we're calling you out in ph um hey we're calling out neil patrick harris Harris, which is ironic because someone has called us on the phone and left a message. If you have a momentous occasion, call us at 206-984-4FUN or send us a voice memo at jjgoatmaximumfun.org. An example of someone who has done this because a momentous occasion occurred in their life is this person. Hi, Jordan, Jesse, and possible guest. I'm going to go with the blue Yoshi. Close.

I'm calling with a momentous occasion. This is Casey from Seattle, and I am calling because I was coming out of the grocery store, putting stuff in my car. The car next to me had the window down. And I just heard this lady saying, it's a me, your mama. Please call me back. And she just drove away. Please call me back.

Said it was great. All right. Take care. Love call me back. Said it was great. All right. Take care. Love you. Bye. Love you too. I do think that sad parents should try doing characters more often. Like, hey, I'm sorry that I said you had to go to college or you weren't my kid anymore.

I'm sorry that I said you had to go to college or you weren't my kid anymore. I'm just thinking that like my mother could do her mother. So she could just call me up and like, hello, it's your mother. You never call. You never write. I'm so lonely. That would be, you know, kind of a callback to Boobie and what we miss about her. And I guess you don't even have to like, you know,

if your parent isn't a great performer, I guess they don't have to like slip totally into character. It could just be like something like, you know, Jordan, I'm sorry that I, you know, constantly suggest that you should go back to grad school. Schwing. Yeah, sure. Oh, that was a Canadian joke. Yeah. grad school. Schwing. Yeah, sure. Oh, that was a Canadian joke.

Yeah. I guess, oh yeah, I mean, I guess I was pulling it from Wayne's World. Yeah, starring and written by Canadian Mike Myers. From Scarborough, home of the Scarborough Town Centre. Birthplace of the Barenaked Ladies. Full circle. Here we are. We've come to naked ladies full circle here we here we are we've come to you full circle mike myers really like leaned into being canadian in his late career like everything post austin powers was kind of canadian right well except for the brown face movie ah yes maybe he should

have been a little more canadian there yeah i So I Married an Axe Murderer. That's a good movie. As a recent adult, maybe four years ago, something like that. I never saw it as a kid. I knew it only as they shot some scenes down the street from my childhood home, which was very exciting to me as a child, because he was the guy from Saturdayurday night live but like uh i had never seen it for those who have seen it it occupies some place in your heart whether positive

or negative already that i will not be able to affect um for those who have not seen it It is mostly a pretty charming, very sort of like 90s, this is what people think is cool, right? Romantic comedy. There's like a running thing about like beat poetry, right? Like he goes to a coffee shop, which was like very cool. You know, like, ooh, he hangs out at a coffee shop. I think it's supposed to be brainwashed down in Soma. Besides that, besides the serviceable to pleasant romantic comedy that shows you that Mike Myers could act like a human being in a lovely and charming way. I think one of his best, just acting like a guy roles,

charming way i think one of his best just acting like a guy roles um uh very very fun very charming uh then also for some reason he plays his own dad with an incredibly broad and intense scottish accent yep like they just like mike myers was like oh this is too regular i'm gonna play my own dad with a weird scottish accent yeah 100 and and also there's his mom the horny scottish lady that's also a very weird and uncomfortable part so that really fancy apartment that apartment was matt hahn from tech tv i don't know if you ever knew him and suzanne stefanak who had been jello Biafra's roommate during the mayoral race and who now broadcast Radio Free Zorka out of Billings, Montana. And they both lived in that apartment. They had crazy stories about it.

And they rented it out to the production crew for that show. That is a truly classic. that he lives in in that movie is just such a classic like cool people live in cool loft apartments apartment um that i don't think exists anymore i think long long lost are the days when uh you know uh billy crystal had that wagon wheel coffee table when Harry met Sally although you know you just did that Judge Sean Hodgman

episode with the couple who lived in a Masonic temple I was pretty impressed with that as a guy who lived in a very impractical warehouse for 10 years I was like oh my god they are living the fucking dream.ory do you ever miss the warehouse are there times when you like feel nostalgic for the warehouse well we had a good community right it was just it was like weirdos there was this um retired navy gunnery

sergeant who made crazy assemblage clock sculptures and this german you know avant-garde painter and a couple of web people and a photographer and a guy who did lights for heavy metal shows was on the road six months a year. And it was just, and then there was a soundstage next door and the soundstage would have these productions that were incredibly inconsiderate. And they would just like, they'd park in our driveway and they'd be all over and they'd shine lights in our window in the middle of the night. And it was managed by this guy who was like this old drunk who lived next door a guy called dane and one day we were talking to one of the soundstage guys and he was like i don't understand why you people are

so pissy with us when we're here we give dane so much money for the inconvenience for you to give to you guys and he says you know like you're not happy with it we give him more money and i don't know how much money you want to to let us just do our jobs here needless to say dane never gave us a fucking dime fucking dane yeah man i assume he's dead now he was quite old so it's funny cory because you describing that my dad lived in some sort of in some sort of techno commune in san francisco in the 70s right called project one right that and all i really know about it is that his friend lee felsenstein from high school also lived there i knew both of them i knew i knew your dad on a new league because i knew them from the jahai project and then also this guy like i think the main economic engine of this techno futurist commune in san francisco in the

70s uh was a guy who was like a few different guys who did lights for metal concerts like i think it was like so guys inventing new light shows for grateful dead or or or whatever like uh like people who were working on sequencing lights to turn on and off with the music or whatever um like that was the main thing that was bringing in the dough that was paying the rent over there at project one well our lighting guy he didn't pay our rent or anything we all paid our rent but he definitely kept us from electrocuting ourselves because we were always like putting up extra lights and putting in fans and running wires and like none of the units had bathrooms when we moved in and so like if you want there was like a shower down the hall but if you wanted a shower in a toilet you'd have to put it in and then inevitably you'd be like you know what I also need is I need a light in here.

Why don't I just run an extension cord next to the bathtub? And it was Eric's job to come over and say, Jesus Christ, do not do that. He let you know when there were some bad acid circulating. That's right. Yeah. Don't do the bad electricity. The brown electricity is bad. Yeah.

He definitely saved our lives more than once. I'll ask this question to both of you. Would you rather live a warehouse life or a van life? Oh, man. If you had to leave it all now, in a warehouse or van.

Yeah. If I'm living a van life, how many Motel 6s do I get a month? Oh, great question. And do i have a ymca membership uh yes you have a ymca membership and you can do uh two motel sixes a month two doesn't feel like enough motel sixes a month to me right Right. Well, I mean, you can call Tom Bodette and see if you can get more. Well, I mean, he's waiting up. Yeah, sure.

He already told us. He cannot leave the light on for you anymore. You got the bad electricity. I have a question about the warehouse lifestyle. Yeah, and I can answer this because I have thought this out. Sorry, go ahead. Do I have a bathroom in the warehouse there is a porta potty that some construction workers left

behind okay who's sluicing it who's dealing with the slurry is what we want to know everybody it's this is a communal situation so there's a slurry wheel and you spin the slurry wheel every week and that person's turn whoever's name comes up has to drive to a bridge in chicago yes exactly to briefly play maracas for the dave matthews band and oh boy this is a tough one i mean but is there a like cory when the apartments didn't have their own bathrooms, where did everyone go to the bathroom? whatever, we'd send people down there when there was like a line at the bathroom too. So that was, you know, it wasn't like, it was, it wasn't legal to live there, right? It was, there were formerly there were commercial, right? And so we were, we were all including the landlord living illegally in the building. And so like, for me, you know, like if I'm being, if I'm being

a good person who is thoughtful about my own limitations and foibles, I would say the van because I am a pack rat. And one of the things I know about living in a warehouse is I will fill that motherfucker. And, you know, Jesse, I dote on you talking about your fleas and your thr thrifting adventures. Cause like I've had to really curtail that cause I have a problem with it. When I, when I, um, when I left Toronto, I put a hundred boxes in storage. When I came back a decade later for my wedding, I went and cleaned out the storage and got it down to 12 boxes, which I shipped to London. They arrived like, you know, two months later, we shipped them sea freight and I got them into my office there and I unpacked them and repacked them. And there was only one box of stuff I wanted to keep out of those hundred

boxes that was boiled down to 12. And that one box is sitting next to me and I still haven't unpacked it. I've got a follow-up question for Jordan. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention when you were talking. No, no, fair. You know, Jesse, Corey gave a very, uh, beautiful and thoughtful answer that, uh, showed a lot of self-reflection, self-awareness. Corey's done the work. Sorry, go ahead. I guess my question is, in which of these scenarios, the van or the warehouse, could I have a see-do? I mean, I think both, probably. If you have a trailer hitch, the van could probably pull that guy yeah um i'm sure there's some sort of storage on the c2 so maybe you could you know like throw some you know sixers of coors light back there okay

follow-up question for both of you let's say cory already chose van life yeah i think you know granted do i do i have four other members of my family who wouldn't fit in the van? Yes. Is that technically a reason I should choose van life? Yes. So maybe I should choose van life too. But let's say we're all choosing van life here. Okay. You got a trailer hitch on the back. You can put a Sea-Doo or a dirt bike. Which one do you put on there? Oof. Dirt bike. You know, I'm going Sea-Doo.

I mean, we joke about slurry, but I'm a child of the sea. But you're a swimmer. The swimmer's natural enemy is the Sea-Doo. Oh, yeah, that's right. I mean, you're like, see yeah i'm a swimmer too and i have to say like sea dews are the worst surfers are a pain in the ass sure sea dews are the fucking worst yeah and when you're trying to do laps in a public pool and some fucking yeah no shit yahoo just drops the sea dew you would be amazed how many people show up at the Verdugo Aquatic Center

with a fucking sea dew. Jesus Christ. They won't let you bring a floaty in, but they'll let you bring a sea dew in. Like, oh, I have to leave my pool noodle in the car, but this dude, oh boy. Jesse, I've gotten so worked up about sea dews. Do you want to take a little break

and then come back for more? We'll be back in just a second on Jordan, Jessica. Hi, I'm Travis McElroy. And I'm Teresa McElroy. And we're the host of Schmanners. We don't believe that etiquette should be used to judge other people. No, on Schmanners, we see etiquette as a way to navigate social situations with confidence. So if that sounds like something you're into, join us every Friday on Maximum Fun, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, it's Jon Moe, inviting you to listen to Depressed Mode with John Moe,

where I talk about mental health and the lives we live with all kinds of people. Famous writers. David Sedaris, welcome to Depressed Mode. Thanks so much for having me. Movie stars. Jamie Lee Curtis, welcome to Depressed Mode. I am happy to be here. Musicians.

I am in St. Paul, Minnesota. I'm talking to Amy Mann. Great to talk to you. And song exploders. Rishi K. Shearway, welcome to Depressed Mode. I'm talking to Amy Mann. Great to talk to you. And Song Exploders. Rishi K. Sherway, welcome to Depressed Mode. Thanks so much for having me. Everyone's opening up on Depressed Mode on Maximum Fun. It's Jordan Jesse Go. I'm Jesse Thorne, America's radio sweetheart.

Jordan Morris, boy detective. And I'm Linus Torvalds, and I pronounce Linux, Linux. This is a joke, Jordan. Here's the thing, I don't get the joke, I just like it. You know how like when you're a kid, I think we were talking about this a couple of episodes ago, but like you just laughed at Mark Russell, even though, you know, you didn't know who Norman Schwarzkopf was. Yeah. Oh, it's like laughing at reruns in Mad Magazine where it's like Spyro Agnew.

They really sing that motherfucker. Yes, exactly. Yeah, I I'm I enjoy Corey's commitment to that. I like the voice. It doesn't seem like a voice a white person shouldn't be doing. So I laughed at it. No one's whiter than a Finn. That's the motto of the nation of Finland.

It seems weird now that I say it. Yeah. Can someone explain the joke to me? So Linus Torvalds, Linus Torvalds is the guy for whom Lennox is named. OK. Is he the penguin? That's yeah, that's him. So he that's right. He's one of those Finnish penguins. Of course. Yeah, sure.

Whatever. Jordan, don't be a fucking idiot. He's the Philly fanatic, Jordan. He's the fucking Philly fanatic. But so he's the fucking philly fanatic but but uh so he's finnish one of the most infamously difficult thing back in the old days when stupid things were hard was getting sound to work on your linux computer you sort of had to whittle your own linux computer out of a whole log in those days and um you one of the ways you would know whether your sound card worked is you would play this MP3 that came with your Linux distribution. That was someone who had stuck a mic in Linus Torvalds' face and said, will you say your name and also how to pronounce Linux?

And it was, my name is Linus Torvalds, and I pronounce Linux, Linux. And that was the joke. And then lots of people who were very frustrated and working into the wee hours trying to get their sound card to work found enormous relief, like sort of quasi-orgasmic relief when they heard this Finnish man explain how to pronounce their operating system's name. Now, who is Microsoft

Bob? So he was this Finnish guy. They're all Finnish guys. Even Jeeves from Ask Jeeves? Oh, Jeeves was Swedish. It's a common mistake because there are a lot of Swedish Finns, but no, he was a Swede. And a lot of Swedish fish

at my house around Halloween. Jesse, you bitch. I know. I love this stuff. Hey, give me some Swedish fish and nobody gets hurt. You nasty bitch. I am this stuff. I can't bitch. Hey, give me this Swedish fish and nobody gets hurt. You nasty bitch. I am pretty nasty. I'm pretty look,

Jordan, when it comes to Swedish fish, I'm stank nasty. Whoa. Yeah. Corey, thank you so much for coming on the show and contributing what I'm sure will become a disgusting

Jordan Jesse Go running joke i.e. slurry. Slurry. Good. Good. Excellent. We're going to ride that train until the wheels fall off. Or at least until we make it on top of a bridge in Chicago. There you go.

There's some kind of slurry train gravy train joke to be made in there. I can't think of it right now. There is, yes. That's your homework. Oh, good. Homework. Love it.

I'm pooping down a hole in a slurry train. How about that? Is that anything? Yeah. I don't think so. Really? Well, I think if whatever it is, it's outside the dynamic range of your mic yeah fair enough cory yes when's this book when's this when's this book hitting shelves i mean

people should have pre-ordered it by now we are recording this on the 23rd of april this is me lifting the veil yes uh it comes out on the 25th what a beautiful bride they'll say once you've lifted the veil yes comes out on the 25th on tuesday so it's there people can just buy this shit they can just buy it i'll be will wheaton did the audiobook and there's a weird wrinkle about the audiobook that's a kind of linuxy wrinkle so i uh don't allow you say you say will wheaton did the audiobook like that's fucking impressive i happen to know that there are literally 15, 16 year olds working on starships right now. That's true. That is absolutely true. It's true. I mean, Will, Will was a pioneer,

but he was the first, but that doesn't mean that he was the best at it. There are, there are 15 year olds right now who can drive a spaceship with far less supervision than he required as a young ensign. um i don't allow any of my work to be sold with digital rights management drm uh it's it's a long story but foundationally like if you buy something from say amazon if you buy an audible book it's illegal for you to remove that audiobook from amazon's ecosystem and play it somewhere else so if you ever wanted to break up with amazon you have to throw away all your audio books. And this is obviously like- Wait, hold on, hold on.

Yeah. Even the number one ladies detective agency? Especially, yeah, Amy Tan is particularly susceptible to section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. Bill Clinton had her in mind when he signed it. So the Joy Luck Club is gonna go down with the ship? Yeah. What other,

I'll never learn who moved my cheese. Or what color your parachute is. Oh, Jesus. Or what planet women are from. If men are from Mars. Sure. They're from Mars too,

right? No. Yeah, that's right. Men are from Mars. Women are from Mars. We're all from Mars. Fucking Martians everywhere.

Isn't that nice? Yes. So I don't allow myself to be sold with DRM. And so that means that my audiobooks aren't available on Audible, but they are available everywhere else, which to a first approximation is not anywhere that anyone shops. But on the other hand is a lot of stores. So there's Libro.fm, which is really amazing. They work like Bookshop where you tell them what your favorite local bookstore is and they give them a share of every audio book you buy, which is really cool. That's cool. It's very, very cool. And then audiobooks.com. Google Play doesn't require DRM, so you can get them there. You can get them, you know, sort of everywhere except for Audible and Apple Books, which is just Audible's front end.

Corey, I cracked Red Team Blues this morning over coffee. Totally loved it. Cannot wait to finish it. Thank you. I guess we should mention, too, I love an eccentric PI novel. I love them. And this is a very cool version of that, that I certainly have not seen before. So yeah, it's really nice. I get to read something in one of my favorite genres,

but also, you know, feel like I'm getting some new spice in there. Yeah. 67 year old forensic accountants are unlikely heroes for two-fisted adventure stories, but I think he makes a good one. I think he's the biggest thing to hit this genre since Precious Remote's Way, the number one ladies detective in all of Botswana. Yes. Jordan, that means a lot to me. I loved Bubble.

Oh, thanks. I think you may have seen my review. I like both of your guys' works, and the fact that you like my work actually does mean a lot. I know we're all joking and laughing, but it a lot thank you very much ah shucks yes same same same here thank you thanks for coming on this goofball show thanks for doing such cool stuff and yeah i can't wait to read the the other books in the red team on behalf of the whole network i

also want to thank you for uh nominating our colleague carrie poppy for a nobel peace prize yes yes uh well if anyone deserves it it's it's it's her she yeah or like it's her or or like that swedish girl that rides the boat around for climate change or something right yeah she's probably isn't she finnish sure why not yeah i like greta she's she got a nobel peace prize too or malala yeah she got one she did i don't think you get two you ever get that feeling like how did malala get a nobel peace prize and i haven't got shit i haven't even gotten a macarthur it's a popularity contest it's not really about the piece. It's, you know, who's got the most Twitter followers. Oh, boy. Right. Okay.

Well, Corey. That's why Elon's getting one. Yeah, weird. Elon got one? I knew it. I knew it was about the Twitter followers. The book is called Red Team Blues. If you're listening to this, why not go get that audio book and not have to worry about DRM, which is a kind of computer that's coming after precious remote sway.

Our producer on Jordan, Jesse Goh is Matt Lieb. Producer Emeritus Brian Sonny D. Fernandez. Our theme music is Love You by The Free Design, courtesy of The Free Design and Light in the Attic Records. You can find us on social media, of course. Maximumfun.reddit.com is one place. We're on Twitter at JordanJesseGo. We're on Instagram at put.this.on and at JordanDavidMorris.

That's enough things. We'll talk to you next time on Jordan Jesse Go. I'll hug you and kiss you and love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Love you.

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