Jordan, Jesse, GO! - SNEAK PEEK - To Be Watched: Goldfinger

Episode Date: October 9, 2026

Welcome to the fifth episode of To Be Watched, the JJGo spinoff podcast where we go through all the movies we've been meaning to watch. This time around, we're talking the 1964 spy classic, Goldfinger If you'd like to listen to the rest of this episode, become a member of the MaxFun fam today! www.maximumfun.org/joinjjgo Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinjjgo

Hello and welcome to To Be Watched, the Jordan Jesse Go spin-off podcast, where Jesse and I watch movies that have been in our cues for far too long. You're Jordan Morris. I'm Jesse Thorne. And this was my choice, Jordan. I chose the James Bond film Goldfinger. Goldfinger. And hey, if you're listening to this and it cuts off after 15 minutes or so, that means you're not a max fun member. join the club and get access to the rest of this episode and so, so, so, so much more. Maximumfund.org slash join JJGo. And hey, just to let you know, we will probably talk about sexual assault in this episode. So if that is not something you want to hear about, we're going to play a little music and give you a chance to find another episode. Theme song, you got a list in your pocket.

Movies and shows you ain't caught yet. And just like you, they got films in the game. Q, it's Jordan and Jesse's To Be Watched, yeah. Hi, we're back. This is To Be Watched. Jesse, you chose, maybe the James Bondiest James Bond movie. I was kind of shocked you haven't seen every Bond.

That seems like something a 25-year-old Jesse Thorn would have done. Watch every James Bond. I think I have seen every James Bond since. Pierce Brosnan, which was like, I mean, the first Pierce Brosnan would have been in the early 90s, early to mid-90s, right? Yeah, maybe 93, 94. And so I don't think I have missed one. It's possible that I have, and I just forgot about it.

Yeah, to be fair, that's still, you know, that's still 40 or 45 James Bond movies you'd see. Yeah. I mean, I've watched, I've watched them, and I would say that I range from liking to loving them, I think the more recent Daniel Craigie ones are pretty close to my ideal blockbuster film. It's just like really cool action stuff, lots of good outfits, hot babes who are like sophisticated and tricking you, all the things that I'm looking for in a film. false braininess, beautiful to look at. And I think I just figured maybe if, and, you know, even the like Pierce Brosnan ones, which are a little less great of films are still cool to look at and fun and good.

Yeah, he's, he is so good at bonding. He's so good at bonding around, yeah. And so I think I just. always figured that the Sean Connery ones would be too boring and hokey and the other ones people didn't seem to like that much. And so I should probably just stick with the new ones that I already know I will probably like. And it was not like a hard and fast rule. It just never came up. I mean, as you and I have discussed, I've never had cable as an adult. And, and it. And, and I, as you and I have discussed, I was like, I've never had cable as an adult. and didn't have it for most of my childhood.

And so I've never been like a, oh, this is on. I'll watch 20 minutes of it guy, which I think is how I would have seen these if it weren't like a project that I was working on. Yeah, well, I have seen this movie a couple of times. It took me a minute to come around to it. I think the first viewing was my dad bringing it home from the video store and sitting me down and saying,

they don't make them like this anymore. Sure. I think that, you know, probably at the time I was into, you know, the Terminators and the Predators in similar films. And I think my dad, his thinking was, it's time he sees a real action movie. This is a real action movie. A boring action movie.

And I just remember my first reaction to it being golf? There's a long golf scene. And like, if you've, like, think about seeing that after having just been to see Time Cop. Yeah. I had that reaction to the golf scene now in 2026 as a 46-year-old man whose greatest pleasure is to watch a boring genre film. But yeah, but I kind of came back around to it. And yeah, I think, you know, the Daniel Craig movies are such a hoot. And it kind of like reminded me that there was Bond movies I hadn't seen and kind of like wanted to revisit.

So I've watched this one a couple times since then. And, yeah, find it a ton of fun. Some wildly problematic stuff aside. Have you seen the ones that come before this one? Because this is the third Bond movie, but it's also famous for being like the Bond movie where Bond movie become Bond movie, which is why I picked it.

It has all the tropes, like all the stuff you think of when you think of Bond movie. It has all that stuff. Yeah, I don't know. And I think like the, I mean, the Daniel Craig ones and the Pierce Broson ones absolutely have this. As to, you know, Mission Impossible, Fast and Furious, they just run together. I don't, I guess I like the Mission Impossible movies. I cannot tell you what happens in Ghost Protocol versus Rogue Nation.

Couldn't tell you. Will I see another one? I will. I can't tell you what's happening in them while I'm watching them. Sure. I love them. Yeah. So, yeah, the Bond movies kind of feel like that to me.

I have a very distinct memory of my mom coming home from the video store with Moon Raker. And I was very upset because I wanted to watch Michael Jackson's Moon Walker. And she just misheard me. But we did watch Moon Raker. And I forget how I felt about that. Probably just disappointed that he wasn't turning into a spaceship. Anyway. So, well, yeah, let's talk about Goldfinger.

I'm excited to hear what you thought of it. Oh, I guess we should also mention before we jump in, producer Christian is on the line. He does not watch all these films with us, but he did watch this one. Christian, maybe we can hear from you. Was this your first time? And what is your opinion on Bond generally?

Yeah, this was my very first James Bond movie. And it is interesting to hear you say that is the most Bondi Bond movie because it definitely felt, I was like, oh, so this is like every joke. from Austin Powers. Like literally every joke is from this, like, movie. And it's so funny hearing all the quotes where he goes, like, I expect you to die. I was like, I think that was on the Simpsons.

It was all that kind of stuff where I was like, oh. This is probably up there for most parodied film of all time. Yeah. But, you know, I had a good time. That's fun. And I'm excited to play the video game that came out recently. It seems like a good time. Oh, yeah.

People kind of like the new Bond game. Yeah, I know Bond games are a mixed bag. some of them can be real fun. Well, yeah, let's talk about it. It starts out. Yeah, with just what you would think of when you think of a James Bond opening. Someone is looking at him through a lens of some sort. He turns and shoots the camera.

Blood runs down. Anyway, I'm James Bond. I'm James Bond. This is my movie. So, yeah, it opens. with a shot of a beautiful body of water and what should pop out of it, but a waterbird of some sort. Wait, that's not a waterbird. It's a stuffed one attached to James Bond's head so he could sneak into somewhere. And it's like, oh yeah, these were goofy. Like after the...

Jordan, why isn't this the iconic moment in the James Bond canon? Why? Why? Even the throne hat or by expected to die or of all of those things, it absolutely shoots its wad with the most incredible iconic moment, a dead bird strapped to his head while he scuba dives. And then he gets out of the water, throws the dead bird into the water. Doesn't like a shark eat it or something. Oh, I don't know if it does. I missed it. That's hilarious. Maybe a shark eats it.

Sure. But then you're like, why would, he doesn't even, he didn't need to be wearing a dead bird on his head. He could have just been underwater at night. If anything, the dead bird brings more attention to you because bad guys would see a bird or one moving unnaturally through the water. And I, when I saw this dead bird sequence right at the beginning of this movie, I said to myself, Ah, perhaps I have missed the greatest film ever made. Yeah.

It doesn't quite deliver on that. But it is emblematic of a certain joy. Never quite gets here again. But yeah, it starts very strong. Also, worth pointing out, so he gets out, he's in his scuba gear, still in hard-sold shoes. He's not flippers, just dress shoes. Well, his scuba garb, his dry suit, is satin.

That was something I noted on my notes. Dry suit made of satin, question mark. And then he takes that off and his tuxedo is perfect underneath. Or his white inner jacket. So he goes into a bad guy layer area. He has a goo tube with him full of what looks to be a Pillsbury biscuit dough. Uh-huh. And he squeezes that all over.

That's the sound that famous boy makes. You know, when you poke the boy. Yeah, that's the sound. He is squirting it on some very obviously labeled red nitro barrels. Just shoot those in doom if you want to kill a bunch of guys in a row. So many things they're labeled in this movie. Very well, yeah, they really, yeah, they don't, like, let's not make Sean Connery explain what these are. Let's just label it nitro.

He, you know, takes off the, I take, takes off the swimsuit, as we mentioned, tucks underneath, looking perfect. He heads into a hot nightclub with dancing babes. Every room in this movie has at least one babe in it. You just have to have it. And then the, you know, plastic, what he was squirting out of the tube turned out to be plastic explosive. That blows up. And he, it's James Bond in this movie, not very good at being undercover.

Maybe react to the explosion, if you want to see. team. He just keeps on smoking and drinking in this, what I'm guessing is probably like a Havana nightclub, maybe Cuba. He does essentially nothing undercover in this. He introduces himself to everyone. Constantly just telling everyone his name. Do you think he just read how to win friends and influence people? Yeah. There are so many moments where he should be killed in this. He's like not good at this. No, he's horrible at spying. So yeah, he says something to his contact there about whoever, whatever he just blew up. They were smuggling heroin and bananas.

Congratulations. Thank you. Mr. Romarius and his friends will be out of business. At least he won't be using heroin flavored bananas to finance revolutions. Don't go back to your hotel, senor. They'll be watching it. And then he says he has some business to attend to. Yeah, he's talking about sex.

He goes back to his hotel room. there's a sexy lady there in the bathtub hubba hubba. They start to do it and there's a guy in his room, something that just happens to him again later. He does not learn his lesson from this. And so the guy is sneaking up on him with some sort of bludgeoning thing. A bludgeon. I would say it's a bludgeon. Probably some sort of bludgeon.

Could be a sap, but I think it's a bludgeon. It's probably a bludgeon. So he sneaks up on Bond while he's making out with the lady. And this is how you know, this is your father's James Bond. You know how people are, so this isn't your father. This is your father's James Bond. He throws the lady in front of him to take the blow for him. Well, he sees the, he knows that she has betrayed him.

Because otherwise, why would this guy be there be in the room? Yeah. Although it doesn't say explicitly. So it just, I kind of put that together, but it just does seem like he's like, would you take this hit for me, madam? And there's a neat thing where they're making out and he sees the guy with the bludgeon's reflection in her eye. Yes, very artsy. So he knocks the guy in the bathtub and he throws in a heater and says, Shocking. That's pretty good. And then he says, he looks at her and he says, positively shocking. positively shocking.

And, you know, you get, so you get two laughs there for the price of one. We smash into a fucking awesome looking opening sequence with all these, like, gold ladies. Ladies in bikinis painted gold. And there's a lot of close-ups where you're like, is that a butt or an elbow? I don't know, but I'm having a great time looking. Gold finger, piece of man. At this point, Jordan, my nine-year-old was watching with me, Frankie. And he left about 12 minutes in because it's too boring.

But he was still watching at this point. And he just goes, why is this part so long? And they're just saying the same words. Maximum Fun. A Worker Own Network of Artist-owned shows. supported directly by you.